If I Were You - 66: 0 to 200

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

In this episode we play some games, mock some interviews, and talk dairy.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a headgum original. New Year, same extra value meals at McDonald's. Now get a savory sausage McMuffin with egg, plus hash browns, and a small coffee for just $5.00. For limited time only, prices and participation may vary. Prices may be higher in Hawaii, Alaska, and California, and for delivery. Jake and a mere two Jews that you can't forget. In 2010, they were big on the Internet,

but there are three failed pilots. rejected movie script. It's effort to try and stop. It was a pretty interesting gesture from you. That looked a little bit like the Elon Musk, my heart goes out to you. My heart goes out to you. My heart goes out to you. Yeah.

It was really stiff. What's all the hub up about? His heart went out. He's being an empath. He has arthritis and empathy and vague Nazi ties. And I guess all three of. them came together quick numbers crunched from last week

let's get the house cleaning slash accounting out of the way if you've been with us on this kind of fucked up journey for the last two episodes and by the way I swear we're not going to just do this again so don't worry this isn't a bait and switch although I do think it would be funny

to call this episode zero to 200 just to weed out the casuals who aren't willing to fucking die with us. We're going to play this game until there's four people left that listen to our podcast, but they are all buying Helix mattresses every single week, so it's still worthwhile.

Think of it as a Survivor style podcast. Okay. So, outlast. The goal of the game was to say three, two, one, then a number. Of course. And we're going to try to say the same number. Two weeks ago, it took us

118 tries to both say the number 84. Last week, it took us 84 tries. How's that for fucking cosmic irony? Gorgeous. To say the number 89. So we both said the number 84, then we both said the number 89. That's very interesting.

And I believe you said the number 19 five times. You're obsessed. I'm obsessed of 19 for whatever reason. And you left whole numbers off the table. You never said 20, you never said 30, 40, 60, 80 or 90. Yeah. very interesting I do think it would be cool

to just try to fucking get it really quick just this is like we're not going to play it we shouldn't play like the whole entire episode but how insane would it be if we got it in one yeah exactly even got it at 10 like you do five I do five and then we can lay it to rest

and then we can just move on host the show it's polarizing for whatever reason I should say this is segments of podcast about segments but we've been leaning into this numbers game that has sort of taken the Twitter sphere slash discord verse by Storm.

It's polarizing. It's polarizing. What it is is 1, 2, 3, 55. 1, 2, 3, 67. 1, 2, 3, 88. Oh my God. Holy shit. Holy shit.

Holy shit. Wait. Wait. We got it in three. Are you kidding me? There's no way anybody's going to beat that. 88. And it was in between 84 and 89.

That's insane. Dude, like... Absolutely insane. A Discord or Rainer, if you're listening to this, like, this is the easiest numbers crunch you'll ever have to do. That was unprecedented. Now I kind of wish we did make it the full episode so that we can stop right here right now. Right.

I mean, we could play again and see if we could beat three. There's no way. There's no way. I mean, imagine if we did it... Well, we got to try the back-to-back. because obviously that's like the ultimate grail. Yeah. I mean, that would be obscene.

Yeah. That would absolutely be obscene. All right. Give me three real quick. Ready? Yeah. One, two, three. 21.

Yeah, that was obvious. One, two, three. Nine. Close. One, two, three. Seventy-six. All right, that's fine. Yeah, that's how we just.

I mean, everybody should be just, I mean, everyone's probably freaking out. I almost want to edit that little Shereo. But I have to imagine it looks like that times 10 in my hometown of New Haven. I wonder if people are eating cow shit off the street, just fucking getting hammered, going crazy at the idea that we fucking spiked it in three.

In three? Yes. 88. It's the back to the future number. Yeah, for whatever reason. And it's not like we were doing 80s, like our first two guys, guess is we're not in the 80s.

No. I was, I think I did, what, 55, 67, and 88, something like that. Yeah. And I think I did like 60 and I did fucking like 39 or some shit. It wasn't 88. It really wasn't. Yeah. That was, I mean, what in three?

It's kind of nuts. I challenge anybody to be three. No, yeah. Three's got to be. It won't happen. I mean, I guess you could theoretically do it in two. But like, I don't see a world where that happens really. Yeah.

