Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Conan Head Writers Roundtable with Robert Smigel, Jonathan Groff, and Matt O'Brien

Episode Date: June 28, 2023

Robert Smigel, Jonathan Groff, and Matt O'Brien join Mike and Jessie as the head writers from each era of Conan's Late Night shows to discuss their favorite remotes, moments, and disasters from each of their Late Night reigns. Plus, Mike and Jessie breakdown the origins of Nathan Fielder's back-up guest comedy bit with Susan Sarandon.Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] or e-mail us at [e-mail]. 

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hello, and welcome back to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. We are your hosts. I'm Jesse Gaskell. That's Mike Sweeney. He has yet to speak. You want to let them hear your voice so they can tell us apart? Yeah, that's Sweeney. Hi.

We're writers on The Conan Show. One of us was the head writer. Right. For Conan. I was for a bit. Today's show is about head writers. It is. That's why I bring it up.

And you were a head writer on a show as well. I was a head writer on a show. Not this show. No. Well, you probably do a podcast for that show as well. You wear many hats. Yeah, but no free rides for them. Okay, fine, fine.

They'll remain unnamed. Yes, today we're going to, we got a round table of all the head writers from starting with Late Night with Conan O'Brien back in 1993. It was a brain trust. Yeah, I mean. Mostly all in this room. However, Robert Smigel was over Zoom. He was over Zoom. On the East Coast.

So he might sound a little different as you're listening. Yes. I think more, I hope it gives him more authority, kind of like this voice coming from the sky somewhere or above. Like the Wizard of Oz. Looking down on all of us. Yes. Mere mortals trying to muddle through.

That's how it felt. Right? No, we had a really fun time yakking about old times. It was great. I loved being a fly on the wall here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, really. There's some good stories. Well, maybe before we dive into the head writer roundtable, we should clarify for the listener what a head writer is.

Sure. Yeah. Okay. It's the, I mean, you know, there's, it's not a democracy, writing rooms. No. There has to, by nature of the job, be somebody who's making some decisions. Right. Yeah. And so the head writer is basically, you're right, is kind of just, kind of saying, here's what we're going to, here's what we're going to do.

But also, hey, what should we do? Yeah. So it's, you really, it's a very back and forth. You're soliciting pitches from the writers. And then when you get those pitches, you're choosing your, you know, the best ones. And sometimes that is by committee a little bit because you often, I mean, the way you would do it is you would read the pitches out loud.

Yes. And then if something got laughed, that's probably gonna have legs. Yes, it got laughed, that's probably going to have legs. Yes. It was pretty, that took a lot of the, you know, hand wringing out of the way. And in our writer's room, which I loved, which was something that was already in place when I took over, is all the pitches were read anonymously. Yes. Which I think might be unusual. But then sometimes you could kind of discern who wrote what pitch. Just because, you know, certain writers have obsessions with certain celebrities or certain words.

And I would look around. There were a couple writers, too, that would even like mouth the words along sometimes with the pitch. Oh, yes, yes, yes. But I mean, ultimately, then you would kind of put together a sample rundown for that show, for the comedy portion of that show. Yeah. And take and be producing, overseeing production on all of those bits.

Right, yes. And then also giving notes. Well, one thing I, which we've talked about, but not a long long time, and one of my favorite things about Conan's shows is that they, Conan and Robert Smigel, the original head writer, having been writers at SNL, they adopted that writer model, which is you're the writer and the producer of every comedy bit yourself. So if Jesse, you pitched a bit, you had to... You had to execute the whole thing. The whole thing. I mean, and a lot of shows don't do that.

No. It goes into a pipeline and it just gets made. Yeah. But then as the head writer, you were ultimately responsible for making sure that all that stuff was getting done. Right. And, you know, watching pre-tapes before they went down to rehearsal. And you would give notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But sometimes it's like, sometimes you green light stuff that you know is going to get just buzz sawed. Interesting. I thought that might be happening. Yeah. But not, not, And not on purpose, because you know what? It's not like accounting. It's not a precise game. So there'd be days in rehearsal where I'd be like, oh man, this is, we've got five bits and they're all great. Yeah. And we can't do them all. And they all go down in flames. And Conan's there going, I don't know what we're doing today. And I'd be like, oh, my God.

And then there are other days where there'd be things where I'm like, oh, this is. You're just watching through. And they're absolute home runs. So, you know, you don't always know. Right. With comedy. You have to cast a wide net. Yeah, yeah, know. Right. With comedy. You have to cast a wide net. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. That was the thing I didn't like about being a head writer was it's so much management. Right. And kind of administration. Yes. And it's less writing, which is what we all got in to this to do. Well, yeah. I mean, I missed, what I really missed was the ego gratification.

No, but seriously, of writing something and then producing it. And if it did well, I'd feel good for 20 minutes about myself. And that just went away. When you're a head writer, it's like- Did you ever get to feel good about things when you were a head writer? Or only bad? No, well, I tended to focus on like you know oh shit oh i i didn't go right and yeah oh god that's that's all and if things went great i'm like

i didn't feel personally like oh because i didn't feel like i just feel like you know you kind of like get out of the way right like don't don Like don't stop good things from being made on the show. You can only make mistakes as a head writer, basically. Well, yes, if you have my mental illness. But yeah. Doing well is a status quo. Right, right, right. Yeah.

Right. You're just constantly like disappointing people on both sides. Yes, that's true. Oh my God. I just assume, yeah, everyone's mad at me all the time. Yeah, exactly. That's the main emotion is, oh no. As a head writer, I think you manage below you

and you also manage upwards. Right. Because you have people above you. Yes. That you're also managing, which I think is the case here with our show. And you're always the bearer of bad news and you're the messenger that people shoot.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah? Well, you did it. And so did these other people that we're talking today. We've gathered head writers from every iteration of the show, from Late Night, The Tonight Show, the TBS Conan Show.

Right. And because this season is all about Conan on the Road, we're specifically asking the head writers about some of their favorite remotes and experiences with Conan outside of the studio. Everyone has stories that delight them and scarred them. Exactly. And on the show today, it's Robert Smigel, Jonathan Groff, you, Mike Sweeney, and Matt O'Brien.

All together, chatting about what it was like being head writer. That's right. Some of the good and the bad. Yeah, it was a fun chat. So here's our head writer roundtable. This is exciting. This has never happened before as far as I know.

No. Or will it again? On record. We have four head writers of Late Night. And it's really a summit. It's a meeting of the minds. Years in the making.

They've been trying to book this for years. Couldn't get you all in one place. Many of us haven't been on speaking terms. Yeah. We finally met. This is for charity, right? This is for charity, right?

That's why. And it's pickleball, right? It's pickleball. We met down at our garden in the pandemic and came together. Two pickleball teams. So we have here Robert Smigel, who was head writer from 1993 to 1995. You go ahead and say hi, Robert. Hi, everyone.

You've been on three other times, so we know your name by now, or we know your voice. Jonathan Groff, who was head writer from 1995 to 2000. Hello. Welcome back, Jonathan. Thank you. Thanks for being here. Thanks, Jessie. Mike Sweeney, who you hear all the time, head writer from 2000 to 2015. You'd like me to be here less.

A lot less. Yeah. And Matt O'Brien, who was head writer from 2015 to 2020. Hi, everybody. Welcome. I'm a seminal part of this program. I have every right to be here. I have every right to be here.

The anticipation for you announcing my name. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. My voice deserves to be here. I have every right to be here. The anticipation for you announcing my name. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. My voice deserves to be heard. Can I give the shout out right here for the person who couldn't? It's sad. It wasn't Marsh McCall, who was Robert's successor. Sure.

As head writer, was a wonderful guy and hired me and Mike Sweeney. That's right. In January of 95. Although I think Robert probably weighed in on that decision, and Conan, obviously. But he was great, great boss. And he did it only for like nine or ten months. But people were like, Smigel's leaving?

Can this thing even go on? Yes. And we should say, Mark passed away. It's not that he couldn't be here. He literally can't be here. He passed away in 2016 or something. But I'd like to think he would have said no, even if he would have. He would have totally said yes.

Saying no from heaven. He wanted no part of it. I'd like to think that he's watching and listening and can't wait for it to be over. He's watching with Abraham Lincoln. He's going back into his office and closing the door. He's like, okay, they got the name check out of the way. I can go back.

Well, so the reason we all brought you here today It's a sting. It is. There's some tax discrepancies. No, we were, this whole season is, we're talking about remotes outside of the studio. And we've talked to all of you about

your experience working on the show. And I mean, this can go off into whatever direction we want it. But we kind of wanted to start with a jumping off point of your favorite remotes that you worked on with Conan. And just even the sort of premise of

the remote, which was something that Robert began and then kind of continued and evolved throughout the course of the show. Certainly did evolve. Or it could be any favorite thing you did with Conan outside of the show. Certainly did evolve. The beginning of it. Or it could be any favorite thing you did with Conan outside of the studio.

