In Your Pants with Dr. Susie G - Self-confidence and dating in men

Episode Date: July 7, 2023

Gain self-confidence and dating confidence by knowing that you're presenting yourself exactly the way you want to be perceived. Mariko is a coach, businesswoman, thought leader, and lightworker. She coaches clients to do whatever it is they truly love whilst thriving financially; by guiding them lovingly and playfully in their exploration, between the material world and the spiritual world; the light and the dark; vanilla and non-vanilla. We cover topics like: - 2:18 sexual consent in online dating - 9:24 why is confidence attractive - 13:01 why shadow work is important - 19:54 first message tips for dating app - 33:21 what to do when ghosted in dating A common fear in dating is that your actions or messages will be misinterpreted, and that you won't be seen for who you truly are. Many guys worry about being labeled as the "creepy guy," the "nice guy," or other stereotypes that don't represent who you truly are. Uncertainty can kill the mood. It's also a sign of lacking confidence in yourself and how you come across to others. When you show up as your authentic self, there's no uncertainty or confusion: you feel confident in who you are and understand how you'll be perceived. Becoming confident in who you are can help you overcome stressors not just in dating, but in other relationships as well, like work or family. Shadow work, a transformative self-exploration technique, delves into unraveling the stories we create in our minds that make situations seem heavier than they should be. Often, these stories revolve around untrue narratives. Shadow work helps you tackle the parts of yourself that are often tucked away in the dark. When you've done the work to foster self-awareness, confidence, and the ability to navigate emotional terrain, dating can be a fun and fulfilling experience. Here's Mariko's best online dating tip for Hinge users: genuine interest trumps self-promotion. Your opening line should reflect that you've taken the time to read their profile. RESOURCES: Free sex and pelvic pain resources https://drsusieg.com/resources Online Pelvic Pain Relief Program for Men https://drsusieg.com/pelvic-pain-in-men-online-program CONNECT WITH MISTRESS MARIKO: Website: https://mistressmariko.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mistressmariko Email: [e-mail] CONNECT WITH ME (DR. SUSIE) AND TEAM: Website: https://drsusieg.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.susieg/ _________________________________________________________________________ Disclaimer: This information is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding treatment, medications/supplements, or any medical diagnoses. This information is intended for educational purposes only and is in no way to substitute the advice of a licensed healthcare professional. #dating #confidence #hinge

you're listening to the in your pants podcast i'm your host dr suzy gronski your penis friendly pelvic health physical therapist sex counselor and educator helping you get in the know down below Hi friends, Dr. Suzy G here, and welcome to another In Your Pants podcast. On today's show, I talk with Mistress Mariko. Mistress Mariko Sakai is a coach, but she's not just any coach. She's a sex, love, and relationship coach, a businesswoman mindset with a sales background. And she talks to us about breaking the ice when initiating relationships in the online world and gives practical advice on how to initiate these conversations

and make connections and relationships with our authentic selves. Mistress Mariko talks to us about consent and how important that is throughout the entire course of any relationship, whether sexually or otherwise. and she also talks to us about her approach using shadow work and how shadow work can really help men and really anyone experience fulfilling and meaningful sexual and romantic relationships you definitely don't want to miss this episode it is jam-packed with practical advice from mistress mariko and if you enjoyed the show please be sure to subscribe by hitting that button below if you're on youtube if you're not on youtube please be sure to check out check out

my channel there or subscribe to whichever podcasting platform that is your favorite we appreciate it and i hope you enjoy the show mariko it's so nice to see you thank you so much for being on the show today. Oh, thank you so much, Dr. Susie. It is an honor to be here. Thank you. Thank you. Very kind. So Mariko, let's, let's talk about consent because I know that it can be a topic that is pretty sensitive, but also there might be some lack of clarity around, like, can we talk about what, what consent is when you're, when you're in the dating world, or you're just starting to, you know, put yourself out there. You met someone online, you started to connect,

maybe FaceTime, you know, virtually in person, but now you're in, in person. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about consent. What does that mean? How can people feel more comfortable engaging with consent with each other? Yeah, right. Well, thank you so much for that question

