Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - JB Smoove

Episode Date: June 19, 2020

Comedy tornado JB Smoove (Curb Your Enthusiasm) joins Conan writers Mike Sweeney and Jessie Gaskell to talk about the differences between nude and naked, Larry David showing up 2 hours early to his 50th birthday party, being asked to be in Late Night with Conan sketches during his time as a writer on SNL, and being an RV legend. Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail] For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com

And now it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hey, welcome back to Inside Conan. My name is Mike Sweeney. I'm a writer on The Conan Show, and I'm joined by another writer on The Conan Show. Jesse Gaskell. Hello, Jesse. Hi, Sweeney. It's nice to on The Conan Show, and I'm joined by another writer on The Conan Show. Jesse Gaskell. Hello, Jesse. Hi, Sweeney. It's nice to see you. Yeah, you too.

And hear you. How's isolation going? Pretty good. I have a new project. I am sanding down an Ikea dresser. Oh. So this is one of the rare Ikea. It's the Hemnes. Oh, Hemnes. Yes. That's a higher end. It is actually because it's made from real wood. I looked online and there are like hundreds of people have made over these dressers and they look amazing. You can sand it down and then stain it like it's real wood.

Just promise me you won't become friendly or reach in a chat group with this group of people that sand down a key of furniture. I just think it's a bad road to go down. What are you up to this week? I'm putting off jumping into a new jigsaw puzzle. You don't want to use them all up too fast. No, no. This one is a different crustaceans. So that seems exciting. That should get me to Thursday. And then I'm reading a lot. And of course, I'm watching a lot of television. Yeah, but only at night. I think that's really shows a lot of discipline on my part. The four hours are all at night. I know I do this for some reason. I'm still able to wait to start drinking and watching TV until nighttime. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, let's get right into it. Get right into it. Get right into it. We have to wrap up. Our guest today, this was taped back in early February in an alternate universe. Yes. We were all in a room together at Warner Brothers

studio, which is still mothballed. Yeah. Do you have any word on when we'll get to go back there? I left food in my office. I don't feel good about the way that I left things because I didn't know that we were going to be gone for this long. That'll be a fun experiment to see what you've got growing when you get back. That's true. All my plants are dead, but there's a whole other ecosystem.

But yes, we recorded this back in February with J.B. Smoove. He had just been a guest on the show an hour earlier. And then- And he still had a lot of gas in the tank for us. Yes. I felt like it was a direct continuation of the interview. He just kept, he had more to say and we kind of held on for dear life. That's- Yeah. Once you get him going, you just buckle up and- It's fantastic. Hope for the best. It was really fun to talk to him. Well, I would say to listen to him talk. And very timely,

he talked about traveling the country in an RV. Yeah, which is kind of the only way to travel right now. I know it's a little controversial. I think it's okay to travel in an RV as long as you never leave the RV. So anyway, without further ado, here's our interview with the great J.B. Smoove. I love podcasts.

Yeah, see? Not in that effect. My wife and I aren't starting one. Oh, yeah? Yeah. What's it going to be about? I don't know if I told you guys, I do a lot of cool parties. I do a big New Year's party every year.

Where's my invite? Wait, and I do, oh, you mean you personally throw great parties? Yeah. We like entertaining a lot. Well, wait, should we be doing this on the... Yeah. Oh, you mean you personally throw great parties? We like entertaining a lot. Wait, should we be doing this on the- Yeah. Do you want to wear headphones or will that mess with your hat? It's up to you.

I know. No one will appreciate the hat. You know what hat is cool? You can see that shit on radio. Yes. People sense. This hat might transcend. It's a bad outfit and a badass hat.

You can tell when people are wearing hats. That's how cool I am sometimes. You see me on radio and on podcasts. You see me. You see the hat. You feel it. You feel the power and the essence of JB Smooth. You don't even have to say your name.

People know who you are. Just the second they hear that voice. Give off a certain energy. It's like a stink. It's an odor. It's half stink, half odor. People would think that's an oxymoron. Right.

