If I Were You - Bonus: Worst Text Ever (2019)

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

In this episode we discuss Jake's sleep habits, and Amir's... other habits. Then a live reading on what we believe to be, the worst text ever. Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is a head gamma region. What is this a new if I were you podcast? Well, kind of. These are episodes that were living behind our Patreon for the last five years and we figured why not release some of the best ones onto this feed to reward those of you that never gave up. That never unsubscribed so please enjoy this classic episode of If I Were You recorded at our old studio in 2018. If I were you, I'd tell you what I want to. If only I were you, shut that cup.

Alright, let's do it. Are you okay? I was just catching a little shut eye during the song, because it's not super important that I was chatting or anything. Yeah. The song is 16 seconds long. Yeah, there's every little bit. We can cut. We can cut, you can take like a power nap. You don't have to catch these. I don't need a cat nap I don't need a power. You do. I don't even need a fucking CS die. I just need to get through this So I can okay, so you're now you're sleeping right you're taking micro naps while I talk awesome ready to go Oh, you're not you think that you can catch up on sleep slowly, surely while I speak. I want to catch three Zs That's it. How'd you sleep last night? I slept great last night. Okay. Absolutely fabulous. You woke up one. I woke up Around 9.45 this a.m. Uh-huh this morning. Yeah, and I woke up ready to go having got close to five minutes of sleep That's so little cuz I went about at 9.40. I woke up ready to go having got close to five minutes of sleep. That's so little because I went about at 9.40.

I woke up at 9.45. I went to, I got into my room at 9.40 because I don't, I just... It's nothing. Yeah. You didn't sleep at all. You got five minutes. I don't know if I got actual shut eye for five minutes. Yeah. Okay, so, all right.

See you wake up. Sort of a revann winkle. See you wake up if you will I don't even sleep and then I sleep for a hundred years. I'm gonna do that's what I do So you haven't so that's what Rip Van Winkle did right no he slept fine and then he also slept for a hundred years Right right right right you can sleep you know You have to force yourself to stay away right right right your eyes look like they're burning you just look you're sleeping Yeah, and you're and I'm up and I burning, you just look, you're sleeping. And you're sleeping.

And now I'm up. And I'm good to go. Just don't, you take these quick little micro-napps while I speak and it's not efficient. Like, you're gonna be, it's noticeable. Noticable. Yes, I caught that. I didn't know the first part, but I can.

Yeah. We're gonna, how are we gonna do this whole show? Let's just power through. Okay. All I need is a couple of these. So take the Zs. Oh, I don't know. Can't the ten or something.

Are you ready? I'm gonna go to sleep. Yeah, just two. Two, three, four, five. You're not sleeping. I'm trying to fall asleep. You're doing a real stupid face. Close your eyes.

All right. One, two, three. Close your eyes. Four, five. You're not closing your eyes. Trying to fall asleep and you're chatting. If this is how you sleep every night, this is why it's only five minutes. That's me asleep.

Front teeth open, eyes, also a gap. Just close your mouth, close your eyes. How does that feel? Then why is that, close your mouth. Why is this so foreign to you? Why do I have to teach you how to do it? Okay, I'm good. No, you're not Let's You're you're lowering your hat people can see by the way. We're shooting this as a video First we're driving to the page. Yeah, absolutely like for sending us. And you're lowering it to the point where you think that I want to see your eyes

so that they can sleep. Can you go over your eyes? I'm just gonna try a new way to wear a hat these days. It's so low. Can you go, can you put it over your eyes if you wanted to? A little over. Can you go even lower than that?

That's then you're fully asleep. Bad hat, bad hat, it's dissecting your eyes. It's bisecting your eyes. It doesn't look weird, it's dissecting your eyes. It's bisecting your eyes. It doesn't look weird, it's too low. It's too low. Your head looks very thin in the hat. Yeah. Let's see your head a little bit.

We can barely, no, it's so low still. There's more eyes, but still less eyebrows. Yeah, no eyebrows. The eyebrows are stuffed into the hat. I can get, there's a little more eyebrow. Okay, let's go a little higher, a little higher, a little higher. You can use your hands. You don't have to. Alright, great. That's pretty cool. That's fine. I feel like I caught you at a awake moment so we can go for a little while. Is that weird? I

just put my whole hat up just using my eyebrows. It kind of makes you think, what else you can do with your eyebrows? Maybe they can do a podcast. They're shot. That's very good. What do you call a baker that doesn't know how to raise bread? He eats me? Whoa, eyebrows, that's pretty good.

