In Search Of Excellence - Jon Gordon: Fear Paralyzes, Love Overcomes | E56

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

Jon Gordon is a best-selling author and an amazing motivational speaker. He has written 27 books including 12 best-sellers and 5 children’s books. The most popular ones are The Energy Bus, The Power of Positive Leadership, Training Camp, Stay Positive, and The Garden.The Energy Bus has sold over 2 million copies and inspired people around the world to change their lives and achieve success. Jon also worked with many Fortune 500 companies, professional and college sport teams, school districts, hospitals, and non-profits.(01:20) Positive LeadershipComplaining is allowed only if you offer solutionNegativity sabotages the teamThe science behind the positivityOptimists are creating better future for them(16:10) The Four C’s (Communication, Connection, Commitment, Care)Communication (negativity fills lack of communication)ConnectionCommitment (to be committed team, you need to be connected team) - commitment recognizes commitmentCare (show that you care and others will care about team, customers, and results)Vulnerability as a leader(23:56) Most Important Ingredients For Success (Hope, Belief, Service, Care, Preparation)The Carpenter builds with hope and beliefFear paralyses you, love gives you power to overcome fearServe the people (as a leader, you have to serve and sacrifice)Put your heart and soul in your workThe importance of extreme preparationSharing the ideas of his books with people(32:53) Mental Health of Our SocietyOur brains are not healthy (food, chemicals, and other things effect brain)Neurotheology – how prayer influences brainPositivity elevates our state of mindA battle for the minds and souls of our kids is going on – we must help them to winSuicide and overcoming the 5 D’s (Doubt, Distortion, Discouragement, Distraction, Divide)Nothing can separate you from the love of God – love the Creator(45:30) The Story of Damon WestJon changed Damon’s lifeYou have the power to change everythingJon's final messageResources Mentioned:Be a Coffee Bean, Damon West and Jon GordonThe Garden, Jon GordonThe Carpenter, Jon GordonPower of Positive Leadership, Jon GordonSponsors:Sandee | Bliss: BeachesWant to Connect? Reach out to us online!Website | Instagram | LinkedIn

Welcome to In Search of Excellence, which is about our quest for greatness and our desire to be the very best we can be. You're listening to part two of my amazing conversation with John Gordon. John is a leadership expert, best-selling author, and motivational speaker whose life's mission is to inspire and empower others through positive thinking. He is the author of 27 books, including 14 bestsellers and five children's books, including The Energy Bus, which has sold over 3 million copies, and The Coffee Bean, which he wrote with Damon West, my guest on In Search of Excellence last week, which has also sold over 2 million copies. He has worked with hundreds of Fortune 500 companies, sports teams, universities, and nonprofits. And John has been featured on the Today Show, CNN, CNBC, and many other news outlets, as well as the Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, and the Wall Street Journal, among many others. John is the host of the awesome podcast Positive University and the founder of the online program Positive University,

which provides access to content focused on overcoming everyday challenges and bringing together a community of like-minded people. If you haven't yet listened to part one, be sure to check that one out first. Without further ado, here's part two of my amazing conversation with John. Tell us about the energy bus and what its main message is, and then we'll talk about some of the 10 principles of the energy bus. So it's about a guy named George, who's miserable and negative. His team at work is in disarray. He has problems at home

and he wakes up Monday morning to a flat tire. So he is just fed up with life. And he walks inside, he asks his wife to take him to work because he has a flat tire. And this flat tire is like just one more inconvenience for an inconvenient life for this guy.

Like flat tire, are you kidding me? And so she won't take him to work. So he has to take the bus to work. And he gets on the bus and he meets Joy, the bus driver. And she calls him Sugar. And she and the cast of characters teach him the 10 rules for the ride of his life that not only help him become a more positive person,

but a better father, a better husband. And it's about getting his team on the bus and moving in the right direction with a shared vision, focus, and purpose. It's about the fact that every one of us will have to overcome negativity, adversity, and challenges to ultimately define ourselves and our team's success. And so it resonated with so many people because all these coaches who started reading the book, all these leaders who started reading the book realized, I got to get my team on the bus. I got all this resistance, all this negativity. I get energy vampires sabotaging us. How do we overcome and move forward in a positive,

successful way? And I think that's why the book really resonated and struck a chord because it's about the real life and the real challenges that everyone will face. But when I wrote it, it was just coming to me. So I didn't know I had something that would actually make an impact. But Jack Del Rio was one of the first people to read this book. Coaching the Jacksonville Jaguars at the time. He's now the defensive coordinator for the Washington Commanders. And he read the book.

He was a legend. Invites me out of the blue. I get a call to come meet with him because he read the book. And next thing I know, I'm going to meet with Jack Del Rio sitting across from him. I'm 36 years old. Just got back from that tour that wasn't very successful. And he's like, I want to use your book for the team. He said, will you come speak to the team? I said, sure. If you get everyone a copy of the book, I'll come speak. I just said that out of the blue. And he got a copy for everyone on the team and also in the organization. He got the book to the food service folks, to the custodians. He wanted everyone to have the positive energy and share that positivity with their team and their

players. And they had a great year that year. They winded up being the Steelers in the first round of the playoffs. They went to go play the Patriots. It was a magical year of turning around a team that wasn't very good and they had success. And next thing you know, all these other teams started to reach out after that. And I started to work with most of the pro and college teams in all the sports. I've worked with almost everyone out there. The Dodgers, Dave Roberts was one of the first guys who reached out when he got to be the manager of the Dodgers for my book, You Win in the Locker Room. It was years later after the energy bus, he read You Win in the Locker Room first and brought me in to speak to the Dodgers when he first got the job. Sean McVay, when he got the job with the Rams, reached out to me and

I've been working with Sean McVay ever since as a leader, as a coach and speaking to his team. Miami Heat, Tampa Bay Lightning. John Cooper, one of the greatest coaches of all time. John Cooper, amazing guy, amazing team. I spoke to that team when they had just lost in the first round the year before. You know that story? I do know the story.

