If I Were You - 555: Egg Tweet

Episode Date: August 29, 2022

In this episode we discuss wet dreams, dry coworkers, and bible study. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Hit Gum Original. It goes on for another minute. I didn't think you could keep that up. The energy. That drained me for the day. Your fake guitar solo. I don't know how musicians do it, man. I really don't get it.

You see someone like Chris Martin from Coldplay in concert for him to do that night after night. It doesn't add up. They have a passion for the music. I did. 40 seconds of a fucking... If you're watching a video you saw. You are a weak minded and bodied individual.

What Chris Martin does is impressive, but what you did was so unimpressive. The chasm between the two things is very, very wide. That was an ever long parody. Ever wrong. Born Mints. He's been submitting some songs that we've been using for the past couple of years. That was just the most recent sample slash...

Actually, egg sample. Is sample show for example? For example. I never even thought about that. Example and here's a sample. Definitely. I don't think it's from the same root word or something. Like root word or something.

Ample. It could actually be short for ample. Ample is a lot and there's a sample. We have an ample amount of things. Here's a sample. Some of that ample is a sample. For example, because the first one's about eggs. Eggs.

Yeah. An example for example is a sample of eggs. A sample of ample eggs is an eggs sample. I got to tweet that. A sample of... What was it again? Because I thought of it. I thought of it.

What was it? A sample of ample eggs is an example. A sample of ample eggs is an egg sandwich. Making it a little worse, I guess. I'll write that down just so I don't forget it. I feel like I borderline don't even know it now. I also take issue with you saying you came up with it. A sample of ample eggs is an example.

Egg sandwich is what you said. What are you thinking for this tweet if I fire it off? By the way, we are live. We're doing this in the same studio. So you can watch this in real time. Can it be punched up at all? A sample of ample eggs dot dot dot is an example. Can we get the tweet on the board so we have a live feed of how it's doing?

Oh, that's interesting. And then we can set it over under so it can be 31.5 by the end of the episode. Do you find it to be... Do you think it'll do better or worse than that? Yeah, you think 31.5. That's retweets? 31 likes. I think it'll do better than 31 likes.

It won't because it doesn't make sense to read it. Yeah, that's right. Do you think this formatting is good or... A sample of ample eggs is an egg... I thought it... I don't think that formatting is correct. Would you write as an egg sample or as an example? Egg sample, EG.

Oh yeah, EG is for example. Yes, that's... wait, what? Oh, EG, yeah. Right, but I was thinking egg sample was EGGSAMP. Oh, you wouldn't write example as it is. I think I would do for example... For example... A sample of ample eggs is an egg sample, EG.

We're losing the forest from the eggs. Casey loves it. Yeah, because he was here for the whole fucking journey. Yeah, if you read this blind, it's nothing to have it. Did you already tweet it? No, I'm sort of editing it still. I could put it on the board if you want. Okay, so once it's posted, you can find it online

and we could put it on the board like a telethon, but nobody's watching this live, so we won't be able to encourage feedback. A sample of ample eggs... It's not even true. A sample of ample eggs is not an example. This sounds like you're saying egg sample. For example...

But for example is a weird way to start it. An ample sample of eggs is an eggs sample. I thought it was a sample of ample eggs. Okay, a sample... God, this keyboard is just such a different size. There might be a typo in this. Is that fine? No.

This is a tweet. You can edit it. You can cut before posting. Okay. For example, a sample of ample eggs is an egg sample. Spelled like eggs. I would not even write for example, because it sort of...

Well, it kind of sets up the cadence. For example, a sample of ample eggs is an example. EG at the end? No. But EG at the top? No, EG means for example. Right, that's why it's funny that it's also an egg! You tweet this one, I'll tweet my version.

We'll see which one does better. No, I can't do... I haven't tweeted in years. I can't fire off the swimmers' ear. I don't want to break the internet like that. Alright, I'm just going to go back to the way it was, which was sort of... No, it's terrible.

Yeah, too simple. You need to make it a little complicated. A sample of ample eggs is an ex... I'm not even going to have... It's just going to be one sentence all the way through. A sample of ample eggs is an example. Alright, tweeting it. Is it example EGG or is it example?

