If I Were You - Testing Testing: USA

Episode Date: August 19, 2021

Back on a Thursday and testing Jake's knowledge about his home country. Be careful, you may just learn a thing or two.Advertise on If I Were You via Gumball.fm .See omny.fm/listener for privacy information.

And we're back on a frickin' Thursday again. Can you believe it? Come on. Yeah. Wow. Last week was a fucking rollercoaster. We're doing these tests, you know, quizzing each other and you gave me a fatherhood quiz that was basically-

Are you ready to go? Yeah, it could have been written by a Jake and Amir fan. The answer choices were absurd. Some of them were borderline, if not 100% illegal. Way illegal, yeah, I think. Yeah. Definitely your dad. It was like a quiz your dad from Jake and Amir wrote.

All right. Throw a fucking ham. Grilled jizz. Sandwich style. Yeah. So I wanted to sort of pare back a little bit and let's go for some classic questions with real definitive quantitative answers because that's what I love. Oh, no, it's a fucking math quiz.

No, it's not a math quiz. I didn't want to trip you up. Don't worry. All right. All right. 8 times 68. I mean, there's not even a fucking remote possibility. No, just joking.

Just joking. Yeah. Great. But that's like one that you know. Like you would know- I would love a quiz like that. I don't even know how to start that. Just put that in your side pocket going forward.

8 times 68. Yeah. That's not fair for me to try to figure out. I don't even know. Let me write it down. 8 times- What I would do is 8 times 70 and then you take away 2. 8.

Interesting. So you do 8 times 8, that's 64, and that I know, I think. Yeah. Yeah, that's correct. But it's 8 times 70. Right. Well, but then I'm doing 8 times 6, which is, which is, of course, 30. No, wait.

It's been a fucking long year for everyone. 8 times 6. And again, this is not even the quiz. So like- Oh, it's 48. Don't worry about this. It's 48. You need to do 8 times 7 times 10, which you can do.

8 times 7. Do you know what that is? Yeah. It's 56. Exactly. Times 10. Oh, 560. Correct.

So that's 8 times 70. So 8 times 68 is just that number minus 2 8s. So that number minus 16. That's how I would do it. Yeah. My brain is so far from being in that mode right now. Yeah. I mean, even if I was at a clip, I don't think I could do it.

But like today, I'm fried. My brain's gone. Yeah. It doesn't exist. So this is, so I gave you, I wanted to give you something a little more in your wheelhouse. Porn again. I want to test if you're a porn again Christian by giving you the porn again test. So as you know, America is the number one country in the world.

Correct? At what? Like just being good at COVID, figuring it all out, sort of unfiltered capitalism, making sure that it's the land of the free and the home of the brave for everybody. USA. USA. Yeah. But did you know that not everybody gets to be a US citizen?

Of course we are because you were born in America and my parents became citizens before I was 18. So I was sort of ushered into US citizenship. But if you were not either of those things, you have to take a test to become a US citizen. You have to do a lot of other shit. But at the end of the day, you have to take a US citizenship test. Yeah. And I'm actually, I am a patriot.

You can call me Eagle or Golden Eagle if you prefer. All right, Golden Eagle. Who are your state's US senators? My state's? Yep. That's right. You live in New York. Who's the New York?

This is just an example of a quiz, a question that they ask you before you become a US citizen. Well, I know one. I know one of them. It's an issue. Yeah. It's Chuck Schumer. That's right. Yeah.

Lazy Charles. Right. Yeah. Greedy Chuck. I thought it was crying Chuck. Oh, yeah. Crying Chuck. Yeah.

Yeah. He fake cried or he really cried. Both are embarrassing. One's a lie. One's not manly. So Chuck Schumer, definitely one. I'll say majority leader, actually, Chuck Schumer, Richard Blumenthal is the other one. That's a good guess.

And it's sort of something. No, it's not. It's not. No, it's not. It's she ran for president. It's a woman. It's Kirsten Gillibrand. That's right.

Good job. You nailed it. Schumer and Gillibrand, AKA Gillibrand, AKA Gillalibrand. So, so far you're one and all. You can almost become a US citizen. Okay. And honestly, that was one of the hardest ones that I found. Interesting.

There were a lot of easy ones that I'm like, I'm not going to give them this one. What day is the birthday of America? Like that kind of shit. Like, no, but I'm not fucking giving you a layup. I want you to become a US citizen. I'm asking the question. I want to earn my citizenship. The stars and the stripes.

