If I Were You - 536: Private Chef

Episode Date: April 18, 2022

In this episode we discuss best friends, bad music, and hot siblings. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum original. This is a headgum original. This is a headgum original. This is a headgum original. This is a headgum original. This is a headgum original. Looking back, I could so be point you. Can't see what you've become.

Every dream I could see right in front of me. Think you're close but you got so far. Why is everything you wanted just on the other side of heart? Whoa! Huge! We wrote that! Not really.

I feel like you stole the other side of hard thing from Greg Popovich or something. Yeah, Marty Williams. And then somebody else wrote and performed the rest. I feel like I'm more of a producer then. I'm matching who is the guy that got in trouble. You're definitely an ideas man for sure.

But I wouldn't say it was necessarily an original idea because you took a quote. I don't want to turn this into a negative thing. I think it's really cool. That ship has sailed. Now I want to dig deep into what you think I am as a man. A fraud, a phony, a plagiarist. You only know about the bad music producers.

There's that guy that killed his wife and the guy that molested the boy bands. I don't know a lot about really nice, good, normal musician producers. You just hear about the evil ones I guess. Which I guess is like most things I suppose. That's why people will know your name because you plagiarized coach speeches

and outsourced the work. And then tried to capitalize on it as your own. But maybe that's just in line with all music producers too. Right. Is that what Dr. Luke and those Swedish people are doing? They're just coming up with phrases. Maybe they've heard it before. But you can't copyright a motto.

I believe Dr. Luke is a bad guy. That's why we know his name. I believe he is. But I can't actually be sure. We're going to be good music producers and give this guy a shout out. His name is Dustin. Look at this.

Jake and Amir own the entire copyright for the song. I'm only a vessel. They wrote it. I took some liberties with the chorus though. This is in writing. The best part, yeah. Took some liberties with the actual best part of the song for sure. Is this what Southern country music sounds like?

What was that? It's really mixed because I feel like on the other side of hard is like way too much of a country. Like that's a turn of phrase that is would definitely belong in a country song. And we even kind of like made it into a country song when we improvised the song that we sang. Yeah.

But like the acoustic pop punk element of the song was there basically right up until he sang the other side of hard, which you really can't say without making it seem a little Southern. Right. It was almost Southern by accident or something country by accident. But that like looking back on what you are, whatever,

or whatever that part was that part was punky. And I liked that a lot. And I, again, I think that you and I should be writing earnest pop punk acoustic ballads. We could theoretically work with this guy. I'll write the lyrics. I will write the lyrics. So what do I do?

I don't just be around. Just be around because I, I like, we are good working together, but you don't have to tell you what, if you, you'll be the producer, you facilitate getting my lyrics to this guy. Saw like email him. Email him say, Hey, if Jake writes a pop punk song, full song, I'll write all of the lyrics. I will write music part.

Or is it just a, yeah, I will kind of, I'll give him a riff and I'll give him some chords for sure. But then he'll sort of have to take off. Yeah. He'll have to produce it. I'll write the pop punk song. I would like if he took some liberties with the actual, you know, music though, because that part I'm, I'll get it done,

but it's not going to be as good as he could do. So I will write, I will write, no, listen, listen, I'll write the verse. I'll write the pre chorus. I'll write the chorus. I'll write the second verse. The pre chorus is kind of the thing that leads into the chorus, but not the verse.

Yeah. The verse, the verse changes every single time. The pre chorus can actually stay the same before you hit them with the chorus. Right. Like, you know, and the Jay-Z song was on. Yeah. And the Jay-Z song was on.

So I put my hit, but it's like the Jay-Z song was on. Like that part is kind of the pre chorus. I see. It's a little, it's sort of part of the chorus, but not necessarily. Yeah. Yeah. In the musical nomenclature of which I'm kind of an expert and you're kind of a dunce, novice amateur.

The pre chorus is, you know, it's an official term used for, you know, leading into the chorus, but I should. Okay. I'm actually done to explain myself. What song are you going to do? Do you know what your song is going to be about? Or is that what you need my help with? It's going to, it'll be about a girl.

Every single good pop punk song is about a girl, except for the case of Avril Lavigne, which it was about a boy. Why did I have to go and make things so complicated? Yeah. Yeah. I know you're going to say Skater Boy, but yeah. Skater Boy is also good. Yeah.