All right, this is if I were you, an advice show after all, we're here to dispense our wisdom, to dispense our guidance, people who need our help getting out of sticky situations, every Monday, brand new, free episode, turn our RSS feed, anybody can subscribe, but we're wherever podcasts are sold.

Correct. But every other Thursday, we make a bonus video episode for our Patreon, for our day ones. Thank you so much for subscribing. Cheers. And thank you for not sharing the link because otherwise it's just open-sees in the padlock. Chaos, what are we gonna do? So this one is written by a guy whose name will remain hidden so we can preserve his anonymity.

Even though it's a Patreon episode, even though it's behind a paywall, we still got to preserve him. We silence his privacy. In fact, we'll call him privy. Priv-y G silence free. You guys are privy to his plight. Exactly. You're not privy to his privacy. For an extra $5, I'll tell you his full name.

I'll pay it. I'll pay it. Never mind. Hey guys, I recently became sexually active with my girlfriend a four months. Nice! We had sex and it was great. Awesome! But I wanted to be able to please her in a way only a mouth can do.

Savage! Also, I wanted to try it out. So when I first started, I noticed immediately that she was sopping wet already. A back! Not that that was kind of a problem, but after a minute or so of what I considered amateur work down there, she told me she had already come, and then when I kept going,

she said she had come multiple times when I finished. Oh yeah! I had heard that girls are usually pretty hard to crack, so it boggled me that it came so easily for her. Uh-oh. Do you think she was lying? Or is it possible she comes easily slash, I have a magic tongue?

P.S. listen to the podcast since day one and I always wanted to write in. Now I have finally something worth asking. So do you think this lady is lying? Or this guy is just so good at going downtown? He has the gift of a god. A golden tongue. So quick and fierce that this lady has had multiple orgasms instantly and efficiently

and effectively. He's got a tongue like a vibrator. Huh? Maybe he has a vibrating tongue. Oh, that's cool. Sorry, I apologize. Um. Does it matter?

I guess. Does it matter? Does anything matter? We shouldn't get to the podcast to the point where we ask, does it matter? Because it's always known. Because nothing matters. Nothing matters. Because we're all just little flex of dust floating through space and time.

Your problems are small because you're small. Because the world is small, because the universe is small, because time is meaningless, and we're all gonna be dead. We exist just for a flicker in the grand scheme of the cosmos. Your pain means nothing,

but that's okay, because your happiness also means nothing. Your successes and triumphs, your failures, your downfalls It's all Nothing there's no difference between an ant and let's say a mass murderer in the grand scheme of things everything will be forgotten Even our heroes even our gods nothing can be recorded on past when the Sun swallows us whole that's right So is this chick lying about the dude going away?

Yeah! Dude, dude! Woo! I would say it seems like they're both pretty, like, inexperienced with sex. So maybe this, like her first time with experiencing conolingus was so hot to her that she did have multiple orgasms.

And that's fine. I mean, that's great. And he did say that she was, and I would never say this about a woman, especially one that I don't know, but he described her as sopping west. Jesus Christ. I mean, she was absolutely sopping. Maybe that's because he was slapping all over her. He was slapping.

She was sopping. He was sopping. He was sopping. So a lot of that He was sobbing. He was sobbing. So a lot of that was tears getting mixed into the fluid. Interesting. I would say maybe it doesn't matter. She's clearly enjoying herself or at the very least enjoying lying to you.

Right. You can pry maybe a little bit. If you cry, you can pry maybe a little bit. You try. That's right. To ask just one question real quick on the slide. Great slam poetry. Are you lie?

Why a why do you lie? And as she says, no, your work here is done. Yeah, I think that your question could be like really. And then say something like, I want to try a stuff that you really like. So like, I want to, I want to try stuff that you really like. So like, let me know, you know, you can like, give it, give her the, the opportunity to guide your performance. Guide the line because this is the beginning of something that will happen,

more often as you guys have more and more sexual intercourse and experiences. It's harder for a guy to lie about coming, right? If someone's blowing you, you can't be like, oh, I came. Yeah, it was so good. And then it comes up super drive. No, no, you did not. Huh.

