If I Were You - 88: Top 100

Episode Date: July 28, 2025

In this episode we discuss popular websites, popular tourist attractions, and unpopular heights.Advertise on Segments via Gumball.fm.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is a HITGUM original. Let's begin. Now let's meet you two pathetic hoes. Seconds. Let's begin. Jump right in. Segment one. You wanna make a small talk? Let's not waste any pleasantries. Eh, how's it going?

Eh, hey, da, da, da, da. Like, that's filler, that's fluff. Well, it's kind of getting in the mood, getting in the zone to like improvise and enjoy our time together. I feel like I'm really enjoying our time together and I didn't even have to learn about shit to get into the zone. I'm basically always ready to go. You're being really rude to me.

I'm being funny. Let's just get to the fucking segment. Let's get to the meat of this thing. You're stalling. I'm interested in the whole hog, bones and all. Let's get to the meat of this thing. Or you're stalling. I'm interested in the whole hog bones and all. Why? For me, it's not about trimming the fat. It's about eating the rat.

I'm gonna lower the beast into my mouth, Heathcliff style by its tail, and then pull out a skeleton. Watch me cook, get out of my way, and hit me with your best thoughts. Fire away. Now. Watch me whip, whip.

Watch me nay-nay. Watch me nay-nay. Okay, well I wanted to check in about your dog who ate chocolate and you had to bring her to the bed. Phoebe the new dog ate seven grams of dark chocolate, which animal toxicity, I don't know. I don't know. I really don't.

How do you know it was seven grams? You knew exactly what she ate? I actually don't know it's seven grams. We just had 12 individually wrapped chocolate squares. Sorry, when I say we, I mean, Avital. We left it on the couch. Sorry, when I say we, I mean, Avital. We left it on the couch. Sorry, when I say we, I mean, Avital. And when Avital noticed Phoebe going to town on the couch,

seven of them had been chewed through wrappers and all and consumed chocolate all over the couch. Phoebe had never been happier. You have to call a number for animal toxicity, which is like a US wide thing. They charge you $95 just to do the math and give you a case number so that you can take your dog to the vet.

Keep in mind this is 11.30 PM. So I get to the emergency room, AKA urgent care for this little girl who's never been happier. I give her away. They have a force. She's the happiest little clam. She is given medicine to make her induce vomiting. The faster, the better.

An entire diarrhea filled diaper worth of chocolate came out of her. And then they sent us on our merry way with the grand total bill is drum roll please, $565 and that did include a subcutaneous fluid. Not to mention the chocolate loss. I don't know how much those cost but seven pieces can't be cheap, not if it's Belgian. Those were coming out of her college fund, which we have for no particular reason. I set up a tax haven for her. Did you, aside from naming Avital on this podcast,

did you guilt her at all during the process or did you figure she felt bad enough? She did feel bad enough and I didn't guilt her on purpose though I wasn't as reassuringly joyous in my dough. It's totally cool that I would have been maybe seven years ago. I was more like, yeah, all right, let's go. Well, you can't have the chocolate out.

I guess we should start getting licorice instead of you're gonna eat it on the couch and forget it. If I like dog poison as a snack, I wouldn't eat it in the house, I think. Would you? Well, I know the answer because you did. Chocolate is debatable, I guess. Like, grapes are more dangerous, though chocolate is winning the PR battle because everyone knows about chocolate. Not anybody knows about grapes really you know what's

interesting I was gonna mention this story when we first got Dingo as a puppy Jill was like out to dinner and I had done a whole bunch of like house chores I just ordered food I was like really looking forward to having a nice mellow night and I was like opening the fridge I dropped a grape Dingo grabbed it took it into the living room I was like that's cute and then I was like opening the fridge, I dropped a grape, dingo grabbed it, took it into the living room. I was like, that's cute. And then I was like, wonder if dogs are allowed to have grapes. And I Google, can dogs eat grapes?

Like no kidney failure, dog could die. And I was like, this ruined my whole entire evening. So then you went to the place, they did the thing. I called and they were, I was like, it was just one grape. They were like asking about the size of him and the lady was like, it's probably okay. Keep an eye on it. And then I went over to the couch and I found the grape. Oh, so he didn't even consume the grape.

He just kind of picked it up, brought it over, batted it, realized he didn't want it. If it was chocolate, who knows? Have you ever done an ER emergency room late night visit with Dingo? No, never ER, never late night. We've had like, he's gotten like rashes or ear infections. We had to like take him in quickly, but never like life or death.

