Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Conan O’Brien, Ben Sinclair, Jordan Schlansky, Jose Arroyo

Episode Date: March 1, 2019

Conan writers Mike Sweeney and Jessie Gaskell talk to Conan O’Brien himself about his relationship with Jordan Schlansky, if he misses just being a writer, and taking great delight in the parts of the show that fall flat. Then, Mike and Jessie learn how Conan Associate Producer Jordan Schlansky spends his free time. Later, Conan writer Jose Arroyo talks about the evolution of his sketch “Selfie Scam” during Writer Regret.Plus, an exclusive unaired clip of Conan talking to Ben Sinclair, star and creator of High Maintenance and stories of trying to get Conan high.Selfie Scam video: https://teamcoco.com/video/an-audience-member-interrupts-the-show-for-a-selfieGot a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone].For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com.

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Welcome to Inside Conan. I'm Mike Sweeney. And I'm Jessie Gaskell. We are your hosts. Yes, we are your hosts. And we're going to take you behind the pompadour at The Conan Show. Sure. That's our promise to you. And I'll tell you a little about ourselves. I've been a writer on The Conan Show for 24 years. Wow. I swear I've spent more time with Conan than his wife. That's probably true. I don't know if that's something to brag about. But if he ever fires me, I think I'm spent more time with Conan than his wife. That's probably true. I don't know if that's something to brag about.

But if he ever fires me, I think I'm entitled to at least 50% of everything he's ever owned. Oh, yeah, that's great. No fault divorce. That's why we moved the show from New York to LA. To California, yeah. I'm so happy. And I am also a writer on the show. I've been writing for five years here, which I've calculated is equivalent to 2,000 of Conan's leather jackets.

You know, there's a ranch in Wyoming that only raises cattle for a year. It's exclusive. And we're going to go behind the scenes, as I like to say. You know, talk to the people who put the show together and kind of get a sense of the foibles, the highs and lows that went into putting that show together for the week. And the low jinx. Yes. So, yeah, we're going to talk to some of our coworkers, get a window into our office drama gossip. Right.

And we are going to play some of our personal highlights from Conan every week. Yeah, our personal picks for our favorite clips. Yeah, and including some footage that didn't even make the air. Yes, audio exclusives. Our first guest today has been with the show a long time. I think since show number one, actually. He never moved on. It's a little sad.

It is a little sad, but he got comfortable here and has stayed. Not too ambitious. Conan O'Brien is our guest. Yes. First, very first guest. And we're also going to uncover some new depths to one of our show's producers, Jordan Schlansky. Yeah, we're going to peel back some of that onion's layers. Find more onion underneath.

And then we're going to break down a sketch from this week with one of our brilliant fellow writers, Jose Arroyo. You know, a lot of sketches here get right on the show. It's one rehearsal and they're on. Some sketches have a little longer gestation period. And we're going to talk to Jose about one of those sketches. But first, let's talk about what happened this week. Oh, my God. What a week.

Exciting week. Javier Bardem was here. Yes. Ben Sinclair from HBO's High Maintenance. Love that show. And comics Cedric the Entertainer and Mo Welch. We also we made hay of the Michael Cohen testimony. Yes.

This was one of my favorite of Conan's jokes. Cohen said this. This was one of my favorite of Conan's jokes. Cohen said this. This was fascinating to me. He said that President Trump has gone to great lengths to keep his SAT scores secret. He's president of the United States. Yep. His scores must be really bad. Yeah.

They must be really, really bad if he's president. He's like, no one can ever know. I may never get a job. That's it. They must be terrible. No wonder Trump created his own university. Seriously, I was thinking about that.

He created his own university. Hey, Ma, I got into Trump University. High. Hey, Ma, I got into Trump University. High five me, Ma. And that was Conan's patented Donald Trump impression. Yeah, I can't believe SNL hasn't asked him to do it. And now, as promised, it's time to chat with Conan O'Brien. Thank you.

Welcome. Thank you for having me. Thank you, Conan. It's very... Thank you for walking downstairs. Thank you for meeting us here at midnight. Welcome. Thank you for having me. Thank you, Conan. It's very... Thank you for walking downstairs. Thank you for meeting us here at midnight. Yeah. It's very...

It's interesting because we spend so much time with each other. Working on these shows is a full-time gig. And we also... You two work on the travel shows. So we're constantly with each other. Yes. On 15-hour flights. On 15-hour flights.

We just did one. And all we're doing now is adding microphones. Right. And so I don't really see anything very different about this. We don't have white wine in front of us. No, that's true. That should change. We should get some wine in here.

