If I Were You - 578: Birthday Blumenfeld

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

In this episode we discuss getting suspended, writing songs, and Amir’s ideal gift. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Guess what folks we are announcing right here and right now that we're doing a very special if I were you live stream on Friday February 17th at 12 p.m. Noon, okay Pacific time. Yeah, I think Jeff will be there And yeah, I think it'll be like a kind of a fun little time. It's a big deal. Yeah This is a head gum original Oh Hey a mirror man Look in the mirror man. I bet you see a lot of fly becoming clear and I bet you see that fuzzy tail like your rear And I bet you crave it sees it worms for a meal man. Hey, let's get one thing straight

Jill fuckers up to Tucker and it feels real great I saw you at a rave and know I ain't bluffing you was rocking the chinner and you was kissing the cousin That's foul. Wow. I wonder how y'all have decided to keep holding on now Wow, oh and one last thing since you're taking hips. I wouldn't platform Jeffrey James He's a hateful bitch if I were you Okay We did our standard choreographed dance to kick that one off Yeah, I like to dance as though someone's holding my arms up like a marionette puppet. Yeah

Looked like we were dancing at gunpoint For a deranged billionaire for a dirge Actually a marionette puppet would be a good Halloween costume for me. That's cool. That's really good That's also a good Instagram handle for you. If you ever make that 20k selling at a mirror Yeah, I'm still trying to sell my Instagram handle, which I found out was quasi Illegal interesting, but only quasi only quasi. Yeah Cuz technically they can't you know figure out how much money I was paid under the table But I'm getting a lot of inquiries from

Farsi bots overseas. Yeah, I feel you got any serious offers Yeah, not too any serious offers But I feel like it'll come in the form of some sort of offshore cryptocurrency account And I'll have to just send this stranger my password. Yeah, the problem is To sell your Instagram handle. I'm just basically giving them all my followers to yeah Which like at the end of the day isn't it won't reset, right? Yeah, it'll be like every Every comedy fan. I've amassed for ten years is now following this fucking model in Iran Right, which is an upgrade for them your Instagram. Yes. It's not that interesting. It's mostly like

Trolling your followers. You'll post something to close friends and then screenshot who looked at it first and stuff like that Yeah, I've been sort of trying to take advantage of the green the green circle close friends Yeah, no, I don't take advantage. You're trying to take advantage of your friends. You're Yeah, I Think it's obvious and I looked at your Instagram story and you screenshot it and sent it to both of us and called us losers Yeah, cuz you were the first to and technically I told her to look at it So I sort of set her up to fail, but now I have that image. Yeah Which is to have you as the first viewer within like within two minutes, which is very instantly

Yeah, super embarrassing, but it's hard the allure of the green circle there. You just you almost have to click on it Yeah, what's so secretive that I'm yours sharing. I was a victim of timing that day I really hadn't been on Instagram that much Oh for sure. Yeah, I just got it right then and I think you and I were just like same brain you posted I looked looked. Yeah, I'll show you my screen bang. I'll show you my screen time. It's very low It's very low on Instagram. Well, you have three phones one for each app that you yeah You're able to fudge the numbers right? I have an Instagram of Instagram and a phone and a and a phone Which is a faux phone, but it does it sounds like phone. Yeah, an FPH. Oh any yeah, exactly

That opening theme song was a banger of a theme Which is an He had I mean this guy sent us two theme song his name is Kevin Rambran Okay, that's a cool last name Ram Brann. Yeah Please shout out my NAD pod inspired Let's play what we do in the basement as well as my comedy duo segment show whoa sort of inspired by if I were you Called oops all segments. That's good. That's a really good name for a show. We should Low-key steal that for a new format

low-key Yeah, low-key this like this part that we're here like this is Behind the scenes how the sausage gets made it'll be edited down It won't be like Released widely It doesn't have to be it's always it's always been released widely and there's we never cut anything out

Yeah, but we can edit this episode down to have this conversation just between us So we'll Let's get that clean then please shout out my NAD pod inspired. Let's play what we do in the basement as well as my comedy duo Just the as a comedy. That's perfect. Well, I should now I said that's perfect But that like this is gonna make any sense. Why don't you take that clean again and I'll just react So he doesn't have a comedy duo segment show exactly just do the NAD pod show Actually, what's the what's let's play? Do you know what that is? I think it's kind of like an actual play like what my D&D show is kind of like Where you just play the end we shouldn't

I'm just thinking we shouldn't plug that either because then someone might find that show find the segment show Trace that I just feel like this whole thing is a gotcha journalism Anti fluff piece at this point. So Let's Put the k-bosh on this episode The entire episode or just a theme song or I can just I can make up some Random credits perfect. Yeah, that's good The opening theme song was by Kevin Rambran

