If I Were You - 562: Athletic Lightning Round

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

In this episode we discuss bicycling, tennis-ing, and everything in between. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a Hit Gum Original. Nice, come on. Sometimes you want to go out for lunch to eat Japanese And what a lonely caries You want to go where others don't Where prices are quite insane You want to go where the food is at best just plain You want to go where rice is light

And males and humane You want to go where it costs too much for that rain Aumsby Very good, cheers theme, I respect it And cheers to Aumsby And cheers to Aumsby Is this not an old theme song? Have we not played this? According to Lorne Mince we haven't, he re-sent it

Yeah, it's actually the same guy that sent in a terrible Blink 182 cover And a pretty good Louis Armstrong one Is that what he says? Yeah, well that's what we called it We probably called it the opposite, a great Blink 182 cover And a pretty good Louis Armstrong one Yeah, we're never rude This time I wanted to do something no one has done yet for the pod

Which is to parody a theme song for a TV show That's not true I just to parody cheers and provide a theme song called Aumsby I hope you guys like the song, nothing to plug But I did have a question for both of you No After 560 episodes of If I Were You We had almost every college humor alum on the show at one point

But is there a reason Jeff Rubin has never appeared as a guest? Jeff has a podcast too, really he should I thought he did once in the middle of the pandemic I remember calling him Oh yeah, he did It was like me, you, Jeff and Pat But it was definitely one of those non-traditional If I Were Yous Yeah, it was like so early in the pandemic

We thought we had to record a phone conversation I should listen to back on those It's just like a time capsule Remember the first episode after the pandemic? We called Ben and Jeff and Marty And asked them how long they thought the pandemic would last We should re-listen to that Because I don't think it would have aged well

I remember thinking that it was going to be a month I remember being like Yeah, we'll be back in an office in like 6 weeks or something like that Yeah, I vaguely remember my brother being like People are saying it's going to last through the summer And I was like, the summer? No way! Till June? No, I don't think so That would be the worst fucking thing in the world

So I think we have had Jeff on But maybe we can have him in a more official capacity Yeah, definitely in a traditional sense That'd be nice I actually don't know if Omsby, our old Or at least my old favorite lunch spot Survived I think it did not

Didn't it close... I thought it closed pre-pandemic Yeah, that's a funny thing to imagine Like a restaurant failed anyway But then if somebody asked like Yeah, the pandemic just wiped us out I thought it closed in December Yeah, but like the writing was on the wall

Yeah The data was coming out of Wuhan And it didn't look good So we shudder the restaurant It's a good excuse Something that's kind of similar Is I remember like people trying to get jobs In like 2015 or something

And they were... I mean, now I don't remember the years But it was like, oh yeah, they're like the recession And the job market And I was like, I think that thing... I think that has passed As a reason that you can't get a job Yeah

It's fun to blame the pandemic And oftentimes it's true So nobody really calls you out on it Yeah, I mean, things are bad generally So it's... Even if it's not bad for you Specifically because of that It's created conditions that aren't good

Alright, so thank you again to... Who was that? Gosh Lorne Mintz Yeah, Lorne Lorne, good stuff You don't really meet a lot of Lorne It's just Michaels and this guy, I guess

Right Alright, we asked for Lightning round, quick hits, fast questions Trying to answer as many questions as possible Sometimes we take our sweet-ass time with it And sometimes we rush through it all So let's have a rush through it all episode Oh, that's fine, we'll get a lot

Let's get a lot done Yeah, high quantity, low quality This is if I were you The only advice pod on the web hosted by us Indeed Some of these are actual advice questions So we can try to answer those as well For example

That's good stuff Buddylove asks, how do you tell a nice person That they talk too much Without being overly rude? Hmm Without being overly rude Yeah, you can be rude Just don't be overly rude

I think you just take the blame on yourself You know, you say like, sorry, I'm really tired Like, let's Both calm down Shut the fuck up I feel like we're both talking a mile a minute Can we Yeah, I mean, I'd have to know exactly what they were saying

And what they were doing But I think you say something to the effect of like Let's change the subject Or let's slow down Or can we talk about something that's less stressful I've had a long day Something like that You just politely ask to move the topic

And say that you're tired And then they might not even And they might not venture into the new topic Because you've kind of told them the truth That you don't feel like talking about something Talking is hard But listening can be harder Because if somebody is talking at you

Then you have to like occasionally Your brain has to be on And listening And chiming in when necessary Yeah, you could always fake an email or a phone call You know, sorry, I have to deal with this And then make it seem like you're taking something really seriously So it's not like that easy for them to just jump back

