If I Were You - 570: Wrestling

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

In this episode we discuss our pet peeves, fitness routines, and wanting to want an iPad. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a hip-gum original. Oh everybody, Jake will fucking change who he is on the drop of a hat. That's the golden mic for you. You finally stood up for yourself. Holy shit. Yeah. This feeling has to last. You're talking so slow.

Let's find another question. No, you're demailing the show. This is why you've never won the award. This is why I'm rescinding the award. It's being revoked. It's being revoked. Never in history has someone earned it and lost it in an episode. Oh, that's just the way that podcast has been.

Cause her wits holds all the cards and he's playing to win. The odds are stacked against me, but I'm never going to win. I'm never going to win. I'm never going to win. I'm never going to win. I'm never going to win. He's stacked against me, but I'm never giving him. I will have that GM.

Cause I won it before. I can win it again. That was a great tune. That was really nice. I liked that a lot. That was a cover. Do you know what was a cover of? I didn't, I had no idea.

No, I can't, it's on the tip of my dick. I can't get, I can't get the name off. It's, it's so, it's so familiar, but too far away. It says Golden G String by Miley Cyrus. That's what the email says. It's a cover of Golden G String. Okay. So I've actually never heard that song in my life before.

Never heard of that. Yeah. This is a Matt Kay, Matt Kazakos, who's a writer, a podcaster. And yeah, he has an Instagram. That's awesome. Triple threat. Yeah, he looks like a talented dude. So thank you Matt Kay for submitting that theme song.

That's, it's not only like a theme song. It was like a full fucking podcast remix. Yeah. That was great. I don't remember. It's a real, it's a saga at this point. That's really nice. I don't remember winning and having it taken away like that.

I don't know. If you have any recollection of that. Yeah. Of course. Cause you're in charge of it. You're the one person committee to decide who gets the golden mic and who doesn't. Right. I remember it because it means a lot to me.

And that was actually, that was a history making moment. It surprises me or I guess it shouldn't surprise me that you don't remember something like that because your flippant, you don't give a shit. You're too flippant. You're too nonchalant. Why don't you try being chalant about it for once? Cause it's always nonchalance from you. I like a little chalance.

I know you can be overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed? Yeah. I think name that movie. I think even keel, that's just whelmed. Oh shit. It's from a movie. Yeah.

I have no idea. Clueless. Yeah. That's cool. I've seen clueless. I should have. I should have known. I should have known that you'd be plagiarizing clueless at the top of the episode.

Not plagiarizing. Quoting homage, giving thanks to. And I actually gave credit to. You're the one who wanted to power right through. Didn't understand it. Didn't feel like it was a reference at all. But it was. Yeah.

And I'm citing my sources. Yeah. I didn't try to sneak it fast. You presented it to me. Yeah. Let's see if it makes it into the show notes. I bet you leave it out. I bet you leave it out.

Let's start with a health check. Let's see. Three weeks ago, I got COVID two weeks ago. We recorded together last week. You had COVID. Draw whatever conclusions you want based on that. I wonder what happened. I really wonder what happened now.

I feel, I feel healthy. I feel. I feel good. It was a quick spat of COVID. In and out. I felt healthy within. Really within like three or four days. Tested negative on day five.

Kept. Kept the quarantine alive for one extra day just to be safe. Tested negative. On day six. Yeah. Yeah. And then here I am on the other side. Feeling.

Limber. Feeling life. Feeling good. Feeling Grant. Immune for the holidays. That's the goal. Yeah. Immune for the holidays.

Immune. I think this one is actually going to take because that was my third time getting COVID. I feel like my immunity now is. Through the roof. Good for good. Maximum. Yeah.

Kind of like chicken pox. You can't get chicken pox. Twice. I think. Right. I remember as a kid you get it. You wanted to like get it out of the way early. Are kids still getting chicken pox or is that like a not an.

I like none of my friends kids I know have chicken pox. But like when I was growing up, everyone had it at least once. Yeah. I like remember when my sister's had it that like some other moms in the neighborhood were like, can I bring my kid over because their kids needed to get it or something because it's dangerous to have it as a mother. Yeah.

Adult. Yeah. That's a weird thing about it. I don't know. Maybe there's other immunity options for it now. But also we wouldn't know because we don't have toddlers. Well, I have a six year old and an eight year old. The eight year old.

