Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Jessica Chaffin

Episode Date: August 9, 2019

Actress and comedian Jessica Chaffin (Big Mouth, Ronna and Beverly) joins Conan writers Mike Sweeney and Jessie Gaskell to talk about getting recognized for her role as Coco Wexler in Nickelodeon’s Zoey 101, joining the crew for Conan’s trip to Israel, and brings a special homemade gift.This episode is brought to you by Vital Farms (www.vitalfarms.com/coupon) and FabFitFun (www.fabfitfun.com code: INSIDECONAN).Check out Conan Without Borders: Australia: https://teamcoco.com/australiaCheck out Conan25: The Remotes: https://conan25.teamcoco.com/Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail] For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hi, welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. I'm Mike Sweeney. I'm Jesse Gaskell. And we're writers on The Conan Show. Hopefully. Yeah. Still. Last we checked. And we usually talk about stuff going on at The Conan Show. And we sort of do that today. Well, yeah. We talked to a friend and a friend of the show. Yes. Jessica Chaffin. Yes. She's very funny, very talented. She's hilarious.

She's been performing in a lot of different areas, venues, TV shows for a long time. And we brought her in to talk. She's been actually a sort of feature of the Conan show for a while, but we didn't talk about any of

that today. We kind of just started talking and then we had to stop because the studio was needed for something else. Right. People were yelling at us through the glass. Yeah. They started shutting lights off. Yeah.

So here's our interview with Jessica Chaffin. It was in a hotel. I mean, you'd think it would be the arrive hotel oh that place looks nice yeah it is nice what's the food no it's wexler wexler's no the food options look nice we stopped there to use the bathroom oh on the way out of town and also because there was an ice cream place next door um and it just looks unfinished that place yeah but it's it had a wexler's which i thought was exciting yeah it's fine and i like that there's not i don't know it's not sceny the way that some of the others give was it exciting give it a minute you played a character once named Coco Wexler. Oh boy, somebody did his first Google of me in his whole life. I realized I knew nothing about you. That makes me so happy.

Not that you brought that up, but that you've never ever had any interest in looking at my credits or anything. No, no. Because it means we have an actual friendship. Yeah, that's true. Or an actual, it means we have things to talk about. Right. Well, plus you talk about them, so... I'm always talking about Zoe 101.

I didn't Google you before this, and now I wish I had. Oh. Because I want to be in on the joke. You've just heard everything. I played a character on Zoe 101 called Coco Wexler. Oh. And which, by the way, is the only thing I've ever been recognized for in my whole life. That's how I know.

I've been with you where people in a restaurant get super excited. That's true. Hostesses and stuff. And you're like, oh, boy. It's the cocoa effect. But you know the exact age. 23. So, oh, is it that narrow?

Oh, people who are kids. It's like 23 to kids it's like 23 to 27 so it's people that were kids but it's still on but it's people that are kids and have now and now their world in my world can overlap right because i want to be served yes are we recording yeah of course um and i'm ready to be served and they're ready to serve me. So that's awful. But it's sort of true. But I find that I'm most famous in Germany and Austria. Oh, really? There must have been at the time that those people were growing up, only one channel.

By the way, we're talking about maybe three people recognizing me in the universe. But they must have just had Nickelodeon Germany, basically. Right. Yeah. And by the way, I'd love to know who was dubbing my voice. Oh, yeah. Because I assume it wasn't. I assume somebody German is very funny

and should be getting all the credit for that stuff. You could probably find German dubbed Zoe 101 on the line. Well, I'm not looking that hard. No? I mean, I guess I said I was curious. Not if it has a paywall. I don't know if there's a paywall, I was going to say. So yeah, that's what happens.

There's a certain look. I was going to one of my, as Mike knows, and as you know, actually, I do favor a little Austrian health spa retreat. I like to go deep into the mountains of Austria and take a, you know, a little bit of, do some forest bathing where you breathe in the, and I went to a place that was literally, well, it's basically like fresh air. Yeah. It's a hike. Yeah. Fresh air.

Well, it's a hike in a place that has fresh air. It's worked for previous generations of Austrians. And now it's your turn. Well, they are a hardy people. But it's worked for previous generations of humans, I guess. Fresh air. I mean, that is why people move to the suburbs. Yeah.

Fresh air. White flight. That's right. Here we go. What's the air quality today? It has to be terrible because I was driving yesterday and the air was brown. I didn't know that was still a thing that we had to put up with. I thought we fixed that.

No. No, I went for a walk yesterday up by- The observatory? Yeah, the observatory. And it was just a solid wall of brown. It's so disappointing, especially in the summer. What if Teslas are secretly just emitting? Well, they're not doing that, but they are run on lithium ion batteries, which are made from that, whatever that special titanium alloy is, which you can only get in an African mine that a child can only crawl in and get.

Right. In a war-torn country. They're the only ones who can repair your cars. But the carbon offset ratio is amazing. Yeah. Right, Mike? You guys are just against the owner of Tesla. And the battery's going to live as long as a plastic bottle, probably, right?

