If I Were You - 85: Homophobia

Episode Date: June 23, 2014

In this episode we discuss tolerance, pseudonyms, and bro-gifts.This episode is brought to you by Squarespace.com -- the best way to create a website, and LootCrate.com -- An epic monthly subscription box for geeks and gamers for under $20See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Shoutouts to Jake in the mirror The greatest broadcasters in the planet Except for Jake, I don't reflect Let me tell you how I'm rapping That question why ain't you asking That Jake in the mirror Staying in the clear that y'all are lacking A problem of ice giving

Whether it's with women or in your school system Or how you livin' Or you got a problem Tell them so they'll solve it No matter how stupid the question be That you're honest from all the problems To the women with their sex life Situations with STDs

Ain't no the best type Handle in every email with maturity Even when they curb which is insecurities What I'm writing is proof The day of the truth This isn't I with you Let them say what they do That was cool except for the part

Where he said he didn't like me But music wise it was really good He sounded like Kendrick Lamar But I couldn't get behind his message unfortunately Right where he was mean to me in the beginning But that being said it was pretty good So that guy's real name I think is Benjamin But his Twitter name and his SoundCloud name

Is Benjo B Benjo B Yes he has more music on SoundCloud As Benjo B and on Twitter he's King Benjo Ooh that's cool He should really do like consistent branding though Oh you mean like make a SoundCloud King Benjo as well Yeah I agree

Cross the board I don't know how many rapsters are out there And they use their rapster name Is based on their real name God you got old and white Like Eminem is based on his initials Marshall Yeah but then 2 Chainz is not like his name is

Twice Charlie Yeah Twice Right No it is It is Twice Charlie Yeah

His name is Twice Charlie Twice Charlie Kendrick Lamar that's his real name Drake is his middle name Yeah Oh Snoop Dogg is not based on his name is Calvin Really? Yeah

Well Calvin's like Calvin and Hobbes Hobbes was a tiger No I think it's just that he looks like a dog No no I see how he got there It's a little removed for sure But you can't fault the Snoop D-O-W-G for that What's another example of a rapster Please stop calling them

Sorry a Rapsmith A Rapsmith Jesus Christ Lil Kim her name is probably Kim Lil Wayne is Wayne Yeah So your rap name would be based on your name It's J-Wits right

Yeah J-Wits, J-Money, J-Dollars, J-Hood What's good Yeah Of course But my name could be anything It doesn't have to be Yeah your rapster name Yeah

Amir Shmuel Hey hey I don't think that would work Alright everybody I'm Amir Shmuel Throwing tomatoes DJ Shmuel DJ Shmuel in the house Hey this is if I were you the only advice podcast

On the internet hosted by us I'm DJ Shmuel And I'm J-Wits, J-Money, J-Dollars, J-Hood And I'd love to know what's good Although the pinch isn't based on anything Oh yeah the pinch Yeah well I'm good in a pinch That's why they call me the pinch

If you're in a pinch you call the pinch And that's what these people do Put your crab claws out Oh don't turn that into a thing People email us If I were you show at gmail.com Seeking advice And we do our best to offer them

Advice Dammit We do our best to offer it Advice That's the new t-shirt People email us seeking advice And we do our best to offer them Advice

Dammit Specifically advice So anything left to say No let's get started We gave this guy his props His dooproppers actually Indeed Alright

First question Question the first Comes from Let's give this guy a rapster name We've done that before Let's give him a fake rap name Oh okay So you're making one up right now

Just making one up Yeah for this dude Gabriel Thomas Gabriel Bad Rap Name No it's like Kendrick Lamar It's like Marshall Mathers It's like the proper name Those are his real names

Yeah I want his rap name No I'm saying Kendrick Alright fine His name is Gabriel Thomas It's G-Money Tom Tom Up in it G-Money Tom Tom G-Money Tom Tom

Here's the situation My girlfriend and I get along great She gets me on so many levels Shares my perspective on the world And is cute She and I do much political And community work together Many of her female friends

Have gotten involved with our work as well Our work took a few of us over to Washington DC for a lobbying trip But it was only me and three of her friends One of her friends and one who was on the trip Is a total dime Beautiful, popular girl from high school And still popular in college

