If I Were You - 76: Maine Trail 2 – Cecil’s Revenge

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

In this episode we discuss going east, then going west.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a Hedgum Original. for item of equal or lesser value. I'd stop their career from going to shit. Seconds. Another podcast. Seconds. Each app different from the last. Seconds. It's the Swiss Army Nightbook shows. Now that meets you two pathetic hoes. Seconds.

That's really cool. That's actually really cool. Since we're not doing the video version, cause we're on the zoom. Uh, you guys are listening, appreciate it, but I'm doing a thing where I post here, Jake will take a picture. So I'm putting my iPad with my face on it in front of my face. So it looks like I'm literally seeing through the pad. It was pretty good. It made me chortle actually.

You should do it to Gemma tonight and see if it kind of messes with her proprioception, her sort of idea. Like as her brain forms, it's important to sort of throw her some curve balls as to like, like, see if you could put like a bluey or a cartoon on where you're like literally moving things on the screen so that she doesn't quite know

how things work. Is there something interesting to, I don't know if I want my daughter to be the guinea pig for that type of thing, but I think there is something to it. Like she'll be growing up in the age of AI deep fakes and all the like. So I should be heightening her digital IQ

and that could be a way to do it. I've been seeing some like chat GPTS dolls where like five-year-olds can talk to a doll and then be like, they're like, oh, come up with a riddle for me. I was like, oh, what's black and yellow and flies all over. And the doll will be like, that's a bee, here's a riddle for you and like come up with a riddle for me." I was like, oh, what's black and yellow and flies all over. And the doll will be like, that's a bee. Here's a riddle for you. And like, come up with a riddle. So it's like, you can basically have a friend inside this doll that talks to you 24 seven. I guess that's kind of nice because then I wouldn't have to have more than one kid,

but you would have that sibling vibe. So yes, exactly. So instead of a sibling, you'd have a dibling, a digital sibling. It's kind of like all the rage and I might write a piece about it for the New York. Really? Well, why write a piece? Because you could kind of just give the prompts to Deepseek or whatever and have the whole thing written out.

It's kind of interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And then you don't really have to even read it because you can put the entire thing into out. It's kind of interesting. Yeah. Yeah. And then you don't really have to read it because you can put the entire thing into ChadGPT and be like summarize this. That is written.

And then at the end of the piece, be like, I should say that this idea and execution was also written by my dibbling, ding. My dibbling. My dibbling is with my wife. It's sort of a child's play, Chucky meets Megan, Megan meets Hal from 2001, a space Odyssey in which we,

the lines between human to human interaction is blurred to the point where it doesn't quite matter anymore. We are through the looking ass people. What do you think about that? What does that mean? Well, I think there's like a saying that's like, we're through the looking glass.

Yes, of course. I thought that's kind of, there's something to changing the word glass to ass. Ass. So it would be a familiar turn of phrase for folks. I knew everything until then. Yeah. It doesn't necessarily, maybe there's something,

we could also change the word looking, we are through the- Welcome to segments. Okay. And it's time to play a sequel to the most well-received segment of all time. One, two, three, 52. No. All right. One, two, three, 52. All right.

Everybody's been clamoring for the next main trail. So I was able to surmise a squeak will called main trail two. Are you ready to hear the rules of Main Trail 2? As you guys remember, Main Trail was this sort of role playing game in which Jake was able to move his team across America and as he got from state to state, he had to state the state. Otherwise, the man leading them across the nation

would murder a member of his traveling party. We lost my dentist and my doggy daycare guy, unfortunately. But I believe my- Dentist by accident, doggy daycare guy, you tried to, I think have executed for free. I think it was kind of, it was more like manslaughter or negligent manslaughter. No, you answered a question on purpose incorrectly

so that I could digitally kill him, have him erased from the web. Well, Main Trail 2 is a little bit harder than Main Trail. I haven't decided if I want to play by the way. Really? You could totally just tell me all the rules of the game and then I'll just be like, no, I don't feel like doing that, right?

Doesn't it feel like that could be an outcome? Like you'll tell me what the game is and if I don't like the stakes. Yeah, I would just be like, no, I don't want to play. And then we'd go to commercial. We'll do a different game, kind of prepare. We'd go to commercial and then we'd have to think of some other segments.