Yeah. That was promised as part of the condition to taking this podcast we banked a few interviews and um of staff members here we talked to sona yeah we also interviewed jordan yeah and i use oh you interviewed jordan well we sat here and listened to Jordan. Right, it wasn't a conversation. It was a monologue. Yeah, I have new respect. I mean, I already respected your bits with Jordan, but holy cow, it's like a water pipe breaks in an apartment and it just gushes out.

Yeah. And you're like looking for a turn off valve or something. It's hard to know when to cut in. It's almost impossible to cut in. People always ask me, wherever I go in the world now, they come up to me and I think the question I get 50% of the time next to,

are those your real legs? Is what's the deal with Jordan? Yeah. People just legs is what's the deal with Jordan yeah people just ask what's the deal with Jordan and he's such an enigma he is an authentic authentically strange guy he's real he's worked here at the show if you in your interview could find out what he does at the show I that would be we that would be a magical that is an angle we're working on we did didn't crack it yet well he did he did say he sent an email he admitted to sending an email from his office yeah i and he had he printed it out for us as if to prove but what did it did it prove what he does at the show because no people think i'm kidding i honestly don't know what

jordan does at the show i don't. I have no idea. That was part of our mission is to find out what he does. And we also tried to find out what he does for fun at home. And that was truly sad. I don't want to know about his home life because I

think he might go home and unplug himself and just power down in a closet. And I don't want to know about that. That's kind of basically what he said. And also when we recorded with him, he just sat quietly. And then the second the microphone's on, he's off to the races. Yeah.

It is literally an on-off button. Well, because he is – we are humans using machines right now to communicate. He is a machine using other machines that he's probably related to to communicate. So he looks at a microphone and he thinks that's his uncle. Yeah. You know? So, I don't know. Good luck to you, I say.

Yeah. I think you bit off a lot starting with him. We did. We realized that. We both started drifting off i think oh yeah i was thinking about taxes yeah gathering receipts and i was scheduling a root canal i once uh jordan was explaining how he likes his flan to me and while he was doing that i was able to list all of these uh dead of from the civil war all of them all of the people that were lies that

were lost and and it took the same amount of time and and that was uh terrible someone say a lot more interesting we always felt guilty uh when we were in italy because we'd been shooting all day and we shot four segments which is exhausting and covered, I don't know, 150 miles. And we landed in this hill town of Cortona. Yep. All of us exhausted. Yeah. And we still had to shoot one more scene,

which was you having a sit-down dinner with Jordan. Oh, my God. And I was so tired. Yeah. We didn't start until about nine either. And we, I still feel guilty about this we set up two cameras on sticks on tripods and just kind of aimed them in your direction and then we went into the next room and we walked away and what and we left you guys in there for you guys and a half hour you guys

went and had a nice meal we had a really nice meal meal. We had a really nice meal. We were toasting. You left me. It was Valentine's Day also. You left me alone and it was Valentine's Day. And I was in this little town on Valentine's Day, not with my wife, my beloved wife, but at a small table with Jordan, who was monologuing the whole time in his insipid way about various kinds of cheeses. And I could hear you guys in the other part of the restaurant having a really good time. Yeah.

And I'm sitting there wearing my mic pack made up so that I show up on camera and listening to this machine, this how from, you know. That's right. From, yeah. We had a baby monitor so we could listen in and make sure. Yeah, we could tell if you'd been murdered. Things were okay. There were no emergencies.

They were like, let's order our pre-may pasta. That was, yeah, those travel shows are rough enough because we're constantly shooting. We shoot all the time. But with Jordan there, that added an extra layer. Yeah, because even the meals were work. But you know what I have to say, and I want to make sure I get this out. It's funny because my relationship with Jordan,

and this is me being completely honest, he is infuriating in the ways that everyone can see when we're on camera together. But I also have real affection for him. And so it's this perfect yin yang yeah with him he's constantly i'm not i i i kind of want to choke him to death but i also kind of you know i'm like oh he's it's jordan he's here with me he's been with me a long time he's a loyal friend it's this it's this weird line we walk. When you guys are really good comedy partners, I mean, him not intentionally, but...