That one's about a boy too, for sure. Okay. But you don't know what it's going to be about. You're just going to pick up a guitar and sort of improvise slash get there on your own. I'm going to, when I'm done with this recording, I'm going to sit there and I'm going to write some real fucking heartfelt lyrics that are going to be about.

Start with the lyrics. Right. Wanting a girl you can't have. That classic, classic pop punk. Yeah. That's word confessional. Tom DeLong. Boxcar racer type shit that I'm trying to do.

There's like a junior and you're a freshman and there's like no way it'll happen because it's two years apart. There you go. Perfect. Yeah. Or, you know, we could even be two sophomores, but she is dating a senior. Oh yeah, that's good.

Her boyfriend is actually going away to college. Oh, forget about it. And I'm talking about, like, he's going to forget about you, but I'm right here. We still have. That's good. Oh, what about, we're juniors. He's a senior.

Yeah. Just graduated. She's a sophomore, but is taking like junior classes because she's hoping to skip a grade. So she can get to college faster. He's on like the west side of the school in like the senior hall, but it shouldn't be a junior, but it's close to my home room, which is what I'm trying to stay.

And I actually get to leave campus for lunch as a senior. So I'm telling her, we've got a friend. I thought her boyfriend was a senior. I thought her boyfriend was a senior. Here's what the song is. Her boyfriend, senior, it's summertime. He's going away to college, but her and I, we still have a senior year.

And I'm trying to say that we can, we can run this school together. The power couple. You know, I'm like, we're still here. We still matter. That's pretty good. We're still here. We still matter.

Don't let your heart break. I don't want to see it shatter something along these lines is, is maybe it's could be verse, but it could also be pre chorus. Yeah. So it's like, it's like about senior year and how this guy is now technically a freshman, which is like a lame thing to be, but like, you know, in college. So yeah.

I love that. All right. Cool. Two states away and we're still here to play or something like that. Something like that. There you go. What about punky Brewster for the name of our like music collective? That's not bad.

That's not bad. Sometimes, because sometimes they have these quasi legal names or like, how is that band called like Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. and it just seems to work out in the end, but that's, we should be called punky juicer because interesting. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr. is kind of a, you know, it's an extension. Punky Brewster is just a person and it's kind of a play on the genre of our thing. Right.

But punky juicer is two Jewish punk rocker guys. And that's definitely legal. Yeah. That seems fine. It's a little anti-Semitic, but that's okay. That's in play for us. We can do that. Yeah.

Yeah. Because we can do that because we're both punky and juicers. Yeah. That's right. Okay. Let's get started. This is if I were you. This is an advice show.

After all, the only advice pod on the web hosted by us. I'm juicer. And I'm punky. Hell yeah. And we are punky juicer. We wouldn't be the musicians. We're just sort of like the behind the scenes. I would like to do kind of an Ashley Simpson type thing where I lip sync our songs.

Interesting. For sure. I do think. So you still want to be the music producer behind the scenes and then every once in a while, somebody famous. I'd like to look. Actually, let me be on stage during it. Yeah.

I'd like the glory. I would like the glory. I also, I mean, frankly, if it's possible, I'd like to sing and just be auto-tuned. I want to be involved. I just don't have the. I can already tell you sort of trying to like grab more of the spotlight from whoever. Like we have to we have to be the behind the scenes. Okay.

You can't like have those aspirations because I could play rhythm guitar and backup vocals. But if I can set my mic and guitar up in the center of the stage, that's all I need. That's the most of it. Just set you up. Yeah. There's no more than that. That's the maximum amount of spotlight you can have. Right.

There's the, you know, the bass, the lead, the drums and the me right in the center. This is a good time to let people know that they can watch this podcast because Jake's doing some sort of claw hand thing. And of course you can listen to the show as you always do, but we're also uploading the video to our YouTube channel. That is correct. Actually, today we might be only uploading the video because for the first 10 minutes Jake forgot to hit record on the zoom.

So if he's noticed a shift in audio quality, that's what it was. I didn't forget to hit record. I actually hit record, but I, well, I hit the zoom and I don't think I hit the button or I double hit the button. Yeah. If anything, you hit it twice, which is like even more definitely than hitting it. It could have been a zoom issue. Yeah.

But like, I didn't forget to, I didn't, I just take, I take issue with the fact that you said I forgot to hit record, which I did not. I remembered twice. I remembered it just didn't work out the way I thought it might. Right. I didn't get all the way there for one reason or another. It could have been human error. It could have been a technical issue.