I actually have a lot of God children. I should know. I should know better. Any of my God kids out there right in it. Let me know if you've had chicken pox. Well, they all have shingles. I should say all your God children have shingles. I feel like I got them for Christmas.

Yeah. I got you chicken pox for Christmas. Go play with that lady over there with all the freckles. She has open sore freckles all over her body. Please go play with her on the 19th. Do you remember taking like an oatmeal bath when you had chicken pox? I don't. Yeah.

I don't remember having chicken pox. I just remember like that was a thing that and like license kids were very concerned about chicken pox and lice. I do. I have a pretty strong recollection of feeling uncomfortable with with my chicken pox. But I don't know. Memory is weird. It also could have been one thing that I like made up in my head when I was 13 that I remembered

having chicken pox. And now that's what I remember. Yeah. Like I have some friends with like kids who are like now four or five now and I'm like, my earliest memory is still not this early. Everything you've experienced will be gone, baby. It's all for naught. All the sleepless nights, the four years of raising this baby into a toddler into a child

will just your favorite movie, your favorite blanket, your favorite toy. It is gone. A hard reset is coming and nothing will have mattered. How is Disneyland? It seems stressful when you took them. They didn't they didn't want to go. They don't remember going. They don't recall and they won't appreciate it.

They'll never say thank you because to them it never happened. It's fun to be on the outside looking in. I'm an uncle that way. All right. This is if I were you, the only advice pod on the web hosted by us. I'm Amir. I am Josh. This one's kind of thematically relevant.

We asked for lightning round questions, try to do some quick hits every once in a while. We hit the Instagram story for some cues today. The IGS. Right off the bat. Justin, the knot says, how do you keep active at your age? And this is something I want to talk to you about. Oh, yeah. After my illness, I felt very stiff and sore like coughing hurt my ribs and sleeping hurt my back

and all this, you know, getting older stuff that may or may not be COVID related. And so I downloaded that stretching app you recommended. Stretch it. Yeah. It's useful. There's lots of videos to follow. I've followed a few of them so far, but the infrastructure is very confusing to me. There's like some like sections that I don't really know what it is.

It's just less like you've rested 90 days of your 90 day challenge. I'm like, I don't know what the hell this is. Why it says I've rested 90 days. It costs $20 a month. So you think they'd be like really up to date up to snuff about all the weird things that is happening on the app. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I think you can use it just for finding stretching videos, Lucy Goosey. You know, you're like, oh, okay, my back hurts. I'm going to do the bandy back class. Right. The only thing that I do, I log in and I do like my platinum flexibility course. Right. So that's just where like. That's where it says I'm zero for 90 and I don't really know.

Yeah. On mine, it says day 90 rest day. That's what it says under platinum flexibility course. Interesting. Like you've taken all 90 that is. Yeah. Like I click on it and then it says this is a rest day. And then I click on details and for all 90, it's just rest days.

That's, I think there's something off with your 90 out of 90 days completed. Maybe I'm not enrolled, but it's a little. See what happens when you enroll. Does it cost money to enroll beyond getting beyond? No, if you, if you, if you are paying for the subscription, you can just enroll in that class. Okay. I guess I have to then navigate the programs and stuff.

So far, I'm just using almost like a YouTube tutorials. Right. I don't like your work so far. Two of them in the last two days, you're doing one a day. Yeah. Like a 20 minute stretch. What do we know? It was like 11 minutes each or something, maybe 10.

Nice. And it feels good. It feels good when it's happening, but I don't know if I have felt the effects of it yet because I'm only two days deep. Yeah. Yeah. I think I honestly started to feel effects three or four days in, but that was cause I was like, I was exercising and really basically never stretching.

Yeah. That's what I'm doing now. And basically to answer your, this guy's question, let's see who's, what's his name? Um, I, I used to go to the gym, but now I stopped going to the gym just cause one of them is COVID and two, it's kind of boring for me to go there and just lift weights. That's not exciting for me anymore. Justin the knot. Uh, so now I like play basketball and tennis.

I play games to like incentivize sweating and exercising. Right. That's good. And then you weren't stretching enough after. So now you've added, added the stretch to your repertoire. Yes. I didn't stretch before. I didn't stretch after.

I woke up really early. I started sprinting. My hamstrings were sore obviously. So. I'm just going to town on a rubber band that I never use for five days out of the week. Yeah. So hopefully this app will be another way that I keep fit in my old age. I'm a big fan.

