Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Andy Richter Revisits His Early Days at Late Night

Episode Date: December 3, 2021

Andy Richter joins writers Mike Sweeney and Jessie Gaskell to discuss his early promotion from writer to sidekick at Late Night, how to respond when Conan serenades you in the office, dealing with negative reviews, and a great Shelley Winters story. Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail]

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hi, everybody. Hello. Hello. Oh, my goodness. Welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Getting important-er by the moment. Right. We talk about heft. We're your hosts. I'm Jesse Gaskell.

I'm Mike Sweeney. And we both have written for the Conan show. Right. And that gives us the chutzpah to think we can host a behind-the-scenes podcast about all things Conan. Yeah. We have the opposite of imposter syndrome. Unearned confidence. Yeah. Someone just needs to tap us on the shoulder and tell us to walk away. How are you?

I'm good. How are you? It's good. How are you? It's fall, kind of. It's fall in LA. I mean, leaves are falling from the trees, but it might be because the trees are dying. Yes, they could be that. But three or four leaves have hit the ground here in LA, total.

So, you know, it's a change of the seasons. I've been enjoying, I mean, it's still in the 80s in the day, but at night it cools off and I've been taking baths. Baths? And I just want to get the word out. I took a bath, I think in 2013, and it was great. You got to get back in there. I mean, you can get some, you can make it like a manly bath and get some Epsom salts and.

Why would you assume it was anything, anything but an incredibly manly bath and get some Epsom salts. Why would you assume it was anything but an incredibly manly bath? If you add me to water, boom, manly. Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? Yeah, I had a nice Thanksgiving. I was not feeling well because of the booster. Oh, you got a booster. I got the booster the night before. I stupidly... Tetanus? Yes. I got the booster the night before. I stupidly...

Tetanus? Yes. I got all of them. Sure. I scheduled it for the night before Thanksgiving. Oh. I think maybe I was secretly hoping it would take me out of commission. I see what you're trying to do.

Uh-huh. I'd love to be with all you all. I love you so much, but... Oh, but just... I've got a booster reaction. Got the booster. Oh, I'm sorry you didn't feel well. That's terrible.

Well, that's okay. It all ended up being fine. We went to my boyfriend's parents' house and I was just kind of in the corner wrapped in blankets. And they're like, what's with her? You got a real live one there, boy.

I assume they call him boy boy that's what i call my children so you sat in the corner i sat in the corner but that's honestly where i i prefer to be most meals anyway yeah hopefully they were inclusive yes but on a trip like that you you i mean that's kind of what you want to hear is stories about your significant other's childhood, which they probably love to share with you. You know, this was more, well, I don't want to bring everything down. Oh. Because their patriarch just died. So that was, they were sharing stories about him.

But actually, this was kind of crazy. So he, they had heard him talk about how he left a safe buried on the property somewhere. What? And they didn't know where it was. And they had to, but they found it. They found it like under some concrete that had been disturbed that they could tell he had cut into himself. Did they go to the beach and get one of those metal detector guys to walk around the yard? Wait, so how?

And so they opened it. Yeah. And it was full of cash. It had $100 bills in like stacks and gold bars and silver bars. Gold bars and silver bars? Yes. That's like a real, that never happens. It was a treasure. it was a buried treasure it's always an empty safe and everyone feels like a fool that they got so greedy and wow i know

oh my god well now he would just have nfts in there but right i love that he he had buried it and he didn't tell anyone yeah so it just could have gone completely unfound and the next property owner would have gotten it. Or eventually. So when you say he didn't tell anyone, someone knew about this safe, right? Well, they knew that there was a, he had talked about a safe, but they didn't know where it was. So they had to kind of put their heads together and think of like, where would he put it? Oh, is it a big property? It's a big property, yeah.

Oh, wow. It's out in the Central Valley. That's crazy that they found it. I know. I was riveted. I was like, oh, this is, you guys really found treasure. I would have been hounding him on, I'd be grabbing him by the collar going, old man, tell us where the safe is.

They had the combination? They guessed the combination, yeah. They guessed it? I'd be grabbing them by the collar going, old man, tell us where the safe is. They had the combination? They guessed the combination, yeah. They guessed it? Yeah. This is, I'm getting suspicious of this whole story, this treasure hunt story. Did you see the gold bars with your own eyes? I didn't see any gold bars. Oh, man, oh, man.

I don't know. Yeah, how was your Thanksgiving? Well, there was no buried treasure, man. Oh, man. I don't know. Yeah. How was your Thanksgiving? Well, there was no buried treasure, I'll tell you that. Unless you count Get Back, the eight-hour Beatles special. Oh, yeah. I enjoyed every second of it. I could

see people thinking it might be too long, but not this guy. Chock full of gold bars. Right. It was. And my sons loved it too. They're big Beatles fans. My wife went along for the ride because it was three against one. She owed me because I went to see Barbra Streisand with her at the Hollywood Bowl. Oh, that's fun too.

That was fun, I have to say. I mean, I think both of those are fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But after that, she owed me 48 hours of Beatles footage, I think, as a fair exchange. Barbara Streisand was fun, too. Well, hey, I have something to share, which is that friend of the show, Flula Borg. Yes. I mean, he's our friend.

He is. And he's a friend of the Conan show as well. Yes. He is in a new spread for Hustler magazine. What? Uh-huh. Wouldn't he have to revive? Is Hustler magazine even?

It's still a magazine. Okay. He recreated a bunch of classic Hustler covers. Uh-huh. That I think normally were women, but he is in them. Okay. And I don't know if he goes full frontal but i know you see quite a bit this is his new yearly calendar i'm assuming it might be his yeah he always does an annual

calendar with yes with himself in iconic poses i always love getting that and there's always a nice note from him yeah in broken english i'm really, I couldn't see, I could only see one of the photos because there's a paywall on the Hustler site and I was not willing to go that far. Okay. They're pretty cocky. But it's coming out in the print issue as well. So. Oh. It'll be on newsstand.

Oh, it's literally going to be. Yeah. Wow. Okay. I know. I thought it was all a parody he was doing that's no it's i mean it is a kind of a parody all right also i think it works on both levels sure it might confuse the regular hustler purchaser but that's their problem you know it's good to question your

sexuality every you know like set it out for a test spin every few months. Yeah. And I think looking at naked Flula is a good. It's a good test. That'll put any hetero man to the test. He's still very funny. Oh, man, is he funny. Despite being in good shape.

Don't get me started on how quick and funny he is. But he also works out a lot and I think doesn't eat carbs. Okay. Well, I can't wait to see that, I think. Yeah, I know. Yeah. Well, hey, today on the show, we have a real treat. We do.

We're speaking with our good friend, Andy Richter. He's a good friend and he is Andy Richter. You probably know who he is if you're listening to this, but in case you don't, he's a comedian, actor, writer, announcer, podcaster, and Conan Sidekick on Late Night, The Tonight Show, and Conan. That's right, and today he's going to, this is really great, he's gonna give us a special look

into the early days of Late Night. So we're going way back to 1993, and we're gonna find out all about his promotion from writer to sidekick. Yeah, I really, I didn't know most of this. Me neither, and it's a fascinating story. He remembers every detail. He sure does. Here's Andy.

