If I Were You - 554: Wisdom

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

In this episode we try to lightning round answer as many questions as possible about marriage, finances, finger sandwiches, and Australia. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum original. I've never done an STD test. I cut my teeth on random names from the TV. And I'm not proud of my first time. Was it so messed up if I were you, I'd tell us. And everybody's like, girlfriends, boyfriends, girlfriends are their best friend. Pet sex parents, tinder schools they send them in. And Jake and Demi just bully them.

A lot of people aren't loyal, loyal. So many questions about cheating. Just cause Amir is a new man. Doesn't mean you go and fuck your girlfriends mum. Seriously. Why would you, like why? If I were you. I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't do that at all. Whoa. Low five. Lord. That was not Lord. Right in. Really? It was Jordy.

Jordy McGrath from Brisfagus, Australia. Brisfagus, good stuff. God. Good on ya mate. I feel like we haven't been at Brisbane in a while, right? How long has it been? Yeah, geez. I feel like we went there in 2016.

And that was it. I don't know if I've been back. Was it 17? Yeah. It might have been 17, huh? I'm trying to remember if I went back there or not. I don't think I did. You definitely didn't go back.

Yeah. Well actually, I just realized I might have been even earlier. 2014 we were in Brisfagus. Really? Cause we went back in 2016 or 2017, but we didn't go to Brisbane. Wow. I actually fully do not remember it going to Australia twice. You're saying we went to Australia twice?

You don't remember that we went back to Australia? No, I thought we've only done one tour with Streeter. We did two tours with Streeter. And the first time we did five shows, that's the trip I remember. Yeah, the first time we did, yeah, we did Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, then Perth. Yeah. And then we went home. Okay.

That's what you remember. Yeah, that's the one I remember. What happened in the second one? The second one, I believe we only did two shows. I think we only did Melbourne and Sydney, and then we were going to go to Byron Bay, but it was really rainy, so we went to Queenstown, New Zealand, which is another place we've been to twice. And I don't know if you remember that.

Yeah, I remember going with Mitzi doing the world's largest swing. Yeah, and you don't remember going to Queenstown, New Zealand with Streeter, Seidel? Yeah, I guess we did go there twice. In my mind, it's all one epic trip. Yeah, no. So maybe I have been to Brisbane twice. No, I'm telling you, you've only been there once. Because we only went there once, but we've been to Australia twice.

That's really cool. What's your problem? What's your problem, man? I don't have a problem. You have some kind of degenerative, cognitive disease, I think. I think you have Alzheimer's. You do have cog fog. This is a real issue.

You don't remember two weeks of your life in a foreign country. Well, I do remember because it all just melted together. Yeah, I remember that, of course. No, you don't remember that, of course. You remember that one time, of course. And the second time, you can't recall. Yeah, and both times we just did a podcast in the same venue. It was a different venue.

One time was the rock venue. The other time was the old theater. And then in Melbourne, same venue or different? No, it was two different venues in Melbourne. Sydney, we did the same venue both times. It was the Metro. Yeah. How was the second show?

It wasn't as major as our first one. The first time was like lightning in a bottle. We were touring with the free ship men. We had Shrimpy. Vanessa was there. You were single. We were meeting up with people. We were partying.

The second time, it was just me, you and Streeter. More of a business excursion. No Shrimpy. No free ship men. No Shrimpy. No Shrimpy, man. No shellfish that trip. We did two shows.

I don't even know if we sold out the Metro the second time. I think we sold it out the first time. It may be the second time too, but it took longer or something. And both good shows. We didn't get as trash though. We didn't party as hard. And then we went and had a relaxing time in Queenstown. We didn't do the Shoeys.

Right. We didn't do the Shoeys the second. Actually, I think I might have done the Shoeys the second time as well. Really? One second, because I'm going to pull up. Oh yeah, I did the Shoeys the second time. Really? Okay, we have a video.

How'd you find that so quickly? That's the second time? Yeah, that's the second time. Do you see the date here? I'm holding it up to the screen. Yeah, so if you're watching this on YouTube, you can see Jake recording on his Zoom. What is the date? March 17th, 2017.