I'm a big fan of the stretch it out. I have to, you have to teach me how to use this programs then I guess. Okay. Yeah. We can, uh, we'll connect offline. Please send me some screenshots. Uh, what do you do to stay active in your age? Um, I, it has to be at your age.

The trifecta. Yeah. At my age, I'm, I'm surfing. I'm biking. I'm climbing still. Um, usually it shifts with the season. Like right now I'm climbing two or three days a week. Whereas before I was like riding my bike two or three days a week and climbing one day a week.

Um, and also in the deep winter, I probably only surf like once a month. Um, but in the spring and the fall, I was surfing at least once a week. Whoa. So also activities. Do you ever go to the gym and just play games? Yeah. I do that a few days a week too. I look, I still, I like doing that, but I also like follow different workout programs

or something or like an exercise that my brother will send me. So like when I go to the gym, I try to have a purpose before I go. I never just show up and I'm like, what should I do? Yeah. Let me lift. Wake up, visualize the workout. Be like, okay, I'm going to do chest today. So I'll do these three exercises and then this, this like high intensity finisher or something.

Yeah. But I, I joined a CrossFit gym like last year and I still get the wad, the workout of the day. So I just look at that pretty much every single day. And then I screenshot the ones that I like. And then when I'm going to work out, I just go and I do the wad. What's your least favorite exercise in CrossFit? Is it the squats?

Is it the pull-ups? Is it the, the kettle swings? I don't like, I mean overhead squats are really hard. I don't really like squat thruster type things. I, I have just like my shoulders are tight. So I feel like I went to the gym today and I was doing squat thrusters and I feel like I could do squats for a while and I could do just shoulder press for a while, but doing them together just makes the back of my neck feel pinched.

And it doesn't really feel like I'm exercising that well. It just feels like a tightness and a pinching this in my shoulders. So I don't like when I'm doing an exercise that feels like it's painful, but not in a good way. Yeah. Yeah. It was irritating. It was an irritating feeling that I had doing that today.

Yeah. That's the hard part of working out. You don't know what it's like. I'm sore. Is that good or bad? Sore could mean you're getting injured or sore could mean muscle is growing and you're doing a great job. So the hard part for me, I like the exercising and staying active is kind of, that just

like comes natural. It's like what I want to do anyway, but the, the dieting, that's, that's really hard. Because I'm never priority. And I never really think about it until I need to eat. Like I don't prioritize food in any way. I don't prep food in any way. And I'll like skip breakfast. And then at like one, and then I've like also work a little past lunch and then it's 2pm

and I'm famished and I need to eat too much and Jill's like, let's eat dinner at five. And you're like, I'm stuffed. I just had a burrito and now I'm tired. So I, if I could do better at something, I think it'd be like planning out my meals and eating throughout the day and like starting with a healthy breakfast, having snacks. Yeah. I feel like if I had a lot of money, that would be my indulgence. Like I don't need a really fancy car or a huge house, but like, can I spend $75,000

a year on a chef and just, you make every meal for me and I'll drive a Mazda. Yeah. You would even like move, you wouldn't even leave your house. So you're, you're chef, you're sharing the space in your like kitchen with the chef. That's right. You make it so that I wake up and it's awesome to eat every meal. And then I'll drive a shitty car instead of an $80,000 a year car. It's not a bad idea.

It's a solid trade-off. All right. Here's a question from Alan or Alamedarkisat or something. The first moment you guys felt comfortable working on your own business full time. And it has to be a moment. The first moment. The awkward moment when you felt comfortable working on your business full time. Maybe when we raised the first round of funding.

Oh, like five years in, you mean you weren't comfortable for the first five years. Yeah. I mean, like, no, no, I don't think I was ever like incredibly stressed out, but there's always like that, like hanging over your head, like, you know, we have, we had to make ends meet. And that was like the, and we're living like invoice to invoice. So I think that like getting the, the, the VC cash was probably the first time that I was like, Oh, great.

I know that our business can't fail in the next year or two. Yeah. Yeah. I guess the boring answer is like, you're always a little bit nervous and you're always a little bit unsure. I feel like we, we're good at making a life raft while we're still on the ship. Like, right. We started the podcast.

Oh, we're still doing shake and a mirror. We started to hang them while we still have the podcast. We're never just like, I never had the, the entrepreneurial risk taking atmosphere of like, I sold my house and I went all in on this thing where if I'd failed, I would be broke. I'm like, no, most things fail. I don't want to risk it all. Let's take a half measure and try to grow it from there.

