If I Were You - 540: Nostalgia

Episode Date: May 16, 2022

In this episode we discuss Home Improvement, Bar Mitzvahs, and texting for dummies. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum original. Oh hell yeah. Oh it's groovy. Thank you. Oh And I guess there's not a problem they can't help One from what humans listen to someone else And I guess there's not a problem they can't help

Oh Wow is it just me or the song's getting better I think we're getting worse and so the songs feel better juxtaposition Yeah, the proximity to us. Yeah, that musically we're just becoming dumber right that makes sense Pretty good song. Is that an OG or is it a cover? It's a death cab Parody that's so no reason why like that's the reason why I liked it so much because deep in your bones your DNA you had to have liked it Uh-huh. Yeah, that was that opening riff. I there was a moment during that opening riff where I was like, I hope no one ever sings I just want to be in this fucking moment and just close Yeah, do the podcast or just like here I want to quit the show

I don't want to be with you anymore and I want to just be out there on my own coasting ghosting your sorry Yes, I Quit I'm done. We're finished finito. Bye. Bye. Do you know what I mean? And I'm just mellow. I'm just fucking coasting Sorry, it sounds like quitting but then it's like it keeps slinking. I'm not I'm not I'm gonna can't quit because I need this Financially but in that moment I was like just envisioning a future where I didn't have to be with or around or near or together with you But let's have a good show Let's have fun

My my name Yeah, it's hard for me to shake that but yeah, this guy's name is John John Pleasure doing business with you John Nice He runs a music studio Oh come on come on John I had no idea that would happen He teaches guitar and bass outside of Philly and I watched Jake and Amir on College Humor throughout high school and college

But only found out about the podcast a year ago. What yeah, I've been I've wanting to send in a theme song for a while And I could never find the right idea But as soon as I noticed the upsetting lack of death cab parodies that made my decision for me Hope you guys dig this song and mucous gracias if you can plug my music Yeah, at real numbers pa.bandcamp.com Very very cool I actually listened to death cab for cutie recently when I was in Dallas I went on a run I was gonna save this for unsolicited advice but

I've been doing like these nostalgic runs I see so you choose an era of your life Yeah, like just listen to Guster or I'll listen to blink 182 I'll listen to death cab for cutie And I feel it's really nice because you're running but you're listening to songs that you did and went to work Yeah, nothing gives me more energy than an old song. I used to love that just makes me like think about a good time Yeah, yeah What songs do you think you'll be listening to in 20 years about this year?

Oh, like a COVID song that you go back to the like celebrity cover of imagine Oh, that's really dope. So it's Gal Gadot Gal Gadot Yeah, you sort of put it on your iPad Yeah iPod, yeah I was back Yeah

That act of lockdown Rhythm of the rice Like Jeffrey James Who's now vice president of America in 2042 if you can imagine Oh my god He's working directly under President Musk Trust Musk Thanks, dude says John. Thank you, John. John Erickson. Shout out

Wow, this guy's a looks like he has a few kids in his profile picture Really? Nice Jesus I'm actually in the market for more God children Really? Yeah What are you doing?

I'm just zooming in on his Google profile Yep I'm through and I'm on LinkedIn Okay, well, let's We have a show to host Holy shit, he runs a catering business Online stocking right now John, how the hell are you?

You're gonna dox him on our show? Not dox him, but his email is We could leave this out later You're fucking You're swatting him Alright, this is if I were you the only advice pod on the web hosted by us I'm Amir I'm Jake

We are in the studio again Live in the studio, Casey's got his mic on So if you're hearing laughter in there, that's because I asked for it That's good So it's like a live studio audience A laugh track But it's just Casey Right, so if he finds something funny people will know to laugh

Right, yeah, exactly But if something's funny and it's not his cup of tea, it'll be silent Yes, exactly, like that just now But there he goes I can laugh too, by the way This is just gonna be a me reacting to Casey's laugh Got him again And I left a year laughter

So it creates this positive feedback loop of laughter Let's see here We got some real questions from real people Just gotta give them some fake names And answer these fucking sticky ass situations Great Here's one that was fascinating to me My roommate's parents have taken over our apartment

Whoa, that sucks That sucks Tim Allen writes Oh, actually it's a lady Do you remember? Oh, his wife on the show I don't even remember the kid's name Randy? Randy was one of them?

