If I Were You - 87: Racist Opinions

Episode Date: July 7, 2014

In this episode we discuss love in your teens and life in your twenties. Also racism.This episode is brought to you by LootCrate.com and AVG Cleaner.See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

Uh, Chick and Amir, and they're gonna be here, and they're gonna say, Hey, and they're gonna say, Wait, you gotta listen to our show, you gotta listen to our podcast. Yo, uh, yeah. If you're dressed to an end, then pay attention. Step one, kill yourself, and a star back. Step two, if you're new, you gotta turn this off because we only roll with our day one. Step three, help me, bro.

I wanna do this, Chick. I need some advice from the legendary Pinch. The Pinch and Amir. They're gonna tell you what to do this is if I were you. Whoever said girls can't rap was right. What was that garbage? What was that garbage? What was that garbage?

No. Yo, I love step one, kill yourself, and a star back. Step two. There is no step two, you're dead. I loved it. I wanna listen to more from Anna and Sarah. Yeah. Thanks, girls, for sending me.

Shout out to Pinch. Throw your craft claws up. Your what? Throw your claws in the air. Pinchy pinch. It's a cinch to pinch. When we do our show in London and Manchester, you should come out in a lobster costume. Oh my god.

I want there to be a whole group of people in the front row with, oh man, we should just get lobster claws. Or lobster bibs. Yeah, yeah. That's it. Lobster bibs for the Pinch. Wait, so it's lobster bibs, but it's throw your crab claws out? It's all the same bib.

I guess we should just say throw your claws out. That's what it is. Throw your claws up. Because it's like lobster claws, crab claws. Yeah. This is if I were you, the only advice podcast on the entire internet. He's Amir. Hosted by you.

Oh, fuck, I'm always early. Sarah, dude, let's do it again. All right. Well, now it's the point. I feel like you already fucked it up. I thought you were going to edit this. Oh, no, no, no. We're keeping it.

Yeah, yeah. The only podcast on the internet hosted by us. And you missed it. Too late on that one. I don't want to do this anymore. The intro. Just being with you. What?

Done. What? No, I'm sorry. All right, go ahead. Here it is. This time we're going to nail it. Hey, this is if I were you, the only advice podcast on the internet. Hosted by us.

He's Amir. And I'm Jake. No. People send us emails and they're in a difficult place in their lives, too. If I were you show at gmail.com and we read these emails and try our best to advise them out of their sticky situations. Ta-da.

What is there else to say? I don't think there is a thing else to say. I think we just jump right in. All right. Head first. Here we go. Who is this from? Oh, OK.

Oh, we need a couple of ladies. There's a lot of ladies on this today's show. So we need three ladies, or we need ladies' names, basically. Wow, cool. And we also had lady intro. I hope we have a lady outro. This is our Sadie Hawkins podcast. No, we don't.

OK. Shouldn't have promised. You over promised and I have to under deliver. I'm sorry. So this first one, this lady who wrote this email. Let's have them all be first ladies. Oh, I was thinking about that. We'll call her Eleanor Roosevelt.

Perfect. Eleanor Roosevelt, right. And this is the first first lady. The first first lady, I guess that would be technically Martha Washington, which would be the first first first lady. I'm getting bored. Just go. Don't talk to me about history.

Don't talk to me about math. If it has to do with school, then you're a fool. You have an awful attitude. Yeah, well, you have an awful attitude. You're a cool dude, dude. So you didn't go to school. So you don't know what words mean. Yeah, I don't need to.

Hey, guys, my boyfriend of seven months and I are very much in love. But one major thing has been bothering me recently. Often when I express that I want him to do something that is important to me, like write something in my yearbook, come to a family party, or even just take me out and pay for a meal, he rarely follows up or argues that I shouldn't want him to do something

that he doesn't want to do. I don't want to force him to do anything, but I also do things I don't like a lot, because I know it will make him happy. So my question is, where is the line drawn? Is it selfish to hope that he will do things just because he wants me to be happy? And to what extent is it fair to expect someone to do things

they don't like for you? Thanks for your help. Love, Martha Washington slash Eleanor Roosevelt. Oh, that question depressed me. I guess the line is it's definitely before signing your yearbook. What does that mean? Just like, where's the line?