Right. Whatever it is, it seems to work. Well, I wanted to bring up something else with Conan since we have him. Yes. Conan, you are the host of the show. You're the executive producer of the show. But you're also a writer. That's your background um do you

miss at all you know just being coming to work and being a writer on a show and uh like and contributing in that way but not having quite as many other fires to put out all the time i used to back when the show years and years and years ago the 90s, when there was so much pressure and the show was new, I used to daydream about being a writer on the show. Yeah. Because I did think, not being egotistical, but I did think this is a funny show. We're doing a lot of cool, interesting stuff. And I did sometimes think, wouldn't it be nice to be a writer here? Because I would sometimes see writers in the hallway who didn't have things to produce that day, and they were hanging out. And they were

chatting with people and goofing around, and I never got to do that. I always felt, as much as I did kid around with the writers, I always felt this weight on my shoulders. And so early on, I envied writers sometimes that there's no gun against your head right now. There's no show staring at you that has to be on tonight and the camera's going to be on you and you have to do it right and it's up to you. But then as the years went on

and I realized the difference in pay. No, as the years went on and I sort of learned, got more muscle memory and learned how to do the job without feeling all that pressure, I do like being in charge. I do like, you know, I like exerting my vision or whatever I think. Yeah, you don't have to take notes from anybody else.

Yeah, and I do like being the host of the show. So no, I don't anymore. I don't wish I was a writer. And I do get to contribute creatively. I don't know. I just said that like Siri. I do get to contribute creatively, but... You do have a...

I think you still do it with Matt O'Brien, the current head writer. He's the head writer and no relation. Right. You used to do it with me, is when you'd throw in a funny beat in a comedy piece. Yes. And then we'd be taping the show,

and that beat that you added, if it got a giant laugh on camera, you would just literally pause and look over at me and smile. Yes. And I'm like, wow, okay. You know, it's so funny. There is the show that we do for,

there's the show that we do for anyone in America who cares and fans. And then there's this show that I've always done completely for myself. And there are moments where I'm just, you'd be standing over with Jeff Ross at the sort of producer's table, and I'd be doing the monologue and would get to a joke.

And then I would have changed the punchline to something different. And I'd say that punchline and it would get a huge laugh. And I would literally take the time to peer over, give you a look and a little nod like, and that is how it's done. Almost as if to say, and that is how it's done. Crowd is like, what's going on? Yeah. And it was something that I only did.

It gives me so much delight in that moment that I'm being such an asshole and only you and I are in on this completely idiotic moment where you guys have written 80% of the show or you've written all this stuff, whatever, 85, and it's all gone really well and the guy whose name is on the show- Needs more credit. But takes the time to do this little and you see that i have added something as well now the other time you would do that is when ah sweeter even better even better i was gonna say even better a longer look of more pleasure is if there was a back and forth

and you'd be like i don't't think this is going to work. It's like just, I'm telling you, it's going to do great. The crowd's going to love it. The writers would be convincing me, it's going to work, it's going to work.

And I'd say, it just doesn't feel funny to me. It's going to work, it's going to work. I would do it. Do it. And I would, it wouldn't get anything.

Yes. And I'm so sick that I would rather, I would be delighting in, it's me not getting the laugh. Right. No one else knows. I'm up there not getting the laugh.

And I'll be looking over at you guys like, I told you with a big smile, like I just got, like I'm a puppy that just got a big cookie. It's like, you idiot. Not only did you not get the laugh, you were pausing and smiling off camera. I was smiling off camera. What's happening to him? No one knows why, but I've always, and in those moods, I say after the show, I just be like, oh, that was delicious.

That was delicious when that thing you guys made me do that I didn't think would work didn't work. Wasn't that delicious? And you're like, what are you talking about? It's a crazy way to make a living. I will say that. It's a crazy way to make a living to try and make comedy every day and you have to come up

with all kinds of ways to keep yourself sane I really believe this that seem crazy later on to other people you know I don't know there's just all these little games

that you play to just keep yourself sane. Like, I'm going to take great delight in the parts of the show that fall flat because I didn't think they would work and then I was proven right. Well, that's crazy. But over the years-

You're rooting for us to fail. Yes, I've often said I'm rooting against you guys, to the writers. I'm rooting against you because when you fail, it gives me such delight. Whatever it takes. We all clearly have the same thing in us that needs...

Writers, even a day without having something, some small, even a small part in the show, I know you just start going, oh gosh. Start going through withdrawal. Yeah, and I think we have, I mean, I know having worked on these other shows, having been a writer on Saturday Night Live,

that the pressure on our show is much less because it's much more collaborative. So no one's, or I'm not keeping track of which writer's getting a lot on, which writer isn't getting a lot on. Sometimes you can tell when people cast themselves or if they're on a real hot streak, but there's not the tally.