You don't have any power. You have no power. I thought I had more leverage than that. You have none. You don't have a leg to stand on. We are through the looking ass people. The ass, yes. The rules of the game are thus,

Jake and his friends have made it to sunny California, but uh-oh, the winter is coming and they're trying to hustle back east all the way back to Maine. Why, because we're trying to be home for the cold winter in Maine? Wouldn't it be more like the summer is coming and it's going to be kind of fiery in California? Yes, it's June slash July. That actually makes more sense. And it's too hot in California.

It's time to make our pilgrimage back east. To Bar Harbor. And guess who is leading the trail yet again? Eight-year-old friend, thief the thief. They were there last time? No, that was my cousin. This is your new friend, Thief the Thief. Thief the Thief?

C-E-I-F, the Thief. Okay, Thief the Thief? C-E-I-F, the thief. That's okay. Thief the thief? No, you're mishearing me. Yet again. What's the first one? The first name is what? C.

C? Like Cecil. No, like of C? Yeah. Do you have a list? C. I had my tooth removed. Thiefel the thief, AKA Thief the Thief.

I see. Thief the thief. Thief the thief. Now you have me fucked up. Yeah. All right, are you ready to know how it goes? So basically. Can you explain it in the voice you were using before?

Thief the thief Jumped in and then you can roleplay as him during the game because if I miss I feel like I'm The rules yeah Let me explain. Can't quite. This game is like a game. I don't know what to say. Did you say life and death? That I really need to understand.

The rules are, there are no rules. Rule number two, there are six members of your heavenly. What? Crap, I should have written them down. The rules are as such. You have six members of your traveling party instead of three because instead of you choosing the route, the thief will be deciding where to go and how. Interesting.

So I have to say what state comes after one of the states that thief chooses? Exactly. Thief. Depending on the thief's route, you have to decide what the state is. And if you are correct, then you'll keep your party alive. Fortunately, you have six players this week instead of three because it's a much harder game. Okay. So we need you plus six people. Let's name them or actually come up with the names with an A, B, C, D, E, and an F name so we can keep track of everybody. So who do you want for your A party?

A, my friend Adam, who is married to a friend of Jill's and he and I are buds, but I have to say he's mildly, no, he's expendable to me. Of course he's expendable. Any other A names do you think could come up? That, well, do you wanna come? I feel like you might die. Okay, sure. You'll have the- feel like you might die. Okay, sure. You'll have the-

I'd be down. All right, fine. Amir, you're in. You're in. You remember last time I murdered someone in cold blood. Are you sure you want to be on this? B, do you have a B, buddy? Ben Blumenfeld, your brother.

Okay. C. Cohen, Amir Cohen, one of your best friends. Holy shit. You're making it so everybody close to me is on the razor's edge, sort of bending to the will of this really hard to understand mad man. That's right. D understand, Madman.

That's right. D. Daron. D. Daron Blumenthal, your dad. E. Mm. Evie Tall, your wife.

That's right, she does secretly spell her name with an E. And finally, F. F, name with an E and finally F. F-F-F-F-F. Um, F, let's see. Somebody with the name F. No, you already see. Let's F. Nice.

F-F-Frank. How's Frank? Who's Frank? No, Fred. Oh, Fred's Frank? Who's Frank? No, Fred. Oh, Fred, Phil? No, Fernando, Fernando Alonso. Who's that? Formula One driver.

Oh, okay. So it's me, my brother, Cohen, my dad, Avital, and a soccer player. Oh, sorry, Formula One driver. Yeah, Aston Martin as You begin and yourself as you begin your journey if Don't understand what you're saying

Let's head South by Southwest across the Lowest point in the continental US not even a state can you name where we are if not I'll have to slit Amir's throat wait so we're going south of California that's what that's what what the hell you say? You said it's not a state? Not yet. So, is it Baja California, sir? No, it's basically a desert, AKA the lowest point in the continental US. The Mojave Desert? It cracked.

I'm gonna fucking slit Amir's throat. It's Death Valley, bitch. Death Valley, the lowest point in the continental U.S. Wait, oh, so I'm not thinking of states, I'm just thinking of like, Gia- Not yet. Okay, sorry. He's dead. Bye.

