If I Were You - 549: Dueling Vacations

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

In this episode we discuss Amir's trip from hell, Jake's trip from heaven, and our problem with Airbnb. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Whoa, a pre-roll? Holy shit. What are we crazy? We must have really forgotten to mention something on this episode. Something pretty important. And that's correct. We forgot to mention we're doing a live show in Montreal this week. Is it maybe even tomorrow by the time this comes out?

Jesus, is it really? No, no, no, no, no. We still got a time. This is July 18th. You guys will have a week to go to jaconamere.com. We're doing a show, a live podcast, our first in so long as part of the Just for Laughs comedy festival. That's right.

This is our first live show in two, three years. Is that possible? Yeah. And maybe our last live show ever. So you really, really, really want to come and check it out and support it. We don't even know how many tickets are left. We don't know anything. We don't know how many are available.

We have no idea. We don't even know where Les Maisons Theater is. Nor should we. We're just going to arrive on the day having had looking to make people laugh. So we said, we basically said yes in the dark. We said we, we said we. And it's going to be a good time. So come through.

Yes. And I made jaconamere.com forward to the ticket purchasing page. But if that doesn't work for you guys, then it's on the festival page as well. At ha, ha, ha.com. Yeah, you can find tickets for sure. So check that out. All right. Now let's get into it.

Right. This is a headgum original. Three, two, one. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, start now. Something about show no, no, no is unsettling. Why wasn't it just show na, na or show show show show? I think he was like a little late in it, like was like a weird mistake that we heard. That's just I'm just.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, oops, oops, oops. I'm giving notes now that I have a punk rock band. That's that's right. I totally forgot. Yeah, we have a lot of catching up to do because you've been on vacation. I took a mini trip myself. We haven't really spoken in weeks. Yeah, you actually didn't text me once while I was gone.

Like Jack. What from you? I just did what? We you were in Italy checking in saying hi and I saw your Instagram Yeah, you're having a nice time. You didn't I'm change respond to any of the Instagram's like this to story Okay, you know the story comment it on something maybe yeah, but It would have been nice to hear from you is all oh Yeah, damn a lot of mistex are you there would be nice

I'm bored Jill Jill's left Can you ways a sparrow that's not my ways works by the way? Joining a group Uber Eats order Let me just give this guy his flowers, which was milk potage He caught episode 541 and I guess we came up with the idea of wet dreams dry days And then he took that put it in a blink when 82 song is sort of rain with it I see wet dreams dry days that does Sound quite familiar. So he he on his own got to jerking off with Hellman's that was yes

That was his I think I hope there's a world where I like as I heard that I thought that was ours But if it's only about wet dreams dries did dry days Yeah, no, he might have come up with that independently. So brava And then he said since the first My since oh, I guess he already recorded a theme song for us And since then Johnny house in did sign a new deal with Middlesbrough FC and signed another one three days ago He's 34 now and was still our best player last season He got the man of the match when we knocked out Jake Spurs from the FA Cup

Hmm. So a little yeah a gentle ribbing from Luke, right? I I do recall that actually Middlesbrough Tough team and then so So you mentioned your punk album? We sort of released it on the podcast recorded about it. Yeah, bless you Did that episode come out yet like have you that episode comes out yet today? It's We're recording this on July 11. Yeah. Yeah that episode. So my life is changing as We know it right now by the time yeah by the time this episode is done even being recorded

Yeah, I'm I may have gone viral famous on Spotify or and Apple music or whatever Would you know that in real time? Are you just waiting to hear some feedback? So is everything set up like I didn't I didn't know if you actually got around to like putting it on like can I search Spotify right now. Yes, you can you can search fate on shuffle on Spotify And it's just that one song. Yes, it should be on shuffle. Whoa. It's on rap caviar Amazing. Oh my god. I'm doing a collab with Drake

Okay, so I'm on fate on shuffle. It's verified on Spotify. There you go. That's very real. Yeah, and Then popular releases is just the one release you have I don't know if it's popular for you or actually popular. Definitely not actually popular on Spotify But oh, yeah, one true stunner one true stunner. There we go. Do you see the Gareth actually updated the cover art made it look like it was spray painted onto the locker. Oh, that's really cool Yeah, before it was like that flat image, but now it's it looks a little better. Oh Good news. You can track how many monthly listeners it has. Oh, wow Yeah

