Influential Introvert: Communication Coaching for Professionals with Performance Anxiety - Introducing LIVE Without Borders

Episode Date: December 9, 2020

** Note the original name of my new pod was Part of Something Greater, but I've since changed it to LIVE Without Borders*Well, hello there, fellow podcaster. I just experienced the joy and nervousness of launching a new podcast: LIVE Without Borders, a show for peacefully ambitious people seeking personal transformation so they can better themselves, their communities, and the world at large. This is the fourth time I’ve launched a podcast, and I think there will always be a mix of excitement and, “What am I doing? Am I really putting this out there?”But as I’ve said before, we can’t wish ourselves brave. Confidence comes when we take brave action. I’m sharing the first episode of LIVE Without Borders with you here. If you think this is the kind of show you’ll get a lot of value out of, you can subscribe to the show wherever you listen to your podcasts. Book an Enneagram typing session.Learn more about me.Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Well, hello there, fellow podcaster. I just experienced the joy and nervousness of launching a new podcast myself. This is the fourth time I've done this. And I think I will always feel a mix of excitement. And what am I doing? And am I really putting this out there? Since you care enough about your creative work to listen to a podcast about podcasting, I know that you can relate to wanting to produce something of quality that's actually going to help other people. And that can make us feel really vulnerable. And for a lot of people myself included hitting publish on that first episode and telling other people to go and listen to it, that can make you want to just hide under a pillow. And that's totally natural and normal. And I've talked about ways that we can fight that on this podcast. And I'll be speaking about other ways to be anxiety on my new podcast as well, because these feelings can lead us to procrastinate, to spend a few extra weeks or months or years researching our topic before we think we'll have the confidence enough to speak with authority. But as I've said before on this show, we can't wish ourselves brave.

Confidence comes when we take brave action. And thousands of years ago, the ancient Stoics knew this, and they practiced something called voluntary discomfort. They would put themselves in positions that would challenge them not only physically but also mentally positions to make them feel embarrassed. Dressing in an odd way or eating food that only like poor people eat to try to sort of put themselves in these humiliating situations just to see if they could build up their resilience. And they did. And for many of us, podcasting is one of those ways that we practice adversity. And in doing this, we're building our own resilience. and our own confidence muscles, well, at the same time, contributing something positive to this world. So what an amazing gift that you have to offer. Today I am sharing with you the first

episode of part of something greater. And if you think this is the kind of show that you will get a lot of value out of, then you can subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. Also, I'm running a little giveaway and I will tell you the prizes first. And then I'll tell you how to enter. So the winner will receive three of my favorite books on the Nagram, plus one, you can choose any one of my online podcasting courses. So Podcast Launch Academy, or if you already have that, podcast pitch perfection, or podcast interview perfection, or whatever I am going on right now, you can choose whichever podcast course you want. Now here's how to win. Leave a rating and review for part of something greater on Apple Podcasts. And then all you have to do is screenshot that rating and review

and share it with me on Instagram and tag me. So put it in your Instagram story or even if your feed, if you want to do that and tag me. And I'm at Sarah Micatel on Instagram. And the spelling will be in the show notes in case you don't know how to spell my name. And that's all you have to do. I will pick a winner on December 17th, 2020. Okay, I hope you enjoy this inaugural episode of Part of Something Greater. Welcome to Part of Something Greater, a show for peacefully ambitious people, seeking personal transformation so they can better themselves, their communities, and the world at large. I'm your host, Sarah Micatel, an American in England who uses the Enneagram and Stoicism to help my coaching clients become more curious, present,

and open-hearted. If you are looking to reduce anxiety and overwhelm, to strengthen your relationships and or shift from uncomfortable stalemate to confident action, then I am your gal. Go ahead and hit subscribe if you're a globally mind. citizen who's ready to live a calmer, kinder, more connected life. Welcome to the inaugural episode of part of something greater. I am so happy that you are here and feel really honored that you have chosen to spend some time with me today. As I record this, the COVID-19 pandemic is still keeping most of us at home and giving us time to think about what really matters in our lives. And we're asking ourselves deep,