Yeah, Randy Yeah, Randy was one JTT was one Yeah, JTT, but what was his name? Well, his name was Randy, wasn't it? No, Randy was the older one Yeah For some reason I remember all of their actual Zachary Tye Bryant

Was Randy Yeah Jonathan Taylor Thomas was Sandy Yeah, I forgot They rhymed their names Taylor Noah Smith Dandy Tara

Taran Yeah, I think it was Taran Taran Noah Smith I think we talked about this before But it seemed like the actor went through goth phase And they wrote it into the show Absolutely Yeah, absolutely, that was just on him

The mom was Patricia Richardson, I feel But I don't know her character name The character name was Jill Taylor Jill Taylor Wow Did you know that? I looked at that Is Patricia Richardson correct?

Yeah Can you tell us the name of all the children on the show? There's Randy There's Randy One second Yeah, take your time, this is important We want to make sure we get it Yeah, Randy, it was JTT

Randy was JTT Randy was JTT Yep Wow, okay Was Brian the oldest one? Brad Brad Yeah, Brad

Zachary Tye Bryant Yeah And the youngest was Mark Mark Yes, that It's Tim, Jill, Brad, Randy and Mark Mark, why is there a 58-year-old living with us Inside of this goth tween body

Mark You could tell that kid is not an actor anymore Quite frankly, he peaked at 9 Taryn is not like going off to do big, big, big things Sorry, Taryn, you didn't have it Okay Wow, he's a really famous music video producer Really?

Yeah, holy shit I'm sure he's talented Yeah Jesus Christ, he went on to work with Marilyn Manson I'll look up what Taryn Newey Smith is up to now a day Wow, he's older than you Really? Want to feel old?

Taryn Newey Smith is 100 Taryn Newey Smith is 38 38, wow, he's your age No, you're older than him Yeah All right, I'll read all about this soon But just know that he's a vegan He is a vegan?

He is a vegan Yeah He had that energy when he was going through his goth days Wow, Smith teaches people how to pilot submarines Whoa, imagine that when you're just on a submarine And the guy between you and fucking oblivion The bottom of the ocean is Taryn Newey Smith Mark

Mark Taylor himself How the hell are ya? Were you in down periscope, sir? Man Long time listener, first time emailer, right? Wait, doesn't Ryder Strong follow you or listen to the podcast? You met him, right? I met him once

Sean, but he knew who you were He was also a pilot on a submarine Really? What the fuck is going on here? Oh, shout out to Ryder Strong Don't ever meet your heroes because they'll all sort of enlist your work in the Navy, it seems You served with Strong I used my Ryder die

A few weeks ago, my roommate writes, Jill Taylor Let me know that her parents were visiting town soon We share a small two bedroom one bath There's not a ton of extra space and only the one bathroom And a couple cool cats running around So I assumed her parents would be getting a hotel or Airbnb A few days ago, she mentioned that she'd be sleeping on the couch I was confused

Then it clicked Her parents were going to stay with us Later that day, they arrived and have been camped out of our place for the last three days They seem like lovely people, but I'm really disliking sharing a bathroom with a couple in their 60s who I never met Especially sharing the only bathroom we have I don't know I've been spending as little time in the apartment as possible Thankfully, I don't work from home, so I just go to the gym every day

So that takes a lot of the time Her parents are leaving tomorrow, but I'm wondering if I should mention my concerns to her once they're gone I'd prefer them not to stay with us if they ever visit again Am I being unreasonable? Is this totally normal? Or was I right in thinking it's weird? I'm 25, my roommate is 30, and we live in an apartment complex in Nashville We met online, lived together well, but aren't really friends

