If I Were You - 533: Songs

Episode Date: March 28, 2022

In this episode we discuss bad relationships, good songs, and everything in between. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Hit Gum Original. And then you'll know exactly how to live your life. And if you wanna know your function, don't you know you gotta seize the cheese. Don't you know they're gonna give advice? Advice, don't you know they're gonna give advice? I get the know the mic. That was the Beatles. Made.

Wow. Sir Paul. Thank you. What's that? It was a Beatles parody, I should say. Not the Beatles. The Beatles, man. So was it Paul McCartney?

No. Did Ringo do the drums on it? He didn't. I mean, he technically wrote the drums? I don't know, is that how it works when you're a drummer? You can write the drums. Didn't you say yesterday on Twitter the drums were the only instrument you could play by accident? Yeah, and I thought that was an interesting point where it's like no other instrument can you just sort of run into a set

and people will be like that's not too dissimilar from the greatest one on earth, you know what I mean? Not to be insulting in a way. Not to be little drumming. Yes, it just seems though. It's something you can kind of do like this. Yeah, like I'm like you take Travis from Blink 182. And a 4 year old that doesn't know how to use his hands yet. Cause even to have rhythm isn't that like check this out.

Yeah. Yeah, two, three, four, two, four, five. Sorry, I'm getting nervous. But yeah, it's generally hard part. Right. Yeah, like anybody can bash a thing. It's really just counting to four at different speeds. So you're like one and two and three and four.

But yeah, it's like not that hard. The hardest part is saying and in between because you're so used to saying one, two, three, four. You could say one and or one and or one and you could even do like one, two or whatever. That's probably fine. Yeah, you could say one, one, one, one, if you go one, Mississippi, two, Mississippi, three, four, five, Mississippi. Rock and roll. Yeah. That's fucking tight.

That's awesome. And you'll never see a band that's just drummers because that wouldn't work. Yeah. I've seen a band with two drummers. Really? I actually had two drummers when I saw them at Quinnipiac back in 2002. It was like one guy that was just on a drum set and another dude who was on kind of like a standing, it was like just like two bass drums and a cymbal.

It was fucking absolutely savage. It was so epic. It was Fred Savage, actually, and Ben Savage. It was Fred and Ben Savage. Savage of mine. Where have you been? Where have you Fred? They actually just did a goldfish commercial.

Savage brothers? Yeah. Or Everclear. I think it was the Savage brothers, yeah. That's cool. Elias, Elias Olson from Canada. So thank you. That's who wrote this Beatles parody.

Did you watch that Beatles doc that everyone was ranting and raving about? I watched the first one. I think it was a two-parter, right? It was a nine or ten-parter, I think. No. I heard people saying that it was way too long, but ultimately interesting and enjoyable. It was called... Wow.

What is it called? Beatles documentary. 2020. It was like the name of one of their songs. Get back. Yeah. Yeah. Are you sure it's nine parts?

No. I guess it's three, but each one is two hours. Right. I watched one and it definitely felt like enough. Yes. I mean, they're so talented. It's crazy. Really?

You can tell. They could just take any four words. It doesn't matter what they are and just turn it into a fucking hit song. Get back is two words. Yeah. Get back. Get back. And then do they show how they come up with it?

So it's like, how about it sounds like this? And they're just like... And it's just Paul and John. It's just them just harmonizing on everything. There's like, oh yeah, here's a little thing. And I'll sing, I'll sing, knock on my door. Knock on my door. And then John starts going, knock on my door.

And it just sounds fucking incredible. It doesn't matter what the four words are. It's the Beatles and it's perfect. They can sort of fart out hits after hits after hits. Yeah. They like crack code. Right. Like Paul, he's like dicking around on his guitar like you and I would on a fidget spinner

and then he just starts humming, let it be. He's like, oh all right. Yeah, one of the greatest songs ever written. You just kind of dicked around and wrote it. And then they get high and they go, imagine there's no heaven. And they're like, yeah, and give me my guitar. That one had already been written. So like they were really stoned out of their gore.

They hadn't even realized it. He was just actually quoting his own song in that example, but he still had written it before, which is very impressive. Yeah, it's hard to keep track. What's your favorite Beatles song? Mean Mr. Mustard. It's like subjective, but you're not a good fan. Really?

Yeah. It's not like it's the most interesting song. Even Lennon would be like, you don't get it, mate, if you think that's the best. I also like Octopus's Garden. Because he kind of says pussy in it. Yeah, there's another one that I can't think of now. What's your favorite?

I have two, thank you for asking. Do you want the deep cut or the classic I've heard of before? Because you will only get one. Oh, interesting. I guess I want the classic. Really? Because you'll give me the deep cut and I won't know it. It won't go, that's not that interesting.

My favorite is the one that goes, it just starts and it goes, close your eyes and I'll kiss you too much. Do they have that in the documentary? I don't remember. Not that I remember. All my love and that's what it is. Oh, yeah, they might. I mean, I only watched the first one.

I like ones that just start, there's no intro. Literally you press play and it just close your eyes and you're instantly into the best part of the song. Is it across the universe like that? No, that one starts with, yes. Words are flowing out like endless. Is there an intro or do they also just start singing? Maybe that's what they were so good about.