And then get thrown back in. Anyway, I went to that Austrian place, and when I got to the front desk, and this was on, like, January 6th, right after, this was after we were in Prague, actually, if you must have. And it was like The Shining, the hotel was the end of the earth, and there was a blizzard. So there were literally only like these 10 people on the planet. And I got and I checked into the hotel and the girl's eyes almost popped out of her head, but she was trying to be very professional. And also, as I'm sure you know, Austrian and German people, I don't want to generalize, but they like to do things by the book. And so she wasn't going to be like, oh, that's the other thing that's fun.

She wasn't going to be like, oh, my God. Yeah. Coco. Hey, I know you. That's never going to, she doesn't, they're not millennials in the same. Also, she was like a mountain girl living in a mountain village. Yeah, I know you. That's never going to, she doesn't, they're not millennials in the same, also she was like a mountain girl living in a mountain village. Yeah, she was Heidi.

She was never going to be, do that thing where she would be like, can I just say you look really familiar? And I am entitled to say that because I'm entitled to be on this planet or whatever version of making fun of every millennial, which I'll stop doing. But anyway. They're your biggest fan base. I know. Cut, Kevin, cut.

And anyway, her eyes almost popped out of her head. And then at the very end of the week, somebody said to me, could you, could I take a picture with you? And I was like, why? And because at that point, I had forgotten about the interaction. They were like, I was a big with you? And I was like, why? And because at that point, I'd forgotten about the interaction. They were like, I was a big Zoey 101 fan

and it was a different girl. And she said, can you also take one for this person? It turned out all the girls at reception were all Zoey 101. I'd been the talk of the smallest town in Austria. That's part of their interview process is, did you watch Zoey 101? Welcome aboard. That's very professional. They process is, did you watch Zoey 101? Welcome aboard.

That's very professional. They waited till the end. They did. Well, they probably don't get a lot of celebrities, so they don't know what their protocol is. Oh, they get only celebrities at that place. Oh, okay. Which is why it was hilarious.

Only Nickelodeon shows. No, because I am not a celebrity, and so it was very funny that it was like they didn't care that so-and-so was there, but they were pretty excited because you know what ron you know what roland always says it's like if d from what's happening walked into your restaurant right or you know i don't know who from taxi for you mike right no for me who would it be for you who from gun smoke well i'm going to you're you're not far

off you know you're 400 light years old because it was dr smith from lost in space Gun smoke would be for you, Mike. Well, I'm going to... You're not far off. You know what? You're 400 light years off because it was Dr. Smith from Lost in Space. Oh, okay. It was on the... Or no, it would be more like if the robot walked in. Oh, my... Well, that's... That's what I was.

I was the robot. That's still a dream because I assume the robot still exists. My character, I don't know if you know this, I used to eat ravioli out of my bra. Oh, my God. The whole joke was... The show was like Facts of Life. And the joke was, whenever, I just did a few episodes, but whenever I was on, I was like the RA.

And so the joke was that the kids always had to take care of me instead of me taking care of them. So I always had like a big breakdown and I would, and all the jokes were about how big my bra was and that my boyfriend was always breaking up with me and like dating my mother. And then I would eat ravioli out of my bra. With a utensil or you just reached in there? Yes, I just always would have a can of ravioli in my bra. Oh, it was a can?

Yeah, and it was open, an open can. About how big your bra was. And about how much I loved ravioli. That I would just keep ravioli in my bra and once I just ate a whole thing of Russian dressing and all kinds of stuff it was awesome I would be like oh whatever you want to do to humiliate me right would be great right I was like a crash test dummy I'm doing it for Austria I didn't know at the time but now who knew you're welcome this I mean it's when you're describing this to me, I understand why people

remember you. That's what I mean. It's not like, oh, I saw you in this thing. It's like a childhood. It's a spirit animal. You're a meme, basically. Yes, I am a meme. There's a lot of memes, actually. Because Coco is like, oh, it's all that, like, I'm having a day

like Coco. Self-care Coco. It's also instructive on how not to wear a bra, what not to do with a bra. Once it was like I dropped my underwear. I was doing my laundry and I dropped my underwear. And then it was like the biggest pair of underwear you ever saw in your life. It was fun. It was really fun. I loved it.

I loved it. Well, speaking of food. Oh, what? Well, I do have a gift for you. Is that, was that my cue? No, I, it. I loved it. Well, speaking of food. Oh, oh. What? Well, I do have a gift for you. Is that, was that my cue? No, I, but. But you did know, because I told you a little bit. You mentioned.

I have a little gift for you. I forgot. It's for you, and it's also for the people here who can do whatever they, you can share this with people. It's a can of ravioli. Here at Airwolf Studios. Well, no, yes, that would be, you should share it with the people here at Airwolf. Do we have to?

Yeah. You're going to want to because there's a lot of it. Oh, wow. I made these, this gift for somebody else today and then that person canceled on me. So now you get it.

Oh, I love it. I love that. That's a good punishment to them. Well, it's, they just, it's not going to work out. Never cancel again. So maybe you can describe what I've gifted you.

