Imaginary Worlds - Mission to Zyxx

Episode Date: September 3, 2020

Mission to Zyxx is one of my favorite and highly bingeable podcasts. It’s a sci-fi audio drama (although very much a comedy) about a ragtag crew of space adventurers ranging from humans to aliens to robots. The actors are all improvisers. Every story and every line of dialogue is made up on the spot, but when layered with stereo soundscapes and effects, it sounds like they are worldbuilding on the fly. The show has made me LOL many times with its sly references to established sci-fi franchises, and I’m happy to share it with you. Here is the Mission to Zyxx site for Episode 202: The New Norm [ft. Dru Johnston] with the cast list and other details. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We interrupt your podcast to bring you breaking news. Tim's Classic Breakfast Sandwiches are just $3 when you buy any size coffee. You heard that right, $3. Your mornings will never be the same. Plus tax, Canada only, limited time only, terms apply, see app for details. It's time for Tim's. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection,

free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. You're listening to Imaginary World's late summer edition. I'm Eric Malinsky.

It has been a rough year for everyone. There's not going to be a lot of new entertainment coming out this fall. And I could really use a good laugh. That's why today I want to share with you an episode from one of my favorite sci-fi audio dramas, Mission to Zix. But it is not a drama. It's a comedy set in space. They've had four seasons so far

and I'm going to play an episode early on from season two called The New Norm, which cracked me up in so many places. And at this point in the story, the characters are based on standard science fiction tropes. The wannabe swashbuckling adventurer, the badass security officer, the know-it-all protocol droid,

the junior officer who's basically a lizard guy, the ship's AI, which looks after the crew, and a comic relief alien pet. They are a ragtag crew that's become like family to each other. They're also rebels trying to undermine an evil galactic empire, which is one of the many references that they make to established sci-fi franchises. But what makes Mission to Zix so unique is that they have no scripts. Each episode is entirely improvised by the actors, and after the improv sessions are recorded, the episodes are layered with high-quality sound effects to create these alien landscapes,

and they add vocal effects for the non-human characters, plus full musical scoring. Now, I used to take improv classes just for fun, and even though I stopped doing it, I have a very strong appreciation for the craft and people who do it well. And there are two things you need to know about improv. First, you have to say yes to every suggestion that your scene partner gives. Secondly, you have to say yes and add a suggestion of your own that does not contradict what your scene partner just said. That's why improv and science fiction are such a funny combination. Because when you're creating a sci-fi series, there's a whole question of what's

in canon. But with improv, everything's in canon. Every word out of everyone's mouth, no matter how silly it is, instantly becomes true. And when they layer all that sound design on top of the improv, it feels like they're creating a universe in real time out of their collective imagination. It's world building on the fly. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a mission to Zix. It is a period of civil war. The rebellion against the sinister and corrupt Federated Alliance grows stronger, and the fate of the galaxy hangs in the balance.

Now, rebel emissary Plek Dexeter and his intrepid crew travel the farthest reaches of the galaxy to explore astounding new worlds, discover their heroic destinies, and meet weird bug creatures and stuff. This is Mission to Zix. Xenoverse. Hey, Nermit. Yeah? How's your tail? It's obviously gone. No, I mean, like, I was going to say how's your butt, but that's... Oh, my butt?

I should look. Oh, wow. Can you see it? There's a tiny little sprout. Yeah, a little bud. A little bud. A little nub popping. Yeah, you should call it a nub nub.

Nub nub up front. Nub nub up front. Nub nub in the back. Nub nub in the back. Yeah, don't actually do that. Okay, I think Margie and I finally got Beano back to sleep. Oh, good. I think Bargy and I finally got Beano back to sleep.

Oh, good. I'm going to be flying very gently, so that Beano won't have any reason to wake up and exist. Thanks, Bargy. Yep. I'm also still running on dirt, just reminding everybody. Oh, boy. Yeah, we need to find...

Well, is there anything we can do with any of these extra parts? I mean, I don't know. See if you can, like, fashion those parts into some sort of, like, fuel maker. What do I look like to you? Well, I don't know. I just thought... You know machines, so you... Guys, do you hear that?

