Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Dan Goor

Episode Date: September 13, 2019

Writer and TV producer Dan Goor (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) joins Conan writers Mike Sweeney and Jessie Gaskell to talk about feeling intimidated when he first started writing on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, using what he learned working at Conan at Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and much more.This episode is brought to you by Vital Farms (www.vitalfarms.com/coupon), M&Mz Hazelnut, Candid Co (www.candidco.com/insideconan), and Tailor Store (www.tailorstore.com/insideconan).Check out Conan Without Borders: Greenland: https://teamcoco.com/greenlandCheck out Conan25: The Remotes: https://conan25.teamcoco.com/Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail] For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hi. Hi. It's us. We're back. It's us. We're back. It's early morning, yet we're full of vim and vigor.

I've never been so stoked to do a podcast. Cocaine hasn't worn off. That's right. My name is Mike Sweeney. I'm Jessie Gaskell. And we're still writers on The Conan Show, and we are here to talk about Inside Conan. All things Conan. Yes.

Yes, yes. It's all we do is talk and think and eat and sleep Conan. My wife loves it. It's really enhanced our relationship. I have Conan footed pajamas that I wear to bed. I don't want her to forget what I do for a living for one second. Oh, she could never forget all of her vacations being canceled. Yes.

Not all. Staycations are great, too. Yes. She gets a vacation from you, and that's nice. That's bigger ones in the works. I'm kidding, of course. What? I'm joking.

What a horrible way to find this out. It's good, though. You know, it's good as a husband to always. Keep her on her toes. Keep me on my toes. as a husband to always. Keep her on her toes. Keep me on my toes. Oh yeah. Yeah. Not her on her toes.

It keeps things fresh. No, she's, she's never, let's not go into it. Who's with us? Oh, we have a show today. There's a third in the room. I was just taking it as a stab at small talk. So people really get to flesh out our personalities. We've got a fantastic guest.

We do. I'm so excited he's here. I can't believe we booked him. A good old friend. And I'm very always happy when I see him. It's Dan Gore. Dan Gore,

welcome to Inside Conan. Thank you guys so much for having me. I'm so flattered to be here. Huge fan, huge fan of the pod. Oh my gosh. Huge fan of the pod.

Dan, of course, one of his hallmarks is saying things. Flattery. Yes, he's incredible. And then you have to probe. And, you know, a lot of times it's true. He's got the facts to back things up. Yeah. It's beyond facts.

Yes. This is a lived experience. Wow. It's in your blood. Dan Gore, as if every single listener doesn't know, Dan Gore was a writer in Late Night in the aughts for five years. Five years. There you go.

And then he went on. What a career. Yeah. You went to work on Parks and Rec. Had that been enough. And you've created a hit show, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Have you heard of it? I'm sure you have if you like comedy.

You're flattering me. All right. We didn't. I mean, yes, technically. Oh, we don't have to mention him. We will edit his name out. He didn't do much. He didn't do much.

No, no, no. I just felt like a little. I don't. We will edit it out. So Dan Gore on his own created Brooklyn 99. That's not true either. Oh, no. I really backed myself into it.

Why not just go with that? Lovingly created with Mike, one of my absolute best friends. Absolutely integral to the thing. Right, right, right. I was just. Cut that out. Cut that out. Keep going.

Edit point. Edit point. So we're with Brooklyn Nine-Nine sole creator Dan. No, no. You can't say that. No. Okay. So anyway, it's great to see you again.

It's great to be here. We have so much to talk to you about. Yeah. You want to. Why don't we start by talking about late night where you worked for? Well, actually my experience with Mike Sweeney starts prior to late. Oh,

yay. Mike Sweeney is almost. He's your babysitter. He's my babysitter. And he taught me how to French kiss. Yes. With a teddy bear. Yeah. I just want to be clear.

The teddy bear was watching. It was not me because you were like nine. So I had been at The Daily Show for a few years. I was at The Daily Show for three years. Right. With Jon Stewart. With Jon Stewart. All right.

Not Craig Kilbourne. I was with Craig Kilbourne for a few months. Oh, you were? Oh, is that true? Yeah. I had a writing partner at the time. We started with Craig Kilbourne, and then we were there with Jon Stewart. Wow right. Not Craig Kilborn. I was with Craig Kilborn for a few months. Oh, you were? Oh, is that true? Yeah. I had a writing partner at the time. We started with Craig Kilborn, then we were there with Jon Stewart. Wow.

Oh, right. So you survived the transition. And then I left The Daily Show. Right. And I was like, I'm never leaving New York. There weren't a lot of jobs in New York. For television. For television.

Right. There are a lot of jobs. It's a giant city. There's a big. There are millions of other jobs. It's a humming economy. You can't bus driver. Yeah.

So, and I was working for a show called Last Call with Carson Daly. Right. Oh, a show that I didn't realize until recently was still on. And just got, just ended. Just ended. And that blew my mind. There's a new woman host for that time slot, right? Yes.

Oh, yeah, Lilly Singh. Right. Yeah. Has she started her show? It's coming in September. I think they've started writing for it. Okay. By the time this airs, perhaps. Right. Yeah. Has she started her show? It's coming in September. I think they've started writing for it. Okay. By the time this airs, perhaps.

Yes. Sounds like Jesse's jumping ship. So I, uh-oh. No. And so, Carson, we should explain. It was a half-hour show after the Conan show. Yes. And it came on at 1.30 at night.

It came on at 1.30 at night, prize time slot. And it was really finding itself. At first, they thought it was going to be a comedy show, and then it was just going to be bands. And I wasn't sure that I wanted to – it was sort of a career impasse for me. Right. And I had a friend, Alison Silverman. Yes. Who was a writer on The Daily Show and then moved over to Conan.

Conan, right. And so I said to her, I'm thinking of applying to law school. Right. And she said – Oh, you were at that much of an impasse. Yeah. No, I took the LSATs. Yeah. Conan, right. And so I said to her, I'm thinking of applying to law school. Right. And she said, Oh, you were at that much of an impasse. Yeah, no, I took the LSATs. Yeah, oh my God.

So I took the LSATs. I should say, it's not I'm thinking of applying. I had gotten into law school. Right. And she said, Yeah, you might as well brag. Yeah.

No, you got into law school. Pretty good law school. So I got into law school and she said, why don't you talk to Mike Sweeney? He was a lawyer. He'll tell you if he thinks it's a good idea. It's my scarlet letter.

He'll talk you off the ledge. It's almost exactly what she said. We take the elevator up. Doors open to Conan. You happen to be there right in the bank. I was waiting for you. I just stand in the hallway and answer people's questions about law school. Like I said, you were like a yogi with cross legs.

Yes, of course. But Allison explained the situation. I won't repeat it. We just said it. And you looked at me for a second and you said, you should go to law school. Right. Oh, my God. And it was not a bit.

That is so brutal. It was not a bit. It was an absolute joke. I went, what? And then maybe it was a joke. Of course. No, no. I tell people to go into trade school, which is what law school is.

