Influential Introvert: Communication Coaching for Professionals with Performance Anxiety - Why Does Public Speaking Feel So Terrifying for Introverts?

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

Why does public speaking scare introverts so much? In this episode, you’ll learn:the science behind why public speaking feels so terrifying for introvertswhat introversion iswhether we’re born with our personalitiesthe key differences between introverts and extroverts where the word ‘cool’ came fromAnd more!If confidence is a trait you’d like to grow in yourself, let’s talk.Book your free, 20-min chat to to discuss how you can learn to speak confidently in front of a room, online, and in social situations without becoming a sweaty, blushing mess with a stress headache.Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

Why does public speaking feel so terrifying for introverts? In this episode, I'm sharing a few segments from a course I created on public speaking. I'm going to get into what introversion is, the difference between introverts and extroverts, and the science behind why public speaking can feel like a life and death situation for many of us. Let's get into it. So what is an introvert exactly? Many people think that introvert means shy. And many introverts are shy, but not all of them. My clients tend to be and that's who I built this course. for. Introverts are people who need a lot of alone time to recharge versus extroverts who get their energy from being around other people. I used to joke with my friends that I was a Victorian lady because I like to do one activity a day and then go home and rest. I have some friends who are up for going for a coffee and then a museum and then let's just talk and let's go to a bar. And for me, pick one. I generally would rather not be with people 24-7 and I'm guessing you're the same way, which is why you're here. And we are not unique.

It's estimated that one-third to one-half of the population is made of introverts. So remember that the next time you are stressing about something you're not special. Many people get caught up with what bothers introverts, like anxiety, stress, especially when it comes to public performance. We get so caught up in our internal worlds that we think that we're the only ones going through something. No, you're not the only one. There are billions like you.

So are we born this way? The nature and nurture question is very complex. There are studies that say 40 to 50% of our introversion, extroversion is heritable, and that is different from inheritable. Susan Kane, who wrote the book Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, points out that 100% of my introversion might come from my genes, or none at all, or more likely some unfathomable, unfebathomable combination of genes and experience.

So we just don't know. And does it matter, both introverts and extroverts have beautiful qualities and things they need to work on as well. An inheritable trait in case that word is new to you, according to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, a heritable trait is most simply an offspring trait that resembles the parent's, corresponding trait more than it resembles the same trait in a random individual in the population. So inheritable traits are a mix of genetics and environment. You might pick up shyness from your mom genetically and or because you lived in her environment and maybe your sibling isn't shy at all.

Inherited traits, on the other hand, are purely genetic. So why does it seem that if you live in a place like the United States, everyone seems to be an extrober. That's what we're thinking. Well, it's because different cultures reward certain attributes. And in places like the U.S., extroverted qualities are praised more. Though this is changing things to people like Susan Kane, who wrote the book Quiet. In her book, she refers to Carl Jung's definitions of extroversion and introversion.

Introverts are drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, said Young. extroverts to the external life of people and activities. Introverts focus on the meaning they make of the event swirling around them. Extroverts plunge into the events themselves. Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone, and extroverts need to recharge when they don't socialize enough. And raise your hand if you can relate to this one. Studies have shown that indeed introverts are more likely than extroverts

to express intimate facts about themselves online that their family and friends would be surprised to read, to say that they express the real me online, and to spend more time in certain kinds of online discussions. They welcome the chance to communicate digitally. The same person who would never raise his hand in a lecture hall of 200 people might blog to 2,000 or 2 million without thinking twice. The same person who finds it difficult to introduce himself to strangers might establish a presence online and then extend these relationships into the real world. end quote. I can definitely relate to this. Thousands of people have listened to me podcast, but if I met somebody in the real world and they asked me to share my work, my initial response

would be, no, that is like reading my diary. You might also be an ambivert, and that is somebody who has a mix of introversion and extroversion. I can see myself sort of in this camp, but when it comes to conflict, I definitely fall into team. introvert. I am naturally conflict avoidant and withdraw when it comes to conflict. Extroverts, on the other hand, move forward. They want to get it all out there. Here's from the book, Quiet Again. These findings suggest something very important. Introverts like people they meet in friendly contexts. Extroverts prefer those they compete with. There are so many differences. We even sweat more than extroverts. They have a thicker, cooler skin that's less

reactive to emotions and external stimuli. So according to Susan, quote, this is where our notion of being socially cool comes from. The lower reactive you are, the cooler your skin. The cooler you are. She also says that incidentally, sociopaths lie at the extreme end of this coolness barometer with extremely low levels of arousal, skin conductance and anxiety. There is some evidence that sociopaths have damaged amygdala. End quote. So congratulations. You are not a sociopath, most likely. Whether you are an introvert, extrovert, somewhere in between, all human beings are social creatures. We all need friends and connection. Interverts seek this on a smaller scale and we prefer smaller groups, one-on-one hangouts, more than being in a conversation with 10 people at once.

