Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Chris Hayes Revisits His Epic Visit to Taco Bell's Headquarters

Episode Date: June 21, 2023

IT legend Chris Hayes returns to discuss his pilgrimage to the Taco Bell headquarters and the time he filled in for Snoop during rehearsal. Plus, Mike and Jessie give some advice for what to do if you run into a celebrity in the wild.Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] or e-mail us at [e-mail]. 

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. I'm popping my P's. Importantly. Yes. Alliteration. My name's Mike Sweeney, and I'm joined, as always, by Jessie Gaskell. Thank you. We're co-hosts.

We are. You're welcome. Oh, I had no choice in the matter. You're contractually obligated to spend time together. And I always remind you of it. I know. I thought you just did this because you liked hanging out with me.

We always just book time together in the podcast studio to chat. You know, I think more marriages could really benefit. Married couples should do podcasts together. Oh, no. Don't encourage that. Once a year.

There's only a few that can handle that, I think. That's true. There are some good ones out there. Yeah, there are. Yes, yes, no. Don't encourage that. Once a year. There's only a few that can handle that, I think. That's true. There are some good ones out there. Yeah, there are. Yes, yes, yes. I know. I can't imagine doing the same thing as my partner. I don't think I'd like it.

Yeah. I always felt that way, too. I always found that... I think you'd want your spouse... Of course you'd compete. Yes. To do something entirely different. Yes.

Like that's why I married a spot welder. She's incredible. She makes tables for the home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Then you can just be genuinely happy for them and never have a twinge of like, it should have been me. Right. Well, although if you have a joint checking account, I think those

twinges go away. No need for twinges. Oh, okay. You're going to twinge all the way to the bay. You're going to make the moolah. Not a problem. I think I can go. I can punch things up for you. Yeah, exactly. Or I'll just sit around and go, good job. Well, hey, I got a text this morning from an acquaintance. And this person saw Conan on his flight to New York today. And he told me he embarrassed his whole family by saying something to Conan. His own family or Conan was traveling with his family? I don't know. Definitely his own family.

And this is an acquaintance of yours. Yes. Okay. All right. And he, I guess, went up to Conan and said... Is this on the plane? I'm not sure if it was on the plane or in the... Because that makes it more fraught.

More contained, I know. 30,000 feet. I know. Was Conan in the bathroom at the time, in the plane? Let's raise the stakes. He opened the door on him. Right. And he said, hey kids, look, it's Danny Bonaduce.

Which I think was supposed to be funny. Oh, he said that to his kids. To his kids in front of Conan. Right. Oh. And I think it got no reaction. Or maybe Conan fake laughed. And I think Danny Bonaduce has brain cancer.

Oh, God. Yeah, it's undergoing some medical. Yeah, it's a very distasteful joke. How old were, wait, how old are the children of your acquaintance? They're like teenagers. Okay, so they were old enough to just be. But I don't know if they even know who Danny Bonaduce is. Right.

So they're not in on the joke. The joke is for Conan. Right. And then, you know, he immediately texted and was like, I'm mortified. Yes. And I embarrassed my whole family. Right. I really regret this.

Yeah. Kids look at Danny Bonaduce. So I thought that I would bring up this issue. Okay. Since we've traveled a lot with Conan. Yes. We've been with him in public a lot. Uh-huh.

And we've seen a lot of people approach him. And the rest of the Partridge family. And there's just this thing of when people are around celebrities, they recognize. Right, right. They do things that are crazy sometimes. And they often regret it. And then they're wracked with regret for maybe sometimes the rest of their lives.

Yes. So, you know, I thought maybe we could help people know what to do if you see a celebrity and maybe specifically Conan in public. I think this is a great, yeah, a great thing to bring up. Yeah, because I mean, I've been around him when people have walked over. Right. First of all, you know, people interrupt a conversation.

I think that's kind of a no. Like if someone's in the middle of something. Right. Don't interrupt them to tell them your bit. Well, not the Danny Bonaduce line. No. It better be better than that. Better be better than that, yeah.

If it's a glowing, like, I just have to tell you how great you are. Maybe that would help smooth over the interruption, but yes, don't interrupt. Yeah. Don't interrupt. And then, yeah, I mean, like you said, I think that's kind of the only thing you can say to someone is I'm going to tell you how great you are and just sincerely pay them a compliment. That's all anyone wants to hear. And if you have a negative feeling about them, leave them alone. Really give them a wide berth.

No, you don't need to talk to a celebrity. You don't have to. You can just walk on by. And I'm honestly doing this not for the celebrity's sake, but for your sake, because you will regret it and you will feel bad about this later. You're trying to help your friend after the fact. Wow, that bought, man, that bought a douchey. I've seen people walk up to Conan and say any number of, and the thing a lot of people do, and I don't know what this instinct is, but they kind of want to neg him like, oh, I'm going to sort of insult you like we're peers. Right.

And so they'll say something like, oh, you look older in person than on TV. I think they panic and they have to say something. And that's the first thing. They go negative because I think it's easier to do. It's easier to do. As an attempt of humor. Right. Otherwise, you're just being sincere.

Right. And telling a person that you care about them. And that's weird and uncomfortable for most of us. Right, right, you're just being sincere. Right. And telling a person that you care about them. And that's weird and uncomfortable for most of us. Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. So they go, yeah, they go. And it's like. Yeah, they go, hey, fatty.

Right. But imagine a complete stranger. No matter how well known you are, a stranger is coming up and saying something crap. And insulting you. Yes, insulting you. And I think no matter how famous you are, it can be hurtful. Yes. Well, I'm glad we're, you know, sticking up for Conan finally on this podcast.

For the first time I can remember. Honestly, I'm really just saying this. I mean, we've all had regrettable celebrity interactions. Ah, really? Have you never? Do you have that? Do you have that? Do you have Bonaduce like? Oh, I mean, before I worked in TV.

One time I saw in college, actually. Yes. Will Ferrell was shooting a movie on our campus and I saw him and like really happened to just be, he was walking by me and I, I grabbed his arm, which is so not cool to do. Totally cool. No. Wait, so. You grabbed his arm.

I grabbed his arm and I said, Hey, you're my favorite person ever. But I mean, which is a nice thing to say, but not in that way. Hey, where are you? Did you just let go at any point? I did. As soon as my hand was on his arm, I realized like, oh, I'm touching. No, I'm touching. And he was very nice.

You didn't mention this in your advice timmy conan he left out don't physically touch code well i was waiting for the best piece of advice yeah so go ahead no he handled it really well and he said uh no you are but he looked i could see the panic in his eyes startled he looked startled he was looking around him like as in case he might need help extracting my hand. So Will Ferrell's been on our show a lot. Yeah. Did you ever asked about that? Of course not. I would never cop to that to his face. I was mortified. Well, and see, I'm still thinking about it. Yeah. And so I just want to save listeners from that. That's.

From the things that will keep you up at night. That's a good one. I know I've done horrible things in front of a celebrity. Oh, I've mortified myself in front of celebrities working on the TV show. Oh, you mean just being in a sketch no just being myself or no but like pitching ideas to that like oh god you know an idea where it's like oh okay yeah sure like the head writer would be like yeah go ahead but you got to pitch it to elvis costello when he's here right or you know, you know, yeah. I mean, but at least you were doing your job.

No, it's still more, oh, still mortifying. Yeah. To pitch an idea and they just. And it just lands full head. Well, they just stare at you and it's kind of like, there's a famous, and this is a line we used a lot, Andy Griffith. Famous from Mayberry RFD, like this beloved figure, I think was a tough cookie. And he was on the show on late night,

right when I started working there. And one of the writers went up and pitched an idea to him. And he's like, no, I'm not gonna do that. And then he went back and repitched a little later and Andy Griffith just looked at him and said, just walk away. And he said, excuse me. Like almost like he thought he heard, misheard, which I would have had the same reaction. I was there and heard it. So I thought I was hearing things and he goes, excuse me, Mr. Griffith. And he goes, just walk away. Oh my God.

