Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Dana Carvey Looks Back

Episode Date: June 17, 2022

Dana Carvey joins Conan writer Mike Sweeney to discuss meeting Conan at Saturday Night Live, the genius and humility of Robin Williams, the key to a good Beatles impression, and the time Regis Philbin heckled Sweeney. Plus Mike and Jessie answer a listener question about wrestling Conan.Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail].

And now it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Three of those things are true. I'm Mike Sweeney and you are? I'm Jesse Gaskell. Writers on The Conan Show for quite a while and now we're hosting a podcast. Basically, this is our third season. We've been doing an overview of Conan's late night career. And it's going well? Yeah, it better be because it's almost over it's almost over yeah uh how are you i'm good sweetie i am good i uh not a lot going on really i wanted to i wanted to follow up and ask you about something

actually one of our listeners who used to be our script coordinator script overseers script script overlord boss of the script yeah yes john Yes. John Croteau. John Croteau. He. I love John so much. John is a wonderful guy. Oh my God. And so great to work with and so smart. Yes.

And he's also very creative. Yeah. He's a musician. He sent us a little theme song so that I specifically could ask you. What happened to the turtle? It's time for... There was a turtle crossing the street. Yeah, a large turtle.

What? Well, that turtle sounds like it was in trouble. That's a red-eared slider turtle. The guy knows his turtle. It's a really good-looking turtle. The same turtle you buy in pet stores. Two turtle aficionados. His turtles have been attacked by raccoons.

Oh, no. Oh, wow. They're a blight on society. Eat the legs of the turtle. Let's get into it. I'm Jesse Gaskell, and that's Mike Sweeney. What happened with the turtle? Because last I saw you, you had the turtle in your possession.

I did. I had the turtle. I brought it. I had it at my had the turtle in your possession. I did. I had the turtle. I brought it. I had it at my side here while doing the podcast. And he's incredibly, just incredible company and seemed to enjoy. Yes, he was a great sidekick for you, I thought. He really seemed to get into it and, you know, had follow-up questions about Conan's TBS years. So, well, my neighbor, I knocked on my neighbor's door because he used to raise

he he really loves reptiles and he loves turtles so i said oh maybe it's his and i knocked on his door he goes no it's not mine he goes but guy across the street who i've never met before has two koi ponds i think he has turtles yeah and he wasn't home so i kept the turtle overnight and then the next morning i went to that guy's house and the buzzer didn't work and then the i pushed on the gate and it was unlocked and i'm like what do i do and it was like a shangri-la like his house was up this really steep hill and it was all all covered in turtles yeah so i knew I was in the right spot. There was all these beautiful lush gardens with fountains and statues.

And I was like, wow. Like you can't tell from the street. It's this crazy. Oh, cool. A setup. So I just go up to his front door and the doorbell. There's a big knocker. So I knock on the door. This guy comes right to the door, opens it, older man, still chewing his breakfast.

And he just was glaring at me. And I was like, hi, I live around the corner and, you know, Dick from across the streets. I found a turtle and he said, maybe you have two koi pots, maybe it's yours. And he just cut me off he goes no oh and i said oh no okay i was like okay nice meeting you and i i just ran out of there oh god but then i got to the street and i saw another person going into their driveway who i don't know i just yelled and said hey hi are, are you the turtle guy? Did you lose a pet turtle? Yeah. And she was this woman, I think she was on a phone call and her earbuds and she just was like, what? And I said, did you lose a turtle? And she's just like, Oh, she just turned and walked away.

And then I'm like, Oh God, everyone's so mad. And then there was another, I turned around to this other neighbor who I actually am friendly with. I said, you don't happen to be missing a turtle. And he just laughed at me. And so I'm now like the crazy turtle guy of the block. Yeah. And it's like, but I mean, it had to come from somewhere. That's what's so odd.

Or someone's not claiming it. Maybe someone's like, all right, this is my chance to get rid of it. I made a delicious soup. You know what I did? I dropped it off. You surrender the turtle. There's a turtle pond nearby. Yeah.

Like four miles away and in Griffith Park. So I, oh, I put it in there. I mean, but it's the kind of turtle I found out that is the most popular pet. And, you know, it's the one you get in the pet stores. Yeah. So it was definitely a pet. Right. I mean, technically, you shouldn't drop it off there because it's technically an invasive species.

Ah. But. But is that what was already there? That's exactly. Yeah. I went there. I researched online and it said, you know, come see the turtle pond at Ferndale. So I'm like, OK.

Oh, I know. I know that turtle pond at Ferndale. So I'm like, okay. Oh, I know that turtle pond. Yeah. Yeah. But I went there. They were all different sizes. Some of them looked like they'd left the pet store like three weeks ago. Oh, man. I mean, yeah, I'm sure there's a direct pipeline from that store to this turtle pond.

Anyway, I dropped him in and that was it. But now my neighbors really think I'm a freak. Well, you know what? I think they're freaks. Who greets their neighbor like that? I trespassed on this guy's property to demand if he owned

a missing turtle. I know. I guess you're lucky you didn't get shot. I know. That obviously crossed my mind. He seems like someone who might. Man, if I died because I was trying to return a turtle to someone. He died doing what he loved. Thank God I didn't have the turtle in my hand because that would have been, talk about a walk of shame. Walking down.

Walking the turtle home. Oh, my God. Yeah. Anyway. It's such a pain in the ass, though. Trying to be a good person is such a pain in the ass. It never works out. I always forget.

I know. Yeah. I've had that happen multiple times where, I mean, it's always with dogs where a dog, you know, doesn't have a collar or something or is loose. What do you do? I bring it back to my house. I mean, if they're friendly, if they seem really lost, like I i bring it back to my house um i mean if they're friendly if they seem really lost like i'll i'll bring it back here and then you post on next door you know wherever and try

to find the owner i've taken dogs to get you know where they read the chip at the oh at the shelter and then every single time the person the owner is like so nonchalant about it. Really? You end up, you call them and you're like, hey, I have your dog. You know, I've had your dog overnight. And they're like, oh, yeah, that thing. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you drop it off? And you're like, what? Wait, what? Can you drop it off? One time, somebody asked to drop it off. The other time, they were like, oh, can you keep it for a few more hours? I was just like, what? Oh, my God.

I can't believe that you... But, I mean, it makes sense because those are the people who leave their gates open, whose dogs get out. And what else is going on? Your new job's going okay? New job's going well. Well, I was just telling you about how... Great.

I mean, I have a commute. Yeah. And today my commute was really, really upset by what we found out was, I mean, this is Hollywood related. Yeah. Because it was Hollywood and Highland was completely shut down. There were police around the perimeter of like a eight block radius and helicopters flying overhead. And you put it together that president Biden is in town for the summit of the Americas. That's it. Correct.

And he was on Jimmy Kimmel live, right? That was his real priority. The conference wasn't that big a deal, but getting on Jimmy stopped by the conference. Right, right, right,

right, right. Jimmy, I got to duck. Pretty wild. Should we tell people about our Inside Jimmy Kimmel show that we've been also doing? Yeah. I think it's time. Five seasons.