No, not at all. It's also interesting to think that we could have just done that the first time we played and we're like, all right, that was it. We didn't have to just do it again. Oh, easier than we thought. Yeah, all right. But now we know that it's easy and we don't have to keep playing. But the universe works in mysterious ways. Yeah.

It's kind of interesting because, like, there was some backlash to the game and that was not a deterrent for us to play again. It emboldened us to continue trying. Yeah. But now, after getting it in three, I think the game actually might be uninteresting to me. Oh, interesting. So that the more they like it, unless we will. Well, we've absolutely peaked. I don't have, I don't really want to play because I'll never feel that feeling again.

Right. It's kind of like when you play like a cheesy little iPhone game and you have like an incredible score and you're like, okay, I don't, I guess I'm never going to get. that again, so it's not even worth striving for that. I just spent 48 minutes playing. What was that game that we used to always play? The snake, snake ball, ball snake. There was balls versus snakes. There was crossy roads.

There was the one where like squares are going on top of each other. And unless you did it perfectly flush, it would like slice off and get smaller. That was impossible. That was so hard. Snake versus block. Yeah. Right? It's like where you like choose the direction of the snake to go and eat food.

I remember that one was, I got really into that one. Yeah. And thinking back on it the way I was, I would, like, I would get home from work before Jillian. And I think I would just like lay on the couch by myself and play that. Like, I feel like people play these iPhone games when they're commuting or something. Yeah. Not full on just like I could be doing anything.

It was compulsive. You had to, it's like you weren't even enjoying. You just had to play. Because I was trying to beat the score of you and Riley, who were. really good. And I think I eventually got one that was really, really good. And it didn't, it didn't feel like a victory because it really just meant that I played it the hardest and longest. Yeah, it's almost a reverse victory. Hey, I got more addicted to this game than you did. Take that. I remember that happening once in college. There was also the swinging, the rope swinging game.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I remember in college, there was like addictinggames.com, like a website dedicated to them. And there was like this, the game where you're a frog, and every time you click the mouse, the tongue would go up and he would catch flies. And you would be like, let's see how many flies I could catch. And like the record was, let's say, like, 24. And then a bunch of my friends went out for the night and I stayed in playing the game. And then when they got back, I'm like, I got like 29. And they're like, oh, wow, that's awesome. And I'm like, the way they're like supporting me made me feel so bad because like I didn't go out with them.

And they're like feigning happiness for me for getting the. the record when I just stayed at home instead of having fun. That's really fun. Like they're just taking, they're babysitting you. Yeah, like, great job, man. And you're, Hey, bud? 20?

Yeah. These are the girls we brought home. We're going to go party in the living room. I got 30. Go back to your bedroom. See if you can get 31. It's going to be really hard. But I'll do it.

All right. think that should close that chapter of yeah i think we're going to move on yeah uh you had something of a job interview for me that's right i was kind of interested basically because you and i correct me i'm wrong but we basically haven't ever had a job interview yeah we got hired at college humor and then we just started head gum yeah like i know if i've had job interview because I had like side jobs and I had jobs before college humor but they were like at you know an ice cream store and stuff yeah so yeah I've never like really sat down for like a full on corporate interview and actually you and I used to conduct interviews I I did all of

the intern hiring at college humor so I would I did the like the initial interview yeah and sometimes you would join for it right but yeah I guess internship is kind of of like a job. Yeah, but let's put you in the hot seat. I've compiled some interview questions. Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself? My name, obviously, as you see on the resume, is Amir, but you can call me Mr. Blumenfeld.

And it's fun to be here. I'm having a good time. about yourself. Other than that? Other than your name, which I already knew and a statement about how you feel to be here, you actually haven't told me anything about the idea that I see. So I'm not on LinkedIn, quote unquote, like I don't have a traditional resume because I've spent the last half of my life in the arts.

I've been doing comedy here and there, live shows, not really. stand up per se, but like I had a sketch show and then I had a podcast and then one thing led me to the other and here I am applying for this year job. Yes, a comedian of sorts. I bet you get this all the time, but make me laugh. Come on. Tell me a joke. Oh, sure. A guy complaining of headaches goes to the doctor and the doctor says, I need you to stop masturbating. And he goes, why? And the doctor says, because I'm trying to inspect you. So basically, like, yeah, he's cranking it in front of the fucking nurse practitioner, I think, quite blue. All right, let's move on. Why don't you tell me about your strengths? Obviously, comedy ain't one of them.