So you know what he did? He just walked away. Yeah. But yeah. Clear instructions. Yeah, that became a line around the office. I mean, he's got strong boundaries. Yeah, he sure did. Well, anyway. Okay. Well, I hope that we- That's our advice. he's got strong boundaries yeah he sure did well anyway okay

well I hope that's our advice celebrity advice saved somebody some grief yes future grief if you're out there

on planes traveling this summer don't talk to celebrities if you have to don't go neg and don't touch don't touch and make it quick

and make it quick quick entrance quick exit yeah I love today's show oh yeah me too we didn't talk about

this is a show where we tell people how to interact with Conan and also you know we talk about behind the scenes of the Conan show

in this season we're talking about Conan on the road Conan outside of the studio yes Conan on planes that's Conan outside of the studio. Yes, Conan on planes. That's right. Oh, my God.

Of course, it fits perfectly. I've done it again. And today. Today, we are talking to our favorite IT guy. That's information technology. Only IT guy. Yes, he's our only IT guy, to clarify. No, but he makes, like, I get clarify. He makes, like I get excited when my, I literally would get excited when my computer or printer broke

because I would get to hang out with our guest. Pouring soda on your keyboard. No, he's delightful and very funny. He's a great hang. And he's a foodie, a real foodie in real life. He is. He's a great chef. Chris Hayes. foodie, a real foodie in real life. He is. He's a great chef. Chris Hayes.

Chris Hayes, the fantastic Chris Hayes. And we're talking to him about a famous Taco Bell remote he did with Conan, where they went to the Taco Bell headquarters. And another remote they did in the office where Conan busted the top secret foodies email group. That is a very popular remote. It's a really funny one. I mean, they're both popular remotes. And yeah, whenever there's an office remote,

like Conan did something where he'd barnstorm around the office, Chris Hayes would always be in it. He was always in those. Yeah, yeah. He's always great. He was an office favorite. So we have Chris Hayes. We're talking to him in the studio,

and then we're going to test some new Taco Bell menu items. Yeah. Why didn't we start doing this? I don't know. Why don't we tie food into this podcast? Yeah. Our producer Lisa came up with this idea. But going forward, as they like to say,

let's get food, at least a snack or something in next week's Head Writer show. And here's your auditory snack. It's Chris Hayes. Oh, what a segue. We have a great, great guest today. We do. I'm very excited about this guest.

I am too because he brought snacks with him. Oh, right. Yes. He brought all these delicious bribes so that he'll be our regular guest every week, I guess. Yeah, and it's worked. Yeah. Our permanent guest. Chris Hayes. Hey. Hi, Chris. That was the plan, by the way. IT professional and a remote star of many Kona remotes. I forgot your names. Thank God. Just jumped in. I forgot what IT stands for.

I always pause when I see the letters IT. And now there's AI, so now I'm really confused. Internet technology? Or information technology? Information. But it's fine. Internet technology, I think it can all work. Whatever fits for you.

Information technology. I forgot to learn paper technology. We won't say who that is. We won't say who that is. You already did the last time you were on. I did. Yeah, you went right after me aggressively, which is why you haven't been on in four years.

It's been a minute. It's been a minute. Yeah, so last time we had you on, you called Sweeney out for forgetting to load paper into his printer and then complaining about it not working. Right. And in my defense, it did not work without paper. So, apology accepted. Right. I think I was right to call you on the carpet.

And I think, didn't I call a on the carpet and I think didn't I call a staff-wide meeting to lambaste you for you may or may not have you may or may not have did you do that? that sounds like

something you'd do yeah but we wanted to have you back because you were in so many Conan remotes and this whole season is about remotes cool and this whole season is about remotes.

Cool. And you really do. Okay, the first one you were in, do you remember what it was? Well, the first time I was on camera was to fill in for Snoop. I was a stand-in. Oh. I had no idea what a mark was. I had no idea why I was there.

They just, Steve Hollander, who was the stage manager, pulled me and said, stand here. We're going to run through this music rehearsal. Yeah. Oh, as far as he was going to do a music performance? Snoop was performing that evening. They had me stand in, right? Early in the morning. Okay.

Now, I had never done anything like this. I'd never really been on a stage. Hot, even if it was smoked grass. Nor smelled it. Okay. Now, I had never done anything like this. I'd never really been on a stage. You didn't smoke grass. Nor smelled it. Okay. You're right. And, this was prior to Snoop arriving.

So, they were going through the rehearsal, playing the song he was going to play that night. They had his lyrics going on a teleprompter. Uh-huh. I didn't realize I wasn't supposed to perform. Oh, that's so cool.

Oh, my God. So, I was dancing and acting like I was. You fully did it. You went all out. Yeah, they gave me his microphone. Apparently, his microphone was worth about $90,000. Oh, my God.

$100,000. Yeah, it was. His own. He brought diamonds all over. He brings his own microphone in a case. You know? Wow. Yeah, and they handed it to me, and it said Snoop.

So you had to dance once. Yeah. I danced. I danced me and it said Snoop. So you had to dance once you got on that. I danced with his backup dancers. That's fantastic. Was everyone like, Snoop doesn't need to come now. We got it. Yeah. I was doing the lyrics to the song. I was doing the dancing.

You never worked together. And I just remember going back upstairs and Conan just looking at me like. Oh, you saw him. Uh-oh. You. And Ross just laughing at me. You're in trouble. It was just like I had no idea I wasn't supposed to do that.

That's great. I was just supposed to stand there like this. I don't remember. Yeah. I mean, a lot of times I miss the music rehearsals. Yeah. Because we're frantically doing other stuff. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. But that's fantastic. That's great. I wish we had, you know, there were times in New York, band, like,

lead singers wouldn't be there. And they're usually like big names, like someone like Snoop. And they'd have, sometimes they'd have an intern stand in.

And unlike you, there was, I wish I remembered what song it was. There's an intern, just kind of a nerdy looking intern, just standing there. Just weakly standing. Well, everyone, like dancers and all this, everything else is just revved up around him. And I remember once we were like called down, we're like, record this, record this. Because it was, we just wanted to watch it.

So incongruous. But I wish we had a copy of you doing this. I'm glad that there's not one out there. There might be somewhere, but you probably erased it. I wouldn't have had access to it, but I certainly wouldn't have. Had I, yeah, yeah. That one would have had to go away. Did you try to sing at all?

I was literally rapping his lyrics. Oh, my God. And it was a new song. So I don't know if it was playing on the radio at that time. All right. So it was a new song. Yeah. And you already knew it.

I didn't know it very well. Oh, yeah. So I was kind of ad-libbing on certain parts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dancing with his backup dancers. They're on roller skates. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dancing with his backup dancers.

They're on roller skates. I'm dancing. Were they on roller skates? Yeah, they were on roller skates. It was crazy, man. While handling IT emails during the song. Yes.

Yes. Yeah. Do you have anything to do? I thought it was going to be a couple of minutes and they kept going over it and doing it again. So not only did I have to do it once,

I kept doing it. Oh, you kept having to do it. Well, they actually didn't need you to do it again. They just liked watching it. I was making a fool of myself at that point. Conan was calling from his office.

And it's feeding throughout the office. We could do it again. Right. Yeah, it's feeding through the office on all the monitors. Oh, that's so great. And part of you wasn't like, oh, this could be my big...