That's right. And the time before that was like two or three years earlier. Yeah, the Anathema Theater in Melbourne. Damn. Well, thank you so much for coming to those memorable shows. I'll never forget those shows as long as I live. You're a dick. It's funny because you actually blacked out at the first Sydney show.

So you're the one who shouldn't remember both shows. I don't remember the second half of the Sydney show. I think everybody made me chug a whiskey. They sang that song. I chugged a whiskey and I kicked the bottle into the audience. And I don't know what happened the second half of the show or the second half of the night. I believe I took Molly in Sydney.

And then I took Sydney and Molly, which is what I call Melbourne. Yeah. Oh, my God. What a time. What a time that was. All right, we got some lightning round questions for this episode. We're trying to speed through as many quick hits as humanly possible. This is if I were you, the only advice pod on the web hosted still by us. That's correct. That's right.

I was thinking when we retire, we can just give the show to someone. So the show lives on, but different hosts. Right. And it'll be the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us. And that theme still works. Yeah, exactly. That intro is perfect. Okay. Oh, here we go. First question.

If you could choose two people, writes Maddie Eat World, to cover your show for a month, who would you choose? Oh. That's a good way to dip our toes in that water. So it's a semi-retirement. We can sort of see how it does. Yeah. We can start transitioning complete the away.

It's interesting. I guess, who are the people I trust to do it? Let's go ahead and say Gabriel and Betsy Cedaro. Really? So two very funny friends of ours hosting our show for us for a month. At least. Yeah, great improvisers. It ages us roughly.

So I feel like that kind of like, you know, it won't get, the show won't get too young. It won't start to alienate the fans that have been around for a long time. All right. I'll go Jeff and Riley because they are younger. They have more of a pulse of like what a 25 to 30 year old is up to, which is our ages ish when we started the show. Right. Let me counter that. I mean, I'm going to poke a hole basically because there's,

there's something wrong with mine as well, which is just that Jeff and Riley already have a podcast. Sure. Betsy and Gabriel at least don't already have an existing podcast. You can't really get their dynamic unless they're guesting on each other's shows. That's true. At the same time, I think it'd be more interesting to bring new people in. Bring two people that don't have a podcast at all.

Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. Really? Also two best friends. I guess if we literally choose anybody. Yeah. And then they can have famous people on the show like JLo could do a fucking theme song. What have we even just did? Like cause I feel like people pay attention to whatever fucking Elon Musk says and does.

So we go, Musk and Bezos. I would also do Musk and Gabriel because that's funny. But I feel like would they do their own ad ring if they're billionaires? There's a world where Bezos and Siddharo could do it. Cause that would be fun. Betsy Bezos. Betsy Bezos.

I love that for us, for our podcast. They probably wouldn't need to do the Patreon either because one of them's nearly a trillionaire. I didn't realize Betsy had that much money. No, Bezos. That's nuts. Oh, Jeff. Yeah. Jeffrey James Bezos.

Jeffrey James Bezos has billions. What is full incense asks, what is the subject of the worst argument slash biggest fight you have ever had with each other? Who? I don't know. Can you think of our biggest fight? Well, there was a time where you panced me and I punched you back a lot in the street. Yeah.

That was a pretty big one. Do you think that was a big argument though? It wasn't an argument, but it was a very physical moment where I snapped. I lost my cool and I lost my shmool. You kicked my ass. I killed you. I completely pulverized. You beat the shit out of me and left me for dead in West Hollywood.

Oh, man. That was good. You tried to curb-stop me. Marty pulled your head away at the last second. I guess that was like the most heated it ever got between us. Yeah. As for specific fighting, I don't remember an argument. Yeah.

There's got to be something. A disagreement. Yeah. The only things I can think of though were like, I guess maybe, I feel like I just remember a situation where we were mad at college humor, but I was more mad than you. And I feel like that's where the subject is. We're like sometimes, like say when they, do you remember when they fired us and wanted to half our salaries?

Uh-huh. That sounds familiar. And I was like, fuck this. I want to quit. Like, let's quit. And I wanted you to like stand up for us with me. Join me in this big fuck you. But you were rational and you were like, they give us health insurance.