What did... Uh... Sort of a... Buzz? Yeah, what did you leave out an item? No, that vibration is way too weak to be one of my many toys. Okay, fair enough. Sure, sure.

Let's see. Let's just dig through. Oh. Guys, it's a communicator. That's it. This looks like a pager. Wait, is this Hark Tardigast's pager from the pile of parts? Yeah, that's why he deemed it useless

and tossed it out of his ship. No, I think this is like getting a communication right now. Oh. I don't know. C-53, do you know how to work one of these? I haven't seen one of these. No machines? Yes. Yes. It has one. No machines. It has one button. Do you want me to work one of these? I haven't seen one of these. Because I know machines. Yes. Yes. It has one. You know machines.

It has one button. Yeah. Like, would you do this? You have received an audio transmission from Rebellion Headquarters. Park. Park, it's me, Sisu. I just want to check in to make sure that you went to the Flarn District and you would be back for trivia night. We really need your expertise.

Okay, talk to you later. Sisu out. End of message. Who is Sisu? Sisu Gundu. One of the leaders of the Rebellion. Cool. And they play trivia. Yeah, I guess so. It's Sisu again. You haven't returned

my call. That's fine. That's okay. I hope you went to Flarn. Pretty important. And again, we really need you for Trivia Night. Okay, bye. End of message. I think you should... Flarn, where are you? Okay? Trivia Night is at 30 minutes, and none of us know anything about sports, okay?

Also, I hope the Flarn thing went well. Better see you in 30 minutes! Wow. Is everyone ignoring the fact that Hark Tartagast had a mission in the Florence Inn? Yeah, I mean, he mentioned something like that, I think, before he took off, didn't he? Oh, yeah, he was going to meet with a crime lord. Well, guess who lost trivia tonight?

Oh, no. Oh, no. This is a real game. Okay, I think we're good. I think we got most of the information we needed. And we're all drunk, and we're all celebrating being losers. Wow, this is still happening. Do we really think it's about trivia, or did they hook up?

Yeah, I don't know. This seems like it goes a little deeper. Pager has a lot of data. You and the fork, the coordinate of 55B to XX, Simon and Robin, good times. Hell yeah, it's definitely a relationship thing. Was she just saying the coordinates? Yeah, they're slurred a little bit, but I think I can translate. Yeah, this checks out.

This is Florence Spade. We can do the rebel mission ourselves as rebels. Us. I mean, C-53, is this safe for us to go to the... No, the Flood Zone is notoriously very dangerous. Sure, but... Floor and crime lords have very little tolerance for interlopers. Yeah, I... My movies don't do well there. It's all criminals.

Criminals don't like sweet, sweet, poshy films. I'm just saying. Didn't you do movies about being a criminal, though? Yeah, they said it wasn't authentic enough. They're very... I don't know. I try. Planet of criminals. C-53, aren't Flarns like a gelatinous... I mean, what, like two-ton monster? On average.

Guys, you don't have to worry. I just don't... I'm a big deal in Flarn. Really? Really? Yeah. I'm a huge deal in Flarn. That's from your smuggling days. Well, yeah. Of course. The leader, uh, Territ Kastebi, he loves me. Wow. You know Territ Kastebi? I do. I always thought he was, like, Territ Kostebi, he loves me. Wow.

You know Territ Kostebi? I do. I always thought he was like a larger-than-life mob boss. Cliche, almost. Uh, he is. And, uh, let me tell you, we're very good friends. I used to run campaign after campaign after campaign for this guy. Wow.

And I'll tell you, he was always happy with the work I did. Wow. I'm treated like a king when I visit Flarn. So we have our ticket in. I mean, yeah, I guess. Sure, it might still be dangerous, but what's a rebellion without danger? We gave Hark our word, kinda. Did we? Did we?

I don't know. There's no danger. I've been on vacations with Tarot. I've seen him in a two-piece. Wow. That feels like at leastations with Tarot. I've seen him in a two-piece. Wow. That feels like at least one piece too many. Yeah. Interesting.

Well, guys, listen, if we're going to go, I should probably consult the space just to see if there's... Yeah. Okay. What? Oh, no, no, go. We love watching the ritual. Okay. Have a fun time.