Holy shit, yeah, time is of the essence. Yeah, no. Yeah, it's a scary place to be, that urgent care of an animal hospital at midnight, because nothing good is happening. Did Luke ever eat chocolate? Yes, he did. Thank you for asking.

Okay. But they tried to induce vomiting for him and it didn't take. So he didn't even puke. It was just the $500 for the attempt that time. But some dogs can handle it. There was also the time that he ate the chicken bones, which is also supposed to be bad.

Yep, no, it was the chicken bone out of the trash, also supposed to be bad. Everything can be bad, but not everything is a hundred percent bad. Well, it always depends on the size of the dog. And you have two very small dogs. Yeah, the smaller the package, the longer they live, but the more shit they can get into

for the 15 years that they're alive. Yeah. So did you, were you able to discipline Phoebe or Avital? Well, when I got home, I rubbed Avital into the cushion so that she could learn her lesson. But I guess you're not supposed to do that. You said bad girl, because now I'm divorced. Now you have to positively reinforce her.

So now it's like whenever Avi Tal is eating a good snack, I'll like give her a treat. Yeah, yeah. The treat is always a little square of chocolate. Well, the thing is the dog does, has no idea. Like Phoebe would return back at 3 a.m. and just continue to eat the chocolate had she like been given the opportunity.

Right, there's no lesson learned. There's nothing you can do. No, of course not. It would take months of training to get her not to eat chocolate. And with Phoebe, you're gonna go with what you've got. You're not trying to change that dog. No, we have to just, ultimately she's training us.

So she's teaching us when to give her food and like I have to sit down before I give her turkey. It really doesn't make sense at all. I'm like wrapped around her fucking finger. I rolled over and played dead for two hours. You sit down before you give her turkey. She tells me to sit. She tells me to sit and I have to.

I see. She tells you paw. She uses a clicker. Do you realize how fucking emasculating that is? A 12 pound Yorkie poo. Yeah. And you you're wearing an electric collar. I guess you had an electric fence. Yeah, wow.

She doesn't want you podcasting. She's training me to stop podcasting. This is so fucked. Speaking of podcasting, I actually have a little game. I don't know if it'll be good or bad, but that's the nature of these games sometimes. Yeah, that's the beast. Basically, do you remember when we worked at CollegeHumor, we were very focused on our Alexa ratings?

Yeah, the Amazon Alexa ratings for websites. It's ranking every website on the internet in terms of popularity. Yeah, and we were like trying to crack. Were we trying to crack the top 100 websites in existence? I thought it was top thousand. Oh, I really was at that low. I guess there were a lot of websites.

Yeah. Well, here is the game that I've come up with. Okay. How many websites keep in mind, Alexa no longer exists, but there's another one that's apparently better called arefs.com. Alexa doesn't exist. No, it's gone. Is it because Alexa is now the name of Amazon's AI pod?

I guess, yeah, they stopped caring about ranking websites and they were just like, it's not important to know who's behind us. Yeah, who owned Alexa at the time? Was it a Google thing? I don't know. I wasn't not Amazon Alexa or was it just called Alexa? I don't know.

I think a company had like, oh, it was like IMDB or internet database or maybe. Oh, it was Alexa internet. It was an internet company, internet.com and internet provider. Interesting. And then yeah, but again, a partnership in Google, Google. So wow. And the web directory DMAs. Of course. Um, of course. Interesting. And then yeah, again, a partnership in Google. Google, so wow. And the web directory, DMOS. Of course.

Of course. Yeah, okay. So that was kind of tracking. But that's not what the game is. No. This game is, how many websites, in the top 100 websites, do you think you could name? Oh, I don't know, 94?

I'll take the, I'll take the over. Oh my God, I get them all in order. No, I could probably name 22. 22. Unless they're all like weird Asian websites I've never heard of before. I might, yeah, I might take the, I'll take the under. Okay, all right, watch me cook. I've never heard of before. I might, yeah, I might take the, I'll take the under. Okay.

All right, watch me cook. All right. Timcook.com is my first guess. Correct. Yes, at number four. Okay, how are you gonna count? I have a little document that I'll, you know, do, that I'll number each time you get correct.

And can people play it along at home or what do you think? No, absolutely not. This one's just for me? This one's a schmool solo journey. Google.com. That is correct. Do you want a bonus and just guess what number it is? Two.

Incorrect. Moving on. Okay. I get a bonus one for that. Amazon.com. Correct. You want to guess what number it is? I'll guess that one is the third.

