Influential Introvert: Communication Coaching for Professionals with Performance Anxiety - What Dolly Parton Can Teach Introverts

Episode Date: September 8, 2026

Dolly never got defensive, never needed the last word, and knew exactly who she was. Based on how she lived her life, she seems like the type of person to ask: “What's the right thing to do?��Now I'm using “What would Dolly do?” as the question to guide my life – I may even tattoo this! Here are three reasons I chose Dolly Parton as my Stoic mentor.***I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. I help people like you communicate, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun.As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.If you want to become a more calm, confident communicator at work and in your personal life – let’s talk.Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Hello, hello. It is so nice to be connecting with you again. I hope you enjoyed a wonderful summer or winter, depending where you are in the world. I just got back to the UK and I was enjoying summer, the last days of summer, with my family. We're in the U.S. I go back every year. I especially love it now because I get to spend time with my nephew. He is eight years old and if you have kids or are around little kids, you know. How fun it is when they start just saying the most interesting, profound things. And I want to tell you a little bit, a little story of our time together. So we were wrapped in towels in the hotel lobby. So this is a Newport, Rhode Island, famously of the Gilded Age, where you've got gorgeous ocean, and then these really extravagant mansions. But we were in the lobby of this hotel on Goat Island.

And we are about to walk to the indoor pool. We were taking a break from the outdoor pool. And from inside, I see my father outside wandering the grounds. I said to my nephew, oh, do you think Grandpa is looking for us? Should we go find him or should we continue to the pool? And my nephew says, what's the right thing to do? And my heart nearly explodes in proud Aunt Joy. Because what a question.

What is the right thing to do? We went outside and found my dad. The next day, Dolly Parton died and I found myself grieving her loss more than I expected. because she seemed like the kind of woman who asked herself, what is the right thing to do on a regular basis? And now, a week later, I find myself asking a version of the same question. I'm even considering getting WWDD, what would Dolly do tattooed on my finger as a reminder of this question?

Now, as far as I know, Dolly Parton never said anything about stoicism, but she embodies some really core principles on how to live a good life. The Stoics said that we should choose mentors to serve as our role models. So I want to share three reasons why I am choosing Dolly Parton to help guide my life choices from here on out. One, Dolly Parton practiced not taking offense. Throughout her career, interviewers asked her the most insane things they asked her about being a hillbilly, about plastic surgery, about her boobs. Dali didn't waste time being defensive or putting people in their place. She was never worried about getting like the upper hand. She took the high road and assumed positive intent.

She laughed things off. She even agreed with some insults thrown her way. In a 1970s interview, Barbara Walters asked Dali if she felt like a joke. And Dali replied, I know exactly what I'm doing. I make more jokes about myself than anybody. I'm sure. of myself as a person, I like the kind of person that I am. End quote. How was she able to do this? How was she able to keep this composure, this demeanor, this stature? Because she knew what really mattered, her character, not whether she wore a wig or not.

This kind of self-confidence takes practice. Now, almost all of us care about what other people think of us to a certain degree. I'm sure Dolly did as well. but we can mindfully choose how much energy and attention we give to other people's opinions. Now, in that same interview with Barbara Walters, Dolly said, once they got past the shock of the ridiculous way I looked and all that, then they would see there was a part of me to be appreciated and very real where it counts, and that's inside, end quote.

The second reason Dolly is my mentor. She is focused on doing good because it's the right thing to do. Dali didn't practice virtue signaling. She practiced living with virtue, doing the right thing behind the scenes, because that's what she thought she should be doing, not because she needed external praise. She even skipped the Grammys one year when she won because she had already committed to a baby shower. I'm sure she loved applause, but she wasn't in the game. She wasn't in the music industry, purely for applause. and she knew where she wanted to spend her energy in life and what was most important to her.

When it comes to some of her charitable work, she was motivated by her father's illiteracy to start a charity that sends millions of books each month, each month, to children in need. She built Dollywood in her native Appalachia, and this created tens of thousands of jobs when you consider the tourism ripple effect. And that brings in nearly $2 billion to the region of Tennessee every year. I find this so inspiring that one person could have this much of an impact on her native region of the United States, but also the world. She is loved by so many people on every different side of the political spectrum. She herself didn't love labels. She never called herself a feminist. but women look up to her because of how she lived her life.