Amir's already dead. Bye. Okay. Let's carry on. Yeah. You're down to six from seven. Oopsie made a poopsie. Let's get to the state. Southwest of California. We move across Death Valley into this state.

Okay. Nevada. And it's time to kill Ben because it's actually Arizona. Okay, Nevada? And it's time to kill Ben because it's actually Arizona. You are down to five and you've made it about 400 miles of your 3600. Yeah, this is actually gonna be pretty hard. Of course. That's why thief the thief got, sorry, do you have a throat

problem? Why would you kill thief the thief? No, he needs to sort of carry you across town. Let's carry on eastward from Arizona to name that state. This is borderline Dungeons and Dragons, just so you know. You're kind of DMing right now so you might really like it. After Arizona is gonna come New Mexico? Very good. C D E and F survive as you continue your trek notward, but north this time around.

Uh oh, another thief border. Oh crap, I'm soaking on it like a fucking chicklet. New Mexico's northern border is this state's name, aka state to state, or I'll make you walk the plank. I'll fucking slit C's throat. North of New Mexico. Um, I I'm guessing, oof, it could be Utah and it could honestly be Colorado. I guess I'll say Colorado. Colorado. Final answer.'ll say Colorado. Colorado.

Final answer. Yeah. That's correct. Really? Wow. We spend a year in Denver getting to know each other. And then six in Tows, where we fall in love and have a family. Time to venture eastward again.

An exact year has passed. So the calendar is the same. From Colorado, we go east into this state. I am back to my old evil wave and I'm ready to kill my vengeance and bloodlust is very, very high. Please say the wrong state. Lumbering into the plains. I believe we go to Kansas. Very good. Very well. Still with two people in hell. You know, actually Arizona, it was a-

And four people still survive. Arizona, I think that's exactly, Arizona, maybe, this is like the route that Jill and I did when we left LA. Arizona- Stop editorializing, bitch. Sorry. And listen to me. Yeah, of course.

I don't care for your life story. We've been together seven years. I know everything about you. Including the route, yet a count west. But from Kansas, let's head due north to this state. Uh-oh. Ooh. But from Kansas, let's head due north to this state. Uh oh. Ooh, north of Kansas.

Now this is interesting. Nebraska. Nebraska is your final answer. Yeah. Very well, everyone survived. Again. You are Nebraska. All right. Caloocallay, you saved the day, but only for now.

I don't care about anybody in this car, actually. Amir's dad is talking my ear off. Thief the thief sends you south east from Nebraska into this state. South east of Nebraska. The south eastern tip of Nebraska borders this beautiful kind of random. Now that I think about it, wait a minute. What state is this? Um, Steve is sort of fumbling around the map. He can't quite tell where we are.

Oh, you're right. Here we are. I guess it would. Yeah. It feels like it wants to be. It feels like it wants to be Missouri or Missouri. Missouri, the Thome state. Holy shit. Show me show me Missouri nailed it again We have made it to Missouri and oddly enough

You've only lost two people along the way right at one in California and one in Arizona I really didn't know the rules when we started Let go of my neck thief Shut the fuck up! Let go of my neck thief! Let's just head east. Missouri and this state share an eastern border. Do you know what state that should be? If you can state the state, I'll keep your traveling party alive. But if not, you'll never guess what'll happen.

I'll actually end up killing somebody. Yeah, no, I know your party. I have that sort of the only rule Seems like there should be a state before this state but I Struggling to think of what would what it would be so I have to just say I Kind of just have to say Kentucky and hope that it's Kentucky and hope that I got lucky. East of Missouri is mostly Illinois. Oh, no. I slit your fucking friend's throat.

Which one? I'll be tall. Oh, Cohen. Yeah, Cohen. I'm going in alphabetical order, of course. Yeah, Cohen. All right, so Cohen's dead. Beautiful Chicago. Yeah, so that was Illinois.

Let's get a hot dog. Are you sure you should be having hot dogs? You don't have teeth, thief. We'll be back after these messages. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this episode. Thank you, Aura Frames. Yes, Mother's Day is coming up and you can give the perfect gift that keeps on giving

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I'm more pissed off than ever before. Put pants on. Your, your penis is so soft. It shouldn't be that soft. Let's go south from Illinois into this state. South from Illinois. Didn't we go north into Illinois or no? We went from Missouri east into Illinois Now we're going south south of Illinois

south of Illinois Quicker bitch, there's no time to think. If you spend even one more second, I'm gonna fucking kill Amir's dad. South of Illinois? But I just can't... That one's not Kentucky. Is it Tennessee? Is it Tennessee?

