If I Were You - 56: Business Ideas

Episode Date: January 27, 2014

In this episode we discuss climbing and grandmas. Then we make a SuperBowl bet.This episode is brought to you by LegalZoom: Online legal services, made easy! Check out LegalZoom.com and use either coupon code "Jake" or "Amir" for a discount -- http://zoo.mn/GPfH89See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

You're insecure, don't know what for If I were you, I wouldn't be like that anymore Your dad is lame, you are ashamed You do, you see the cheese clearly shakes the blame You can't hear all this silver light You'll make a fool of you I mean, you light up the world like nobody else The way the jigslist is here gets me overwhelmed

But when you're down in the dumps it won't just tell Oh, oh, oh Listen to the fucking truth Oh no He was getting stung by a lobster at the end What? Yeah, lobster stung us Lobsters don't have stings

I know, well that's why that noise came out of him He was so shocked I think you were just stung by a lobster And a scorpion What the hell was that? What was my joke or what was that ending? I guess both Now I'm doubly confused

I was confused by his noise And then more so I was confused by you describing that noise As someone being stung by a lobster Enough, actually Alright You don't have to put two people on blast Within the first 30 seconds of that fucking episode You know what?

To be fair, sometimes people deserve to be put on blast And? I think it's a justified case of being put on blast So right now, just to be clear You're putting not only me on blast But Rosmarine, Norgi and Christian from Holland Who submitted that one direction parody Makes a lot of sense that they're from Holland

Why? I don't know Because I just imagine everyone talks like that in Holland I do love that song You don't know you're beautiful Listen to the pikes sure Is that what he says at the end? Yeah

Oh, okay, that makes a lot more sense I think maybe that dude should have let Rosmarine sing the last line of song Give Norgi a frickin' chance to shine This is Norgi's hour of power Especially if Norgi just was stung by a lobster I think his sister Enough I imagine their brother and sister

I also imagine their brother and sister Did you say anything about that? No, they're Siamese triplets, he says Wow, there's just a dead fetus on both of their backs That's Norgi Oh, dude, I was thinking about conjoined twins this weekend To be able to talk to you about this Hey, this is uh

Excuse me What? Oh, can they masturbate? Yeah No one's talking about it Yeah, I know no one's talking about it No one's talking about it I think you should take that lead from everyone else and not talk about it either

I'm just curious Well, would they... Conjoined twins could be anything It could be like conjoined at the hand And then it's mostly two bodies They could be like a two-headed person What were you about to say? A two-headed monster

You son of a bitch That's what I'm saying though That's what I'm saying though If you're like inseparable conjoined twins Uh huh Then um Like do they masturbate? Yeah, no, I know what you're saying

It was very clear from your first question And I googled it And? I was sure I would find an answer, but nothing I checked Yahoo Answers and Quora Nairing an AMA request for a conjoined twin To be interviewed on Reddit I think there's never been an AMA of conjoined twins on Reddit

There was an AMA request, I think, actually But um, nobody... It was all jokes Everybody was joking about the masturbating And no one's trying to find out any real answers Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's a lot of more actual scientific questions about conjoined twins That you should probably get answered before the whole

I know a lot about conjoined twins Because I've read a lot about them this weekend When I was curious And? Um, I know that they have sex less than other people Yeah In a sense What with them being two fused humans

Well, a lot of them compare Being with their conjoined twin As having found their soulmate They're like their second part Oh, like they wouldn't... Is it like one of those things? So yeah, they don't necessarily need sex They're not as sexual as

You know, somebody who's like lonely And wants to be with somebody They have someone Do they prefer to be conjoined? I mean, it didn't... Because it's all they know? Well, yeah, I didn't say anything about that See, this is why we need that AMA

Yeah Anyway, this is a five for you The only advice podcast We've been halfway done talking about this shit Holy crap Sorry, I'll ease it On the internet, hosted by us I'm Amir

And I'm Jake And... We... Are out of time Alright, wow This is a micro episode Five minutes and done Okay

So, how does it work? People find themselves in difficult places They email us at Ifireeshowatgmail.com We read their questions And try to give our advice Perfect Todah, Todah, robot

Let's get into it You know, even when I do well I really don't appreciate That you're the fucking arbiter Yeah, that you still... You're still quietly Look to me with the end When you're done talking

I hate that You know, yeah, that's on you though That's on you though I hate that you've trained me To seek your approval Sorry, dude Like some sort of Sorry, I'm not sorry

Hashtag sorry, not sorry What an embarrassing thing to say Worse than being stung by a lobster? Worse than I'll just leave this here Oh, yeah Oh, god, I'll just leave this here What are some embarrassing things To write on your own Facebook wall?