And if it works, then like start to like, okay, Jake and me are taking mirrors slowly dwindling down. Let's start a podcast, ramp it up. And now it's like we're in half equally. And now we're entirely on the podcast. It's not like we're, we're starting a podcast. We had like the IAC health insurance pretty much right up until we started the head gum company and got health insurance for ourselves that way.

You're going to need health insurance because one small thing costs $790,000. You have no idea until somebody else. That'll destroy your business. Getting ill without health insurance. Don't be sick and unemployed in America or you'll just sort of die and no one will care. That's our MO over here. Yeah. Shout out to the Netherlands, by the way.

Better health care, I assume, and better at soccer than us. Sorry, football. Yeah, that was sad. That was sad. Proud of our boys though. They did the best they could with what we were given. But our guys are small and their guys are tall and their guys are strong and they're good at footy and we're just sort of speed.

Yeah, they were a more mature team. They capitalized on the chances. They were clinical. They made us pay for it. And we fought with a lot of heart. With a lot of heart. Other teams went down like we did and kind of seemed to give up and I feel like we fought till the end.

That's nice. We lost what? 7-1? What was it? 6-1? No, it just felt like that. 3-1. Okay, let's take a break.

Thanks to sponsors. Try to make us a little less nervous about running a business and then come back with more questions after these messages. Yes. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Well, yes, thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress. Yes, sir.

Yeah, so Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute honestly like Buzzfeed light quiz. I don't know how you sleep for the better part of a decade. Excuse me, I do not brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or?

Yeah, I got the perfect mattress. Thank God. Thank God I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com.com. If I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows?

Come on. Yes, this is their best offer yet and no, it won't last long with Helix. The better sleep starts now. So regardless of how you sleep, whether you like it soft, medium or firm, Helix has 20 unique mattresses just ready to go based on how you fill up that sleep preference. And they'll send you the best one. And if you go to helixsleep.com. So if I were you, that's 20% off.

Amazing. Thank you, Helix. Sleep well. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow. For years and years and years, we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace because it's the best way for dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design to create a professional looking website.

So if you're building an online portfolio for yourself or a loved one or you want to sell stuff online, you can do an online store. They have 24 seven live customer support, email campaigns, data. You can even purchase a domain name through Squarespace. For example, I didn't even look this up, but there's no way you can't buy a mere Blumenfeld is a good dude.com. I bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through Squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me or I guess dedicated to anyone else in

your life. And maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season, a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website? So the best way to do that is to go to Squarespace.com slash if I were you for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain again, Squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it.

Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10% off that first purchase. Thank you, Squarespace. And we're back. Jake, do you have any? Oh, it's a lift. Oh, I'm coming. Gross. No.

No, I don't. Do you? Yeah. So did you know, and I'm hoping you didn't, otherwise it's sort of a boring segment, did you know you can copy text from your phone and then hit paste on your computer and they're all synced up? So the Zoom link you sent me, I copied on my phone and then I hit paste on my computer. I technically, I've utilized that before, but I was as surprised as you were.

And I also had forgotten about it. So I was vaguely aware. It's pretty cool. It's oddly convenient and kind of scary. It's like, oh, what is going on here that we don't know about that I can just seamlessly go from one to the other? I don't know what my computer, what my phone, what my iPad knows. I know I can't possibly imagine getting any computer that's not in the Apple family.

I mean, this is how they get you. I mean, they had me a long, long time ago. Yeah. Do you use an iPad? No, no, I don't. As I always said, I want to want an iPad. Yeah, I really want to want it. Yeah, it'd be nice.

They look elegant. Whenever I see someone using one on a plane, I'm like, oh yeah, that's nice. But I never, I just don't use apps like that. I use it on your phone. Yeah, I don't need the screen to be bigger. Maybe when our eyes get worse. Maybe. We'll need Instagrams blown up to the size of a fucking newspaper.

Yeah. But then I feel like I see iPads all the time with the keyboard adapter. And I'm like, oh, that's just, that is, I have a MacBook Air. It's really small. That's one step too far. That's one step too far. Yeah. Don't use the keyboard on an iPad.

Right. The whole point of the iPad is that it's a one-stop shop. I was going to say, if somebody gifted me an iPad, I would maybe use it. And then I remembered that I was gifted an iPad and I gave it to Jill. So I don't use it. What about WhatsApp? Are you using WhatsApp? No.