Have fun. I'm just going to... Take your wood saber. We were holding this window open with it. Oh, the shade. Yeah. Okay. Guys, listen.

There's no reason to make a big deal about it. I'm just going to reach out with my feelings a little bit and just make sure that there's nothing we should be worried about. Okay. All right. Oh. Oh. Oh. Mm-hmm. I'm a little hungry,

but other than that, I think I'm feeling pretty good. Okay. Bino hungry, too! Oh, crap. Bino hungry! Bino, hey, listen, can you wait till we get back from the mission, buddy? Bino, no can wait. Okay. Bino, hey, listen, can you wait till we get back from the mission, buddy? Bino, no can wait.

Okay. Bino wants food now. Oh, jeez, Bino. How about this, Bino? We're going into the Flarn Zone, and we're going to get Bino some food. Bino wants all the food. Bino's hungry. Okay.

Listen, Bino, we'll pick you up something, okay? Okay. Do it for Bino. you know, we'll pick you up something, okay? Okay. Do it for Fino. Should we head in? Oh, we already... We started heading towards Flarn

when you started your ritual. Yeah. You know, it's supposed to be... We're sort of supposed to be at, like, impulse zero for that. Yeah, that's probably what messed it up. Yeah. Nermin, are you getting enough oxygen in there?

I mean, I can use it, like, if you can unzip this a little. Yeah, no problem. But thanks for carrying me. I mean, you're really only supposed to un I mean, I could use, like, if you can unzip this a little. Yeah, no problem. Thanks for carrying me. I mean, you're really only supposed to unzip that, like, to reach in, because otherwise you might escape. That's a worry for a pet. Yeah, that's true. Hey! Hey! Oh, hey! You must recognize me.

Give me a crude. Oh! Give me all the crude you got. Just give it to me. Look, look, I know looking at me, you remember me as, like, a really big shot. I don't know who you are. Everybody it to me i know looking at me you remember me as like a really big shot i don't know who you are everybody give me a crew wait hold on of course you know who i am open up the bag give me what's in that bag no that's it there's a person in there there's a our boss is sort of in there hey hey listen uh sorry i don't have any crew on me so you're just gonna have to

you got a crew card i'll take crew cards. You'll take. You're going to. Charge us? Yeah. Yeah, I got my machine. You're a mugger who accepts chip cards? Yeah. I guess for us, the question is, why would we do this? Yeah.

No one's. No one's really asked me that. But before. Oh, no. Oh, okay, it's okay. Here, here, take this, take this crune. Thank you. I mean, I mean, uh, I hate you.

I hate you all. Thanks. Wow, that was... Oh, jeez. I feel better. Farm space is, I guess, not as tough as I remember it being no no no it's super tough that was a fluke that I didn't know who I was

sorry she didn't really recognize you well perhaps we should find our way to the turret because Debbie's palace is over there let's do it is it this enormous palace in the center of the city yeah yeah i mean that's exactly where we're headed oh hello oh announce yourselves who are you yeah i'm i'm Plek Dexeter. This is C-53 and Dar. Oh, and you may not know me as Dar here.

You may know me by another name. What? Norm. Norm? Yeah, Norm. No one here knows a Norm. If we could just see Tarot, I feel like we would, you know, clear up all this confusion. No one speaks to Tarot unless they speak through me.

I am the eyes and ears of the flan. So Taric Costebi is inside. Taric? Taric Costebi is inside, yes. But Taric Costebi. What? Taric Costebi. Who is Taric Costebi? Taric Costebi is Taric's little brother. But Territ Kastebi. What? Territ Kastebi. Who is Territ Kastebi?

Territ Kastebi is Territ's little brother. So what happened to Territ Kastebi? He was eaten. Oh, man. What can eat a flarn? What can eat a flarn? A bigger flarn. Oh, yeah. A bigger flarn.

Oh, wow. So his little brother is bigger. His little brother is bigger. Oh. That's A bigger fly. Oh, wow. So his little brother is bigger. That's how it is. Listen, if we could just talk to Tarek, we can explain everything. We're just here to kind of... I don't know if you know this, but I'm kind of his right-hand man, so you can tell me everything you need to tell him, and I'll let him know. Oh, great.

