Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Jordan Schlansky, Jason Chillemi, and Frank Smiley Revisit CONAN in Italy & Japan

Episode Date: May 3, 2023

CONAN OG's Jordan Schlansky, Jason Chillemi, and Frank Smiley discuss pulling together the Italy trip in two weeks, Jordan's foray into nude modeling, and the importance of thinly sliced prosciutto.Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] or e-mail us at [e-mail].

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. We're your hosts. I'm Jessi Gaskell. And this, as always, is Mike Sweeney. Hello. Hi. Hello. Aloha. Aloha. We are writers for Conan. We are. We're still writers for Conan in some capacity. We're still writers. We're still writers. Comma for Conan. Yeah. And this season, we're talking all about, it's really outside Conan because it's Conan getting out of the studio, going on remotes, going on travel shows, going on the road. That's right. And speaking of his international travel shows, my wife is actually doing something interesting.

She's applying for an Italian citizenship. What? Yeah. Oh, cool. Oh, I think, I mean, a lot of Americans are trying to get passports for other countries, especially in the EU. Yeah. What's the process like for that?

And is she going to take you with her? Well, that's the thing. She's doing it. She's applying. And it takes like two or three years. And once she gets it, then our two sons will automatically get Italian citizenship. And that kind of leaves me out in the cold. Oh, no, really?

Yeah. I was like, she was explaining to me. I was like, uh-huh. was explaining to me. I was like, uh-huh. Oh, that's great. That's great. That's great. And then I'm like, and I said, I guess, cause I'm married to you. And she's like, no, she just, right. She knew she'd read up on it. It wasn't like, oh yeah, I'll look into that. It was like, oh no, you are not part, you are not part of this. Oh wow. You can stay here and hold down the fort. Well, I'm hoping to let, even let me visit them in Italy, you know?

Oh, my God. Yeah. So, man, oh, man. And then I was helping with some of the paperwork. You're helping? Oh, geez. A little bit. So I'm hoping that will at least extend to like a weekend stay.

At least maybe you could come along as their attorney. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like maybe or even a week in Palermo with them. Uh-huh. Or I may just never, I may not even hear that they got it. They're just gone.

They're just gone. Yeah. There's a note on the fridge. There's leftovers. Right. And you know what? I've been to Italy. I mean, I know my way around Italy, but no.

So, and this is because she has Italian heritage. Is that a requirement to become a citizen? Okay. Well, I learned the rule. I think for most countries, if you're an American, to become a citizen? Okay. Well, I learned the rule. Yeah. I think for most countries, if you're an American, you need to have a grandparent

from a country. In Italy, you're allowed to go back to the great-grandparent. Oh. We probably all have Italian great-grandparents. Yes, exactly.

That goes back to like Neanderthal times. Yeah, so there's people, there's people, they've been searching for records in this small town called Scandale in Southern Italy looking for birth records of her great grandparents. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, then that might be kind of cool to see what else, you know, she learns through this process. Right. And now she wants to visit that town, which she didn't even know. She didn't even know about that town being kind of the birthplace of half her family.

So yeah, she's really into it. I think I can apply for Panamanian citizenship because I was born in Panama. And that's all that it requires. But I would not be able to have dual citizenship is the problem. Oh, you have to pick one and renounce the other? I have to pick one, yes. So that's kind of a last resort, I think. So your parents are American.

So because you were born a U.S. citizen, it doesn't matter where in the world it happens, you become a U.S. citizen automatically. Right. Although I can't run for president. Oh, is that true? Yeah. Oh, that's right.

You're foreign born. Mm-hmm. Wow. So how old were you? How long did you live in Panama after you were born? We lived there for five years. Oh, wow. And then we lived all around Latin America until I was 13.

Right. Wow. So do you remember? You were five. Do you remember Panama at all? Little bits and pieces. Yeah. You know, you'll have like a smell here or a flower.

Yeah. That's amazing. Have you been back to Panama to like- I've only been briefly, but I would like, yeah, I'd like to go back again. I mean,

um, I've, I've talked to a lot of people that visited and really loved it. I went back. I had a, I had a long layover, like a full day layover there once and got to go to the canal, which is really remarkable.

I mean, yeah, it sounds amazing. Piece of engineering. Yeah. Yeah, it sounds amazing. A remarkable piece of engineering. Yeah. And you came through a birth canal in Panama. That's right. Yeah, it's incredible.

It's synchronicity. It winds up, it really is. Okay, but we were talking about Italy for a reason. Yes. Because today we're talking about Conan's trip to Italy with none other than Jordan Schlansky. Yes. And we have him here. I don't know if there's ever been a show that Conan did that was one full hour of Jordan Schlansky.

