In Search Of Excellence - Infidelity, Commitment, and Healing: A Real Conversation with Lewis Howes | E184

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

In Search of Excellence Podcast - with Randall KaplanIf you’re looking for career advice, mentorship strategies, LinkedIn networking, extreme preparation, and the mindset behind building a world-class podcast and life, this conversation with Lewis Howes is for you. In Part 2, Lewis and Randall go deep on doing the hard things consistently, earning access to mentors through service, and building relationships (in business and in love) with values, gratitude, and intentionality—the kind of principles that create long-term success and fulfillment. What you’ll learn in this episode:How Lewis went from sleeping on a couch to becoming “the LinkedIn guy” through daily reps, events, and service-first outreach A practical framework for earning mentorship (without “Can I pick your brain?” messages) Why gratitude + generosity are “the gateway to abundance,” and how Lewis builds them into his daily routine Lewis’s definition of greatness—and how to pursue it with impact, not ego Relationship wisdom: why “fun first” doesn’t always equal “aligned long-term,” plus a thoughtful conversation on commitment and infidelityGuest bio: Lewis HowesLewis Howes is a lifestyle entrepreneur, high-performance business coach, keynote speaker, former professional athlete, and host of The School of Greatness—one of the world’s leading personal development podcasts, with over 1B+ downloads. Lewis’s mission aligns with Randall’s: to help 100 million people live their dreams. If this episode helped you think bigger about mentorship, networking, discipline, relationships, and building a meaningful life, hit Like, Subscribe, and Comment below:Question: What’s ONE “extreme preparation” habit you’re committing to this week—research, outreach, health, or relationships?Listen to this episode on the go!🍎 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/in-search-of-excellence/id1579184310 🟢 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/23q0XICUDIchVrkXBR0i6LFor more information about this episode, visit https://www.randallkaplan.com/Follow Randy!Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/randallkaplanTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@randall_kaplanTwitter / X: https://x.com/RandallKaplanLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/randallkaplan/Website: https://www.randallkaplan.com/1-on-1 Coaching: https://intro.co/randallkaplanGet More Excellence! In Search of Excellence Clips: https://www.youtube.com/@iseclipsCoaching and Staying Connected:1-on-1 Coaching | Instagram | YouTube | TikTok | LinkedIn 

What would make this the most powerful conversation you've ever had? My intention is to impact millions of lives around the world with what you're about to say. I don't want to live an easy life. I want to live a life that is beautiful and rich. And that doesn't mean having everything handed to me and not having challenges that I need to face. It means doing the challenging things consistently. Waking up early, training. It's not something I want to do.

I wanted to eat crap last night. I wanted to like sleep in, all these different things. You gave up something while you're broke, living on. a couch without a concrete plan to pursue a passion. Is that the same advice you'd give your kids? My guest today is the awesome Lewis House. Lewis is a lifestyle entrepreneur, high performance business coach, keynote speaker, bestselling author, former professional football player and a host of the Incredible School of Greatness Podcast, which has had more than a billion downloads since he started 13 years ago. Lewis's mission in life, which is the same as mine, is to help

a hundred million people live their dreams. Lewis, thanks for being here. Welcome to In Search of Excellence. Thanks for having me around. I appreciate it. You got hurt running into a wall, broke your wrist, and then you hit it from the coach. Yes. It is so important as a lesson to young professionals. I coach a lot of people.

You coach a lot of people. I have a lot of mentees. Everybody wants to run when there's a problem, right? They don't, especially if they have wealthy parents. Oh, you're unhappy in your job. You should leave. No, you should not leave. You know, Mark, Q was on my show.

He said, if you can't succeed in a difficult job, you're not going to succeed in life. How important is it to endure pain, in your case, physical pain and our success? Oh, my gosh. I think it's, I was talking about this morning actually on my show that, you know, I woke up early, I trained this morning. I have a dream to be an Olympian in two and a half years. And it sounds crazy to say that. The chances are slim that it's going to happen.

But there's still a chance. And for me to know that there's a chance that it's possible, I want to be able to live with myself, not taking it all the way and seeing if I can actually make the Olympics as an athlete at 45 years young. I got up this morning and I trained and I was talking about how, you know, I don't want to live an easy life. I want to live a life that is beautiful and rich. And that doesn't mean having everything handed to me and not having challenges that I need to face. It means showing up consistently with the courage to have courageous and tough conversations that are not fun. It means facing the fears and insecurities and doubts inside of me at this season of life. It means doing the

challenging things consistently, you know, waking up early, training. It's not something I want to do. I wanted to eat crap last night. I wanted to like sleep in, all these different things. But it's the thing that my future self is demanding that I do to live a beautiful life in a couple years, in 10 years, in 20 years. And every morning I wake up with my wife and we wake up and we're just like, God, life is so good. Thank you, God, for this incredible life. Look at this home. Look at this family we've created. Thank you for this amazing time. We're so grateful. And it's not because it was handed to us.

She busted her butt for 20 plus years doing what she does. And same for me. She's an actress, been in over 40 movies. 40 movies. She writes, she produces, she stars, all these things. She had the number one movie two years ago on Netflix for a couple weeks as a Spanish film. And she's extremely talented. And she's worked extremely hard.

And she continues to do that. You know, now as a mother and a business owner and all these different things. And it's not because it's just handed to us. It's not because it's easy. Life feels easy. because we're doing challenging things consistently. And it feels rich and beautiful because we're doing these things.

But I need to continually not force myself, but create structure of challenging moments daily so that it all feels easier. And I think that is just stuck with me from sports. And I've learned how to apply this. I don't know, work hard mentality, but just the willingness to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to accomplish the result.

From sports and then doing that in the business world. My business isn't as big as what you've built it, and I haven't made as much money as you, but I live an abundant, rich life, and I feel financially free. There's levels to wealth, obviously, but I feel like it doesn't hold me back from doing what I want to do. And I'm grateful for that. I hope you're enjoying this video so far, but before we jump back in, I want to know if you've ever thought about what you need to do to reach a nice level of success in your life.

Over the last 25 years, I've been an advisor to more than 50 companies. I've invested nearly 100, including Google Lift and Seagate, and I also co-founded a company that today is worth more than $15 billion. I've been incredibly blessed in my journey, and at this stage of my life, I want to give back. I want to share the lessons I've learned so you can reach incredible success way faster than I did. In my own journey, I've learned that having the right mentor is a massive advantage to achieving our goals. I'm hugely passionate about mentoring others, and I'm looking for a few hungry entrepreneurs

are excited to take action on their journey to incredible future success. So if that's you, I've got an opportunity. In the description of this video, there's a link where you can apply to work with me. All you need to do is answer a few simple questions. And if you're a good fit, my team will reach out so we can build a game plan together. All right, now let's get back to the video. We all have seminal moments in our career. That's kind of the next step up where we meet somebody that's very important.

I met a lot of those people in my life. So you're 24 years old. You're still living in Ohio. You're kind of fighting the dream to play football. You meet a guy named Stuart Jenkins. Yes. How did he change your life and tell us about the lessons you learned from your relationship with him? Man, yeah.

I don't know if you have some mentors from like high school college or kind of your 20s, but for me, he was extremely important mentor of mine. Still is. Still close with him today. When I was in middle school and I was in eighth grade, I went to this principia high school. And he spoke at one of the ceremonies at the high school that I went to. And he gave a speech where he's talking about. talking about the ladders of life. I still visually remember this. I don't know if you remember

certain moments like this, but he gave a speech where there were two ladders on stage and he talked about the ladder of success in life. When I was in high school, I was just like, man, I want to meet this guy. You know, he was like, I don't know, 25, 30 years older than me, much wiser, more successful. And it had done a lot. He would qualify for the Olympic trials. He'd built businesses. And I was like, man, I just want to meet this guy. Eventually, he built a relationship with him. And he was the headmaster of my college as well at Principia for a period of time. I got to connect with him more. But after school was done, after I got injured playing football, my dad went through an accident when I was in college as well where he had a brain trauma. He got hit by a car and was in a coma for many months.

And he never fully recovered. He woke up and was alive for the next 17 years, but he never was the man he once was. And I wasn't able to connect with him emotionally or have really good conversations with him. This all happened. And then I got injured playing arena football. All these things happened. And then I got injured, I broke my wrist. I'm sleeping on my sister's couch in a full arm cast, recovering, trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life. I call him. I call him and I'm like, I don't know how to make money. I still don't have a college degree yet. I have no idea what to do. 2008, the, you know, the housing crisis, the economy crashes, all these things. What do I do? They're not hiring people with master's degrees, let alone people that haven't graduated college

yet who are broke football players. I have no skills. What do I do? He's like, I've heard about this new site called LinkedIn. It's like Facebook for professionals, why don't you check it out and see if you can find a job that way. And whatever, you know, he just said that and I said, okay, I'm, I'm a, I'm an athlete. I'm coachable. You tell me to do something, I'm going to go all in. For the next year, I am on there. It's probably five, six, seven hours a day. Just connecting with people, learning about the platform. And I think around that time, maybe there was like seven, eight, nine million people. It was still small. But I kind of became like the guy on LinkedIn because I was connecting with all the CEOs.