It could be a lunch you had once. That's right. And you shot it on your iPhone. I was only like, had been there a month and I didn't know really what I was doing entirely. And I got assigned to go with Andy to spring training in 1995. But spring training was a strike year.

The MLB players were on strike. So it was all these just misshapen scabs, basically, who were playing Major League Baseball. And Andy and I went down. And Andy was a great guy to do a remote with because he was nice and I wasn't scared of him um and uh we ended up it was really fun and we ended up like going and meeting these there was a guy named Diesel who was like this like guy from Brooklyn who was playing for the Mets like I don't know where they found him and he was he was but Andy the whole time was like longing to go to Butterfly World which was down Florida. He picked up a brochure in the lobby of the hotel.

It was a very Andy remote. That's very Andy. Because it evidenced right away like I don't really want to be here. I'm not a sports guy. I'm not a sports guy. I don't want to be here. What can we really get to? So we ended up ending the remote by being at Butterfly World after like five hours at the spring training complex.

Ended up at butterfly world and the butterflies were not on strike they were not and it was would you recommend they were all moths would you recommend butterfly i think if you're in the port st lucie area yes get the word out yeah for sure better than gator world yeah andy did a lot of the early remotes we talked to andy about that that that was initially kind of Andy's role was... It was. It was. It was partly because we were terrified of putting Conan in the position of aping Letterman, which is basically like almost the entire philosophy of the show was do what Letterman doesn't do. And we've already seen like Pat Sajak and Dennis Miller even try and go out and do remotes. And Letterman kind of owned remotes at that time.

He was really the first talk show host to do them consistently and in a really funny way. And Conan was the guy following Letterman. So one of the rules we set very early on was that Conan doesn't do remotes unless they're scripted, unless there's like a real premise to them. So in terms of unscripted remotes, Andy was the one we sent out, you know, almost exclusively in the first couple of years. We sent him to the Grammys and just gave him an obsession. He went to a Grammy party and all he wanted to ask everybody was why Thin Lizzy was

snubbed. And it was one of those fun times when you get to see who's a good sport and who isn't. Because he was trying to get people to sing the beginning of The Boys Are Backing Down. And like

a lot of people were like, they didn't know who Andy was and they were kind of snotty about it. Or who Thin Lizzy was. They're just snotty about Andy and who's this guy. But then Sting ended up doing it. And that was our ender because like, like the coolest guy in the room had no problem doing it. It had a great sense of humor about it.

And he seems like he has a great sense of humor about it and uh he seems like he has a good sense of humor yeah he also did that that early m was it mtv music music awards oh yeah he did a dress dressed up he did like you know basically he did music videos and showed them to the you know the various stars yes he made he made people he made other nominees at the after party watch his videos. And he was basically lip syncing to Desiree. You ought to know. That was great. He did Party All the Time. And he did Bono's big song at the time.

The one, I can't remember. One man, I don't know what I'm doing. And the Boyz II Men. And I believe. Oh, the Boyz II Men. He was every one of them. And the Boyz II Men, and I believe. Oh, the Boyz II Men were hot. Every one of them. Those became a staple of anniversary shows.

Because it was just so visually hilarious immediately to see Andy in those roles. And Andy at Woodstock was also a staple. Right. And there was a song, the song remains the same parody, maybe. There was the Zeppelin film. Well, that was an interesting one. So Greg Cohen was one of our super just left brain, whatever the weird brain side you want to have on your stuff. The right brain is actually the creative.

Thank you. Thank you. I always get that wrong. He just uses the space between the two lobes. Next 10 minutes on the polyvagal system. But Greg Cohen came up with that wrong. He just uses the space between the two lobes. Next 10 minutes on the polyvagal system. But Greg Cohen came up with that bit. And I think Tommy Blatcha was a huge Zeppelin fan and probably helped him produce it. But yeah, that was basically recreating The Song Remains the Same with all the characters, including Bobby Bowman and other stage.

Because there were so many weird tangents in that film. Yeah, exactly. It's so frustrating that it can't go up online. I know. And the same thing with those Andy parodies you're talking about because of all the music. Oh, really? Those aren't allowed online?

No, they get swept right off. Oh, that's right. That was an epic moment in the studio because we came back from at the end of the rolling in that song Remains the Same Remote and playing, I think it was Stairway or whatever or some epic. Or maybe it was Days Confused, but like our band, Max Weinberg 7, just killing it, playing that. And then you were standing there and Jeff Ross is like, yeah, this airs once. Yeah. I wouldn't do it.

I know. That was everyone else's. It's going to air one time. You know, that's I wouldn't do it. I know. That was everyone else's. It's going to air one time. You know, that's fine. That's it. One done. You're costing yourself money with a rerun.

You're not going to get a residual, but that's fine. In the future, we're going to survive on clicks. Jeff, we had the big view. Oldie Olsen is a beloved character who persisted for many years

until his untimely passing. Maybe timely. He was younger than anyone thought. He was only in his 70s. But he was introduced in a piece that was one of my favorites that we did back then. In 1994, there was a baseball strike. And so to entertain people while baseball was gone we staged games between a bunch of like six-year-olds versus really elderly men like and in their

70s and 80s and they were fairly competitive games and uh i remember that we had used that actor, William Preston, once before then in a sketch about the oldest James Bond or the oldest spy or something. But then we brought him back for this and we named him Carl Oldie Olsen and he was the second baseman. And I just remember having an amazing time. It was just the dumbest premise. Well, those are usually hard actors to work with. I mean, older people and kids are notoriously difficult. Yeah, but here they're really, it was mostly them just playing baseball,

like serious trying to play baseball against each other. Five-year-olds against 80-year-old men. That's a good way to keep them from being hams. Like just give them strenuous activity. Make it competitive. Yeah, and the old men team was called the White Stockings, I think. That's perfect. And Carl Odeolson just screamed the name over and over

and laughed maniacally. Have you guys ever told the story, this is slightly tangential, of when we went to Carl Oldie Olsen's? It's a great, that's a great one. Have you told that one? No. No.

Okay, so Carl Oldie Olsen was a beloved cast member, essentially, that after Robert's era introduced him in baseball, we just went back to the well many, many times with Carl Oldie Olsen. He was always really funny. He played the sexual pilgrim or horny pilgrim in like a Thanksgiving Day sketch we did. Wasn't there a vampire series? Vampire. Then he was Frankenstein's monster.

He was a million different things. And I think you actually eventually, Sweeney, may have worn him out on a remote, on a hot day where he was outside. I'm not saying you killed Carl Olsen. I think you're saying exactly that, John. What was the cause of death? My name is on the cause of, it was off the running of the Bulls in Pamplona.

Like we had all these characters on the show. So I thought, oh, what if we do a thing where it's our annual running of the late night characters? So we had them all running and one of them was Carl Oldeals. In Manhattan. In Manhattan. Yeah. So anyway, a few weeks later, he passed away. He was not a super healthy man.

He was a chain smoker. And his incredibly hilarious laugh, I think, came from a lifetime of tobacco. Lung disease. Yeah, tobacco ingestion. So we found out about his funeral and we saw an obituary, I think, that got published in the Columbia, Pennsylvania newspaper. And it said Carl Holyholz. And we're like, oh, we were sad. We loved him. Heilled by Mike Sweeney. Killed by Mike Sweeney. He was the sweetest man, and he loved the gig, and he was so happy. He was like a really respected, I think, theater actor guy, and now he was doing this funny stuff. And he lived right near, you know, in Hell's Kitchen, and he was, you know, Times Square.

And he was just a real sweet guy, and we were sad to lose him as a friend and also sad to lose this really funny character. And so I remember somebody found his obituary and it said that he was survived by a twin. Identical. Identical twin brother. My God. So we went to the little memorial service like a week later. It was at a little theater in Hell's Kitchen. You took cameras. And Conan went and—

Now we have to go. Now we have to go. We're going to go anyway, and now we have to go. And I just remember Conan joking, like, could I get a gun that would— Because he showed up, and he was a more robust version of Carl, of William Preston. Yeah. And he did not have a beard and the long hair that William had. But Conan was joking, like, is there any way I could get a gun that would fire a beard at this guy?

But yeah, we met him and we didn't know any of that. And it was very sweet. And he was a beloved guy. That was amazing because we thought of him as one of the most unique people you could find anywhere. And then, oh no, there's an exact duplicate. He's a twin. I'd love it if the twin had been working on the show.

I mean, it was the twin the whole time. Well, they heard I was still working there, so he was like, I'm not going near there. You're not going to kill me like you did my brother. It did cross our minds. It felt in bad taste to like, in late night fashion,

to like send Mike Sweeney and a camera crew to wherever this gentleman lived and tried to convince him to be a part of our repertory company, but we thought better of it. We were done.

Wow. And there was, because Carl became the ending to so many comedy bits. You know, you're like, how do we get out of this with a big. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Have an oldie. Carl Oldie. Just bring an oldie to do the, yeah, to be the closer. Right. It's so funny. People just went nuts when he would enter a scene. Yeah, for sure. So then it became, next stop, Abe Vigoda.