Want This period This All of the this No shits were given that gay All right, should we get this party started? Up in here Up in here

Okay We are going to be reading real emails From real people But we're going to be giving them fake names To preserve their anonymity So, you got a fake name for me in this guy? Chris Sharma All right

Pretty specific But here we go All right Chris Sharma writes Hey guys, love the show I sent you an email a little while back About a girl who wants to go climbing with me Who has a boyfriend

The problem was essentially that I'm super into her Don't know how to handle going on climbing trips with her Well, now she's coming on a multi-day climbing excursion With me and some friends Camping Spending the whole day together And I'll be working on projects So I'll need to be focused on climbing hard

On top of this She's applying at my work A rock climbing gear store So I might have to work with her too My question is How should I handle this? I like this girl a lot She climbs

She's funny She's smart And she's a goddamn dime Should I play it cool and wade in the wings? Should we just be friends? Or should I avoid her Until she breaks up with her boyfriend? Some help would be greatly appreciated

Thanks guys Chris Sharma This is so funny Because I'm really imagining Chris Sharma Wrote that email Just this lean, handsome man Chris Sharma, for anybody not That doesn't know

I don't know why you wouldn't Chris Sharma is one of the best rock climbers in the world Yeah, I know why people wouldn't know that So this guy, Chris Sharma Now I'm going on a multi-day rock climbing excursion I work at a gear store No, you don't, Chris Sharma You are a gear store

Shit Will you go rock climbing Even on rock climbing expeditions? Yeah Is it romantic inherently? Oh my god, yeah Because it's like It's physical

It's physical A lot of shirtless dudes Just pumping through rock climbing bouldering roots It's primal, you know Working your way up the wall Then you also have people's lives in your hands If he's doing... If he's like sport climbing

Yeah Or trad climbing Then he's like belaying this girl Just holding her Holding her Feeling her weight She's belaying him Yeah

He'd like to belay her End of the day You're sitting around the campfire The sun's going down It's that magic hour You crack open a beer And oh my god Somebody starts playing acoustic guitar

You gotta go retreat to your tent Just to J-O, dude You gotta be J-O in your tent, my man Why? Just so you can keep those feelings at bay Keep those feelings away J-A I say

Yeah, this is tough She's smart, funny, a dime, and she climbs I want her, motherfucker Keep her away Keep her away from me Look out, boss Cause I bolder a V2 Which is the second easiest thing

You can bolder The third easiest There's a V0 and a V1 You son of a bitch Thank you not to bring it up Yeah, alright, easy does it But climbers love other climbers, right? Like how well you can climb is a huge thing

Amongst the climbing community Like a girl who's not that attractive Would be extra attractive if she was an awesome climber Yeah, definitely she would be extra attractive If she was a great climber Though I'm not sure that like How good you climb is super important I feel like there's how much you love it

Is what's important Rock climbers are like a very, very cool group of people They're a little more chill It's not about like, oh what can you climb It's more about like, do you love it, you know? Yeah You have chalk all over your hands All over the microphone

It's funny that you love Chalk your hands in a full heart You have this split personality Where it's like half of you loves rock climbing And then the other half of you would like Also loves getting wasted And going to like clubs in Vegas Right, the two powders I love

Are ground up moon rocks Just snorting a line off of my kitchen counter Rolling my face off and going to Brooklyn Bowl Or Waking up at the crack of dawn, trying to Chalk up my hands and hiking into Red Rocks This past weekend when I was in Vegas It was like the two, both of my personalities

Like during the day I was climbing And at night I was just like in a club with my brother Yeah, that was your happy zone Yeah, I don't know, I think since I've been here I've been way more into The day Yeah, climbing, exercising, being healthy It's the LA lifestyle

I think it's half LA lifestyle And also half living at your parents' house lifestyle My mom is pretty epic task master What did you say, lights out at 10? Yeah, well I don't have to be I don't have to be asleep at 10 I just have to be in my room with the lights off at 10 I don't actually have a bedtime