because it's like, I see that there's a lot of confusion out there and actually there shouldn't be any confusion so consent is that the yes is a hell yes and everything else like a maybe or yes or no all of this is a no it's clear so clear um another thing i will say about the consent is that if someone consented if someone said hell yes under the influence uh or like either like you are in the act so for example that the person said uh well i don't know maybe you know when i get there yeah you know maybe i will say yes or no that means a no

and that the yes when the people uh consented to something hell yes but that the that the you get into a sexual situation and then the person now turn into a no that means you stop immediately you do not have consent it doesn't really mean that that the earlier you had a consent if it's a no now it's a no right it's revocable like the consent right so consent is is always revocable that's what yeah right period period yes and then so when i i said earlier about the under the influence it doesn't count right right so uh yeah so that's under the Influence includes, of course, alcohol, drugs, all of those things. But also, if you are in the act already, like, for example, like, if you are in this, this comes up in the BDSM situation, let's say that I'm in with a submissive, and then the submissiveness state called the subspace, which is this kind of a state where basically this person cannot even keep standing.

meaning like all these hormones are going through and if that person says hell yes that doesn't count either that is a helpful clarification that's right yes so with this everything else that is not a hell yes is a no it is very clear it is very clear and so there's no confusion so again if you just ask yourself that if the answer is hell yes it's a yes everything else no then there's no mistake there's no mistake right right and i imagine that if somebody is let's say somebody is adding a softener around you know maybe like you were saying like they're like they're like softeners they're like oh maybe i'm not sure and and you're the person that's wanting to get either a hell yes or a hell no to to really just

say so then that's a hell that's i'm going to take that as a no right now because i need i need a hell yes right but also correct you brought up like the bdsm community and and and power dynamics right because yes i can only imagine that power dynamics are going to matter i mean they're they're existing all the time but they're definitely going to matter when when somebody is choosing to consent or not consent and how power influences that decision yes that's right yes so um yes so if you are the dominant it is a really strong responsibility that um i'm mentored by Mr. Damiana Chi, who teaches this concept of not just being consensual is not enough, that as a dominant, we have to be ethical as well. And I really believe in that. And

then so, again, it's like this type of question, if you ask yourself, one, let's say that, okay, so let's kind of be specifically in this scenario where you are the dominant, and then you're speaking with your submissive, or like in that particular dynamic, I would encourage, or I would require myself to really ask the question, okay, so yes, I have a consent, but is it ethical to do this thing that he's asking he or she is asking me to do? I will think of that. And then that's kind of beyond consent. And I just say that this is the way I'm taught. And then this is the way I also believe that as a dominant, there's going to be another layer that is

beyond consent that I'm very aware of. And I really want to encourage everyone who consider to be or plays a role of a dominant to really kind of instill this idea that, okay,

consent alone, not just that being hell yes, me personally, like I said, I believe it is important that whatever you do is ethical as well yes oh so so important consent ethics aligning with your values aligning with your morals thank you thank you so much for engaging in that very important very important topic you're welcome so tell us a little bit about

your work that you do it is highly specialized it's very unique and i'd love to hear more about how you got into it. Yeah, thank you. So I specialize in, okay, so first of all, I'm a sex lover relationship coach. I'm a certified tantric sex coach, dating coach, and also I am certified in female domination and ethical BDSM. So, but from a coaching perspective, in those areas, I specialize in shuttle work. And that is the reason why I got so fascinated by shuttle work is that um in my personal experience where the i was one of those people like you know like how can i be like this this unshakably confident person you know like this powerful powerful person and even though people are seeing me as that i knew that this is not all

of me I knew about that and then I was so frustrated about the fact that I don't have access to all of the power that I know I have and I worked so hard on different areas and then I was not getting that and it just so happened that in my life that power that I knew I had but I didn't have access to was hidden underneath my shadows and when I discovered that I'm like wow I was not going there because that was shadowy area and then if I was never had opportunity that my life forced me to look into that area I will be living in my area like less than half of what I could of uh you know for my potential so I became so like a such a big advocate of like okay shadow you know shadow work may sound scary uh but it actually isn't and then this might be the the

things that you're looking for everywhere but it's actually here so that's why I got really really fascinated and then decided to specialize in shadow war oh that well it sounds like definitely liberating so as you go through that process and it sounds like through your own experience how freeing that was to actually connect with yourself in your in an authentic way in a way that you're able to really have a presence in the world that connects with your mind at your heart and in all that you do so speaking of shadow work I I would like to since we're talking about it how does shadow work help men experience a more fulfilling sexual and romantic relationship like how how do you use shadow work with your clients