Speaking of Abe Vigoda. Speaking of Abe Vigoda, and to Robert's point about remotes that were not Letterman-y, I feel, and were good early ones that Conan was in. There's a Conan and Andy go and visit the old set somewhere around 97, maybe? Brian Rich did that. Brian Rich. It was really funny. And it was a great blend of real found people and characters that you interacted with. Basically the premise is the show switched the set in like 97 maybe. Something like that from the original one that the show debuted with.

And they just went around. NBC is cheap and had sold all the furniture to various people around Manhattan or New York area. And they went and visited it. And, you know, they went to a car wash. This desk was being used as a rag table. And then Andy's like, at one point, Andy goes, Conan, we haven't seen the sofa. What happened to the sofa? Yeah.

They drove out to Long Island. Right. Conan's like, well, we retired't seen the sofa. What happened to the sofa? Yeah. They drove out to Long Island. Right. Conan's like, well, we retired it at a farm. And they go out to the farm and they pull up and they look over a fence. Yeah, well, first of all, there's three little couches seated in this ring, basically. So the idea is that the couch has been put out to pasture. Yes. But left behind.

But left behind, little thing. And then all of a sudden we hear the telltale music, and Conan goes, look. And off in the distance, there's a couch. Our couch. Yeah. Old couch, humping another couch. It was put out to studs. It was put out to studs.

How did they practically do the couch humping? There was a huge NBC stagehand, I don't remember his name, who had the couch, the full couch. They probably pulled some stuffing out of it to make it doable. And they rigged it with handles on the back. And he was going like this, humping this huge couch on another couch. It was pretty hilarious. Because it was off in the distance, so it looked great. It just looked like the camera picked it up.

Exactly. Mike, what was the remote where Conan set a pagoda free? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's funny. That was the end of Late Night. That was lovely. I don't remember it. Oh, really?

It was one of the last episodes. That's so funny. Before I go, we're, we're leaving here. We're leaving New York. We're leaving late night. And there's one thing I have to do. And he sets Abe Vigoda free. He let him out of a cage.

Out of a cage in a park. And then you cut to Conan Tide and he's crying. He's like, run, Abe. Go, Abe. Go. Goodbye. Abe, please. I'll be okay.

And you just see Abe like, goodbye. And just from behind running off into a meadow. I mean, I'm not going to, it's not necessarily remote, but one of my favorite outside of the studio things you guys ever did as long after my time was Conan running to Los Angeles, right? To bring the show and shooting and like- People bring that up all the time. God, that was brilliant. And he's got the crowd, thousands of people behind him follow me.

Yeah, when you come to LA. No, there's two different things. There's a 10th anniversary show where he goes around New York City and gets people to follow, hey, join me, It's my tent. And everyone's like, yeah. And this crowd gathers.

And then eventually we shot it Sunday morning at 6 a.m. because we locked down 6th Avenue in the wrong direction. And it was Conan running up 6th Avenue with hundreds of people. We had hundreds of extras behind him. And the whole joke was they run by an intersection and the entire crowd sees David Lee Roth. And someone goes, oh, my God, it's David Lee Roth. And then Conan keeps running and the entire crowd hangs a hard left. What a perfect person to come across for the crowd.

That's right. It was that or Thin Lizzy. And then they ran. And then that's it. But running across America. I was conflating two things.zy. And then they ran. And then that's, but running across America. I was conflating two things. Yes. But it was him, you know, I got to go to LA.

To a cheap trick, right? Wasn't it? Yes. Surrender. And we shot it in two days. We started in New York. And him running across, he was talking about it recently. First, the George Washington Bridge.

And he's like, oh, we didn't, he had real dress shoes on because he was dressed in show clothes. And he ran like, I don't know, 400 yards while we're shooting. I was up in the helicopter. And it's like, yeah, we need one more. So he had awful blisters. Plantar fasciitis. He's never recovered. He's still limping.

But then we and then. That was a spectacular opening. Yeah. Yeah. And we just banged it out. Like we literally flew to like four locations in one day. Wow. I broke my arm in Chicago.

Oh, that's when you broke your arm. And I, we just kept shooting. Then we had to go to St. Louis. And then we got to New York and I didn't even, I got to go to the emergency room at 1 a.m. because we were shooting all day. I never heard that. You broke your arm on that shoot? We were on State Street.

There's a lip. We're shooting Conan running across State Street. And you see the river and the iconic Chicago buildings. And our sound guy bumped back into me. And there was a lip to separate people from the street. And I fell straight back over the lip and fell straight back into State Street. Like luckily- But into traffic too.

Well, no, it was a red light. Okay. And I broke my elbow. Payback for what you did to Carl Oldie Olsen. It was. It wasn't enough payback. Karma's thumbs up from Oldie. I don't really.

So, yeah, that was something. I think you had a broken arm for hours before you got to go to the emergency room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You kept shooting. I kind of knew. Yeah. It hurt. I was like, I think I broke.

Oh, my God. Not to jump the gun. You may be talking about this later on another thing. But taking the Road Warrior trip down to Comic-Con. Right. the, the taking the, the, uh, Road Warrior trip down to Comic-Con. Right. Oh, the Mad Max.

Mad Max. Oh, my God, was that unbelievable. That's your reign, right, Matt? No, that was,

that was before. That was fun. That was great. That was our first year at Comic-Con. And, you know, Mad Max was,

that just, we were all, one of the best movies ever. Right. That was so good. And what's the character that Conan played? It was one of my— The Doof Warrior.

That's one of my favorite scenes in that movie. In Mad Max, this caravan's running down, and then the camera just comes down, and it pivots around and reveals that guy in the front. And I was just like, okay, this might be the greatest movie ever. With a flamethrowing guitar. Yeah. Wearing long johns. guy in the front playing that and I was just like okay this might be the greatest movie with a flamethrowing guitar yeah so wearing long johns and Conan was like

I want to play him and they were like oh my god yes that was the perfect opening it was great for that year especially

and also I think that was the first trip to the comic con yes and yeah exactly yeah that was perfect then we set up

we had to do that we had to match that energy every year it was hard we had to come up with something oh I match that energy every year. It was hard. Oh, I know. That was hard to, I mean, I showed that in writer's rooms. That's a good one.

Oh, really? Yeah, it was like, because the filmmaking was, it was cool. It was beautifully shot. Those were the only things we ever, I mean, we sometimes in other remotes would storyboard everything. I think that was the most expensive thing the show's ever done. Oh, really? The Mad Max. Yes. It's not surprising.

Our designer, our special effects guy, just literally reconstructed that- That giant vehicle. Vehicle, including with space for our band in the back. He built the flamethrower guitar. Yeah.

And I think was over, it was a lot of money. How much are we talking? Do you? A hundred thousand. Okay. Okay. Can I talk about a weird fave

from that originated in Robert's era, which was the Ventriloquist Dummy Choir. Do you remember that bit, Robert? Yeah, of course.

It wasn't a remote. No, no, no. Well, there is though. It's evolved into one. You've fallen into my trap, which is that it was a hilarious studio bit that, was that Dino?

Yes, Dino had the official idea for the Ventriloquist Dummy Choir. And Dino Stamatopoulos. And it was just, you know, nobody's ever seen it. It was Ventriloquist. They did it, I think,

first at Christmas and they're singing the Hallelujah Chorus. And these doughy guys with garish yellow choir robes and their dummies in little matching green choir robes singing the Hallelujah Chorus from the Messiah. Really funny. A Hungarian television producer, when I was head writer, fell in love with the ventriloquist Dummy Choir and flew them over to appear on a Hungarian talk show.

And Brian McCann accompanied them. Brian McCann, one of our mainstay writers for years and character actor on the show. And he had to take these guys who were kind of, you can imagine, middle-aged men who are ventriloquists. Maybe not who is the dream team to go to Eastern Europe at the time

but it was a really funny it reminded me of when you talked about Surrender on that using that

big song in a remote can really or in Mad Max one too like a big track

because McCann cut it up with we're an American band so there's all these shots of these idiots walking through Budapest with holding their ventriloquist dummies Because McCann cut it up with, we're an American band. Yeah. So there's all these shots of these idiots walking through Budapest with holding their ventriloquist dummies and trying to do touristy stuff.

And there's like, we're an American band. And it was really funny. Yeah, I think they drove them nuts. Some of them were trying to get line. They were all like, this is my big break. Yeah. I tried to get McCann on the phone before we did this to like get a memory of it but some some point you'll have him on again or whatever talk about it but it was i think he was worn out by these idiots babysitting yeah making sure they

didn't commit sex crimes i know i know and then we um you were there for the original you're the head writer for the original triumphumph remote at the Westminster. Was that the first time we did it? The first remote was at the dog show? The first dog show? Yes, I thought so. And you were the head writer, John. Well, actually, when I had the idea for Triumph, I called you up after taking a shower.