Yeah, and that was a lot of fun because they had just lost. They're all down. They're all frustrated about last year. And I went there, I said, listen, guys, teams that feel like they're defending something don't do very well. But the research shows that teams that feel like they're attacking a new opportunity do great. It's about attacking a new opportunity. Stop defending your status. Stop defending your reputation as an elite team, as a team that is supposed to win the Stanley Cup. Just go attack

every single day and focus on that process. That changed everything. Shift their perspective. They had all the talent in the world. John was a great coach, but I think it was a helpful message that helped redirect that team. That's what I'm probably best at is helping leaders and teams have the right mindset. Besides culture and teamwork and all that, I'm really good at getting them connected, but the right mindset that allows them to be successful. Yeah. Coop is a friend. He's a great guy. I'm hoping to have him on my show this summer. Unbelievable. Unbelievable leader, lacrosse player, not even really much of a big time hockey player. He was a great lacrosse player at Hofstra. He started his career as a lawyer. And as a lawyer too. Yes. He was a part-time coach. Yeah. And why do they win?

People always say, you know, John, you work with all these teams. Are you the reason? No. I'm definitely never the reason. Right. It's always the coach. It's always the leader. It's the culture.

And it's the team. It's their mindset and how they execute every single day. I've got to tell you a funny little quick story. I just spoke to the Colorado Rockies. And so I just spoke to the team that day. And after my talk, a few hours later, they were playing in a spring training game and they weren't having a great spring training, but they were crushing this team after I spoke. And so I'm all fired up. I'm like, guys,

high state of mind, high state of mind, positivity, Clint Hurdle, who's one of the advisors to the manager and the owner and the GM. Clint Hurdle is a buddy of mine. Clint goes, Hey, John, the guy who just hit that three run homer, he speaks Spanish. He didn't understand a word you said. So funny. So I do a lot of mentoring as well. And I mentioned I have a summer intern program. We have 36 kids every summer. We've got about a thousand applications. And these kids come in and everyone wants the great work right out of the gate, right? It's a different generation today than the other generation where people want to know I'm a successful entrepreneur. How'd you do it? And I did it through a lot of shit work, right? 95, 97% of my day is shit work.

Today, I was sending out cold emails for my beaches company, Sandy. I'm getting rejected. I'm going to get on the phone, and I'm going to get a $500 sale. Right before here, I went to Margo's restaurant, a client of Sandy. I picked up a $600 check myself. I got in the car. I picked it up, and I was very happy to get it. A lot of the interns, they all sit in a room together. I spend 60 to 90 minutes a day with the interns, but we have a few cardinal rules for the summer. No complaining. Complaining is a cancer. Yes.

Because the minute one person complains, it starts. It starts orally and it goes crazy on text like wildfire. The thing spreads like an inferno. Talk to us about how one complainer complaining can ruin a team, can ruin a family, can ruin anything that you're doing. Because I know you speak a lot about this as well. Well, I wrote a book called The No Complaining Rule. And it was based on a real company that was voted one of the best places to work every single year. PPR was a health and nurse staffing company. And Dwight Cooper was a CEO. And he was a friend of mine. And he would tell me about this no complaining rule that they implemented in their company.

And they would say, if you want to work here to potential recruits, we have a no complaining rule. If you're a complainer, this is not the right place for you. And so they would say that first and foremost. They would tell other employees, we don't complain. You're not allowed to complain unless you come with a solution. So complaining is actually allowed if you come with a solution, but you're not allowed to mindlessly complain and just text and just gossip

and then just be negative. That's, I often say, complaining is like throwing up. After which you feel better, but then everyone around you feels sick. And so the key is, how could I not create a toxic environment? Well, let's be an organization that focuses on solutions. Let's empower people. I love this rule because it basically says we want your solutions. So bring a complaint because it's how we get better. Every complaint is how we lead to new innovations, new ideas, new growth, new processes. So complaints make us better. But if you're focusing just on the complaining, but not the

solutions, then it's toxic. And then it causes you to be stuck where you are instead of where you want to be. And so the key is to use complaining as a catalyst for growth. And that's what I love about the no complaining rule. So I encourage complaining, but only if you're going to bring a justified complaint with a solution. If it's just mindless and it's toxic and it's basically verbal throwing up, that's not good. And that will sabotage the morale, the performance and the people. And that's what happens so often in companies. One of the reasons why my principles work is because the key is we get rid of the negativity that sabotages the team. We feed and fuel the organization, the team with real positivity, not fake positivity, but real positivity that encourages the team that uplifts them more optimism, more belief. And as a result of that,

the team winds up performing at a higher level. Positivity, rah, rah, rah. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to do it. Yeah. Can you explain the science behind positivity? We can talk about the one shot, great golf shot rule, Martin Seligman, Robert Emans, and the great University of Michigan, the greatest place on the planet. So what, what does the science say? And Robert Fredrickson's research on positivity and the workplace in terms of teams that have a ratio of three to one positive to negative interactions, those teams perform at a higher level. But if you move to 13 to one, 13 positive to one negative, the team actually falls apart because no one's dealing with the real issues. No one's having the tough conversations. Notice I didn't

say 13 to zero or five to zero or three to zero, three to one. Five to one in marriages, John Gottman's research shows five to one positive to negative interactions in marriages to have a thriving marriage because negativity sabotages and causes a disconnection and a separation and a division. And the more divided you are, the weaker you become. The more connected you are, the more you become one, the stronger, the more powerful you become. And so the key in any marriage, any relationship, is to actually become one team.

And positivity helps you do that, whereas negativity causes the division and the separation. And so that's why positivity really does help a team. Now, it's not rah-rah positivity. It's mission. It's optimism. It's belief. It's resilience. It's grit. It's the ability to say, you know what? This is hard right now. What we're going through is really difficult, but we're going to find a way forward. That was Sweeney's big on that. Yeah, we were here yesterday, but this is what we're creating now. Yes, we lost this game, but what are we building and looking forward towards right now?