Driven And also gets me on so many levels We became good friends after the DC trip And have been hanging out often ever since Right now this other girl is in Rome, Italy And we've been communicating on the daily Via Facebook and Skype My problem is that I think I've developed a crush on her

While still in love with my girlfriend I can't stop thinking about this beautiful woman She's much more down to earth than my current girl Prettier, I pain to admit And is much more open-minded I have not acted on my feelings But I would like to know what your thoughts are On my situation

I'd like to think that I'm a good mix of both Jake and Amir when it comes to love and dating So your advice would be equally appreciated Like to see how you can help brother out Love G-Tom Tom G-Money Tom Tom G-Money Tom Tom

Interesting I like that he says that one of her great characteristics Is that she's popular Yeah, popular in high school Especially in high school Which is like in college now One of my favorite things about her was She was popular in high school

Okay Let's just say she was popular Let's just say she's popular now Or just like it doesn't necessarily matter I don't know anybody who's popular in college Like that's such a big thing Unless you're an athlete Is she an athlete?

She's an athlete Yeah I also like that he Two of his like criteria for women are These both these girls get him on so many levels You don't understand how many levels How multi-dimensional are you? Like they get that I love popular girls

Yeah It's true You're clearly shallow Yeah You love girls that are popular But you also want them to get you on so many levels Which is one that you are Except he does go on community work trips together

So he is a good guy now You're gonna make me feel shitty for not going out about Like I don't go on community trips So I don't go on enough community trips for you But I think I go on plenty How many? I haven't been on one recently Yet

Or ever in my life But I think I think I think about them a decent amount And I think I might actually hit this guy up We have his email Especially if there's a bunch of dimes Smoke shows going They're all popular in high school and college And they're gonna get me on so many levels

Stick with your high school girlfriend And set me up with this hotter Roman chick I don't know I don't know This guy also says he's still This guy also says he's still in love with his girlfriend But I don't think he is If he's fallen out of love with his girlfriend

He's talking about her being close-minded and unattractive Can you be Have a crush or in love with two people at the same time? I think you can be in love with someone and have a crush on someone probably So you can be like, oh I love my girlfriend But I also have a crush on another girl I think that's what it is But sometimes a crush will tear at the love

And if your love's not strong Then your crush is gonna surpass your love And sometimes people confuse crushes for love And make stupid decisions Sometimes they're like, you know They could love someone They have such a big crush on someone They're so infatuated with someone

That they think they'll love that person instead But I think this gorgeous Popular in high school and college Driven girl who's so open-minded She's just such a breath of fresh air That you think that she's the one And she'll eventually turn into A girl that you think is less pretty

And a girl you think is close-minded And then there's gonna be somebody else out there That's my hell, dude That's my world That's where I live Every other girl's more interesting Because she's another girl She's new and I don't know anything about her

But I can make a future for us in my head And then I start embarking on that future And I realize she's a person that makes decisions And I'm like, wait a second I constructed the dream version of you Who the fuck are you? You're a stranger Get out of my life

There's another girl over here Uh-oh She's a stranger, too Holy shit She's new and exciting She's shiny and improved And then she loses her luster And I've got a buster

What do you mean you have to buster? I kill all my exes Oh my god I'm sorry I'm not a murderer I'm sorry, I'm not sorry I'm just a devil But even if this guy

Does have a crush on a girl that's not his girlfriend Whether or not that's gonna last this new girl The fact that he has a crush on somebody else Is not a good sign You think that when you've been with people in the past No people that come on you have little crushes on? Little crushes, yes But not daily Skypes and Facebook messages

I see Yeah, you're right You're right You're true You're true, Shmoomoo Okay You shmoom You shmoom

So I feel like this guy's taking it too far Once you start having crushes on other girls I don't think there's room in your heart and brain To explore those things To have two real crushes I think you can only be infatuated with one girl at a time Fair enough But maybe that's just me

Well, you're usually right I think if you want to be with somebody else Then that's great And if you think that your relationship with your girlfriend Is running its course And you don't want to go back Then you know what? It's fine to break up

But I think you gotta do it now You can't be stringing both of them along Yeah, but is it weird? Is it bad? Is it considered dickish To break up with your girlfriend and go after her friend? I don't know Maybe you want to have some kind of conversation