It was like 1997. And I'm like, can we do another dog show? I have one more. One last comedy. One last idea for a dog talent insult comic and that's how that started but then it was a couple of years later sweeney was the one who suggested the triumph to a remote at the dog show it was great i just watched it this one all came from sweeney i'd never thought of doing remotes with triumph oh and uh it i just

watched the westminster dog show on this morning just to refresh my memory and it's a one which one the first the first one it was the very first one but he actually actually yeah the second one was insane too well the second one was under danger of like being arrested right because they were they were so on guard that could be the first one that's most true the second one was where i was really like i need help with i and i gathered the writers and writers really wrote jokes for that one yeah first one just went in there and like we're just gonna fuck around and it worked because it was so fresh and new and um and there were some people who were good sports too and played along yeah

oh yeah some people were great sports and loved just having their dog on camera. And then there were other people who weren't especially shocking. I think the second one was where you got into it with dog groomers and they really got bent out of shape. Yes, I think so. And the second one was where the premise was that Triumph goes back in disguise because he was thrown out. I really was thrown out of the first one out. I really was thrown out of the first one. Yeah. I was out of the first one, like really early. And, and then I had to like improvise just like in the lobby off of like photographs of dogs. Oh, right. Which were those, but those were great

jokes. Those were really funny. That was like, that was like improv that first one. And then, but, and we had already had our ending because that's how I got thrown out was humping individual, not me, but Triumph. Humping individual. Thank you for clarifying. Thank you for clarifying. You never know nowadays

what people are going to extrapolate. But yes, that was, but what I want to say, just if anybody ever wants to listen to, the first time I was on this show, I explained very, very detailed manner how Jordan Schlansky made that mode possible. Jordan, his whole nom de plume or whatever you call it is just that he does nothing on the show. But if Jordan hadn't been so devious and relentless in getting us into Westminster with fake IDs, he's the reason

that that remote ever got off the ground. He's been coasting on that ever since. Hilarious. His reward was basically becoming Triumph in the last day. He's Conan's puppet now. Absolutely.

Since we have Robert here, I get to, I want to do my favorite Triumph. Well, there's so many Triumph remotes that were hilarious, but one that happened on, because Star Wars was after I was there and stuff, but was the L.A. shows, the Triumph Tours the Stars Homes. Right. And there was, I think you were, you and Sweeney, Mike, you were producing that with Robert, I believe. There's a moment where you stop at Ted Danson's house and you're like- That's one of my favorite moments ever.

That might be, to me, the ultimate Triumph moment because he gets into a shouting match with these guard dogs and he's just cursing live guard dogs. The genius of Triumph, besides all the great jokes, he interacts with real dogs and he just gets into it with these angry guard dogs and he's so mad

and they're so mad. You remember that he's a dog. What I love about that is that Triumph, his pride is being compromised at that moment but he has this ego and he's like told all these people that he's gonna get them into me and this guard dog is giving him shit and he gets so emotional like i was almost crying i was almost crying as i was yelling at that guard dog yeah that's how angry i got

you and um and i was so satisfying to see the huge lava guy and then and then my favorite part is that then you cut hard to just try going back to the tour bus. To all the people who had gotten off the tour bus and are at Dan's entrance. All right, back on the bus. No acknowledgement of what happened. Oh my God.

What are you doing here? Back on the bus. Those dogs, they would have just kept going in and going. Everyone was good listeners. They were good actors. They weren't actually Ted. There was just listeners. They were good actors. Question. They weren't actually Ted. There was just a random house with guard dogs that we found?

I think. Oh, good question. Probably. No, no. We knew that there were going to be guard dogs at this. Okay. I don't remember. No, actually, Mike, I think we may have actually hired a dog.

Booked, yeah. Oh, my God. It was just good hire. We may have staged that part of it. The one thing I remember from that remote was we went up into no, no, no. We went up to That was a technical nightmare, that remote. It was a technical nightmare and that's what I was

going to talk about. It was very stressful. We drove up into Bel Air without permission and in a double-decker bus, which are banned from like we had no double-decker bus had been there in years. They banned them. So the branches were low. So we had no double-decker bus had been there in years. They banned them. So the branches were low.

So we had to put someone in the front of the top of the bus to go, incoming, incoming. And all these people that we corralled to do this, we all were like, oh my God. We all hit the dirt. And then like, okay, we're clear. And then everyone came back up. And it's like, incoming. Boom. Oh my God.

Yes, we better be worth my god we headed up to barbara's all right we headed up to barbara streisand's house and then i remember you had the bullhorn and you're like hey barbara come on out we love all your crap oh yeah we're big fans of all your crap what i always remember is all her neighbors came flying out like angry wasps. Like we had, she was the queen bee and we had penetrated her nest. And so people not from her compound came out and started screaming at us and called the cops. And we got a police escort out of there. Went to that inn room.

We were like, oh my God, this is all fantastic. What a day. What a day. What a of there. Went to the editing room. We were like, oh, my God, this is all fantastic. What a day. What a day. What a great day. Look at the footage. And it's weirdly there were camera issues and microphone issues. So we're like, we weren't sure whether it was usable. So we ended up the next day going back.

Oh, my God. To recreate absolute all the beats. They never saw that coming. Right. I don't think they did. Guys, let your guard down. They wouldn't be foolish enough to come back. I know.

Then we were editing the piece the day of the show. The computer crashed. Yeah, everything crashed. It was like a Holly Hart broadcast news moment to get that on there. Right. But the crazy thing, it was that classic thing of whenever you try to repeat something that was a lot, where there's a lot of improvisation, the new versions didn't have the, it just wasn't as good as the first day. So we had to make that first day work.

So that whole second day just like, ah, we chucked it out there. It was just to make them mad. But yeah, but the first day so we had to make that first day work so that whole second day just like oh yeah we chucked it out it was just to make them mad but yeah but the first day the lapd wanted to see the cuts that's right that's right that's right it's fun though it's exciting i was watching some remotes that that uh lisa producer sent over yes and um and i was struck by to robert's point really prepared i didn't yeah, it was a pleasure. So I'm in between projects and I love watching them. This is really cool. This is great.

Well, I watched... There were a couple of... To the idea that you didn't want to have Conan do Letterman. I think as he got more and more comfortable, we got comfortable, like, who cares? He's funny. Let's just get him out there. It became the best part of the show.

Exactly. But some of the ones where I saw the early, like you can kind of see how good he was going to get at these was I think you produced him in Houston. It kind of reminds me in a way, like the antecedent, big word, of like going to Armenia or the, you know, travel shows with Kusana or Mexico,

where like he has a real point of view on it or Israel or whatever. It's just really interesting and he has something. Because the story behind Houston was the affiliate there aired him at 2.40 in the morning. I'm sure you've talked about this on this podcast before. And he was pissed. The show was really doing well at this point. But Houston is a huge market to not have your ratings count. And NBC would talk about it and go like, we can't get this affiliate.

And they put the shittiest shows in the world on. Yeah, the beginning of the thing is him. Before his show came on every night. He's at the desk setting up the remote and showing the TV guide and all the stuff that's on before him. And finally got on at 2.40 in the morning. So Sweeney went down there. Well, it was a perfect vehicle for Conan. It was. Because it's so self-deprecating

while also he gets to be outraged. Outraged. And it was a two-night thing because we had spots lined up. We had to go when the show was on. We didn't want to fake it. They didn't fake it. So we went to a hospital

emergency room, went to a strip club, went to a gas station. A dorm. A dorm. At Rice. And knocking on doors. Right. And waking people up. Yeah, we woke students up and made them watch. But then my favorite one was

we were going to go to the Greyhound bus terminal, where people are just hanging out at three in the morning. Not in their best moment. Right. And we never got permission to go to the Greyhound bus terminal, like where people are, you know, just, you know, hanging out at three in the morning, not in their best moment. Right. And we didn't, we, we never got permission to go in. They, they shut us down and said, no. And our field producers, like, we're not going there. And, and we're just like, we're, we're going to go. So we, we pulled up and we went to one of the loading docks for the buses and snuck in. I went in and checked it out. I said, we can sneak in that way. Ocean's 11.

And, you know, we were like, we've got two minutes. And we went in and like the best part of that remote was shot there. And then we got kicked out. Because this is like shows how long ago this was. In bus stations and train stations, they would have little coin-operated television chairs, benches with little coin-operated black and white televisions. Television.

Yeah. And you must have known that or somebody scouted that out. Yeah. Because it was perfect. So, like, he's basically trying to get people to watch in these shitty little TVs. Right. In this, you know, this bench in the bus station. At 2 o'clock in the morning.