But that's the difference between like naked and nude. See? Nude sounds classy. Yeah. Naked as hell or jet ass naked. See, that's a whole different category. Yeah. Naked and nude is two different things, goddammit.

Naked sounds like you've been locked out of the house. Back in the days, those famous artists would paint people. Yes. Nobody in any of those goddamn paintings from that era, from that,

those years. From Renaissance, yeah. The Renaissance. That's a fucking good one. Right? Renaissance. Back in the Renaissance,

nobody was naked, I promise. Really? They were all nude. They were all nude. Fully nude. All fucking nude. Fucking nude. That's a whole new level. were all nude. They were all nude. Fully nude. All fucking nude. Fucking nude.

That's a whole new level. All fucking nude. Nobody was naked back then. When did people start being naked? I think naked started around- Am I saying that right? Naked? Sometime around when 2 Live Crew came out.

Okay. Somewhere around there. People were naked as hell. So they invented it. That's when the renaissance ended. And the term jet ass naked came up. Naked as shit. Fucking naked. it. That's when the Renaissance ended. And the term jet-ass naked came up. Naked as shit. Fucking naked.

See? That's all the same category. Right. You know, that's when the nakedness really took off. It took off. But in the Renaissance, nude. Fucking nude, you said, for the Renaissance. Fucking nude.

Yeah, yeah. Nude is classy. Yes. There's a certain classiness to it. Now, look, even if you was a streaker, you know, somebody said, oh, a streaker was running around nude today. Everybody would go, oh. Yeah, that's class. I know.

That's class. You see a streaker was running around jet-ass, naked, fucking naked running around in a streaker with a trench coat on? That's trailer. Slashing motherfuckers? Trailer. Now it's a whole different thing. You want to jail for that shit. You want to jail for being naked as hell. You get a hug for that shit. You're going to jail for being naked as hell. Yeah, nude is like people.

You get a hug for being nude. People pay people to be nude. That's right. Yeah. I'm going to tell you, when people are in an art class and you got students, you're laying around with an apple in your hand and you're laying around. You're not, they never say you're naked as hell. No, no, no. You are nude.

You're nude, yeah. You're going to be, this class is going to paint a painting of you nude. No one, no teacher ever says, you guys are going to paint a naked as hell dude. With this goddamn Johnson hanging out. No one ever says that shit. But if you see that guy on the subway with the apple, he's naked. If he had a trench, if you have a trench coat on and you got an apple in your hand. Well, then you're not naked or nude.

But if you flash somebody with that, and once you have an apple in your hand, you're considered nude. That's a different charge than naked as hell. Yeah. Do you put the apple down and then open the jacket, or do you... No, you have it preset. Okay, got it, got it, got it.

You just have one hand to hold it together. Okay. Got it. And the apple in the other. If a cop shows up, you got an apple in your hand, he's going to give you a warning and say, don't do this anymore. Don't take it to the next level. It sounds like you've experienced this or done it yourself.

I've been here several times. Yes. A lot of motherfuckers think the word reincarnation. I've been here several times. Do you feel that way? On earth. Fuck yeah, I do. Really?

I'll tell you something. Okay. I know I have. You know what? I was in, when I was overseas, when I was shooting Spider-Man. First I went to-

Wait, which Spider-Man was this? It's the last Spider-Man. Oh, okay. Far from home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went to a wedding on the coast of Italy in Bari. This amazing resort.

This amazing- That's the reason you're bringing this up. Resort called the Borgo. It's an amazing resort. It's an amazing resort. That's the reason you're bringing this up. It's called the Borgo. It's called the Borgo. Okay. It's new as shit, right? Yeah.

And they made that motherfucker old. Right. It's amazing. It's fake old. It's fake old. So they do like sponge paint on the

walls and stuff? Yeah. Fuck yeah. And when you're undressed there, you're new. walking around and shit with little carts and shit. Oh when you're undressed there, you're new. Walking around and shit, with little carts and shit. Oh no, it's amazing.