That's right. I want to ask you the questions that I didn't know the answers to. For example. Oh, say, can you see, you didn't know you're state senators? I did not. I knew one of them, but not the other one. Interesting. Cool.

What was the constitution written? Hmm. I assumed it was 1776. That's not the case. Right. Because it would have been after, there's the Declaration of Independence. So it would have been after the Revolutionary War, which I think went till 1782. So I'll say 1783.

Close. 1787. Wow. Wow. I also don't know if that's how long the Revolutionary War has to go. Yeah, not a do. Okay. We're 50% citizens right now.

Okay. Name the five wars fought by the United States in the 1900s. Five wars in the 1900s. Let's go. I'm not going to go in order. Uh-huh. Okay. I don't have that fucking capability.

Yeah. Yeah. We'll say World War I and World War II, obviously, the first two gone right off the bat. Vietnam. Easy. Not a problem. Bingo, bingo, bongo. Three of five.

Might as well say Desert Storm. Yes, sir. The Persian Gulf War in the early 90s, you're down to the last war. I mean, it's got to be the Cold War against our Soviet enemies. It's not. That was technically not a war. It was more of a... The Iraqi War.

The war in Iraq. That was the Persian Gulf, aka Desert Storm. Desert Storm. Okay. Well, then hold on. That was a war. You at Ellis Island. Actually, don't actually turn me back yet because I'm still fucking...

Give me... Is it early 1900s or late? It's like the 50s, I believe. It's the war in Asia that we... Korean War. Yeah, that's right. Korean War. Kind of the most forgotten one.

Damn it. Yeah. We don't really think about the Korean War. Mm-hmm. I mean, clearly. Who is the chief justice of the United States right now? Kennedy? You could really...

You don't have to just shout out the last president that you remember. Like... No, there's a... Think about it. Think about it. There's a... Well, I am thinking about it. It's not Clarence Thomas.

No. Obviously. Obviously. It's not any of the new guys. No. They haven't earned it. You have the Gorsuch... I don't think so.

It's not that... Gorsuch. Sotomayor. No. She wouldn't get that. It's too far left. But that's why I think it's Justice Kennedy. It is John Roberts.

Oh, wait. That's what I was trying to think of. Oh, okay. So, yeah, you could be a citizen as long as you promise. No, you really... If you're primates... Actually, Kennedy might have retired and that's why Kavanaugh was sitting there. Anyway, I'm a citizen.

I love this country. America elects a U.S. representative for how many years? In the House, two. That's correct. Two years. Every congressperson or every U.S. representative. Two years at a time. Good stuff.

This one is name one, but I'll make it a little bit harder on you. Name three, U.S. territories. The Dakota territory. Nice. No. These are land. That's a U.S. territory. That's not technically a U.S. state.

I see. There's... Okay, we have the U.S. Virgin Islands. That's correct. We've got Puerto Rico. Nailed it. There's three more. Guam.

Yes. And there's two more I had not really heard of. Washington, D.C. Is that one? No. No, that's a district, I guess. Not a territory. I see.

There's American Samoa and the Northern Mariana Islands. Yes. Yes, I've heard of those. I wonder what's going on in the territories. Not quite a state, but also not a different country either. Yeah, I think it's... From what I've heard, it's kind of bullshit because they kind of have to adhere to our laws but don't really have a voice or a vote.

Yeah. I'd like to know what's going on. It's not great. Guam. We should do a show in Guam. Do you think anybody's listening to us on Guam? I would love to know that, actually, and I would happily do a show on Guam. I did.

I mean, yeah. Is Guam the bomb? I think Guam is the bomb. That's cool. It's... Nor... I'm trying to see where it is. Wow, it's so far away.

That's crazy. Where's Guam? It's twice as far away as Hawaii. Really? You could have told me it was right off of Florida and I would have been like, that makes sense for Guam. No, we would have gone to Guam when we were in Australia. That's when we would have gone to Guam.

Jesus. Same with Northern Mariana Islands. Have you ever gone to Guam? Nice. Have you ever gone to Guam? Yeah, no, I haven't. All right. Let's hit that.

Name, ask a read, name three, and you see how my questions have like answers and yours are like, yeah, what size gift should I get my newborn after nine weeks? Those are real questions. That was the only one that was kind of, yeah, no, those are real questions. They had answers. Okay. They had answers. All right.