It's like, you should become a plumber. Of course I was joking. Just so you know, at that moment, Smiley. I didn't even know you. I feel like, I know. But you were like, we talked for two seconds. You said, go to law school. Then Smiley came up and he's like, Sweeney, I need you.

And he took you out. So I had no idea it was a bit earth shattering. It was a bit. Earth shattering. You could have reversed the course of history. We might not have Brooklyn Nine-Nine right now. But you did reverse the course of history because then weeks later, you hired me. Oh.

When I was a stand-up comic, there were so many comics who were lawyers during the day. And they're like, I don't know what to do. And I'm like, for God's sake, stop being a lawyer. Like anyone, successful lawyers, if I meet them, I'll be, for God's sake, stop being a lawyer. Like anyone, successful lawyers, if I meet them, I'll be, for God's sake, what are you doing? Just get out of it. It's, I mean, it's the worst job ever. I would never, I just want to be clear. I would never, ever tell anyone.

I wish I could transport myself in time and tell myself that back in the day. I know, but I know. Well, you didn't go to law school, so. I know, I didn't listen to you at all. What do you mean? You went on time travel? I think for real it was very useful. But you probably had a harrowing few weeks that you were... Well, I think it was the harrow which forced me to realize I didn't want to do it.

Oh, to decide. Oh, yeah. The harrow put me on the straight and narrow. Oh, see? That's what I was... Well, okay. Now I can admit I... It was purposeful.

It was all part of my plan to give you two harrowing weeks. I think we've all been the victim of one of Sweeney's bits that, no, you're just very good at delivering things deadpan. And then if you don't know you, devastating, then you don't realize that it's a joke. Speaking of heroin narrow,

does Conan still say do some and then some? It's, it's tailed off. It has. I thought he had just come up with that. Yes. Oh, my God. The time that I saw him do it.

Uh-huh. What? And it turns out it's on a sign. I found out years later it's on a sign of a Chinese restaurant in the Boston area. Wow. Every time the PA at Brooklyn Nine-Nine comes in to say lunch is here, I say Paul Revere. I feel like it's like a Conan-y kind of

do you say Les is more and Les is Moonves no that's an old one that predates the Moonves scandals

I want to have a character named Les is more on the show like Mr. Ismore Mr. Les is more you want to you probably have

the power to do that yeah you're right so we're all expecting. Yeah. Well, it will be probably an unmentioned character. Okay. If you read the scripts.

You want that in the show, but you don't want people to know that it was yours. I don't want people to say Les is more. Mr. Les is more. As sole creator of the show, you should be able to just throw that in. Oh, my God. This was such an awkward way to start this. It really was. And it was my fault.

No, it wasn't your fault at all. We're such gotcha journalists. And then, you know, as a joke, and then, see, this is dangerous bits. I have a question for you. Oh. When you take the LSATs, how long, like, can you, would you have to take them again if you decided to go to law school now? Oh, that's a great question.

Can I just say I looked into that? Okay. I looked into that. How recently? After, I think after I, think after the first year at Conan. I wasn't sure how I was doing. No, I looked into it probably five years afterwards. And I think they're only good for two years.

Oh, yeah. But I really did look into it. But that's an interesting thing to talk about. Fail sets? No, no, no. Let's do some games. When you worked at Conan, when you started, that scary feeling of, oh, am I, is this going to work out? Because I feel like sometimes some places lower the boom and you don't see it coming.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was really, it was very intimidating to start. First of all, I just felt like, again, I think you guys are going to think I'm just being it's flattery, but it felt like like joining the what's the murderer's row of the Yankees. It was such a good group of writers. I mean, it was unbelievable.

At that time it was. I'm sure it continues to be. It continues to be. You know what? Yeah, man. I don't want to be serious. It was all like. It was to be. You know what? Yeah, man. I don't want to be serious. No, I know. It was all like.

It was so funny. Yeah. I'm still like. Heavy hitters. A testament to all the people who hired them too. I think hiring is so incredibly hard. Yeah, I forget who did hire everyone. It was you.

No, but it's a great. But it was intimidating. And also writing, I'm sure. I know you guys have gotten into this before, but writing on a show like Conan was different, is different than a lot of late night shows because the writers also direct and produce. Right. Yes. Et cetera, all of their bits. I don't think we can emphasize that enough.

Right. It's so integral. It's such a, like, it's such a learning experience. And I had, I think the other nice thing was that a lot of the writers were mentors immediately. So if you pitched something, I, you know,

the first time I got something on, I actually co-wrote something with Dimitri Martin, Dimitri Martin and I started on the same day. Is that true? Yeah. And we did a bit, which was, so like a audience asked,

Conan had to kill some time, and the audience asked Conan a bunch of trivia questions, and then it turned out to be strip trivia. And the bit was that only Conan had to take his clothes off. And I remember both Dimitri and I had no idea how to produce it, but I think Blitz actually sort of put us under his wing. Writer Andy Blitz. Sorry, writer Andy Blitz. Don't apologize.

Go, go, go. And it was great. I mean, it was like you work with all of the different departments. It really gave me an appreciation. I use what I learned at Conan all the time at Brooklyn because I really learned that all of these departments are so good at what they do. And they are such creative partners. So you would have an idea and then you would hand it off to Deb Shah in wardrobe,

who was generally in a bad mood because she wasn't dropping a bowling ball. She had the office underneath the writer's room and we would jokingly throw a bowling ball around. To her, it wasn't a joke. It was like Hiroshima above her head. She took it as a hostile act. That's crazy.

I don't get it. Or the props department, those guys are still with you. They're unbelievable. Yes. And they would always make things even better. So my philosophy is always when I'm dealing with the departments at Brooklyn Nine-Nine is always to give them as much leeway to make them true creative partners because they're just geniuses. That's a great, great approach.

And I mean, the props here are so fun and so funny. Yeah, no, we still, it is fun when something you ask for and it comes and it's like your weird nightmare come to life. I had a bit which we had a character and it was Bulimic Trojan Horse. Right.

And it was like a Trojan horse that it could bring it was about two feet long and 18 inches tall and it could bring

its hoof to its mouth and then the mouth would open and then they would pull out you could pull out a bunch of toy soldiers.

Soldiers? Oh my god. Trojans. Trojan Soldiers? It would vomit Trojans. Trojan. No, the opposite Trojans. Wait, was the Trojan soldier a gift for? No, the Trojans were in the force. No, no, because they went into Troy. They invaded Troy.

Oh, boy. Oh, God. That is a real misnomer. But yeah, fuck you, Homer. You really screwed that up. Homer's a dick. Homer is a dick. But yeah, that was a great, that was one of their great scenes.

And they made it work? They made it work. It was great. Didn't they famously, some bit called for a dog skeleton? And they drove- A sheep skeleton. A sheep skeleton. Oh, this is a Bill Tall story.