Oh, I see, I see It's complicated I mean, I think it's not unreasonable to not like it I don't think you necessarily need to say anything, because I bet your roommate also didn't like it Right, but it was like But parents aren't going to visit more than once a year or something like that It's in play Yeah

You think they're going to come here once a month and stay for four days? Not once a month, but they're coming back this summer Yeah, but that's only a few days I wouldn't, I think that's not, it's not that bad Yeah, so like, because it was a finite amount of time I mean, I would have liked a heads up, of course Yeah, the heads up is nice The heads up is nice

I think that your roommate probably didn't give you a heads up because he knows it's an inconvenience and knows that it's annoying So for that reason, if he's otherwise reasonable, I bet he's trying to limit your exposure to his parents Yeah And if this was the first time, I bet it didn't go well for him either, he slept on the couch for four days Maybe he probably doesn't love it, oh yeah, she, of course Yeah, yeah Either way, either way I still wouldn't say anything

People are sensitive about their families, I think it's weird If somebody was like, if I did this and somebody was like, I don't like when your parents stay here, I'd be like, fuck you, it's my mom and dad I love them, I love them so much You come at my family, you're not fucking living with me anymore I'll live with them Okay, you still have to pay rent Really? Then my dad will live here, I'll move out

I'll visit him, he's really gonna have a fucking problem with his daughter visiting Yeah, I think it's fine, I think it's fine You think it's fine or you think it's not great but bringing anything up would be a little weird I think it's, it's so inconsequential Inconsequential The rearing of after For three days out of your life where you were able to not be there most of the time Yeah, able to not be there because she didn't want to be there, not because she was, happened to not be there

Yeah, but like that just, it happens when you have roommates Visit It's kind of weird, I had a two bedroom one bath, remember in New York, my first place Yeah But your two bedroom one bath was especially, I mean if somebody There's no living room Yeah, there's no living room It was just a kitchen and two bedrooms

Right But if my roommate had his parents stay there and then he slept in the kitchen Yeah That would be kind of weird That would be kind of weird But if it was like, they're coming into town, they're only gonna be here for three days I would have liked a heads up Yeah, a heads up, but you can't, I don't think you can say anything

Retroactively, you can't be like, by the way, I would have liked a heads up Maybe, by the way, I would have liked a heads up, let me know when they're coming next time Not, I didn't enjoy them being here and that can't happen again Just going forward, know that they're not welcome Yeah, if you're gonna have guests for multiple days, let me know And I think that's kind of the most you can say Whether it's your parents or not And how you can get them back is to invite your parents for a week, that's really good

And grandparents Yes, that's right Willy Wonka the fucking place Just have fucking parents and grandparents everywhere She can't even open a closet or a cupboard without finding a relative of yours An uncle and aunt Oh, god Oh my god, a nephew

Like a little rat, scurrying across the floor On the ceiling Who is that? It's my fucking cousin Shoo, he's possessed by a demon With a broom Can you open the window? Back into the crawl space

Back under the stairs with you I'm scared to be here I have to share a bathroom with that imp A Gollum-style great aunt Who's staying underneath the bathroom sink My uncle Schmeegel That's almost my middle name So that was kind of offensive to me

It wasn't really I felt anti-Semitic Of course it wasn't, it's fucking... I know it wasn't, but it felt like that to me And I felt like you wanted it You're being too sensitive You're dealing with other shit right now Now you're telling me how to feel

Do you realize why that's not okay? Do you realize why that's also anti-Semitic? Everything you say is sort of left of center Slash skews anti-Jew right now And I urge you to take a break and reconsider Please Please, let's take a pic I think we'll all do some soul searching

And I'll do some Terran and Noah Smith searching Good Oh, he's dead Yeah, Zachary Ty, Brian, rest in peace Alright, let's take a break Thanks for sponsoring And come back on the other side of these messages Yeah

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Mom, I'm coming! It's those nostalgic runs Yeah, the nostalgic runs You should do one to Weezer You'd really enjoy that So have you been alive long enough To have multiple nostalgic periods? Like is there a pre-death cab

Slash Yeah Blink 182 in a post Yeah, I think it's It's like the high school Mm-hmm The high school phase So that's like the Blink 182

The third eye blind Yeah That kind of vibe Yeah And then the college and post college Which I guess is more the The New York City Yeah

The death cab The Rylo Kiley I see So it's more chill and mellow Mm-hmm And that brings you all the way to basically now Yeah, I bet I probably could have some

Some like Drake nostalgia Right It's been like 10 years now Yeah, since the first Drake album That I listened to Right Mm-hmm Like the road trip to L.A.

