If I Were You - 571: White Lotus (w/Adam DiMarco!)

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

In this episode Adam DiMarco (aka Albie Di Grasso) joins us to discuss public sex, private messages, and birds. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a head-gum original. This is it. Nice. Good, yeah. Nice. Bob Dylan doesn't have that kind of a voice, and this is a... This isn't Bob Dylan, is it? Isn't it?

Stuck in the middle of you? I thought it was. Wow, how good this is. So this guy's doing a Bob Dylan cover and doing... Oh my God. Nice. That was about you sort of sitting in between us. I wrote that. That was my voice.

We have a guest, Adam DiMarco. Hello. From the White Frickin' Lotus is here. How do you like that? Jake and Amish, can't believe I'm back here. If I were Yoush. Yes, stuck in the middle with Yoush. Good man.

Stuck in the middle with Yoush, indeed. Jake, you thought that was a Bob Dylan cover, because the guy just vaguely sounded like Bob Dylan. But it's not a Bob Dylan song. You knew that, right? You were like joking. I don't know why we're dragging meat. You barely introduced DiMarco here. Ten seconds and you're like, we're here without DiMarco.

Jake, you thought that was a Bob Dylan song. You fucking idiot. That's a more important thing to address. We have a guest. I looked it up. I've never heard this band is what I was going to say. It's a pretty obscure band, is all. But I'm feeling like now that you're angry,

it's sort of, can we start over? Sure. Who is it? Play the song again. Adam DiMarco is here from the White Frickin' Lotus. How did this happen? How did you get here? I took a lift.

The Uber was taking way too long, so I called a lift. I'm more of a lift guy myself. Really? What's the difference for you? I heard a long time ago that lift, like, treated their drivers better. I think now looking back on it, they're probably all treated pretty bad.

Lift isn't like the good company. Yeah. But I don't know. Yeah, just I put Uber in a deep folder on my phone and I've never really found to begin. You still have the pink mustache on your card. Adam DiMarco is here from the White Frickin' Lotus. White Frickin' Lotus.

If you can believe it. How did this happen? Well, I'm a fan of you guys, so I exercised my power of publicist to ask if I could do your show. We do often get like PR emails like, hey, this person's writing a book. Do you want him to be on your show?

And we're like, no, it needs to be like a friend, whatever, whatever. And they're like, holy shit, he's on White Lotus. I fucking love that show. Whoever it is. I don't care. Do you know Theo James? Would he do this?

I can text him. Wow. He texts me back 50% of the time. Wow. Yeah, pretty good. That's pretty good. Is that the highest rate of people on the show? Would you say you're...

No, everyone's. Everyone's pretty great. Yeah. Except for... I mean, we're all thinking it. Jim. Jim. Jim Stansel.

Who is a producer? I should have liked producer more. Producers assisted, yeah. Yeah. But yeah, no, I mean, I've seen every single one of your guys' web series episodes. Wow. Yeah, because it was...

That's a lot. Cool. So, like, I kind of grew up watching it. Actually, our sweet spot is vaguely Jewish high schoolers in Toronto. So, yeah, you were right in there. Nailed it. Yeah.

That's true. We just search, like, celebrities in Toronto who are 30. Yeah, exactly. And be like, you probably like me, right? At least you have a friend. I need more... Forgive me for saying this, but celebrity friends here are celebrity now.

We're old enough now where, like, people that grew up watching our videos are becoming more successful than us. Yes, absolutely. So, we should be... We should be, like, using that influence. Exactly. I told you when I got my foot surgery, the doctor told me they were a fan before I went out.

That's not a good sign. You shouldn't do that. Like, you can't carve me up. Yeah. Yeah. Will you sign me? Yeah. You have to sign your app for him.

This is gonna be a dream. The anesthesiologist loves NADPOP. All right, count backwards from 20. Oh, 20-sided die. Very good. Very good. You guys are also always very great at, like, Facebook, getting on Facebook early days and, like, the fan engagement.

Oh, yeah. There's... I actually just deleted Facebook, which highly recommends to anyone who hasn't done it. Yeah. I'm way too active on there with my theories and posts to ever consider that, but that's interesting. You're someone who should delete Facebook.

Yeah. Okay. Because I need to sign into my Oculus with it. Yeah. We'll figure out a workaround. What were we saying? But when I was, like, going back and deleting it, at one point I was like,

hey, do you guys mind wishing me a happy birthday? Did we? And you both did. Wow. It was so nice. Wow. And it, like, really meant a lot to me. You posted on our Facebook,

will you wish me a happy birthday? No, like, I think I DM'd or something, but you're like, sure. And then I showed all my friends. A video? No, just a message. I feel like I remembered that. No, you don't.

No, you don't. No, you don't. Shut the fuck up, Jake. No, I said, like, because it didn't happen. That was a fucking setup to see if you would go along with it. Because only Amir did it. I don't remember what you said, but you said a happy birthday, Jake.

I mean, Adam, which I was like, that's a good bit. Unforgettable. Yeah. But mine was not that. Yeah. Mine was probably two earnest. Actually, I did search. I did search.

I searched your name on Twitter to see if we've ever interacted. And you did reply to a tweet from Jake in, like, 2014. Oh, what was it? I don't know, because you deleted the tweet. Ah, yeah. And then Jake replied to you, you do you. So I don't know what you said that got Jake to say, you do you in 2014.

My reply was to Adam and also Drake. Oh, really? I tweeted Drake and Jake. Maybe I didn't know which one was you. You came up with, you do you first. Yeah. It was probably. It had to be parallel thinking, at least.

I tweeted at Drake a lot back in the day. Didn't we all? No. No. Now he would, man, because you're on the white fricking lotus. Loafless. Oh, yeah. Great show.

We just finished. Jake's not even done with it, so no spoilers. So we can't talk about who dies? You can talk about it. I feel bad. I don't want to, you know. Are you guys caught up? Yeah.

Casey's caught up on you. I didn't watch the last one and then it was immediately ruined for me on every social media. Yeah. You're avoiding social media? No, I'm pretty sure that it's been ruined for me. Oh, okay. I don't know a hundred percent.

But there's actually like, wasn't there the study that even if you know the ending or something is spoiled for you, it doesn't affect your enjoyment of it? Yeah, I'm definitely going to finish. Did your PR team tell you this? In fact, if you watch it twice, there's little things that you should. I'm going to finish the show. I love the show. And I'll enjoy it no matter what.

So if you guys need to spoil it, that's fine. I don't need to spoil it. I don't need to spoil it. Although talking about spoiling it, my mom, who doesn't really watch American TV shows and my dad, Israeli couple, they like watch Israeli television almost exclusively. But they love Italy. So like you guys should watch this season of the show and they got so into it. And then my mom was texting me during the finale.

She's never done this before and she says, so who is the body in the water, you know, from the pilot? Yeah. And I said, did you watch the episode? Keep watching. And she's like, it's too stressful for me. I need to know now. Two minutes later, please.

Two minutes later. Otherwise, I'm going upstairs. I can't tolerate stress in movies. I was like, OK, this is the who dies, I won't say. And then she's like, OK, good. That's what I thought. I'm like, you don't get to call it. I figured it out.

That's what I thought. I win. I didn't know that I said I came up with it. New or well-thinking. All right, sweet. The finale was great, though. I thought it was incredible. The whole show was awesome.

Yeah. Everything is so fucking good. The finale was like one of the best episodes of TV I've seen. That's correct. You're in it, which is so crazy. Are you watching it before the public? All the other episodes I did, but this one. You watched it.

HBO didn't give us the screener for it. I don't know why. Yeah. I thought I did. And then I was like, well, maybe they'll change it in post, or maybe I got dummy scripts. You never know. Wow. The ending was crazy.

Did you know everything as it happened? Yeah. So it did turn out as scripted. Yeah. I also liked it. It was extra long. It was like 20 minutes. I think they could have done that with every episode.

It would have been like that. Yeah. HBO doesn't care what's on after white lotus at 10, 20 p.m. eastern. Apparently they do. They do care. They know what they're doing over there at home box office. It was also skeptical because I love the first season. I'm like, oh, here comes the second season.

I don't know about this one. I like the second season better. I'll say it. Yeah. I think, yeah. I prefer it. Thank you. Yeah.

Has nothing to do with your character. I'll tell Theo Chains. Please do. Can you text him? He's a buff and a cool. He really is a buff and a cool. Jake and I were texting. We just love characters like that.

Yeah. I said we're suckers for a himbo. Yeah. He's a hot jacked fun dude who cheats on people and does a lot of drinking and drugs. He's always just kind of happy. Yeah. You're watching it wearing your drive jackets. That's correct.