Hi, Andy. Hi, hello, guys. How are you? Hey, welcome back to the pod. Thank you. It's so nice to be here. It's good to see you. Thank you. It's good to see you guys, too. Yes, it's been quite a while.

It's very strange. It's very strange to go 10 years with seeing... The same old dumb faces every day. The same old dumb faces. Coming back from two-week vacations and being like, well, what's there to really say? Let's just get to work. Right.

Yeah. But now it is like, you know, I've changed a lot. I can tell you wearing hats indoors. Well, that's just because my hair is disgusting and greasy and I'm trying to. That's a classic life hack. Oh my God. It is. It is.

It's like whenever you see like you saw will are the producer wearing a hat guarantee his hair looks like better guarantee yeah we i haven't seen you since the last show talk about her summers but it is it is nice to see you i read your tweets and i heart your tweets a lot so i feel like i i know what you're up to. Same thing with me and with you for me. You post less than I do because you're less needy. But I, you know, like I saw, you know, like your boyfriend went grocery shopping and bought things that a child would buy. Shit, I missed that. What was it?

It was like Cheetos, mac and cheese. Flaming hot mac and cheese. Flaming hot mac and cheese is just, you need to dump you. You're dating, you could be in trouble for dating a child. I should check his driver's license if he even has one. Yeah. But Annie, we wanted to have you back on the show. The first time, we had you on a long time ago.

Yes. And I don't even remember what we talked about. I just remember it as because I was in the throes of separation and divorce. Oh, yeah. And I had, because, you know, when I used to work, when I used to work, listen to that. Jesus Christ. Oh, boy. I need a job.

Podcast don't count. You know, I used to, like, take my daughter, my son to school, and then I'd go to the office. And frequently, because I've been doing therapy on the phone, and that morning of that podcast, I had just had a phone session where just like a wildly hysterical sobbing therapy session. And then like went to do my podcast. Oh, yeah. sobbing therapy session and then like went to do my podcast oh yeah and you know and was just like i felt like i was shot out of a can and just of like i don't give a fuck i'll say whatever scorched earth so and but i i remember it being fun and you know like pretty a pretty good it was fun yeah i loved it yeah it was like andy unle. Yes. Yes. It takes trauma for me to be funny.

It's very common. It's a common malady. We did want to have you back. I mean, for a lot of reasons, but I don't think we addressed really anything about the early years of your origin story on Late Night. Okay. And we'd love to talk to you about those times because I don't know how many people know that you initially were hired as a writer on the show. Yeah. And then sort of dazzled everyone in some rehearsals and were snatched up and promoted to sidekick. Yeah, kind of.

I think, and you know what? I've never asked, but I think that me being the sidekick. Yeah, kind of. I think, and you know what? I've never, I've never asked, but I think that me being the sidekick was Robert Smigel's idea or at least his doing or engineering in some way. Yeah. And I never have asked about that process. I've never asked him or Conan or Jeff Ross, the executive producer about that. And it's, it's, there's no, it's not that I have avoided asking it. It just has never occurred to me to ask. And when I'm around them, I'm not thinking about, you know, our salad days and, oh, remember, and why am I here? I mean, what evolved is, yes, I was hired as a writer.

I could just go and do the whole thing right now, the story, if you want. Sure. I had done improv in Chicago. I went to film school, was doing film production, started taking improv classes, started performing. At a certain point, the show, improv shows were easy to do while I was doing production work. Because they're, you know, if you're on an improv team with seven other people, you say, I can't make it, I'm working. Because I'd get a job, say, on a, here's dating me, a Montgomery Wards commercial. And I would be occupied for two weeks, you know, 16 hours a day. So when I started to do shows at the Annoyance Theater in Chicago where they required rehearsals, I quit my source of income to do something for free, which my parents were really excited about.

So I started waiting tables. I worked for my uncle who had a sort of factory supply business. I built lockers and pallet racks and delivered things for him. And then continued to do shows and just kind of got more, you know, more of my own, you know, a sense of balance and footing, you know, to just got better, basically. And then at the Annoyance Theater, there was a show called The Real Life Brady Bunch that they came up with, which was just reenactments of Brady Bunch episodes. Very silly idea, but really funny and very,

and at the time- And it was verbatim, right? You did the scripts verbatim. Yeah, the idea was to do it as closely as possible without any kind of commentary or winking or anything, you know. And there were very talented people doing it, which is the key. I mean, everything is about the execution of it. And these were all –

I saw that show in New York. It was hilarious. Yeah. And I've said this before that I thought when I heard about it – you know, I was doing stuff at the theater and I heard about it and I thought, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. And then I stood in the back of the house the first night they did it, which I think was the only one of them that I wasn't involved in in some way. And I don't know that I've ever laughed harder in a theater at something just because it's so dumb. And it's like that kind of laughter where you're like, this is making me laugh, making like my DNA laugh. Like it's like working on you in a way that you don't even understand.

Right. And then the whole theater got involved. It was kind of a cash cow for the theater because it was, you know, a Brady Bunch episode on stage is like, you know, 25 minutes tops. So there was a audience participation game show that took place ahead of it. That was really fun. It was like getting people to do stunts and guess things. It was very silly. And I was the announcer for that.

But everybody in the theater, we used to also do, we had commercial breaks during the game show and we would do little ads for local businesses that would pay us for you know like the liquor store across the street and we'd come out and do some little scene about the liquor store or the mexican restaurant up the block and um wow the only paid improv performers in the street we were paid everybody would show it was tuesday nights and we we ended up doing two shows and everybody would turn up because there was pizza and beer. And that was really, really important. That was like one night of the week that I get to eat free.

And if I play my cards right, I might even get to steal some pizza and take it home. Right. I was going to say, slices under the jack. And I played a bunch of bit parts in the brady's you know like buddy hinton the bully i played his dad the recording engineer for the silver platters episode you know just and did the you know some of the commercial stuff and then the show got so popular that it ended up running in new york at the village gate and uh ron delzner who's a concert promoter a new y York concert promoter,

saw the show and brought it to New York. I think just because he was bored and it was fun. And he used to take us out to fancy restaurants and fancy strip clubs. That's when you know you've made it. Yeah. As Joey Soloway said, he's the Jewish mafia uncle I never had. He was really something. And then we went from that. We went to L.A. We were at the Westwood Playhouse, which is now the Geffen, for about eight months. Oh, wow.

And a bunch of us moved out here to do that. And when that wound down, I went back to – it was kind of right before Christmas I went back to Chicago and I was sleeping on my mom's couch wondering what the fuck I was going to do with myself and then I got and I had auditioned already for the movie Cabin Boy yes I got a call back to come back so my mom my mom took the insurance money that she got from my uncle backing into her car with his with his delivery truck and this sounds set up bought it that sounds like an insurance straight up that car remained dented uh she uh we she bought me a ticket a southwest ticket to la and i stayed uh at my friend Thea's apartment and slept on her futon couch.

