If I Were You - 59: Brasil

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

In this episode we call some fans, we call some bluffs, and recall some dates.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Second! Another podcast Second! Each app different from the last It's the Swiss Army knife of choice Meet your two emphatic hosts Seconds Woohoo! Knock it off with the personalized messages I just wrote a little note and I held it up to the camera. It's a little alienating to my mother.

Your mother? She watches these. Because you didn't think to make a note to your mom. I haven't called her in a year. And she watches these YouTube videos. She's a huge fan of the new podcast. She hated the old one. She watches them on YouTube.

She hated If I Were You. She's hashtag all fan of the new podcast. She watches it on YouTube. She hated If I Were You. She's hashtag all in on segments. She even started a post on our sub Reddit. Am I the only one who can't stand If I Were You episodes now that segments is out? And everyone responded yes. That's nine upvotes. Yes, for the first time ever,

you are the only one who thinks something. It is actually just you. I'm fighting a light issue for those of you watching at home. I'm getting a glare from the sun off a car into my eyes like that. So I'm trying to block that, use a ring light. It's a lot.

So if you're watching it, it looks dramatic. You're seeing the pre-production has bled into the production now. Exactly right. And we have a lot of moving pieces this episode. Because we have a lot of segments this episode. God, I want to say we have at least two segments. I think we have three.

We actually do have three. Jesus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't we start with something I wanted to ask you about anyway. Since this is the segments podcast, you went to South America for a weekend. Less, but yes.

Less than a week. That's correct. You flew from where to where and why? New York to Sao Paulo, Sao Paulo back to New York. Brazil. Why? Yes, Brazil. Yeah. I don't know. At the end of the day, I don't really know why I did it.

I know- How did it come about? The instigating incident, the yes or no that I don't know why I accepted, Ben Schwartz, good pal, reached out for Sonic 3. He's going on this big press tour. He reached out to you? Yeah.

Like to be in the movie? Not to be in the movie. Not to be in the movie. Oh. Just to kind of be his emotional support animal for the first 24 hours of a 15 day press tour where he's going to Sao Paulo, the Brazil Comic Con. He's going to London.

He's going back to LA for the premiere of Sonic 3. then he's going to New York to do the talk show circuit. And I offer him an extra flight for like a partner. Yeah, a manager, a wife, a friend. Yeah, people bring their hair and makeup person, their stylist, a friend, a spouse. Well, nobody brought a friend. Ben spouse. Well, nobody brought a friend. Ben's the only one that brought a friend. Ben brought me. A guy who contributes absolutely nothing to anybody. And I guess Paramount called his bluff.

He's like, can I just bring a friend? And they're like, yeah, if you actually know somebody that will go to Sao Paulo for 36 hours at the end of the day, sure, you can bring a friend. So how long was that flight? The flight there, I think that this is, so I'm like, oh wow, this will be really funny. This was like two months ago maybe.

It was like, yeah, how funny would this be if I just went to Sao Paulo just to hang out with you and have like one nice dinner? That was our plan. Cause he has like all day Friday off before everything starts for him on Saturday. So you flew on a Thursday. Flew on a Thursday night, red eye.

As it's leading up to it, we're just like, I'm basically like, I wish I could back out a little bit. This is- A little bit. Cause it sounds fun to be like, yeah, let's go to Brazil. But then like you have to like order an Uber to JFK. You're like, well, I didn't have to do any of that.

They made it very easy. Paramount had a black car outside my house. They flew me first class, the lie down. Wow. And this is all for a guy that has nothing to do with the movie. Like that's, that's how much the press budget is for this film.

Yeah. But as it's coming up, I'm just like, oh, right. Like that's the level of the press budget is for this film. Yeah. But as it's coming up, I'm just like, oh, all right, this is gonna be a funny story when it's over, but actually hurling my body to Brazil by myself right now feels like it's just a lot. I don't. Yeah, cause a first-class flight is nicer

than a coach flight, but it's not nicer than no flight at all. Right, it's not nicer than not taking a levi for sure. But I get there, I get onto, I'm like a little bit apprehensive, but I'm like, I have to go. And then I started thinking like, well, wouldn't it be crazy if this plane crashed?

That would just be the funniest thing in the world. That would be the best outcome. Why was he on the plane? He thought it would be funny to go to Brazil for a day. Exactly. But then I walk onto the flight, and because it's Comic-Con, it's a star-studded first-class cabin. I am lying next to and because it's Comic-Con, it's a star-studded first-class cabin.

I am lying next to- There's a Comic-Con in Brazil? It's one of the biggest ones, apparently. I'm lying next to Christian Slater on the flight. Lying? Yes, we are, not, he is, he has the solo seat next to the window, but I am directly adjacent him. There's two seats and then another seat.

Two chairs that face each other. You staring at Slater. So it's me, Christian Slater, Sarah Michelle Geller is in front of me, Miles Teller is behind me. Wow, and everyone's like, hey, famous person, hey, famous person. Yeah, right, Slater and Michelle Geller

are absolutely chatting, they're shooting the movies. I'm standing here. You always wonder like, how do all these famous people know each other? And it's like stuff like this. It's like they just get flown or set up or at dinner. They did a cameo on the project. They have, they work together the same day,

but they know, you know, they see each other at parties. Manager, medic, comic con Brazil. Yeah, meanwhile, somebody walking on the plane was like, oh, I'm a big like Jake and Amir fan, I used to love your videos. And I was trying to be really loud about it. So Christian would know. Wait, say that again?

Did you want a selfie? Cause I saw Slater taking some selfies with fans and I'm down to do that as well. So wait, wait, a random guy said that. And then that random guy just passed by. Okay. So, it's actually starting off on a high note. I'm texting Ben, we're laughing about it.