And we ran into, yeah, and we ran into this guy named Buffalo, who Conan was hilarious with. And the second, we had a great exchange and then we got kicked out immediately. It's worth looking up because it's one,

it's a great moment of Conan like interacting with this scary guy who's making, where's the little guy that's with you? You know what? Andy, he couldn't be here

but he's fine. He's back and Conan is very humble but slightly scared. And he plops back down into the chair as Buffalo makes his way. And Buffalo is exactly who you would think he is. He's back in Conan. He's very humble, but slightly scared. And he's very friendly. And he plops back down into the chair as Buffalo makes his way. And Buffalo is exactly who you would think he is. He's like long hair and tats and like—

Massive. Massive guy, sleeveless t-shirt. And Conan just settles— And kind of invaded Conan's space. And kind of scary. And it's 2.40 in the morning. And Conan kind of like charms him and he makes his way away and befriends him. But then Conan just says, I was nearly killed.

I just almost got killed there. You believed it. Yeah. I might have done it. Right. Well, Matt O'Brien. Yeah. Speaking of Matt O'Brien.

Speaking of, some remotes. I mean, you know, by the time I was the head writer, Conan had hundreds of really good remotes under his belt. But you had also worked on a lot of those. I worked on some remotes. You were a But you had also worked on a lot of those. You were a go-to remote writer before you were head writer. Do you have any favorite memories? I mean, one remote that I really loved working on as a writer on the TBS show, we'll move to the later, was when we went back to New York for the first time, a year after we'd been on TBS.

And we did Conan just delivering Chinese food around the city. Yeah. And the thing, I mean, he was really funny in it. And what I liked about it was we hadn't been in New York in a little while. So it was sort of a hero's welcome. But the people we ran into along the way, it was such a great reminder of,

oh, right, you can kind of just wander around New York City and find incredible characters around every corner. And it was just... It's almost like a cheat. It was kind of like, it felt like a cheat. Exactly. Because the idea of delivering Chinese food is, it's a very, it's pretty basic. Right. But the people we ran into along the way were so great. And it was just sort of a, it was a really nice, I just felt excited to be back in New York. And I think he was.

Yeah, there's big energy. There was big energy to it and we also did Triumph at Occupy Wall Street that week too which was really really funny that was fun and we talked about this on the show but I got to help a little bit

with just the humping of the bull just Robert and I had to go to two or three different precincts to get a captain to sign off on five minutes of humping

on a Sunday morning at 8 a.m. It was basically a giant triumph balloon that you guys had created. Like, how tall was it? About eight feet? Nine feet tall? Yeah, yeah.

Or 20 feet. It was huge. It was as big as one of those strike rats. It was supposed to be as big as one of those strike rats that they put in front of buildings. So it was huge. That's right. Yeah.

Oh, and Matt, I interrupted you. So you were kind of in charge of that whole. Yeah. Yeah. I just, oh, I mean, we don't need to talk about. Yeah. I just love the way it turned out. And I just remember feeling.

It's really funny. Really great. I was really excited to be back in New York with Conan at the time. Right. Were those at the Beacon Theater? Were those shows? Those were at the Beacon Theater. Yeah.

That was a really fun week. We had a lot of good remotes that week. Yeah. Well, the remotes that connect to a travel show, like to a travel live show, it has that extra energy. Conan has always called it event energy. It feels like an event. Yes. And the crowd's excited.

Absolutely. Whenever we traveled, that always amazed me. The two cities I was thinking of. What was the first city he went to? Los Angeles in 99.

Okay, right. Is that right? That was the first time. We did not travel that show as hot as it was and in an era of much more money probably to do these things.

We did not travel until 99 in L.A. We talked about Boston. I think we might even have scouted Boston. Oh. I think I went. There was a small segment in that week in L.A. where Jerry Ryan was on the show in New York. Do you remember this?

Yeah. I told Lisa about this. He did a whole run of like basically trying to hit on actors, actresses who he had quote unquote vibed with. Yes. On set. So he did a whole thing. I think he probably helped produce it too. But I was on it.

I shoot. It was, he checks in with Famke Johnson, Julianne Margulies, Jerry Ryan. And then the payoff, I don't want to ruin it, but it's a really funny payoff with Gina Gershon, who I think may have given us the idea because

she really did bring like, She leaned right into it. But they were all, and Sarah Michelle Keller. They were all so believably funny. Except Sarah Michelle Keller was kind of a tool. Sure.

I was wondering if you'd say that. She is. She was a tool. She was like trying to be funny. She just seemed like she was acting. Whereas the other women were used to getting hit up. I honestly remember watching it thinking, I mean, I knew it was set up, but I thought that is so convincing. Yeah. Her being so off-put by him showing up at her door.

It really made me laugh because it was so believable. We went to her real. It might not have been all acting. Maybe it wasn't. They were all gorgeous. There was a little corner of my mind. I was like, maybe they really did do this.

It was really well done. It was great. She invited us to, Jerry Ryan invited us to her house, her condo. She had a gorgeous condo. And there's a moment where like, I think it was with Jerry,

where he knocks on the door and she's like, oh, hi. And they all act weirded out. Like, what are you doing? Well, you know, and he shows a little clip of the vibe that they knocks on the door, and she's like, oh, hi. And they all act weirded out. Like, what are you doing? Well, you know, and he shows a little clip of the vibe that they had on the show. And then she's like, yeah, but, and he's like, and she starts to close the door, and he puts his foot in the door.

That's right. She goes, anyway, have a great junk. And the door just slams there, and the camera pans down, and his foot is in the door. And he goes, oh, my foot. My foot's there. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, God, it, my foot. My foot's there. Yeah, yeah. Well, a testament to how great the actresses were is that when we had people screening all this footage to put back up online, a lot of the screeners, young people in their 20s were like, they didn't think any of it was a joke.

They thought it was all real. They were really good. They were really, really good. And they're like, you can't, how did you, you can't even think of putting this. That's harassment. For Jerry Ryan. If you look at it online, there's a disclaimer card at the end. Unbelievable.

Just so people know. You're kidding. That no one was, and that everyone was in on the joke. Otherwise, they were like, we can't put this up. Well, that also, to make that feel real though, that's a testament to Conan playing it really real. He really played like

this kind of guy who is overreaching and thinking that he had a shot because it really plays great. One remote from TBS that I got to work on,

it was not my idea, it was Conan's idea, was when we went to London and shot it with Tom Cruise. Oh, great. Yeah. But Conan had an idea that he pitched to Tom Cruise,

which is... Carpool karaoke. Well, exactly. Basically, yeah. Basically. So the idea is Tom Cruise gets in the car with Conan and notices cameras

and says, wow, oh, I see what we're going to do. We're going to do karaoke. This is going to be really fun. Conan says, no, no, no, what we're going to do. We're going to do karaoke. This is going to be really fun. Conan says, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what I had in mind. And then Tom goes, well, you know, I see. I know what we're going to do.

We're going to talk about comedy and go get coffee. Right? We're in the car. And Conan says, no, I think we're just going to go for a drive. And it's just quietly, the car starts to pull away. And Tom Cruise, I have to say. He was great.

He was so funny. Yeah. And he just was like, so we're just going to go for a drive. And Conan just says, we're just going to go for a drive. And they just sat there and quietly drove through London. And Tom would point things out. Tom would try to, hey, look. Try to get something going. Thames is the Tower through London. And Tom would point things out. Tom would try to, hey, look. Try to get something going.

Thames is the Tower of London. And Conan would say, Tom, Tom, I'm trying to just kind of focus on driving. It was such a funny idea to take the biggest star in the world and you're telling him to shut up while he drives quietly around London. For 11 minutes. And Tom Cruise had great moments improvising. He would be like, you know, can we pull over?

I got to go to the bathroom. And Conan says, oh, don't worry. I thought of that. And he takes a bucket out from the back seat. And then another thing that Tom Cruise improvised was he takes out his cell phone and he's turning away from Conan. He's calling. He's like,

Hey, it's me. Um, he's just driving. Yeah. He's, he's driving. Uh,

you're a good time. And he was like, I don't know. Just find us. Come get me. And he's improvising with, you know, as a manager or something like that.

And he did all of that. He was really, that was him. He was really funny. He totally got it and played it perfectly. That was so brilliant because didn't Tom Cruise also have a broken leg? So he had a broken leg. A little bit of a necessity.

Exactly. Because he was filming Mission Impossible and he had broken his leg. Yeah. So we had to think of something, or Conan, it was Conan's idea. Something they can do sitting down. And we had to put a disclaimer on that

because people thought Conan had kidnapped Tom Cruise. Had kidnapped Tom Cruise. It was that realistic. Yes. And then we had one, the yender is Tom Cruise rolls out of the car. Right. Yeah. And we had a stunt guy that was going to do the actual roll because Tom Cruise had a broken leg.

But so we said to him, you know, if you want, if you can just reach for the door handle and open the door, we'll film you from behind and we'll cut. He reaches for the door handle and flings the door open and, I mean, hangs out the car and almost touches the road. He loves doing his own stunts. That's insane. He was as expected. He even did a stunt on a late night show. Oh, my God. His head was almost on the pavement in London. Oh, my God. His head was almost on the pavement in London.