Really, I swore that I nutted a big one. You have to believe me. This relationship is built on trust after all. I guess if you're a guy you need to lie about coming during a blow job, but you can like pull your penis out and like turn away or like put it into a glass of milk. It doesn't have to be a glass of milk. It should be like a little, a little thimble of soup. It doesn't need to be thimble.

It could be a little dixie cup filled with. I don't know. Well, it would be filled with sugar Why sugar because that would soak to the come Sort of sop it up. There's no come and then he's talking about faking orgasm Yeah, so you just have a dixie cups filled with sand or sugar and then she's not gonna inspect it You can say just it drifted to the bottom like a little ant farm. Yeah, but why did Why did what?

Sorry, babe. I feel like I'm going to be in a third degree. What's with like, what's going on? Yeah, I think I thought we had a fun time. I came into the fucking Dixie Cup filled with sand. What a roleplay is it to you. Okay, just. This is not my dick and sugar.

I stuck my dick and sugar. I know. Do you believe me that I exploded? But why do you have to have the sugar? Like, it'd be an empty cup, if anything. Because empty cups, you can't lie about whether or not they got filled with sugar. But she could look in the cup and it'll be like sugar

in there and she'll be like, you didn't come as just sugar in the cup. Why would you fill the cup of fake com with something that's clearly not the cum? Okay. Okay. All right. All right. I feel like I shouldn't have I had to get frustrated with you to break to like breakthrough and to give you that point

which is really obvious. And I don't understand like maybe you have what if it's a small like a disorder that doesn't like you like to dry oatmeal. Right. Okay. So now you even like so you'll you'll you'll roll over like you suggest you just want to put. Okay. So now you even like, you roll over like usages. You just want to put something dry and powdery in the cup.

I don't. I feel like a dry powdery, what was wrong. And you like realized for a second, and then you changed it to a bowl. You just changed the receptacle of oatmeal. You didn't change dry, like kind of the dry. You know, like the instant.

Yeah. Do you see why this is silly? Yeah. Because like this even this is silly? Yeah. Cause like this even would still be spotted or not. I don't know why it's about. Tell me. Cause this even would still be spotted. On top of this.

You got it. You're there. Yeah. We're talking about how you can fake orgasm into a cup or a ball. Okay. And you're suggesting baselessly for no or a ball. Okay. And you're suggesting, baselessly, for no reason at all, to no benefit that the cup or the ball be filled

with sand or sugar. Or oh, you don't have to guide me because I remember what you said. Still kidding. So the active listening exercise is unnecessary. Still cut out. So yeah. Okay. Okay. So. So I just watched unnecessary. Still cut out. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. So. So I just walked through the entire thing and maybe you didn't hear because you keep on repeating, what if I blew my load into a bucket of hummus? Who says, who says, who says no to that? That's closer, but it's getting away from the point which is faking in orgasm.

I think you're hung up on coming into sugar. I wanna- Coming into hummus. I wanna sort of make appetizers with my seed. I want you to come over. I'm not involved. You want me to come over for what?

I want you to dip a chip into something into something like a seven layer. Into something. You just you you just walked just through all of the different things you wanted to come into. And then you invited me over to dip my chip into into you. You cryptically. Oh, I'm Nick. I'm making my famous bucket of hummus with a little techinie on the top.

Right. And you guess like anybody anybody watching or listening could scrub back like two minutes ago where you said that you were gonna come into the hummus. You said I want to blow my loaded to hummus. And then you also said I wanted me to come over. Yeah just like for like tea samples. So like it's all all the pieces are there. Right. All right I got that. You know is it possible that she comes easily? Yes. I don't think so. Congratulations.

We agree. That's possible. That we agree. So take the lie. Or take the compliment. Either way, you're doing good. Right, there's no need to like mine for the truth here. She told you you did good at eating around. You just like enjoy that.

I'll take that compliment. Yeah. I've never been complimented for anything from Antiquar sexual. Right, well, yeah, that's the nice thing. I'm bad at kissing, I'm bad at cuddling. I've been known to be cold and sharp when it comes to hugging. It feels like you're hugging a ice sculptor I've been told.

I was at the Hanukkah party where you like you hugged your old high school friend And she like she drew back and she drew blood. Yeah, she's cut. Yeah, but are you are your shoulder blades very slender? Yeah, I have like all my all my bones that your shirt tore on the side right there. Yeah, yeah I'm a very bony sharp sharp man. And it comes through in coitus, all the way down to a handshake. I've been told it's like greeting Freddy Krueger to meet me. It's all scary, dark, and painful.