questions like, what is my purpose? Why haven't I done the thing that I've been thinking about for five years already? How do I want to spend the rest of my life, which is much shorter than we think? What is the impact I want to have on this world? A lot of us say we want more meaning in our lives to be part of something greater than ourselves, to feel more connected to other people in the universe. This begins with becoming more connected with who we are, and more self-aware of what's unconsciously motivating us. And the most powerful way to do this is through the enneagram. Now, in case you don't know what the enneagram is, no worries. Welcome to your introductory class. The enneagram and also stoicism are two of the main topics that I will be

discussing on this podcast because I believe they are among the greatest tools that we have to help us grow and to live a happy, connected, and peacefully flowing life. But today is all about the Enneagram. And the Enneagram at its most basic level is a framework that says there are nine personality types and each of the nine types has a different core motivation driving their behavior and beliefs. Why do you think the things that you do? What motivates you? How do you see the world? How does the world see you? Well, it's really really. It's really. fun to take an enneagram quiz to learn your type. That is just the beginning. The point of the enneagram is to use that information to dig into who you really are so you can break out of unhealthy

patterns and beliefs and defense mechanisms that you might not even be aware of. And P.S. Online Enneagram assessments often miss type people. And that is because people answer how they aspire to be or they think about how they've acted this week rather than their internal motivations that have been driving their whole life or they might be distracted while taking the quiz or they're just spending like a few seconds per question rather than reflecting on the answers. So quizzes can be fun, but a better way to learn about yourself in the anagram is to read a book on the anagram so you can DM me at Sarah Micatel on Instagram and I'll give you some of my favorites or listen to this podcast or you can have a coach guide you toward discovering your type. Now we all have some of every

type in us, but one of the types is our core type, and that is not going to change throughout your life. And you might wonder why people of the same personality type might outwardly present as very different, and there's quite a few reasons for that. But a primary one is that they have a different subtype. So there are nine core personality types, and each of those nine have three subtypes. That means there are 27 subtypes in total. And I don't want to overwhelm you with information today. So I'm just going to focus on the nine types and we will save subtypes and wings and stress and security points and triads and all that other eneagram magic for another day. Just know that there is a lot of beautiful nuance to the enegram and the point is not to box us into a specific

type, but to free us from the negative patterns that hold back our type. So where did the anyagram come from? Well, the anagram symbol, the nine-pointed star, is hundreds if not thousands of years old, and it's really unclear where it first came about. But there's a common belief that it dates back to antiquity and the sacred geometry of the Pythagorean's. And some say that it has Sufi roots as well. But the modern enneagram symbol, which is a nine-pointed star in a circle, has been around since 1915. and was created by this mystic spiritual teacher, this Russian Armenian man named George Gerjoff, and he was quite a character.

He discovered the Enneagram while traveling around the world, Tibet, Iran, India, and other places. And he didn't really talk about what he learned where, but he brought together a bunch of these ideas that we still use in the Enneagram today. And so Gerjof essentially said that we've all become. machines, doing things without question, and we really need to wake up from the sleep that we're in. He recognized that the unhealthy patterns of our personality have really buried the essence of who we are. And to overcome this, we need to use all three centers of our intelligence, so not just our head, but also our heart and our body at the same time. And this is part of what he called the fourth way. But he didn't come up with a nine personality typing system that