Don't say I wouldn't say his name because people can Google the name and I already said. Oh, yeah I said was a cool last name, but just let's do Kyle Rembrandt Take it away take it away Opening theme song just a banger of a theme by Kyle Rembrandt, I wouldn't remember. I wouldn't know it's why I said it. So you just you have to get it out clean So stupid All right

This is that opening theme song was written by I Kyle Rembrandt You sound like you're lying. Can I give you a like just a line read? Why don't you say it because I don't have a computer in front of me and anybody watching will be like How does Jake know that and I've also never ever shouted out the theme song creator, right? But you just go that opening theme song was by Kyle Rembrandt All right easy that opening

Don't that opening what's going on? We're like talking over each other. Yeah. All right, just get it out clean. Yeah, that opening theme song was by Kyle Rembrandt It sounds like combative, but We can splice that in on the day Actually, the PS is pretty vague. It says PS I own a burger restaurant in Winnipeg if you're ever in town, Berg's on me Thanks, we're good. I'll never be back to Winnipeg. Don't worry about that Um, oh shit, we should edit that out. I feel like that was like a nasty reaction. Yeah, cuz it was

Nothing so far. All I said was that theme song right into burgers and then Really, you shouldn't be mean to him at all if you put on stealing that folks at home Yeah, folks at home don't know that he's become my nemesis over the last 10 minutes because to them this episode is five minutes long So far and it's even remember the idea you were trying to steal I feel like it's gotten lost completely in the sauce. It's a let's play a show I think where you and I know that was the NAD pot thing. I don't remember, but I'll listen back I'll listen back to the raw Yeah, we're not gonna release it widely but I said I'd listen back to the raw

There's no way you're going to find the raw audio file figure out what this was and then have somebody else cut it out for wide release Release from the let's just shout let's just shout it out as is and if we want to steal it We can steal it because it's like technically he'd be honored if it was ours now. Okay Cal Kevin now. I'm saying Kyle Rembrandt Rembrandt ran either one. Yeah, he has a comedy duo segment show called oops all segments Which is similar to me in your show which is similar to me in your show Because we're developing pre hearing this we were developing I'm just saying we were developing our own IP And it's a case of parallel thinking that we were maybe gonna do a segment show and we were gonna call it all segments

Yeah, I just need to get out get that on record. We should say we are recording this in September 2021 yeah 2014 actually a a Burger restaurant Winnipeg we did one show in Winnipeg. Yeah, it was As cold as advertised didn't we go there in February? I believe we did and I can't remember if we went there from Calgary or if we went to Because I think it was Winnipeg Calgary. Okay, so Winnipeg. Yeah, Winnipeg we went to we kind of went to like a

Barbecue type place we sat down. We got a little lunch and it was delicious. Yeah, that's not didn't we go to what was like the diner at the Coffee shop diner one that was in Calgary That place was good. Yeah, that place was good shout out to them But yeah, I can go for a burger and Winnipeg for sure. I'm super. I'm actually very hungry right now You didn't eat breakfast here. I Got up at four 45 in the morning. So I did have breakfast, but it wasn't until You know, it was a I had breakfast at like six and then I had one 45 now. Yeah. Yeah, so and I had to wake up

Seems it seems early 445. It's it's honestly. It's not it's not even worth. It's it's like Was it on purpose or by accident? It's on purpose. They I go to Nantucket every summer, you know, and they they Release the ferry reservations like it's a Taylor Swift concert like yeah on this on this day on January 17th at 5 a.m. The reservations for ferry go they go live and you have to Beat everyone else out to reserve the ferry on the weekend that you want to go This is for you to be on there to drive your car onto for you to drive your car the the people ferries can go You know, yeah, those are a little those are a lot easier. You can get those the same day Most so are you going on a hot date? They're like, well, you want July 3rd? Good luck. You got away. Yeah 445

Yeah, yeah, we're going on. We got a good week. We got a good week not the 4th of July, but it's it's up there Okay, and did you do that 501, huh? You did it like 501 in the morning. I got up at 455 Alarm. Yeah, I set the alarm for 445 and I had some some safety alarms at 450 451 452 453 454 and 455 No, I got I mean I also I couldn't sleep

Yeah, because I was excited and anxious about the 445 not excited. Yeah anxious. I was dreading the the entire experience Because last year You know, we go from this is so boring to anybody But I it's really all I could think about so I'm gonna talk about it. You go from Saturday to Saturday That's like usually what the rentals on these vacation houses are So the ferry reservations are the hottest from Saturday to Saturday because you're trying to drive on to the ferry drive off And then you know pack up and leave all in the same day How often is there this ferry to take you from mainland massachusetts to this island?