so um it can be used in number of different ways but the here is like the when i know that the person will benefit from shadow work is when the man is confused about what to do like how to be who to be because there is this image of him that he has in his mind that oh i need to be this like i don't know like a maybe strong alpha male for example right this is the way that he thinks that you know i want to be and i want to present myself to be in this world and so this image of of man and then here is that the real person of a man who isn't exactly that so you know that's kind of like you know he has this awareness that well even though i feel like I need to be alpha male I'm really not you know so when you have this gap and then when you're

trying to show up in the world and trying to connect with people there's a lot of doubts and a waste of energy and power in that that people are very confused what to do what to say how to connect with people how to express themselves and then so when you are in that state you are not able to connect authentically with other people so a lot of what the shadow work does is like to clear all the clutter and then confusion about who are you when you notice that and they really own it then there is no confusion as like okay so how many conversation do I need to have in order for me to ask for a date you know like how many times do I need to have a date in order to do a first kiss or first sex there is no confusion when you fully know and showing up as who you are

does that make sense that totally makes sense and it and it actually resonates in a way that there's so much oftentimes shame and embarrassment about leaning into such vulnerable or sensitive topics or expressing oneself authentically and and even even knowing what that means for someone right because if if I love your use of the shadow of if we're hiding behind our shadows and we're hiding around these um these these these these yeah shadows for how can we show up authentic authentically in in relationship and and how does that even navigate as far as our ability to connect and and even just put ourselves out there or to relate to one another in a way that is genuine that's exactly right and then so like in my so as after i became a single person i've been

meeting a lot of people you know for my personal life like dating and then i talked to a lot of men And then, like, some of the times, like, sometimes I hear something like, oh, you know what, I'm so afraid of, like, leading a conversation because I don't want to be seen as creepy or predatory or, you know, some weird guy, you know. And then so again, in that situation, people will look for like outside guidance, like, you know, how many, you know, how many weeks should I be having a text conversation? And when do I need to take this conversation to phone or in person, having a coffee date or whatever it is, that the more that they focus on that, and then I understand that people don't want to be seeing us creepy, or the predatory. And then these men know that they are not the creepy guy. part about the shadow work I in shadow work I help men own that creepy part

of them and then really embody that creepy predatory men I'm talking about in consensual context like a simulation practice these aspects of themselves

and then that experience in my experience help them to really own that part but not becoming that part so like in this example of creepy man uh it is in my experience that people enact or embody the creepy man in simulation from the sensual context then he will have an understanding embody understanding that he is not a creepy guy and will know what to do without worrying about am I being creepy you know like what should I do you know how long do I wait uh so does that does that make sense yeah so I'm I'm curious so creepy creepy man analogy I think is an interesting choice of words because I'm I'm curious as to what for men like in your experience of working with men

what what is it about an experience for them that makes them feel that they're they're they may potentially be considered or categorized or labeled as creepy you mean like that they what experience they actually have to be considered creepy or or what narrative socially or otherwise you know what is what what does it mean to be a creepy man that's actually a good question um i suppose like maybe men who are too aggressive like asking for phone number too quickly or something when the other person's not interested perhaps um so if the other person is interested in giving the phone number it's not a problem right but then if the other person is not interested in giving you a phone number and

And if you feel like you ask that too fast, then you feel like, oh, maybe I was too creepy, you know, something like that. Right. And so like whenever that they feel like experience kind of a rejection of, you know, things when they express themselves and then don't get the results that they are looking for. Maybe, you know, he may, you know, blame the fact that, oh, maybe there are so many creepy men up there that, you know, maybe I look creepy, even though I'm not. ultimately it sounds like there's a self-judgment being imposed yeah yeah yeah and also there is like a kind of a collective wound of the society where you know like there is just like always like the stories of uh you know like the men who are predatory and then got caught but there is always men who were not and then so like we have the kind of a collectively kind of build up this society you know like a like a perception about men that you know they could