Era, hip hop Yeah Yeah, Man of the Year Right Or that song? Yeah It's like when you turn on the oldies now And there's songs from like the 90s on there

And you're like, wait a minute These aren't oldies Right But actuality are 35-year-old songs Yeah Yeah, definitely Yeah, I could do a Weezer I could do a Weezer run

I could do a Blues Traveler slash Blues Traveler Hootie in the Blowfish style Early 90s Yeah The next level is creating the playlist Because right now I just do like Guster Radio

Right Where I just run Right Some of those are like Every year Yeah I could sit down That's fine

That's my unsolicited advice When I say Stand up your Spotify When I say TRL Total Request Live Yeah It was the biggest show for teenagers In the late 90s

What songs do you think of? TRL What's like word association? I guess it's like Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears Yeah And Sink I feel like there was that like battle

For like the boy bands Yeah Like which one gets the number one spot But I also remember like When punk would like creep up onto there I was really excited Oh, like what? Like I think Blink-182 performed on TRL

They did rock show That's cool And it was always like When they were on They would get the number one song Right Such a cool coincidence That worked out that way

That's right You're the most requested today Yes, exactly Like when Tom Green showed up Hoping to God that his song The Bum Bum Song The Bum Bum Song Was number one

That's your nostalgic run My bum is on your lips My bum Oh wait, that's Eminem No that Oh yeah Is that Eminem My bum is on your lips

My bum is on your lips And if you're lucky I might just give it a little kiss Or something Because I think that line's also In the Bum Bum Song I don't think it is My bum is on your lips

My bum is on your lips My bum is on your lips Look at me My bum is on your lips I don't know, is it on the lips of the song? My bum is on the ship The battle ship Y'all don't get how important

That song was My bum is on the Swedish Swedish I can already feel like My parents Rolling their eyes at me Watching this song This is really good

This song's really funny He's gonna put his ass on a loon Dad Where are you going My bum is all alone This is part where he gets a little sad But don't worry I'm talking to a fucking

A babysitter that's making out with someone else Your hand is in a light socket She barely paid attention The Swedish is all alone Woo Actually, let's call it out We want a bum bum song If I were you, show parody

I like that a lot I like that a lot His ass was on a bunch of things Holding a mirror to society as it were That's correct Taryn Noah Smith gained control of his $1.5 million trust fund At age 18 Taryn Noah Smith gained control of his $1.5 million trust fund

At age 18 When he accused his parents of squandering By purchasing a mansion for themselves That's not necessarily squandering I wouldn't call it squandering to buy a mansion I wonder what the rules are You drive a fucking 11 year old to an audition And he books it

I feel like you should have access to that money That was your money But he's doing the work He's on set I mean, it depends what you're doing If you're actually supportive Or if you're kind of like that That show biz parent

It's just like pushing him to do something He doesn't want to do That he's cast on the show He doesn't like this to really do that At age nine, you don't know what you want to do You're just getting shuffled to places by kids But I mean, there are children that want to be actors They just don't necessarily know all that it entails

I think when they make the decision I'll just be on set for a few days Actually, it'll be like second through twelfth grade Yeah, I think you like learn in retrospect Like wow, I was working since I was nine Yeah, that is kind of crazy There's like child labor laws But I guess if you're an actor

They don't apply No, I think they still do Like SAG has stuff where they can't be on set For a certain amount of time They have to have school lawyers there So there's like But at the same time You couldn't at age nine work at the gap