And they had me come back. I was there for like a week, and they had me come back three times to reread it again. I mean, it's, you know. And so I just was. Did you have to reread it with a different actor or just literally just other people had to see you? No, just do it for other people seeing me or whatever. And I finally had to say, and I always will remember, like the third time I did it, I went to the casting place and I used the restroom before. And the thing that the men's room key was attached to was a back scratcher you know like

one of those backs back scratchers and some actor hadn't had these made up and it said the actor's name and i'm itching to read for you oh my god it made me so fucking sad because i was here on my third shot having and having to tell them I can't do this anymore. I have to go. I have to go back. You know, this is the last time. Yeah. My mom's insurance settlement has run up.

And my friends are getting sick of me. If you hadn't gone to the bathroom, you would have had to come back two more times. Exactly. But then I got that job and I loaded up my Toyota pickup truck with all my belongings and drove out to L.A. To Hollywood. Yeah. Wow. I moved into a furnished apartment in Westwood and I did Cabin Boy and thought, all right, here we go. And then Cabin Boy ended and I didn't – I had forgotten.

Well, A, I didn't get paid much for cabin boy and right. Rightfully so. But I, I didn't realize like, oh yeah, you do a movie and then you wait a year. Like, so no checks are coming in for a year. So I was actually applying for jobs, regular old jobs. And the day that I heard I got hired on Conan, I like minutes after I got that call, uh, I got a call to come back in to interview to be the assistant manager at a movie theater in Westwood. Oh, wow. So that was a tough choice. Yeah. Yeah. I got to tell them, no, I got it. I'm doing a TV show in New York.

But I was, it was so, and I knew I was probably, they didn't say you have the job, but they said, come back in. We'd like to talk to you. And it looks really good. You have a second interview. Yeah. And I was. Oh, no. No, you don't.

You know, like sometimes when you apply for a job and you kind of just feel like, oh, I think they like me enough that they're going to give me the job. And I had this feeling with that. But I had this absolute fear that I was going to be working in that movie theater and Cabin Boy was going to play in that movie theater. So people would be able to buy popcorn from me and then go sit down and see me. Yeah, so. Oh, no. I was so nervous. So I was glad that I didn't have to do that, but.

That was your motivation to get her writing. Yes, exactly. The way I got the job was through Robert Smigel, whom I had met while I was in Los Angeles because we had mutual friends that had worked on SNL and he came out to work on the Hans and Franz movie, while I was in Los Angeles, because we had mutual friends that had worked on SNL. And he came out to work on the Hans and Franz movie, which never went anywhere because Arnold Schwarzenegger did last action hero and it flopped.

And he decided that he couldn't make fun of himself anymore. I can't, I can't make fun of myself anymore. Oh, he was supposed to be in it. Yeah. It was going to be Arnold as like their, I don't know,

fairy godmother. Like he was going to be in it yeah it was going to be arnold as like their i don't know fairy godmother like he was going to be some magical being but he was going to be you know all over the movie right robert was out here to work on that script for the summer and he and i hung out and hit it off and then i just got a call from him one day saying do do you want to meet this guy, Conan O'Brien? And I had heard about Conan just the way everybody else did. And actually years after working with Conan realized that a matter of days before Robert called me, I had been to a party at Bob Odenkirk's house with Conan and about 15 other people, and we just didn't notice each other or talk or anything. Oh, great.

Yeah, we had been in like a very small yard party. Not small enough. So, I mean, and I've always said like if I hadn't gotten this job, we would have eventually known each other because there were just too many people that we knew in common. Yeah. And I also, I went to, I was, I don't think I was engaged. Oh, maybe I was engaged at this time. But Sarah, my then fiance, was up in San Francisco doing another show with some of the people from the Annoyance, from Brady Bunch. And I went to a taping of a Jeff Garlin sitcom pilot in which he played a cop,

which, you know, what a good cop Jeff Garlin would be. I went to it with Kate Flannery, who I've known, she was sitting next to me in my first improv class in like 1989. So we've known each other that long. And I went with her to this taping and we sat in front of Bob Odenkirk, who I knew kinda because he was engaged to somebody at that point that I had been on an improv team with. So that was, I mean, I knew him as sort of like a Chicago improv person that was writing on SNL. And we had met a couple of times. And he was sitting with Carol Leifer. And I totally eavesdropped on their conversation about Conan and about Conan getting the job because Bob was in on the late night show from the early times. He kind of came in to get it started with his brother bill who's now a simpsons writer so bob was involved and i just eavesdropped you know i so so i had

that information in my head and robert said do you want to meet this guy conan and i said yeah and he said where and i you know i picked junior's deli in westwood because it was convenient for me and our move and i met and i met conan there and i had seen that you know like the clips of him and meanie rogers and him getting laughs and so they they had already shot a pilot yes a test show that's how he got the job is that they right and they it kind of happened like at the last minute too because he tells it that he had a like a sport coat in his trunk of his car and they were like you you know you're gonna do this test show i think the same day they gave him like the same notice the same day which was after they were done shooting leno they, had the audience stick around and this guy,

you know, this guy's, you know, possibly going to replace Letterman. Wow. And they got him two guests, which were Jason Alexander and Mimi Rogers. Right.

And I remember in the Mimi Rogers clip, she talked, she mentioned, he said, you've been a model and she said, yeah.

And she said, it's really hard work. And he said, he said, no, it isn't hard work. He said said like turning a big crank all day right is his work and you know he acted out turning a big crank and it was really funny and it was kind of that was like the big icebreaker yeah i think that moment was probably because he was a nervous you know sure oh my god

at our early shows i mean from like the first year and I cringe. I just, it takes a while. Yeah, learning to perform on TV, like not being able to practice and get used to all the red light in the cameras on a small scale, like, you know, in Peoria or something. And just doing it on such a grand scale. Yeah, there's so much pressure. It just seems so terrifying. Yeah. You end up,

you just get used to it over time. You know, you just kind of. Sure. You know, it was just, it was at like a family, a family memorial service for my aunt,

not too long ago. And my mom, I was not, she's like, get up here and say something about your aunt. And, you know, and I was like, all right. say something about your aunt and you know and i was like all right you know and and i and i realized like i'm not because my mom was talking about her

and she was really conan audition she was really nervous but like now if it's like hey get up and talk in front of people i just can do it because i'm i'm just immune to the nervousness of it now because it's just right were you nervous ever i mean you don't yeah i've never known you to be a nervous person absolutely i used to get i used to get stage fright i mean just like the anxiety that would happen before and i like when i used to do shows in chicago i would pee like three times and still when it was time to go out i still would have to pee again you know just like like i don't know what it was time to go out, I still would have to pee again. You know, just like, like, I don't know what it was about that nervousness.

It's like some animal thing about like, you do not want extra liquid in your body. Not now, because you may have to run. It'll slow you down. Fight or flight or whatever. Yeah. Okay, so wait. So we were at Junior's Deli. We're at Junior's Deli.

Yeah. And I meet Conan. We sit down and I'm getting a meal out of this. So I ordered. Yeah. The lobster. I didn't order comedy food on purpose. I ordered what I wanted to eat, which was a knish and borscht.

Like, I didn't mean it to be like a Neil Simon joke. Right. What I was ordering. But it is funny. Yeah. And the borscht, you know, like when you put the sour cream in the borscht, it turns into like a magenta, just the craziest color for food to be. And Conan ordered a can of Coke. That was it.