No, yes. So tell me, please tell me about your strength. I don't get rattled. I don't take things very seriously if at all or ever. So you'll never see me freaking out or pissed off. I will lighten the mood of any room stress slash stressful situation. And you know what? I can already beat you at a punch and guess that your next question is my biggest weakness. It's the same answer because I don't take anything too seriously.

Life's too short to worry this much about a fucking report. part of my French. Or stop touching my wrist. Or a PDF not loading on my computer. Like, we'll figure it out. We'll get to the Zoom. You're muted, but okay. Did you check the settings?

Like, I'll troubleshoot. And I know how to do that kind of stuff. And I'm not going to get frazzled, rattled, deaf or dumb about it. Why don't you tell me about some of your biggest passions? I'm really into the idea of maybe there's something bigger out there than just us. So I'm kind of an alien truther, and I love the NBA. Where are you from? Sorry, this is, this isn't an interview.

I'm from Albuquerque, but this isn't about me. There's not really, I guess, Suns fans over there. Like, do you like basketball? Did you grow up watching the Thunder Day and Charles Barkley? My father was killed by a basketball to the head. Really? Yes. Somebody kicked it off a garage roof trying to make a trick shot.

It sounds pretty dope, actually. Did it go in? My dad was walking our family dog, chow, chow down the road. Yeah. When the ball hit him hard in the temple and he collapsed. Interesting. It seemed like he had other shit going on because people get hit in the head

with the balls all the time. They don't die. I think it hit him perfectly in the temple. I'm wondering. And he might have been having an aneurism. Yeah, it seems like a ill time. About me. Yeah.

I already have the job. Yep. And I am hiring you. Yeah. And you told me that your biggest passion was aliens and the NBA. Yeah. I guess you could say it's Victor Wembin.

because he's kind of an alien in the NBA. Have you seen this guy? Seven foot four and can dribble like a point guard. I mean, we've never seen anything like this before. Tell me about a time that you had to learn a new skill quickly. Not quickly, but I was able to learn. So I'm going to stop you right there. Yeah.

Because the question is, quickly, yeah. Tell me about a time where you needed to learn it. new skill. Quickly? I mean. Not a skill, but I've been pretty into milk duds recently. You're right. That's not a skill.

I had to teach myself video editing in order to produce my own content for the internet. And then as YouTube came along, I had to teach myself how to use that. TikTok, Twitter. I was at the sort of forefront of the. social media frontiers and I was able to pick it up as quickly as possible

trying to move at the speed of data almost. I'm sorry, what is this job? These questions are so generic, sir. I feel like you just are, I'm talking to a chat GPT. Why don't I get to know the real you? When was the last time you? You're applying to be a

notary in New Mexico. I guess you were canceled and ridiculed. out of Los Angeles. I guess you said some really offensive things. I was, yeah. About aliens.

I'm alt left. And so I was hoping that wouldn't come up. Notary seems like a pretty easy job. You just show up and document people signing things. Like, I can't even believe this thing even exists. You kind of have to witness the signings and verify the findings. And is there a difference between a notary and a notary public?

This is obviously stuff that you should have researched already. When you applied. I hope to find it out on the job. Tell me about a time that you had a conflict of interest. Co-worker. Oh, a conflict. A conflict with a co-worker. Because it will be just you and I in this small studio outside of Albuquerque.

and I want to be sure that you're easy to be around. So I used to always bring my lunch in and I started to realize that one of my coworkers was slowly but surely eating more and more of my lunch. So I would bring like spaghetti, leftover Chinese food and there would be like 90% of it there, then 80%, then 70. And at a certain point I'm like,

half of my lunch is gone before I even got here. It got to the point where he would just leave me a bite. This fucking guy would just like, I would literally bring in a bagel sandwich. And what was left was a little segment of one. Like he was trolling me. He was fucking with me. So I started poisoning the food a little bit more every day. And I would track people's bathroom usage.