They're gonna be like, so anyway Yeah, I was saying, you know Then they require you to talk You can also take a phone call And sort of tell them everything that You should be telling them So it's like, sorry, I have to take this Hello, shut up

You talk too much You really do talk too much Leave me alone Sorry, this guy named Davis Talks my ass off every time he calls me And it's the worst thing ever I can't stand when people talk incessantly without a point That's all

Anyway, you're saying I see you didn't get a call You told me to shut up Low-key Taking out a pocket knife Do you have a problem with me? Yes We're back

That's right Speaking of back, Aaron Dick Reed asks, unfortunate last name When is Jugo coming back AKA Ugo Is that like a thing that you guys have to decide together Or can you sort of force it through? Yeah, I can unilaterally decide

I could actually just show up At Merfin Emily's with you in Go With you in Go Nice Having had me in the car Yeah And they would have to abide by that Because I brought Ugo

And you can't insult Ugo on the day Alright, cool So that should be soon Although I usually come in around the holidays So that's got to be coming up too That actually is true When we record, I guess in November or December You should come through

Ali Hagani AKA iAlligator asks What are your favorite cars? Also, why is the headgum license plate In the LA studio and not on my Mazda? He knows I have a Mazda That's cool Wait, you don't have the headgum license plate anymore?

I do I think I had to get a new license plate Because I got a new Mazda So I put the old one as decoration And then the new one is on my car That's cool I actually just got a new car It hasn't arrived yet

But I... Would you say it's your favorite car? I got a lease No, I would actually not say it's my favorite car I'm a little disappointed that I got it But it was the right thing to do So I went for it I got a RAV4

Hybrid Yeah, very practical Smaller SUV Got rid of the car that I do love The Toyota 4Runner That's your favorite car I mean, my favorite car is probably the one I had before 2000 Toyota Tacoma

So you're a Toyota man through and through I do love Toyota And I love that Tacoma Many good memories in that car And just felt happy every time I drive it I'm not one for technical specs Like horsepower That kind of thing

I just like to feel happy every time I'm in my car Yeah, what makes you feel happy about the truck? Is it just nostalgia? Like would any car have given you that? I think, I guess maybe It would have to be... For the nostalgia, it would have to be a pre-2000 car I like the boxy elements

I like the analog features That's just like a key going into a thing Yeah, it's power windows But really nothing else Everything else has like freaking buttons There's no motors everywhere That's why you didn't like wrench screen You didn't like renting the Tesla

Because everything was too smart I despised the Tesla, yeah What's a good car to you? A Mazda? I was gonna say a Tesla Because you despised it We can have different opinions It's fine

I'll say a Ford F-150 Not a Ford truck Dodge Durango Not really, but it's fine That's okay I want you to really... PT Cruiser Painted green

And the license plate says Why so SRS? I feel like you trying to Come up with a car that I like You're not even saying cars that you necessarily like An 88 Chrysler LeBaron That's perfect Really?

That's actually sick Convertible? Yeah In the cobalt blue You better believe that Convertible but by accident What about your first car? Do you remember the one you got at age 16?

Was it a hand-me-down or was it a real? It was... It was purchased Used For me and my sister She was... I think she was like 19 And I had turned 16

And we both wanted a car And we got a 1992 Toyota Camry Oh wow, very similar I got my Older brother's hand-me-down Which was a 94 Honda Accord 2-door Oh, very nice 2-door

The first night That I had my New used car I felt like it smelled a little bad So I rolled down all of the windows And opened the sunroof And it was a torrential downpour That night

I woke up And my car was Beyond soaked The cup holders were Overflowing with water It never ever smelled right Again Which is why 16-year-olds

Shouldn't be allowed to have anything important I didn't look at the weather I was just I was like this car smells bad Open up everything Go to bed Wake up Afternoon

Oh shit Was there even like a drainage system From inside of a car Or would it just fill up to the brim? I think it would just fill up to the brim Well, it was cloth interior So it just soaked deep into the seats To the point where it could never dry ever

It never ever ever smelled right It always smelled like moldy cardboard For the rest of its life And that's what you've been chasing ever since That's right Do you have any ones? Are you on that Twitter thread? Yeah

Is Jake Hurwitz aware that the Colorado Avalanche reunited Blankwin 82? I was not aware And is that true? The Colorado Avalanche? Well, we should say that Blink is Back on the road

Or they have a reunion tour coming up I saw and I don't think anyone has ever sent me That link came in through My texts, my DMs The Head Gum Slack People know that I'm a Blink fan And They wanted me to know