Yeah. Plus half our salary. That's better than zero of each. Right. So we'll do a little less work. And then I feel like we ended up meeting somewhere in the middle, but at the same time that was probably like the most heat. It wasn't even like we were directly mad at each other, but just like a contentious situation

where we hadn't a disagreement. Yeah. A moment. We need to do like amazing race style stressful situations. That way we can get into more arguments with one another. Yeah. I wonder if we would ever get into arguments though, if we were in stressful situations or if we would just, I feel like we would both just give up.

Us arguing is just like a breakdown and nothing happens. We're like, I'm not going to deal with this. Right. Two, we're not hard headed. We're two soft headed people. Yeah. We're both conflict averse and we don't like drama. So if it seems like it's heading in that direction, I feel like both of us are just like, uh, let's

fail. Have you gotten into a situation like that with other people? Like yelling and drama. Yeah. The most I get is just like feeling like I need to be very direct in an email or something. I feel like it got that way with like contractors at my house. Yeah. A very stern tone.

Here it comes. Yeah. Just like a loof. You're not going to like me when I'm glib. Yeah. Yeah. I'm setting a deadline. Yeah.

How's that? It's like the Hulk, but instead of going crazy, you're just sort of terse. Yeah. Yeah. And me being, and to like, me being angry is everyone else is normal because usually I'm effusive and very, very polite. Yeah. So like, I'm just, oh, wow.

I'm not going to use an exclamation point and I'm not going to have a friendly greeting. How's that? You wouldn't like me when I'm sort of short with you. So instead of the Incredible Hulk, you're just the Incredible Sulk and you get kind of sad at a person. Ooh, the Incredible Sulk is good. Yeah. You're getting kind of small.

Do you ever play the game, the video game Rampage, where you're like Godzilla or King Kong and you're like eating buildings and punching down or eating people and punching down buildings? I feel like I've seen people play that game. Yeah. So after you die, you turn into a person. So like you go from Godzilla to a little man and that's sort of you and you get angry and you just sort of shrink.

Shrinkle. That's your Incredible Sulk moment. The Incredible Sulk. Here's a quickie. Yeah. Rachel Planass, what app does Jake use to edit his Instagram posts? I need to know. I'm a VSCO girl.

I pay. I think it's $19 a year. Maybe we can up to $29. But yeah, I like the VSCO filters. Those are my shit. I'm usually in the vibrant folder, the C3, the C7, sometimes the C1. Interesting. Those are my presets.

I use Afterlight and I don't have a Hydro Flask. Yeah. Afterlight is the poor man's in phone editing app. It's no VSCO. It's really no VSCO. Afterlight. VSCO also has like a remove button, which is really nice for unsightly things in your photos.

I like a Vista, but then somebody's walking in the background. I can actually remove a person with really half of the finger. Yeah. How does it know to remove that? What does it replace it with? It replaces it with kind of like an amalgamation of things that are, it's almost like the word tool on Instagram. Yeah.

On Photoshop, yeah. Wow. Have you done that? Have you used that before? Yes, I have. I have. And I'm not going to tell you on which photos because then you might notice. Yeah.

Did you use it to remove your dick? Because I see on a lot of these photos you have a little manjina. I'm serious. And this one from Italy. Oh, that's really nice. You must have accidentally really deleted your cock. Oh, that's really nice. I have a fucking hog.

I have a tank. Okay. I have a fucking Pringles can of a cock and you have nothing under the tank. You have nothing under the hood. All right, bro. I'll whip my cock out right now and show you fucking. Don't do that. Oh, shit.

You see this bottom of the screen right there? That is a Pringle. That's how you brought it up. I have a Pringle can and you have a single Pringle. You have a mustache. That's your pinky. Good stuff for those watching. Shout out to you guys watch.

Yeah. Shout out to the YouTube. The YouTube crew tube. All right, let's take a break. Think some sponsors and come back with more questions and answers after this. And become the doctor of the mattress. Yes. Yeah.

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Let's launch it. Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you, Squarespace. And we have returned. Yes. Yes. Yes. Any any good ones in your Twitter feed?

I've got one step ladder. Ladder writes goat age to get married. Wow. Goat age. Yeah. That's a good question. Mid 30s, late 30s. Yeah, I think it's early 30s to be honest.