But you could star in a movie Right, definitely You can earn money and have a job As I mean there are babies on set But there's also I saw a baby at Old Navy once I don't know if she was working Or if she was just there with her mom

She was not working Yeah, there was a little baby I saw a four-year-old pumping gas At a 76 It was seemingly illegal But ultimately fine It must be weird to be like The parent of a five-year-old

And you're making $2,100 a month And the kid's making like $8,000 a month Yeah The kid's getting residuals Yeah No, that is So if he But if he gained access to a trust fund

Then it sounds like they had a trust fund for him Which is good Yeah, is that the... I'm not going to take Terry Noah Smith's parents side But he also seemed like a problematic child Look at the goth face You're fucking their parents' lawyer? But you do like

You have a contentious relationship with your parents When you're a teenager And you add that... You add to that the element That they have millions of your dollars Yeah It must be weird when you're 17 It's a pressure cooker of a situation

I think I can come home after midnight, mom You bought a house with the money that I used I earned cash for you I put food on this table, mother For us I remember that with my bar mitzvah money Yes, exactly So that's my money

I learned my hof Torah And that was work Right, that was work technically Though the party was entirely paid for by my parents I think they definitely came out in the red But I still want that money That's my $8,000, dad I remember somebody gave me two shares of Nabisco stock

For my bar mitzvah at age 13 Yeah, and now you're a multi-millionaire, right? Yeah, I'm a billionaire That stock has split 48 times Technically, I'm a majority shareholder in Nabisco Co So I'm the CEO of Pepsi Yeah, incredible Incredible

I mean, my God, for your bar mitzvah And I was so bored by that gift at the time To have a sheet of paper say I own two shares of Nabisco I remember, I think we did put a bunch of my bar mitzvah money into the stock market Wow And I was really excited It was like that, you know in school when you like Play the stock market, you buy fake shares and stuff to learn how it works

It was around that time Or like a few years after that And I was very, I would like look online Like I made $200 today in the stock market That's cool And then I lost it all You actually lost it all to Bernie Madoff At age 14, you took a pretty substantial loan

And gave it all to Bernie I borrowed against that money also So I leveraged my bar mitzvah cash And sort of pump and dumped it into a Ponzi scheme And my high school years in debtor's prison I tried to have another bar mitzvah as a 22 year old Sort of But my uncle, the well had gone dry

My uncles weren't writing checks for $68 anymore $68, one of those lucky numbers You didn't know, he had multiples of 18 Of course My bar mitzvah theme was Enron Do you realize how fucked up that is? It was too big to fail I'm suffering my entire community

Here's an interesting one This guy's girlfriends has revealing Instagram photos Actually I'd like to see the Instagram Is it linked? Is it linked? No I'm a 21 year old male from New York

And my girlfriend and I have been together for five months And I have a problem with her I have a problem with her Instagram She has a lot of revealing Instagram photos up And it makes me uncomfortable I don't like the fact that she has these photos up for everyone to see Although her Instagram is private Oh

She pretty much accepts all her follow requests And doesn't know Even if she doesn't know the person Excuse me I'm so sick to my stomach thinking of these photos I understand that the photos she put up Were from when she was single And maybe she

And maybe she used them to get attention This guy sucks And maybe she used them to get attention from guys like me But now that she's in a relationship I would like her to be a little more Reserved It worked You got me

Now take the photos down, sweetheart I want to ask her to take these photos down I don't know if that's too much of an ask I definitely don't want my family to see these Let alone other random people Any advice is much appreciated Oh, man I get over it

Can he say that it makes me uncomfortable? I don't know, man It's somebody else's online presence You can't step on that Yeah, especially because she's not going to be with you forever Because you're kind of a dickling That's true So you want her to take down the photos

And then just repost them in a few weeks You liked her for who she was before, right? Yeah So keep on doing that Keep on keeping on You liked the photos once You liked them a lot Yeah

And now you're with her and you don't like the photos It's a little hypocritical Just photos Is there an insecurity there? Like I don't want her to meet somebody that's like better than me a little bit Or just, I mean, I think there's like, it's protective I know that I did also feel like this at 21 I'm a lot more laissez-faire now

Right But, yeah, I think it ultimately doesn't matter It's like, oh, that's my girlfriend No one should see her cleavage but me Yeah, then it's like, okay, so where do you draw the line? If I go to a pool party, can I not wear my bathing suit? Yeah, you can wear it with a sarong Is that sarong?