Oh, has he already told this story? And he drove to a farm in upstate New York, talked to a farmer and said, do you have a skeleton? And he said, oh yeah, we recently buried a sheep and they in the dead of night, they dug it up. He boiled the bones and bleached them and then

glued them back together. In a facsimile of a – What a madman. What a madman. And there were some missing bones because maybe it had been dogs that already picked over the – Wait, have you guys had him on the show? You have to have him on the show. No, we have not had Bill on.

But we're saving him. We're scared. Because he also – For when we want to get him. The story of cutting the – he accidentally cut the – are we not even allowed to say that? Is that still actionable? Oh, oh,

oh. He chainsawed. Yeah, I told that story. Oh, you did. All right. Yeah.

No, not on here. He chainsawed through the communications, a conduit, you know, one of those like plastic pipes. Four conduits. There were four conduits.

Full of cables going through the props room. And he wanted the space to put up a shelf to put stupid toys like the William H. Church and Horace. The prop room in 30 Rock had this limited space, and we didn't throw props out, so he had all this stuff he had to store. And so to gain some space, he took a chainsaw and just cut through the conduits, and there had been tons of these conduits,

and he'd done this piecemeal through the months, and nothing had happened. There had been no problem. And then he cut through the conduits. And there had been tons of these conduits. And he'd done this piecemeal through the months. And nothing had happened. There had been no problem. And then he cut through one. And the 5 o'clock news just lost all of their communication. Right. Completely went down. It was like 4.55.

A live show. A live show. A live news show. And we walked downstairs. And there's just, we didn't know any of the back. Mayhem. There was absolute mayhem. Like you had queued 40 people to run

in all different directions in the hallway it was yeah so they never figured out that it was him they at&t well the local news all their broadcast the everyone who was out in the field all their reports going back to studio six the studio for Live at Five were through these conduits that he had sawed through. And so AT&T was just like emergency and they're like, you know, we traced it. It's coming from the prop room

and they go in and I think he was already putting shelves up where the conduits were. Can I help you? It was great. But so starting there, it was really fun. We would, the first sort of area.

How long do you feel like you were in that panic place? I was in a panic probably for two to seven months. Yeah. That's good. That's pretty short. Also, by the way, I mean, no one, obviously, there are no cameras in here, fortunately. Right. None of us are wearing.

It's like Jeffrey Epstein's jail cell. We're all wearing midriff-bearing shirts. Right. But the offices here at the current Conan Show are very nice. I mean, not. Yes, they're nice. It's not gross. It's great.

It's terrific. It's fine. It's not over the top. Yeah. The offices, I mean, it's nice. Now I feel like I'm accusing you guys. No's not. It's fine. It's not over the top. Yeah. The offices, I mean, it is. It's nice. Now I feel like I'm accusing you guys. No, no.

But at 30 Rock, Conan had like a superstition about not renovating the offices. Right. And so as a result, I started the day after the 10th, the Monday after the 10th anniversary show. Okay. The offices were both tiny and disgusting. I mean, there were like holes in the wall. I shared an office that was the size of- Well, from the bowling ball. Yeah, from the bowling ball. But there was also like, somebody would think it was funny to take

the bowling ball and throw it through your wall. I did that. Yeah. You were that funny person. Well, it wasn't funny. It was an awful thing to do. It sounds like a frat house. Well, you did it. And then the crazy thing in Rockefeller Center, someone just came in the next day and repaired the wall and painted it. And no one asked questions. That's so horrible.

They were probably so used to people. In a room that was, I'm not exaggerating, half the size of the room we're in. So I would say it was like six feet by 10 feet by eight feet. I mean, it was really small. You're being generous. There were three of us in that room. Three riders crammed. Like a really small. You're being generous. There were three of us in that house. Three riders crammed. Guy Nicolucci.

Jose Arroyo and I shared that office for three years. And then they finally, when Conan signed the big contract, or the next contract for like five years, the one that was going to lead to the Tonight Show, he agreed to have the place renovated, I think. Because remember we moved into that other office? Yes, we moved into the Simon Schuster. Oh my god, and

the superstition came true. No comment. But the other thing was we would spend so much time in Sweeney's office. I mean, we spent, because we were there often until 11 at night, I feel. We were there really late. Yeah. When we did Clutch Cargo. At that time, the hours sounds like it was just around the clock. Well, it was built in in that you did the show and we filled out dinner menus before the show.

So we were all committed every night to have dinner. Eating dinner there. And then go back to work. So a lot of times you weren't even getting back to work after 8. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then if you had a remote on the next day or something, you might be there until 3 o'clock in the morning. Oh, yeah. And then if you had a remote on the next day or something, you might be there until three o'clock in the morning.

Oh, yeah. Or pull an all-nighter editing. Yes, very easily pull an all-nighter. Did you ever sleep in your office? You would have to sleep standing up. My office is so small. I would have been back to back with this. Astronauts.

Use Guy Nicolucci as a pillow. Have you slept in your office? Is that why you're asking? Only naps. Oh, interesting. But I might if I was here. I might not want to meet that in front of the old boss room. Astronauts. Use Guy Nicolucci as a pillow. Have you slept in your office? Is that why you're asking? Only naps. Oh. But I might, if I was here. I might not want to meet that in front of the old boss room. If I was here till three and I had to be back early, I probably would stay.

Yeah. I think that that panic was always motivating me to stay awake. Yeah. Right. Sometimes the editor with whom you were working would take generous naps throughout the day. Oh, there was one editor. We shouldn't say his name. But it was really fun to stay.

So actually, the craziest one of these editing sessions was I went on the remote with Andy Blitz to India. Oh, God, yes. Please tell us about that. And when we came back from India, I mean, that in and of itself was just unbelievable and epic. Yes. But when we came back from India, we had two weeks to get down about, you know, six hours of footage. Right.

And we got it down to 12 minutes. Conan screened it at rehearsal. Right. And then he said, it needs to be six minutes. Oh. And it needs to be tonight. Wow. And at that point, Blitz and I had been, we'd pulled like three.

All-nighters. Three o'clockers or all-nighters in a row. And then Sweeney came in and we just hacked it. We just cut it in half. Wow. And I thought it was going to be impossible. And of course it was totally possible. Not hacked.

We went in and sculpted. Hacked like a surgeon. Into, and brought out the statue that looked within. Like Bill Tell with a pipe of paint. Exactly. That's right. I can't believe you shot six hours of footage for it. We shot, well, first of all, it was going to be two remotes.

We shot, we went, the crew that came with us was an English crew. And they had just gotten back. Camera crew. Camera crew, sorry. So they met us. Okay. They had just gotten back from shooting in Afghanistan. And they said to us.

Oh, my God. They said to Jeff Adio, who was the producer at the time, and Chalemi, they said, after two days of shooting, they said, this is the hardest job we've ever done.