At Saturday Night Live, the real estate to get a piece on the show was so small. And there's just, there's 20 shows a year and there's only so many spots and everybody is so panicked. Gee, I didn't have anything on this last week i gotta get something on this week oh no i'm not sure i'm gonna get anything on this week and you've got one night to come up with it that's that's where i that's where i i mean i still have nightmares

about that part really do you really oh yeah i still oh my god i still have nightmares where it's tuesday night and i'm trying to come up with something. And I put a lot of, I mean, put a lot of pressure on myself. But I always had myself convinced that I was hanging on by my fingernails. And then later on, I was told by writers like Robert Smigel, no, no, no, what are you talking about? You were doing great. Why did you think that? I just had myself convinced. Right, it's all internal.

Yeah, and I would call my girlfriend at the time and always say, I think this is it for me. I don't think I can do this anymore. I don't think I'm— I don't have what it takes. I'm not cut out for this. I'm going to have to host my own show. Yeah, exactly. I need to host my own show where the standards are much lower.

Well, this has been fun. This has been delightful. Thank you, Conan. It's nice to just talk to you like this you know it is very this has been really nice for me

I'm thinking about all the times how many travel shows have we done 11, 12 yeah we just did number 11 we just did number 11

and so I'm always in a weird cafe in some strange part of the world and we're sitting around having drinks after like an 11 hour shoot and French fries

and covered in dust and eating French fries because we're afraid to eat anything else but when I heard this idea of you guys just talking about the show

I thought I would listen to this and I'd like to know what's happening on my show because I have no idea I'm an insane Roman emperor who lost his mind and I need

this is finally I'm going to know what's happening here. And you know, you can come on whenever you want, if you want to complain about things going on. That's true. Yeah. If you have issues with people parking in your spot. I will definitely use this as a forum to vent my rage because my family's had it. They don't. Do you go home and talk about work? Oh, no. Not really. Not at all. I do with my wife, but I don't around my kids.

I don't. And they don't really care. And I like, one of the things I like so much about my kids' relationship to my career is they, I might as well be an insurance broker. Yeah. You know, they are like, oh yeah, he does that thing, but, you know, it's not like I'm, you know, whatever, Jay-Z.

Neil deGrasse Tyson. Yeah, or Neil deGrasse Tyson. Thank you, a name that wasn't on anyone's lips. Leave it to Jesse Gaskell to bring up the name no one was thinking of. Just thinking of who would be a rock star. It's a great association. Yeah. of. Just thinking of who would be a rock star. It's a great association.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Conan. Thanks, Conan. Hey, if any of our listeners are not listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, your excellent podcast,

I don't know why you'd be listening to this and not that one. Yeah, that really makes no sense. It doesn't make any sense. But it's possible. I guess. But no,

how dare you condescend to plug my podcast with your podcast? That's so insane. Yeah, you're right. You didn't need that. Our podcast is very big in Europe already. We're doing a tour of the Netherlands. In Scandinavia. I won't have it.

I won't have it. It's just humiliating for you to plug my show. I won't listen to it. But anyway, Conan O'Brien needs a friend. It's burning up the charts. Check it out anywhere podcasts are sold. After the break, you'll hear an unaired clip of Conan talking with high-maintenance creator and stoner extraordinaire Ben Sinclair.

Plus, we'll tell you about our own experiences with trying to get Conan high. We're back with more Inside Conan. Now we have some exclusive audio that we cut from the show. It's Conan's interview with Ben Sinclair. Ben, of course, co-created and stars in the HBO show High Maintenance about a weed delivery guy. Of course, the subject of smoking marijuana is going to come up. I've not ever been a big, I've tried it.

You know, it just has never, never clicked with me. Andy, you've been around me when I've tried it and tried different. I always ask Andy to come over and sit with me when I try any kind of recreational drug. And he sits. Hold his clammy hand. Yeah.

Talk him down. And I always have to have a talk show set up when I do it And you have to get very close and proximity. Yes. Yes we do Yeah, but it's it's one of those things where I've it is never I don't know Maybe I'm probably one of those people that wants to be too much in control. Do you want to do it right now? No, okay I'm afraid of what would happen. Yeah. I know what I'm- It's good TV, you know, like whatever.

We should do a very, we could do, I would, if we were going to do that, I would want it to be a very special episode of Conan that we promoted. For sure. You know, and then we got all the pro, all the sponsors were like Snoop Dogg Edibles and, you know, the whole show had a theme.