And I would say positive leaders find a way forward. I'm sure you know Alan Mulally. I wrote The Power of Positive Leadership. Before I wrote that book, I interviewed him, an hour interview, maybe an hour and a half. It was like an MBA in that hour, hour and a half talking to one of the greatest leaders of all time. I read an article where he defined his leadership style as positive leadership. And he said, John, positive leaders find a way forward and they build great teams and great relationships. So we're talking about this.

And I'll never forget the conversation. He goes, John, this is really an important topic. Like this is essential for leadership. I said, you want to read the book before I publish it, right? He said, yes. I said, how about this? I won't publish it if you don't think it's worthy. If you don't think it has the right principles, the right practices, and what positive leadership is all about, I won't publish this book.

He goes, all right, deal. He read the book. I'll never forget the call from Alan Mulally, a guy I really admire and respect. For those people who don't know, the CEO of Ford Motor Company. Ford and Boeing. And turned them both around. And Ford, during the Great Recession, when they were left literally for possibly bankruptcy, takeover target, losing $14 billion and then turn them around. Many say it was one of the greatest leadership feats in history. And one of the greatest turnarounds in history. But it was one of the greatest leadership feats, basically what he did and how he did. If he's not the CEO, they're done.

He was the guy to turn them around. And then the same thing with Bubba. And that's the kind of leader he is. And I love that he defines his leadership style as positive leadership. And so finding a way forward, giving me that call and saying, all right, yeah, it's worthy. You can do it. And I published that book. Evan Spiegel, Snapchat gets a copy of it when it comes out. I get a call from Evan and I go speak to his leadership team because Snapchat in 2017 was really struggling. And I shared these principles and practices that I wrote about in this book with him. And he will tell you that positive leadership turned around that company. Sean McVeigh leads with positive leadership. Eric Spolscher leads with positive leadership turned around that company. Sean McVeigh leads with positive leadership.

Eric Sposher leads with positive leadership. Now, this is not rah-rah. It's love and accountability. It's like, hey, we're going to hold you accountable to the standards, the value that we have, the values, the culture, the principles. But we're going to love you and support you and encourage you along the way. And we're going to be demanding, but we're not going to be demeaning. We're going to be loving, but not enabling.

We have the standard and you have to meet the standard. And if you're not meeting the standard, we're going to show you the separation between the standard and your performance. But we are going to encourage you along the way, but we're also going to make sure that we are addressing it when you're not performing at the higher level that you need to. So that's real positive leadership. So I don't like when people think positive leadership is rah-rah or rolling your eyes and being Pollyanna. Research from Duke University shows that optimists work harder, get paid more, and are more likely to

succeed in business and sports. And what they found was that these optimists, because they believed in a brighter and better future, they took the actions necessary to create it. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy. And so often what we believe determines what we create. And if you don't believe that, let's look at schools. There's a thing called collective teacher efficacy. And that is, we believe as a staff

that we can influence and impact our children our students lives and because of that belief these students go on to perform and create extraordinary outcomes as a result of that belief it's the number one predictor in student learning is collective teacher efficacy the belief of the staff that we can impact our students lives so just working with the staff and teaching them this is essential. Working with an organization or team, getting them to believe together. Like we truly believe that we can be successful. Truly believe we can overcome our adversity and our setbacks. Truly believe that we can overcome the rejections we face when we're

selling on a daily basis. That belief over time will lead to results. Now I often say though, being positive is not going to guarantee you succeed, but being negative will guarantee that you don't. Talk about the four C's. How important are those in our life? What are they and how important are they? Four C's are something I wrote about with my wife in Relationship Grit. If you want to have a great relationship, those four C's are also in The Power of a Positive Team, The Principles and Practices That Make a great team great, and the positive leadership book as well, because those four C's are essential to developing relationships that lead to high performance. How can you lead someone if you don't know them? How can you motivate someone if you don't know what motivates them?

And so I've got to know you. I've got to invest in you. I've got to develop a relationship with you to help really drive you to success and help you create success. So you get out the four C's. Communication. That begins the process of building trust. And here's one of my key principles. Where there's avoiding communication, negativity will fill it. So we have to make sure that we are filling it with communication so negativity doesn't. And the more we do, that builds trust. The more negativity does, you get the weeds that eventually will sabotage your team. So we've got to make sure that we're filling the void with positive communication. Then there's connection. The goal to communicate is not just to communicate. It's also to connect at a deeper level. The word

communication, communion, and community come from the same etymology, right? And it's with. It's bringing together. The goal of communication is to connect with. It's to create community or communion. What? Oneness. Going back to oneness and power and strength and unity. So communication creates the connection that starts to foster that.

And connection is essential because that's where you earn trust. Like the more we get to know each other and we have a relationship with each other and I connect with you and I know your story and you know mine and we have this relationship, now you're going to trust me more. And now there's more psychological safety as a result of that connection. And that leads to greater commitment. See, that's the key here, greater commitment. So many teams don't have trust. And if you don't have trust and connection, you will not have commitment. And everybody wants a committed team, but to be a committed team, you need to be a connected team. That's essential. So a lot of my work with teams and organizations,

even working with Dave Roberts and the Dodgers early on, helping him develop a connected team that became a committed team. Because that's when you get grit as a team. That's when you get resilience as a team. Not just one person, but there's this collective resilience, collective grit that makes you gritty as a team. Not just individual, but connection from others. So connection leads to commitment. And then you have commitment, which is about service and sacrifice. So as a leader, if I want you to be committed, I got to demonstrate commitment to you and commitment recognizes commitment. So the more I'm committed to you, I'll get commitment back. But a lot of times as leaders are like, well, they're not committed. So-and-so is not committed.