That came a few decades later in the 1960s by a man named Oscar Ichazo in Chile. So he was actually Bolivian, but he was teaching in Chile. And Ichazo studied Gerjev and used his work to develop the nine personality types. And he took inspiration from many ancient sources to create this typing system. So including Pythagoras, the ancient Greek, who also heavily influenced the Stoics. And Beatrice Chessna, who wrote the complete anagram, said that Ichazzo was also influenced by Aristotle and that his process was designed to bring about human transformation according to methods based on science, reason, and rationality. In the 1970s, one of his students, a psychiatrist and gestalt therapist named Claudio Naranho took the anagram to the next level by bringing in psychology to the typing system. giving us the modern enneagram that we have. And that's a tradition that continues to evolve today. So

the anagram is a typing system that weaves together ancient traditions and modern learning to teach us how to embrace the best of ourselves and how to shift the things that we want to change. And it really helps us take things less personally and gives us language for why we do the things that we do. And like stoicism, which I will talk about in the next episode, the anagram helps us respond mindfully to what life is throwing at us, rather than letting our personality types core motivation drive the show. And the enneagram is also a tool that helps us understand and live better with other people. We all know on some level that other people think differently than we do, but it wasn't until I started studying the Enneagram that I realized how different we really all are.

It came as kind of a shock to me. And it was also the greatest gift because I became more compassionate when I truly understood that not everyone sees the world the same way I do. All right, now let's get into the nine types. So each of the nine personalities has a driving emotion or passion that's blocking them, and you will recognize these passions as the seven deadly sins. So pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, anger, and sloth, plus two more, deceit and fear. And for our survival, we're unconsciously motivated to try and satisfy our passion. And this is what's keeping us stuck in the patterns of our personality and preventing people from getting to know the real us. And our passions also prevent us from getting to know the real us. We all have this shadow side, our blind spots,

that we don't want to acknowledge and we might not even be aware of. But to grow as human beings, we really need to be aware of both the good and the not so good aspects of ourselves. So the enneagram brings awareness to this shadow side. So we can explore it without judgment. And I'll repeat that again. The anagram is a tool for raising awareness so you can create positive change in your life and stop doing what's not working and what's been hurting you. The anagram is not about criticizing where you are right now in your life or criticizing the type that you are. There are no good and bad types. We are all equal. We're all wonderful people and we're all in a range of being emotionally healthy and whole and being not so healthy, and this is going to fluctuate throughout

our lives. People look very different depending on if they're in a really healthy part of their life, if they're unhealthy. I'm going to give you a general overview of what average looks like for each type. Now, some of what you hear about your type might sting a little, especially if it's something that you've been ignoring. But again, this is about growth, not judgment. And not everything that I read about each type is going to apply directly to you. Humans are very complex and this is just a broad overview and what resonates with you can depend also on how much personal development work you've already done on yourself, how stressed you are in the moment, mental health and other factors. But chances are one of these types will ring true.

Type 9, The Peacemaker. Passion, sloth, or inertia. Type nines are peaceful, low maintenance go with the flow types. Adjectives to describe them are usually serene, kind, optimistic, open-minded. They trust people and have this really nice sense of wonder and a feeling that we are all connected. People like being around nines. They have. They have. They have a really nice sense of wonder and a feeling that we are all connected. People like being around nines. They have. have this calming presence and they make people feel seen and heard. They are great collaborators and mediators and they are really useful in a crisis because they are so even killed. They're creative and non-judgmental and they really want harmony above all else. They will do anything to avoid a conflict. And they often have their head in the clouds or what's called their inner sanctum. So you might think that a nine is listening to you and even agreeing with you, even if they're not. If you are the type of person who always answers whatever you want to do, chances are you're a nine. Though it's important for you to know that behavior doesn't always

equal somebody's personality type. Your type is based on your core motivation. That's a really important thing to remember. It's not how you act. So, there can be like there's quite a few look-alike types so it's not just behavior and this is a reason that so many people are mistyped nine's crave comfort and balance and they don't sweat the small stuff and they don't really understand why other people have such emotional extremes which can make them uneasy nine's unconscious core motivation is to keep the peace their inner peace and external peace and to maintain connections so I mentioned that nine's passion is sloth or inertia is like a nicer way to say that these days.