That is a lot of Schlansky. It was a lot. Yes. And it still wasn't enough for some people. We've got some real Schlansky heads out there. Yes, I know. They were like, wait, they only went to four cities. What? There should be a sequel. Yeah. And we cooked that up. We were supposed to go to India and that fell through. And then we were slated to go somewhere in a coming week off. So we pivoted and threw that together in two weeks.

That's right. And we talk about it in this podcast, how it came to be. How it came together. Yep. And the popularity of that show led us to bring Jordan on another travel show when Conan went to Japan. So we're going to start getting into that as well. Actually, we have three guests on today to discuss our Italy show. Yeah.

In addition to Jordan, we also have our field producer, Jason Shalemi, who's been on all the travel shows. He makes everything happen on them. And also producer Frank Smiley, who went with us to Italy. So here are Jordan, Jason, and Frank. Well, yeah, so we're here with Inside Conan regulars. Yep. Three of them, in fact.

Jordan Schlansky. One. Jason Chalemi. Two. Frank Smiley. Three. Hello. Hi, welcome fact. Jordan Schlansky. One. Jason Chalemi. Two. Frank Smiley. Three. Hello. Hi, welcome back.

Hi, Frank. Hi, guys. And you're all here today because we thought we'd talk about two travel shows that people really loved. One was Conan going to Italy, and all five of us were on that trip. Yeah. Wasn't that fun? We're going to talk about that, and we're going to talk about the trip to Japan. That's right.

Yeah, which was also a good one. Also a hit. Yeah. I want to point out quickly that Chalemi had in his rider to have nine Miller Lights here available. Yeah. And they're right next to me on a table. Each has their own coaster. Was that part of the patronizing ask that you made?

My ask was whatever was in the fridge and she got it. They happened to be in the fridge already. So we're out of soylent. Yes. How long? Will that get you through the whole hour? Yeah. Okay. Or were you expecting a much longer episode? Right, exactly.

These cans are dented, by the way, which leads to the risk of botulism. I'm just going to make a... With beer? I've heard of that with canned goods like soup, but never with beer. Wait, what's botulism again? Botulism is a toxin. You have a sterile environment when something is canned, but when you dent it, you run the risk of exposing the inside to the outside.

So what happens to that? Jordan's so excited to dive in. Jason asked that question. He's like, well... He's like, I hope botulism comes up. I've certainly drank in a dented can before. As a regular consumer of canned tomatoes, probably San Marzano,

from the aforementioned Italy, I'm always aware of avoiding dents. But I think that's different than beer. Yes, the alcohol would kill the bacteria. Right, exactly. I don't know that I'm willing to take that risk, but you could be right. Tell me what happens with botulism. What would happen? You took the risk to be raw. No one's ever had it, but you could be right. Tell me what happens with botulism.

What would happen? You took the risk to be wrong. No one's ever had it. It can't be good. It's not good. Well, such is life, friends. Dad, just, you know, botulism is something close to my heart. And so for you to just spout off, it upsets me. It actually upsets me.

It's a microaggression. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, so let's dive into Italy. Yeah. We were all there. So this kind of all began because Jordan had already been doing this exact specific trip to Italy for many years. Yes. Solo, by yourself.

Often solo, yeah. Oh, who went with you? There have been various people that have joined me for certain legs of the trip. Stanley Tucci. You know, it's generally structured as a road trip from point A to point B. So sometimes if I have a friend that's local to one area, they'll join me for a short portion. Often local by design, deliberately local. But the same itinerary usually?

You'd start in Florence or Firenze and drive south to Naples? It did vary somewhat. Napoli. Yeah, for some reason, the north to south progression always felt the most natural to me. But no, I've experimented with different cities at certain times, but I found my favorites and decided to go back to those over and over again. And, you know, it's worth noting that when we were first planning our show, there were some opinions about how we should structure it. And one of the opinions was we should just stay in Rome,

do everything out of Rome, which immediately was like discouraging for me because I knew that, for me, the great part of Italy was experiencing all these different places by virtue of a road trip. But I guess I felt maybe it wasn't practical for a TV production. But in the end, you guys made the admirable decision to do it that way. And I think that's one of the reasons it works.

Would you have said no if we had just stayed in Rome? Of course not. But I felt like even throughout the trip, there were times where I felt self-conscious because through my own opinion, we would go to a certain city like Naples. I feel like there was some question about should we go to Naples because it was a bit out of the way. And I felt this pressure that we better get something good in Naples because that was also toward the end of the trip and people were tired. And it was, I'll use the word grueling. It was a bit grueling packing up. There were many places where we stayed for one night, got there late at night, packed up the next morning.