All right. It says happy birthday, this bag. It's a big happy birthday. Someone know. It's a lovely, it looks new. See, this I can tell is the first use. Purchased just for the- Because I reused these bags and I can tell this one is not reused.

No, it's brand new. The price tag's still on it. Oh, it is? You wanted them to know. No, no, it's not. And then there's pink tissue paper. See, can you hear the rustling of the tissue paper? So it makes me think a woman is the one who stitched you.

Oh my God. There are some blueberry muffins in here. Homemade blueberry muffins. They are beautiful. I'm going to grab one now. I'll have one. Have one, my sweetie. Was it this person's birthday? And then maybe Kevin wants to come grab one and share it with people. Did you make these? I made them this morning.

Wow. But when you make them. I'll tell you why they're small. I think this is an inappropriate size for a muffin. Well, that's the serving size you want. Yeah. But that's not the serving. That's not the thing that you're going to go in a case and want to grab that.

Oh, well, sure. Yeah. If I was trying to make them beautiful and appetizing, I would have made them bigger. No, but this is a normal human. These are beautiful. No, that's how much a person should have. That's not what you want.

You made six. How dare you? I'm just noticing. Keep looking. There's dozens in there. How dare you? I made six. Well, it's a big crew here at Earwolf.

I didn't make them for them. All right. But I want them to enjoy them. It's this person's birthday. It's my trainer's birthday today. You're trying to get your trainer fat. No, it's very funny, though, because you start to get nervous when you're cooking for your trainer. You start thinking about all kinds of things that you wouldn't think of if you were cooking for regular people

like portion size and how much sugar is in the recipe and things like that by the way i maybe not this is no credit to my trainer that he's my trainer right like i don't want to humiliate the man by saying his name or anything because then he might not people might be like this guy isn't doing anything like they might think he's not good and he's very good at his job i'm sure he's great but except when he cancels it was his birthday okay and i i have to say i was not happy that he canceled because we discussed it several times that i would be his last client and then he would be embarking on his birthday weekend after that wait and i kept today is wednesday yeah it's early in the week he's having a birthday weekend well today is wednesday we were supposed to have um a session tomorrow but i canceled on him for tomorrow because

i i got an appointment as act as well i got an audition but as actors do I actually got two guys if you want to know the truth oh that's great um but it's that's such a that's boring talk

but no I actually think showbiz chatter that's kind of why you're here um I mean most yes it's exactly why I'm here because I don't have a job at the moment

I needed I need one until I was available to be here with you today so hopefully after tomorrow I can never come back well maybe if people listening to this will seek you out for muffins that's right we have a lot of producers listening oh yeah I should tell people I'm I'm available for work um but anyway so I made them small thinking he would share them with

people at the gym that he canceled on me an hour before and i gotta say i was not happy no and but it is his birthday so now it's your birthday i've never had a trainer what's that that sounds yeah great what kind of relationship is that yeah do you it seems very intimate in a way it is well love hate i have to say i know i only like him but when i was starting with him i was like it took me a long time to agree to do it because i was like i don't need another relationship with another person of any kind right oh yeah let alone one that i'm gonna like something put near my body and who's gonna decide what i do with it and like say we could work on this or we could work on that. But he's like a coach, basically.

He's just wonderful. I can't recommend him enough. He's very smart about everything. And believe me, I know a lot of people have trainers and think that they have good trainers and they don't. And what it really is, it's like people, it's like hairdressers. People think they have a good hairdresser and you're like, I can tell you. Right.

Just by looking at you, that you're incorrect about that, but you might like that person very much. And I was like, oh, I don't want to have to either decide if I like them or I don't like them or if I'm going to be annoyed when he asks me to do something, even though I'm paying for that purpose. But he's awesome. He just knows. He always has a plan, which I love. He changes, switches it up. And I'm very much like, I don't, I just feel very much like I'm in his hands.

Like he's a great lawyer who I'm just like, why don't you do this? You know how to do it. And so there's not a lot of small talk. There is a lot of small talk. Oh, there is. Okay. But we talk about the movies we've seen. We talk about human relationships.

That seems like a lot of pressure to me. No, but he's so pleasant. And you do also work out at some point. I work out nonstop for the whole hour. The other day he asked me, I was so impressed. He asked me, meaning I was proud. He was like, what has been motivating you the last month? You've really been hitting it hard.

And I was like, I have. Like I was like impressed. But it's kind of like he's like a coach when you're like you don't feel like you're working so you've done sports in your life obviously you're a very sporty type with oh am i yes you are with a terrific figure jesse does have a terrific figure which i was gonna say the same about you world class figure oh my goodness she does i've seen her in a bikini. It's great. Now I'm getting red.

Well, Jesse, you used to be a, or you, you are a runner, but were you a runner in high, in school? I was a distance runner. Oh wow.

So you had a like cross country coach? I had a cross country coach. And was that coach a good coach? Yeah. Great coach. And what made that person a good coach? Yeah. I mean, I think all of the things you've described, a good combination of pushing you physically, but also helping you sort of figure out the mental components of your body and just appreciating what your body can do and not making it all about goals necessarily, but just about like, what's your personal best today?