be creepy they could be predatory or you know like and so like there people are definitely what people are some men that I talk to definitely very aware that they don't want to be seen like that and then you know like adults that's not me and I really want to make sure that I don't you know I don't do anything inappropriate to or make other people feel comfortable uncomfortable and So they tried to basically like trying to kind of walk around the eggshell, so to speak, not to trying to do that, trying not to do the wrong thing. And then, yeah, and then in that process, they just kind of forget what was important and what they were doing in the first place. exactly exactly yeah and it and i hear what you're saying now i have some clarity around the fact that as being the pursuer the chaser or the aggressor right because there's often this socially culturally accepted norm that men are men are generally held to the standard of a you're the

one that's going to be the initiator and you're the one that's going to be the pursuer and you're the one that's going to be the aggressor romantically and sexually in these situations and and you're right i mean even in my own experience of working with with men there it's like why you a lot of them are like where did i'm not like that uh i i don't want to be perceived as that but the reality is is that there is this these negative narratives around gender norms that are infiltrating you know our experiences yeah so really what i'm trying to do is to just kind of make people free from those narratives and just help them operate from their own uh directive or the gps so to speak and i feel like this cutting off this kind

of a signals that they perceive from the from this narrative cutting that off and then really focus on what comes from within that alone will just kind of like it will put you know people in a state of like okay what kind of man am i you know you don't even have to worry about it you will know what to do you know absolutely right again freedom authenticity so for for you know men listening out there what advice do you give to them to you know when you're meeting when you're trying to meet someone romantically or otherwise or establish some sort of relationship and let's say for example online because so many of us are connecting more online that's just where you know technology is taking us how how can people break the ice and get to know each other

in many different ways in this more authentic genuine way that we're talking about yeah well thank you for the question so uh before i kind of talk about like the the specific details of how to do which i'm gonna be happy to get into um i just want to kind of paint the picture of a pyramid and then the pyramid has a big base and then like at the top of that the pyramid is like this i would like people to see uh like this kind of a most significant relationship you have you know sexually and and always fulfilling relationship at the top of the pyramid at the bottom of the pyramid is all of the relationship that the people that you are surrounded by and the quality of each of these relationships in this pyramid

determines the quality of the relationship at the top of the pyramid. This is what I believe. So every conversation, even if you're not dating, every conversation, every connection you have in your pyramid, in your circle, determines everything that you experience in your relationship. And then so for the next portion in this reply, I'm going to talk about what that looks like in this conversation, like, you know, this conversation at the very base or the beginning stage of the conversation when two people are meeting. Okay, so most important principle is that you are genuinely interested in the other person. And you are not trying to be interesting.

That's a pretty big distinction you're making there. yes and then um this actually comes from my my sales training uh i have a ton of uh sales training prospecting training uh online and offline um and then so when i started dating i realized oh my god dating and self-study back in the same wow that's interesting yes it is So, I'm going to teach you some techniques that I learned from sales, and then I'm going to take you from a, kind of take a scenario of meeting people online, and then how to take it offline. and um uh just um taking the the example of like a long distance relationship or something like that and assuming that the people are local or even if the person is not local that the objective is that if you are truly interested in that person that the as soon as possible take the

conversation that is you know like an online texting to a offline as soon as possible and And then when I say offline, in the case of like there is a great distance, I'm talking about like a video meeting like this, like Zoom meeting or FaceTime or whatever it is. So that's like kind of progression. Okay, so how does it look like when two people meet and then showing that you are interested in the other person and not trying to be interesting? So what that looks like is that you're going to be asking an open-ended question to the other person about the other person. And then obviously the open-ended question is not like, what's the weather like over there? That's not a question that you're interested in the other person, right? um so in the case of like meaty people social media or like the dating app

uh here's what i recommend uh and i do that i read the other person's profile and then notice something first of all this isn't there's an assumption that i'm you are genuinely interested in this person you really want to get to know this person uh based on what's written in them in the profile so then uh you will pick something you will read everything in the profile and then you'll pick a few things that are very specific about that you like about the person and then you will say that in your first message so it will sound something like this it will be so it has to be very specific you cannot say you know like oh your profile is so awesome and beautiful and blah blah blah no no you have to say something very specific right yeah um and