Oh yeah. You came back and we just got high throughout the program and we saw how our personalities changed. That would be something I'd want to plan out. Not just do willy-nilly. Yeah. Sounds like you'd be a lot of fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to exert complete control over my drug taking. Also, any guy who used the term willy-nilly over his upcoming... When I do heroin, it won't be just willy-nilly.

There'll be a plan behind this. This was very frustrating for me because I have pitched at this point probably 10 different ideas where Conan gets high. That's true. And I mean, especially now that it's legal in Los Angeles, it's not even taboo. It's mainstream.

But he won't do it. He won't do it. And Benson Clear invited him to get high right there on the show. I know. He probably had marijuana on him. Yes. Most of our audience had it on them. They were all ready to light up.

And Conan's like, no. We have to plan it. We have to plan it. I need to check with my wife. I love that getting high with Conan, of course, includes homework. Yes. You can't just get high. I know.

It's got to be planned out. What do you think it is? Because, I mean, have you broached this with him before? He does seem to have a little bit of an aversion to it. I think I brought it up like in 1999. Yeah. And then haven't brought when weed was invented yes exactly yeah he i think maybe because he's such a cerebral yes comic he likes being he likes being in control as as crazy as he's acted there i think there's always some control there. And so the idea of absolutely losing total control is scary.

It would be so fun. It would be. Well, why don't we maybe see if we can get him to do it sometime this year? Maybe we don't tell him. Oh. We just give him a tea. Put it in his food. Yeah.

We know Sona's assistant. We have access to his meals that's true let's just drug him and we also sona's assistants we have access to weed yeah actually kilos of weed so it's not it's not oh man okay so i love this idea yeah we're gonna have a one of the shows this year con Conan will be stoned out of his mind. Yeah. And you get to guess which one. Mm-hmm. Well, I think we'd be remiss doing a behind-the-scenes show if we didn't talk about one of the most mysterious members of our staff.

Yes. Producer Jordan Schlansky. Associate producer Jordan Schlansky. Let's not promote him. You're right. Yeah, Jordan is, I think people really want to know what his deal is because he's so, he seems very robotic. It seems like maybe he's not a real human being. Right. And we want to.

Some people think it's all an act. Yeah, some people think it's all an act. That he's an actor that we bring in. It's definitely not an act. No actor is that good. No, he's here every day drawing a salary from the show i mean unless maybe he's an actor on retainer we don't even know oh he could be an andy kaufman exactly oh man i i wish that that was the case but no he's a real person and we wanted to get to know him a little better. I mean, really who he is at home, away from the cameras.

So without further ado, this is Joie de Vivre with Jordan. Hi, Jordan. Hi. Hello. Hello. Certainly you didn't expect anything more elaborate from a simple hi no that was perfect okay yeah i personally am interested in hearing what how you spend your free time for instance like this weekend what do you what do you have going on okay well i will tell you guys that again uh what

you see on the outside is disconnected to what is actually happening on the inside. And in fact, I can answer your question directly with an example of that. What I do... You already have an answer to direct. What I do physically is sit. But while I'm sitting, what's happening inside? There are thoughts. There's processing, not only the day's events, but in fact, in that scenario, the week's events. There's thinking about great concepts.

Thinking, breathing. Art and science. Well, we wanted to do this to humanize you, and I'm not sure that we're going to affect So you sit. Yes. I like to be alone with my thoughts. I like to develop my thoughts. You may explore the outer universe.

I explore the inner universe. So this weekend, you're going to go home and you're going to sit. I would love, I hope I have time to go home and sit, preferably late at night. Maybe I'll watch Van Cliburn play Beethoven's Fifth Piano Concerto. I'd love to. I never had a chance to watch the whole thing. I only watched the second movement. That's my favorite. So this weekend, you say you hope you're able to sit. I hope I'm able to sit, shut out unnecessary distractions. Like your family. Like the world around me and explore the world

inside me. That is what I like to do to unwind. You know, some people like to have a beer with the guys and watch the game. I don't know why my interest is any less valid than those. What about TV shows? Yes. So, I watch very few TV shows. What about Conan? Do you watch the Conan show? I do not watch it. Have you ever? Yes, I'm sure. Well, you should listen to this podcast as a way to ease in.