With the friend and say We shouldn't talk so much Because I'm starting to have feelings for you And if she's like Oh, that'll just turn her on But then if she's like Oh my god, yeah, totally I respect my friend

And I don't want you to have a crush on me This is not what I want Then you'll know And then also But if she's like Oh my goodness, we should stop But I like talking to you so much And I'm starting to have feelings for you too

Then maybe you start having an illicit affair That you feel really excited about And then you're like Let's hear it myself An illicit affair Don't fully embark on the illicit affair Wait till it's an option And then break up with your girlfriend

And then go on to your illicit affair Which is now not an illicit affair But a perfectly sanctioned, lovely relationship But your ex will hate both of you And that's fine Yeah, you have to lose If you do do it It seems like it's an asshole thing to do

Like, oh, he broke up with me He started dating my friend But if you do it in that order It's not actually mean, right? I think it's hurtful But not necessarily mean-spirited Right You know, shitty things happen all the time

I think as long as you do it with a pure heart And you're not an asshole And you're very sensitive to your girlfriend's feelings Are you true of mind and soul? That's what you need to look in the mirror And find out Or are you just a shallow little popular boy Love, lady, wannabe, what?

This is, yeah, no I don't know I'm having a stroke Oh, no So what would you do if you were him? I would probably go after this new girl Oh, so, and while breaking up with your girl? Girl, girl?

Yeah, I think I'd have I would probably do it in a way that was frowned upon By all parties Yeah I would still be having I would have sex with my girlfriend as we were breaking up And I would be flirting with the new girl and be saying I can't wait to be with you

I just have to get out of the relationship with this winch Meanwhile, I'm like going back to my ex crying Being like, remember when it was so good What are we doing? What are we fighting for? I don't want to be with anybody but you And then like as soon as she's out of like my eye line And then this new girl is like, oh my god

You're so new and shiny and perfect And I constructed a perfect life for us Let's go Let's go camping forever together And then the girls talk about me to each other And they say he's playing us both He's a devil, he's a monster, he's a nobody But I'm worse than all those things

I'm a devil taped to a monster, taped to a nobody I don't exist You're as part of taping yourself to a nobody So maybe that's the advice is to At the very least if they talk to each other Make sure it doesn't end up in them both hating you Like if you're just really really great to one of those girls Then you've done your job right

Like you break up with a current girlfriend She's not going to like you because she's with your new Because she's friends with this other girl that you're with now But if you give yourself all to this new girl When they talk, the new girl can't be like, oh my god He said that to you, I hate him Whether you could be great to both of them You could tell your girlfriend, I really care about you

And I value what we've built But I'm falling out of love with you And I think that the best thing I can do is be honest And I know this hurts now But it's going to be less hurtful in the long run To just pull this band-aid off rather than String it along and have you be miserable for months And have me be stressed out and anxious

And then keep this new girl who might be excited about you waiting So I think that you're actually being a nice guy to everybody If you just admit to yourself that you fell out of love with your girlfriend And you like somebody else Or okay Or cheat on her That's not good, okay But I'll let you talk

Go on Even if you're nice to her, she won't like you anymore She won't, but I think it's like All you can do is give her that retrospect You know what I mean? You've got to give it a hind You've got to give it a retro hind You know what I'm saying?

So she's going to be upset with you She's going to be upset with you But then looking back in like a couple months Or maybe longer or like maybe less time I don't know But she's going to look back and be like That was actually a cool thing of him to do But she's going to be upset with me in a good way

Yeah, but if you like draw it out and make it painful Then she's going to look back and be like That sucked and he should have just told me straight up I don't want to be with you Yeah, don't give her any ammunition for her future self Right, well it's not about self-preservation You always make it about self-preservation Don't give her any ammunition

Just like give her that hindsight You're mean, dude Fuck So where you are Because I'm bringing it back to you Like oh, just don't be mean to her so she can't be mean to you When you're saying you should just not be mean to her Because you should treat all people equally

No, I'm just, that's like the ideal But I think it's actually it's fine If he's like going to be nice to her Because he doesn't want her to be mean to him in the future I guess that's still like net effect Him being kind ultimately So even though his motives are flawed The outcome is still deice

Alright, well let's let's transition this to another question About treating people kindly Okay We need another rapper's name Is it a guy's name? Or a girl's name? It's a guy's name You have to give me the real person's name And then I'll come up with that

Okay, well it's name starts with J So you come up with a new name Okay You come up with a new name So like I'll say his name is Brandon Right Okay Brandon what?