And Gabriel was in the announcement video Did you see that? That was incredible Cool So what's the closest Blink show? Do you look at the schedule? Are the tickets released? I mean, they're coming to Brooklyn, I think

Or New York in May The schedule is... Yeah, it doesn't say where they're performing But I guess like MSG Yeah, is it or is it like you look And it's like actually just a 3,000 person venue But you're the target audience Their reunion tour is going to be huge

They were playing arenas Not arenas, they were playing stadiums though I heard stadiums bigger than Stadiums are like 100,000, arenas are like 20,000 Oh, okay, so maybe arenas Yeah, that's what it is Yeah, they weren't like selling out a football stadium No, no, no, they weren't selling out a football stadium

But they were selling out the Whatever it is in Hartford That's where I saw them Who do you think is going to open for them? I think it's... I thought it said I thought like Rise Against or something like that I don't know Is it like a new band or like a band

That would have opened for them in 2002 I think a band that would have opened for them in 2002 I'm also not 100% sure it is Rise Against But it seems like just other punk bands So everyone there will be 35 to 45, right? There's no 15 year olds at a Blink show currently Unless a 40 year old has a 15 year old kid

Yeah And brings them to the show And then do you think, was it a thing Just at Blink concerts or just concerts in general That like girls would flash them And they would like do stuff with that I think that was a thing in general But not just a Blink show

Blink definitely made a meal of it for sure Oh yeah It was a part of their show I remember seeing some boobs that I think it was a Blink 182 concert once Yeah, yeah, because if people showed their boobs They would get like shouted out on stage Yeah

Take off your pants and jacket indeed I really respect that they like Stay true to who they are With their announcement They're coming, we're coming They're still just super sophomoric Even though like Mark Harlepas is a 52 year old cancer survivor or something

Yeah It's pretty crazy I wonder how the Colorado Avalanche Let's take a break, let's look up And try to understand how that's even possible Yeah, Colorado Avalanche, Blink 182 Thanks to sponsors And we'll be back after these messages

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One of my friends Ofer, his father Found out that me And our other buddy Amir Cohen play tennis every week And he's like I play tennis every day At a country club Let's play together

I'll try to Destroy you at tennis And I said sure, yeah, let's rally I only play with Amir Cohen So it's like Cohen never beat you, right? Cohen has yet to beat me in a set But we're roughly comparable

We're not hitting some really hard shots We're like a lot of slow Conservative What's the closest that he's come? He's tied, like we've got to like 5'5'' And run out of time or 6'6'' And like we had to leave because somebody else Was kicking us off the court

It's been two years, how insanely frustrating for him Yeah, now it's sort of a running joke Where it's like he's not so close That it's frustrating, it's kind of like This is ridiculous, how do I never Like it's not like I'm a lot better than him So it would make sense, it's not like if I was playing a professional And I would never win

If you were to see us play, you would have been like Half the time, maybe 60 to 70% of the time I would win and then he'd win the other But no, 0 for whatever Interesting So Ofer's dad who plays tennis every day is like Let's play, you know you think You're so good, let's have at it

One on one, mono e mono Winner take all I said sure I wasn't really Competitive or combative, I wasn't saying that I was going to kick his ass because I'm like You know I'm a lot younger than him but at the same time He plays tennis every day so like maybe his form

Is better and I can run a lot faster Or whatever So are you thinking like oh man I hope I don't embarrass him By like actually being good Or were you like I wonder if he'll beat me My other friend Jesse said that I was going to beat him Because he's 25 years older than me

He's like just make him run You're not even 40 He's over 60 You'll be fine I'm like well I hope you're right But at the same time I've only played Cohen once a week for two years He plays every day versus a variety of people

Maybe he's taking lessons Maybe he's learning faster Getting better than me I'll try to make him run But at the same time he's also in probably pretty good shape If he's playing literally every day Right So the day comes last Thursday

Where I drive to deep into the valley To his country club to play him at tennis A bunch of my friends want to come and see Ophir's children This guy's grandkids are there They made signs Some of them say go sabba Which means go grandpa

So they are not in your camp No although some of them did say go sabba and amir So it's like they just wanted to see a good game Yeah Ophir texts me that day And he's like my dad has already played this morning I'm like oh okay Is that a good sign for me

Because he might be tired Or is it the fact that he's playing Two a days now And I haven't played in a week and a half Is that a bad sign I get there at five He's already warmed up He's been playing since four

And he's been playing for an hour I only play for an hour once a week So I don't have I clearly am not in better shape than him He's warming up against a guy who's awesome The other guy is just crushing the ball Top spin four hands down the line Right to Ophir's dad