Oh, my God. Wow. All the money you guys were paying him. No question. He'd pay for all of his Christmas cakes. The least he could do. The least he could do. Did you do the Kevin Hart remote?

That was Mike Sweeney who did both of those. Those were fun. That's just to say I sat in a van and just listened to those guys. I think those are the two most popular remotes. Yeah, most viewed. And you were on that too. Yeah, the second one. The second one we did it.

Yeah, so. Those were insanely fun. I did two Jordan remotes. We had little things here and there. I did two Jordan remotes on the TBS show. Jordan is late for work. Jordan's late for work. Which is a great one.

And Jordan, the coffee machine that he bought. Oh my God. Those are two hilarious remotes. And also, you know what? One- Car shopping with Sona was pretty amazing. Oh, that was a good one. That's a good one.

That's a good one. Conan auditioning for TV commercials. That's one of my all-time favorites. I don't think I've seen that. That's one of my favorites. One of my all-time favorites. I have to play it right now. Can I say something?

It was like you, Matt, produced that and brought it in. And I watch it cut and it's like, oh, 13 minutes. Well, we'll cut this down. And I watch it and I'm like, there's not. I remember saying to you, I don't know what to take out. There was nothing to take out. And that's how long it is. He was so great.

I've not seen that. He was on fire the whole day. He was great that way. It wasn't just with his stuff. But when we did the Star Wars remote, it was 12 minutes fire. He was on fire the whole day. Like, he was great that way. It wasn't just with his stuff. But, like, when we did the Star Wars remote, it was 12 minutes long. Yep. He loved it because it played a little bit like a semi-documentary, too. Right.

We let the camera just sit on some of the nerd rituals, like the marriage ceremony. Right, right. Nerds reenacting the scene from, you know, End of the Sip. So, yeah, as long as something's funny, that was it. And he would, to his credit, would skip the mono. If we needed the time for a really long... Yeah. He would shorten it up because he'd want to get more of that stuff in.

No, there's no... Cut it from three jokes to two. No, you missed that era. He would do the string dance, but not rub his nipples. Yes. That saved three minutes. Look at Matt O'Brien and I just burning bridges with our guy who put us in the business. Oh, he won't hear this.

Oh, sure, yeah. He's listening intently. Robert, is Star Wars remote like the ultimate triumph remote? No, he won't hear this. Oh, sure, yeah. He's listening intently. You forgot what podcast. Is Star Wars remote like the ultimate triumph remote, do you think? Is that number one on your... I mean, that's the one that people talk about to me the most. That and the Jack McBrayer at the Wiener Circle. Right, the Wiener Circle in Chicago.

That was Chicago. That was sex. We had some good remotes that Chicago week. Two of my favorite travel weeks were the two times we went to Chicago. Just between the crowds and then the remotes and all the comedy we did, like the masturbating bear, skydiving. Oh, my God. Launching the things across the drawbridges. Chicago icons across the drawbridge.

And the Wiener Circle remote is just hilarious. That's a great one. Star Wars for years was just like, ugh. I remember I had to go over to someone's house after that aired

and just, it's like, everyone, you all have to watch this. One good moment from the, I was on the Wiener Circle remote with Triumph was,

so it's maybe two or three in the morning and it's filling up with drunk. One good moment? What's that? One good moment. Yeah, there was one good moment.

The only memorable moment. Yeah, yeah. No, the one that really sticks with me, Robert, I'm sure you remember this, is so the ender was you taste, was Triumph tasting one of the hot dogs and then vomiting all over the crowd. Yes.

Instantly. Instantly. We had done once before. We had done once before in Chinatown. Yes, I remember that. Yeah. Like in Real Housewives, did you do it? The once before in Chinatown. Yes, I remember that. Yeah. In Real Housewives, did you do it?

The spirit of goodwill and unity. Yes. I got to taste this blood, whatever the hell it was. And it's like, to a common understanding, it makes you like immediately. Vomit. Vomit shoots out. Did you just start having vomit on hand for every triumph? So it's 3 a.m. at the Wiener Circle, I think.

And it's starting to fill up with drunker and drunker people who are, of course, very excited. Triumph! Oh, my God. This is going to be great. Hey, do you guys want to be in the last shot? Well, yes, of course. And they've got, so Eric Allard, I think, has gotten the plastic tube up Robert's sleeve and into triumph. And it's cold vegetable soup, I think, is the vomit. Oh, no.

And he has a tank. 3 a.m. What is it? I mean, basically something like that. At least get into body temp. And it looks like a giant propane tank has been wheeled in. And all these people are so excited. They're like, oh, well, absolutely.

So will you guys cheer after he tastes the hot dog? Yes, yes, of course. And so Robert does a line, to common understanding, you know, and he takes a bite of the hot dog and immediately turns Triumph towards the crowd. And the force

of the soup blows the crowd back. Like... Just to be clear, we did tell them Triumph was going to vomit on them. They did, but I don't think they knew they didn't know how many G's. They didn't think they were going to be pressure washed

by vegetable soup. They didn't know how hard they were going to be vomited on. These people's smiles and enthusiasm in the before and after side. This one girl was dripping with soup and just staring into the horizon like I can't. It made me laugh so hard.

Sign this release. Most people had a pretty good idea what was coming. One guy, it was just way too much for him. And we used him. We used his angry face on camera. He was so mad. He's in the remote. He was so mad. He's in the remote. He was really pissed.

And as after, after, and you know, these were the people who had agreed. It's like, okay, I'll get vomited on. Yes. Because, because a lot of people pulled out. So then we did it. And then, and then after we got the shot, I purposely hugged each one of them so that I would get vomit on myself to show how grateful I was. It's a sign of unity.

Okay. But all you were doing was transferring the vomit you picked up from one person to the next person. I will never forget those people's faces after they were amazing. Completely walloped by that cold vegetable soup at three in the morning. Projectile vomit. Yeah. I left right before that. I was like,

you know what? I might, I think I have stuff to do back at the hotel. I have an appointment at 4 a.m. It was classic, fearless snuggle.

Got out of there. It was great. I mean, it was a great ending. I absolutely. Yeah. I remember an early, I just thought of this one.

I think it was John Glazer's idea. I think it was John Glazer's idea I think it was in his submission package I think he had submitted earlier or you ended up hiring for you had hired John for Dana right? John Glazer had worked on the TV Fun Pals pilot for the Fox Network I love John Glazer

he had worked for me on the Dana Carvey show that's what I remember so he then came to Conan. I think in his submission packet was an idea that, you know, the old thing to go back to the house you grew up in. He said, I want to go back. I think this was his idea. Go back to the hotel room that I stayed in. This is Conan going back to the hotel room that he stayed in when he first came to New York to do the late night show before he had an apartment and acting, acted like he had all these memories and like he owned it and it was just a very simple clean it was like the kind of remote that i think

was good for conan early on too especially with like a strong idea behind it and it was sort of a sketch but sort of a thing and he was just really fun i remember him bouncing on the bed with the maid like the floor as if like she was a childhood long lost childhood friend yeah that was great how far into the lost childhood friend. Yeah, that was great. How far into the run was Blitz apartment shopping? That was after me. I don't remember that. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I think that was 2001. What about Andy Blitz going to India? It was Andy's idea, I take it. Yeah, that was great. That was Andy Blitz, the writer on the show, who was like, I've got computer problems. And he calls, you know, the help desk, which was located in Bangalore, India.

Right, the help desk for the NBC building. Exactly, was located there. And so the premise was the person's like, you know, giving him an answer. And Andy's like, ah, you know what? I'm just going to bring my computer in.

And then he picks up his computer, leaves the building, gets in a cab, goes to the airport, flies and lands in India and goes to the help center in Bangladesh. Yeah. For real. For real. And we learned recently, we were just like, yeah, do it. And they're like, oh, you know, you need permits and visas. I was like, ah, just go shoot it. Just shoot it. Like, it's the Greyhound bus terminal. They don't care. Buffalo will be there. That came back to haunt us. Yeah.

Because we wanted to go to India. We're now blacklisted. A few years ago. Why are you doing that? Oh, yes. That's true. A film department bureaucrat in India. We're like, okay, we're going to India for Conan Without Borders.

And they're like, not so fast. You're kidding. 2004, Andy Blitz. 2004, Andy Blitz. Someone named Andy Blitz. We told you to get a permit and you didn't. You're getting a permit. Here's the joke. That person is an elephant because they have a long memory.

It's an Indian elephant. Unbelievable. This is good. That's pretty good stuff, right? That's really good. I was the head writer of that show. That's right. No one's challenging that.

No statute of limitations. No, not at all. We have to wait No one's challenging that. No statute of limitations. No, not at all. We have to wait for that person to die. Hold on, we're going to loop John Groff's comment about elephants. Hold, hold. So the listener won't forget. Do any of you have memories? I mean, we've been talking about

all these great, memorable, successful remotes. Any remotes where things didn't go as planned? Oh, no, no, no. Now we're talking my language. Now we're in my world. We're going for a four-parter here. I've got a legendary one.