This is all solid. And I slept full nine hours on the flight. Incredible. Did you take any sleeping aid or you were just tired? There's like, I've been taking a muscle relaxer for my back. That's one of the side effects is that I get drowsy. So that put me, it always puts me out and it put me out on the flight too.

Is it cyclobenzeprine? Yes. Why do you know that? Let's take a break. This is about your substance abuse problem. Why don't you actually take a break from the psycho bend? What is it? Cyclobenzeprene? Yeah.

So anyway, yeah. So red eye, wake up, me and Christian, stretching it out, brushing our teeth, not together, but you know, we're doing the same thing. We're the same guy. Yeah. How did you sleep, herr Ritz? Dude, Christian, you're freaking me out.

Shut your eyes. I heard you slithering all night. Did you sleep, her wits? Dude, Christian, you're freaking me out. Shut your eyes. Yeah, I heard you slithering all night. Does he still have good hair? Yeah, he looks pretty nice. I think he was wearing a hat actually, but he looked good, you know, he's an attractive man. He aged well.

And then I get off the plane, I'm still getting this like star treatment. I didn't even realize, but I had a handler that I just like walked by because I was like trying to get off the plane. I'm still getting this like star treatment. I didn't even realize, but I had a handler that I just like walked by because I was like trying to get to baggage claim. So I can try to- Somebody with a sign with your name on it. Yeah, but like I thought it was gonna be

that person was a baggage claim, but they were literally waiting on the jet bridge for me to come off. And I like- They wanted, and each one of the famous people had one too. Yeah, because I saw Miles Teller go to his and I saw Tika Sumter, who plays somebody in Sonic, go to her person.

And I was like- So first class is everybody famous and you. Yeah, and they all had handlers. Did you talk to any of them? Of course not, of absolute course not. Ben is coming from a different city, so he's not even meeting you yet. What if I started talking to Christian Slater

and then he's like, so what are you doing at Comic-Con? So what are you doing at Comic-Con? Um, my friend is flying me down just for that, for fun. I guess I'm kind of a joke. Everyone said, wouldn't it be funny if Hurwitz was here? There's no time difference, right? You leave at like 11 PM, land at 11 AM. It's a two hour time difference flight.

So it's less of a time difference than if I went to LA. Wow, okay. So yeah, I walk with the plane feeling great and I see the celebrities go to their handlers and I'm like, damn, that's like, that's status. Meanwhile, I get out there and the person is calling me frantically because I actually had that too.

And then I'm like- And it's not Ben's name, it's yours. Right, it's my name. And then I'm like- And it's not Ben's name, it's yours. Right, it's my name. And then they find me and we go to, I'm like apologizing because I thought it was kind of like a JFL situation where there's just like, oh, is everybody getting in the bus to go to the hotel? Yeah.

And I'm like, oh yeah, it's like, is everybody else already out? I thought I was fast or whatever. And there's like, no, it's just you. So this handler brings me to a black Mercedes where there's a greeter and then a different driver who brings me to the hotel. Famous people.

Yeah, they live a different life. But. Still haven't seen Ben. Still have not seen Ben, but we're texting, he's landed. And I, again, I was just like thinking it was casual, like, oh, I'll meet you at baggage claim, but it's just not like that. He has like security to get him through the airport.

He has a private like guard and a luggage car and his car. And then it's just me with my own car. And we sit in like two and a half hours of just awful traffic that seemingly never ever ends. Two and a half hours is a lot. It's like San Diego to LA. Yeah, it was such a long time. We were just crawling the entire time.

And we just kept on going around different broken down cars. And I was like, is that was, hey, was this the issue? But it's just, no, we literally crawled all the way to the hotel and I could have walked, but it was 90 degrees outside. So it's- Oh, summer. Yeah, sweltering hot, super crowded.

I check into the hotel, it's so fucking nice. I'm taking a red eye. I get there by noon. I'm taking a red eye the following night. So I have one night to sleep and then I have to like get ready. And they're like, you're here for two nights? And I'm like, red eye the following night. So I have one night to sleep and then I have to like get ready. And they're like, you're here for two nights? And I'm like, no, just one.

And they're like, oh, will you take a red eye? They booked you for a second night just so you wouldn't have to check out early. And this is, I have, I'm nobody. They put me up in such a fancy hotel for two nights that I didn't even need. Cause their marketing budget is $100 million and this is $1,200.

It doesn't matter to them. So I'm just, I'm living life in the lap of luxury. Fancy ass hotel. I think we had like $200 a day to spend on food and room service and stuff. And I like looked at the menu and I, yeah, I was looking at the menu, I was like, oh wow, like this breakfast is like 95 bucks,

so I'm gonna go through that. Then I realized it was real and the breakfast costs like $11. And I was like, I'll get it. Can I get eight? Yeah. Can I get eight of them actually? I'll just throw it away.

I'd hate for the money to go to waste. So Ben finally checks into his room, and this is probably the best part. He checks into his room, he's like, I think I might be next door money to go to waste. So Ben finally checks into his room. And this is probably the best part. He checks into his room. He's like, I think I might be next door. I'm 217 and I was 219. And I realized that they put us in rooms with an interconnecting door.

So two suites connected into one mega suite. So I like opened my door and Ben opened his door. And we just saw each other for the first time. I haven't seen him in like two months. And we saw each other for the first time. I haven't seen him in like two months and we see each other for the first time in Sao Paulo. We just start like maniacally laughing. We hug each other. Yeah.