We have zero access to Jimmy or anyone who works there. And zero memories of anything that happened. But a lot of turtletuck. Yeah. We need to preface this next interview by saying i'm really sad that i wasn't there i was sad you weren't there either i mean i i but you you were starting work i i just started my new job and i couldn't get out of it we couldn't reschedule we tried to reschedule he was fantastic and of course he was. We had a great time chatting and we barely talked about Conan.

Did he do a Joe Biden impression? There were impressions galore. I bet. I don't want to say who or what. I mean, I had to tell people that I wasn't there so they didn't think I was just being really shy or quiet. Right, right, right. She's intimidated by impressionists. No, he was great.

Here's our interview with Dana Carvey. I sometimes have said, go back to your high school on a Sunday afternoon. Right. When it's just dead and just walk around the halls and just think of that feeling. Right. And that is like being on Saturday Night Live and going back. It's like, did that really happen? Yeah.

Like, what is going on here? And so many years with me of just doubt and failure because I had no confidence. And I... Wait, when was that? Well, my story is pretty long, but in a nutshell, you know, in 76, I got the guts to get on stage. Right. Okay.

So I get on SNL in 86. Right. So there's a decade there. Right. I had a little bit of like, oh, you're okay. There weren't comedy clubs. I was in college and I would bomb a lot. I got some gigs opening for bands.

I do Jimmy Stewart and that kind of thing. And I just bombed and had no confidence. And then NBC saw me, I had kind of a cherubic look. They signed me to a deal and then they put me on the Mickey Rooney show in New York. I remember that show. And I was just terrified and it was weird. Nathan Lane and the whole thing. That's a whole story. And then, you know, I was on the sixth floor and SNL was on the eighth floor. I think I've mentioned that before. But I'm in New York in Rockefeller Center. And you were right out of college?

Pretty much. I mean, I didn't really go to college. I went to community college. I was San Francisco State. Yeah. I would literally write the papers that were due during the class and say typewriter broken. I didn't even know I graduated until this dinky degree came. I was just, I had no education.

That's why, you know, you Harvard guys, you know, maybe you're not, but it seems like everybody is. Rutgers and Newark, the commuting branch of Rutgers, pretty shitty. Pretty shitty. Pretty bad. But anyway, so I'm out and I'm doing that and I do that show. You know, it bombed out. Yeah. But I was in New York for a while and it was amazing. And I went up to the eighth floor and I thought, wouldn't it be cool to be in this show watching Eddie Murphy and Joe Piscopo?

Yeah, yeah. And I was so far away from it. I had a baby face. I was insecure. I couldn't riff in front of Robin Williams. But sort of later on, we'll talk about Conan, how shy he was around me. Yeah, yeah. Because of where I was in status compared to him at the time. Right.

And then having that evolve. Then I did, I was doing stand-up, but I did a show with James Ferentino called Blue Thunder. And he was completely blasted all the time. I got fired in front of everybody. They put me in the fake helicopter. Yeah. And they wanted you to fly it? No, I was in the back.

And they would wave it around and throw stuff at us. And he just had his script. And he goes, I was better than Laurence Olivier. And it was vodka his script. He goes, I was better than Lawrence Olivier. And it was vodka this much. I mean, just Styrofoam and Coke. And just like calling me in the middle of the night. And I did a pilot with Desi Arnaz Jr. That bombed.

And the pilot was bombing. And then we heard Lucille Ball yelling at the audience during the taping. What's wrong with you people? This is later smoking Lucy. Come on. This is funny. Oh, my God. So then we had to shut the taping down because the whole audience made a line to get her autograph.

The second she appeared. Yeah, and Desi's just, we're talking about his dad. He invented three cameras, you know. So I'm doing that. Then I'm doing stand-up. And then I did a pilot with Michael Richards. Oh, wow. Called City Slickers or something doing that. Then I'm doing stand-up. And then I did a pilot with Michael Richards. Oh, wow. Called City Slickers or something like that.

That was the actual title or something like that. Something like that. Everything bombed. And I did a movie with Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster. That's a whole other book. So then frequently, long story short, I got on SNL, which was insane. Yes, you landed on SNL in 86. The only time the show, they don't like to publicize this, where it didn't have a full season pickup.

Oh, I didn't know that. We had eight shows. Really? And so if we didn't hit the ground running, we were going to pull the plug. That's why my wife stayed in L.A. Yeah. She had a really good job being a speechwriter for a local politician. Oh.

So I said, i'll see you in a few months probably right and that's you know this will be another helicopter show i'd like to say one thing just an insert here because i've it's just something that has gone through my mind recently this whole thing is inserts oh good oh yeah welcome to inserts that when i did get snl i i ended up at lauren's house in august I didn't know he was going to come out, hang out. I was there for like a month. And so Paul McCartney and Linda came over a lot. The part of it that I always leave out is that they just met me. I'd never been on TV and they just were totally, hey, how you doing? Just like all that stuff. And they met me for 20 minutes but they found out that my wife paula was staying in la because i didn't know you know yeah so 20 minutes later it's just lauren chevy chase just in the living room sure paul and linda come up to me they kind of sidle up and they go linda goes we think paula should be here we don't like that she's not here so they

met me 20 minutes ago and they're in the kitchen they're debating yeah i don't know if we should tell him or not you know you never know me she's probably a fine bird you know but he's leaving there you know because she's just so the idea of that so i always wanted to because i thought that was such spoke to her because you know she was so sweet and so real yes yeah it was cool seeing her and get back a bit yeah yeah she's just the touches of her but i totally understand the appeal she just was just very cool and just that he said she's like a grown-up you know right right like a real you know like a woman i had to pull up my socks and get me game on you know do you do it no no i'm not are you crazy i'm not oh you know

it's just we we were lads you know we plunked well let's talk about get back how did that impact your impression of john and paul well at one point because i'd heard an album once of paul talking about it was like maybe 20 years ago yeah And he was filling in ideas with sounds. So, you know, I do the part, you know, the doot, and I go doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. He's walking over here, and he's going doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. So then I did see him do that and get back, talking to George. You know, because the boy genius with the bass guitar. He goes here, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot.

And you go doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot, doot. And you know, George, I'll play if you want, or I won't play. But I don't have to play if I don't want to. I didn't mean, I just want you to go do-ba-do-ba-do. Just go do-ba-do-ba-do. He got all mad, John. All I said was go do-do. He didn't want to go do-do.

We've got to stop paying. We're being too mean to him. There were me lads, there would be brothers. Ringo. Brothers, there would be brothers. I never had brothers. Ringo was really outside. God, I love the way he drums, though.

Yeah. Like, if you just zero in on each instrument, you can really, it's like listening to it all from scratch again. Well, the thing I took away with it, which comes back to your show. Yes. Thank you. And I mean that. And believe me, we're going to start this podcast in just i'm going to tie it in so everyone gets settled yes go ahead i'm going to

tie it in because it's very interesting the idea of sensibility right and how you can't define it and that people with similar sensibilities where the frequency is very narrow right really are copacetic and so when you saw the four of them there. Right. And they were kind of jamming a little bit and going. And it was sort of like they all knew when it was good. Yes. And there's a throwaway with George after he shit on, I got a feeling.