You would think you were walking around the streets of fucking like the 1900s. Who got married? Was it a celebrity? Oh, my good friends, the Property Brothers. Not both of them to each other, but the Property Brothers. The one with the beard. Oh. Not both of them to each other, but the Property Brother.

The one with the beard. The one. Drew. Drew, yes. Drew was getting married out there and was amazing. Oh, my God. What if he didn't invite Jonathan? What if they don't even talk?

It's a show. It's a show. It's a fucking show. So you were at the Property Brothers wedding. Oh, man. So what happened was, so we left there. We went to Rome. Yeah. We went the Property Brothers wedding. Oh man. So what happened was so we left there we went to Rome.

Yeah. Went to Rome. Oh my gosh. Rome is beautiful. Yeah. It's absolutely gorgeous. When I was in Rome my wife and I went shopping.

We went shopping. Little shops. Little boutiques. Right. You know. Do you like to shop? Yeah I know. And to throw

caution to the wind my real name is Jerry Angelo Brooks. Okay. So the JB is Jerry Brooks. Right. But the Jerry Angelo. Does anyone know that this is an exciting fun fact?

I'm Tatiano. Yes. I'm black Tatiano. Oh, Angelo, yeah. So I say that because every time I pulled out my passport when I was over there, everybody, the guy at the immigration would say, ah, welcome back. Oh,

you got them right on that. I'm a worldly guy. You are. I'm very worldly. I think you gotta be worldly nowadays. You gotta have some, something. You gotta be able to take your brain someplace up once in a while.

People are so dormant in their, in their lives. You like to travel? Fuck yeah. My wife and I, we love traveling. Yeah. My wife's child, baby, my baby out there. Hey baby. Sheant in their lives. You like to travel? Fuck yeah. My wife and I, we love traveling. My wife's child, baby,

my baby out there. Hey baby. She's here. Hey. Hi. Hi. Hey boo. My wife's fine as hell.

She's really beautiful. She's fine. She's fine. Congratulations. I like her for her mind. You know what she calls me? Jessie. You know what she calls me?

What she calls you? Husbo. Husbo. That means I'm a husband and a boyfriend. Aw. You gotta be a boyfriend sometimes

yeah yeah that's when you're still trying yeah you gotta be trying once in a while you gotta be sitting at dinner and say you got this or I got this

you know I'll Venmo you yeah you're a boyfriend when you go to lunch sometimes they call us get a room get a room couple

get a fucking room oh you still like that? How long have you been married? You better do that shit. You better do that shit. Once in a while, you want people to say, you want people to ride by

on the street when you drive by and say, get a fucking room. Oh, that's the greatest thing ever. That keeps your relationship spontaneous. When someone rides by

and say, get a fucking room. I'm about to yell it now. She's all over you during this part. She's safely in another room. Yeah, man. She got another room. She get a fucking room. I'm about to yell it now. She's all over you during this part. She's safely in another room. Yeah, man. She got another room. She got her fucking room. How long have you been married?

We got married 7-7-0-7. Oh. That's memorable. Plus you two were married in former lives, so that's a whole other 58 years. You don't count those years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The nude years. You don't count the nude years.

So you guys are good travelers together. Because some couples. Some couples, yeah. Well, that's how you tell whether you like someone. You know, his way of knowing you need somebody. You're able to travel together. Yeah. And you're able to do a home renovation together.

Oh. Ah, good point. You do that shit together. You fucking belong together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I promise you. Yeah. Are you into interior decorating?

Yeah, he's friends with the Property Brothers. We love it. We love it. Goddamn right. We'll tell you that fucking word. Hey, how did you become friends with the Property Brothers? You know what? I'm going to tell you.

It's weird. It's weird because we know. Yeah, I know it's weird. When you're entertaining, we know a little bit of everybody. The spectrum of people we know stretches so far. Yeah. I mean, it really does. Yeah.