It is not. Shit. Gah! You're loving this. You're loving it. Ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta ta. I enjoy seeing the eyes roll into the back of their head while I strangle them to death. A, B, C, and D, all gone by the hands of thief the thief.

What state of mind? But there's still two Members left of your traveling party. You've made it to the other red monopoly property Kentucky damn it. I You idiot you idiot there's so much blood on your hands her wits Okay, I'm in Kentucky now where let's go Straight up now tell me from Kentucky to this state. Okay, this one I know, this one's Ohio.

It could have been Indiana or Ohio, but I'll give it to ya, near. Did I mention I'm a pirate a little bit? Yeah, I can tell, cause you have a parrot and a peg leg. We've made it to Ohio. And an eye patch, a tricorn hat, and a hook hand. You're really overdoing it. You're down to just two members of your traveling party.

Whose left is this? But that's pretty darn good. Obviously, I'll have to forget going home. So. They're kind of hooking up it seems kind of fucked up Amir just died last year and she's already moved on. Yeah It seems to go around. She was kind of over it He's very successful is the

World champion, let's go east, shall we? Southeast to be specific. Ohio and this state share a border. Well, didn't I just go? Southeast. You went north from Kentucky to Ohio. Now we're going southeast from Ohio into this state. And if you can't state the state, guess what I'll be doing.

West Virginia. Okay. Kind of took the wind out of my sails, but yes. Oh, okay. We be doing West Virginia okay kind of took the wind out of my sails but yes okay we are in West Virginia Caloocallay you saved the day we're almost all the way east and I'll be tall couldn't be happier I want to I want to bring her and her F1 driver boyfriend to Bar Harbor. I need them to see Acadia. If you move east from West Virginia, obviously most of the border is Virginia,

but you can also move into this state, which is also east, but a little bit north. I guess it's got to be either Indiana or Pennsylvania. I'll or Pennsylvania. I'll say Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania is correct. All right. Indiana was two states away, you dumbass. I didn't say. Now, from Pennsylvania, fuck it.

Let's go south for the lulls. I'm killing off Utah. Amir would have wanted it this way for some reason. Pennsylvania, we're going south, away from Maine. South of Pennsylvania? That's right. I guess that must be Virginia. I guess that must be wrong. No, no, no, It doesn't matter what it was. Abitav gone, baby gone. Oh my god. Welcome to Maryland.

Mmm. Yeah, there we go. You forgot about Maryland. I sure did. Everybody always does. Sorry, sorry Fernando, your girlfriend's dead. Wow, they were fully in a committed relationship then, huh? Yeah, they were together. They were best friends. Jesus. All right, let's make our way to east. Maryland doesn't quite touch the coast. That belongs to a different state.

So, let's enter the state of? Delaware. Correct. The first state. Oh, I forgot that it was the first state. Namaste. All right. Very nice. Good for Delaware.

Let's go North into this state. Um, North of Delaware. Huh. North of Delaware. Does that go into? Sort of Northeast to be specific. Okay, so it's not Pennsylvania, it's New York. It's New York.

From Delaware straight into New York. Why, that's what I would call New Jersey erasure. That's right, you eliminated a state. Now I'm going to eliminate God how will I drive without him six men enter one remain Technically eight between me and you Okay, I bet you weren't dirty I feel like yeah like we're down the home threat. So let's just finish this up as it were. If I get one wrong, who dies, me or you? It's a suicide pact in which I line our heads up

and shoot through both of them. So let's go north from New York, New Jersey into the state, oopsie, I misspoke. You don't wanna die, do you, Steve? Yeah, New York, New York for sure New York. That's right as we scroll up the Hudson all the way to Canada let's make a quick Eastern Lee jaunt into this state. Yeah now I remember from last time towards Canada you want to go to Vermont? Yep. Okay. And then we'll jump to New Hampshire.

Of course you can't forget New Hampshire. And then we are in Maine, burying the bodies that we've carried with us along the way. Six up, six down, but we made it across. Good job, Jake. No friends, but you know a little more about America. Yeah.