The ear and drag him away if he doesn't share a toy. It's easy to say no to that. Name three American Indian tribes in the U.S. Gladly. The Cherokee. Nailed it. I'm trying to think of the one that was, oh, the Pequot. That is, for some reason, not on this list.

Well, I went to the Pequot Museum when I was a child in Connecticut, so that's Pequot Erasure and that's fucked up. Let me just make sure that I'm spelling it right. You don't have to spell it. You just have to say it. It's not on this list and I resent the accusation. We need actually, there's about 20 Indian tribes on this list. You've heard of most of these, but can you come up with any of them?

Yes. What did I say? I said Cherokee? Yep. You've got the Navajo. Correct. It's on here. You've got the...

You've got the power in you. I mean, Pequot's won. Cheyenne. That's correct. Cheyenne is won. Cheyenne is the first one. Some other famous ones are the Mohegan, of course. The other Mohegan son.

The Sioux, as we know. Sioux. Iroquois, Pueblo, Chakotau, Inuit, Seminoles from Florida State. Nice. I'll give you that one. Thank you. What is one responsibility that is only for U.S. citizens? Only U.S. citizens have this one responsibility.

Is it voting? Actually, there's two, but you only have to name one. Voting is one of them. That's correct. Can you name the other one? Oh, registering in the census? No. This one says jury duty.

Oh. You know the crazy fact about me? I've never, ever been called for jury duty. Interesting. You've never gotten a jury duty summons. No. I'm not on their fucking radar. I wonder if, when you were in L.A., just went to your parents' house and they threw

it away or something. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I registered to vote where I am, so I feel like that's what they use. I did jury duty once in New York. They sent it to me. For weeks? Yes. I was asked to be on the jury.

I actually did the jury part, which is kind of rare. You convicted the guy. I sentenced this fucker to the chair. I said I want to be the one that fucking presses the button. I want to be the one that pulls the trigger, releases the lever. Absolutely. No, it's a funny story. Not a funny story, but it was pretty crazy.

It was a story about a rabbi that took advantage of it. You're not supposed to fucking say these things, man. Even if it's over? I don't know. You are under arrest, but yeah, go ahead. So it was a rabbi that sold this Jewish lady a Torah, and he never delivered, and he took advantage of her. He took $80,000, and I guess he had done that a bunch to a bunch of different grieving Jews.

Everyone instantly knew that he was guilty. Within four minutes, he was just obviously lying and guilty, and this old lady was like, yes, I have a receipt. It says I gave him $80,000. Do you have the bank account? Yes. Do you want to be the Torah? No.

Boom. Conviction is next. Case closed. They're like, well, let's talk to this person's high school teacher. Everyone's like, fine. Let's fucking talk, and then I'm like, all right, let's come back tomorrow. Let's do this again on next week. We're like, we already know he's guilty.

Let us fucking go through this dog and pony show for two weeks we were there. And then they're like, all right, we're ready to deliberate. They bring us into a room, and everyone's like, yeah, guilty instantly within 30 seconds. So yeah, let's bring him back out. Yeah, he's guilty. I was like, wow, what an enormous colossal waste of time. I guess it's important because the process of law is necessary, but there's got to be a way to explain what he says.

Even if they're not open and shut, you want some people to debate, but Jesus Christ gives lawyers and whoever was working there a lot of time and money. But just going to the courthouse in Brooklyn every day for two weeks, it was like, Jesus, how does somebody with a real job or any responsibility do this? Yeah, well, that's why they usually there's ways to get out of jury duty. If they're like, yeah, your job is too important or your life is too busy. They saw you, you're like comedy writer, you're fucking Jewish comedy writer. We want him.

Yeah, we want him to be here. He's on our side and they were correct. All right, let's take a break, come back and answer some more questions about US citizenry after this. OK. Thank you to Helix Sleep for sponsoring this episode of our show. Hell, yes. Thank you for making the sleep test, the sleep exam and letting me ace it and become the doctor of the mattress.

Yes. Yeah. So Helix makes a really great mattress line and you take a little sleep quiz to see what mattress is right for you. Yeah, right. Jake's been bragging about completing this two minute, honestly, like Buzzfeed light quiz. I don't know how you sleep for the better part of a decade.

Excuse me. I do not. I do not brag. I don't brag about completing it. I brag about acing it. Because you got the mattress and it was great. Yeah, I got the perfect mattress. Thank God.