Dunstan checks in or blank check style. Like two kids that got infinitely wealthy for a day. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, let me see your room. And I show him my room because it's super nice. And then he's like, oh wow. And then I go into his room and it's like three rooms. There's like a living room, a kitchen, a wet bar,

two full bathrooms. For one night in one person. And yeah, that first day was great. We ordered room service, we ate a coconut in the pool, or drank a coconut in the pool. And then that night we had like dinner with all of the Sonic people. So-

Oh, did you meet some famous people there? The only people that were in Sao Paulo from the movie were James Marsden and Tika Sumpter. So I didn't get the Carrie, I didn't get the Keanu, the Idris. But Tika and James Marsden were very, very nice. And I met the director and we had a great time. But again, this was also, me and Ben's plan was like,

we'll go out to one dinner, we'll go to a really fancy dinner, but it was like, actually Paramount is hosting a dinner at the hotel. So, first of all, my first day in Brazil, I did not leave the hotel, which this hotel, it was really nice, but it was in this park. So I was pretty far from actually like being in Sao Paulo.

I was in the middle of a park and I sat the entire day in this pool facing a courtyard with a bunch of trees. So I couldn't, and I couldn't even see. Might as well have been Tampa. Yeah. I could not see a single Brazilian thing from my window. It was just like vegetation in the pool and then sitting by the pool,

all you can see is the other rooms and some vegetation. Dinner at the hotel. Dinner at the hotel. Fall asleep again. I fall asleep, I wake up. This day, this is the day that Ben has a ton of press and this is my one day. You're nighted or you stay away from that?

I am not included in that, not included. So it's like, all right, I gotta go but have a good flight tonight. You'll never see him again. No, he's like, he had two hours for lunch back at the hotel, so we were gonna be able to hang out then. And then the other plan was that I was gonna be able to go to Comic-Con with him.

But then because of all of this crazy traffic, they were like, Jake, you can't go to Comic-Con, like you can't go to Comic-Con, you have to go directly to the airport because we need to make sure that you make your flight. Who said that to you? This is like the, I think it's like the paramount reps in Brazil talking to the public relations people

working with the paramount, working with the whole press tour or whatever. Three hour drive, plus getting there three hours early means you have to leave at four for an 11 pm flight. So I'm like okay well maybe like even if I don't go to comic con for Ben's panel why don't I just go with him when he goes and I can even just stay there for a minute and they're like they were like let us get back to you they got back to me an hour later and with this insanely complicated plan where they're like, all right, you and Ben will go with your luggage

in Ben's car. We'll follow in Ben's luggage car with his security guard and overspill luggage, and behind that will be Ben's luggage car with these two assistants. And lastly, when we get there, Ben will go into Comic-Con, and Jake, you can't go in, you have to go directly to the airport. So I was like. Do not pass go. Okay, so, you can't go in, you have to go directly to the airport. So I was like.

Do not pass go. Okay, so I just won't go. And then I was like, all right, so I'm not gonna make anything complicated for anybody and I'm definitely not gonna make it complicated if I still can't even go into Comic-Con. So you guys just go, Ben has to leave at three. I have three hours to kill before I have to get in my car

to go to the airport. So I'm like, I guess I'm gonna go and get a massage because at least I'm at a fancy hotel I can get a massage or something. I go down to the spa, no availability till seven. I just had to sit in the hotel for the last three hours kind of contemplating like how useless I was. So was it good?

Were you like, this was stupid?? Were you like, this was stupid? Or were you like, this was funny still by the end? Now that it's all over, I think it's funny. It peaked, like basically it was all funny right up until dinner ended and I went to bed. And then I wake up and I was kind of like, all right, I'm really on my own today. I did go into Sao Paulo and I went to like a bakery

and I took a walk. So I spent like two hours kind of in Sao Paulo and I got, I went to like a bakery and I took a walk. So I spent like two hours kind of in Sao Paulo and the rest of the time I was in a hotel, in a park. Yeah, yeah. Tucked away from literally. Didn't do anything. Didn't feel like I did anything. And then just like to add insult to injury

at the very, very end, I got to the, they rushed me to the airport worried about this traffic but it actually wasn't that bad. I got to the airport two and a half hours early, had a handler breeze through security in like 20 minutes, maybe less. I had, maybe it was three hours early, then I had two and a half hours to kill before my flight boarded. And I just sat in a lounge for the entire time. Then I got onto the airplane and there was something wrong with the engine and we sat on the runway for two and a half hours

before we took off. Before a 12 hour flight. Yeah, so that second day, starting with when Ben left for Comic-Con without me, from three until midnight was kind of just me wondering what my point on Earth was. Yeah, more of an existential trend. Yeah, I was just like, why am I doing anything? Why am I doing this?

I'm utterly by myself now. I'm of no use to anybody. 10 different people are working to bring me to the airport where I didn't ever need to be. So there's a lot of like questioning things like that. But Christian Slater was on my flight on the way back. Oh, wow, you saw him again. Yeah, it was would have been a great time to try to talk to him, but he had headphones in the second time. So you were out. Yeah, you didn't talk to him and at any point.

Yeah, I didn't. Muscle relax any point. Yeah, I didn't. Muscle relaxer again on the flight back, slept fine. Slept great, yeah. Eight full hours, walked into my house, babies up, dog needs to get walked. I was just like in December walking my dog down the cold block in Brooklyn. And it felt like I was like, should I go back to Brazil? It felt like I never went. I was like, did I go back to Brazil? It felt like I never went. I was like, did I actually go to Brazil? I have not left.

I was here yesterday. Did you take a picture? In Brazil? Yeah. Yeah, I did. Okay, so there's at least some visual documentation, record of you being in Brazil. Yeah, yeah, there's some record of me being in Brazil.

And I got some good hang time with Ben, so that was great. Did you get invited to London, the next step of the press tour? People did, it seemed like I would have been able to go to London if I wanted to. They were like, are you coming to London? But it would have been the same thing. We were talking about it, they were like,

yes, there's a budget and space whatever if I had Ben said that I could go if I wanted to but I I mean I had I couldn't um yeah I don't know if I would have wanted to by the end I felt like more of a kind of like a side show type like I didn't want to you didn't want to be an inconvenience. It was just like, maybe it was like an ego thing. Like people asking, rightfully, just making conversation, like what my role is in all of this. And I just, and the truth was that it was funny that I was there.