He just had a can of Coke. Also a comedy order. And was really tickled by my order, that I had ordered this food. Yeah. And the knish, it had like a, where the dough was gathered on the top and kind of like a knob and when they set it down at the table i just remember going like to him like it looks like a tit and he really let you know i felt like you're hired yeah well i just i felt like i'm i instantly felt comfortable enough around this man to say,

Mike Knish looks like a tit. Yeah. Just the dumbest fucking thing. The most obvious dumb thing. And yet, you know, that takes a certain amount of comfort or stupidity. You know, when you're in a job interview to say, it looks like a tit. Right. It's a big swing.

It probably helped that you probably knew he was friends now with, like, people you were already comfortable with. Yes. You were friends now with Robert Smigel. You probably thought, oh, it's kind of a shortcut to being yourself around this new guy. But also, too, there's pheromones or something that happen when you're with funny people. Yeah, chemistry. Right.

There's nothing more depressing. And it's because it still happens. And it would happen all the time on the Conan show where a funny person that I didn't know personally, but I'd maybe know their work sometimes. Sometimes I didn't. But they would know me and we'd come up and it's just like, there's no preamble necessary. You just get right into, hey, dumb, dumb,

hey, stupid or whatever, you know, just start immediately. And it was definitely that way with Conan where I just felt comfortable with him. And there's nothing more disappointing than meeting somebody in comedy who does not want to have fun, who does not want to let it all drop, like stop the bits. And, and I mean, you're still going to kind of do bits but just isn't interested in having fun isn't interested in being funny isn't interested in in you know talking bad about other people that's always one of the best things so we hit you know it was a really nice lunch and we had fun and we made each other laugh

and robert told me later that that Conan called him afterwards and said, hire him. And Robert said, calm down. Let's, you know, let's get him to write a packet first. And,

uh, which I had never done. So that was, that was my next instruction, write a packet, write a submission for a late night show. And I was like, Oh,

okay. I mean, I wasn't used to writing anything down. Everything I did was improvised and you know just show up and fucking jerk around and and then go home so i wrote a packet of material just kind of like okay well what would be good i don't even remember very much i think robert helped me kind of like maybe some monologue jokes maybe some sketch ideas maybe some desk bit kind of thing and i don't know if i even knew the phrase desk bit at that point.

But I wrote some stuff up. I think I wrote it longhand. And then I was up in San Francisco visiting Sarah while she was doing her show. And we went over to Joey Soloway's house. And I used their typewriter to type up my package, my packet. And the only paper they had was kind of like taupe. So it was like my submission came in in a taupe, in taupe paper. He's very confident.

But I sent in the packet and I got hired. I was the first writer hired and so i wow i drove my truck to san francisco and left it with sarah flew to new york and and that was it i stayed at a friend's apartment for the first couple of three weeks before i could find a place from of my own i remember when i went there i think it was June. It was either May or June. Okay. And it was 100 degrees at midnight. And I was in a sixth floor walk-up, sleeping on a loft bed. Just in case it was a little cooler by the floor,

I wanted to be by the ceiling. I showed up at Rockefeller Center and at that time, Conan had a corner office. His assistant was there. Robert had an office. I don't even know if Robert had a writer's coordinator yet. Right. There was maybe Paula Davis in talent, Jeff Ross and his assistant. Steve Hollander was there. He went on to be the stage manager. Yeah. He went on to be the stage manager.

Yeah, he went on to be the stage manager. So there was only about like eight or nine people even working on the show when I got there. And that was around June, May or June? June, yeah, May or June. I don't remember exactly. We premiered in September so that we had the summer to sort of get the kinks worked out. But the first step was to get people hired. So the first thing that I did was sit down with a packet, with a stack of writer's packets, approximately, I mean, like almost two feet high.

Wow. Yeah. I sat on a chair next to my desk and i went through which is the first time i've ever done that had you know like yeah hey you got a job now judge other people who are coming to get the job that had to feel weird it did feel weird it did feel weird but i felt like well you know i got a good sense of humor i you know and i i knew what robert's sense of humor was like i knew what conan's sense of humor was like i knew Robert's sense of humor was like. I knew what Conan's sense of humor was like. I knew what mine was. So I was not going to hire some hack. I was going to look for, I mean, dare I say, artists, people with a unique point of view and something-

And someone who surprises you. Yes, exactly. Someone who isn't like, well, I want this job, so I better do things that are like things that I've seen work elsewhere. Well, that's the other interesting thing. A lot of times people are already submitting for a show that already exists, so they ape what they see on the TV, whereas you were all – It's all new. Everyone there was all brand new. There's no guidelines. I think some people sent in spec scripts for sitcoms in addition to – but just kind of – I got this spec script for I don't even remember, Wings or whatever the fuck was popular at that time. Yeah.

Right. And I had noticed Robert – I'd sat across the desk from Robert while he was looking at submissions. And I noticed that he read every word of every submission, which felt excessive to me because some of them you get half a page in and you realize like, oh, fuck this guy. I took that as kind of a twain mark and said, okay, gonna do that too and i sat and i read every single word of that stack of two feet of of submissions and there was one person out of it that got there and that was marsh mccall who was one of the first writers on the show who ended up being my office mate and then when robert smigel left this i'm jumping ahead a little bit right when robert smigel left this, I'm jumping ahead a little bit. When Robert Smigel left the head writer job, they, they had gone out to Louis CK to do it, but Louis and Louis was going to do it. And then like freaked at the last minute was like, no, I, I just, cause he had just moved on from the Conan show.

And he's like, I don't want to go back. You know? So he, he turned it down. So they were like in a pinch. So Marsh ended up being the head writer. Because it was a pattern that continued, like through you too, Mike, that they didn't, for the head writer job, they would always get someone from within. I also was the third choice. No, but I mean, you worked there as a regular old writer.

Right. And Jonathan Groff had, you you know after marsh became the head writer and then when jonathan left you quite ably took up the post for too long actually way too far way too long severe physical and mental damage but so i was there and we started just you know we slowly built a staff and hired people and and they were largely chicago boston yeah uh they were kind of different factions and then even as sort of the second wave of writers started getting hired more chicago people would come on like brian stack and brian mccann and tommy blatcha right yeah and some of those guys you had

done improv with right right? Yes. Had some context for that. Yes, yes. Dino Stamatopoulos was one of the first writers, and I had known Dino. We hadn't worked together, but we knew a bunch of people

in common. And Dino was a, less of an improv person and more of a sketch comedy person that would write his own shows and plays and stuff. But he had already worked on the Ben Stiller show he had gone out uh to la and worked on the ben stiller show so he was so he got it he was well he was the most experienced tv writer i

think we got yeah so right it just when then we just started figuring it out and conan and i just had a rapport from the beginning it was and there was there was always this notion because everybody looked down their nose at topical humor and we all thought nah fuck that who wants to do jokes about the latest headlines boring we'd rather be in our own little absurd little bubble of nonsense. And we had some notion that we were going to do a talk show that was as much a sketch comedy show as a talk show. Had this, you know, we'd talk about it. Like, yeah. Because a lot of the writers that were hired had real performing chops.