I believe there are three or four a day even in like a height on the weekends and they take two and a half hours How many cars are there on the ferry? Maybe like 20 to 35 Oh, okay. Okay. So 60 ish per day get to go. Yeah, it's not a lot on to the island and millions of people are going there Through the summer. So they're very yeah, it's tough. It's tough hot ticket. Yeah It's the hardest thing about going to nantucket, which is the Really really easy fine good place to be able to go Right, but yeah So lap but last year we were there from Saturday to Saturday. I believe my car came over monday morning

And it had to go back thursday You didn't get the good tickets. You didn't get didn't get the good. So I was pretty anxious about this year making it happen So I log on 455 Um, I am 200th. It's just a page that says you are 201 in line Okay, pretty good. Even though you're there five minutes early five minutes early Um, and but then I'm sort of nervous like do they they reset this room? Like at five. So I'm refreshing the page just to kind of like arrive at five um

Which I which I do um, and it says at five that I'm 201 in line I also for safety I open up another tab at that time new browser or new tab New browser New browser, um on my firefox browser. I log on. I am 1700 in line And then I'm like, well if anything goes wrong, I'm just fucked. I just I just want to have a third failsafe I log on on my phone. I am 2700 in line or 2400 in line something like that So there's about over 2000

um, yeah people on ready to go at 458 a.m And this thing says this page will reflect refresh automatically every 15 seconds And it's doing that it's refreshing automatically every 15 second and and you're moving up in the line Only at 201. I am not moving at all Um, my 1700 one is moving up like about five people every 15 seconds. So I'm like something is broken, but I'm too afraid to just close out that tap It'll be like 7900. Yeah Um, but then eventually I start like shift refreshing that page because I'm like

I have nothing to lose. I'm at like 600 in this other line Also, I imagine this was going to take five to 10 minutes like log on at five get this reservation I'm back in bed. Um, but it's like 530 now A sun started to come up Um, but all of a sudden I jump from 201 to 67th in this in this line. So I'm like, okay, so it's working. It's actually it's Something's going on, but it's it's working. It brings me up You know 54 39 your 12th in line. I'm like here it comes I log on. I see all the reservations. I choose them. I click schedule. It just

Breaks down. It says 503 bad gateway Yeah, I'm like you got to assume other people are getting that like in your mind You're the only one and everyone's just cutting you now and I refresh the page and it says you are 7900 in line And I and I look at the twitter and it's just like the steamship authority the boat place It's just like everything on the site is working as normal It's just hundreds of people like cussing them out and there's just an auto response that says the website is up to date The website is working

Okay, what about your other place in line? Did you end up getting to the front? Same thing happens on fire fox go to schedule? 503 error code Breaks down Eventually my phone Works And I got the I got the reservation Going over sunday coming back friday, which is not Not that instead of it's one day

It's it's chewed in one day either way Does that mean you have to go from sunday to friday? Or does that mean you go on saturday and your car comes the next day? No, you pay extra money where your car just like is it this is in like the lot and they do It's called a drive-on where like somebody at the dock will drive the car on Uh, and then when the ferry arrives, I can go pick it up and drive the car off Got it. So you'll beat your car by a day and then you have to drive your car off early a day Yeah, exactly

And then I got it which is mildly inconvenient because you kind of have to pack up everything except like a day pack Yeah on that last day early. Yeah, it's almost worth it to leave it a day early almost almost. Yeah Let's not quite and then when was this completed 4 5 45 or something 7 a.m So I was up from 4 45 until 7 Yeah, sun's fully out at that point. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's ready to start your day Yeah, I'm like as I'm I keep on thinking maybe I can go to back like back to bed for an hour But then the dog is waking up and it's just like everything is the day had begun. Yeah the day is beginning now Yeah, and then

See you've been up since then and you've had an acai bowl. I had an acai bowl at 10. That's right And now it's two You're sort of like ready for dinner slash whatever a late lunch would be but you're recording instead. Yeah I would I mean, I'm ready. I would love to take a nap. I'd like to go home. I want to go home Yeah, this is prime nap time. Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, that set me up nice. But no, I've right Get to hang out with you do we have to We have to take a break to thank some sponsors. So maybe you can do like a quick Two and a half minute. I could do a power nap power nap. Yeah

Even just taking your shoes off would feel like kicked your feet up a little bit It might feel like a little a little reset. I might take a nap during the second act I see so fully during the episode. Yeah All right, let's take a break jake will catch a z or two and then we'll be back after these messages. Cheers Thank you to helix sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show hell. Yes. Thank you for making the sleep test The sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress Yes, uh Yeah, so helix makes a really great

mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you Yeah, right jake's been bragging about completing this two minute Honestly, like buzzfeed light quiz. I don't how you sleep for the better part of it. I do not I do not brag I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it Because you got the mattress and it was great or yeah, I got the perfect mattress. Thank god Thank god. I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress So you can go to helix sleep comm slash if I were you for 20 off all mattress orders and two free pillows Amazing free pillows. Come on. Yes