And man, so you can tell me everything you need to tell him and I'll let him know. Oh, great. And I'm sure you would have known about me because if you're so high up, you have known Tarot and all the... Oh, wait a second. I remember a Norm. Great. Did you go to Eastside class of... No, I'm known for being a crime assistant.

Norm, you were at Eastside in class of 4052. You're the one who couldn't finish a hot assistant. Norm, you were at Eastside in class of 4052. You were the one who couldn't finish a hot dog. You tried to eat a hot dog. That's what you remember about me? And you made your tummy hurt. You don't remember how I smuggled in an entire ship? Oh, sure, sure.

Oh, yeah, that ship that broke immediately? Oh, you guys are with Norm? Norm sucks. We actually don't know a Norm. Yeah. What's your name now? I answer to Dar now. Hmm. It's not a good name.

Listen, sorry, what's your name? I'm Garrett. Garrett. Cool. Oh, Garrett Hornberger. That's right. Garrett, can we please just talk to Tarek? You want to speak to Tarek? Yeah, that's sort of the whole point. I should let you know, he does not speak your native tongue.

He doesn't speak regular? He doesn't speak reg. He only speaks weird. Okay. Can we just come in? Will you unzip me? I think I can. Okay. That's... Can we just come in? Is that... Will you unzip me?

I think I can. Okay, sure. Yeah. Garrett? Ah! Oh. What is this? I manage this team.

My name is former Junior Missions Operations Manager Nermit Bundeloy. Did they name you Junior because of your size? No, it's not my title anymore. Because you're small. No. No, Nermit's size title anymore. Because you're small. No. I'm still a manager. You may know Hark Tardagas, who indicated that there aren't even Junior Missions Operations

Managers in the Rebellion, just Missions Operations Managers, which is going to be what I am. The whole point is, we are a serious team. We just got off the bar. Jerry and Jade, and there's an annoying bean on there, and we're here to meet Tarek, okay? And we might have something to do with the rebellion. Hark.

Nermit. What? Guys, this is going really well. You know, Nermit, I should probably just run you back to Bargy. Just real quick. You and Beano can hang out while we just do the mission. Come on. I feel like it kind of blew up our spot.

I'll stay in the bag. Listen, Junior. No. If you want to speak to Tarek, come on in. But I don't think you'll like what you hear. We'll take our chances. Yeah, okay. I feel like if anyone's going to know who I am, it's Tarek.

Great. Did you ever meet Tarek? I don't honestly remember, but I'm sure he probably remembers me. He was way cooler than Norm. but I'm sure he probably remembers me. He was way cooler than Norm. Oh, Congo-Tongo, Garrett. Ah, Tango-Tango-la, Derek.

Me for now. Listen, Garrett, I know that Tarek doesn't speak regular, but can he understand regular? No. Why would you think that regular, but can he understand regular? No. Why would you think that he would be able to understand regular? No, I don't know. Just because, like, we all speak regular. Obviously, there are aliens who don't, but, like... Whatever language he speaks is so complex that my auto-translator can't get a beat on it.

We sort of have to go through you both to understand him and for him to understand us. I am the tongue. I am the tongue. I am the tongue of Tarek. I thought you said you were the eyes and ears. Yeah, I'm all of the senses. I'm the tongue, I'm the eyes, I'm the ears. Why would you need a translator to see stuff? Yeah, are you his nose as well?

I could be. Can you ask Tarek if he remembers Norm? Okay, yeah. Yes, I can do that, Norm. Great. Tarek if he remembers Norm? Okay, yeah. Yes, I can do that, Norm. Great. Tarek. Huh? Taseko kolo shataya this little Norm.

Little Norm? Tingle, baba for Norm. Yeah, he doesn't remember a norm. Ask him if he remembers the norm who couldn't finish a hot dog. Terek, take us out of the little norm that I know.

Askamaya! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Sin de fafa. La no masco maya. Ah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ah, yes, he remembers you well. Listen, uh, Dart, can I talk to you over here for a second? Yeah. I don't feel like I'm earning us any kind of capital here. Dart, I thought you said you ran a bunch of campaigns for this guy. I did. I was the campaign master.