This is how I wanted to finish, thief. To be quite honest, my name's not really Seif the thief. Oh, Seif. Dale. Yeah. I'm from Delaware. I just need an excuse to visit home.

Dale the male from Delaware. I'm a male band, yeah. You killed a lot of people, Dale. I can't believe you were playing this game. That's true, that's true. You didn't once think to call the police. It's kind of on you. Well, I gotta look at a map now.

That was pretty disorienting, I have to say. Yeah, I see, I see. In the Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky zone is where I probably would have lost this game. Yeah. I don't know enough. The Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa. That's yeah.

Iowa, Missouri, Illinois. There is it's that stuff. And I, for some reason, swapped Kentucky and Tennessee. I straight up thought Tennessee was the Northern one. Yeah, that's fair. Uh, but you, but you spiked Kentucky into West Virginia. Yeah, that was nice. That was nice Actually, there was one point where we were in Missouri and I said go east Mm-hmm, and I meant you either said Kentucky and I meant Illinois or I'm you said Illinois and I meant Kentucky

But technically there is a little bit of a border. That's true. Between Missouri and Kentucky. So could I have, you said East and I said Kentucky, right? Yeah. Oh, interesting. So in theory. Then I went South and you said Tennessee. You sort of thought Kentucky

and then lost Kentucky entirely. Well, it's really, I have to admit, it's an invigorating game. I enjoy playing. I should play with people I like more next time. Not that I don't like your family. People like somebody else instead of me? Right, yeah, no, I should play this with Jill or Micah.

It's really fun. It's all about the company you cheat. Or should we use the thief. The thief character or? Yeah, like we'll love that. All right, let's take another break. Come back and play one more segment after these messages. That's right. And we've returned.

Indeed, indeed we have. I have two, I have two kind of like historical moments for us that I looked through my email. You remember, I think a week or two ago, you found the earliest emails you had from me. Yes, and I found a really early email too. Is back. I have, I found my crackberry from 2002.

How old are you, Steve? I'm 38 and I was an intern at Gawker. So the first thing that I wanted to talk about, do you remember when we went to Los Angeles? I'll never forget it. Really? Well, which time? I can't quite remember them all.

It was the first time. So this was at a time, this was CollegeHumor 2008. We had been doing Jake and Amir, I guess, March 2008. So when did we start? This is like when Jake and me was blowing up and an agent reached out to us and he's like, let's set some general meetings in Hollywood. And we're like, hell yeah, we'll meet with people at TBS

and the production company. Yeah, exactly. I think you got an agent before I did, like somebody reached out and was kind of like pocket representing you. That's where you're not officially signed or maybe you did officially sign. They were just like reaching out to CollegeHumor people

and like, do you have an agent? And none of us did because we were working for a website at the time. And you had started working with him. Then I got like looped in because all of the stuff that he was working on with you was about Jake and Amir. And he was trying to get us-

So he's like, I might as well make more money by representing both of them. Yeah. And he's like, I want you guys to come out to LA and take some general meetings and- Classic. Yada yada. You gotta meet the boys.

They're 25 and they're hot right now. But I found the emails where we asked for permission, not only from Josh and Ricky, I found the emails where we asked for permission, not only from Josh and Ricky, but for the rest of the CollegeHumor writers, because we felt so uncomfortable that we were even going, that we had an agent, that we thought everyone was going to get mad at us. So we're asking for permission from like Streeter and Jeff

if we can go to LA for a week? Kind of just like- We've just taken a vacation? Yeah, so we're like, we're just letting everybody know, but this is your, so this is your email to Ricky first. So, Jake and I need to go to Los Angeles, not this week, but the next. WMA has been trying, this was back before it was called WME,

this was William Morris Agency, has been trying to get was back before it was called WME, this was William Morris Agency, has been trying to get us out there for a few weeks just to have some quote FaceTime with them, but we've kept on delaying the trip. I need to meet with my lawyer out there as well. We are going to leave Monday the 31st after work and come back Wednesday night, red eye landing Thursday morning.