They're training and practicing I just arrived Pretty cold That's got to feel pretty cool Or at least I want to show this 39 year old who's boss So I'm like yeah let's Hit around

As soon as we start hitting around I realize like Rami that's Ophir's dad He's better than me at tennis It's not particularly close He's very good control A lot of pace A lot of top spin on his shots

He can run me around Fairly easily So we start the set He wants to play best of three sets No you got to win two I'm like alright great He starts serving His serves are fast

And slicing I'm never trained against somebody like that Yeah Is he acing you left and right? Not acing me but not You just can't return it I can return it but my returns are always Getting a racket on it and it's a lob back

To him I'm not returning it with power Or anything like that I don't have a racket on it But the lobs that go back to him He's like putting them away Fairly easily I have no answer to that Your rallies are like

Him to you, you to him, he puts it away Correct Then it's my turn to serve If my first serve doesn't go in My second serve is very slow Also he just puts it away At this point I'm like I'm sorry to everybody Who came out to see this

He doesn't beat me by a lot This isn't about me digging deep I'm not better than him I'm not as good as he is Did you address the crowd? No everyone was very funny and laughing and supportive But he was just like He was a lot better at tennis than me

Quasai toying with me The first set ended probably in 8 minutes He won 6-1 8 minutes? Very easily, he beat me 6-1 I'm like okay How did you get another set? I think maybe like when I was serving

One of my few of my first Serves went in or maybe he made a mistake When he was like returning it and hitting it wide Or slightly long Very fortunate More friends show up How's it going, what's going on Poorly or great for him

He is a lot better at tennis than I am It was 6-1 in the first set Second set I Was sprinting towards his balls Instead of letting the Shots just Sail by me, I was actually running for them Using your youth

Trying to make him run as well Maybe he also just got bored It was 3-3, I'm like holy shit I'm so gassed but it's 3-3 If I win this second set I don't think I have anything left in the tank For set 3 If it happens to go that way

Fortunately for both of us He then ended up beating me 6-3 So the final score was 6-1 6-3 but he didn't really He didn't really have to try very hard He was just A better tennis player than me And he had already played earlier that day

And was training before I got there So as winded as I was He was in better shape than me as well Was he like let's play again Or was he like okay we got that out of our system I'll never see you again Yeah it was more like Well the vibe was that

It wasn't an equal match It's not like wow that could have been anybody's game Let's try it again You should learn how to hit it like this Before we play again You can't always spin it back to me Because it's really easy for me to return I blame Cohen

Because I feel like you You should be Training with a pro You should be taking lessons Many different partners You should be playing more You should be getting more match time I think I haven't been

Taking it as seriously Like he's been training for this moment And I have been just sort of hitting around with a buddy Do you feel like you want to take it seriously now? Yeah I mean it would be great to get better At tennis for sure But when I'm playing Against Cohen there's this wind streak

On the line that I never want to like Try to hit it harder You're not improving you're just trying to preserve Your streak Yeah So I'm never going to go for winners That often will miss Because I don't want to lose

You're only ever going to be good at beating Cohen Correct You're training for one opponent and one opponent only And one goal To have a winning record Yes Against one opponent And we're both not taking it seriously

Very seriously It's not like he's taking lessons as well As he gets by playing against me He should take lessons because that'd be really fun If just one day he showed up And blanked you And that would be the only way I would get better Is if like he starts hitting the shots

That Ofer's dad was hitting against me So I can practice And try to train against that style of opponent Well We should play We've talked about it before you and I should play Yeah you're coming this weekend maybe we can play Yeah

No matter if you're more of a me or more of an Ofer's dad Oh definitely more of a you I think I would almost certainly Be worse than you But what about your peak powers If I I mean now I have I hadn't played like 10 years

And I haven't played in a year Since I started playing like last summer So I wouldn't say I don't think my powers even have a peak If my serve is going in I think I could win a few games But like when you were playing in college Fairly regularly

Oh then I think I was like I was decent I wasn't good I couldn't win against any college players But I could win against any of my friends That wanted to play tennis Because I sort of said that When I was walking off the court I said

I have a friend that can kick your ass And he's like who bring him I'm like who who do you think it is It's fucking Jake and he played in college So Name a time and a place and he did And I sort of set you up I put you on the pedestal

To fail And now I'm worried that Go Sabah go to I'm kind of frightened That he's going to sort of kick my ass again By proxy You're going to make me look bad her with It was very humbling to lose that badly