Is it cold? I've got a feeling. You know, it was a very snarky. Yes. You know, it's getting good. You know, that pot and that pot. Oh, you do this pot and that pot oh you do this pot and that pot and so they had this cohesive sensibility and the other thing was how casual

it was they were the number one number one stars in the world and it was just like ashtrays and could i get a cup of tea and just shitty cords everywhere yeah but conan's uh your guys' show, you know, redefined the postmodern talk show. Like Letterman was the first, but you guys took it in this other direction. And then everyone who came around it agreed. Right. Or everyone who stayed had a similar sensibility. Yes. You're like the Beatles.

Exactly. Listen, I'm not picking up that you jumped directly from the Beatles to Conan show. Usually it's Duran Duran and then came Conan. But you picked the Beatles and off we go. I just, you know, I'm like Conan. We're crazy. There's so many of us that are, we're a little nuts about the Beatles. It's not normal. I think a genius thing they did when they started the show, like Conan and Robert Spiegel, because Letterman just, I mean, he just... He harvested a lot of the anti-talk show and all that.

Right. Conan and Robert's instinct was, we need to not do that in any way, at least initially. Do you know what I mean? Like, we've got to go a different direction. Which fit with their sense of humor anyway. So that worked out perfectly. And I think it took people a while to like go, oh, okay, catch on to that new sensibility. Yeah. I think it's kind of the best stuff. And you're angry. Well, some things can be just brilliant right away, and some things just take a little while.

Yeah. And Conan, when he came out, I think the audience had to find it. Yes. I mean, I immediately, because I'd hung out with him, and I knew what they were doing. I knew Robert. Right. But then when it hit, when a show that's that abstract hits, and people get the frequency or the sensibility, then it explodes.

Yes. So it feels like whatever time frame you guys were going, whether it was two seasons or whatever it was, three years, two years, and then it just caught so hard. And I didn't, I wasn't totally privy to it until you guys came to LA, I think. That was your first time where you took it out to the public and it was just fanaticism, basically. Well, that was an amazing, every time we we traveled the show we were stunned at the local response because you know we're used to new york city you know that was pretty good it was great yeah it was great i have

to say what to what you're saying about the sensibility like when i go back and watch old clips from 93 everything did great most things were doing great right away. The comedy and a lot of the show. Yeah. Like, I'm like, oh, these bits are getting really big laughs. Like, I think in some ways they did have to hit the ground running. And in a lot of ways, especially comedically, I think it was just really funny right away. Yeah.

Oh, definitely. It just kept growing. Yes. And then it became this whole other thing. Right. Kind of away. Yeah. Oh, definitely. It just kept growing. Yes. And then it became this whole other thing. Right. Kind of cool to be part of, Mike. Yeah. Well, I didn't come on until 95.

Oh. I waited until they got their act together. Jesus. I didn't look at your Wikipedia page. Yes. Yes. Always look at Wiki. Always.

I was off to the side going, well, let's see. Oh, they have a six-month pickup? All right. I'll work there. But obviously you fit in. You were the new drummer or whatever. I loved it right away. I applied for a writing gig when it started

and they had already staffed up, but they bought one of my ideas. And I was like, oh, that's promising. Cause I was just doing standup. And I was like, oh, you know what? I should, I always kind of loved late night and I was interested in it. So they eventually hired me to do the warm-up.

And then I reapplied while I was doing the warm-up. And they felt sorry for me and hired me. As a stand-up, how big did you get and how much did you have to travel? This today is about the best I ever did. You're seeing me at the height of my powers. Yes. I love it. I don't know if you've heard of a show called Evening at the Improv.

No, but I'd heard of you, but I'm always like, were you ad-lining giant clubs? Let's get to the degree. I traveled a lot, but then I was like, I'm making a decent, a good living at the clubs in New york city and i like the audiences much better in new york city but i remember going out to san francisco and performing at the other cafe yes and and there was a newspaper about comedy in san francisco called um just for just for laugh and i was like i just was like san francisco is this comedy mecca. And then the audiences in San Francisco, I'll never forget that. They were just so much better than New York audiences. Were you at the Punchline?

I went to the other cafe. Oh, okay. So that's where I met my wife. Oh, really? Yeah. It's about a 70-seater. Yeah. It was in Carl and Cole.

It was in the Haight-Ashbury. All windows. All windows. A giant picture window where people walk by and you could riff around them. Right. And the Holy City Zoo was the other place, but go ahead. The zoo was like 40 seats. Yes. Over on Clement. Yeah. But the

other cafe really just helped me immeasurably because there was no hard liquor because you'd be out in the suburbs and the blender's going, show us your dick! You know, that kind of stuff. I mean, it was hard. It's just loud and blue.

But the other cafe was kind of sophisticated in its own way. I could see they would go, you know, for like that was the first time I did a character for like more than 10 seconds. Terrified me. But that was the room. Is that what happened to you? I'm so glad you're saying this because I remember after doing comedy three or four years and all these comics from San Francisco, you, Kevin Meaney had spent time there. Yeah, Paula Poundstone lived with me and my Paula. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yes. But I was like, they're all very unique and they're all different and they're all so creative. I couldn't see acts like that developing in New York City where people are yelling, you know, you're getting heckled and it's this and this. I always thought New York could beat up San Francisco. Get the fuck out of here.

What are you talking about? You know, I was afraid of New York. Well, I remember an act who I won't say, but very funny. No, you got me. It came in from San Francisco to audition for Letterman for Frank Gannon at Catch Rising Star, and I hosted there a lot. And having performed in

San Francisco, he was doing material that I'm like, this kills. Obviously this kills in San Francisco. It was a night of like all stockbrokers in the audience and drunk just flirting with coworkers. He hit the bricks so hard. Oh, my God.

And it was just like, oh, man, this town is the in some ways it's the worst. And you could tell, like after the third joke, he was just like, oh, fuck, I am not. Where the fuck am I? It was just one of those awful. I've had them. Awful. But that room really, that made me that room. I mean, that room. The other cafe.

Yeah. It was really small and everything, but I got a big enough little following that I had a hamburger named after me or something. Like the Dana Burger. You know, this is Michael Pritchard. It was six foot six. We certainly were an assortment pack. We didn't have YouTube we were aware of

Carlin and Pryor and stuff but we Bobby Slayton was doing kind of the New York thing and Paula Poundstone was the quirky and intellectual

and I was doing the assortment pack I had a trunk oh is that true with glasses and props I was wondering what you

what your act was like when you first started I could not fucking write a joke. I couldn't think of anything. So I would just go to a toy store. Yeah.