I was just building relationships with people. I was then started hosting LinkedIn events around the country, bringing people offline, online, and trying to help them with career opportunities, build their business, join partnerships, whatever it might be. And people started asking me,

hey, Lewis, can you show me how to use LinkedIn for a career, for my business, for whatever, getting leads? And I just started coaching people for free. And another guy gave me $100 after coaching him, and he said, this is going to change my business. Thank you.

And he wrote me a $100 check. And I go, huh, I could make money doing this. I've just been on here trying to build relationships. I eventually wrote a book. Then I started charging for these events. Then I started doing these coaching. And then I created a course. Can we just back up for once I could be,

because there's a lot of people listening to this show for 22 to 30 years old. So you wrote that book when you were 25 years old. Yes. Before my 21st birthday. Okay. And so I just want people to, you know, think it's not Louis House today. This is your, and you're still broke at that time.

I mean, yeah, maybe I was making a thousand bucks a month or something. You know, it wasn't like life-changing money. We're still living on my sister's couch. Okay, so you're in New York at this point. No, I'm still in Ohio. Still in Ohio. Okay, living on our couch. Okay.

I self-published the book. I didn't know how to self-publish a book. But I found, I didn't know how to write a book. I didn't know how to write. But I found a mentor. The guy who wrote me a check for $100, he said, let's write the book. And he was like, he did networking consultant, like, offline, teaching people about, like, business networking offline. He goes, let's, you teach the online stuff on how to network on

LinkedIn and I'll teach the real world stuff. And he supported me. He coached me and we wrote this book together. And that was, again, I wouldn't have been able to do it probably. Maybe I would have, but not with the speed and the confidence without having someone support it. And so I leaned on mentors. I leaned on support. I got coaching. That accountability helped me launch the book. And then I would just schlep these books around the country to sell them one at a time at my So we have to talk about mentorship. I was going to talk about it a little later in the show, but I want to hit it right now.

Because I think mentoring is so important to our success. Yeah, I think so. One of the issues that maybe you have and that I have today, we've had success, we have a lot of knowledge, we have experience coaching. I have 30,000 people on LinkedIn who want something for you. You know, who are my friends. And every day I wake up and I don't check it every day,

but when I check it, there's 10 or 20 requests. Hey, Randy, I'm a student. I'm a young professional. Can I grab 15 minutes or can I get on a Zoom call with you? The answer is absolutely not because you have not earned the meeting. Yeah. And watch and search of excellence because you're going to get everything I would share with you on the show. A million percent.

But they can earn it. And so we'll skip ahead and we'll kind of zigzag here. But you had a thing where you'd host these events and you would shake people's hands. Yes. And so, and then you would try to earn mentorships later. Yeah. But for you to earn mentorships, I think there's such a key thing that people don't do, which is don't ask people to help you at the beginning.

Ask how you can help somebody else. I never asked people. I mean, I think in the beginning I tried to ask people for advice, and it was like no one would get back to me. Right. I would email people on LinkedIn and say, hey, you're like this CEO in Columbus, and you have no time when you're very successful. can you give me this bum 15 minutes and just people won't even reply. And I was like,

huh, this isn't working. So after a while, I was like, I found a way to connect to their heart and their soul through the first couple lines of an email. And I was always trying to find three things we had in common or three things that I appreciated in them. So I'd say something like, Randall, you know, I saw that you're from Detroit. And even though I don't like Michigan football, I still have friends from Michigan or something like, I would just say something that would connect us, right? Or I'd find like where you went to school or what hobbies and interest you had on LinkedIn. and then I would speak into that in some way, shape, or form. And then I'd always see who we're connected to and say,

oh, I saw that you're connected to Eli, and I was just playing pickleball with Eli last month. And he's such a good guy. So I'd find these mutual ways of connection within the first couple lines. Then I wouldn't ask for advice. I would say, you know, what is the biggest challenge you're working on right now that I can help you accomplish?

And that's kind of what I would leave it at. And I would find out what you needed. And when I was hosting these events, I did probably 20 different LinkedIn networking events around the country, in-person live networking events that were two to three hours long. People would pay five, 10, 20 bucks for an entry to come to these events. It was out like a restaurant or some type of lounge. And everyone, like you said, people would walk in the door. I would sit at the door and I would just shake everyone's hand and say, what's your name?

What are you up to? What's your biggest challenge? And I would do this in person. Or what are you looking for? And people would say, you know, I'm in private equity or whatever. and I'm looking for a programmer. I'm looking for a designer. I'm looking for a writer to help me write my book.

Or I'm looking for a producer for a podcast I want to do. And I'd say, okay, great. And I'd have a mental note. And then as everyone would come in, there'd eventually be a graphic designer or a producer or whoever that they were looking for. And I would take them over and say, you need to meet Randall right now.

And I would take them in and connect them. And I'd say, Randall's this. You're this. Chat. And at the end of the night, there'd be 300 people that I was connecting in some way, shape, or form that were helping each other solve their problems. whatever their biggest pain was at that time. And I think when you find a way to serve people

on overcoming their pain or their challenge, you become a champion to them. And I didn't ask them for anything in return, but they all wanted to offer something eventually. Or in three, five years down the line, maybe I'd be like, hey, I'm doing this thing. Could you help me? And they'd be like, yes,

I've been waiting to kind of give you back to what you helped me. And it's not doing it with the intention of like getting something in return, but I think it's always good to serve others. overcoming their problems because I can't remember if it was Zig Ziglar or Bob Proctor, but it's like, if you want to accomplish your goals, help everyone else accomplish their goals. It was what one of these individuals said.

And I learned that early on. It's just like, just help everyone accomplish their goals. Like, you're going to eventually make money. You know, who knows how you're going to make money, but you'll eventually make money doing something. I hope you're enjoying this video so far. But before we jump back in, I want to know if you've ever thought about what you need to do to reach a nice level of success in your life. Over the last 25 years, I've been an advisor to more than 50 companies.

I've invested nearly 100, including Google Lift and Seagate. And I also co-founded a company that today is worth more than $15 billion. I've been incredibly blessed in my journey. And at this stage of my life, I want to give back. I want to share the lessons I've learned so you can reach incredible success way faster than I did. In my own journey, I've learned that having the right mentor is a massive advantage to achieving our goals. I'm hugely passionate about mentoring others. I'm looking for a few hungry entrepreneurs who are excited to take.

action on their journey to incredible future success. So if that's you, I've got an opportunity. In the description of this video, there's a link where you can apply to work with me. All you need to do is answer a few simple questions, and if you're a good fit, my team will reach out so we can build a game plan together. All right, now let's get back to the video. You're a famous guy in the business world today, whether you're going to humbly say that or not. You've got millions of followers of billion downloads on your show, which is amazing.

Congratulations, by the way. Your podcast is amazing. Can people still reach out to you on LinkedIn? LinkedIn and do you respond? Yeah, I respond a lot. Yeah, I still respond a lot. But it's how they approach it. It's all an approach. Okay. Contact setting. It's approach. And I appreciate it. Again, I guess a way you could earn it, it's in some way read my mind, like of what my biggest pain is. Or if you're hearing me on one of my podcasts talk about something. Like, you are the king of, like, extreme preparation, right? Like, and obviously I can experience that. I don't know anyone

else who's listened or learned or read where all these little moments are in my life. Some people might have some of them, but not all of them the way you have. So it's something that I acknowledge and appreciate in you because you've done your research, obviously. Most people don't do that much detailed research. So it connects me to your heart in a different way than most people, which I know we're going to be connected for a long time now because of your diligent research and preparation. So it's one thing I appreciate and acknowledge you for it. I appreciate that. Thank you. Because I know how much time it takes to do that. And maybe with ChatGBT,

there's ways to find these things faster, but still you have to research intently. And that takes a lot of energy and effort. And it's really hard to do. And it shows people that you care about them as a human being, not just, okay, tell me the secrets to this or whatever, to gain something. So it's something I value and appreciate.

And I think when someone can approach that in a message, or they talk about something where, oh, most people don't approach it this way, or they said this one thing that I said once on a podcast that they heard, and they had to really listen to the end to kind of catch that moment, whatever it might be, when people approach an email or message with me where they're trying to serve me first, where they're trying to offer something for a solution first, or if they've heard me talk about, ah, it's been hard to find the right people on my team

to get to the next level, or, you know, the podcast has been so successful for so long, but now it's been kind of stagnant. It's still big, but it's not like getting exponential growth. And someone hears that. And they say, I know why. I've researched why. I have the one skill. I know the person who can help with this.

And it's proven. It's not going to waste this time. And I'm going to offer it for free. I'm going to offer a consultation. I'm going to do it for free and show you why. Then it's like, oh, this person wants to see me succeed. They don't just want to take something from me. And if someone wants to see you succeed and they reach out to you showing how they can serve you

or who they know who can. can help you. Like I'm talking about my journey to the Olympics and handball. So people have reached out to me about like, hey, I know this person in handball how they can help you this port. And I'm like, cool, I'll talk to you. Let's jump on a call. When normally I would never take these calls, but it's supporting a dream bigger that I have for myself. I think when you approach that, then I think you can, and this is how I got all my guests early on. Like I wasn't that big. Like I had a small brand and like an audience, but it was like in the internet marketing world. It wasn't in the media business world, really.