Well, he and she is not committed or teammates do that all the time. Like so-and-so is not doing their work. They're not doing that work. I always tell them you be the committed one. You show what that looks like. And guess what? You will lead the way you will rise above and people want to be committed back to you. And you'll also stand out as a leader. And that will lead to greater opportunities and greater success doing the grunt work, doing the grind. As you said earlier, being that person who's willing to do that. I have a guy like that in my team, Chaz. He's willing to do the work. And guess what? I'm seeing his commitment. It makes you want to give everything to Chaz and help him grow because this guy is so committed. He's a young guy, but he's a committed guy. That is a rare, rare art these days to find people who are truly committed. But to have a

great relationship, you got to know that I'm committed to you. And I have to know that you're committed to me. And when we have that as team members and there's service and sacrifice there, well, then we both grow together. We both grow as a team. I have so many stories. I share in my keynotes about Schwenader,

who was truly committed to his team. He didn't care about starting. John Wooden recruited him to play at UCLA, but they had Bill Walton. And so he said, hey, we have Bill Walton here, so you're not going to play much. But we want you to make Bill Walton better. And Schwinnader, he commits to practicing every day and challenging Bill Walton. Every day in practice, he's making Bill Walton better. Only person in NBA history never to have started a college game, but be drafted in the first round

of the NBA, 12-year NBA career, Rookie of the year. What happened? Every day he was making his team better, he got better. And that's my story at home too. I had to learn to be a committed dad and a committed husband. And early on, I wasn't. And the more I learned to commit to my family and serve them, it's crazy. My career actually improved dramatically. Every book that I wrote after I made the decision to serve my family and sacrifice, sacrifice for them in a, in a deeper and greater way. Every book after that was a bestseller. It's been incredible to watch when I made my family, my priority. When you invest in the root, you get a great supplier fruit, focus on the fruit of the tree, ignore the root, the tree dies. And the last C is care.

So I think when you commit, you show that you care. And I always tell leaders, you want to be a great leader? Care about your people. And when you care about them, they'll care about the team, they'll care about the customers, and they'll care about the results. But start with caring. So many leaders have to have such a tough front. I'm a leader.

I'm the CEO. Nothing bothers me. Instill confidence. How important is vulnerability in being a leader? And what are the benefits of being vulnerable? And then what are the magic words people should say? I think the key for that leader, though, is not to wilt under pressure and not to crumble, but to be honest and say, you know, this is tough right now. What we're going through is hard. I'm struggling with what we're going through and what we're facing. And I'm trying to figure out the answers. But guess what? I believe in what we're doing. I'm going to find a way, or actually we will find a way together. And be honest and

transparent. But also it is important for that leader to instill hope. As a leader, you are a dealer in hope. As a leader, you have to inspire hope in your team. Also, leadership is a transfer of belief. And so you have to make sure you're transferring that belief to your team about what you can accomplish, even though you're going through a tough time and facing challenges. So when leaders are going through that, I think it's important to be vulnerable, but also vulnerability doesn't mean weak. It just means what you're struggling with. It means what you're facing. It means how you're experiencing the situation and what you're going through and the challenges you're facing. But then, but here's where we're going now, but here's where we're going to be successful. So I think it's

okay to talk about your challenges, but I do believe in those moments you can say, I don't know if we're going to make it. I don't know if that's the best answer to say as a leader. I believe you have to share why you believe we're going to make it. It might be okay to say, you know, this is tough and the future is uncertain, but we're going to do everything we can. This is the game plan. And this is how I believe we're going to be successful. And we're going to follow everything we can. This is the game plan. And this is how I believe we're going to be successful. And we're going to follow this plan to success. And if we have to adapt, we will. But I do believe leadership is a transfer of belief.

And you have to inspire that in your team. Steve Jobs has reality distortion field. Right? Time and time again, his team would say, there's no way we create this software, this hardware in this amount of time. And Steve would say, get your head around it. You can do it. And time and time again, he might've said in other

words, but time and time again, they accomplished the very thing that they thought was impossible. And it was because he distorted their reality from pessimism or some would say realism. I'm just being a realist, the optimism. And when you believe in your team, they will accomplish things that they never thought possible. And that's why I think your belief and a leader's belief is so important. Talk about the book, The Carpenter, which is a great book to read

if you're an entrepreneur starting a new business. What are the five most important ingredients one can be to be successful? I love The Carpenter. It's like one of my favorite books and people who have read it said it's their favorite book. It's created for entrepreneurs. I wrote this book with entrepreneurs in mind.

It hasn't really taken off in the entrepreneurial community like I thought it would, like I hoped it would, but I hope this doing this podcast will help it because this book, when people read it, it really helps them get their mind in the right mindset, but also their leadership in the right form and process. And so a big part of being a carpenter is building with optimism and belief. It's designing your masterpiece. You have to know what it is you want to build and design it before you build it. And then the optimism and belief of

what you're building. That carpenter then becomes a craftsman. and there's a difference. A carpenter shows up to build something, but a craftsman is there to create a work of art. They're there to create a masterpiece and they show up every day with passion, purpose and heart and soul and care and they're putting more energy into what they're building. The essence from within them, they're here to create something, create a masterpiece.

So I always say to entrepreneurs, you gotta put the essence of who you are into what, that you're here to create something, create a masterpiece. So I always say to entrepreneurs, you got to put the essence of who you are into what it is you're building. And that's where it has power when you do that. So that's a big part of the carpenter. And how do we do that? We love, we serve, and we care. You love what you're building.

Love casts out fear. So anytime you focus on love, fear will dissipate. And fear is what paralyzes you. And it keeps you from your destiny. But love moves you towards it and gives you the power to overcome your fear. I gotta tell you, when I was writing that book, I had so much fear.

I never had writer's block before. People were loving the energy bus. They were loving my book, Training Camp, which was one of my first books, which I love. That's my favorite book. And then the no complaining rule. So I'm thinking, people are gonna think that my best work was behind me.