So nines are daydreamers, but they don't take action. And it's not that they're lazy, but their drive to avoid conflict can keep them stuck. So they procrastinate. They have a hard time making decisions because they can see all sides of a situation. They tend to overthink. And even when they know what their priorities are, they're very easily distracted and start prioritizing the needs of somebody else or of doing non-essential tasks. So like, I need to pack my suitcase because my flight's in like two hours, but first let me clean out the fridge. And I've never done that before in my life. Nines stand up for and take care of other people, but they're not so great at standing up for and taking care of themselves. They have the least amount of energy of all the type. and because it takes a lot of energy to preserve harmony and to always be playing devil's advocate in your mind when you're trying to make a decision. And if they feel like there's just too much

tension, they will find something to numb them so they don't have to think about it. So Netflix and food and even work, even though Nines seem super chill, there's often like a lot going on in their heads and they can become workaholics. So areas to explore. four-nines, wake up to your own needs. What do you want? The people who are in relationships with you want to know what's on your mind. So even though they love how peaceful and easy going you are, they do want you to make some decisions. I mean, that's what relationships are. It's a two-way street and you can't always appease other people. So the next time somebody asks you to pick a restaurant, pick one and then challenge them to challenge you when you slip into whatever you want

mode. Again, it's great to be easygoing, but people want you to show up in the relationship and you deserve to have your needs met too. Type 8, the protector, passion, lust. Eights are decisive, charismatic, natural leader. For them, it is go big or go home. They are focused, highly productive, And they can create order out of chaos. When you're talking to them, they want you to cut to the chase. They are direct and they want you to tell it like it is. They do not like it when people don't have an opinion or they seem wishy-washy about something. They've got a few close friends and that's all they need. So no need for Monday morning chit-chat colleagues. Thank you very much. But when it's like telling you like it is, it's not necessarily because they're passing judgment on you or because they're trying to. to criticize. They're just very direct. They like to call it as they see it and they don't really

understand why other people can't just speak plainly and honestly. They respect strong leaders and they are suspicious of people who they think are too nice. If an eight has a fight with you, they can get really worked up in the moment, but then they can just easily shake it off and move it on as if nothing's happened. Because for them, it was like, all right, that's done and dusted. moving on and they don't really think about it. They're not like seething in it and they don't realize that other people don't have the ability to move on so quickly. Aides think that the world is a rough place and they are really afraid of being vulnerable because they don't want to be taken advantage of their core motivation is protecting themselves from being vulnerable. So fight or flight,

are you with me or against me? They are a black and white thinkers and they don't want anyone telling them what to do and they will not let vulnerable people get bossed around either. So eight are the type to stick up for the little guy and to speak out against injustice and they are not afraid to challenge people. They don't care what others think of them. They are not changing for anyone. And when eights are trying to help you out, it can feel a great. because they have such an intense personality. They don't realize that this can seem intimidating to other people. And when others tell them they need to tone it down, they're not exactly sure how. They have so much energy and drive that they can seem angry. And they also use anger to cover other

emotions so that they can seem fearless and not seem vulnerable. Aides work until they crash. because they don't realize when they're tired. It can be really hard for them to relax. And when they do, they take everything to the next level, less being their passion. They want more of everything. Sex, food, drinks, material things. If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing. Some areas to explore for AIDS. Understand that vulnerability is a strength and that you don't have to control everything and that not everybody is trying to control you. Other people can't read your mind. So explain what you are thinking and check in with them that what you said is what came across.

And remember that other people don't have the same amount of energy as you do. So learn to match their energy so that you don't push people away by coming on too strong. Type 7. The Epicure. Passion. Gluttony. Sevens are the fun free spirits of the Enneagram. They are the life of the party, super high energy, and they have an insatiable curiosity. The core motivation driving them is pleasure and stimulation.

So the ideas keep flowing with Sevens and they want to try everything. They're optimistic and enthusiastic and future thinking. Sevens start out with a bang on projects and things they're interested in. But then things fizzle when the excitement wears off. Sevens are visionaries who make great entrepreneurs, but they need somebody else to step in and run the day-to-day operations because sevens have already moved on to the next thing. And this can prevent them from fully experiencing where they are now because they're always thinking what next.