Who's feeling ill? Who's under the weather? Who's not doing too hot recently? Yeah. If you were watching the bathroom, wouldn't have been just as easy to watch people going into the refrigerator because you were tracking who was going in and out of the bathroom. But my death was right next to the toilet. Next to the toilet. Long story sharts, this guy gets jardy up unrelated to my poison. And I end up accusing this man who is already dealing with his own food poisoning issues separate of me. And I was able to get the entire office. office on my side and Shuckhues him of

stealing shit from not only the refrigerator but company funds and we ended up giving this man it was called a corporate Viking funeral yeah we put him on a raft and we set him out to sea

and we shot at him with flaming arrows until one hit and he was burnt alive why is that a corporate Viking funeral it sounds to me, just like it's a Viking funeral. Oh, yeah. I guess because the issues started at the office, I wasn't really sure about that either.

Okay. So just for the record, you don't enjoy sharing lunch because I actually sometimes will bring in a whole lasagna. I love it as the weird thing. It turned out I was eating my food because I was so hungry before noon that I had browned out

and started eating more and more of my lunch before I even came to and realized it was me the whole time. I almost feel bad for the, yeah. Excuse me, what role do you usually play in a team setting? A pretty major, a pretty major role. Even though you're laid back and you don't take anything too seriously. I consider myself a rookie and a vet, you know, a GM and a coach,

an on-court facilitator, a game managing quarterback. I'm on the field, but I'm also- Where? Can I finish? Where do you see yourself in five years? Working at a cherry factory in Louisiana. I love fucking... And you feel like this job is no...

I'm obsessed with cherries. This job is to just make ends meet until I'm sort of plugged in... It's a stop gap between L.A. and Louisiana. L.A.2 L.A. L.A. The cherry factory.

Exactly right. What is a cherry? What is it? Do you mean the small red fruit? No. Cherry is an acronym. It stands for computational hazard, environmental, red rocket year. So it's like this software that I've been developing that I sold as a kid to a homeless man and Baton Rouge.

And it completely turned his fucking life around. And now I'm angling, hoping for an externship at his. is Cherry Factory, hoping to God that this notary job is a nice bit of something I can put on my LinkedIn so it doesn't look like I went fucking crazy for the last half decade. Speaking of, how do you handle feedback and criticism? Really, really poorly. And I'm going to end this interview now before it gets any more toxic or antagonistic. Do I have the job or not?

You absolutely do. My heart goes out to you. My heart goes out to you. My heart goes out to you. Yeah, you're fired. For the salute or? It was the cherry thing. Good work. I think you crushed it. Yeah. It is fun.

I mean, part of me wants to just be fun. unemployed so I can start applying for jobs, which we definitely haven't done, and see if I can move up the corporate ladder somewhere. Yeah. I think we would actually be pretty bad. I think we might be able to do an interview. I think I could do a good interview, but once I got the job, I'd be bad at it. Oh, yeah. So you'd be good at getting a job. You wouldn't be good at keeping the job. No. When I was younger, I was really good at getting and keeping jobs, as evidenced by the fact that I, you know, basically got my first main job at college humor and climbed the ladder, you know. Yeah, from intern to CFO. That's right.

And then back to intern again. Since that, basically, since I've only been at one more or less job my whole life, now I have this kind of like this attitude of I don't like. I don't like. like being told what to do. Yeah, you sort of want to be the boss. Yeah, because I'm like, well, I've had, basically all of these are me, me acting with, on my own volition, with autonomy. You don't like being under anybody or anything, really. Yes, yes, yes, yes, precisely.

So if I were to do that, if I were to be hired again and have like bosses and bosses, It's like, I have my direct boss and then my skip level boss and then I have the head of my department. Yeah. I would be like, no, I cannot. That would be really tough. So shout out to everybody who's dealing with that out there. Yeah. Damn, that's really cool. That's empathetic. I really appreciated that. As somebody who has like a ton of bosses, like I feel seen. That's why I appreciate that. Marty manages you. He micromanages me. Yeah.

Oh, shit. He needs this room actually. He wants to record an ad with me. Fuck. This sucks. All right. I got to go get his sweet green. Let's take a break. Yes, sir.

Sorry about that, sir. The broccoli crunch bowl. Of course. The headgum podcast is coming to San Francisco Sketch Fest. January 18th, Amir's birthday hosted by Jeffrey James, with special guest, Jake Hurwitz, Amir Blumenfeld, Riley Ann Spaw, Ali Khan, and of course, Anya Zero. Go ahead.

and get your tickets over at sfxcatchfest.com. We'll see you out there. Stay classy, San Francisco. Kind of like an anchorman. Stay classic. I said your name twice. Yeah, Ron Burgundy says, stay classy.