Thank God I took that test. That's right. And if you want the perfect mattress, you can go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you for 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows. Amazing. Free pillows. Come on. Yes.

This is their best offer yet and no, it won't last long with Helix. The better sleep starts now. So regardless of how you sleep, whether you like it soft, medium or firm, Helix is 20 unique mattresses just ready to go based on how you fill up that sleep preference and they'll send you the best one. And if you go to helixsleep.com slash if I were you, that's 20% off. Amazing. Thank you, Helix.

Thank you to stamps.com for sponsoring this episode of our show. Visiting the post office and dealing with shipping and handling is probably one of the most stressful parts of owning a business. But with stamps.com, all you need is a computer and a printer and they can bring the post office in your office. So if you need a package pickup, you can easily schedule it. If you need to sell products online, stamps.com seamlessly connects with every major marketplace and shopping cart.

So stamps.com has huge carrier discounts. We're talking up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates, holy smokes. And for 25 years, stamps.com has been indispensable for over one million businesses. So if one million businesses can trust stamps.com, certainly you can too. Set your business up for success with stamps.com today. Just sign up with promo code if I were you for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. Wow.

No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com. You click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code if I were you. And that gets you a free, four week trial, free postage and a digital scale. That sounds pretty good. Thank you stamps.com for sponsoring this show. All right, we're back. Jake, in order to become, I don't know how many questions you have to get right.

If it's like 80 out of a hundred or just five out of 10 or what, if they make it easy at this point. But I do remember my parents having to study for this. Yeah, I mean, I would have to study for this clearly. Yeah. Well, it's basically, they basically give you the questions beforehand. So when you show up, you know what the answers are. But without any studying at all, do you know what we call the first 10 amendments to the

Constitution? The first 10 amendments to the Constitution, we have a name for them? We do. Huh. Kennedy? Kennedy. Yeah. I have no fucking idea.

They're called the Bill of Rights. Oh, nice. That does sound sort of familiar. Very, yeah. Very much so. Didn't realize they were related as it were. Had a name as it were. I've heard of that, obviously.

I didn't know that that's what that was. Yeah. But I know that is something. Do you know how many House of Representatives we have? Or how many in the House of Representatives? God, no. It's like 300 something. Close, but not quite.

523. Yeah. It's a random-ass number like that. Yeah. But it's not even close to 323. It really is. 500? No.

400. No. It's not even four. Is it in the 300s? It's 435. Yeah. That's good. That's good.

Nice. Yeah, kind of. You're off by over 100 Congress people, but yeah. They're so important. Before he was president, Eisenhower was a general for what war? General Eisenhower. Let's go ahead and say World War I. That is so close, but incorrect.

It's World War II. Yeah. World War II. Totally. Yeah. Totally. Sort of a coin flip at that point. You had us in the first half.

Yeah. Not going to lie. I knew it was a World War. I knew that. Yes. Oh. He had to earn his stripes. That's for sure.

Oh, God. Well, here's a great question that they have. What is one thing Benjamin Franklin is famous for? Didn't that motherfucker do electricity? He did the kite with a key. It's not on this list. That might be like a children's tale, the kite and the key. Okay.

Yeah. We're looking for like a real thing. The Louisiana Purchase, I think, was his shit. Not quite. Oh, yeah. That was in the 1800s. He actually did. Oh, he had a bunch of slaves that he impregnated like he's a bad guy.

I don't even know if that part is true. I think you're thinking of Jefferson. Yeah. Maybe it was Franklin too. He went to France. Okay. I think that was Jefferson as well. You're thinking of sort of Hamilton, sort of an old history textbook that you read

20 years ago and can't quite remember. He had bifocals. He invented bifocals, let's say. He is a U.S. diplomat, the oldest member of the Constitutional Convention, the first postmaster general of the U.S., writer of poor Richard's Almanac, and he started the first free libraries. So that, going forward, that's what I guess Franklin was good at. Nice.

That's why you deserve to be on the hundo. Well, do you know how many amendments the Constitution has? 52. Very, very close. 27. Nice. The Federalist Papers support of the passage of the U.S. Constitution, name one of the writers of the Federalist Papers.