Matching drive jackets. We should do that. Jake and Amir. But you get a crab. Oh yeah. One with a lobster. One with a scorpion. We should do a Jake and Amir.

And a sequel to the Jake and Amir in the club where you and I are both trying to pick up girls at the bar. But you and I both show up in drive jackets. Yeah. We're trying to get the other guy to take it off. Yours has a scorpion. Mine has a lobster because I misremembered it. I thought it was like a crab or something.

It was a fucking scorpion. You idiot. Did you even drive here? You can't fucking show up in an Uber with the drive jacket. Okay. You get on a motorcycle, don't know how to start it. All right. This is a advice podcast, of course.

Oh yeah. If I were you, the only one on the internet hosted by me and Jake. Oftentimes it's just us. Today we're with a very special guest. Adam DiMarco from the White Frickin' Lotus is here. How'd you get here? I drove. Let's go.

We're back, baby. Here's a question called I Can Hear My Brother Fucking His Girlfriend. Awesome. That's pretty much the question, but I'll read it anyway. Do I still do fake names? We still do fake names? Sure do. Good call.

So this is a, I think a dude, although the name can go either way. So if you want to do like an ambiguous one, we don't really know. Ambiguous name. Yeah. It could be a boy or a girl, a man or a woman. Brinky. Brinky. Wow.

That is very androgynous. Who knows who's saying this? It could be a teddy bear. Hey, Jews. Love the show. Right off the bat. You're not Jewish, are you? I'm not.

Sorry to disappoint. I don't know. Let's take a break. Sorry. Because I see the face and it's Adam, which is, you know, it could go either way for sure. The last name is DiMarco. Yeah, that one. Can't really go long and shy.

Adam DiMarco is here. Yeah. I thought that was a stage name. My last name was really one. Dildstein or something. You wouldn't go up with a stage name for that. Dildstein is here. Yeah.

That wouldn't work. All right. Here's the sitch. My brother and his... Dildstein got the part. Deadline on Dildstein. Here's the sitch. My brother and his girlfriend have been staying home with us lately and will be staying with

us while they're in summer vacation from college. Our bedrooms are across the hall from each other. They're young, spontaneous, whatever. I heard them having sex, exclamation point, question mark. I heard her moaning and practically yelling, oh God. Anyways, I was fine with it. Didn't mention it to anyone. Then a couple of days later, my sister hears the same thing.

That's not even the bad part. A couple of days after that, I was watching a movie with my sister and parents while my brother and said girlfriend are downstairs during a quiet part of the movie. We hear the moaning. We hear the sex. So do I tell my brother to keep it down? Do I put up with it for the rest of the summer? Help.

Sorry for the long email of... Brinky. Brinky. Brinky. Brinky. Brinky. Brinky. E-E-Y.

E-E-Y. E-E-Y-I-E. Yeah. It's two endings in one. Brinky. Yeah. Have you ever experienced this? Hearing somebody else?

Have you ever fucked at home? Yeah. Have you ever fucked so good your sister heard it? Yeah. Do you have any siblings? I have four older sisters. Four older sisters? Yeah.

Well, yeah. Two half sisters who are quite a bit older and then, yeah. That doesn't count. But yeah, that's an interesting thing. Cool. Two sisters. Yeah. Two half sisters.

So that's one sister. And then two sisters. Yeah. Yeah. So have you ever experienced this thing? Hearing somebody have sex? Well, they've ever heard you have sex? Gross.

And like, what was it like? Gross versus the question. If you had to, like, do the noise. You said everyone asked you the same white lotus question. Yeah. So we're asking you when you haven't gotten it. Have your sisters ever heard you fuck? Or vice versa.

Yeah. Or we can go back to how is it shooting in Italy? No. No, no, no. Yes. No. It's never happened to me with, yeah, no, family member. Yeah.

Or friends. Friends. I feel like it must have happened, you know, roommate situation. Yeah. This sounds like uniquely terrible. It's spreading like a horror movie throughout the house. At first I heard it. Yeah.

But my mom has heard me having sex and told me. What did she say? She said it sounded like a train was going through the house. It was so foul. That's like a compliment. Yeah. That's the hottest thing. It sounds like I'm bragging, but it is so, it's like burned in my brain as being so fucking.

It was so embarrassing. A train. I think. Were you running train? Is that what she meant? No. It really was not. It was your running train in my house.

It was very standard. It sounded like you were running train. That's your mom. Gross. How do you even know that? No, it was very standard sex. Which is, let's all say it, so we know. Yeah.

One, two, three. Running train with your boys from college. Nine guys, one girl. That's enough. That's actually too far. What I said was fine. You said running train. I just described the joke you made.

I described what it means. Okay. I think it was because I was, my bedroom was in the attic at the time and my mom's bedroom was directly below mine. In the basement. I think the bed was shaking. There was no moaning, but it was just like probably a little bit of a jumble. It sounded like chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, chuckle.

Like a steam engine. We also live in your train tracks, so it could have been a train. Yeah. How do you know it wasn't the subway? Mom. But anyway, I think, I think you should say something before your mom does. Because your brother would probably rather hear it from a sibling. Yeah.

Like, hey man, dope sex dude. It sounds so cool. When you got being sad. We did all hear it. I don't know if you care about that kind of shit. I know I like it. Do you? I love that you're getting off.

I love that you're moaning. It sounded like, oh, oh, and that's amazing. Have you ever fucked a train? That's exactly what it sounded like. Yeah. I think with a sibling, you could just be like, yo, by the way, everyone heard you having sex. Cool it.

Yeah. It doesn't have to be that delicate. It's a sibling. Siblings are like, you know, you're supposed to be able to say anything you want to on another. I have good advice for the person who was found having sex. Getting the person who's getting the sex. Yeah, the person who's getting the sex.

And so you, just to throw them off your scent, you can have like the noise going on and everyone's like, oh, they're having sex again. And then you guys like walk out to the living room and be like, what's going on? What are you guys hearing? It's like, oh, this whole time we were actually hearing. And then I don't know. Watching my laughter. Watching my life.

It's perfect. Yeah. So then you, yeah, that's the cover. Yeah. Yeah. We're just watching a horny show in bed. That's fine. Yeah.

That's absolutely fine. You were watching him having sex on an airplane. That's right. You were on an airplane. I was on an airplane. He was having sex in a hotel room. Yeah. I've seen everyone in that show shows their ass.

There's a lot of butts in the show. Is there a male actor on that show that doesn't show their ass? F. Murray Abraham's cock is in the analogy. You haven't seen that yet. I haven't seen that yet. It's in the brains brain. It's during the credits. Right.

Amazing. I can't wait. I guess Murray and Michael. Oh, wait. Is Michael? I can't. Yeah. I don't think so.

No butt doubles? That's your real butt? No butt doubles from what? I know. I don't know about the other actors. Yeah. But yeah. That's cool.

Yeah. Cheeks out for Mike White. What? They offer that. Did they offer a butt double? Yeah. I'm sure you could have made it happen. Hold it in.

Yeah. Yeah. Because I have some. You want to work? You want to get it? You have a stick of salt and pepper. Put the door for hair on your ass. Yeah.

So I don't know if that would turn your foot in the door. That would read on TV. Well, I don't think. I'd wax. I'd wax too. But at a certain point there's like zits down there. So you would. I would do the let's call in the bullpen.

The bullpen as it were bringing the butt dub. Yeah. The B dub. But you have boils. Zits. I believe you have mass. I have a mass. On my ass.

Yeah. Yes. You have an infected hemorrhoid that's so engorged it looks like a plum. I have a fissure. Hanging from your sphincter. Yes. I have a fissure. Yes.

A pink sock is what it's called. Kind of like a prison tat. Yes. A cherry. Yes. It says God would have musked wheat. Sorry. We'll cut this out so it's seamless.

It says prosecute on one cheek and fouchy on the other. That's what I meant. He wrote prosecute fouchy. He said my pronouns are prosecute fouchy. It's not funny. But to have it tattooed on my ass would be a funny. I need to buy more Tesla stock. We're going through the roof with this guy.

Okay. So what do we tell this guy to tell or girl? Yeah. You can sit down with your sibling and say we can all hear you having sex. Do with that information what you will. Yeah. This one sounds pretty easy. I don't think you need to write into a podcast about it.

I think they just want to reach out to you. Should I tell my brother or listen to him fuck all summer? It's like, yeah. I think say something. Do you want to? Yeah. I guess it depends on what you want out of the situation. Some people want to hear it.