It's like Eddie Sizzarhands, holding hands. Yeah, it's like Eddie Sizzarhands. Would you go to high school with them? You call them Eddie? You got a fucking half-name basis with Edward? Sizz It's like Eddie's Cisarhands. Would you go to high school with them? You call him Eddie? You got a fucking half name basis with Edward. Cisarhands, Eddie's Cisarhands.

You're on the same little league team. Oh, sorry. I was just trying to have fun with the Joe that we were doing. Oh, I just feel like. No, I know. Yeah. I'm just, yeah.

You just be calm, yeah. You calm me out on everything. So, I know. I'm just kind of fun to have fun on the fun. I just happen to fun with you. Yeah, no you're not. I'm in a good time. As long as you're having fun.

Boy, yeah. As long as one of us is having a good time, because I'm having a shitty time. Yeah, it's good. Because you call me out on every little flop that I do. This episode is sponsored by Better Help. I don't know if you guys know this, but life can be low-key stressful or anxious at times.

I know, I was surprised too. I couldn't believe it, but I turned 40 and I'm like, you know what? Nothing is necessarily easy ever, and talking to a licensed therapist is actually the best way to navigate that. Because in high school, you learn calculus, but then you don't really know what to do if you're sad.

Like, they'll teach you geometry, but like, how do I act if my stomach hurts all the time because I'm really nervous about something and I can't quite pinpoint it. Well, you can finally figure that stuff out by talking to a licensed therapist and the best way to find a therapist is by using better help that you just sign onto their website. You fill out a questionnaire and then you get matched with a licensed, and you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. And it's entirely online, so you don't have to drive anywhere, waiting a waiting room, being the room with someone, if that makes you a little scared or tentative.

You can do it entirely online, so it's very convenient, flexible, and yes, affordable. Now more than ever. So let therapy be your map towards happiness with better help. Just visit betterhelp.com slash if I were you today to get 10% off your first month. I mean, that sounds like a pretty good deal. For mental health, that's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash if I were you.

Support yourself while supporting the show, which is really supporting me. So I appreciate it, you'll appreciate it, your friends and loved ones will appreciate it too. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash if I were you. Thanks BetterHelp. Thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of our show. Oh my gosh, the greatest, easiest, simplest, most affordable way to create a professional looking online blog, a portfolio, a store. If you're looking to sell stuff online, you can do it all through Squarespace. They got custom merch.

They have 24-7 award-winning customer support. Heck, you can even purchase a .com through Squarespace. Yes, .com, still available. For example, basketball toy.com is available. Can you believe that? Basketball toy.com? If you're the, I mean, I should say it's available now. I don't know if you're the third person to listen to this ad and somebody probably already snatched it up,

but just know at the time of recording, basketball toy.com was available. So if you wanna buy that URL, maybe your name.com or an idea you have.com, you can do it all through Squarespace. And because we wanted to make things a little more affordable to you, if you go to squarespace.com slash, if I were you, you can do a free trial of the website of your dreams. And then when you're ready to launch,

just use that promo code, if I were you, all in word, to save 10%. So you go to squarespace.com slash if I were you, you build the website, which is very easy, you don't have to know how to code or decide anything, they have like award-winning templates that look beautiful. And then when you're ready to launch, just use that offer code, if I were you, to save 10% off their already low, low prices. Squarespace has been

supporting us for years and years and years. So if you ever find yourself in a situation where you want to build a website, why don't you go to squarespace.com slash if I were you first and foremost and let them help you help us help them help you help us help you sounds good Thank you and thank you to Squarespace Subdudes who writes our next emailer. We'll call him Janice Janice Winston Churchill Third Subdudes I'll jump right in I don't believe in love

How's that? Need I read on? Janus Winston Churchill the third. All right. I don't believe in love, but I've really liked this one woman for like eight years. She used to live out of state and would visit me for the summer. We spent almost all of one of those visits together and hooked up once. We didn't do anything beyond some makeouts and wet snuggles after that and only hung out once more for her summer visits. However, she told me that she had feelings for me. We've been talking recently and I'm still very attracted to her. She just told me that she's attracted to me, thinks I'm cute and I reciprocated. But the next day, she said that she didn't want to talk and she feels weird now. We've been texting mildly since, though, she doesn't seem too into it. I want to tell her how I feel and that I never stopped liking her even when I found an interest

in other women. Do you think I should send the following text? Great, so this question is a yes or no. That's right. Hey, I want you to know some things and I want to try to make them some things clear. I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around someone who's moody. I don't think I am.