Brandon Whedon Brandon Whedon? Yeah Okay, so we call him Whedon Whedon Whedon Whedon Whedon Whedon Brandon

I'm done The double dunce The double dunce Double dunce Double double dunce Double double double dunce Double dunce You're making

Double double double dunce This is all his name? No, I was thinking to the tune of bubble butt Double dunce Double dunce though That is a good name Double dunce Alright, double dunce writes

Being a kid from the rural south It is common for people my age To playfully joke around about homosexuality I don't hate people who are gay But as far as homosexuality goes I believe that it's wrong for many reasons Mostly because I just can't see How it makes any sense

But then again Why would I? That being said I was screwing... That being said I was screwing around In my English teacher's classroom one morning When I picked a book off the shelf

And read the summary on the back I don't remember exactly what the book was about But it was centered around a gay character Looking back now The next thing I did was quite stupid And I probably deserve the consequences For my actions Anyway, I put on my fake arrogant

Old man impression And gave a quite condescending And somewhat loud speech to my English teacher Asking why this sinful, slanderous Evil-ridden material was accepted In her classroom When she replied by saying Well, you're asking this to a high school teacher

Who has a gay brother and a lesbian sister My joking smile quickly vanished And was replaced by a quite guilty frown Believe it or not I was stupid enough to go into a small argument About why that belief is flawed Of pride, I suppose But I quickly caught myself making another mistake

And ending the conversation The remainder of the school year was quite awkward And I have heard from various students That she herself might be a lesbian How do I solve this little issue Without hurting her feelings Or making myself look like a jackass Keep in mind

I do not run around cutting down gay people I just have my opinion And voice it when asked Oh, the subject line is Whoops, she thinks I'm a homophobe Whoops, you are a homophobe Whoops, you're a double dunce for this Whoops

That's funny that that dunce thing worked out You really should have a dunce cap in the corner Double dunce, double double double dunce This is another one of those things where I think I said this once To realize how offensive you're being Replaced gay people with black people You're like, I don't have anything against black people

I just don't get it And I don't understand why they're like that And I don't think they should get married And I have this quiet opinion But I guess she, whoops, she thinks I'm racist That's so, it's so stupid I think being gay is wrong for many reasons Most of all, I don't understand it

That's okay I don't get math, but I don't think it's wrong I just recognize there's things that go on In the world that I don't have to like Also, you don't understand gay people It's pretty straightforward Imagine what you think about women You would think about guys there

That solved that issue And then the second step is recognizing that You don't think that way about guys So whatever, it's fine You just go back to being straight And don't even worry about anything else Whoops, she thinks I'm a homophobe Just because I don't think gay people make any sense

Oh my god It's so funny that he's so, he's so like Self-aware and blissfully ignorant And also, his vocabulary is pretty bad My joking smile Will quickly turn to a quite guilty frown I'm sorry I don't mean to make fun of your vocabulary

You're a homophobe I'll make fun of you for that Yeah He thinks it's wrong for many reasons Mostly because he can't see how it makes any sense Um, okay So here's what you have to do, sir You gotta come to the realization that you are a homophobe

And, uh, you'll very quickly, even in the rural south Be on the wrong side of history What you want to do is change your opinion now Then you can be like an early adopter Well, he can't be an early adopter Well, well, for his town, maybe So then like in 30 years, when everyone's like Tolerant of gay people

And then you can be like, you know what? Your kids can be like, my dad was tolerant Back in 2014 Oh my god Yeah, he was like that white person in 1780 That felt bad about owning slaves That's who you want to be Being from the south, a lot of people from the south are like

I think, I don't know This dude just has the wrong opinion Um, maybe you're very young You're in high school I think you just don't really have a good enough world view yet Yeah, you don't have thoughts that are your own quite yet But, well, it's cool that you emailed us I'll say that

Yeah He saw the error in his ways And he's trying to figure out what's What's Gucci with this whole thing Yeah And I will say that You know, just explore yourself Your instincts were right when you felt guilty

About the feelings that you were having Yeah That's good Explore that A little flame of tolerance Burns bright in you Don't say anything about flames He did say he had a felt of pride that he kept going on