Like, what should I reasonably expect him to do? Yeah, he can sign your yearbook. That's not out of the realm of- Just imagine him playing Xbox. Like, babe, I don't want to freaking sign your yearbook. Look, dammit, man, you fucked me up. Relationship is about me being happy. Oh, you shit head.

That's what I'm talking on the headset. You shit head down in front, shit head. Sorry, babe. Can you just sign it in front of the Xbox? Can you just freaking sign my name? You don't want to make me do shit that I'm unhappy about. I'll dictate it to you. To whoever.

Hags love me. Hags, have a great summer. Love me indeed. What about all that other stuff? This guy sounds like a shit head. Yeah, if he doesn't want to do it, he definitely shouldn't say, stop making me do shit I don't want to do.

He should just do it anyway. You shouldn't make me do things that don't make me happy. That's definitely not true in a relationship. There's an ebb and a flow of giving and taking and being sacrificial and selfless and then also accepting love in the same gracious way. It's not all one sided like he never does anything

that doesn't make him happy. Yeah. That's crazy. Okay, how about this? You're gonna hate this, but just to put it in a pie chart, there's 100% of things you do in a relationship. Tolerating it cause I'm thinking of pie.

Okay, the whole pie chart is 100% and then there are three segments, stuff that you do and or stuff that you do and love, something that you do and don't love. Oh no, I lost you. You want to maximize the percentage of stuff that you both love, but then there's also gonna be slices that's,

oh, only she loves it or only I love it. Right. And you have to sacrifice part of your slice for some of hers. And it also sounds like your boyfriend doesn't love some things that he should maybe love if you guys are gonna be in a good relationship. Yeah, like come to a family party.

Right, family party, signing your yearbook. What was the other one? Taking me out to a meal and paying for it. And I mean, I understand maybe he doesn't want to, no, he should love that too. Taking you out on a date and treating you well. That's something he should love. So if these are things that he doesn't love

or at least do happily, like it sounds like he's at the point where he's not even tolerating it, which is insane. He's putting his foot down. I don't know how he got you into some kind of crazy dictatorship where only what he says goes and only what makes him happy is the norm. But that's not fair and you don't have to stand for it.

And you should just say, okay, well you only do what makes me happy and I'll do what makes me happy. And right now would make me really happy to tell you to fuck yourself. No, I don't want to do that either, babe. So let's fuck. I'm using my third veto.

Can someone who is concerned about yearbooks be very much in love? Excuse me? Can someone who deals with yearbooks, AKA a high schooler, be very much in love? I think when you're 16, you feel very intense emotions. And just cause we as people who are in their late 20s,

early 30s, just cause we can look back and be like, oh, I was foolish then. You can't look back and be like, oh, I didn't feel intensely. So yeah, I think that she can be in love. And I think that the feelings she has are quite legitimate. And I think you might think she's small, but I actually think you're microscopic

for putting that on her, for putting that on our listeners, for trying to condescend when we're supposed to be giving advice as a peer. I didn't say anything. I just asked you if high schoolers feel the same love that you do. Oh no, no, no, no, no. Those creatures, those rats, those little rat creatures.

They're so base. And I'm an acid, and they can't tolerate me. I shall annihilate thee. I do think that this isn't gonna be like your last relationship. So I think you should just, I think that like if it's not making you happy right now, move on, have a great summer, be single.

Hags, yo. Hags, yo, for real hags. Also, I just would like to say, just because I just said this is not gonna be your last relationship, today is my parents' anniversary. So I like to say happy anniversary, mom. You're the best. I love you.

Daddy, you found a good one. You're not a good one, but you found a good one. You locked it down. And for that, I say good job. So, where your parents' anniversary you say, congrats mom. Congrats mom. You made it work, you made it last, you made a beautiful family.

Not because of, but in spite of our father. Thanks to his money, sure. That was good. What are you doing? That was good. It's still happening, isn't it? I'm glad that my dad's rich. Doesn't he still favor all your shit?

If honestly, my family would fall apart if it weren't for my dad's money and my mom's love. Those are the two sides of it. Those are the two solids, the two sides. Are you taking a fucking picture of me? You look very unique right now. Oh, but they met in high school. They went to prom together.

So yeah, I think they're in love. Yeah, it's possible, anything's possible. But you guys gotta work your shit out. Yeah, I would say dump this dude. Okay. Yeah, it's pretty simple. Yeah. Next question. We need a dude's name.