Emotional regulation is essential to being an effective communicator. It also reduces stress, positively affects our relationships, and improves our overall health. Now, when it comes to public speaking, a lot of us feel very anxious in our body. And this has to do with the amygdala, which is the most ancient part of our brain. The amygdala keeps us alert for dangerous situations. It's what helped keep our ancient ancestors alive when animals and enemies came after them. It's the fight or flight response that raises our heart rate and our cortisol levels. Our amygdala is always scanning the environment for threats.

And studies show that introverts have more highly reactive amygdala's. Our bodies are more sensitive to stimulation and novelty. New people, new smells, everything we're taking in with our senses. Extroverts, on the other hand, are not as sensitive to this new information coming in. They are more comfortable with public speaking than introverts, whose amygdalas are firing off warning sides to signs do you get out of there? These nervous sensations in our body are triggering thoughts of danger and feelings of vulnerability. Why are introverts so afraid of public speaking? In reference to the book Quiet Again, one theory based on the writings of the

sociobiologist E.O. Wilson holds that when our ancestors lived on the savannah, being watched intently meant only one thing. A wild animal was stalking us. And when we think we're about to be eaten, do we stand tall and hold forth confidently? No, we run. Even though all human beings may be prone to mistaking audience members for predators, each of us has a different threshold for triggering the fight or flight response. That's so fascinating. It's not that extroverts never get nervous, but they're just not as affected by external triggers. They have a higher threshold for for what's considered an actual threat. So when an audience takes its seats to an extrovert, not a threat.

Everybody walking out in protest, that might be seen as a threat for an extrovert, whereas just stepping onto stage for us feels like a huge risk. And these thoughts, feelings, and beliefs affect every area of our lives. Going back to our ancient ancestors, there's a theory that we needed more. fearless types who would go out and hunt, and more cautious types who would hang back and protect the others. We had people moving forward and people hanging back for different reasons, and also people doing what was right in front of them to get things done. Some more brain science for you. There is a pleasure seeking a part of the brain that's more sensitive

in extroverts. They want more. Now impulsive, do it without thinking. Like the amygdala, this is a part of our very old brain. The newer part of our brain, the neocortex, keeps these impulses in check. It's the more rational side of us. From quiet, just as the amygdala of a high reactive person is more sensitive than average to novelty, so do extroverts seem to be more susceptible than introverts to the reward-seeking cravings of the old brain. In fact, some scientists are starting to explore, the idea that reward sensitivity is not only an interesting feature of extroversion, it is what makes an extrovert an extrovert. Extroverts tend to experience more pleasure

and excitement than introverts do. Exterverts seem to get an extra buzz from the pursuit and attainment of their goals. The basis of buzz appears to be a high degree of activity in a network of structures in the brain, often called the reward system, including the orbital frontal cortex, the nucleus accumbens and the amygdala. Extroverts energy gives them a lot of forward momentum and positive feelings of excitement. It's easier for them to just go for it. They are more likely to make rash decisions as well. We, on the other hand, are less impulsive and we think things through before we act,

but this often leads to overthinking. Put us together and we would be perfect. We actually can learn to take. on traits that we desire. There's something called free trait theory that says that we can freely choose to take on traits when it's for something that really matters to us. This is why when we are normally quiet, we will stick up for somebody bullying a kid on the playground or hurting somebody we care about. When you value justice and fairness, those situations propel you to be more bold and courageous. Think about what traits you want to grow in yourself.

If confidence is a trait that you would like to grow in yourself, let's chat. If you're the type of person who speaks up on behalf of other people, it's time to start speaking up on your own behalf. This is what I work on with clients. You can have as much influence as the loudest extrovert in the room, I promise, and it can happen much sooner than you think. Go to sarahmicatel.com and let's talk about your communication goals. Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free conversation sheet. sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you're in a meeting or just talking with friends. Download it at sarahmicatel.com slash blank no more.