I ran such sick campaigns. I was so jucking clever. I never repeated the same move twice. Dart, we thought you were talking about military campaigns, not role-playing games. No, I knew Territ when I was young. I wasn't ready to be a... How young? Like middle school.

Oh, no. No. But you said you stole a ship for Territ. It was actually a model ship, and we built it together. Oh, no. Dar. Lindo, what do you get? King of fire.

All right. Come back over here. Okay, yeah, sure. I don't know if you heard what Tarek just said. I mean, we heard it, but we didn't understand it. Yeah, we don't speak weird. Ah, yes, the native tongue of the Flaarn. We speak weird. What he just wanted you to know

was that if you have anything you want to say to him you can say it to me is that for sure what he said he said I trust you Garrett

huh seems like something you wouldn't say to someone you trusted. You've known him for years. Why is he still saying that to you? I'm sure that's been pussed into our relationship. No, but he... Okay, well, what do you want to say to him?

I'll let him know what's going on. Okay. Okay. Yeah, all right. Let's see. Mighty Tarek. Mighty Tarek. You can probably just wait until I'm done and then just say the whole thing.

No, don't say that. Stop. Don't say that part. I'm just telling you, Garrett, you can wait until I'm done with my sentence before you say the whole thing. It's going to be harder for me. Garrett. Okay, fine. Mighty Tarek.

No, stop. Why is he going to say stop? Because I feel like we're never going to get anywhere. He said, what's up? Fine. Hi, it's Isaac. Mighty Tarek. Is he speaking Jontawa now?

I thought he was speaking weird. Does he speak Jontawa? What? Do not attempt to address him. Don't speak it. Mighty Taric, we are here as ambassadors for the rebellion

against the Federated Alliance. We seek a rebel pilot known as Hark Tardigast who came to your planet to plead with you for information and or supplies in our fight against the Alliance. If you can take us to him, we will be forever grateful to you. We have a shared interest, you and I, Tarek. He says you're taking a long time.

Were you translating what I was saying to him because I feel like he's here again. What? Oh, hello, Junior. Yes, yes. We were just remembering how funny the hot dog moment was. Give me a hot dog right now. I'll finish a hot dog right now. I'll finish 89 hot dogs right now.

Let's not go crazy. I'm proving this to you. I'm proving this to you. Proving this to you. Now get me 89 hot dogs. Yeah, Dart, it seems like... I'm proving this to you. Okay. I'm proving this to you. Sure. Proving this to you, now get me 89 hot dogs. Tarek, that's a good old norm. I guess I'll try the Oscar Maya 87. Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on a second. Hold on. John want Oscar Maya times 87. I just want to... Can I just quickly... Is Flarn language for 89, 87? Yes. Weird?

Okay, so in regular, when you say 89 and you translate it into weird, that is 87. That's what I just asked. I'll say for Salsa, I'll say 82. I'll say for Salsa. what I just asked. Ah, we have a hundred and one hot dogs here for you. Do you not understand how this works? I'll take those. Dar? Let's

think about what we're doing before we do it. Yeah, really, you just need to eat one, right? No, I'm gonna eat a hundred and one of these now. That's a lot of hot dogs. Yeah, wait, can I just ask Garrett, when'm going to eat 101 of these now. That's a lot of hot dogs. Yeah, wait. Can I just ask, Garrett? When Dar failed to eat a whole hot dog, how many hot dogs had Dar eaten at that point? At that point? Yes.

132. Well, okay. Okay. I'm very confused. I mean, if she'd already eaten. Why are you here? I tried to explain that, and you told me it was taking too long. Quinoa.

Fano. Ah,. Quinoa final. Ah, so quinoa. Bubble, beep, bop. Hark, Tartagast. Ah. We recognize that. Did he just say Hark, Tartagast? No.

What? He didn't just say Hark, Tartagast. It sounded like Hark, Tartagast. No, it sounded like that, but he was just reminding me about, we watched a movie last night and I said a really funny one-liner. What was the one-liner? What? What was the funny one-liner that you were just talking about?