They were just like, let's get rid of the fucking four to eight seconds at the top and I'll just start singing because that's the best part. That's right. So it's actually not that impressive. I'm saying, I really think it's just about choosing the four words and then saying them in an interesting way. We've never even tried to do that. There's a world where they probably got lucky

because a music teacher was like, what do you got? And he'd be like, I want to hold your hand. But nobody ever asked us to do that. Wave hello to me. Wave hello to me. That's four words. It kind of means something. So it's like about a hot girl crossing the street.

It doesn't have to be about anything. It's just four words. Whatever. Wave hello to me. And then you would harmonize on that. So it's like wave hello. I don't know what harmonizing is, but yeah. It's fine.

It doesn't matter. Those are the four words. What about the verse? The verse? Because that's the chorus, right? Wave hello to me. People really only give a fuck about the chorus. So the verse would be like...

Because when I said, close your eyes, that's the verse. That's not... Right. The chorus is all my love. I walk across the street. I'm talking. I'm trying to sing right now. This is what the documentary is like.

Walk across the street and you are there in the store. And I say... So it is about somebody crossing the street. Because that's what I said and you said it doesn't matter. It's about being around a love of yours. Yes, exactly. Wave hello to me. I'll say it.

Wave hello to me. Crossing the street and I think I see you. You're picturing it. This is what I'm trying to... John and Paul had this fucking really... They had a relationship that they were just really in lockstep with each other. And I feel like... I feel like I'm in love.

I'm a Paul and a John. I'm a Paul. And it feels almost like that you're a John. Really. That's what I am. See, that's why you're not focused on anything. I'm trying to write fucking hits. Okay, let's just come up with another fucking song.

How about this one? I may not always love you. That's the Beatles song. No, it's not. It's a fucking Beach Boys song. Okay, well then I don't want to... Fine. I was wrong.

God only knows what I'd be with that. That's three words, which is better than the Beatles. They didn't even need the fourth. God only knows what I'd be without. God only knows. It's two verbos. Two verbos. Right.

No, no, no, no. I mean, get back. That's perfect. How about... Oh, what about... Help. That's just one. I need somebody.

Help. Yeah. Oh, and twist and shout. Three. Yes. They could all be a certain amount of words is what I'm trying to figure out. I think it has to be less than four is my thing. Interesting.

My favorite deep cut is... It starts with I've just seen a face. I can't forget the time or place where we just met. Yeah. Is that a deep cut? It's pretty... It's more obscure than the others, but I don't even remember what the name... Falling.

Yes, I am falling. And she keeps calling me back again. I think it's called I've just seen a face. So that one doesn't really do the four rule. That one's more of like a full sentence stream of consciousness kind. Right. But again, they got so fucking rip roaringly high on drugs at a certain point. They were singing about like a fucking green boat or some shit like that.

It was like this green like fucking submarine. Mr. Pepper Lonely Club. We all live in a wireless... And that was where they were bottoming out actually. Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart Club band. Yeah. Too many words. Yeah.

Too many words. It's all about that for or less. Also like they only created albums in 1967 and 68. Like you think of like their entire fucking musical journey. It was 20 months. Like they came here. They did the Ed Sullivan thing. They peaked.

They did drugs. They bottomed out and one of them got assassinated all within like a year and a half basically. But it was so fucking... I thought John got assassinated like much later. Okay. I don't... We obviously don't know enough about the Beatles. I can hardly see like my ad mentions.

Yeah. Yeah. This isn't like about the truth. It's just I like to say interesting things because if you also don't know a lot, then it's kind of interesting to hear me say things that are like would be fascinating if true. Whether it's like seven years or like 18 months. What I'm trying to say is the same that the Beatles. The whole timeline of it is interesting when you think about it.

Here comes the sun. How about that one? Comes four. Four. Exactly. And that one's really easy because it's not even about a girl. Love me do. Three.

That one's weird because it says do at the end. You didn't need that third word because it's like love me. All right. Great. Two words. Well, do. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

They're not perfect. They're not perfect. I think there's like room for us to come in. Here comes the sun. It's really easy. I could have done that one. Really nice shirt. Really nice shirt.

How does that like go to you? She's got a face and I'm thinking about her all the time. She's got a really nice shirt. It's to the tune of. It feels like kind of awesome. Do you really love me? Yeah. Do you really love me?

What about when Eminem goes, two Trilobot girls go round the outside, round the outside. Do we quote that in a really early Jacob and Amir actually? Did we? I remember so well, like just being laughing so hard in the old College Humor conference room that I couldn't. I never thought. Because I said two Trilobot girls go round the outside. I say it.

Like I'm saying that you don't know how to freestyle than you tell me to. And I say two Trilobot girls go round the outside. It's freestyle and I keep launching like drifting into Eminem. Oh yeah. That's right. I don't know if it's that specific part or like a different Eminem. You're like, that's Eminem. I'm like, I don't know because I'm like lost in thought.

Maybe it's like Mom's Spaghetti or something like that. Anyway, we are not entirely musicians. Whether you could tell or not based on what we were able to do just now in 10, 15 quick minutes whip out five to 10 literal radio hits if we put our minds to it. We're actually just podcasters, advice podcasters. This is if I were you, the only advice show on the web hosted by us, I'm Amir. I'm Jake. We haven't recorded in so long.