So how many do I have right now? So right now it's still early days. Yeah, don't be it. Don't be afraid to To hit me with the honest truth by inflating the number just a little bit I'll inflate it a little bit and say it has 15. Oh god That's that's that's a reflex poorly on you as well because it's been promoted on this podcast But again, this is a Monday morning record the episode just went live just don't even know what the real numbers will be That's right. I'm gonna promote it on my Instagram. So that's cool That should help it blow up pretty pretty that'll boost that'll signal boost to be sure and I will be spending

heavily on marketing this I am any Any plans for a song to or we're gonna wait and see how this one goes. Um, no, I'm definitely gonna make another song I am gonna hit Gareth up actually today with some lyrics that I worked on on my bike trip Because you know, you're pedaling you're you're not listening to anything. You're just humming and I was I was coming up with punk lyrics You better believe All right, so this is just the beginning of the beginning not even the beginning of the end. Mm-hmm. Yeah The beginning of the beginning is actually a cool name for our next song The beginning of the beginning

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's that's actually really dope and I sort of came up with the first one, too Fate on shuffle. No, you don't wanna the one about the oh one two stunner fresh fresh man Yeah, but you come up with like garbage and then it's then it's actually me like you just said the beginning of the beginning And you farted that out of your face and you didn't realize what you said and I'm the one is is no Because I don't think the earth the the core of the earth knows that it's pushing up diamonds You know, it takes a trained eye to find the diamond and to see the value there So you're you are like the earth shitting out the pressure of the diamond, but you don't know what you've done I know what you've done by accident by half

Happens and haphazardly. I recognize what could work the diamond in the rough and I Hone that fine tune it presented to the earth the world. I mean You lost yourself in the metaphor I am The truffle and you're the pig and shit that accident That's that's more I propo for sure Yeah, except you don't even make the music somebody else does that too. So somebody else is selling it Whatever Okay

Before we get into your Journey adventure that I still don't really know much about. Yeah, I Took a three-day mini trip. Just we're back on Monday. I got back yesterday. Okay So I was gone from Thursday to Sunday visiting family And I stayed in an Airbnb you went up north up to Sam's man. Okay Stated an Airbnb flew up there without Vitaal landed and Right away something didn't feel right at all. What do you mean?

When I landed I'm like, ooh, I feel like either Constipated or diary like something in my stomach was wrong. Oh god So I went to see my family for a little but it was a quick hello while we settled into the Airbnb We get to the Airbnb. I'm like, oh, this place is sick. Like I thought it was a one-bedroom There's like two bedrooms and a living room and there's a back patio and it's like we have the entire house This is awesome And then I Start feeling even worse and worse. I'm like, I'm laying in this like extra bedroom that we have just like

Trying to take advantage of all the space. I'm like, I think I think I'm gonna throw up Are you serious? I'm like, I think I'm gonna puke. Can you get a trash can? She's like from where I'm like, I don't know. I think just look for a trash I don't think I think if I move. Oh really you're like if you yeah, I stood up I just like stood up. I'm like, I'm about to puke and then so she left I'm like, it's happening and I see a potted plant with a fake fiddly fig I'm like, here we go. Like it's either all over myself or my hat or the ground or this potted plant I guess I made an executive decision. Yeah, the potted plant probably especially if it's fake if it's if it was

You know, you if it was a real if it was a real plant that would have been an issue But yeah, yeah, okay the synthetic stuff that can be cleaned and it'll be contained in the plant So I hurl in the potted plant and it's you know, viscous thick enough like an oatmeal situation that I can hopefully scoop it out later But the real problem is that like I just landed in the same BNB Yeah, I have food poisoning. It's the end of the trip. Is this over? Am I just gonna spend the next three days in here? All night I feel awful kind of reminiscent of you in Mexico Just like up every hour or two needing to puke just like trying to drink Gatorade can't keep anything down. Oh my god This is terrible timing

I'm supposed to be like at the zoo with my niece at 10 and it's 442 and I'm just like on the toilet. So what you land the first? What time do you land? Three okay, so you're you're throwing up by like 5 6 p.m. It's an yeah, it's not an array. Okay got it So it's not like you you were supposed to do something with your family that day. It's like you're arriving that day But you have your plans are the following Yeah, plans with following Shabbat dinner, of course Friday night dinner. We have a birthday party on Sunday for the little three year old

So Friday, I'm like I'm out. I feel like I'm in recovery mode. I'm not puking anymore, but I feel very weak Sorry guys, I can't make it my brother's like that's fine. You're sick. You shouldn't be around my entire family anyway, right? Children nobody wants to see you. Nobody wants to like you to accidentally infect us, you know, these things are contagious, etc So you don't know what it is at this point. It's a stomach. It was the stomach bug. You're not throwing up anymore Yeah, like I was googling, but it's all just like is it food poisoning is a stomach bug? Is it a norovirus? These are all sort of the same things where like something is wrong You ingested it or breathed it in something. Yeah, and you have to puke and shit until it's all gone Correct. Okay