The word example. I don't like it, we go on. EG. That's why it's called EG. I'll dust off an old Twitter, a burner Twitter. I will say so far, nothing's brewing. Right, so you have tweeted it. Okay, so Casey, can we get it on the board?

If you're watching on YouTube, you can see. Yeah, do you want it the whole time? Yeah, we'll just have it up there so we can sort of occasionally check in on it. But now, I'm going to go on the under now because I don't like the way it's worded. And I think if I had done it my wording, I would have gone on the over of a hundred.

Well, you would have ended with EG. We're at two likes. We got to get it on the board. It updates live, how exciting. Well, work on it faster, Casey. This is the most important thing. You're working on it. Well, have it have been worked on, okay?

Holy shit. Because if it was worked out, you didn't even like the tweet. You didn't even like the tweet. Oh, something's happening. Jake's yelling somehow worked. Wow, I shouldn't have learned that lesson. Oh, wow, people can really see how the sausage is made. EG.

Oh, it's so small here. I'm working on it. It's Bob Ross painting on the side. Live TV of Bob Ross painting. There it is. Now it's about to get big. Nice is an example. There's no way.

There's no way it does well on the day. Although Casey's in there. Oh, did Casey like it? He must have. I like it right now. Wow. We look forward, people. Very exciting.

We did get one comment so far. Casey, if you'll refresh, you'll see it. It's kind of interesting. Wake me up. What? Question mark. We're just fair, but we are up to five. Five likes so far.

All right, good start. Casey, I don't know what you did. I think you can get bigger. Really? Well, I don't know if it'll work on the TV. Yeah, it's just working on your TV. That makes sense. All right, cool.

This is perfect. Oh my God, we're big. We are savage. Show me eight. Ten. It's viral. It's absolutely viral. It's totally viral.

Yes. God, dude, imagine if you'd done my wording. The correct wording. An egg salad sample. For example. A sample of ample eggs is an egg sample. It doesn't get... Oh, shit, you know what?

There was a fucking shooting, so we were all talking about that. It's ruining the feedback. All of these... I'm getting ratioed. Everyone's quote tweeting it and saying, why would you tweet this during such a sad moment in human history? Right. Now it's hard not to just, you know...

Keep on looking, yeah, keep on looking. Yeah, but it's important that we sort of still platformer. There's still more comedy to be gleaned, ascertained... We're in 11! No, we're not. Alright, this is a fire you're the only advice pod

on the web, hosted by us. I'm Amir. I'm Josh. We're back, baby. We're in the same studio. In LA. That's correct. On the day, so you can watch this on our YouTube channel, or you can just continue listening as one does. Do you watch any podcasts as a video?

Or are you mostly still an audio kind of guy? Yeah, no, I don't. Just all audio. Most of my podcast consumption is while I'm driving or commuting somewhere. Right, when your hands are busy. A lot of people like to keep it on and on their computer in the background.

Yeah, I can't... My brother does that. I can't... I can't focus. You can only do one thing at a time. Words will get jumbled in my brain. And you have to treat the podcast with reverence. Yes. Even cleaning a dish sort of pulls your focus away from the

joy of the 11 likes. Amazing. Let me touch it. It'd be cool if I can hit this and Casey hits it at the same time. Diggy, could you do that, Casey? Yeah, one second. Let me unlike it. Alright.

Ready? Oh, I actually like this tweet. It's a board. It's a touchscreen board. Wow, let's see who these 11 likes are. Everything is big. Yes, even Pip Azul loved it. Amazing. Even Snap the Hap.

Fat Brad. Wow. Alright. First question. This one's kind of weird. It's about a shirt. So we'll call this guy Seth Hurt.

That's good. So his initials are S-Hurt. A few weeks ago, a friend of mine made it known that he was trying to buy this shirt from Old Navy, but he couldn't find it in his size. There just weren't any mediums to be found in any Old Navy store in New York or otherwise.

This particular shirt has become hard to get because of its popularity in Our Flag Means Death fans community, which I'm a part of, due to the fact that there are oranges on it. It's like a button-up shirt with a bunch of oranges on it. Alright. Have you seen that show, Our Flag Means Death, Casey?