Harder than Afghanistan. Harder than Afghanistan. Just because like, we would just go. We would just keep the, it was like shooting with Conan. We would just keep the camera up. Andy's an unbelievable,

Andy Blitz is an unbelievable improviser. You never knew what you would get. And they, at a certain point, refused to hold the camera anymore. They're heavy cameras. They are heavy cameras. Oh, my God. Well, they've never even done a Smigel remote, so I don't think they would last long.

Amateurs. And remind us of the premise of this. The premise of the remote was that Andy's computer had a lot of malware on it. Andy was a writer on the show. Andy was a writer on the show. So he was playing himself, basically. By the way, I should say, I think this is all available on Conan 20 or whatever. It is. It definitely is.

I mean, go check it out, guys. Hell yeah. All right, I'm assuming you're back. Thanks. And so we were going to take it this was really the start of outsourcing

this era was when I mean this was like 2004 right and so the idea was to take the computer

to IT we called IT IT was having trouble explaining how to fix the computer and then Andy over the phone and then Andy said, over the phone. And then Andy said, you know what? Why don't I just take it to you?

And then we did a hard cut to an airplane flying and then landing at, it was Rajiv Gandhi International Airport. And we did it. We went through the streets of Bombay. And he carried his desktop computer with him. He carried his desktop computer with him in every shot. Oh, my God. And we got in all kinds of trouble. And he carried his desktop computer with him. He carried his desktop computer with him. In every shot. In every shot. Oh, my God.

And we got in all kinds of trouble, and he got his hair cut. One of the things that got cut out was he got his head shaved by a barber. Right. And then the barber, he's completely bald, Andy is, and the barber nicked his head, and there was just blood pouring down. It was so funny looking. You've got to find that outtake. Wow.

And the other thing we did was we shot a Bollywood, a different remote, which was that Andy Blitz was trying out for a Bollywood movie. Right. I mean, if you're there,

you might as well. That's what our take was. And you shot it in the IT. We shot it, we ended up shooting one bit of it there, but we also went to one of their massive film cities.

Yeah. And we filmed in a lot of different locations. And we also met with an agent, an Indian agent. And there was this great moment where the Indian agent said, we had a conference room at the hotel, and we were going to shoot this kind of real-life meeting between Andy and the agent. And Andy was going to show clips that he'd done on Conan, which were all incredibly stupid. Yeah. It was like he had one clip.

The clip he showed him was him just saying the word Abba over and over again. He had a bit where he would just go Abba. Abba. Abba. Abba. Abba. But we had set him up as if he were a very important actor. Yeah.

Talent. Right. And then that was going to be the flip. Emerging talent. Yeah. And the guy said, hey, I think it would be really cool. To make myself look cooler, I'll be on the phone. This was the agent, the Indian agent.

He said, I'll be on the phone when Andy walks in, and I'll pretend, and I'll go like, hey, give me a couple minutes. I'm on a call. And I was like, okay. I love when people suggest their own kids. By the way, this guy turned out to be great. But I was like, oh, okay. So then I went up to Andy, and I was like, just so you know,

he's going to do this. And Andy's like, okay, okay. So then I went up to Andy and I was like, just so you know, he's going to do this. And Andy's like, okay, I got it. So what Andy did was he entered the room. The guy was on the phone, but so was Andy. And then the guy went, I'll be two minutes. And Andy's like, no, take your time. And then the guy hung up and then Andy made him wait for a full two minutes to finish Andy's call. Oh, that's great.

And the guy figured out what the bit was, but it was actually very, very nice and very good. That's hilarious. That's great. Oh, that's great. The guy figured out what the bit was but was actually very nice and very good. That's hilarious. That's great. That was the craziest remote. How long were you there for? We were there. This sounds like weeks

of shooting. We shot for a week. Oh, you were there a week? I think we shot for I don't remember. Yeah, but we started to shoot the next day and then my stomach

had some issues and then Adio was actually was like why don't you why don't we just take the day off oh yeah and so we didn't shoot the first day i mean it was like the interesting thing also is india is i don't know if anyone's here has been to india no my wife is part of an indian family so i've gotten a number of that was actually the first time i've been but uh ind cool. But India is, like, overwhelming. Right. And I couldn't even cross the street in front of the house, in front of the hotel.

The traffic was so bad. Oh, wow. But then as soon as we were shooting the bit, it was like, you have this work superpower. And I would, like, go into the middle of a super highway. I'm like, all right, stop, stop. All right, let's go. Let's go. We've got to get the camera.

You just get this producing thing, which is nuts. You were doing that on stop, stop. All right, let's go. Let's go. We got to get the, you just get this producing thing. You were doing that on the streets of, uh, yeah. That's great. Cause that footage that you came back of Andy walking down the street, you, there's no mistaking where you are.

It's, it's such a different world. There's that one shot where he's on a Bullocks, you know, he's on a cart that's pulled by a Bullocks and you'd be like, tilt up. And we had to stop just a random farmer who pulled by a bullock. And you tilt up. And we had to stop just a random farmer who was taking his goods to market. Right.

It's for a late night show. Yeah. And then Andy's just sitting there. It's on at 1230, but maybe it'll move up to an earlier slot. It's not online yet. It'll be online after the Uranet's event. Remember that? Right.

Didn't Conan always confuse himself with Ted Koppel? Yes. What happened to Ted Koppel? He's retired. I don't know. He's okay. He's okay Right. Didn't Conan always confuse himself with Ted Koppel? Yes. What happened to Ted Koppel? He's retired. He's okay. Still with us. He's okay. He hasn't been Me Too'd.

He's doing our show next week. Oh. Do you have some juice? He hasn't been Me Too'd. He's had a surprise. I just assume they all have. That's probably why he's keeping a low profile. Yeah.

Yeah. So, yeah, that actually had repercussions because we had the idea and it was like, just, you know, we're always desperate for content. It's like, go, go to India. Apply to India. But that's amazing that you could just go there for a week for one segment for the show. Yes, it was a different time budgetarily. I mean, we also flew first class because we had to.

Yeah. I was in a new level of premiership in American Airlines. Right, right. But I know the story you're about to tell. You should tell this story. Oh, just quickly. I dispute it. Oh. I mean, I don't dispute the facts that you're saying, but I think the guy – well, you say it.

Well, it's just simply back there, we would never get permits to shoot anything. Like, if we shot something in New York City, just go out and shoot it. Just steal it. No one cares. And cops in New York, when it comes to shooting stuff, they look the other way. Oh, they do. They don't care. They kind of love it.

Hey, if you need an extra, I'm right here. So we didn't get permits to fly to India. And you guys flew and shot it. And so we were looking into going to India recently, a few months ago. And they were holding up the permits, holding up the permits, holding up the shooting visas. And then all of a sudden, some bureaucrat found in San Francisco at the Indian consulate was like, we found evidence that Conan sent someone there to India in 2004 without the proper permits. And they said, no, they turned us down because of that, because of you. I heard that you guys had said that. They turned us down because of that. Because of you. Well, they delayed it.