Incorrect. Amazon is 12. Wow. Google is five, by the way. Wow. Okay. MSN.com. MSN.com. MSN.

Not on there. Nobody cares about fake news. Interesting. IMDB. Correct. Number, you wanna guess? 70. 14.

Oh, okay. Show me Pornhub. I wonder, I feel like it's not tracking porn. Got it, okay, so Pornhub. I wonder, I feel like it's not tracking porn. Got it, okay, so Pornhub. I'd like to trade, change my number. So I'm gonna maybe do seven. That was gonna open sort of a cascade slash floodgate of smut that I don't think I can access anymore.

Yeah, I wonder, hmm. I was trying to see if there was one, yeah, list of most visited websites on Wikipedia. Do you think Pornhub is the number one porn site? I do, because it's kind of ubiquitous for porn. Okay. Wait, hold on, I found a place that- Wait, hold on, this game is place that- Wait, hold on.

This game is already pretty slow. Well, I'm finding the PornHub. It is on the list of top 100, but it's actually not in the top 10. It's below LinkedIn, which is, I think, a really good thing for America. So, people would rather have a job than a blow job. Nice. Are you giving me credit for PornHub? No, because it's not on this list. So people would rather have a job than a blow job.

Nice. Are you giving me credit for Pornhub? No, cause it's not on this list. Okay. Well you mentioned LinkedIn. So give me that one. Fuck. Okay. And you mentioned Wikipedia. So give me that one.

Did I? You really got Wikipedia. You care to know which know where Wikipedia ranks? Nope. Facebook is gonna be up there. Okay, yep. Care to wager a guess as where that one ranks? No, show me YouTube for top 10.

Yep. YouTube is up there? For sure, it is in the top 10. TikTok.com up there, just in terms of people watching TikToks online. Yep. TikTok is on there. You're at eight of people watching TikToks online. Yup. TikTok is on there.

You're at eight, by the way. Okay, great. Nine if you're counting Pornhub, which we don't. No. X, aka formerly Twitter. Yes. Yes, that is there. It is.

Yup. Okay. CNN.com or ESPN or New York Times for news. Okay. No CNN. What? ESPN, yes. Okay. And New York Times, yes.

Oh, interesting. So that's 11. Yeah, you're at 11. Whoa, I'm halfway there. I'm calling it. Apple. You can't come up with anymore. And time.

Sorry, I should have mentioned three minutes and 42 seconds and under. A three minute game. Does gmail.com count as a separate website or is that all of Google? I think it's all Google. And instagram.com? Instagram.com is there. As one of them, socom is there as one of the, as one of them.

So that's a new one. Yep. You're at 12 and one almond.com. Um, Ooh, no, nothing. Even with the name almond. Interesting. Pretty weird. Is Yahoo still popular amongst boomers?

It certainly is. So Yahoo is up there. You will find Yahoo at number 16. Wow. Okay. Uh, what about that Asian search slash mega website, Weibo? W E I B O. W E I B O.

It's not on this list. Okay. What about Alibaba? Um, no, not on this list. Okay. What about Alibaba? Um, no, not on this list. Alibaba. Not on the list. I wonder if they aren't including companies from China. Right.

Well, no TikToks on there. This is censorship in the greatest degree. Um, Google Drive, that's all part of Google, right? Yeah. Separate. Yep. Um, What else do people use for mail? What about AOL? Are people still going to AOL.com? They might be, but not on the top 100.

What about zoom.com? Every time you go on zoom, that's a technically a website. Not technically on the list. Wow. What about evite.com for online invitations? Um, evite, no. Wow. What about evite.com for online invitations? Um, evite. No. Wow.

Okay. Reddit.com. Got to be up there. Yeah. Reddit's there. Reddit is there. Number six. Wow.

Good on Reddit. Yeah. Um, I don't think you've gotten everything in the top 10 yet. Interesting. Oh, there's probably gaming stuff like twitch.com. Twitch is not on there. Kick.com. Nope.

This is a fake list. There is gaming stuff, but you just obviously don't game. Yeah. Is it like live streaming stuff I've never heard of? Maybe. Or like an actual game like. I think live streaming stuff that you've never heard of maybe more like an actual game. Like I think live streaming stuff that you've never heard of. Oh, rotten tomatoes.

Correct. Rotten tomatoes. Number 86. Wow. It's going to be hard to get any number higher than that. Uh, I'm just going to Alexa.com so I can refresh my memory of a few of these. Um, what just pull up the list. What?