And in some cases like mine, I was much more of a performer than I was a writer. And I, I today still think sort of that way. So we thought, okay, we'll have this kind of cast of characters, this, you know,

like this repertory of, of goofballs. And we'll do lots of sketches. And of course, within a week, we're like, oh my God, I hope fucking Britney Spears does something so we have something to write about.

It's a nightly show. We learned very, very quickly that, oh no, Jesus Christ, this is a monster that demands to be fed. Yeah. Did that terror not turn up? Did it turn up like during test shows or literally once the show was officially on the air? Pretty much once it was up and running, I think. We had loaded up with a lot of stuff. We pre-taped a lot of stuff.

Prepped a lot of desk bits and stuff. But no, that just the how the hell we do this, that took, know when that that hit us it was it was very it hit us like a ton of bricks i think and i mean conan and robert had some idea but from working on snl sure um but also you guys sketched up like you'd put sketches during real interviews we would interrupt interviews for comedy yeah and you know we if there was a two act interview coming back for the second. Segment. Act of, of,

you know, of like a, you know, a John Goodman, you know, Perry Gilpin interview, we would come back and we would have a bit at the top of the act. And that was,

we did so much comedy. And I remember when Letterman came on kind of a year and a half or so into it. Right. He came on as a guest and he sort of gave us his papal blessing. And one of the things he said was that he, and he said it on air, and he said it off air, he just could not believe the volume of comedy that we were putting into every show. Yeah. It was just because I think we didn't know any better. And I also think I want to give Robert some credit because looking back on it, it feels

like he was building this sort of defensive wall of comedy around me and Conan to let us get some time to figure out how to be on tv and as you know and as the show went on it became less and less written and more and more just about us being comfortable and fucking around but we did not have that choice early on we didn't know what we were doing and we were not comfortable and it was evident when you watch the show, but we did have, I mean, five bits of show sometime, you know, just like tons of comedy to,

to, to hide behind and get, and get better at. Yeah. And also like you're saying, as having all that comedy, we're the, there's a great way for you to,

to get comfortable just knowing, okay, all this written stuff's coming up. That's going to help read the cards yes that'll help us get through this hour you know as we find our way yeah i don't and i like you say i don't know the thought behind it i don't know because we were so so much of what we were doing was in reaction to what had been done before on late night right i mean one of the reasons that we wore suit and tie and had a big band was because it was sort of a throwback i mean conan's kind of an anachronism anyway i mean

right i mean he knows how to fucking tap dance and shit like that so he embraces old time show he liked the idea of kind of a there like a sophisticated late 60s kind of playboy after dark feel right if it was run by right by dum-dums um but but you're saying a also a giant thing that a lot of this and a lot of shoring up with a lot of sketch comedy and everything was a big reaction to what you were replacing which yes the letterman show which was yes looms so large in everyone's mind the letterman show he was the ringmaster of a weird circus of like you know chris elliott coming up from under the stairs and larry bud melman but that show really did sort of hang on his personality on his sort of dry quiet right slow sometimes wit so this we felt like you know this show is going to be different it's going to have more people on it it's it's

going to be different and um right having a sidekick might have been part of that conan liked that old show feel with the big band and and and dressing up in a kind of a playboy after darkish feel that was that that was just it and i because i and the reason i said that was because i think that there had not been a sidekick yeah in in a long time there hadn't been an ed mcmahon uh many other shows which had been sort of a staple of the genre and you know and at the time a lot of fucking brouhaha was made over it and i had to you know you're the new ed mcmahon kind of stuff right which was fine but you know i mean nobody goes into comedy wanting to be ed mcmahon you know i mean nothing against ed mcmahon but it's just like he— Well, he embraced Moore being kind of a straight man.

Yeah. Sarah Ball wrote a really nice piece about me when I was leaving the Conan show the first time. And she opened it by saying, the first line of Ed McMahon's autobiography is, I met a young man named Johnny Carson in 1951. The first line of his autobiography is about when he met Johnny Carson. And I knew it was a supporting position, which I didn't have any problem with. I was happy to do that because I'm not that kind of performer. Even back in Chicago, when I'd be on stage with people that really needed it, and there's a lot of people that really need it, I'd stay by the back and be like, go get it, honey. I'll be here to probably top you.

Well, and that is what you were so great at. I mean, you didn't have to do a lot of the sort of housework of the show of like the, you know, intros and having to promote people's CW shows and stuff, but you got to just jump in with a punchline. Yes. I got to be funny whenever, and I've said this before, when people would compliment, say like my comedy batting average, you know, I would say, well, yeah, but I only swing at pitches that I want to, you know, if nothing's happened, I'm going to sit there and be quiet and let Conan squirm, you know i would say well yeah but i only swing at pitches that i want to you know if nothing's happened i'm gonna sit there and be quiet and let conan squirm you know if i and that isn't to say

you know there's there's plenty of time probably my best zingers were left unsaid because the moment passes and you just have to know you know it's right because all you have to do is sort of once backtrack and then try and get that joke in and the timing's gone and then it just flies flat and you feel like an idiot for derailing the show. Yeah. But the psychic thing developed because Conan and I had a rapport around the office. He used to, for instance, you know, nobody, nobody knew Conan, and Conan is a very unique personality. He's very fun and very accessible, but he also is like having an Irish setter around. You know, he's like just constant movement, constant pestering.

He's a lot of petting. Yes, a lot of love. And one of the things he would do was he would just come in. He'd walk around playing guitar, which he still does. And he would walk into your office and then stand right next to you and then start playing a song to you, like singing right at you, which is fucking odd. Especially like out of an Italian restaurant, you know, like with strolling violin players. It's fucking odd to have where you're trying to do this thing and it'd come up and everybody and people would whisper like, oh my god, it's so weird when he comes up and just sings at you.

What do you do? What do you do? And so I started, when he would do it, I would get up out of my chair and go, woo! Yeah! Do it! Just like clap and dance around. Is this what you want? Yes happy now you interrupt me

here take this uh would he double down or would he yeah he'd play along too but you know but it also i think he stopped coming up and playing at me because he could probably sense the aggression in it. He did that to me when I first worked there. I was in the hallway. And we were alone. And he just started singing to me. And I truly had the exact same reaction, looking around. And I remember there was no one else by the elevators.

And you're just like, you're praying for the doors. I mean, it was my second day there. So I didn't know what to make of it. Yes, yes yes non-consensual serenade right so we we had kind of a uh an act you know i mean it wasn't like a set act but i definitely was his foil in a lot of bits around the office which were constant yeah that i mean that's that's a that's like one of the one of the real absolute gifts from heaven about doing this kind of work is bits all fucking day all day but I uh when when he started doing test shows Conan started you know it was probably a month and a half before and the first one was, they'd say a lighting and makeup test. And he went down to the SNL stage and it was, they did it on the Bob Costas had a late night talk show called Later.