So I'm like, I guess by the end, I realized that the joke was in part that I shouldn't be there. Am I the joke? Yeah. Wait a minute. Are you laughing at me or with me? Nobody was laughing, but it was just like,

yeah, I think ego-wise, by the end I was like, man, it would be cool if I was at Comic-Con. And right, if you got invited for a thing you did, By the end I was like, man, it would be cool if I was at Comic-Con. And- Right, if you got invited for a thing you did. Yeah. Versus a plus one somebody else had. Yeah, a plus one that somebody's like, found a loophole to bring because it was not for buds.

Did you get Delta miles? And was that part of the appeal for you? That was part of the appeal. And I did get the Delta miles. And this trip brought me up to Delta Diamond for next year. It was worth it just for that. It was always just for the miles, at least half of it. If you weren't getting the miles,

if they were like, we'll fly you American, are you going to Brazil? No. Wow. Wow. The truth comes tumbling out. Yeah. Yeah, we got him.

He said it was for the miles. I'm on the phone with Paramount. It wasn't just for the miles. You can't take those back. It was for the miles teller as well. That's right. All right, good story. Was it good? Hope it was worth it. It was worth it.

In the end, I'm very glad I went. And you can say you had never been to South America. Now you can say you've been to South America. I've knocked off four continents now. Actually, Sonic 4 is bringing bento Antarctica, if you're interested. I would absolutely go for that. Yeah. It's a two week sort of boat situation. Fine. Because you got to hang out there and wait for the right wave structure. Yeah. You go through this specific type of pass to get into the island. Right.

I'm fine. Sure. Do I get three weeks? Do I get a carnival miles for that? Yeah. It's a cruise illegally, yeah. Okay. Let's take a break, come back and play another segment

or at least do another segment after these messages. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Thank you. The easiest way to build a beautiful website on online store, a digital portfolio. Too true. Yes.

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to find the available domains? Yeah. How would you like instant Romaine search? That's where if you're looking for a head of lettuce, cabbage or a leafy green in your area, you do instant Romaine search. It'll tell you where you can get nearby lettuce. It's funny, because mine's sort of related.

You know when you are at the market and they have this like vague spray going on on like the greens? Yeah. Well, vaguespray.com is available. That's really good. Yeah, right. Did you relate it to the lettuce after the fact

or was it always a lettuce based domain? Vague spray. No, it was just a vague, vague spray.com on the day. Yeah, all right, good. And if you're looking to launch that online store slash digital portfolio slash website of your dream, just go to squarespace.com slash segments to save 10% off your purchase of a

website or domain using code segments. That's squarespace.com slash segments. You save 10% and, uh, that comes with any first purchase of a website or domain. Thank you, Squarespace. Thank you to better help for sponsoring this episode of our show. Absolutely. Jake, you know, the holidays sponsoring this episode of our show. Absolutely. Jake, you know, the holidays are fun, but they could be stressful. I hear that.

That's right. Family issues, work issues, the days are shorter, the days are colder. You might be feeling that stress or anxiety more than usual. And there is one proven way to help. What is it? That's right. It's therapy. You share your experience with a personally licensed

therapist and the best way to do that is with BetterHelp. BetterHelp. Yeah, BetterHelp is entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Exactly. They streamlined the process to make it easy to get ahead of the anxieties and stresses and depressions that may rear its ugly head during these cold winter months. Right on. So find comfort this December and beyond with BetterHelp.

Yep. Just go to betterhelp.com slash segments to get 10% off your first month. Wow. Yeah, that's betterhelp.com slash segments to get 10% off your first month. Wow. Yeah. That's betterhelp. H E L P.com slash segments. Segments. You'll get access to their therapists and it's 10% off your first month.

Beautiful. Check them out. And thank you. Better help. Thanks. All right. We're back. Um, I had an idea, which is to call one of our fans.

Oh. A mystery guest that we don't have to guess the identity of because we both don't know this person. That's right. So I put onto Instagram, who here wants to give us your phone number and we'll call you on the podcast. Very cool. I'm going to share my audio as I call these people.

We got like nearly a hundred phone numbers. People don't give a shit about DMing. Absolutely baller. That's the first question. And I'm going to call these people using Google voice. Let's see if this works. Okay. This first person is Julia Bala. Julia Bala. Yeahala yeah can you hear

no wonder if they can hear you it'll be interesting to find out I don't know how they would right we didn't think this through Julia is not answering. She's screening. No. Screening. Whoa. Hello.

Is this Julia? This is James, her, her boyfriend. Okay. Is she, is Julia there? Do you, do you know that she gave us this phone number? We're not just sort of trolling her or something nefarious. I, I'll believe that she just texted me and said that I might get a random phone call from some people I may or may not know.

Okay. Oh, I see. So she put your number or this is her phone and she gave you the phone. You put my number. This is your number. Okay. So, okay. I see what happened here. Now we're caught up number. This is your number. Okay. So, okay.

I see what happened here. Now we're caught up. So this is Jake and Amir. Do you know who we are? I sure do. I sure do. Okay. That's what it is.

So can you hear me? That's the question we have. No, he cannot hear you, of course. Okay. No, yeah. Jake's talking to me. I'll talk to you. So your lady friend gave your phone number to us

so that we can call you on this podcast. Oh, okay. Nice. Sorry to throw you into the fire like that. Yeah. Do we need to get a release? It's great. Great.

I've been ready for this call my whole life. Yeah. Um, I don't know if you want it to ask us anything or talk about anything specific. Jake can hear you, but you can't hear him. Hey dude. Oh shoot, all right, all right. You'll have to be the mediator, I guess. Yeah, yeah, so does he have a problem?