Go for it, I guess. Okay. Let's take a break. We'll answer some more questions after these messages. That's right. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the

doctor of the mattress. Yes, sir. Yeah. So Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute honestly like Buzzfeed light quiz. I know how to sleep for the better part of the decade.

Excuse me. I do not brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great or? Yeah. I got the perfect mattress. Thank God. Thank God I took that test.

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And we're back. There we go. Holy shit. Hey, Adam. Do you have any? Oh, let's do it. Let's do it. That's fine.

Mom, I'm coming. Gross. What? Say what we're all thinking. There's an elephant in the room. Yeah. So you're coming. Yes.

I've been at the time of reporting. Mom, I'm coming. Yeah. What is the context of that? That would be a, hey, mom, get out of the room, I'm currently either trying to or have just finished. Or in the act of coming. Yes.

Currently. Yes. But obviously that wasn't like a live read. It wasn't a documentary. You know, it was just a bit of a joke. A goof. Okay. There's a lot of details on my ass.

Like you do. You do, right? Yes. That's, that was a bad example. But I'm just saying this. That was like the mutating arc. What's your unsolicited advice, man? I feel like I'm on trial here.

Yeah. Okay. So I mean, this is just like what works is what works for me. Totally personal. Yeah. So like, if any, if, you know, I was listening can get in like season three of white lotus. I would definitely say like go for it. Like three.

So your advice is to be in season three of white lotus. Because it really super worked for your career. I have no complaints. Yeah. Just in general. Just because it was a good show and you were in it. Yeah. And how people know you.

Yeah. I might try to follow that. I might just like in the room if you want. If you could text Mike White. Yeah. Does he respond over and over? I would do ass. 50% of the time.

Mike always responds. Yeah. It's so cool. Yeah. That's awesome. So yeah, I guess that would be. American actors. But.

You guys are Connecticut. Yeah. I mean, pretty American. But he loves Harold and Kumar three. Amazing. Mr. White. It's an honor. Is your name Avery in that?

My name is. Aiden. No. It is an A word. Adrian. Adrian. That's it. What was the audition process like for that?

That's a really good question. I'm glad you're here to ask because Jake often just sort of sweeps that entire thing under the rug. I came out 11 years ago. I was excited to see you in that. Thank you. I appreciate it. That's like your first.

Very Harold and Kumar Christmas. Yeah. It's a 3D Christmas actor. I'll say the title. Do you still make residual? Like some residuals often? I do. Yeah.

A couple hundred bucks flows in every year. It's Christmas movie. So they're great for that. That's right. Yeah. My friend directed it. And so he sort of helped shepherd me along the process. You get a man on the inside.

A man on the inside. Fall for you tooth and nail. Correct. The studio hated you. He lost both of them. He lost his tooth. Yeah. Salaries, prices, whatever was locked up in more expensive actors and other roles.

So they needed to give somebody the bare minimum. And my friend is like, oh, we can give this guy. Absolutely. Peanuts. Yeah. This guy will do it for free. We can fricking overscan this guy. He'll fucking do it for experience.

I know it. I don't know if extra stayed in the fancy hotel in Italy, but I was not in the fancy hotel in Detroit where we were shooting. Right. There was like a Radisson across the street. Right. I don't know if that was the same situation there. There was like the White Lotus where like the actor stayed, but then also maybe like

a fucking budget hotel two blocks away that most people stayed at. Yeah. I don't know where the extras. I think they just like lived there in the town. Yeah. Yeah. Local homes. Yeah.

I had to move to Detroit for a summer so that they didn't pay me any relocation fee either. Right. But yeah. Having a friend that directed it helped push that along. How did you get yours? Or we can just keep on talking about Harold and Kumar, Chris. Yeah.

Of course. Yeah. A couple more questions about Harold and Kumar. Yeah. I don't actually know very much about it. So you did your first tape. My first. Was it in the room, the first read?

I believe it was on camera with a casting director. And your friend wasn't there. Friend was not there, but he got the tape. You know, it's like, oh, this is really funny. We can use this. He knew you were going in or he found it after. He recommended it. Okay.

Okay. And then there was like one more, not like even that intense. There was no like chemistry read or anything like that. Just like another, put yourself on camera with a casting director. Just two. Two cameras. Two different days. Yeah.

Were you really nervous for the second one, the callback? Not really nervous, but probably kind of nervous. I was more nervous on the actual shoot day because I had never done like a movie. And they're like, okay, you're in first day and it's like you and Cal Penn. And I'm like, oh, okay, cool. 400 people in a set and like sit here and stay this like land on this mark without looking at the ground and say your line and everything was 3D cameras. So you have to be very precise.

And be funny. And be funny. And you forgot that part on the tag, right? What's so funny? And then did you watch it in theaters? Yes, I did watch it. That's a cool experience. Yeah.

Yeah. The premiere. And it was 3D. Did I go to the premiere too? He's saying that like it's a good thing. Yeah. 3D. Well, I feel like you guys are dropping the three dimension of it.

I think you went to the party after the movie. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I went to the after party. Yeah. I watched Avatar last night. Speaking of 3D. Is that good?

I hear good things. I'm very confused. You know, people, everyone. I haven't seen it since the first one. No, not the new one. Oh, you saw the first one. I watched, rewatched the first one. Oh, I'd seen it so long.

I was like, what happens in this? Exactly. It's a weird fucking movie. 3D? It isn't 3D. No, it's 3D. You don't have to watch it. How would you watch something in 3D?

I mean, I thought it was 3D. It was. But like, how am I going to watch 3D now? Oh, you didn't go to like a theater and watch in 3D. No, I wasn't going to go to the theater and watch the old Avatar. Because they're fucking re-showing. Because they wanted to make a quick buck and they didn't have to fucking pay that much because it's a re-erring of a movie that came out in 2007.

Is that so absurd? Like, is that, like, that's actually a really good business model. Okay. I'm like, you're getting super worked out. About 3D. This is why you shouldn't be involved in Hollywood. You're the reason 3D failed. I'm trying not to be.

This is because of being with you. Will you be my friend, basically? I've been hanging out with podcasters for the better part of a decade. Put me on a thread with James. I can get him to respond. No one calls him James, dude. Really? What do you call him?

No one would ever call him that. Theo or Theodore? Teddy? Ted. People call him Teddy. Teddy. Teddy. That's awesome.

I'll call him Jim. That's cool. Theo Jim. He's going to hate you, dude. He's going to hate you, dude. We'll see how much he hates me when I tell him I saw all the Divergent movies. So much more. Was he in those and good?

He was. I mean, yeah. He was in them and he was hot, which was all he needed to be. But in this one, he's actually funny in addition to hot. Yeah, yeah. They definitely didn't. The Divergent series wasn't funny. Yeah.

But it didn't need to be. It didn't need to be. No. Was it 3D? It stopped. It stopped. You know, it was a great moment in the shows when Cameron, the Theo James character is rubbing Aubrey Plaza's leg.

Did you see that part? Yeah. Yeah. That was a really intense moment. Yeah. That was very good. Yeah. I mean, I remember Will and Megan talking about the filming of that.

They're like, we see. It's so obvious. Yeah. It's so hard. Like, where are we looking? Because it's so obvious. What's going on? When they cut it, it brazenly was normal to do that.

Pretending that you don't notice while it's happening is very hard. And like, yeah. Her reaction to that like wasn't quite pushing him away, but like also was kind of pushing him away. It was also like, it wasn't, it was just creepy enough without being like an overt. Yeah. Like rub is just like kind of tap. Yeah.

That's like touching water. Let's see. You guys don't draper as well? Yeah. It was like that. And then how would you react to that? And like, I wouldn't see it. Yeah.

You're looking at your computer after touching the leg. That's really good. All right. Oh, yeah. You have other solicitors. That's it. That's it. Wait, can we ask about how you got, is this your first big thing?

It's my first thing I've ever acted. Really? No. No. Holy shit. Can you actually tell us your story, like your audition process and stuff? How'd you get started? Tell me everything.

Start from the top. I wish you a happy birthday when you were 16 and I know nothing else. What's happened from then until now? Yeah. You had a happy birthday, right? 18. I was 14. It was really weird.

Why were we even friends on Facebook? I shouldn't be messaging you. I can get canceled for that. Retroacted. Rightfully so. Yeah. I went to an acting school for a year and a half and then I just got pretty lucky after one of my teachers recommended me to their agent.

It's just like, you know, just like Harold and Kumar. It's like, who you know? We never did any acting prep. We never learned anything. No teachers. Nothing. Right. Pure instinct.

