Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Jimmy Pardo Revisits the Last CONAN Shows at Largo and His Classic Behind the Scenes Series Pardo Patrol

Episode Date: June 14, 2023

Comedian Jimmy Pardo joins Mike and Jessie to discuss the synchronicity of doing warmup for the first Tonight Show at Universal Studios and the Last CONAN show at Largo and the thrill of welcoming comedy greats like Martin Short on his behind the scenes remote series Pardo Patrol. Plus the three delve deep into their pasts to relive their worst run-ins with school bullies.Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] or e-mail us at [e-mail]. 

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hello and welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Did that have gravitas when I said it? Yeah, yes. Yes, it did. I that have gravitas when I said it? Yeah, yes. Yes, it did. I have more gravitas. I was slouching and now I sat up straight. You sat right up, yeah.

Oh my gosh. Picked right up. We're your hosts. I'm Jesse Gaskell and you're Mike Sweeney. Yes, I'm Mike Sweeney. And we're writers for Conan and we host this podcast. So that dovetails nicely. In that order. This season, I're writers for Conan and we host his podcast. So that dovetails nicely because this season of Inside Conan, our 28th season, we're talking about Conan on the road, Conan outside the studio. Outside Conan.

Outside Conan. Yeah, we're talking about Conan on the road, remotes he did when he traveled. Yes. And we've been talking to some of our guests who did remotes with Conan or maybe did things for the show on their own. Right. And one of those people is our guest today, Jimmy Pardo. Jimmy Pardo, who's a hilarious comedian. He is so funny. And he's had a podcast for, I think, since before the internet was invented.

Yes. He is considered one of the podcast for, I think, since before the internet was invented. Yes. He's considered one of the podcast pioneers. He is, yeah. Never Not Funny is the name of his podcast. We could have learned a lot from him if we'd bothered. That's true. To try. Including the Never Not Funny part.

We love Jimmy. And we also talked to him because he warmed up our audience at Warner Brothers and also back at the Tonight Show at Universal. And then when Conan would travel, Jimmy would come with us and warm up the crowds around the road, which he loved doing. And of course, we loved having him. Yeah, warming up is a real art. I mean, there's so many different ways to do it. There are many ways to do it. And I don't know if you've ever been to do it. There are many ways to do it. And I

don't know if you've ever been to a sitcom taping in LA. Once. Yeah. I think I went once too. It's really long and they're trying to keep the audience engaged. It's so unnatural in all ways. I'm amazed at when, you know, a scene gets busted or something goes wrong, or they just want to get, try different lines, they get the audience revved up to watch the exact same thing again. The same thing again, and to laugh at the same spot. Which is so, like, that, I don't, that's not natural. I know. It doesn't work that way.

I would always tell people when they'd come to Conan tapings, like, it's, you're taping, and you could cut something out conceivably, but not very much gets cut out. So, it's really about an hour. If the show's an hour, the taping's about an hour. Oh, yeah. The Conan show was, like, Jeff Ross was very proud of, like, and Conan, too, of, like, let's run this to time. Yeah. I mean, sometimes things would spill over, let's run this to time. Yeah. I mean, sometimes things would spill over and we'd have to trim it down.

But pretty much what I mean by tape it to time, exactly. Like if you went an hour and five minutes, there's no big breaks in between. Yeah. Like the commercial breaks would be like literally two minutes and then go. And we would never, that I remember, record something twice. It was... No. You record it the first time and if there's a mistake, that goes in the show.

Well, and often, I mean, you know, Conan delighted in the mistakes. Yes. Because those would often be the biggest... They'd be often more memorable than anything else going on. Right. Yeah, so the idea of like, oh, let's do it again and get this line right, that would never happen. We, once in a while, we would shoot a pickup. They're called pickups after the show.

If it was critical or like if we were cutting, if something didn't, if a comedy, like sometimes we do things with several bits or beats in a comedy piece. And sometimes like we'd be like, oh, you know, we're going to cut that part out. Yeah. We need to get from A to C. But usually you can figure that out in editing without shooting a pickup. This is very rare. Yeah. Yeah.

But sitcoms. It's the opposite. Yeah, it's very different. And I think they want all those different choices, perhaps. Have I told you about how I had to do warmup for the LA Festival of Books? This might ring a bell. One year I got asked to do warmup for the, there was a comedy stage At the LA Festival of Books Which I've been to

At USC, yeah Yes And it was Not the comedy thing The book festival Yeah And so they had a lineup all day Of comedy books

Okay It was, you know I think it was like Chelsea Handler and Nia Vardalos Uh-huh, uh-huh Those types Sure And they'd written books Right And I had to go out in between like Chelsea Handler and Nia Vardalos and those types. Sure.

And they'd written books. Right. And I had to go out in between the authors and get the crowd warmed up. And, you know, people are, it was like a quad too. It was a giant open air space and it was huge. And the crowds are very transient there. Yes. And so people are wandering in and out. People are going from one end of the quad to another book event on the other end of the quad.

Yes. Was there a crowd there even? Like, I mean, man. You know, at the most, there would probably be 50 people hanging out. Wow. But I don't even know if they were listening to me. Some of them were picnicking. I don't know.

That's brutal. I felt like I was, like it was non-consensual warmup. Like I was warming up at them. Yes. And they weren't asking for it. Then no one, someone who was working on that festival was like, comedy books. Right. Let's make it a comedy gig.

Let's do stand-up. Yes. And you know, it sounded good on paper. And it's just like, oh my God. People going to a comedy gig. And, you know, it sounded good on paper. And it's just like, oh, my God. People going to a book festival. Like, comedy crowds that are there for comedy are bad enough. Right. Often.

Yeah, yeah. But let's win over these book nerds. Right. With comedy, stand-up comedy. Exactly. Oh, man, that's rough. Well, also, outdoor comedy gigs are notoriously hard to do. That's like a comedy rule number one.

Yes, don't do outdoor gigs. But especially don't do them at a book festival. I know. Well, I learned my lesson. I also never got asked back. Well, I'm sure. They must have not. They must have stopped doing that. They stopped, probably stopped doing it. Nothing to do with you is just not the best idea for a book festival.

Yeah. There's some places stand-up should not. I agree. Yeah. One of my favorite ones was in New Jersey and it was a, they Jersey. And it was a sports bar. But they were like, yeah, we're going to have comedy tonight. And there was a Yankee game on the giant screen. And it went into extra innings. And I think it was near, like, in the fall, like a pennant race time. And you had to try to compete with them. Well, no, no.

That might have been better. and and you had to try to compete with well the owner no no that that might have been better but the owner's like gets on microphone and goes alright folks time for comedy and hits the button

and you just see the screen go up and everyone's like wait what thanks for ratings and they're like okay

here's your host Mike Sweeney oh god yeah just how many pint glasses were thrown at you it was great Thanks for the ratings. And they're like, okay, here's your host, Mike Sweeney. Oh, God. Yeah. Just how many pint glasses were thrown at you. It was great. Warming up is a joy. No one knows that better than Jimmy Pardo.

We just warmed up for this interview with Jimmy Pardo. Yeah. He's hilarious. He's so funny. He is hilarious. It was so much fun talking to him. And we got to talk to him, too, about the remotes that he did for Conan. Because he, well, starting at the Tonight Show, did a few remotes.

Yes. And then also would do a show in the Green Room called Pardo Patrol. Yeah. Where he talked to some of the biggest celebrities that came on the show. Yeah. And I hadn't watched those in years. They're really funny. Yeah, they're great.

And the ones we talked about are on YouTube, so you can watch them. You can watch them after you listen to our interview with Jimmy Pardo. Hello, Jimmy Pardo. Welcome back to Inside Code. It is a pleasure to be back. Thank you. This is our rope-a-dope technique. We don't talk for 20 minutes.

And then you spill your worst secrets. Then we don't talk another 20. Yeah, you just spill your gut. I don't even know what my worst secret would be. Right. Oh, you don't have any? Oh, I'm sure I do, but I don't know. But I don't know what would be like salacious or...

I don't know. It's better to not have it at the tip of your tongue because you might let it slip by accident. Yeah. I think I'm a pretty open book. So I think there's not a lot of secrets. There's not a lot of skeletons in my closet. I believe that. I believe that about you. You'd have to probably go way back to like

middle school or something. Secrets from them? Yeah. Them. No, I was the bullied. I was the, I was on the other side. I got no secrets. I thought you were going to say you were the bully. No, I was the bullied. I was the, I was on the other side of it. I got no secrets. I know. I thought you were going to say

you were the bully. No, no, sir. I was the bullied. Okay. Yeah, that's why you went into comedy. Yeah, I was a tiny guy who got made fun of because I didn't throw a football

like other people. So you saved yourself with your acerbic wit, I assume, even at that young age. I would use, I would. Didn't you win them over?

This is what I would say. We love this guy. I would go, why do you want to beat me up you know you can and they would go oh yeah I do know I can and then while they were

trying to do that math in their head I would run like the worst that I am you'd tie their laces together yeah oh look there's math and then

oh butterfly do you have do you remember one particular Jerry O'Connor Jerry O'Connor I thought you were asking about a name.

For me, it was Ray Janovick. Oh, Janovick. Now, do you ever run into him as an adult? I googled him a few years ago. He's dead. Do we know how he died, Janovick? He died in a car accident. His brakes were cut.