Friday, I feel weak Friday night comes and then I'm no longer nauseous, but I feel a intense cramping sensation in my stomach where I'm like It almost feels like someone's in there like pushing out like that sort of sharp pain And it's not going away and I'm just like sort of in the fetal position on the bed Obviously all again concern is everything. Okay. I'm like, I I don't think so like I'm in like a lot of pain I didn't know it. I don't even know what to do with it. Like what do you do when you're in a severe stomach pain? I'm not going to a hospital, but at the same time I like can't I can't fart like I don't get any sweet relief Nothing is sweeter. It's like

Yeah, and it's it's like midnight than one I'm like, I can't sleep like it hurts too much even though like I'm exhausted I literally was it gasable it was almost like gas but I don't know again another symptom of this food poisoning thing got it so at this point It's night two. I'm in terrible cramping pain in a fetal position can't get comfortable At one point I mean tall recommends I get in the bath just like you know for a hot compress on my abdomen to hopefully make me feel Better nice. I get in there. The bath is old. It's like barely filling up. It's not getting warm enough I'm still in pain. It's yeah now 4 a.m. Again. I'm like trying to run it back at 3 30 and Unsuccessfully is very very sad

Texting my brother again. I'm like, yeah, I don't know what to tell you like it's still really bad I don't know. I don't even know I'm like trying to like just like imagine the pain going away. I'm like, okay if I Conquer this feeling like mind over matter just like yeah, close my eyes and think of like a ghost like literally Removing gas for my belly. Nothing is working. Right Finally finally finally 6 a.m. All night pain recovery puke hurting Passing out waking up at 8 a.m. Just like barely sleeping. We barely you did puke again that night Puked a little bit again. I'm like, is this just my life now? Like these things are supposed to be over by now fast forward to

By Sunday, I'm feeling well enough to go to the party, which is nice. I'm feeling like weak still this was yesterday Today's Monday when recording yesterday. I go to this party Lost however many pounds, but at least I'm there. I'm no longer like feeling ill I'm no longer feeling pain despite like my existential crisis that like this was my new life my new normal now, right? Go to the party Celebrate a little bit fly home get home So that was the debacle of it all spending a thousand dollars on a hospital basically

Then I get home and a message from the Airbnb host Hey, I'm here the cleaning people just sent me some photos of the place Just so you know, I also didn't she wanted me to move the trash cans down She looked at the top of a 28-stair staircase and I had to take the trash cans down on Thursday the day I arrived and move them back up on Friday, which I obviously did not do because I was right yuking You use the second bedroom in the Airbnb, which is an additional $70 a night So I'm gonna be charging for that through Airbnb also you didn't move the trash cans So that's like an additional fee that I'll also be requesting through Airbnb and I'm like, sorry

I used the second bedroom like she's like, yes the the the Airbnb listing is for a one bedroom one bath You use the second bedroom. So that's an additional fee. What? Right, have you ever heard of such a thing? No So Think I don't I I thought she was like you puked in the bush and we found it We figured out we found out but they hopefully she's not listening. You're clean enough. I know you cleaned the you cleaned the plant I Cleaned the plant. I left the bed disheveled because I was you know in there. Yeah, I didn't really sleep in there

But I was turning and resting you should you should tell her you didn't sleep in there I only puked in the plant in there and I arrested and I farted in there Well, I Messaged her back and like we just went in there for a little bit to change because there was a smoke alarm beeping in there By the way, the room was unlocked the room was unlocked. Yeah, was there actually a small arm beeping in there? There was we're asking but she sent me a picture of the bed She's like this is not just like you didn't just like walk into this room and not use it like you use this room So I'm like, are you gonna be charging me like through Airbnb? Like I'll dispute the charge like you can't

Rent out an entire home. Yeah, and then leave a fucking decoy room or it's like, I hope you didn't use the room Right, so use the room. I'm sorry. I thought it was a bank error in my favor She didn't tell you anything about it. She said no, I If that's the rule if you charge if you read It's gonna be an extra charge like if you she's like if you read the description of the place It says one bedroom one bath. Yeah, you went into the second bedroom, right? I'm like, what are you fucking trying to trap me like you got me you gotta tell me If there's a if there's a something I can stumble into and incur an extra fee

That has to be laid out plain and simple. That's not that's unjust Oh, and and she sent me a whole check-in manual like 13 things about like this is the microwave And this is the shower and this is how you use the course if you want to use the shower That's an extra $5. Do you connect to the Wi-Fi? That's 15 Nothing nothing about this bonus Jonas room this scam that she's running where it's a two bedroom But she rents it out as a one bedroom And if you use the first bedroom, which is the first one you see of course, then you incur an extra fee That's that's absurd. That is absurd

