If I Were You - 573: Polar Plunge 2

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

In this episode we discuss New Years Eve, New Years Days, and suppressing your emotions. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

This is a headgum original. This is a headgum original. I don't know what I did to piss you off. Did you like that? I loved that. I actually really loved it. And I needed to hear it. Yeah.

And I had to have a little dance break. During it. Yeah. But you're welcome to anybody watching at home. Yeah, you could be watching these on YouTube still. We're still recording the zooms. And uploading these as a video podcast if interested. That's true.

If interested. And it is interesting. That was Eric from Vancouver. And as far as plugs go, my band Bad Magic just put out a Halloween themed single slash music video called Devilish Ways. Sweet.

I wrote, recorded, mixed, mastered, filmed, and edited the whole thing in less than three weeks. Wow. Good job. Filmed? Yeah. Was it a music video? Maybe. Eric from Vancouver, Canada. Hope to see you guys live again some day.

There you have it. All right. I love it. Eric with a C. Not quite as cool as Eric with a K, huh? Oh, it is perfect. I actually really like the name Eric. Either way, I think they're good.

Really? Eric? What do you think of that? For either my son or me. Eric. Well, for you, it's too late. You don't get to decide that. Yeah.

You'd have to give it. You'd have to give it to the next generation. Eric. I think Eric related. Right. Yeah. I could give it to one of my children for sure, but I could also have them call me that instead of dad.

Because that's kind of like a given name. Eric. You know, dad, daddy, dad after Eric. They won't call you Eric. Eric's an interesting one because like I get thinking Eric is fine, but like as a new parent, you can choose anything in the world

to make a list and narrow it down to just one ultimate name and land on Eric. Who's doing that? Well, it's an old world name. I feel like it's one of the oldest names, isn't it? I don't think it's biblical, so maybe there's that.

If you want to go non-Bible old name, maybe Eric is the goat. Yeah. It's a strong name. Also, I think it's probably a family name at this point. Yeah, like my great-grandfather's name was Eric. Eric. Or your little Eric, Eric Jr.

Who's the most famous? Who's the most famous Eric? My... Okay, Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid. Okay, that's pretty good. Eric Dyer, Defender for the Tottenham Hotspur.

No way he's the most famous. He was on the World Cup team. Didn't play much, but he did make the cup. He's made a few mistakes this season, but ultimately he's a good player. Yeah. He's one of my favorites. I really love Eric Dyer. Prince Eric, did you say? Was that your first one?

I think that Prince is in Little Mermaid name was Eric. Also, Prince Eric is what I call Eric Dyer my favorite spurs player. Yeah, Prince Eric is also what you call your little dick. Nice. But I actually have a huge to normal size cock.

Maybe a little small for some, but just right for me. Asshole. Just kidding. Actually, speaking of shrinkage, how were your polar plunges? They were great. They were great. Each unique in their own way

and a lot of fun. A lot of fun. So we were talking about this pre-New Year's that you had two polar plunges planned. That's correct. And then during the course of the week, there was some sort of polar vortex happening in the east coast.

It was quite cold. So I think we talked about my sister, Sarah invited me to the polar plunge in New Haven. Yeah. And then Pat Castles invited me to the polar plunge in Coney Island.

Right. What I did not know is that Sarah was not inviting me to a sanctioned polar plunge. She was just inviting me to jump in the ocean. Got it. So that was not with anyone. It was after Christmas.

So when I found that out that we could go anywhere, I texted my cousin Scott who lives on the shoreline in Connecticut in Bridgeport and I was like, do you want to do this too? My buddy Nate lives there.

He actually does the polar plunge every Sunday all through the winter. Wow. He did it twice that day that we did it. He went back in the afternoon. I was addicted to the plunge. It's a lifestyle. And I've found that out.

But that first day, so we went, me, Micah, Sarah, Nate, and my cousin Scott drove out, met at Scott's house. Any second guessings like when it was like 22 degrees and you're like in a jacket, you're like, maybe we shouldn't do this?