Perhaps, what are those guys that marry the first ladies? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a priest. Nice. Millard Fillmore writes. Hey guys, I'm 13 and I've been in a relationship for a month. I just love that his name is Millard Fillmore.

13 year old Millard. I'm 13 and I've been in a relationship for a month and a week. At this point in my relationship, my girlfriend and I agree that we are drifting apart. What should I do? I would really appreciate your advice. Love Millard Fillmore.

Oh, Millard. Shit, what do we tell him? All right, well. The truth? Here's Millard, open your ears, open your minds. Here's a heaping helpful of truth syrup. Firstly, at age 13, there's no doubt in my mind that this is the one.

This is real. And it's gonna take effort to, there's gonna be a, you have to fight for this. There's gonna be, you have to fight for her. Yeah, of course you're drifting apart. You've been together for a month and a week. Yeah, but you're gonna just throw away that history, Millard?

No, you can't, because you can't start over at that point. You can't. What are you gonna find someone else invest another month, another week? A relationship is a tree. You wanna chop down a redwood, Millard, and plant a sapling and watch that grow? No, there's not time.

You have no time for that. Okay. Or should you have time for that? You're invested. So what do you do now? You're drifting apart. I would say force, fight, argue your way through this rough patch, regardless of how long it lasts. You guys have to reconnect.

I would consider therapy. Couples therapy. I was gonna say couples therapy. Yeah, cause what are you gonna tell your friends? How does it, when you split, everyone will say, oh my God, I thought Millard and Millard's wife were the ones that we're gonna make it. If they can't do it, who can?

Yeah. You guys have been together a month and a week. And it's embarrassing to break up. It means you guys couldn't figure your shit out. That's almost a month and a half. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's five weeks. You can't figure your shit out in six weeks

than G-Wiz, Millard. Who are you? You might die alone. Yeah. I can't see a universe. I can't imagine a universe that Millard doesn't die alone because of this. Man, we're talking about being condescending.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. So do we ridicule the 13 year old enough yet? No. He's a teenager. He's already dead. All we did was tease him for five full minutes. He just stops listening and follows that fake advice. I would have a fight for this.

What are relationships when you're 13? When I was 13, it was just like, I would chat with my girlfriend on the, on IM. Yeah. And we would pass notes to each other in the hall. And at the end of the day, it was like a big deal that you would hug your girl. Yeah.

Like it'd be in the hallway like, oh, I have to hug Lauren. Did your school have a edict against hugs? No. At some point, I think it was even earlier, like in fifth or sixth grade, all the cool 11 and 12 year olds would hug at the end of recess. And there got to a point where the teachers would be like,

you guys can't hug. Cause it's like, it just feels like you're, the guys are trying to feel the girl's boobs on their chest. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we had, my middle school was like super Italian. So everybody was really into kissing like both cheeks.

Oh really? Yeah. So it was a pretty big deal. Like when you said bye to your girlfriend and like when I remember like knocking on the door of the popular crowd in eighth grade. The popular Italians. Yeah.

And that would just be like a family style. Yeah. Family style pasta dinner going on. But like, I went home from school one day and some and like a girl that I had me was like, you didn't kiss me goodbye today. And I was like, oh fuck yeah. And then I was like, for a glorious week or two,

I was like kissing. I was greeting and saying goodbye at school. And I'm just like, all day it was like four kisses. Like fuck yes, dude. Four times two, eight. It's eight kisses. That's eight cheeks. All right.

And then so much to me. It's funny. There's a, I wonder, there's such a correlation between that group of people and what they turned into. Like I was totally the guy that was too shy and afraid to do that and to hug people. And you were not. And it like, you can still see that today.

20 years later. Right. I'm still kissing people on the cheek. I remember when going out started to be, I think it was in third or maybe fifth grade where guys would start asking girls out. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? To be boyfriend and girlfriend?

Yeah. And teachers had to sit down, students would be like, do you know what that means? Do you know what you can and cannot do? Your school was way more like involved. Mine, we just went out and that was it. Well, your principal had a fuck then, which I thought was a little much.

Like little girls and guys, yeah, an experiment room where you locked themselves in there and be like, don't worry, nobody can see you. Do whatever you want. Yeah. Sexual stuff goes. Sexual stuff pros. Oh, how so?