Yeah. It was a TBS one, and I had an idea. It was right when we started TBS that Conan would be a sign spinner and learn how to spin signs. Because they're very big in LA to spin signs like people in LA. Because they're very big in LA. They're very big in LA. They're very ubiquitous.

Robert's like, it's true. It's a good idea. Yeah, I've read that premise. Yeah, it's all right. That's the premise. Okay, I've got it. So now what's the joke bucket?

So we are in the Warner Brothers back lot and we have these two sign spinners who immediately are acting much different than they were on the phone. Immediately hammy. Hambones. Jokey. That's the kiss of death. You know, so they're teaching Conan to spin signs and they're using all these puns that they call spinonyms.

Okay. I mean, early warning. And Kona says, what do they call it? He goes, spinonyms. And he just turns

and he looks past the camera at me and he goes, and there's footage of it, he looks at me, he goes, I'll get you.

He goes, I'll get you. And I said, you'll get me? He goes, you know what you do. And he talked to the guy for maybe three more minutes. And then he put the sign down and he came over and he said, we're going to pull the plug.

He pulled the plug on the remote. He pulled the plug. And it was also, you never left the lot. So it wasn't like you ran. We were there for 10 minutes. At least we didn't go down to like, you know. It reminds me of Matt when we tried to interview Ralph Nader and we had to cut out all these moments where Ralph Nader's like doing triumphs. Yes.

You were. That was a really long conference table, too. Do you remember that in the hotel? Was that during a debate? It was covering debate. We went to Minnesota for the Republican convention. It was just me and Matt. It was just me and Matt. It was just me and Matt.

We did like three remotes in like three days. One was at the convention itself where we had all these escorts and all this access. And then we did one where we just improvised, Matt and I, with protesters. Right. Democratic protesters. And then we got Ralph Nader. We booked Ralph Nader to do just a face-to-face with Triumph. It was like at a Holiday Inn or something.

It was very Ralph Nader. It was a very shitty conference room, but he kept doing the Triumph voice back to Triumph. Oh. He wanted... He thought that he was... He was doing it not just to be funny,

but he thought he was disarming me. You know what? I remember, Smigel, at first you were talking to him in the Triumph, like, please stop. Stop doing the voice, please. You're fucking the act up. I mean, you're being very direct. You're completely fucking me by doing the voice. And he kept doing it. And then I remember you

finally just dropping in your regular voice going, you have to stop doing the Triumph voice. It's true. You were just pleading with him. I was trying to be funny about it. Finally just dropping in your regular voice going, you have to stop doing the trauma voice. We're just pleading with him. That's what he had. I was trying to be funny about it. And then it just was like, I'm not going to have anything. We can't use any of this. You were trying to be diplomatic, but finally you just said, I can't air this.

You just got to be yourself. We work with a lot of comedy legends. Ralph Nader. I wish I had said that to Sarah Michelle Gellar. Stop doing the triumph voice. We can't, if you can't stop being a tool,

a lot of regrets. Such a funny SNL host. That's so odd. I'm surprised. I'm being serious. She's a fantastic host. She's our guest next week we'll confront her yeah

we're setting the table do you remember this voice hi I'm Jonathan any other remote I don't remember anything I'm sure there's other failures I could drag out of my memory wait there was

one triumphs bit that was aborted. I just remembered. Matt, were you with me when we were going to cover the opening of Twilight in

Los Angeles? Oh, I remember that. Yes, yes. In downtown LA. And there's another one when the actor.

That's right, outside the Staples Center, right? And Shia LaBeouf. Oh, Shia LaBeouf, your installation. That would have been so great.

That was... That's right. What happened? That was incredibly frustrating. We were just thrown out of the premises for the one where the girls and their moms

The Twilight one, they just didn't give us access. They just wouldn't let us in there. Right. They were like, we're invoking Megan's law. They were parents. They were all chaperones.

I know. But then the Shia LaBeouf, why didn't that happen? We were online. We were online. We were online. Did I chicken out? No, no, no. So Shia LaBeouf was doing a performance.

I think he kind of had a breakdown. He sat there with a bag on his head. He said, I'm not a celebrity. A small gallery on either Beverly or Melrose. Just a white room. And it was Shia LaBeouf sitting on a chair with a paper bag over his head that said, I'm sorry on it. Oh, yeah. And I guess the conceit was you could

go in there and you could spend as much time as you wanted with Shia LaBeouf. With him. I don't know if you could touch him. So people would go in there for 90 minutes. Anyway, we were in line. I think

what maybe hurt us was you weren't allowed to bring anything inside. Like a camera crew. We were stuffing paws and rubber Triumph bodies into Smigel's sweatshirt. Like, oh, they'll never pass you this frumpy guy down. They'll let us right in. I don't know if you never. And the vomit, that's 30 pounds right there.

The vegetable soup. Shia La, that's 30 pounds right there. The vegetable soup? Shia LaBeouf drowned under his mask. We just waited in line for about three hours. You know what we did do? We paid people to skip to let us ahead in line. We were paying people a couple hundred bucks to let us have their place in line. And wasn't I wearing, I think I was wearing a GoPro or something. Yes.

That's all it was. Because you had to do it all. It was all yourself. Yeah. I remember I was going to sing to him. I was going to be like, no one knows what it's like. Behind blue eyes to shine a book for a paperback. I thought it was a simple situation where it was going to stop at a certain time.

It was. And they were like, oh, you are not. It was, but there was no time limit. In a particular line where you can get in. So that was the problem. Right, right, right. at a certain time. It was. And they were like, oh, you are not in a part of the line where you can get in. So that was the problem. Right, right, right. There was no time. When the person went inside, they didn't spend as much time as they wanted. That was part of the.

Some people were abusing that. Well, the piece doesn't work if there's a time limit. So you have to let people spend as much time as they want. The song was like behind brown bags. That's right. No one knows what it's like to be named shy. Prematurely retired. Behind brown bags.

Oh, man. Tragic. This is upsetting. It lives on, though. This is upsetting. It lives on, though. This is upsetting. It lives on in this room. Yes. Wow. I can only imagine.

That one and David Blaine. David Blaine in. David Blaine in Central Park. Central Park. Matt, you went on that one. No, that was great. No, but there was one we were going to do before where he was like packed in a, he was in a globe or something.

Was he in ice? In ice. He was in ice. Down by. Oh, was that when he was in a globe or something was he was he in ice he was down by that when he was in ice he was in ice below the new york sidewalk yes and you guys were we were you guys were in la and we were trying to no no i don't remember what the hell but then we finally did get to do him upside down and that is one of my favorite ones that was and it's quick it's only a few minutes long i I think, right? We were only there for maybe 45 minutes. Again, that was one was mostly improv. It was if we had a few jokes, but we kind of rushed it out and I wasn't even sure we had anything. And then Conan was like, you're out of your mind. It's hilarious. It was one of my favorite ones. There's a great moment

in that one where the idea was he was hanging upside down for, I don't know what it was, seven days straight. That was the idea or something like that. Yeah, but he kept taking breaks.

Right. So we get there and immediately Triumph goes up to one of the handlers and says, put your health at risk. So he's going to hang

upside down for seven days straight. Wow, this is a, and then the camera pans up and Smigel couldn't even hold it together. It appears that he's right side up. I don't know if he knows

what hanging upside down actually is. And he was drinking coffee on like a later... Yeah, it was like taking a... I'm like, I can't be heard. Because you went during his off hours. It was at like 2 a.m. But I think he was like drinking a steaming cup or something. That's great.

That's great. And I asked his assistant about it. And she's like, it's so that he has, it's so that he gets hydrated. It's so that he gets, so they could check, so the doctors could examine him. Right, and then she says like this, so that he doesn't die. I think the whole fucking point is that he's risking his life.

Yeah. What do you think he is? Like doing a stunt or something? Yeah, to take all the danger out of what he's doing. David Blaine, that was his last job. It appears he's right side up. The dangling douchebag.

The dangling? No, that's right. Houdini called this trick the dangling douchebag. The dangling douchebag. I remember getting called into Jeff Ross's office because a publicist had brought David Blaine. It was before David Blaine was David Blaine. It was before he broke and said, like, there's this guy who's like a magician that you're not going to believe it.

And Jeff was like, come to my office. Like, this publicist has brought him up. And he did this close-up matching. He was pretty fucking. And you saw the whole thing. I saw. It was like, this guy is about to break. this publicist has brought him up and he did this close-up magic and he was pretty fucking... And you saw the whole thing? I saw, like, it was like, this guy is about to break. We're going to put him on the show

and he's going to be a thing. And it was before he was... It was probably, like, you know, 96 or 97. It was kind of before he became huge. But he was incredible. Jeff was scared of magic,

so he wanted you in there. I'm afraid of card tricks. Please. He was texting through the trick. I missed it. Yeah. Yeah, so, yeah. It was just... I have to say please he was texting through the trick I missed it yeah so yeah I have to say

he was you know I love magic and he was a very compelling magician he had that voice I think he did I think he did a spot

on the show like right after that yeah we did that fake Copperfield yes exactly that's what I was thinking of in the early years that was really funny

yeah so Chuck Sklar was one of our the early years. Oh, that was really funny. So Chuck Sklar was one of our monologue writers. Very funny guy. And he bore an uncanny resemblance to David Copperfield. Especially when you dress him up in like Copperfield, all black, turtleneck, whatever. Black wig. So we would send, I think it was your pitch originally, Mike.