San Diego, I think. Yeah. But it's kind of like, I don't know, I did my own little spin on your end. It's not your own because it's just plagiarizing the movie, but then quoting you wrong. Yeah.

Right. Well, I feel like there's something there. But this is it. This is the final ad. Okay. Yeah. And we're back. Hey.

So every once in a while, I'm able to put on my ad sales hat and help monetize this show with some pretty interesting host red ads. It's actually really cool because, I mean, we're a small company. And people do have to wear a lot of passwords. as you say and sometimes it's all hands on deck trying to find new revenue streams. So I think I actually commend you for putting in the extra effort, the extra man hours to try and earn headgum some cash on the side. Yeah, this is not for headgum. Like we have regular ads that you guys hear and those are all sold through gumball,

our ad marketplace. It's called gumball.fm. So if you ever want to buy an ad on this headgum show or any headgum show, you can use that. what I'm able to do is almost like extra marital like outside the scope of this relationship. I'm able to sell some things on the side and get paid in kind, but through cash offers that I'm able to find on Craigslist. I mean, that's cool too because we put pretty much everything that we bring in back into the company. We reinvest. This is my way of growing my nut.

Yeah. My nuts. You and I. You don't have that. You don't have a bite of my nut. This is for me to increase my nut. You read the words that make my nut go big. Okay.

Okay. All right. Yeah, I think I get it now. And I'm also able to flex my copywriting muscle. Because a lot of these are either written or guided by me. You, yeah, you. You sell these with a narrative. Yes.

A script, as it were. As always, these are talking points, but try to stick to the script because they've been pre-approved by the client that, again, I did find on. I see. One was on Craigslist, the other one was on Kick, which is like this sort of... The third one was on Kicks list, which is, I guess, kick has a list kind of like Craig. Completely decentralized, doesn't belong to anything. It's open source to a fault. and I was able to find someone for this.

Hey, Amir. Hey, will you tell me a bedtime story? What's why? I'm a little boy and I need a nap or I get crangry. So what? Give me a toy. Give me a little boy to play with. Give me nitrogen shots.

Wait, nitrogen shots? A little boy to play with. Nitrogen shots are the first of its kind and exactly what it sounds like. Smell a shot of nitrogen to feel better in the sack. Male performance is the number one reason couples get divorced. And now with nitrogen shots, you can remain rock hard for weeks at a time. That's not good. You think it's not good because you're a soft dick little prick bitch who couldn't get hard on his wedding night because he put a bracelet on his collar.

He what? Because he put a bracelet on his collar. as a joke and it got stuck. Did that happen to you? Didn't that happen to you? No. Imagine heading to the Sunday brunch after your special night and spending the entire meal with blue balls, eating silver dollar pancakes with blueberry sauce because the caterers ran out of nitrogen shots.

You did eat a lot of pancakes that day. I remember that. Nitrogen shots! Is it a lot of pancakes? you Gatorade slogan. You can't trademark that shit. It's just a sentence. You definitely can.

If you can steal sentences, just do it. Nice. Nice what? Never mind. Bye for now. I had a bracelet. Yeah. On my shaft.

Clift. Yeah. Oh, come on. Oh, my God. That was really good. Okay, so that one is for... Nitrogen shots. The copy was really blue.

Yeah, it was super blue. I think this one's pretty clean, squeaky clean, and PG-13, as it were. So you don't have to worry about, like, any, like, weird sexual shit. It looks like I have a huge chunk of unbroken dialogue. Oh, yeah, this one's a little bit more Jake-heavy than the first one. Yeah, wow. Feel free to stop and start if necessary. You obviously don't have to be fully off book, but it would be nice if you could just digest this information and speak it verbatim without feeling like you're reading was the note from the advertiser.

Otherwise, we will have to deliver a make-good, which in this business is basically advertising cancer. That is the death knell for any podcast. That is eating up your ad inventory for no cash. Hey, guys, just a quick word from our sponsor this episode, Worth It Milkshakes. Worth It milkshakes are the first of its kind to blend rich fruit flavor like banana berry and blueberry pub with thick white creamy whole milk from cows that are plump and juicy to the touch. Each cow is bursting with a colostrum to see you today. The secret to Worth It milkshakes' ergonomic design is a cup, shaped like a normal cup,

nothing too crazy, you know, the usual cup, like a cylinder, but the top is open. You suckle from the top or use a straw to zip up the creamy fruit milk jug and suck, suck, suck, suck. Suck, suck until the come is done. Nutritionally, the milkshake isn't... This is good. I'll be able to cut out any dead time. You can cut out the laugh.