Andrew fucking Jackson. Wrong. Really? Alexander Hamilton. That's right. Oh, yeah. Hamilton, Jefferson, Lincoln, Nebraska? It's James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, John Jay, and then just someone, I guess, named

Publius, P-U-B-L-I-U-S. Never even heard of that one. Publius. Publius. Are you going to come to the war, the Revolutionary War? What the hell is Publius? Well, Publius was the pseudonym used by Alexander Hamilton. I see.

Okay. So I guess Hamilton twice then. All right. Let's get a few more of these guys in before I shift you over to a test that might even be more up your alley. Name two branches of the government. The legislative and the executive. Nailed it.

Absolutely nailed it. The last one is... It's also the judiciary. Yes, that's correct. The judicial branch. You got that one. Thank you. I think you're ready to become a citizen.

You do? Here's kind of a random one. What are two rights of everyone living in the United States? Two rights everyone gives. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Yeah, we're looking for specific freedoms. Okay. Free speech.

The right to bear arms. That's correct. You can say and shoot anything you want. It's good to be an American. Okay. I think we did 50-50. Probably good enough to become a US citizen. Maybe.

Definitely good enough to be a US citizen. I don't know. I feel like I really failed actually. Well, we were sort of backed into it because you were already born here. You don't have to know this shit. Yeah. You just are this shit. Exactly.

All right. I know you take pride in knowing the US state capitals. That's correct. I know every single one. I didn't want to just ask you what the state capitals were though. There are some of these on this list. I found some interesting state questions, almost trivia about these United States. I was wondering if I can ask you a few of these questions as well.

Yeah. I'm a big fan of American geography. I'm all for it. Keep in mind some of these are trick questions. Okay. So, when the first one is what state is the Statue of Liberty in? Think wisely, strongly, and long about the answer. Right.

Like it would probably actually be in New Jersey. That's correct. The icon is technically located in New Jersey. I see. That makes sense. Okay. How about this one? What is the least populated state?

Now, I am pretty certain it's Wyoming. That's correct. Wyoming is the least populated state. Now, you're feeling. Now, you're in your zone. Don't let me get in my zone. Exactly. What is the largest state in land mass?

Alaska. And it's actually not even close. That's correct. Three for three. You absolutely nailed it. Yeah. I'm on one now. Okay.

Here's a real tricky one. This one's like, whoa. Let's hear it. That's fucking Randall. I know it. Are you kidding me with that? Ask it. Wait, no.

I don't think so. You lost the question. Your computer died. I don't know what it is. Which state in America is the closest to Africa? Closest. Alphabetically. Alphabetically.

No, geographically. Actually, think about this one while we take yet another break, and then we're coming back and I'll give you the answer. And prepare to have your ass farted and blown. I love it. Okay. Thank you to Aura Frames for sponsoring this Head Gum podcast. You know, Aura Frames is sponsoring not just this episode, but the entire Head Gum network,

Jake. Wow. That's correct. I mean, this might be the Goat Father's Day gift. I think it actually is. Yeah. It's not just Father's Day, but if for any not so tech-savvy family member that you need a gift for soon, these digital photo frames might be the best of all time.

Yeah. For me personally, these things are perfect. I'll tell you why. As you know, I am expecting my first child. We got one for Jill's parents. Oh, wow. We got one for Jill's grandma. Holy smokes.

We got one for my parents. So there are three of these bad boys in our family right now, but they're great, really easy way to stay in touch with your family. You can upload as many photos as you want directly into my parents' kitchen. It's really nice. Oh, that's cool. So you take a photo of anything, perhaps a baby, and then it goes to their digital photo frame.

Yeah. This is actually how we told Jill's grandma she was pregnant. We got her the Aura frame. We plugged it in. Jill's grandma was pregnant? Really nice asshole. This was actually a really sweet moment for me and my wife, and you're trying to make a joke of it.

I was just being goofy a little bit like, this is how I told my grandma she was pregnant. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of like she misheard it or something like that, or the way you said it was kind of like, could go either way. By the way, Jill's grandma is pregnant. Oh my God. Jill's grandma is 90 and pregnant.

It's pretty cool. And you told me with a digital photo frame? Holy smokes. And we let her know with an Aura. Yeah. Thank you. The Aura announcement. So you can instantly frame photos from any device anywhere and invite the whole family

in on the fun through the Aura app. Add me to your Aura app. I'd love to upload just a picture of me like at a pool or something. That could be funny. Yeah. Like your banana or your dog alongside pictures of my daughter. Yeah. Yeah.