Sevens don't like commitment or to feel boxed in by rigid plans and ways of doing things. And freedom is very important to them. They do not like restrictions. Sevens love to talk and tell stories, which can kind of seem all over the place, but people still like hearing them. After a party, you might not remember anything that a seven said or even at a business conference if they're on stage, but you're going to remember how good they made you feel. Connection to others is very important to them. Sevens love beautiful things. And that like to impulsively splurge and treat other people. They keep things light and fun, positive vibes only with sevens. They can be real heartbreakers because we'll make you feel like the most

important person in the world and then move on if things get rough or life seems like it's getting too routine. They reject people before they can get rejected. Their defense mechanism is rationalization. They're really great at reframing and like to put a positive spin on things, which in many situations can be quite healthy. That's a great thing if you see silver linings. But sevens don't want to deal with pain, so they run from it. David Daniels, co-founder of the narrative Enneagram, said that sevens are the most limited type because how can you know joy if you don't know sorrow? Seven's cut out part of the lived experience when they stay surface level and shut out feelings that make them uncomfortable rather than sitting with them. I've mentioned before that I'm very

interested in stoicism and that that stoism is going to be a big part of this podcast. You might be thinking, I thought stoic meant being tough and pushing away your emotions. But stoics were all about dealing with your emotions in a healthy way. And so I'll talk about that in the next episode, here is an abbreviated quote from the philosopher Seneca on dealing with grief. It's better to conquer our grief than to deceive it. I'm not therefore going to prescribe for you those remedies, which I know many people have used, that you divert or cheer yourself by going on a long and pleasant journey abroad, or spend a lot of time carefully going through your accounts and administrating your estate, or constantly be involved in some new activity. All those things,

help only for a short time. They do not cure grief, but hinder it. But I would rather end it than distract it. Again, that is from Seneca. Okay, areas to explore for sevens. Stay connected in the moment, good or bad. And trust that life will give you experiences you need. You don't always have to go chasing things. follow through with the things that you start and give yourself space to feel things on a deeper level. And when you do face hard times, instead of running, find the lesson and ask how you can grow from the experience, which is also a very stoic thing to do, capital S kind of stoicism. Type 6. The Loyal Skeptic. Passion, Fear. Type 6 are humble, and good in a crisis. They look out for others and think about what is good for everyone. They love to plan ahead and are always preparing for what might go wrong. And then they have a backup plan for

that. Six believe that the world is unsafe and unpredictable, but they might not realize that they're afraid because they're so busy planning. Again, when we talk about core motivations, a lot of these things are unconscious. So sixes use planning to try to create security for themselves and the people that they love. They are worst case scenario thinkings because they don't like getting caught off guard. So what happens if I go on that trip and I break my leg? What if we switch business suppliers and that company goes bankrupt tomorrow? Their core motivation is to protect themselves from harm. And sixes can seem like buzzkills when they share their anxieties and project out all of their fears too much. But to them, imagining everything that could go wrong and poking holes in ideas is their way of protection, but also being helpful.

They want to help other people be prepared as well. Sixes can be suspicious of new people. They've got their guard up, even with people who seem nice. It takes sixes a little bit of time to trust others. They don't even trust authority automatically. There's like a suspicion of everyone. But once you earn their trust, you have got a friend for life. And sixes really do want to be connected.

And they put others first. They want to be part of a group. And they have a real fear of rejection and betrayal. sexes tend to doubt themselves and their intuition. And so they look for other people to guide them and to give them the answers and to keep them safe. They like the security that comes with routine and sixes are the type to stay too long in relationships that aren't working. Even non-human relationships like subscription services. They don't want to hurt anybody's feelings and they have a real over-sense of duty, an extreme sense of duty. But not all sixes are the same.

So phobic sixes are the planners who run away from fear and counterphobic sixes can front fear head on. So they've got the same core motivation to protect themselves from harm, but their behavior and how people perceive them is very different. So the counterphobic six challenges authority and can seem aggressive. And the phobic six obeys authority, at least once they've learned to trust the authority. And the phobic six is more withdrawn. But every six can be phobic and counterphobic. It's a range. It can change, you know, through different periods of your life.