Look, I don't know what you're here for, but Hark Tardigas is not here. There's no looking for him. Okay. In the absence of Hark, we'll act in his stead as emissaries to establish a connection between Tarek and the Rebellion. Tarek. Listen, Garrett, what Hark was going to come here to tell you is that the Rebellion hates the Alliance as much as you do. So if there's a way we could work together, maybe we could figure this out.

I'll let him know. Tarek. The Colton-Chungo-Kinwa-Sakoto Federated Alliance of Pichakampo at the Hartartagast Rebellion. Ah. Ha ha. People. Baggins.

Fifi. Concha He said he's interested. Really? If you are fighting against the Federated Alliance as hard as we are. Great. Yeah, cool. So, you know, listen, this is sort of not really my jurisdiction,

but I would say, like, if you got any extra guns or, like, maybe some, like, stealth ships you could spare, we could probably take those. The Pharaoh. What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? Couscous Fino Dino Minolo Uh Norm Oscar Maya Ah Pono Pono Garrett, Garrett

You definitely were not, you were definitely referring to Dar eating hot dogs and not to what I just said to you Now, the mighty Tarek has a proposal for you. Oh, okay. We'll get you what you want, but the one we know as Norm, you'll have to engage in a hot dog eating contest.

But that already started. You brought out hot dogs for me to start eating. No, the hot dog timer hasn't started yet. But I started eating as soon as they brought them out. None of those count? None of these hot dogs. No, don't eat hot dogs. No, they do not count.

We'll be back in a moment with more Mission to Zix. We'll be back in a moment with more Mission to Zix. Kraken. Pick from over 190 assets and start with the 10 bucks in your pocket. Easy. Go to kraken.com and see what crypto can be. Not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss. See kraken.com slash legal slash ca dash pru dash disclaimer for info on Kraken's undertaking to register in Canada. Own each step with Peloton. From their pop runs to walk and talks, you define what it means to be a runner. Whatever your level, embrace it. Journey starts when you say so. If you've got five minutes or 50, Peloton Tread has workouts you can work in. Or bring your classes with you for outdoor runs, walks, and hikes led by expert instructors on the Peloton app. Call yourself a runner. Peloton All Access membership separate.

Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. all access membership separate. Learn more at onepeloton.ca slash running. Let's get back to the episode, I am Garrett. The eyes, ears, tongue, nose for the mighty Tarrant. He says, that's right. I am here with a wonderful entertainment, a hot dog eating contest. As you all probably remember, Norm is here to eat 120 hot dogs. I mean, I already ate 50 hot dogs. I mean, I already ate 50 hot dogs. No.

No. Irrelevant. If no one can eat the hot dogs, we will give them the resources they require if not we will shame them could be worse and now I will say all of that

in weird no it's not necessary. Connector! Asaloto! Little North! Topo Shotolo! 182! Asakaya!

It has no mathematical basis to change between. At all. Oh, I should start? Yes. Okay. Dar, are you confident you can eat this mini hot dog? Yeah, I'm pretty confident I can eat this mini hot dog. You can do it.

Listen, Dar, you're like 50% empty space, right? Like, I just don't want you to hurt yourself 50% empty space, right? I just don't want you to hurt yourself. My empty space is not really made for food, though. I'm glad they let us all sit at this picnic table with you. It's nice. Well, I really probably shouldn't be talking to you while I'm trying to... Yeah, you can eat them. I mean, you can all keep talking amongst yourselves.

Oh, okay. Yeah, we weren't sure if that distracts you. No, it's actually calming me down a little bit. Well, you know, it's interesting that a hot dog competition is just a one person. They didn't want a challenger or anything like that. Yeah, usually a competition implies, you know, people striving against one another. But this is man versus nature. Nature?

Hot dog is nature in that case? No, it's a fungus found on... Oh, right. Attention! I forgot to introduce the challenge! Wait, wait, wait. Does that mean none of the hot dogs

I just ate count? No! Oh, wow. This seems egregious. None of those 17 hot dogs you ate counted. Let me translate. 42 Oscar Mayans.

Is it just a coincidence of sounds? It's not. And now introducing the challenger. I should explain the rules. You have to eat hot dogs faster than this challenger. Those are the rules. One rule. It's just one rule.