Honestly, I'm kind of happy. I I don't want to say it but I didn't yeah, I think didn't fit a leaf I Feel like I preemptively got back right. Yeah, it's called pre-venge Yes Prevenge and I guess that's what I had because it was a dish best served at Burbank Airport It got me completely sick for the entire weekend and I'm still there's still like updates to be had I think I'll have one next week because I haven't received the actual will Airbnb

Just be like pluck 200 by the way, there's a hundred eighty dollar cleaning fee and she wants me to move the trash cans for her Which is a whole other problem. Yeah, that's fine The cleaning the cleaning area will just like the cash I think it's a way for the people to make even more money because I don't think they're I don't think she's paying a cleaning person $180 to clean the place No, and if they are then move the trash cans that it could be part of the cleaning fee Yeah It I think Airbnb is so fucked to me because it's like you pay all of this stuff for a hotel

Which does everything for you and and they they ask for you to like basically do half the work It's like, oh, can you wash the dishes start the dishwasher? Put your clothes in the in the washer. It's like well Yeah, but why am I all and that's fine, but why are you also gonna pay? Someone a hundred dollars for the for the fee when you're helping you it's like yeah I'll pay you the hundred dollars for the fee You give me a little bit of a kickback if I'm gonna have to do my own linens, right? Don't you think and you're gonna tell me about the forbidden room, especially if it's unlocked. Yeah, that's there's a there's a definite like

When Airbnb first came out they're like, yeah fuck hotels like I could stay in someone's house and Slowly over the course of the years and definitely now through the pandemic the public sentiment It's like Airbnb kind of sucks these houses aren't great these people aren't trained in hospitality Nobody like knows what to do when things go awry. I'm going back to the hotel Yeah, this is a much better existence and the hotels are like well, well, well I guess I guess this entire business based on like people starting their own hotels didn't turn out so well did it? Yeah, exactly But do you think Airbnb is just gonna pluck More money from the credit card that I gave them on file or it must have like

10,000 of these petty complaints every day like how are they actually litigating? Yeah, I remember I there was like You can't eventually talk to a person at Airbnb. I remember there was like a Me you and Marty's stayed in like an Airbnb in New York one time and Our review came back and it was like The guys were really clean, but they like played loud music one night until 2 a.m. And I and it was like we didn't do that We we had like gone to a party at Sarah and Mike's and we weren't at the house and I was like I Got in touch with the guy and I was like, I didn't I don't know you're talking about and he was like Oh, I think that was like the guest that stayed after you. Sorry about that

But it was just like on my Airbnb profile that like I Played loud music and I was like, that's not good for me. You have to change that but he couldn't change it So I had we had to like escalate it to Airbnb and be like this wasn't this wasn't me He like let him change the the review or whatever But they must spend like billions of dollars on humans just to like go through all these fucking Petty complaints people have Yeah, well because all of those all those charges all add up so it makes sense

They have to but yeah, I think that they can just charge your card But I feel like you can also dispute that But I've yeah, I do also think like in real life. They they tend to Uh favor the like the landlords the people with the the listings because that's how they make their their cash You try to skip out about it like 70 a dollar charge. They're gonna be like, I want to actually side with this person with the listing who earns us thousands of dollars a month 70 dollars a night for the extra room. Nowhere in the listings does it say 70 dollars. That's uh, That's a hidden fee. That's gotcha hospitality. That's like and if I don't move the trash cans up and down the 28 stairs

I'm paying for that out of pocket, too That's like, um, you know when when they give you the the two waters at the hotel But then like if you get anything from the minibar, it's it's that extra fee. It's that except with an actual room of the house She leaves it there. She leaves it unlocked It seems like it's yours for the taking but as soon as you open it, that's That's actually a 19 dollar bag of m&m, sir Congratulations. Absolutely. Congratulations. She you you figured it out. I popped it to your trap She does the room a little string on the doorknob on the other side and if it even gets turned

That's the fee. There's a cookie on the bed. Oh, sorry. You actually went to the chiching chiching I didn't see that in the list of rules You must have slipped your mind because you really went into detail about how the coffee maker works Yeah, but he didn't say that if I lie down in the bed in the other room that it was 70 dollars By the way, also if it's a one if it's a one bedroom How do you know which bedroom you're even paying for you walk in? And it's like, yeah, I paid for a one bedroom, but there are two so I so I lied down on one bed I said, no, this one's not the one I'll use and I went to the other one

um Yes, also Telling a buddy of mine Actually a group chat the story because everyone likes a good airbnb anecdote and he uh He reached out to this person pretending to be interested in booking. Oh my god asked about the second bedroom What did she say? And he was like, so how does the second bedroom work and she's like, well if you don't need it It's closed and locked