Yeah, it's crazy, right? I don't think, correct me if I'm wrong, but did you have a two on Wordle under your belt when we recorded last? This was like three weeks ago. Yeah. I don't think I, I don't think I did it, but you know what else I didn't have under my belt was an X. Wow.

So the hot happened. And did the high of the two feel greater than the low of the X? I'll tell you what, the X, I was like, it didn't feel like an X because it was one of those that were like, it can be like latch, batch, patch, watch. Yeah. It's like it's random. It didn't take skill at that point. Right.

It was just like guessing letters and it was like, it's either, I think it was like Cater or later or something like that. Yeah. Oh yeah. And that's what it was. And I, I was like down to, I was, it was either water or Cater. Yeah. It was like, it's a coin toss.

I just have to write, I have to do it and I guessed water and it was Cater. Well, and then other people would have cheated. Other people wouldn't have told anybody and you said, you know what, I'm going for it. And even if I get the X, I'm going to tell people about it. So that's, there's some admiration in that. Yeah. But then when you went from your, this is what the movie doos X machina is about actually, it's about getting twos and X's in Wordle.

You stuck to it and then you ended up getting a two the other day and then, correct me if I'm wrong, did you get back to back twos? Not back to back. I think I got it two this week. I mean, you'd be able to tell it because that was the day that I left the Wordle Slack. It was like Monday or Tuesday and today's Thursday. Yeah. Oh yeah.

It was, it was, I think it was a Tuesday. Because my sister, Hannah actually got a two that day as well. Yeah. And I remember writing, and she had gotten back to back twos. She got a two on Monday and a two on Tuesday and I said, back to back twos on a Tuesday. And then later I did it, did you leave your family Wordle group too or was that just a work thing? No, just a work thing.

The work thing was making me too competitive. I got too wound up. It wasn't fun. I was like stressed out. Even when I got that two, I was like, I think that, I think that guess I was like, I'd gotten like two greens and a yellow or like two yellows even and it really didn't seem like there was anything that it could be except for the word there, T-H-E-I-R. Oh yeah.

Yeah. I was like, this doesn't make, it didn't seem like a Wordle word. And I was like, I really don't think it could be, but I might as well. It's not quite a noun. It's not a thing. It's just a random word. Yeah. I didn't know you just had one yellow.

Pull up your one on your phone. Yeah. I'm very curious. Was it the last, was it the first letter that gave it away? Was your word ended in a C and then it began with a C or something? You know what's funny? I actually, I'll show you everything, but I did my Wordle for the first time today on my computer instead of my phone.

Oh, did you? Yeah. Really interesting. That's when you got the, that's when you got the two? Yeah. On your computer. On my computer. That's, that's really, that's a crazy, and you got so lucky too.

What's, why is it different if I did them on my computer? No, you got really lucky. You got really lucky on the computer, was it? Let's see. Well, I'll show you. On your phone, you have to redo it now, right? Because you haven't done it. I just redid it.

Yeah. But I did do it on the computer. Okay. All right. This was my first word. You're trembling. Is that not value? That's so fucking weird.

Yeah. Cause that's, it's not like you knew that it started with a C. You just got a fucking vowel. That's, you narrowed it down to like a thousand words. Yeah. And I was like, I have no fucking clue what it could be. I kept on like thinking, and my second guess I would like, I almost wrote trade, which has the E in the same place and an A. And I was like, oh no, I gotta put, I gotta move the

E. God, where would it be? And I just made it in the middle. It was, that's what, today's was so much more satisfying cause I was like, a reward, a joy. The other day I was like, I feel like I had gotten so close that I was like, it's basically sad if I can't get it in two today. A lot of pressure. Cause I was your first choice. With chest.

Yeah. It was, I was surprised. I was delighted. I didn't think I had a chance. Yeah. And then I did. From value to chest, my God, congratulations. So you're not retiring.

You're just sort of, you just left the company, Whirtle Slack, which became too competitive. I do consider myself retired cause I, I didn't play yesterday. I'm not going to play every day. And when I play, I just share it with my family. So there's not really any kind of like competition. The Slack, the company, Slack, Whirtle, the Whirtle Slack, we started keeping score. Marika has like an active, Marika kept score. Don't blame it on me.

I loved that she did that, but it didn't, it wasn't my idea or anything like that. Yeah. Totally. But people didn't, people embraced it. People liked it. Yeah. But I think we were at the very least fake supportive in there. Like when somebody got it too, it wasn't like, fuck you.

I got a four. I was like, congratulations. No, right. It wasn't, it wasn't toxic. All of it's on me for the way I kind of like get competitive, but it just wasn't an environment where I could thrive. And I think I was also playing worse Whirtle because of that. As evidenced by today, pressure's off and I've just got a two, you know?

Yeah. And then I sent your results to the Whirtle Slack since you weren't in there and Marika's like, yeah, he already told us about it. See you are still sort of bragging about the good scores still, aren't you? Well, Marika was in the office and it made sense. All right. Let's take a break, come back, answer some more questions or I guess answer questions at all on the other side of these messages.

Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell, yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress. Yes. Yeah. So Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you.

Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute honestly like Buzzfeed light quiz. I know how to sleep for the better part of the decade. Excuse me. I do not brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or? Yeah.

I got the perfect mattress. Thank God. Thank God I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Free pillows? Come on.

Yes. This is their best offer yet and no, it won't last long with Helix. The better sleep starts now. So regardless of how you sleep, whether you like it soft, medium or firm, Helix has 20 unique mattresses just ready to go based on how you fill up that sleep preference and they'll send you the best one. And if you go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you, that's 20% off. Amazing.

Thank you, Helix. Sleep well. Helixsleep.com for sponsoring this episode of our show, visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business. But with stamps.com, all you need is a computer and a printer and they can bring the post office in your office. So if you need a package pickup, you can easily schedule it.

If you need to sell products online, stamps.com seamlessly connects with every major marketplace and shopping cart running a business isn't cheap. So stamps.com has huge carrier discounts. We're talking up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates, holy smokes. And for 25 years, stamps.com has been indispensable for over one million businesses. So if one million businesses can trust stamps.com, certainly you can too. Set your business up for success with stamps.com today. Just sign up with promo code if I were you for a special offer that includes a four week

trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. Wow. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com. You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you. And that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you stamps.com for sponsoring this show.

And we have returned. Oh, here's a good one. Do you want to answer? This one is just from a guy who says, stop fucking talking about Wordle every episode or somebody else asked a pretty interesting Wordle question about strategy and whether his fiance is cheating. Let's answer that. Yeah, let's do that.

So we'll call this guy Ringo. I'm currently in a heated conversation with my fiance about her Wordle strategy. And as the Wordle God, I really need your help. Jake can weigh in two, I guess. You actually do get a lot of twos. It's pretty crazy. I got a two the day you got a two, but enough about that. Our argument is over the fact that this lady thinks that it is not cheating if you write

down your answers on a piece of paper. I think this is totally against the rules. I'm over here struggling my ass off, but she will write down all her answers down first before guessing. She pretty much gets it in two or three every time. I've never written in before, but I'm a long time listener. You understand how much this means to me. Please save my relationship.

I don't understand. Like writes down like the words once they're. So I didn't quite understand the strategy either as somebody who doesn't write it down until I saw a Tik Tok where a guy, like when he got down to the cater water later thing, he's like, I'm going to try to eliminate all the other possible first letters it could be. So he starts writing down words with like the possible first letters in there like B, L, C.

I'm going to guess black and that'll show me whether there's a B, L or C in the first letter. So he's like writing stuff down almost like Sudoku style, giving himself the options before he can choose what words to do. Interesting. It's kind of like an advanced technique. Would you say it's cheating? No, wait, like he's just writing down all of the possible letters.

Yeah. Like, you know, when you had value and you're like, okay, you thought of chest first and you just went with it. But in theory, you could have written down five words and be like, let me maximize which five words I should do and see exactly which road I should go down. Like maybe chest isn't correct. Maybe I should do like breast or something like that because it'll eliminate these letters and these letters often go with this letter and all this stuff.

I see. I don't think if you work harder at the game that it can be cheating. That seems like you're just taking it more seriously. You're implementing advanced strategy. Yeah. But like, I write words, I don't write anything down like physically, but like I'll type a word out in Wordle and be like, that's a possibility. Type another one.

That's a possibility. Yeah. You don't want to commit yet. Right. And those are like in my head. Right. I don't understand. He's saying that in theory, if you consider what words you might write down.

In theory, if you're doing like easy mode and you had it down to blank ATER, instead of guessing later, cater and water, you could have come up with a fifth word that had all three of those letters in it and then you can exactly know what the sixth guess should have been. I, so that's, so this, I think I get it now. So he's saying, she's like, so it's not, she's writing a bunch of options. Not necessarily, that's just the one that I saw, but she was writing down a bunch of options and then try to figure out which one to go with from there.

So she'd write down a bunch of options and then guess a word that had all of those options. I don't know if that's what she did, but that's just one strategy that I saw online. I think, I mean, if, I think that's playing without honor. I don't, I think that's playing easy, that's playing true easy mode. I'm someone that hasn't switched on hard mode, but I auto play hard mode. And I think that's, that's playing the gentleman's wordle, the gentleman's way. And you're playing the coward's way. Yeah.

I don't think, I think that you can't share that and be like, yeah, I got, I got it because you, I mean, technically it's not cheating, but it's playing on easy mode, which is, if she's playing on easy mode, but what if she's doing that, if she's doing that, if she's doing that hard mode, but also that she's, no, no, that's fine. We're allowed to use tools at your disposal like that. Like writing down cheating. Let me come up with five words that could possibly be for the third guess and then input it officially rather than, oh, I just thought of the first one it could be.

Let me just put it right. Right. Yeah. I think, I think coming up with a list of words in your head is perfectly legal strategy. I don't, I wouldn't even suggest that like everybody go with like the first word they think of. I mean, I often do. Right.

That's, I don't think that's good strategy and I don't think it would be cheating if someone didn't do that. Yeah. And if you should write down those words, that's not necessarily cheating either. That's right. Okay. So our ruling is that your fiance, unfortunately for you, is not cheating. And ultimately she is getting more twos and threes than you.