Really to anybody But to somebody who was 25 years older than me It was a humbling feeling I felt helpless too It's not like it was I was nerve wrackingly close It was just a You know when it's one on one like that

And someone is just more skilled It's just like I don't have it in me to beat you Whenever I go home and I play soccer With my dad and his like pick up soccer league There's some guys that are my age Some guys that are younger But then there's like

And I think that I'll be able to Like get around them Stop them if they're coming toward me But they just have more ball control And they know how to play soccer And they're cheating All I have is my speed And dedication and my desire

To not look a fool But it's not enough It's not enough So like a 70 year old can just kind of Deak me out because I fall for like The oldest trick in the book because I've never played Soccer Maybe we could do a web series in which we challenge

Older athletes at Different sports and just get our asses Handed to us See that's actually that is pretty fun I wonder if there's any sport that we could beat A 75 year old Professional in Yeah probably not

I mean I was thinking of pickleball but I've never played Pickleball and I've seen a lot of Older gentlemen sort of dominate at that I've been watching pickleball Take a hold in my neighborhood Like near my climbing gym There's a big open Lot

And I rode my bike to the gym one day Saw one pickleball net Up Wrote it the next week there was two Went there last night and there was just like Eight different pickleball courts That were all set up with people like Temporary nets people that brought their own nets

Their own rackets drew their own courts It's a phenomenon It's spreading and you know who You know who hates pickleball Ofer's dad Older tennis players Think that it's like this new fad And it's like taking courts away from their hobby

Yep That makes sense Maybe I'll get better at that and challenge him Pickleball or something Although that's more like ping pong I think Right Okay here's an athletic question Best surfing tip for a beginner

Question mark says see a red Damn I haven't been surfing in I think a month and a half now Maybe even two months So my advice is to Go You have to go because otherwise you won't get better

And that's the hardest part about surfing Is getting to the beach it seems Yeah, yeah Well the conditions also have to be right There have been a couple of days where I was like I'm free I'm gonna go surfing and then I look at The wave report and the waves are too big Like I'll go if the waves are one to two feet

I'll go when they're small I don't give a shit as long as it's 24 inch waves or less I'm fucking there I mean if they're six foot waves I will I'll get my ass kicked There's no point in me going I don't have a board for those waves

But if you're beginning I think One Maybe rent a board your first few times You don't end up buying like a nine foot Board that you don't want and then need to sell it Get a foam top Because that helps you Catch waves and work

On your form a little bit more And Yeah, that's All the gear is expensive So rent your first few times And then if you like it Then check out Facebook Marketplace That's where I bought my surfboard

Here's another basketball related Sorry, athletic related question This one is about basketball What is the peak moment of your basketball playing career I guess do you have a peak moment In your basketball career or maybe in any Athletic career like a moment Or a thing that you did that was the most

Impressive athletic feat Wow I think yeah definitely I think so do you have a basketball one I'm gonna try to think of my crowning Athletic achievement I remember in high school once I threw a volleyball Across a basketball court one handed

And it went in so that was pretty cool It was like one singular thing Like a 90 foot heave That went into a basketball hoop Yeah, that's pretty solid And then like a few months ago I made seven threes During a pickup session It was not one game

But like over the course of three games I made seven threes so that was my most Recent achievement so those two things Between making seven threes and then also Throwing a volleyball in from 90 feet That's pretty sick Okay, so I'll go with an old one and a new one I believe

I won the 12 and under's doubles championship Wow At my pool club Yeah Me and Scott Fitzsimons won And it was You know, nobody expected me to win

I don't think I was an underdog Scott was good Yeah, really good Actually I twisted my ankle He said just take a seat On the doubles alley And I'll sort of play Canadian style One on two

And he destroyed the next best 11 year olds And then the other one is maybe just this past week When I rode my bike 100 miles from Brooklyn to New Haven Wow, how long did that take? 11 hours Jesus, 11 hours of riding Straight

We left at like 7 30 And we got to My parents house Around like 6 Something And then Pure riding time I think like 8 and a half hours

And did you feel like I could just keep going like I was walking Or by the end you're like this is like the end of a marathon And I'm dead It was It came in waves like after I think when we got out of Like the Bronx When we were in the Bronx I was like Jesus Christ

This is like The riding wasn't that Challenge it, like it wasn't like hard on my legs But it was just like you had to be constantly Aware of all of this crazy Shit that was happening in New York City And I was like if it's 80 more miles of this

It's really gonna suck And then Once we got out of the city it was really beautiful We stopped for lunch My ass always gets bruised whenever I'm sitting on one of those seats Yeah We have to get the You know