So we'll be missing Tuesday and Wednesday, April 1st and 2nd. Is that okay? I'm gonna take two personal. I promise I'll do the article. Do anything. The headlines on the flight. I'm gonna take two personal days,

but we're both gonna make sure all our work gets done beforehand in terms of sports channel, hottest college girls stuff. These are the things that we were working on. I promise I'll caption the hot links. And if you think the email is over it's not. Sorry it has to be during the week but they can't meet with us during the weekend. I asked for taking night flights so as to minimize missing work time. Jesus like we're lawyers or something. Yeah. Also, we don't really know what we're going to

tell the others in editorial, but it will probably be a lie. So maybe don't mention anything to anybody. A lie. Nobody else knows about my relationship with William Morris and I kind of prefer to keep it that way. Oh my God. So why? Why a lie slash why can't I tell anyone I have an agent? I truly don't know. I guess because we thought people would be jealous. Do you want to hear the email that you sent to all the writers? Hey, so me and Jake's grandma died

and we have to go to Burbank. Insanely funny because you make that joke in a different email where you say, will anyone believe that Jake and I share a cousin that died? Wow. Yeah. All right, go me. I still got my wits about me.

You send this email to a bunch of the writers. It looks like Dan, Dan Streeter, Jeff, Pat, Ricky, Sarah and Sam. Hey, so Jake and I have a meeting. Pat, most of all will be livid if you found out I have an agent. I have a meeting. Most of all will be livid if you found out I have an agent. I have a meeting in Los Angeles with the talent agency. That's the lie that we have a meeting

with the talent agency, not that they are representing us and setting us up on generals. Okay. Just that we're gonna go and meet with an agent. The bad news is it couldn't be during a weekend. So we're going this month. Oh my God. Coming back on our.

I'm fucking, I'm committed to the fact that I promise I'll only miss two days. What the fuck, are we working in a slave shop? Like, is this like a sweat shop slave labor situation where I'm begging for forgiveness to miss two days a year? It's nothing. And we're taking two red eyes. We're leaving after work Monday on...

These flights are also awful. If I were doing that now, I'd be like, I took a red eye, so I'm not working today. I have to sleep. I guess, yeah, we don't have internet on the plane, so we're really... We're incommunicado. My flight leaves 9 20 p.m from New York and lands at one in the morning LA and our first meeting is at 5 15 and I will be taking a red eye back and I'll go straight to the office at six. Then you say we're going we're going to make sure everything we need to do gets done before the trip. Sports channel, hottest college girl, et cetera. Yes, yes, the sports channel,

which I don't even know what that is right now. Do you know what the sports channel is? I think it was just like a stream of articles that you were working on that were all like sports related. It was not called sports channel. Yeah, it was like sports. Was it sports pickle? Yeah, sports pickle, that's Was it sports pickle? Yeah, sports pickle.

That's what it was. So weird. Then you say, it's just a general meeting. So nothing too crazy, but we wanted to let everyone know if all goes well, we'll never come back to this fucking stink town again. JK, we love you. That's funny.

That's good. I'm glad I at least made a joke about it. Also, we don't really wanna make a big deal about this because nothing usually comes out of these meetings. So try to keep this to yourself and maybe don't talk about it in front of people. We were ashamed to be successful. Who would they talk about it in front of? It's the only people we talk to. Sarah, will you not mention it to David Cho, who works at Busted Teams?

Yeah, don't tell this to the Vimeo guys. It'll make happy hours awkward. Just, I really feel like this is my big break, but for some odd reason if it falls through after the general meeting, I don't want to have to tell everyone that nothing came of it. Jesus Christ. We were fully formed adults at that point. Yeah.

We were in our mid-twenties. The wild thing is that for some reason, I am not on these emails. Like you sent them. Will you not even tell Jake that I'm going to LA with him? Like you forwarded this to me and like to show me what everybody's replies were.

Which is possible you were like still an intern and not like part of the main. I was, yeah, I wasn't a full-time employee, but I think Pat was an intern also. So I'm not, I mean, he's on these. Wow. Yeah. And did anybody reply?

Or I guess we won't know. No, yeah, I see all the replies. Sarah says, well, since Jake and Amir can apparently do whatever the hell they want, fuck this, I'm going to, since Jake and Amir can apparently do whatever the hell they want, fuck this, I'm going to the beach tomorrow and not working. JK, LOL, et cetera, et cetera. And then she said she's actually taking a personal day. Oh yeah.