To ask? It's a sarong to ask Just a baggy white tee Don't get it wet Meanwhile, he's in a fucking Speedo with a vicious V He knows that I'm a Borat style Everyone's looking at him, he's the life of the party Yeah, I think that it's just not a big deal

Yeah It's not a big deal And I think also if you, it's a slippery slope because if you try to do this I think you're gonna end up encouraging the behavior that you actually don't want Yeah, you don't want to see it It's as bad as it is without you interfering Right But if you start being like, don't post these photos

You're like, I'm gonna do what I want You know, then the photos get worse Then she kind of does it to assert herself over you Which she would be in the right to do I mean, you're obviously attracted to her and she's, you know, putting these photos up Getting compliments about it She's also, you know, looking for whatever validation and joy she gets from that too So in theory, you guys are on the same page there

I think the healthiest thing to do is if it's really gnawing at you is to mute her on Instagram Wow And you just won't even see it She's private too I think it's fine Why go private? I wonder if you're posting sexy photos Like, don't you want more people to see that?

Or you want more like, um, dedicated followers So you make it private And then the people that are looking actually have to let you know they're looking That's good So it's like, I'm gonna post No lurkers Yeah, I'm gonna, that way, like, it forces everyone who wants to see the photos Yeah

To be the toll and the whole thing to follow When I post on Instagram, it's not necessarily about like, I want people to see this It's like, I like, um, I like having like a memory that stays somewhere Time caps Yeah, like that And maybe she wants to have a time capsule of when she's feeling young and beautiful and hot Yeah And who wouldn't want that

Right Public record of your hotness I think that's great Yeah Okay, let's take another break Answer some more questions on the other side of these massages Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake

Wow That's correct I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift I think it actually is Yeah Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech-savvy family member that you need a gift for soon Mm-hmm These digital photo frames might be the best of all time

Yeah For me personally, these things are perfect I'll tell you why As you know, I am expecting Yeah Uh, my first child Uh-huh We got one for Jill's parents

Oh, wow We got one for Jill's grandma Holy smokes We got one for my parents So there are three of these bad boys, uh, in our family right now But they are, they're a great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen Kitchen

It's really nice Oh, that's cool So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo Yeah Frame This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant We got her the aura frame, we plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant?

Really nice, asshole This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife And you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like, uh, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant Oh my god

Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant, it's pretty cool And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes And we let her know with an aura Yeah Thank you The aura announcement Uh, so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app

Add me to your aura app, I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something, that could be funny Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter Yeah, yeah, exactly You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame Yeah, it's a great gift, a really, really iconic gift And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit AuraFrames, that's A-U-R-A-Frames.com And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames There it is

Oh wow, this is timely, the deal ends on June 18th, so don't wait Terms and conditions apply, that's AuraFrames-A-U-R-A-Frames.com Okay, go get your parents something, alright? And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping Thank you Aura And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to This show is sponsored by BetterHelp, thank you BetterHelp If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist

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Can the way a person texts be a deal breaker? Ooh, let's hear, okay, Steve Jobs writes I'm a 25 year old Canadian male and I've found myself in a sticky situation There's this girl at work who I've been eyeing for a couple weeks now And after telling a co-worker that she's pretty Word got around to her and she came around to talk to me Which is great, right? Yeah

I thought so too at first This happened on a Friday and we only had enough time to talk in person for a little while before the weekend came And then we switched texting slash messenger I find the way she talks through texts may possibly say a lot about her And I can't quite explain it for one She literally only compliments me and that's pretty much the only thing she says Like how hot I am and how sweet and cute I am It's really flattering