If you have any questions for us, let me know and I'll ask Jake, I'll let you know what he says. All right, all right, I'll try to think of something here. Yeah, you should be asking him questions. Everybody knows everything about us. Yeah, we can also interview you, like where are you from? I'm originally from Colorado Springs.

Originally from, and that means where does he live now? Right now I live in Charlottesville. And that means where do you live now? Charlottesville, Virginia. Damn. UVA, I'm Damn. From Colorado to Virginia. Was he at the Tiki torch rally thing? Were you at the, um, were you at the Tiki torch rally thing or was it not that high? Yeah, I'm still, I'm looking around, I'm walking around looking for him.

I came here, but uh, so you moved there for the torches. He didn't know it was a rally. He moved there for the torches. Holy smokes. He didn't know it was a rally. He thought it was just the new Charlottesville. I can't find my damn. Statue around here anywhere to rally. That's incredible.

All right, you sound very faint. I don't know if it's a audio issue on your end or mine, but if you have a question, we can call this one a practice call and I can figure out some technical issues after we hang up. But if you have a question for us, let it rip. All right, let's see.

He doesn't wanna know anything about you. What? How's the musical going? How's the musical going? Great question. Great question. That's a really good question. So the last thing I did was sort of come up with a really plain full story outline

of what a musical could be. Then I sent it to Jake and he was gonna work on it during the flight to Brazil, which you'll hear all about on the podcast. Jake, did you work on that or did you just sleep the entire flight? I actually just took a muscle relaxer and passed out. He took a muscle relaxer.

Next to Christian Slater. Next to Christian Slater. Again, that'll make sense once you listen to this episode, but know that it's a pretty crazy story, man. It's actually not. I can't wait. Yeah, so the long answer is we worked. You guys are like serious about it.

We worked very little on it. And, or I said, I should say I worked medium hard on it and Jake worked not at all on it. But I have it. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to rip. Yeah. But Jake is ready to have it.

I heard his first few songs. He's really falling off here. Yes. But thank you for picking up and thank you for keeping us accountable. We need fans like you. Oh, of course. Yes, but thank you for picking up and thank you for keeping us accountable. We need fans like you. Oh, of course. No, thank you guys for calling.

It's great to chat with you guys. We'll talk soon. Bye for now. We'll talk soon. Bye for now. Yeah, I'm gonna call him probably every night. Yeah, I'm gonna call him back a lot. Yeah, a lot actually.

All right, how do we get these people to hear you? I didn't think about that. That seems impossible. Unless we send them the Zoom link, but then we gotta do a Zoom FaceTime with them. We need a producer. We need a producer. All right, should we call somebody else?

Yeah. It's actually kind of nice. I like having the separation, you know? It relieves some of my like social anxiety around coming up with questions, talking, making small talk. Yeah. Making a connection. Okay, this is rant.

Though I'm better at it than you are, so. Not really. Yeah, for sure. You just kept on saying, do you have any questions for us? You called him. Okay, okay, let's call Grant. Let's call Grant.

Try to think of a question ahead of time. For Grant. Yeah, there's no questions. Maybe we should interview them. We're the ones that should be. It's random numbers. We should be asking them what's up. Okay, this is Grant.

Ready? Can you hear? Yeah. We should be asking them what's up. Okay. This is Grant. Ready? Can you hear? Yeah. Hello? Grant? How'd you get this number? Oh my God, you gave it to us. I didn't know anything. I've been set up to fail. I never would. You DM'd a stranger your phone number. Okay.

All right. You got me there. How's it going? We're trying this new segment out where we call people that give us their phone number. And I'm one of those people. Yeah. Yeah. Well, technically you're the second person. We realized that Jake can hear you, but you can't hear him. So I'll translate if Jake ever has anything to say. Okay. That works. He says, hey, Grant, where are you from?

I'm in Vermont. Wow, Vermont. He says he's in Vermont, but is he from Vermont? You think the only listener in Vermont is this? Not a lot of exposure in Vermont. It's in play. It's in play. We're pretty underexposed in the Vermont, New Hampshire.

Or is he in Montpelier? Not playing well. Jake is listing off Vermont cities and wondering if you're in Burlington or Montpelier. It's Montpelier, if he wants to get the pronunciation right. How does he know I pronounced it wrong? You might have missed it. Translating for me.

That's really cool. Montpelier. I'm also offended that Jake mispronounced that word. I only said it that way. What city is he from? Don't let him dominate this conversation. What city is he from? Say that again? What city are you from?

Are you from Vermont or are you just in there right now? From Maine originally, living in Vermont. Wow, from Maine to Vermont? Is he from Bangor? Is he from Augusta? Are you from Bangor or Rockland, Camden? Portland? Rockland, Camden?

Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Right outside of Portland, actually, which I'm... Is he from Bangor? Is he from Augusta? Is he from Bangor or Rockland, Camden? Portland?

Rockland, Camden? Right outside of Portland, actually. Right outside of Portland. Right outside of Portland? So what are we talking about, St. George? Sorry, one second, Jake, he's talking at the same time. Yeah, what'd you say? Right outside of Portland.

Yeah, but then you said something about Jake. Well, you would note, I feel like I've heard Jake talk about his affection for Maine and perhaps the Portland area. Yeah, you could tell him that I've been rattling off. Jake's been rattling off specific districts near Portland, trying to guess which one you're from. So he's trying to like, I guess brag about knowing a lot about Maine.

Not knowing, having been there a lot actually. Having been there a lot. Yeah. I have a deep connection. A very interesting way to be having a conversation with you as sort of the middleman here. Yeah. And I realized that as we called the first person, I don't know if you know stuff about audio video.

Tell Grant that I would actually call you not a middleman, but a little man. Yeah. Jake says I'm not a middle man, but a little man. Do you have any ideas for us in terms of how to fix that? I'm trying to, I'm just wondering how we get this segment off the ground in a way that's more positive next time. All three people can hear each other. I'm a customer support person.