I had all these thoughts come in of negativity and sabotage and instilling insecurity and doubt. And I woke up one morning and I had this epiphany, love casts out fear. So all I got to do is love the reader, love writing this book, love the process. And if I do that, I'll love what the process produces. I then wove that knowledge and that insight into the story when the main character wrote that book in two and a half weeks after that and had this book. And so that's a huge part of it. I was just loving it. When I talk to athletes, I always say, love the competition,

love the battle, love the moment. If you love the competition and you're not worried about the outcome and you just love battling in the moment, you're going to perform at a higher level. You're going to have a higher state of mind instead of a low state of mind. A low state of mind is created by fear. High state of mind is created by love because love creates connection. That creates clarity. That creates confidence. And that creates courage.

So love is the driver of all of it. Then there's serve. You gotta serve each day, serve and sacrifice. So guess what? You serve people all the time and I know it comes back to you tenfold. When you serve the growth of others and you mentor them and coach them and guide them

and they perform at a higher level, you then wind up rising up as well as their leader. So how can I serve my team and help them be the best that they can. So how can I serve my team and help them be the best that they can be? How can I serve my customers? And then you show that you care. I'm convinced like caring is a lost art. And when you care, you stand out in a world where most don't seem to care anymore. There's a great term I love. It's called Meraki. It sounds like it's a Japanese word, but it's actually a Greek word, Meraki, M-E-R-A-K-I.

And it means to do something with love and with soul. It means to leave a piece of yourself in your work. It means to leave something behind. And so when you care, you're here to leave something behind. You're leaving a legacy and you're putting your heart and soul into your work. And when you do, guess what? You stand out in a world that is just going through the motions. And so if you really want to be great at something, if you really want to build something meaningful, if you want to build a successful business, just care more. I had a marketing guy I met on the plane and he told me about one of his clients who was a furniture bedding store in a small town of like 12,000, but doing like $6 to $7 million in sales of this small

town. He said, you want to know a secret? I said, of course. He said, every time they sell to a customer, after the sale, he calls up the customer and says, how are you doing? Are you happy with your product? Anything we can do for you? Just that one call, people see him in the grocery store, people see him at restaurants, they thank him all the time. That one call makes all the difference. You know that most realtors, after they sell a house or buy a house for a client, they never check with the client to see if they like the house. They don't do it. That one little act of caring makes the huge difference and separates you from the competition. So love, serve, and care. I always say, don't focus on growing your business. I know it sounds contrary. No,

focus on loving, serving, and caring, and your business will exponentially grow from there. That's how I've actually done my business. That's how I focus. I never had business plans. I never had forecasts. Every day, I would just love serving care. When I was with clients, I cared more. I interacted more. They wanted me to answer questions. I did. People reached out.

I would talk to them. I made time for people. I truly believe that's why I've grown my business the way I have. It's taken longer. It hasn't been immediate. But it's like when you do that, you have sustained success over time. And then you just start to take off exponentially from there. So one of the key things that has made me successful is something that I call

extreme preparation. I'm not talking about preparing one hour for a meeting or half an hour or phoning it. And I'm talking about spending 20 hours for a meeting, 40 hours, made a presentation to Marriott a few months ago, 80 hours. We went through 50 drafts of that PowerPoint. How important has extreme preparation been to your success? And can you give us some examples? You know, I can never have that kind of preparation that you have. I believe we all have a caring trademark. And so everyone has a different caring trademark about how they show that they care. That is yours. Extreme preparation. That wouldn't be mine, but do I prepare? Is it important? Yes. And the more I do prepare, the better I am. I customize every single talk. So I get to know the client. I get to know their challenges. I get to know what they're facing.

A lot of people will just come in and give a canned speech. I never give a canned speech. So I believe that I care more by really learning about my client, the struggles they're going through, the messages they need to hear, and making sure that I customize my talk to them and point out some of the people in the audience who are actually successful at that company. I love when I get some of the people in the audience who are actually successful at that

company. I love when I get to know some people within the audience and I can say, hey, so-and-so is doing this, so-and-so is doing this, so-and-so is doing this. You should talk to them. Or guess what? You're struggling right now or you're complaining about the economy, but they're thriving. Guess what? If they could do it, we can all do it. So I love getting to know my clients. And I think that's one of the ways that I show extreme preparation. The other way is I would say is, is, is I prepare a lot with my ideas before I write a book. So I'll have the book in mind and it won't leave me alone. Like this new book, the one truth that comes out in June. I talked to so many people over the summer and we're sharing the ideas in that book with NFL players, NBA players, coaches, athletes, superstars, CEOs, sharing with people. And some 16-year-olds that were struggling with anxiety and stress and suicidal thoughts.

But I kept running it by people, kept sharing it to see if it would make an impact, to see if this was the real deal and if it really worked. And once I knew that it did, I'm like, okay, now I can actually start writing about it. And so that's, I would say is extreme preparation, but my extreme preparation extreme for me will never match your level. And I think that's fine. I think that's great. I think you're a rare breed that does that. And you know what? That's why you'll stand out in what you do. My Karen trademark is encouragement. And so when you need encouragement, you can reach out to me anytime and I will encourage you. When people reach out via Instagram or social media and they need encouragement, I encourage them. People reach out wanting to write a book because I've

written 27 books. That's not my Karen trademark. I'm not on earth to wanting to write a book because I've written 27 books. That's not my care and trademark. I'm not on earth to help you write your book. I know that, but I can encourage you telling you you have what it takes to write it and you should do it, but someone else will have to help you do it, but I will encourage you on the journey. Or if you're really struggling with your marriage,

I'll talk to the guy who's struggling and next thing you know, he reads Relationship Grit and then sends me an email with a picture of he and his wife and family on vacation when they were going to get divorced. And it's those kind of moments that I demonstrate my care and trademark. You mentioned mental health a minute ago. Yeah. You've written five children books.