They might have been. I think he had been left back four times. Oh, my God. And went around and beat kids up and was really good at it. He was a master. But I want to hear about your bullying. Well, I don't know if that's necessary. But here's the weird part about that.

You brought up his name. Is he still alive? Where are you? Maybe he was in the accident with Ray Janiv. What's interesting is there was another kid that would be a bit of a bully. And he also died in a car accident. That kid's name

was Brian O'Brien. Well, he had to be. He was angry at his mother and father for naming him that. He was Brian O'Brien Jr. Jr.

Yeah, they passed that down. B-O-B. I grew up with a lot of O'Donnells, a lot of O'Connors, a lot of O'Briens. A lot of Irish.

A lot of Catholic Irish. That was in Chicago? Yeah, south suburbs of Chicago, a place called Hometown. You should have grew up where I grew up. All the Irish. Wait, your hometown is called Hometown? Yes, it was built for, I want to say, the Korean War veterans.

They were duplexes, and so each house was only 900 square feet, which I believe is the size of this room. That was our house. And with one less microphone. I was always, I had a Mr. Microphone, you know that. So I would walk around and tell my mom I'd pick her up later. It's a reference to a commercial. Jerry was, to add, Jerry, I think in retrospect,

a lot of people that I grew up with also have experience of, like if we have a reunion, I think the thing is, is Jerry going to be there? And I'm like, well, we're in our 50s. We could handle it. Everybody hates. And nobody would want him there. Yeah, yeah.

He came to a couple of my shows and he trapped. And it just was weird. And it was like, dude, you were just a, you know, I don't know what kind of language I could use on this program,

but. Anything. Anything. Especially bully when it's bully. Unpleasant is the word I was looking for. Is that okay, you guys? Yeah.

He was just a dick he was a dick he made sixth grade and seventh grade a nightmare for me and many others and then you know he came to some shows

and hey man just go down you're doing what you love oh really he acted normal you're doing what you love I was like boom I love you I did this

because you kicked me in the butt on a daily basis he wanted to cut cut to the process maybe that's what it was I think so you You're welcome. You're welcome that I made your life hell

for 24 months. Scram. Did that make you nervous when you knew he was going to be at your shows? You know what's interesting about that, Jesse? It's funny you say that

because one time I ran into him on the golf course and I was with my dad and they happened to be the foursome behind us, Jerry O'Connor and whatever group he was with.

Oh, they were behind you. Even worse. And so they come up and they meet us on the tee. And he goes, Jim Pardo? And I said, yeah. And I was like, oh, shit, this idiot. And I go, hey, man, good to see you. And I said, how'd you do on the front nine?

And he said, oh, I did a shot at 46. And to this day, he had sycophantic friends. No, no, Jerry, it was a 43. You did better than you think, Jerry. Everything's good, Jerry. Still a bully. Yeah, he had sycophantic friends. No, no, Jerry was a 43. You did better than you think, Jerry. Everything's good, Jerry. Oh, boy. Still a bully. Yeah, he's still a bully.

And so much so, these guys are afraid to say, they're telling him what score he got. And so then I have to get up on the tee and hit my golf shot. And of course, what do I do? The ball goes about seven feet. Yeah. I was like, son of a bitch. I'm a man.

Yeah. And this guy shows up and I still like can't drive it. So did he shit on you for the seven footer? Or had he lost his fastball? I think he lost interest by that point. And he was probably looking at his scorecard and yelling at his minions. Yeah. So he can suck it.

Yeah. Maybe he's a nice man now I don't know it doesn't matter it's okay you don't have to forgive him Ray Janovick once was

he I was in a class with some friends of his it was the last period and he was so sadistic he was so good at it that he came by the door was open

and he he didn't look at me he looked right past me to his friend who was sitting right next to me and just smashed his fist into his hand. He just goes to his friend.

He goes, Sweeney, after school. Oh, no. And then just walked away. And so I did the natural thing. Luckily, we were on the first floor. You left school early? I left through the window. Like everyone else went out.

I was like, I just wear my books or I think I left something over here. Why would you attend your own beating and be on time for it? So you're saying three o'clock after that? I'll be there. And I was like Chief Bromden at the end of one floor. I was just running into the news because I Because I walked home, so I just ran. Yeah. Yeah, I just ran.

It's funny. I would have said Papillon. I was like, Papillon running through the field. I remember the original Papillon. Remember they escape and then they run through a field. Oh, right. So my version of that would have been, and then I went through a window and I ran like Papillon through the field.

Right, right, right. So we both use old references is my point. Yeah, yeah. I thought mine was fine. Well, I'm not saying- You wanted to go back. No, no. I. So we both use old references is my point. Yeah, yeah. I thought mine was fine. Well, I'm not saying- You wanted to go back. No, no. I wanted to tell you my version of it because I thought, I think it's neat.

We both have nice references. Did you ever run like that from a- Yes, of course. Yeah, okay. Yes. Oh, you mentioned that earlier. From Jerry. And then there was a kid named Dean Pusateri who, guess what his nickname was?

Oh my God. Guess what we call him? Terry. And he didn't care for it. No one went for the puss. Well, I missed the opportunity for all those sixth graders. Now, in fairness to Dean, he was on the basketball squad and I was not. So, I sat to the side and decided to heckle Dean and go, nice shot, pussy Terry.

Let's say 4,000 times. And afterwards. So, he's talking about you000 times. And afterwards. So he's talking about you on a podcast right now. You're his bully. I knew you were the bully. I knew you were the bully. I was the taunter. You know what it was?

It was me trying to fit in with the guys I was with. It was really, they probably were doing it. And then I was like, oh yeah, I'm going to do that too. Yeah, yeah. And then he didn't have any interest

in kicking the shit out of them. He had an interest at three foot seven Jimmy Pardo. And so then, and this is embarrassing. So I'm walking home from the ballgame with my girlfriend, Lisa, who was one of the cheerleaders. You had a girlfriend? Yeah, you had a cheerleader girlfriend. Fuck you. You were the ballgame.

Lisa spelled L-E-S-A. So did I really win? Yeah, nevermind. A couple of billies. So I'm walking home with her, arm in arm, you know, my bodyguard, late 70s style.

And I turned the corner and there's Dean and he's like, let's do this. And I'm like, oh boy. And so then I'm like, I try to use my brain.

Why would you bother? You know what you can. And then Dean's not falling for it. And then a guy named Bill Schrag, who was an eighth grader, but looked like he was 27, one of those guys. Yeah, yeah. He comes and he goes, what are you doing?

You picking on Jim? And Dean's like, no, no, Bill. He goes, yeah, it looks like you're picking on Jim. And then Dean got the shit kicked out of him by Bill. Oh, my God. And then I proudly put my arm around Lisa and walk home. And in reality, what was I proud about? I didn't do anything.

I was emasculated. I had a bigger guy defend me. I did nothing. You didn't get your ass kicked though. But that's, but then I put my arm around her. Let's go home, honey. Like a loser.

But you had a guy who looked 28. Bill Schrag. Bill Schrag. And who was kind of a, I mentioned the movie, My Bodyguard. He kind of was like that guy to me. Like he looked out for me and he would protect me if somebody wanted to beat me up.

You had a charmed life. No, I did not. I most certainly did not. All I'm hearing is girlfriend, protector. While you scream at the other, call a guy the Pussy Valenti or whatever his name was. Pussy Terry, Dean Pussy Terry. 4,000 times. I would say one too many.

You were the monster of Homeland or whatever town this was. Hometown. Hometown. My hometown was Hometown. Hometown Chicago. Hometown Chicago. Hometown Illinois. Bullied, Jessie?

Oh, I was bullied in fourth grade. Oh, I have to tell you what happened to my bully. So, and it was like, it was mild. I mean, she would just like kick me or trip me you know like every time we went out to recess but uh she her sister her younger sister was kidnapped oh no jesus off of a school bus what that year that year why do we bring this up on a comedy program because i was furious because then for the rest of the year, the school was, I mean, she was fine. The girl was recovered.

She was recovered. They found her. It was like they paid a ransom and they got her back. Wait, what? They paid a ransom? Yes. Do you know what the ransom was? Yes.

Really? I don't know how much it was. I don't know. I wasn't aware of that kind of thing. Do you think it was $25? I don't think so. This was in Guatemala, by the way. Wait, this was in Guatemala in kidnapping?

Yes. It was in Guatemala in kidnapping way a Guatemalan kidnapping yes it was a Guatemalan kidnapping but it was like it was somewhat common like if if there were diplomats kids like might get kidnapped sometimes

and they would then be ransomed but my bully was had the sympathy of the entire school for the entire year

and it was everyone just kept it was like I kept having to go to these vigils like for her, before her sister got returned home.

And it was, it just got so much fucking attention for it. Was there any conversation that you had done it? Did that come up at all? Like, oh,

the girl that's on her knees all the time, maybe we should look into her. Because she got tripped. I want to be clear. The school bus. Yeah. Oh, I wish I could have worked

in a place like that. You don't have a ballpark? You have no ballpark on what it would cost to take- How much? Yeah, the ransom. That's a really good, it's a great question.

I mean, American dollars in the early 90s? I don't know. I mean, it was maybe $100,000. I don't know. Like, how much are we- $100,000.

That seems like a lot of money. For a kid? Yes. That seems high. But if your wife is still able to have more, give you, give more, make more children. Save the money. Save the money. Yeah, Mike's got it.