It really does, which gives you this worldly thing, this worldly feel to your body. Yeah. And we have tons of friends, and we love to entertain. We love to, I don't know, I told you guys, I told you I do a big New Year's party every year. Oh, yeah. And I'm not missing my goddamn 50th birthday party. My 50th birthday party was epic. Yeah.

Wait, you're over 50? Yeah. Oh, wow. She is smooth. My skin is all nice and moist. I'm moist. You are moist. I hugged you earlier.

And I'm a full-time vegan. And my wife, she hasn't had meat in 20-something years. Not myself. I was full-time, part-time. So that means that I used to be part-time. My old title was, I was a part-time vegan, full-time carnivore. That was my title. I would eat wings and shit.

When you're not a husband. But sometimes you wouldn't eat meat. Late night. You know, you travel the world doing stuff. You wouldn't eat meat late night you know you travel the world doing stuff you gotta eat that bullshit late at night you know

that's how we do so two years ago on New Year's night I became a full time vegan wow so did you announce it at the party or just

yeah I announced it that night I said everybody you know I'm about to be a full time vegan and my wife was like uh oh look at you so did you have like a last supper of meat I'm about to be a full-time vegan. And my wife was like, uh-oh.

Look at you. So did you have like a last supper of meat at New Year's? I'm going to tell you the last thing I did. I won't name the restaurant, but I was at this famous restaurant that sells a lot of goddamn wings. And I was sitting in there watching a football game. And I always order 10 teriyaki and 10 barbecue with extra celery sticks and extra carrot sticks. What's this Hooters? We won't say that. So, I mean, I'm sitting there watching the game.

I'm sitting there watching the game and I'm fucking these wings up. I might have got in five teriyaki and maybe I started my run on my barbecue. We have four in on a barbecue. Damn, I'm licking my fingers. Yum, yum, yum,icking my fingers. They give you little wet ones. You know, you can keep

wiping your hands. A moist towelette. A moist towelette. That's why you're always

moist. You're fucking right. So, those, they should give you more of those.

You shouldn't have to keep opening fucking packets up. Yeah. Those moist towelettes should come like

post-its. Or you can just tear one off no those two should get together that's the company those two should team up and make post-it goddamn wet ones you

you should run this company I don't I'm thinking shit all the time like that yeah I hope you know the host of Shark Tank too oh I need to go on Shark Tank

fuck that I had one idea to go on Shark Tank and make a pizza table. It's a pizza restaurant that the table is made out of fucking pizza. And you eat the fucking table. You eat the goddamn table. So you don't even order.

You just sit down and eat. You just sit down. You just order the pizza. And the first thing, you sit down. All you have is the podium. It's a pole and a few chairs and a pole. And they come out there and the table is made out of

fucking pizza. And they put the fucking pizza on top of the little pole and everybody eats around that shit. Fantastic. Eat that fucking pizza.

So my 50th birthday party, oh my God. You know how you hear about a party, people always use this term, setting the bar. Yes. Set the fucking bar. Yeah. Right? Here's what I did.

I set the bar for my party. Yeah. Then I jumped up there, grabbed the bar, and did pull-ups on that motherfucker. Pissed my ass. That goddamn party, you do pull-ups on that fucking bar how many pull-ups 50 of course

oh okay of course this party is epic I can't do I'm not gonna get that dude fucking five pull-ups like a fucking idiot you knock out 50

if you're gonna set the bar you do 50 fucking pull-ups on that goddamn bar you just set that fucking bar I just picture you and your wife and the property brothers Larry came to my party

Larry came to my fucking 50th birthday party yeah I call him this is what I told him you know don't give him that much power no offense to anybody

in this goddamn room but I told Larry Larry you came to my fucking party white man early this motherfucker came to my party he was out of there by 7.

Two hours early. Seriously? He came to my fucking party two hours early. What the fuck is wrong with him? So look. I had a party planner so I'm in my so I had a hotel room

in the hotel. My party was in the ballroom downstairs. Oh, wow. Man, this party was fucking epic. That was smart not to do it in your house. It was a burlesque casino classic man party. Fucking A. What was the last phrase?