And let's try to unlock that. Oh. Hmm. I'm not even kidding. We don't talk that much. Does any of the stuff you learned there like come into play in your job? Oh. Like your running job?

In being able to endure pain for a long period of time? Yes, exactly. No, I don't see a connection. Does his head appear? Do your knees hold up at Conan when you have to walk around the set? When I have to carry his ego on my back. Oh, dear. When's he getting here, by the way?

Oh. That's the only way we can put that. I told Mike I was going to spend the whole interview saying like, so how soon will Conan be here? Should we keep talking or is he going to be here soon? I'm sure he heard I was going to be on the show and decides. He's always on, right? Yes. He just comes downstairs.

He wakes up on apparently. So we. Oh, I meant on the podcast yeah he's on the podcast there's no question we can't book him it's like we ask and then we feel like we're bothering him

then we but also don't you spend enough time with him we do he's actually in Italy right now oh again but so he's actually in Italy right now. Oh, again? Yeah. But so he's been in some of the spots we went to. It might be the Tuscan-Umbrian border.

How disappointing. He's reliving his Italy trip. He went back to some of the places? Yeah. He did. Did people know him when you were? He went back to Jordan's restaurant. Oh, he did? Mm-hmm.

Was the food that good? I think it was that good. It was good. I think he also liked that he already knew what to do there. He likes familiar things. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I didn't.

He knew how it was going to go. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I didn't enjoy anything Italian that week that you would normally like, oh, this is a great meal because it was all stress. You were working too much. It was all just, I mean, right. It was for me, it was kind of like. It was also kind of cold when you went there.

Yeah, it was February. Yeah. And I feel like part of the, part of the fantasy of Italy is like the tomato right off the vine. And the, not that all that winter food isn't exceptionally delicious, but that's more of like when you get into the stewier kinds of like bolognese and things not a bolognese tomato base but you know what i mean like what's the one a matriciana or whatever though like they're really like fatty delicious like beefy ones but i feel like part of the kind of Disneylandification of Italy is this idea that like someone's just going to slice a tomato for you. And it's going to be the best tomato that you ever had because it's summer.

You eat it like an apple. And you're eating the sun. And yeah, like a lemon, a capri lemon. And, you know. Yeah, it was cold when we were there. It was definitely not. It was off season. But we made do. Yeah, we was cold when we were there. It was definitely not. It was off season. But we made do.

Yeah, we really did. I tried to make it sound like we were suffering. Well, that's a good segue, Jess. Because you came on one of these travel shows with us. I'm the only person in human history to invite themselves on a Conan travel show and get to go. That's true. Well, you're one of the only civilians that's ever come with us. Oh, that's what I mean.

But not as in any way employed. Right. Yeah. Oh, no. No, no. You were just. No, I just decided to come along. And I'm so glad you were there because we all realized how sick we were of talking to each other.

It was so nice to have a new person how well i i would like to think that i helped bring some of you together also there were people that had never really even spoken to each other even though they had been on 10 or 12 travel shows first time i spoke with jesse yeah you're responsible for jose for instance and jesse had never spoken before j Jose was a writer on the show. He's been on this podcast. That's right. He has. And my wife came.

That's why I came. And you were her date on the trip because we were shooting all day. I was her companion horse. Yes, and you guys. Her chaperone. Exactly. And this was Israel. Certainly was.

Yeah. And had you been to Israel before? Many times. Not many times. I had been there three times, I think, before I came with you. I think that was my fourth time, that trip. But I do enjoy a trip to Israel with its many, its volatility and its many contradictions, but there are many things to love about that land.

And so I'm always like i would love to go whenever someone's going but it is always you don't realize how stressed out you are even when you're enjoying it until after the trip is it like when you get on the plane on the way home you realize your body has been in like a fight or flight position for the whole trip like it takes some coming down i feel, after the people there are revving. That just feels like my whole life now. They're revving high. Revving high.

Yeah. In Tel Aviv, everyone there. It's an exciting city full of nightlife. Very exciting. Delicious food. And very attractive. Very liberal. Beautiful people.

Yikes. And a very liberal city. Like they're kind of like, oh, we don't like the administration here. And you feel like you're kind of in oh we don't like the administration here and yeah like you're kind of in new york city where they're it's also one of those places how you know there's like only a few cities that truly belong this is gonna sound feel free and get rid of me feel free and gong me or get the hate out as soon as this is over. But there are certain cities that belong to, in a really awesome way, belong to certain segments of the population that are not empowered in other cities. Like I would say black people have real agency in the city of Atlanta. Like that is their town.

They run that town. And Chicago to some extent is their town. They run that town. And Chicago, to some extent, is like that. But you can't say that about a lot of towns in this country. Big cities in this country or whatever. West Hollywood and gay people or LGBTQ. Yes? Did I miss anything? Yeah, no.

Did I miss any letters? There's lots more. yes did i miss anything no i'd be did i miss any letters um and tel aviv is one of those cities too where you can be openly homosexual or whatever lgbtq and it's completely accepted and it's part of the fabric of the place and it's incredibly modern which puts it in such a stark contrast to Jerusalem, which is the opposite of what you can be. Yes. No, true. Cut. Cut.