And early on, the big thing, there was a lot of people launching books. And I had done webinars every week for years, which is how I was doing free webinars to generate leads to selling my courses. This is back in 2009, 10, 11, 12, right? That's how I made a lot of money early on was selling courses and learning how to generate leads, learning how to drive traffic, learning how to copyright, learning how to do all these skills that I didn't know. And early on, I was like, how do I get big authors that kind of look at me, maybe like an internet marketer? I'm still not like a mainstream brand. And I'm not credible yet.

And I said, listen, I'll do a free webinar to my audience and I'll sell at least 500 books for you. I did this with Gary V. I did this with Robert Green. I did this a bunch of authors early on. I was like, I will guarantee 500 books are sold. If not, I'll buy them. And it's a great pitch. Right.

And any author in their launch week is going to want like a bunch of books. And I was like, they're going to be in. individual orders, not just a bulk order that are in my like living room, right? Right. So it was all of, the New York Times was a big deal back then. It still is, I guess today, but it was even bigger then and it was hard. And I was helping all these authors sell hundreds of hundreds of books, thousands of books by doing webinars. But I said, I want to record it and make it an interview for my podcast.

And so this is kind of how I got big names early on. I had to be strategic. I had to be resourceful. I had to like offer them something. Not just, hey, I have a brand new podcast. Give me an hour of your time when you're the busiest person in the world. and the most sought out person in the world. I said, no, I'm going to do this for you.

I'm going to do this for you. And I was always fun. And still today, I look for people when they have something to promote, hey, I want to help you promote this. I want to help you do this. And it's like, how can I create the win-win by serving first?

And I still think about that today. I think that's amazing. I do want to come back to the prep. And I appreciate the compliment, extreme preparation. This is my brand. I'm writing a book by it. It's the core of my executive coaching.

I love it. People want one-on-one coaching. When's the book out? Hopefully the end of next year. my what's holding you back from getting it complete just um you know the uh divorce has been a big distraction and mentally you have to be in the right place yeah yeah yeah so and i love a do you have a guide or a coach helping you finish it yes i mean i have a a ghost writer but they don't actually write the book so that's that's the coaching you it's it's kind of like you know you spend 40 hours

you know with your uh ghost writer and you know he'll put things down on paper which is easier than you be getting from scratch but it's easier to to to i it's easier to i it's you're At first I was thinking, okay, maybe I should just do this on my own. And it is better to have someone pushing you forward. You know, I've got deadlines. Of course, I've missed them all. But at least they can follow up with you. Yeah.

You know, then I have a publisher and they're following up too, so we're all working together. So now I'm cranking. But just go back to, you know, to the preparation. So I've never listened to another podcast in my life. I woke up four and a half years ago and I said, I'm going to start a podcast. But what I do do is I listen to, I print out every transcript of podcasts that my guests have on. So that's why I get the details. For yours, 254 single spaced pages of transcripts. Oh my gosh. Right? In addition, I've read everything about you. Uh-huh. Right. And then I found

certain things online, too, that were not in the transcripts. That also, obviously, I read your website. Uh-huh. And the research shows. So on average, I prepared 14 hours per show. Wow. Now when, you know, you and I have been, I've been asked you to be on my show. Thank you for being here. Yeah, yeah, of course. Jordan, recent web. shout out to him because you guys met at a serious sex yeah yeah so he's a head sales guy there and he went up to you afterward and he said hey my friend randy has a show in search of excellence so he did i remember that you know jordan it's like a year ago or something yeah so yeah shout out to jordan who's an amazing friend yeah um but it's it's very important to do your research extreme

preparation will get you anywhere if someone if a company's laid off 40,000 people and you're that guy or that woman who's done the research and shows people that you can really advocate value. Everyone is hiring at the end of the day. Everybody. Yeah, 100%. I got my big break writing cold letters asking for informational interviews to 300 CEOs as a loser lawyer who had three jobs in eight months. There was something called Lexis Nexus. There was no online, no Google them. Everyone told me my idea was crazy and stupid that no one's going to meet with you. And at the end of the day, one thing, you got to trust your gut. Two, when some people tell you that, it just motivates you. And you just motivates you.

You got the fuel on fire to succeed. So I got 80 meetings. And every single person, CEO of Disney, Viacom, Sumner Redstone, out of 300, and every single person said the same thing. I've never taken a cold letter like this in my entire life. You need to create the process of what those letters set. That's going to be in my book.

So, yeah, that's all in the book. But it's the same thing today, Lewis. That's cool. But people don't take the time to do it. Each letter took five hours to write. And I got all these people who I coached. Were they handwritten or they tied? They were typed.

Emails. No, no emails, letters. They were typed. They were typed that you shipped, you sent them there, physical. Yeah. People take the time to read the letters. Addressing informational interviews is different than a job interview because you're appealing to the sense of giving back.

And most CEOs, most successful people realize they think back where they came from. I never forgot where I came from. I remember every couch I slept on. I remember just begging and pleading. You want to give back, but you want to do it with the right people. The people that are, like, really at a problem. appreciate it, not just someone who doesn't do their research. They have to earn it.

They have to earn it. And you can earn it by doing five hours of research and sending a letter, just doing a one step harder, right? A little bit more, you could earn it that way, potentially. My letter had a self-incovered at a quote that the CEO had given at some point in their career. That's cool. The key to Disney is how we hire their CEO of Time Magazine, the date. Then it was tabbed with my three-page single-spaced letter that lists every job that ever had in their career. I want this structure.

book now. Stephen Bobbach, CEO of Marriott, scooping ice cream at Disneyland when he was 16 years old for $1.27 per hour. Who knew that? It was mentioned in one article from 17 years ago. And once again, this is Lexis Nexus, where today you can maybe go find it, maybe not go find it. And it's like that's so you get the meeting. And every now and then, you know, maybe once a month, I get the tab, single space letters and everyone gets a meeting. Right. Wow. So how would you Would they email it? Would they mail you back? Would they email you back?

Oh, no, they mail it. They would write a letter and say, let's do the name. They would type it. I get a cell phone cover. I get the tabs. I get the transcripts. It's everything. They know my dog.

They've listened to shows. They can cite a podcast. They can cite quotes that I've, you know, they know my family. Wow. No, but I mean, when you did these letters was 30, 40 years? When was this? 1996. How did you get these responses back?

Oh. Were people emailing you back? Phone calls? No. Emails? No, I mean, that was kind of, it was a kind of a new thing. You know. So you get, they would call you.

The CEOs would call you. The assistant would call. And say, hey, he got your letter. We'd like to meet with you. Yeah. What was that like getting those calls? I mean, the first one, the first meeting I got was Mark Platt, who was CEO of TriStar Studios. I remember going on, you know, as a kid, you're like, oh, my God, the movies is

so great. I remember going on to the lot. I got a special parking spot. I'm walking around on these movie sets thinking, oh, gosh. I remember walking into the office. He had a basketball hoop there. Like, oh, my God, I mean, the head of a studio. This is incredible.

And just, you know, a positive reinforcement. Stacey Snyder was the next person. And, you know, you remember all these people who meet. Eli Brod hired me at the end of the day. And again, it's a crazy story. I mean. So how long would they give you? It was like an hour of time?

Was it like... It depends. And you would just get an informational interview. You would ask them questions? I would ask them questions. They would ask me questions. Are you recording it? Recording it in a little.

I don't know. A tape recorder or something? And the thing is I was making a mistake because I remember writing this guy, David, Hermelan in Detroit, who was a well-known businessman on 10% Detroit Pistons. Insurance was his thing. And so he was a well-known guy.

I wrote him a letter. And in the letter, it's kind of like how I get my podcast guest. You have credibility. It's how we build companies. You have one customer. It's referensible. And you have credibility. So maybe you responded because I had some credibility.

And all of the guests, by the way, I had, Gerville was on my show, Robert Green was on my show. Tony Robbins, yeah. Yeah, Tony was amazing. Yeah, yeah. Great. My hero. Tony's the best.

He wrote me or his, someone called me from his office and said, okay, you know, David liked to meet with you. So I took the red eye. I'm in the back of the plane. I have no money. I go to this deli and it's like the mafia buster. There's eight people. It's seven in the morning, which is four o'clock in the morning, my time, Los Angeles.

I sit down. He says, Randy, he's Jewish. I'm Jewish. It's kind of like a Jewish geography thing. Where's you grow up? Oh, who's your mom? I said, you know, my mom's name. I said, I've known Linda since we're in fourth grade.

Why do you have her call me? I said, David, I'm here. And he said, well, that's actually interesting. And I respect the fact you did it on your own. But he said to me, he said, you're getting all these meetings. Look at all these people you met. He said, what are you doing? What's your goal?

And my goal was to get a job. And he said, well, do you ask people for a job? And I said, no. And he said, why not? He said, because I feel bad. You know, they're giving me the time. They're doing this. Yeah, you want to ask for something else.

He changed my life at that point. He said, you got to ask for the order. I sell insurance for a living. No one wakes up and said, I need life insurance today. They don't even know what it is. So the bell went off. Eli Broad, I met a little while longer. I didn't have to ask for the order because my research was so detailed.

He said, I need to hire you. He said, you have the biggest set of balls I've ever met in my lifetime. Wow. But I knew everything about it. He said, I've never met anyone like you. I was asking questions about in the footnotes of the financial statements regarding pool of interest of accounting. It was the 17th footnote. And he was like, where the fuck did you get this from?