Later. And it was just two big overstuffed chairs on a little, a little set in the middle of 8-H on the SNL stage. So he did something there, just basically sat and talked. And I remember being in my office and it was that day and I had the feed on in my office. And Robert came in and said, hey, will you do me a favor? Will you just go down and sit next to him and keep him company i said sure so i went down and then he and i just you know did what we do we fucked around and talked while they did camera angles and figured out what to do with that face um what kind of makeup would make it visible um and then they do he'd interview somebody like i remember he interviewed steve hollander who ended up our stage manager um he interviewed steve hollander and throughout i don't know

maybe four or five of those every time robert's like go sit with him again go keep him company just um i didn't see any ulterior motive behind it yeah yeah i i really because i really did think like yeah somebody needs to keep him company yeah yeah yeah and so it's weird that they're lighting me now but yeah yeah i guess i'll just go with it and then there was a point at which robert came to me and said hey we're thinking of having a sidekick on the show the and so you would be there with conan and sit next to him. And I don't know if you'll be the announcer or not, but you definitely would be on the show

and you'd sit there with the guests and you'd basically do what Ed McMahon does. And would you want to do that? And for a minute, because we still had this notion that the show was going to be some kind, like there would be some repertory company and there'd be all kinds of opportunities to do sketch work and character work. And I thought i said well i don't know maybe i'd rather

just be like one of the cast of characters and be able to perform on the show that way and i said and i and i should talk it over with with sarah and he said okay well let me know and he stepped out of my office and like a second before I even picked up the phone to call Sarah, I was like, who am I fucking kidding? Do I want to be on TV every night? Yeah. All right. I'll do it. Yeah. Guaranteed. Sure. Why not? You know? So I, I don't even know. I think I might've called her and just went right back into his office and said, yeah, yeah. And I don't know. She's cool with it. Yeah. Robert's, I mean, Robert's motivation for it. I, I, like I say, I don't know. She's cool with it. Yeah. Robert's, I mean, Robert's motivation for it, like I say, I don't know. And there's part of me that kind of doesn't want to know. That's a wild story.

I mean, it seems so organic that it happened. Yes. As a lot of things do on TV shows and comedy, like they're happy, not an accident, but it just like robert knew you guys were great together and why not go down there and kind of loosen things up for the and then like keep doing it and i'm sure he and i'm sure conan because he's such a creature of habit was like oh my god i just love being out there with him you know i'm sure they probably just both said it just seemed like a natural next step part of it is natural a natural human reaction like right because i remember early on there being people that you know you get a new show and the when you're new and the

show you're doing is new you get a lot of envy thrown your way you get a lot of like oh so you just got the you already had the job and then they just they didn't even go out and try anyone else as the sidekick you know that kind of thing right which i my feeling is if i'm gonna open up a hot dog stand and i need people to work there why wouldn't i hire my friends hire from within i gotta be in that fucking hot dog stand 15 hours a day. I'm going to do it with people that I like and people that I enjoy. Their hot dog skills are secondary. They'll grow. Yeah. They'll figure out the hot dog business. And so it was very much that way. It also is good producing. producing if you're gonna do a show like this

right don't go out and have a casting call to to find someone with whom the main goal is rapport right and chemistry yeah and chemistry you don't go out and you know scour the streets for strangers you do with with somebody that you know is funny and that you like and that you connect with so yeah it made good sense yeah putting together a show like that its success is predicated on its vibe it's predicated on its authenticity it's predicated on the reality of the people and there are other talk shows where the people never are real and you can see it and it isn't the same. Yeah. Some people like it.

Me personally, I just think if I'm looking at somebody and I don't feel like I know who they are in that context. Right. I don't forget it. I don't know. It's it turns me off it seems like jive hollywood bullshit right yeah from what you're saying it was a very rare situation where the people you the creative people on the show got to make it the way they wanted it to be out of the gate without yeah people from the network stepping in and going, oh no, don't do that. Or we don't want like that. No, we got to hire someone's son or

daughter. Yeah. Up to a point because there was. I'm sure once it started and all this. I mean, I didn't just get to go sit there. I had to go through a process and the part of the process, which I was so naive to all this stuff i didn't right well the first one was we did test shows we did i don't know maybe six or seven test shows over two weeks before our actual premiere date full-on shows right um with guests like mickey rooney and um and and i was and i was the sidekick in those and right before we were going to do one of those test shows and we'd already done a couple uh jeff ross came up to me and conan and i was wearing the one or i think i

had two sport coats that they had bought me and and like i wore my own pants and i was i'm wearing that and then just some tie from stock and and je came up and said, keep your clothes on after the show, because we usually got nude right after the show. Right, of course. But he said, keep your show clothes on, because you're going to go out to dinner with Lorne. Oh. Because Lorne was the executive producer of the show, because at that time, his sort of relationship with NBC always had its peaks and valleys. And at that time, it was at a peak and they entrusted him to find Letterman's replacement. I don't know how much Conan was his idea or whether Conan just said, hey, Lauren, let me do it. Let me do it. Let me

do it. And then Lauren went, all right, I pick coded. I was going to have to go out to dinner with Lorne. And I said, okay. So we got into Lorne's limousine and it drove us to a restaurant called Beachay on the Upper East Side. And we walked in. So we're here with dinner with Lorne Michaels. And they led us to a table where Lorne Michaels and Steve Martin were sitting. Oh, wow. And so it was the four of us having a dinner, and I probably said seven words.

Yeah. But I was just like, you know, like trying not to stare at Steve Martin. Right. Because it was all so new. You know, now I wouldn't get Steve Martin's fucking, you know, chopped liver. Some show on Hulu. Who cares? But so it was just very it was very that was like the first step and then i think after the next test show i just i don't know

remember but i remembered jeff coming up to me after a show and saying well you got the job and i was and i said i said i thought i already had the job. Right, right. No, no, no. No, no, no. You got the job. So I guess somebody somewhere said. Those were some funny seven words. Said, okay, you know. Yeah. Oh, I don't know if it was predicated on, I think Lauren would have let Conan do whatever he wants. Okay.

You know, but I think that there was definitely network people that had to sign off on it. So I guess I was funny enough for them. It's better not to know it's much better that way oh yeah yeah i don't and but i mean there was lots that we didn't know and a lot of that was because of conan and jeff protecting us all i mean we didn't know that we were there was a weekend where we were canceled right where on friday they said the show is over god and then i don't know whether it was that day but greg kinnear was who they really wanted to do it. And I think they shot a couple of test shows with Greg Kinnear out here in LA.

Oh, they actually shot test shows. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that. Was this when he was doing talk soup? Yes. I think so. Yeah.

Oh yeah. It was the height of talk soup. Yeah. Wow. He was hot off of that. Yeah. And you know, and I mean,

and he has just, he just fits the part better you know if you were casting a movie and you needed a late night talk show host a convention conventional sense exactly yes they said to conan over the weekend like all right you you're gonna have the job another week and they would because they were doing we're not gonna be able to find someone for another week yeah well. Just give us a week or two. You know, it was all 13-week chunks. Like, as a writer, you were hired in 13-week chunks. Right.