I mean, I have it, but no. I have WhatsApp for some group chats and I have iMessage for some group chats. And then I have them coming in on my phone. I have them coming in on my computer. Sometimes I have them coming in on my iPad. It is a little bit overwhelming to have three things constantly going on. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not for me. Okay. Here's the question. I guess we're adults now. People keep asking us a question about being adults. Cool. Victor ain't no ho. I struggle with setting and sticking to a budget.

Advice? You're going to have to take that. I was never, I was really never able to do that when I was younger. Do you have a budget now or are you just like, in general, I'm trying not to spend a lot? Yeah. I don't really have a budget. And I usually, my default is to not spend any money, but then like, whenever I'm like newly into something, I'll spend frivolously.

Like when I got into surfing, I wasn't like, okay, so like I'm going to, I'm going to set my budget and only spend this much money on my new hobby. I was like, okay, well, I need a wetsuit. I need a leash. I need a board. I need wax and I need to surf back. Oh, I have to buy straps for my car now. And I just like did all of that without really thinking about it.

Yeah. Hobbies are expensive. I mean, honestly, the saddest slash best way to save money is to make your own food, but that's kind of a sad answer. So like, you know, going out to restaurants, which is fun, you'll be having pasta at home, which is like $2.04, but then you have to do dishes. So you're saving $30 to $50, but then you have to cook and clean. Yeah.

I mean, I think one place where I can see a big savings is just like picking up your food if you're ordering out rather than doing like the Uber Eats or the Seamless or whatever. Yeah. Takeout is exorbitant. Like just for me, it's $40 for like Thai food. Yeah. And then I feel like every single time you're getting to that checkout, you're like, oh, Jesus, look at this.

Look at all these extra fees. And like that's not necessarily going to go to them. Shipping and handling. Can I just pay for one? Don't even handle it. And then you're like, oh, well, damn, I have to save money by not tipping the delivery person. So just even if you order and you can just go out and pick it up yourself, I think that's

a nice way to save money. Yeah. And then I guess in general sticking to a budget, I guess the first step is to actually make the budget. I don't know if you're trying to like come in at under $1,000 a month or $3,000 a month or whatever the hell. You have to actually come up with it. You know what?

I think I talked about it a while ago, but I was sending myself emails with like links of things that I wanted with the subject by question mark and then I would snooze it for a week and it stopped me from doing a lot of like random online shopping that it's so easy to just click and order something because you're like, you want it in the moment. But sometimes like I would snooze it for a week and then this like link to shoes would come up and I'd be like, oh, I don't want these anymore. Yeah. So that was helpful too.

It's also hard now because everything is twice as expensive as it was three years ago. So your budget is just kind of moot. Like if you buy sheets, it's several hundred dollars. If you buy a salad, it's $20 and then delivery is another $20. Nothing costs less than $10 anymore, evidently. Yeah. Yeah. Here's an interesting one.

Would you rather, it's from Gabby Roa, would you rather get castrated or have Mike Pence be your roommate for the rest of your life? So you would either go dickless, but a non-Pence life or have Mike Pence, former vice president, living with you. Like he would just be around for the rest of my life. Does that mean like if I live to be 80, that Pence will be there and he'll be like 112? Yeah. A nurse will just be wheeling him in and out of rooms you're happening to be in at the

time. I mean, I think I would probably do the Pence move just because you need a dick at the end of the day. I want my dick around. Yeah. And if he's just like, if he's there while you're watching a show and he's like, I'm really proud of the work we did, you'll sort of be able to tune that out eventually. It'd be kind of interesting to talk to him when it was just us and be like, Trump wanted

everyone to hang you. How do you reconcile that? You can't think he's good still, right? You can't be like, I'm proud of anything we did because he wanted you dead at the end of the term at the end of the day. Do we have any oat milk? It was your turn to go grocery shopping, Mike. Christ.

Mother was supposed to do it for me. Would it kill you to put the seat down, Pencey? I can't lift anything. I have a bad sciatic nerve. Well, let me massage that for you, Mike. Your dick is already cut off. What did you do? You did both?

Makes no sense. No. Jacob Hirschman has an interesting one. How many coins is too many to carry in your pocket at one time? I mean, any. One, I would never. You wouldn't have a lucky penny? If I paid for something and I got cash, I would bring those coins immediately home and

take them out of my pocket. It'd be the first thing I did. Then where do you go? I don't want to just throw change on the ground. It wouldn't do that. But yeah, I wouldn't, I'm not going to like enjoy having a quarter in my pocket. It doesn't do anything anymore. It doesn't spark joy.