But I didn't even know what that meant. But it's like, that's how you do it. Right? That's how you knock someone off their chair. And with extreme preparation, that's how you do it. That's the core of my executive coaching. And again, it works 99% of the time. That's incredible.

You got to get this book out now. It works. Yeah. I mean, yeah, the book is going to be. Put it out yesterday. Hopefully it's life changing for people. these techniques, anyone can do them. You just got to put in the work. You're right. And, you know, people say this too. I send out 100 resumes. Well, how much time do you spend on each one? Are they

different? Like, okay, if you would do better, your probability of success would increase massively if you spent an hour per one. We got a guy on our team. He's a young video editor guy. He made this incredible, like, video resume custom to me and the show that was so unique and different than every other application we get. I was like, this guy spent days on this, at least days. And I go, and he's no guarantee of getting a job. He's not getting paid for this, but it was so creative. I was like, we need someone who's thinking like that, who's going to willing to do whatever it takes. And now he works with us. It's the best. It's like, if you just phone it in and send general resumes or whatever, it's just not going to stand down. We're going to go back in time. You're on

your sister's couch, start paying rent. Yes. And you, go on to Craigslist. Jim was on my show, by the way, Newmark founder of Craigslist. Okay. It was a great, you should get them on your show, by the way. Very interesting interview.

That's cool. There's a sports marketing job. You apply for it. Get the interview. Yes. And then you don't go. I don't go. Yeah.

So talk about, you didn't go because you didn't want to do it. And at the end of the day. I got dressed up and I was like ready to go out the door. I remember this. And I was like, because I went, I had a sports,

I finally graduated college and I got a sports management degree. So I was into sports because I played sports and I liked marketing. So I was like, okay, I could see myself doing that. And I opened the door to leave my sister's house and I'm like looking out at the car. And I was just like, I couldn't walk out the door. I was just like, no, I'm not going to go. And maybe I lacked the courage to go for it or something. I was like, I'm afraid or something, whatever.

But it was really, I just had a lot of confidence at that moment where I was like, I feel like I'm going to get this job. I feel like when I go, I'm going to wow them. I'm going to talk about all the things I can do. I'm going to show them what I can do. I've already done some of these things. And I'm going to get this job. I'm going to get some job, like some entry-level job at this place. And then I'm determined.

I'm going to work hard. I'm going to climb this ladder here and I'm going to be successful. But for whatever reason, I was just like, I don't think that's what I'm meant to do right now. And even though I didn't have any money and I was like struggling and living on my sister's couch still, I just felt like I was meant to do something different. It was kind of a wake-up call. It was like, well, if I'm not going to take this route,

then I need to go all in on this other stuff. And I need to start really learning how to make money and start figuring this out and have the courage to do these things. Not just research and do a little bit on LinkedIn, but now I need to figure out how to make real money and get off my sister's couch and be a grown adult. But you gave up something while you're broke living on a couch without a concrete plan, actually a written plan,

to pursue a passion. So everyone's listening out there today, and everyone's saying, all right, here's Lewis House who didn't get a conventional job. It is just going to keep living on a. couch because you think you can do something based on your passion to help people. Is that the same advice you'd give your kids? Oh, man, that's interesting.

I don't know. I guess it all depends the context of like how old they are in the situation in their life from what season they're in because I did jobs before then. I worked as a truck driver for a few months, six hours a day. I didn't want to do that job, but I think I needed to do that job because of what it taught me. And it taught me that I didn't want to do these things. So I did other things that I was like, oh, I don't want to do these things.

Maybe I would tell them, hey, you should go work for like a year somewhere and just learn some skills and realize you don't want to do that maybe and find something else. But I know what I would tell my kids. I think it's all based on like their personality type and what their dreams are. I would want them to fulfill their dreams the best way possible. That might be working at a company somewhere and learning and developing there. It may not be. I think it depends on their personality. But I would want to teach them early on how to be resourceful.

And I think some people are meant to go start something on their own and figure out how to earn money and then manage all that that comes with money. I think other people like being a part of a team and they do well being on a part of a team and they could rise with a team. I was almost forced. I don't think I was meant to be like a leader that learned how to make money. I was forced into that. It was very unnatural for me and it was very uncomfortable because my father essentially wasn't able, you know, He was alive, but he wasn't all there. He didn't have the financial support that he could give to me or the education anymore.

There was no safety net with my dad because of the situation. I was, and my sister was like, after a year and a half, you got to leave. Like, you either got to pay rents. You can't just be a bum on my couch anymore. So I had to, like, I was forced to eventually have to learn how to take action. And I could have gone and worked for a company. And I would have got the job. But I just felt something else was calling me.

So I was like, all right, this is my time. While I'm broke, while I've had nothing to lose because I'm already at the bottom, let me at least try for something. And I can always go work somewhere else and I'll be okay. And I think that was a good turning point for me that it gave me an opportunity to try something different. Another big moment in your life and it's important to all of us is I meet professionally with people. I invest in people's companies. And one of the things that they have to do is give me the one-liner and what they're doing.

Elevator pitch. So if you can't explain to me, in one sentence, what you're doing in the same way that my grandmother, before she passed away at 104, could understand it, knowing nothing about technology, I have zero interest. In funding you. In funding you. Because if you can't tell me, you cannot sell what you're doing.

So tell us about Jim Com and the elevator pitch and how important that was in your career. Oh, Joe Com, yeah. Joe Com was, who's an online marketer who had also written books in New York Time Bestseller. Early on, this was 2009, I believe it was, 2009, I'm starting to go to like conferences and events to network because I'm like, I need to be around these leaders and experts and thought leaders. And I was reading a lot of blogs at that time

and I was just like trying to learn about online marketing. I was learning from all these kind of experts teaching these thought leaders. And then I start going to these conferences. I'm taking buses around the country and staying in freaking hostels with like 20 guys throwing up in the middle of the night just to like get in and finding ways for people to give me a free pass. And I'm somehow getting in front of all like the big speakers at these events and having moments with them. And a lot of it was like, okay, you've got one moment to say something interesting and they're moving on to the next person. And he goes like, what's your elevated picture? Like I had another guy there was a friend of mine who came to one of my LinkedIn networking events who knew this guy, Joel.

And he said, here's my friend Lewis. He's the LinkedIn king. So he kind of positioned me without me having to say anything in front of like one of these thought leaders. And Joel looked at me and said, okay, give me the pitch on LinkedIn. And I go, well, here's why LinkedIn is the best and it's the biggest network and it's going to help you grow your business. I can't remember exactly what I said. But I said something that was like, I put it out there and he's like, okay, cool. And he moved on.

I was like, I don't know what I said. But I had a lot of passion and enthusiasm with what I was saying. For whatever reason, a few weeks later, I got an email from him that says, hey, I'm doing this online boot camp, this like free workshop, essentially a webinar, where I'm teaching about Twitter. I'm teaching social media marketing for businesses. And I've got the Twitter person. I've got the YouTube person and the Facebook person. But I don't know anyone else talking about LinkedIn. Again, it's 2009.

No one's really talking about it. I don't know anyone talking about LinkedIn like you. Can you come and do a training like a webinar, teach? I was like, yes, I'm in. But I'd never done one. I didn't know what I was doing. So I tried to research and study how to do it. And I end up doing this webinar with him.

And this changed my life because it unlocked within, within an hour, I made $6,200 selling a program that I hadn't even made yet. I had a PayPal link that I just gave people. I said, hey, buy this program. I'll deliver it in two weeks. We'll do it weekly live. I'll do it live. And this broadcasting joke, he got it.

You got that right? Well, do it live. And unlock something in front of me because I was like, I was running around the country doing these LinkedIn networking events, making, you know, $500 to $1,000, maybe $1,500 to like cash. But it was like, it was a grind, going around, like getting one by one to people to show up to an event,

giving me $5, $5, $10. Not really making much. this was $6,200 in an hour just teaching something I already knew. And I was like, I could do this every day for the rest of my life. It's like teaching something I already know

and just sharing it with people. So I was like, I need to learn webinars. I need to learn how to master teaching, presenting, slide design, you know, curation. I need to learn how to sell. I need to learn how to do all these things. And that's what I did for like the next five, six years.

It was just like, do the same thing over and over, every week and try to develop new skills. But that unlocked my ability to think about, oh, I can actually make money. When before then, I didn't know how to make money. I didn't know money would ever come to me. I was kind of afraid of money. I was unsure of it.

I just didn't understand it. Like even money terminology just kind of scared me. I was like, uh, I'm too stupid to know what that means. So maybe it's not meant for me. And so all these things gave me like just it opened my mind to possibilities of how to make, like it's possible. I did it once. Let's see if I can do it again.

and that was a game changer. But that one relationship showing up to that event and meeting that guy, giving him a passionate pitch around why I think LinkedIn is the best thing ever. Him following up and saying, let's do this thing. Me saying, yes, having the courage

to figure out how to do it, all this stuff, I had to keep taking the action steps to make that even a possibility. Where it opened my mind. We're going to hit your show now, but before we get into the details of the show, I want you to define for everybody.

What is greatness? For me, greatness is pursuing your gift, and talents, developing them to live your dreams, and in the pursuit of your dreams, you're making an impact on the people around you. I love it. But I think it's a two-pronged approach. It's about doing what you feel called inside of you to do

and figuring out how to develop those skills to make that inter fruition, but doing it a way where you're impacting people positively in that process. In the journey, at the end, you're just always in service to other people while you're in service to the thing you're called to do. so many of us experience kind of a jumping off point at our lowest point.