And make more kids. Yeah. You know what? Call their bluff. Yeah. Call their bluff. Absolutely. Because they don't want a kid.

They don't want to take care of a kid. And they don't want to kill the kid either. No. Because that's. Not, not, not. Why do I know that? That's messy. Yeah.

Why have I made a decision on this? Weird. What a weird choice I made. You are the kidnapper. I love Guatemala. Only during the school year. I get out of there during the summer. I come back to the States.

It's just, you know, it's easy money. I got a nice place down there. It's easy money. I got a place down there with five bedrooms. Yeah. Plenty of room. Four nurseries. Are those two? Easy peasy. Yeah. Plenty of room. Four nurseries. Are those two? Easy peasy.

Fun. Jimmy, welcome back to Inside Conan. Good to have you. Has the program changed? Do you not talk about your show anymore? It's all about true crime. True bully crime. Sure. It would probably do better if it was. Where's my bully now? That's not a bad topic.

That's not a bad topic. It's not. Look at this. Our producer and engineer are like, what? I wrote some bullet points for you guys. There's some bullet points here. I don't see bully. Look at the notes. Look at the notes, please.

Oh, it's two pages and we haven't covered napping. Bullet points. I thought it was bully points. Yeah. Oh my God, you're not wrong. This week's bully points.

Bully points. Oh my God, this is, it's all coming together, guys. It's coming together. yeah oh my god you're not wrong on this week's bully points bully points oh my god this is it's all coming together guys it's coming together we wanted to have you on Jimmy

because you did some remotes for Conan sure I did in those years when you I mean first of all we should

we should go back if people haven't listened to your first interview with us we talked a lot about you opening for Conan yes

for many many years yeah you warmed up I was the warm-up for, what, since day one of The Tonight Show. I did the seven months over there, and then I joined back up with TBS for I guess it was seven years over

there, and then I had to miss a couple of days because I had my own TV show on Science Channel, and then they got Gary Cannon to come in and throw t-shirts at people and apparently thought that was more appealing. Hey, the audience has changed. Let's give them candy. Uh-huh.

What about Pardo? He's pretty funny. I'd rather just have the guy do a dance contest, boss. Yeah. I like hearing the song I Like Big Butts every day. Yeah, in 2018.

Yes, it was 2018. Well, that is what happened. Everything comes around again. He's a nice man, Gary Cannon. I'm making fun of him really just for this bit. Well, you shouldn't have done your own show for three days. That was the mistake was me getting hired to host my own program. You're on TV.

You shouldn't have had ambition. I think O'Brien goes like, uh-oh. Did he step out? He's going to get his own show? Cut him loose. Yeah. Bring in the hack. No, he doesn't respond well to...

People? Yeah. But you did, I mean, during those years that you were... You could help too. Who, me? No. He likes seeing the... He just likes laughing.

I do enjoy laughing very much. Guilty as charged. I enjoy a good laugh as much as anyone. That is all true. And you uniquely, that's the only show you did. Is this? Hang on. Hang on.

This is the help you were looking for? And you, yeah. So you warmed up. Yeah. So you warmed up. Yeah. So what she said then. Are you going to repeat what you said? Oh, man. Oh, man.

No, you warmed up. You did actual comedy before the show, which was nice. Yes. Very funny. I did. That's a choice that some people like to make. To do comedy as opposed to parlor games? I did, but you know what?

We've talked about it before. The audiences were changing for Conan. They were no longer the sycophantic Team Coco folks. They were more the tourists that were in town and vacationing. And available during the day. At Warner Brothers. And it was like, oh, we didn't get tickets for this, this, this. Let's see this.

And look, it was the right call. I say all this with humor. It was tough. And look, it was the right call. I'm not, I say all this with humor. It was, it was, it was tough. Yeah, no, I know. I was grateful to get my own show. It was time for me to move on. And, you know, here we are today talking about it. Yeah.

Gary, Gary Cannon's in Hawaii. Yeah. Well, you were, you were a big part of, all I'm trying to say is you were a big part of the show for a long time. Yes. And you were a personality that people wanted. Writers, I know, wanted to write you into things.

And some of those things, I know you did a very funny remote where you went to an autograph convention. Yes. Do you remember how that came about? Sure. It was, you know, my father-in-law is Walter Koenig, who is Chekhov on the original Star Trek. And so he does those conventions on a regular basis. And, you know, you show up and he's got a line of 300 people waiting to meet him. And admittedly, my ego is like—

And they make a lot of cash at those things, too. They make a couple of bucks. But my ego was like, boy, that'd be cool to do. Ransom money. And I was like, what if my son ever gets taken off a bus? I better have people prepare with some dough. So I was in my head like, you know, but nobody knows who you are, dude. You can't, because you can rent one of those tables for like $100.

Oh, yeah. And then sell your autograph eight by tens or whatever. And they're like, yeah, but nobody knows you. You're going to lose $100. And I was like, but part of me was like, yeah, but wouldn't it be fun? And so I was just talking about it with Todd Levin about how— One of the writers. One of the writers.

And how funny it would be, like, if we just set up a table and had Jimmy Pardo there. And then we were like, yeah, but what's the conceit? Why is it—it can't just be comedian Jimmy Pardo. And then we came up with the idea that I was a cast member of Baywatch called Metal Detector Mike, who doesn't exist. Yeah. And so we made, you know, the great prop department at Conan made the banner, Metal Detector Mike, with the thing. We made the headshots of me holding my metal detector.

And Photoshopped you into production stills. Yes. Like really realistic looking. Maybe too realistic looking, actually. And so then that was the premise. And we pitched it and Mike thought it was a great idea and so we went there

and they told us to get there at some ungodly early hour even though the thing didn't open at like noon. Like all the traffic like it gets

like the traffic of the people coming to get autographs would come there around noon but they told us to get there like at nine.

So the dummies were professionals. We get there at nine and so from nine to like noon there's four people mingling around and this looks like a bust. Like, what a swing and a miss

with this idea for a remote. And I'm embarrassed. And I'm on mic talking to Todd going, this is just me and my buddies just going with a camera down on Hollywood and Highland. This is embarrassing. We got a crew, we got releases.

This is awful. Now I have to apologize to them all individually. I know, it was horrible. Like, all I'm thinking about is like, I'm going to get in the van and go, listen, Jason, I'm real sorry

I brought everybody out here and hey, camera guys, I'm sorry I've ruined your Saturday. Oh, it was on a Saturday too. Oh, no. Sure. And then at noon, boom.

It places, it's jammed with people and everybody, there's, you know, my table was next to, I was in between Mickey, I'm sorry, Davy Jones of the Monkees. He's passed away. Davy table was next to, I was in between Mickey, I'm sorry, Davy Jones, formerly of the Monkees,

he's passed away. Davy Jones was on my left, on my right, and Martin Landau was on my left. Mickey Dolenz. Davy was the only monkey on site. Okay.

So it's Martin Landau, me, Davy Jones. Martin Landau. Martin Landau, like this amazing actor. He's a big star. And they both had plenty

of room for their lines in front of my lack of lines. So people would come up to me, my table, and they would go, oh, yeah, of course. Which made me feel awful. Oh, right. So the whole premise is, I'm this. Because they're your

prankster. I'm a prankster. And that wasn't the premise. The premise was, I don't even know what the premise was, I'm this- Because now you're a prankster. I'm a prankster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that wasn't the premise. The premise was- Oh. I don't even know what the premise was, but I was supposed to be the butt of the joke. And it turned out they were, and it wasn't working. Like, it just- So we had to find our way to, you know, luckily Todd Levin beautifully edited it and found the funny. It's really funny.

It is really funny. But sitting there, it's like, I'm just lying to these people. And one guy is like, oh man, remember your episode when blah, blah, blah was so funny. I'm like, oh, thanks, man. I really appreciate that. It's real nice. And then he pays $25 for an autograph and then I'd be like, oh man.

Then it's like, I got to chase this guy down and give him his money back. Like all of it. One woman, this is true, one woman, I had to, her husband came up to me and said, she's in tears because she really thought you were on that show. And I had to go and console her. Oh my God. Yeah.

She was crying. She was crying. Because she was so embarrassed that she bought my headshot. And then it turned out like she's- And then did she Google it afterward? Or how did she Google it afterward or how how did she find out you weren't

I truly don't know and then it turned out she recognized me from television and just didn't put she just thought it was that

yeah there's plenty of people where it's like I don't know where I know them from but she wasn't crying because she was at a Baywatch convention

it was not a Baywatch convention it was all celebrities oh okay all celebrities oh I thought it was just Baywatch no why would why would a Baywatch convention. It was all celebrities. Oh, okay. All celebrities. Oh, I thought it was just Baywatch. No, why would Davy Jones and Martin Landau be there? I thought maybe, I never watched Baywatch. I thought the monkeys did tons of stuff on the beach.

There would be so many people there. Oh, Martin Landau, right. He wouldn't technically be in there. He's not doing Baywatch. But I don't know. He's not doing Baywatch. He might have wanted to do Baywatch. Walter Koenig was never on Baywatch.

Walter Koenig didn't do it. I bet you Davey Jones may have. He may have appeared like as a DJ or something. Oh yeah. My running joke with Davey Jones was Davey and I are about the same height. We're not very tall. And so Davey would be about 10 feet from me, but the sound would echo in the room because there were so many people talking. So I was starting a fight with him that he wasn't aware was happening. And I just kept on pretending to the camera that Davy Jones and I have had this long run of speed. I go, you know, Davy Jones and I don't get along.