Proof is in the pudding, I guess, sorry. Here's someone whose relationship isn't going quite as well as that. Okay. We'll call him John. Love it. Cause he might be dating a Yoko if you know what I mean. Oh dear. By the way, I thought of the song that I really like and it's carry that weight.

Boy, you've got to carry that weight. Carry that weight. Carry that weight a long time. Yeah. That's good. My relationship is going through, going so rough that I want my girlfriend to cheat on me. When we break up, she's the one and the wrong.

How can I convince my girlfriend to cheat on me so we can break up? PS, I know I should just break up with her, but years and years of manipulative behavior spelled the British way. So maybe he is John finds me at a loss when talking to her about us. Huh. Have you ever felt that where it's like, I, this relationship is over, but I want that other person to break up with me that way. Don't get the guilt and I get the freedom.

Definitely. I'm looking for the easy out the free pass. I've thought I've, I've wished for this myself. Absolutely. Cause you don't want to have the difficult. I mean, I think I did it more because I was a coward, less because I was in a toxic relationship that I was being manipulative or manipulated. I think the, what people usually do is like, I'm just going to start being a bad person

so that this other person has to break up with me. It's like, sorry. Yeah. Let me break up plans. Sorry. Let me be indifferent towards you. And if you want to break up with me, then yeah, that's your problem. You did it.

So it's just like, yeah, I'm going to be kind of a dickling to you until you can't handle it anymore. Just like me. But instead of being the better person or breaking up, you should, you should do it for me. Yeah. Which is that's like the ultimate worst thing you can do, I think. Right.

That's, that's the way where you, that's like, um, that's even worse than what she's been doing basically. Right. Yeah. And yeah, you can't like, I don't know, it's, she's not going to cheat on you. So you have to, you do have to break, he already knew, he already knows what he has to do. He's, um, but yeah, you have to break up with her and fortunately you do have to break up. What about a service that allows you to pay for other people to hopefully cheat on like

you hire a really handsome man to hook up with your lady or handsome lady to hook up with your man. That way you have the easy out or something like that. Is there a business plan there? Um, I mean, I feel like that exists. Like there's, those things definitely exist. They're like, I don't know, those weird private eyes to like, I feel like it's more for like really jealous types though.

It's like, I need to try to lure my track. Yeah. Yeah. Or what if you hire a private eye so handsome that the lady falls in love with them? I feel like the key. The key. Probably. I mean, this is another fucking great movie we could write and we could write the soundtrack

for it because it's actually not that hard. Like, um, love me secret. Love me secret. That's love me do. Mm hmm. Right. Love. Okay.

How about a secret? What about a secret? Our secret love. That's good. Our secret love is good. But what about listen? Do you want to know a secret? Oh, that's good.

Do you promise not to tell? That's, that is really good. Do you want to just come up with that? That one's a real Beatles song, unfortunately, but I'm saying something like that. Yeah. Something like that. I mean, not exactly. Do you want to know a lie instead of a secret or something like that?

That's not bad. I mean, how many people know that one? A million. I wonder. Right. Cause I mean, what about a movie where nobody knows the Beatles and then so you can come up with a song that's suddenly you're the guy that came up with the Beatles. Where nobody knows about the movie that they wrote.

Yeah. Where no one knew about the Beatles. I think we've pitched that. Yeah. It sounds oddly familiar to you. Yeah. It was like, what was the name of that movie? They joked about this, like how we, if we lived suddenly in a world where the Beatles

didn't exist, we wouldn't be able to capitalize on it at all. It's a fine song. You're singing sucks and you don't know how to write the music. So we're just going to listen to the Rolling Stones movie as a week. I know there's seven, but it's kind of an interesting spin on it. Ow. Here's what I would tell this guy to do. Just imagine that she cheated on you and break up on her as such.

So you, then that'll help you convince, you know, your mind, no, you just say, I'm sorry, but I can't be with you. And then, you know, like that's what you might say. If somebody cheated on you, it's like, you know, why it's like, I can't forgive you for what you did, but not very specific. Actually, like, and, you know, maybe she'll think she'll, you're thinking about the manipulation that you've been suffering, but actually you're thinking about the foe cheating in your head. How about that for the song?

But really what you're trying to do is make it so she, she has no ground to stand on when she's trying to convince you to not break up. That's, that's what you're trying to make, make it so she's done something unforgivable where she can't come to you and ask for forgiveness because it's it's not possible, but just make sure that instead of cheating, that the, you know, the ultimate crime is all, all that you've suffered already. Actually, I think this is why people cheat in general, where it's like the guy should just cheat because that's why you start looking for other stuff and then you get in

trouble and then they break up with you. Is that any worse than trying to get the other person to cheat? Almost less manipulative, if you think about it. I don't know. It's, but it, I think they're, I mean, they're both really, really bad. They're probably tied for really, really being bad because like those are both, those are too traumatic experiences to put someone through just because you're too afraid to like stick to your guns in a conversation.

And I think that ultimately you have to take the responsibility, unfortunately for you, there's probably ways that you can psych yourself up to do it. Are you sad that you are kind of in a reality where you, I mean, I don't want to say never, but might never break up with somebody ever again. Like that experience is behind you forever. Yeah. No, I don't think I will miss that at all. Breaking up is not fun.