But it's a hip, modern city like that. Yeah. There aren't that many cities that are progressive like that, that aren't like college towns. That's true. Yeah. And speaking of Jerusalem, it was very intense when we went over to the West Bank. Yeah. And speaking of Jerusalem, it was very intense when we went over to the West Bank. Yeah. Was that your first time crossing into Palestine? No. I'd been to Bethlehem before and to, there were various, I won't remember, Michael know this better than I will,

what's opened and what's closed and what intifada and what blah, blah, blah. But when I went the first time when I was like 20, I think I went to Rachel's tomb, which is- Hebron. In Hebron, I think. Like that was part of the stuff that you could still do. You could go. I had been to the church in Bethlehem. Was that a birthright trip?

No, I just went. Trying to pigeonhole me, I see. Well, a lot of people- Why don't you put parentheses around my name while you're at it? A lot of people go to Israel in their 20s. I thought you were black the way you were talking about black cities. Yeah. If only.

That would be much more interesting. Yeah, you could still go to places like that i'd been in that town that church in bethlehem before uh-huh and felt that it had been over decorated oh wow it's the church where they say jesus was born well where his manger was supposedly right that little hole in the ground was the manger yeah and you go down in the base it's like a crypt feels like a crypt but that was supposedly the manger there was the manger and then also the spot where he was born that was where our camera guy two separate spots our camera guy knocked over oh yes he certainly did one of those Armenian lanterns full of hot oil our sound guy that's what I meant oh yeah this 20 foot boom yeah he had a boom mic

he sure did that was a tense moment I was there for that yeah that was tense I got to be on that part we do a lot of apologizing on these trips yes

to local shoot first apologize later yeah in this case to the baby Jesus sorry sorry deity

well I mean maybe the oil was an offering I don't know but maybe it was also I don't know that much about the bible it wasn't that bad

but also these places are always so or they had closed the place for us so that was nice of them we were like the only people in there at the time weren't we

or at least in that corner yeah I mean it was a big shooting staircase right i remember it being kind of cordoned off or whatever but it wasn't like the whole church gasped just our group gasped right they gasped because it was like oh my god it's coco wexler yeah here in the west bank there was a starbucks that was fun cynthia and i went to yeah there was a guy who had ripped off starbucks and was just running his own Starbucks. It said Bethlehem Starbucks.

It wasn't a real Starbucks. Starbucks Palestine. Right. We're like, I'm so regret. I got you a mug. I regret that I didn't get a mug there. Oh, I got Mike a mug. I have a mug.

And I got a mug. That's nice. And I think we got Conan a mug. Oh. And then I signed it because I knew Conan was a big fan of mine. So I decided. But those places sometimes, I want to go to a place and have it feel like an archeological dig.

Right. And that is just not how places feel that have been around for generations. That shocked me. There is that idea of like, oh, in order to, which is a big part of Catholicism and various versions, you know, whatever Catholicism then became in its many forms.

But that idea of like, we need, oh, we should jazz this up just to let God know we love it and like keep people interested. And that sort of ro-co-co-ness of things. What were you going to say? No, just that that was, you know, editing that show and just figuring out kind of how to navigate that space was really tricky because. Everybody has an opinion. And you're always going to be, I think, wrong no matter what. Yes. Someone's going to be upset. Yes.

No matter what. But just going there is such an awesome. Never mind the travel show that was just going there is such an awesome never mind the travel show but just going there i think nothing feels like jerusalem to me because i feel like the city maybe you didn't i wonder if you felt that way or not because you were working and so you were like so in it but to me i feel like that city like vibrates because so many people are focusing their attention on it at the same time and have all these different ideas about like what it's supposed to be, as you say. And that you can walk around one corner.

I remember I went to use the bathroom and there was a guy who was like in the sort of behind the shops cooking all of the lunches for all of the shopkeepers. So he had almost like a gigantic paella, you know, tin, which just smelled and looked like the most delicious chicken and rice you could have. And I was like, oh, can you buy this? What's it for? And he was like, oh, I cook all the food for all of the shopkeepers. So he was like serving the coming in through the back door and delivering everybody their lunch, basically but that you just have that and then around another corner there's like you know a whole bunch of crazy ladies from columbia that have spent their waited their whole lives to come there and faint you know they just they're just hoping to come there and faint because if they don't faint the trip is is a bust You do put, I mean, it's something you've heard about your whole life.

It is. It's expensive. It's crowded. And you have all these ideas about what it's supposed to be and how it's supposed to look. And it's all the things you're supposed to do, like rub this thing and go put a note into that. Yeah, so there's a lot of- Put a note into that. Come up with a thing. Oh, that was a lot of pressure so there's a lot of- Put a note into that. Come up with a thing.

Oh, that was a lot of pressure. That was a lot of pressure. Whether like, would you like to now put, it's like the ultimate, would you like to blow out your candles? Yeah. What's your one wish? Put your note in there.