I, this is what this is turning into. I'm, I have- Yes, exactly. Uh, I, that is not my area of expertise. So I don't- What is his area of expertise? I'm curious. Pearls of wisdom there.

Jake wants to know what is your area of expertise? I'm in the creative field. I'm a content strategist at a marketing agency. You can tell me- Content strategist at a marketing agency. Does he have any lucrative contracts? Does marketing. Does he have any lucrative contracts? Does he, do you have any lucrative contracts? Anything that we can potentially help with,

with regards to being in the social media sphere for the last two decades? I feel like we can. We could do a consulting thing for a fee. Do like a consulting fee pro bono, or maybe even for a fee. And then maybe some kind of thing where we bring some connections. we eat what we kill.

Grant, I'll keep you posted for sure. I mean, appreciate the offer. That's very kind. Yeah, I just want to be meaningfully considered. It's one thing to keep us posted, but it's another thing to actually assign us on the post. It's another thing to actually assign us on the post. Jake is kind of clamoring for an occupation.

For an opportunity today. For an opportunity today, sir. Yeah, you'll be considered. You'll be considered. Yeah, definitely. Meaningfully? Considered. I wonder if it's a meaningful consideration.

Sure, if that's what you wanna hear, meaningful. That's awesome, thank you. That is, and we do appreciate it, thanks. That is a door slamming in the face for the little man. Thank you. You did awesome. And thank you so much for picking up the call. Tell Grant that if it's about our fee, that we actually split a single fee. Kind of a higher fee. Jake wants me to let you know that if it's about the fee,

we'll split it in half like we always do. Yeah. So it's actually two for the price of one. That does change things. Okay. I'll take that. He says it moves the needle.

You've just been bumped out. Wow. To meaningfully consider? All right. End the call. End the call. We got to go, but this is awesome. Thank you so much.

Thank you guys. Love you guys. And yeah, keep doing what you're doing. Hell yeah, we love you too. Well, I don't know about Jake, but at the very least. I love him. Yeah, that's all I need to hear. Okay, bye. Bye.

Thank you. What about if I conference you in? Can you conference in my computer though? Cause I can't answer my phone. No, of course I can't do that. You know I can't do that. We need to move to Vermont or Maine or something and get on the same page.

Yeah, I mean I would be down. Is there a city in America that you would move to? Or is it LA or bust for you? It would have to be a warm city. What about San Diego? No, it would have to be on the East Coast for me. I'm basically asking if you want to move to Maine. I can move to the East Coast,

but it really needs to be South. What about Atlanta? I could consider Atlanta. I could conceivably consider. Meaningfully consider? Yeah about Atlanta? I could consider Atlanta. I could conceivably consider. Meaningfully consider? Yeah, I would meaningfully consider Atlanta. What about North Carolina? Cause my sisters are already there.

Would you move to Chapel Hill? How full does it get? Interesting. I don't dislike North Carolina, no. Okay. All right. That could be interesting. What about South Carolina?

Charleston of sorts. Yeah, I would meaningfully consider that. We'd have to open, at the very least, the studio for us in HGSC. Yes, exactly. It's kind of like how Theo Von moved to Nashville and Joe Rogan moved to Austin. What's our sort of hipster Southern enclave?

Yeah, I mean, I feel like the research triangle has to be, it's gotta be. Durham. Yeah. Durham. Yeah. Rally, chapel thrill. That's right. And ultimately we make our mark in Carborro.

Yeah. We plant our flag. It's kind of epic. Have you looked at real estate there recently? Only all the time. Yeah. So always. Yeah, I hit up Marlboro. For sure, for sure, for sure.

I hit up Chapel Hill. A Peter tear. Where do you stay when you go there? I think the last time we stayed at, where did we stay the last time? I haven't gone since having a kid, so I feel like we, maybe the last time we stayed at an Airbnb.

Yeah, usually an Airbnb. That's awesome. Never a hotel. No, God no. At these prices? Unless Paramount is paying, I'm not staying at a hotel ever again. Unless I'm staying at the Tangara,

then I don't stay at a hotel. I'm used to a certain lifestyle now. Yeah. Sorry, you're treating me like I don't stand on. I'm used to a certain lifestyle now. Yeah. Sorry, you're treating me like I wasn't part of Ben's traveling partner. You're acting like I don't have a per diem. And I do have a per diem. Yeah, this is a double tree in your Charlotte. So do you want the cookie or not?

Where's my handler? Chelsea or otherwise help. Uh, okay. We'll call that a rough draft of a calling people segment, but we'll, we'll square away the kinks of production and figure out how to do it better. I liked it. I liked it a lot. It was good.

It was solid. We went for it. Yeah. No, I thought it was fun. Thank you to Helix for sponsoring this episode of our show. Love you, Helix. Oh my God. Jake, you sleep on a Helix mattress?

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How about you upgrade your sleep game in this next calendar year, or give someone the gift of sleep for the holiday season or their birthday. The gift of sleep. Exactly. What's greater than rest? Nothing. Thank you, Helix. Bye.

Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this podcast. Yes, thank you, Aura Frames. Jake, you have one of these. Of course I do. I have several, actually. It's a digital picture frame that you give to loved ones, like your parents, and then you can upload photos as they come in,

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That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com. Use code HEADGUMB at checkout to save. HEADGUMB. That's right. Terms and conditions apply. Of course. Thank you, Aura Frames. All right, we're back.

One last segment. Right on. It's really gonna be hard to top a story in which you were bored in Brazil for a day. And a phone call in which they couldn't hear me. Hear you. For sure. But you could hear them.

But let's see what we got. All right, I think we've played this before, but I'm gonna give you a year, and you will give me an event, something that happened. In that. Oh, this is easy. Yeah, I've been studying up for this.