That's when she tucks you in Yeah, and then like I really should be asleep By 10.30 or 11 when she comes to check in on me But sometimes I can fake it Unless she listens to my breathing and she's like I can tell you're not really asleep This is fake, fake breath And then she like, she moves the down comforter away from you

And she sees that you're actually like holding a bite-sized snicker And you're like, ooh it's okay because I haven't brushed my teeth yet And she's like, well dessert was at 8 Now the sugar is gonna make it so you're up until 11 Yeah, and the other night she slapped me across the face Backhanded I said, I left my room at 11.15 I said, I'm actually a bit thirsty

Can I have a spot of water? She actually wound up There was like a backswing on this And she borderline punched me in the face She said she slapped the thirst out of you Except if you're hungry for more I got one more coming If you really need something else Which wasn't even true because I started weeping

And it made me feel very dehydrated Yeah, you were losing a lot of that salt water, that sodium Yeah This dude What do you do? Climbing aside, we'll talk about climbing all day You started rock climbing too Yeah, I really like it

Do you enjoy it? Mm-hmm What's your favorite part about it? I think getting to the top Getting to the top Getting to the top of a root feels good Yeah Yeah, and leaving feels good

Like putting moisturizer on your blistered ass hands So your two favorite things about climbing Both don't necessarily involve the actual climbing Oh no, climbing is the worst part Being at the top and then not putting the lotion on it Yeah, resting and leaving and lotion You know what? I think I'm just gonna buy a ladder and a lotion

Yeah, if you just take a ladder to the top of the wall And there's lotion up there That's all you really need That would be ideal That would be Ikeel Ikeels So the real question is how into this boyfriend or she If it's a new relationship I'd say maybe it's worth trying to

So some seeds of doubt If it's like a If it's been going on for a really long time You can wait it out because it might be almost over But if it's in like the lovey-dovey Super intense hardcore period This guy's got nothing to do but wait Right, I also feel like

Sowing seeds of doubt sounds um Borderline illegal There ain't nothing illegal about it Right, just like chipping away But I think that He also has a better chance of this other guy's not a climber And he is Oh yeah, that's

I mean that's it, game over If you just start climbing harder than that dude does Even if he does climb You become the best Yeah, if he's a better climber than you We suggest doing nothing Yeah, we suggest you lose Yeah, quit the gear store

Pick up a different hobby boss Tip your king over This is checkmate, he's got you beat I don't think that they're like Sowing the seeds of doubt as you say Isn't necessarily You can't do it by being like your boyfriend The right way to do it is just by being yourself

Be great Yeah, be great in her presence Yeah, that's all it is And then she'll realize that There's somebody better than her boyfriend And then you express interest in her And she's like, wow, the guy that's better than my boyfriend Likes me

I'm gonna jump ship That is if you are better than her boyfriend Right, so first step Be better Find out if you're better than her boyfriend If you are, great If you're not, be better If you become better

Then make the move And if you can't become better Peace out Those are your options, Chris Sharma But I wouldn't ignore Just be your friend, be there for her, be cool Be good in her presence Which you should be doing anyway

Even if you didn't like her You should just be good Yeah So do that You can always be thinner, look better That's not what I meant by be good But it is correct Alright, we need another name

Because we're gonna answer another question Alex Honnold Alex Honnold writes Hey guys I got accepted to a scientific PhD scholarship Which will start soon The workplace is very nice Good weather, no stress or traffic

And the work environment is friendly The problem is That I cannot get out of my mind Some business ideas I have So I'm really not focused or motivated For the PhD But the scholarship will get me A steady income for some years

In contrast with the serious risk of starting a business In the middle of an economic crisis Should I throw myself to the sea And find out if I drown or swim? Love the show, wish the best for you Alex Honnold Wow Hmm

Honnold Sticky, sticky, sticky situation Always got business ideas Well yeah I've got some business ideas actually I'd be down to become a doctor But on the other hand I have an idea for a business

I actually have a couple ideas For different businesses One of the business ideas is actually pretty dope Yeah So I'm considering doing that Instead of becoming a doctor With a steady income with good weather In a friendly work environment

And last time I checked Some businesses actually do pretty damn well Have you ever heard of a little business called Nike? Yeah How about Starbucks? How it works is people buy shoes and coffee And you get a cut Yeah