This is their best offer yet and no it won't last long with helix The better sleep starts now now So regardless of how you sleep whether you like it soft medium or firm helix is 20 unique mattresses Just ready to go Based on how you fill up that sleep preference and they'll send you the best one And if you go to helix sleep comm slash if I were you that's 20 off amazing. Thank you helix sleep well Thank you to squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow For years and years and years

We've been ranting and raving about squarespace because it's the best way For dummies like me and potentially you that don't necessarily know how to code or design To create a professional looking website So if you're building an online portfolio for yourself or a loved one or you want to sell stuff online You can do an online store. They have 24 7 live customer support email campaigns Data you can even purchase a domain name through squarespace For example, I didn't even look this up

But there's no way you can't buy a mere blumenfeld is a good dude.com I bet that's available and you can have it today and you can buy it through squarespace and build an awesome website dedicated to me Or I guess dedicated to anyone else in your life Maybe you want to give somebody a gift this season a summer birthday coming up. Who doesn't want a website So the best way to do that is to go to squarespace.com Slash if I were you for a free trial and when you're ready to launch just use that offer code If I were you to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain again Squarespace.com slash if I were you free trial. Everything looks good. Let's launch it

Just use that offer code if I were you to save 10 off that first purchase. Thank you squarespace And we have returned jake. Do you have any? Yeah, I don't know if you can see this big band-aid on my hand But i'm encouraging everyone out there to buy uh oven mitts That will that will give you full hand protection Okay. Yeah, fully oven mitts. Yeah, you had oven mitts, but it's it wasn't full hand Jill has these almost like a little lobster claws shout out to the pinch that are like

Plastic they're like little plastic like puppet things. Yeah, rubber-ish almost. Yeah, rubber-ish rub rubber-ish Um Which is good. Maybe for getting like a little sheet out of the oven But I was pulling a full on like cast iron skillet out of the oven Oh, I had a steak Nice, one of my newest resolutions was to cook more Here we are so Uh, yeah, so I just reached in grabbed it and I had coverage everywhere except uh this pad right here on the bottom of my hand

And then the handle is just boy like scalding hot so yeah, because I mean we It was high heat. We seared the steak Yeah on threes on uh on two sides Then we put it in the oven in the oven for 50 for 10 or 15 minutes Uh-huh Close the inside sears the outside burns your hand. Yeah, I I mean I was miserable But when I ate it it made me feel better briefly. It was very very good When you cut it open

Did you like baste it with butter and like rosemary and thyme and stuff like that my hands? I just ran under a cold water. I got this steak We carved my hand and uh, yeah It's funny every act of this episode comes like a another terrible thing that happened to you over the last 36 hours Yeah, but all of it's good. It all stems from good stuff. Just minor you had a steak. Yeah, you're going on vacation Right, but in so doing you bring your hand and woke up early. Yeah, these are the things that you deal with What about you? Aren't it's your birthday? Tomorrow, yeah, it's my birthday is tomorrow at the time of recording if you're listening to this

Sometime in late january early february. It's already it's it's already half Yeah, but we I mean we can get this kind of as like a time capsule a moment in time How do you feel about turning the big four zero? I'm ready for it. It's uh So much build up days weeks months years really when once you turn 30 not like the countdown is on Yeah, people probably talk about it a lot. Yeah. Yeah 40 40 is coming up. It's a big deal. I'm already joking about being 40 So soon I'll actually be 40 and we can sort of reset like when your odometer goes to 9 9 9 9 9 Like all the high numbers to like one zero zero zero, right? It's kind of good. You're You're the farthest away from being 50 at 40. That's like the next like over the hill thing

So that's good. I went from a nine to a zero basically. Yeah, that's nice End of 30s early 40s feels right and I'm already like surrounded by 40-ish year olds already. So I feel like Um, I've been mentally prepared for this moment. Yeah, that's good Fortunately, uh, what do you want for your birthday? Thank you, uh, because I don't know if you got my Slack message about the new macbook pro. I got your slot. I got your venmo request Which is interesting because it seemed like it was more than just I want the two terabyte solid state drive I want the 516 gigabytes of ram. I want the 16 inch

Display and I want a mac mini So I can put my feet on a stool while I use the computer Some people answer that question by saying I have everything I need I don't have anything I want Yeah Yeah, super charged by m2 pro max chip The new pros Completely revolutionized