And if I was, then I think you need to be more understanding and forgiving. Oh wow. I do get very excited and happy when I'm around you, or even just thinking about you. I do like you very, very much. And I never got over you from a million years ago. I think you're the best. And I have never, and and will never meet or be able to be with someone of your incredibleness. I think that you are too insecure. You're the best and here's my big problem.

I think they do insecure for your own good and that needs to stop completely. Keep going. I know you've probably had a million guys say this kind of stuff and they've probably said it and been a million times better. But he's so bad. But I need to. He's such a bad writer. I can't even continue. So please try to empathize. It makes me immeasurably sad that you won't talk to me in an ideal world. That's the full sentence after that you won't talk to me period in an ideal world period.

You and me would be together forever. And I've never thought about that. And I've never not thought about that. Don't think I'll find someone else because I haven't in a million years. He has a million a lot. I don't believe in love, of course, but I know I've never felt that same way about anyone else's question mark in a million years. That ends the text. It ends on a question mark. And it's not even a question.

It ends on a question mark incorrectly, but I know I've never felt that same way about anyone else or have I? Is this a bad idea? Should I just leave it alone and walk away? I have a very hard time making friends. Of course. So your advice would be invaluable. Thank you, my bro, hemeans. Ah, holy shit. Okay. Send it. I have no notes. Really? Yeah, I think she would be the... I think she would be the... The scent...

The scent is fragments. At least find a new benchmark for a lot. A million years and ever. I, for ever and a million years, is just like, you build to that one. It's all the same amount of time to her. Because a million years will have come and gone and she'll be dead by then. Right.

I think that you are too insecure for your own good and that needs to stop completely. Right. So getting controlling in the text right away, right off the bat is a little much. He seems mean to her in it. Right. You've had a million guys say this kind of stuff

and it's been said a million times better Probably but I need to What was the part about how He understands that she thinks he's moody, but he's not moody. Yeah I can understand why you wouldn't want to be around someone who's moody I don't think I am and if I, I think you need to be more understanding. Right, so that's directly contradicts his premise there. I understand you don't want to be around somebody moody.

And then by the end of the sentence, you say, you need to, you need to, but you need to be around someone moody. So he is moody. I don't think that I am, but if I am, you need to be more forgiving to me. So right in that sentence, you sort of confessed in being Moody. I don't believe in love. He said that to us and now he says that to her, I think whether or not he believes in love, he seems to be in some sort of weird passionate like for this lady. And that's why my advice would be to not send this text. Yeah, I would do like, I would do therapy.

Yeah, and then maybe like a text that says, hey, hey, hey, what's up or something like that. Yeah, like a lot of times when you get into these like relationships where like the stakes feel super high and kind of weird from the get gogo. It's like, I think it's just, it, thanks for a doomed relationship. It's never good. Because where do you escalate from there? Yeah, it's such a weird shaky foundation.

You have to start on a carefree light. Yeah. Go out there, fall in love with yourself, become like the person you've always wanted to be, and then maybe this person will want to be with you. By the way, he called the subject texting the one. So I think he does believe in love because his subject lines sort of connotes

a soulmate or an idea that this lady is the only person on earth for me. I'd love to do a follow up pop on this guy. But did he pull the trigger where we were too late? And what was the response? But what if the lady is equally as insane as this guy? Hmm where she's like, I also think that in a million years I can forgive you and not be moody But if that's not what you need, then I need to be with you for a million years. There's no such thing as love

I've never liked anybody and I only ever think about you in the last million years. Do you think that way about someone else? Question mark? Yeah, so don't send the text and... Don't pursue this relationship, you're not ready. Learn how to write good. That's the key. All right, let's get to one last. One last quickie, all right?

Here we go. Trying to find a quick get to one last. One last quickie, all right? All right. Uh, here we go. Trying to find a quick one, one hit. Hey guys, I was watching Emily and Murph's new show, Hot Date. Okay. And there was a bit about reusing lingerie and it got me thinking, where's the line between things you can and cannot bring into a new relationship?