I know of it. I haven't seen it. Okay. I guess oranges are a thing, and somebody either wears this shirt or talks about it. Alright. I decided that I would keep an eye out on the Old Navy's website for mediums being restocked, cut to a week or so later after checking on a whim, and I find the medium shirts have been available

with the warning. Only a few left on the listing. I take a screenshot and send it to my friend and set about ordering the shirt for myself because I was in a buying mood and damn it, yeah. I want the iconic OFMD Old Navy orange shirt, too.

Oh, there you go. So it must be an iconic shirt on the show. Uh-huh. As I'm placing my order, my friend sees my messages and tries to get his own, but his phone has connections issues, and then by the time he gets there, the mediums are out of stock. Friends, I think there was only one medium,

and I bought it. The connection issues were probably just Old Navy updating the shirt's stock. It's now a week later, and he's still mentioning that he's checking the website daily, and that he has a summer shirt. And Old Navy is switching their collection to a fall-focused vibe.

I fear his chances are low. And now for the conundrum. I didn't tell him I ordered the shirt. I let him think it was purely un-luck on his part that some other fan must have copped it. Now I'm racked with guilt not knowing what to do. Should I just give it to him?

Should I make sure it's never wear it in front of him? Should I stuff it into my back closet forever and let it become a shirt with love to know what you would do? Best. Seth Hurt. And we're at 15 likes. Amazing. Halfway home.

It's... I just don't think you can wear that shirt with a clear conscience. Like, you won't have a good time in that shirt. The shirt is supposed to project a fun vibe. You're having a good time.

You're carefree, but you won't be carefree if you're worried about your friend seeing the shirt. That's right. The only way that shirt can exist in a carefree environment? Yeah, that can't be a shame shirt. You have to bring it to the camera. It's a shirt with oranges as the pattern. A button-up shirt.

It's a pretty good looking shirt. Yeah, totally cool. I think that the... the gift of giving it to your friend will be really fun. He'll be very, very happy because he's still thinking about the shirt. He feels like he missed out. I mean, that's one option. The other option is

to bury it in your closet and treat it as a shame shirt so nobody gets to wear it. That's fine, too. You guys sort of have the power of the shirt without wearing the shirt. Right. But the friend doesn't get to have the shirt either. No one gets the shirt. No one gets the shirt. And someday

your friend might find the shirt in your closet. You'll have to explain what you did. Which is, bought the shirt and felt so bad that I hid the shirt. Right. Felt so bad that you couldn't wear it in front of the friend, and you also didn't feel bad enough to give it to the friend. That's right. I mean, you got a great gift on your hand.

If there's a birthday coming up or any occasion, really. I think it's a worthwhile gift. Yeah. You corner yourself into a place where you can't wear the shirt. Yeah. Could they split the shirt? Two friends, one shirt. Yeah, you could. I did that

with my friends in high school. We just were like, what if we all just could wear each other's clothes? We would have like, everyone would have bigger... This was the time when it was like you needed to wear an Abercrombie and Fitch shirt at school to be cool. Like a polo? Yeah.

Not a polo, like a t-shirt, a sweater. As long as it said Abercrombie on it, you were good. Or even just an AF. Right, exactly. So people knew that you were savage. Precisely. So I was going to a different school than my friends, and I was like, well, I only have three Abercrombie shirts, but you guys have

three Abercrombie shirts, so like I'll compile these Abercrombie shirts. They'll think I have like nine shirts. They'll think my wardrobe is limitless. Yeah. Did you have that anxiety in high school that you were wearing the same clothes too much?

No, I don't think so. We had like a uniform up until pretty late, like a climate school uniform. Interesting. I rarely deviated or wore anything special. I didn't think about fashion at all until... I didn't think about fashion, but I thought about if I wore this shirt last week, I can't

wear it again this week. Right now I wear the same clothes every day all the time. You do? Well, I basically wear white t-shirt every single day. Yesterday you wore a blue shirt. Yeah, that's rare, but I also wore that shirt the day before. Interesting. Yeah. Do you have any red shirts?

Yeah, I do. Do you have a black shirt? Yeah, I do. Green? Yes. So it seems like you have more than just white shirts. I don't wear them all. I wear mostly white shirts. Mostly. Almost all.

By the way, your shirt is pretty red and blue right now, though. Yeah, this one is a little bit of color. Do you have any strictly white shirts? No. I hate wearing white. All right, so give your friend the shirt. I think so.