It could have been on the zoom end. Did we even say who did perform that song? Probably not. We're still in credit already. His name is Dustin. Nice. That's really cool. Yeah.

I don't know when parents decide to go the Dustin versus the Justin route, but this guy seems to be more of a Dustin than a Justin anyway. If you had to choose between those two for your child, Dustin and Justin. Dustin and Justin. I guess Dustin, because I think there already is a Justin Hurwitz. Really? Oh, the guy that made La La Land? Yeah.

Who came up recently before. We were doing Justin Bieber and Justin Hurwitz and Chase Bieber. He sent us an email. Really? Justin sent us an email. I said, stop talking about me so much on the pocket. Keep my wife's name out your fucking mouth. That's what his wife emailed us to say.

Keep Justin's name off your freaking show. It seems like you're trying to just suck fame off of the wind in his sails. Which makes sense. And he doesn't want you to keep invoking his name in vain. And it is true. But I think Dustin, you know, the nickname of Dusty is pretty fun. I like the Dusty. I like Dustin more than Justin, but I'd be fearful that whenever he said Dustin, people

would say Justin. And that would just like set him up to correct people. Dustin or Justin? Yeah, I guess it's a little close. But I do feel like, you know, you hit that, I would just call him Dusty though. And nobody would ever be like, Justy? No. That doesn't happen.

Yeah. Dusty is good, but it's also a bad thing to be. Right. That's true. Or it's a good thing to be, depending if you like Dust. I think some people, you know. Nobody. There's universally low Q rating for Dust.

There's nobody who throws Dust. For bad climbers with their gear in the back, just hofing it through the mammoth lakes. Yeah. I think they like Dust. They live for Dust. They like it. Yeah. They want it to be Dusty in a way.

About Gold Dust. All right. Let's take a break. Thanks for sponsors and then actually answer some questions on the other side of these messages. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

On the other side of these hard. Awesome. The other side of hard. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress. Yes, sir.

Yeah. So Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Mm-hmm. Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two-minute, honestly, like Buzzfeed light quiz. I don't know how you sleep for the better part of a decade.

Excuse me. I do not brag. I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or. Yeah, I got the perfect mattress. Thank god. Thank god I took that test.

That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com.com slash if I were you for 20 percent off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing, free pillows. Come on. Yes, this is their best offer yet and no, it won't last long with Helix. The better sleep starts now. So regardless of how you sleep, whether you like it soft, medium or firm, Helix has 20

mattresses just ready to go based on how you fill up that sleep preference and they'll send you the best one and if you go to helixleep.com slash if I were you that's 20% off. Amazing. Thank you Helix sleep well. Thank you to Stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show. Visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business but with Stamps.com all you need is a computer and a printer and they can bring the post office in your office so if you need a package pickup you can easily schedule it if you need to sell products online Stamps.com seamlessly

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the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you and that gets you a free four-week trial free postage and a digital scale that sounds pretty good thank you Stamps.com for sponsoring this show and we are back all right no unsolicited advice today because we got to get straight into these questions and answers yeah yeah yeah yeah why have unsolicited advice when we can do so listed advice very good very good look up actually this guy might require some promotion so let's use his real name Brad Dunn okay let's do it done up another kind of dusty style Southerner because he's an unemployed

chef in Austin right now oh very nice he worked his way all the way up to Sue chef at a well-known fine dining restaurant for the past five years and through COVID but working 80 to 90 hours a week very little money and disappearing on everyone in my life made me want us to take a step back and reevaluate my relationship with work during this hiatus my dog partially tore her ECL and needed $3100 knee surgery I've been living frugally to help with the to help with the help of odd jobs my parents and partner but since I've got the time I started advertising private dinners to help raise money for

the operation people have been responding incredibly positively to it I think most people would not ordinarily be able to justify the indulgence of hiring a private chef but the combination of my legitimate experience and the charitable aspect of helping a dog has created the perfect storm of people splurging on the service and getting me to cater events in their home the last event cost me about $200 in groceries and I charged $800 for a dinner of six the people loved it they blew me up on Instagram and I gave them good value but after like four of these things I'll have the surgery paid off and I've had