J-Lo was there last week and I was dying to know what she put in there. She was criticized. Oh, her blouse was very open. Yes. She was not modest enough for the Western world. But nobody, but I thought that was such a celebrity thing where like her guide or this or that, nobody wanted to be like, um, J-Lo? Yeah.

Just really quick, J-Lo? Even in Tristan. Like J-Lo doesn't have a thousand scarves hanging around that she could throw over. She just needed to be told. Right. It wasn't fair of them to leave her like that. Because of her music. There was a two-pronged criticism.

Oh, was there? I'm kidding. I didn't know if the music cut out during her show. What did you think of, you know, being there with the Conan crew? I loved it. I felt like you really kind of nailed everybody right away, what everyone's personality types were. I don't know how much I'm allowed to say what I'm allowed to say.

I don't want to sow divisiveness. You can always cut it out. You heavily edited this show. All right, well, then tell me specifically what you want to know, and I'll dish. Go ahead. From whatever I can remember. No, I didn't have anything in mind. I had a lot of lovely dinners with Conan.

You did. I felt like everyone else was of lovely dinners with Conan. You did. I felt like everyone else was tired of sitting next to Conan. Yeah. And so my job was to sit next to Conan. And entertain him. Which probably a lot of people in this universe would. I don't know whether I entertained Conan, but I kept talking. I mean.

No, he loves it. He kept asking for you to sit by him. By the way, that could be like the epitaph of my career. Like, I don't know whether I entertained anybody, but I kept talking. That actually is a very accurate description of my whole life. Hopefully someone was minimally entertained in passing. I probably was. That's all that matters.

Sounds like a few Austrians were. Mike Sweeney has traveled with me extensively yeah you guys i know we should have done a disclaimer that you guys are really close friends well i don't know if that's true yeah oh i mean i think it's true but i think mike just much like conan is happy to have a little bit of different company at dinner that would be i i just it's just rotating company. I just love to let you go on and on about how you think I feel about you.

I know, I can tell that that always, I will say this, Mike always, Mike sees me in this world. Like he knows what I'm up to. Like whenever I have like a scheme cooking up where I'm like, I'm going to go have a word with the concierge. Mike already knows like three steps ahead what I'm up to. Yeah.

Well, I benefit. What sort of things are you up to? Whatever it is. Just mischief. It's like, look, we're getting fluffier pillows in our room too. Thanks to Jessica. So are you a real, I'd like to speak with the manager person? No.

Yeah, yes and no. Not for no reason. No. You're 10 steps ahead of the hotel. But you're assertive about it. You like, for friend, you research who owns the hotel and what family and send them blueberry muffins a month before you go. No. So when you come, they're like, oh my God, Miss Jessica.

That's not entirely true. A lot of it is just on the fly, those relationships that I'm forming, Mike. No, of course. But you get good service. But I do like to know. I like to know what is possible. Right. And then if we can have that thing.

Yeah. That's what I would say. It's very impressive because I still feel I don't deserve anything. And you managed to, you managed to figure that out. He's made out okay. Yeah. Well, I hang out with people who care. Your wife, for instance.

Exactly. Who has exquisite taste and is a real blast. In most things. So Mike definitely benefits from being oh yes in chintzy's orbit yes we call her chintzy yes i she is endlessly entertaining the best but i have been i've been to dinners with you where you clearly you know the the owner of the restaurant comes over to talk to us no that guy would talk to everyone in that restaurant okay i know exactly the dinner you're referring to.

And we had already been to that restaurant and were sort of hoping he wasn't going to come over and talk to us again. Yeah, he talked to us for a long time. But he is a person who opened a restaurant so that he could talk to every person in the restaurant. It's probably closed already. I mean, that was, it was like he was just having people over at his house. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. But I did have two pupils that were from Saudi Arabia who I would teach every year, and they were girls.

Oh, wow. And they were the most wonderful girls. So you were actually, when you say teach, you were actually teaching them? So I would have a couple of private students. Teaching them English? Yes. How did you know how to do that? Well, I didn't really, but they have books and they were, you know, there's like workbooks that you're doing with them. Oh.

Thinking back on it, they spoke very, they spoke like, they probably had like British nannies and spoke perfect English. Oh. Pretty much. They were correcting you. But it was really cool because their brother was coming over to go to Georgetown maybe. And then there were these two girls. And they could have just been like, yeah, okay. You guys are just going to like lay around all summer.

You know, like you're not going to lay around all summer. You're not going to get to do anything. Right. And their parents were wonderful. Their mother was so beautiful. So she would wear a hijab, but she wouldn't wear a burqa. But really, she would wear just beautiful fabric head coverings and stuff. And she was so beautiful. And then at the end of the summer, they would say, we want to take you to the Bay tower room or whatever the fanciest

restaurant is in Boston that looks out onto the city and, and thank you for this wonderful summer. Um, and I would, and I always said, actually, if it's okay with you, I would like to come to your home. Like they said, or the girls can cook for you if you want. Oh, yeah. And so I was like, I would love to do that if we could. And they would always rent like a townhouse in Boston and bring, you know, like a full staff and whatever. And then, so in the house, the mother would not wear her veil. And she was like, just even more beautiful not wear her veil and she was like just even more

beautiful than i mean she was so stunning but in such a like lovely person but these girls were getting this great education and spoke beautiful english and i believe they would just be there for the summer yeah because they they would come for the summer because they wanted them to. I think part of it is that Boston is such a like university town. Right. And full of, you know, culture and museums. And they just wanted them to kind of soak that in. Right. And I think they ended up going to college in, not Boston, but in America.