Isn't that right, John? He's a former monkey. And he would look over and he'd go, what? I go, yeah, you keep that up. He had no idea ever what I was saying to him. And so it looked like there was a legit fight. And that was go, yeah, you keep that up. He had no idea ever what I was saying to him. Yeah. And so it looked like there was a legit fight. And that was really, honestly, the funniest part of the remote was this fake fight. So, and then what happens the day before we're going to show it, Davy Jones dies.

Oh, no. So we have to edit that part out of it because- He did it just to spite you. To spite me. Oh, my God. This funny bit. Just to win the fight. He won.

He wins. He wins everything. That to win the fight. He won. He wins. He wins everything. That is the ultimate win. The stress of, just the stress of fake arguing with you somehow. It got to him too. It was something. I remember Tom texted me. He goes, you see the news?

Because we were going to air it that night. You know how you would run the remote the night before to kind of see where the laughs were. And so we ran it and it got laughs. And then the next day was, did you see the news? Debbie Jones. He was dying during the screening. Word probably got out of the screening. But it was a fun, it ended up being a fun remote.

Other than the prank side of it and maybe me having a knot in my stomach. Having to apologize to everyone. Having to console somebody. Wow. All of it. Killing Debbie Jones. Having to console somebody. Wow. All of it. Killing Davy Jones. I love the woman. There's a woman that tells you that you remind her of Frank Sinatra.

That is. I love that woman. That's great. That woman was wonderful. Yeah. This old woman who had apparently spent some time with Frank intimately. Yeah. Yeah.

As well as Milton Berle. Right. And she compared me. She's like, you've got the swagger and the stage presence and the charisma of Frank Sinatra. And I was like, well, okay,

am I now being pranked? Is the joke finally on me? And she truly, like even stuff that was edited out, she was like, really like over the moon. She's like,

you've got it, babe. This old school Hollywood woman. You got it, honey. You got it. You got it. With that raspy Hollywood old voice. You could have fucked that woman. Oh, well,

I assume that was also cut. I should tell you that. She died. Yeah, I gave her gonorrhea. Right before Davey died. Yeah. I said, first of all, we got to cut all that with that woman. I'm a married man.

That's coming up. But I got to have sex with somebody that had sex with Sinatra. I have to do that. Yes, yes. Yeah. I think Danielle and I, if a wife would understand that. She would understand that. Honey, but Sinatra.

Now it's like you're having sex with Frank Sinatra. Right? Yeah. It's like me and Mia Farrow. Because you've had sex with Woody Allen. Exactly. I get it. I have.

Outside. Who hasn't? Here's a fun side story. Yeah. When I was in high school, there was a thing that was on the market for a while. And I don't, to this day, understand why. It was a published book of celebrity the market for a while. And I don't, to this day, understand why. It was a published book of celebrity phone numbers.

And addresses. That seems illegal. Right. It was real. And it had all their addresses in it so you could send it away. Where was this book? At the bookstore. And you could mail away to get autographs of people or whatever. But there was also phone calls. Or phone numbers. I would, on a

weekly basis, call Woody Allen, and he would answer. What? And I would hang up because I didn't know what to do. Wait a minute. I know, right? I can't believe that was his actual phone number. And it may still be. And it wasn't his business manager?

What? No, it was his house. And it was him. And he would answer. How did you know it was Woody? He would say, hello, Woody Allen residence. He's got a unique voice. True.

And so it would be like, and I would be, hello, panic, hang up, panic, hang up. And then I would go, I'll call him next week. And it was always me trying to, I would try to get the urge to have a conversation. Right. But I'm 14. I don't know what I'm going to talk to Woody Allen about. Other than, I thought bananas was funny. Yeah. So. That would have been'm going to talk to Woody Allen about. Other than, I thought Bananas was funny. Yeah.

So. That would have been better than Hanging Up. Doubt it. No, nothing beats Hanging Up. Yeah. Wait, who else did you? This book doesn't exist. This is crazy.

It's a dream sequence from when you were a kid. No, it's real. And then I, because I would write people as well. And Dick Van Dyke wrote me back a real nice letter and an autograph. Mary Tyler Moore, the same. Bob Newhart. The one that came back, it was returned to sender, was, I will never remember the wording,

but it was very harsh about how she didn't even want this letter on the property. And that was Barbara Streisand. Really? Yeah, that came back. Well, what did you write to her? Didn't even get that far. Like it was just the envelope.

Like, address C.E. unknown. Don't address her unknown. Yeah. Well, she might have. She was right. You must have written nice letters, though, if all those people responded. I think when you're a kid and you write,

you know, I'm a 14-year-old boy or whatever, and I love the Mary Tyler Moore show, and then blah, blah, blah, and you go into some detail. They don't want to kill your dream. And also, it was a different time, you know, where we didn't see celebrities as much, and I think that they didn't get as much fan mail as they might today or on social media. It was only people who bought this book.

Yeah, this dummy. Not dummy. I guess I was the smart person, but whoever was the dummy that published it, they had to get sued, right? Yeah, that doesn't seem right. Jack Nicklaus, the smart person, but whoever was the dummy that published it, they had to get sued, right? Yeah, that doesn't seem right. Jack Nicklaus, the golfer, I wrote him. He sent me back a- He wrote back?

Yeah, just a headshot. Yeah, nothing fancy with Jack. Lee Trevino. I was sent to a lot of golfers, a lot of comedic sitcom stars, and Barbra Streisand. Yeah, wait. I know, right?

A little incongruous, but- It's a little incongruous but it's a little incongruous yeah anyway that was my but you called I called Woody Allen yeah and then I gave the number to a DJ

in Chicago who called him on a regular basis and tried to have a conversation tried to yeah yeah and Woody would be like

oh Mr. Allen's not here and it's clearly him hang up so and he never changed his phone I don't think he doesn't have to

I think he liked it yeah he must have loved it I'm guessing he liked getting those calls yeah one time I didn't hang he doesn't have to. I think he liked it. Yeah, he must have loved it. I'm guessing he liked getting those calls. Yeah. One time I didn't hang up and I just heard the clarinet for 45 minutes. Ah. That's Monday night.

It's Monday night. Well, so you've probably interacted with so many celebrities at this point. Yes. But when I went back and rewatched some Pardo patrols, which was another bit that you did for Conan. Yes. For the Conan show, which was basically

you interviewed celebrities before the show. Or after or during. Oh, yeah. Oh, it was after. Okay. It all depended on when they had the availability.

Yes. The premise was, that I pitched was, let me do, I will barge, quote unquote, barge into their dressing room and do a post-interview interview to see how it went. And then it ended up with me being, I would just do either a word association or I would

lead the, where I would be insulting them and they would somehow take it and they all would. And then they would say one sort of, sort of kind of mean thing back to me and I would storm out because I was furious. How dare you? I can't take it. You're a tooth and skin. And it was a joy.

They're really fun. Yeah. Some of those people, it's unbelievable to think like, oh, you're there and you're improvising with Martin Short and Tom Hanks. Are you kidding? Tom Hanks, if I may,

I want to talk about both of them. The greatest thing about the Tom Hanks was, you know, Aaron Blart was the guy that was kind of my, you know,

connection at the Team Cocoa Digital at the time, Blart. And so we're like, I would say, hey, who's on the show this week?

You know, send requests to, and we would never go to the Tom Hanks's because they're not going to say yes. So we'd go to the, you know, either my friends, like a Jon Hamm or somebody, or we take a swing with Martin Short and maybe he'll want to have fun and do it. And so we don't ask Tom Hanks. And Tom's doing the show that day. I'm out doing the warmup and I look over to the side and there's Aaron. I'm like, what's Aaron standing there for? He doesn't stand there.

What's going on? And I'm like, what are you doing over there? And he's like, I can talk to you when you're done. I'm like, oh, Jesus,

what's going on? Is he the guy sent to fire me? I mean, that seems like a weird choice, but all right. So I walk off and he goes, Tom Hanks wants to do a part of patrol. I go,

wait, what? And he said, yeah. He's begging to do it. He said, he goes, hey, I want to do one of those interviews with that guy that barges in. I'm like, are you effing me? What the fuck?

So he had seen him. That's so cool. And I'm like, are you kidding me? And so then I go in and he goes like, hey, I'm Tom. And we had met once before, very, very briefly. And I said, hey, Jimmy. And he goes, you know, the premise is that I'll insult you.

I get it. You don't have to tell me. I get it. Wow. And then I do it. And that's amazing. I'm improvising with my hero. You know what I mean?

Like one of my heroes. Nice. Unbelievable. Because he wanted to. Right. Well, it's amazing. I saw it and I was like, oh, they're good friends already.

Just because it's so great. Yeah, I know. And I was like, oh, they already have this already. Just because it's so great. And I was like, oh, they already have this. You immediately have chemistry, yeah. Well, I bring that with me. I'm very talented. And I'm able to make that happen with folks. And so that one was the dream and the Martin Short one was

a dream. Are you kidding me? So you did not know him prior to that. I did not know Martin prior to that other than watching him on SCTV. Right, right, right. And Saturday Night Live and movies. And just, you know, again, one of my heroes. Idolizing, yeah.