Not at all. All right, okay. Yeah, because that's not why you got into it. Not at all. No. I'm just an IT guy. Yeah. That's it.

Yeah. But Conan loves to find people he works with who he can tell will be good on camera, but aren't trying to get on camera. Not at all. So you were right in that sweet spot. There are. Yes. Yeah.

There's the opposite of that. There's some people on the staff who were so clearly wanted to get on camera. Yeah are. Yes, yeah. It's the opposite of that. There's some people on the staff who were so clearly wanted to get on camera. Yeah. And it was like, they come in on roller skates. Anyway.

Oh, so that's wild. So then, was it soon after that then that the segment Hanging with Haze came up? I would say it had to be. The next day. There wasn't very much time.

Yeah. I don't think it was too long in between. Yeah. That they got online. And I don't know if those are online. No, they're not. They're not. Because it was a tonight show.

And that's all, you know, in a vault. Yes. Which is fine. Yeah. Some days they'll be released. Yeah. That was kind of like my first real taste of you know

getting beat you know or I in front of a camera being in front of a camera and reading a script and hitting certain marks

and hey you're gonna act like you're playing a saxophone right and they they booked what do you say you book a kid

this kid I guess I was like his big brother you, like a big brother program. Was that pre-taped? That was pre-taped. Right, so you didn't have to worry about being out in front of a live audience. Not at that point. No,

but when... Oh, shoot, I'm mixing these things up, yeah. No, I'm not. Oh, we're going way back. This is just a clever way. We're going way back, hanging with Hayes. On The Tonight Show going way back. This is just a clever way. We're going way back. Hanging with Haze. On The Tonight Show. That was The Tonight Show.

That's correct. Yeah. You were slated right away to like, let's get this guy on TV. So that was interesting because it was more nerve wracking for me, surprisingly, to do it in front of the coworkers. Oh. Because at that point, I- to do it in front of the co-workers. Oh. Because at that point, the crew, the people, you, Shalemi, right? Slansky, everyone. Like your backstage shooting, hanging with a bit.

Is that what you're talking about? Well, no, when we went out live and did it towards the end of that bit. That was in front of a live audience. Oh, okay. But you were more nervous, not about the audience, but about your co-workers being out there during the rehearsal got it so remember we used to rehearse and we used to rehearse in front of the employees and that was a tough crowd they wouldn't laugh too you know it's just i had to be around them after the audience i would never have to see again yeah that's true so like i was literally

not nervous in front of the audience and I believe that audience was about 400 people. Yeah, that was a big studio. It was a huge studio. Huge studio audience. Yeah. I'm not a big fan of big. No?

Well, they're not. No, this is the perfect amount of audience. We have two people here watching. This is kind of too much pressure for me. But, yeah. Oh, so that's funny. You were more worried about your coworkers.

Yeah. And then an interesting thing is when we did, fast forward to us doing the actual taping, the taping in front of the audience. After it was done, they rolled my little mini set back behind the curtain. And I get off the, you know, it was like a fake desk or fake office thing that they had made for me. Yeah. And I'm just kind of on this high at this point. I've never done anything like that, never been in front of an audience. And I walk off and I just kind of go off to myself and going back actually just to do some work shit, you know.

Right, right. But in between there, John McCain was standing back there. Senator John McCain. Senator John McCain. And he goes. And he wasn't even on the show that night. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, yeah.

He was always hanging out backstage. And he just called me by my name, shook my hand. He was like that was really funny Chris and just shook my hand and there was no one around there was no cameras around it was just he and I

in that moment and he just shook my hand and I was just like thank you very much nice to meet you sir I could absolutely be making this up that's great

so that was a cool that was something that I'll always remember that is yeah John McCain was a fan huge huge that's also a good like classic late night So that was a cool, that was something that I'll always remember. That is, yeah. John McCain was a fan. Huge. Huge.

That's also a good, like, classic late night story where these random people are thrown together for an hour every night. And, you know, you come off stage and, all right, John McCain's there. You know, yeah. And like I said, I'm just a guy that plugs in computers. So that was pretty, that was a pretty cool moment that is cool yeah yeah did people

that you know watch the show like how what was the response did your family watch yeah my family watched I told them I had to tell them about that

of course you know and yeah it was pretty exciting for them yeah it was just yeah

you know it was the tonight show so there used to be a rookie just, yeah, you know, it was the Tonight Show. There used to be a rookie mistake, which is people, you know, you cast staff and sometimes actors, you know, and they'd tell their whole family,

I'm going to be on Conan tonight. And then it's like, no, cut it out after the show. Cut the moment you said that. Exactly. We kept a mic on you. Never want to be on. Never want to be on TV.

That's the secret. That's your secret. That's why again and again. I do not want a million dollars. Okay. We'll put that out there. You said it here first. Yeah.

All right. Too bad. That's what we pay our guests on this it here first. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Too bad. We pay. That's what we pay our guests on this podcast. Is that what you pay your guests? We're going to give it to charity. That's true. Charity.

Well, so then once the show moved over to TBS, Conan really started doing a lot of office remotes with real staffers. Going around the office. Just going around the office. And I don't know what. That probably just came out of necessity, maybe. Well, yeah, if he liked the idea and it was a funny idea. It was very easy to film. They were easy to grab. It was a little out of necessity in that he was just very busy. So it was a little harder to schedule him to like, okay, now you've got to go.

We were driving to Palm Springs for you to meet a guru down there. It's like you have to walk out of your office and walk 30 feet. Right. And your office, Hayes, was right by Conan's office. Yeah, not very far down the hallway. So you were right in the strike zone there. Yes. Yep. Every day. right in the strike zone there. Yep, yep. Every day.

Got to see him pass by. Like a lot of his would start maybe at Sona's desk, his assistant, right outside his office. Like her gigolos mug was missing. Gigolos. Gigolos. Gigolos. Gigolos. Do you remember that?

No. I was working on your computer or something or putting paper in a printer for you. Sure, of course. I don't know. Huge. Turning it on. Right. But it didn't work.

And you had a script on your desk, and it was G-I-G-O-L-O-S. And I don't know, maybe I had a long night the night before. I'm like, what is this? I was like, what is Gagolos, man? What is Gagolos? I hate to say this. It's not a word you use a lot. I mean, I don't think I've ever used it. I don't think I've ever seen it written down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah.

And I was literally, and he thought I was joking, but I was serious. I was like, what is Gagolos, man? And he's just like- I don't remember this. Yeah, and you were. Right? Yeah. And I was literally, and he thought I was joking. But I was serious. I was like, what is gigolos, man? And he's just like. I don't remember this. Yeah, and you were just looking at it. And he's like, it's pronounced gigolos. I don't remember anything. Nothing that happens between us, do you remember? What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know, man. I remember plenty that's happened. I don't know. I don't know. Do you want. We talk about palm trees. I don't know. It's just fine.

Yeah. I bored you to death by explaining the difference between the various palm trees. I don't know. It's just fine. Yeah. I bored you to death by explaining the difference between the various palm trees in LA. I've heard the palm trees. You've heard the palm trees story? Yeah.

Yeah. I'm happy to do it now for all our listeners. This is just shit that you share with anyone. Yeah. Anyone who will listen. If you'd like to listen.

That, I'm not going to apologize. Let the listener note that we cut out Sweeney's palm trees. I'm not. No. I finally showed some judgment and I'm not, you know, fuck it.

I'm not going to talk. People are going to have to. Well, now we want you to. No, people are going to beg me. Sorry, I'm going off the rails here. But yeah, I didn't know that that was how Jiglos was spelled. And then later on, later that day, I saw the same thing written on a mug that Sona had. Right.