Nothing's really come into mind and I've only gotten 15. What are you talking about? Is dig.com still popular? No. Okay. Fark. What about Hewlett-Packard? HP.com?

Nope. What about, I'm just thinking of trillion dollar slash, um, giant corporations like, uh, chat GPT. Yeah. What's what's chat GPT? Eight. 40. Wow.

That's going only going up. There's also probably like news ish websites, banking websites is like city bank, bank of America. Um, um, travel, Ossetian, uh, travel. You haven't really gone there yet. Nope. None of those. No Travelocity. No Travelocity.

Yeah. How are people buying plane tickets these days? I guess I, I don't know somewhere. Oh, what about Ticketmaster? No. Wow. Not in the top 100. StubHub, SeatGeek. I think these are too, they're too American.

But you told me no foreign websites. I said no Chinese. Your lies are catching up with you. But there is TikTok. Alibaba. Alibaba's not here. I'm scared. I'm scared to find out what to do online.

What about IRS.gov? People paying their taxes. Any.gov extensions? No, and we're getting close to needing to call it. What? Cause you're obviously. You're floundering. You're grasping at straws.com.

Are there any.nets on here? Um, yes. Or a.org even. There is a.net. There's one.net and there's five.orgs. Holy shit. The.org. Cause Wikipedia is a.org.

Right. Um, yeah, I think I'm running out of ideas. Um, ask.com other websites that old people use. I think I first recognized a huge flaw in my game. Oh, here we go. This is the list of my favorite websites. It's the top trending web websites worldwide. This game is bunk.

But it's not the top. Of course this game is bunk. There's no way we can possibly keep up this ruse. Actually, no, that's right. It's trending. It is trending. That's how this could work. Actually Venmo.com, me, $500.

Let's go Venmo. That's an app. I know, but sometimes fucking TikTok's an app, but people use it online. One last guess. Apple.com. Correct. guess, apple.com. Correct. Oh, that's interesting.

Yeah. You can't really do anything on it. Oh, what about like TV watching stuff? What about TV watching? Netflix.com. Yeah, what about Netflix is number 22 on this list? What about Hulu? Sorry to say Hulu is not.

Interesting, sorry to Hulu. What about Tubi? Sorry to say Hulu is not. Interesting, sorry to Hulu. What about Tubi? To U B I. To, oh, to, no. Is Alexa.com like Amazon's proprietary Alexa website on here? No. Okay, so I give up, 18.

I got 18. That's not bad. Some of the heavy hitters you missed. Number seven, WhatsApp. I didn't realize that was a website either. Yep. Oh, but that's an app, it's an app. And yet fucking WhatsApp is in the top seven. Were you trying to fuck me up on purpose

or do you like seeing me fail? Number eight, OpenAI. You had chat GPT. That's chat GPT. That's 100% chat GPT. You marked it off the list as if I had already completed that task. Number nine, Pinterest.

You incepted me not to even think about that one. You also forgot Microsoft.com, IMDB. I said MSN.com. Did you say IMDB? I said MSN.com. You said MSN. And I did say IMDB. Okay, and I gave you IMDB.

And this game is bunk, and you do Venmo. You didn't do Canva. You didn't do Globo. You forgot. Of course not. Yeah, you didn't do the BBC. You're obsessed with the news. You didn't do, and then, I think you're-

Al Jazeera. Let me see. No. Okay, cut that. Health line, some health stuff. WebMD? WebMD is health stuff. Yeah. Web MD? Web MD is on there. Yeah.

And then the games, roblox.com, Steam. Right, right, right, right, right. Wow, Ikea is up there. That's pretty interesting. Why? And then you love weather. You didn't look at weather.com or AccuWeather. Yeah, those were two ones that were just fucking waiting there for me.

And then YouTube is so popular that a bunch of these websites are just like YouTube rippers and YouTube downloaders and stuff. Like YouTube to MP3 or something? Yeah, save video. What's 100? That's a good question. And I'll tell you as soon as I reopen the tab,

because I closed it, you will never guess it. It's actually open AI. Because it's shoppy.co.id. An Indian shopping website? Oh, what about that one where everything is cheap, like Tmoo or Wayfair? Not Tmoo, not Wayfair. The United States is not populous enough.

But China's not on the list and it's not an app. But WhatsApp is on the list. Indonesia is. I'm really trying not to get fucking mad. Angry, you are already pissed. But it's not working. I think, I really think we need to take a break and on the pod it'll be instant, but for we need to take a break. And on the pod, it'll be instant.