Bullying is a big topic. 20% of kids between the ages of 12 and 18 report to being bullied in high school. The suicide rate from 2000 to 2020 is up 30%. What's going on with mental health these days? And how great is it that mental health has become a focal point in our society and our well-being? Yeah. I smiled there for a second because that's almost a whole podcast that we could do separately on this topic. It requires a separate topic about what's really going on because there's so many different facets. There's so many different challenges. And I believe in a society we're looking at in the wrong direction. And Dr. Amen, who is the foremost expert on brain health really

believes that mental health is being caused by brain health so the challenges that we have in mental health is being caused by the fact that our brains are not healthy and if you think about what creates the brain it's the foods we're eating it's the chemicals the medicines we're taking a guy who Energy, Chris Palmer, I just had him on my podcast, and we were talking about the metabolic process that is actually what he believes a big part of mental health issues going on right now because it affects the mitochondria. And so the same factors that lead to diabetes also lead to mental health issues. But I really believe the bigger issue is the fact that we're not teaching kids, one, how to deal with the negative thoughts that are coming

their way. That's a big part of what I do with kids and teenagers. When I help them understand the negative thoughts they're having is a result of their brain, which is an antenna, and it's actually tuning into more negative thoughts, and they come in the form of lies, and they sabotage them. They don't have to believe the lies that they tell. Once a kid understands that, they stop feeling guilt. They stop feeling shame. They stop beating themselves up. Once they understand how thoughts work, that is a major, major shift in their mental health. The kids I coached this summer, three of them all turned around like that when I taught this to them. And this is currently not being taught in the psychological framework and in the process of mental health. So I'm hoping to give new tools with this one truth book to psychologists and

counselors and a new way of looking at it that will help them better treat and better take care of the patients they are working with and help them understand that. We're all looking at situation and social media and we're looking at outside forces, but we have to realize those outside forces are a result of looking outside instead of inside, comparing and then despairing. And the more we compare, we despair. But there's a reason why we're doing that. And there's a reason why it affects us. And once you help kids understand to look inside, not outside, don't compare. Understand that the more we look outside, we feel powerless. We feel weak. We feel separate. And the more you look inside, the more you focus on love, the more we look outside, we feel powerless. We feel weak. We feel separate.

And the more you look inside, the more you focus on love, the more you focus on your own purpose, your own path, and you help that kid get back to oneness, they start to feel healthy and better about themselves. As you move from oneness to separateness, from connection and oneness, to feeling separate and divided, you actually move from positive to negative. And so if you look at all mental health issues, they all report feelings of aloneness, isolation, and disconnection. They all feel separate. So how can we help kids and adults move back towards oneness? Relational psychology will tell you that you can heal in a loving relationship. And so how can we help people understand

that they're loved and have relationships where they're receiving that love? That's a big part of healing. It's why addiction programs all believe in a higher power, community, because in that community, you feel oneness and you feel connection. That's where healing takes place.

So there's a lot of factors, but the foods we're eating, I'm convinced, again, the brain's an antenna. When you create an antenna that's damaged and you damage the antenna with foods and pesticides, because again, what is your brain? Neurons, mitochondria in your brain, the neurons contain a transmitter and receiver on every neuron, and you're actually tuning into different frequencies, thoughts, positive or negative, again, and you're actually tuning into different frequencies, thoughts, positive or negative again, and you understand that, how can I get the brain to start tuning into a higher positive frequency instead of a negative frequency? And if we know cognitive behavior therapy, the more actually get you to think and do in a positive way, you start to feel better. Why is

that? Because the brain's an antenna. The more you actually start thinking that way and feeding yourself with positive thoughts and taking positive action, you start to feel better and you start to feel more connected. The more you feel separate, alone, and isolated, you don't want to act. You don't want to move. And because of that, you start to tune into more of a negative frequency. So I literally explained in this new book, like my theories and reasons and what I'm calling for. I'm making it very clear. I'm not a neuroscientist, but I'm calling for the neuroscientist to actually start doing research to show that these the top researchers in neurotheology on how prayer and meditation from different religions affect the brain. We had a great conversation. Chris Palmer, brain energy. So I've been really diving deep into this, talking to the leading folks there and then talking to the folks in the mental health space in terms of psychology and understanding what's happening there, relational psychology there. And once you understand the big picture, again, I'm an application person. I can see how it all fits in patterns and how to apply it. That's when I truly believe we'll be able to save a lot of lives. And think about the last few years. There's been so

many kids struggling with fear and anxiety and disconnection, feeling a lack of purpose and these negative thoughts. I'm bombarding them. I sat down with a 16 year old and I knew him because I knew his mom. And when I got together with him, he didn't want to meet at first, but he finally met. I said, do you have a lot of thoughts in your head? He said, oh, so many. I said, are they bombarding you? He said, all the time. They accuse me. They attack me. Once he understood his negative thoughts were not coming from him and he stopped beating himself up, everything changed. Next day, different kid. Reached out to him just recently. How you doing? Doing great, Mr. Gordon.

High state of mind. Feeling awesome. It's incredible. Two circles, one with a thousand dots, one with three dots. Thousand three, which mind will perform at a higher level? Which mind will have a higher state of mind, the three or the thousand? The three. We know that intuitively. The thousand is all the clutter, all the thoughts, creating insecurity, fear, doubt, creating a lower state of mind. Then we'll move to three dots, clarity, focus, love, positive energy, higher state of mind, mindfulness and meditation. What do they do? Lower the amount of thoughts that we have in our head, creating a

higher state of mind. So my one true theory actually explains mindfulness and meditation, helps us understand that. Positivity elevates our state of mind. Negativity lowers our state of mind. It all comes down to state of mind. I've had friends and their kids in their neighborhood committed suicide. And one of my friends literally- That's what does happen. Every week reaches out.