Oh, the same day. That's crazy. Yeah, because I went down to her desk. And then somehow she mentioned, oh, that's my Jiglos mug. And I was like, oh, shit. Sweeney must think I'm an idiot. I was like, I think I'm an idiot right now. Yeah.

The opposite. I can't believe you still remember an embarrassing thing from like 12 years ago. I couldn't read a word. I have so many that I remember them for a week, but then they're gone. Mine are coming every 10 minutes. I lay in bed at night and go, fuck. And my wife's like, oh my God, what are you? I said 20 different things I said today that embarrassed me.

Well, no, I'm so grateful that happened because I used to have to read all the writers' pitches out loud in the room. Oh, yeah. With the writers in there. And my biggest fear was mispronouncing words. And I did. And oh, my God. And you do it with the writer. Oh, you just evis oh you just you hear about it

it's not like like uh they just jump i think my best one was the word whoa oh shit w-h-o-a i said whoa oh no like what what and What? I went, whoa. I never, ever had to say that out loud. I mean, I was mortified. Just mortified. No, it wasn't funny. That's funny. I thought you were saying it was funny. No, that's funny.

It was funny. And I was just mortified. And I think- It was a lot of pressure that you had to pitch everything. Because we would also give you shit. Like if something didn't land great, we would blame it on you

for the pitch. Oh, I know. Oh, I know. Oh, the way that you pitched it. The way he pitched it. Yeah, yeah. And if something did pass,

it was in spite of my reading. Right. Yeah, so either way, I was a fucking asshole. You're losing. Yeah. Listen, no one ever- But I was so grateful that we didn't have to so either way, I was a fucking asshole. You're losing, man. Listen, no one ever thinks of Scott.

But I was so grateful that we didn't have to pitch things ourselves. That was a real, I mean, honestly. Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. No, truly, thank you.

Because I was a huge relief when I started at the show. I thought that I assumed that we'd have to go around the room and pitch our pitchers. Oh, yeah, no. Terrifying.

Terrifying. Yeah, that, I mean, and that happens, I think, at a lot of shows. A lot of places, yeah. But it was already set up that way when I started working there, that it was anonymous. Some genius, yeah. It is. And the monologue jokes were anonymous. Incredible.

That's very unusual. Really? For a talk show where, no, there's usually a bean counter going, oh, how many did you get on tonight? Whose initials? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Oh, yeah. It's really, can you imagine that stress?

But that's so stressful for a new writer. So stressful. And it's also, you know, there's, the power of suggestion is so important in comedy that I think there's, once somebody gets something in their heads of like, oh, this person always makes me laugh. This person maybe has been on a rough streak. Then that's just gonna inform everything that they read. I used to hear SNL read-through stories where every Wednesday, there's a pile of scripts up to the ceiling

and they read through them. And I'd hear stories from writers in there where it's like, the cast members who are hot, if they're reading your sketch, everyone's like laughing. And if you're like, if you're not doing, if you're a little rough trough, you know, it's like high school. Everyone's like, yeah. And it's just like, oh. It's a rain cloud following you around, huh?

Yeah. Yeah. You're a pig pen. And if you don't shake that off somehow, then, you know, that can. It's self-fulfilling. Yeah. Yeah. And you can just.

What a rut to be in. I know. I mean, it's enough to make you go, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Nelly. That's great. Whoa.

It's not even. It's the. Whoa. A four letter word. Whoa. Yeah. What a moron. It's almost like a recoil. You say dumbest four-letter word. Woa. Yeah. What a moron. It's almost like a recoil.

You say it so hard. Woa. Woa. Yeah, woa. And I think I mispronounced Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's first name. Oh. And I knew how to pronounce it, but I don't know what I, how do you miss? I think I just like.

You're reading it. You're doing a cold read on a lot. And they were all cold reads. Yeah. Anyway. Thanks, Jesse. You're very understanding. Even though at the time, I'm sure you were like that fucking asshole.

Or as I would say, ace hole. Fucked up my pitch again. Anyway, sorry. So yeah. Gigolos. Gigolos. Gigolos. Gigolos. Gigolos, yeah. I can read it now.

But, yes, I was saying, like, a lot of remotes started right at Sona's desk. And then Conan would work his way down that second floor hall, the workplace, and you were right in the middle. So, you were kind of, you became pivotal to a lot of remotes. To quite a few. So would you know, I mean, did you have an inkling of when a remote was happening and you'd kind of like put on a little extra makeup that day? No, no, no. Put a little mark, a little actor's mark under your chin. there were a few remotes that required some type of intervention from my side where they wanted me to send out an email, you know, create a fake email group or something like that.

Well, let's talk about that remote. Because I think that's a fun one. Yeah. The foodie remote. Yes. So there was, can you explain? Because it was based on an actual email chain of a group in the office

that were calling themselves the foodies. Weren't you one of them? I wasn't, no. You could have been. You absolutely would have been on that group. I would have lobbied to be in it, yeah, for sure. That was one of the last lists to die.

That thing went on until the very end. Oh, so it was there when I was there and I wasn't on it. Well, I don't know when I created that list. So someone came to you and said, we want you to create this special list. Well, the foodies one. The foodies one, yeah. I think it just. How many lists were there?

Oh, great. How many lists? There were several That we don't even Yeah there were several We might need to do Retroactive remotes Yeah

Yeah There were like Okay There's still a few Yeah How to get on a podcast Right No

That one Was just people That like food Yeah And say Restaurant recommendations And stuff like that. But then the...

Then the remote came from that because, okay, so we were always getting sent free food. Yes. Free shit, just anything, right? Certainly food. There was always cakes coming in. And they would always go straight to the second floor. That was not the floor the writers were on. Well, yeah. The writers were very resentful

about not getting food sent to the third floor. Yeah. I mean, if you were on the foodies list and you were a writer, you would know to come to the second floor.

Which writers were on the foodies list? Oh. You don't know if I... Kiss and tell. Yeah. I know Andy was on it. Andy was on it.

Andy was on it. Andy was on it. It was almost like if you came and made a recommendation to another foodie, you could get on the foodie list. Do you know? Hey, I like this restaurant. And then another foodie might realize that you like food and say, hey, you know, there's a list. You like food. Ask Hayes to put you on it. That guy doesn't like food. The guy in the IV doesn't enjoy it.

He's on a glucose drip. Exactly. And then, yeah, they would send me an email. Hey, can I get on this? That's how a lot of people got on different lists. You know, but the foodies went, yeah. And then, so I think the remote you're speaking of was, yeah, foodies would get first access.

So what would happen is the food would come to the second floor, kind of right in front of your desk. Always, yeah. And then you would be aware that the food had just arrived. Yes. And you would send an email just to the foodies list and say, this is what we got. I did not know that.

You had an agency. You kind of were in charge of sending out a lot of those emails? Anyone could send out to the foodies list. I would just have first eyes on the food because it would be in front of me. And so you'd grab the bull by the horns and send it to the foodies.

I know everyone eventually is going to find out that there's food. Yeah. The word you'd grab the bull by the horns and send it to the foodies. I know everyone eventually is going to find out that there's food. Yeah. The word gets out. No, the idea was to beat everyone else to it. Exactly.

So you get first choice. If it was Popeyes, you know, there's some wing lovers in foodies. And there's only so many. There's only so many wings on a chicken.

If you're part of the foodies list, you're going to get one of your wings, brother. You're not going to end up with a leg. Yeah. Yeah, get one of your wings, brother. You're not going to end up with a leg. Or, yeah, right? Leg, breast, whatever. The day of this remote,

it all happened so this email came around, and I don't know how we found out about the foodies, but then when Conan heard about it, I don't know who said, let's do this remote right away. Who tipped Conan off? Because that person. I wish we should investigate this.