But for us, it might be a week. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode of our show. Thank you. BetterHelp. Jake, I don't know if you know this, but sometimes life can get a little stressful. I heard that for some people. Yeah, like if you're dealing with anxiety or depression or there's like a workplace or family issue that you're trying to deal with, the best way to do that is to speak to a professionally licensed therapist. These are facts. Correct. I've used therapy and I found it immensely helpful and the easiest, most affordable, convenient way is to use BetterHelp because it's entirely online. That's right. They have over 30,000 therapists that you can speak to through the app and it works.

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That's betterhelp.com slash segments. Segments. Correct. Yeah. Namaste. And we're back. Yes. That was a game in which the entire thing was rigged against me.

Now let's do one where I can actually win because the game master isn't consistently trying to ruin life for me. He's controlling me. Aka you. You obviously haven't slept well. I haven't had a fucking wink because she did eat more chocolate when we got home. Avietal left a fucking Twix at the door for me as a thank you. Amazing. Uh, okay.

Here's a fun one that we can't do. It would take turns counting to a thousand. Let's put a pin in that for next week's episode. Ooh, I love that. Evgeny Matt Bebe. Oh, I love that. Evgeny Matbib. Oh, I should say we asked our Instagram followers for quick hits. So this is sort of a lightning round version of segments.

Yeah. Evgeny Matbib says, take turns counting to a thousand. Can't do that right now, but I love the idea for next week. Who are your favorite fictional characters? Says Reggie Tsunami. Favorite fictional characters. Captain Jack Aubrey of the Master and Commander series by Patrick O'Brien.

Lieutenant Daniel Caffey, aka Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men. He's funny and he's really good at fucking softball. Yeah. And Captain Jack Aubrey is lucky, brave, selfish, in a love in a in a really charming way. And also selfless in a really charming way. The perfect man. Marcy asks, who are your guy and girl top three celebrity crushes? It's I don't and girl top three celebrity crushes? I don't have like current day celebrity crushes. I guess Margot Robbie is like maybe the most recent

celebrity that I think is attractive. And I think it's attractive. Just fucking lean into it. You have a huge fucking- She's so fucking fuckable, dude. Oh, Margot Robbie. Holy shit, you're coming. I think I'm getting cream. You do have a restraining order against her.

So like, it's not that funny. I have one against her. That's right. Cause I'm married. I want to serve her a fucking order or even lunch or something. If I can get a job at a restaurant, she frequents. I had way more celebrity crushes when I was just like,

even a little bit younger, like Alicia Silverstone and Clueless. Yeah. I guess for guys, I really like seeing Matt Damon in movies, Brad Pitt in movies. Oh, it's guys? Guys or girls.

I see. I really like Gosling. Gosling's very, very charming. I'm charmed by the cool hot guys. Yeah. I'm a Hemsworth head. Come through and through. What are your thoughts on the Skarsgårds?

They're very tall and attractive. They're attractive, but I mean, they're fine, but they don't do it for me the way Hemsworth does. And girls? Yeah, I guess traditionally. I grew up loving the way Hemsworth does. And girls, yeah, I guess traditionally, I grew up loving the Kelly's of course. I've talked about my ideas to have a Kelly's podcast, right? Kapowski, Bundy, Taylor, all sort of talking about

what it was like being probably tailably famous. They have restraining orders on you. Of course, but I was young at the time so I can get away with it. Would you rather be too tall or too small? Says, do it for the gram. And another person asked one foot taller or one foot shorter. That's sort of a more specific way of asking that question.

Yeah. I mean, probably taller. Yeah, they're both inconvenient, but it kind of is cool to be 6'11", although I bet like if you're 6'11", at age 40 to 45, that's probably, you can't really take advantage of all the cool things about it. Yeah. Like I would have wanted to be 6'11", in high school. Right.

I don't need to be 6'11", at age 43. 6'11", now that's really tall. Yeah. at age 43. Six 11 now, that's really tall. But one foot shorter I feel like is just, they're both inconvenient and one of them other people think is cool. Four 11 you mean. Yeah, exactly. Sterling K says, what was the worst day for you

that you can personally remember? I mean, the other day with the chocolate thing wasn't great. Wouldn't say worst day, but that's the most recent one that comes to mind. Um, worst day. I mean, probably the trip to the ER. That's definitely up there. It's always fucking medical related for things that you feel bad for. Yeah.