Uh-huh. They're probably on Facebook. But they were like the loveliest girls. I know. It's funny. I always think about looking them up on Facebook, and then I don't. I don't know why. Because I kind of, I don't know.

It feels. They burnt the meal. No. Oh, they were the loveliest girls. I loved. And they used to write me letters, and I would write back to them. But I think that my letters weren't, they wouldn't go through. Oh, no.

Because I would sometimes, I got a couple letters that were like, you know, I'm starting to think you're never going to write back. Oh, no. But this was pre-email. And obviously the Saudi government is a little, you know, I wasn't like sending them nudie pictures or anything. No, but they might have been. But I think they were looking through their mail.

My brother-in-law. It broke my heart. My brother-in-law worked in Saudi Arabia for a while. Oh, really? And he did not enjoy staying there. And he'd watch TV at night and Little Shop. Little Shop of Horrors? No, no.

Little House of the Prairie would be on TV. And it would be heavily. It would just go to black. Oh, they would like bleep it visually? What could you take out of it? Exactly. Yeah, they would bleep it visually. He couldn't believe.

Maybe if a woman was running. Angles visible. Or a woman running down a hill or something. There was always a lot of like running after someone in a field. Maybe that's what it was. That would trigger it. A bouncing, a heaving bosom. Yeah.

Yeah. I've never been more grateful. We sort of had discussed doing a travel show in Saudi Arabia. Yes. Right before Jamal Khashoggi. And that was my, that. Well, I was there for that too, Mike. I thought it was a year ago.

And I thought. Remember when we were at the. Yes, I remember that. When Mike got the call where they were really pressuring him to take this gig. They knew they were going to have damage control. That's right. They sent a nice

invitation and I think everyone else at work just dismissed it. They were like, oh, well, we wouldn't even consider it. And I was like, well, wait a minute. You know, there's all this Right, they're like opening movie we wouldn't even consider it and i was like well wait a minute uh you know there's all this they're like opening movie theaters women can drive women can drive it might be it would be it would be fascinating it would be it could be really interesting and fascinating go and dismember a journalist well yeah yeah well they haven't found the body in fairness in fairness he may have just he may be like that guy at that um grocery store

that fell behind the walk-in freezer 18 years ago did you read that story two weeks ago oh that's your kind of story like yeah i'm surprised we've been on hiatus there was a guy oh have you yeah is this your first show back oh i mean oh you mean yeah. There was a guy in, I don't know where, Pennsylvania or New Jersey or somewhere. Let's say New Jersey. Who, he was like an 18-year-old kid who worked at a grocery store. And he got in a fight with his dad one night and left the house and never came back again. And the grocery store was like a Food for Less or one of these. Not a, it wasn't a Gelson's.

No. Or a Whole Foods. No. Even a Whole Foods 360. We understand what you're saying. I guess it had gone into like receivership and then bankruptcy and then it had sat abandoned for a couple of years. And now somebody was taking over the space and making something new and they moved the walk-in and he was behind he was in a space behind the walk-in and uh like an 18 inch

like like when you drop a pen how did he get why did he go back i guess okay the somebody who worked there at the time and this was like 20 years ago, remembered that sometimes they would keep things on top of the fridge and that people would crawl up there to get paper towels. Oh, I was thinking like paper towels. You know, something that you're like, we need to store this and that's where he was.

So maybe that's where Jamal Khashoggi is. That doesn't make sense. Maybe he's behind a walk-in freezer at the Saudi embassy. Yeah, and they'll find him years from now. I'm sure they will. Well, anyway, we decided not to go. Yes, thankfully. Yes.

Well, I'm sure it would have been fascinating if only, I don't know if it would have been a good show. I don't know that we would have had any freedom. It would have been very heavily, it would be propaganda. The experience would have been fascinating. I don't know if it would have made for a good show. I want to say we decided not to go before all the crazy news. Yes, we did. And they were kind of pushing back and going, hey, come on.

You were interested. Do it, do it, do it. And then that murder happened. And they stopped calling. They go to the studio. Even they were like, maybe we'll back off for a few months. Well, they were busy tending to other PR nightmares. Yes.

They had other priorities. Yeah. I know. I like to think maybe they were going to test out some methods on Conan. You were hoping? Well, no, I wasn't hoping. I just enjoy thinking that.