Yeah. Nutritionally, the milkshake isn't entirely known. However, the price is low enough. Is that why it's called Worth It? I think so. I actually didn't even get that deep until. like, what made this shit tick? However, the price is low enough to be worth the risk.

I had a hot milkshake the other night, and it gave me... Oh, no. You have a lot more to go through. Yeah. And it gave me a peptic ulcer. I had a hot milkshake, actually. So we can get that... You can cut it together clean, for sure.

I had a hot milkshake the other night, and it gave me a peptic ulcer, which are open source. on the small intestines caused by H. pylori bacteria most commonly found in cow dung. Not blaming anybody, but there's a strong chance these hafers, or dairy cows for short, are kept in subhuman living conditions and a lot of their own hoss fat and steer shit ended up in the wet. Let me try to get this line out clean. They're kept in subhuman living conditions and a lot of their own hoss fat and steer shit ended up in the wet pre-com of the worth it shakers.

In a fever dream, I woke up hooked to these lactose machines, and you were a lactation consultant. They needed your guidance, and you only had one bit of advice. Hey, bud, you know what it was? Uh, no. Go ahead, guess. I guess to practice skin-to-skin contact with you, the steer, and promote a clean latch by, like, using a rubber suction with warm water

to avoid any nipple soreness? Eh, wrong. Try worth it milkshakes today at www. jakehurwitz.com slash hoss. That's jakehawkswitz.com slash hoss, s, s, s, s, s, because you're worth it. Interesting. I don't hate the idea of trying that, like a nitrogen shot into a, what's it called, worth it milkshake or something?

Worth it milkshake. Twice you described the contents of the milkshake has come. Oh, yeah. I mean, honestly, I was just trying to use their talking points and, like, write it in a fashion where it was easy to digest, not unlike the milkshake, and then sort of quick little points for you to hit. Did they send you any product? Because I mean, usually they want the host to have tried or tested out the product.

And I'm wondering, and I didn't have any, so I was wondering if you, I think they tried to because I got this note that said pick up your package at the post office and when I got there it was just this super wet envelope and it said my name on it and kind of my address but nothing else. I think what was it wet with? I guess this what is it what did you call it?

HOSFAD or pre-com or whatever colostrum. Yeah. It was wet with cow colostrum. It was boiling. I couldn't even. They gave it to me with like a barbecue ton. It's fucking wild. I bet they didn't want to touch it.

It was hot. It was hot and wet, I guess. But this is great. Cool. They sent me $20 each for each of those. That's not a ton of money. Every little bit helps. I thought you were saying $20 for each of us, but you are keeping all of the money.

Yeah, well, a lot of them are $40. Cost per action. So depending on how many units we move, we also get a commission. So that's if people use. the URL. Yeah. Which it changed. It's, yeah, it did change.

It was jakeherwitz.com slash hoss or jakehawkswitz.com slash hoss. And now that I'm looking at it, I don't even think. Yeah, we'll have to set up that URL before it had any type of like tracking code or anything. Yeah. There isn't really a call to action for that. I think because we're recording this on a Tuesday and this episode won't come out until Monday, they have six days to sort of get their shit together. Like, did you see the Kanye commercial

on the Super Bowl? No. So Kanye recorded an ad at the dentist for his Super Bowl ad, and it was like, hey, I spent all my money on these teeth, so I can't shoot a real Super Bowl commercial, so I have to just shoot it on my iPhone. But go to Yeezy.com to buy some merch. And then the next day, the only merch available was a shirt with a swastika on it. And then that site got taken down entirely. So I think it's like that kind of situation where they're like putting it out there in the world and then also have to build it in time. I saw that the swastika shirt was promoted.

I didn't know that he did a Super Bowl commercial to direct people to it. Yeah. Did you watch the Super Bowl? I did. Yes. You must have been spacing out during the ads or something. Yeah. I mean, I watched some of the ads.