What about, what about, Oh,, I got food poisoning in Palm Springs. That was really bad. I was just basically crawling back and forth between the toilet and the bed, flu-like shaking, diarrhea, and puking into a trashcan. That'll do it. That and also really rough travel days where you like-

You feel sick. You know, you miss a flight, get delayed, flight gets canceled and you need to like figure out how to get somewhere, that's happened a few times. Yeah, the layover in a city you didn't ask for. Yeah. The Dirty Man says smoke weed on the pod. Amir's almost 50 by the way, interesting.

Is that true? Would you get high for a podcast episode? No, I definitely wouldn't. You're saying you're not smoking that dad grass anymore? No, and no like CBD. It just doesn't, it doesn't do what it does, to my brain what it does to other people's brains. I have no qualms with it,

but I think I'm already kind of not very stressed and like I don't need it to calm my brain down. So I think when I imbibe, it does something different to my brain and it makes it worse. It makes it more active. Yeah, it's like the opposite. You're already a sort of you have a high personality. So when you get high, it actually makes you uptight and weird. Yeah, it makes me uptight and weird.

It really does. Which I honestly would make for a good podcast. That's true. Amir JR McCluskey says Amir pitches ideas for what he would write about on his own substack, which makes me wonder how's your substack going? Uh, going good. It's going good. Are you still doing it weekly?

Not weekly. The summer was too tough. I will, I will kind of like bi-weekly. I took. It's going good. Are you still doing it weekly? Not weekly. The summer was too tough. I went kind of like bi-weekly. I took- As in bi-weekly. I'm not doing that cadence anymore. See you later.

I'm done posting and I'm gonna start charging. How's that? Pleasure to support my sub stack, but I'm not posting. Not unless I reach a certain tier. It's a stretch goal. Of a certain age. So you want people to bribe you to write, which is what you did.

It's been really fun. And I read every single submission. Oh, that's nice. So it also feels nice to kind of like see what so many people are going through, even though I can't respond to every single person. Because I think I thought initially that I would be able to respond to like three or four people at a time.

But the questions have all warranted like multi paragraph responses. So I'm only answering one to two a week. Somebody mentioned that we should play Sporkle as a segment. Do you know what Sporkle is? No, it sounds vaguely familiar. It's like those list games where you're trying to like come up with as many as possible, um, as fast as possible. So they're like, think of every Crayola crayon ever, uh, it started as like a sports thing, so it's like, think of every red sock ever that beats the Yankees

in the playoffs or something like that. Yeah. And there's like 180 names and you're trying to answer them all. That would be fun. That might be a good one for our Patreon. Yeah, that's right. Sporkle, basketball map revealed.

What the heck? Okay, that's a good idea. We did a crossword puzzle the other day. And it's sort of like that. And we solved it. Oh, we didn't, there was one, say-saw. There was one word that we didn't get. Yeah, it was like things that you would say

to a doctor or a dentist, and we didn't understand what say-saw was, but then our commenters. Oh, it says ah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, say ah. Yeah. Says ah. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. X-A-T-Tattm says thoughts on NPR. That it's getting defunded. Okay. Is that what the thoughts, is that what they're asking thoughts on? I guess, I have no idea. I love NPR, I always have.

I grew up listening to car talk, I mean, this American life. But yeah, sad. Hi, my name is Evan says, at what age did you consciously start thinking you're old now? I don't know. It really is always relative because sometimes I hang out with people who are older than me and I still feel young,

even though I'm almost 40. I feel like I feel old. And then I felt old even when I was like 27 going to bars sometimes where there were most people were like 23. So it's all relative. I saw this Reddit thing that was like for millennials and it was like, at what age did you realize most people are younger than you now? And some people were like, yeah, I've been thinking more and more, wow, that doctor looks young. Wow. That policeman looks young. Wow, that policeman looks young. Wow, that lawyer looks young.

It's like, wait a minute, no, they're just 33 and you're 42. So yeah, most humans are young now. And it's like, oh, I guess that's just the new normal. Everybody will look young now because it's such a weird thing. Yeah. But like they look the same. So I don't know why I think because you view yourself so often that just becomes the baseline, right?

You see a 35 year old vet, like the one that treated Phoebe. I'm like, you're young. Oh, that person's young too. Oh, this policeman's young too. Uh, everyone seems young because by, by relation there, you're getting older. Yeah. Yeah. I really, I think the ideal age for like a medical or authority figure in my life seems young because by relation there you're getting older. Yeah. Yeah.