We're all pro about it. I see. So what should this guy do? Well, you know, if I would, I think with the real advice, do you break up if it's just this, like, do you ever break up or is it you only just? I broke up with somebody in middle school because I found out she was gonna dump me.

And I called her up and I was like, I don't wanna go out anymore. And I was like, I needed to do it first because I didn't want to be dumped. Ah, so that's a good advice. But then a month or two later, we were in music class writing notes to each other talking about how you broke it up.

And she's like, yeah, you dumped me. I was like, I did, because you were gonna dump me. And she's like, I wasn't gonna dump you. And I was, and I felt dumb. So like, I don't think you should try to avoid any social stigma like that. I think you should, I think the coolest thing you could do is have a real conversation with her and be like,

hey, I feel like we're going apart. Do you, do you feel like that too? Or do you, do you, because maybe sometimes, not maybe sometimes, I think occasionally people can go too far into their own heads and feel like they've grown apart while your girlfriend is just like happily going along thinking you guys are connected.

So if you say we've drifted apart, she'll say, I agree and confirm your fears, or she'll say, I feel close to you still. Let's, let's work through this. But if they both feel like they're drifting apart, maybe they shouldn't be together anymore. But yeah, that's true. And maybe if they're like, we're drifting apart.

And he says, do you want to try to reconnect? Do you guys want, do you want to try to get close together again, then you guys can talk and feel better about your relationship. Or you can say, you can agree to split amicably. But the coolest thing you can do is have a nice open conversation with her rather than thinking all these crazy thoughts

and like not letting her in. What about, I think the coolest thing you can do is when you're having this conversation, have your friend like take a, what's it called when you low bridge someone, like kneel down behind her. So what you say, like, I think, I don't know if we're drifting apart or-

Or if you're just falling apart and then you push her down. Yeah, well, I was going to say, or ripping a fart. And then the kid underneath just lets one fucking rip. Like a real great day like. Like a, like a scorcher. And then you shove her. Yeah, shove her. And she, she, she feels-

Yeah, shove her. She feels the sting and it hurts and it smells. Cause she stinks. Don't you get it? She stinks, Maude. Just a scene of grandfather giving advice. You didn't have a girlfriend in third grade. In third grade, all I used to do is sniff glue through

a tube and play Rubik's Cube. Eminem. Nice, dude. Nice. 22 years later, I'm as rude as you. Scheming on the babe with the biggest boobs. Are you okay? That's enough.

All right. Wait, was that the third question in the second? That was the second. All right, we got one more. Till the break of Dom. Baby got it going on. Yeah. All right.

Oh, we need another lady. Michelle Obama. Michelle Obama? Michelle Obama, writes, Hey guys, I'm in a great relationship with my boyfriend of six months. We're both relaxed, sociable people who like watching TV as much as we like trekking through the outdoors.

So far, so good. Our relationship has gone very smoothly, except that he tends to be prejudiced towards certain people. FYI, in Canada, just like the States, we have first nations people, along with a multitude of other nationalities. I realize stereotypes are commonplace

and people usually use them in a joking manner, but my boyfriend seems to truly believe some of them. And often his opinions of certain groups can be cruel. For example, that aboriginals are lazy and collect government money and that the percentage of Muslim extremists is higher than any other religion. He's such a mild-mannered guy and so lovely to me.

So why does he have these racist opinions? He is in the army and grew up in the conservative West, so as a person who is an ally of all humans, how should I deal with our differences? I don't want to force my own opinion and seem preachy and all, but I also won't stand for the rude generalizations about different cultures.

But I really love this, man. Help, what would y'all do? There's nothing laid-back. Oh, we're both laid-back people. He's a racist. That's the worst thing, you. We're so laid-back, we love watching TV trekking through the woods and he's racist.

He hates groups of people for no reason. He's pretty chill and fun-loving. He's mild-mannered but has bad opinions. He's sensed to sort of snap-judge people, minorities specifically, people of different color and thinks negatively about them. However, he is very chill-axed about most things. I don't even like her language.

I realize stereotypes are commonplace and usually used in a joking manner, like even that, no. But she's right, stereotypes are commonplace. I don't think stereotypes are that commonplace. Yeah, I think so. No. You know about them.

Yeah, but that doesn't make them commonplace. I think they're faux pas. I think they're uncommon enough that when you have them and when you make mean jokes and you have actual weird opinions about other groups of people that are negative, I think you're an outcast and I think you're a loser. I think that the tables have turned in that direction.