I got a Gumby. Yeah. If you can picture a Gumby, if you're listening, the little green man. Sure. I go, ladies and gentlemen, Gumby. And I would stretch him way out

and just go, ah, like he was in pain. I mean, I was the worst. I couldn't think of anything. I got a toy gun. I got a toy gun. And I go, you ever see this in a movie? Now get out of here. And then they would put the gun right, the loaded gun right down their pants. And then it would be like, who would do that? And then there's the gun there. So I would, my writing was based on the toy store. And Toys R Us was where I would write. I couldn't really write anything.

But everyone starts out different. I saw Ray Romano the first time he went on, and he used to do all the seven dwarfs with a hat. Yeah, right, exactly. And, you know, it's the kind of thing. That's funny. You know, he probably doesn't want anyone to know that. But, you know, it's just like you kind of weigh in.

And just to get, although you seem like a natural performer, just a fearless performer. No, I had more stage fright than anyone I know of. Adrenalized all day. Wow. My hands would turn bright red and my neck, just my neck would go bright red and I would be completely stage fright. Wow. And it took years to get past it. Every once in a while, you'd catch a wave with a good audience and then you'd forget to be afraid. And I get that little bit of a, but yeah, it was not in any way easy for me. What ended up happening to me, I'm always fascinated by two things. One

is sensibility and how does that mesh with peer groups and friends. And then it's also confidence. And the secret ingredient of confidence, how do you get it? What to a comedian? I mean, Cosby before the charges and stuff used to say, before the charges, you gotta get, you gotta get 800 sets that work under your belt or because then you get if they're not laughing it's kind of funny to you right that kind of confidence yeah and that is again this isn't i didn't write this out anywhere but dovetailing to our friend conan yeah he came out and then you watched as the shows went on and the seasons went the confidence yes just growing and growing and then you can really be

yourself yes for me how i got there to have enough confidence i don't really know it's like kind of a miracle so i always like to tell people who are listening to this i'm always fascinated that some kid is dreaming of being us 50 years from now because look how good we look but uh just that you may have to go to a toy store to write material. You may have no confidence, but only follow this path if you can't imagine doing anything else because it's essentially emotionally violent. Not that working at Best Buy isn't, but it's ups and downs. You never smoke in mirrors. You never know where you are unless you're a talk show host for 30 years.

So I take that back. I think Conan had this, that kind of sense like something's going to, like you just vaguely know you're going to pursue this path. And you, there's this strong innate sense that it's going to work out. I would say that, you know, I don't know how everybody or anybody has dreams or thoughts. Right. And then the other voice in your head goes, but it can't be true. But I had that inkling when I was a little kid. Ah.

So you may call it a sneaky ego. But when I would give a book report, I would get laughs in fourth grade. And then in junior high, I ran for secretary treasurer. And you gave a speech as somebody. I rolled up these pieces of paper into a, I taped together typewriter paper. So a big roll. And I said, I'm just going to make a few brief remarks. And then I rolled it down the podium, you know? So I was just, I was more confident then I got less confident later before I got very confident.

Puberty, puberty doesn't help. And then being in high school with my runner friends and finding friends that were like beetles to me as far as sense of humor and riffing long form with them so we're doing the banquet in the gymnasium i'm a sophomore the coach's car broke down or whatever so they asked me to get up and speak about the sophomore cross-country. And then I was very nervous, but I got laughs and I had little impressions of different teammates that I wasn't totally aware that I had them. There was one guy who always said, if I could just get my form down, you know, for being the world's best assistant. So that must've killed. So I did have inklings in the

back of my head. And that's why i went to the hippie dive over in berkeley right on a saturday night with a couple friends and where robin williams performed before he was robin williams right but i i went there because of this inkling but then massive insecurity where i made a lot of weird choices but right i'll say this again i'm just thinking of conan now just as a friend sure. Keep bringing him up for some reason. I know. I know. This isn't even anything to do with Conan.

We are. Guys, we're warming it up. I got the management team that managed Robin Williams. So I would go to the improv, Brillstein, and then we'd be at a table with these managers, and Robin and me, and, oh, look at this. So, and I just couldn't for the life of me

ever riff a word with him. And then, you know... I mean, you could. You were just... Too intimidated. Of course. So when I was hearing, Conan is the funniest one in the writer's room. Right.

And then we would write, and we're writing on Hans and Franz the Girl. Right. And Smigel said he's just shy around me because I had gone to another level of confidence. Right. But I knew that. So I never said, this guy's not funny. Right. I'd seen it.

And when Carell came into the room to audition for my show, the Dana Carter show, with Robert and Louis C.K. and I, and he was really awkward and not funny. But I looked at the tape and I said, no, no, no. Yeah. The magic elixir of confidence can make someone who appears not very talented at all. Right. And then they get confident. Right. And it doesn't go 99 to 100. It goes from a zero to 110. Yeah. So with Conan, that was that. I kind of could tell that he was just shy.

And then once he opened up, he was just explosively funny. And the smart ones are kind of, my experience with the funny people were the ones who kind of, in a new situation, they lay back and get, it it's like they play the long game it's like i'm gonna get used to this i'm gonna feel like a home you know what i mean that's usually often a good sign yeah it's one of those trying to catch the wind and trying it'd be funny like i went to the improv in hollywood in the early 80s and I would bomb a lot because I'd get the 805 spot on a

Thursday night. The improv in LA? Improv in LA. Okay. Hollywood. Right. And I would bomb so brutally hard. I was killing in San Francisco at the other cafe. Yeah. Swing and a miss and it was dead silence. And then they'd say, Norman Lear thought you were kind of funny. You know, like he was there. What the fuck? This was was 40 years ago but confidence is an amazing amazing thing and you wish you could kind of sprinkle it on people who know they're talented right and you'll know they'll get there you could fat you wish you could fast forward them to where they should and i i try to you know think about that in life you know just just copying an attitude fuck these people right you know and i guess mike fuck them in that this

mortgage mike myers fuck these tax payments these irs agents you know take your gun and take your warrant and stick it up your ass take your best shot i got my confident now i'm confident i don't think nothing i'm brimming it i'm brimmingimming it Mike Myers had said this on Colbert recently It was very nice because we were Every time I feel like I'm like Chauvinist I feel like I'm mostly in my room Literally most of my life Most of people's lives if you're listening to this

They're just hanging out somewhere Most of it that's all they're doing No matter who they are I don't care if it's Prince Harry Or Johnny Depp he's hanging out somewhere That's all they're doing. No matter who they are. I don't care if it's Prince Harry or Johnny Depp. He's hanging out somewhere. That's all we're doing, hanging out. Killing time. So we did the 40th anniversary, 2016, you know, the whole celebration.

And Wayne and Garth, we're at the very end. Right. We have no real rehearsal, no camera check. We just had written this stuff. And we're just kind of, know i go well we should be either flattered or really pissed off that the show's four hours long and we're in the death spot right you know that is a rough spot to be in but apparently i said to him but i don't remember it i said fuck that man we're gonna fuck him up i love that it's pretend aggression toward the

audience to to put out the fear. Right. Yes. Rather than worrying about, they should get to worry about what we're going to do to them. Yes. And I need that sometimes because, you know, five kids and I was beaten a lot and stuff and picked on and, you know, so. By within your own family? Oh, sure. You know, yeah. I didn't have no silver spoon.