You can't put that in. You have to put in a parking meter at this stage. Yeah, everything is, honestly, cash in general is starting to go away. If it's going all in your phone, then you won't need. I do like having cash. I like having, especially in the city, it's fun to have cash. Oh, yeah, why? I don't know.

It's easy to just like give people cash. So you had a 20 in your pocket. Who are you giving it to and why? If I bought a drink at the bodega, I would probably pay for that in cash. Oh, really? If I this morning, actually, after I went to the gym, I went to the Halal stand, Sammy's Halal in Bedford, and I got a combo plate and I paid for it with a 20. And he gives you $13.94 loose change and crumpled ones and fives.

And it's nice to have cash. It just feels good. There are still instances where you need it and I like to have it. I don't like to be like, oh, well, I need to go to an ATM. Yeah, because it doesn't take that much room. Does that cart guy take cards or? Yeah, yeah, he takes cards, too, but you still prefer the cashness of it. You're old school like that.

I mean, sometimes when I'm in one of those like old school New York moments where I'm buying something on on the street, I like I like giving someone cash. Actually, before my show in September at in Times Square, I needed a little pick me up. So I went to one of those like little magazine booths in Times Square and I got a five hour energy. Oh, and I asked if the guy took cards and he said no, but he would take Venmo. And I was like, OK, sure. So I Venmoed him five dollars for this five hour energy.

One dollar per hour of energy. Yeah, he gave me his name. And then two weeks ago, he responded, bless you. This is it was. Several months later, it was seconds after I sneezed. There's no way he would know that. Right. How could he possibly? Oh, there he is right now.

Yeah, the cart is set up outside my house. Are you sure you don't need some more energy? I'll give me ten dollars to leave. I'll castrate myself if you just get out of here. Do those five hour energies work? Do you know? Do you notice feel noticeably different? Yeah, definitely. Like more so than a Red Bull or a coffee.

Maybe as much. I mean, they taste so foul that like it's kind of like an instant jolt. And then I'm not thinking like three and a half hours later, like I'm still I still have a little energy. It's more like I need it immediately. Right. And do you is it is it more five minute energy? Or does it actually last for five hours? I think it carries me through five hours for sure.

Oh, wow. But I feel like I also think you only really ever need to get over the hump when it comes to energy. It's not like five hours needs to be five full hours dialed in. It's more like a I have to sit backstage for an hour and a half before I can get onto the stage, you know, I have to wait till doors are out. I don't know. The loading is done. So that was really what it was for. Energy drinks sort of took off.

But five hour energy like never became a real thing. Like it used to be more popular than it was. I don't see a lot of people or competitors even to five hour energy. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder why it was always a big thing for me. I always like five hour energy. Right. It's like it like trends into like the weird pills that they give you at like gas stations where it's like multivitamins or it's it almost seems like

pseudoscience more than like an energy rock star monster. Because some of the bodegas, they keep it behind the counter and you have to ask them for it. It's not like you can't just grab a brush and you can get a fucking monster. Yeah, you can get a like a court of energy drink, a giant rock star energy. But then it's like, if you want the tiny one, you have to you have to humble yourself and a condom. The condoms are not behind the plastic, but the five hour energy. You have to use the key to get through.

Right. Slide it up. It looks over cigarettes and five hour energy. OK, more questions to come. Let's take another break. Thanks to sponsors. Come back with more cues. Cool. Thank you to Stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show. Visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business.

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And that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you Stamps.com for sponsoring this show. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this headgum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire headgum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the goat father's day gift.

I think it actually is. Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech, savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh wow. We got one for Jill's grandma.

Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital

photo frame. This is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it.

I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that. Or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool.

And you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app.

Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift.

A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the Perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames. That's A-U-R-A Frames dot com. And our listeners can use code HEDGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th.

So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames A-U-R-A Frames dot com. OK. Go get your parents something. All right. And use the code HEDGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEDGUM podcast you were listening to. And we're back.