But like, it's kind of hard to watch every single one. Yeah. Like, you're going to miss some. The culture of watching the Super Bowl for the ads, I feel like is something the ad execs really wanted. It was a big deal, especially when you didn't know what the ads were, like in the 90s. We didn't know, like, every ad was going to be a cool, new interesting story. Some were funny. Some made you cry. Some were stunt-casted.

Some had celebrities. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I'm much more cynical now, as somewhat of an ad man myself. Right. You're like, okay, here's, you can fucking paint by numbers. Two celebrities who used to be famous 20 years ago in a room together and then a cameo at the end by somebody else. And it's for, I don't know, health insurance.

And we're playing right into their hands by being like, oh, I love the Super Bowl ads. Hey, let's watch all of the Super Bowl ads. Let's talk about the Super Bowl ads. Who won the Super Bowl ad? Like, what was your favorite ad? Let us know at Super Bowl ads. And we're talking about it all the time. I always like the ones.

I'm still a sucker, so I like the ones that make me cry, the ones that are the tear-jerkers. Did anybody have that this year? There was the, I thought the Nike ad for You Can't Win, so Win for the women's sports, was pretty moving. Loak, liberal, elitist, racist, classist. What did you think of the halftime show? Didn't make sense to me. It wasn't... I didn't understand it.

I was expecting Morgan Wallen for some reason. And when this hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop, hip-hop came out, I was like, uh, okay, all these songs sound the same, and he's not playing an instrument. But I guess kids like this guy, because he hates another guy. or something like that. So I'll go with it for now. But to me, it was hashtag the worst Super Bowl halftime show of all time. And I am including the wardrobe malfunction that my kids had to see.

And it made them believe in Satan for a year. Drum roll, please. Bye. I actually like the halftime show. I was surprised to see it being hated on social media. Was it hated on? I thought it was just kind of like left first right hated. I think it was the divide was like.

Or Kendrick Drake. No, it was more like old nerdy people were like, what the hell's going on? Who is this guy? I've never heard these songs. They all sound the same. Where's the lasers and fireworks and rock and roll music? And then like young kids are like, oh, I love Kendrick and I love these songs. And this is cool.

And look, Serena Williams is there. And he won this Drake beef. Yeah. I think I for me I was like it's just why he won the Drake beep so decidedly when he had the song of the summer and then had a Grammy yeah and it's like at this point like it's not even twisting the knife it's like he's already dead yeah now we feel bad for Drake again right he's not even playing anymore man what is that that like the battle's not still going on. You're over milking

it. But I like, I mean, I like the performance. I like the songs. Yeah. Avital had a funny line. I just don't understand the beef as much. She's like, this is like a black mirror episode. It's like, hey dude, you're short. Do you think I'm short? All right.

What? It's a playful little thing. What are you going to do? You'll see. All right, I'm short. Drake's a pedophile. The Song of the Summer is playing during the Super Bowl. Everyone's constantly singing it and we all hate you now.

Oh, God. I just said you were five, six. You're taking it way too far. I didn't even know that that's what the beef was about. At one point, I was watching, I was like, damn, Kendrick is shorter than I realized. Don't say that. You'll fucking come after you. Shit.

He doesn't like to be called that. We have to delete this. We have to scrub that from this episode. All right. Good app. Two segments. Sometimes it's two. Sometimes it's nine.

And it's like, you know, you never know what you're going to get. And that's fine. Well, we also had the, I mean, the best thing that ever happened on the show just happened. We got, let's not forget 88. Yeah, which was sort of a smaller segment within a segment. But it was everything. A Russian nesting doll of segments, of sorts. Of sorts.

Again, we're only releasing these episodes as audio for now. So if you can't find them on YouTube, that's why, until we're in the same room again, recording them in studio. but if you want to watch more of us on video, we're still on Patreon. Patreon.com slash JA. Exactly. We just watched Couples Therapist Part 1 and 2 with Ben Schwartz. Whoa, that's right.

So go check that out. Great episodes. A real fun stroll down memory lane. That should be on our Patreon right now. So do check that out. And if you want even more of us, since the number game is over, you guys can all come back to the podcast.

you've all grown to love. We'll be back next week. Always every Monday. That's right. So thanks for listening. Ciao for now. And stay safe out there. Don't make fun of Kendrick Lamar until next week.

Yeah, guys. Come on. Bye. Right. That was a Hidgum original.