I really, I think the ideal age for like a medical or authority figure in my life is like 48 to 50. Right. It's always 10 years older than you. Yeah, that's it. But that's not going to be possible for very long. Um, would you rather have no elbows or no knees says Lucas craft? Probably. Oof. I guess probably no knees.

Cause you really need your elbows to like put food in your mouth. Yeah. I was going to say no elbows just cause I like walking. Yeah. I like it too, but I like eating. I'll eat with my fucking feet. They're so dexterous. What's the big whoop? Sit on your ass and eat using chopsticks with your toes.

Come on bud. Brett Williamson says, why haven't you released anything in months? I think a lot of people only watch our show on YouTube. And I do mean the podcast. Yeah, that'll, that'll happen. That'll happen. But if you're listening to this, you already know the answer to that question. Would you rep this is very similar.

Nate file says, would you rather break both hands or one foot? One foot. Way one foot. Cause you can still sort of hop around and use both hands. Yeah. I mean, a lot of the time when you're in the break of foot, they'll put you on a walking boot, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Are you still in the, the walking boot plus the scooter situation? No, I got out of that 12 years ago. You know, I saw Tyrese Halliburton tours Achilles. They put him in the walking boot plus scooter. Oh really? Yeah. It's rough. You're sort of ahead of the time on that.

That's right. The knee scooter. Julia Bela says, how did you two become such good friends? I think that's a common misconception. We don't Baila says, how did you two become such good friends? I think that's a common misconception. We don't really, we work together, but we don't get along. Mike Likes Cooking says,

do some surprise round from Jake's more successful podcast. Oh, that's good. That's a game we play on NAD pod where we kind of like, right. So what is that? Like a bunch of these are about NAD pod. Is that like a different show you do? Or is that like a sub stack thing? It's no, it's like a different show that I do like a genre.

Uh, yeah, it's like a tabletop gaming, but kind of like counter culture, nerd, dumb. Uh, that, dumb. That's funny. Who do you do that with, Marty? That's Murph, Emily and Caldwell. Murph and Emily sold out Madison Square Garden, so I think they're like, yeah, they're pretty successful. I guess it's all relative again.

No, you're a joke. Yeah, that's funny. You're a joke, cause you're really funny. I love you, dude. What is surprise round? How can we play it? Or is it too long of a game? It's not a long game.

It's like, I think the first one that we ever did was, you're at a restaurant, you're sitting at a table. How many people dressed in clown costumes can enter the restaurant before you leave? Before, I thought it was gonna be before you notice. No. But it's before you have to go. What would make you actually be like, I need to leave?

I don't know if I would ever leave because it would just be funny. And like, it's kind of like in a Santa Con way, like I would ever leave because it would just be funny. And like, it's kind of like in a Santa con way, like I would never leave. I would just be like, Oh my God, this is getting crazy. But like, I don't know if I'd ever be so afraid if it was all clowns and me. I don't even know if I would leave. I still want to eat. I feel like Murph might have said like six.

I said one. Cause what if he has a fucking AR-15? You wanna be dead by the hand of the guy that dressed like a clown. Something, it was, yeah, it was something like that. Both get a would you rather and abide by it for the entire episode, AKA speak and only rhymes or Yoda style.

I don't think we could really do that now, obviously, but nice idea. Yeah. The TripAdvisor game name a city. You have to name the top 10 things to do there. It says Jamby Bombo. Ooh. All right. Give me a city.

Top 10. Is that a thing? TripAdvisor top 10 things to do there? I think so. Let's do New York, your city. Wow, so am I guessing? So every website, oh, it's based on rankings. Oh, interesting.

So it's like, what has the most highest ratings for New York City? Pretty good, Jappi and Bumble. Let's see if you can get any of these. Okay, highest, I mean, going to the top of the Freedom Tower? Not Freedom Tower, but there are other buildings. Oh, Empire State Building? Yeah.

Oh, or the Hudson Yards. Uh, Hudson Yards is not here. Uh, Empire State Building is. Okay. I think there's two better places to go and view the city, but that's for them to figure out. Brooklyn Bridge Park? Nope. Wow. Statue of Liberty.

Yeah, Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island Tour has 4.9 ratings of 7,000 people have said, go for it. Wow. I mean, probably the museums, the Met, the MoMA. Met is not on here, but there is a newer museum. Museum of Natural History. No, oddly. Not MoMA either?

No. Not the Frick? Not the Frick. What the Natural History. No, oddly. Not MoMA either? No. Not the Frick? Not the Frick. What the Frick? The Brooklyn Museum. The 9-Eleven Memorial Museum is the number one. Oh wow, yeah. That's, is the Oculus on there too?