It's a nice Jess shirt to do that. We're up to 18 likes on the tweet. Amazing. Is there something with Jess shirt? Jess shirt. Let's delete this tweet. I have an idea. No way. It's not just a shirt. You want to get a rival tweet going on.

A gesture of a gesture shirt. It's a gesture. For example. EG. Oh my god, it hopped up to 20. What is my life? Oh my god. This show takes place in

the 19th century. Why is somebody wearing an old navy orange shirt? I don't feel like they're wearing an old navy shirt in the show. It must have something to do with oranges. Our flag means, maybe let's take a break.

We'll come back with the answer to this question. What does this orange shirt have to do with it? Perfect. 21. Amazing. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell, yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam

and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress. Yes, sir. Helix makes a really great mattress line. You take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you.

Jake's been bragging about completing this two-minute honestly, like, BuzzFeed light quiz. I know how you sleep for the better part of the decade. I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it.

Because you got the mattress and it was great. Yeah, I got the perfect mattress. Thank god. Thank god I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows? Come on.

Yes, this is their best offer yet and no, it won't last long with Helix. The better sleep starts now. So regardless of how you sleep, whether you like it soft, medium or firm, Helix has 20 unique mattresses just ready to go based on how you fill up that sleep

preference and they'll send you the best one and if you go to helixsleep.com that's 20% off. Amazing. Thank you, Helix. Sleep well. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow. Years and years and years we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because it's the best

way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website. So if you're building an online portfolio for yourself or a loved one or you want to sell stuff online, you can do an online

store. They have 24 seven live customer support email campaigns data. You can even purchase a domain name through Squarespace. For example, I didn't even look this up but there's no way you can't buy a mere Blumenfeld

is a gooddude.com I bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life and maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want

a website? So the best way to do that is to go to Squarespace.com slash if I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Again

Squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you Squarespace. And we're back. Yes. The tweets heating up. There's no two ways about it.

The tweet has heat. It's a heat tweet. Hold on to your seat because this tweet has heat. Let's go. We have 23 likes and the responses are just through the roof. Better prepare the SoundCloud link Amir. Says Ryan because whenever something goes viral you want to drop that SoundCloud.

Baseball erectus says good tweet. Amir's tweets explain gives a dog looking quizzically. Yeah. Somebody created an account to sort of explain my tweets. This guy is stumped. Right. That makes sense. I like this one KJ McFlannell's

Is this an Eminem lyric? That's really nice. Yeah. Because it does sort of rhyme within the sentence. And Marshall does sort of do that occasionally. Yep. And what about Sammy? Does not like this tweet. This is polarizing. Sammy says typically to something like this I'd say hurry man

it's not too late to delete this but I'm afraid that's not the case here and I'm just really fucking worried. That's pretty good actually. I like that I've cultivated 24 likes. Wow. I've cultivated an environment for the trolls to

feel at home. Yeah. That's what you want. Yeah. I want like one day I'm going to die and then just thousands of little cockroaches spilling out of me. Out of you. What has happened to your shoe? These are old

old old holes. It's covered in holes. Yeah. Because the meshes gets thinner on the day. I play tennis in these. They get stretched. I see. At a certain point the structural integrity of the fabric. You don't have tennis shoes? You should really have more supportive shoes than that to play tennis. Well the ultra boosts

are good until they flatten out and wear out but when I wear like new ultra boosts when I play tennis it feels very comfortable. I think there's a little too much flexibility there. Oh interesting you want like almost like a basketball shoe. Yeah. Exactly. You're on hardcore. Yeah. I don't want it to get

too restricted as well. Right. There's a happy medium. Don't people say like tennis shoes and sneakers like interchangeably? Tennis shoes. Yeah. But you rarely play tennis in tennis shoes. I bought a pair of tennis shoes a long time ago. Like ten years ago. Yeah. They are. I think they

had a little more structure than a typical sneaker. Yeah. But yeah you can play tennis in sneakers. Really any shoe. Yeah. Pretty much. Okay. Here's another question. Okay. 25. I mean I really like the 31 and a half over under the line that I see. You'll definitely hit it.