Not locked actually And she asked me in the the back and forth that we're having was the door closed and I said it was maybe closed But definitely not locked as you can see There's still evidence of my dna all over your fiddly fate I think I think that's what it comes down to like it makes sense that she has A two bedroom airbnb that she lists as both the two bedroom and a one bedroom So she's capturing people looking for both

But if it's not locked That's If it's not locked she can't close if it's not locked. She can't be shocked is what I was gonna. That's really good Yeah, that's actually really good meanwhile while I was having food poisoning I was looking at your instagram and you're like look at all this pizza i'm eating like oh How is anybody eating cheese right now? I feel so terrible by the end. I didn't think I could eat pizza anymore either All right, let's hear about your trip after these messages I'm still sipping on electrolytes just in case because I should say that I'm also leaving to las vegas today

Which is probably the worst place you should go. Yes today. Oh my god. Are you driving? Or jet suite x very good. Uh, yeah, all right. We'll be back Thank you to helix sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell. Yes. Thank you for making the sleep test The sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress Yes, uh Yeah, so helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you Yeah, right jake's been bragging about completing this two minute Honestly like buzzfeed light quiz. I don't how you sleep for the better part of the decade. I do not I do not bra

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And we're back. Um I guess unsolicited advice this week is to tread lightly with airbnb. Mm-hmm. Yes, that's true Especially if I get spiked for this extra 200 dollars for puking in a ficus This is your bet You do owe the if you owe them more money for throwing up in the plant, but they don't know you don't think that's covered Yeah, well, I guess that's covered in the fee. Yeah in the cleaning fee. That's fair. Yeah, that's fair I also paid the bitch fee. Yeah That's when I take a dump in another plant. How many bathrooms were there one bathroom?

One bath. Okay. All right, cool With a toilet and sink so close together that It was actually convenient at times, but ultimately not necessarily worth it. Mm-hmm I mean, I really feel for avital who had to be there with you. That's yeah She was sort of instacarting peptobismal at 2 a.m. So that was very nice of her She was sort of half asleep taken care of me, but also like she couldn't do anything. She's like, do you need anything? I'm like, yeah, I need this pain to be over. Yeah, I don't know you cursed me I don't know if somebody cursed me when I had the food poisoning in paris

Jill and I were in like a hotel room where it was basic like it was Not like completely open to the bathroom, but you know, it's a smaller space and I came out at one point um from like Puking and shitting at the same time uh And she's just like lying on the bed with her eye mask on and airpods in I'm sorry. Yeah Just in hell. Um the only person that had it worse than me that night

It's a very dehumanizing thing. You're just like, yeah, I'm a baby Right, I'm gonna puke and poop now and I'm hurting and there's nothing anyone can do about you feel like an animal You're just like I'm an injured animal. Yeah, I I did have um the opposite Time as you the entire the entire time. Yeah, you spent two weeks sort of living the good life and eating food instead of vacating it That's right. Yeah You went to where exactly? We we started the trip by going to lake komo So this is me jill

Her parents and mine This was not the honeymoon or is it the honeymoon and you guys brought your parents to your honeymoon? We We did what everyone does and you bring both parents to the honeymoon as chaperones You gotta we were we've been planning to do our honeymoon in italy and then we like Tacked it on to a family trip. So the first half of the trip was a family trip. It was jill's parents my parents jill's best friend jill's best friend's husband and his parents

so That is three sets of parents Two couples one sibling jill's sister was there as well She's gotta come. Yeah, jill's sister is not gonna miss the trip So So yeah, your brother and my brother well, he was there and did not go on the bike trip. We We overlapped with him In venice for two days at the end of the bike trip and then again

In prano and on the amalfi coast for one day at the very end I feel like half of my instagram followers were in italy last week. Truly everyone see people, you know Italy like jill. Yes jill did run into a friend of hers In capri like everyone is there literally and you can tell because it is insanely crowded it is Did ever why did everyone decide to go to italy on july 4th 2022 their tourism marketing is working I think that like You when we were like all not traveling because of the whole pandemic thing People were just like romanticizing traveling anywhere, but I feel like

For whatever reason italy benefited from like having the most wanderlust associated with it because it just looked so peaceful and lovely Yeah, I mean the photos are insane. Yeah, it is it's like the one of the most beautiful countries I've ever been to for sure. Have you ever been to vegas? Um, yeah, the venetian the exact same. Yes, it's the exact same The gondola ride because it feels like you're outdoors, but you're actually indoors Which is better because it's temperature controlled because venice was hot Oh, was it? It was so hot. Yeah, there was basically there was kind of like a heat wave in italy I was when we got to the bike trip. I was like