Because I know some. That's a wrap. Do you remember, Chris? I may not know. You do know. It's shrouded in secrecy. It has to remain that way. Why?

The secrets you carry. The show doesn't even exist anymore. It has to remain that way. Why? The secrets you carry. The show doesn't even exist anymore. It has to remain that way. Wow. I feel like there's still a foodies list. The foodies list lasted for, I think I finally just filled the foodies list not too long ago.

There were people walking around with smiles on their face all the time. Conference room. Hey, in the conference room. It wasn't even if it was in front of me sometimes. time. Conference room. Hey, in the conference room. It wasn't even if it was in front of me sometimes. We kind of knew. Hey, in the conference room, there's going to be this coming. That's what this one was.

This remote was that a cake had come in, right? It was a cake, yeah. Well, I think they did. So Conan found out about the foodies list and he was like, I'm going to bust these people. Right, right. That are getting to the food first. Yes. That one I kind of knew was going down too. So I just that are getting to the food first. Yes. That one I kind of knew was going down, too.

So I just kind of had to sit back and watch it. So you were implying that you had to send that email, the fake email, to get people there? I can't remember if it was me. I truly can't remember if it was me or not. I don't think it was me. I sent out the email, but I can't remember. It might have been you. It might have been me.

Shit, I hope it wasn't me. And I think Conan started, he explained it in an office and then was lying in wait, I think, for a few people to come in. It was pretty, yeah, it was pretty brutal. It was great. Yeah, yeah, it was pretty. He went into the. It was a pretty rough one. To the conference room where everyone was going to meet. Yeah. Just one rough one. He went into the conference room where everyone was going to meet.

Yeah. Just one by one. It was like a perfectly set trap. Yeah. All the foodies trickled in. Yes. And he confronted them on camera. Yeah.

Yeah. Totally ambushed. It was great. That was one. And no one knew. Like there was no one that knew. Yeah. Everyone was ambushed. And most one. And no one knew. Like there was no one that knew. No one was. Yeah.

Everyone was saying. And most people were very like sheepish. And then I think one or two people just like, yeah, for those who people care about food. People who like food. Unapologetically. I remember. And just eating the cake. Yeah. They're just like, yeah, man.

Don't you have a show to do? You're not on it. You're not on it. What are you doing in here? Exactly. Yeah. That was funny. But that one was, I was just kind, yeah, man. Don't you have a show to do? You're not on it. You're not on it. What are you doing in here? Exactly. Yeah. Very funny. That was funny.

But that one was, I was just kind of like, oh, man, you just have to watch your comrades kind of go down. Yeah. Oh, man. Go down. Yeah. Yes, because content for the show. Yes.

Right. Always triumphs over anything. It's like you're not doing your job because what? Right. You stepped away from your job to come eat cake because you're on some exclusive list. Yeah. I think that's why, I mean, it's really funny, but another reason it's so popular is obviously anyone who works in an office can relate to these kind of shenanigans.

Information withholding. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Gotta be in the know. Did that affect the foodies? I mean, was there a,

a rift? Like was the, the, you know, the broken trust of that? Yeah. I think there was a little bit of broken trust. I,

I, I remember, and I think it wore off, but I remember in the very beginning, it was kind of like, man, who can we trust? I think people kind of looked at me like,

man, you kind of sold us out. And I was like, I guess for the comedy oh wow you know it's okay also do you want

you still got to eat cake do you want to be on the list you still got to eat cake you got to yeah and Jordan Schlansky was on the list too right

of course was he one of was Schlansky on there I think so he had to have been on there yeah because he likes to make Italian restaurant recommendations yeah he likes to make Italian restaurant recommendations.

I would say that's it. That was his only contribution to that list was Italian food. Other than showing up and eating. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's all he, yeah. So foodies, I love that it continued on. And I bet there were future generations of foodies that I love that it continued on.

And I bet there were future generations of foodies that didn't even know about that remote. No, no, no. New employees were like. Yeah. It's like wars though. Every generation, it skips a generation, but then the next generation has to fight. There were wounds. There were wounds. People were showing their wounds from that battle.

He could have done a foodie remote every five years. He could have, yeah. I had no idea, but it just kept going. Yeah. I thought that would have put... Well, you are also in one of my... It's one of my favorite office remote moments. It's the Secret Santa remote.

Oh, yeah. I had to look it up because I wasn't... I was like, where is that little moment from? It's called the Secret Santa remote, which is fine. It's funny. And Conan's out and he talks to you and then he moves down the line. He's talking another cubicle and there's something about marijuana or something. He goes, does everyone here smoking pot?

And who else here here smoking pot? I think that was the question. And, you know, no one responds. And then he moves on. I mean, I love this also because it's a moment found in editing. And those sometimes are my favorite moments. I know as a writer, when you're editing something and you find those moments. You see someone makes a face and yeah.

Something where you're like, there are laughs you didn't think you had going into the edit room. And you're just like, oh, thank you. Literally, I get down on my knees and pray to God all of a sudden. You're so grateful. But anyway, Conan goes, anyone here smoking pot? And then no response. But then the video freezes and it rewinds and then it plays again and blows in your cubicles like 30 feet in the background and it blows the shot way up and we

we just see your hand come up above the cube like i do and it's it gets such a giant laugh one of the biggest laughs wow I remember yeah and anyway nice work so

you know what you were doing you knew you knew just to raise your hand just above your cubicle wall not too high in my own world

in my own world anyway didn't even look back yeah very very funny sorry to describe it in detail maybe no no that was great yeah in my own world. Anyway. Didn't even look back. Very, very funny. Sorry to describe it in detail. No.

No, that was great. You know what's shorter than that explanation? My discussion about palm pin 8 versus palm 8 palm trees. I disagree. I disagree. I disagree.

That can go on for hours. It got me through some rough times. Well, you know, Jesse, now I can tell you, there was a secret email palm tree. Palmies? Yeah, the palmies. The palmies. I-E-S. I would bring in a new frond.

Yeah. And we'd all meet in the conference room. You could recommend a frond. Yeah. We'd talk about how they spawn. Now I want to know what all the other lists were. It's upsetting to me to not know. Oh, I definitely want to know the other lists.

There were so many. I don't think I can come up with one. And you were the keeper of all the lists. You're so full of shit. What? Oh, there were so many. I know you remember exactly. Some of them must have offended your sensibilities.

Where you're just like, oh, these. Did I create one where it was like for people selling shit or looking to buy stuff oh I would have I kind of

I kind of feel like I remember that I don't know people would send hey everybody's free couches you know someone

eggs eggs ah I remember the oh the eggs but there was an egg email yeah the egg email I was on that

I thought eggs went out to everyone. Was that Hey Everybody? No. Was eggs its own? I don't know. Maybe it was. Maybe it was a shout out.

And then it was like, maybe Jeff Ross was like, stop. You know what? That's what happened. You're mailing everyone about your goddamn eggs. Because Hey Everybody. Yeah. Hey Everybody went to everyone. Went to everyone.

I mean everyone. It went, yeah, it went to everyone. Ever. John McCain. John McCain. I mean everyone. It went to everyone. John McCain. Network affiliates. It wasn't voluntary. And shout out was voluntary. You could take yourself off of shout out if you were on it. So I put everyone on it by default.

So something mistakenly got sent to company wide. Well, people would start asking just all type of like how to live their life daily well and i would get stressed out because once you got one email then there would inevitably be a barrage of reply all the people with little jokes jokes and that's pressure and everyone was became a comedian at that point yeah yeah yeah well that took the pressure off yeah right oh i didn't feel pressure to respond i just felt like okay now we're just gonna get a whole bunch of yes ands here. Keep it going. It never ended.