So areas to explore for sixes, if you're going to look out for the bad, also consider the best case scenario and learn to trust yourself instead of always looking to other people for the answers. So when you're asking for opinions, you don't have to follow everyone's opinions. Take action only on the things that you feel in your intuition is the best thing to do. You are the authority of your own life. Type 5. Observer. Passion. Averise. Fives are great thinkers. innovators and observers who are independent and don't like drama. They prefer deep relationships with a few people over being popular with a ton of people, and they need a lot of time to recharge.

Vives are often minimalist who don't want to rely on other people for anything, and they can see things objectively and listen to you without judgment. Fives have a good sense of humor, and they are rarely bored. They love to learn and they can become a little bit obsessed with research. So the more they learn, the more they realize there's so much more to learn. And that can make productivity really problematic because when they get so caught up in the learning, they never take action on that knowledge. The core motivation of fives is to protect their resources. Some of them hoard material goods so they don't have to rely on other people. but this is more about hoarding their energy. Fives feel like they don't have enough of it and they really need to hang on to it. Sometimes they will skip out on experiences because they fear they'll be too tiring or because they need to finish the work or the research that they're doing before they're allowed to go out into the real world.

They feel a real drive to study over hanging out often. And that's not because they don't want to hang out necessarily. Fives do, you know, they create, they crave connection just like other people, although they do love their alone time. But fives have this idea that they need to get better at what they're doing before they can move on in real life in reality. And again, this isn't true for everyone, but that's big for a lot of fives. They live in their heads. And so even when they're, with you physically, they might be in their own inner world. And it doesn't mean that they don't love you. It's just that their habit is detachment. So you will have fun with your five friend and enjoy them being present with you if you can communicate to them some timelines of what you're doing. So fives don't want to be hanging out all day. They want to go out, hang out for a few hours, and then come back to their own inner life so they can get back to their books and podcasts.

other things that they love. Fives don't like being put on the spot or talking about themselves too much. They like to walk into a situation prepared. They're not the type to talk a lot in meetings because they need time to process what they think. So they're the observers who want to drink it all in and then think about it. Areas to explore for fives get time on the calendar to spend with humans and not just books, even if you feel there is more to learn and talk to people about everything that you are learning and be in the moment. You have more energy than you think you do. Type 4. The Romantic. Passion. Envy. Fours are creative, sensitive, and have a dramatic flare. They see the nuance in the world and aren't prone to right and wrong thinking.

They appreciate beauty and they feel things really deeply. Fours love feeling and expressing their feelings and they don't really understand why everyone isn't embracing their authenticity. Fours are great comforters because they don't run when people get emotional and they don't immediately try to fix everything. They sit with people and their emotions. And that's what they want from other people. If they're having a hard time, they don't want advice. They just want you to be there for them and for it to be all about them. I once heard a fore say that she rolls around in melancholy like it's a luxury. And being with them can feel a bit like an emotional roller coaster. Fores want people to see them as unique and they're afraid of being ordinary, which would mean that something is missing in their lives. And they don't want to feel any lack. They feel like outsiders, well, at the same time, feeling quite special and they try to stand out to be accepted but that often makes them less accepted force can be judgmental of other people if they think they're too basic so your forefriend

will never admit to drinking a pumpkin latte at Starbucks or if everybody's talking about a new show or like a new musical that's super popular they might be like too mainstream they crave deep connection and tend to blame themselves for things when they go wrong in relationships. They are sensitive and can be moody and self-absorbed and their intensity is often described as too much for people, especially when they over-share. But like other types on the Enneagram, I mentioned that the four has three subtypes and they all look very different from one another. So one of the subtypes isn't publicly sharing everything. The other two are more outwardly dramatic. and envious. And envy is not like a jealousy of, I don't like you because you have something. I want.