I was looking at like, so I think the day before Christmas, it was that crazy polar vortex outside and it was so cold and I was like, this is going to be awful. But I saw that by Monday it was going to be up to like 28 degrees. So I was like, maybe that'll

feel warmer. So I wasn't ever going to back out. But I was like, this is going to be really cold. And then we got out of the car. We drove there with the heat on. It was like 80 degrees in my car and we had our jacket on.

So we're pretty hot. So you've seen yourself so that the cold feels refreshing. I don't know if it's a technique. It was our technique for that day. And then we got, we pulled up to the beach and it was like the tide pools were frozen solid.

And I was like, oh, this is going to be really, really fucking cold. It hadn't been above 30, above freezing in days. So everything was frozen. But I made the mistake of taking my shoes

and socks and sweatpants off at the car and walking down to the beach. Cause like that's just what you do when you go to the beach. But not when it's cold. So by the time we're standing near the shore I'm like, I've moved off the ice.

I'm standing on the sand, but it is my, I feel like I'm starting to lose feeling in my toes. It's so cold. Are you shivering? Like teeth chattering? No. The adrenaline is pumping. And I'm acutely aware of how cold my feet are. But that's it. And I'm kind of thinking like

let's go, let's get this over with. And I'm like, is it time? Is it time? And then we just walked in and it is really cold. Yeah, just walked in nice and steady. It was very cold, but I was definitely fixated on my feet

because they had been cold before we went in. They're the first things to hit the water. So it was like pins and needles, feeling almost like pain in my feet. But the water was like 40, it was 25 degrees out, but it was like, the water was 45 degrees.

So it didn't, it felt, I mean, it felt very cold, but it didn't feel like I was hurting myself, aside from my feet. And I couldn't really feel anything except for the pain in my feet. So we go in pain and feet. Yeah. Did you leave the car running? Yeah, car was still running.

It was like, you know, 50 yards away. It was really close. It was a small beach. I think it was actually called small beach. And Nate does this all the time. He showed up with like big duck boots with the laces taken out, wearing like a jacket, his beanie.

Like he had the technique down. Yeah, he's wearing the boots on the beach. And I realized when I saw him, I was like, I should have done that. And he was trying to stand for five minutes. And what about you? The rest of my family, we were just, we just went, I think we ended up staying in for like

from the moment our feet hit the water to when we got out was like a minute and 20 seconds. Okay. Pretty long for frozen water plus frozen air. And then is there any relief when you walk out? Or is it still just really cold? That was the interesting thing. It was really bad when we walked out

because the water was a little bit warmer than the air and outside it was kind of like 25 and a little windy. I was like shivering, frozen to my core. My feet were had lost all feeling and I was kind of like

walking back to the car and I was walking on the asphalt, like walking on the road and it felt like I was walking on a cloud like slippers. And I was like, I know this doesn't feel like this. And that's just like how I knew that my feet had lost all feeling.

I also dunked under. Felt anything. I dunked under three times or four times. I dunked under twice just to feel it and then on my way back in I had a rush and I went under again and again and

the last time I came up I had tunnel vision. I couldn't really I was like, oh my god. So were you ever scared? No, it was awesome. I felt really invigorated and alive afterwards

and we're all like hugging and taking selfies and it was when you first got out of the water it didn't feel cold because I was just like so amped and then I'm standing there like trying to like dry my shoulders off but I didn't know if I should dry my feet or my shoulders and my feet were so cold and then I was like, I need to get back

to the car when I die. And then it's got the car warm breakfast case ideas and the car was warm. I couldn't feel my feet because Sarah had to drive us back to Scott's house cooked us breakfast and it was lovely. It was really great. When did you finally feel

like back to normal? I felt back I mean I I got feeling back in them over the next like two hours and then that afternoon I played Squash with my brother and I broke a sweat and that was when I was like okay I'm like

oh wow all of the effects of being cold are gone and then the polar plunge in Coney Island was like the opposite of that. It was like not just a quaint thing where we pulled up to the beach with some loved ones and walked in it was like

we drove first of all I was I partied on New Year's and I was so hungover I threw up in the morning and I was like I really wanted to back out but like the night before in my drunk

and stupor I had convinced like four other people to go so I was now like carpooling with people I couldn't drive like I went to Jill and I was like can you please drive and she was like 8 in the morning we left at 11