But it's fun. It's, it's not fun to fire up a contractor. That sort of gives you the same thrill. Yeah. Cause it's what it's about though, is the euphoria and freedom that you feel afterwards. So definitely think about that. Like, so it has to be that because it leads to such good.

Yeah. It's not fun to break up with somebody, but it's fun to wake up the next day and feel like I'm a new person. This is, this is good. The world is full of possibilities. There's a basketball coach who was like, I think it was the son's coach who said, this is really hard, but it's supposed to be hard. Cause everything you want is on the other side of hard.

So like breaking up is hard to do, which actually is a really good song. And I don't even know if he said or if I just misheard it in a way that I now am the quotes owner, but I would be like, wait, you. Everything you want is on the other side of hard. This one's more of like a guns and roses star rock. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like you're the genre is everything. So everything you want to do is on the other side of hard. You also said breaking up is hard to do, which I think is already a song. That one's a song. That one is a song, but I'm coming up with a new one. What's hard is to create a new song because all the songs are sort of taken that like after a few notes, you just sort of drift into. That's my question.

Like if you're writing a song, how do you make sure that it's never? There's only seven fucking chords. I'm sure it's all been done, but it's all been done. That's one. Right. There's another one. Yeah. But you go C, G, D, back to G, you know, and right.

And like that's been done, but like the way you sing it is different. Like the way that I, I would do those chords, you know, no problem. C, G, D, G, awesome combo right there. And then you have to come up with new words. Everything you want is on the other side of hard yet done. So like now it's a little long. It's like, why don't we say other side of hard, other side of hard. I'll say, yeah, okay, great.

So like, I'll be there. I'll see you on the other side of hard. Yeah, exactly. So like it's, it's all about on the other side of hard. Yeah. Try to sing over me because you can't really harmonize. But it's like, yeah, it's kind of like, so C, G, then down to D. And then here we go.

On the other side of hard. Yeah, not even close, but you get the kind of the vibe. Do you have an axe? Like I feel like we might need to, at the very least, commit it to a podcast that way we have like, yeah, kind of copyright ownership claim towards this tune. Totally. All right. So I have, I do, there's a guitar in the other room that's missing a string

and it's untuned, but I feel like that's going to be. That might even make it like an original. I'll be right back. Yeah. Actually, let's take a break and you come back. We'll have the guitar and then we can fucking jam out with our cam out. Great. That's like, yeah, that's when I jerk off on a camera.

Oh, all right. Don't do, don't do the rock and roll hordes after that. It's so small. Oh, no, limp. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow.

That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech, savvy family member that you need a gift for soon. These digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah.

For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents.

So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma.

She was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like this is how I told my grandma.

She was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant.

It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura. Yeah. Thank you. The aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole

family in on the fun through the aura app. Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames.

That's A U R A Frames dot com. And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait terms and conditions apply.

That's Aura Frames A U R A Frames dot com. OK, go get your parents something. All right. And use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation, talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible and suitable to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and you

can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. It's incredibly helpful. Therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years. So give therapy a try. It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life. I've tried therapy. It's been very helpful. So you can find that balance better with BetterHelp.

All you got to do is go to betterhelp.com slash if I were you. You do that today. You can get 10% off your first month. So the prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help. And it's extra affordable. That's betterhelphelp.com slash if I were you.

Check him out. Thanks, BetterHelp. All right, we're back and Jake got his fucking. What is that? A Strat, a Fender Strat? It is a Fender. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think it's a Stratocaster because it's an acoustic.

That's really cool. OK, all right. So this is just we're going to start trying to get something down. Like this is how it is. You just sort of riff. You just have to fuck around. This is what get back was. Yeah.

And so the guitar is broken. Yeah, so it's on. It's it hasn't been tuned in a long time. And it's missing the I believe it's the E string. So I see this is the E is the top and the bottom one, right? Right. So is the high the high E the lowest string is missing. Right. Yeah. The highest pitched lowest one.

OK. But that's OK. So this is this is what he sounds like on this guitar. OK. Yeah. Not great. G is bad because, you know, I can't. I don't have that D string. Yeah, the E string. Yeah, D is going to be worse because. Oh, but it could also maybe, you know, that's.

It could be about that. Right. My broken guitar or something like that. Oh, that's good. Yeah, kind of like my guitar is broken. Yeah, obviously. So is my heart. That's good. OK. And then everything you want is on the other side of the heart.

All right. Yeah. But then I'm with the heart. OK. It's a little too country because everything you want is on the other side of the heart. This is when the crowd all sings with you. Yeah. On the other side of the heart. On the other side of the heart. That's really good.

Everything that you can want. Is on the other side of the heart. Something kind of like, right. And it doesn't have to be good yet because like a Dr. Luke type will style it up and like auto tune it in a way that makes it sound good. On the other side of the heart. It's kind of like dark side of the moon,

but about every how everything you want, like a better guitar is on the other side of the heart. So like it's always a little bit hard. Or is like, yeah, what about Boulevard as a rhyming word? Oh, that's not bad. Yeah. On the other side of hard. Down Boulevard. Yeah. On the other side of heart.