Maybe your school has a GSA, the Gay Straight Alliance Maybe you could join or start that And then you could Start a Gay Straight Alliance I think that's what you have to do to make up for this Yeah, that way you're balancing out the universe You realize that you were small-minded And now you're doing your best to make sure that nobody else falls prey to the same mistake

I think if he's emailing us to ask how he can stop feeling guilty And I think it's to do something for the very people that you cut down So, that's what you gotta do What else can we say? You know what it will help is a gay rapper Oh, yes Are there any openly gay rappers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

What's his name? What's his name? What's his name? Or do you not think that far ahead? Orange? Something orange? Nope Definitely not orange Gay rapper, gay rapper He's in Odd Future What's his name?

Should I look it up? Yeah Oh, Frankie Ocean Frank Ocean Yeah That's it I searched Gay Rapper on Google And it says the related searches are

Gay Rappers Revealed, Frank Ocean Gay Gay Rapper List, and Macklemore That's funny Alright Change your brain Boom Next question Yeah

This one's kind of bro-y too It's kind of fun Let's give this guy a name Let's say his... Oh, you know what? No, I don't want to give his email But his email address does kind of seem like a rap name Let's call him Walter

So what's his rap name? Walter Walter doesn't falter He's Walt Walt the Fault in the Earth He's the earthquake Oh, okay What about Quakezilla? Quakezilla, baby

That'd be good if he was fat Quakezilla That's pretty cool, dude Quakezilla writes, subject, hey ladies Glad you chose me to be on your show I live in the States and my bro... Not my brother My bro lives in France

But is doing some kind of science stuff in Germany He was there for me when I was getting over this hella bitch And I want to thank him for being there But I don't know how I want to send him something without asking his address And I want to do more than write him a bro note I thought you guys would be the bro authorities When it comes to this shit

I never said my question would be easy But I didn't think my situation would be this hard Let's take it back to the start Love Quakezilla Quakezilla Quakezilla is trying to be real, real, real dude-ish And then he quoted Coldplay at the end Yeah, he's got it

And I love that he's a sensitive bro He's got a complex He's like, yeah, I don't know what to fucking get this guy That means a shitload to me Hey girls, how you ladies doing? Look, I need to send this fucking bro something better than a note But I want to be a bitch and ask for his address Look, I need to send him a present

I feel like I can write him a shitty ass poem or something stupid or what He's studying like science or some bullshit And I missed the fucking hell out of him It's fucking lame, lame, lame Although at the end of the day I would like to show him my appreciation With a token of sorts How do I send a hug across the ocean? I'd love to send a hug

Can I mail him a hug? So what's your perfect bro gift? I think the dude should visit him That's it I don't think I would, especially when I'm studying abroad, don't send me a present Just like fucking cum, that'd be dope Yeah, well you love things that you don't have to physically deal with Yeah, I don't like stuff

Yeah, you like experiences, not actual cubes of things Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah You want like an iPod or something Yeah, I want an iPad Nano iPad Nano? Keep your fucking trip, save your money, save your flights I don't need to be with you then you leave and I'm sad I want a fucking iPad for this

I helped you deal with a hell of a bitch and right now I want That's crazy I want music and games If I helped you get over a girl, you want fucking money? You want prizes? No, if I helped you get over a girl, I want games You want a game for it I think I either deserve a game for it, I deserve music for it

I want games and music for what I did, my actions deserve a game machine I think he helped you get over this girl because he's your friend And what do you do with friends, you spend time with them, fly to Germany Or some shit, travel with them, that's cool You know, I actually have, I went to a store the other day I won't give this away, but I thought of a really good gift for you When your birthday comes up, very soon, less than two months away I thought of a good gift for you, it's a physical object and I think you'll like it

Wow, I can't wait Yeah Thank you It's a flight to Germany, one-way flight I'll take that Is it an iPad, Nano? What if I just gave you an iPad? If you got me an iPad for my birthday, I think I would...