Yeah. Fear instinct. Your instinct is not being that good. That's how you do it when you're doing 3D. Yeah. The heart part is standing on the tape without looking at your feet. But that's their dimension sees everything. So you're in like acting school and your teacher is like, of all these students, this is the

kid. He recommended three of us, too. And then we were also like all pretty young. Like it was a variety of ages. So I think, you know, they always are looking for like young actors. There's a lot of roles out there for young actors. So I started working in Vancouver pretty quickly. I did like a couple of Disney Channel movies, you know, like the Disney Channel original.

Yeah. Love those things. Yeah. So did a couple of those. Could that Kelly, Twin Swap? What are we talking? Are you making these up? Are these real?

First one's real. Second one was clearly not. Twin Swap. Twin Swap. Oh, sorry. I'm on Pornhub. Oh, come on on, yeah. We're all adults here.

Except how old are you? I'm 32. Yeah, we're all adults. We're all adults here. And then, yeah, I mean, I've been, yeah, 10 years later and I'm still going at it. And then I got this audition last year when I was like, it's like calling my manager. I was like, I don't know what's going on. Like should I go do like a groundlings class or, you know, some, yeah, just something to

help or like, yeah. And he's like, I got an audition coming for you like literally next week that you're perfect for just like hang in there. Wow. That's a dangerous thing to say to an actor because they see thousands of people and it's like, get your hopes up because there's one coming in two weeks. You're definitely going to get it. Yeah.

And then, yeah, I just, I read the breakdown and I was like, oh, I feel like I could do this. He's like half Italian. I'm half Italian. Right. I am this guy. Yeah. I'll be De Grazzo.

Adam DeMarco. It's like weird connections. And I was like, okay, let me like really put a lot of work into it. More work than most auditions. Yeah. This one like really, I watched every episode. I like did every scene like five, six times just to like nail it. Wow.

Do you always do that level of work? No. No. I remember like when I used to get auditions, I would like, you know, read them on the subway to the room, stumble through and then expect never to get called. Yeah. I was like, why am I doing this? And it worked.

You actually never got called. Never got called. You were right. And I wonder if that was because I didn't give a shit. That's right. Yeah. Like why would I even prepare? I'm not going to get it.

Hi. I'm going to the store. Let me guess. I didn't get the part. Yeah. You're kind of rude. You don't know the sides at all. It seemed like you want to be here and watch the show.

This is a two fucking D and it's not worth my time. Name both dimensions. This is it. You can't. There's no way. Yeah. So after you auditioned, how fast did you hear like get your call back through the next thing?

A couple weeks, maybe we can have. That's also a long time. Yeah. And then, yeah. And then it was just two. So it was just the first one was a self tape in my kitchen and the second one was a zoom callback with Mike and then the casting director and the producers. And then we just read, there was new scenes.

We just read them once. There was like no notes. I didn't have to do it again. That's insane. I didn't feel like jump through hoops. The show was so nice. The show was so well cast. Yeah.

They find people. Yeah. I think they just like, no. Once they see you, they're like, yeah, we know. Right. And Mike is like, he's just sees like into people, maybe even things that like they don't even see themselves for the character. So like, and I think whatever he says goes at HBO, like he, you know, he has like a one

man wrecking crew. Yeah. I wonder if he would like me. Can we do a group? There's no way of knowing. There's no way. There's unless I, you put in a fucking good word, which is so absurd. There's no way he would do that.

Right. Unless you would put in a word. Like, do you know this man? Yeah. Like picture of your face. Do you imagine him being at the Lotus next year? Have you ever dreamed this man? Have you seen this man?

It's a picture on a sign on a telephone pole. Is your face on a card of milk? No, I haven't. All right. All right. Just putting it out there. Pull the ether. That's amazing.

And now what? You're just now everyone knows who the fuck you are. So you don't have to. Yeah. I told my friend that. Yeah. And he said, oh, that's the hot one. Whoa.

Yeah. Watch out Theo. Theo who? No, he said Theo James. Yeah. You're not Theo James? So I haven't actually seen the show. No.

Yeah. He said you were the hot one. Cool. Yeah. Hot one. Hot one. They tell him thank you. I will.

I'm actually going to mean a lot to him. Coming from the hot one for sure. Yeah. I mean, it's, yeah, it is weird now. I mean, yeah. If I meet someone that like I'm a fan of, then they also have like seen my work. So that's like a cool thing rather than just like, you know. It's also cool that everyone watches the show anyway.

Like you don't have to tell people to watch the show. Yeah. Sometimes my friends are in shows and I don't watch them because I don't like the show. Yeah. Yeah. This show I would watch anyway. Right. So it's nice that your friends sort of back into being supportive because they're watching

White Lotus for you. Right. I mean, it does seem like everyone's watching it, but then I was like, oh, I guess everyone's watching this. And then sometimes I'll be talking to people and I'm like, because you know, the show, and they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? And I'm like, oh, right. Like, not everyone's seen this.

Just a small pepperoni then. Ah. So I'm like, because you know, the show, they're like, what? Yeah. So I stopped assuming that, you know, that's always seen it. What's your recognition rate? You're on the street talking to somebody. I mean, it's been happening.

Yeah. More people are staring more. It's not that cool. Yeah. It's a lot more paranoid. And then like people are like taking a video or a picture of you through their car. And then you like look and they're like pretending to film a license plate or something. Oh, yeah.

That license plate. You want to film. Eventually you have PQR. FJJ. Really cool. Those are my initials, sir. The hot one. Or not the hot one.

Yeah. What's like the most annoying thing that everybody comes up to you with? Oh, my God. For me, it was like just knowing that they had seen. Senior ass and 3D. Adrien. Yeah. Usually it's like a rocky thing.

Yeah. They were asking for me. Adrien. Is there like a joke that everybody says that they think they're the only one to say? No, I don't. Nothing major. Yeah. And I'm definitely not going to tell you or like your listeners.

Yeah. And they're going to get forever. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love what happened to Dubbs. I'd love your phone number. All right, Dubbs. I think I should have your phone number, quite frankly.

Is that fair to say? I feel like it's fair to say, but maybe not on camera with the mics on. More natural after the recording. Yeah. Putting them on the spot for sure. You've also already expressed that you're trying to social climb. You asked for Mike. You asked for a Mike White intro.

You asked for Theo James's number. And then he said, I want to be friends with you. Yeah. Like third. Like friends. Yeah. The order was. I wonder if it's just Mike White at iCloud.com or some basic.

It usually is something like that. It's like Mike.white at gmail.com. Yeah. Yeah. It's worth a shot. Tom Cruise at gmail.com. Hey, it's me, Tom. I'm just checking my gmail.

He's Jack Nicholson. That's Tom Cruise. That's you doing Tom Cruise doing Jack Nicholson. I really do need to know Tom Cruise's email address. It's probably fucking like Maverick. Yeah. Maverick guy. Yeah.

Maverick underscore Tom. Maverick Tom. That's really cool. Okay. Let's have another question. Yeah. Isn't this an advice show? Yeah.

No. Totally. An advice show. Real for real. And I am advising or giving advice often. Yeah. Is it a Canadian number? Like would I be able to text?

Yeah. 778. 778. That's how it starts. Write it down. Write it out. We'll cut it out on the day. I'm trying to find, okay, here's one that's pretty funny.

It's a, I searched pizza in Italy for white lotus adjacent questions. That's smart. You searched Italy? Yeah. And pizza. And so how the sex? I figured, well this is a sexual question in nature, but he does reference pizza at a certain point.

Actually, it's a lady. Do you have a lady's name? Shinky. Shinky. So the first one was Brinky? Brinky. Brinky and shinky. Yeah.

Like the Pac-Man. Yeah. The knockoff Pac-Man goes. Yeah. They couldn't get the rights to the real ones. Dear koi soy boys, I have found myself in a sticky situation after many Tinder convos that went nowhere and Tinder dates that made me want to shoot myself. I found a boy I liked and we had a nice coffee date, then a second date at this really nice

pizza place and then a third date rolls around and I invite him to my place to cook. Eventually things get a little frisky and we move on to the bedroom. It's a little awkward, but it's all good. I can deal with it, but something keeps me up at night that's happened. He took off my bra and he started laughing. Without saying another word, he proceeded to take his pointer fingers and poke my nipples and say out loud, boop. I did not appreciate that at all, obviously.

So I told him so. We eventually had sex and it was literally the worst I've ever had. My friend said he was so nervous, so I gave him a second chance, but then he still did the things that took me out of the moment. We are not sexually compatible and it sucks because I like him as a person, but I don't want to see him anymore. He seems to think we're on the dating track. What's the best way to inform him that I don't want to see him again?