Oh, really? I got married at 33, but I think that goat age might be 32, but it also could be 34. And I'll tell you why. I think your 20s, it's nice to have relationships that fail. So your sampler platters. Exactly. So are you getting a fucking call right now? Yeah, I got a potential spam if you can believe it.

I really appreciate a little respect from when I'm talking about the goat age to get married. It doesn't really matter. Also, you could have raised by it. I'd like to see you do the same courtesy for me as I do for you. Don't sip your coffee. Don't sip your coffee. It's done.

It's done. No way. You're getting the dregs of the coffee. There's nothing but melted ice down there. Why don't you pay attention to me? Because you're hearing something you don't want to hear. You're hearing something you don't want to hear. And you decide that you're going to distract yourself with a taste of sweet cream.

So this doesn't sting as much as it should. So you don't learn your lesson. This is actually Oatly. So it's more of an oat-based creamer. Sorry. Sorry. I didn't realize it was Oatly. It's okay.

Recall happening, some sort of taking a risk. Very interesting. Anyway, the goat age to get married is the exact age you were saying. No. No. I wasn't. I said 32 or 34. You obviously don't listen.

You obviously don't care. And you obviously don't know. You don't want to know why. The goat age is 32. Okay. Why? No reason. I'm just spitballing here.

You said 32 or 34. I think relationships are supposed to fail in your 20s. And I know some people stay together through those learning moments. But I do think that like your learning relationships in your 20s. And I think that 30s is where you start to come into your own a little bit. You become the final version of yourself. Yeah. But then if you're single in your 30s, I don't think I would like rush to get married.

Because I do think that there's something to feeling more sure of yourself and confident in who you are while still being single. But anyway. Yeah. I think 30s is a nice time to settle down because you're mostly hanging out with fully formed adults. At that point. Hopefully.

Yeah. Hopefully. Hopefully. It's not all the time. Not every time. Here's a question. Wait. What do you think the goat age to get married is?

I would say mid to late 30s. So you're still experiencing your 30s a little bit before tying the knot. So you're 39. You're not married. That's right. I have four months to elope. That's amazing. To abscond with Avital to Aruba.

Come back as a couple. For once. Amazing. Quirty asks, let's talk money. Doesn't Amir have an econ degree? I don't. What's your percent of net worth in cash versus the market? What's Amir's lifetime betting losses and winnings?

What's Jeff's salary? And do you have any other financial advice? Wow. Relationship advice is so 2015. Now all we want to hear about is cash. That's his tweet. That's fascinating. I like that.

I feel like I'm smarter at relationships than I am about cash, though I have invested wisely, mostly by accident or at Jill's behest. Interesting. Like I bought my house in LA early for me. I don't know if I would have just bought a house then, but Jill was like, oh, you should buy a house. You have this money. You should buy a house.

It ended up being a really good thing that I did. Real estate has gone up. I don't know if that's my advice because that's not my advice. That's just basically me admitting that I'm not qualified to give it, but I will say something I learned early on, Freudian slip, very nice, is to diversify. Getting as many little streams of income so you're not super reliant on one or putting your money in lots of different places so if something goes awry, you aren't completely ruined.

That's right. If you can afford stocks, real estate, some little things here and there, whatever. Even if you're putting all of your money in the stock market, just not buying all one stock, that's obvious or it should be. If that one goes down, your whole net worth goes down. Exactly. What's your financial advice? Some people have told me that in your 20s and even early in your 30s that you should

almost have all of your money in investments. Only have 5% of everything you own just in cash and a checking account. Everything else should be fluctuating up and down with the market. That's interesting. I don't think I didn't have any money until I was 27 or 28. I was living hand to mouth. As soon as you have savings, you should be investing that money. Nothing you're saving should be sitting in a savings account.