She's being aboriginal about this. Absolutely, she's being lazy. And I wouldn't doubt if she was collecting government money. Jesus. Handouts of the aboriginals. How unoriginal. I think you should talk to this guy. What would you do if you're,

I guess you wouldn't date a racist. You would never even start a relationship with a racist. Yeah, no. That's a deal breaker. Racism is the worst one. Yes, 100%. I think that- He's great, but racist is not a real work. There's gotta be a zero tolerance rule on that.

You can't be like, he's cool. That like, he's cool, but he's racist. Nobody says that. He's not cool and he's racist. But if he's got- He's not cool because he's racist. But if he's got everything else going on, maybe you can get in there

and make him change his opinions. Yeah, you know, why don't you- Like if he liked everything else about him. I'd be super direct and tell him exactly what's up and tell him that's not gonna fly. And maybe he'll change his mind on this stuff. Yeah. Or dump him?

Be racist too? Oh! That way you have another thing. Oh, that's an option! Yeah, of course. We're laying it all on the table. This podcast is called Every Option. Dump him, talk to him, be racist too.

More options. Turn into a bird, fly into the sun. Turn into a fish, swim into the sea. And that's another option. Turn into a bird, swim into the sea. Turn into a fish, fly to the moon. These are literally endless. This is a podcast that has no end.

More options, more options. Turn into a sheep, fly into the sea. Yeah, I don't know, man. You gotta talk to him about his racism, I guess. Talk to him about his racism? I mean- Barring that- Sheep moon.

I dated that neo-nazi, remember? Yes, he was cool. Why couldn't it be a girl? What's wrong with being gay? He's sexist. I'm not sexist, you're a homophobe. You all have prejudices. They're so commonplace, I feel like.

All right, break time. Break time. Let's chill. Till the next episode, actually. Boom, baby. So we'll just relax until we release the next episode, which is in four days. It's so relaxing.

Oh, first of all, there's gonna be a Thursday episode this week. That's cool. Co-starring your sister. So that's a little teaser right there. My little sister. Secondly, this show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp.

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That's betterhelphelp.com slash if I were you. Check him out. Thanks, BetterHelp. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Wow. For years and years and years, we've been ranting and raving about Squarespace

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Just go to stamps.com. You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you. And that gets you a free four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you, stamps.com for sponsoring this show. And now let me read the ad we were supposed to say.

Oh, shoot. Yeah, that was just the product that I just happened to really enjoy. Okay, here we go. Swastikas. I was gonna say Swastikas. Really? Yeah.

Why? Cause we were talking about raising them before condemning it and then I thought a funny thing would be to say we were sponsored by Swastikas. And... Does that think that's why you made the joke? Isn't it? Yeah, but you were just gonna say it.

I said it. I was funny. And I was. I make a funny joke and you're like, oh, it's gonna say it. Were you gonna say it or were you just taking credit for my joke? Holy shit.

What? I was trying to show you that we were connected and with one mind that was cool. Oh, were you gonna be like, oh, whatever. If Amir says something funny, I'll say that I thought of it too. I wasn't thinking like that. So that you can co-opt my comedy.

I wasn't thinking like that. And use it as your own. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. That's bullshit. I'm sorry. That's bullshit. I'm sorry.

How did you mean it? I meant it like I said I meant it. I think you meant to steal it. Do you agree with me? I really don't. Can you say that you do? Can you say that I was gonna steal whatever joke you thought of if I thought it was funny?

Maybe if you feel this way. No, no, don't say it. Don't say like I'm sorry if I offended you. I wanted to steal the joke. I wanted the credit. Holy shit. I couldn't have ever in a million years thought of swastikas.

I thought it was gold. I chuckled, I chortled, and then I decided it was mine. I deserved it. I earned it. And I stole it from you. You loser. I am. I am one.

We're going to London. And now we're also going to Manchester. For the first time in a long time, we're going to Manchester. United, I'm on the going. Shit. All right, start over. Okay.

Hey, yo. We're going to the Chester Man. We're going to buy a fan because it's really hot and humid in the summer. We're going on Tuesday, September 8th. It's gonna be really great. No, it's actually the ninth. Tuesday, September 9th.