We got one good traditional question to our email. If I were to show it, gmail.com, of course. Oh, whoa. So non-lightning round. Non-lightning round. Yeah. Cool. I thought it would be fun to read this. This is a 27 year old Canadian female

who will call Sandra Day O'Connor. Cool. Over the past year, I have a friend group that's grown really close and this group is made up of two couples, me and then Ted. OK, Ted and I are single and I've had a crush on Ted this whole time. About five months ago, we all got really drunk

and I wrestled with Ted for over an hour, mostly on our living room floor. Photos to prove it. And then she sent us some photos of them wrestling. The six of us frequently do triple dates and Ted and I are always paired up for everything. Neither of us have dated anyone else in this time. Ted's a bit older and has never been in a full on relationship with anyone.

I'm starting to think it's because he never makes a move on anyone. He's so respectful and passive. Our other friends are desperate to match us up and I've indicated some interest to him, his friends. But he definitely hasn't. He hasn't definitively said yes to any of them, which I know is a red flag, but he also hasn't said no. So wrestling photos are so funny.

Yeah, they're just wrestling in the background. It's like a lady, one of the friends taking selfies. And then in the background, you see Ted, the tall, handsome guy. Twenty seven year old Sandra Day O'Connor. Nice, handsome lady wrestling each other. It's very charming. Does Ted like me? If so, how do I proceed without wrecking this friend group? Love the podcast from Canada.

It feels like things are naturally progressing as they should. Doesn't it? But it's been going for over a year. Wait, a year? I think I was lost in the photos a year over the past year. We've been hanging out about five months ago. We all got really drunk and wrestled. So it seems like it's trending, but he's one of those guys that like will never make a movie

either because he's not interested or because he's, you know, has the anxiety about that kind of stuff. I've been that kind of guy. I'm like, I will just in an effort to never fail or go for it or ruin a friendship, just never, ever, ever, ever make a move. I will die move less with this person. Yeah. And I'm the opposite. I've ruined several friendships by hooking up with friends.

So what should she do? I think at this point, first of all, did it sound like through that email like she really values Ted's friendship? It didn't necessarily. I think she has a crush on Ted. Yeah. So I think I can I can understand the hesitation to be like, we're such good friends, I don't want to ruin it.

But if it's like I'm part of this group, I like this guy. I'm wondering why nothing's happened. I like him just I say go for it. What could what it couldn't be that bad because at the very least, Ted would have to be like, I'm sorry, I sent you the wrong messages by wrestling you. Yeah, I don't know where coming out of that I was interested. But yeah, my question is, what is going for it even until at this point?

I mean, one, you could ask Ted to hang out outside of the friend group, you know, just one on one check in with him on the side. Just be like, what are you up to this weekend? If there's like a group text, maybe you just go full on sidebar and you say, what are you doing? A Ted, a Ted and suggest an activity. Yeah, that's good. Yeah. And then the other one is like, if you're all together

and the couples splinter off and people have had a few drinks and you're wrestling, it doesn't seem like it's that hard to to go from like the rolling around on the floor to maybe a cuddle, a pack, a smooch. It happens all the time in the movies. Yeah, wrestling is, you know, one of the main ways that romantic interests start touching each other, one thing leads to another. And then before you know it,

the wrestling turns into something more sexual, sensual in nature. What would you do if you were going to make a move? I know what you would do as you. But yeah, I think I think that's correct. Is the first the first step is to text. Hey, let's do something without the other six. Or when we're all hanging out, splinter off, because like, it might be uncomfortable to sober start the day with a date.

Or maybe that's what you need to differentiate it. Yeah, I at the very least, I think we both agree that you should just go for it. You have nothing to lose here. I don't think you would wrestle you if you wasn't interested at all. Yeah, I agree. You don't go from wrestling. I wouldn't wrestle somebody that I didn't like.

All right, here's a few other lightning rounds just to get us out of here. Aaron Kotler asked genuinely, do you have a favorite quality slash pet peeve about one another? So one is nice. And the other one is just this one thing that you really can't stand about the other person. Interesting. I think I feel like my. How about you do favorite quality for me and I'll do pet peeve for you? Oh, that's cool. I love that.

So like compliment and then I'm struggling to think of a quality open faced compliment sandwich, as they say, right? Insult compliment. And yeah, I can't think of anything. It could be like something if I'm funny or smart or like interesting in any way. Yeah, you're funny. Yeah, you're. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, like you just discovered something interesting.

I think that was a sample. That was an example. I think my my compliment is also my pet peeve. OK, cool. I think you are very. You're very you're reliable and even keel. And I think that's a good, good energy for the way that I like to work. We compliment each other. Well, we never you never get me like worked up necessarily.