And some people never knew to stop doing that. No. I know. People would get upset. Would they come to you then? Can I get off this list? Yeah, and I would take them off the list. I won't say who it was.

Yeah, there were some. It really slowed down their day. Seriously, yeah, there would be people that were asked to be taken off the list. I won't say who it was. Yeah, there are some. It really slowed down their day. I'm serious, though. Yeah, there would be people that were asked to be taken off the list. And you wouldn't know unless you looked at the whole list. You'd see who those people are. I'll let you know after this.

Who never to trust. Andy Richter. It's always Andy Richter. It's always Andy. Yet one of our wardrobe people, incredibly talented, had, she lives in this amazing compound. Oh, yeah. Near Altadena, I think. Right.

And started. A chicken farm. Yeah, and started bringing eggs in. Not only a chicken farm, but had lamb on there. Right. Goats. Yeah. Yeah.

She was a guest on Inside Common. Linda. Yeah, Linda. Oh, okay. Can I tell you something about her? About Linda, sure. I used to do, she's the sweetest lady,

by the way. Linda's fantastic. I know you're not supposed to start things like that, but yeah, love Linda. And so I love her so much. She was one of the people that would ask me to do work

on their personal computers. Okay. Like a laptop or something. I didn't do that for everyone because then it becomes a thing, right? What kinds of work would you do? Just whatever. Just troubleshooting? Yeah, can you troubleshoot this?

Genius bar stuff. Whatever, right? Firing offense. What? She should have been fired. No, no, it's fine. It's fine. You could fire her retroactively now.

I'm going to. Well, so, and obviously I don't want to make money off of people that I work with for working on their computer. So, you know, it's fine. So you got paid in eggs. She did not pay me in eggs. You know what she paid me in? What? Goat milk. Oh.

I never had goat milk before. Really? Yeah. Yeah. She paid me. Wow. How was the goat milk? I came in to work and there was two jars.

Oh, my God. On my desk. Uh-huh. And I looked and I was just like. She knew how to keep you coming back. There was a note underneath there that said, you know. Goat milk. Goat milk.

Goat milk. I'd never tasted any shit like that. Wow. What does it taste like? Goat milk. Different. It tastes like goat. Tastes like. Was that her way of saying you're terminated? I don't want you. It tastes like goat. Tastes like, wow.

Was that her way of saying you're terminated? I don't want you near my computer. I don't know what it was. Here's some goat milk. Go away. You could make goat cheese. Wait, so you, goat milk was. I'd never had it.

Like I was never like, you know, if you have any, can you bring me some? Can you spare some goat milk? I was never like that. No one's ever said that. No one has ever. Which is. And you can keep it. It doesn't have to

necessarily stay cold. I don't think. Very too, too cold. It's shelf stable? I don't know if it was shelf. I don't know. It wasn't ice cold. Oh, yeah.

I had goat milk from 2012. You're going to want to pour that over ice. Chris, we should talk about... What, you feel we've strayed? Strayed too far? No.

Into goat milk territory? I'm trying to segue. It was definitely going to end up at goat milk. Had no other place to go. It always comes to goat milk. Well, one of the reasons you were in charge of the foodies list is because you are a legitimate foodie. I mean, you love food. You do. We've all talked to you about different legitimate foodie. I mean, you love food and you do. We've

all talked to you about different kinds of food. Yes. But this is true. One of our favorite remotes too involved you going to Taco Bell headquarters. One of my favorites. Which was, well, we found out you loved Taco Bell. I mean, it wasn't an accident that you're there. one. Yeah. You were brought there as a gift to you because Conan knew that you loved it so much. Yes. But you got to go to Mecca to Taco Bell headquarters. In Irvine, I think.

Yeah. In Orange County somewhere. It was truly a gift. Yeah. It looked awesome. Right. And they have a lab there. A test lab.

I think kind of famously a test lab where they're always coming up with new food. Because, you know. It's awesome. Right. And they have a lab there. A test lab. I think kind of famously a test lab. Yeah. Where they're always coming up with new food. Because, you know. It's amazing. Mexicans, as it turns out, don't know how to make Mexican food. You need a laboratory to finalize where it really comes from. Get it right.

Right. That's what they're trying to do at Taco Bell. That was a glorious day. Yeah. Like, literally, I felt like, shit, man. Like coming home. My whole life led to this moment. Like this is it. Yeah.

Like this, this is it, man. You manifested that. Yeah. Like this is it. This is what you did. All the hard work for it.

You know, dancing. Yeah. This is it. Yeah. Dancing like Snoop. You paid your dues. Yeah.

You swallowed your pride. Right. And you made it here. I could really see that. You get to be part of this wonderful thing. I felt I manifested the Dorito local taco. I swear I thought about that thing before. Is that what you tried when you were down there?

The Dorito? No, this was prior to that. I'm just saying I have a close connection. You have a little bit of a synchronicity with Taco Bell. Yes, I would say so. Yeah, absolutely. I would have, if I was you and living in Taco Bell, shooting the remote,

I would have tried to make friends with everyone who worked there so you could call up and go back down. Oh, put them on the foodies list. Yes. Have you ever been back since that remote? It was overwhelming. So, you know, hindsight, you go, shit, I should have done that.

I should have exchanged some numbers, exchanged cards or whatever. Right, right, right. No. I was too in the moment, man. You know what I mean? Just taking it in. Yeah. How did you prepare your body for that remote?

Had you done a cleanse or like go really hungry? That body at that time was Taco Bell ready. It didn't need no preparation. If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. Stay ready. You don't gots to get ready. Yes. That body was Taco Bell.

You did it three days. That body was Taco Bell optimized, man. Yeah. You were the man for the job. Yeah. What a day. Yeah. Is there stuff you ate that didn't end up in there?

Like, were you just getting to gorge on all these different things or was it kind of a limited? Was it mostly focused on like. There were definitely things. It's cool because you can go in there. Yeah. And I don't know if it's still the same, but they encourage you to try new things. I think it's part of their job. They can just be sitting at their desk and go, you know what?

I feel like such and such. I feel like a quesadilla stuffed with steak and chicken and sour cream, whatever. They're all foodies. They're all on the foodies list at Taco Bell. Yes, they're all on the foodies list. Yeah, because you were eating. I remember that. I was like, wow, you're all on the foodies list. Yeah, because you were eating, I remember that. I was like, wow,

they seem like regular employees there trying the food out. Seems like they can just get up anytime and just go hit that kitchen up. Yeah, it's very,

definitely an advantage to working there. I said that in the remote. Yeah. I said, man, I forget what I said. Slip your resume under someone's door.

Yeah, I just remember thinking, I zoned off during it on camera. Like, shit, man. I forget what I said. Slip your resume under someone's door. Yeah, I just remember thinking. I zoned off during it. On camera, like, shit, man. What am I doing? Do I go back? Yeah. Is this real? Is this life? Filling paper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it got me there, man. Filling paper. Printers. Yeah, leaving the yeah, yeah. But it got me there, man. You know, filling paper. There's someone who's leaving the tortilla machine empty. Yeah. Do you ever, like, now when you're in Taco Bell, you're like, yeah, I've been to headquarters. No, not once. No, no, no.

I didn't think this was salsa. Yeah, I've been on the 12th floor. Oh, you're so cute thinking Taco Bell has salsa. They do? I don't know. I mean, it's salsa-esque. It's a hot sauce. We talked about this the other day because Jesse loves Taco Bell. I love Taco Bell.