And then Ricky fired her, right? That's right. Pat says, if he asked for more than 10%, tell him not to waste your fucking time. Dan says, congrats, have fun, make sure to read this before you go, which is a link to something that's now not on the internet, but I imagine it was a joke. Yeah.

Okay. So everybody was supportive of our new careers as Hollywood show business writers. Right, like Ricky's response was nothing like great. Everybody else's response was joking and not about us so all of our work all of our worst fear fears were not realized which is funny because the way I remember this whole saga going is that we thought we like owned the Jake and Amir videos even though we didn't so like I thought we were too casual about this kind of stuff

but maybe we got in trouble for that and then I got scared about the other stuff or maybe those are two completely separate things. They're not separate, because this was all in this bunch of emails, they're also talking about this Sony crackle deal, which we've talked about on the show before where Sony wanted to buy our old videos,

we said yes and then CollegeHumor let us know that they owned all of them. And that's still in the ether, but I guess that's like maybe why we're being a little bit sensitive. Like we're going out there not in our capacity as CollegeHumor employees. That's why we're taking personal days.

And do you remember who we met with and what we even talked about? I remember, yes, I remember a couple of the meetings. I know we, I'm pretty positive we met with ABC because what was the Jim Belushi, it was Jim Belushi, not, or John Belushi. No, Jim Belushi. Oh yes, according to Jim.

According to Jim. We met with ABC and we were like talking about sitcoms and all of us, including the executive, were kind of making fun of the According to Jim show. But then like, he kind of got serious and somber and he said, this is the house that Jim built. Like, speak with reference. Like we're all laughing and stuff.

He made a joke and then we made more jokes and then he was like, all right, you have to chill out. And I remember us being like, I think that went well. We like called our agent. We're like, yeah, the meeting at ABC went good, I think. And then we went to our meeting at Sony. You didn't make fun of Jim, did you? Yeah.

Because according to Jim, you did. Jim. But then we went, I remember we got like Mexican food off the 134, or maybe it's the 101. You remember down to the meal we had. It was my first time in LA, so it was like all very, it was major for me. And then we went to Sony.

I had three beef taquitos with guac on the side. Sounds right. We went to Sony, which is near the forest lawn cemetery. I remember we like had a lot of time to kill. Yeah. And we like, hung out on the grass near the Sony building. And then we went in and had like the best meeting we've ever had. They were like, we love you guys. we want to work with you, we have to find a way. And we were like, oh, all the other meetings have been bad. This is a good meeting. And what came of that? Who did we meet with and what do they want?

I believe, I believe nothing came with, well, we got some kind of, we had, I think maybe that was like, we had some kind of development deal at Sony, but it wasn't for any cash. I think they like, we worked with them for a little bit. Yeah, they're like, if you come up with an idea, we'll pay you. Yeah. But nothing actually came of that vague deal slash idea.

That's right. Let me see if. Hollywood baby. Yeah, that's right. Hollywood baby see if. Ah, Hollywood baby. Yeah, that's right. Hollywood baby. I don't know. It's nice to know even back then things weren't really happening and stuff has only gotten crazier and wackier in the biz.

Yeah. But at least at this time we were, it felt like we were like on top of something. Like that was when we had the most, I don't know actually, was it the most momentum or was it just the first time we had that? It felt like we were like on top of something. Like that was when we had the most, I don't know actually, was it the most momentum or was it just the first time we had momentum? So it felt really exciting.

Well, you know, when you're 25 and you're scared of leaving New York and you meet with a company that you've heard of before, like Sony or ABC, it's exciting. Yeah. But then like, as more and more things tend to not happen, the idea of taking a general meeting became more and more depressing slash sad and-

Oh wow. It became disillusioned. I have a schedule now. Forwarded from you, says six meetings, not so bad. Then you say eight meet, read it closer, eight meetings gulp like you're afraid. Eight meetings in one day?