I've been doing like little current events quizzes. So like I have my sort of finger on the pulse of that date and time. If you wanna give me a month too, to make it more of a challenge. Right, to rattle it off. We can see about that. Yeah.

1945. World War. One of the fucking world wars ended. I want to say world war. Hitler killed himself. Pretty sure that's correct, but let's just make sure it didn't happen in the winter of 1944. Show me Hitler killing himself. My Google search for this is so dumb. I just found, I could have just searched Hitler, I guess, and it would have told me when he died because I know that he killed himself. But I just, I wrote Hitler killed, killed himself, killed with-

You frantically, you're driving 140 miles per hour. I just found out that he killed himself. Wait a second, the fucker's dead? Why is everyone so obsessed with him lately then? Killed with 1L, yeah, April 30th, 1945. Very good, very good. I would have said the nuke was dropped, but you nailed it. Didn't need to, too obvious, obviously.

19, 66. 66. 19, 66. 66. Yeah, 66. I had my kicks in 66. Bet you thought I was gonna do all 93 in 2014. Yeah, that would have been more up my alley. Yeah. But also potentially harder was,

oh, when was JFK assassinated? When was MLK assassinated? I feel late 60s-ish. Okay, I'll give you- So you don't want- Show me JFK's assassination. You're three years off on that. You're obsessed with fucking death.

That's 63, actually. Oh, 63, yeah. Okay. Interesting. You were closer with- Bobby Kennedy's assassination? MLK 68. And RFK was also 68. Wow.

Yeah, five years in that area but nothing on the 66. What was the biggest thing in 66? I would guess Watergate. I feel like that was around then, right? Around then. I thought that was in the, right? Around then. Oh wait. That was in the 70s. 72, yep, okay. Just don't even say that then.

How about Beatles? You could have done pre-production. Beatles America tour. How about Beatlemania? Yeah, Beatlemania, that's what I'm curious about. The white album. When did the white album come out? Beatlemania, okay, the fan frenzy surrounding the Beatles

from 1963 to 1966. So that counts. That counts. It was the end. Your Watergate guest was- Beetlemania ended. Beel advised, unbounded, and bad to say out loud. They became a staple.

Okay, 2013. God, were the Beatles still around? Beetlemania came back around then because that was when, uh, Spotify or Apple licensed their library. When was the BP oil spill? It had to have been around then. A spill so thick and tough. They named it once.

I think that spill was 2010. And it was. BP oil spill was 2010. And it was. BPO as well as 2010. 2010 smokes. Yeah. 2012. I mean, this is Obama's second term. What is he dealing with here?

Give me. I don't want to say tragic ass events. Yeah, but you were trying to, you're about to say it. And I know what you're want to say tragic ass events. Yeah, but you were trying to, you were about to say it. And I know what you're about to say. It has to be sadly, one of the saddest things in American history. I almost don't even want to say it,

but you can look it up. Yeah. I can look it up and it was 2012. So kill them off with another guess. Jesus. Ill-advised. What's wrong with you? Look at the sports team that won in 2013 or something.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. The, uh, I believe the Spurs beat the heat in the finals. Let's see. I know the heat beat the Spurs. The heat beat the Spurs. The heat beat the Spurs. Shit.

You are. No, wait, it is the Spurs beating the Heat. The Spurs, oh shit, now I forgot. Okay, in 2011, the Mavericks beat the Heat. In 2012, the Heat beat the Spurs. In 2013, no wait, they beat OKC in 2012, they beat the Spurs in 2013. The Spurs beat the Heat in 2014.

Final answer, 2013, Sandy Spurs beat the Heat in 2014. Final answer, 2013 Sandy Hook. Come on, 2013 Heat, yes, the Heat won. Yeah, yeah, he beat the Spurs, yeah, I was gonna say. Good, good. Let's stop the game there. What? We can't stop it on that. No, give me one more fucking year.

Okay, let's do the date that our play takes place, 1999. Let's do the date that our play takes place. 1999. Let's do the date that our play comes out. 2029. That would be amazing. 30 year anniversary. Okay, 1999. Yeah. Again, I feel like sports is cheating,

but I think there was like the MLB strike around then, but I'll try to do something non-sports related. Okay. What happened in 90? Oh, there was Woodstock 99, Woodstock two or three. It looks like the MLB strike was 94 to 95. Oh, okay. So I was wrong about that. Woodstock two that I might've been 94 as well.

Woodstock 99. Yes, was July 22nd to the 25th, 1999. Was that a number two or number three for Woodstock 99, yes, was July 22nd to the 25th, 1999. Was that a number two or number three for Woodstock? Let me see. The original, 1969, held on a dairy farm in Bethel, New York from August 15th to the 18th. Then 1994, the 25th anniversary, was held on a farm in Socrates, New York

from August 12th to the 14th. And then there was a third Woodstock. The third Woodstock, 1999, held at the former Griffith Air Force Base in Rome, New York from July 22nd to the 25th. The festival was marred by a small riot. Yes, that's why nobody thinks about it, because of the small riot. Yes. That's why nobody thinks about it because of the small riot that occurred. Wasn't a huge riot. Was that the mud one? There was a lot of mud. Yeah.

There's something, I don't know, something crazy shit. I think there was a documentary and crazy shit happened there. Can you name a 99 event? 1999. Trying to think where I was in the world. Um, you were getting bar mitzvahed. What happened that week? Yeah, like what happened to me when I was in seventh grade?

It was seventh grade, right? What was going on in Bosnia then when I was getting bar mitzvahed? I can't even remember what was going on for me. You were in seventh grade. Yeah, seventh grade. I was so wrapped up in my own head. I can't remember a current event.

Clinton was president, that's for sure. What was Tricky Bill up to? Oh, maybe a Lewinsky scandal. The Lewinsky, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, might've been 99. I think it was before that. Began in 1995. God, I was way off.