Classic man. Oh, wow. Dude, this is classic man. Yeah. This shit I wear. Gentleman. This clean, this clean-ass classic man look. Very throwback, 40s, you know, heyday.

So Larry came two hours early to this shit. So I'm upstairs in the hotel room getting dressed. It's very rude. That's awful. Getting dressed for my party, my extravaganza. Now, my party planner calls the room and says, someone wants to talk to you. And here's the fucking phone call to Larry. Larry's like, eh, eh, eh.

I'm not impressed. I'm not impressed. No one's here yet. Where are you? I said, where am I? I said, I'm in a fucking room getting dressed. I just got out of the shower. Why aren't you down here?

I said, Larry, you fucking early. Who comes that early to anybody's party? A narcissist. You should come down here? I said, Larry, you fucking early. Who comes that early to anybody's party? You should come down here. I should come down here, really? And sit there and wait for people to come in the door? That's depressing. Why don't nobody show us the fuck up? I'll sit

down there with your ass the whole goddamn time. So did he have the time wrong? He had the time wrong, right? So is he trying to come up with new scenarios for the show? Is he always trying to write the show? No, he wasn't. That's a mistake. That's what the fuck he does. It's just like, I'm going to come and you're going to work around me. It's like a power move.

I said, why are you so goddamn early? I hope you quit the show. He's walking around with his hands in his fucking pocket. You know, he's too early. So I walk in the party, man. We're dancing through the party, having a good-ass time. And Larry is walking right behind me on my heels with his hands in his pocket, little suit jacket pulled back.

Typical Larry shit. Like, you know, he does a little thing. Follows me all the way to the fucking stage. Really? Yeah. Did he want to do a type 5? My guy who was hosting the party, he hands Larry a microphone. So me and Larry

are standing there with microphones. He said, he quieted the crowd down. Everybody be quiet. Where were you? You came late to your own party? I said, Larry. I said, don't do that shit, Larry. Don't fucking do that shit. I said, Larry, this is, don't do that shit, Larry. Don't fucking do that shit. I said, Larry,

this is a black party. No one comes that fucking early to a goddamn party. Number one, we had an argument. Typical curb moment. Right. Banter back and forth.

People were fucking losing it. They see this shit live. Live banter between me and Larry and a full argument about why the fuck I'm late to my own goddamn party.

Now, then he leaves the stage. Now, this was between our seasons. So, this was between our seasons. So everybody was wondering if Larry was coming back or not. Right. So I said,

Larry, you've come up here, interrupt my fucking party. You've been here for three hours, two hours, two goddamn early. People need to answer. Are we coming back

or not? Give these people something, Larry. He stops. The crowd goes quiet. You hear a pin drop. He has a microphone in his hand. Yeah.

But you get killed off in the first episode. Larry, you fucking asshole. The party was lit. You two were on stage and Jeff Garland didn't come up on stage? I can't believe that. No one's going to interrupt that moment. That fucking moment right there. Golden.

It sounds magical. I had ice sculptures and shit. Oh, I was going to ask. No one's going to interrupt that moment. That fucking moment right there. It was golden. It sounds magical. I had ice sculptures and shit. Oh, I was going to ask. JB50, JB50. I had hashtags. My wife and I, we shot birthday videos. Everybody who RSVP'd, we would send them an update video. Oh, the fucking videos were fucking spectacular.

No, this was a... We don't play around. We know how to fucking do a shindig, goddammit. And Larry David was the last one to leave. He was the first one to leave. Of course. He said, all right, I got to go. You can get it.

I got to go. I get it. I get it. But you know what? He had such a great time. He said, you know what? I had a great time tonight. He told me later.

He said, next time you have one of those parties, you let me know. I'm going to come again. But tell him the wrong time. Yes. Tell him the wrong fucking time. It starts at midnight. Damn you, Larry.