I was so hungover I was so hungover I was so ill I like I couldn't Jill was downstairs making us breakfast and the smell of browning butter made me throw up

and I couldn't eat she got me coffee and I couldn't drink it how did you drive half an hour to Brooklyn or deep deep whatever it is to go to Coney Island I mean twice Jill pulled over because I thought I was going to have to throw up I kept on just like covering my

eyes and saying oh my god I was like the kind of hangover where I like couldn't even like be jovial or entertaining about it I was just recording this on Monday this was Sunday and I was like

I couldn't feel nervous or excited about the polar punch I was full of regret because I was like I imagined myself like running in and feeling really good and like being in a hangover now I have to do that whenever I'm sick so I'm like

I'm so terrible going there and then we like drop people off we parked the car all of the lots are full there's like a line around the corner of people who have like registered for the polar plunge and you get like a free t-shirt and stuff there's thousands of people there

it's a full on carnival it's at Coney Island with like the cyclone and all that shit with the boardwalk and Nathan's there's like it's a party there's like a live band and costumes by the time we got through

I had eaten half of the sandwich that Jill had made and I was like starting to feel a little bit better and like we were there with Amanda Pat Castles Vinnie, Hannah Amanda's girlfriend or fiance Kim and um and uh Micah's girlfriend

Jill and one of her friends so I was like a big crew and I was starting to feel like being around people I was like you know this is my brain is still feeling very very slow and I'm feeling ill was anybody else hungover as you? no no not at all

I ate half the sandwich and then I was feeling a little better but I had to stop because I thought I could I might throw up we get through registration and then I'm starting to feel pretty good and then by the time we get to the beach I finish the sandwich and I take off my shirt I'm feeling

I'm feeling like excited again this is the hangover cure in action it's pretty warm it's like 50 degrees and sunny Jill wasn't even in a jacket I was just there in a hoodie but the water is basically the same temperature as the first plunge

so like 44 degrees but it feels colder because it's colder than the air yeah it's colder than the air but at the same time the air was like so warm that like it really felt perfectly fine to be there even in a t-shirt and then

we all like like we even like hung out on the it wasn't like before where we like as soon as we were on the beach we needed to get in the water and get back in the car we were like hanging out on the beach being like when should we go is it time with some jumping jacks and then we all ran in and I like went back in

it felt so good the first one prepared you because it was below freezing in and out it might have been a miserable experience if it was 25 and everyone was on the beach but it was it was like a day you could have a picnic

so it really felt like a party in the sun the water was actually warming you you didn't have to run to a warmed up car yeah exactly and was it indeed a hangover cure I felt completely fine afterwards 100% cured

and then I got sick again on the car ride back got it because that was sort of car related at the very least it felt like the hangover cure I was hoping for interesting do you think that I'm converted I'm gonna do it again and again this winter oh you're gonna do it like weekly

I don't think I can get to the beach every week but I'll do it every month wow that's a guarantee that is a guarantee because I'm gonna go surfing every month so I'll at least get in the ocean and if it's and I think I will also

run into my bathing suit and do the cold plunge would you do it in the snow if it's snowing on the beach yeah that sounds like a lovely time to do it I've already done it when it was 25 so if it's like if it's

let's call it 30 and snowing that sounds really nice a nice fluffy snow the kind that's not totally sticking I would definitely do that I don't think I've ever seen snow on the beach is that like I guess that's a very specific east coast thing but there could be