We're slowing down for sure but and zero retweets. Nobody wanted to signal boost which I found odd right. Yeah. Why wouldn't anybody want to say. So at the end of the day this actually might be a pretty poor

performing tweet or is this like yeah. If you tweet something and it's got 24 25 likes in this amount of time are you encouraged or is that just normal. That's pretty low. Pretty low. All right. All right. So you're actually you're happy

that you're going to beat the line that I you're only barely and ultimately it's yeah. I feel like there's a joke to be made of that's why they call it EG. Yeah. I

could reply to that. That's also why it's called EG. I guess that's why they call it window pain. That's why they call it EG

apostrophe for egg sample. You're constantly trying to add that. Egg sample. That's why they call it E dot G dot. Isn't that what it is? E dot G dot. I think so. Lowercase, right? Yeah.

I should have had that in the original tweet. Mm-hmm. I'm going to reply to this tweet with that. That'll sort of signal boost the original as the and you don't want to throw in the egg sample at all. Egg sample.

That's why they call it E dot G dot for egg sample. It means egg sample. Egg sample. E dot S. I thought the tweet was going to be a sample of ample eggs is an egg

sample for example. Oh. That's really good. I have to delete this. What did we write? A sample. Wait, what did you say it was going to be?

A sample of ample eggs is an egg sample for example. That is good. That's why they call it EG. I'm tweeting that's why they call it EG. We're up to 28 likes. I guess that's why they call it EG

leading eggs. 29 likes. Sampling eggs under the covers. Who sings that song? What is this episode? What is this episode? It's because we just recorded.

It's because this is the second one we recorded today. People are going to think that's why they call it EG was like this secret little explainer but like that was just a completely separate joke that we found later. That's what they call a tweet ruiner.

You're what my Twitter coach calls a tweet ruiner. You never feel be urged to tweet a one line or ever? No. You never come up with jokes that you're like I wish I had a place for them to be. From my draft a while ago

do you ever drink pre-workout to jerk off? I thought that one was almost good. Pre-workout to jerk off. So I almost I don't have

these numbers. I don't have a Twitter presence. You don't have the need to get that off your chest in a way. I guess that's what this podcast is for. Feel free to do the jerk off. It's too blue. Unfortunately it's not for your brand.

I'm more of a word play. We're just with poet. I'm a slant poet of Harlem. Here we go. Pre-G. Yes. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes. Roommate Dilemma. We already answered this one. My friend had a sex dream about me. Hot. Call this guy Turtle Todd.

To Koi Jews one a golden mic god and the other a turdy named Todd. I write to you with a ridiculous situation. I've been hanging out with one of my female friends whose boyfriend moved away lately quite a bit. Typically always in a group

but a couple of one-on-one hangouts. I've heard her complain about her boyfriend here and there to me including one venting session where she cracked out the phrase I feel like this could be the beginning of the end. Love that. On top of that I've been getting an occasional

vibe from her that cultivated in her telling me today that she had a sex dream involving me. I don't want to undermine her relationship but at the same time I feel like if they broke up we could for sure get together which would obviously be ideal. How do I continue

to be cool about the situation or should I do something else? Should I stoke the fire and campaign against my buddy her boyfriend for selfish intentions? Oh it's his buddy? I guess so. Either way in the coming months

come to a city so nice they named it Rice on the next live tour. I guess this person lives near Rice, Texas. Near Dallas. It's a hub. Truly yours. Turtle Todd. Turtle Todd, TT.

So it feels like there's not really anything you have to. All of this is happening. It seems like it's inevitable. For it to happen just keep on doing what you're doing which is hanging out one on one and

her boyfriend doesn't live there. The issue I think you would have maybe said something to reciprocate the sex dream. I had a sex dream about you like wow that's awesome. I had a sex

I had one about you too. Let's make our dreams come true. I think you could be like I also had the same kind. What if you were like I had the same dream. I have the same dream. And then you send her a link to the I have a dreams

no I don't know about that. Unrelated. That's not necessary. It's actually it's not. It's in bad taste. It's in bad form. I see this trend sometimes where it's like I didn't cheat on my girlfriend because we were about to break

up so then I hooked up with this other girl and that sort of incentivized me to end this relationship. It was like the kick in the butt I needed so there was like a pre-cheat overlapping situation. How are you already in a relationship? Oh nothing really happened until this relationship is ending so