And I'm sure tons of men also look up to her because of how she lived her life. And a little aside, so I just mentioned that people from all political sides love her and claim her as their own. She was famously unpolitical and she even turned down the presidential Medal of Freedom from both a Republican president and a Democratic president because she didn't want to seem too partisan. and I have been thinking about that a lot this week. Me personally, as a former shy kid and someone who is much more reserved than Dolly, like much more reserved. I wish I had some of her sparkle. I in the past and now don't hesitate to speak up for other people,

and this has included me getting a little bit on my high horse soapbox occasionally and railing against certain political figures. and I'm wondering now if Dolly's kind of changemaking is more impactful. Is it better to keep our political opinions to ourselves and do good work behind the scenes? When do you need to speak out? And when should you be working on other things to get the job done? This is something I'm continuing to ponder. I don't know what the answer is.

So I will continue to look to Dolly as a guide and also think, okay, how can I make this Dolly philosophy my own? The third reason that Dolly is my stoic mentor, she considered what other people are going through. And I just called her my stoic mentor. That's another label she never claimed. She didn't say she was a stoic. But I see so many good examples of how she lived a stoic life in a certain sense.

And that's understanding different perspectives. Dali didn't judge a book by its cover. And she sang about this in her songs, including Backwards Barbe. She spoke about how outsiders have continued to underestimate her and the people from her poor East Tennessee community. And she said that while they might be uneducated, they were all so intelligent, they were hardworking, they were proud. And so that's another question that she asked herself, am I judging a book by its cover? Am I giving into a stereotype or am I really considering what this other person might be going through? through. As a child, kids bullied Dolly for wearing a patchwork coat. And Dolly later turned this

into a song in a children's book called Coat of Many Colors. So her mom had patched together a coat that Dolly really loved. And then she showed up at school and everyone was making fun of her for it. And this sounds like another instance of her getting the last laugh because she had an amazing song come out of this years later. But it sounds like then, back then, to the other kids in now through her music, Dolly was trying to explain that even though she lived in poverty, she felt rich because of her many blessings. And this is another very stoic idea.

The stoic said there was nothing wrong with money. And Dolly herself said she wanted to make money enjoy nice things because most of us do want that. But she knew that money doesn't equal happiness. She felt very rich because of her family for her support network for the music and her life. And again, this is a very stoic idea. Seneca, who was a very rich man himself, would say the people who are truly poor are the ones who have an insatiable need for more, more, more. So you can be insanely rich, but if you're never satisfied, then that's a poverty mindset.

Whereas you can have not that much as Dali did when she was younger and still feel very rich. To sum of this third point, Dolly didn't let people define her. She didn't pick them apart. She lifted them up and has donated millions of dollars to all sorts of charitable initiatives, health, education, food programs, disaster relief. She said she loved everyone and she tried not to be judgmental. And again, that is reason three why I love Dolly Parton and consider her my stoic guide. To sum all of this up, Dolly Parton practice not. not taking offense. She focused on doing the good thing because it's the right thing to do. And she took other perspectives and considered what other people are going through. She was universally loved for her music and for how she lived her life.

Now, of course, most of us didn't know her personally. I'm sure she had bad days and was the first to admit that she wasn't perfect. I'm sure she got mad at people, you know. But I love the idea of her as an idea. So St. Dolly, as some people refer to her, the highest self version of Dolly Parton that we can all aspire to. She really tried to see the good in people, even the ones who underestimated her. Even though she had the most iconic sense of style, she knew it was what was in her heart that counts. And she said, it's not about me or what my life can be.

She said that in one of her last interviews. But what my life can do. And that is something that I'm thinking about. It's not about me. It's about what my life can do. And this doesn't have to be a grand purpose vision of this is how I'm going to serve people for the rest of my life. It can be as simple as the daily decisions that you make. And I love the question, what would Dolly do?

as a way to guide us to live our best life and live our best life for other people as well. What is the right thing to do? What would Dolly do? What would the best version of me do in this situation? That's all for now. Thank you so much for listening and I'll talk to you soon. Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you're in a meeting or just talking with friends. Download it at sarahmicatel.com slash blank no more.