Every week I get an email saying, or a text from a friend saying, this just happened in their neighborhood. And it's why I'm so passionate about this because we have more mental health experts than ever. We have more psychologists than ever. We're dispensing more medications than ever. And yet the problem is only getting worse. And we need kids to understand what's going on. And we need to realize there's a mental and spiritual battle going on. And there's a battle for their minds and their hearts and their souls. And we got to help these kids how to win

the battle. And that's why I'm passionate about it because I know this will help. And it's why it's so powerful to do that. And I struggle with it because, you know, I was depressed myself in my younger days as well. I wanted to kill myself as a kid. And I know what that's like. And I had a son who struggled with his mental health, especially during the quarantine. He was in college in the isolation. And man, it took everything I had to help my son to get through it. And we did thank God and he's doing great now, but it was, it was touch and go there for a while where I was scared and it was a rough time. So I understand what all these kids are going through. And there's like, it's an epidemic now more than ever of what's going on

Yeah, and that's why we have to help them. We have to help them We have to bring them into connection bring them into love teach them the battle What's going on how to win the battle of their mind and their thoughts and when we do it will change everything Yeah, 18 year old kid Freshman in college perfect life. No complaints shot himself in the head. I know. You're like, why, why, why, why would any kid choose to do that themselves? And guess what? It's not them.

It's not them. It's the thoughts that come and accuse them. Negative thoughts will always attack you in the place of your identity. You're not worth it. Your life's not worth it. And in that, that single moment that of weakness, of feeling in love, feeling like what, what, what's the point? Why does it matter is when that happens to them.

So this is one of my life's missions. And it's why I just, I literally, after the summer, I'm like, I'm writing this book now. I'm writing it quickly and I'm going to get this out there. I've got to have as many kids as possible read this book. I also wrote The Garden too. The Garden wrote literally two years ago, became a Wall Street Journal bestseller, even though it's actually a spiritual fable. And it's about two teenagers struggling with fear, stress, and anxiety.

And one of the teens was suicidal. And it was about how to win the battle of their mind. And they have a teacher, a neighborhood friend, Mr. Irwin, who teaches them how to win the battle of their mind overcome the five D's let's tell people the five D's these kids are dealing with doubt distortion negative thoughts which are lies distortions are lies of the truth and we have these lies that come in all the time and that kid who did that he was being lied to and so he hears the lies

and it breaks my heart and then discour And so he hears the lies and it breaks my heart. And then discouragement. So we have the doubt and the distortions and then we get discouraged. And we don't give up because it's hard. We give up because we get discouraged. And that is really a big challenge when these kids are getting discouraged and they're choosing to give up.

And we have adults that get discouraged and they give up. And then there's distractions. Okay, I'm doing okay, but I have these distractions. Social media, media, people telling me things that are good for me when they're not, or things that seem bright and shiny. I should have this job. I should be going to this college.

I'm not succeeding at school. And so as a result of that, if I'm not doing well, my life doesn't matter. Now that's just a distraction, keeping you from what really matters, who you are on the inside. And then finally, the 50 is divide. And the word anxious means divided. It's Greek root word. And so if you look at anxious and divided, you look at the word for anxious. And then there's a word that actually is the root word of that. It means to separate and to divide.

And so think about that. When we feel anxious, we feel divided. We feel separate. So my belief and my theory is that negative thoughts separate us and divide us and make us feel powerless and hopeless. And those negative thoughts are always trying to separate us. And that's why coming back to oneness is the key. And the more you do that, you move from negative to positive. You move from separation to oneness and connection, which is health. And that's why, again, community, love, spirituality, God. People in this world are so against God right now,

it seems, it's like, do you realize that the key to life is not to be detached from God, it's to be attached to the creator of the universe. And there's scripture that says nothing can separate you from the love of God. And I'm telling you this, when the more you realize that there's a greater force that loves you, it changes the course of your life. Because that's what happened to me. The press down, wife's about to leave them. They finally said, I can't do this alone. I accepted and started receiving the love of the creator. And I felt there was a personal love that loved me and I received it, changed my life.

You've changed so many people's lives, probably tens of thousands over your career. You're still doing it today. The story of Damon West. Yeah. It's one of the greatest ones I've ever heard in my life. Here's a guy, grew up football star in Texas, Texas football, 15,000 people come to the

game, D1 quarterback, starts doing drugs, goes to Wall Street, starts doing math, becomes a drug kingpin. Marshall's looking for him for three years, flashbang grenade into the door, life in prison. Gets out, meets Dabo Sweeney, cold calling him basically at a conference, going up to him, gets a break, and then you change his life. Can you explain what you did for him? Damon loves you. He credits you for changing everything. Damon changed his life. I just was being obedient after just receiving this insight. I can receive

insights all the time. It's an intuitive hint. It's a download, whether it's a book or an idea. And I'm with Dabo Sweeney. I speak to Clemson football every year. So this was like my 12th year speaking or something like that. But when I'm there with Dabo, it was probably my 10th year speaking. And Damon West had just come to visit Clemson football to speak. And Dabo said, there's this guy, Damon West, man. He was doing meth. He was burglarizing homes, known as the Uptown Burglar, put in jail for 65 years. He gets out in seven.

It was like a miracle he got out. But then he wants to speak to football teams. No one gives him a chance. He met me. I'm like, this guy's crazy, but maybe I'll give him a chance. Winds up giving him a chance. And he gives like the most amazing talk to the team about life in prison. And about, you don't want to go to prison, about being the coffee bean.

So Dabo tells me all about the coffee bean story, carrot, egg, and coffee bean. So I hear that and I'm like, man, I love that. See, I had always been talking about inside out. Now we don't create the world outside in, we create it inside out. The power is on the inside. And that's what I teach kids. You have the power to transform your world. You have the power to impact this world. You're not a victim of your circumstance. You can transform your circumstance. And so I was teaching that for years. But once I heard the coffee bean story, I'm like, that's the perfect analogy for the inside out message. So I had a vision right away for the book. And so I reached out to Damon West. I got the number from Gabo. I had a vision right away for the book. And so I reached

out to Damon West. I got the number from Gabo. I said, we should do a book called The Coffee Bean. He said, John, he goes, you've written all these bestselling books. You've sold millions of copies. You don't have to do this book with me. I'm like, I'm supposed to. I said, I know I'm supposed to do it. So let's do it together. Yeah, I could do it, but let's do it together. I said, and I'll give you half my advance that I got from the publisher. He said, what? Like his agent, it was a catch. His agent kept saying there was a catch.