But then they the pet peeve is sometimes when I'm worked up at some kind of like outside force and I want you to be mad, you don't get mad. Yeah, I get it. Killed. You really don't. It borders on like me feeling gaslit because I'm like, why am I so upset? And a weirdo is not bothered. Yeah. And I'm like, I guess I get what they're trying to say. It's just, you know, everyone's trying to do what's benefiting them.

And we're doing the same thing. And, you know, they're upset at us and we're upset at them. They're trying to fuck us, Blumenfeld. Yeah, I guess. Don't you understand each other? I guess. Yeah, yeah, that's it. And Jake Steels, you're a shoplifter. Is that safe to say you've stolen tons of merchandise, clothes, food? Yeah. You've modern day Robin Hood.

Yeah. Yeah. You'll take from the good and give to the bad, really. Right. Exactly. An opposite of Robin Hood. I guess I can say the same thing for you that I appreciate the passion. And, you know, being getting upset and getting emotional, but at the same time, maybe it rubs me the wrong way because it's like, you don't have to get mad about everything. You don't have to get mad about that.

That's not a really big deal. You're you're getting upset for anything. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Like, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Like, I get mad at everything. Not everything. Not everything. I'm scared of you. That's good. You're even keel of me.

Yeah. All right. That was a good one to end on. All right. Fuck it. One more. A bird in the hand says, which one of you is the pickier eater? Got to be you. I feel like it started as you and then you've trended more adventurous. And now you you've surpassed me and now I'm the pickier eater. Yeah. Yeah.

When we definitely when we first met, I only ever had Turkey BLT's. That's kind of yeah. And I think for a long time, I needed it to be. It was chicken, cutlet, cheddar cheese and bacon, every single sandwich. Then I became a vegetarian and it was fried eggplant and cheese sandwiches and bacon. And I call a little bacon. What are you going to say? No, bacon, pig.

I said I was a vegetarian. I didn't say I didn't want bacon. I could have a hog. Yeah. And I'm still like, I know I don't like this stuff. Yeah. Yes, I'll try this mushroom. I yeah, it tasted like mushrooms. What do you want from me? I'm sorry.

I wasn't raised to be adventurous. This is who I am now. There's no changing me. I don't like oysters. I don't like shellfish. Oh, that's my pet peeve about you. Oysters. It is a cool thing to eat that I'll never indulge in.

Yeah. Do you guys have chicken fingers? There's something cool about going to an oyster bar and not cool if you only eat the calamari, but not the ones that are stringy, just the ones that rings that taste like chicken. Yeah, ideally most of the squid had fallen out. So it's just the skin. It's just a fried crackling. It's just a fried basically an onion ring.

All right. Thanks for those questions. Send more, please. We're running low on theme songs and questions at IfIReviewShow at gmail.com. Definitely do it. We're doing our best to answer them all. And if you're ever eager, you need more of us. And I understand the impulse, the urge, the desire.

We're making weekly videos on our Patreon, patreon.com. Slash J.A. job. So we're watching Jake and Amir videos reminiscing going down memory lane. And watch some good ones recently, some real, real good stuff. I think we're at over 200 episodes of that. So there's a huge backlog if you've been waiting and waiting and waiting. Maybe now is the month to get into it. I think so.

Patreon.com slash J.A. Aang. That's right. Thank you for listening and thank you to Matt K for this epic theme song. Let's hear it again on our way out. Why not? And of course, we'll be back next week. Have a happy, happy Christmas and it's the best one of the year.

I know that was hard for you to sing. Where is this darn theme song? Wait for it. Wait for it. Here it comes. We got everybody. Jake will fucking change who he is on the drop of a hat. With that's the golden mic for you.

You finally stood up for yourself. Holy shit. Yeah. This feeling has to last. You're talking so slow. Let's find another question. Oh, you're derailing the show. This is why you've never won the award.

This is why I'm rescinding the award. It's being revoked. It's being revoked. Why? Never in history has someone earned it and lost it in an episode. I left work with one more dirty thinking how'd I let it slip. And the questions made more questions staring at my plaque of shit. I had won the golden mic proving all the hate is wrong.

I had won it for a moment. Then I stumbled and it was gone. Oh, that's just the way that podcasting's been. Because her wits holds all the cards and he's playing to win. The odds are stacked against me, but I'm never giving in. I will have that GM, because I won it before I can win it again.