more offers than I need to cover the cost of the surgery at this point so my question is trying to make a living off of private shuffling is not unappealing to me right now and actually seems pretty lucrative and would allow me to set my own schedule in hours but I suspect business would slow down quite a bit once the element of helping my dog is removed from the equation is there a way to smoothly rebrand and still get hired y'all seem like approximately the demographic that I would have to be catering to do you have any ideas about how to keep work going once it's no longer a charitably charged venture and

can y'all ever imagine hiring a private chef just for one special evening you know this is Jill's mom like actually does this in she's like retired now but she loves cooking she started doing like private dinners just like cooking for people in their house in Palm Springs and wow she gets booked all the time that I'm trying to think like what the website is called but it's like there's there's a website where it's basically like Airbnb for chefs and so use so she's signed up for it and has been cooking for people yeah yeah exactly so like you know an Airbnb you list your house or whatever on this private chef thing you

you're like I'm available to deliver it or you know cook you and your family or whatever a delicious home cooked meal and she's like done a bachelorette party she's done like a group while hanging out and I think Austin is a great place to do it in because there's so many people that go and visit and stay in an Airbnb or whatever and right you can absolutely you know give them the experience of cooking a delicious meal I think they're the transition from being like my friends are hiring me because it's basically it's like it's almost the equivalent of a go fund me except you're actually providing a service yeah but

yeah you can't necessarily sustain that week to week you have like all of your friends supporting you which is nice but you want to you want to make the move into private chef yeah well do you have to say when the dog surgery is paid for like it was all for the dog you know help me out dog and now the dogs happens to be fine and oops I forgot to remove the that part out of help my doggy catering company that you created to help doggies what if okay what if you switch it up it's like okay I'm gonna donate 10% of my protein proceeds to animals that need it then it's like you're still helping animals your dog surgery is paid for but

it's still like got that charitable slant that edge yeah so what was the first thing you said lie about the dogs sir and the second thing was nice it was like yeah 10% of the proceeds go to help animals but the first one you even not yeah cuz they never follow up on where the cash goes you can okay so they're both bad yeah I see in fact like even if you were to tear your dog they seal again that would be like gold mine no what it not nothing life-threatening obviously it's I think it's like it's debilitating it's not like it's debilitating the business is booming if you tore it if you tore the ACL again

then you it's another $3,100 surgery right so it's not necessarily good for business to actually tear the ACL it's good for opa that's just what does opa want from naming wants to lead a Gangnam style charitable venture I guess he wants to be at the head of this oh and it like and when you make food for other people you can come with little dog food too it's like oh I also made food for your mutt or whatever yeah opa wants to participate in animal cruelty it sounds like because opa wanted to slice a dog's ACL and then oh not slice tear set it up to sort of you know give it a little play fest show really like

yes spray your grass with a bunch of water and then go play fetch on right and if I happen to make a hard cut a little non-contact injury then that's that's surgery cash that you need and who's to say if the surgery cost 3131,000 why don't you just not gonna follow up say that you tore your ACL and then you could be on crutches and then you don't even have to cook meals you just say can everyone help me pay for my surgery you start a go fund me you start a kickstart or whatever they give you the cash for your surgery you will say it happened you rest for a month and then you're kind of good back to normal but

you you know have the cash for a human surgery which is a lot yeah humans ones the human ones are the ones that really cost you especially ACL wise I can only imagine yeah I think this is a good venture besides the charitable part because when you go out to a fancy dinner it's gonna cost you roughly this much and then you have to deal with getting there and coming back and maybe there's like alcohol involved that's always like marked up so like people can save money have a home-cooked meal which is like you know more COVID safe and you'll do all the dishes too so they don't have any risk on their part it

seems like a good idea I mean I wouldn't get a $800 dinner for six once a week but like if it's a birthday party or some sort of special event I can see doing that for sure yeah definitely I would I would definitely find a way to market yourself as a private chef for small intimate events or people visiting me God I never thought of it that way but I'm wondering because I didn't know you're gonna go on a trial thing chicken you know how to do the salmon you try to hurt dogs man you try to hurt dogs dog dog dog what if they hire me and I'm like okay I was tonight's menu is like this I got a ton of pasta and this the frozen

chicken breasts from Costco I'm gonna microwave that to thaw them cuz I forgot dropping a traitor Joe's pizza fuck I also might do some finger food as fucking a cup of trail mix I have this frozen bag of fried rice that I usually do from whole foods do you guys a six pack you guys have a row with two of them missing yeah one of those what's it fucking called the pan do you have like a fucking pan I need like this yeah the heating stove area thing now walk it out walk it out walk it out turn music on too loud there's no microwave here and I holding a Tupperware with potato in it I was gonna I was gonna do this with