I can't do it in person because of quarantine or do I even need to tell him at all? Love. Shinky. Shinky. Shinky. Yeah. Yeah, they had a date at a pizza place. That's why a pizza came up.

So this is, yeah, yeah, it almost sounds white, low to see that somebody would do something this weird during sex, just like be seemingly normal and then have one thing that really makes you be like, you're fucked up. Or like Seinfeld's like, well, it was nice, but he said boop while he touched my nipples. He's a nipple booper. He's a nipple booper. So I guess this is just general advice for people. Don't do that.

Yeah. Yeah, actually go to the next question. Yeah. Just don't do that. Right. And then as far as telling him, it seems like you can be honest about the reasons. It was because of the booping or do you want to keep it vague? Do you want to know exactly why somebody breaks up with you or would you rather just keep it?

I want to know exactly why. Yeah. Because then sugarcoated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I want to hear it internalize and maybe change it for the better. Yeah. If it's something I can take and bring with me going forward in future things I don't ruin.

Yeah. If it's something I can work on and that's an easy fix, right? Like maybe. Yeah. But also. It was more general. She said the sex was bad and they're not compatible sex wise. Yeah.

Yeah. Because of that. Yeah. That's definitely the wrong foot. The ick immediately. It's like you started with the ick. Yeah. Instead of like whatever.

Like if they. I just don't think you'd need to say anything to the guy. Like just say. I would also. I'd want the feedback. Yeah. But I wouldn't be owed the feedback. If.

What if she says a bonus. What if she's like we're not sexually compatible. The boop was weird. He's like I'll never boop again. I give me one more chance. I'll be awesome at sex. He doesn't immediately give me one more chance. I can't resist.

Drop him's up. Ah fuck. Must. Boop. Boop. What noise can I make? Beep. At this one.

Can I do a beep? Come on. Give me a beep. If I can't boop I'll beep. Have you been broken up with more or breaking up with other people more? Um. Broke breaking up with more. Like they've broken up with you more.

No. The other way around. Yeah. But like it's like a 64. It's not like a huge. Yeah. A slight favorite. I'm still a slight favorite.

And do you get feedback? Do you give feedback? Or is it more like an obvious this isn't working out? If I'm broken up with. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess.

Yeah. It's not like you do this to everyone and this is why it's more like a yeah I like being outdoors and you like being indoors so it's not like it's just a compatibility issue. Yeah. What are the reasons you guys have been broken up with? Cheating. Yeah. Um.

Eating. Eating. Yeah. I think it's basically only ever cheating. But I've never been broken up with but that's why my relationships have ended because I was cheating on somebody. Yeah. But it wasn't like a perfect.

Yeah. I'm cheating on them a lot at this point. So I should really. Usually the cheating is an indication that the relationship isn't perfect for other reasons. Yeah. I'm a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah.

That's the underlying root issue. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like. All my relationships ended because it was my fault. Yeah. Yeah. For sure.

Well it could have been a compatibility issue and that was your like immature way of acting out. Maybe. Yeah. Like I don't want to sit down and have a serious conversation with this person. Yeah. I'll cheat. I'll cheat.

The relationship will be ruined and then I'll have to break up. Yeah. That was a healthy thing that I did. Cowardly tactic. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a craven. Tactic of cowards.

Yes. A craven man. Well the other way to do it is just sweeping it under the rug and staying in a relationship too long and then grow to regret and resent the other person. So at least you're able to cut it off early by cheating on that person. I'm too selfish to stay in a relationship that I don't like. Yeah. I care.

I have no impulse control. I care only about my happiness. Sure. And I'm a coward. Yes. Clearly. And a lame. Also, coward and a lame, a horn dog who needs to run train.

Yeah. And have my mommy here. Yeah. Love eating corn dogs. I do love eating corn dogs. A horn dog who loves corn dogs. I'm a horn dog who loves corn dogs. And that's why my relationship.

Why do yours end? We'll talk about you. Amir? Yeah, I do the stay and I used to do the stay in relationships too long thing where I'm like it's a year four and we're no longer really in a relationship at this point. But nobody wants to like have that difficult conversation, sit down and break up with me. I don't want to break a heart. Nobody wants to like make me sad.

Yeah. I've done that in my first ever relationship and I was like 19. I was like, I tried to break. I was like, how do I break up with this person? Like I tried and it like didn't work. I didn't know how to do it. And then it's like, oh, if I like cheat on this person and and then I never have done that again.

So I was like, okay, that's obviously no. Yeah, totally. You learn that at age 19. I learned at age 29. We're all different. And then it's the Canadian-American difference. It's an exchange rate. And then I have stayed in something too long as well.

So because breaks are. Yeah. Experience kind of both of it. But now I just feel like it's, I know like I'm 32. I like know what I'm looking for. So I'm not going to even get into something with someone if they're not like. I mean, we're all in our 30s. We like have matured beyond that.

We're all the same age. One month away from being 40. One month? No, way more than that. Huh? Way more than one month. Way more than one month? Yeah.

Today's the 13th of December. When does this episode come out? Monday. Monday the 19th. When's your birthday? January 18. What? I couldn't.

But I was January 18, but I was born in Israel. So. So want to be. Wouldn't it be the other way? What other way? There is no other way. You're either 40 or you're not and I'm not right now. Yeah.

Exactly. We're all technically in our 30s. Yes. You being significantly older than frankly Adam and I. How old are you? 36 or 7. 37. 37.

So we're both. You made it sound young by saying the incorrect age first. I'm 35-ish. Yeah. I'm running five to 20 minutes late. I was like, okay, you're running 20 minutes late. Yeah, five to 20. Imagine if we're five.

Yeah. Because it's really going to be 29 minutes late. But I've already said, now I'm only nine minutes late. That's not anything big deal. I said five, it's 29. Okay, you can break up with this guy whoever you want. Yeah. You don't owe him anything.

Not the booper. Not the booper. That's a blooper. Do you guys have bloopers on White Lotus? You ever laughed during a sex scene and you just get the giggles? I actually booped. Really? I couldn't resist.

Yeah. Can I just tell him to stop doing that? No, my sex scene. Can I give you a compliment? Oh, yeah. I thought that it's a little personal, but I thought that you're- Stare him in the eyes when you're doing it. You're like-

Your orgasm on the show- Yeah. Were the most believable orgasms I think I've ever seen. And I didn't tell you. It was- They were so pure. They were like- They truly were a 19 year old-

How old were you in the show? Like 22? Yeah. 25. They were a kid in their early 20s, like coming for the first time. It was so- You weren't like trying to look cool, you were just like literally orgasming. Yeah.

It's like you have no control over it. Oh my god. Yeah. Wow. It's like dreams. This is me watching next to a sleeping 75 year old on the plane, hoping he doesn't wake up. You ever practice orgasming or is it-

A lot of solo practice, yeah. Yeah. A lot of solo- Getting into character. Yeah. Give us a quick- Oh. So we'll see.

All right. So the- Cause we are recording this isn't it? Okay. Just like- Ow! Ow! Ow!

That's exactly why I loved it so much. Coming in pain. Oh, stop, stop, stop, stop. Yeah. It's too intense. The lady you were with is an actual Italian. I was really nervous about that. Really?

So that's the main stuff. She was a real Italian actor. Not an American actor. She still is, yeah. She still is. Holy shit. I thought she died on the day. She was and is.

Okay. Great. Now I know she doesn't die. Well. We don't know anything for certain. We had a funny exchange on Twitter about- Oh yeah. Your streamer tweeted me as like what?

DM me guys. DM me who dies. He's like, yeah, big finale tonight and I'm just like DM me who dies. And I was like, yeah, hey, so it's just like a random Sicilian fisherman or some shit. Yeah. I barely remember. I was so high during the table read. And he was like, it's actually a PA from the show.

I'm like revealing it during the credits. Yeah. It happens during the little Q&As after that. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Mike White chokes on a donut. He's the dad.

Dedicated to Mike White. Yeah. Okay, let's take another break. Thanks to more sponsors. Because again, at the end of the day, this is a business, Adam. Yeah. I am going to need your phone number. We'll be back after this.

Don't try to make it official. It's for the call sheets. Thank you to Stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show. Visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business. But with Stamps.com, all you need is a computer and a printer and they can bring the post office in your office. So if you need a package pickup, you can easily schedule it.

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Thank you Stamps.com for sponsoring this show. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network, Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is.

Yeah. Yeah, not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents.

Oh wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great, really easy way to like stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice.

Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant. Really nice asshole.

This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it. I was just being goofy a little bit. This is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. She misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God.

Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant. It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement.

So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah.

Yeah. Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift.