It was like, how can you effectively dispose of a body? I have to say, I've never seen relentless energy in the way, for a bit. Like, not a bit, but so, okay, I'm a comedian of a certain stripe

um and i love performing and i love getting a laugh and all that stuff but conan is like unbelievable to watch in the sense that i can't believe he's not at the end of the day every day he must just drop into bed and like his writer brain is going at the same time that his his writer editor brain yeah at the same time that his performing brain is happening it's yeah it is it is like watching an unbelievable computer like a beautiful funny well beautiful and i don't want to i don't want to i don't i want to, I don't, I guess, you know, my type now, seven foot carrots are my type, but, um, no, like it's a beautiful thing to watch. It's like unbelievable. And to have to also support and keep up and feed and like, it's such a highly

collaborative thing that you guys do on those shows and it's constantly changing in the moment it is pretty amazing to watch i have to say like i can't believe you don't just i'm sure you do want to just walk away but it's almost meaning like halfway through the day you're like i gotta go anywhere now for two hours and power down and like but you it's almost like you guys are on stage performing for that whole five days or that whole whatever comic-con probably feels that way too but you just like you're in it and it is pretty amazing to watch how your team does that yeah i mean you know what else is really intense is is is when you're out with a camera crew and people just run up and start talking to Conan. Oh.

And then. It's scary. I always feel bad because we have to wheel on the crew and go, are you shooting this? And they're like, no. We just sat down to lunch. Exactly. And then it's like, well, you got to shoot it, you know? And some, I think in Haiti, Aaron Blair, who was there, like the camera guys had just broken down after talking to these school kids. But then Conan was just trying to sit in a van and kind of chill.

And this group of kids came up and just started talking to him. And one of them was amazing. Yeah. And we just started shooting it with iPhones. Oh, I remember her. Yeah. She was very cool. We shot it with iPhones until one of the camera guys could join in. And it's just, so there's moments like that that happen all the time.

And then even that. But he's also creating. So those moments are happening spontaneously. And then there's the stuff that you guys have written and are rewriting all the time and saying, like, we're going to go out and try and do some version of this thing today. And then you guys are also constantly locked in and engaged in what's happening. Right. And like feeding lines. Like, I don't even know how you decide. I mean, I guess the answer is you just can't get everything. No. But it's like every day is exhilarating and disappointing at the same time. Because you're like, oh, we should have got that thing. If only, yeah.

Or we shouldn't have got this thing. We should have spent time on this other thing. But the edit process must just be a bear. No, it's just kind of like winnowing down. Yeah. Like, you always have too much stuff. You're spoiled for choice. You're spoiled for choice. of like winnowing down. Yeah. You always have too much stuff. Giant piece of wood and then you whittle down. I really think you just take this big stew and you just cook it down.

And then we just keep going through versions of it and chopping it down. So the key is I think you don't want to lose anything good. Yeah. So you throw in as much as possible with each pass. And then it kind of just breaks. And then it starts knitting together and you make connections. Oh, this section goes well with this other section. So you don't really have to roadmap it.

The threads present themselves. I think so. The marble tells us where to cut. But you guys also do an incredible amount of research ahead of time and say like, oh, these are the things that are going on in this country or in this society or in this city or that this place

is known for. Right. And so those things... We don't look at the Goop guides. No. But those things sew themselves together too. Right. Which is what's so cool about traveling too when you're like, oh, we went to this place, and then that's connected to this other thing that we saw. And then that, oh, okay, so this is the place for that person from this. You know, like it all kind of presents itself to you.

Yeah. I mean, there's travel magic that takes place, I think, on every— And then with ideas, it's like we were going to Armenia and we pitched some idea and they said, oh, yeah, we went there with the Kardashians. And we're just like, okay, let's not do that idea. We were scooped by the Kardashians yet again. Yeah. Though they only went for four minutes. Yeah.

And got in and out of an SUV. I always think that's so, actually, that's another thing that's pretty cool about Conan is that he, it's not, obviously, on camera, you have your security and you want to go to these places, but he likes to be with the people. And I feel like there's so many celebrities that have access. You think they have this, like, incredibly interesting, glamorous life where they are okay j-lo's on tour we were talking about that but truly like so she's in tel aviv and then she's in shanghai and then she's in this place and then she's in that place and a lot of times all those trips are is the hotel

and dinner in the hotel or maybe dinner at one one place in the town that people said or at nobu you can go to nobu because they're they know how to handle you and your party and they know your order and they know and like but truly like you think these people are world travelers but as you become more famous on that level you can't just go outside or you won't. And Conan will. Jessica Chaffin, thank you so much for being here. I hope you like the models.

We'll talk to you again and we'll get into some. You'll never talk to me again. You won't. Unless, unless you hope. He's not even personal. Unless hopefully you accidentally hit delete on this. Cause I feel like this was all a warmup for how you're supposed to do it. Right. You do it're supposed to do it right

you're a permanent new guest you do it all wrong to do it right kind of thing yeah I think you're just the third host now

yes exactly yeah yeah yeah little pixel no this is great okay well thanks for having me thank you

thank you love you guys bye love you Inside Conan an important Hollywood podcast is hosted by Mike Sweeney Love you guys. Bye. Love you. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jesse Gaskell. Produced by Kevin Bartelt. Engineered by Will Beckton.

Mixed by Ryan Connor. Supervising producer is Aaron Blair. Associate producer, Jen Samples. Executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross. And Team Coco. Thank you. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best. Ta-da! This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.