The padded Even with that for 8 hours You don't feel it You feel stuff everywhere My ass felt fine I've been riding a lot so it doesn't like The ass don't chafe It don't bruise From hunching over the bar

Sometimes I feel like a pinch In my neck The emotion on my legs I feel something in my hip flexor sometimes My quads When you ride for that long Everything starts to hurt After lunch I think it was like 60 miles

And that was the heart We finished lunch We're like a little more than halfway And then we had to like The first thing we did was ride up a hill And I was like I was so gassed I'm really gonna limp home And then it just kind of came in waves

When I got to my parents house I felt good And I could have rode for like 10 more miles Probably It was just the right wave The next day I also I felt kind of like Physically I felt fine I felt emotionally drained

I felt like a shell of a man Especially that night And then the next day I was like I just still felt like I had like a little A little bit of brain fog Interesting I wonder if like You had depleted your serotonin Like you had taken MDMA all day

You felt like That kind of feels possible Saddened the next day That does feel possible It was a big high We pulled in and my dad made cheeseburgers We cracked some sea hags It was like very celebratory

And it felt really good We're all super amped Maybe the next day I was just depleted The next day you were like at the end of Hurt Locker Looking at a fucking box of frosted flakes Wondering if this is your life now Ringing in my ear PTSD from not riding a bike

Wait did you ever do that Hit by a car in Bridgeport Didn't you have to do a Triathlon recently Wait did I not talk about this on the show No They cancelled the triathlon The day of the race

Or the day before the race I was packing up We had all of our stuff by the Stairs and I was worried that we were going to be late Because I saw there was a ton of traffic And I was like trying to call the The race directors to see if I could Pick up my packet after 6.30

If I didn't get there in time And Jill Went on their Instagram and they had just posted So they cancelled They didn't fully cancel the triathlon They cancelled the swim Making it a duathlon And

It was just so bizarre They didn't email anybody They didn't do anything except post on Instagram And it's basically not a It's no longer a triathlon It went from being a half mile swim 12 mile bike ride 3 mile run

Which is the sprint triathlon To just a 12 mile bike ride and a 3 mile run And I was like Why would I Why would I drive 3 hours To Santa Hotel Wake up at 5 To go on a bike

That bike ride is like my commute And I It was so much about the swim There was an algae bloom in the lake And it was unsafe to swim And the fucked up thing was they had been dealing with it In their post they'd been like we've been dealing with this since July And I was like well so why didn't you say

Anything to anyone about it Until today An algae bloom What does that mean There's like slime in the lake Yeah it was like unsafe to swim Because it was toxic algae That's actually not a terrible nickname for me

Algae bloom That's true Algae it's your Your initials stay the same too Call me algae Algae bloom That's unfortunate Yeah pretty insane

But at least you saw the Instagram post It would have been worse if you drove for 3 hours And they said can't go in the lake We were so fucking close to doing that We were so fucking close So the next day Me and my sister and Jill We were all going to do the triathlon together

We just went on like a 30 mile bike ride Which was a casual day trip for us And 3 times as long as The bike ride for the triathlon that they were Trying to make me pay for So yeah it was crazy Alright let's take another Rick

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And now back to the HEADGUM podcast You were listening to When we're back Okay Brayden Magician asks Have y'all ever been to the Magic Castle? Ooh I have not I feel like we had a connection

There and I almost went But Magic doesn't do it for me Wow Yeah there's this house castle Mansion restaurant Thing here in LA called the Magic Castle Where there's like a dinner And then you walk around and people are doing magic

In the rooms where people are doing Like more stagey show magics In this giant castle Of a house In kind of near Hollywood That's right So I had my sixth grade birthday party there Because my brother's friend was a magician

Wow Ben's friend Was like one of the best magicians In the world at a certain point His name was Thomas And he got us into the Magic Castle I don't think so I think he sort of like burnt out from it

And moved somewhere far far away Interesting You have to be invited by a magician It's all like country club You have to wear a suit You have to dress up And eat at their restaurant Which is bad

And they make you pay for it before you get to see the magic So it's like this weird Like Money laundering thing And then you can watch the magic shows Because they know nobody would eat at the restaurant either way I think it like Part of that is like

That used to kind of be appealing I think it was a funny like date spot If you can get a reservation First of all you look cool I can get us in there It'll be funny, we'll look good We'll eat some bad food and see magic But for me that's like too many hills to climb

To do something that I don't really I like barely like Magic if it's like Forced upon me I wouldn't really seek it out And then I think somebody like DM'd me once And I like actually did go there on a first date once I don't know if you remember that