then so you will sounds like something like um you know i really uh i read your profile and i really like the choice of words that you made uh and then i really enjoy like the kind of a vibe that comes through uh in in between your lines or like uh you know from your pictures something like that. I say something very specific like that. And when I write a message like that to a man, I

receive like enthusiastic response. Like they will say something like, wow, I've never received such a nice message from a woman. Like, oh, really? Every time. And then every time I receive

a message like that, i'll tell them like oh my god like even if i read the profile of the person and i'm like well he's really not my type for example but if the message was very specific and it shows that he actually read it and it really expressed that specific things that he liked in my profile i always reply i always reply it works um and then so let's say that you get a response mm-hmm oh thank you so much for the message you know like after you write those specific things and then so here's where you will start asking a open-ended questions And when you are doing this back and forth, again, we are still in the texting, virtual communication, you are asking, because this is like, you know, you don't really know this person other than what you read in the profile.

And then so you're going to pick something that is a common object between the two of you. so in the case of um so let's say i'm meeting someone on dating app i will say something like so i will pick a mutual object that are common between the two of us so in that case that's the dating app let's say i'm on hinge and then like okay so i might say something like hey it nice to meet you uh how long have you been on hinge and how do you like it so far so that's like very non-threatening so let's say that i have a picture of me in the bikini in my profile and if the guy says something like oh i really love the bikini i really like the way that your nipples are showing or something like that okay so that's like that's a no-no right i mean that's just an

obvious example but like just say like don't pick something too personal even if you think it's a compliment just pick something something really generic and common and then just kind of start a conversation yeah and then so and then you when you whenever like there is like and then this will come very quickly if both of them are trying both of the two people are trying to really get to know the other person there's gonna be a like a quickly like a time where one person will ask something a question that is kind of like you know i i don't i want to answer but i don't want to answer in text does that make sense yes yeah it's so hard to get the entire context of the meaning of something through text or yeah messaging exactly so when that when that comes

when when it comes to that and then in my case in my experience it comes very quickly and i will say you know what i would love to answer that question but i feel like text is really not suited for that and i feel like i would love to answer this you know this question in live conversation, you know, phone, FaceTime, Zoom, what's best for you? And I shut up. And usually the next thing is like we are exchanging phone numbers and then we are talking. Yeah.

So that's kind of how it works. That is so practical. that is so practical and helpful for helpful and hopeful for people to say okay i'm i'm a little nervous i'm a little shy i'm not sure how to proceed you know connecting with people online and there was something that you had uh in the topics we were discussing topics off the air and and before we we started started recording about this offline versus online myth about it's not as genuine or organic, you know, offline versus online. I like to meet people in person. It kind of is like, it seems to me like this is an

opportunity for people to see that, hey, this might be a low stake situation where you can actually authentically connect with someone to see if you two actually want to engage energetically to pursue moving forward even seeing each other in person right and and doing it in a way that feels you know comfortable and and safe and still genuine you might not the other person might not be receptive right and that was going to be my other question too too is how do you help your clients navigate the unresponsiveness back if if let's say they try to engage online and they don't quite they really want to connect with someone but the other person just doesn't isn't reciprocating in the same way how do we navigate those i those feelings there's a lot

of feelings that are going to come up in that scenario right right right okay that's an excellent question okay so um okay so first of all the in sales or dating or any relationship um they there are two people right and then they that the relationship between the two people is like a third entity that is has that has a life of its own so as long as both parties are contributing to this third entity that's called relationship between the two people but the relationship will live however like you're saying in this example of question that if only one person is contributing it it can still grow or it can definitely stay there but it's not going to be a sustainable healthy relationship right yeah so one thing um i want to make sure that it is

actually not intentional kind of a you know kind of a mismatch in the energy um is that one that the conversation is slowing by you know like the person who is interested in this ending the question or conversation with open-ended questions if you are not and you shouldn't be expecting a reply you have to by creating by ending your message or a conversation with the open-ended question that the bullies in the other person's coat the court so if that person is not responding to that of course there is a couple different ways that we can interpret that right so one want to make sure that the person who is pursuing this relationship is ending the conversation with um opening the question or it it is clear that the ball is in