And idolizing. Truly idolizing. Yeah. But I would be scared. I mean, he's intimidating. I know. I know because he's so quick. But maybe not.

You weren't. You didn't think twice about that. There was something interesting about when I would walk into that room where I would kind of just go, this is your thing. Right. They know what they're doing and this is your thing and just have the confidence. Yeah, yeah. And I remember just walking in and he was already, he was doing a bit where he was praying to the comedy gods for a joke or something. Right.

And then it went from there. Yeah. You know, we would do it for about maybe eight to ten minutes and then it would get whittled down to like two minutes. Right, right. So, like, there's even funnier stuff that's left on the floor is the way in Hollywood. But also that they had

patience to do that for ten minutes. I mean that's not nothing. Like it is tough to get celebrities of that caliber to sit still for that long. 100%.

And it was funny there was a few I'm told Jennifer Lawrence I guess that's her name. Yeah. We asked her and her people

were very against it and then I know I'm sure she'd want to do it she did want to do it yeah I know a friend is a friend of hers

and she's like oh she didn't she wondered why you didn't ask her we asked her her people said no that's that classic thing I bet they don't like they're probably people

that are a little off the cuff or unpredictable and then publicists have to protect them in a way. Yeah, exactly. We're worried about what they're going to say. And who was the young lady? I forget her name. She was in the Eazy-E. She's had bigger, La La Land. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. Emma Stone. So Emma Stone showed up and we were not going to do one and she just walked past me and she said, hello. And to this second, I don't understand. I said, hey, I do these post-show interviews where I kind of interview like you just got done doing a sports thing. I'm in. Wow.

And so like, again, I don't know what made me ask her. Because she had a friendly, I think she has a very friendly open vibe. And she was great because she, when it was time, she turned the corner and she had a towel around her neck and just played the role of like an athlete getting off the stage. And it was really funny. Yeah. So I think she's a big comedy fan. I think so. Because I know, I think she always liked Conan and just kind of talked about comedy a lot.

So I could see why she would be excited to do that. Yeah, it was so nice to get to do that too where you don't feel like you're like having to force somebody to show up for something and twist their arm to do it. I like that Tom Hanks is twisting their arm to do it. It's like,

okay, okay, I'll do it. Just give me a minute. All right, Gump. Can't guarantee it'll air. It was, yeah, it was, again, a dream. I enjoyed doing all of those

and some of them were with friends, you know, Rob Corddry or Cheryl Hines or Dr. Ken Jeong and those were like, it was, again, a dream. I enjoyed doing all of those. And some of them were with friends, you know, Rob Corddry or Cheryl Hines or Dr. Ken Jung. And those were like, you know, Fred Armisen. Right. And just, what do you want to do? I don't know, Fred.

I said, Fred, why don't you just wander around the parking lot and I have to wrangle you. Okay. And then, so we do that for five minutes. So I'm trying to get Fred Armisen. Fred, Fred, come on. You got to do an interview. I'm not doing it, Jimmy. Come on, Fred. And so just stupidour. Fred, Fred, come on. You got to do an interview. I'm not doing it, Jimmy. Come on, Fred.

And so just stupidity. Well, you know what? Are those on YouTube? Can we get them? Yeah. Good, good, good. And I believe they're also at teamcoco.com slash world control. That's where I watched it.

Yeah. Great. And the Martin Shore ones, they're both hilarious. I was grateful that I was given the opportunity to do those on the show. And it's that and the remotes. I was grateful that I was given the opportunity to do those on the show. It's that and the remotes, and it just was great to be appreciated for more than just, he's the guy that opens the show and then we don't talk to him. It was nice that Conan and you and the other people were like,

hey, Pyrrho's got more to offer than just that. Yeah, you're such a natural for that stuff because you're such a good improviser and you do put people at ease. Obviously, you've been interviewing forever on your podcast. So yeah, that made total sense to me. And Conan produced the show you were working on. Not that one, no. That was Conan produced one that I did for TBS. The one that I left to do a couple of days on

was on science channel called Race to Escape. It was a competitive escape room show. Oh my God. That was a competitive escape room show. Oh, my God. That was more about the human brain than it was the actual, can they get out of the room? It was more like, what are they thinking? And it was a,

that was also a show I was really proud of. I was just a hired hand. I was just a host. But it was something that families got, it ended up being a big family show because they got to watch like the human dynamic of people working together to solve a problem. Oh, that's was really cool it's called race to escape and those i think are available on amazon or something really really great show yeah that's great that i mean escape

rooms are still around i mean that and that must have been like at the height of it was it was before oh before yeah which may have been the like oh yeah it was just a little too New York and LA. Yes. Coastal. Yeah. Yeah, a little blue. It was a little too blue. Yeah, yeah.

A little smurfy. Don't know what that means. The coastal elites. Yeah. Well, we did want to ask you, because we haven't talked to you since the show ended. The Conan show, to be clear. On TBS. On TBS. On TBS, yes.

That iteration of Conan. I'm sure he will be reborn like a phoenix from the ashes. As he always is. Seems to be doing fine podcasting. He's doing fine, yeah. We don't feel bad for him. But you came back to Largo.

Yes. Because we were able to do eight shows. He was doing a show at Largo during the pandemic and without an audience. And then all of a sudden, they started to relax rules a little bit. It was like right in the sweet spot where people were vaccinated. And Gavin Newsom had said, we're allowed to now have events inside.

Right. And we, and Conan, yeah, masked events. And so Conan got to do eight shows in front of an audience.

His final eight shows. His final eight shows. Again, the timing on that was amazing. It was amazing. Yeah, because it would have been sad to go out

in front of no audience. I know, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Before that, it was. It was just Conan with the crew, a skeleton crew. I mean, hardly anybody was there.

That would be a good practice for his last podcast episode, which will have to come eventually. Eventually. That's true. It's going to have to. Right? Yes, this spring. He'll do it in front of an audience. So you were called.

I was. And Conan was like, oh, if I want to end this, I want to end it. He was like, I'm sorry for what went down. Yeah. Sorry that we had to do a dance contest for a couple of years, but let's get back to business. No dancing during the pandemic. And that's why. That was one of the, it was Footloose.

The pandemic was very much like Footloose. Yeah, I got the call. It was actually that day, the day of the first show of the eight well I think the I think the rules were lifted

like literally that morning or something it was like that yeah and it was I remember I got a text

from Steve Hollander saying Jeff Ross is about to call you stage manager Steve Hollander right oh I like that he he probably precedes

every Jeff Ross call. I think Steve wanted me to be aware, like, stand by. You should answer it. Hey, you probably want to answer this. It's not a butt dial. Right. Do you have a phone? Don't pull a Woody Allen. There was, yeah, don't hang up on me. Answer the phone. And it was just Jeff in that usual

Jeff Ross way of, it's not a question, it's like, so three o'clock, I'll be here to warm up. Okay. Oh, wait, today? Who is this? Yeah. I'm Jeff Ross way of, it's not a question, it's like, so three o'clock, I'll be here to warm up. Yeah. Okay. Oh, wait, today? Today. Who is this?

Yeah. I'm Jeff Ross. I'm Jeff Ross. How's it going? And then I said, three o'clock? I go, that seems early. Well, let's get you early.

All right. So I got there at three and sat around for three hours. Okay. Which is like, really? I could have relaxed a bit more than this. But it was great to, you know,

it was like the Baywatch remote all over again. I'm being punked all over again. But it was great to come back and see everybody. And I had been back as a guest on the show. So it wasn't like I was completely gone. I had done, you know, I guess as a panelist three or four more times after I left the show. But to come back and be part of the team and to kind of, while I wasn't with Conan in New York,

again, I started day one of The Tonight Show. Yeah. And so to be able to then bookend it and be part of the last shows and kind of go out in the way that it started. And I think Conan

kind of had the same thought, like, let's end this the right, the way we started it, let's end it that way with the same team. Right. And it felt great. And it was just great to go out there in front of that largo audience which again was because of the pandemic was a smaller audience but they were the again the rabid conan people were so excited too because we hadn't done anything for two years so it was like

everyone was just yeah frothing at the mouth and and to that point and and they what was was the difference between walking out of Tonight Show on day one and walking out for these final eight was, I'd had 10 years on the air of Conan at this point. Yeah. You know, sporadically, but then I walk out and it's like, oh, Jimmy Pardo. Yeah, yeah. And so the audience, even they were even like, oh, they should have too. Right, right, right. And so, you know, people were tweeting, just watch Jimmy Pardo. Sign my baseball card.

Yeah, it was, so it had that energy. It had like an event energy and it was really, those eight shows were great. And it was great to do it in that small venue as opposed to the big studio. So it was more intimate and it felt more communicating more than broadcasting. There weren't cameras everywhere.

And it was an actual theater. Also, I was curious, you probably had a ton of experience performing at Largo. I had performed at Largo quite a lot. It must have been just like, oh, you're coming to my home now to do this show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Flanagan, the guy that owns the place I've known for years. And so, you know, for me to walk out, Jimmy P! Yeah, yeah. So that's nice. It was great.

It was really great. And it was, you know, I was honored to be hired for the job to begin with back at the Tonight Show. And I was honored to be thought of enough that they, you know, again, let's end this the way it started and have Pardo come back from the final eight.