Yeah So businesses don't seem to be Too bad of an idea Do they now? In fact, I can't think of a single business That's failed between Nike, Starbucks Just glancing over this New York Stock Exchange app That I have

These are all seemingly pretty profitable ideas GE? That's a good one Right, okay, right off the bat This one, Universal They seem to make real bang And actually, Clear Channel Clear Channel actually has a pretty sizeable

Sizeable net worth Yeah, and I'm looking at a steady revenue stream And I can imagine these Warner Brothers That started Warner Brothers are Pretty loaded, I think I bet they're well off And to be perfectly honest My business idea isn't much different than theirs

Yeah, in fact, it's the exact same I'm gonna finance some big picture blockbusters Business is risky Okay, buddy Being a doctor with a PhD Nice weather, no traffic In a friendly work environment That's all reward, no risk

But the heart wants what the heart wants I think you can look at the list And see the pros Which is for your PhD program Only pros One con being you don't get to work On your business ideas And then you look at your business ideas list

And it's all cons Risky financial crisis Startup money You know, likelihood of failing And they're all cons in one pro Which is you get to do what you want But is that one pro worth the cons? Here's the thing

That one con you were talking about Not being able to... Well, excuse me You were just stung by a lobster There's actually a lobster nest up there They've been buzzing about These little red bastards Yeah, there's a little hive

Over the corner A lobsters You should try lobster honey Shit will change the way you think about Lobsters and honey Shit will check your ego What was I saying? The one con of going to PhD

That you said which was Not having time to start your business Might not even be true He might be able to start his business While in the PhD program Just like a small bare bone skeleton Version of the business Just to see if it'll succeed

And then as it starts to succeed Then you can start failing at a school Because you've brought that lifeboat Closer to the ship Yeah, why don't you not get rid of your safety net Just do the PhD Work on the business as a side And when it becomes mostly business

And then the PhD is taking a back seat Then it's time to do all business Although it is ironic that We are addressing Alex Honnold here Because he's a very risky guy He does a lot of solo climbing Without a safety net Free soloing

And the cons there are You're going to die And you know what, he still goes for it That's right Because it's what he wants Fuck it, you know what man? Go for it What Honnold does is beautiful

And I think you should try to Climb half dome without any gear Yeah, I don't know It's almost like If you really wanted to do it You would have done it Well, yeah I think the two piece of advice are

No matter what If you really feel in your heart of hearts That you've got these great business ideas Then you know what, you should just go for it And try to achieve your goals But there's no reason you have to do it While sacrificing the PhD But if you really feel like

You need to do this like all or nothing Then fuck it, fuck the PhD Although this show is called If I Were You What would you do if you were this guy? I would clearly just do the PhD program Right, and I would not You would not

That's what happened I was in college You wouldn't have gotten in Oh yeah Imagine you're smart enough To get into a PhD program Well, alright First of all, fuck you

Second of all, let me Yup, fuck you I want to take this and apply it to myself Where college humor was my business idea When I was an intern at college humor Not really your idea But sure That's like the equivalent of a risky

I have no idea what this means This internship could last one semester Or it could last a year Or it could turn into a job Whatever No idea, but I knew I liked it And then on the other side I was getting a degree in creative writing

Which isn't necessarily a PhD Yeah, not necessarily Or at all, actually Right, but I was getting a college degree Which people say that you should be doing Yeah, as a quote unquote safety net Something to fall back on So I was in college

And I had an internship And I was like, which one do I do? My boss said, you get to You can come in and work as many hours As you want whenever you're not in classes So I said, fuck it I dropped out of college And I came into college humor all the time

And look at me now, motherfucker I got a podcast The hardest thing to get Podcasts and Academy Awards Are the two trophies you get For being in show business for as long as you have This like stand that I'm holding right now Is the trophy

If I close my eyes and squeeze hard enough It's a Grammy But I think that's why I think both Well, I guess maybe not necessarily But you stayed in college Got a business degree And then also went and worked a college humor Right, so I guess it is true

If I were you, I would stay in school And if I were you, I'd drop the fuck out There you have it The little angel and devil Sitting on your shoulder Which one's which? I'm the angel Why do you think that it's so good

To go to college? How dare you Question my morality on this show Yeah, you think you're angelic Because you went to college? No, I just think you're a devil You're a bigot You think I'm a degenerate