Exactly. You deserve that. You can even preload photos and add a personal video message that will display as soon as your dad or anybody connects to the frame. Yeah. It's a great gift. A really, really iconic gift. And right now you can save on the perfect Father's Day gift and visit Aura Frames.

That's A-U-R-A Frames.com. And our listeners can use code HEADGUM to get up to $30 off plus free shipping on the best selling frames. There it is. Oh wow. This is timely. The deal ends on June 18th. So don't wait.

Terms and conditions apply. That's Aura Frames. A-U-R-A Frames.com. Okay. Go get your parents something, all right? And use the code HEADGUM for $30 off plus free shipping. Thank you Aura. And now back to the HEADGUM podcast you were listening to.

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp. If you're finding yourself in a difficult, anxious, stressful situation talking to a professional licensed therapist is the best way to navigate yourself out of that difficult place. And it's not necessarily easy to find a therapist, especially one in your area, but BetterHelp makes that all easy because it's online therapy designed to be convenient, flexible, and suitable to your schedule. You just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist.

And you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. It's incredibly helpful. Therapy has helped millions of people over thousands of years. So give therapy a try. It can give you the tools to find a more balanced life. I've tried therapy. It's been very helpful. So you can find that balance better with BetterHelp.

All you got to do is go to betterhelp.com slash if I were you. You do that today. You can get 10% off your first month. So the prices are already affordable because you're not paying rent for a building somewhere that you have to drive to and wait in a waiting room. This is done entirely online, but you're still getting professional licensed help and it's extra affordable. That's betterhelp.com slash if I were you.

Check them out. BetterHelp. All right. We're back. Which state is the closest to Africa, Jake? Well, I feel like if my ass is going to be farted and blown, as you say, it's going to have to not be a state that I would expect. Like I would expect it to be Florida, but instead of that, I'm sweating because it actually

is Florida. I had no fucking clue. No, it's not Florida. But yeah, I would go just like the furthest East state and fucking guess me. North Carolina. Very close. You were correct about the furthest East state being the answer, but it's Maine. Maine is closer to Morocco by a thousand miles than Florida is.

I was going to fucking guess Maine and I was like, no, it's too far. It's too far north. Damn it. Yeah. Interesting. Right? Yeah. Very.

My ass is farted and blown actually. Here's an interesting one. What's this one? It's pretty simple. It's the capital of South Carolina. I know every single capital. I think it's Pierre. That is South Dakota's capital.

Damn it. Okay. Wait, hold on. Hold on. South Carolina's capital. Yeah. It's fucking, it's, oh god damn it. I fucking know it.

I know it. Did you say Charleston? Yes. It's not Charleston. Yeah. Most people think it's Charleston. Yeah. It's actually...

Savannah. Columbia. Yeah. Columbia. Fucking hell. It's a hard one. I don't know. For whatever reason, a lot of people think Charleston and some people even think Pierre.

Pierre. Well, there's, there's a couple that I always don't get. Like, I always think that I know all the capitals and then, uh, yeah, there's a few that you just never commit to memory. Yeah. I actually don't quite remember them all because of it. Which state has the highest population density? People per square mile.

People per square mile. Hmm. I guess it would be interesting. We'd have to make it a small state like Rhode Island. It's a good guess and it's close, but it's not quite. All right. Then it's going to have to be something like New Jersey again. New Jersey is correct.

Good poll. Okay. They say it's technically DC, but since that one's not a state, New Jersey is the most densely populated quote unquote state type. Here's an interesting one. What's the western most state capital in mainland US? So the 48 states, um, which one is the western most? Oh, well, is that a trick question?

Like it's the western most would be Honolulu, right? Or you mean the continuous? It's just within the mainland. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Uh, mainland US. Um, well, it's got to be either Oregon or Washington, um, let's go Washington, Olympia.

It's Salem, Oregon. Oh, so close. So close. This one, next one you actually know because I used to say it a lot. Which state is further west Reno, Nevada or Los Angeles? Oh, um, yeah, Reno, Reno is further west the way California sort of, uh, slopes eastward puts LA technically 85 miles further east than the western most big city in Nevada. Reno.

Wild. That's crazy. Um, oh, this is a, this is a real weird one. I almost won't even count it, but what is the eastern most state in the US? Well, oh, I mean, how's it not made? Because it's technically Alaska, which stretches into the eastern hemisphere. Whoa. Whoa.