This is a paper week. You got that four months ago. You got it four months ago, and it's obsolete Yeah, you got that for hannica. You made your parents buy you the top of the line computer Yeah, space gray space gray And now it feels like I'm holding just a piece of lead an iron weight that means nothing great because then you should donate it Well, I don't want to do that because I can use it as a cover for my new laptop So I'll like almost use it as a clamshell. I'll hollow it out like a bagel and put it over my new computer. So you'll buy me

for your birthday $3,799 Yeah For you to me for turning 40 And let me let me guess dope is that you'll be angry if that doesn't happen, right? I'll be angry if you don't pay for it in full Yeah, it feels like pissed off if you choose a payment plan at this point. It feels like you're angry kind of regardless I'm mad because I'm aging

Yeah Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I do want one in silver and in space gray I can't make up my mind. Yeah I'll return the other one when I'm 42 Brand new as is you'll return not not hollow it out into a clamshell For the new laptop that you buy me in perpetuity. It doesn't make sense for you to get me one gift one computer It's a depreciating asset Yeah, I'm not I need a new

Yeah, I need I need you to sign up to this anything I'm not almost like a a a Biannual payment plan a gift at all. I'm yeah, I'm gonna donate to a charity in your name No The worst At least do it anonymously I don't want my name out there on the grid Uh, actually we got some questions. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just us burning ourselves and turning 40. There's other shit to deal with

ideally Um, these are real questions of course from real people of course Uh Only we're gonna be giving them fake names to preserve their anonymity one of them I mean, this is a real this is a real dilemma Okay, um band problems Love it I mean as someone in a band, maybe you can shut some light. This is a it's true seemingly a 20-ish year old canadian dude. All right

Uh, so we'll give them just a canadian rock star name like stan rogers some I was gonna say the guy from some 41 or something Chad something Let's go stan rogers a true canadian star Okay I'm stuck singing in a band that I really don't enjoy being in and I don't know how to Go about getting out of there because there's four of us guitar player bass player drummer and me Uh, I really like playing with the bass player and I think I hate playing with the guitar player

And I'm just kind of generally creeped out by the drummer Uh, the guitar player wanted to start a band with the bass player bass bass bass player And the bass player Is a fucking great musician and all around good, dude The guitar player is a confrontational ass hat with a strong opinion and a pretty shitty taste in music Okay, though he did take us to a his family's amazing 100 year old cabin on an island to play music The guitar player found me on a music site and reached out to me to sing for them a few months ago having just moved to Vancouver I didn't have much else going on band wise so I decided to do it right off the bat

I wasn't really enjoying singing slash playing the songs that the guitar player wrote Which is really all we've played. I would outright quit the band, but I really like jamming with the bass player He already has two other bands going. It doesn't seem to mind guitar players bullshit and the drummers smell as much as me That's right. Um the The drummer I'm sorry. There was something about uh, the drummer. Oh, yeah, here we go The drummer has a degenerative foot fungus that makes his feet always smell and he drums barefoot

Does he have a real degenerative foot fungus? Uh, maybe that's how this man is diagnosing it. Anyway, if you were me, how would you quit the band? How would you convince the bass player to quit the band and start a new one with me without hurting the guitar player's feelings? Um I think I would just You separate the two things you can't orchestrate a big old coup, right? You just quit coup if only if half the people come with you aka two of the four members

Well, the yeah, it's kind of like a split. It's a splitting of the band Yeah, but I think that ever happened is like is does that happen in the band world? Like these two were in this band and now they're in a new band. Uh, yes. Yes, of course Look at look at tom dalong and boxcar racer and tom dalong and angels and airwaves and mark hoppus and travis barker and um, uh God, what is it jump 44 something 44 plus 44? Um, but that's usually like one person. Look at excuse me one second. Look at, um, matt skeeba and blink 182 Um

All of my my bass is for all of this knowledge is blink bass, but if it's happening to my favorite band that it's happening to others You mean your basses? Yeah Um, no, I think it happens all the time. There are like There there are like bands that split up and make those like super bands and stuff like that. Yeah Um Half and half and half I feel like it's usually one person leaving or one person getting kicked out A full two person of four splinter feels rare. Yeah, but I mean you can also have a two person exodus

I mean I I don't think that like this split is like singer and drummer and you and bassist It's more like i'm stealing the bassist from the band But it's not even really a big deal because the bassist is currently in two other bands So you don't even have to like I think you just quit and you ask the bassist on the side if he wants to jam sometime That seems right good Do you think this guy's just a singer or is it usually like if it's a band of four you got to do Instrument plus singing rhythm guitar, I'd hope because otherwise