But it was kind of a funny first date location Because you have to eat dinner with this person And then you have to like watch magic I mean the magic itself is pretty good Didn't that magician end up fucking your date Yes and that was so funny That's a good lonely and horny of this Me taking a date to the magic castle

They saw me in half And leave me on the stage I actually I thought of another really Dark lonely and horny premise Or a jake in a mirror one Where you get a new bike and you walk in And it's one of those like ghost bicycles That when it's like painted all white

That means a cyclist was killed somewhere So a guy Stolen of those on Craigslist And it's charging me $800 To drive it and then I finally Get it and everyone's hates me for it Yeah There's flowers all over the bike

God it's so fucked up The hell is your problem I paid top dollar for this It's a Cannondale There's some freaking spray painting The gears but it's still a good bike Yeah so I've been to the magic castle

It's kind of fun And me I think it's a tragic Hassell Jake asks The Burning Nerd podcast Have you been liking The Lord of the Rings Show So I watched the first three episodes

Of it and I think it's It's cool It looks good It's got some of my favorite characters In it The unfortunate thing is I'm watching it at the same time As I'm watching Game of Thrones These two kind of similar things are happening

At the same time But there's something When I'm watching Lord of the Rings Right now it feels like I'm watching Harry Potter It just feels very childish The dwarves are singing songs And the comedy is

So hokey At the same time I'm watching Really fucked up shit And it just feels like I don't think that Game of Thrones is necessarily better But I think that it just makes me feel Less like a child

If I had a nine year old I'd be loving Lord of the Rings It's more like PG-13 versus the game of thrones And it's totally It's really similar to the movies Which I think is good and which is what I would I would hate if Lord of the Rings was trying to do Game of Thrones

But the other movies have A nostalgia factor for me And the new show Doesn't have that going for it So it's hard for me to get into That Are you liking the new Game of Thrones As much as you did Game of Thrones?

Not as much as I like Game of Thrones But I am liking it a lot The first episode I was like They're just trying to regurgitate Game of Thrones And I don't care about anything But they're making it graphic as hell Just on purpose to try to get a reaction I sort of rejected it

But then episode two was better Episode three was better than that And now I'm kind of back into it I was told that the episodes are too dark Have you noticed that? It's kind of hard to see everything that's going on Yeah, I have noticed that But I adjusted the picture settings on my TV

And it looks a little washed out But it definitely looks better It's pretty annoying They did it at the end of season eight two And like HBO They bonded to somebody and they were like This was an artistic decision And it's like why was someone allowed

To make that decision? Make it so dark I can't see anything It's bizarre Mariam Gurgus asks What's the best sandwich in LA? It's got to be wax paper right? It's a good sandwich The Terry Gross at wax paper

I think is my favorite sandwich in LA Although Didn't we like get a different luxury You guys might have I always try to get wax paper I think wax paper is the best sandwich in LA It's tough to get a good sandwich out there

There's not very many What's your favorite sandwich in New York? It depends where I am Really But I think Anthony & Sons in Williamsburg Oh wow, I've never even heard of that Yeah, you haven't

Here's another sporty one If each of you can pick one sport To be world class in What sport would it be? Bonus question If you would then choose An abnormal or strange feature Or a handicap for each other Within that sport, what would it be?

So you choose to be world class And then I say actually I'm going to give you a boil So you can't really excel So yeah, I think it would be football International football Not American football I'd be a footballer

And you could give me a boil right on my forehead So I wouldn't be able to Head the ball without Oh, it's off the boil Slash crossbar Another Epic strike for boil her wits A worldy

From the boil man I don't want to play anymore if you're going to call me that It's a hat trick But I can't wear the hat because it will Irritate his boil Because the pus will trick Trickle down his face that is But another excellent strike

From the unicorn slash boiled man And for me I would choose to be so good at tennis That I would cram the serve Down Ofer's dad's Chest so fast That he wouldn't even be able to return it And I would make you 75

So you'd have 10 years on him So he'd have the legs on you Rafael sentino asks If you could live anywhere in South America Where would you live and why? Anywhere in South America Man, I guess Patagonia

Because the weather is so bad Interesting, that's where you would live Because the weather is so bad Yeah, well I was just kidding about the weather being bad It's really beautiful, I do hear that the weather is really bad Yeah, because it's really close to the Arctic Circle Or Antarctic Circle Maybe Rio then

Yeah, because it looks like a giant Brazilian fuckfest 24-7 For me There's only one place to be And that's Buenos Aires Nice In Catalonia Al Javida