I heard that they were, that you guys had said that they had said they were unhappy with it. Like with the way we had done it or something. Oh, well, that I don't know. Oh, I think it was just with the process. I think it was just. By the way, guys, Chalemi has a great story on this podcast about not having the permits. Oh, for the toilet? For the toilet and then the police helping out.

All right. True listener. You proved. Wow, for the toilet? For the toilet and the police helping out. All right. True listener. You proved. Yes, you, wow. Okay. Come on. You listened to a segment where you might have been mentioned. Okay, fine.

The other thing that happened in India was, I think I almost broke a guy's leg because we were playing cricket. One of the bits was that we threw a cricket ball at the monitor. And then it was like hard to get the shot. And we had somebody trying to bowl the ball and they were doing it too slowly. And I was like, fine, I'll just do it. I'll just do it. And I pegged the ball and then it hit.

There were like 50 kids gathered around and hit a kid in the leg. And he was like, ow, ow, what the hell? And I was like, oh, And then it hit. There were like 50 kids gathered around. And it hit a kid in the leg. And he was like, ow, ow, what the hell? And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And I was really apologetic. And then our fixer was like, we have to go. Run now. And then it's like a hard cut to us in the back of two Land Rovers driving off really quickly.

From the field. From the field, from the cricket field. And an angry mob of people yelling. He just had a bruise, just to be clear. I didn't break somebody's leg. Yeah. I mean, if you were to see my physique, you'd know that was impossible. How heavy is a cricket ball? 82 pounds.

Cricket ball is just like a hard. It's a medicine ball. It's a hard. Yeah, it's hard. Solid wood. Almost like a croquet ball. What does that mean all the time? Let me put it in terms Sweeney would understand.

It's like a croquet ball. Ah, now I get it. Thank you. It's not like a shuttlecock for badminton. No, it is not a shuttlecock. Badminton, actually, I think, may be the most played sport in the world. In the world? Really?

Is that true? Wow. Is it because it's played in China and it's just like everyone? Okay. Yeah. Big populations. So hanging out in your office was always fun. That was fun.

And when any time Conan came in, that would be like a real treat. Yes. Did he play his guitar then? He did, but he was less guitar-y then. Yeah. Mostly he would- Less guitar-y. Mostly he would-

More verbal, less music. He would come in and throw Komen around. He would like physically throw Komen around. Right. Now, he always has a writer that he needs to physically- A little brother, yeah. Yeah. Michael Komen for Right. Now, he always has a writer that he needs to physically punch and abuse. A little brother, yeah. Michael Komen for years. For years.

And certain writers are great foils. Like, they act like, oh, you know. Yeah. He'll shrink up and go, what are you doing? And then. Spot on. Yeah. Okay.

No, I'm not kidding. It's basically that Conan is reenacting his own childhood, but where he's the bully and someone else. Right, right. He finally tried. It's basically that Conan is reenacting his own childhood but where he's the bully and someone else is the big time. Right, right. He finally tried. It's a therapy. One time we were walking to the elevator bank on the 6th floor. We were just, the three of us were walking. It was me, Conan, and Komen. And we were talking about rehearsal very, you know, seriously analyzing

something. And then he just took Komen and threw him into a potted plant. Knocking the potted plant over. It was so dramatic. And I looked up, and there was a camera. And I ran over to the screen, and I was like, we've got to get this. We've got to get footage. It's so funny.

That's a great idea. Turns out none of the cameras at 30 Rock worked. Oh, God. They were like, yeah, yeah, that camera isn't worth three years. It's all for show. Oh, wow. Oh, no. So that was a whole new scary kind of thing to find out.

There's no evidence of any wrongdoing. He would just play, like, go lean into, okay, I torture this writer, Michael Komen. So I remember we were doing a week of shows in Chicago, and we were downstairs in this area where our offices were going to be, and there was like a cage. There was literally a, it looked like. Oh, yeah, and did he lock him in the cage? He just said, we were scouting it. There was like a cage. There was literally a, it looked like. Oh yeah.

And did he lock him in the cage? He just said, we were scouting it. He sent the picture of the cage back to Michael Kohn and said, this is where I'm going to lock you up when we're in Chicago. And he like put him in there and lock. Oh my God. Just for a quick photo opportunity. Here's a bit. Do you remember the bit, Total V Vigodal eclipse of the sun?

Yes. That was my bit. Oh, that was great. With eight Vigodas. With eight Vigodas. And the bit was there was going to be a total eclipse. And I had this very clever thought process, which is total rhymes with Vigodal. Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. And I mean, it's the kind of genius that you were probably looking for in my packet in the first place. Of course, yes, yes. The kind of genius the law didn't get. Right. And we teased it out of you every day.

Yes. It's fantastic. And the basic idea, the pitch was that Abe would sit in front of a camera, that there's one camera, and every 60 years in this specific studio, there's a total Vigodal eclipse of camera two. Right. Where he would block. And over the course of the

show, it would go from a partial Vigodal eclipse. So the first funny thing that happened was I was talking to Abe backstage and Abe said, so what am I thinking? He wanted his motivation.

I go, well, you're kind of just sitting there. And the camera goes over. He goes, but what am I thinking in my brain? I was like, well, you're the moon. And he goes, so I'm the moon. He needs you to write thoughts for him. So he did. And he was great.

He was just the moon. So this is maybe the only time I feel like, because the tough thing about being a writer is you might have on the show or any show where you don't have the final say is you can never prove you're right. You know what I mean? Like you'll have an idea and you'll pitch it and then at rehearsal, Conan will change it and it'll work or it won't work, but you never have the satisfaction of going like, it would have worked better my way.

You can say that, but you never know. There was one time where I had a bit and the editors accidentally didn't cut one of the beats and the beat did well. So that was one example where of course

I never said to Conan. Did he ever give it up? No. No. I think he was like, I can't believe that stayed in. Right, right, right. But the pitch,

the original pitch that Conan and I had for the Vagodal Eclipse of the Sun, of the Moon, of the camera, sorry, was that it would last the entire episode.

Because it just felt like a thing. Which is great. Conan insisted it was one segment. Right. One act. And then when we came back. He doesn't like things to bleed into other things. Right. In the post-mortem, he's like, it should have been the whole show.

Oh. Really? Yeah. I don't remember that. That's a rare. Rare. Very rare. And obviously it stuck with you.

And that's why you remember it. Yeah. Which is not to say he's not a good guy. No. No, no, but. No, it's great. And the other thing in rehearsal, you're saying it's hard to get your, he's miked. Yes.

And you're like, you know, the writers are kind of sitting there and it's just like, oh man, this is. Well, also. If you wanted to get into it, it's a, he's got a PA system to go after you. Yes. And also he's a standard deviation funnier than any other human. Oh, there's that too. Yeah. And faster.

Yes. And faster. And certainly in that setting also more alpha than anybody else. So there's no chance. I also feel like he pulled, yeah, like if you start going and you're getting in good shots, it's almost like hitting a bear. It's worse. Okay. Oh, you.