The first day we got there it's through this company called back roads, which is lovely. They basically plan all of these like Active adventure style trips including I think bikes like bike trips are their main thing So we did this trip. It's like five or six days from Parma to Verona Um, and every single day is like a different bike ride you can do as little as like 10 miles you can do as much as like 40 or 50 um, and they basically just follow you around with With a van and give you everything you could possibly want. There's like a nut station

I mean every day I made myself a big like bag of trail mix with m&m's in it Um, there was they follow you around with a nut station. Yeah, they do follow you around with a nut station So there's a guy who just bikes next to you. It's with a bunch of nuts. There are three guys There's they're not all the nut guys, but they are all in charge of the nuts and other things So you have two group leaders are our guys were tomash and gg um, just two strapping Internationals, uh a polish gen Tomas Looking at my wife

You're floating with my mother gg And so much I can use a little a few more walnuts if you could stop groping my wife He's leaning against a wall talking in jail. They are there's no pistachios today trooper. How does that work professionals? Uh, but they are really they are, uh, you know really hot And like super fit jacked Yeah, because all they do is bike and have nuts. Yeah That's Exactly

So but you like they have abs they have abs and almond and you have m&m's Do you guys have skittles he's making fucking almond butter on his abs I'm choking on a cubby worm The lonely and horny episodes just write themselves Oh my god Oh my god, you flipping over the handlebars I'm wearing a singlet that says ussr on it Only riding in the van with your bike strapped to the top

We were running low on nuts and I was running low on energy And now I'm karsic. Thank you So like all of the all of the stops are planned by the guides So you like we'll bike to a farm Uh, or a winery and you'll have like this gorgeous buffet lunch laid out for you So you pull up your bike you hang it up. They take your helmet. They give you water. They give you nuts. There's fruits There's drinks. Yeah, you cool down. I did a river rafting trip like this once and it's like

Oh, you know, they give you the oars, but then everything else is taken care of because you don't actually know how to do the others Yeah, exactly. It's kind of like when we went fishing in mexico or it's like you cast you cast But you're biking you are actually biking but like when you get back they're taking care of everything Yeah, it's it was the opposite of like my bike trip that I went on with my brother Where we like at the end of the day we had like put the bikes in the vans. We had we popped a tire We had to deal with it ourselves. We were like we're eating at gas stations, whatever This was every like we ate at a michelin star restaurant. You basically cycle from one castle to another castle to like these beautiful hotels villas

So every night you're just in a different gorgeous fucking place Yeah, it was incredible. So we had the those are the good things Great locations great bikes. The bikes are really good. We did have two casualties We lost gg to a house fire Right, so uh jill's best friend uh husband had a fall and gg died in a fire Wait casualties is an accident. So yeah, yeah The I mean I was the first day I was just like a little scared because I'm like I'm bikeling. I'm I'm cycling with my mom

And her and I are they don't they don't bike for 50 miles like you do every weekend. Lisa. They're just casual bikers Yeah, casual bikers. My mom rides her bike around Nantucket. My dad will sometimes ride his bike to work Um and aside from that like yeah, they've never been to Italy before biking and these country roads The elevations high it's yeah It's an exercise totally and it was hot and the sun was out and I was biking with my mom and She's feeling good, but then at one point we're like on a hill and she's like I think I need a rest and I was like, oh I hope

You're not done I'm scared because what happens now gg either you have nuts, but you don't have a fucking defibrillator There's only and that was the first day and I was like, oh man, but then she was fine. We got there Me and my mom got there first Um, some people had like taken the van from lunch. So they were already there Then like jill showed up her friend ramy her friend chris Um and chris's parents. Yes, of course chris's parents obviously and then jill's sister And then just there's like waiting for my dad. There's like out there. It's like, um

I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure he's fine. We wait five minutes still not there It's like nightfall and I'm like, yeah, everything's fine. I'm just gonna go I'm gonna ride out and see if he's close and as I'm riding him like I'm gonna see a bike in a ditch I've killed my father And my mother actually This is a perfect cliffhanger. Oh because we need to take another break I love that and people will have to listen to these ads now because they want to know what happened to your father Actually, he wasn't in any of the photos that I saw

So the plot really thin my dad was the van on this trip He was gg the whole time Uh, all right, let's take a break come back and thank some sponsors and uh, then we'll hear about how this tale concluded. That's right Thank you to aura frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast You know aura frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network jake. Wow, that's correct I mean, this might be the goat father's day gift. I think it actually is Yeah, yeah, not just father's day, but if for any, uh, not so tech savvy family member That you need a gift for soon. Mm-hmm these digital photo frames might be the best of all time

Yeah, for me personally these things are perfect. I'll tell you why as you know, I am expecting Yeah, uh, my first child. We got one for jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for jill's grandma Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys Uh, in our family right now, but they are They're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah frame This is actually how we how we told jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We