I don't even know where the sand is right I've never seen that yeah yeah no it happens all the time alright I mean I'm definitely not doing it but it would make for great photos I think right like if you're like sort of in your underwear doing a snow angel on a beach

yeah if you want to when you're in town at the end of January if you want to go to the beach you don't have to go in but I'll do the polar plunge then well that's good I'll bring a drone or something yeah I can't even do like a cold shower

it's too cold yeah you don't like the cold it's actually it's 61 here now and I'm kind of freaking out I almost cancelled this podcast you're in a parka and it's

70 in my house but just the fact that I can see something in the 60s I'm also getting the numb feet thing I think it's eye-opening scary alright so I guess your unsolicited premature advice is polar plunge

are good yeah I love it I'm a convert alright let's take a break thanks sponsors come back and answer some questions after these massages thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our

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and we're back okay your unsolicited was indeed the polar plunge right that's correct you're recommending it yeah highly recommend it I think it's great did it feel

did it have any carryover effects or is it more like a rush of natural adrenaline I don't know I feel like I'm sure you could find stuff online that says that there's a lot of health benefits and I bet there's a lot of people online that would say that it's really bad for you too I don't know

for me it was all about the rush effects the immediate aftermath that endorphin dump that feeling like I'm the king of the world and I'm still happy when I think about it so that's a good enough effect for me even a temporary adrenaline is good

because you rarely get that in a normal life totally I'm a seeker questions answers I have a question I want to know what your ass did for new years which parties did you go to

which clubs did you attend what festivals what clubs did you invite a day rave at redondo beach that sort of blended into a night rave that was that 48 hour party right yeah it was a silent tiki disco

actually I gave you a viking funeral I did go out though I didn't want to because it was the rainiest night in years in LA there was like pouring rain to the point where there were like power outages all around town

oh my god so it was just like pouring rain cars were like hydroplaning puddles everywhere like you couldn't drive more than 40 miles per hour and then people were throwing parties one that we arrived to that didn't have electricity so we didn't even park and we just left right away

then there was another one that didn't have electricity but everyone used their iphone flashlight to kind of illuminate the room enough to hang out and see one another wild but it was still a relatively tame evening where I went out saw some people

friend of the podcast George Basil included but was back home by midnight definitely back home to see the ball drop you saw the ball drop at your house yeah well that you know the replay the midnight version for LA

right oh I see yeah yeah but you were home pre midnight yes home pre midnight again pouring rain scary cars no parking no electricity right terrified to be outside and did you

so you didn't like Lyft or Uber you were designated driver yeah I was going to go there I'm not drinking a lot tonight it's just terrible it's cold it's wet I can hardly even like walk to my car without getting soaked I wasn't about to like go go ham

yeah did you dress up or were you wearing like that hoodie I was wearing that hoodie but with a rain jacket over it because again thick heavy plumes yeah scary rain scary rain yeah it wasn't such a baby man it was dark

dark and cold rain mm-hmm yeah no traffic light based rain you know it was freezing and rainy here at night that didn't even come up for me it didn't even factor well you didn't have to drive anywhere I took an Uber

to dinner and I took an Uber to Mike's house was it crazy was Uber surging no no it was normal yeah it was nothing it was normal I was thinking like remember like in 2008 like when midnight happened

you used to get all these texts from people happy new years like oh everybody's texting me I didn't get any texts this year social media kind of like eliminated the need to text people now it's just like I'll post about it story and you can see it at your leisure yeah yeah that's

kind of true I wonder to like I I think I would at least at midnight I made more of a decision to be like in the moment in in our party rather than like texting people or videoing it

yeah yeah I've been rejecting the phone a bit more recently and it feels good feels right for me I saw another guy with a tiny phone that like small phone that doesn't have any apps on it just like text the light calls yeah

still thinking are you willing I think I'm not willing to like go through the hassle of switching my phone if I could snap my fingers and test out a light phone I definitely I would be happy to do it for like a month and be like let's see

what happens but I don't need it as a secondary transfer my cuts yeah it all it sounds like something I I'd have to try when like every single other aspect of my life is settled but I have like got errands to run today got to pick things up post office