cheese I was gonna nuke this I made this last week oh god it actually smells kind of right you can nuke the smell off you can nuke the smell off do you guys mind eating around the mold I forgot to ask in my pre thing this is a good lonely and horny episode you would have a mold allergy I do private I do private sheffing for bachelorette parties the stripper doesn't show up and I take it upon myself to emerge from the bathroom completely naked they mace me instantly oh my god chase you into the desert chase me naked all I have is a wooden spatula to my name and I'm ass Nate I'm ass nude and Joshua tree God that's good it

writes itself people yeah and I should say my dog was recently sick so I would never I would never poo poo the idea of making another animal ill I I know what that means now and I've I've had a real come to Jesus moment with regards to Luke that's cough and upper respiratory infection and that's why you had the maturity to not make the joke about Terry your dog's ACL right joke as a means of copes nice I say the joke to cope Lee yes I'll make a rib as a fib as a goof so that I can deal and that's the only reason that I do that indeed anyway simply put you could probably keep it going it's a good idea and check out

that website that Airbnb for private cheffery mm-hmm I imagine the most annoying part is doing the dishes for everybody yeah like but you know with your if you're turning $600 profit you could maybe pay someone like 150 to just show up in the last hour or even a hundred bucks yeah I don't know what's that's what I was thinking like they're you getting this you get a you get your own soup chef at these things right you bring somebody else actually we did this for like Marty's birthday weekend and Palm Springs instead of going out to dinner there was a person like that that came by and then they also brought

somebody else to help you know wait so they cook gave out all the food for you guys cook but oh so there you go that's exactly what this is yeah but they said you don't expect him to also clean I mean we have to go at least dutch on this do you mind if I leave it soaking overnight cuz like a lot of the grease is sort of baked onto the pan right you should advertise that you also do the dishes but then you say everything needs to soak we got a soak that's the way of getting out of out of a way of getting out of doing dishes during the night's like I mean I can't just I can't clean that right now that's the so this has to

so obviously I charred the pan and it needs to so that's a wine glass yeah the wine needs to soak overnight if you left it outside dry and upside down it's an air soak and it's sort of yeah it helps I have to leave now fair let us know a real follow-up pup a pup a follow-up pup about a pup that's right know how the surgery goes and maybe next time we're in Austin we could do this we'll go there for some shows we'll have a fucking private dinner situation yeah who says no to that not me all right let's take another break thanks some spots and answer some more questions on the other side of hard God yeah please

never do it I'm not even joking I know it's the other side of hard right thank you to aura frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast you know aura frames is sponsoring not just this episode but the entire headgum network Jake wow that's correct I mean this might be the goat father's day gift I think it actually is yeah yeah not just father's day but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon mm-hmm these digital photo frames might be the best of all time yeah for me personally these things are perfect I'll tell you why as you know I am expecting yeah my first child we got one for Jill's

parents oh wow we got one for Jill's grandma holy smokes we got one for my parents so there are three of these bad boys in our family right now but they are they're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family you can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen it's really nice oh that's cool so you take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo yeah frame this is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant we got her the aura frame we plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant really nice asshole this was actually a really

sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like yeah this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant yeah yeah kind of like a she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way by the way Jill's grandma is pregnant oh my god Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant it's pretty cool and you told me with a digital photo frame holy smokes and we let her know with an aura yeah thank you the aura announcement so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the

fun through the aura app add me to your aura app I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny yeah like your banana your dog alongside pictures of my daughter yeah yeah exactly even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame yeah it's a great gift a really really iconic gift and right now you can save on the perfect father's day gift and visit aura frames that's a you are a frames dot com and our listeners can use code head gum to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling

frames there it is oh wow this is timely the deal ends on June 18th so don't wait terms and conditions apply that's aura frames a you are a frames dot com okay go get your parents something all right and use the code head gum for $30 off plus free shipping thank you aura and now back to the headgum podcast you were listening to this show is sponsored by better help thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist

especially one in your area but better help makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient flexible and suitable to your schedule you just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge it's incredibly helpful therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years so give therapy a try it can give you the tools to find a more balanced life I've tried therapy it's been very helpful so you can find that balance better with better help all you got to do is go to better help comm slash