Got her the aura frame. We plugged it in jill's grandma was pregnant Really nice asshole This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like uh, this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant Yeah, yeah, I kind of like a she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way By the way jill's jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my god jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes and we let her know with an aura. Yeah Thank you the aura announcement

Uh, so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app Add me to your aura app I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah Yeah, exactly you can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display As soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah, it's a great gift a really really iconic gift And right now you can save on the perfect father's day gift and visit aura frames. That's a u r a frames dot com And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to 30 dollars off plus free shipping on the best selling frames

There it is. Oh, wow. This is timely. The deal ends on june 18th So don't wait terms and conditions apply. That's aura frames a u r a frames dot com Okay, go get your parents something. All right and use the code head gum for 30 dollars off plus free shipping Thank you, aura and now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to This show is sponsored by better help. Thank you better help if you're finding yourself in a difficult anxious Restful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place and

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Unique episode we're just catching each other up. That's right Our lives over the course of late june into early july when last we left Jake was looking for his dear old dad While I was in a lukewarm bath 18,000 miles away, I guess 70 dollars in the hole I didn't even know about Okay, so you drive you ride back To see your papa. Yeah First thing I realize is as I'm as I'm driving back

I see tomasz and he's coming back and he is like he's in tears Bad news Jake And I'm Italian so I'm never actually upset polish actually, but yeah, so um He as I was going back. I was like, oh, yeah Like there's guides. There's leaders. They'll they're making sure my dad is they're always the last. Yeah, right? So they so yeah, he like goes kind of like up and down the line of riders. It's really funny because like I don't know. I thought that like

I was a good bike rider and then like I would just be riding with tomasz and then he'd be like, oh, all right I'm gonna go and check on everybody and then he would just ride away at like 100 miles per hour without breaking a sweat And then ride back to you. Yeah, just like catch me in no time There was one time where I was like about to go down a very steep hill And he was like telling me about like some of the turns and he was like, there's some loose gravel here Whatever and as I was riding down, I was like, oh, so he rode down then back up to talk to us To give us fucking advice. Yeah, but you know what? I bet he can't host nad pod

Actually, yeah, he plays uh dwarf and mage. Um, and he's on critical Holy shit, they're popular But my so he's like your dad's just behind us and then I went I saw my dad and I was like, how's it going? And he's like, it's hard We've all been there all day one where I was just like, oh my god, they're not you know, I I overestimated my parents, but By the end of the trip, my mom and dad were like they did the full ride. They were like, oh, really good

It was it was really lovely to see them like go from that like apprehensive first day to like by the end They're just like in it, you know, I have a beautiful photo of them like riding Across like the last stretch holding hands. It was wow really sweet. That seems really hard even just to do Yeah, it's pretty it was pretty impressive From someone who can barely ride Holding anything. Yeah, I can't imagine one hand on the handlebar or the other one on a bike Or on the holding hand on another person holding a bike. Yeah, it was really it was definitely impressive And then like the things that went awry were one Jill lost her cell phone

Um, oh, which was kind of scary, but gg found it. No problem. There's no issue Took the van out into the middle of the italian countryside like knocked on doors got it brought it back knocked on doors Yeah, like we had he canvassed. Yeah, we basically had the general We got back to the room. Jill's like my phone's not here. Um, she loses her phone so often that I was just like there is I was like, oh no, but I knew that she was gonna find it in three seconds Um, yeah, she's like, no, it's like it's gone. It's like, oh man Uh, I wonder if it's you know in this bag and just like thinking she's gonna find it any second So then it's actually gone

Um, and I'm like, okay, so like I'll just I have like to find my friend's Thing on your phone. It's no big deal. I'm sure you left it. We had like been to a parmesan cheese Factory that day. I'm sure it's just there in parm. Yeah with parm. It was in parma um so so we look and I It just says no location found I was like, oh, so your phone actually did just get stolen. It's gone

But then wow, um, I thought it was gone And then it it sent a ping of like this location It's just the middle of nowhere on this road that we had rode on so I was like, oh, so it fell out of her bag um and gg goes to the location But then like the location gets lost again I'm trying to send like the exact gps coordinates, but it looks like it moved up the street

I was like wait someone like does someone have the phone and it turned out that like someone had found it and was Driving their car around looking for us Um looking for someone. Wow like good Samaritan. So then they eventually found gg crawling around in a ditch This is all well. Jill and I are like making pasta I made a yokey Three italian grandmother's behind you sweating. Is this a tortellini? Yours is clearly falling apart And then I eat a perfect tortellini an hour later like wow, I know what I'm doing