Well, I mean, I watch the show while it tapes. So by that reckoning, yes, I've watched thousands of hours. But if you're asking if I watch it a second time, I do not. I'd rather, as we mentioned, sit. Sit in a dark room. Sit in a dark or bright room or a half-lit room. That part of it doesn't matter. So you don't watch any TV? I watch

a few shows. I do watch This Is Us. Oh, okay. Really? Now that show is a tearjerker. Yeah, people cry at that show. Do you ever cry at that too? Yes, I do. do you cry at the scenarios or the artistry the artistry

because it's the acting it's it's it takes a lot for an artist to make you cry if you told me right now my role is an artist

and I have to make you cry I wouldn't even know where to begin I don't know that I have the means to make you cry yes yes you have

you're able to do it. Yeah, don't underestimate yourself. Don't sell yourself short. What about podcasts? Do you listen to podcasts? I don't. Books? Books do you read?

No, I don't. Okay. Okay. Sitting, and this is us. Hallmark Channel, perhaps, as well? I've never knowingly watched the Hallmark Channel, but it's possible I have. All right.

This is fascinating. We're eliminating, we're's possible I have. Alright. This is fascinating. We're eliminating, we're stripping away so many things. Fascinating. Yeah, we're stripping the paint away and we're finding the... You're like a sculptor with a hunk of marble, like Michelangelo, right? Yes. So he doesn't build a statue,

he uncovers it. Did Jordan just compare himself to a statue by Michelangelo? I think so. Maybe that's why he works out so much. The thing is, a statue is mute. Oh. I think that's a big difference. Anyway, that was Joie de vivre with Jordan.

So I hope you all feel a lot more joie now. We'll have more Jordan in the future. We we're gonna keep trying to crack that nut but after the break if you've ever wondered how a sketch gets on the air and all of the machinations and hand wringing that go into just a single comedy sketch we are going to show you. We're back with more Inside Conan. So we taped interviews with a bunch of staff members in the weeks before this launch. And one of our segments that we taped is called Writer Regrets. Yes, it's when we talk to writers about their frustrations, their recent frustrations with trying to get material on the show. Yeah, because it's I mean, there's for what you see that goes on the air.

There's about 90 percent more that gets cut. There's a mountain of comedy pig iron that is hauled out of the building. Yeah, we should be making sausages. Yes. So we invited in fellow writer Jose Arroyo to talk to us about one. My name is Jose Arroyo. I'm a staff writer on Conan.

Am I the first writer regret writer? You are. Yes, you are. Is it alphabetical? How do you feel about that? Well, I figure Arroyo, you start with the A's. You had a big ambitious sketch this week that we rehearsed at, in rehearsal.

Yes. The selfie scam. Oh, yes, yes. And maybe you can just tell us a little bit about it and, you know, what the sort of premise was. Yeah, yeah. The only regret is that it annoyed Conan because we showed it to him twice. The first time I wrote it, you were in it, Jessie, playing a 70s-ish woman who could play the keyboard and talk about-

I loved that role. Thank you. Talked about edibles. That's very funny. And how the sketch you just saw would have been much funnier if you had been on edibles. Yeah. And so it all turned out to be an ad for the edibles. Too conceptual for the new show, too conceptual for the half hour format.

You know, Conan's note was, let's keep it simple, more stripped down, and so on. Well, I think he didn't like that it was sort of becoming self-aware at the end and implying that people wouldn't be laughing at the sketch, which they would have been. Oh, I see. So I didn't give myself enough credit.

It wasn't that. I think it was the deconstruction of it or the copying, being self-conscious at the end. Exactly. Which is a way to be too conceptual, like to jump out of the reality of the sketch. Right, right. The reality of the sketch

was that a fan in the audience tried to get a selfie with Conan during the show, and Conan caught him at it and said, what are you doing selfie with Conan. During the show. During the show. And Conan caught him at it and said, what are you doing? You're holding up the show. And then the fan sort of gives a sad explanation.

My sister heard her next skiing. She was supposed to be here. I just wanted to get a selfie with me and you because she's a big fan of yours. They started playing on Conan's heartstrings. Yeah. And then he starts to say, he starts to become a little more demanding about what he really wants in the picture. And oh, you know, this wasn't the best angle and so on. Conan volunteers to call the sister. Her name is Becky. We cut away to a

FaceTime of Becky. And it's just Andre Dubichet, another writer, not even dressed as a woman, saying, this is Becky, and it all turns into like a strange East European scam. Yeah, an FBI sting. And then that turned out to be an FBI sting. So again, layers upon layers of... Sketch inception. It needed more moving parts.

There's already a Reddit group that is trying to delve into it. Yes. Yes, it's Sketch-a-non. But what Conan rightfully pointed out is there were three sketches in there. Yes. There were three sketches masquerading as one. It was also 12 pages long. And it was 12 pages long.