And the same thing with the show. And at one point, it was week to week, apparently, which no one else knew. No one else knew. Just Conan and Jeff were kind of aware of that. That is devastating. I would tell everyone. It's like, what know, I know. What are you looking

so relaxed for? It's week to week. Well, and also too, it's so, it's just, it's such good people skills. Yes. I want this show to be funny,

so I'm going to make them terrified. Yeah. Everyone's always funniest with a gun to their head. Yeah, yeah. Everyone, like, I think it was

Victor Fresco who was the, you know, was the creator of Andy Richter Controls the Universe who said, like, you know, they push you off on an ice float and then start firing cannons at you. You know, like, it's not just enough that you're floating out for yourself. Like, you know, we're also going to make it hard. We're going to try and blow you up. Incoming. Yeah. You you know the rest is a history uh you know we both became uh beloved icons of uh fuckery yeah that brings us to today yeah oh man you have a great memory about all that time yeah i remember my i mean my portions of it pretty well but i don't right you know there's

there's other parts. But it was, I mean, no surprise. It was an amazing thing to be a part of, which I think I'm only kind of beginning to, not that I'm only beginning to appreciate it, but I'm only having the ability to appreciate it to kind of like have it because when it happens to you it's not you know it's like when the when the tonight show went away and thinking i remember thinking around the office like this is like broadcast history here like we're we're living in broadcast history and how fucking weird is that and then yeah there's like fucking books about it and shit and you know at the library yeah they're not checked out you didn't get them they're there but uh um andy early on were you reading press reviews at all i mean i know conan has sort of always

had a rule against reading press yeah were you reading things about the show and did that make you nervous yeah i did i did read things about the show because i mean i don't know if there was that great a thought process but i mean in looking back on it i think i probably my instinct was i gotta get used to this yeah i gotta get used to the tough skin the good and the bad yeah yeah and so i would read things and there was like a lot of mean shit i mean there was like i as i and i said back then i said i never knew there were so many ways to call me fat oh god because it was yeah it was chubby oh my god oh it's just cherubic all kinds of emasculating fucking things like because you need to say that like it's important to the reader to know right

you know that i gotta drop a few pounds but i also too and i think i i said this at the time like i you know there'd be it could say something you know absolutely you know call me fat or say like you know this this waste of space i mean literally kind of that that mean and there was part of me that would be like, ouch. And then there's another part of me that's like, I'm in the paper. Right, sure. Yay! I'm in the paper, mom.

I know they're calling me a tub of lard, but yeah, it's great. There was actually one guy that was an AP writer who said his only comment in his horrible review of the show when it first started was, and then there's Andy Richter, his sidekick, who seems like if it weren't for Nice Guy O'Brien, he wouldn't have a job, much less friends. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I remembered that fucker's name. That sounds personal.

And he came back two or three years later for a puff piece. And he sat down in my office. And I said, yeah, before we start, I'd like to snap, snap the paper. I said, I'd like to remind you of something you wrote about the show. And it was the, oh, it was the best. He was like, oh, oh, oh, like literal fumphing. My editor. was the best he was like oh like literal funfring like my editor yeah but no what his excuse was i had tried to get into uh to see a taping of the show but i wasn't allowed so the the review

reflected that frustration oh wow that's so he hadn't even oh my god i was just like oh that's good you're really you know that's quite some integrity you have there, reviewer. I mean, whatever you said was irrelevant. You got to burn them like that. Yeah. And were you like, and I have friends. Yeah. I have a lot of friends.

Most of them work with me. They're all paid to be around me, but still. But, Andy, this has been awesome. Thank you so much. You've had a lot of great memories to share with us around me, but still. But Andy, this has been awesome. Thank you so much. You've had a lot of great memories to share with us. Oh, thank you. But Andy, if you have a favorite memory of, you know, either on or off screen from working on Late Night

that you wouldn't mind sharing with us. Well, here's, this is just, I mean, you know, my memories aren't like oh my god you know bruce springsteen played on the show and bill murray was there to stand and watch it that kind of because that did happen but i mean and that's kind of neat but you know you know whatever um but like there was my my dressing room at first was just in the hallway, the regular hallway and all the guest dressing rooms. And it was a very busy hallway where the local news was running by, you know, and just people

getting from one end of the building to the other. And then, you know, you'd walk by an open door. People could walk by an open door and then they're, you know, like, see, oh, there's Michael Caine sitting in a folding chair in a little room. And my dressing room was originally one of those. This little, tiny, little dressing room. It was basically a short couch that my legs hung over when I napped and a little sink and a counter and a coat rack to hang things a little, you know, like a coat rack to hang things up. And by the way, I never peed in that sink.

Never. Why would you bring that up? Yeah, no one would ever accuse you of that. I didn't pee in that sink a lot. So your favorite memory is peeing in the sink. It is in the sink. No, but then, and the green room was in what was called the airlock. Because from that hallway, there were double doors, and they opened up into just like a little, probably 10 foot by 15 foot chamber.

And one door, and that with two doors at the end that went right into the studio. And then the makeup room on the left, Conan's dressing room on on the left and then what had been our green room on the right and they gave me the green room as a dressing room when they they moved me around and they changed the green room to somewhere else and so i was in that airlock waiting for the show to start the band to start and conan's backstage and shelly winners was on the show and that was the great part about the for me at least in the early days we weren't getting top guests so we were getting like shelly winners and mickey a lesser shelly yeah yeah i mean and it's like you know we'd either get them before they were famous or kind of on the way down on the downhill, back hill slope of famous.

So I'm just standing there waiting for the warm up music to start or stop and me to go in and take my mark. And it's just me and Shelly Winters comes out of makeup and she's talking to me and she has one of our hairbrushes and while she's talking to me she puts her hand up the back of her blouse and pulls her bra strap out and is scratching her back with our hairbrush underneath her bra like and talking to me i'm like oh yeah and then rip taylor pokes his head into the airlock and said, I heard you were here. And I don't know, Rip was maybe doing a pre-tape for us. I don't even know. He wasn't on the show.

But she turned and she went, Rippy, Rippy. And like went up and hugged him. And she said, I'm so nervous. Tell me a joke, Rippy. I need a joke for out there. And that's all I remember. But just the combination of Shelly Winters scratching her back

underneath her bra with our hairbrush. Showbiz. You know? Like, that was always the kind of stuff that I just delighted in. Well, Andy, thank you so much.

Sure. This has been great. And our listeners can find Andy on The Three Questions with Andy Richter. Yes. Which is also a Team Coco property. That's right. Thank you, guys.

Thanks, Andy. All right. Hope to see you soon. You will. Thank you, Andy. That was fun. That was great. And hey, we have a listener email.

We do. And a question. This one, we have a listener email. We do. And a question. This one comes all the way from England. Ooh. Or the Great Britain, I suppose. That's exciting that we've made it that far. Yes. Across the pond.

I didn't know the signal went that far. I know. Very impressive. It says, hey guys, love the podcast. So glad you came back with new episodes. I added that in. Yes. No, it actually says that. I'm a very anxious person who often falls down at the first

hurdle. I was just wondering if either of you have had any experiences with anxiety during your time at the show and how you handled it. Have a great day. John B. Thank you, John B. Yeah, from Southampton. Well, that's a lovely email. That was a lovely email.

Anxiety. Well. At the show. How did you know? How did he pick up on that? They sound anxious when they do listener questions. I wonder if it extended to the show. Yes, John.