But I'd like to talk about something else for a change Like, I don't know, getting to know her would be nicer Talking about what she does for fun or what her goals in life are Literally anything other than how attractive I am She also talks and runs on sentences and has a lot of grammatical errors And it's just a big turn off for me It's Tuesday night right now and she called in sick Monday and Tuesday So I haven't been able to talk to her in person since Friday

All I know is I forget what she's like in person versus what she's like via text So my question is, do you think the way someone speaks to you via text can say a lot about them? Has someone ever texted you or messaged you in a way that's been a deal breaker? I probably sound like an asshole But if I add any more context, then I'll have written you guys a novel Thanks guys I think it's too early to tell Too early to tell

Because you had one good conversation and one bad text conversation I mean, on its face, it basically sounds great The girl that you had a crush on at work is texting you and saying that you're hot That's not a problem So far so good The run on sentences, I think being a little too gung-ho and kind of like, I don't know, all over the place Would be a red flag to me But at the same time, like I said, I think it's too early to tell

I think the way somebody texts cannot be a deal breaker You need to marry the way they text with how they are in real life Right, because most of the time it'll be with them IRL, not just in the metaverse And I think also people tend to like find a common ground in a similar language eventually Right I don't think she'll forever just talk about how hot and cute you are She's probably just like feeling excited that you have a crush on her too You know, that feels good, maybe her communication style is just like she likes those words of affirmation

Instead of like they get to know you right now Maybe she's nervous Yeah, could be Maybe it's Maybelline Maybe it's Maybelline It could be the shampoo Yeah, it probably is You know a lot of times these companies, not to get like weird galaxy brain on you or conspiracy theories

It's definitely, they control your shit Don't think it's galaxy brain, by the way Because galaxy brain, I feel like implies like I'm through the looking glasses And you have like a good take or smart But think about how close you are to your brain when you're massaging an oil into it Yeah Now think about if they were to use that to control your thoughts How would they do it? Would they go through pills perhaps?

Would they go through literally shampooing? Yeah So you're massaging a message So like L'Oreal is making you a zombie is what you're saying Not a zombie But a Republican At the very least a Democrat What's the difference?

Thank you Do you have a way of texting that's different than your speaking voice or is it pretty much the same thing? I think it's pretty much the same thing But I will say I usually I'm a one sentence enter another sentence enter And I'm like good with like a block like you know kind of like rapid fire a few in a row Yeah, and what I don't like seeing is when somebody texts me with the paragraphs like if you have to scroll Sentence enter enter paragraph like I've line breaks with line breaks. Yeah, I don't like a line break It feels like I'm reading an email so I bet if I was talking to somebody with a bunch of line breaks

I wouldn't say anything but it would be like I wouldn't enjoy texting them And I feel like in the beginning of a relationship you do need to enjoy the text banter How's your emoji game recently? Pretty solid. They just dropped some new emojis. There's the salute. There's the salute I'm my new favorite one. It's like the I can barely look. Yeah, that's a good one. That's so many texts is something shameful or salacious Yeah, what are your let's let's compare recent emojis. Okay A lot of mine are kind of flags. You don't really recognize interesting like the Algerian flag is my most used one and then thumbs down Interesting

But a lot of it is sort of controlled by my pert plus Dangershimp I have the the surfer the surfer dude. Oh the shaka the shaka. I have Smiling I feel like this is my entire life actually my my top row Shaka Smiling with a sweat drop smiling with a tear happy praise hands And then the ice watering like I'm gonna cry cuz I'm really happy. Yeah, this one. Yeah, that's Yeah, that's what I've been using that one a lot

Have you noticed this one? It's sort of unnecessary as a giant pint glass that's spilling a thin layer of syrup onto the ground for some reason Fascinating use that one a lot Whenever I type damn it gives me this beaver so I'll sort of send a beaver that's like beaver Daniel damn Daniel Yeah Like I said flag of a country you've never heard of flag of a country you never heard of Wc Watch closet who says no to that? I guess I don't like it. This one is sort of the Chinese Yuan going up in price What else do I got? Oh forget I asked elevator elevator moji. Yeah