But, you know, I smiled a lot and I was a people pleaser and a baby face with natural blonde hair so people would meet me and just go what a childhood you must have your parents must have done something right they don't see me with tears on the pillow i'm not i'm just but that was a great recipe i mean in hindsight the incredibly cherubic you know this this all-American puss, but this dark underpinning. I guess so. It's hard to self-analyze yourself that way. But yes, I definitely, the church lady came from that. Right.

Because I would come on stage and the audience would gasp and think, why are they letting 14-year-olds in here? And a lot of times I would just be kicked out, even though I was like 22. Yeah. I don't want to see the ID. Get your ass out of here. Really? Yeah.

Oh, my God. This is before all the beer and the sun and the stress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then I'd go on stage, and I started the voice from that to counteract the reaction. Well, well, well, apparently they let little kids in here and that was the genesis of it it kept evolving but yeah there and time i always do church slay on every podcast that i've given i just want to put a time on that okay i all the bitch always comes out she always comes out i got a house with that bitch i was trying to delay it i'm kidding

net worth i'm fascinated by net worth conan always teased me about that oh i'm well it's like sure why not about confidence i'm fascinated by like i was doing some of this guy developing a show he's worth like 600 million and i was just noticing so he crosses his leg right and his the the foot that's on the downside is not flexing at all. It's so relaxed and floppy. Larry David's foot is relaxed. And then the hands are very floppy. The shoulders are so relaxed. This is just all net worth just infusing the body with this, you know, thing.

And to watch it. I'm doing it now. So I'm fascinated by that. I just want to observe now for the listeners is that Mike has a very floppy foot. 600 mil guys. His shoulders are completely relaxed. Totally relaxed. I've never seen... I've got good posture.

It's fun to talk about that because I remember the first time I met Conan and Greg. Greg Daniels' partner. Yeah. It's just fresh face and sweet and earnest. Yes. You know, like Conan, I don't know if he literally, but he metaphorically had a little notebook with sweet and earnest yes you know like conan like i don't know if he literally but he metaphorically had a little notebook with a pencil and you know he was all right and they were just he's a good student wide-eyed and and and young and you know and

you were a veteran already you know you've been there for two years so you were you know you talk about him being shy around you and you know know what? I still see that dynamic. Like a couple of weeks ago, I ran into you guys right near here and you were having a quick coffee. And I think Conan, it's still that relationship of him, the new guy meeting this. Because when he met you,

you were already two years into SNL. Like you are the older brother, metaphorically, in terms of- I'll speak to that for myself. I think that if you're not famous and you're in the comedy world and you meet someone who's doing what you want to do and they're famous. So for me in particular, it would be Martin Short. So I don't care if I had Wayne's World or anything. I was always going to just have some slight deferential thing about Martin Short.

Right. So I saw him on SCTV. He kind of looked like he was in my tribe. You know, Irish, you know, impish Irish guys for 50, Bob. Short, Carvey, we're County Sligo. So yeah, I totally get that. And I have that a little bit. So do you still have that with Martin? Like when you see Martin? Yeah, but friendly and everything. But I was with him and John Mulaney at a restaurant. I just don't feel like I swing at the ball as much as I would. Right. A little bit. But if I hung out with Martin a lot, I know I would.

Right. When Robin Williams, the last five years of his life, I got to be really good friends with him up in the Bay Area. Right. Because I was raising my kids up there. In Mill Valley? Yeah. My sister used to live there. It's one of the most beautiful towns in the country.

And the address is, Jesus, Mike. Anyway, you ready for this? He gives out the town on the air. I'm telling you, everybody loves Mike Sweeney. You know, he's giving out loves mike sweetie you know he's giving out addresses left and right like he's giving out cupcakes to people everybody knows they're coming for the door but who does it better than him he's inside conan i've been dating coffee good night no anyway uh i just was like why hasn't he gone after me yet i i knew i had to mention my sister

okay so go ahead i'm sorry i'll just do an interject. You're raising your children. I'll do an interject on that. I like doing Regis Philman. Ah. And sometimes I'll close out the podcast I do with David Spade flying on the wall. I just, I like the charm of Regis. Can you believe it? It's hilarious. He's the trickster of all time.

Mike Sweeney writing all these terrific sketches for all these years. You know him, you love him, the Conan O'Brien, the whole shebang. Here he is. Let's say, you know, it's just a great way to sum up somebody. I really got heckled by him once. What? Yeah. I was, you know, making money during the day and doing Stamp at Night, and I got hired to do warm-up for it.

Joy Philbin, his wife, had a homer modeling show and it was a pilot so you know they were like you'll be there for an hour and they had no idea what they're doing it lasted six hours and i'm they're like all right mike uh we're setting up a new kitchen look get back out there like are you fucking what the fuck it was just like it was like 30 senior citizen ladies who just you know were there they didn't give a shit about me certainly they certainly didn't really care about joy they they were like the women outside the johnny depp trial they just wanted to see regis and so it's hour four and all of I'm like, well, this can't get worse. And all of a sudden, Regis Philbin shows up. He's like, hi.

And he starts working the crowd. And he goes, I'm just going to sit in with these lovely ladies. And he sits in the audience with the women. And they're like, Sweeney, get back out there now. Plus, we've added Regis Philbin to the audience. I'm like like fuck you and and he starts heckling he goes oh sweeney you're losing him oh sweenes sweenes doesn't have it he's losing it hour seven sweeney's out of steam i could see and i'm just like i'm getting oh my

god i'm getting heckled by regis phil that's a book going full circle so people won't go crazy like i got to know Robin better, and so then I could sort of riff like I am now. Yeah. But he was on Mork & Mindy, and he would come back to San Francisco, and he was like a human god. He would levitate the room and destroy

harder than anyone's ever destroyed. Unbelievable. So it was just like that feeling like I have with Conan. Yeah, there's a little bit of that, but it's very minute at this point because, you know, he's Conan. Well, I love you. You just, it was a throwaway, but you're like, oh, yeah, I went to this club in Berkeley and saw Robin Williams before he was Robin Williams, which I think was maybe a four-week window to see him before, you know. But that's.

I didn't know he was Robin Williams, so I that's. I didn't know he was Ron Williams. So I go there. I didn't know it's local comedy. I'd never been in it. I knew Don Rickles is on TV. I mean, there's comedians doing it that aren't famous. Right. So the show is not so good.

I'm with a couple of my friends and I take a napkin and I'm writing down things I'd done. This is, I'm like 20 years old. Howard Cosell, John Wayne. I had a couple of impressions and I thought maybe I'll try it. 11 o, I'm like 20 years old. Right. Howard Cosell, John Wayne. I had a couple impressions. And I thought, maybe I'll try it. 11 o'clock, it's open mic.

Yeah. It was like just 20. And so then the third guy comes up with the fourth guy and he's like, oh, look at that, you know,

and he's got a beret. For those of you on that set, this is the first meeting. He's like not, he doesn't seem to have any material. He's so dynamic. And it was Robin because when that guy was up there, I actually took the napkin and put it back in my pocket.