The challenger's a vacuum. Don't spoil it. We're about to wheel it out. It seems to have a hot dog shaped input on the hand. I have a name. Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Gorm. Gorm?

I do this every Sunday. I'm ready. Gorm, you're a vacuum station? I'm ready. Okay. Ah, the hot dog eating contest between Gorm and Norm. That's what we're told. What a wonderful contest.

For Sokolo Dolesek and little norm, a big car, and your mom. Are you ugly? I'm much bigger than you. It's going to turn on. Get set. On your hot dog. Eat. Eat.

Norm, norm, norm, norm. How far behind am I right now? Don't think about that. How many hot dogs has the vacuum sucked up? It's hard to count. You know, just eyeballing it. I need you to actually move a little tire around me right now. Okay. All right. Yep.

Can anyone see me? I think so. Okay. Oh, wow. Oh. This is strategy. Oh, wow. Oh. Tar, this is strategy. Very good strategy. I don't think that counts as eating the hot dogs.

I don't think it does either, but we need to get them out of the way. Okay, that's a fair point. Would you prefer if we looked away? No. Okay. Tar, you only have one more. I can't. I can't. I can't.

No, you have to. I can. Dar, this is exactly what happened last time. You have one extra hot dog and you can't get it in. No, I'm filled with hot dogs. Glum is almost done with the other hot dogs. I am more hot dog than Dar right now. Guys, step aside.

No, Nermin, you can't. Yes, I can do it. I can do it. If you help me lift it, if you help me lift it, I can eat it. You could easily eat this hot dog. Why don't I just eat it? I have to do it.

I just know. I got to. Nermin, this is... Oh, wow. Nermin. Oh, that's much longer than I think his species jaw is supposed to go. It might never go back to its original size. I'm just going to tap it in.

There's a little bit of hot dog coming out of his tail nub. That's okay. That's all right. All right, hit the buzzer. I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. I finished. Now please help the rebellion. Oh, my. I'm just going to go vacuum the rest of this place.

God, what happened? I don't know. I thought we had it in the bag. I can't let this loser outshine me. I'm cooler than this little... Yeah, Garrett, you're still talking into the microphone. Oh, shoot. Oh, no, wait.

How do I turn it off? Just step away from the microphone. Just put it away into the microphone. Oh, shoot. Oh, no, wait. How do I turn it off? Just step away from the microphone. Just put it away from your face. No, no. I tear it. Oh, no. Oh. The rising finals.

I'm sorry, good boy. T-A-T. All right, I've been running a translation protocol for the last 20 minutes or so, and I've managed to synthesize my own Flarn translation. What, really? Yeah, let me just turn it on now and see. Tarek? Yes.

Okay. Oh, it's running now. No, you should turn that off. That's not allowed here on the planet. Well, the mic is still on. I know. I know that. Yeah, Dar, if you want to talk to Tarek,

this translation app seems to be working reasonably well. Hey, Tarek. Oh, hey, Norm. Yeah. Yeah, I remember you hung out with my geeky brother. I don't remember him being geeky. I just remember us... He was pretty geeky.

I just remember him having a really beautiful imagination. Yeah, I guess so. I'm glad you're here. I'm not really sure why we're doing this hot dog thing. It was not... It wasn't my idea. You demanded a hot dog contest. I said...

You didn't demand a hot dog eating contest to establish relations with the Rebellion? I didn't. He made me. Garrett, wait, what? No, Tarek, you. Garrett said that you demanded to enter a hot dog eating contest. No, look, there seems to have been a bit of confusion. Oh, this is a hot mic.

There seems to have been a bit of confusion. This is what I remember happening, is that almighty Tarek, you said. At this point, Garrett, just turn the mic off. You don't need to. At this point, Garrett, just turn the mic off. You don't need to. No. Leave it on, Garrett, because I want everyone to hear your screams. When I eat you. No, no, no.

That was shocking disgusting. Those are the digestive juices, Garrett. This is like a sous vide and it's slowly cooking me. What is that? What word is that? I don't understand that word. I don't know how to translate for me anymore. At this point, whoever's running tech in this arena, it's on them.