Cause there's a, I guess that's like a big concentration of things to do. Actually a bunch of them are sightseeing cruises. Yeah. Circle line cruise. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What about like going to a Yankee game?

Not on here. That's something called the summit one Vanderbilt experience. What is that? I have no clue. I guess it's another observation deck. Brighton beach. Rockaways. No, not going to the water.

You have to think much more, uh, basic cause number five is the open top bus tour. Yeah. You're just driving through time square on a double deck. So is, is time square one? That is, so it's just, it's mostly statue of Liberty, time square, the nine 11 Memorial and cruises around the empire state building and the statue of Liberty. Yeah.

So, I mean, these are all places I basically actively avoid, except I have been to the World Trade Center, not the actual museum, but the reflecting pools. They're very cool. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure a lot of these are also like four and five star. One of them is a helicopter museum in the top 20,

carriage ride around the Central Park. Central Park, yeah, those are really fucked up. One of them is to just kick a horse. Kick a horse, yeah, I thought. What the fuck is that? That's your recommendation. You really wanna pull a fucking tail of a horse? That's 19.

Come on, guys. Pull the tail of a horse. That's not even written well. I can't believe it. Have you been to the 9-Eleven Memorial fucking museum or are you just a casual? I guess I'm a casual. I haven't been to the, I haven't been to the museum.

Oh wait, God, I think I maybe have, I maybe have been there, but it was a while ago. But I've been to the reflecting pools recently and I did go to the top of the Freedom Tower as well. You're turning 40 soon. Let me get you and Jill one time square tour. A helicopter tour. Of these double decker buses.

I think I'm good. Drive through. I'm really good. Drive through downtown I was going to say. Yeah, maybe. You can see celebrities and actually spiders. Like Margot fucking Robbie if you're lucky. Margot Robbie tours number 22, I guess.

Incredible. Yeah. Sign me up. Swing. You could take a bus to her house. All right, doing that with more cities would be good. All right. Solid, solid suggestions. Yeah. Good run. Thank you everybody. Uh, okay. That's it. That's our time. Namaste. Thank you for listening. For more of us, we're doing a bonus segment on our

podcast, on our Patreon, patreon.com slash J. A. J. That's right. Is this, do we want to say that this is the beginning of the end? I think we have to tell people, cause it's this podcast, we're in our senior slide. Yes. There's like four more weeks of the show. No, there's more than that.

Is there six? We wanna, the show is coming to, yeah, six-ish weeks. The show is coming to an end. This podcast will be no more, if you can believe it. Yeah. We didn't wanna do it at the last episode where it's like, by the way, last episode ever. So we chose a date at the end of the summer. September 15th is the final episode of segments, a podcast as you know it right

now. Yeah. But things it's okay because there's still plenty of ways to hear us. Like we're gonna, we have our Patreon, we're gonna be doing two things a week over there, including a segment. So- You don't tell them that it's okay.

Okay. They have to deal with that emotion and they're incredibly perturbed. No, it's gonna be really hard. Your commute is done. You will never hear Jake and Amir again unless you subscribe to our podcast or unless you subscribe to our Patreon or unless you subscribe to our Patreon

or the HeadGum Patreon where we guest or any of the other podcasts that we kind of do weekly. So there's still podcasts out there, but this one as you know it is gone. Not yet of course, we're doing a Colbert-esque instead of an eight months ending, we're doing it in six weeks. Yeah, that's right. So thank you for the segment suggestions because we still have to fill up a few more episodes as it were, but then on September 15th, I believe is our last episode.

Yeah. Then we'll have an emotional goodbye. But for now, we're just kind of letting you guys know. It's a heads up if anything. If anything, and, uh, yes, we'll be doing, uh, that bonus segment. If you want to watch us, uh, on Monday on this, uh, on our Patreon, the last few weeks have been fun. We did a crossword. We did some sort of improv game where I interviewed Jake. Who knows what Monday will bring. Maybe we'll do a sparkle.

Oh, we should. Um, and, or maybe I'll get high. That'd be awesome for the last episode. I'll get so freaking big. You have a panic attack. I'll get so big, I'll be afraid. Nine hour live stream where the majority of it is you on the phone with animal toxicology.

How long will it last? I think I also had chocolate. Okay, thank you. Big news, but ultimately for the best, we appreciate it and we'll be back next week on Monday. Adios. Ciao for now.