Well, there was no catch. It was wild. I knew it was divine because the exact money I gave him for the advance was the exact dollar set of dollars that he had to owe his parents when they took up all his legal bills and paid for his lawyers that he promised to pay back at some point. They never thought they would get that money back because it was a lot of money and he was able to pay them back with that one check. So then we write the coffee bean together. I had him on my podcast and also positive summit that we do every year.

And people saw a story and then he took off like a rocket ship. It was like Oprah and Dr. Phil, you know, in a lesser extent, we're not Oprah and Dr. Phil, but in a way he took off and now he's been making a huge impact. And I know this was what was meant to happen. I was meant to hear the story.

We were meant to write this book, impact kids' lives and people's lives, teaching them that they have the power to transform their team, their environment, their company, their community. This was the perfect message. I speak on that all the time. So does Damon. Here we are going out there both speaking on it. I do a lot of the energy bus and positive leadership as well and positive teamwork.

But him doing mostly coffee bean. And now he's impacting so many lives. So it's the ripple effect, right? The ripple effect of making a difference. And he'll always call me, hey. So it's the ripple effect, right? The ripple effect of making a difference. And he'll always call me, hey, I'm going to speak here. This is an event. It's like, you go for it. And now we cheer each other on. And when my son was going through a tough time, guess what? Damon was right there for my son, helping him through his toughest time. When my daughter started speaking, because my daughter's 24 now, she's speaking, Damon West

was giving her advice. So you put it out there and always comes back to you in meaningful ways. If you put yourself in the mindset when you were younger, you talked about you were suicidal. You lost your business. Almost lost your family to where you are today. 27 books, 14 bestsellers, $40,000 speaking gigs, making. 75 now. 75? Yes. Big bump, congrats. Hopefully one day I'll be in that ballpark.

Making millions of dollars. Did you ever think when you were going through those hard times, you'd be where you are today? No. What's the message there? You're not a true success unless you help others be successful. And I've made a lot. I've done really well financially,

more than I've ever dreamed I would ever accomplish, much more than I thought from the dot-com days. I'm doing what I love and I never focus on the money. I never focus on what I'm making. I still live very normally. I still live a very normal existence. When I meet people and they want to talk to me, I'm there to talk to them.

So I think the lesson is stay humble and hungry and believe in a brighter and better future. Do what you're called to do. Love what you do. Decide to serve people. Show you care every single day. Face rejections along the way, but overcome them and be more purposeful and grittier than the challenges and the obstacles that you face. And if you do those things and you're really doing what you're meant to do, I believe God will move heaven and earth to support you on the journey. Just get really clear. And what is it that you truly want and what do you want to create and what do you want to build? And now I give more away than I used to make in the restaurant business a year. And I give it to charities and nonprofits and

churches and missions. And my wife and I love to give away and we give a lot away. And I think it's always about remembering where you came from and then giving back. I make more now in a speaking engagement than my parents made in two years of working a full year combined together. And that's not lost on me. Like I am very grateful for what I have. And I don't think I'm better than anyone else. I don't charge that because I'm better. I charge that because I know the value that I bring, but I also do 12 pro bono events, events every single year that people don't pay me. And I find ways to serve because that always keeps you focused on the main thing and keeping the main thing, the main thing of making a difference. I never want to be too successful that I don't have time to make a difference. And I think that's why

I didn't have success right away. And being 52 now, I'm just hitting my shot. I believe right now, I'm just like, I mean, even though I've sold millions of books, I'm just really getting into a groove where I think I'm making the greatest impact I've ever made in my life. And having my 50th birthday party the other day, even though I was 52, we had my 50th birthday party because we couldn't celebrate during COVID. And so all the friends got together just recently. But now that I'm in that mode of doing that, I had the struggle because I had to have the humility that when I got here, I'd be someone who had the character that wouldn't ruin it. And the character that would actually start investing in others and develop others. I think if I had success too quick, I wouldn't be the kind of person that helped others be successful right now. It'd be focused on me. And I would say probably the same thing for you. If you had

success too quickly, you had to struggle. And anyone who has to struggle, you realize there's something unique about them. There's a character they have that's different. And because they know what it's like to actually grind it out, to do whatever it takes to get there. And because of that, they have something special and something humble about them that makes them more of service to others. And I think that's my key to success.

I think that's, you're the key to success. And I think that's why we were meant to do this podcast together. Well, I appreciate you being here. We've covered a lot of topics. Is there anything we haven't covered that you want to cover before we end it? The best advice I've ever heard, because I want to help people take action.

And if I don't do this, this won't help them take action. Best advice I ever heard from Dr. James Gilks, the only person on the planet to complete six double Ironman triathlons, which means you do an Ironman a day later to another one. And the last time he did,, he was 59 years old. And he was asked how he did it. He said this, I've learned to talk to myself instead of listen to myself. If I listen, I hear all the fear, the negativity, the doubt,

all the reasons why I can't finish this race. But if I talk to myself, I can feed myself with the words and the encouragement that I need to keep on moving forward. We talked about those kids struggling. We talked about people struggling out there. One of the best things you can do is to encourage yourself, encourage others. The word encourage means to put courage into. So when you're encouraging someone, you put encourage into them. When you're encouraging yourself, you put encourage into yourself. And right now, we need courageous people to do great things for others. You've done a lot for a lot of people.

I appreciate you being here. This has been an awesome conversation. Thanks for being here and coming on the show. Thanks for having me.