I need to be on snapchat for that yeah I'm trying to be on twitter I'm trying to be on my phone less in lines I think that's I don't know why because it's like a line is kind of the best time to use your phone yeah but I just don't want to like move through

a line like a zombie just looking down kind of shuffling forward as other people do yeah I mean that that is a lot of it it's just like you're in a line of like 13 years like all right I'm gonna be present got the socks I'm gonna look at my right you look at your board

and yeah and then you start being bored in in situations where you shouldn't necessarily be bored like oh I'm sitting in this room with someone I love but I'll look at my phone time yeah in this movie so I guess I might as well check my phone I mean it's a slow time in the movie

it's a slow time in the I watched The Godfather last night did I tell you the first time ever the Jill I yeah actually when I had when I had Covid shout out to you I was I watched The Godfather for the first time never seen it

watched it technically technically not with Jillian but she was watching on an iPad downstairs and I was watching upstairs in the TV room well I see and I loved it yeah I thought it was great it's actually pretty good yeah people were saying

two is even better and I watched two last night and I thought it was really good I didn't think it was better but I thought it was really good and then I hear not great things about three yeah I probably I wonder if I'll even see three I guess maybe I will because

I'm like mildly curious but it feels good to have seen one and two yeah I wonder what other classics are out there that you just haven't ever checked out this is what you and I should do a movie podcast where we just watch oh yeah did we talk about this once where we watch

like the hundred best movies of all time or something yeah all these movies that we haven't seen yeah I wonder if there's any podcast where people watch movies feels like it's kind of uncharted yeah exactly well there were no advice shows when we started this one

so yeah we're actually grandfathered into any idea that we spin this off into technically our movie podcast will have started on 2013 yeah exactly speaking of questions this is one from a freaking guy

in college if you can think about if you can believe it and I believe it's a British college nice why don't we call this guy Eric love it I'm writing you in dire need because I'm currently in a lukewarm dire yeah Eric

dire says he's in dire need because he's currently in a lukewarm pursuit of an absolute dime piece the story begins at the start of my college's current semester when I entered my English class and noticed maybe this person isn't from England I just saw English class when I entered

my English class and noticed a strapping young female classmate in England do they take English class or is that just an American thing right it is weird that we just call it English

yeah in English we're not taking science classes I'm learning the language that I know and love halfway through the semester she came up to me after class

and we began to chat next thing I know we're getting hour long lunches together after most classes and things are going swimmingly after several post class meals I decided to ask if she wanted to go out sometime and though I didn't call it a date I think my intentions were fairly

clear she said yes I got her number I was flying high but two hours before our scheduled meetup she texted me saying that she forgot her dorm had a mandatory drugs and alcohol class to go to so she couldn't go out anymore

Cupid yanked the arrow right from under my heart and I lost all hope did everything fall apart after our date fell through do you think her new post class meetups are her way of showing that she doesn't want to get lunch or talk to me anymore should I even continue my lukewarm pursuit or am I just being paranoid

help wait the post the post class meetup stopped at this point however we haven't been able to get lunch because she had to meet up with someone else after every class hmm

interesting I mean a mandatory drug and alcohol class in the dorm feels like a legitimate excuse but at the beginning of a relationship she could be giving you the jake fade away she certainly could be giving you the jake fade away

yeah like one date being rescheduled is enough to completely derail this entire potential relationship I think it was I had a formula for this it was like two dodged texts and a cancelled plan

or something two cancels two cancelled plans and a dodged text or something like that so I think I think you're allowed to now you have the number she cancelled on the date because of a mandatory class that she had to take