Because I thought, if this is the competition, I didn't know. I thought there's five more Robins coming up. Right. You know? Oh, my God. But then they bombed after him. Yeah. So then I went up and I got a couple laughs just because the first time you always do.

Yeah, yeah. So then I'm in this super middle class suburb. Right. And they found out someone's doing comedy in Berkeley. Dana Carvey's doing comedy. Oh. So like 25 of them drove over there. And so we all come in clean cut suburban kids into this hippie dive in Berkeley.

And there's a cover. There's a chalkboard. It's in the back. It's like a bakery, but the room's in the back. And it was like a $1 cover. And this guy was sitting there watching us all come in, blinking his eyes. And I saw him erase it and put $3. Oh, my God.

We were all pouring in. But, yeah, one night I sat next to Robin and we $3. Oh, my God. We were all pouring in. But yeah, one night I sat next to Robin and we got paid. It was like $8. Oh, thank you very much, boss. Oh, $8. Oh, Robin. I'd like to show you something I'm very proud of.

Even toward the end of Robin's life, he was possessed by the idea that he would refer to his dick as Mr. Happy. Oh. And he thought he got it. He stole it from me. But he didn't. Oh.

I hope he's something straight. At Dennis Miller's wedding, he brought it up. Yeah. I think people say that you used to call Mr. Happy. I'm sorry. I go, no, Robin, I never did that. 30 years later in Marin County on the sidewalk after a show and drizzling. Well, Dana, can I talk to you?

And it was about Mr. Happy. I think I have taken it for you. You know, I said, no, no, no, Robin. So he was so sweet about it. But well, that that's great that you got close with him, you know, towards the end there. That seems like it was probably a great experience. Yeah. I'd known him through the years.

I was sort of like two magnets kind of like I didn't, I was so intimidated by him and so in awe of him. And then he called me up once after I went on SNL. Yeah. And he goes, oh, you know, where are all these characters coming from? You seem to have a lot of confidence, you know, and all that kind of thing. He was very, very sweet about that. What can we do about that? What can we do about that? What can we do? Her, her, her. But I did not realize he had two sides.

Right. One that would dominate the world. Yes. And I think, you know, I've talked about sensibility and confidence. Right. Now I'll talk about charisma. Yeah. And I have this theory.

It's not an absolute. Yeah. We take Elvis Presley. Yeah. The insecurity, the southern gentleman. Right. And then the hardcore get out of me, I'm fucking Elvis Presley. the insecurity the southern gentleman right and then the hardcore get out of me I'm fucking Elvis Presley right that creates this electricity and Robin was so

had such a sweet disposition yeah and was so intrinsically shy yeah because off stage he just called me boss hey boss oh how you doing boss oh come on now boss and then on stage he's like god take no prisoners and so he had this kind of electricity on stage because of the likability, the confidence, and the shyness. And I see that in a lot of performers. I saw it with him once. I was working at the Holy City Zoo. 50 seats. And he had just come from the – it was the – Monday was the Oscars, and he was nominated for acting for Good Morning Vietnam, I think.

Okay, that was his first kind of breakthrough, yeah. And this was the following Friday, four days later. I don't know if you can get any higher than that. And he showed up at the Holy City Zoo and just hung out outside, because he wanted to go on, but he was going to wait until all the other comics went on. And he just, and like, we'd go out in between i think i was hosting and he was just being hilarious but also incredibly sweet and i and so respectful of all the other comics but it seemed very genuine and then he went up you know when when the show was done and did an hour and i i just like wow because i was used to new york where like oh all right you know so and so show was done and did an hour. And I just like, wow. Because I was used to New York where like, oh, all right, you know,

so-and-so walked in, get them right up, you know. And I wasn't, I'd never seen that behavior before. It was amazing. It was a great standard for the rest of us because he just has an audience response. You go, okay, that's where it can go. Right. So I better get a lot better.

And going full circle to your thing about, I always thought if I didn't kill, I would get fired. Or if I wasn't funny, people would go, well, he's just a cute guy. Right. And so when I was going on Conan, like anything else, it's also a measure of respect. But I just thought, well, I'm going on this show, I better kill. Yeah. And I probably overdid it over the years years not just with conan but other talk shows like torturing myself with you mean you overdid it in your head yeah i must destroy or though i'll get a pink slip i'm right i and on snl i felt like when i had hans and franz or this or that my my reference point was destruction. Right. Coming from a stand-up background.

I didn't come from Second City where we kind of share things, we have a cool concept, and maybe we get a laugh every two minutes. It was like, you must kill or be killed. You will not get the job. And the middle act is trying to destroy you, even if it's your friend.

I mean, Al LaBelle was this comedian. Former lawyer. Hope he's hearing this, but Lubell was this comedian. Former lawyer. Hope he's hearing this, but he was so tough to follow because he had this tape where he'd sing a song about himself at the end. I'm Al Lubell, I'm Al Lubell. It went on for five minutes with a giant orchestra. And I'm playing

this club in Sacramento and there's a common wall between the green room and the showroom. So I'm sitting there and the room, and there's a common wall between the green room and the showroom. So I'm sitting there, and the room is vibrating. Oh, my God. And I could hear. And then it's like, I got to follow that. And so then you had to learn to survive and kill.

Yeah. And I carried that over. And also, it was just fun. I mean, the 6A, was it 6a in new york yes it's just a great tight box of you know of comedy power a good laugh room there's a good laugh room nice nice and compact one time i got on such a roll yeah back in the day and i was just riffing out something maybe it was ross perot it was like You know, when you get a hold of a thing, just keep going. And so Louis C.K., the Louis C.K., got bumped because of it.

But I remember him being so sweet about it. Oh, this was on Conan? Yeah. He was going to come out. Hilarious. And he goes, it was like a wash. He described it kind of like a monster, that the laughter was coming from around or whatever. But then, you know, he became my head writer on the other person, so I did it because I was still doing it at Conan. And I came over. I remember I stayed and watched, and I felt like I was at a planetarium show, just with my neck back staring at the monitors.

It was just one killer bit after another. And the one I'll never forget was you as Tom Brokaw announcing President Ford's obituaries. Gerald Ford is dead tonight. He was attacked by a circus lion at a convenience store. It was all the scenarios of how- Right. You were banking them. Banking in case Gerald Ford died.

It was a brilliant idea. The authorship is either, it's Colbert and Smigel and other people. Yeah. But that was magic. We had a great show. We had a superstar writing staff. Yes.

And we had Carell and Colbert and Bill Codd. You mentioned Louis C.K. Dino Stamatopoulos. Louis Dino. John Glazer. John Glazer. After that, became a writer at Conan. Yes.

Hilarious performer. Robert Carlock was around for a while. But where we were was crazy and just thinking about you doing warm-up we couldn't get a studio so I think a soap opera was done there so we had to do tape it on Sunday morning or something it was like or Sunday afternoon it was on the weekends when we taped it right and the audience had to wait in the snow and then we'd bring them and so usually that would be they'd be so dead. So thanks for warming them up.