Because I dropped out You're the one who thinks lobster is sting people That's you You didn't learn that in your four years Of fucking public education Excuse you Alright, next question Yeah

We need, I think Trying to remember if this is a lady Or a dude I think it's a guy So give me a guy's Adam Ondra Adam Ondra? Adam Ondra

Adam Ondra writes About three weeks ago My nana moved in with my mum And they don't know each other a great deal It cost my mum thousands of dollars To move my nana Because she wanted to do it

In the easiest possible way for my nana My nana is depressed and shiz And cries half of her Oh my god, I feel bad My nana is depressed and shiz And cries half of a normal day And tells my mum that she, nana Is a burden and not wanted

Which makes my mum sad And makes her house a hostile place to live I can't act out at my nana Because she is my blood But nobody is allowed to make my mum sad What would you do if I were you? Thanks, mama's boy Oh no

So this guy's mama took in his nana And his nana is acting mean to his mama And he doesn't know whether to act Uh, yell at his nana What a hard situation This is a real situation Yeah This shit's hard

But you are handling it the absolute wrong way Why? Because he's getting pissed at his nana You have to look at this from your nana's perspective Well, wouldn't she be pissed at your nana If she was yelling at your mama? I think I, well I'd feel bad for everyone

I don't get pissed I wouldn't be like Hey Grandma Yo Man up, motherfucker Yo nana Nana, you gotta nut up

If you're gonna live in my mama's house You check yourself right now Nobody makes my mum sad Nana, you gotta man up Yeah, man up Nana, nana Nana, you got no manners, nana Motherfucker

Motherfucking never allowed us Get some manners, nana And while you're at the store, get me a banana, nana I ain't a fan of my nana In fact, I'd like a fanta and a flana, nana And a bandana, nana Go make me a flana A fontana and a bandana, nana

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Then we could listen to Shenana And Arthur Fonzarelli He converted The Hanukkah song Bringing a full circle It's about time I just think you can't yell at your grandma

You're right in your... He says I can't act out at my nana Because she's my blood True Yes, it's good But I think you're harboring too much hate And resentment in your heart And you're turning it into a hostile place

To live Right now it's a sad place to live So what you need to do is Recognize the core root of the problem Which it sounds like you did, but you maybe didn't Maybe it went over your head Your nana feels like a burden To your mother and to you

So why don't you do your best To make her not feel like a burden Which will in turn make her stop crying Which will make your mom happy Which will make your nana happy Which will make you happy You're so selfish All this is to make you happy

Well, it makes... Alright You small little Jew You leprechaun Jew You're more Jewish than me I identify very strongly with My mother's side of the family My Christian faith actually guides me

I'm quite Protestant Now that I think about it And I'm tall No, that's good advice I mean, my advice is not really for him But for everyone else listening to this podcast You think you're in like a shitty place You're kind of bored

You're not really doing anything in your life Think about how much worse it can be Let's take this person And treat him as an inspiration At least you're not living at home With a mean nana Who's acting mean to your mama That's an inescapable situation

Well, not fucking inescapable You want to know what the real inescapable is Imagine you're an old nana Living at home as a burden to your daughter And some resentful prick of a grandson Everybody hates you You feel like a burden And uh oh, you are

And you're like, holy shit Die, no one's nice to me Jesus Well, at least this kid can fucking move out That's true Alright So, yeah What would you do if you were him?

What you have to do is Be nice to your elders They're the ones that have been alive for a long time They've seen a lot of shit Their whole body is hurt And they have to deal with being dead very soon So you just have to be nice to old people all the time You should definitely be nice to an old person

Who is your grandmother Who's loved you unconditionally Since the day you were born And I understand you want to protect your mother But the best way to do that Is by making your grandmother happy Not by telling her to fuck off I totally agree

You were asleep that entire time I could, yeah, I It's one of those rare occasions Where me and Jake pretty much said the same thing You, but in a different way I miss now I watched your penis grow and ejaculate In your jeans

Did we ever look up time-lapse photography Of a man having a wet dream No, we have two We have two things we need to learn more about Time-lapse photography of guys having Wet dreams and conjoined Twins masturbating Would that not be an amazing visual art

Work of Guys sleeping in a bed on his back Naked And then the camera Is facing down, bird's eye view This guy looks like Jesus on a goddamn cross All of a sudden Seemingly out of nowhere, his eyes start convulsing