Oh wait, and ended it, sorry, nobody, it looks like it was 1999, because the affair started in 95, lasted for 18 months, ended in 1997. How was your first day? Did you ever watch that Ryan Murphy show? No, I did not. Yeah, I was gonna say it was pretty good.

Yeah. If you're interested. I did like, okay, so it looks like January, 1998 was when everything was, let's see when the trial was, right? I did not have sexual relations to that woman. I think that was 98, 99. Yeah, I remember being like ninth or 10th grade.

Right. The impeachment started on January 7th, 1999 and concluded with his acquittal. There you go. Good stuff. Also, as long as we're not running away from tragedies, I believe Columbine was 1999 as well. Oh. 420.

Really? I'm sorry for bringing these up, but those are the dates that stick out. Pearl Harbor, 9-11, Columbine. Yeah, I guess that's- I wish I could remember good news from these years. Right, who won the best kiss at the VMAs? It had to have been- April 20, 1999.

The Don and Bruce Spears. Yeah. Let's find out. It actually might've been Christian Slater and Sarah Michelle Geller from your fucking flight. No. If you can believe it. Oh, the best Kiss Award winners were.

Jennifer Lough Hewitt. No. And Skeet Ulrich. It's. Denise Richards and Neve Campbell from Cruel Things, Evil Things, Evil Intentions, Cruel Intentions. What was that movie? No, and it was, it looks like it could have almost been,

somebody from My Flight actually, Sarah Michelle Geller and Selma Blair. And Freddie Prinze Jr. Oh, Selma Blair. Selma Blair from the, what was that movie where they, it was Ryan Filippes in it, who we brought up last week. Isn't it Cruel Intentions? Is that one Cruel Intentions?

Oh yeah. I think it was. Oh right, that't it Cruel Intentions? Is that one Cruel Intentions? Oh yeah. I think it was. Oh right, that one's Cruel Intentions and then the Denise Richard one is Wild Things, isn't it? Yes, that's correct. Okay, so that one's Cruel Intentions. God, they were really smart to have everybody's heartthrob just make out in a movie.

They must have made a lot of money sort of. So smart. Taking advantage of the perverted tweens that would pay to see it. Sarah Michelle Geller and Selma Blair won for Cruel Intentions in 2000. And in 1998, Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore won for Their Kiss in The Wedding Singer.

But in 1999, can you remember who had the best kiss? And I will give you a hint. This film is also one that had some Oscar talk. I think it might've even won an Oscar. Let me verify. Gwyneth Paltrow and that other guy in Shakespeare in Love. That is correct. That is correct.

Ray Fiennes? Joseph Fiennes. Fuck. Can you imagine winning Best kiss and best actor? Like, yeah, you can. That's your year. She won best picture and best kiss. Gwyneth Paltrow beating out saving Private Ryan.

If you can believe it, my kiss was in a fucking World War II movie that needed to be nominated? Wow, and here's one final question for you. Can you tell me who won best kiss in 2023? There was an MTV Movie Award last year. Apparently, yes. Have they been going this entire century

or do they bring it back? It looks like there has been a winner every single year. During COVID, there was a best kiss on a channel that doesn't exist anymore. Oh, no, you're right, sorry. They show Fantasy Factory and an MTV Movie Award. Well, it's for movies, they always come out. But yeah, they did not have

one during COVID. Here, tell you what, God, this is, we could do an entire fucking podcast just about this. Who has, who has the most wins for MTV, MTV's, VMA's, the best kiss? Who has the most wins? Who has the most nominations. And I could also tell you, just to see if we can get there, I'll give you the nominees for Best Kiss 2023. Tell me if you know fucking any of these people. Oh, okay. Anna Torv and Phillips Prajou.

Of course not. Harry Styles and David Dawson. Never heard of Harry Styles. Riley Keough. I assume he's in one direction. Riley Keough and Sam Clafen. Fake names. Selena Gomez and Cara Delevingne. We've known them. Okay, I know Selena.

Yeah. Okay, and finally the winners. I thought they were gonna list the nominees, but that was just all of the nominees and not the winners. I thought they were gonna list the nominees, but that was just all of the nominees and not the winners. The winners are of course Madison Bailey and Rudy Pankow. In what? The Outer Banks.

Hmm, a Netflix show I probably haven't seen. That's right. Wow, wait a minute, that's a TV show. All right, we won't get too into the weeds, but I have a lot of questions about the MTV award. I feel like they're just doing the award show for best kiss at this point. It doesn't matter if it's a movie. They must do are they do a full on award show still? The VMAs? Are there music video awards?

Remember, that was a huge thing in 999999. That was the biggest event of the year. Yeah, yeah was the fucking music video awards or something. That's right, that's right. The video music awards and the music video awards? No, it was the video music awards. Oh yeah, VMAs, video music awards. Right, so that's why they can do Best Kiss from film and TV, because it's all just video.

They're encompassing everything. It's buttoned up. I mean, one segment that brought together MLK and also Riley Kiyog, who thought that we can pull that off. Gorgeous. Insane range, not to the Shakespeare in love. Yeah. Okay, that's it, that's our time.

We actually ran a little over, but it's okay. We won't charge you for that. And if you still want more, we're on Patreon, patreon.com slash J.A. Yeah, real quick, real quick. Can I tell you the nominees for the best kiss in 1999? It's really fun. It's really hot. George Clooney and Jennifer Lopez and Out of Sight?

I mean, come on. Also you're right on the money, right on the money. Matt Dillon, Denise Richards and Neve Campbell in Wild Things. Hot. Of course, Jeremy Irons and Dominique Swain in Lolita sounds really creepy, I would imagine. That's messed up. Right? That's really, really messed up.

Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz, there's something about Mary. About Mary, that's a good one. Yeah. Okay, we'll be back next week. Until then, stay classy everybody and stay sassy. Right? Yeah, for sure. I was gonna say.

That was a Hidgum original.