One reason we wanted to talk to you was because I think in some ways, well, you tell me, you had a connection with Conan early on. I did have a connection

with Conan early on. Yeah. You know, when I worked at SNL, you were a writer at SNL. Yeah. I was a worked at SNL. You were a writer at SNL. A writer at SNL. Yeah. Four, five, and six.

But also, Conan was in this movie called Tomorrow Night. Oh, yes. It was a black and white movie. Yes, indeed. He's not that old. Yeah.

No, but, you know. Yeah, yeah. A fancy one. It was a Louis C.K. movie called Tomorrow Night. Yeah. And we were, one. It was a Louis C.K. movie called Tomorrow Night. Yeah. And we were, and Conan did a little spot in the movie years ago. Oh, years ago.

You're talking about, that must have been like, god damn. Late 90s. Late 90s. Okay. Easily late 90s. And so I ended up getting a job at, I auditioned for SNL, and I ended up getting, I was a lab on the last three people that year. It was myself.

To get hired as a writer? Yeah, Kenan and Finesse Mitchell. Oh, wow. Yeah, so we did our NBC test and they ended up going with those two guys. So I go back to LA and they call me. So I ended up, and they call me and say, hey, we want to come in as a writer.

Oh. That's okay, cool. And you, so you had already moved out to LA? I was living in LA when I and say, hey, we want to come in as a writer. That's okay, cool. So you had already moved out to L.A.? I was living in L.A. when I auditioned. Oh, okay. So I said, wow. So then I ended up, my wife and I, we packed up our stuff and we moved back to New York. Wow. Holy shit.

Back to New York. So, and what happened was, she was my fiancee at the time. So what happened was we moved to New York and I ended up as a writer, oh, four, five, and six. So what I was, well, I'm a New Yorker, so I had the New York hustle. So what I would do is this. When I got there, my thing was this. You got to hustle.

So I had a job as a writer, right? I did a warm-up on the show for two seasons. Oh. Yeah. I did the warm-up one season. Yeah. That's great. I was in monologues here. Oh. Yeah. I did the warm-up one season. Yeah. That's great. I was in monologues here and there.

Yeah. And I did Conan O'Brien. Right. Who was downstairs. Yeah. Right. Same building. I did it maybe 10, 11 times, I think.

Yes. I did it a bunch of times. So it was one of those things where I guess you guys found out I was upstairs writing and we had a history already. And next thing you know. There was a writer on our show Michael Komen who actually

after he left ended up working at SNL eventually but he I remember he's saying oh there's this this hilarious writer

on SNL J.B. Smoove and he wanted to put you in a sketch and it's like it's like okay great and you were

you just blew everyone away. And then we started, every day, we started putting you in like three times a week. And didn't, didn't SNL like push back or something?

Yeah, were they mad about this? No, what happened was, they were just, you know, I mean, cause we,

they were calling my, you guys were calling my phone, my extension directly. Right. And I was say, okay, cool. I'll come down here. Yeah, yeah. And then- Because you were two floors above us.

Two floors above us, yeah. We were on the sixth floor and the studio SNL is eighth and your offices are in 17th. Yep. Yeah. So you just say, I'm going to go to the bathroom real fast. No, it happened. Lawrence started calling my phone and he said, you know, JBR, Conan wants to use you for a sketch.

Right. Do a sketch and come back up. I would just go down there. You guys would call me. I would say, shit, I'm happy to be on camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would go downstairs, do a sketch, and come on back up, laugh my ass off with you guys. And I loved it, man. Oh, we couldn't believe it. I loved it, man. I freaking,

you guys, you guys have always been amazing. And the sketches you guys have come up with, man, let me tell you, were freaking amazing and hilarious. Remember I went as a, what was it, Frovimber? Or what was it? It was like, was it Frovimber? I don't know. We have to look this up.

Frovimber? We'll look it up. Frovimber. Something like that. Anyway, I don't think I even had a line. I just walked through at a fro, and I had a black, like, shaft outfit on. It was like Frovember. Okay.