It should be in the market. Yeah, exactly. I actually think the first person that gave me stock tips was you. Me? I believe when I first signed up for Schwab, I think I did it with you and I just bought all the same stocks that you had. Interesting. I remember also learning early on that there are no stock experts, that people who get

paid to become money managers are just as randomly good or bad as having a mouse pick the stock. Buy big companies that you happen to believe in, like Nike or Netflix or whatever. Right. That is what I did and all of those went up over time. I also feel like Warren Buffett has said that nothing is smarter than just investing in the S&P 500 if you're putting your money into the stock market. Yeah, just like smatter it across 500 large companies that eventually will go up over

time. Right. And it might go down, but you're not touching that money because you're young. Exactly. You want to only invest what you're willing to not touch for a while, not money that you need to double in a year or two. Exactly. Do you see this one where it's what do you call these finger sandwiches or party sandwiches

and they're like very neatly cut egg salad sandwiches? No. But you know those sandwiches that are like almost like Kit Kat size, they're so like tall and thin. They're like sliced crustless and they sometimes have egg salads and they're like on a platter at a party. Do you call those finger sandwiches or party sandwiches? Oh, I guess I'd probably call them finger sandwiches.

Yeah, me too. I've never heard. Because to me, a party sandwich is like a, that's like a six foot sub. Right. That's, I feel like those things are, are like British, like high T shit. Yeah. Like I've never had anything called a finger sandwich, but if I saw that, I've also never had that.

So I'd be like, that looks like a finger sandwich party sandwich. That's a six foot hokey. It's low key, high T. The ones in this photo look like half egg salad, half tuna. So it's got like, it's a double decker. So that seems exceptionally British or Canadian even. Yeah. French Canada probably.

What are you saying? Okay. Two, okay. This is a good one, I think. Ben Curtis asks, is there a world where head gum buys college humor? Whoa. Um, I don't think so. Amazing.

Yeah. Because we're sort of in the, well, Sam runs college humor now, so we'd have to make a deal with Sam Reich. So that would be kind of fun, but we don't, we don't need video content. We need podcasting content. Well, actually all of our podcasts are moving to video, so we do need video content. That's cool. Um, all right, cool.

Well, I'm on it. Okay. Amir obviously doesn't give a shit. Two snake four legs asks, you're going back in time to blow history's mind with modern music, but you can only bring three albums. What do you take? Weezer's blue album live throwing copper and blues traveler for is the name of the album. Those are the first three albums I bought and I'm going to blow history's mind with our

love is like water beaten down and abused for being strange immediately burned at the stake for being a witch. I should have brought the Beatles. I should have brought the Beatles. You've traveled back in time and you're, you're trying to show them music and inventions and then they just find out that you had a time machine and you're burned for being a witch. See, you're already thinking like a college humor owner.

That's true. That's working. I would worry about the state, dude ranch and take off your pants and jacket all blink because I feel like I want to be consistent as an artist and I wouldn't need any other albums because I know every Beatles song. So I feel like I can just hum they do don't make me bad. Don't make it. Your dad's song.

Take a sad song and make it better. Bring it because you don't know the words. Your throat is closing at the thought of singing nervous to sing live more of a song writer than a song singer. Oh yeah. How is your punk band going? How is fate on shuffle doing great? We were mastering our second single right now.

It'll actually probably be dropping next week. So it could be out by the time this episode drops. It very well will be though. I like to try to coordinate the drops of the episode with us promoting it on pod, but who cares? You know, maybe we'll just drop it. Maybe we'll just drop it. Why not?

What's what's called it's called it's either called all year or called down and out or it might be called all year parentheses down and out. It's about being afraid to smoke. It's well, it's your idea. You should be really happy. You should be really happy. This song is my idea or the band is the song. Didn't you write one?

Didn't you say that we should write one about being afraid to smoke weed? No, I thought mine was wet dreams, dry days. Well, that's the one where you came up with the actual lyric. You also told me to write one about being afraid of smoking weed, which I like guys nervous to try weed or like you don't know where to smoke it because you're in high school. Nervous to try it. That's funny. A song called nervous to try it.

Nervous to try it. Yeah, that lyric is not in there, but that's pretty good. Yeah. There's never really a song about being nervous or apprehensive or stressed out is there. Um, 20, 20, 24 hours ago, I want to be sedated. Yeah. That one's kind of about having a breakdown. He's nervous, but on the surface, he looks calm and ready to drop bombs, but he keeps

on forgetting. That song is about puking. You're so nervous. Yeah. He literally has his mother's spaghetti all over his fucking favorite sweater, which he shouldn't have worn to her. Yeah. He shouldn't have like wore that to a rap battle, imagine a rap battle where you're

just rapping and you're just like covered in puke. Your mother's spaghetti all down the front of your shirt. It's disgusting. Marshall, at least take your sweater off and wear just a tee. I'm wearing a fucking cashmere blue sweater to a rap battle. There's no way. It's disgusting. You just finished a lasagna.