So he sent us, me really, back to the drawing board and said, there's something there. Pair it down. Get rid of the surprises. Well, everyone really loved the concept of the initial ask for a selfie. Exactly. And then when a person's like, oh, can we do it again? I think that, you know what I mean? Yes, yes.

That premise of someone who becomes demanding. So Conan goes along with it. The second time we proposed the sketch to him, we got rid of- It was a week later. It was a week later. And now it was only 11 pages. We cut out a whole page.

That's self-disappointing. So it was still too long. It was coming in overweight, but we ran it. It had fewer moving parts. And now it was all about- It was very funny. Thank you. Now it was all about thank you and now it was all about the demands of the guy

taking the selfie yeah he wanted a new shirt he wanted a new shirt his hand was shaking so could we get a tripod out of it once the tripod came out it became a union camera

operator job the union camera operator had his own demands can we get a nice back plate here can we get a dimmer light and so it all still wound up being very very uh you know time consuming for conan and he was sort of champing at the bit to to get the show going again so he sent me back to the drawing board again and

so this was the this was the you know second strike yeah uh and i have one more strike next week i literally you're gonna you're gonna bring are you going to bring it back oh hell yes oh yes oh you're bringing it back oh my god yeah oh yeah yes and it is uh radically changed and it is addressing things that i get the feeling conan doesn't even know he wants but it's down to six pages like yeah it's six pages it's it's and it's like a term paper it's like there's too. It's like, there's too many words. Too many words and too many moves that made Conan. Conan talks about, you don't want to shackle Kong.

You shackle King Kong. Shackling Kong means locking Conan into a premise or a sketch where the majority of the time he's just saying things like, what's going on here? Now, who are you? And then he does that thing with his fingers that we can't see. He twiddles his fingers as if he's clearly in a broad, poorly done sketch where he's over-emoting. To clarify, who is King Kong? King Kong was a-

No, I mean- Oh, in this scenario. So that was chained. And King Kong in this scenario is Conan, of course. So he doesn't like to be chained into a script where he is just reacting. Because as everyone knows, he's very funny. And we lock him into this,

what he calls the Mr. Mooney role, which is a reference to the old Lucy show. Lucy Ball show. Where Lucy was the wacky or crazy or funny one, and Mr. Mooney was stuck reacting to her. So he doesn't like that. It was like her fourth show in the mid-60s, where she worked in a bank with Mr. Mooney.

Yes. But you know, the Kong analogy, he's 40 foot tall, and we're all tiny airplanes. We're like mosquitoes buzzing. Buzzing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's why he likes it.

We're not. And he's still punching down on us. And we're bugs. Bugs. I had a poster made of King Kong swatting away planes driven, you know, piloted by the writers. We kind of put Conan's face on Kong. We have a lot of specific metaphors.

Earl of Early. Someone brought it up the other day. Chocolate chip cookie with more chips. Right. Build a jungle gym that he can play on. That's something he always talks about. So keep the structure loose so he can improvise around it.

Right. The show is a cigarette boat. Yes, yes. A speed The show is a cigarette boat. Yes, yes. A speedboat instead of a cruise ship. Yes. We're on a pirate ship. Yes. On the high seas.

A lot of nautical metaphors. A lot of we're in the water. A lot of pillaging. Earl of Early is, if you're doing a bit with like 12 beats or jokes in it. Earl of Early, it's such a stupid name. It's a setup. It's just an early joke.

Yeah. It's an early joke. To get you into the bit. Exactly. Oh, Clams. That was one I learned. Sure. Well, Clams comes from sitcoms, I think.

Oh, Clams is used at other places. Right? And earlier, I think from jazz. Music. Yeah. Oh, okay. When you miss a note. oh it's clams other places right and earlier from I think from jazz yeah Buddy Rich was this drummer who was caught recorded on tape

saying you guys are blowing clams out there which was I guess bad notes he was berating his horn players and so clams

are cheap or bad notes hack jokes I guess in our world they're go to jokes easy targets that will work

it's like Chris Christie yeah any Chris Christie fat joke would be considered a clam They're go-to jokes. Easy targets. That will work. It's like, wow. Chris Christie. Yeah. Any Chris Christie fat joke would be considered a claim. Yeah. Yeah. King.

Larry King is old. Larry King joke is old. Exactly. Frequently, the things that make us laugh the hardest, the writers, don't do well for the audience. Oh, very much so. Very much so. We put stuff in rehearsal that we know is going to get cut, but it's almost like to see Conan's reaction to it.