We'll look it up. Look it up. And I did one as a desk man. Desk man. Oh, I heard about this. I was a superhero with a cape, and I was dressed as a desk. Right. Because I think a guy named Hammer Man

destroyed Conan's desk and he goes now what am I going to do and then you came in so many good ones get to the good ones no no Desk Man was funny they were all hilarious no you were

oh man the writers all where did you come from? You're just like this amazing performer who could just, and you just killed every time. I loved it, man. You guys would set me up so well. Yeah. You know, and I appreciate that you guys would call me for certain things that you knew I could really have fun with.

Right, right. That's always kind of been the situation. So me and Conan have a nice long history. Yeah. You know, and then when you guys moved here and started working from here, you know, I followed the whole journey. Yeah. I remember you guys did the promos with Conan running across the country.

Right, right, right. I was so goddamn right. That got shot in two days. I loved it, man. It was so fun. But we followed you too so cause you so then you left SNL

and then I think you worked on Everyone Hates Chris Chris yeah I did Curb and then I did Till Death I had so many shows

oh yeah I did something on CBS called The DeMarcos I did Cedric the Entertainer Presents I did Till Death I did The Millers let's not rush the DeMar past The DeMarcos oh man I did Till Death Let's not rush the DeMarco

Oh man I love that show That's what we're building to I love that show Valley Harper was on that show Oh alright great She's great So yeah You know and it's always been great

Because I get a chance to You know continue my journey But at the same time I get a chance to Hang out with you guys And you guys always Always invite me And I appreciate all the press

And get a chance to promote my TV shows but then you have parties and we don't hear from you at all no I feel terrible well it seems like a one way street

and I do have other white people there that's fucked up that's what you fucked up of me man Larry David's at least half white that's a lot of whiteness

I bet you guys will come a little later you will come back earlier well after this discussion I know no this is educational. Yeah. Yeah, so it's always a great time, man.

How many times have I actually done Conan? Oh, you mean as a guest? As a guest. A lot. I might be up there. A lot. You're getting up there. Yeah, we should.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder who's been on the most. I think for years it was like Marc Maron. Oh, yeah. And then it was Al Roker. Probably. You might be in the mix. You're up there. You're getting up there.

You're getting up there. Everyone's doing woo! Pretty up there. So, yeah. It's always been great, man. We got our Cur know our curb stuff and then you know we do our

our amazing RV parties at the beach during the summertime what a lot of people didn't know I'm the number one black RVer in the country

oh so you're the only one you like the RV lifestyle yeah I'm the only I'm the legend I'm the RV legend you hear me

how long have you been into RVs years fucking years I've been doing this shit. RV parties. Do you? Not when you lived in New York.

I only go to, no, hell no. You can't do shit. Step off. Can't park that shit nowhere. Can't park that biggest thing nowhere. So anyway, RVs. So RV parties all summer. Oh my God, man.

You're invited next time I have one. Oh, come on down. You want to enjoy yourself. Okay. We had three grills going. Three hours early. Three grills. One vegan grill. Okay. And the rest is like meat grills. Okay. Yeah, sure. Come on down. You want to enjoy yourself. Okay. We had three grills going. Three hours early. Three grills. One vegan grill

and the rest is like meat grills. Okay. Yeah, because that can't mix. I'll work a grill. It's called contamination. Yes. Cross contamination. You should collect RVs

the way Seinfeld collects cars. You know how amazing that would be? Yeah. Then I would rent them all out. Yeah. Oh, shit, man. And let people enjoy the lifestyle.

You know what I would love to own one day? If there's anybody out there who has a lot of fucking money, I would love to open my own J.B. Smoove RV resort. Oh. You need money for that shit.

You need a nice piece of land. You know, the RV resorts are amazing. Now, don't fuck around with those campsites. That's kind of nice. And RVs are the nicest people in the world

are RVs. Oh, really? Because most of my RVs, they're like retired. They're nomads. Or they're young people who just want to- Right, the van life people. They want to get out.