Take a beat before heading. Your force, you're burning the candle at both ends. Rabbit. Yeah. Rabbit. Good stuff. Here's one from Jono. Jono writes, head gum formula one podcast when I'd love to listen to Jake Marika and

Jeff Hell, even old Blumenfeld wax motor sport. Whoa. I don't know anything. I didn't watch the documentary yet. I think you actually have time now because at the time of recording this episode, it's August 3rd. It's kind of like the mid-season break. Next month, I believe we are going to drop a formula one podcast for the second half

of the season. Whoa. Okay. Yeah. So it is happening. Maybe Marika. Pile. Piles it.

Piles it. All of the, I think it's going to be like the head gum podcast except instead of just like talking about formula one while Jeff like looks for his notes and which weird game we're going to play. We're actually just going to talk about formula one because there's a lot of exciting, exciting stuff happening on and off the track. What's exciting happening off the track? So one of the, an old like great goat type driver, Sebastian Vettel just announced his

retirement. And there's another kind of like old goat on the team on, or in the, in formula one. And they, and they announced, so the day, I think the day or two after Sebastian Vettel announced his retirement, Fernando Alonso announced that he was leaving his team Alpine and going to drive for Ashton Martin, Ashton Martin where Vettel was driving Alpine had no idea that he was, that he was leaving. And then there's a young Australian driver who like Alpine has kind of been like grooming in their formula two races.

They announced that he's coming up and going to take Fernando Alonso's seat. And then Piazzari tweets, I don't know what they're talking about. I haven't signed a contract and I will not be driving for Alpine next year. And like, it seems like Alonso announced, waited until the day after Piazzari's contract expired to announce this. So basically it seems like maybe to fuck over Alpine. And then as they're trying to get in touch with him, he was on a yacht in Ibiza or something like that.

So yeah, that's what you can expect from the pod. There's a lot of drama. Any other people will be understanding what he's saying. Yeah. Exactly. Okay, let's take a break, come back and answer more lightning round cues after these. Love it. Thank you to Stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show.

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You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code IFIWEREYOU and that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you Stamps.com for sponsoring this show. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this HEDGUM podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire HEDGUM network, Jake. Wow.

That's correct. I mean, this might be the GOAT Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect.

I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great, really

easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant.

We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah.

Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame?

Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app.

I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something that could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as

your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A frames dot com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames.

There it is. Oh wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A frames dot com. Okay.

Go get your parents something. All right. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. And we are back. Here's a question about Jake and Amir episodes. Okay. Are all of the episodes that are shot in hotel rooms because you guys needed content when you were away for the holidays?

Or did you genuinely record some because you wanted the setting of a hotel room? I think we almost never recorded one out of necessity because we were traveling. I think, yeah, unless it's one that we shot ourselves, it would have been too much effort to bring the whole film crew to a hotel. I think it probably came up because we were traveling together all the time and we would do bits in hotel rooms and on planes and in transit. So then we thought that we would bring those to life. I do remember there probably more like the episode, I think we wrote one in a hotel room

but the hotel was so expensive that we needed to shoot two there. So the quick cuts of us on a trip that was shot in lower Manhattan, you're like ordering room service, telling the concierge to put the spaghetti in their ass. Yeah, shove it up your ass. And we needed to have a second one. So I think that was when we wrote the lights out where it's basically in the dark the entire time. But then there was one where we were in Vegas and we just shot like a random blackjack video

in a hotel because we were in a hotel, not hotel specific. Yeah. It's a little bit of both. We were there covering two months, two million, but that wasn't like, that wasn't like, oh, we're out of town and we need to shoot a video. That was more like we're in Vegas, so wouldn't it be cool to shoot a video? Sometimes that happened where we were like somewhere for a show or somewhere for an event and then we'd be like, this is a good place for a video.