It's it's not jamming. It would just be The bass is you singing and you singing which doesn't sound fun Yeah It also feels like the singer is the guy that usually comes up with songs, right? Like is ever like the drummer writes the songs and then somebody else is singing them. Yeah, there's there's some there's plenty of singing drummers I always think that singing drum 41 drummer wrote some of the songs. I don't know. Yeah It's weird how that works out like I just always assume the guy Singing wrote the songs and is playing the guitar and then like the other people are just like filling in the holes

But yeah, why can't a drummer write a song? I think that happens all the time. You just never have thought about it Yeah, I don't think or care or know about music enough to know which drummers But you're pontificating some crazy thing that might happen that I think if you're in the music world anybody is like Yes, this is the standard. This is just of course and it's interesting that way because like even if it's not the Yeah, I'm saying hypothetically if it were the case like what makes the drummers so seemingly disposable like that like are you to assume that I don't know in the sports world an offensive lineman can't diagram. What do you do? What do you do? What do you make?

What do you create? Or do you just fucking sit there and pontificate? I have a fairly popular z Fancy and actually Yeah, and a fans Lee And an only fan zine I have an only fan zine so I'll sort of highlight slash spotlight different um Creators in that space. Yeah, whether it be a foot fetish or a brazier fetish

And then people can sort of use me to get to the To the next level. I have a findum crushing fetish And I need jerk off instruction and encouragement. Where would you point me to? For those preference and What's findum crushing Findum somebody to step on your wallet. No, they're two separate things. Okay You they they stack I want someone to tell me when it's okay to spend my cash

And I also want them to put me in a little ball and hold my life in their hands Is that so weird to you? I want someone to sit on a piggy bank Wow Uh, but yeah, you can sign up for my zine and there's I referral codes just littered all over the same. It's disgusting. It's cool It's so confusing Daily dizzy dinky deals dot com But yeah, you can it seems like this band is so early in the process people are coming and going you can leave

You can join. Yeah, doesn't seem like you guys are even playing gigs. Is that fair to say? This is a pre gig band It sounds a little bit like you can leave without any issue at all And check in with the bassist and maybe he'll play with you or your band Huh my band your band fade on shuffle. Yeah, would you be would you be perturbed if? What's the other the only other person in the band gareth? Yeah, if he left, um And started a band with someone like

I don't know me I wouldn't be no, I wouldn't be perturbed. I'd sue him for everything he's worth and Yeah, I wouldn't really think twice about it I wouldn't blink. Well, you didn't really sign him to any overall deal or anything. It's exactly why I can sue him To oblivion. I'll crush him in litigation. I'll throw so many fucking legal fees at him He won't know what to do besides settle and I'll make him settle for an astronomical fee You realize you can kill someone with paperwork without winning a court, right?

You're so stupid sometimes um No, make him declare bankruptcy and I'll make him Give me every single cent he ever makes for the rest of his life if he starts another band with you One two one two three That's the best part of being in a band I don't want to be the drummer. I just want to be the guy that that counts Down. Oh, that's true. You want to be the guy that counts down and I just want to be the manager

I just I want the checks coming to me And then we can fill in the holes from there. We have the countdown guy We have the guy that clears the checks and then we just need, you know, the singer's songwriter guitar Yeah, I can do the songs too. I'll write the songs. I can write the lyrics That's cool. Yeah, uh, all right. Cool. So, um, You know, you can yeah, we'll let this guy know that he can just leave the band probably Gareth. No, I need him

Oh, no, I mean, uh, oh, okay Stan over here, of course Yeah, would you say you're a do you stan rogers? Yeah, that's good. I absolutely I absolutely stan rogers Okay, let's take another break. Thanks more sponsors jake will nap a little bit more And then we'll try to answer another question on the other side of these messages. I must say Thank you to stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show Visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business

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I think it actually is Yeah, yeah, not just father's day, but if for any uh, not so tech savvy family member that you need a gift for soon These digital photo frames might be the best of all time. Yeah for me personally these things are perfect I'll tell you why as you know, I am expecting. Yeah, uh, my first child We got one for jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for jill's grandma. Holy smokes. We got one for my parents So there are three of these bad boys Uh in our family right now, but they are They're great really easy way to like stay in touch with your family

You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool So you take a photo of anything perhaps a baby and then it goes to their digital photo. Yeah frame This is actually how we how we told jill's grandma. She was pregnant. We got her the aura frame We plugged it in jill's grandma was pregnant Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife and you're trying to make a joke of it I was just being goofy a little bit like uh, this is how I told my grandma. She was pregnant Yeah, yeah, kind of like a she misheard it or something like that or the way you said it was kind of like Could go either way by the way jill's jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my god, jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant

It's pretty cool and you told me with a digital photo frame. Holy smokes and we let her know with an aura. Yeah Thank you the aura announcement Uh, so you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family in on the fun through the aura app Add me to your aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something That could be funny. Yeah, like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah Yeah, exactly. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display As soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah, it's a great gift a really really iconic gift And right now you can save on the perfect father's day gift and visit aura frames. That's a you are a frames dot com

And our listeners can use code head gum to get up to 30 dollars off plus free shipping on the best selling frames There it is. Oh, wow. This is timely. The deal ends on june 18th. So don't wait terms and conditions apply. That's aura frames A u r a frames dot com Okay, go get your parents something. All right and use the code head gum for 30 dollars off plus free shipping Thank you, aura and now back to the headgum podcast you were listening to And we're back um What say we try to answer one last question to rule them all I love that for us

Have you watched well, what was that hbo show that seems up your alley the post apocalyptic show that just came out? Oh, the last of us. Yeah, are you in on that yet? I actually started it last night Um, I only watched the first like 40 minutes though because it was late and I had to get up at 4 45 It's a 60 minute show and you're like i'm gonna i'm tapping out right now the first episode was like an hour and a half or something I thought it was a movie when I loaded it up. Oh, wow. Um, but yeah, it's great so far so good. Yeah Pedro pascal is good I hear good things this one is sort of completely unrelated to that, but I just thought of that for you Yeah, I love it. Thank you. Uh, this is from a high school lady

sweet A blue gene baby She'll marry a music man Yeah, the guy from the last question Let me get straight to the point for some crazy reason this dickhead at my school created a list called the fucking legit superlatives list Apparently his idea Was that titles like best ass and best kisser were more valuable than most likely to succeed and most likely to be president The list has now been seen by basically everyone in my grade

And of course happened to be I had been to be chosen for one of the titles Best feeling boobs. Oh gosh Now i've been getting texts from random numbers congratulating me I responded sarcastically at first but now i'm responding with fuck off What's going to happen next year? How will this ever end? Am I going to be known only for my tits for the rest of high school? Should I tell someone about this? Is this illegal? Should I drive to the dickhead's house and throw rocks and eggs at his window?

Respond if you're going to use my question and please answer soon geez louise, uh Yeah, I don't know there's like Old me is like, yeah, you should tell tell on everyone tell a teacher It's not the kid should be in trouble Yeah, I mean superlatives in general is kind of crazy like an official school thing. That's like Most likely to succeed like you're rate ranking that students. Yeah, it's kind of I wonder if they still do it

I mean we had like and they have basically Hottest and stuff they have like best hair best eyes best smile right my school voted on by the teachers My school had a fucked up one that was like most likely to be working at hampton hall in five years or something Is that a compliment or an insult? I think and no, I mean and I I guess maybe you could be like who had the most school spirit But it was like definitely the people with the lowest prospects were voted as that Did you get one where you does everyone get one or yeah, I've no not everyone got one. I got the class clown one classic Wow

What did you not get one? Good for fucking you not and get class clown. I also got best cock In the super fucking legit superlatives that I started and no one else submitted for but I had best cock best ass most cash Just you holding up a piece of paper Hear ye hear ye. Will anyone hear me? I have the best ass in town Put that on my resume for a year

Yeah, I mean that's actual superlatives thing is kind of crazy that fact that they still do that This fucking legit superlatives list seems like a classic high school prank that I guess it's not really illegal, but really fucked up. Yeah, and maybe should be illegal. There's definitely there's something Uh sexual harassment adjacent. Yeah, definitely. I mean not like maybe illegal to the letter of the law But I think you can get punnett. I'm sure it's against like a school handbook or school policy. The person can get in trouble. Yeah Expellable That's that I think if it were happening to me In high school what I would do is ignore it and pretend it didn't happen and it does eat away you for a while, but

uh all that stuff Fades away. I don't talk to a single person from my high school. So yeah High school is a quick turnover of pranks Yeah Like the biggest deals in the world sort of fade to the background. I mean responding fuck off or not responding at all feels fine Feels correct Did you have any like kids that were suspended or expelled where it like became like kind of You know not nationwide, but within the high school like why yeah news. Yeah. Yeah for sure. Yeah

It happened to me. I was like I I think my junior year or maybe my senior year I like went to homecoming drunk and I got in trouble and I had to Sit in front of like the student council and administrators and basically have like a student trial for my punishment And that was a big deal at the time You got drunk In 11th grade. Yeah You went to uh dance or a football game Homecoming dance