I think I've only been there once. That's insane to me. In life. In your whole life. In my entire life. And you can't even remember when it was, so it might not have ever happened. No idea. I don't know.

And I know the other one's Del Taco, right? Out here. Yeah. That's a different thing. Do people like both? Or is that a different thing? But how does that happen? How does what happen?

How do you avoid Taco Bell? Like, how do you not? It feels like it's a choice, right? No. It would have to be. Everyone just finds you. I don't know. I just don't.

Well, living in New York, there were no Taco Bells. Yeah. And then I come out here and then it was like, well, you come out here and it's like there's great Mexican food out here. So then you start eating Mexican food. You've been out for quite

some time. I think like you said, you have to try to avoid Taco Bell. No, I don't even know where one is. You tell me where there's a Taco Bell around here. Oh. Close to here Taco Bell. I don't even know where one is. You tell me where there's a Taco Bell around here. Oh. Hmm. Well said, man.

Close to here? Yeah. When you put it like that. I guess by case. Okay. Yeah, I guess there's not a Taco Bell between your house and the studio. Case closed. That's true.

Road trip. You rigged your way out of that one. The moment you leave LA you're just flooded with Taco Bells right I don't I don't stop when I'm eating okay well

yeah you don't eat I don't you know that I do know that I know you don't eat between meals yeah between

yeah I don't eat between meals I'm not a big snacker not a grazer except unless you offer me popcorn I love Taco Bell I'm a huge fan

of their whole ethos. I think they're... So what is their ethos? When you say their ethos, I want to understand. I don't know. There's an aesthetic. There's like a... It's a little bit ironic. It's a little bit retro.

They just... I feel like they experiment with great flavors. They do. And it's a maximalist place. All right. More is more. Okay. Yeah.

But they don't have salsa? I wouldn't say they technically have salsa. They have sauces, and they do. They have sauces, but they don't have a fresh. I think that pico de gallo is considered a salsa-ish. Now I want to go. I mean, it's ironic food. It is a little bit ironic.

Okay. It's a little bit of a stoner food. You come out of there smiling. Yeah. You think about how many ways Taco Bell has flipped, what, maybe five or six ingredients? Yes. Because it's, you have either corn tortilla, flour tortilla,

tomatoes, beans, beef, chicken, and cheese. There's not very much more. Yeah, there's not that many ingredients.

They're always working with that palette. Yeah, and they can put them in so many different formats. There's a score to sour cream sometimes. And it makes a huge difference. So if you're going

from crunchy into soft or soft into crunchy or all soft or do you know what I mean yeah they work with texture a lot of texture play yeah

a lot of texture play okay this sounds great speaking of texture play I really still I can't believe they haven't brought back the double decker taco

and I'm manifesting that I was a double decker it'll happen for you okay thank you you know why it'll happen for you because they brought they brought. You know why it'll happen for you? Because they brought this thing back. They brought the Mexican pizza,

and they brought back the enchiladas. But if you wish, yeah, the enchiladas, right? The enchiladas, yeah. If you wish for it hard enough, it can happen. Wait, isn't that just a taco on top of another taco?

It's a soft taco, a layer of beans, and then a hard-shelled taco. Yes. And beef and cheese. Once again, that's the textural. But Taco Bell also, you know what they do really well? They make everything its own contained package.

The vessel is also edible. Okay. Which is really nice for eating in your car. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay, so we have Taco Bell in the studio. We should say that. There's Taco Bell here.

Our producer Lisa got some new items that we wanted to... This is Lisa's idea. I love it. Yeah, and I love it too. These are new items? These are all new menu items and we wanted to have Hayes taste them and give us his thoughts. And Sweeney also. These are all going to be new. I'm very excited.

I'm extremely excited. A bean burrito would be new to Sweeney. Yeah, everything is new. I envy your first bites. It's all new to me. Okay. The Mexican pizza. Oh, yeah.

That's a pizza. Well, yeah. It's a pizza made of tortillas. Okay. So when this thing first came out, I would guess somewhere around 1980. I'm going to guess around 87, 88. It was called a pizzazz.

Did you know when this came out? Yeah, it wasn't called a Mexican pizza. It was called the pizzazz. But I guess that didn't go over well with. Wait, it's a quesadilla. No, it's a quesadilla. Do you see what I just did there? Did you see how I did the sauce on there?

Follow my lead, drug. Sweeney, Sweeney. Follow my lead here. Squeeze a little hot sauce on there. It's literally cut like a quesadilla. And then you put it in your mouth. Yeah, hot sauce. The same way you add it to a quesadilla.

It's supposed to be warm, by the way, too. All right, all right. It's perfectly fine like this. I'll try it. Just try some. I'm going to try the quesadilla. And then let us know what you think. Yeah.

I like this. You like that? That's great. So the nacho to try the quesadilla. And then let us know what you think. Yeah. I like this. You like that? That's great. I love it. So the nacho fries with yellow bird sauce. This is a new item. Ah, yes. The French Mexican fries.

It's nacho fries topped with yellow bird, which is a trademarked name. I don't know why. It's a spicy habanero ranch. That's this one right here. It's in the little container. Okay. I'm going in. How does it hit?

Oh, spicy habanero ranch. Oh, this sauce is for the French fries? Sorry. It's like a chipotle aioli. Wow. That's special. That's good. That's good. It's like a chipotle aioli. Wow. That's special. That's good. That's good.

It's different. That would go good on the Mexican pizza. Wait, what's different to you here? The sauce? That would go good on Mexican pizza. It's got some kick to it. It does. This is a very adult sauce here.

I want to go on a road trip with you guys. This ain't for no little children. Just to eat now. It's the best. I don't care where we're driving. Where are we going to go on a road trip with you guys. This ain't for no little children. Just to eat now. I don't care where we're driving. Where are we going to go? Let's go. We'll go to Riverside. Go to Riverside. Playing at Taco Bell in between here and there. What's a Taco Bell you guys have stopped at where you're just

like, oh my God, like it came out of the desert like a mirage and you're just like, oh my God, this is saving my life right now. Well, you know what? Anytime you've had a good night of partying, a Taco Bell comes out of a morass. How late do they open? There's many Taco Bells on the way to Vegas. They're on the way to Palm Springs.

Any Taco Bell is a good Taco Bell. You told me to bring a soda. Yeah. This is Mountain Dew food. I'm sorry, but it is. You know what? That's one of their drinks, dude. We have Diet Mountain Dew.

I'm not drinking no Diet Mountain Dew. No, that's terrible. So I'm going to drink a Coke. They are a Mountain Dew provider. You have regular Coke. They make frozen Mountain Dew drinks, too. Who does? Taco Bell, man.

Now I'm in. They know who you are. Now I'm in. I love a good Dew. Okay. Do you want to hear about the next menu item? Yes, please. So this in the

it's wrapped in foil. It's a grilled cheese burrito. I'm fine with this. They can do no wrong. They just take American food and add. A grilled cheese burrito.

Yeah, if you add a T and an O to the end of anything. Okay. It's fine. I'm seeing what, oh, there's, it's multiple cheeses. Wow. So there's a nacho cheese inside. There's a three cheese blend also inside. And then there's a three cheese blend grilled onto the top.

Are you trying to get hired by Taco Bell? I'm going to come in next week and be like, well, you heard about Jessie. She's not... Wait, what? You got to take the bite

off the top. She's working in Irvine, California. This is actually... She's happier than she's ever been. Taco Bell podcast. This is excellent. This is good.

You two should run off together. I've seen marriages built on much less than this. You're already at the 12-year anniversary mark here. The Fiesta strips. The Fiesta strips. Oh, my goodness. There's strips of chip strips that are inside the burrito.