Tuesday, September 9th. Oh, no. What rhymes with ninth, Jake? Thoughts? Yo, what rhymes with ninth? A million things. Like the word I just made up called plinth. Plinth rhymes with ninth.

So does the word steinth. It's another word I made up. Just made up words. That means titty. I didn't add any real words. Rhyme with ninth? Oh, yeah, dude. Check it.

Hit me. Doom, doom, doom, doom. What? What? What words rhyme with ninth? What words rhyme with ninth? A lot of little words. For instance, they are...

Doom, doom, doom, doom. Gleinth. It's a Spanish word. It's not. Yes, it is. Gleinth? Gleinth. No.

There's no T-H in Spanish. It's a Norwegian word. We're going to Manchester on Tuesday, September 9th at the Lowry. Smaller shows, so grab your ticket. Once again, it's like that early show is the sketch and stand-up show that we do with Streeter. And the late show is the live podcast.

Still tickets available for the London, and now we added a date in Manchester. So all you Northerners don't have to come all the way down to London. Boom, baby. I guess you're welcome. Yeah. I feel like you're welcome.

Do you still say that? Okay, you're welcome. Should we get to the last question? Okay. We need a dude. A duty. A duty, we need a little poopy. I'll think of it.

Oh, come on. I want to unplug your microphone. Please don't. I need a voice. Otherwise, I fear this podcast will be too lopsided. The most forgettable president. You ready for this? Try to name one more obscure than this guy right here.

Ready? Franklin Pierce. Very, very forgettable. That guy ran our country. Wow. You couldn't even fucking think of him in a million years. When was it? 1964, if you can imagine.

What? Yeah, it was in between Kennedy and Nixon. Not so. He got us out of Vietnam. Here we go. Hey guys, you seem to have a pretty laid back lifestyle where you seem to be having fun with what you do and be able to work on something

that you're passionate about. So as someone who's about to graduate college, what would you tell them on how to take advantage of life in your 20s? How would you describe what your personal journey was like and if there are tips or things to keep in mind as we go through our 20s? I have had internships in various corporate environments

and it just seems depressing to give up the, and it just seems depressing to give up the freedom slash carefree attitude one generally has during college. I have also not found anything yet that I'm truly passionate about. So in terms of the generic follow your passion advice, at this point, I don't have anything like that. I don't know how to best phrase this question

so you can edit it however you'd like. Apologies for the run on sentences. Thank you, Franklin Pierce. I do love using presidential names because like, help me, I need advice. A guy who became the president. Who didn't need any help from us ever? No passions, eh?

No passion. Sounds like step one is to find it. I would say so. Yeah, step two is to pursue it, although you can't really do that for money. I feel like the common theme is doing what you like for free long enough and if you're good, you start getting paid for it.

Yeah. But then you run into the situation where you try it a lot. Well, how do you, what was your journey like? I was very lucky so it's not entirely applicable but my journey was like, oh, in college when I was 19, I liked college humor. So I was like, can I write for you guys? I emailed Ricky and I asked if I could write for them.

And I guess it's this advice because for three years I would write articles, not for money, but just to like, you know, try to become better and hopefully in one day, they would be able to pay me. So after three years of writing articles for free, both for myself and for other websites, in addition to college humor,

when college humor did get money, they wanted to hire me even though it wasn't a lot of money, but it was still getting paid to do what I liked. Right. So but in that way, I was passionate about something which was writing jokes or writing comedy. Yeah. What was yours early 20s journey like?

Very similar to yours. I also read college humor, liked college humor, started writing for college humor, became an internet college humor. For free. For free. Didn't get paid. Right.

So how did you pay rent when you moved to the Upper East Side at age 22? My, well, I had a little bit of money saved up from working in the ice cream store. Right. My sister, Hannah, did the coolest thing she's ever done for me. Oh, that's standing back flip.

Yeah. And then wrote me a security deposit and a rent check for my first month in that apartment. She paid for my rent and then I... Did you ask her? No, she just like, I was trying to move to the city. I was trying to save up money and she like, was helping me find departments.

And we had found like a really good deal. And, but my dad was like, not to like, he was right. Cause I had like failed out of college. And I had like failed at everything I'd tried to do. So he was like, I don't want to pay for you to live in New York City right now. Why don't you keep this internship and commute

and prove to me that you... But I had been doing that for like a month and it was just getting really, really hard. So my sister was like, I'll pay for his first month's rent. And then I started working in like, I was like a host at a restaurant on the Upper East Side. Really?