I'll cheat to make it definitely 100% like now I have to break up with my boyfriend because I cheated on him. So she's sort of trending in that direction where it's like I'm already emotionally cheating. We're having one on one calls. I'm complaining about the boyfriend to this guy to have

a crush on. I mean if you care at all about your relationship with your buddy don't do the cheating thing. The only way you could even like possibly salvage the relationship is for them to break up and then you can hook up

and then like further on down the line you can tell your friend that you're dating her if that's what you want. It's got to be a distance away. Great distance. Unfortunately it's got to be greater than the distance that they were together almost. Yeah. They're together for three years and then you start dating her three weeks

later. That's not going to fly. Does it say three years? No. But it could be one of those relationships that have lasted too long. Yeah. It's complicated. Basically what is he asking for?

Do I continue to just be cool about it or do I stoke the fire and campaign against my buddy? But he's asked like how do I make this happen? Do I be cool or do I try? Yeah. So I think either way, I think it's going to happen either way. He wants it to happen. What I want you to do is think about if you actually

want it to happen or if you're just kind of turned on by the whole idea. Yeah. She breaks up with this guy. Would you be excited or would you be like, oh, I don't necessarily want to date you. I just wanted to kiss once. Yeah. It's going to be messy. It's going to be messy. At the very least if you guys, I don't know. So I wouldn't stoke the fire.

Keep it a secret but don't do the cheating thing. Do it after they break up and keep it a secret. Don't start dating. This one is very, we have a very similar question. Let's see if this has a very similar answer, which is I'm currently interested in this girl I met at

uni. She's funny, sweet, and I feel like I can really be myself around her. That being said, she has a boyfriend. Now this may be me just being lonely and horny but I see a lot of things she does as signs like inviting me to go ice skating or going shopping for clothes with her. Today we hung out and she started to talk about

maybe breaking up with her boyfriend. This is crazy. It's almost an identical question. Any hoot, my question is do I make her more interested in me romantically without crossing the line with her arguably expiring relationship? And if she does break up, how long should I wait before making my move? Right.

This one is more fair because you're not friends with the boyfriend. Yeah, this is just a random guy. Yeah. If you're getting invited on the ice skating trips, if you're going shopping, that's also trending towards I don't know what more you could do to try to break

them and the boyfriend up. But I do kind of feel like if you want them to break up, inserting yourself is not a good idea. The guy that's like the other guy always has the competitive advantage over the relationship guy because he's just

like the platonic ideal of a guy. You don't have to ever like food with him. You don't have to introduce him to your family. He's just like he could be whatever you want. And the more your partner pisses you off, the better that other person seems because that has none of the baggage. All right, there's no complaints about this

guy yet. He's just the other guy. Right. So I think the best thing you can usually be is that idealized version of yourself just existing outside the relationship rather than being like let's go ice skating again. It's like, yeah,

don't be too much. Yeah. You don't want to be not nothing at all either. Right. You want to just sort of show yourself. You just have to be a source of yes. Didn't you have positivity and delight? Didn't you have like a, some like phrase for this like back in the day?

Oh, passive persistence. Yeah, you have to be passively there persistent but not like blatant about it. Yeah, just kind of like consistently around available. You basically, you can't force anything, but you can't just wait in the wings

eager. But be cool about it. Any updates about the boys? Oh, I haven't taken up my ice skates yet. I would never be on a dating app. That would take me off the market just in case

you become suddenly avail. Oh, but that is interesting. That's playing a very dangerous game though. When you start talking about, oh, I'm dating this other girl. Right. I'm going on a date tonight. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. Okay, let's take a break. Thanks to sponsors. Come back and answer more questions.

38 likes. We done did it. A sample of ample eggs is an example. Crazy. I never thought this would be. Imagine if we had done it case this way. We'll never know what that's like unless I wait 10 years and tweet it to a completely new set of strangers.

Yeah, wait for everyone who's liked this tweet to die off. By then, that will like be the like a new pledge of allegiance though. It won't be a true sample. In our dystopian society. We're talking up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates. Holy smokes.

And for 25 years, Stamps.com has been indispensable for over 1 million businesses. So if 1 million businesses can trust Stamps.com, certainly you can too. Set your business up for success with Stamps.com today. Just sign up with promo code if I were you

for a special offer. I'll see you next time. Bye. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum podcast.