Yeah. And so here we are 13 years ago. Things are not going great for you. You moved to L.A. for a girl. You break up. You had a problem with a business partner. And here you are. And you've got these two guys, you know, who started a podcast.

They talk about Great Legion for you. I think Joe Rogan had a podcast back then. That was a couple of other people. And that was about it. A couple other people. So tell us the first show you had. Who was the guest? And then tell us how you've been able to grow your show

to be one of the best most successful shows ever. Robert Green was my first guest. And I had like an email introduction through him at some point from someone. That's a big one. It was a big one, man. And I was like, I need someone big to start, right? And so that was the whole, hey, can I help you sell a bunch of these books?

Let me do a webinar with you. So I literally went to his house and like recorded a webinar on my computer selling his books. But I made it like a great interview piece. At the end, I sold his books. and he allowed it to happen. And then we launched it as like an episode. And for me, I just, I said for myself,

I'm going to do this as an experiment. I'm going to do this for one year once a week, every week for a year. And I'm going to see how I like it. I didn't try to make money with it. I wasn't trying to do anything. I was like, I'm just going to see if I can build my brand, interview fashioning people, learn,

and hopefully help some people. And after one year, I was like, man, I really love this. And the messages were people coming in saying, hey, Lewis, I listened to you on Mondays, and then I don't know what to do the rest of the week. Can you do twice a week? So year two, I did twice a week. And then they said the same thing.

Hey, I listened to you twice a week and then I don't know what to do the rest of the days. So I've done three times a week for the last 11 years, every single week for 13 years. And I think preparation has been one of the things that allowed me to connect with people and interview people originally. I use my kind of LinkedIn skills of like getting people on the phone

or in person to book, guess. And that's something I've seen you do, you know, firsthand, how you've been consistent in and following up. And a lot of it's been patience, too. I've been patient for years until I book guests. And I have one of the biggest shows. And I still have to be patient to get guests that I want.

And strategic and finding the right moment and the right time. Okay, when are they launching something? How can I serve them? Not how can they serve me. And I still use that same approach. You know, before every guest comes on, and they sit down. I ask them all the same question. What would make this the most powerful conversation you've ever had?

Right before we start, I say this. We say a lot of other stuff beforehand. but then it's like what would make this the most powerful conversation you've ever had? And my intention is to impact millions of lives around the world with what you're about to say. And I think it grounds them to say, oh, this person wants to serve me. He wants to help me. He's trying to put me in the best light possible. He's trying to get the best out of me.

So let me make sure I give him my best. And it's not about him. It's about serving millions of lives. And I think when people realize the impact they're about to have, I think they give, you know, they get centered. They're present. They're authentic. They're more vulnerable. All these things.

And so the preparation has supported me. And the pre-show is the show. You know, it's like when we connect it out here, for me, that's everything. How those first few minutes land. And it's usually the same thing with the guest. Like, I'm thinking of the pre-show experience. How my team receives someone. We, you know, get their, like, coffee orders beforehand.

Ask what they need for special requests. We have things set up in the green one, whatever they need. we try to pre-plan these things. Now I've got 13 years of experience doing this, so I've learned what works for me. It's greeting them outside. It's makes sure they have like, whatever. Like the whole thing is set up from when they come in

to when they leave. It's trying to make the best experience possible for them. And there's always ways to make it better. Just like there's always ways that you can prepare differently and improve your preparation. It's like, okay, how can we improve this? How can we improve this? How can we improve this?

From like, what's the mood we want to create with the music that's on in our green room from the photography we take beforehand, all this different stuff. It's part of the pre-show experience. When you go to Vegas and you watch Sertes Soleil, there's a show before the show. You know, the performers are out there. They're interacting and entertaining you. Like, the show has already begun before you sit down in the chair and watch the theater.

And I think when you can create that with a guest, whether it's how you approach them in your email, how you connect to them beforehand. It's making the whole experience great. My first guest was a guy named Sam Zell, who was a mentor in the real estate world. He was a god. He invented the modern-day reet. He was on the first Ford 400 list who came out in 1982.

And he had gone to Michigan and this reporter named Daron Levin who was the head business reporter for the Detroit Free Press called me when I was living next to the jack-in-the-box and I heard you're, you know, could make a lot of money. And there's a story about this kid in Detroit

who's about to blow up our company had actually gone public. And so he was going to write this piece. He did. It was, you know, my mom couldn't have written a better piece. piece. And he called me that night and he said, hey, what did you think? Oh, you know, Tehrone. That was really, really nice. It was something I didn't want to do, by the way. I was, you know, no one needed to know my

financial situation. Everyone loves to talk about the money. And he said to me in that call, he said, do you know who Sam Zell is? And I said, yeah, he's a hero to me, a business guy. I've read about Sam. His name is all over University of Michigan campus. And so I said, you know, do want to meet Sam? Like, I've loved to meet Sam. I'm thinking of the reporter, does not know Sam well enough to call him at 9 o'clock at night. All right, I'll call you back. Five minutes that you called me back. I talked to Sam.

Here's his number. He'd love to meet you. I text Sam, and there I am. Lewis, living my dream. I just bought the Porsche that I always wanted. I used to sit in the Porsche dealership once a year. One day I'm going to have this car. And there I am.

Drive now, PCH, top-down music blurring. I'm going to meet Sam Zell. It was amazing. So he became a friend and a mentor to me. It was one of the great moments of my life as well. And we were friends. But I never requested something of him. I didn't want to impact the friendship.

I'm the same way. I'm very hesitant about it. I'm the same way with a lot of people that I meet. I don't ask them for things. Like, I don't ask for anything. Yeah. And maybe I need to stop doing that. I was so nervous.

I said, okay, I want to start a podcast. And you asked him to come on. Eight and a half years ago, one of my interns who said, you know, our internship is life changing. You teach us every day. of guest speakers who don't do this, but they come in because they're friends and we like to help people.

I said, no, I'll listen to the podcast. That's really stupid. I'd never listen to a podcast. Obviously, like so many things in life, I was dead wrong. And four and a half years ago, I woke up, I'm going to start a podcast just because I want to give back.

Like you, I said, what's my goal in life? What's my passion? It's to give back. It's to help people. It's to serve. Like, of all the things I've done, this is it. And like you, I have the same goal.

100 million people. That's the goal. We can do it together. Yeah. And so, God, I was so nervous. You know, I picked up the phone, called Sam. I was like, oh, God, this is the first time I hasn't for anything. And before the words were out, he said, I've loved to do it.

Wow. It just made me feel so good. And I got emotional. I can hardly speak, thinking, God, that's the kind of guy he is. And people give you your big break, and that gave me credibility. Shorenstone was my second guest. But Cliff Kingsbury football coach was my third guest. That's pretty cool.

Yeah. Cliff's amazing. If you haven't had him on your show, he's a great guest. That's cool. He's going to get another shot here at a head coaching job. So we'll probably have another one. I think one of the things that's important for anybody starting a company is you can't wait until perfection. You've got to get it out there.

You just got to start now and stop worrying about making it perfect. You had that same mentality. Tell everyone kind of what you were doing at the beginning, doing this, doing that, and how it's always good to constantly improving. I mean, with the podcast? Yeah, you know, could you, you were filming with your phone. I was recording my phone and like busy gyms and like it was loud and the tech was bad. And, you know, I didn't know what I was doing.

I was filming in my kitchen living room. I still remember I was in like a tiny little apartment where we moved to L.A. originally the first year, just a one bedroom apartment. And I had a little circle table in my kitchen. And I had like, you know, Sean Johnson, Olympic gold medalist. like in my little living room with two little mics and it was just like the most basic setup with big names

and were you kind of like like coming in my small apartment you know what are they going to see when they walk in here? But I was also just like whatever young and hungry and I was like hey I'm excited I was just like I want to make this great and put it out there and there was again 13 years ago there was no like podcast recording studios like no one

was really doing it and there was no video it was just audio really back then it was all audio maybe Joe Rogan was doing or maybe a couple tech shows or something, but it wasn't like big. And so I was just trying to record and do the best I could. And just, again, I was building relationships with people and just saying, how can I serve you? How can I promote you?

How can I offer more guidance or help? And it didn't feel like an ask. It more felt like, I want to promote you. And so I was finding people that I already had a relationship with that I was like, hey, I just want to help. I want to promote. You got this thing out. You got this book out.

Let me help you. Here's a way I can do it. And they'd be like, great. So it didn't feel bad. You just kind of get out there. You got to do it. Yeah. And just say, how can I make it better?

How can I improve every time? Let's talk about some of the things that make us successful. You've talked about mindset. So what do you mean that someone has the great, needs a great mindset to actually go do it and accomplish their dream? Well, I just think gratitude and generosity are the gateway to abundance. And in all areas of your life, relationships, financially, you know, health. That when we are grateful and when we live in generosity and when we give to others, it's going to make us feel more rich.

It's going to enrich our lives. And I think that's what a great life is. It is a rich, beautiful life. And that starts with gratitude and generosity. And that could be, you know, I just have gratitude baked. It seems so basic, but I have gratitude baked throughout my entire day. From the morning when I wake up, I think, say, thank you, God. I say thank you to my wife.