Filming all day. Yeah, and I feel like there were some people that were kind of rolling their eyes at going to Naples. So like I said, I just felt this pressure. And then... I don't think anyone in this room. No one in this room. But we do acknowledge that there was this overall sentiment

like, wow, we're really traveling a lot and this is really tiresome. It was grueling. It was grueling. Yeah. That was a talent. I also don't remember wanting to stay in Rome. I think the idea was—

That was never the plan. Is Rome part of your trip? That was a suggestion. Is Rome normally part of— Rome is part of my trip. Rome was part of our trip. But it certainly wasn't a home base. We did not have a home base.

I thought we were going to go to India. That felt true. That's the real reason. We planned this whole thing in two weeks. The whole idea was to do your road trip. The particularness of it is what was attractive, especially because Italy, everyone's been to Italy, but your unique take on Italy and your travel, that seemed like the guiding light for this. So this was structured by you. Yeah.

I'm happy. I'm happy that in a last minute situation, you had at least a starting foundation for what the trip could be. And that's what it was. I haven't heard you guys talk about previously the fact that this was a last minute trip because India fell through. Yes. And, you know, for years, I suspected that maybe, you know,

once the Conan Without Borders series started, I suspected maybe one day Italy will happen. Oh, right. Yeah. And I remember the one thing that was- You were lying in wait. Well, it's a natural assumption. But I remember the one-

You kind of botched the India trip somehow. You were slipping Italy flyers under office doors. Sorry, go ahead. No, the one thing about suspecting that this may happen one day that was in my head is I hope it's in summer or spring. The beautiful time. I mean, even fall. As long as it's not winter. It was in my mind because I had been to Italy in winter and it was not as rewarding.

And it was February. It was winter. It was the one time of year where you wouldn't necessarily want to go. That said, Italy, I think it's pretty awesome. It's worked, and I don't think it's honestly any worse for having that. There was like rain, and we had umbrellas, whatever. Not a big deal. I'm sorry you don't like Italy that much.

The price was right. The price was right? It was free. How much did you pay to do this? I'm not complaining. I'm only going through my thought process. If this is to be a deep dive on the genesis of this trip, this was my thought process. You guys called me into Conan's office and said, we're going to Italy.

And the first thought in my head was, I can't believe it has to be winter. And that's it. That was my thought. Well, we opened your eyes to Italy in the winter. There's a smell to the flowers in Tuscany in springtime that you completely missed. Right. We'll have to go back. I don't know the species of flora specifically.

I can't say that it was citrus, but it's wonderful. All right. Well, now the whole trip's ruined. Yeah, so we just jumped on your trip, and that included Naples. Like, that was a big part of it. Yeah, once we were, there was a moment in the, we were shooting in a coffee shop. Yes. And Conan was...

In Naples. Performing well. Yes. And hilariously. Right. And in that moment, the thought in my head was, okay. We got it. This is justified.

This trip to Naples is justified. That's interesting that you felt... That was what was going through my head. That was seven days, this is justified. This trip to Naples is justified. That's interesting that you felt. That was what was going through my head. That was seven days in, I think. But he was happy with the pizza also. We had fun behind the scenes, certainly. We got to go to the best Neapolitan

place in the world. And this was kind of at the forefront of Neapolitan pizza being exported everywhere. So I feel like we were part of a movement. Yeah. Yeah. We shot some of the other pizza place, but everyone was just eating pizza.

We were just eating. It was just like we edited it and we're like, oh, okay. No need to release this footage. It's just good food. I'm sure Jordan has all the footage. He does. Do you? No, for anyone that doesn't know, I'm often kept in the dark, I think, by design.

So as not to hear any potentially negative feedback, I might assume. I don't know why I'm kept in the dark, but I don't often see these things. I don't often see these things until they're screened for an audience. So I'm not in on the post-production process. So while they're being shot, I guess you'd say I have a certain amount of control in what I choose to say or how I might choose to subtly steer as we're shooting. But then after that, I have zero control. This sounds like a gripe. No, I'm just—

No, you're a— I feel— Did you have notes— A lot of gripes so far. A lot of gripes. We shot in Italy, right? Right. Did you have notes on this one that you gave us?

Because I previously had worked with you on a remote where you did have some follow-up notes. Did I? Yes. Which remote was that? We went and did a coffee tasting. Uh-huh. Oh.