Oh. Like he'll literally go. You can see his eyes go, oh, okay. You want to play? You want to play? Watch this. I was never even in the position of hitting the bear. Yeah.

I was just being mauled by the bear. Right, right, right. Preemptive mauling. I just curl onto a ball and pretend I'm dead already. Conan never had, like, I always, he had a sort of different abusive bit with every writer, I feel like. And I feel like he never had one with me. And I always wanted one. I can totally imagine, like, being the child. This is going to sound horrible.

I was going to say having, like, two siblings who are abused by your parents and wanting to be abused. Nobody wants that. Was this thing with you, You didn't blink your eyes? Yeah, he said I didn't blink my eyes. So that was it. Oh, you had a bit then. That was your bit. But he rarely said that.

Mostly we would just talk about cholesterol. Right. Because my parents wrote books on lowering cholesterol. You were obsessed. He was interested in cholesterol. I was not obsessed with it. He'd call me into his office. Every day he'd be like,

you should be eating buffalo burgers. Okay, I got into bison burgers. They're very low fat. They are buffalo. You were right. He'd call me into his office and he'd press the closed door button, the lower button. Right. Oh.

And I should probably stop talking now. No. He did it in a Mr. Burns kind of funny way. Right, right, right. And then he would say, here are my numbers. And he would show me his cholesterol numbers. And that was kind of our bit. Did you guys? Seriously? But he'd seriously. Show me would show me his cholesterol numbers. Oh. And that was kind of our bit. Did you guys?

Oh, seriously? Yeah. But he'd seriously. Show me his numbers. Talk to you about it. Yeah. Oh, he was. His cholesterol was a big issue back then.

Yes. I'm assuming he worked it out, because I haven't heard him talk about it. Yeah, no, he totally worked it out. In ages. I think he'd already worked it out. Mm-hmm. But I always wanted, I sort of wanted a real bit. I wanted to be thrown around by him.

It's not too late. Just. I think it is. You could come back to work, just, and we'll try to get him to come up with. real bit. I wanted to be thrown around by him. It's not too late. Just, we can, you could come back to work just, and we'll try to get him to come up with a- I would love to come back.

The hours are way better now, aren't they? They are. Yeah, I mean, what are they compared to Brooklyn Nine-Nine?

Yeah, what's that like? We're in season seven, so we're way better than we were. But in seasons one through three, I would say we were

there every night of the week. We didn't ever work on weekends, but every night of the week. We didn't ever work on weekends, but every night of the week until nine. And then on the night before a table read, we were easily there until one or two in the morning. But now I'd say we get dinner once or twice a week. And then the night before a table read, we'll be there until eight, nine or 10. Okay. Wow. So it's not as bad as it was. I'm there later because then I have to edit the show. Right.

Yeah. So that's the... Do you still enjoy doing that? I do. That's a lot. That's also, like, Andy Samberg is great and super smart

and very much a producer on the show, and he does a very complete passive notes on every script, so it's also a fun thing because it feels more collaborative with Andy. That's great. That's great.

What was it like to have that dramatic turnaround where you thought the show was going away? And then, I mean, that's a fantastic, to me, I always wanted to ask you, what was it like to go through that? So, I mean, just in case. Explain, please explain. So we were on Fox for five years. Yes.

And we have always done well on Hulu and we've always done fine, but we were not like a smash ratings hit. But very, I think, acclaimed in the comedy community. Absolutely. I'll let you say that. No, but yeah, a show that comedians love. Yes. And Fox decided to change their business model. They got rid of all single camera comedies, and they canceled us.

And there was this – and so the first thing I should say is, like, as dramatic as it was to the outside world, we kind of had indications in the weeks leading up that they might cancel us. Right. And if they do, there's a chance that either Hulu will pick us up or Netflix or maybe NBC. Oh, wow. So there's a little bit of like, for me it was a little bit buffered. And then there was this crazy, wonderful outcry from our fans.

From Twitter. That was the most gratifying thing. That was like, I finally felt seen. I mean, it really was amazing. And my wife was kind of like, this is it, best of both worlds. You don't have to do the show. And my wife was kind of like, this is it. Best of both worlds. Yeah. You don't have to do the show.

And you found out that everybody loved it. Yeah. I totally agree. I was sort of on that train. And then, and then also like Lin-Manuel Miranda, there was this celebrity,

Mark Hamill. Yeah. They became the guardians of the nine, nine. They called themselves. And then they were, that's amazing, which was great.

It was amazing. And like, I'm on a weird text chain with tattoos. Guardians of the nine, nine. Yeah. then they were that's amazing which was great it was amazing and like i'm on a weird text chain with tattoos guardians of the nine nine yeah if they don't get tattoos they're real fans sorry you were on a chain with uh with like uh with mark hamill and and like a tweet chain or whatever like a private dm, which was unbelievable. But so then they finally told me, I've said this before, but it's true. I was in the bathroom when they told me. I got the call and I was like, you know what? Fuck this.

Wait, can you curse on this? Yeah. I was like, fuck this motherfucker. Yeah. No, I was like, I'm going to take the call. And then you flushed. Yeah. I was like, hold on a second.

And I made it so that they could hear. Oops, I FaceTimed. And that's whened. Yeah. I was like, hold on a second. And I made it so that they could hear. Oops, I FaceTimed. And that's when they told me. And then immediately we went into overdrive trying to shop the show. And really the studio, it's so boring and show business, but they wanted to save it. And then Bob Greenblatt had ran NBC. He ran NBC for years and years and years. And NBC was all four networks in theory bid on the show

in the very beginning when we first pitched it. But NBC didn't really want it. They kind of let it go because they had the right to just buy it. Yeah, right. Because we're NBC studios for NBC. That's confusing, yes. And Bob Greenblatt always said, or forever afterwards said,

he thought that was a mistake. And I really thought it was just lip service that he was just saying that. Of course. And then he called up and he was like, I really think it was a mistake. I want the show.

Oh. And I thought, there's no way NBC picks up another show, like a network picking up another show, the failed show or whatever,

canceled show. And there were like, it was so show busy. I was like at my daughter's track meet and I was on the phone with agents and lawyers and they're like trying to make numbers work. And then they're like, hold on, Hulu dropped out. Hulu dropped out. And I'm like, oh no, Hulu dropped out.

And then they're like, can you do the show for this much? Can you do the show with this many episodes? And then the studio's like, just say yes. Just say yes. Say yes to anything. And then it was back and forth. Bob was still deciding. Bob was still deciding. It was that night. It was like 8 o'clock. And Bob really

loved Broadway and a spectacle. So I was like, hey, what if we secretly, what if he secretly picks us up and then we fly, he secretly flies Andy to the upfront, which is the big reveal of all the schedule. In New York. And then he says, and then Andy wanders on stage and goes, I think I'm lost. And then Bob goes, no, you found your new home or something stupid like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. And one of the producers on the show, David Minor, who's a really smart guy, was like, yeah, you know what? That's a fun idea, but let's not pitch anything. We'll wait until tomorrow morning. It's over for the night. And this was the day,

this was like the Thursday before the Monday that was up front. So it's like really right up against it. And then I was like, okay. When they have to decide. When they have to decide. Take your show on. Yeah, because they've got to make their PowerPoints. And then, so I was like, I guess I'm going to go to bed. I guess I'm not going to know what your show on. Yeah, because they've got to make their PowerPoints. That's right.