They want to get out and enjoy life. And it's like you're rolling around basically in a New York apartment size goddamn truck. It's the most fascinating life. And it's the open road, and they got the big windshield, and fucking it's the open road and you got the big windshield and fucking it's driving you know I've been blessed to have a 30 year amazing 30 year

career of you know I always say I told how I was stirring this shit I say look man you I'm satisfied being a

a busy bee that's what you want a busy bee yes you know why because the phone, you just keep working.

Yeah. You know, my dad told me, you work to keep the lights on. Everything else is gravy. Yeah. God damn, that's extra.

Put that shit in the other pocket. I like that. That's a good attitude. You always carry two wallets too. Fucking wallets. You put a dummy wallet in your back pocket. You put your real wallet in your back pocket you put your real wallet

in your front pocket oh okay yeah two great two great I feel like I've learned so much I've learned so much too if you want to go

to another level JB we have to get you out of here thank you so much I'm on a roll now this is I'm not going anywhere leave this shit on leave it on

leave it on we can leave it on. Leave it on. We can leave it on. Turn the lights off behind you when you're leaving. Okay. Thank you so much, JB. This is great. All right.

That was JB's move. It sure was. I love him. He's like a tornado. Yeah. He is. He's great. So that's our show for this week.

We do have a listener question. Yeah. This is kind of a fun. So that's our show for this week. We do have a listener question. Yeah. This is kind of a fun one. It's from Mike H. And he says, Hi, Jesse and Mike. Hi, Mike H. Do you have any standards and practices horror stories? Conan is on cable, so FCC restrictions are a little looser.

This guy knows what he's talking about. Has there been anything that was considered too hot for TBS or NBC when you were there? Thanks for continuing to put out the podcast. Every standards story is a horror story because Jordan Schlansky is our liaison to standards and practices. So it's really a double. Not only are you getting a no on something from the network, it's coming from Jordan Schlansky.

Yeah. Who you assume hasn't even watched the thing that's in question. This is the only thing that I know that he does on the show for sure is send emails that say no. And then sometimes he'll say, I swear I've been arguing on your behalf, but before, before you even hear from me, I've, you know, exchanged 20 emails with them. Yeah. And then at the bottom it says sent from my Vespa. Yeah. Do you have a story well i just the the main thing that comes back to us a lot yeah that i well at least that i've been on the receiving end of is uh being told to make penises look less fleshy yes that's a classic

like graphics we had a thing with graphics where they made these eight bit video game penises for a remote yeah um where conan was talking to a sex therapist over zoom right we really had to go back and forth a bunch of times because the pink that like hot pink was too realistic according to standards so we ended up um they became purple which you know i I think also for some people might be realistic. Isn't that, does that mean engorgement? I would think that's worse. Pubic hair is also a big issue. That's a whole nother, like when you're pixelating, sometimes you have to.

Oh. Big pixels, smaller pixels. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It can't be too, you can't be too clear on the individual hairs or, yeah. You know, anyone out there uh you know loading up some penis stuff that you have to pixelate i would say go for the clean shaven look would be my advice and you'll avoid one hurdle right there oh that's true yeah that's great advice the case i always

remember it was uh back in new york our standards person we get in fights with her a lot. And one of my favorite ones was we had a sketch. I think it was called basically like great astronomers being assholes. And it was Galileo and Copernicus and Newton, who's technically, you know, a physicist. Yeah. So withhold your letters, folks. Exactly. So they were all swearing at nice people who came up and asked for an autograph.

So the stance person left this scathing message about, you know, first of all, we cannot have Galileo call someone an asshole. And we certainly can't have Capnicious say, God damn. Oh no. It's pretty great. Thank you, Mike H for that question. And if any other fans have burning questions for us, you can email us at inside Conan pod at gmail.com or you could

leave us a voicemail 323-209-5303. We like you. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jesse Gaskell. Produced by Jen Samples. Engineered and mixed by Will Becton. Supervising producers are Kevin Bartelt and Aaron Blair. Executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials.

You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best.