And I say what I'm grateful for. If someone calls my cell phone, I don't really, I text. I don't really pick up the phone because I would unmute all the time. But if you text me or if you call me, you get my. answering machine, it's going to say, feel free to leave a message, but share what you're grateful for first. I love that. I'm always evoking gratitude out of others and asking them, hey, what are you grateful for today? Literally, I had two team members that were in my office this morning before I came here. They walked in. I said, what are you grateful for from the weekend? They both shared,

I'm grateful for I got some time with my friends, my family, I got to sleep, I got to recover. Cool. I just think that mindset makes us more creative, makes us more appreciative, makes us more resourceful as opposed to living in a victim mindset of what you're ungrateful for or being a lack of generosity. And I was never going to be the smartest. I'm still never going to be the most intelligent or have the most skills. But I learned early on by going to events and conferences and meeting people, meeting, you know, if I was 23 and I met someone like you, I'd have been like, I don't belong. But I brought so much joy. I brought so much curiosity. Like I was just curious. I'd be like, can you tell me more about this?

And I would just listen. And I would be so attentive and be like, wow, that's fascinating. I was just so curious about human beings. That was generous. That was me being generous by being curious. But whatever reason, people just wanted to be around me, not because I had anything to offer. I didn't have money at that time. I didn't have a skill set.

And I had degrees, whatever. Credibility, but I was like, just curious. And I think that allowed me to get my foot in the door. Now, you got to be, you got to do more than just that. But that was the mindset that started for me. And I think if I look at all the people, you have a lot of friends who are billionaires and sports stars and sports coaches.

It's like, yes, they're all willing to work harder than everyone else in their field, obviously. They have to work hard. They have to have extreme preparation. They have to do all the little things right. But I think if you accomplish it all, but you don't have friends or your kids don't want to spend time with you or you just have anger in your heart,

that's not greatness. So you have to have gratitude and generosity. And you've learned at this season, 56, 57. You've learned, okay, I have all the money. I've did the billion dollar thing. I've got it. I know everyone. Sure, you can make more money, but what are you to do with it?

You can't take it with you. So you're at the point where like, how do I serve? How do I invest in others? Whether that's with a check, my time, with my content, with my books, with mentorship, whatever. You want to find ways to use your money, time, your resourcefulness, give and serve 100 million lives. That was a rich, great life for you.

It's not how do we build the next unicorn? You don't care about that. I mean, maybe if it happens, cool, but it's not your main focus to make more money as your number one priority. I mean, you're playing the scorecard and it's like a game still and you've got to do something with your time,

but a lot of your time is giving, service, connection, relationships. And that's greatness to me. You're listening to Part 2 of my incredible interview with Lewis Howes, one of the best interviews I've ever done. Lewis is the host of the School of Greatness, which has over a billion downloads.

He's a former professional athlete. He's an executive coach, best-selling author. If you haven't yet, listen to Part 1, be sure to check that one out first. Now, without further ado, here's part two of my awesome interview with Lewis. I mean, my goal is to have people achieve the success that I've had by teaching them lessons that I've learned

and how to get there. And most people think about, okay, they love talking about the successes. I love talking about the failures, a lot more than the successes, because that's where you, I think, learn the most. Yeah. One of the things, too, that I love about my podcast,

I get to meet people like you who teach me things that I can incorporate into my own life. I'm changing my greatest form of flattery. I'm changing my message on my voicemail today to the gratitude. Just say, hey, what are you grateful for today? Then leave me your message. Right. I mean, that's brilliant.

And I also want to comment on one thing you said as well. Always surround yourself by people better than you who know more than you do. Ask people questions and also think it's a dumb question. And if you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room. Absolutely. I've been saying that forever. And it's, you know, like you, I feel stupid, you know, around some of these people that I get to me. Oh, shit.

Like I guess one question I'd ask you is, you know, when was your first divorce? I was 38. 38? 38. 38? 38? Yeah. You're going to be 58.

I'll be 58, but. Hopefully the finalize of this. Yeah. This one. So it's a 20 year difference. Yep. So if you could go, if you give a piece of advice to your 38-year-old self from where you are now, with everything you know from marriage and divorce, what would that advice be to that 38-year-old self?

I think it would just be the same. You've got to live your life and you've got to be true to yourself. You have to put your significant spouse or whoever this is before your own needs. And marriage is work. And so when I was younger, I had this ideal that, gosh, you know, marriage is bliss. And relationships are work. Marriage is work. And it's hard.

You know, the sad thing is more than half the people get married get divorced. And if you're a product of divorce, the probability of increase gets like 75%, 80%. And so it's my kids are- Because you didn't have a healthy model. Right. And I mean, my kids are terrified. Now, on the other hand, my mom said this to me, everyone has a right to be happy. And no one signed up to be a martyr. Not that my marriages were so bad because they weren't, right?

I mean, people have problems in their marriages. And obviously, I'm a little embarrassed. I'm going through my second divorce. I'm 57. you know, you want to date women and, gosh, you know, do I really want to date someone who's been divorced twice? Yeah, yeah. And I've got five kids.

Now, by the way, if you don't like the fact that I have five kids, I don't even want to know you. Yeah, exactly. Like, I have no interest in, you know, dating you. But if you look back and you think about, you know, what did I learn and do differently, I think we have to understand that who you are at 38 is not who you are at 57.

You're a different person. You're a whole different person, different life experience. You've been through things with your kids. you're more mature on the one hand and you've been through life experiences on the other hand and you know when you have a spouse 17 years younger than you

you know at 40 did I grow up the same person at 57 I didn't and this is true for everyone looking at marriage today when you think about it and you know you're newly married and relatively newly married and you got to ask yourself are you going to grow on parallel past through the rest of your life

and the answer is regardless of how much you're in love and how much support you have you don't know the answer to that question until life actually happens You don't know. Right? People get sick. There are relationships. You have in-laws that can really affect, I mean, there's a million things, right?

There's jobs, all kinds of things. And so... If you could go into the future then at 67 and imagine traveling to the future, what would your 67-year-old self say to you now about the next steps you should be taking? Well, they would say, I'm glad you are where you are because I'm going to be happily married at 67 for the third time. I'll have grandkids, God will. First of all, I hope I'll be living at 67, right? I appreciate where I am every day.

I'm healthy. My kids are healthy. I'm grateful health first, right? If you could take all the money and, you know, put me in the shed, as long as I was healthy, I mean, I could live and, you know, I would make it back. You know, I would do something. But, you know, I think that I'm going to get remarried again. I want to get remarried again.

I want to share my life with somebody else. And, you know, third time's a charm they say. There you go. So, you know, we'll see. That's awesome. Yeah. I mean, and that's a great question that you asked. Let's talk about, I mean, you've given me so many compliments on the show and I'm grateful.

Extreme preparation is the core of my success. I mean, it's work ethics, extreme preparation. Extreme preparation means being creative about things, right? It's doing things and thinking of things. I'll give you something else in my book, which people hear the story and they said, oh, you know, this is a way to think about turning the impossible into the easy reality of how you look at the situation, just reorienting your mind. So my daughter went to Wisconsin.

I had a friend who asked me for advice on, he's got this job for coming up. And it's like he just wants the emotional reconnection for me to give him the positive experience. Because he's not going to do it, though. He's listening. No, he's motivated, but he's listening to my show before. So it's like he's a disple of the show.

And so I said, all right, Andy. I said, give me the layout of the room. I said, okay, there's 80 companies. He wants to meet with 14. I said, well, can you get the names of the people or meeting there from the company? He said, no, that's the issue. I said, so that's the problem.

I said, no, that's the opportunity. And so I said, give me the layout of the room. Give me how many four feet it is. You know, have you been there? Yeah, I was there last year. So he gives it to me. I said, I assume these people have boosts, you know, whatever company is there.

And I said, can you read the name tags with these people from 15 feet away? He said, yes. I said, when does it start? When does it end? You kind of got to go backwards on the math. And I said, you're going to get there early. You're going to do a tour.

you're going to write down people's names. You're going to have 14 pieces of paper. And you're going to go out. You're going to go on a corner after you do this. You're going to look on LinkedIn. You're going to write down three bullet points on every single person at every single company, company by company. You're also going to bring thank you notes that are pre-written because you're going to be in time.

It's a fill in the blank. This is a Madlib issue. Amazing. Right? And so I said, you're going to go in and then you're going to go interview. And just like we talked about having the preparation, doing the work, doing things nobody else does. So we went in. I mean, this was a done deal before I even started going into these, right?

So he had it all prepared. He had all prepared. And he looks at the notes. And then he goes in and he said, you know, Lewis, you know, tell me about, you know, Principia College and how you, you know, were sleeping on your sister's couch when you were 24 years old. And it took you three years to get off the couch. Everyone was like, what the fuck?

Yeah. How did he know this? Right. How the fuck? Until he tells him the process. Everyone's blown away. Not only do you go 14 for 14, but you have now given somebody the impression of, of something a story that they will remember forever and tell for the rest of your life.

You will be that person. And even before that person gets back to their boss, he's told everybody, he's bragged about you. This one person stood out the whole time. Okay, so that's the home run. The walk-off grand slam is, I have a rule, 10-minute thank-you-note. Right? So you fill it in, you leave, and now you're going around, and you've got 28 thank-you notes. You bring 30 in case you make a mistake, right?