Listen, I apologize. The Florence, we are an anti-Federated alliance. But I'm not sure that we're pro-rebellion. What can I do to make it up to you? What do you need? You know, actually, honestly, Tarek, we could really use a little bit of gas for our ship. Nermit has a pretty good idea of maybe some of the things we need. If, Nermit, you want to just tell the floor what we need?

I heard gas, so I'm giving you gas. Yeah, okay, I guess gas is... Listen, who knows? Maybe the Florence would join the... I mean, somebody help him. Here, let me just... Oh, yeah. Oh, man, it's really coming out the other end. That's not at all digestive.

We're doing gas, so that's it. All right. Who knows? Maybe one day the Florence will aid the rebellion, but today it's not that day. Okay, yeah, fair enough. All right, guys. well, listen, thanks. Tarek, appreciate that.

Sorry to hear about your translator. I'm fine. Hey, Bargy, I think we're good to go. You could probably just land in this big open arena. Oh, the Bargerian, oh, wow. Everybody thought that the Bargerian jade was kind of fake. Look at that. That's right. You all thought I couldn't be a

criminal, but look at me now. I got scars on my whole I'm bleeding out of oil. Huh? Whoa. I got one teardrop tattooed underneath my windows. Ew. Did I kill someone? Did I kill someone? Did you kill someone, Bargy?

No, it's not playing a part. Okay, no, I'm sorry. I don't know. It's fine. Just ready to just take you all on. Love it. Fight me, everybody. Fight me.

Everyone to hell. Very well. Bargy, Bargy. Everyone in the stadium, fight the crew of the Margarita Gang. Bargy, Bargy, Bargy. Bargy's on the fools of our favorite game. I lose all the shit now. March. Well, we are fueled up for the foreseeable future.

Yeah, I guess so. Hey, listen, I gotta say, Dar and Nermit, you guys really took one for the team on this one. I mean, Dar, you took more than a gross for the team. Nermit took literally one for the team. Right, but I am torn up from end to end. Oh, man. Oh, gosh.

I'm sorry. Nermit, I gotta say, you know, this is what it's like, man, being on the ship through the ringer. It's not your safe cubicle on the delegator anymore, right? Not at all. Although I was, you know, injured there a lot, too. Oh, that's true. Yeah, I guess you were very poorly treated. Yeah.

I will say I was glad to visit that planet as a rebel, not as an alliance member, because that would have been rough. Oh, that would have been rough. We would have all been eaten. Yeah. They would have attacked Bargy more? Maybe about the same. Yeah, it's pretty banged up. Are you okay, Bargy?

Yeah, no one's really asked me. Thank you so much. You're the first person. No, I'm not okay. What? A lot of things are up with me right now. What's broken? Oh, my son hasn't talked to me in a while. Oh, okay. Oh, this'm not okay. What? A lot of things are up with me right now. What's broken? Oh, my son hasn't talked to me in a while.

Oh, okay. All this is emotional stuff, unrelated. It's a waiting game right now. Sure. Yeah, but we got gas, so that's the thing. It was nice that they let us gas up even after attacking us for like 20 minutes. But hey, Dar, listen. I know that Flarn was not really how you represented it,

but you really saved us back there, so thanks. Yeah, it's kind of... I think I'm okay with realizing that I was actually a huge nerd. I mean, yeah, join the club. Many young species go through an awkward phase where they're fascinated

by the imaginative pursuits of all kinds. Sometimes they make it a career and, you know. Well, that would be extremely poor planning. There's so little use for that kind of thing. Vino hungry. Oh, no. Bino. Dar, it's your turn.

All right. I'm emptying my chutes. Whoa. Oh, Bino eat hot dog. Nom, nom, nom. Oh. What? Bino only eat organic.

Of course. Bino clean eat. What? Beano only eat organic. Of course. Beano clean eat. Why do we have Beano? Gotta love Beano. Oh. That is it for this week. Thank you for listening. Special thanks to everybody at Mission to Zix.

In the show notes, I put a link to their site, which also has the cast list for that episode. You can like Imaginary Worlds on Facebook. I tweet at emolinski. The show's website is imaginaryworldspodcast.org.