Yeah. When you were working at College Humor? Yeah. You were a host at a restaurant? The Upper East Side. What a loser. I didn't realize you were such a loser. And then, but I only had to do that for like a month.

And then Streeter and Ricky started paying me. Which is a common route, which is like doing a job you don't necessarily love to have the financial freedom to do what you do love on the side for free. Right. Which is another, which is something I was thinking of

as you're reading that question. Cause like, it's one thing to say, I wasn't passionate about everything I was doing as an intern at College Humor. I just had, you have like a very small passion of you were saying you were writing, just writing jokes.

And after a while, I became passionate about Jake and Amir videos, but we only did that for like an hour a day, if that, at that time. Right. It's not like you are working 12 hour days on Jake and Amir videos. Right.

So for a while, you, I think you have to dedicate a lot of time to things you're not crazy about and then a little bit of time to what you're passionate about. And I think in terms of finding your passion, you should look at what you do in your spare time and your hobbies. What if it's just video games?

Then explore that universe. Be like, Hey, maybe I could be a market. Maybe I could go into marketing for video games. Maybe I could program video games. Maybe I could design video game boxes. Maybe I could invent video games. Maybe I could go on tour with like gamer conventions and help set up the events.

And then my life is surrounded by video games all the time. Maybe I could just become the best Halo player ever in tournaments. But what if your hobby or your passion is something lame like being a chef or helping kids? Then I think you're fucked. I think you should look at, try to like play video games more.

Yeah. And then to do that thing that you were talking about, inventing video games and designing video game boxes. Well, there's so many jobs out there and people just need to be like creative and try to think of. Yeah. When people tell me what jobs they have, when I talk to normal people who have real jobs, it's always jobs that I'd never even thought of.

Oh, what do you do? Oh, I work at this endowment at this school and I have to do this and this. I'm like, oh yeah, I guess that job has to exist. Somebody has to do it. Or like, hey, what do you do? Oh, I work at a hospital, but I'm not like a doctor. I'm like, I do this and I sell this.

I help schedule people. I help schedule when doctors come in. Right. Oh. Right, of course. They would need that. Yeah. So find a job that doesn't make you miserable or even if it does, hopefully you make a lot of money or enough money to become financially free enough

on the nights and weekends to do or explore what you're passionate about. And if you're good at it, then somebody will find a way to pay you for it eventually. I feel like. Boom. Okay, that's it. We're out of time. We're more than out of time. Thanks so much for emailing everyone.

The email address, again, if you have your own questions, is ifirushow at gmail.com. Still opening and closing every episode with an original theme song. The first one was from someone named Anna and Sarah. And this last one is from someone named Sam who sort of did a, is it still a montage? If it's audio?

It's a medley. Yeah, a medley of every time we had a guest on the show. So thanks, Sam, for that. Thanks for you guys. And we'll be back on Thursday. Thanks so much, Mike. This is If I Were You, the only advice podcast on the internet hosted by us.

I'm Amir. And I'm Jake. We're here today with a very special guest, Alison Williams. It's Ricky Van Veet. Streeter Seidel. Hi, I'm Emily. Patrick Underscore Castle.

We're joined today by Jake's mom, Laura. We're here with Jake's little brother, Micah. Hey, we're here with Ben Schwartz. Yeah, we're back with Ben. And I'm Coach. Rout. Hey, Thomas Middleditch is here. He's Josh Rubin in the hand.

Oh, Rose McGyver. Jeff Rosenberg. Dave Rosenberg on. And Rick Fox. And also, Kyle Fox. It's extra-sulting in the name of Dennis. If I Were You Show at gmail.com, that was short and Dennis. Hey, what's going on?

I'm Brody Jenner. Hi, I'm Dr. Mike Dow. We are inviting you guys to come check us out as the Brody Jenner podcast with Dr. Mike Dow. It is a fresh take on life's biggest dilemma, love. You got Dr. Mike Dow as a couples therapist. You got me. I'm not the best, but I do a pretty good job.

We'll have a different celebrity guest each week joining the conversation with us. We are serving nothing but love and relationships on the Brody Jenner podcast. Go download it every Thursday at podcast1.com. That is podcastone.com.