Extreme preparation. Plan ahead for mistakes. the walk off Grand Slam. There is a difference between writing a thank you note. I mean, emails are so lazy. Forget the email. You need a physical thing. Physical thing, and it's the speed by which you deliver the email.

Always. I tell people, job interview, bring the thank you note, coffee shop half hour, deliver it back. Right? So wait, you go after you're done, then you write it? Well, it's pre-written. I mean, if it's in person, so you go downstairs, I mean, sit on a curb if you have to sit on. If there's no coffee shop, you go down and write it. Or you've already pre-written it.

Pre-written, but and just fill in the bag. I mean, if you're there and you're not dealing with 14 companies, you can write it out. It's a little better and you can get the details in there. But go back a half an hour. And by the way, thick card stock. Make the investment with your name on it. If it's thin your week, if it's thick, you're strong, right? It's the impression.

Right. You need to get all these details from you. Right. You figure out where do you get your card stock from? Let's go. I mean, you go online. There's like 20-pound paper, 30-pound paper. I mean, there's all these different times.

What's the pound I should get? Like 50. 50 pound paper. Yeah, like 50. You're just doing one piece? Are you doing like, no, no cars. Just you know your name on it. Yeah, just your name on it.

You don't have to hold the whole thing with your head. No. No. No. It's like a three, three sentence thing. One set. One card. That's it.

Front of the card. Thank you. No. That's it. I mean, sometimes you go over. If you, you got a lot to write. That's all you need. It doesn't need a whole long letter though.

There's a, there's just, it's, these are the little things. that are the difference. Citadel, 29,000 summer applications for a job, right? How are you going to separate yourself working for Ken Griffin, the best hedge fund, most successful probably ever created by mankind to go in and get that job? You know, this preparation is in the separation. And then now there's probably like 100 people sending letters. So you have to be even, you know, out of those 100, how do you differentiate, right? Right.

I mean, you know, last summer or summer program, 10,000 applications. Wow. And I'm a small nobody. I got a small firm, right? You go on LinkedIn, you advertise, and that's a lot. People want the mentorship. People want the job. How many do you take?

5, 10? 32. We didn't have it last summer for various reasons, but it's been a life-changing program for most people. That's cool-time mentorship, if you're the best intern, writing a letter of recommendation. I've emailed the CEO of Goldman Sachs, David Solomon, who's been on my show.

Why just hire them full-time? Well, because I have a small, you know, I have. So I've hired over the years. I think five or six former interns who are superstars. You know, one or two has been very disappointing, you know, but, you know, that's how the ball bounces. How is extreme preparation led to your amazing success? Can you give us one example that has stood out?

Yeah, one of my, I guess one of the moments for me was with Kobe. I booked Kobe. I'll keep the story short. I booked it at like 5 o'clock before I had the interview the next morning. So I got a call from his publicist. my team was talking to him and they tried to plan it like a month out the interview. And I just said, don't get off the phone until you book it tomorrow. Like, because if we schedule this a month out, it's going to get rescheduled.

It's not going to happen. I just know how this goes in L.A. with people like, that's why if I can't do it, I don't commit to it. You know, it's like, that's why I push it off for you for like a year. You know, I was like, hey, I love to you. I'm just not doing interviews or I'm traveling. My wife's pregnant. I'm in Spain, you know, all these things. I was like, but when I say I'm going to do it, okay, I'm in, you know.

And so with him, we agreed the publicist was like, okay, 8 a.m. tomorrow morning and it was like 5 or 6 o'clock a night the night before. So I didn't have time to prepare. So it was kind of like, how do you prepare, have extreme preparation when you don't have five days or two weeks to prepare for this? You like, what, 14 hours to prepare for an interview you said or something? Okay. And I want to get sleep and I want to be prepared physically and I want to be exhausted when

I'm there because that's not going to look good. So how do I? And I had a commitment that night that I was already going to. You were at a concert that night. I was at a concert with Lindsay Sterling that I was like, she's a friend of mine. I was like, I'm not going to bail on. I already committed to her, so I have to keep my commitments. So I was like, how do we make the best of this?

So I'm preparing like before there, before she's warming up. I'm like researching online, but then I'm present when she's there. Then I'm working at night. And I'm like, I need to get sleep because that's the most important thing. But I get up around 4, 430. And I have my videographer, Tiffany with me in the car. And I'm just like, you need to do all the research. We're prepping now.

I can do all the research that people don't ask him about. Let's go through everything. We listen to a couple of his podcasts that he had. It was like an hour and a half or something to drive down there. And the interview was at 8 a.m. We get there around 6.15 or 6.30, somewhere around them to the office. The assistant opens the door, turns the lights on in the office and kind of walks us around. And I'm trying to find a place to set up for the podcast, you know, our kind of camera set up.

I walked past his office, but the lights were off. And as I walked back past it, I see a shadow of him. And I was like, oh, man, was that Kobe in there? And she was like, yeah, he's the first one in here every day. And I go, that is extreme preparation. Here's a guy who's won five NBA championships. He just won an Oscar for like a documentary he did. You know, he had all the money, the success in the world, and he's still showing up first.

I'm like, I don't do that. You know, that's like a whole other level of extreme preparation. That's just who he was. And she was like, yeah, and he was in the gym with his daughter this morning working out playing basketball before he got here, the one that passed away as well. I was just like, whoa. I'm preparing. I got there early. so I was make sure I was set up.

I was preparing on the way there. And I was just saying, we need to find the things that essentially what you do, like what will stand out when I bring it to him, when I ask him. We had a whole list of things that we couldn't talk about. So that eliminated a lot of topics that his PR team was like,

you can't ask these questions or go to these topics. So I had to get creative. And I was like, I've never heard him talk about love. I've never heard him talk about relationships in a certain way. I've never heard him share these other things. And for me, the pre-show is, the show. For me, that is the show. And I was thinking he would get to come out sooner, but I'm there for an hour and a half, like 20 feet away from his office, but he can't see us and we can't

see him. And he doesn't come out until three minutes before eight. And the whole time, I'm like, okay, am I got to have 10 minutes with him beforehand? 20 minutes an hour? I don't know. And the interview was only supposed to be 20 minutes long is what the publicist said, because he had interviews all day coming up. So I was like, how am I going to get the best stuff in 20 minutes? It's really hard. And I told Tiffany, I said, have me miced up, have the cameras roll. rolling. And when he walks out of his door, put the mic on him and start rolling. Because whatever we get beforehand, I'm going to try to make a part of the show. And I kind of did what I did on LinkedIn, early days, was like, what is my first sentence? How can I find three things to connect with him?

If this was like an email, how can I build that relationship? And right away, I just said, thank you so much for all you do in the Olympics. I know how much of a fan you are in the Olympics. And I have so many Olympic friends that said you were like the coolest guy showing up at other sporting events, saying hi, taking selfies with people in the Athletes Village. So I just want to say, thanks for that. He goes, dude, I love the Olympics. It's like one of my favorite times every four years. I just love the athletes. I love it all. And I go, I'm actually, you know, on the USA handball team. And I'm pursuing my Olympic dream. And he goes, you play handball? And I go, yeah. And he goes, I played handball growing up in Italy. I go, I know. I go, it's pretty cool, right? He goes,

it's the best sport. I wish they played it more in the USA. And it's so cool you're going for this. And then I go, and I just wanted to, you know, I go, well, you have some mutual friends. I literally did the same script from LinkedIn. It's like, who do you know in common from your, like, LinkedIn profile connections? What interest do we have in common? And I did that. And then I said, we have some mutual friends. And the publicist said, oh, who do you know in common?

She, like, doubted me. And I said, Novak Djokovic I had in the show, and he says some amazing things about you. And he goes, man, Novak Djokovic, that's my guy. I just talked to him recently. He's a killer on the court. He's the goat. And I go, I know.

And then I literally said, there's a lot of things that we have off limits. that I shouldn't talk about. Is there anything else that you don't wanna talk about or what would make this the most powerful conversation we've ever done? And he looks at me in the eyes, he grabs my knee, he goes, ask me anything you want and take as long as you need. And I was like, welcome everyone to the school of greatness.

Kobe Bryant, here we go. And so that was, you know, I didn't have days. Sometimes you don't have less time to prepare. And you have to use like your experience, your resourcefulness to just be present in the moment. Like maybe you meet someone on the street or you're on a plane and you're like, oh, that's the CEO of this company.

You didn't have hours to prepare. You have a moment. And I think it's leaning on your experience of preparation and saying, what is one question I can ask? How can I be present? How can I be served? How can I acknowledge the person for what they've done? And be grateful and generous.

And I think that's the key to abundance. We're near the end of the show. And you've talked about relationships before. A lot of people, if you ask them, what's the most enjoyable thing they've ever done in life, is sex. you have said that you should not enter a relationship just to have fun and a half sex. And here I am.

I'm recently single and I'm like, what are you talking about? Yeah. I mean, listen, if we want to live a life with our ego, then you can have all the fun in the world and there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it's the best way to enter a relationship that's going to be a harmonious, aligned, peaceful relationship.