His dick gets hard And it just starts ejaculating I would volunteer for that I would volunteer to Be part of a study that I just If anybody has access to some kind of laboratory I want to sleep naked Just give me a third

What are those Thermopad mattresses, what are those things Tempur-pedic Give me a temper-pedic mattress And make the room a nice balmy 74 degrees I'll sleep naked for two weeks Won't jerk off And I will have a wet dream on camera

Guaranteed wet dream On camera I want it, I love thinking about it I want it I really want it, I want that I don't know what I think about it, I want it All I want My birthday is a wet dream on camera

And then if they're out of that A big booty hoe will suffice When I die, bury me beneath the corner stout All right, it's break time This show is sponsored by BetterHelp Thank you, BetterHelp If you're finding yourself in a difficult Anxious, stressful situation

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And it's extra affordable That's betterhelp If I were you Check him out, thanks BetterHelp Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode Of our show, wow For years and years and years We've been ranting and raving about Squarespace

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Again, Squarespace.com Free trial, everything looks good Just use that offer code If I were you to save 10% off that first purchase Thank you, Squarespace We got some live shows coming up We have a live podcast At the UCB Theater in LA

On January 30th Advanced tickets are sold out, but if you wait in the standby line They let a lot of people in A lot of people in Like at least three Oh yeah, like 70 So come to the standby line Come one, come all

Then we also have shows In Nashville on Monday, February 17th And in Charlotte on Tuesday, February 18th And then At Syracuse University On Wednesday, February 19th I always wanted to visit Syracuse in February It'll be fun

It's supposedly a lovely, lovely place 9 feet of snow on the ground Maybe 3 feet of ice under that It's gonna be cold, I heard those kids rage man Lake effect snow Just a real blizzard like environment You care so much about weather I'm more than anybody I've ever met

You just like That's all I think about You care a lot about weather I don't know, I don't get it I've never ever looked at a forecast You never looked at a forecast If you're traveling somewhere next week You would not look at the forecast

I think I've looked at Maybe I've looked at a forecast Like four or five times in my whole life I looked at the forecast 30 times today And the weather in LA is identical Every day of the week There's no need for me to 76 partly cloudy

That's what you must hate living here in LA You never have to think about the weather No, because what I do is I sort of get off To looking at other cities' weathers I've checked out fucking Anchorage this week Holy shit I nut it on camera It's fun to just look at the range

Like it's a high of 61 day and then a low of 8 in the next I use forecastio forecast.io It's a nice little weather app If you guys have any better suggestions, do let me know This episode is brought to you by forecastio Um Yeah, I don't know

Um Those are just the three shows that we have lined up Yeah, well four, right, because there's three There's Charlotte, Nashville, Syracuse And then the one in LA The big four You guys gotta come, please Even if you don't live near Charlotte

I promise them more than a cell out Yeah, you gotta understand if you live in Raleigh You live in Chapel Hill You're like, oh, I'll wait till they come Till they come to my town That might not ever happen So you got the chance to see us in North Carolina The best city

Or the best state in the fucking union North Carolina It's in the union? Yeah, in America Um, also our billboard is still up That's an exciting little news Go check out our billboard Please, if you live in LA, Highland and Santa Monica

Could not get enough pictures of this billboard That's right We were talking about what else we can do Once this billboard goes down And we have access to billboards for several hundred dollars Do we have continued access to these billboards? I think a big thing has to drop out And then they have to get rid of these billboards

At super discount prices But We know the guy, we're in the loop We're in the billboard loop There's an inner billboard circle If you have any funny ideas for a billboard Like, I don't know, it could be a prank Like just a picture of a streeter

If we can find a funny picture of a streeter And make that a billboard, that could be a funny thing Yeah, that'd be great Or somebody's phone number I want to just have a picture of me on the billboard With a sign that says, I love my mom That way she knows Did you say

You wanted to put your Tinder profile picture up there or something? Yeah My Tinder profile picture With my zip code And swipe right ladies That would be something I could do to you To embarrass you Yeah, that would be awful

We should have a bet where the loser has to do Embarrassing billboard of the other person's choosing Oh, that's great Now to think about the stakes The stakes are here Now to think about the actual bet Super Bowl The Seahawks are going to win it all

I think Denver will Loser has to get a billboard of the other person's choosing All right, done All right The loser has to pay for it too Okay $380 plus an embarrassing billboard And I'm rooting for Denver

And you're rooting for Seattle Can't wait Is this podcast coming out before the Super Bowl? Yeah Now you guys know who to root for Now there's no taking it back Yeah Which one does Manning play for?