The envy is a longing of something that they feel is missing. They idealize other people and what they have and they focus on what's missing in themselves. This is their core motivation to keep up this longing by searching for what's missing. And they talk about themselves and what They're feeling a lot because they are trying to understand themselves and they want you to understand them. At the same time, they worry you're not going to like who they truly are, that their true self won't be loved. So some areas to explore for fours. Remember that not everyone is as comfortable as you are sharing their emotions. And don't judge a person's character based on whether their hobbies and interests seem too mainstream to you.

Be present and grateful for the beauty you see in everyday life without comparing it to something grander or to something that somebody else has. Type 3. The Performer. Passion, Deceit. Threes are confident, highly productive action takers. Their motto is to seize the day and they have the focus to achieve everything on their to-do list. Threes are the type of people who you look at them and you're like, how are you getting all this done? Everything looks perfect and polished from the outside. And it's really easy for threes to speak off the cuff. They can seem like they know what they're talking about, even if they have no idea. They just have this inner confidence and a go get them kind of attitude. Threes are efficient workaholics and they often put off pleasure so they can get the job done. They don't always see the point of doing. things just for fun. So if they're not going to get paid or praised, why are you bothering to do this? Threes are the type where if you tell them about your new knitting hobby,

we'll be like, how are you going to monetize it? Or if, or like what is the competition that you're joining? Like the type eight, three is like it when you get to the point. But the three is core motivation is to be recognized for their achievements. It's not to protect their vulnerability. Remember that type is based on what your core motivation is. Threes like to be great at what they do and they want you to perceive them as great. Their passion is deceit, meaning self-deception. Threes are known for being shapeshifters, so they become what you want them to see and they can like alter this in different situations. This performance is usually not conscious. They're not trying to be fake, but they want your approval. They want you to like them. And so they'll play up,

they'll perform to what you want to see. Threes want to be seen as successful because they're rewarded for this, especially in U.S. culture. People are prized for being tireless workhorses, which can burn anyone out if you're not careful. Failure and disapproval for threes, that is their worst nightmare. When something goes wrong, they tend to blame. themselves because they think they're in control of everything. So threes are very outwardly focused. And as I mentioned, they can get really wrapped up in playing the persona that they think that other people want to see. And so they lose touch with their own feelings. And feelings are things that can slow you down and they're not efficient. So threes don't really like to acknowledge them. They don't listen to

their own internal needs and they don't know what they want because they get caught up in praise and the idea that they are what they do. But they like to put a positive spin on their things because their survival depends on their image, their successful image. So some areas of exploration for threes. Pause and reflect rather than bulldozing your way through life. Take time to celebrate your achievements. How do they make you feel? feel? What do you want to be doing right now? How would you spend your time if nobody was watching to recognize and reward you? You have a lot to offer this world and you are more than your achievements. Type 2. The Giver. Passion, pride. Tues are kind and empathetic and sweet and they go out of their way

to help other people. And they often know what you need before. you do. For them, relationships and connection are the most important thing in the world. Tews like to spoil others more than themselves, and they like to take care of other people, so much so that they don't even really know they have any needs themselves. People feel comfortable going to twos with their problems. And twos love being helpful because they want to. It comes very natural to them, but also because they want you to love them and to need them. The passion or core emotion for twos is pride. They take a lot of pride in being helpful and knowing what you need. And they want to feel important in your life. And they're going to do whatever it takes to make that

happen. So they think that they need to please other people to receive love. They're driven by a need to be needed. And again, this is when it comes to all of our behavior patterns and personalities, we're not usually conscious of all of this. Helping others, it feels so natural to twos, and they don't understand why other people don't reciprocate their help as often as they would like. Tews have a, like, naturally giving nature, not all of them, but a lot of them, and they've got the sense that you've got to give to get. They are people pleasers, and they worry that if they make somebody mad, they're not going to be love. So if there's like an argument or like a bad situation, we'll replay that over and over in their mind if they feel like they said

something wrong. Sometimes people feel that twos are too intrusive, that they rush in too quickly to problem solve without giving others a chance to figure out things on their own. And it's also really hard for twos to say, no, because they feel like the world will fall. apart if they're not there to help. They don't have boundaries, but they do desire to feel indispensable. I mentioned that twos can have a really hard time saying or even recognizing that they have needs of their own, but they can project their needs onto others. So if a two in your life says, are you feeling tired? Would you like a cup of tea? They might be tired and wanting a cup of tea. and they like when you say and show how much you love them.