And then, so I was like, I guess I'm going to go to bed. I guess I'm not going to know what's going on. And then 15 minutes later, I just got an email that said, a text that said, Bob said yes. Wow. And then we coordinated this. And he liked the pitch? He didn't do the pitch. Oh, that's such a great idea.

They were like, there's no way to keep anything secret. So then we did a big thing. And it was really fun. The tough thing is, for the network, it's like we're a first thing. And it was really fun. The tough thing is for the network, it's like we're a first year show. You know, they're like,

getting to know each other. They want to get notes. No, they're totally good about that. Just like excitement wise. They're like, you're doing episode one. And we're like,

we're doing episode 126. So it's just. That's a nice way to go into a new network. It is. Guys, I think we have this. Yeah, it's great. They've been great. So you got the. That's a nice way to go into a new network. It is. Guys, I think we have this. Yeah, it's great.

They've been great. So you got the word on like a Friday and then you, so you had to fly to New York. Then I flew to New York. That's really exciting. Yeah, that is exciting. The other fun thing was, and again, this is like very insidery and probably unrelatable, but like when you take a show to the upfronts, normally, normally it's a new show. They don't, usually you go in your first year, maybe your

second year. Otherwise you're just sort of on the air and they don't put you in front of the media in the same way. And the cast just doesn't know each other. It's fun and you're on the red carpet and you're having fun but you don't really know each other. This to be a sixth year show that had gone

through this massive drama and then to go it was so fun. Great chemistry. It was like great chemistry. It must've been a big celebration. It was just, it was wonderful. It was great. It was like,

you know, that moment where you get hired before you actually have to start the job. It's like the best part of a job. Right. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. And then you start the job.

Cause when, and on Conan, I got hired and then there was like a two-month wait to start. Oh, wow. And it was the best two months. Why was that? I think we decided, I think I needed to do something. You needed to go to the first few months of law school.

Exactly. I just had to try it out. I just had to see how I did on torts. A few lectures and some property classes. Some civil procedure. Nice. But I think, and then we were like, it's just weird to start the week before the 10th anniversary.

It just felt like the 10th anniversary felt like the start of a new era. And it was a separate thing that was being thrown together. But it was great. I mean, that was like the best case scenario. Yeah, to know that you're going to be employed, but then you are on vacation. Yeah, and I got a dream job. So the law school thing was I had given myself a year.

I ended up quitting last call. I had applied weeks before. Sweeney notoriously took a long time to read applications and make decisions about them. Notoriously. Notoriously. Let us tell you how long they've been reading packets for. Yeah. Another hire here.

Yeah, if you applied to Conan in, let's say, 2014, and you haven't heard anything, guess what? You're still in the mix. You're still very much in the mix. Don't ever give up. Anyone who's applied in the last 30 years. Don't move on. Yeah.

Don't do anything else. Dan, it's called due diligence. I'm sorry, but I really want to give everyone. It takes a long time to read 8 trillion submissions. Look, I think it's the hardest. How dare you? And you read packets now. It's so different.

I don't know how you did it. I really don't. You know, nice turn on a dime there. No, no. I'm not even. It's like for what we read are spec scripts. You read pilots. Right. Is it spec scripts again? No, no. I'm not even, it's like for, what we read are spec scripts. You read pilots. Right.

Is it spec scripts again? No, it's pilots. Okay. I wish it were spec scripts. I actually think that would be more informative. Because I had heard a rumor that that might be coming back,

but it's not. I'm trying to get it back, but I'm in the middle of it. Do you want to, why don't you explain? Okay, so when people apply to get a job on a sitcom, in the olden days,

they were told to write what's called a spec script of an existing show. So what they would do is they would write an episode of Friends or of Cheers that obviously hadn't existed.

Otherwise, they would just be copying down an episode. Pretty fun idea. Yeah. And then you would read, they would usually have that and maybe what's called

an original pilot, which is obviously an idea that they came up with on their own. So the advantage as a showrunner who's reading one of these scripts is the job of a writer on a show is to adapt their voice and bring something of their own to the show. To existing characters. To an existing character and world. Surprise you in a way. Surprise you.

Oh, this is a nice addition. But also to show you that they can write your characters and that world. Now it's become just original stuff. And the reason, I think, is partly because we live in a world where there are a billion shows. No, no. Because we have a billion shows. So you could write a pilot that your reps could sell. So it's like, why waste your time writing something that won't sell?

Right. Also, there are a billion shows. So what show do you choose to write a spec of? But the problem is the hardest episode of any television show to write is the pilot. Yes. And the skill of writing a pilot is not the skill of being a staff writer at all. Right. It's like 100% different.

You have to lay all this pipe. Yeah. All the plot. It's all exposition. It's the least funny episode of the show. Always. And you have to set up all the characters. So I find it completely useless.

I really hate it. I mean, it would really be like if somebody was applying to Conan and they were like, the packet involved them coming up with a new late night show for a host of their choice who's not Conan. It's like, well, what's the point of that? No, it's not. You have to invent a host character. Well, let's talk about this a little because you left, when you left Conan, was it to immediately go to Parks and Rec? Yeah, well, it was.

I was asked to, I like sent my, I knew Mike Schur, the guy who I solo created. You went to school together? Oh, okay. Yeah. And yes, You went to school together? Oh, okay. Yeah. And yes, we went to school together. We did a lot of comedy in school together. And then he had been on The Office for years, and he said he liked my script, and he said The Office is hard. Had you written an Office script?

I wrote an Office script. Okay. Yeah. Which I actually am pretty proud of. Yeah, yeah. Still holds up. Still holds up. I mean, I haven't read it in years, so uh still holds up still holds up i mean i haven't

read it in years so it definitely holds up in my imagination but um he was like they're hiring on the office and we're hiring for a show that i'm being him when i say this greg daniels and i create are creating uh-huh and so mostly greg daniels probably take that mike when will mike get his shot? Yeah. So I flew out. So first of all, the most difficult thing was, like, I had to tell Conan that I was going to potentially leave the show. Yeah.