Yeah. That was rough. I really helped out. You know, I'm a nice guy. Yeah. And, you know, but yeah. That's usually, when people say they're a nice guy, that's usually. Anyway, you know, it's called Inside Coded.

I go on for 90 minutes, and guess what? We never mention the guy himself. The man himself is never brought up. We're talking about the Beatles and going back to comedy clubs, some kind of religious site, the Holy City something. Robin Williams says you took a thing about Mr. Happy. I can't follow it, but I guess it's entertaining for some people. No, I want to be Regis.

This is podcasting. Then people want to feel like they're in it, right? So Conan started as an old man too, idiot. And you know, you, Conan and Smigel, similar sensibilities. Smigel, great impressionist. You guys really find essence. You get it all encapsulated doing and you know i did the show one thing i'll say about robert smigel i believe you know how a woman is born

with all her eggs i believe robert smigel i like the setup was born with every edit in his brain that he would ever make if you've ever edited with him, because I'd be in the room with him with all these triumphs, and he would just be like, no, no, no, take two more frames. He just knew all the edits. You know what? I should not have brought this up at the end of the podcast. I just want you to do your impression of Dennis Miller as a drip coffee maker.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Dennis Miller is a drip coffee maker. Christ sakes. I'm brewing a cup of Joe over here. Anybody want some? Let's see. What was the other one I used to do? Barack Obama, outboard motor. I think I did that.

I'm coming. Oh, I never heard. Barack Obama. Michelle, in a second. I just got to start this outboard motor. No, no, no, no, outboard motor. I think I did that. I never heard. Michelle, in a second, I just got to start this outboard motor. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. All right, let's go. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Those are my favorite.

I saw you do Michael Caine in kindergarten. I like to eat paste. I don't know why. I don't know why i eat things in the classroom i'm five years old i ate a hula hoop last week i chewed through my desk it took me bloody three years i don't know yeah he's fun to do i i learned that one intentionally that was just fun that i i need a task i I just love it.

And the Dennis Miller is, I mean, any, why are comedian impressions, they're extra fun, I think. Well, Dennis, you know, it struck me once that how funny this attitude he, this character he created. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's an exaggeration of, you know, it's kind of like, you know, life is grim, okay? I'm not so cozy here, okay? You like the podcast? Yeah. Now check your lumbar, all right?

You're going to be in traction for a week. Or cervical number seven. Yeah. And then the references and the giant brain he has. But he started laughing so hard at that conceit of like, everything is kind of a pain in the ass. Okay. Try getting over to Larchmont at five in the afternoon. All right.

Do a spiffy podcast. You're driving, you know, you got to shave second time by the time you get back to your abode. Okay. I like, give me any topic with Dennis. I can put it through a filter.

No, I'm just saying any topic. Go to the grocery store. Go to the grocery store. Okay. That's a fun experience. Got a wall of avocados here. Okay.

700. What do they throw out? 600 every other day. Okay. That's economical. All right. Let's go over to the bread. Okay.

Just don't think of a negative thing. This is one hour special. Dennis Miller live from Albertsons. Christ sakes, okay. Going to the store. Now they got ATMs at the supermarket, okay. Jesus Christ. Which brings us to 1990 and you and Conan working on the Hans and Franz screenplay.

Let's get into it, shall we, guys? We've got 28 more years. I'll do this very quickly. Conan loved Hans and Franz, and he started really chiming in and writing with Kevin and I. And then so when the movie became a reality to write it, then it was naturally Conan. And I don't think people know that. Yeah. Yeah, there was a screen.

So were you all doing arnold writing writing the screenplay that sounds like we're all doing our version of oh what could you do you know all that and and everyone does it and conan started to do it we muslim men and we had so much fun writing the the script it's a brilliant script. It just never made it to actually being a movie. Yeah, you would write it like that and do that. I remember one time, Smigo laughed really hard

because he's going, I was doing a thing, Kevin was saying he's a flabby loser. I go, he's a flooza. I don't have time to say flabby loser. It was so silly and it was all in the same yeah yeah silly silly silly level you know because one would be in the bathroom staring in the mirror looking at the muscles you know i think your time is up i think

it's time for me to get to check my muscles out it would just hit conan and and in a great way so he was you know obviously a great writer on that movie. Doing a reading of that is, that seems like a great idea. For charity. Life is so weird, isn't it? Yeah, it's so nutty. I mean. Can I do my question I always do to your.

Yeah. Or anyone here. If you had a billion dollars net, would you be here right now? I'd love to go net. Because gross, it can turn into 300 million in a heartbeat. Of course. And then you just keep going farther down. I would still, if I had a billion dollars net, I would still do Regis spontaneously

as a visiting podcast. But on your own island. On my own island. I don't know. I don't really like things much. I don't know. I don't really like things much. I don't know. I mean, these 10 years old. Right.

This is 15 years old. This was $29. I don't know. No. Owning stuff is a bore. Yeah. I mean, with my net worth. And look at this, guys.

This is four years old. Well, like, Kona's a guitar guy. He's got like 900 guitars. Yeah. And a house. Most of them are gifted to him. He'll tell you that. You don't believe it. He doesn't detune. We tried to detune his guitar when I was here. It was just... Detune?

The blind leading the blind. I don't even know what detuning means. So the low E, the big bass string, the low E goes like the third string. The D. Sure. And so you go... You go like this. You click the D. We go full circle. And then you go to the E, but you turn it into a D. Sure. And so you go, do, do, do, do, do. You know, you go like this. You click the D. We go full circle. And then you go to the E,

but you turn it into a D. We go, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I can turn it into anything you want or not turn it. But I, you just, you go, do, do, do, do, do. You get an old stuffy bunchy on me.

You know, you get an old, you get an old swagger waller. You know, I'll just sub go do-do-do-do-do. He stormed out. Don't do it, me brother. He's a quitter. He's a quitter.

That's a good word for Liberpudlian. Yes, he's a quitter. This is a way to do Paul. We sat down for a plunk. I mean, you could do it almost like just. See, this is how bad I was. I was trying to do John. Oh, John. John is just a See, this is how bad I was. I was trying to do John. Oh, John.

John is just a guy up in here. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't say we were bigger than Jesus. I said we weighed more. I like that one. We never said we are greater than Jesus in kilograms. We knew we were larger as a band.

We were bigger than one man. We were four. We weighed more than him. That's all I referenced. That's all I was saying. I was being literal. Yeah, you see him in shirts. He's in a loincloth with an eight-pack. He couldn't have weighed more than 100 pounds. We, four of us ringos, got to

bond him on him. Anyway, so this has been fun. I think this is a good podcast because I had fun. You had fun. I had a great time. Thank you, Dana Carvey. Thank you, Dana. Holy cow. I'm sorry I wasn't there.

Oh, I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I know. I was so bummed you weren't there either because he was great. We ended up. Yeah, he was on a roll as usual. Yeah, we just ended up yakking for a while, even after we finished recording. What? Okay.