the other side of the court um often that that the people are not aware that the where the ball is so like the other person may be waiting like oh he's not he's he's not giving me i'm kind of waiting more for him to say you know that there is that so just want to make sure that the people are clear where the ball is okay so one where when once that the where the ball is is clear for both parties the that the one reason why that the other person is not responding is that the other person is not interested there is definitely that possibility certainly which doesn't feel good right if someone's you know it's kind of feeling you know the feelings of rejection and non-acceptance or what have you all those fields can come up which can be quite challenging to navigate yes

yes um so again i learned this in sales that when i like let's say i send a message to a prospect and then i'm not getting a response like i'm getting a creates right like wow maybe you know she didn't like me or maybe i was too pushy or maybe i was like this and that and that like i start making these stories in my head right as we do as we all do yes yes so here is a kind of an easy trick that you can kind of clear all of the doubt and all the stories in your head okay so send a message like this hey are you doing okay that's it i'm worried about you are you doing okay and shut up so you know if you don't hear anything about that after that after that the message maybe it is you know that's that's a

clear message that you know the person is completely ignoring you i mean this is there's no doubt often when i do this i'm like oh i'm so sorry i was so busy like i this happened and that happened and i'm like my god i hopefully i'm so sorry this is usually the case so it's like instead of creating these stories just after waiting for a bit just send that hey i'm worried about you are you doing okay that's it that's just so much lighter to i know right work with uh-huh i know it's so simple it is very simple and hard at the same time right because because going back to the shadow work that you were talking about all those are shadows right the the the the filling in the blank the blah blah blah blah blah i like to call it blah blah blah

all the stories that we make up in our head it it those are the shadows that really make just really darken the world and create just such heaviness of of around a situation that really doesn't need to be so heavy and in fact we're just making it up because we really don't know what's going on for the other person so i really like that you said just reach out and see how they're doing right it isn't a message of hey i haven't heard from you uh you know yes you know thanks for ghosting me or whatever it is right you're actually again going back to so many points that you made earlier about being authentic and genuinely interested in the person so when you do say a message to check in on that person to say how are you doing how are you it generally does

does present as I really just want to know how you are as a person what's going on for you in your world it's not about me right exactly yeah yeah that's it so let's talk about

also a situation where that you're actually being ghosted yes you send a message and you really hear nothing so whenever i feel uh whenever i find that i'm i this is what i tell myself again yes that my that person may be saying that you know he's not interested in me or she's not interested in me but there is

still good chance that he was just like he just met somebody else you know on dating app and actually i've actually experienced that like some people said to me like you know hey you know what i'm so sorry that i didn't respond to you for a while but i just met someone and it's going well so i don't want you to think that i'm ignoring you but there are many people who don't even bother to tell me and then i'm like i'm the same way honestly like it uh and i know it's not the same between the men and women i know that there are more men on dating app than women are so i understand but because of that like i feel like that the man especially needs to realize that none of this is really personal really it's not it's not it really isn't and then uh in many cases

i feel that and i believe and then that in based on my experience that when people don't respond one either that they just found some something that is more in alignment that's good for them and then good for me as well because i mean i have so many other people that are responding to me and then that may be a good aligning with me and so really nothing really changed um it just we got clear we got clarity right which is so yeah which is huge and I love that you said don't take it personal that's right I mean where there's no it's it's human nature it's nature in our worlds in all different species that not everyone's gonna get along with everyone or have that same energetic exchange and that's okay and that's okay and to

say you know what I'm gonna let that match point go like if you were a tennis player or some sort athlete and you missed a goal or you missed a shot if you let that get under your skin there is no way you would be able to continue the game and win eventually right if if we let those shadow I'm just going to go back to the shadows if we let that shadow really really take over because it's impossible to to persevere and to keep going forward and to let it to let it go so that maybe some other better opportunity is waiting for you or a better connection is waiting for you. Yes, yes.