Areas to explore for twos. Get in touch with your own needs and identity. Say no more. You often know what other people need before they do, but that doesn't mean that you should always act on this. Give people space to figure out things on their own and do something for yourself and let other people do things for you. Type 1. The Improver. Passion. Anger. Wands want to improve the world and are driven by their values. They have an ideal view of what the world could be and they feel like it's their duty to work toward the ideal and to fix everything that's wrong. Everywhere at one's look, they think about what could be improved and that's their core motivation to improve. Ones are disciplined, efficient, and a really good.

with details. They are great at motivating people and rallying them to their cause. Justice in doing what's right is so important to them. They have a really strong desire to be good and they are very hard on themselves if they think that they're not doing things the right way. So your one friend is the one picking up other people's trash on your walks and the one who won't buy anything that's not ethically sourced. One's think in black and white, there's one way to do things and they want to follow those rules and they want you to follow them as well. Ones can get a little preachy, but at their best they are really inspiring teachers. One's prioritize work and can forget to have fun. They're driving

emotion or passion is anger and resentment, which would totally surprise a lot of ones because they repress their anger at themselves and others because good people don't get angry in their minds. And ones are trying to earn love and approval by being good. Ones can get resentful if they feel like they are the only one who cares, that they're trying to make the world better. And everybody else is just screwing around. And so they can be judgy that others aren't doing the right thing. And then they get mad at themselves for judging.

Ones are often like really nice people who care so much and they do just want to do the right thing. So they feel really bad when they catch themselves judging of all the personality types. Ones are the ones who are most self-critical. And that can like affects how other people experience them as well. So instead of complimenting people, ones will often criticize them as a form of love without realizing that's how it's coming off. Because ones just want you to help you be the best that you can be and to show you how to do the right things. They are really hard workers, as I mentioned, and perfectionists. And they worry about putting themselves out there because they want everything to be perfect, which keeps them from moving forward.

receiving feedback for them can be really hard because they're trying so hard to do things exactly the right way. So some areas to explore for once, you're doing your best. Consider that other people are doing their best as well. Done is better than perfect. Celebrate your work, have fun, and listen to your head, heart, and body to take care of yourself. So practice, gratitude and focus on positive things, not just things that can be fixed. And follow the serenity prayer from AA. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. By the way, this is a stoic idea that's thousands of years old. I'll talk about it on the next episode. All right, there is your summary of the

enneagram, which we said is a tool that helps us feel more compassion toward others because we understand them better using the anagram. And it's a tool to discover who we really are, our motivations, how we operate in the world, our blind spots. And don't stress if you're not sure what your type is. It can take months or even years for people to narrow down their type because throughout our lives, we haven't really given ourselves much time for self-reflection. And so have fun with this and take time to enjoy exploring the different types. If you would like me to guide you through this discovery process, I would be honored to do an aneogram typing session with you. You can book your typing session by going to sarahigital.com slash typing session. And I will give you a direct

link in the show notes, so don't worry about trying to figure out how to spell that. Knowing your type is only step one. It's fascinating and fun to passively drink in all of this information on personal development, but growth only happens when we interpret what we learn and then put that information into action. Again, if you want to get started by booking a typing session with me, you can go to sarahmicatel.com slash typing session. And again, if you want to enter the contest to win my favorite anyagram books, plus any one of my podcast courses, then all you have to do is rate and review part of something greater on Apple Podcasts, screenshot it and share it on Instagram and tag me so I know that you put it up there. That's all for now. Thank you so much

for listening and have a beautiful week wherever you are. Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you're in a meeting or just talking with friends. Download it at sarahygotele.com slash blank no more.