So you can enter a relationship and have fun and have sex right away and all these different things. And that's kind of how I entered a lot of my relationship. previous relationships and none of them worked. They all ended in the kind of pain and just like frustration and therapy that was just like a struggle. It didn't feel like there was alignment. And so with Martha, my wife, I was just like, we're not having sexual intimacy, you know, and we're entering the relationship with therapy, is what I said. So after like months of like hanging out and going on dates, I was like, okay, I'm, I'm going to commit to you. You know, I want to

commit. We talked about like potentially getting together and I was like, okay, I want to commit to you. but only if we get into therapy first. And we talk about our values, our vision, and our lifestyle. And obviously, we can't predict the future and things happen. And like you said, like in-laws and loss and all these different things happen in kids. But I said, if we can try to predict the best way we can by being in alignment with our values, our vision, our lifestyle. And I go, this is what I'm going to be up to for the next decade plus. This is who I am.

Can you accept that in me? Can you share with me what you think you're going to be doing? Can I accept that and accept that in you? And here are my values. Most women don't like my values, the order that I have them. She really wanted to know what they were. And I go, you're never going to be my number one priority. And no woman wants to hear they're not number one in the man's life.

Now there's context of this. So if someone's taking this out of context, they're going to think that's the worst thing ever. I said my health is my number one value. It's making sure I take the time for my health physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Because if I don't have my health the best it can be, I'm not going to be best for. number two priority, which is still not you, which no woman wants to hear that you're not number one or number two in their life. And I said the number two priority in my life is going to be my mission with what God wants

me to have in this world, my level to serve people, to serve humanity. Because I'd been in relationships in the past that almost every relationship I'd been in wanted to take my time to be with them instead of serving my gifts and talents with others. And they wanted me exclusively with them. And it was always this fight and this friction of like, but I need some time to go out there and express myself and build and create and generate. And so I was always resenting of like the woman wanting to be number one at all costs. No, don't go to the gym.

No, don't go to work. No, come here now. And I was like, that doesn't work for me anymore. And maybe I'm bad and wrong for that. But I need someone who can accept where I'm at in my life. And maybe later in life it'll change. And it'll be more about putting the relationship first.

But if you accept that my health is a big priority, It doesn't mean I need 10 hours a day for this, but I need time to take care of my health, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. If you understand that I am on a big mission of my life right now to impact and serve 100 million lives weekly, and that takes time. Then you'll understand my third priority,

which is our relationship and our family. And if you understand my one and two, you're going to feel like the number one priority because I'm going to be so present with you, so giving, so grateful, so generous, so loving all the time, that you're going to feel like number one. And so I think it's just, it's not like, oh, you're going to be like down on the list of priorities.

It's more on your stand I have other priorities as well that make me better. And when I'm at my best, we're going to be at our best. And I want you to focus on what's important for you as well. And I think it's just a reframing of it as opposed to, ah, you're down the list of priorities. Someone told me that you'll learn the meaning of life when you have kids. And so my priority with five kids is always on my kids first. It comes before your health. Well, it's sort of like when you're getting a divorce,

people say, you know, one of the reasons why is you're worried about the kids. And what they say in return is if you're on the plane that's going down, you've got to take your mask down before, you know, you've got to be healthy before the kids. So sure, your health. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I get it to kids.

And listen, I have twins now and I'm going to put my life into them as well. Yeah. But I don't think we can just say, I'm going to let go of all my health just to rescue my kids. Right. You know, every day. And I'm going to endure all this pain that I don't have to endure. in a suffering marriage potentially. I don't know, I'm just saying in general,

but it's taking care of your health because then you can model to your kids and be like your best with them. Right. I mean, I'm going to go back to the sex comment for a minute, not because I think this is something to talk about as well, because I think intimacy is such an important part of a relationship and experience it right at the beginning, I think,

is important to determine if you're compatible. And a lot of the fun sex at the beginning does turn into relationships. I've had this in my own life. All of mine, essentially. It's like the sex, the chemistry, the chemicals turns into like, I want more of that connection feeling.

It feels good. But if you aren't aligned to their values and vision, in two years, that feeling is going to fade and you're going to have friction. I'm not saying that you can't develop in parallel with the values. I'm just saying you can start out by having fun

and you don't know what's going to happen long term because that's happened. I've had a relationship. Sure. You know, I had a marriage like that Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. For me, what I learned is like all those way of doing it before didn't work long term.

And it ended in like sadness and suffering. And so I just wanted to try something different. And that's what works for me so far. You know, five years in, that's what's worked for me so far. You've also talked about cheating and infidelity in marriages and the reasons why people cheat. You know, the stats show they're crazy stats that some huge percentage of spouses is cheat on their spouse. So you've given a theory as to why that is.

So what's the theory? What was the theory? What did I say? I don't know. What was the research? The research says that there's underlying reasons for infidelity that it's not that you want sex from the other person. It's that you're looking for something else.

I can't remember what I said in context of this. But if I'm thinking about it right now, I don't think you've healed. I don't think you've healed a lot of things that you need to heal. And I think it's also like you're not clear on truly what you want. Like I'm 40, I chose to be married knowing that I was letting go of some of different life that I could have, which is sure I could be with lots of girls or be single and have fun and do these things. But that wasn't fulfilling. I could do that for a few years or whatever and then get married or something.

But it's like, I want to have a rich, beautiful life. It means if I'm going to be in a monogamous marriage, which is what my wife wants, and I don't think really would work to have like a non-monogamous marriage. personally, then it means letting go of the temptations of the world that I think cripple a lot of men. You know, I think it crippled me for most of my life. And I think if I'm not focused on it and focusing on my relationship and seeing how I can improve it consistently, listen, I'm one year in marriage, so I'm not here to give marriage advice. And I'm three months and having kids. So I'm sure everyone's going to say, wait to your 10 years in and wait to your kids. I'm sure everyone's going to say these things.

But what has worked for me so far, five years in, is being committed to, the vision of my future self. I witnessed what my parents went through, what my dad did. And I witnessed the pain that four kids had to suffer with that type of model. It doesn't mean everything that did was wrong. They did a lot of beautiful things. But that model of relationship didn't work. It heard a lot of us. And we didn't have the tools and how to heal. And for me, I want to live a beautiful, rich life. If I'm going through breakups and this and this constantly, it's going to be more painful. Sure, there's going to be lessons and beauty, but it's all going to be from needing to heal more. And at this season, I feel like, you know, someone told me on my podcast yesterday that Martha, my wife is my

guru. She's here to teach me my greatest lessons. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy all the time. You know, there's going to be some challenges that I have to face myself in the reflection of her. And so that's my commitment. It's my commitment. The version of me, 10 years, 20 years in the future, is whispering to me or yelling at me, telling me, here's what your life could be if you continue to show up, committed, fully present, all in. versus allow your temptations or sexual desires to get the best of you, then here's how your life's going to be. And sure you can recover from it and good things could happen in the future

and you might meet someone else or whatever, but, you know, I'm just one day at a time. One day of time, like just committed to what I need for my future self to be fully fulfilled. We're at the end of the show. I was concluded with a game. I call Phil and Blake to Excellence. Are you ready to play? Let's do it.

The biggest lesson I've learned in my life is... Learn how to love yourself. My number one professional goal is do something that heals another person today. My number one personal goal is be a great dad. My biggest regret is not healing sooner.

My biggest fear is that I wasted my potential. The craziest thing that's happened in my career is it's yet to happen yet. The funniest thing that's happened in my career is the first thing came to mind it was like giving a speech in Mexico, my first speech in Mexico, and getting punched in the eye walking out on stage when I was going to try to speak Spanish

for the first time in front of this massive audience and just feeling like this was, for me, it was just a very funny moment getting punched in the face accidentally by someone right before I walked out. The best advice they've ever received is, Love your wife with your whole heart. Ten years from now, I'm going to be. be in service to people. 20 years from now, the next big thing is going to be.

Looking people in the eyes. If you could take one trait that's responsible for your success, it is. Vision. The most important thing that's contributed to my success is. Relationships. The one thing I've dreamed about doing for a long time, but haven't, is being an Olympian. If I could invent one thing in the world, it would be a machine that lets you take advice from your future self. If you could go back in time and give your 21-year-old self, one.

piece of advice, it would be. Take a workshop that lets you heal your heart. If you could be one person in the world who's alive today, it would be. Be one person? If you could meet one person in the world who is alive today, it would be. First thing came to me out was Jim Carrey because I said him on the show, but I don't know if he'd be the only person I'd want to meet, but that's the one that came to mine. If you were president of the United States today, the first thing you would do is...

Create a program around emotional intelligence training for kids. If you were on your deathbed and had 60 seconds to live and it had to say one thing to Martha and your twins, it would be. Thank you for giving me such a beautiful life. Thank you for loving and accepting me. And I want to remind you that I love you. I'm going to always be with you. And make sure that you love each other, support each other, and hold each other high of what you know you're capable of creating in this world. That's beautiful.

The one question you wish I'd ask. asked you but didn't is. How can I be of service? The answer is. I don't know. I have to think about it. Do you have any questions for me before we conclude what has been one of my favorite interviews of everybody since I started my show four and a half years ago?

I'm not going to say it in the last week, you know, favorite interview of the last week. I do have questions, but I'd love to ask you on my show when you have your book complete. Awesome. When you have your book ready to launch, I will have those questions. And I'm sure we'll talk before then as well. Awesome. You're amazing.

Thank you for being on my show. Thank you, Rand. I appreciate it. You're an amazing guy. Congratulations again on your tremendous success. Appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you so much.