And for me, the way I was able to truly believe in that, like not focusing on like the loss and it's feeling like I was not desired or when I was able to really be the person like, you know, okay, if they don't want to talk to me, because they found somebody else or like you know whatever whatever the reason is it's really their loss and so you know when I became that confident that unshakable confidence is really when I really truly own all parts of me that includes those parts that I'm like I was not

willing to own before right and I can't explain it but yeah yeah well and I go back to so so much that you said earlier because it just ties in so beautifully to what we're talking about is embodying all those parts of you and and including those shadows or including the parts that are uncomfortable and the uncomfortable feelings because if you if we just allow ourselves to be with then that creates the freedom to move forward but if we just repress or we ignore or we completely absorb ourself within that you know misconception uh fear false evidence appearing real yes i didn't make that up just now i got it from someone else i have no idea where they got it from but um yes if we're if we're it's really about taking perspective and and again moving

forward even in the face of adversity but but changing that adversity into something positive yes right yeah and then so that's that that's why i um i'm just so fascinated by um shuttle work because like i said it's it's in this belief that that let's say about i am this or i am not this you know in that belief that you're so in love with that you're so attached to it's usually there right right we all have it you know i mean all of us in different forms in different forms different different shadows many you know many and and yeah embodying them embracing awareness through the awareness it's gathering awareness and recognizing how is this serving me right now and is this really really stopping me and holding me back from this unshakable i like how you said

this unshakable confidence yeah yeah that's powerful yeah yeah and it is like oh yes yes yes absolutely and then so yes i i i would love everyone to experience that like how that feels like you know and i truly believe in that you know like you know like i i i experienced like in my life like i start to interact with someone and then like turns out to be like like really bad experience you know and then when i experienced something like that like i used to think that oh my god i'm so stupid and you know like you know like to get myself in that kind of you know like i wasted my time you know like i i used to think that but now i really feel like oh my god i'm so glad that you know he just kind of took you know like took the trust to

kill itself kind of a thing and then you know really it's a beautiful thing it's a beautiful place to be and i really want everyone to have that much you know power and then really own it you know no matter how that looks like you know uh yeah i just love that i'd love to help people experience that oh and your your passion mariko is so permeable through this screen i you know In our many, we have taught, just so the listeners and viewers out there know, we have had a few correspondences off the air and connections. And I just, it's so palpable. It is so palpable, your passion in everything that you do.

And speaking of your passion to help others, please share with us how folks can connect with you if they're interested in harnessing their power and showing up in the world as their authentic genuine self and doing the shadow work where can they connect with you how um where do you live on the on the online okay so i have a website uh the url is uh mistress mariko.com and so that is the best place to uh find me and um i would also um um so in there in my website there is also a link to my TEDx talk but I would love for you to uh watch that and then I wish I can kind of give you like a like a like a nice resource or program that I already have but I don't yet coming soon yeah but I I definitely um uh yeah

there is definitely like a couple of different ways to reach me and also like i have um i can definitely be a resource i mean people can work with me in session but also like you know a lot of the coaching stuff is like uh it's very you know i really believe in like that the true match um just like kind of a dating uh and then so like i have like a like a lot of colleagues that does uh you know different uh you know sex relationship love coaching and they may not necessarily uh specialize in that but like i also have a community of dominatrix friends that they will be actually if you as people have a uh kinky or non-vanilla desires actually that's that's i guess we are not going to get into that but i

i really want to really stress if there are people out there that they feel like their sexual uh identity who they are how they want to express that the desire that they have if we're judging what that is uh that's the kind of thing that I it just fires me up I love to help people actually experience that and how that feels like to not only sexually but as a person how does that make you feel um and then so I will be happy to be the resource or like that the person who would refer to whomever that might be a better fit. But yeah, please find me

in mistressmariko.com. Thank you, Mariko. So we'll definitely have that in the show notes and your social media handles as well so that people can connect with you. I so appreciate you being on the show with me today

and for sharing such very practical, genuine, authentic advice for folks to connect with their genuine selves and not be afraid to tap into maybe some of those shadows and embrace them and work with them. So just have a freer, freer relationships and also sexuality. Yeah, thank you so much. And it was really an honor. And it's so much fun to be a guest at your podcast. And I'm so grateful for you. Thank you. Thank you. Likewise, and to all of our listeners out there. Thank you so much for being here.

as always in loving wellness for your pelvis. This is Dr. Susie Grodzki. See you later. Thanks for listening to today's episode. Be sure to visit my website, drsusieg.com for show notes and related resources on today's topic. If you like what you're hearing, head on over to YouTube and subscribe to my channel. On my YouTube channel, you'll find content related to sex, pelvic health, and expert interviews for men. If you got a question or a topic that you'd like me to answer on my channel, be sure to type it in the comment box below.