You truly are the Richard Sherman of billboards That's what happens When you mess with greatness Don't come at me with a sorry ass bet All right, last question Yeah Yep, need another Male climbers name

Jeez, Louise, man Well-dominated industry No, we have to say at least one female climber All right, female climber, but this is a male writer Sasha DeJulian Sasha DeJulian The male writes I'm a university student

And I've always been taking my class notes on my laptop This past week, for midterms I began writing my review notes on a legal pad And highlighting them for review Which worked very well My friends keep referring to my notes as pretty now And I can't help but be bothered by that Is it effeminate to highlight notes?

Should I go back to my laptop and not do as well? Thanks Sasha Oh, he's going to be really pissed that we gave him a woman's name No! We hate to break it to you, bud It's very effeminate what you're doing Yeah, I mean your friends called it pretty

It's borderline Womanly I don't care if it works If it gives you a better grade and you succeed more in life You don't want to be that guy That guy That girl Just go back to the fucking laptop

Dude I can't believe you even wrote us in with this trash There's no brainer Obviously take the C plus But at the very least, your notes are doodly Did you want to ask What to do with the effeminate Highlighter notes?

Because I suggest burning them So no one ever sees them Your friends called them pretty But you obviously have to kill them Nobody can know Nobody can know you did something pretty These friends aren't even insulting him If they were insulting them

I can see at least understand His point of view That he doesn't want to get ridiculed But all they're saying is that his notes are pretty And he took it I guess this guy is a closet homosexual Who's so afraid of being outed That he's trying to overcompensate

This much That calling his notes pretty Is making him seriously reconsider his What he called Sexual identity I think you don't As long as you Do better, you're doing better

So that's great You never apologize for something that makes you better That's beautiful Thank you Never apologize for something that makes you better Yeah You make me better I'll never apologize for you

Thank you You're my best friend My brother in arms My soulmate And my wife And I won't apologize to anyone for that Apologize for the wife part I think it's an affront to

Wives that you call me that I love you I'm head over heels Inamored, infatuated Obsessed In love With you That's quite

And I wrote you a song I'm head over heels In love with you I'm head over heels Obsessed with you too I love you so much Bad song Do you love me

I don't I love you so much Please say you love me Please say you love me Bad It's obviously a work in progress It's obviously a work in progress But that was 99% done

But that was 99% done I think I might add a string accompaniment So it's not a work in progress I'm head over heels I'm head over heels I don't know a cello or something I haven't quite nailed it down I haven't quite nailed it down

But it's going to be not pretty I'll tell you that I'm pretty good at guitar But my friend called my last song pretty Should I break my guitar And take up a more manly instrument I'm actually pretty upset about it But then I don't want to be pretty upset

Because then the word pretty is in it And I start freaking out even more I hate the word pretty Oh, Merce, get over it Do good All right, that's enough That's our show Thanks for everybody who's written in so far

The email address again is ifireashow At gmail.com If you need advice about something We will do our best to guide you out of it We're also still accepting theme song submissions Every episode starts and ends With an original theme song Written by and performed by

And recorded by our talented Talented fans That's right, we do nothing That first one was written by Rosmarin, Nortji, and Christian From Holland Can I suggest a band name for them? Holland Oates

Holland Oates Nice Especially if you guys love Oates And this last one is written by A dude named Matt Whose band is called Something Noble We'll be back once again On Thursday

Thanks for listening everybody, peace Music If I were you This is what I would do If I were you I'd listen to Jake and I'm here That is why they are here

To help you through All these situations To help you through Life's hardest problems Let their voice be A shining light To guide you Back home

When you are lost Music That's it, another episode In the books, visit LegalZoom.com To save on your legal needs Like Wills for $69, LLCs for $99 Plus filing fees, remember LegalZoom is not a law firm, but does provide

Self-help services at your specific direction Obviously not everyone needs LegalZoom On the market for something like that Check them out and if you can use coupon code Jake or coupon code Amir It would help us out Later