People going up and down A directory good And last but not yeast Is it bread and G and G not gonna lie. Yes, exactly. So I don't know Yeah, different emojis for different needs mate. Oh, yeah, I told you about my theory about I think your shampoo is Sleeping into your head. Yeah, a lot of it is two for one So it's like it's conditioner, but it also makes me think certain ways This person conditioning yeah

Mental conditioning slash hair conditioner Don't jump to conclusions. It's been one weekend relax, dude, right? I think text I think it can create a red flag, but not a deal breaker. So proceed with caution. Yeah, actually speaking of red flags It's another pretty yeah popular one good whenever like someone like send something to me. I'm just like whoa That's a red flag. Do not yeah, do not do not send that over text very formula one actually really red flags What does it entail? That's when there's a crash and I have to stop the race We have to stop the race. Yeah, there's different flags for different moments For cars in a wreck on the track

Then yeah, it's gonna be a red flag situation and then what what do they do? They say I think a red flag means there was a crash I don't know if that means stop the race, but then there's like a safety car the car comes out the drivers can't go Faster than the safety car so everybody kind of slows down to make sure that everything's okay The track gets cleared then they can go in but sometimes if the wreck is bad enough They have to fully stop the race everyone goes into the pit and then they do a second start Do they have to go into the pit? If it's like over the course of an entire race if you never need a pit stop is that considered good?

I think you actually get a penalty if you don't go at least once, but It's considered. I mean, I think it's there's different strategies You can be on harder tires that last longer or you can be on softer tires that are faster But wear out faster, so you have to like pit twice. Yeah, I mean I play Mario Kart So I I sort of understand the differences between tire degradation. Yeah, okay, and then some of them are just like Gumballs, so yeah, that gives you better. Yeah, exactly. You get the banana drift you get the lightning bolt Sometimes if you're in last you can get the bomb that kind of how the blue shell that snakes its way to the front Exactly destroys the bridge it in formula one. Are you allowed to block that?

With an air horn or is that just on the air the air horn went out went off last year in Bahrain really? Yeah, that sort of exploded the blue shell. That's right. That's really cool I'm actually interested in taking this up as a hobby since now like yeah a lot of people are into it via that Netflix show I think DK actually races for McLaren. Really? That's right. Diddy or donkey donkey. That's right. I was gonna say did he's on Alpha Romeo Diddy's on Alpha Romeo and doesn't that say it all folks? All right, that's it. Take it easy. I guess that's our Response to anybody that emails us. I guess. Yeah, relax. Relax Everything's gonna be fine. Time to relax remember that a offspring CD that could be on my early 90s mix

Yeah, time to relax. I don't remember it, but no, okay? Okay, thank you for everybody who's been writing in the email address for your theme songs or your question is if I were you show at Gmail.com Don't know if we mentioned this, but this is being recorded as a video. You can watch us now Every week. Yeah, whether it's us in the same room looks really nice or us via zoom There's a YouTube channel for that if I were you show And we're also making videos on our patreon still so watch that a lot of us if you want it Patreon.com slash j a that's right. And if you want less of us, you can just sort of finish this episode and call it a career

Yeah You can we'll be back of course next week as it as we always are The opening theme song same as the closing. Let's see if I can remember it. It's a good mental exercise death cab for cutie parody parody Wasn't it John? Yes, John Erickson John Erickson Let's hear that one again. Thank you to John and keep those coming as well. Love to hear a bum bum song parody Absolutely savage, please who's to say what we will put our bum on in it. That's right. We'll be back soon. Thanks everybody You

Shit Should I kill myself and start fights? Or just sit back, listen to me? And I guess there's not a problem if they can't help What if I work here while I listen to some of this? And I guess there's not a problem if they can't help Or just take them here if I were you, I'm sure