Yeah. I'm sure, like you said, it was Conan. He was probably thinking, well, I get to decide this and this is what I want. You know, that didn't mean that every night I didn't walk off stage going,

I'm probably not going to do the last seven. Oh, no. Probably off stage going, I'm not, probably not going to do the last seven. Oh, probably not going to do the last six. Probably not going to do the last four. Should I rent a t-shirt cannon just in case? Oh, have it on standby?

Who wants a t-shirt? That's me shooting a t-shirt gun. Horrible. Horrible. I would just tell jokes. That seemed to work for a while. Yeah. It usually does. Yeah. I do like tell jokes. That seemed to work for a while. Yeah. It usually does.

Yeah. I do like, though, that that, I mean, also, you're not going to be the person that has a t-shirt cannon. Like, you just can't be that person. I can't be that person. And, you know, luckily, the crew on this show knew that. And so, when it was time to make that adjustment in between my time as doing the warm-up, it's just,

they knew I was, you know, he's not going to do that stuff. Yeah. And they were right. Because I could, I thought, no one would even ask you.

I mean, yeah, that's, I wouldn't even know how to. Right. That's the other thing. It's like, you don't have a license?

I certainly don't have a license. I don't have time to get it. Terrible trick. I'm busy going to CVS to buy candy for the audience. Yeah, but again, I'm repeating myself. It was great to be back those eight shows and just to go out and just- The five of those last shows were great too

because especially the last one, we were all able to AAC each other again after being in lockdown and just you know all of it just ending and just hugging and you know I was glad that I was able

to be a part because it would have been weird to have been such a big part of again day one of the Tonight Show through the Tonight Show fiasco all the build up of TBS and then for that final show to be happening at Largo

and then not to have been a part of that would have been maybe like a little lonely at home going I kind of be there, but I'm not just going to show up. So to have been invited and to be part of it and quite frankly be paid a couple of bucks seemed to work out well for everybody. Yeah, no, that was a very special part of it. It was. It felt so cathartic and it was like this release.

I mean, I just remember everybody crying, basically, in the courtyard after that last show. Yeah, it was a great night. I think I then ran to my car so nobody saw me break down. I think that's how I handled that. Do you cry in the car? I like to cry in the car. Often? Or do I do it—

Sometimes. Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. Wait, of course this is a thing? Well, not— you're a robot that has no emotion but yeah yeah

I didn't ask you I know I just want to learn I'm trying to learn have you ever heard the song it's called The Walk

by Sawyer Brown it's a country song and it's the premise is that he's walking his young boy to school and that's sad that he's walking his young boy to school, and that's sad. Then he's walking his boy to get married, and that's sad.

Then the roles reverse, and he's got to walk his dad to an old age home. And then his son has to walk him to the old age home. Oh, my God. All in one song. And if you're not there, no single. That's the cradle. Yeah. It is awful.

And then there's another one by Trace Atkins and I'm not a big country music fan but it's called You're Gonna Miss This where it's about having a baby and going

oh he's two years old this is a nightmare and a parent going you're gonna miss this and then oh he's a teenager get out of my nerves you're gonna miss this

and if you're not sobbing at the end of that song there's something wrong do you know Blind Man and the Bleachers I don't that's a great one who's it by oh sorry what were you gonna say Jesse interrupted you no no please at the end of that song. There's something wrong. Do you know Blind Man and the Bleachers? I don't. That's a great one.

Who's it by? Oh, sorry. What were you going to say, Jesse? Interrupted you. No, no, please. I want to hear about this one. Do you know Teddy Bear? By Elvis Presley?

No, no. Teddy Bear by Red Sovine who died in a van accident. I don't know that. I know the one about the baby shoes. Oh, yeah. Never worn.

I actually, I know Teddy Bear by heart. Oh. Because I worked at a Parkridge post office that played. That played it? They played country music and it was a big hit that summer. By Red So, I'm going to look it up. Red So Vine. I will look it up. He also did Big Joe and Phantom 309. You know what?

Again, I'm not a big country guy, so I only know. Only when you want to cry. I was on the outskirts of a little southern town, trying to reach my destination before the sun went down. The old CB was blaring away on channel 109 when there came a little boy's voice on the radio line. And he said, Breaker 109, is anyone there? Come on back, truckers, and talk to Teddy Bear.

Well, I came back and I told him to fire up that mic and that I'd talk with him as long as he'd like. Appreciate the break. Who we got on that end? I gave him my handle and then he began. Now, I know I'm not supposed to bother your truckers out there. Mom says you're busy and for me to stay off the air. But you see, I get lonely sometimes and it helps to talk because that's about all I can do. I'm crippled and I can't walk.

Oh, jeez. Well, I came back and told him to fire up that mic and I'd talk with him as long as he'd like. This used to be my dad's radio, the little boy said. But I guess it's mom's and mine now since my daddy's dead. Dad had a wreck about a month ago. Oh, God. He was trying to get home in a blinding snow. Mom has

to work now to make ends meet. And I'm not much help with my two crippled feet. Hi, Mike Sweeney here. I'm sorry I had to interrupt. I got carried away. I started doing Teddy Bear, which is a song I memorized many years ago. And

I did the entire song. You did. I can vouch. Right? Yeah. And you and Jimmy Pardo were just, I think, stunned. Stunned silent. And not stunned in a good way.

I know good stunned. I don't think it was good or bad. I think I lost any ability to feel. You lost ability to feel. Pardo said he felt like he'd been held hostage for seven or eight minutes. It's a really long CB song. And I think we're cutting it down

by giving this explanation. But I still want to put it up in its entirety somewhere. Okay, sure. Fine. You should. Yeah, that'll happen real soon. So here's the end.

I sped it up at the end, I think. So this is the end of Teddy Bear. By the way, verbatim, right? Our producer, yes, I still... You get credit for that. I want some school credit. Yeah, it's about time for Teddy Bear to back on. All right, so we return you now to the end of Teddy Bear.

And yes, you're welcome. You've been spared five five maybe six minutes of recitation i'll sure be happy to come back to you i'll sign off now before i'll start to cry may god ride with you 10 4 and goodbye ah it's over sorry and let's cut it i had once enjoyed that and also felt hell-husked. I'm sorry. That's amazing. I was upset and then I was enjoying it

and then I was upset again and then I really, and then I thought it was hilarious and then I felt moved. You went through a lot of different. I rode the whole roller coaster. Well, this sounds like an invitation for Big Joe and Phantom 309.

Here we go. I was on the wish coast. I was down on my butt. I don't know. Phantom 309. Here we go. I was on the wish coast. I was down on my butt. I don't know. I'm joking. I'm apologize. Because I know that you'll commit to this. I don't know it.

And that is both commendable and enraging. But it read so by. And you did that. When you were an open mic as a comedian, that would be your set. Exactly. How you doing out there? What's this guy doing? Talk about your genitals

like the other guys. It is kind of, yeah. He used to warm up the crowd with it. Oh my God. We got shooting T-shirts. We got to get

party bear T-shirts. He's making them cry, boss. That's who was doing it at Largo. And that's when Jeff called you. That's why Gavin Newsom wouldn't allow people to gather. It's because I was out there doing teddy bear.

We got to lift this lockdown. We can't have this guy keep doing it. Oh, fun, man. Oh, fun. Oh, boy. Jimmy, what do you have going on now? I mean, other than your podcast. It sounds like you're very interested.

I am. Jimmy, what do you have going on now? No, I'm sorry. I know that you're still doing your show at Clappers. I do a game show, right? I host a game show called Pop Cultured with Jimmy Pardo. We do that at the Lyric Hyperion Theater in Los Angeles. It also live streams on NowhereComedy.com.

Oh, I love the Lyric. I do too. I'm glad that they have a whole new comedy lineup now. Yes, they got a new owner and new booker. And we've been doing it once a month there. We don't have any dates coming up because Mr. Pardo has a very busy June and July. So we cannot find a date.

But once Mr. Pardo realizes, figures out his schedule. What's Mr. Pardo doing in... Are you on the road? No. Well, I'm going to visit my father on vacation. All right. And a little bit of road in July. I'm not really traveling as much anymore. I'm not doing a lot of standing up comedy.

I've done a lot. Okay. I hear you. So not as much traveling, but when I do travel, I'm going to just the clubs I want to go to. Good. And the ones that are not part of a chain, that are owned by owners that love comedy. People you have a relationship with. Yes.

That bought a comedy club because they love comedy. And they treat comics with respect as opposed to battling over, oh, there's a steak special. And you have fans probably who come out. I do have fans. The Never Not Funny folks come out and I'm very, very grateful for that.

And you're still doing Never Not Funny? Doing Never Not Funny. We just celebrated 17 years. What? That's amazing. Wait, really? How many episodes

have you done? Do you know? We're trying to figure it out today. It's between 15 and 1,600 episodes. That's unbelievable. Oh my God. Yeah. And I would say only three are not funny. That's unbelievable. Oh my God. Yeah. And I would say only three are not funny.

That's like, I mean, was there internet 17 years ago? No, no. People would sit crisscross applesauce out in my front yard. Yeah. And I would use a microphone. You'd play a gramophone. Yeah. Are you still doing it in that second?

No, sir. No, we moved about 10 years ago. Oh, I'm up. I'm up. It's still near a 7-Eleven. I insist we be near a 7-Eleven. Well, we moved about 10 years ago. Oh, I'm up. I'm up. It's still near a 7-Eleven. I insist we be near a 7-Eleven. Well, odds are.