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slid into a girl's DMs to see if she wanted to get coffee she left me on red nothing came of it no big deal about six months after that I matched with her sister on Tinder we chatted for a bit in the midst of quarantine and nothing really happened either I knew both girls from college and remained on relatively friendly terms with them both not super close just consistent social media following and casual chatting now I'm moving to the city and the woman I matched with on Tinder and I have been chatting about hanging out when I'm all moved in she's built herself up as a brand up a brand as an expert of the

area and she's the only person I know out there so naturally she was my first instinct to reach out to I didn't think though however that we have a pre-established attraction and she's probably take exception to the notion that I was into her sister and asked her out it's not like I decided well time to go for the sister I was carelessly swiping through Tinder and it happened that we connected I'm not even sure she's aware that I was trying to take her sister out what are the odds she knows already and does it matter this much that much later it's been six months what would you do thank you Taj okay wait so

he's so six months ago slid into the sister's DM then left her on red right and then there was the matched with this match with the other sister and now he's talking to the Tinder sister or the DM sister the Tinder sister the DM sister never actually still on red okay now Taj you're a smart guy me yeah totally what are you oh cuz he's the name of the show smart guy I really wanted more I really wanted more from that that was a really short-running show from like 1998 smart you're the one that called the guy Taj so you knew you knew who Taj you think he was famous for just being their little brother yeah I thought he was like a

character on the show or like from Full House or something like I don't think he had his own you can't drop Taj Mowry as being the sit like you know having sister sister without you know what forget it let's move on let's move on well this is how popular sister sister was that they just gave us us 51 episodes show to her their little brother cuz that's how fucking famous they were talking about nepotism I mean come on aren't we talking I want to cancel his ass I think it was actually cancelled really probably I mean yeah yeah three seasons right that's a lot not bad so Taj you're a smart guy that's good I think

you can deduce though that sister one is obviously not interested so I think therefore it neutralizes the whole the threat at the very least like maybe the sister said that but also you just said let's get coffee and then you matched with this other one on Tinder you're a single guy and you're asking people out and you like these two women and they happen to be related but I think you didn't necessarily do anything wrong and there's nothing that you have to confess to right now it will eventually come up it will eventually come out what I you DM'd my sister yeah cuz she's also hot that's how hot you are that your

sister who kind of looks like you as a fucking nine the real issue you're still a 10 there's some competition and I think I do believe that you're that you're DM to the sister initially that's gonna it shows your preference and that's gonna come back and bite you but there's not really anything you can do it must be even harder with twins like if you're a twin and you're dating someone you know for a fact they think your identical twin is hot unless it was it's Jeff and Dave they're so different that you can literally be attracted to one and repulsed by the other because that's how varied their style is yeah this happened

with the triplets when I was in like high school and when they were in high school and stuff like I'm pretty sure that one at like one of the triplets boyfriend and then broke up and then he dated another one of the triplets wow but they're not even identical they're not but you can still I mean it's not necessarily about just being identical it's like waiting into the the family matters of these things it doesn't it doesn't seem healthy for anybody yeah so you're saying one man smooched two of your three triplet sisters yeah but he's no longer with us because you don't kiss my sister why it seems like a nice

really moment for their teenagers yeah I was a bit protected as a brother they wanted to keep one of the locking you're 25 fucking freak I thought he looked at my sister no and even if he did that's fine you can look at your sister okay I am sorry about that yeah you're more than sorry you're under arrest it's assault not right and I do please I plead guilty all right then I plead guilty love of my sisters guilty of being a protected big brother all right man slaughter okay murder actually it seems like he ended up dying yes it was in a medically induced coma all right all right okay one last question yes hey

guys I'm a 25 year old man from Salt Lake City we'll call him Donovan Mitchell and I've run into a bit of a sticky situation I'm in love with the childhood best friend of mine we have known each other for close to 12 to 14 years now and do tons of stuff together we go to the gym movies bars we're even roommates the problem is he isn't gay I'm not gonna try to move make a move on him so what should I try to do to cope with these feelings thanks guys PS I want to nominate Amir for the Golden Mike this episode I'm sure that he deserves it and totally won't be tacky considered denied you joked about

hurting a dog I'll take the Golden Mike for joking about killing the guy that looked at my sisters and we're moving right along moving on let's keep the show you joked about going killing somebody I don't pretty casually about a dog's knee injury let's not easy down in the details all righty you also forgot to record the first 10 minutes I didn't forget I that's the second time you said forgot to record and I'll have you know I remembered to record I just didn't hit the button correctly and there's a pretty big difference that's worse I think it's worse yeah you hit a button wrong yeah it's hitting a button