That's cool. And then it pulls out and you're like on hard street or something, like difficult Boulevard and hard street. Yeah. And then you're talking about like, and I can't park my car. That's really good. Because I'm sleeping. And I can't play my car.

My guitar. Yeah. My guitar. Yeah. On the other side of the heart. Yeah. We should do a we should do a three part nine hour documentary about two complete morons riffing

and making an album ultimately really sucks. So like that would be one of the songs on the other side of heart. Did I text you a few weeks ago that we should write a pop punk album? Yeah. And I'm like, as a joke, you're like, no, kind of a real one, right? Yeah. I want to write.

I think it'd be really fun to write an earnest pop punk album. Right. That's just kind of want to make a get back style mock you mock you, rock you, Mentory. I would do that, too. I'm I'm all for us doing something stupid and for a long time for a long time, because it would get back black and white.

Huh? Yeah. It's in black and white. Yeah. So that'll make it easier. And there's also a lot of funny, like, you know, like just cameos of other musicians, producers, all that stuff, so we could have like improvisers, come in and just like headgun podcasters. Yeah, like it. They walk in and they're like into it or not.

And then doing like a talking head thing. I guess it'd be funny if they're all really into it in the room and then it cuts to their testimony. They're all scared, disinterested and disappointed in how the process is going because they also funded this thing and it's not going well, obviously. And this is the kind of dumb thing that we can do now

because we have videographers and editors at Head Gum. We're free from needing to pitch this to anybody to give us cash to make it. Yeah, we just can't say like this is on Netflix or Hulu. It can't come with any like prestige because no one's going to pay us to do it. Yeah, we'll just put it on YouTube. It'll be a two hour long fucking

rock you mock you memory that we put on. I guess we can always say it's on Netflix, but you can watch it on YouTube for free. And then people just won't, they'll probably just not watch it on Netflix. By the way, I really think we should make it punk because I think I can actually write punk songs. Oh, really?

In addition to that? Right, well, I can't write a Beatles song, but I can actually write a punk song. Well, there are still slow punk songs too, right? Like there's like every punk album has like the 10 punk songs and then like the slow song, right? Yeah, and that's the kind of song I could definitely write. Like acoustic punk songs, we'd be, yeah, game over.

It'd be golden. Mm-hmm, yeah. All right, cool. I guess we should still do this podcast though, because just in case that one isn't necessarily our ticket out of here. I think that's fair. This one's about flying, which I think you have a lot,

a lot of opinions on. What was this one about? Flying. Flying, oh yes, I certainly do. Paul George, George, we haven't talked about George that much. George, who I think wrote at the very least performed, I got my mindset on you, which might be like the best Beatles song.

That's not an actual Beatles song. Right, that's just a George Harrison song. Original, killed it, congrats. So George writes, I'm on a months-long work trip overseas and because of COVID restrictions around the world, I constantly thought it best to fly my wife and daughter to meet me in the States so we could have Christmas together in New York this year.

We could use a chance to have the holiday experience though I'm working on and off. And here's the issue. The people paying for my flight have booked me on a business class from Europe and my wife and daughter on economy. This is the first time I've ever flown business for work so I was excited about it for five seconds

and then I immediately felt guilty. They're stuck in economy while I'm drinking champagne on a bed, that's not fair. Should I swap my wife and daughter? Sorry, should I swap with my wife and daughter or daughter? Or do I downgrade my ticket and hang out with them? Or do I take my assigned seat and try to not feel guilty? Take, I know what you want to do

because of the language assigned to seat. I mean, it is assigned. I don't know if I'm even allowed to swap. I'll talk to the pilot if I can get his ear. There's a middle seat, he said. It doesn't even sound that close to you. It sounds like I'm actually closer in distance. Assignment-wise?

I don't know, it feels pretty rigid. Because your flight was free, which is obviously the best. I have a free upgrade, which is not that... I'm jealous of you, basically, because you got the free flight. I just got an upgrade. And you get to be with the family back here. You too, dang, hope you don't talk too much about me.

Let's switch in half. Then you fall asleep, obviously, because you're wasted on the 180 bed. And then you have to switch in maybe 90 minutes before you land and then you're like, ah, my back kinda hurts. This is a tough one to give up because it's a Euro flight. If it's a regional, if it's like Dulles to Philly or something.

That's okay, not that big of an upgrade. Right, nothing. But yeah, you're going trans-Atlantic, that's pretty cool. That's a good one. Have you ever experienced this specifically, you flying with Jill and they upgrade you and not her? Like you have status and she doesn't necessarily, have you ever gotten the upgrade instead?

Yes, multiple times. And I've never, ever taken it for myself. Wow, you always give it to her or you say no thank you? I always give it to her. There was one time, actually, when we were flying back to get married, we were flying back the weekend before our wedding and I tried to use my,

I got four upgrades a year or whatever and I tried to use them both to upgrade us to first class so we could go out in style. But only I got upgraded and she didn't. So I tried to make her take the upgrade and she wouldn't do it. And we had to, we just gave it to a random guy that was sitting next to her.