It's swollen That's the thought of eating that Ceviche Here, lick my boil Oh, thank god it worked Alright, a few last ones Anything else you see? Let's go rapid fire

Here we go Tom Holt, how's Animal Crossing going? I don't play, I haven't played For two years Tom Nook is a crook I'm out on that game Are you still into crypto Or is it all over now, as will

Russian LO Yeah, everything surged at the beginning of the pandemic And now, much like every other Market on earth With the instability of the global economy Slash impending nuclear holocaust Damn, I didn't realize Bitcoin Is only at 20k

Maybe I should unload my 48 Bitcoin that I have 48 you have over A million dollars Crypto Unload it, you could Purchase a small farm In Buenos Aires for that kind of money

Chiefs are bills this Sunday Give me the bills on the road There's a reason the chiefs are home Dogs, they didn't look great against The Las Vegas Raiders this weekend And Josh Allen Is here to prove himself that this Wasn't an aberration, give me the bills

P.S. go bills This is your year Who would play the other Better in a movie So you play me in a movie or I'm playing You Oh Wow, I think

You would play me better, I don't know how to act That's awesome Yeah But with you playing me, you would just have to Get glasses or something Right, actually I could do it I don't know how it would be you Alright, final question, ready?

Yeah Go ahead What's the best dog size? You gotta go medium You gotta go medium Because it's in between the two Yeah, I've seen some large dogs And that seems hard, here we go

If you're watching on our YouTube You can see Jake is currently showing His dog that passed away He refuses to move him for Four days That's the world premiere of Dingo He's so, he's zonked

He's chilled So it's a new dog for you How has his sleeping schedule been? Or is he waking up early as he's staying up late? His sleeping schedule finally got good Going to bed At like 11, sometimes He needs one more pee before he goes to bed

Which is like waking me up at 12 30 And then he'll sleep until 7 30 And do you do walks or do you do let him out the back? I always do a walk Because if I let him out the back He still will like Eat a flower

But he We go down the stairs in front of our place And he pees right away Yeah, right back up He wants to come back in too He's like let's go outside pee I gotta go back inside, that's where the treats are But the last night

He goes to the diarrhea every hour On the hour Of the mouth? No, of the south Interesting, so that's sort of a vast variety Does he let you know or do you just wake up And you hear some sort of faucet on? No, he cries and he

He knows that he needs to go outside He's potty trained So yeah, he wants to go outside I wake up, I run downstairs Usually he walks really well Like just right at my foot He runs out ahead of me Runs to the sidewalk

Shits everywhere And then looks confused And then comes back inside And just like, flopped down on his dog And he's like, wow, that was crazy And it's like that, but six times Yeah, I woke up at like One, two, three, four, five

You know All throughout the night Jill was like, we should take him to the emergency room And I was like I don't want to go to do that right now I don't think he's going to die The vet's going to be open at eight Let's just do that

And yeah, he's fine Is it a food thing? I think it was a reaction To one of the vaccines that he got Or also it could have been a food They were like puppies They just called it puppy stomach It could have been anything

Sometimes he eats a rock Sometimes he'll eat A piece of lettuce that's on the side of the street And I try to get everything out of his mouth But he definitely ingests bad stuff Every once in a while Also he got his vaccines So it really could be anything

We tested his shit To see if he had a tapeworm In conclusion In conclusion, medium is the best size for you Absolute medium Because Dingo's right now He's small to medium The diarrhea was not overwhelming to pick up

Yeah, I've seen some Really enormous dogs With really enormous poops Like grapefruit sized shit you got to pick up Yeah, that's a lot And I like the small dog that I have Because he can sleep in between my legs In the bed

Which you can't really get with a big dog either Yeah, that's really nice So I guess it's a personal preference I'm sure whatever size dog you have You think is the best one We tried to answer as many questions as possible We did our best Was it enough?

We will be back, of course, next week So keep emailing us Your theme songs And your questions and your debates Yes, please We need those debates If there's a debate that's been tearing your friend group Or relationship apart

Email us at IfIReYouShow At gmail.com Thank you for listening Thank you for watching We'll be back next week And you can watch more of us on our Patreon Which is patreon.com.j.a Weekly videos where we're checking out

Old Jake and Amir videos And reacting to them We just watched the Grand Canyon series There's two episodes about a canyon being grand And she is canyon Yes, exactly, check it out We watched them both and they're online Great episodes

If you're ever in the need for more That Omsby themed Cheers Exactly Parody by Lorne Mintz Here we go See y'all soon Thanks for watching

You made You wanna go where it costs Too much for that frame Omsby