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So don't wait. Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames. A-U-R-A Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something. All right. Code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping.

Right on. Thank you, Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to. All right. We're back. Yes. During the break, Adam requested we Game Boy. That's how big of a fan you are.

This isn't like some bullshit PR nightmare. This is a real deal. Yeah. You requested to... I want to meet the Game Boy. You want to meet the Game Boy. Can I just see the Game Boy? Did you say Game Boy?

Oh my God. Oh no. Oh. Oh. Oh. Yeah. Oh. That's how you do it, man.

Yeah. Learn from the best. It's Fonzie slash orgasming. Yeah. Game Boy. When we can't find a question, Anja's very confused. So basically when we can't find a question, we summon this artificially intelligent alter ego robot.

Boy. Robot boy. Of Jakes. Yes. And when I hear the game. Called the Game Boy. Oh. And he searches our email for a word and the goal of the game is to find just one email,

a word so obscure, but it still comes up, a one email search query. So do you want Jake to come up with a word? Do you have a word? Do you think? I would never interfere with the Game Boy and the process. Yeah. Did you say Game? Yeah.

He already said Game. Oh. You're already here. We've established that. The word is parakeet. Parakeet. Really specific. Yeah.

I don't even know how to spell that. Well, you better spell it right. What happens if there's zero? Does the Game Boy lose a heart? Yeah. Like Zelda, one of his hearts goes away. There's no way I know how to spell parakeet. How do you spell it?

Well, then open a new tab and fucking figure it out. Yeah. Oh my God. By the way, that's actually what he liked. That is what he's like just so you get the idea. Damn. Game Boy's past. Everything up until now has been like nice to you, polite.

It felt like a really nice version of Jake until that fucking moment. Unbelievable. Just open a new tab. Yeah. Why don't you? This is ridiculous. You're the one right there. All right.

Here we go. It's a parakeet. Did you mean parakeet? Yeah. How did you know how did you spell it? Parakeet. All right. I think it's P-A-R-R-A-K-E-E-T.

That's close, but there's only one R. One R. Fuck. Search it both ways in the email. Oh my God. There's one. One unanswered email from 2013. I think that's how you do it, man.

I think that's Golden Mike worthy as well. Holy shit. Should we, Adam and I are going to share the Golden Mike. Put it there. This email is from your cousin. By the way, it's a fucking turdy for you. For what? We're not knowing how to spell parakeet.

You said two R's. Yeah. Also not wanting to like open a tab or whatever. You basically didn't want to look up parakeet because you didn't know how to spell it. You wanted to steal his Golden Mike. No, I did not. Steal his thunder. You knew it was a good word.

You knew parakeet was a good word. It was slanderous when you were like, he's always like this when I said open up a new tab. That's turdy. Yeah. You guys are co-hosts. You should be nice to end the video. I thought so. I really thought so.

Oh my God. You have his number. Yeah. When did that happen? He put us on a thread. Me, Mike White. No. You also missed.

You're like rubbing each other's legs. Yeah. I've been staring at my fucking tab. You created a ruse. A parakeet tab. Hyena ate my bird was an email sent us May 16, 2013. That's so sad. Hyena ate my bird?

Literally almost 10 years ago to the date. All right. What's this person's name? Minky. Minky. Got it. The trifectas. Talking about Zelda, we got all three of them.

The Horcrux or whatever the fuck. Here's my problem writes. Minky. Minky. Don't say it like that. Why? Sorry, now I'm getting mad at you and it's really just stubborn from how close you're sitting to Jake.

You can win two turdies, you know. Yeah. I have about 500. I know you can win two. Are you not going to read the question? He's fine. He's getting tired. He's cranky.

I have a problem if you want to call it that because honestly it's kind of a blessing. Hyena ate my friggin bird. My mom's going to be pissed because my dad spent his last dime on the parakeet, but honestly it's a pain in my ass. How do I tell my mom and not get her mad at me? This can't be real. I don't know if it's real or not, but we have to act as though it is. Because it's a 10-year-old question.

I don't know where he is that a hyena is there. I don't know how he got the bird. I think we should respond to that. Hey, we just answered your question. Hey, just get into this now. You're a decade older or dead. Please let us know what turned up. We need to prove.

Did you record it? How do you know? Where are their hyenas? They must have seen it. Yeah, hyena, there's no way unless this person lives in some sort of outback steakhouse. Have you ever had an animal die via another animal eating it? Probably. Really?

I had a bird that flew away. Oh, you did? Yeah. You had a bird. I had a cockatiel. Interesting. I was thinking about cockatiel as the word. Oh, yeah.

Oh, there's a thousand emails about cockatiels. Only one about her. Take my number. I love that. I'll get that. Yeah, no you won't. I was going to say cockatiel. Cockatiel.

Cockatiel. Shit, asshole. It's actually not. That's another turning. Cockatiel, asshole. That's a funny sound bite. We don't usually do sound bites, but isolating Jake saying cockatiel asshole is a good one. Yeah, I had a cockatiel that flew away.

It was like we would let it out of its cage. We know we would let it like go on top and like sometimes it would like fly to our shoulders and hang out. And then I was going to school, high school in the morning and like the door was open and it just like flew to the shoulder to hang out and then it just like got confused in the garage and just like flew out. And I like tried to catch it. Wow.

It was like running after a bird. I'm like, I'm going to get it. It like goes into my neighbors and I like hop the fence and it like flies back over and I didn't see. I'm like, it's in here somewhere. Can they survive in the wild? I doubt it. Yeah.

Not this one. Yeah, it was like winter. Yeah. Probably was eating by a freaking. Yeah. You murdered a bird. A bird-er. You're absolutely a cold-blooded bird-er.

It put itself in that situation. You took a tropical bird and brought him to the icy tundra of Ontario. Set him free in the blistering gold. Yeah. If you love something, set it free. I'm going to text you about that. That's so messed up, man. What was this question?

Do I tell my mom? How do I tell my mom? You just tell her. It's awesome. Yeah. You just tell her. It's 10 years ago. You can tell her.

I think you can come. You can stop holding on to this. It's been a decade, bro. Are you really not going to tell your mom? Come clean. 10 years. Let's get one last question. Let's get a real one.

A real one. A real one, Ed. Here's one. A recent one. Uh-huh. This one's good. This one's recent. Okay.

We're going to need another name. Oh, God. What's the lady's name? Aubrey Plaza. What a fucking huge right turn you made. Do you ever heard a number? I wonder if that could be a fun thread to be on. Fun thread?

Or do you mean advantageous thread? Career-wise. Yeah. Career-wise. Although I bet I wouldn't even be able to parlay it into a roll at this point. You're really thinking about it. I'm moving up. What number on the call sheet were you?

Two. I'm serious. No, you're serious. I think three. It's alphabetical. Just like the credits. Oh, interesting. Everyone was kind of treated equally, which is great for me.

Yes. Like, yeah, me and Coolidge were the same. Alphabetically speaking. You didn't have any scenes with her, right? I had one where she was kind of in the background and myself and Healy Lou were just at brunch or something. Oh, yeah, and at dinner. Like, actors that you spent almost all your time with and there were actors that you didn't

even hang out with at all. We all hung out a lot, yeah, and then there was just like different kind of little groups, splinter groups, would form depending on who was shooting that day or the next day. Everyone was pretty social. Who was your BFF on the show? Hailey and Megan and Leo. Leo? Yeah, he plays the Essex guy.

Oh, that guy was fucking cool. Oh, God, I love that guy. Oh, you're going to really like him. That guy was really cool. Yeah, he's supposed to like that. Is he really like that? Yeah. He's got to be like that.

And he has a beer. He has a beer and a fade. And a cigarette. Yeah, dude. You're going to love it. Yeah. He's not acting. I mean, that guy looks like a genuinely cool dude and he's playing himself.

He's very cool. I mean, he's doing an Essex accent. That's not his real accent, which is cool. He looks like a Love Island contestant. Yeah, he's so good. It would be a fun twist if he was American, but that never really happens, does it? Yeah. Piece of shit.

I was going to read the question. I will. I just want this guy's number. Leo was it? Everyone's number from the show. What will you do with it? You're so socially awkward anyway. Yeah, you have all of the numbers.

What happened? He's too young to have seen Jake in a mirror. Yeah, British too. Yeah. How old is he? 25-ish, I think. Wow, that's cool. I don't know.

Okay, I've been with my boyfriend for over a year, writes Aubrey Plaza, and we're moving in together to study in the same city. Everything is good between us, except for one thing. He's too normal in bed, a regular Albie. That doesn't say that? Read the question. A regular Adam DiMarco. Oh my God.