I feel like lingerie should be okay, but what about things like jewelry and old hoodie a vibrator I used on another guy but accessories. I'm sure there's a line somewhere here But I would like to hear what you guys think about it If you were put in the position of the new relationship guy. Oh, I take a bunch. Yeah, sex sex accessories For example, yeah, that's like you can wear the same hoodie across two relationships But if you used a vibrator to butt plug a guy, maybe don't bring that into the new relationship.

Right, because you'd really hate to find out that like some other guy's butt was inside your butt after the fact. Yeah, it's like when somebody uses your toothbrush but times a million. Yeah, have you ever had, when I was younger, I was jealous and I had a girlfriend too, like had an ex-boyfriend's shirt,

and I was like furious that she would have thrown it out. Oh, interesting. I was like so mad. Yeah. Every time I saw, I was like, I was just seeping. Like, I can't believe you would insult me. But this girl's not even talking about a shirt. She's talking about lingerie, which is stuff that she bought for herself to impress guys.

Right. And sometimes it was the guy before you, and sometimes you're the new guy. But it's not like you need a full new wardrobe on a girlfriend. No. Like did you ex-see you in that bra? You're ex-sawed that bra, then you have to change your bra. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that says shit like that, immediately break up with that.

lingerie is a weird thing. It's more than just underwear, right? It's like a sexy stuff. It doesn't do it for me. You like lingerie? I don't know what you should say. All about lingerie. lingerie just feels like an 80s, 90s term.

Like I don't know if I've had specific lingerie moments as much as I've had underwear moments. Is there like a specific difference between the two lingerie moments versus underwear moments? Like if a lady is in a bra in underwear, is that lingerie or does it have to be a specific type of bra in underwear?

Like Lacey, Gardeuse, I believe it's like a sexy, specific type of underwear. It's not underwear you'd wear with your regular outfits because it's like less supportive, it's more under where you'd like where with your regular outfits because it's like less supportive It's more like hold on let me let me put on this lot go from clothes to nude back into launch or maybe you like where would launch the lingerie like on a date that you know you're gonna like No, I don't think that's happened to me. I like it just doesn't do it at all for me because it's too much effort Yeah, that's what it like wreaks of effort

I for me because it's too much effort. Yeah, that's what it like reeks of effort. I like just like the natural like old underwear. Yeah, that's chicken. Have you ever worn like a woman's lingerie like a woman's underwear on a date? And that way when it got time to do the nasty, you said, surprise I'm wearing a Victoria secret thong. So you've never had sex. Not sex.

I've had dinner. Right, of course. Yeah. I've had an omelet. You've eaten meals. Yeah, I just haven't had sex. Right. You've never been out of date. No. But you've had lunch. Yes. You've like, like, I've had a vacation. Yeah. I've just haven't. You've taken a lift. Yes, I've taken a lift in an Uber. I've just never had sex in it. You've never like been on a date or out of one. Right, yeah. Have you ever kissed a lady?

Not kissed, but I've talked to one online. Okay, so you don't have to like, I feel like you qualify all this stuff with like something else that you did. All right. But the things that you do are pretty... I don't have love, but I have a wallet. Yeah.

It's so innocuous. It's so casual. It's so ubiquitous. Everybody has a wallet. Yeah, I'm just saying. Everyone's having a day. Everyone's having a day. Everyone's having a day.

Huh? I... It's not a kid I've... I chose wallet. Do you have a wallet? No, I don't have a wallet. See, that's what I'm talking about. You have loose change in your pocket.

Yeah, I can't even have a wallet. I'm loose in my pocket, I have sex. Yeah, yeah. And I'm the other way. I'm the polar opposite. No love, no sex, none of that stuff. But like the way my bills are kept aren't like a nice leather bifold.

I also just realized I never had dinner. Really? Yeah. Is that where realized I never had dinner. Really? Yeah. Is that where you're so tired all the time? Maybe it isn't a little bit of a trade off. Cause you know what's the other shit that you said you did? Vacation. I know how to vacation.

Lift, Uber, wallet. I took a New York City taxi one time. It's close, but it's not exactly right. Right. It really needs to be a Nissan Central driven by a 18 year old stranger. Wow. Yeah. I've never done any of that shit.

Yeah. I guess that's a trade off. Yeah. All right. Well, that's why we get along. Opposites a track, I guess. You're sleeping. All right.

That's it. That's our time. 30 minutes. Up 30 minutes down. Add free bonus video episode. Thanks to those of you who have subscribed so far, we'll be back soon enough with another episode of this. Toda!

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