That's where you get your monster energy drinks. That's where I get my beverages and my power bar. Yeah, we were sharing that studio with somebody else and then we got our own studio. Great. Fantastic.

Our own Never Not Funny inclusive. And Jessie's been there because she's been on my wife's podcast, How to Survive with Danielle and Christine, which is a phenomenal podcast.

Oh, my God, is it great. That's great. Funny and informative. Yes. And you would think, granted, I'm biased because it's my wife, but I listen to it. A, it brings me joy. And B, you would think that Danielle and Chris have been doing a show for 17 years. Yeah.

And it's only a year. And they are so good together. Again, it brings nothing but joy. It's informative. It's funny. How to Survive with Danielle and Christine. And then my show is Never Not Funny and that's funny. And who's your co-host? Christine. Christine Kimmel. My best friend.

Oh, that's great. That's fantastic. I love Danielle. Danielle's a good friend too. It sounded a little salty to Danielle. You have to know that. No, no, no. I didn't want to lie and say she's a good friend too. Yeah. They're both so funny. It sounded a little insulting to Danielle. You have to know that. No, no, no. I didn't want to lie and say she's my best friend. She would be like, I haven't heard from her in a year. Jessie's lying.

Yeah. No, that would be a lie. But Danielle's a good friend. Yes, you guys are all great friends. I love seeing Danielle. Yeah. Yes. And you still work with her?

I see Danielle on a regular basis, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I see her. I was worried. Yeah, and Belknap and I and Elliot and see Danielle on a regular basis, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I see her. I was worried. Yeah, and Belknap and I and Elliot and Garen, and you guys have celebrated 17 years. That's fantastic. Very, very grateful.

Well, this was fun. Thank you, Jimmy. I know. I'm just being an idiot. This was great. Did this fly by? It felt like it flew by. It flew by.

It flew by. Our producer. I laughed a lot. Oh, she wrote down teddy bear. Okay, I guess that's getting cut. No, don't you dare cut that. Oh, it's going. Don't lay a finger on my teddy bear.

If you do, please send it to me just separately. I like that as its own file. Yeah, we could maybe just... You should listen to Red do it. I don't think it's going to be anything... Yours was very intimate. I think that's why... Intimate is the right Red do it. I don't think it's going to be anything, you know. Yours was very intimate. I think that's why. Intimate is the right word for it.

You were getting direct eye contact. A little too much. Didn't know where to look. Didn't know where to look. I didn't know where to look doing it. I don't know. That was the guy who brings out a guitar at a party. Here we go.

It was. And then you really have to. I guess this is happening. You have to emote back to them. It's so stressful. You got to tap your foot. I know. It was not often.

It was you being vulnerable. You very rarely are. I was infulnerable. Yeah, that's true. It was. Am I wrong? You're never that guy. Yeah, it's true.

You're never that guy. You're never... I liked seeing you be transported back to you in the summer of 72. 76. 76. She says, don't make me older than I already am. Right.

I'm already 66. 72 rhymed with what I was saying. Are you 66? Yes. First of all, you look great. You're an incredible 66. You look great. You are.

You think it was all that stamp licking in the 70s? I can't wait to think for the great. I worked for the post office. That was before. You're young. In the early days, you had to lick a stamp. I can't wait to think for the great... You worked at the post office. That was before... You're young. In the early days, you had to lick a stamp. I didn't lick stamps.

There were wet sponges. Well, you did because you're a professional. I, at home, would just lick it. Well, of course, at home, I would. If you had to have one stamp. I would also lick those stamps.

That was a different stamp altogether. Park Ridge, New Jersey. Greatest job I've ever had. Was it really? Better than this. Loved that job. Better than being funny with a bunch of funny people?

Well, it's nice to know. I mean, we could all go back to that. Everyone there was so funny. Oh, my God. Pat DeHaan, Chris DeHaan. You know, I'll say this about that. I worked at a record store. Didn't you have jobs where you worked with really funny people?

Oh, restaurants. People in restaurants are so funny. And you had a record store. Yeah. In the mid-'80s, I worked at a record store from 84 to 88. I love your work. Yeah. You were cool though.

In the 80s. Yes. At the mall. Oh my God. There was nobody cooler than the guy that worked at the record store at the mall. If they only knew how sad and pathetic I was behind the scenes. But no, those were, I also say- And they were all really funny.

We had a reunion last summer and we hadn't seen each other in 30 years. A reunion? And it was reunion, it's pronounced. I was so excited. It was great because it was, we just, because we were being funny, just like you were at the post office, I imagine. You're being funny just to be funny. Yeah. You're not being funny to get on television, not for money.

Right. Just to make that person laugh. Yes. Yeah. You're not being funny to get on television, not for money. Right. Just to make that person laugh. Yes. Right. And there was just an earnestness and an earnestness to make fun of you

and now I can't pronounce anything. I didn't point out. But it was good to see those people and yes. Oh, I bet that was so refreshing too to talk to people

not in entertainment. Who you like. A lot of questions about entertainment. Oh, I bet there were, yeah. Can I ask you both a question? Yes, and I must go. Where do you have to go? I'm kidding. I'll stay here until 8 o'clock at night. I, I bet there were, yeah. Can I ask you both a question? Yes, and then I must go. Where do you have to go?

I'm kidding. I'll stay here until 8 o'clock at night. I don't care. Okay, good. But I used to have these jobs where there were really funny people, and I always felt like I wanted to be doing something funny, and I felt like I was always cooling my heels doing these jobs. Yeah.

But I felt like lucky or blessed that i had walked into maybe people are hilarious at every single job but i know but i know really like and when i was a lawyer i worked with some of the funniest people i've ever met and they were lawyer but they were really and i always just felt like okay like this is kind of like spurring, kind of spurring me on or keeping me company until I did something, jumped into showbiz. Did you guys feel that way? You were a magnet for other funny people. I agree with that.

No, I disagree. Did you feel that way at the record store? Well, I was lucky that they all were funny and we all enjoyed ourselves. And then I went, I worked for a record label. I worked for MCA Records. Really? Wow. Really? Where nobody was interested in funny.

And that was- Because they were actually making money. Yeah. And maybe a lot of blow. It was the 80s. Wow. That was a little, that was a rough two years because I would try to be funny and nobody was on board with it.

Really? And that's when I started doing stand-up. Because it was like, I need to do something with this. You need an outlet. Someone there was like, got you and was just like. I don't think, not one of them have ever come to one of my shows. Not one of them has ever reached out going, oh, we always knew. Because they didn't know.

They had no clue. They're like, you? When I quit, this is under central. The day that I gave my notice, my boss gave me the ultimate, he said, you have to either commit more to this job or quit and do stand-up comedy full-time. And I said, I'll give you an answer in the morning. And he couldn't believe that was the answer.

Like, I had to think about it. I came back the next day and I said, I am going to give my notice. And so at the morning meeting around the big table with 20 people there, they said, oh, well, before we get started with the sales and everything, I just want to announce Jim has given his two-week notice. He's going to pursue stand-up comedy. And the room was silent. Is this a joke? That can't be. Is this a prank?

What? Why would he leave working for a record label to go and do that, which there's no evidence he's good at. Wow. Yeah, it was weirdly quiet. And then a weird two weeks of, well's good at. Wow. Yeah, it was weirdly quiet. And then a weird two weeks of, well, good luck, buddy. Real good luck on that. Okay, well, let us know.

Yeah. You're always welcome back. Yeah. Did any of them ever, now, they'd be like the bullies to me. Like, I'd want them to come to the show. I would be interested. They did, in fairness, one guy named Chuck did come when I was in Atlanta. Yeah. And sure enough,

I bombed a death. Oh, no. And it's like, why? Why is this the one bad show this week? And just him going, well, hey, man, great to see you again. Oh, he wins. No, I swear. I'm back tomorrow. I swear they wouldn't have me in Atlanta from Chicago if I wasn't good.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, rough. Rough. But nobody. And then there was another guy, the guy that ran I swear I'm from they wouldn't have me in Atlanta from Chicago if I wasn't good yeah yeah yeah rough rough but nobody and then there was another guy the guy that ran Motown a guy named Ben Sheets who was a great guy

he kept asking if I wanted to do Evening at the Apollo because he could get me on because he was one of the heads of Motown oh he was like

you want to do Evening at the Apollo did you end up doing it no oh I wish you had I should have done it for the story

yes so you've never performed at the Apollo I've never performed at the Apollo yeah okay no Did you end up doing it? No. Oh, I wish you had. I should have done it for the story. Yes. So you've never performed at the Apollo? I have never performed at the Apollo. Yeah, okay. No, you would have done nice. Yeah. That was a mistake.

The other mistake I made was James Brown asked me to open for him in Vegas. And I did not do that. Oh, my God. Yeah. Wait, James Brown? Yeah, James Brown. I did a television show with him. And afterwards, his manager came up and said, James would like you to open up this weekend at Caesars for him.

Oh, my God, what a dream. And I said, well, I'm very flattered, but I'm going to pass on that. And then a second later, James Brown comes in, what are you talking about? He goes, I want you to open for me. And I was like, yeah, I don't know if it's the right fit, James. It's a perfect fit. And I was like, I just don't think it's going to be a good fit. Yeah. Had he ever had a comedian open for him? I don't know the answer to that. Oh, wow. It doesn't make any sense, but I love that he asked.