Whoa. He likes to have vanilla sex in our bed. Let him get away with that. Turn his mic off. There's no way. This is a Jake and Adam show now. I think we have shower sex and maybe a couch session, but super rarely. I lost my virginity to him, but he's been with a couple of girls before me, including

a long-term girlfriend. Now, I've been a bit bummed that he's so vanilla. I mean, I want to try public sex, maybe in a restroom, maybe by a lake. Something forbidden in the father. I want to go insane. I want to have sex here in the lake. I want to go lake mode on this bitch. On the silver lake reservoir.

Lake mode. But he refuses. He hates it, claims it's disrespectful to the people who might be around. Even when we were celebrating mid-summer in our friend's summer cabin, we got our own room with a huge bed, but he couldn't have sex with me. He wasn't comfortable enough. Interesting. Sure, I've been a bit salty over this, but I figure there's nothing I could really do.

So, while we were talking about previous sexes, I said something along the lines of, so what's the most public place you've ever done it? And he replied with, I did it in the middle of a soccer field. In the middle of a soccer field? That's the fucking hottest thing I've ever heard. I want that. The fucking second he said that I stormed out to get fucking pizza. Nice.

Why are you pointing at me? The white lotus connection. All of the pizza from the show. I literally wanted to cry. It sounds silly, but after all the times he said no to me because of all those stupid and probably made up reasons, it hurts to know that he was fine doing it with an X. And now I can't stop imagining it. Not him and I, him and his X going at it.

It was a week ago, but he managed to mention it again in a funny way about how I exaggerated, but the mere mention of it made me want to cry again. I don't want to be jealous of the sex him and his X had, but I am. And frankly, I feel unattractive for him to not want to do those things with me. Will I ever get to experience the sex of my dreams and die a jealous of his ex-girlfriend? Any advice would truly help since I can't ask this to anyone else without sounding mad. Love, Aubrey Plaza, the third. I think you're a bit of a Casanova in this regard.

So am I. So am I. What's the most public place you've ever had sex? Public? Yeah. Probably a hotel room. That's private. Absolutely public.

A hotel. A hotel. Yeah. Forget I said room. But it was triple deadlocked. Lobby. It was bolted. Holiday Inn Express.

The door was latched. Children's anyone could have walked in. That's right. Shout out to White Lotus again. I don't know if you got to that part. This guy's unbelievable. Do you even watch the show? Do you even watch the show?

I'm pinching it. I'm watching it right now. Did you get at the part where he comes back to the room but it's latched shut? And he's like, why'd you latch it? She's like, I don't know. No. Wow. Okay.

He's great in that. I love watching him lose his shit. Yes. He goes mad. Yeah. Wow. I haven't seen it. Yeah.

I don't know. But it sounds awesome. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You're going to love it.

You're going to love it. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. Soccer field is cool. There's a game on actually at the time. During the World Cup. Yeah. Messi had to do a free kick around us.

He's that fucking public. During penalties. We blocked it. We were the wall. We were the wall. You know, is that a new thing? The guy that lays down underneath the wall. That was them.

Yeah. I mean, it's relatively new but they've been doing it for a while. That's cool. Yeah. It's an option. I don't know how you get to how like that is your job. They must rotate. Yeah.

Who wants to be the fucking floor mat? So you'll lie here and if the ball is going 80 miles per hour at your face, that is you. And then we'll be there jumping up, covering our balls. Don't cover your balls. Yeah. Do not cover your balls. Your arms have to be at your side for maximum blockage. Yeah.

Because if you cut, it might be a handball. Yeah. It has to be in a natural position. Don't put your hand on your ball. It hits you in the balls. Yes, you're the hero. Yeah, I've never had public sex. I've actually, I've been the boy here where the girl's like, let's do it in the bathroom

at this fucking convention center or whatever. I'm like, yeah, but like, won't we get arrested if we're caught? Like, is it worth it to be arrested for that? I don't think so. Yeah. No. Right. To me, at least.

But I like her gumption slash spirit at the idea. Yeah. I've had a lot of public sex. Did you ever get caught? No. Oh, but did you? Kind of. Yeah.

Your mom? No. I was having sex on the beach and I remember like, we thought we heard somebody and then we like looked up and someone had just like passed us and they had a flashlight. So I, no one was ever like, stop that or whatever. But I feel like I was seen. Who's going to say stop? Yeah.

Hey, you guys stop that. That's enough. It's weird to get caught, but like, I imagine if you do, the person is shy and probably walked away. Yeah. Not like, they're not going to stand there and reprimand. Call the police or something. Uh-huh.

Yeah. How long have these guys been dating? Um, does it say? It doesn't. But it feels like it's been at least a few months, like months or something. Yeah. It's like. They're talking about sex and stuff like that.

I feel like all of the answers to all of your questions you get is just like communicate to the person's face. Don't tell them that because then we won't get any more questions. Right. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Meaning?

I don't know. Keep it. Keep it in. Internal. You can like get your strange elsewhere and don't tell the boyfriend about it. Um. No, don't. Don't do that.

Like you want to have public sex, but he doesn't. Well, then go fuck someone else to hurt him. That's actually that character on Whiteland. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. God, it's so toxic.

It's so good. I love it. The relationship is both the worst and kind of the healthiest on the show. Yeah. Adam is right. I think that you can come to a middle ground where like you think that having public sex is really hot, but for whatever reason, maybe he's, he's out on it because he's already done it.

But there must be some other thing that'll get you both excited and you just find out what that is. Yeah. And then you'll have new hot sex. You don't want to be copying the ex anyway. Or just like keep putting yourself in situations in like public where it could happen. Yeah. Like you're near a tennis court and you're scantily clad.

Yeah. Soccer, any sport really. I wonder if you could just role play it. Oh, okay. So you like get natural turf for your house. Right. Yeah. So you're in your bedroom.

Basement. Yeah. You're perfectly in your basement. Basement's a soccer pitch. Yeah. And you say, we shouldn't do this. They're playing the World Cup. Yeah.

You turn on the TV and it's like highlights or something. There you go. Yeah. And. Oh, what a strike. It's a worldie. It couldn't be anyone else but him. Beautiful dream continues.

Leo Messi in the sands of Doha. And then it's like suddenly you're getting a Pavlovian response to these fucking announcers where he can't even get off unless I don't know what's this guy's name, Robbie Anderson, or some shit is narrating the whole thing in some sort of bizarre fashion. Landon Donovan. It should be Landon Donovan calling the game. It needs to be Landon. Yeah.

I don't know what to tell this lady other than I'm sorry. I don't know how to get over the soccer field thing. It seems like it's eating her up alive. It's a sticky situation. It's a sticky situation. It's the stickiest of the ones so far. It's communicate. Just.

Because the boyfriend doesn't want you to be this upset. And maybe he just doesn't necessarily know. Yeah. So. Tell him about it. Yeah. Tell him that you're upset about the whole soccer field thing. Yeah.

And if that doesn't work, cheating is fine. No. It's just. Maybe fine. But like. Yeah. The opposite of fine. Work your way up to the soccer field.

Right. Or something. You know. Start with baseball diamonds. Yeah. And then lacrosse. Pitch. Pitch.

Finally. Pickleball court. Is that fair to say? Yeah. Or just like in terms of publicness. Yeah. Like get a hotel. Like.

Get a public. Get a public. Just start with that. Imagine all the patches over you. That could. That's kind of. Work your way up to. Right.

Yeah. Hotel. Open the windows. Yeah. Start in a balcony. Yeah. Anyone looking at us is a pervert. Yeah.

Okay. Remember those people that were fucking outside our Airbnb. That was you, I thought. Yes. Yes. Yeah. In a train car. What were you about to say?

I think. Yeah. Get like a. A balcony at a hotel. Start there. And then room change. Now you're on the first floor. Oh.

And you're on the balcony again. And you like fall over the balcony. You got it. You're like in the bushes or parking lot. You're like, oh, wow. This is crazy. I see. So that's kind of dangerous at sea.

It's because you're. Falling over a balcony. No, the first, but you're on the ground floor. Got it. It's like a ground floor. I see. So you're not actually falling. You're just sort of.

Stumbling. And then you just kind of roll. Keep going. Keep rolling together. Is that how you end up by role play? Yeah. Yes. And then you can get a role.

And then you, there's a soccer field next to the hotel. You just kind of roll. The steam roll of each other. Tumble in style. Did you like the role play joke? You think that was good? What was? Turdy wise.

You already have the turdy. Yeah. We're not going to give you a turdy for that. No, not a turdy. Yeah. The golden mic. The golden mic for the role play. It was earned and rewarded for this episode.