And I was like, do you want to go sit in first class? My wife won't do it, my fiance won't do it. Wow. And he was like, oh, okay. And then he went and then like the flight attendants heard what I did and then they brought us champagne. But you were just mad at Jill for not taking it. I was like, thank you.

I wanted to sit next to this guy. Actually, get the guitar. Really? We already used three chords, so there's not a lot left but I'm thinking we could do something with like F. Yeah. Again, the guitar is broken in attitude so it's a little hard to get into it.

Yeah. Yeah, that's tough. But F, F-C, A minor G maybe. Yeah. That's cool. That's so bad. Yeah. Something about upgrading yourself.

Go upgrade yourself. Have it to your own. You can be up there and leave me back here on the floor or something like that where it's like, yeah. Knock yourself out, go and treat you well. Yeah, leave me here on the floor is pretty good. That's that punk energy that I want. Leave me on the floor.

Yeah. Leave me on the floor. You're in first class and my ass is in grass because if this plane crashes, it won't matter who died last or something like that. That's perfect. Because she's going to die first because if it head down into the ground,

technically she dies a split second before you. Yeah. If this plane goes down, it won't matter because my life already crashed or something like that. Yeah, because she died and they're like, what's the worth living for? Oh, no. You could throw in some other plane stuff.

So like, turbulence in my heart. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, I survived. Isn't this sort of what happened to Travis Barker? Did he survive a fatal plane crash? I believe he did. He fucked up.

I almost want to pitch it to his ass so that would be so out of the blue. Yeah, I don't think Travis would be into it. Yeah. Well, I did have that alien song for Tom, but my heart's kind of set on the Travis one now and then there's what's Mark's thing if one of them sort of survived a plane crash,

the other one believes in extraterrestrial life. Mark is just kind of more like normal and cool, but I think he has cancer. Oh, yeah, I think he beat cancer. Oh, he beat it? Great. Yeah, surviving. I guess they're all survivors in a way.

Respect. You sat next to Mark at a hockey game once so that could be about that. That's right. I think we did. Yeah, all the time. Yeah, a lot. You talked about it.

I didn't know if I talked about it on the podcast. It's a special night. You must have been so fucking absolutely starstruck. Did you know that you were sitting next to him or you just sat down and you're like, holy shit, that's Mark Office. I don't, yeah, no, I did not know. I did not know then he was there.

Then we like made small talk and I thought that was really fucking cool because I was like, this guy doesn't know that I love him and we're just chatting and it's casual. And I like made him laugh with a joke. And then at one point I felt comfortable enough to tell him that I was a huge fan and then the conversation sort of died after that.

But then later he found out that I worked at college humor. Yeah, but then he found out I worked at college humor and he like kind of warmed back up to me. So he had heard of that. Yeah, he had heard of it. And I think he ended up eventually later doing a college humor video though. I had nothing to do with it.

He blink 182 did a college humor video. I think just Mark Hoppest did. Wow, and you had nothing to do with it? What was it? I don't know, I think it was like a, I think it was like one of those like streeter songs or something. Oh, right, like about how he doesn't like his dad

or something like that. Yeah, I think, I thought it was like something about being a drummer, but I'm not entirely sure. Nobody cares about the, oh wait, I think it was like, nobody cares about the bassist. Is he a bassist? Mark Hoppest is, yeah. Yeah.

He's kind of the most famous bassist in a way. Cause like they usually don't let the guy with the bass sing lead, right? Yeah. Well, what about Flea? What about Flea? The guy from starting on was also a bassist. Get the guitar.

What about Flea? Come on. Three more strings, Frank. I'll give you the guitar, but we're running out of chords. By the end of this documentary, your guitar should have one string left and it's on my part. We have nothing to show for ourselves.

I've never ever tuned it. It took seven hours, but we finally destroyed a guitar. I'm gonna restring and tune my guitar for next time. Okay, so we can have it. It's hard to do it over Zoom, cause like while I sing, I can't hear the guitar. Yeah, definitely. It's really tough.

Yeah, we have to say it for in studio. We should get one, yeah, in the studio. In the studio, that's what we should do. An exclusive. All right, sweet, that's it. Thanks for writing in. Thanks for the theme song that inspired an entire song episode.

Although it was brewing just because of our creative juices seemed to be overflowing recently. That's right. If you have your own questions, your own theme songs, you can send them all down to, if I were you, show at gmail.com. Indeed. Opening theme song, same as the last,

which is written by Elias. It's the Beatles parody. It's kind of cool. We were doing Beatles parodies the entire time. It's like, oh yeah, I forgot. Like this one was also pretty good in addition to the ones we came up with. So like, yeah, I feel like the three of us

actually could really crush. The three Beatles they should call us. Yeah, that'd be cool. The threadles. How dope is that? Who says no to that? And if you want some more of us, we're making videos.

We're watching Jake and Amir episodes on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J-A. Yeah, that's right. I was gonna say Jake and Amir, but that's not true. And of course, we will be back next week, as always, forever. See you soon. Ciao, namaste.

Goodbye and good night. The Beatles spent like a bad amount of money recording this song. That's not good, right? Not necessarily. Not at all. What? You're watching me if I were you,

show where you know. They're going to give you some advice. That was a hit gum original.