I think you could say let's hey if you want to reschedule that date or reschedule the drink reschedule like let me know or suggest maybe not let me know maybe suggest

a time and see what happens and if she says no but doesn't give you a new time then it's over it's hard because like you don't want to be the only like she says I can't make it and then you'd be like alright what about this time it's like why do I always have to come up with

like the rescheduled plan but at the same time like some people like to be pursued and she's like well you never asked to reschedule so I wasn't interested in that either you do have to sort of attempt to swing the bat if you want to get a hit it's seemingly like but if she keeps

saying no no no then you have to like at one point realize okay I've struck out and I have to move on to my next ad bat taking this additional swing is not embarrassing you like on paper you were hanging out after class

yeah you asked her out she said yes canceled before and you asked her out again that's all super normal and it's especially not embarrassing if she becomes your girlfriend then you guys get married okay that right happened then it's like I but sued her and I finally got it and now she's

into me too or you can let this really petty thing eat you alive and be like well she canceled so she never ever wants to see me again right it's like that's not necessarily that's that's a projection so I feel like I used to be like that where I like would I would never

want to like be I would never want to be like a pursuer to the point where I aired on the other side where it's like okay she pushed one date I'm gone I'm never going to talk to her again but I didn't embarrass myself and that's that yeah and

and I think ultimately you did embarrass yourself by not pursuing more by missing out on love but this person you know is like you said hasn't embarrassed himself yet so far there was just one attempt

one push you can give another nudge the thing is always it's always the people that are this is almost too self-aware this is almost you swing too far to the other other way but like it's always somebody that has this level of

inner monologue that that is doing the most normal thing so like I really don't think that you can be like oh man I came on too strong because you're afraid to ask her out again after she said yes so you shouldn't be

you're so far from being the creepy person in a DM where it's like hey how's it going next week hello can you read these next week hello what's going on why aren't you responding you fucking bitch I'm talking to you aren't you saying anything you see those

online you're like I don't want to be that but I think you're right off the polar opposite end of that it sounds like you're not that yeah you're currently not that and even one more attempt to hang out would leave you very far away still not that yeah yeah definitely

so if you like her ask her out one more time and if she says no then you can think it's over two strikes and you're out that's how it works yes although it's a rescheduled attempt is that a foul ball where you can just keep

doing that or is that considered a strike I think at a certain point you have to take a hit if you've asked her out like five times and she's like had a reason to decline each one individually but hasn't had the courage to overall reject you I think that's you have to take

some of that on yourself right but I think you can ask her out and be like are you free next Thursday for whatever and then she says if she says no you could theoretically ask her out one more time after that we'll call it three strikes

yeah and one foul tip yeah but the first two foul tips are strikes right the last one I think you can just be like alright so you ask her out she says yes then has to reschedule

you say how about this date to reschedule she says no and then you can say I think what I would do in this situation I would be like okay let me know if there's a time that works for you I'm around and that's it yeah like balls in your court

I'm bad at fucking finding a time so let me know and I'll make myself available I don't know your schedule so clearly I'm just yeah finding my way in the dark and it's not working babe okay imagine if she's like hey can you do next

Thursday at noon and there was an alcohol and drugs thing at his door and he'd be like yes definitely I'll fucking skip this meeting I'll not go to this federal your priority number one yeah I love you girl is that too early to say

before our first date I'll be there and I brought you a fucking necklace how's that it's a promise rose so promise would be with me rose alright let us know follow up although I should say this email is from 12 and a half years ago

so maybe they are already together with child that'd be awesome let us know let us know how that yeah for sure let us know okay let's take another break answer some more questions after these massages yes please thank you to stamps.com