It's shared by Adam and I. How many give up my golden mic? No, not give up. But I feel like it's a fun thing for the three of us. You gave me it. I didn't give you. Jake did. It's an award that.

What does it say? The enemy. I'm holding the mic right there. That's it. That's the representation. And it looks like you have a tiny. What's in your hand on? I have like a clump of dirt or something like that.

Clump of dirt. Yeah. Just like this little bucket of mud. Like a little log of. Shit. Debris or sod almost. Yeah. It's like.

Minor. Yeah. It's like a clump of shit. Yeah. Congratulations, by the way. For sure. What a streak. Speaking of streaks.

Adam, what do you have to promote? I mean, I don't know if you guys have heard this, but he's on the white frickin lotus. And odds are you've already seen it. Unless you're Jake. Yeah. I guess I'd recommend to Jake to watch. Yeah.

Watch the finale. I guess you want to be part of the conversation. Yeah. That's kind of all, I guess. I don't know. It's a great show. I mean, it's been really cool getting to actually do press or publicity for something that is just objectively good.

You don't have to pretend that you liked it or enjoyed filming it. It'll be good career-wise if you get a CBS sitcom next, but then it'll be weird for you emotionally because you'll be like, I was on white lotus. You guys should watch that. Everyone knows that. This show's fine, but it's no white fucking lotus.

More critically acclaimed box office hits. That's fucking sick. Yeah. Although, I guess you want to do both because you also want the cash from the... Oh, yeah. Do you like cash? Yeah.

Do you guys have any money? Yeah. How much money you paid for this, by the way? For this? Yeah. For this? Yeah. For this?

How much is it for this? What's the going rate? Cash. Cash-wise. Well, you have the mic. The golden mic. Yeah. Which you can hawk on the secondary market.

I would never do that. But they are solid gold. Okay. $28,000. You're having it 500 times over. Yeah. That's true. Amazing.

Yeah, I would say just... Yeah, watch. If you haven't seen White Lotus Season 2, give it a watch. If you've seen it and you liked it, it's a good rewatch as well. Yeah, I bet there's lots of shit that you've missed.

You pick up on a lot of stuff. A lot of... Are you on the Reddit or like the tweets about, like, I saw it? Like, there was a camera going on in the background and, like, she was being recorded and, like, all this, like, various theories.

Yeah. I've creeped Reddit a little bit. It's fun. Yeah. Twitter, all that stuff. But then there's always just, like, you know, you see a random mean tweet, like, about you, and then you're like,

all right, I've had enough of that for today. Check it out. Well, you searched Adam DeMarco ass on Twitter. Of course, that's good. Yeah. I also, like, make music. Whoa! My music name is Good One.

Excuse me? Yeah, so, yeah. You make music? Maybe give that a listen. Yeah, I mean, I don't really talk about it too much, but I'm going to be putting out a couple of songs next year.

Holy smokes. Yeah. Just kind of, like, bedroom, like, dream pop, self... What's my shit? Laptop. Yeah. I love dream pop.

You did the white lotus tune, right? No. No. That was you. I'm just realizing it now. Yeah. Yeah. There's no...

They sampled me. Yeah, they sampled me. Wait, so you have a music name? Yeah, Good One. Good One, and it's just you? Yeah. Holy smokes. So...

You Google that as well. Parachute, huh? You just type in Willie Nelly? Yeah, I was just curious. Yeah. All right. Guitar, piano, what are you thinking? Singer, songwriter, Dave Matthews style.

Dave Matthews style. No spoilers. That's awesome. Yeah, I just, like, get high and make beats on Ableton, basically, and then... Wow. He admitted to drug use, folks. It's legal in Canada. Yeah.

And in California. Oh, that's for Dadgrass, for Lovie Labs. Okay, okay. Tread lightly. We do a lot of weed ads. Do you guys have anything to promote? I'll snort cocaine and play video games. Oh, that's what you're...

With your number. To boot. Okay, Blumer on TikTok and Cardi B on Nintendo's Switch. Are you Cardi B? Come at me. Are you Cardi B? Oh, Cardi... Yeah, Cardi, like Mario Kart.

Yeah. You play video games? I have a Switch. We could... I'll add you on Switch. We can start there. That's cool. That's a fucking start, though.

That's a fucking start, though. Like, don't think that's, like, it in your play-cating. You're a bit of a Mario Kart head, right? I used to be a Carter, for sure. Do you smash her? Do you smash her? Never smash her. No, I never play her.

No. Although, GoldenEye is coming to Nintendo Switch. Yeah. And you are the most frustrating person to play GoldenEye. We've only played once. But I remember you on job. So, like, I beat every single person at GoldenEye, and then when I played you, I couldn't beat you because you fucking played the proximity mines.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, you're so annoying with proximity mines. Very strategic throws, and then Jake would constantly be running into them. Yeah. It's the high traffic. Yeah. There he is. So annoying.

No skill. Well, proximity mines is its own little skill. Yeah, actually, too much skill. No skill on your part. Yeah. There's no bravery. No bravado. Stolen valor.

Slaps only. Fuck a mine. You didn't do anything because he didn't slap me with it. A proximity slap. You have so many, like, live shows coming up. Do you still do those? We do not. Jake has, with his NAD pods.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to Australia, actually. In January. NADpod.com slash live. Check it out. Cool. Will you be there? I will, Nate.

You can come if you want. Oh, that's cool. I wasn't even invited. We have live shows. We have live shows. We do. We do. Headgun live.

Oh, nice. Good thing on you's here. Good thing Adam is here. Yeah. We... January 12th. January 12th. In LA and January 27th in New York City.

That's right. January 27th in New York. Amazing. Come through. You can come. And we're... You guys are pretty excited about it. We're thrilled to be that.

Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be insane. Headgun.com slash live. Are those announced slash available? We'll make sure that they are. Even though that's sort of out of our control. Just make sure it happens.

Just look out for like... The cleanest plug at the end of an episode ever. Yes. We're going to put on the spot and taken off of the spot. We don't even know if we can promote what we just promoted, but we did. And there's more information at headgun.com slash live or not. But there will be soon. But there will be soon.

So stay tuned. So stay tuned. Or don't. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Watch White Lotus season two. I mean, it's so good.

And you're great in it. Congratulations. Thanks for being on this program. Thanks. Let's all show our asses at the end. Okay. That'll be on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J.A.

That's right. Adam will watch one with us pantsless, I think, by texting him about it nicely. How long are you in LA for? What is going on? I'm curious to hang. You got the plug. I got the plug. And now I'm just sort of casually dropping into conversation.

This is something you can ask him on the way out. Of course, and I will. After the show. What I want to say. How long are you in LA for? Why is that interesting? Anybody listening to the show? Because one of Adam and I become boys.

And then suddenly they're like, that's cool. We were there for the beginning of that. And now they might be because they know you're going to ask them after the show. After fucking ends. You want to do another 10 minutes? How long are you in LA for? How long for you? You're in a rental car?

You're in a rental car? No. He said he took a lift. I assume you don't know how to drive or some shit. But I'm sure he has a car. You have a car? All right, guys. Thanks for having me.

Thank you so much for having me. And we will see you guys later on the other side. Do you remember who made that opening theme song? Gosh, it was the... We might have not. Stuck in the middle with you. Yeah, did we give him credit or did that not come up? Because we were excited to talk about Adam.

Probably feels like it didn't... That one? The one where we didn't proper do. Yeah. Yeah, because I don't remember talking about it. You were using the saying that he sounded like Bob Dylan. And now you're looking for it. Could you not find it?

Yeah, I can't find it. Did we say who it actually is? Steelers Wheel. Did we steal? Oh, yeah. Steely Wheel, right? No. Steely Dance.

Absolutely falling apart at the fucking buzzer. I'm never this flustered, man. I think this is another turdy. Yeah, you've never gotten a turdy on the outro, but here you go, man. I don't know if this is the theme song. I hope it is. Yeah. It's Tommy Doughty.

A third or fourth theme song submission. Love to mention his Instagram, Animatrium Studio where I showcase animations and music. Nice. Todan, don't forget the sauce. Thank you, Tommy. We'll be back next week with Adam, if you could believe it. Okay, see you then.

He'll never be back. If it means it's gonna save me from tears. Turdies to the left of me. Golden mics to the right here I am. I'm only if I were you. Yes, this is if I were you. And I need to hear what these boys would do. I've been listening since 2013.

And I'm still waiting to see the cheese. The pinch to the left of me. You boys. To the right here I am. I'm only if I were you. Yes, I'm only if I were you. That was a hit gum original.