Brother, this shit is so good. Oh my goodness. Are you guys going to have kids? What's the plan? What's the five-year plan for you? What's your favorite hot sauce? Can you imagine your kids growing up? You've got to have children. What's your favorite hot sauce?

I'd say I enjoy a hot salsa, but they don't have salsa at Taco Bell. There's only room for fries and grilled cheese and pizza. And chipotle sauce. Okay, thanks, man. That sets the whole thing off. My favorite sauce is just the regular hot sauce. That's mine, too. I'm just going to try this grilled cheese.

Is this the grilled cheese? Is this it? You're going to want to drop some of that. Wait, is that what this thing is? I don't even know what. Yeah, that's what that is. Let me tell you how good this is. I know we're supposed to continue speaking, and I really want to just continue to tuck into this.

Can I say one thing? Yeah. This is delicious. If I had to become a Gagolo and sell myself to pay for these, I definitely would. This is delicious. If I had to become a Gagolo and sell myself to pay for these, I definitely would. Oh, man. I love the chipotle sauce. You got to stop being a Gagolo.

Yeah. This is delicious. Taco Bell is fantastic. Well, what's your favorite of the new menu items? If I had to eat one every day for the next month, it would be the grilled cheese. Yeah. Grilled cheese is good. Grilled cheese is really good.

But I'm happy with everything. Did you have an item, a menu item? Like when you went to Taco Bell, did you have something maybe you thought maybe you could pitch somebody? While I was there? Yeah. An item you've always dreamed of having at Taco Bell? It would have been the Dorito Loco. Okay. And they came, like I said, they read my mind.

Yeah, that was it. That was the ultimate. Do they have now a Flaming Hot Cheetos partnership? Hold on. Because that seems like a natural... No. No. I don't know.

I think they should have Flaming Hot Cheetos in an item. There is one that I would pitch. I forgot about this. I don't know. I think they should have Flaming Hot Cheetos in an item. There is one that I would pitch. I forgot about this. I don't know if they exist already in the wild. I don't know. But it's basically a taco, loose meat, beef, but over onion bread. Like an onion bread bun, but the taco inside the bun. Almost like a torta, right?

Oh, yeah. But with loose meat on it and shredded cheese, right? The Mexican sharp cheese. And then like a sloppy joe. Yeah. So more of a sandwich.

Like a sloppy joe, but I want to call it like a... What do you want to call it? Sloppy Jose? Okay Officially named You got it I can't say no more

I mean You can talk about I feel like that doesn't exist Food In such detail After we just ate all this food It's like Man

That just put a dent in it. I can eat taco. I could eat. You could eat more. Yeah, I could finish your plate as well. Yeah. Well, thanks, Chris Hayes. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, I hate to wrap this up, but we have to wrap it up. Just in Taco Bell solidarity. Yes. And I'm excited to be part of the, please consider me part of the Taco Bell team. You're part of the bellies. The bellies, yeah.

The bellies. I like it. Let's start that email group. The bobs. Big old bellies. Hayes, thank you very much. Thank you for having me. Always a pleasure.

Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thanks to Chris Hayes for joining us and bringing all that delicious food wow that was yeah your first taco bell experience well it's not my first maybe second but but i yeah i your first sober taco bell experience i did feel like uh just really out of the loop on Taco Bell. We were, I will say we were a little too sober for it. I was like, there's something missing. Okay, I think I know what it is. I have all my faculties.

They need to get their liquor license. Oh, there's the one in Vegas has a liquor license. That's right, they do. They serve margaritas. Lisa went there and she was disappointed. Anyway, Taco Bell, please send us free food if you want to. Yeah, Jesus. We don't really have that power with this podcast, do we?

To get free things? Sent to us? Yeah. We don't even get free Inside Conan merch. How about that? Hey, Team Coco, if you're out there. Oh, would it kill you to get... Here's a pin.

Ah, thank you. We have a listener question. We do. Yeah. You want to tackle this one? I'll read it, yeah. Oh, good. I love it.

I love your dulcet tone. Hello, Mike and Jesse. My name is Bob. I'm writing to you from Manassas, Virginia, and have been a fan since the early days of Late Night. I love the podcast and your work. See, that's a perfect thing to say to someone if you see them. That's right. My question is about the music in the comedy bits. Many of the comedy bits would have short musical jingles. Who wrote the music for those? Were there writers with some musical talent?

Or did the writers enlist Jimmy and the band to write those? Keep up the good work, Bob. That's a great question. Well, here's the thing. When you became a writer on Late Night way back in the old days and music came on, and if you wrote the lyrics for a song, if it had words, you would get a writer's credit and then you'd get a check six months later from the from bm bmi yeah which is it bmi or yeah is that bmi uh it's the musicians union yeah so some writers were like, hey, if I write the melody and the lyrics, I get 100%. Double checks.

So, you know, like Brian McCann, he would write a song. Like we used to do a bit called Joe's Place, which is really funny. Oh, yeah. It was about this bar that Conan would go to during the, actually go there live during the show. And McCann just, the night before the first one, he wrote, he just took out his acoustic guitar, wrote the song, recorded it, brought it in, and that was it.

And maybe he re-recorded it at work in a better audio situation. But then that was it. That's great. Yes. All the writers learned about that. Learned about that little scam. It was a scam.

And before that, it would just be like Max Weinberg getting, well, you'd go to Max and then you'd have Jimmy Vivino, the guitar player. He would pretty much do, bang out the melody and arrange it with Max. And then, yeah. And sometimes they'd get carried away trying to get that BMI money. Like I remember on a New Year's Eve show, you know, we were doing like a Midwest countdown or something. And when the ball or whatever jokey, you know, like whatever we did for the countdown, it was over.

We were like, the script said play Happy Days Are Here Again. Yeah. And, you know, like right before we'd rehearse, Max would come over and go, we're going to try some, we're playing something a little different. It's called, you know,

Good Times or Once Again Upon Us. I was like, wait, what? And then they play a song that kind of sounded like Happy Days Are Here. Yes. But it's like, well, you? And then they play a song that kind of sounded like Happy Days. Yes. But it's like, well, you know, I think people really know that song. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, so.

Unless that's the joke. Right, yeah, so. Like in the, in. Sometimes you'd have to be like, oh, we don't really need a new song here. Right. You know, I never, I had, I wrote plenty of lyrics to jingles and I probably even wrote

a couple, the music to a couple jingles too just because of, sometimes it's in your head a certain way and you just say, you know, you tell them,

you tell Jimmy what it is and he composes around that. Around the lyric. Yeah. But I never registered for BMI

because I hate paperwork. It was really stupid. I wish I had. I heard you've never been paid. Like you didn't get your paycheck because you had to fill out a W-9. Oh, yeah. That's been a problem for you since day one. Well, Bob, thanks for your question. Bob, stay cool. Yeah, man. And start writing, thanks for your question. Bob, stay cool. Yeah, man. And start writing your own jingles. Yeah.

And submit them to BMI. Do the paperwork. And if you're a fan of Conan's and you see him live, write a jingle and go up and sing your jingle to Conan. And if you can rhyme something with Bonaduce, more power to you. Then you get extra residuals. We love our listener questions. Honestly, they're so fun. So if you have a question for us,

you can email us insideconanpod at gmail.com or you can call and leave us a voicemail at 323-209-1079. And if you like the show for some reason, you can support us by rating Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast on iTunes.

And please leave us a review, a glowing review. I've got a review for you guys. Yeah, what's that? We love you. You can't speak for me. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jesse Gaskell. You can't speak for me. by Joanna Samuel. Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music

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Try on some spats, you're going to have a laugh. Give birth to a calf, it's Conan! This has been a Team Coco production.