And I was nervous to do that because I really loved working here so much. Right. And I remember telling him, and I waited until the last possible moment. some reason it was a really hard week something bad happened i really don't remember what and conan was in in a really bad mood uh-huh and uh it was after the show yeah and and i had to tell him and you were in sweeney was like just i think now's the time and then i told him and he'd been like some guest had screwed something up something had screwed up and he was immediately

incredibly gracious and he was like I will call Greg I'll say nice things like it was I was so nervous to tell him anyway

then I flew out there and I interviewed for both of them and so did my old writing partner from the Daily Show this guy Charlie Grandy and then they offered us

both jobs and they were kind of like, which would you rather do? Although I don't know that it was really our choice. And I said I'd rather do the new show because I thought it was better to get in on the ground floor. And he wanted to do The Office, which was great for him. But then after that, they hired Amy Poehler,

and Amy Poehler was pregnant. And the guaranteed 13 episodes on the air that we were going to do got pushed back, and it was reduced to six. Oh, wow. Wow. And so I had quit basically Conan. And my wife had quit her job as a lawyer at a hedge fund, which was far more lucrative than my job. And then very nicely, Sweeney and Conan let me stay for an extra month at Conan.

And then I went out there and I worked on The Office. They gave me a job at The Office for a month. That was a very long-winded answer of saying yes. Basically, I started at Parks and Rec, but there was a little bit of The Office before, which was great. It was like a boot camp. It was such an amazing writing staff at The Office. Oh, yeah.

We shot a – Conan did an Emmy opening where he dropped in on all these shows. And just being there for two hours, we were all just blown away. It was a little beehive. Performers, writers, you know, a lot of the performers were writers. And they just all were working and brainstorming a script. And it was so impressive. Well, that was all for show. It was.

They'd scripted it before. It was. And Greg Daniels, who created the U.S. version of The Office, was years ago, Conan's had a writing partner. They were writing partners. Yeah. And they are still very close. There's a lot of Socratic city there. There is.

Yeah. We probably have to wind this up. I know. Oh. I hope that was okay. Oh, my God. This is amazing. I feel like we barely even scratched the surface.

But we didn't talk about the stuff that you did with our current president. I did very little. I was more asking beforehand. I didn't want to leave that so much. Before we started on the air, believe it or not, there was some conversation that was not recorded. I was saying,

didn't we do a ton of bits with Trump? I remember I did one bit where we went to his office I felt like I think I've been proven wrong but I felt like it was a response to the state of the show but I think it might have been

a different one so Conan used to do a state of the show and then we would have a rebuttal but I don't think it turned out to be that we had McCain do one

and I flew to Washington for that and I think the rebuttal we flew all the way to Washington and McCain just said to have him say Conan's a butthead

great wonderful I love it but with Trump And I think the rebuttal, it was, we flew all the way to Washington and McCain just said, to have him say, Conan's a butthead. Great. Wonderful. I love it. R.I.P. But with Trump, all I remember is that that office was so cheap. Tacky. Tacky and cheap. It was like a New York, it was very specific if you live in New York.

It was like going into any kind of crappy New York real estate office. Or a chiropractor's office. It was like really low rent. I've heard that. Like crappy wood paneling. And that he was gruff and kind of crappy New York real estate office. Or a chiropractor's office. It was like really low rent. I've heard that. Like crappy wood paneling and that he was gruff and kind of an asshole. Very gruff. I just shoot something there once.

And also anytime he was in the press, everything was framed on the wall. But you'd have like, you know, Business Weekly in a gilt gold Rococo frame. But the gold is flaking off. Yeah, and it's a prefab one. and it's like the clipping doesn't quite fit. No. And it's yellowing and curled.

Yeah, like he did it himself that morning. He was, I got to do everything. Oh, brilliant. And I remember I always felt bad. I had to tape something for Andrew Weinberg, funny writer. It was where Trump bought the show. And it was his makeover of Late Night. Yes.

And I went there to have him do the lines. And he did one take. And in my mind, I'm like, well, OK, I'll have him do it again. Because his eyeline wasn't great. Oh, yeah. And then I said, OK, can we just do it again? But we're going to move. The cards weren't truly under.

It's like, that's it. It was just like, please, you know, you're a lightweight. Get out. He wouldn't do another take. And I was like, damn. One of those late night sessions. I'm sorry. No, no, no.

One of those late night clutch cargo sessions. There was a Trump. We were doing a Trump clutch cargo. Kevin Dorff. Clutch cargo is where usually always Robert Smigel would do. We'd have a cutout picture of the famous person's face, Smigel. We'd have a wipe and he'd do the voice and you'd see his lips move. And sometimes we'd be there really late at night trying to come up with a joke.

Very late nights. And I remember Kevin Dorff sitting there. I don't remember what the setup is, but I do think, yeah, Kevin Dorff, very funny writer, Chicago improviser. All of a sudden he was talking, they were talking about millennia and he goes, something, something, just steps from the taint. Do you remember that?

Just steps from the taint. It was like making love to Melania. The best part is just steps from the taint. He was saying it like in real estate. Right, right. Probably too gross for this podcast. I don't think it is.

I remember us laughing so hard and then Betsy, Betty, Betty saying we couldn't do it. Our standards person. Oh, really? Even then? I've told this before, but she once left me an irate message about a sketch that starred

Galileo and Copernicus. And she's like, we are not going to do that Galileo bit. And we're certainly not doing that thing you did with Capnecious. Oh, I loved her. She was so good. She was like, oh, good. I'm glad you're in charge of standards. Standards were always the funniest notes, though.

Oh, I know. Yeah. They're great. So how many of those right now in front of Sweeney are like seven almonds? There's no need to stretch. We've talked for an hour and 20 minutes. And you're like, hey, those nuts. I'll do a bit about the almonds.

Sweeney's eating habits are a source of fascination for me. You've eaten the same lunch every day for this entire week. Oh, yeah. No, I don't. Like the one lunch that he pecks at Peaceful. No, but he's ordered the same. Oh, same iteration over and over again. The studio platter from Hokkaido Boss.

Food's irrelevant to me. Like when people talk about great restaurants, I'm just like, oh, God. That is so untrue. You're a food person, I feel. Oh, I'm not at all. No? No. I had to eat Captain Crunch the rest of my life.

I'd be cool with it. Assuming I got all the nutrients I need. Which you would, because Captain Crunch is delicious. And probably a sponsor. Let's hope. Well, Dan, thank you so much. Thank you. This was really fun.

And you're in the thick of a new season. Yeah, we're in the thick of a new season. Yeah, congratulations. We don't have a date yet for our premiere because we're a mid-season replacement. Oh, yeah. Stay tuned. Watch us on Hulu. Exciting. Catch up.

And we'll see the new episodes. It was so much fun talking to you. So much fun. I know. And congratulations on making it out there. Yeah. Congratulations to you on making it in here, out there. We never leave this room.

Thanks, Dan. Thanks, Dan. Bye. All right, that was our show. That was Dan Gore. Thank you, Dan. Yeah, that was so fun. And we will...

Good stories. Yeah, and we'll be back. We will. You can't get rid of us. That's right. We're like cockroaches. We're everywhere everywhere In your ears Eww

I'm so sorry Anyway Have a good week Thank you Like you This has been A Team Coco production In association with

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