It looks like, no, it was two days, two days, April 1st and 2nd. Remember then we took a red eye after the second day of meetings. Of course. Took a red eye, went to work the next day on April 3rd. day of meetings. Of course. Took a red eye, went to work the next day on April 3rd. Yeah. Okay, we have 11 a.m. meeting with ABC Studios. I want to see if I recognize any of these. According to Jin. Yeah. Wow, these were huge meetings. Six people attended that meeting. three from comedy, three from digital. Then we had a meeting still at ABC, ABC Entertainment

with people from comedy and casting, apparently. Meeting with FBC, I don't even know, what's FBC? Fox? Oh yeah, Fox. Yeah, no, it's on the address and the parking info. It's on the Fox lot. Then we had a meeting also on the Fox lot with 20th century television with people from comedy.

People really wanted to meet us. Yeah. Holy shit. Then we went- How did we fumble the bag? I guess we did. Then we went to Spike TV. We could have been the workaholics, guys.

I feel like I still have emails from these people. And we should have been the workaholics guys. I feel like I still have emails from these people. We really, and we should have been. Then with the next day we did Sony, UMS, what's UMS? Oh, Universal. That was, yeah, that was United Methodist Church. We ended up just getting colonoscopies together. And then of course we had NBC.

Oh no, yeah, you're gonna wanna meet with NBC. Yeah. And then of course we had NBC. Oh no. Yeah. You're going to want to meet with NBC. Yeah. And it's crazy to think we sold a show in each and every room. Uh, yeah. And then the follow-up email from you, Cameron says, Sony wants to get on the phone with us soon to discuss potential ideas we have for pilots to air on crackle. Let's see whatever happened to Sony crackle.

I don't think, oh, like you could still watch movies online. Good for them. They pivoted to just like royalty free movies that you can watch kind of like a voodoo or a tubie, but everybody was spending cash back then on some premium content. Yeah. Good on crackle. All right, what a depressing stroll down memory lane. In a way we both talked about traveling across the country. Me in a fictional style and you in a depressing real way. Right. Two red eyes, only missing two days of work for basically four days of travel.

Bad news guys, it looks like I might have to fly out again. I'm gonna try to do Friday late night so that I don't miss any work. But I feel like I owe you guys an explanation as to where I'll be over the weekend. Look at what we did at work, it was absolutely nothing. I think it was before Zoom or something, so nope, the idea of working from home was frowned upon.

Yeah, but then I like, and also in this cluster of emails, there was an email to John Carlo about, John Carlo and John Grimm, shout out to Grimm editing this episode, about hardly working, we were gonna shoot. And I was like, it's pretty dialogue heavy. So we might want to do a script. Should we take this to the next step and actually write it?

Should we write this video? Is that crazy? I'm going to leave on Wednesday, late night for Thanksgiving, but I'll be back in the office. First thing Friday morning, if anyone's around to shoot this with me. And I have another great blast from the past, but we'll have to save it for next time. Uh oh. What is that one?

A prank that we all gathered that we concocted over email to play on Jeff Rubin. Was that also on April 1st or unrelated? I think it was actually unrelated to April 1st. It was he had gone out. Actually maybe this goes back to why we were afraid to leave. unrelated. I think it was actually unrelated to April 1st. It was he had gone out, actually maybe this goes back to why we were afraid to leave. He had gone out of town on a trip and he was coming back and we wanted to break him. We wanted to ruin his fucking life for it. Yeah. He's fucking leaving? We gotta fucking get his ass. He took time off of work and he didn't take a red eye for it. When he gets back I'm gonna snap his fucking Achilles heel. I'm gonna make it so he didn't take a red eye for it. When he gets back I'm gonna snap

his fucking Achilles heel. I'm gonna make it so he can't move for a year. All right thanks for listening. Thanks for being a part of this journey with us from 2008 till now. Unbelievable. If you want to watch more of us we're still on our Patreon. Patreon.com slash J.A. We're watching Jake and Amir videos. Right. Commentary. That's right. Um, and, uh, we're still making weekly stuff over there. So check that out as well. And of course we'll be back here for your ears next year slash month. Of course. May. Yeah. May day is here. Uh, so see you guys then. Right. And we will talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.

That was a Hidgum Original. Hey, I'm Tony Hale. I'm Matt Oberg. And I'm Kristin Schall. And we're going to be hosting the new podcast, The Extraordinarians, where we are going to be interviewing extraordinary people doing extraordinary things, things that we have never and probably will never do. We talk to people who have broken records on slacklines suspended by hot air balloons. We're talking to people who have done multiple flips on trampolines.

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