Interesting. Very interesting. Kind of, kind of mind blowing. Yeah. Uh, which US state has the longest coastline? Um, US state has the longest coastline. Oh. So you would think it's California, but it's actually Florida because it goes all the way

around the Gulf or, or it's Texas, which is huge. Hmm. It's, it's fine. It says the, the answer is not California, Florida or Texas, but. Oh, it's Maine because of all the islands. Close. It's Alaska because of all the islands. Because of all the islands.

It's tough. This is a fun quiz for me. It's a fun. It's trivia. It's light. It's good facts that you wouldn't necessarily know. Which two states share borders with eight other states? That's the highest amount of borders shared with other states.

Two of them share borders with eight. Wow. Two states. This is very hard to get. I would not have known these. Um. I mean, I guess it would have to be one of these northeast states that feels like they touch everything.

Like. Everything like. Touches. You know, a, um, a Massachusetts say, but that actually touches a coast. So let's not do that. Let's not. You want an inland one that's just surrounded by states. Let's say fucking like West Virginia.

It's pretty good guess, but not quite. Let's say fucking Kentucky. Close, but no cider. Kentucky touches these two states. Yeah. Let's say fucking Tennessee then. Why does he is one of them? That is correct.

Tennessee borders eight states. And this other one does too. Wait. Did I already say Kentucky? Yeah. Hmm. Okay. How about this?

I'll tell you the eight states that the state borders. Oh, nice. Iowa, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Iowa, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas.

Oh. Oklahoma, Kansas and Nebraska. Missouri. That's correct. Missouri borders those eight states. Wow. That's cool. Seems like a lot.

It does. Uh. I'm floored. I'm floored. All right. A few final ones. Okay. Bring us home.

Uh, what is the longest river in the US? Mississippi? Answer. It's not the Mississippi, but rather the Missouri River. Oh. God damn it. Yeah. The Missouri River is 139 miles longer than the Mississippi.

The Great Missouri. That's right. And then lastly, what is the deepest lake in the United States? Hmm. This one I had no idea of. I never even heard of this lake. Great. So it's not one of the Great Lakes.

Oh, you know what the Great Lakes are? It might be because I had never heard of the Great Lakes. So I guess I'll just guess the biggest one. It's obviously not the Great Lakes. Of course I've heard of the Great Lakes. What do you think I'm a fucking moron? It's not the Great Lakes. It's not the Great Lakes.

It's not even Salt Lake. Salt Lake's not, I mean, so it's not Lake Huron, right? No. No, it's not any of the Great Lakes. I'm telling you. You know all the Great Lakes. Oh, I know the Holmes. I know it.

Okay. Okay. So, and it's, well then, Crater Lake? That's correct. Crater Lake in Oregon is the deepest at 1932. It never even heard of Crater Lake. Way to swish it at the buzzer. We'll go out on top.

Fucking wet from downtown. And into the deepest lake. Have you ever been to Crater Lake? How'd you know that? I haven't been actually, but I've wanted to go. And I guess I remember reading at some point that it was the deepest. Do you think you could touch the bottom of it with like one big breath if you had like a snorkel or something or flippers?

If I had flippers and if I was allowed to dive off the boat, it's 2,000 feet. So I wouldn't be able to just like fucking jump and swim, but I think if I had a really good, it's like seven football field deep into the ground. Do you think you'd be able to? I'm telling you, if I could dive, then maybe I could. And you said I had flippers. Flippers, it doesn't matter. It's 2,000 feet.

And I would need to wear like a speedo. It's like half a mile straight down. Not just regular trunks. I might wear... If I'm allowed to wear goggles, then no chance you'll never fucking catch me. I'll do a fucking tea party at the bottom of that lake. No problem. I don't think so.

Definitely not a tea party. I'll have a tea party. All right. I think you did better at the states one. So you're not quite a citizen, but at the very least, you know a lot about the United States themselves. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

These United States. Yeah. And you didn't have to emotionally abuse a child during this quiz. So I'll consider that a victory as well. Yeah, that was nice. All right. That's definitely helpful. All right.

Thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another testing testing. For more of us, you can check out our Patreon, patreon.com. And we also released a new Jake and Amir video recently. That's right. Check that out at jakeandamir.com. Enjoy that. Yes.

Do that. And we'll be back on Monday with our regularly scheduled program. Woo. Ciao, everybody. That was a hit gum original.