So you went to a dance you were drunk. Mm-hmm. So how did people find out? Um, I guess because I was wasted saw you. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and then Do you remember like a teacher or principal coming up to you like that night or is it like the next day situation? Next day. I remember like I got a call from a teacher This was after the dance and they were like yeah, they were like I forget exactly I mean don't remember at all exactly what happened because uh, it was a long time ago when I was drunk Um, but yeah, it was like a next day. I got called into the administrator They were like we know you were was it a school day or like a sunday you were called in

Oh, I guess it maybe no, I think I don't think homecoming was like on saturday I feel like it was like a thursday night because you know, you don't it's okay It doesn't have to be a weekend because you're not supposed to be getting drunk Yeah, you're in school after all or maybe it was a friday and like the there's a football game the next day And it happened after the weekend or something But yeah, they they found me out. They told my parents my parents like confirmed it or something and then um, uh, I just like Go to the student council

And everyone asked me questions and it was very But I assume other people were drunk not just you right? He wasn't yeah, it wasn't just me, but I was I was the one that got caught. Yeah And then the student like other 16 year olds are like sentencing. They gave you the chair What's the punishment? I remember like everyone was asking me like questions and the this like Somebody who had like helped plan homecoming was like, did you think you wouldn't have any fun at homecoming? I was like

uh No, I thought it would be great. I'm sorry. I don't know but like Of course, I didn't think it was going to be fun unless I was drunk. That was the point Yeah, and then so what do you remember your punishment for something two days of in school suspension and I believe that I was I was like Everybody all the seniors got to do like a senior project where they like the last month of school They had an internship or they didn't have to they didn't have to go to classes and they had to like present whatever they learned at the end of the semester But I wasn't allowed to do that. So I had I was the only senior at school that had to stay on campus the last month of school

So I was just like in classes by myself So the teacher would still go there and it would just be you and a math teacher one-on-one teaching you Yeah, well because some of the classes like physics had juniors and seniors that had some Underclassmen in there. Um, but then like they're I think like my english class. It was literally just me It was really a punishment for your teacher. Yeah, it's it was um, I don't have fond memories of the school Yeah, it's it's hard to punish a high schooler because high school is sort of already the punishment. Yeah, it's bad You don't want to be like You you have to keep going to school then it's not a punishment

But you can't be like you have to stay at home because that's fine too, which is my punishment was you have to be here all the time It's in school suspension. So that's not even like you at home That's just you here at school in a room by yourself and then it's you on campus Yeah, yeah During the weekend. Is it like uh, no it's during day. I like was I was in some weird office Like an administrative office where I could like see out in the courtyard that I could see my friends And I just had to sit there and do homework, but I think I snuck in the dave matthew's Biography cd man. Yeah, that's cool. That'll show him. It was awesome. That's really cool. What was the question?

Oh, yeah, super about the people sort of harassing. Yeah, so I guess what I'm saying is that nothing matters in high school But apparently you will remember it forever Yeah, I would tell on these people so that they would have to do the in school suspension the council of their peers They deserve to be in trouble Yeah, and can we say no phones for them during suspension? Otherwise, it's not really a suspension at all God cannot even imagine punishing kids now Uh, all right. Good luck. Fuck those other people. How dare they fucking legit superlatives list That's right. Unbelievable. And if you're running a school, maybe get rid of the actual superlatives list too. That'd be smart

Doesn't feel right. I mean they still do ranking like Public schools are like I was 83rd in my class. They have like a literal ranking of everybody. Do you remember what number you were? We didn't really have that because we were a private school. So we didn't have the superlatives or like the ranking Yeah, we had um, we didn't have the ranking, but we had the superlatives That's cool. Uh, okay. All right. Thanks for writing questions. Thanks for writing theme songs Uh, kevin kevin the opening theme song and all these people for writing in that if I were you show at gmail.com Please we're running low on questions. We're running low on theme songs and how is the time to send them in best possible time folks Uh, and you can watch more of us on our patreon patreon.com slash j a

hundreds and hundreds hundreds and hundreds of those episodes um kevin ramblin who runs a burger restaurant in winnipeg Beautiful That's right. So thank you kevin. Thanks to you guys for listening. Thanks to you guys for writing in and we'll be back next week Ciao everybody Oh Hey a mirror man look in the mirror man

I bet you see a lot of flies becoming clear and I bet you see that fuzzy tail like your rear end I bet you crave and season worms for a meal man and hey, jay Let's get one thing straight jill buckers up to tucker and it feels real great I saw you at a rave and know I ain't bluffing you was rocking the chin and you was kissing the cousin That's foul. Wow. I wonder how y'all have decided to keep holding on bow. Wow Oh and one last thing since you're taking hits. I wouldn't platform jeffrey james. He's a hateful bitch if I were you Oh That was a hit gum original