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is sponsoring not just this episode but the entire head gum network Jake wow that's correct I mean this might be the goat father's day gift I think it actually is yeah yeah not just father's day but if for any not so tech

savvy family member that you need a gift for soon these digital photo frames might be the best of all time yeah for me personally these things are perfect I'll tell you why as you know I am expecting yeah my first

child we got one for Jill's parents oh wow we got one for Jill's grandma holy smokes we got one for my parents so there are three of these bad boys in our family right now but they are they're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family

you can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen it's really nice oh that's cool so you take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo yeah frame this is actually how we how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant we

got her the aura frame we plugged it in Jill's grandma was pregnant really nice asshole this was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like yeah this is how I told my grandma

she was pregnant yeah yeah kind of like a she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like could go either way the way Jill's Jill's grandma is pregnant oh my god Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant it's pretty cool and you told me with a digital photo frame holy smokes

and we let her know with an aura yeah thank you the aura announcement so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app add me to your aura app I'd love to upload just a picture of me like

at a pool or something that could be funny yeah like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter yeah yeah exactly you can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame yeah it's a great

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plus free shipping thank you and now back to the head gum podcast you were listening to and we're back all right we got another question this one's from a lady interesting

interesting topic which is the idea of an emotional fuck boy emotional fuck boy yeah let's call this lady Erica dire that's really good I started talking to this guy a 22 year old girl living in Massachusetts I started talking

to this guy and from day one it felt different he put the kind of time effort and emotional intimacy into our conversations and dates that you don't come up with if you just have a hook up situation he was open and emotional from the start and it felt like we were dating although of course

I never assumed this but we were talking about his family he asked about mine regularly cooking for me calling me randomly to tell me things about his day I don't know sounds like dating to me but sure our physical and emotional chemistry were crazy and he even introduced me to his friends

on the second date he obviously have been telling them about me because he they knew a few things about me he texted me things like I just saw a cute old couple holding hands and it made me emotional the sex was unbelievably good and he never

initiates a what is this conversation so I finally tell him I have feelings for him which I thought were obvious to begin with and he says I really enjoy your company but I'm not in a place to pursue things in that way and I don't want to lead you on that's cuckoo I feel

very blindsided my question is was this all an act it felt too real to be an act I couldn't have made it up all in my head is this the new kind of player that I have found that gets very emotional why can't I take why take all the time and energy to do that or did he actually

care about me and just freaked out I didn't even ask for a relationship my exact words were I care about you and I care about whatever this is can you shed some light about whether this was an elaborate time-consuming act that I should look out for in the future our fuck boys evolving help me understand

thank you so much this guy is me to a T in 93 it's me 15 years ago so is it an act or he's just it's a brain thing where he's

literally convincing himself that he's in full on love with somebody everyone's different and and for some people being emotional and having those connections is like that's them letting their guard down more than they're really comfortable with but some

people are just instinctually vulnerable almost as a defense mechanism like me I am very very open when I meet somebody I like to connect on an emotional level version instead of like a shallow one but

often I'm doing that in my head with lots of different people and I can make people feel blindsided for sure somebody that doesn't is it used to someone that is like that yeah would you if somebody if you were doing that style of courtship and then

somebody's like I care about what this is would it freak you out to the point like never mind I don't want to lead you on by maybe when I was 22 and I didn't realize then that everybody wasn't like me so I think this person this 22 year old guy has emotion has some maturing to do

to realize that like when he's behaving like this he's sending a message to people which is something that I realized ultimately yeah I needed you need to say this kind of thing up front because it is normal to be like oh if somebody

cares about me this much that's the beginning of a relationship but some people are like this is just how I am with everybody just an open person and you'll introduce people to your family and friends that early on I can't even tell you how many girls my parents met

so many it's not like a big step in your relationship mind I'm finally going to introduce this person to my parents it's like no we went on a date had a sleep over once and now you're meeting my mom for brunch on a whim I used to show my grandfather girls I matched with

on Tinder who's that hoe and that's you talking yeah I think I just like I just like talking about romance and I like I don't know I

was very earnest in those situations it was I meant it all but it just was fleeting so that it wasn't dishonest I just needed to learn who I was better to protect other people from me it's not a lie if you believe it

yeah and I always did every single first date that I went on I was like oh I can marry this person and then I would go home and wake up and not think about them anymore so it's almost like if it's in front of you you're excited