I'll see you next time. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech-savvy family member

that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for

Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great. Really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos

as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the aura frame.

We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife. And you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit. Like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah.

Yeah, kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an aura.

Yeah. Thank you. The aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app. Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could

be funny. Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah, it's a great gift. A really,

really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit auraframes. That's A-U-R-A frames.com And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best-selling frames. There it is.

Oh, wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's auraframes. A-U-R-A frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on.

Thank you, aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. And we're back. Yeah. It's crazy to think that we started this episode without this tweet and I'm going to leave this studio and everything will be different. A changed man. Yeah.

I can never go out to get eggs anymore. Right, exactly. I hope you, I hope last time you were in a supermarket you took a mental picture and you locked in that feeling of what it felt like to be able to wander through the isles anonymous

and to not have people turning their heads and saying that's the guy with the tweet because you can't leave. Can you hear that outside? No, I can't. They're throwing a fucking parade for you. They're throwing eggs. They're throwing eggs in the studio for you. Okay. They love you.

You're America's sweet tart. Yeah. Meaning. Like, like kind of like a breakfast based thing. No. A tart. Yeah, a tart. Yeah.

America's. I'm going to tweet on America's sweet tart. Ruin all the goodwill. The likes on this one goes all the way down to 28. No. God damn it. I lost him.

I was a star. Now I'm a tar. All right. Somebody asks us about Bible study at the office. Nice. Interesting. Let's do it. I'm a civil engineer in Chicago who will call

Alex Caruso writes, I've got a little bit of a conundrum. I recently started coming back into work and I'm sitting now next to a new hire. Let's call him Zachariah. Zachariah is fresh out of college and very eager to excel as the gears of capitalism has ground his spirit down yet.

Nice. He comes in early, stays late. He works through lunch when he's busy. The only issue comes from the ladder one of our project managers hosts a Bible study in his free time during his lunch. Weird. But he grabs his own conference room

when he's in the office and doesn't bother anyone with it. Recently he must have invited Zachariah to attend these Bible studies. The problem is we have an open office plan and Zachariah has decided to attend these Bible studies at his desk so he can continue to work.

Zachariah isn't just listening but he's also contributing to the conversation about the Lord and what Christ intended. I'll be honest, I'm not into the church making it's way... I don't like... Sorry.

I'll be honest, I'm not into the church making it's way into my place of work. It's just really unprofessional in my opinion. My question is basically how do I tell him he shouldn't be doing his book club at the desk and should find a room elsewhere or should I just not say anything

in fact, you guys are both bosses working with young people fresh out of college have you ever had to let anyone know they were being unprofessional? Thanks in advance P.S. Go Bills. We love Casey's Bible study. Casey has a Bible study.

He's at his desk leading a zoom for two other people who work in New York. And the Lord's just with one earpiece in yelling into an empty office and Angie worships the devil. She's a Satanist. Is that an issue? It shackles a seventh day

Adventist. An Adventist. I never even considered talking about Bible study as being unprofessional. I don't know if you could talk to someone about that. If somebody came to us and they were like, oh, we want to use the conference room

for a Bible study. There's three other employees that want to do this. During our lunch break. It'd be weird to say no. Yeah, you couldn't say no, I don't think. I can't you? They can't use your office for their religious gathering?

Well, it's a conference room. It's an empty room. Yeah, but I... You want to say no? I think I would say no. I don't like religion at all. But if they were like, we want to meet every day and talk about surfing for an hour over lunch,

you'd be like, that's okay. Because no one's ever gone on a crusade and murdered people who didn't serve. But if they wanted to then talk about Jesus, you would say no point. Yeah, because I think that makes people uncomfortable.

Namely me. But I would be like, yeah, you guys should do your Bible study. Go out to lunch and do it somewhere. It doesn't have a place in the office. But also, I wouldn't say any of this because I'd be too afraid. And I would be like, why don't you ask Cohen

if this shouldn't happen? If this were happening for me and I was not a boss, I think I would go to the host of the study and be like, this is happening with the new hire. It's disruptive. You don't have to say anything about it.

I don't like God. If this dude were doing anything that loud in the middle of the office... They should do it in private. Like how Jews used to play dreidels. Someone's coming. Instead of playing a dreidel. I think it was the other way.