I did experience anxiety on the show i experience it every waking moment john john if you're just trying to relate to us with your feeling anxious you've succeeded it doesn't even go away i mean i thought that when we stopped doing daily shows that it might go away right and i still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night. Oh, do you have those awful work dreams? Yeah. I mean,

I do. I've always had. I sure do. But they're, they're more mundane. They're just like, I just kind of clock in and then have to write something. And I spend the whole dream just writing.

Wow. I know. Do you remember what you write in the dream? No, but I, oh, I do have a funny, it's a very on the nose anxiety that I had one time on the show, which was I dreamed that I was pregnant, but like pretty far along and basically about to give birth. And I went into labor.

Yeah. And I gave birth and the doctor held up what looked, the baby was, it was limp and two-dimensional, basically. Oh. And when he held it up, it was actually a stack of papers. Oh, my God. It was a script.. Oh my God. It was a script. Oh my God. Even,

and even in the dream, I kind of rolled my eyes at myself like, oh my God, could you be a little more? Wow. That's so on the nose. Was there still a placenta? Was that like all the notes on the script?

It was like an ink stain. Yeah. Right. The red pen. They still had to wash it off and all the ink ran. My script! My script! They were notes from you, Sweeney.

Oh, man. You can leave me out of this story. Yeah, you were the head writer for 14 years. 15. 15 years. Excuse me. Don excuse me me one moment of yes it was uh which is the the record of yeah being a head writer anywhere i think it's like setting a record and of being incarcerated now uh yeah no it was a long time yeah and there was lots of anxiety um i think when you're anxious, you forget that everyone else around you is also anxious. Because anxiety means kind of like you're in your own head.

So you're kind of just thinking about yourself, don't you think, a bit? Yeah, and then it's helpful to talk to other people and be reminded that no one's actually thinking about you. Because they're all just worrying about themselves right that's that's what i was thinking about saying to john is just every you forget and it always would reassure me that like you're saying when you talk to everyone else you do realize oh okay we're kind of all in the same boat this is normal and actually only sociopaths don't feel anxious. Yes. Those are the people you have to be worried about.

Right. They're robots. And if you want to be jealous of a robot, sure, go ahead. But, you know, can they ever love or feel pain? No. Well, I was wondering, did you often come home and talk about work with your wife during stressful days? Or was that off limits?

Did you have rules? That became off limits because it's one of those things like you tell the story to your wife like, well, you know, and then he said this to me and yeah you know she'd be like yeah okay you know and even as it's coming out would you sort of realize like this actually wasn't that big a deal no it was always a big deal to me and and then if you don't get that's a problem she'd be like well you know you just i'm sure there they were has nothing to do with you. And you're like, no. Yeah. I just want you to take my side for all this. Yeah, exactly.

So after a while, I had to just save it all for the therapist. I needed to have someone I was paying to gripe to. Well, yeah, that's another good piece of advice is pay someone to talk to about it. And then you don't have to feel bad telling your friends and family. How about you? Would you come home and complain to your boyfriend? No, it just, I don't know.

I usually would like, I did often cry in my car on the way home. Is that true? Yes. Oh. But I would look around and I'd be like, I think half these people are crying in their cars. Yeah. In LA and rush hour, please.

Oh, you'd cry on the way home? I would. Not a lot. Did I ever make you cry? No, no. You can tell me the truth. No. I mean, it was never like someone made me cry.

It was just my own feeling like I hadn't succeeded and just doubting myself. Oh, my gosh. But then by the time I'd get home, I'd feel better. Right. Well, I wish I could cry more often because everyone feels great after a good cry. Yeah. Crying is the best. Crying in the bath.

Yeah. Forget about it. You know what? My sisters made fun of me once when I cried and I think I stopped crying after that. Oh, no. Yeah, because I'd be like, oh, oh, oh. It's kind of like a dying dolphin or something. And they made fun of me. you know what they said you were

crying wrong yes and i don't think i've cried since it's awful no yeah oh you're due for this is like the the big one the la earthquake that's gonna level everything i wish i could cry in this podcast i really do but that would be so cathartic. We'll get you there. That'll be my goal. Early on, when I was first doing the head writer job, after like a show or something didn't go well, I would just take the elevator down and walk around the block. Yeah. And then I was like, fuck, I have to go right back into that building. Like you couldn't. I wanted to go home, but there was like all this work that had to be done.

And it's just, you had to try to shake it off. Just have to bury it. Yeah. Boo hoo. I did like, you could always tell if a writer had a bad rehearsal. Right. Their bit didn't get laughs. You could always tell because you'd come back upstairs and their door would be shut.

That's true. Oh shut that's true oh that's true and it just was sort of an unspoken like let let that person have a moment yes just leave them be every writer on the show experienced that where something got cut or it just didn't get a single laugh during rehearsal and you've got con and Andy and the whole crew and interns and writers sitting in the audience and no one's laughing and it's staring at you. So excruciating and everyone knows you did it. Yeah. You made it.

And, and a lot of, there was a budget. There was a, but a lot of times it's like you spent a few days shooting and editing it. And so, you spent a few days shooting and editing it. And, ugh. So, you know, it's not like making an ad lib joke in a room. Because that's painful enough when that doesn't get a lot.

That's awful. But, oh, boy, oh, boy. No, this is like, yeah, you spend days baking the cake. The only normal response is to shut the door to your office and not come out for a while yes i would get frustrated and throw things around if like um production stuff went awry and but i did that once or twice but then it's just i learned it all gets done and there's no you really gotta try crying i'm telling you it's great yeah you're gonna love it my goddamn sisters i know they did this to me well john i hope you're sorry you asked

but hey if anyone else has questions we'd love to. Yes. You can leave us a voicemail with your question or comments at 323-209-5303 or email us at insideconanpod at gmail.com. Yeah. And if you'd like to show, you can support us by rating Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast on iTunes and leave us a review. And you know what? You can even ask us a question there because we're reading them, which is not helping with the anxiety. No, it's not.

And go buy Hustler next month. Yeah, go buy Hustler and go to the Team Coco site has Holiday Birch, which is available now. If you buy now, it can still get there in time for the holidays. Right. No supply chain.

No supply. Our stuff sailed right through. Fully stocked. Yeah. A lot of other toys and medicine and a lot of other things coming were shuttled out of the way to make room for all the inside Conan merch. That's how important it is.

Yeah, so hopefully you can use it in place of insulin. Yes. That's one of its strong selling points. So go to podswag.com slash teamcoco, and you can even get an Inside Conan drink or bundle. All right. Well, Jessie, thank you. Yes. Thank you. Yes.

Thank you, sweetie. I don't know how I'm ever going to cry if I get to talk to you once a week because you always put me in a good mood. Oh, that's so sweet. That's true. You're a delight. Well, you know what, sweetie? I like you. And I'm not just saying that because I say that every time.

Right. I mean, I specifically like you. Yeah, no, everyone knows. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jesse Gaskell. Produced by Sean Doherty. Our production coordinator is Lisa Byrne. Executive produced by Joanna Solotaroff, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. Engineered and mixed by Will Becton.

Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best. It's the Conan Show. Put on your hat. It's the Conan Show. Try on some spats. You're gonna have a laugh. Give birth to a calf. It's Conan. This has been a Team Coco production.