and emotional and then when it's taken away you're like what's next yeah I was a puppy dog and everybody listened to the early episodes of this podcast I knew this stuff about me you didn't have object permanence yeah and I've matured

so this person will too but I do think that they're not necessarily doing all this just to fuck with you I think they're young they don't know who they are either but you're teaching them a valuable lesson by being like I thought you really liked me because

you texted me when you saw an old couple that's like not a normal thing for me so maybe you can just explain to them how to communicate with you better but like do you want somebody who is feeling like that and thinking that to like just I'm not going to text this person that because it's leaving them on or

do you want them to be themselves and find someone that likes that and is ready to whatever yeah I mean those are those are great questions to ask this person I think that you're allowed to have like follow up conversations about this you know like

if you're sleeping together you can be like I'm getting from you if that's not what you want then we need to talk about it yeah it's like when you go out on a few dates with someone and you're like I miss you but you don't want to say I miss you because that's like whoa that's like really intense

a serious thing to say after a few dates right would you advise somebody to not text somebody I miss you if they genuinely miss them yeah I think I would I think I would right which is weird because it's like be yourself advice

right be yourself but don't let others people see yourself I think you can be yourself within reason within reason of course don't stop thinking I miss you just stop saying I miss you

yeah I think you have to use contextual I don't know everything has context so like you might be feeling that maybe it's yourself to say something like that but maybe you would know that this other person won't necessarily respond to it because they think they act differently than you

yeah maybe you wait and you think it in your head because that could freak somebody out the I miss you text too early on or the I care about you or the I saw an old couple holding hands and it made me think about what the future with you could be totally but maybe you're hanging like maybe

you're it's early in the relationship and you're having those sleepovers that like last until the afternoon and you're saying these things in person like I like spending time with you this is so nice and then you do feel confident enough to throw out and I miss you on week three and that could work it's all

subjective right because if you're like I miss you and the other person's like I totally miss you too and then you have a passionate romance that leads to a long marriage that's also in play slash possible there's truly no right answer it's either the perfect thing to say or it closes the door on what otherwise would

have been a good relationship or maybe you say it and it's right in the moment then you regret it you're either fucked or you nailed it each time every time you open your mouth so just keep on keep it on brother

so basically we don't really know to say this is our last show this is over you've told someone you love them on drugs at a concert too early and they reciprocated and then they were confused when you broke it off why would you break it off with me

you said you loved me at the fucking film festival and I regretted it at the time but now with even more space ten years later I think that's a fun part of my history that I enjoy so even when you fuck up it's good

unless you fuck up really bad and then it's bad you don't want to hurt others of course it's just part of your growing pains and you didn't do anything wrong in the moment you did love that person what were you just not going to say it that would have been bad too

I love you he said look at the person you're with in the eyes and tell them you love them but I said it I said it because fucking what was the DJ's name and where was it? Burning Man

it was at Burning Man yeah it doesn't count Burning Man love is not real world love yeah that's not how it goes it was for the night alright good luck lady

and good luck all of you thanks to all of you for listening to this episode sorry it was a little late but you know it's technically a holiday today so I hope you understand everybody knows how hungover I was yesterday now yeah you weren't able to record you were busy puking

jumping into the ocean it's right and I saw rain so we were all dealing with different levels of trauma yeah exactly okay thanks for listening we'll be back of course next week and for more of us you can check out our Patreon patreon.com j a

that one also never takes a break every Thursday we're watching Jake and Amir videos commenting on them reminiscing going down memory lane indeed one more time that theme song was Eric who is has

a Halloween theme single music video called devilish ways that listeners can check out fuck yeah so thank you Eric thanks to you guys for listening and you can email us your own questions at ifirishow at gmail.com amazing

ciao for now yeah yeah tell me what to do because I don't want to be here this is Jake and Amir if I

break you tell me what to do because I don't want to be here this is Jake and Amir listen to if I yeah that was a hit dumb original

you