Right. Kind of related, Asher writes, what do you do to kick writer's blocks ass when you're feeling uninspired, but you know, you've got to make something. I think I don't know. I, I definitely get writer's block. Usually I, I pace, I get up and I need to move. I think sitting there waiting for writer's block to clear is something that I can't do. So like if creativity is not coming to me and say I'm at the office, I'll ride my bike

home and sometimes just not staring at whatever I have to do. I'll like something I'll click as I'm riding. Or I'll go to the bathroom. Yeah. I'll go to the bathroom and be like, I do my best thinking on the toilet. Whether that's sure or not, it sort of convinces me that I do have to at the very least use the bathroom, get out of the room and maybe I can think of something there. Yeah.

Yeah. And definitely one thing not to do, and I do this sometimes too, is like, I need some, I need some time away from this idea. You go on a walk and then you start looking at your phone, start doing something else, distracting yourself. I never need a phone free moment after. Yeah. That's why bike riding is good for me because it's, I can't use my phone.

My brain unlocks. MonkeyU5 asks, have you ever gotten out of a ticket because the cop was a fan? No, definitely not. I got a speeding ticket in the RV on the way to LA when we were shooting the RV episodes. Yeah. That was so intense. What did you do to make that guy so mad? I can't remember.

He really hated you. I think we, like, yeah, because we didn't rent the RV or something. So it's like, let me see the paperwork. I'm like, there, somebody else rented this car and like that raised the red flag for him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was, he was very, he was very mad, but we got it.

We did get the ticket. We didn't talk our way out of it. And the guy was not a fan. Definitely. Yeah, definitely. Roman Madeline asks, would you rather get bitten by a shark and live or strike, struck by lightning and live? What's a cooler story?

I feel like a shark because I feel like people can kind of lie about getting struck by lightning. Um, shark, you'd have a scar or a missing limb and that's kind of like, yeah. I feel like I've just met people who have gotten struck by lightning and they just seem a little weird, you know, like, you just don't believe your brain cells. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I've never met anyone that had gotten bitten by a shark, but the, the

beaches were closed out in Rockaway last week, uh, because of sharks. And wow. I did surf on Sunday. Well, when they were, yeah, when they were back open, I did. You were like, I'm not afraid of that. Shit. Yeah. I'm not afraid.

I did. I keep on touching my head because not, but well, I got sung by a jellyfish when I was in Italy. I talked about jelly, right? I wiped out on my board and it hit me in the head like it flew up in the air and landed on my head as I popped out of the water. And I like a scab in the center of my head here. Oh, wow.

Like blood came out. I kept on looking at it and at the moment blood was not coming out, but later I like saw that it was almost like a skinned knee or something. Just like a bloody scrape. Yeah. On your head on my head, it feels like it's, there's like an indent and a scab right there, like a full on indent in my head. Jesus.

Yeah. So sharks aren't the dangerous thing at the beach. You are. That's where that's, that's the lesson there. You're talking to a boogie border. Trying to give me a parking ticket. Um, okay. Proto Tom, another would you rather, would you rather be killed by an axe

murderer or a sledgehammer murderer? Both take two hits to finish the job. Uh, I guess axe sounds like more quick and sharp and instant. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I've been knocked on the head, you know, by a surfboard, obviously. Um, I've been hit with blunt things in the head more and I know what that feels like and I wouldn't look forward to it.

I wouldn't look forward to getting murdered by the axe either, but at least that would be something new. Yeah, at least for one swipe, because by the second one, you're dead. Yeah. Um, how many games of settlers of Katana have you won in your lifetime? Ask Reggie Tsunami. Do you hear that knocking in the door? Yeah.

My dog's desperately trying to get in. I feel like I should let Luke wants to answer this question. He's legitimately knocking like a human boy. I have to open him in. Sauntering in like he's mad. It took him that long. Jesus, the knocking for like an hour. When you first got Luke, were you like excited to have a dog or were you nervous?

You're like, I don't know if I really want a dog. I don't really like dogs. That's right. I didn't want a dog. And now looking forward to it. Now he's my sort of boss slash uncle slash best friend boy. So he's like in charge. Do you love him with all your heart?

Yeah, I'm a full on. I'm all in. I'm committed and he brings me, he's a joy boys, how I call him. So he brings me joy. And he's a boy. So like when Luke is, what's the thing that Luke does that makes you the happiest? Maybe when he lays down next to me and then like lays on his back and he sort of looks me in the eyes in a way that connotes, you should rub my belly.