And he would go and we'd put him outside a grocery store and he would put his hands out and you'd see the door open up. Oh, the doors. I remember going to a bowling alley and he bowls and he's waiting for the ball and he does his hocus pocus magic and the ball comes out and the ball returned.

And a walk sign. A walk sign. Oh, my God. And a walk sign. And a don't walk sign. So simple and stupid. We have to wrap up. What? I know. I'm so sorry.

It's my fault. We could go on. I know. We could make this a two-parter. Or we could have you all back. Sure. When we're desperate for guests next season. Next season.

That's a cheaper part. No, this was truly, it was so fun to listen to you all catch up. And I mean, the institutional knowledge in this room is unparalleled. But also, I mean... But what's the value? What's the value of that institution? Absolutely nothing.

No, it's really fun. It's, I don't know. I mean, the four of you, these are like some of the greatest comedic voices of our time. I'm serious. What? A gaslight and a big laugh.

Look, I have a hard time being sincere. It comes out sarcastic, but this is what it sounds like. Thank you for being here. Thanks for having us. Thanks for having us. It was great. Fine, fine. Good seeing all of you. You too, us. Thanks for having us. It was great. Fine. Fine.

Good seeing all of you. Good to see you, Robert. Good to see you, Robert. Thanks to Robert, Jonathan, and Matt for joining us. And I guess you. Thanks, Sweeney, for being here. I had to be here. I'm contractually the co-host.

I just, listen. Yeah. You were already here. I was already here. I'm contractually. You were already here. I'm the co-host. I just, listen. Yeah. You were already here. I was already here. I thought that was really interesting, honestly. And it could have gone longer. Oh, God, yes. I love when all those guys get together.

I mean, I just love head writers, writers. Everyone always has great stories, you know, from the show. And it's funny to hear everyone's own experience because they have that personal knowledge and detail that you're like, oh yeah, right. I remember that bit, but I didn't know any of these details. Right. Or there's always like the white whale or their albatross that haunted them. Right, right, right. Hey, we've got a listener question. We always do.

What is it? Let's hear it. It's from someone named May Fallon. I don't know. Is that one of Jimmy Fallon's children? Here's the question. Hi, Jesse and Mike. Huge fan of the podcast.

Thank you, May. Nathan Fielder was only on Conan a few times, but he's one of my all-time favorite guests. What can you tell us about the episode with Susan Sarandon as Nathan's backup guest? Was the idea for this pitched by Nathan or the Conan writers? How was Susan Sarandon chosen

and did she readily agree? Was this bit rehearsed beforehand? This is an awesome bit. If you haven't seen it, we can kind of describe it, but it's just, it's better to watch it because what happens is essentially Nathan Fielder shows up and he brings Susan Sarandon with him unexpectedly, you know, for the audience. Out to the couch. Out to the couch. And she sits there and she doesn't speak the entire time. Right.

Because the premise is she's just there in case things don't go well. In case he doesn't do well in the interview because he's not as experienced at these late night interviews. At the couch interviews, yeah. He brings her as his kind of backup. But she's there the whole time and she doesn't speak a word and then she leaves. With Nathan when he's done with his segment. Yes.

And it's, I mean, she's a huge star. Right. And it's fucking awesome. Excuse me. It is great. He gets her to do that. And then, yes, people should watch it because then it's also what makes it even funnier is just Nathan, what Nathan talks about during this interview. Right.

So. He is bad at the couch segment. On purpose for this. But then doesn't let Susan speak. Yeah, no, it's great. And Conan, Conan plays it perfectly. And to answer these questions, I believe the lore is Nathan came up with this idea. This was Nathan's idea.

It sounds like Nathan. And I think Susan Sarandon was a big fan of Nathan's show. And so. But she also lived in New York, didn't she? She had to fly out here for this? That's what I'm wondering. She must have already been out here. That's a long way to go for this bit.

You know what? But I don't put it past him. Yeah. I could see him it past him. Yeah. I could see him flying her out, putting her up just to walk out and not talk and commit to the bit. Yeah. So I think it was his idea and he reached out to her. Our show did not book her because he kind of did everything himself. Just brought her as his guest.

Yeah. And I don't want to speak for Conan, but I think like Susan Sarandon, that's the other great thing, had never been a guest on the show. Right. And I don't know if he had ever. And kind of still hasn't.

Right. Exactly. She sailed through without ever being. And I, again again might be wrong, but I think he had never met her. And so his one time meeting her was in this incredibly strange contrived appearance. Wow.

And then she sailed right out the door, which is great. No, it's a real highlight. I'm glad May brought that bit up because it is- I know. If you're listening to this, it is worth watching on YouTube. It's very, very funny.

It's very Nathan Fielder. Yeah, if you like Nathan Fielder, you'll love it. And I mean, stuff like this, you know, our guest appearances rehearsed is something that people often ask. Or are they scripted? I mean, this obviously was a concept that Nathan had come up with and they, Conan was in on it. Yes, Conan was in on it. But it wasn't rehearsed. Conan's a straight man. Yeah. And I'm sure Conan didn't know exactly what Nathan was going to say or do. Right. Yes, May asks, sorry, she says related question, are guest appearances typically rehearsed? And some comedy bits by guests

are rehearsed. If they're very involved and involve blocking and- And lighting and that sort of thing. All that stuff. And yes, they'll come early and Conan will run downstairs and they'll work through it. But a lot of times, depending on the bit, they'll just wing it out there. They just do it. And then Conan reacts. Right. And whatever happens, happens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, which is great and terrifying. Yep. No, but sometimes, like, I know Will Ferrell in the early days would pitch ideas. This is when he was a cast member in SNL and he'd come down and be a guest. And he had an idea like, I heckle myself from the crowd. So he came down and did all these pre-tapes, dressed in an entirely different outfit. And then you had to shoot the pre-tapes, obviously, turn them around, and then rehearse the tape rolls with Will in the chair.

That's basically a sketch. Yeah, it's a sketch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of guests, comedy guests. Yeah. I remember Tig pushing the stool around. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Tig Notaro, that was really fun. Uh-huh. But that one, I know we talked to her about it. It was like we rehearsed it a certain way and then somebody had waxed the floor in between. And then it didn't make the same noise. It's hard to describe, but it's her moving a stool across a floor and making this incredible screeching sound.

I forget why, how she got into it, but it was really funny when she did it. And this would happen so many times on the show where you'd rehearse something, she rehearsed that, it was hilarious. It was perfect. You're like, oh my God, this is gonna kill. And then in the hour and a half,

somebody backstage would do something and in this case, wax the floor. That's something that wouldn't occur to you. I know. That no one could anticipate. Yeah. Maybe you could anticipate. They're just doing their job,

but they don't know. They have no idea they're- That's part of the bit. That they're undermining- Oh, that screeching was really awful in rehearsal. I'm going to fix that for her. I wonder if that's what it was. It was like someone just going,

no one asked me to do it, but you know what? I'm going to show a little- Yeah, I'm going to fix her bit for her. Yeah, I'm going to show a little. I'm going to fix her bit for her. I'm going to show a little gumption and save the show by waxing the floor. So yeah, even when you do rehearse things, it can still go off the rails. Oh my God, yes. During the recording.

Oftentimes, the more you rehearse something, it's almost a guarantee. That's true. But you know, also the less you rehearse something, it's a guarantee. What's the exact right amount of rehearsing? There's not everything. Everything's going to explode. Well, hey, we love our listener questions. And if you have a question for us, you can always call us 24 hours a day to our voicemail at 323-209-1079 or email us at insideconanpod at gmail.com.

And if you like the show, and how could you not? Please, that's not an essay question. You asked, how could you not? I wrote nine pages. Okay, that was not necessary. Yeah, and that's more space than they're going to give you on the rating page.

That's true. If you like the show, you can support us by rating Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast on iTunes and leaving us a review. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, was that for me? No. That was just a general, you know, I'm just trying to show gratitude. Oh, this is nice.

Yes. And how do you show gratitude, Jessie? I just like to wrap my arms around everyone and me, Jesse Gaskell. Our producer is Lisa Burr. Team Coco's executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Engineered and mixed by Joanna Samuel. Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials.

You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan or an enemy on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best. I'm not going to tell you what to do. Put on your hat, it's the Conan Show. Try on some spats, you're gonna have a laugh. Give birth to a calf, it's Conan! This has been a Team Coco production.