They invented the dreidel. Just kidding, we were playing a game. How it's the opposite. I'll bet there was a bunch of Jews who were just playing dreidel and weren't reading. They weren't actually reading at all. The dreidel wasn't just a disguise from the book.

It was also good to gamble. It's a gambling game. It's a roulette spitting. I think I would go to Zachariah and be like, you have to go to the conference room but go to the leader of the study and be like, can you tell the people who are taking your study from the open office

and contributing that they should come to the study? Conversations about quote the Lord and what Christ intended. Does that mean he's on a zoom at his desk? This dude is hosting a Bible study

in the conference room and is also zooming for people who are working from home and who want to go to it. Zachariah is like, I don't want to be up from my desk because I want to work really hard but I do want to go to the Bible study so I'll do it from out here.

Such a specific problem. It only exists in rice taxes. Is this one in rice? No, this one's in Chicago actually. Pretty liberal city. It can happen anywhere. I would. What if somebody wanted to say grace before lunch?

I think I'd allow grace before lunch. I like saying grace because you're just thanking the man upstairs. It's about being present in the moment and being grateful. I think maybe if they every single time

were like, and blessed Jesus for what he said. That's what grace is. It's thanking God. But then you could go around like, maybe I'll say grace today and I'll just be like, thank you for this bounty and these relationships that I have. And this is to God. God isn't real. Amen. So when you say thank you for this bounty,

who are you talking about? Me because I bought it. Thank you to me for this bounty that we have. It's a touchy subject, but that's why it shouldn't be brought up. In work, yeah. I don't know what the legality of it is. It seems probably legal.

Right, I think they're dealing with this in the Supreme Court now. What separation? There's that thing where like the football coach wanted after all of the games for the players to like take a knee and lead them in Jesus' prayer.

The Lord's prayer. But then the Supreme Court was like, well actually you can do that because you can't like suppresses right to religion. But then you can't force it everybody to participate. Because everybody should just do what they want. Yeah, do what you want. But we are privately owned companies

so we do get to decide what the conference rooms are used for. They can be used for a surfing discussion but not a Bible one. I'm going to write an email to the company now to sort of try to nip it in the bud just in case it comes up. Well this is why I'm the Chief Creative Officer

and not the COO. This situation is like this. That's really cool. I might do the Hamotsi though before lunch today. Yeah, you can do that but I'm going to tattle on you. Yeah.

It seems like you just want to tattle on people. You want to be a whistleblower. Ideally. You get off to the idea that you're blowing whistles or some shit like that. Tweet that. Alright, thanks for that really unique curveball.

We never answered a question like that. That's right. About whether this guy can sit next to you discussing the Bible. How much is there to read into the Bible by the way? It's like a book club about the same thing over and over. That's what the Torah is to you.

You get it. You figured it out. We read this book. What else you got? They discuss it. They debate it. That was for a year. That already feels like over.

It feels like it's definitely been done. It's like a book club but you're reading the same book over and over. Alright, sweet. We're done and we're at 44 fucking likes. How cool is that? Damn.

That feels like I spoke truth to power. Damn. That's cool. I'm trying not to fucking cry. You are crying a lot. I'm really trying not to cry right now. Yeah, you're failing at that. Weeping.

It's another thing you can't do in the office. Don't fucking cry a lot at the office. Can we say that? Can we say you can't cry? At your desk? Go to the conference room to cry. Go to the Bible study if you want to cry. Alright, cool. Thank you for listening.

Thank you for watching. You can, of course, still watch us on the YouTube channel. We're in the same studio so it's going to be a nice episode for you guys to check out. We're also still making videos for our Patreon. Patreon.com. The opening theme song,

the closing theme song, is that ever wrong parody. Ever long parody. Ever wrong. By Lorne Mintz. Lorne Mintz. We only listened to the first 40 seconds. This is the full version.

Let's hear it. Hello I've been in line so long To meet you And now The moments finally come To shake both their hands I'm the biggest fan of yours

Oh no I went for the handshake Touched Jake's balls Quick think Of something funny to say Not a Jewish roast I'm here, must think I'm a joke A joke

I can't save this Oh no I think I'm gonna YARF I wish that I was anywhere but here now I just vomited onto Jewish Podcasters I feel like I'll be put on blast for this Somehow a mirror went a-turning for this

This This This