I'd make you return it Why? Because I don't want one Yeah, you do, it's thinner than your MacBook Yeah, but I don't fucking... I don't need an iPad to just sit around and use I have my phone What if I gave you a new computer? You gave me a MacBook Pro? Yeah, I would use that, that'd be dope

You'd be like, thank you? I would probably be like, more than thank you I think I'd be like... I would grill you for a long time about why you got it for me How much you spent on it, why you thought that it was normal to get it for me If you're expecting something in return But ultimately, I guess if you passed the test, I'd be really grateful and I would keep it Alright So I guess the answer to this question is either a flight to Germany or an iPad

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If I were you to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Again, squarespace.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com.com No, it was the day after we answered that email So he didn't hear our answer but he just followed up with more information for us And we were so sad that we didn't get to talk about it on the show because we had already recorded it If you remember, yeah, he was upset, he didn't know whether not to keep this girl Because his friend, the snake, had slept with her Even though his friend's snake was dating her

Before then he was the one who took her from his friend So then he writes as a follow-up email Also, what's a good way to get revenge on this guy because when my mom went over for drinks with his parents and confronted him about it He smirked at her and walked off without saying anything midway through her talking Let it not cross your mind that this guy is any kind of stud He is a loser and he gets in girls pants from ass kissing and groveling like the pathetic worm he is Either we're getting trolled by one of the funniest people ever Or he's just inadvertently one of the funniest people ever

What are you talking about? It's so funny You're sleeping with your friend's girlfriend He's a pathetic worm mate He's a worm man Let it not cross your mind that he's a stud My mom went over and he left the room after smacking at her I don't know how to do it, I lost it

Speaking Let it not cross your mind that he's a stud He only gets chicks by complimenting them That's good, it's a normal way to do it I get it the old-fashioned way by stealing it from worms I steal it from the guys who's already complimented them That's so good Hey, speaking of London, if this guy is listening or anybody else in England, we still have tickets available for our shows

We have a podcast there, we have a live podcast and a live show Two different shows, one beautiful night, Monday, September 8th They're selling If you're waiting because we're talking about it and it's not till September You should know that we saw the ticket counts and you should buy tickets Not trying to brag or anything I just don't want people to be left out Also, just to brag, we're moving units

We're like getting shit done Just to brag a little bit, we keep 100% of the door You know what that means? That's cash in hand That's cash in hand, that's cash on pocket On pocket, cash in pocket, cash on hand COD, BOD, BPOD, we're getting that British Guap shit British Guap, dude

That fishing shit Bandsmaker dance Bandsmaker dance Bandsmaker dance They have strip clubs in England, right? I don't know We'll be there, trust Trust we'll be at it

We should also take suggestion about where we should travel after England That's true We want to go somewhere else That's true Early leaders are Berlin, Berlin And Amsterdam That's true

Not for a show, just to chill Just to chill, just to hang So let us know what you prefer And don't just say one or the other because you live there Right, I'm trying to rage, dude Tell me where I can rage my face off and like see museums and culture and shit And rage my fucking tits off at night But during the day like eat a delicious meal

Take a nice walk through a park and then at night time Just rage my fucking balls off, dude Rage my dick off I don't want to be fucking dust at the end of this thing What? I want to explode it into a ball of rage What? Rage face

Rage dick Rage tits Rage ass, dude Or rage all of it off I won't have a face, tits, a dick, or an ass, or nut at the end of this trip That's how many art museums I want to visit So that'll be fun Alright, where were we?

Where were we? Oh yeah, last question Last question Last question, dance Is this from a lady? I sure hope so Oh it is Woo

Tight, alright Female rap name Her real name is Samantha even though it's not So what's her rap name? Symmetry What? Symmetry That was so fast but it's also pretty good

Thank you Was it tree with two E's at the end? Ooh, yeah, it's S-I-M-M-A Space, T-R-E-E Sima tree And then her logo is two trees that are symmetrical That look like titties Yeah

Right, sima tree Cause she makes it sima What? Sima symmetry now That's actually, we should create a rap persona called symmetry Just find a woman who's down to rap for us That'd be awesome And Nicki Minaj meets

Nicki Finky From Deadline Hollywood Alright Hey guys, love the show I found myself stuck in a little Tinder dilemma I'm a 20 Alright

I am a 20 year old female and in no way at all Am I considered easy? However, I met this guy on Tinder who's about 5 years older than me And extremely mature We've been talking for a pretty long time Yet not had the chance to actually meet face to face Our conversations are mostly about our jobs Hobbies

Basically strictly business with small traces of flirting Hither and thither I can definitely tell he is interested It's nice to have someone who isn't constantly asking for nudes And is able to have an intelligent conversation Without switching the subject to fucking Here's my problem How do I tell this guy that I want to bang him?