that's easier it's thin button the hardest button-to-button what was the question I'm in love with my best friend should I tell him I mean if he's not gay I don't think it would necessary I mean it depends what do you what do you want out of out of telling him if you feel like there's something hanging over you and you need to like clear the air and you just want to want him to know then sure but if you are thinking that like I want to tell him because he's gonna be like you know what I actually love you too then you know I guess I guess I'm saying just whatever you do don't do it with an expectation of what's

gonna happen yeah and I I I think that there is small enough chance of it being like exactly what you're hoping for that it might be worth not because it might also make things so uncomfortable because your roommates yeah yeah I mean what if he's if it's truly a best friend it can't be that bad it's not like you'd be like get out of my life forever for that yeah and maybe I mean there's there's a world where he already knows I think a lot of the time when you like have a secret love for somebody and you're secretly desperately in love with them they kind of know so yeah there's there's some there's some instance where

you could kind of just assume that you love him and he actually knows and it's okay that it goes without saying I'm trying like I remember like one of my best friends this going back to high school again I was in love with one of my best friends in high school and another friend of hers wrote her like a long letter basically confessing his love for her and it made everything really weird and that was when I resolved to never ever tell her anything about it and it still eats away at you at no at this day it all worked out we hooked up 10 years later when she moved to New York so really yeah that's nice

it's probably different when somebody's sexual orientation doesn't match but yeah I think this is what chasing Amy is about isn't it it's like two friends of a gay girl and they like either confess their love or don't or something like that mm-hmm yeah ever see that movie no I didn't I and I have no idea what I've basically vaguely know the title and that's it yeah so it's it's a Kevin Smith movie Ben Affleck Jason Lee and Joey Lauren Adams Joey Lauren Adams that's right I thought you're gonna say Joey Lawrence which would have made me really want to see the movie whoa whoa a comic book writer stumbles upon the love

of his life only discover that she's gay there you have it there it is and we're gonna watch this right now and then come back to you I really feel like the end of this thing probably probably it ends with her realizing that she's straight and loves Ben Affleck I was gay until I saw Ben freaking Affleck I mean it's a spectrum so you never you never know you hear about people that are in heterosexual or heteronormative relationships that you know date people the same sex all the time so I'm not saying it's impossible that's right anything is possible just reading the plot right now it appears this though

she sticks to her new girlfriend and then at the end replies oh that was just some guy I knew so I got you it comes back again somebody that I used to knew somebody that I used to knew what would you do in this situation I would probably never say anything for fear of being rejected slash scared of making things awkward swallow my feelings until I find somebody else to crush on of course yeah I just don't know if that's the best idea but that's what I would do right it's what I would do and have done as well but I do think if it's if it's eating away at you pure heart rule and you have no expectation and you know the

risks IE that it could make him feel weird especially because he lives with you then go go with God all right thanks for emailing us send all those questions and theme songs to if I were you show at gmail.com right people are still I guess still in sticky situations even in 2022 I thought everybody would sort of figure their shit out by now but there's always like new interesting wrinkles in life that are sort of disturbing and interesting and kind of a very human way and to dissect them and discuss them are been it's therapeutic but also kind of interesting slash funny to like have a nice

little peek behind the curtain as to like I would never be able to know what's nailing a 25 year old in Utah not for this show so thanks for writing it let's get a transcription of that so we can update the podcast description and you can watch this episode as always on our YouTube channel if I were you show and we're making we're still making videos on our patreon patreon.com slash ja yeah and we're making Jake and Amir videos we made like two this past month a March Madness video and and a wordle video so that's over on youtube.com slash Jake and Amir I think right yeah and I think Jake and Amir

comm forwards to there so there you got it as well there you got a lot of content a lot of content for you and thank you to listening for listening to this episode let's end with Dustin's on the other side of hard because it went on for a little bit while longer so let's listen to this whole version love it and Dustin if you're listening we're gonna hit you with some pretty bold new ideas yeah I've got lyrics from the they're coming they're coming from the musical duo funky juicers slash punky juicers slash punky the juicers yeah we'll get to the bottom of that thanks for listening everyone we'll be back

next week bye my guitar is broken that was a hit gum original