And then I obviously do rub his belly and then he looks very sweet. Take photos of him, send it to anybody who wants to see a belly picture. Here's one from earlier today, sort of in a sweater. Happy about it. Yeah. Here's one of him looking drunk because he's sort of passed out. He's very cute. Yeah.

Uh, never played Katan. No, yes, you have really. Yeah. Never played Katan. Wow. You, when have you played it? I feel like when I, I feel like anytime you go upstate, someone has Katan or there's Katan there, I've played with family upstate, with friends upstate.

Are you good? Is it a fun game? It's a fun game because it's like, you can take it really seriously. And it's kind of like a bit for me to be like a hard nose negotiator. So when things are going really well, I'm, uh, I'm like an evil dictator type of guy, you know, using my leverage to, to hammer people into the ground. And when things are going bad, I think it's funny too. Cause you know, I'm just a humble, uh, brick farmer.

I'm a, I'm a shepherd. I have sheep and stuff. So yeah, it's one of those games where it's fun. If you're, yeah, it's fun. If you're losing and it's fun. If you're winning, that's good. I like, I, I lean into the role play negotiation aspect of it. One last question about questions, amazing.

Oh, fill a asks, do you think you've gotten wiser with time answering people's questions? Huh. Wiser with, in a very narrow field, I think I have gotten wiser. Wiser. I've gotten a lot of insight into how people view themselves and their significant others in relationships. And I feel like that perspective of being self-aware and looking at the bigger picture and trying to understand other people's points of view has helped me as a

moderator, um, in giving like advice to friends and family when, when they're upset, when they're in arguments, when things aren't going great. Yeah. I feel like it's the opposite. Like I think you've gotten worse. Really? I thought you were going to say like you got, like you weren't getting the same thing that I've got, but you're sort of just like the question was, do you feel like you,

I feel like I have, do you feel like you got wiser? And I said, yes. And you said, you haven't. I feel like that's not answering the question. I guess, okay. Technically, I've gotten wiser, uh, in comparison. There you go. Now you answered the question and that was perfect.

Yeah. And it was only my mediation and my coaching that you got to your hands. I was there already. Yeah. You are nothing without me. You're nothing without me. You are. You're nothing without me.

You're garbage without me. You couldn't do it alone, but I could do it by myself because I'm the only one that matters to the show. That's a golden mic from me. That's a turdy for your ass. Thank you so much for tuning in, everybody. Uh, this is a fire you rate review, subscribe, check us out on Patreon, patreon.com slash J a that opening theme song was whatever the, uh, closing one.

It's going to be the same one on the way out. Fuck. What else on axe comes in and slices your head in half. Find me on Twitter. I'm Joe Rogan fanboy 69. Same on TikTok. Same on Instagram. Joe Rogan fanboy 69.

Let's see if that's a name. Nope. Still available if anyone wants. Really? Wow. That's awesome. Uh, all right. Thank you to all who tweeted their queues for us.

We did our best to Q a them all. We sure did. We sure did. And yes, like Jake said, there's more of us answering more questions, uh, doing Jake and Mere trivia, watching Jake and Mere videos, all on our, um, patreon, patreon.com slash J a and send in those theme songs. We need more theme songs. So now's the chance.

And if we've never played yours, maybe nudge it to the top. Maybe let's, let's hear it again. Just bump that email. Yeah. Bump up the jam. Bump it up. Uh, all right. One last time from Jordy in Bras Vegas.

Uh, this is the Lord based theme song. And we'll see you guys next week. Bye. Thank you. Bye. I've never done an STD test. I cut my teeth on random names from the TV. And I'm not proud of my first time.

Was it so messed up? If I were you, I'd tell us and everybody's like go friends, boy friends, go friends of their best friend, pet sex parents, Tinder schools, they send them in and Jake can't do me. Just bully them. A lot of people aren't loyal, so many questions about cheating just cause a new man doesn't mean you go and fuck your girlfriends. Mom, seriously, why would you like why if I were you wouldn't do that?

I wouldn't do that at all. That was a hit gum original.