Yes. And just how he gets mad. Or sometimes he'll give it up, but everyone knows we can't do it. Exactly. It's undoable. It's too harsh. It's too sad. It's too something.

Too many props. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Well, exactly. Exactly. Well, I really look forward. I think if anyone can get this sketch on the air, it's you, Jose. Oh, thanks a lot. And guess what?

He did it. A lot of people are talking about last night's best picture winner. Some people are upset that the best... Excuse me? Excuse me. Oh, sorry. Yeah, sir, what are you doing? My sister's a huge fan of yours, and she was supposed to be here, but

she heard her next skiing, so I came instead, and I was going to take a selfie of me, and you had to cheer her up. I didn't mean to. Oh. Okay, well, that's actually... That's kind of sweet. It's just, I don't... It's not cool to sneak one. I didn't mean to. Okay, well that's actually kind of sweet. It's just not cool to sneak one. Why don't you just come up here and let's take a selfie for who is it? Allison. I just read that off the card.

And Jose is now with us so that we can say congratulations. Congratulations, Jose. Thanks, thanks. That sketch is no longer a writer regret. No, it is no longer a writer regret. It is not. No, it is no longer a writer regret. It's made it on the air finally on Monday.

After how many, how many times did we end up rehearsing it? How many iterations? Okay, from the time I wrote it back in January of 2017. From the time I started, wrote it last month till it aired, I think we did it eight times. Holy, that has to be a record. It might be. That is a record. We're actually rehearsing something?

Yes, for rehearsing, rehearsing, it's probably a record. Another record I'm proud of. Because it took, everybody agreed that there was a basically good idea. Let's keep it alive and so on. Do you think a little bit of that was Conan torturing you? A little bit? No, not a little bit. It's true.

If anyone else said, he would just be like, no, we're not doing this again. But it's like, oh, Jose, let's keep him on the hook. Let's ruin his weekend six weeks in a row. I must look like a chew toy to him sometimes. I don't know what he sees when he looks at me. I do squeak. But it's also, it was an idea that was not topical. So it could sort of limp along and be done at any time.

Well, that way you can bring it back. Sure, sure. Another person takes it back. Sure, sure. Another person takes another selfie. Sure, sure. But it took a long time and also it kept getting bumped. Even when it was almost ready to go, like when we got it down to the final form,

something topical would come up and we would bump it for something that was more timely. And that's good though. We'd rather have him come. Yeah, keep it in the pantry. And actually that helps the head writer have something in the chamber.

To serve. To serve, have something. Or a safety net. To shoot. Sure. To go along with the blanks. Well, congratulations. Thank you.

That would feel good. We have this congratulatory sound effect sting. And that's it. Nice. Thank you. Do you have any new regrets now? New regrets? Other than doing this podcast again. No, no new regrets.

No new regrets. Looking forward to the next thing that'll take forever to get on the air. Well, hopefully we won't have you in for another little while. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Someone else has to. Oh, you know. Oh.

There is a sketch currently. Yes. Vying. For the number of times that we've run it rehearsed it and it hasn't gone on and I won't say the name of the writer but it could be

a contender yeah I think we should talk to him next yes yes yes I'll leave it at that as a teaser but again another really funny sketch

that just gets keeps getting bumped for more topical stuff so alright okay thanks Jose you're welcome okay bye everyone and if you want to watch the whole sketch because it was on television topical stuff. So, all right. Okay, thanks, Jose. You're welcome.

Okay, bye, everyone. And if you want to watch the whole sketch, because it was on television, head over to... Heard of it. Head over to teamcoco.com and watch the episode from this Monday, February 25th.

Yeah, we'll also put a link in the show notes for you for this episode. So that's it for us for this week's Inside Conan. Yes. We hope we've given you a good peek at what we do here.

And we hope to keep doing this because for Jesse and I, it's a great way to get out of working on the show. Oh my God. It's a total dick move. We've got so many meetings. We're total dicks.

Anyway, we'll be back next Friday with more dirt and more exclusives. Just for you. Thanks for joining us on our first episode. Yeah, we'll be back next Friday with more dirt and more exclusives. Just for you. Thanks for joining us on our first episode. Yeah, thanks. It's great. We like you. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jesse Gaskell. And produced by Julia Smith. Engineered by Will Beckton.

Executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. Do you have a question about how the show is made? We'd love to hear from you. Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message for me and Mike. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan on Apple

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