Bella So we thought that was like the most annoying thing that we could have done to the leader guys, but then the next day um Chris's dad Dislocated his pinky When he fell on like a hairpin turn and then the day after that Chris like had a bad wipe out and needed to get Stitches in his shoulder and stitches. Yeah shoulder and his hand And like had a gash like down the front of his face on the last day

Oh terrible. I guess that's better than the first day Yeah, definitely. He basically got the full trip except for the very last dinner That must happen a lot if you're like on a nine-person trip and they're all just like, you know Non-professional riders and going to a hundred miles. Yeah, someone's gonna fall once. I did. Yeah I asked I asked the guys it was like what's like is this we had we had gone to the emergency room twice and I was like is that Normal on the trip and they're like, um, you know, it happens. This one is a lot. It doesn't happen I think we did the we definitely got the over over. Yeah

That's like have you ever done the river rafting thing? It's like the same thing But like there's river rafting guides that take you and do all the stuff. I have not done the I've never been river rafting I've always wanted to go Oh, we should do that. It's very fun. You would like it. It's very physical and also but just on a river So you're also having fun. Yeah. Anyway, one of the risks is that the whole thing flips over And like that could happen because it's rapids depending on how insane the rapids are like has that happened like and they're like It rarely rarely happens Only one time in like the 40 year history did like someone like

You know die Still seems kind of I don't want to risk that at all like Should we just do a canoe thing with no rapids then? Let's do the lazy river then. I don't want to risk it. I would definitely do the river is not worth it I would definitely do a rapids thing with you though. That'd be great Yes, and it's also like it's the exact same thing. It's like you're on a raft with like six other people There's another one and then behind you is like

Five professionals with all the food all the tents. They're glanting setting up a stove making food Feeding you guys doing the dishes Reloading everything and then you're like I'm a fucking outdoors man. Hold your oars. I'll take the picture while I'm making you guys a fucking omelette on the raft Yeah, that's it's that's that's the way I want to travel now in my old age the white lotus style. Yeah Uh, all right, but you know what we both survived we did I've more I've got more italy stories But we'll tell it we'll save them for next week and you'll have a great Vegas stories by then too Yeah, I assume

I'll have coveted by next weekend quite frankly because I'm going to a hot spot It's a terrible time to go there, but this was planned months out and there's no turning back now Yeah, so I'll either be telling you guys my tale of woes and coves or I'm gonna be feeling great and we'll discuss more Yeah, I feel like you're gonna win a bunch of money and get covet. So that'll be it'll be like kind of god a yin and yang thing Or lose a lot and not get covet that'd be the worst The worst would be the two bad options. Yeah lose and covet. No, that's not good I think what would you rather have winning get covet or lose money and not

Can I choose the kind of covet I get like can I have the kind where like I feel better in a few days? And it was not that big of a deal. It would be 10,000 dollars. 10,000 dollars and long covet I have an inhaler now But for 10,000 dollars, I'd have to take it. I think so Especially if I've been able to outsmart the pit boss that I'm rolling really hot on the dice, right? You're counting cards I'm getting kicked out. The only reason you get covet is because the guy beating you up in an alley also had it I just hope like that guy who wiped out on your trip. I get it on the last day And he's sad to get sick on day two of a four-day bachelor party. Yeah, definitely. You guys are staying in a hotel airbnb

What's your plan? We're doing an airbnb two-bedroom, but there's 12 of us and we're not allowed access to the backyard No, it's a it's we're doing hotel. We got to stay in a hotel. It's vegas is all just hotels. Yeah, it's made for this Shit, exactly. Cool Uh, okay, that's it. That's our time again. We really implore you guys to send us your theme song and questions I know we didn't get to any today, but we are still gonna be answering the problem Is we had so many advice questions of our own this episode so we didn't get to any of your own But if you have send them all down to ifirishow at gmail.com. That's right

Uh, and we're also making videos on our patreon patreon.com slash j a the most recent one was Uh, jake and amir trivia game where I was asking you questions. Oh, yeah, that was fun And I think we got a lot of questions that we can ask for the next episode in which you're asking me jake and amir trivia Love it. So hopefully that's something we keep up. Yeah Hopefully you guys keep it up too. Great job everybody. Great. Congratulations. Awesome for making it this far And uh, we'll be back next week Uh, which will be uh, july 18th. No july 18th is this episode

July 25th. Wow. How time flies some summer's almost over. No, it's not Okay, cool. Yeah. Uh, all right. Let's hear that theme song again. It's the all the small things wet dreams dry days dry days and one last time shout out to Fate on his shuffle That's right Fate on shuffle slash spotify subscribe. Don't miss our next drop

Raid and subscribe. All right, let's hear this song one more time No, no, no show no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no show no, no, no, no, no, no, no starts now That was a hit gum original