Now you're rubbing it in. And then, you know, now I'm living. And then you guys went out for a drink. Well, I'm living with him now. Oh, God. Don't say it. Yeah. We decided to adopt children together.

What? Yeah. So. How'd you know that was my dream? Oh, I can read you like a book. I want to pick out names with Dana Carvey. You can do that. Well, right now we're picking out furniture.

Well, I do feel like it was fate. I think that I would have just cock blocked you if I'd been there. He would have ran off with you during the podcast and left me holding the mic. And we have a listener question. do oh i love this one okay take it away hi jesse and mike just want to say first that i never thought a behind the scenes podcast would be interesting or entertaining but i'm glad the both of you and the guests you bring on have proved me wrong sarcasm i wasn't sure where that was going. Yeah.

I've listened to all the episodes so far and have gone as far as re-listening to episodes. Oh, my God. What? Okay. Now I'm worried. Your mother wrote in,

ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. No, even she stopped listening. My question is, in The Conan Needs a Friend with John Krasinski, John talked about how Conan would often

pick fights with his staff and even go as far as wrestle them. I'm curious about how Conan would often pick fights with his staff and even go as far as wrestle them. I'm curious to know who Conan would pick fights with often and have any of you been picked on or wrestled with the big boss?

Love the podcast. Miku. Thank you, Miku. You know, Yeah. Jesse, if you wrestled with Conan, you could lay the grounds here for a great lawsuit.

I would. That's right. Well, first I would have won. He might be suing me that's right he's you ruined my spleen it's funny because conan is he has this it must be left over from his childhood and growing up with so many brothers and sisters. Yes. That he really relates to people by punching, it seems like. And laying, yes. By laying hands on.

Laying hands on. And not in a healing way. Yeah. Also, I think it might just be all his crazy amount of energy has to... Yeah. He has to burn. He's like a hummingbird. He is.

And he has to just keep burning calories all day or he'll die. He's the hummingbird version of The Fly, the movie The Fly, where he's a hummingbird. Got into his machine. Made part human and blown up to six foot four. And it's this crazy creature. Terrifying.

Careening down the office. He would. He terrifying careening down the office he would he would literally come down the office yeah like lumbering nicholson and the shining like crashing against the walls as he comes down and and you knew he was just coming for somebody oh no yeah you'd hear the footsteps getting closer yes and you'd start giggling. You'd have to throw him some meat. It was really, you'd just be like. Oh no. Just brace for impact. Yes. He does act like he's punching me every time I see him.

That's the way he greets me is he sort of pretend punches. In the arm. Yeah. Yeah. And I assume it's a sign of love. It is a sign of love. Yeah. Although he and I used to fight physically like a lot.

For real? Oh God, yeah. Oh. Oh, is... He's just like, he'd describe how if he fought me in a ring, he would destroy me. And like, he goes, first I'd work your body and then I'd finish you off with blows to the head. And I always took it very seriously. I said, I will. And I mentioned, I said, I will fight you.

And like, I kept demanding to bring a ring into Studio 6A. And I said, and I will. I think you would win. I really do. I think you're scrappy. And I think that you bite. We'll see. If his ear goes near my mouth, I would bite.

But he knew all the pent up fury. Oh, yeah. I'd accumulated. So it never happened. And that you were probably holding back because your boss. I mean, that's the thing. That's what's so silly about it. Is he can't expect anyone to really put up a fight against him because he's paying everybody to be there.

Right. No, we'd have fun uh going at it it'd be good or he would just where would you do this i mean where do you have enough space just in the plato's retreat i mean we'd go off to our little in a waterbed wait a second right and now i spend that time with dana um mean, it wasn't just me. He would wrestle with a lot of people. He also liked Matt O'Brien to wrestle. Oh, my God. Matt O'Brien. I was so excited Matt O'Brien got hired because then he became the new guy to beat up. And I couldn't start acting like I was too old. He might injure or kill me, which is probably true. But so then Matt O'Brien, Jose Arroyo, he'd always kind of grab,

but I don't think he'd really. He didn't hurt Jose, I don't think. I think Matt O'Brien's a big ex-athlete, an unusual in a way for a comedy writer. Although we had some big guys like Andre Dubuchet. I don't think he'd mess with Andre Dubuchet. No, I think he wouldn't dare. Blay, I think he would blay art a lot from digital he would punch a lot that was their relationship yeah yeah it's almost like he hired people specifically for their punchability yes

and i mean he didn't he didn't punch hard i mean no no no i assume people know i hope they know that we're laughing about it yeah but no bruises were raised but it is funny that that's i mean that's so different from i'm an only child also so this is foreign to me but it's not a way that i express love your mother never like would wrestle with you would yeah pull me to the ground it's definitely a brother thing i think i never had brothers but um that's why i was so excited when i had sons i was like oh i have guys guys to wrestle with guys to wrestle with yeah like i still attack them when they come home sometimes and they're they just look at each other an innate male instinct well it is for me it not no to them

they're just like oh this is so sad they really do get very sad. I don't care. They're like, we can just hug, Dad. Yeah, that doesn't go over too well either. He used to wrestle with Frank Smiley, too, I think. Oh, he did. and I were in a sketch where Conan was singing in the audience or something up the aisle. And Frank and I had to go up and wrestle him on camera. And Frank and I are both too physical. And we really did attack Conan on the staircase. And he fell down and jammed his thumb. Oh my God. His thumb was screwed up for like seven months.

Seven months? Yeah, a long time. Oh my God. He couldn was screwed up for like seven months. Seven months? Yeah, a long time. Oh my God. He couldn't play guitar for seven months. Oh, well. Now how do you feel about that? Now I get what you did. Yes.

I wish I'd known this a long time ago. That was like, God, 1995, I think. Oh, wow. So he healed pretty quickly. Yeah. There's something satisfying about hurting your boss, but then you also realize it's going to come back to you. Oh, no, it wasn't satisfying. Oh, no. There was nothing because I hadn't even been working there long and I just like, oh God, what have I done? Oh, man. Yeah. I thought it was a dead man. Yeah, but then you realized it was actually a positive in his

eyes. Yeah. Sure. He saw you as a formidable opponent. Yes. Thank you, Miku. Thank you, Miku. That's a fun question. And hey, we only have a couple of episodes left in this season, so if you have listener

questions and you've been sitting on them, What are you waiting for? Please don't hold back. Get your priorities straight. And that would be number one, sending us fan questions. Yes. About something that happened on the Conan show in 1996. Please get your acts together and send in those questions and we will answer them. We will. Or we'll get someone to answer them. That's right. We're really into trying to get people with the exact info on it to talk about all your questions. It's better than Ask Jeeves.

That's our standard. Oh, so email us at insideconanpod at gmail.com or you can leave us a voicemail. We love those too at 323-209-5303. Right. And also, of course, if you like the show,

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Our production coordinator is Lisa Byrne. Executive produced by Joanna Solotaroff, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. Engineered and mixed by Will Becton. Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best.

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