You should have done it. Yeah. I should have done it for the story. Well, I like him badgering you to do it. Yeah. That's kind of. Danielle was with me and Danielle's like, are you sure you don't want to do it? I go, really? She's like, no, no, of course you can't do it. Had he seen you? We had just been, I had just been funny on television with him. Oh, okay. Yeah. And then he. And he loved me during the commercials and stuff.

Oh, that's great. Yeah. He kind of just wanted to hang out, it sounds like. It does sound like that. And maybe he thought, oh, I have to hire him in order for him to hang out. And he's right. I wouldn't even do that. Yeah.

Oh, man. But I think you instinctively were like, nothing's going to beat what I just did with James Brown. That's kind of how I felt. Like, I've already just had the fun. You had a great experience. And why do I want to go to Vegas

and potentially not do well and then get- At Caesars, yeah. And fly home and like, oh, that didn't need to happen. Yeah. I got called once to open for Ray Charles

at Radio City Music Hall. And? I said, absolutely not. Now, why did you say no? Well, I did teddy bear for them. And I said, there's more where this came from, guys. No, I, well, because I'd been working at Conan as a writer for a bit. I hadn't done standup in a while.

I hadn't been doing, all I did was to warm up there. And that was like 10 minutes of just talking. Crowd work. Talking, crowd work. Yeah. And I was like, I can't do,

I don't have 20, I'm not doing that. This is a fool's errand. So Brian Kiley worked in our office. Did you get it for him? Did he do it? I gave it to Brian Kiley. Who killed, right?

Michael Gordon and I, another writer on the show, we all, three of us shared an office. We snuck into Radio City to watch him warm up. And? He did great. Oh, good.

He did great. I have never seen Brian Kiley do anything less than great. Oh, he's such a great comedian. He's bulletproof. And we love, it was so exciting to see him in Radio City. That's awesome. It's just kind of incongruous. I don't really, I mean, people going to see this music artist and then they're like, all right, I guess.

I know. It happened a lot back in the day. Very Vegas-y. Vegas is famous for just here's, you know, a comedian to warm up the musical act. Before Ann-Margaret comes out and does it. Exactly. And the thing about the Ray Charles was interesting is the entire audience is blind. Yeah. And so that about the Ray Charles which is interesting is the entire audience is blind. Yeah.

And so that's interesting to perform. It was a sea of sunglasses. Gordon and I had to wear sunglasses to get in. Otherwise, they would have

fished us right out of there. It was a sea of sunglasses. So anyway. Yes. Okay. Okay. Well, this was fun. I know.

Thank you, Jimmy. It was great to see you. It was great to see you guys. We'll see you back here for Never Not Bullied. The final show. Yeah, the final show. I always do the final show. Which might be this one.

Oh, bully points. Yeah, bully points. I'm in. Thanks. You're welcome, Jimbo. Thanks to Jimmy Pardo for joining us you can go to

jimmypardo.com for his upcoming stand-up dates and of course be sure to check out his podcast now in its hundredth season

Never Not Funny yeah thanks to Jimmy that was great that was great yep we have a listener question what is it? it says

hi Mike, Jesse, and team. Hey, team. I'm looking at our team right now. We have a large team that puts this podcast together. A couple of my close friends introduced me to We Spa, the Korean spa in LA's Koreatown several years ago. And I didn't remember until after the fact that Conan had shot a remote there with Steven Yeun. What was the experience like getting permission to shoot in that otherwise very private environment?

Was any of it, like the other participants, staged? Anything that you remember getting left on the cutting room floor? Love having the pod in my listening rotation. Keep up the great work. Wait, is there a name? Yes! Who is it? Matt Schulman.

Thank you, Matt Schulman. I hope he's having, I hope he's listening to this while getting a spritz. I know. At We Spa. In the spa. I don't think they have spritzes there.

They might. Oh, I think they do kind of. There's a food area. Ah. Probably. Oh, no, I was thinking of, what is it when they whip your skin down too? Isn't that?

I've gotten the thing at the Korean spa where they lay you out on this mat like a dolphin. Right. Being transported between aquariums. And then a helicopter comes down. Yeah. And they like hose you down. Yeah. And then there's a very fine grit like right sandpapery grip almost

yeah and they just sand your whole body down every crevice every nook and cranny they do that everything just everything and it's it's extremely painful and you're red and you it's almost like a layer of skin gets sloughed off i I think that's the idea, right? To cut down the dermis. And then your new skin grows back eventually. You can't go out for two weeks. Yeah, you definitely can't go to the spa. You can't leave the spa.

Yeah. Well, and did you like, does it ever after? Yeah, you feel very soft. Okay. Afterwards. All right. After the pain subsides. I mean, okay.

So you recommend it. Yeah. Okay. I mean, people are kind of soft to begin with. Yeah. You feel softer. You feel softer. Okay.

Yeah. I've never done that. I was curious about it because I went to the Wii Spa once too and saw that going on and it did look painful. It is painful. Okay. Okay. Especially in your, in your, in your very sensitive areas. Oh, right. They really get everywhere. There are more nerve endings. And yeah, they're, they really do everything. Oh, wow. I would just be, I don't, okay. Sure. I'm a little ticklish too, so. Right.

That's also a problem. Yeah. So the Wii Spa, you know what's interesting? I talked to a friend who went to the Wii Spa recently, and she said that they were playing that remote in the Wii Spa. Really? Yes. When she and her family were there.

We should get residuals for that. Right? I think they just play it on a loop because they have TVs set up. Okay. And you can kind of hang, there's certain rooms you can hang out and watch TV and that remote was playing. Wow, I would think if I was at the Wii Spa, the last thing I'd want to watch is more Wii Spa on TV. At the Wii Spa, I know. At the Wii Spa.

But maybe that's good. That's good. I like it. Yeah. Oh, that's good. That's good. I like it. Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. Maybe it's to give you an example of what you could do there.

Yeah. Or not do. Right, right. Shoot your remote here at We Spa. Bring in a crew. Oh, so there were questions. There were questions in here.

I was transported away to getting a massage. What was it like getting permission to shoot in the private? Yes, because there are people that are naked at the Wii Spa, famously. Right. So I talked to Jason Schlemme, our producer. He set it up.

And what they did was they just put notices everywhere that you're being filmed. I hope they were very conspicuous signs. You're being filmed and by appearing in this, you agree to be in television. Yeah. And yeah, so a lot of people didn't mind at all.

And there were nude people. There were nudies. That we had to blur. Yeah. But I assume that cut exists somewhere without the blurs. You know what? It would exist somewhere. the blurs. It, you know what, it would exist somewhere. I think all, well, you know what, they would blow out like our editing bays, their storage space would get filled up. And they'd call up every six months and go, can we get rid of the, you know, this, this, they sent a long laundry list of stuff.

Can we get rid of the original footage? Yeah. So some things are gone. Okay. But I assume that a, a roll of nudies, uncut dicks. Yeah.

We would, we would never get rid of that. That just common sense tells you. Yeah. And to be clear, the footage was uncut. I don't know about the day ah very nice very nice i'm like you know i'm always amazed at the number of uncut dicks out there when

when i'm in a locker room uh and you know conan and steven yoon um appear naked in it yeah and were they actually naked no they were they were wearing dance skins. They're called dance skins, right? Yes. That's what we call them. They're flesh colored. It's kind of like a little flesh. Like Speedos. Speedo.

Sometimes a thong. But without the US flag. The US flag if it was all tan. Yeah. Tan, tan, and tan. And then we can easily pixelate over it. Right. And make it the appearance of nudity.

But it's still fairly revealing. They're pretty. Those little speedos. Yes, that's true. That's a good point. Yeah. Pre-pixels.

Yeah, but that's what they did to appear naked. So that was only kind of staged part was them. And I talked to two writers,

Michael Gordon and Dan Cronin. Yes. And Dan Cronin. Yes. And pretty much there wasn't much left on the cutting room floor. I think Matt's looking for maybe kind of salacious stuff that might have happened. But no, nothing. No. Anything exciting that happened is in the room.

Went on the air. Yeah. That usually happens. Yes. Well, thank you, Matt. Thank you for that question. I know. It was fun to remember the Wii Spot.

And if you want to see that remote, it's on YouTube. Or I guess you can just go to the Wii Spot and watch it on their closed-circuit TV. That's right. Pay a slightly higher fee and go in and watch it while you have your skin ripped off.

Yes, exactly. And if you have a question for us, please call us at 323-209-1079. We're looking into getting me a burner phone so I can actually answer. And it'd be great to get live answers to all your questions. And then we can just sit here at the end. Just a 24-hour hotline.

Yes. And then we can eliminate this from the podcast because I'm answering them. Then what will we talk about? We'll go back and talk about warmup. I can do more teddy bear. Or email us at insideconanpod at gmail.com. And hey, if you like the show, which I hope you do if you're still listening,

you can support us by rating Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast on iTunes, and leaving us a review. Mm-hmm. You know, it rhymes with review. We love you. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jessie Gaskell. Our producer is Lisa Burr. Team Coco's executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao.

Engineered and mixed by Joanna Samuel. Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan or an enemy on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best.

I'm not going to tell you what to do. Put on your hat, it's the Conan Show. Try on some spats, you're going to have a laugh. Give birth to a calf, it's Conan This has been a Team Coco production