He's 100% my type physically And I'm tired of fantasizing about him And I want to fuck him for real Will it be offended or think that I am immature or trashy for suggesting this? I feel like this question is for Amir Considering like he would be turned off by something like this Any advice would be appreciated Thanks

Symmetry Yo, it's symmetry Symmetry Now I'm not easy Anyway, this guy sent me a couple Tinder messages And I'm going to fuck him Well, what she means is that

If a guy was like, oh, I want to fuck you I think most guys on Tinder are just super straightforward What are your tits? Send me a nude I want to fuck And like this girl's not turned on by that So that's another one of the examples of If you're just a normal guy

You're already better than so many guys That's true She's so turned on by this guy that didn't ask her for nudes And say let's fuck That she wants to fuck Yeah Guys are so bad that boring is considered great I don't think that you're easy because you want to have sex with him

That's just like your choice He's looks good He's a little older More mature And he's not a gross creep like everybody else on Tinder I don't think you have to say I want to fuck you You just have to say I want to meet you On Tinder, it's the same thing

Yeah, that's what meeting means Let's hang out Yeah And if she's asking for my advice I wouldn't be offended if you said, hey, let's meet up Right I think your only problem is like If you say, hey, I want to have sex with you

He'll think you're a bot He won't think you're real That's never happened to me on Tinder It's never happened to anyone I know on Tinder That's just like let's fuck And a few times it has happened The girl's just like fucking with you Right

So like, you never have to say let's fuck You just have to say let's meet Just assume that he definitely wants to have sex Otherwise, why would you guys still be talking? Yeah, not a lot of people use Tinder for friendship relationships Right I'm looking for a gal pal more than anything else Hey, I want to sleep with you

No thanks I'd like to just continue with the messaging every once in a while Tell me more about your hobbies Although it might even scare a guy away to hear that Well, yeah, I think it makes the stakes a little too high Like, oh shit, she wants to get fucked And maybe I'm not going to show up and do a good job Right

Also, like, oh shit, she wants to fuck Maybe she's, you know, not real Because that's something that's never happened People do, yeah, real girls don't say Hey, let's meet up and fuck people away Though they should be able to Everyone else, everyone should be able to But since it's just not the way Tinder's built

It's not the way it's working Sorry, sister Sorry, symmetry Sorry, advice is what? To fuck him But just tell him that you want to hang out And then you guys can like get dinner and drinks And then have sex

And it'll be way cooler than just, you know Having him come to your apartment or you go to his On the date, can she say that or is it still like Hey, you want to come over I guess like on the, sure, yeah, on the date you could say that You could say whatever you want, whatever feels authentic Whatever feels good And then if he doesn't want to reciprocate

Then he won't have to So that's, that's my advice too What you said is me Whatever feels good Yeah That's the way I live my life, baby I'm a pleasure seeker I know that

Symmetry Yeah Symmetry Symmetry For breakfast because you said this feels good at the moment Yeah, but then it doesn't feel good now It doesn't What do I do?

Because I'm a pleasure seeker, baby How do I seek pleasure? How do I seek respite from this From this sugar filled stomach ache That is consuming my body now I'm a pleasure seeker Yeah, this is the chorus to Symmetry's first single I'm a pleasure seeker, baby

So keep on the lookout for that Coming in the fall of 29 2933 It's gonna take us a long time to write it Symmetry That's it That's our episode Thanks for writing

And if you have your own problems Hit us up at ifirishowatgmail.com Also We start and end every episode With an authentically new Amazingly made Theme song submission By one of our talented fans

That first one Was from Benjo B Whose Twitter name is King Benjo And this last one Is by a young Englishman Name William Pell So thanks William And thanks Benjo

And keep those theme songs coming Peace Go E-mail and go Go Go E-mail and go Go Go E-mail and go Go

If all is true A lot has changed in my life With becoming a mother Getting married Losing weight Being fit So be a part of my new Fantastic, fabulous world

Download Naturally Nicole Every Tuesday at podcast1.com That's podcastowne.com