And there was some moment where I think you had maybe misstated the milliliters required. Oh, that sounds about right. Sure. Yeah, I would give you a note on that. Needed to clear that up. That's right. And I was like, no, no one, that's not going to make it. And also, no one cares. Those are the kind Yeah, I would give you a note on that. Needed to clear that up and I was like,

no, no one, that's not going to make it and also no one cares. Those are the kind of notes I would give. We're going to get a note about the botulism in beer cans.

Although you guys started this experience with your customary saying that if anything needs to be taken out, just let us know. No problem.

And I'm here to say that that's not true because I have requested this in the past and I've been flat out told no. Right. No, that's fair. Wait, did you have problems with anything in the Italy show?

Not in the Italy show, but there was another remote Matt O'Brien. It was the remote where I was coming in late. And there was a scene where I removed my shirt. Yes. And I asked Matt O'Brien to remove that, and he just said no. I said, remember the one time? I've never asked for anything to be removed.

I never, I didn't know this. What were you unhappy about? In retrospect, maybe it was an unreasonable request. But nevertheless, I learned the lesson that when you offer to take things out, it's really an empty offer. Of course. Of course. Well, if you're going to get things out, it's really an empty offer. Of course. Of course. Of course. Well, if you're going to get half naked, yeah.

Right. Well, why did you want that taken out? Yeah. You know, I don't, maybe I just. I think looking back, you'll be pleased. Yes. Your children will. You have a very nice body.

Yes. Thank you for that. Thank you. I appreciate that. That's why I brought it up. I was hoping somebody would respond to that. So you did have to take your shirt off again. In fact, more.

And your pants. Shirt and pants. On the Italy trip. That's everything. Because you sat for a nude drawing class. I sat. I walked. In Florence.

I may have reclined. Yes, in Florence. Naked. Nude. How did you... Did we tell you in advance that you were going to have to do that? I don't, maybe.

I'm sure we did. Yeah, maybe. I don't remember the conversation, but there I was nude. I think up the staircase, up to the, right? When I handed you the dance belts.

Yeah. Put this on. There was a real nude model there. Yes. As we walked in, and Ruthie, I guess, who was with us. Ruthie, yeah. Who was doing social media.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. She, I guess, had not initially seen that naked man. Okay. And she saw me wearing a robe. And then she went away to do something. And she came back and she saw the man's genitalia and was shocked. Thought it was you. She quickly thought it was me

and she was quite shocked. And she immediately tweeted about it. Found out that it wasn't her. Under the team Coco bear. So why didn't you request to have that removed? Were you fully nude, as you said? Maybe I was encouraged by the success of the first experience. Okay, as you said. Maybe I was encouraged

by the success of the first experience. Okay, there you go. Retroact. Did you feel you had to prepare your body in any way for this? I mean, I prepare my body regardless. I don't need an excuse.

You're always ready for nudity. Are you ready right now if we asked for it? I mean, if it needs to happen, if I feel that it's justified, I'm not going to do this. Let's go bottomless. You've gone topless, fully nude that it's justified and not confused. Let's go bottomless.

You've gone topless, fully nude. I am not prepared. Have some more Miller Lights. Well, we started, we could go chronologically. We started in Florence. Yes. That was where the nude art class was. We also walked, we walked through Florence.

That was the rainy day, I remember. It was, it was a little cold. And Conan found a Pinocchio. I don't know how to describe it. It was sort of a wooden cutout. Yeah, you put your face in. You put your face in to become Pinocchio. They have Pinocchio stores in Italy where you can just go.

They specialize in Pinocchio's toys. Well, Pinocchio is written by Carlo Collodi, who lived in Florence. So they're very proud of it. Oh, there you go. Yeah. So there's every three blocks. And if you run out of a Pinocchio, you can run in and get a new one. Get a new Pinocchio.

So these cutouts. Oh, yeah. So we saw, Conan saw this cutout and wanted to humiliate Jordan by making him sit in it. And then we, of course, purchased this big piece of wood. It's in this building right now, by the way. Okay. That was going to be my question. So, Chilemi, I remember, had to carry it around, I think, all of Italy.

Wait, so that happened in Florence? You were physically carrying it. Yeah, that was the very first day. The first day. We got that Pinocchio. It weighed around 40 pounds. It was heavy, yeah. And we don't have a normal crew with prop people and this and that.

So you were schlepping it. Yeah, on trains and cars. Did we ever use it again? I don't think we did. I think we used it in the audience load-in for the screening. People would take pictures. Back in LA. We used it once in that movie.

Oh, you're right, in Rome. We did use it in Rome. But it was that classic thing where we were laughing so hard at you in that Pinocchio thing that we're like, oh, my God, we've got to buy it and break because we're going to use it again. We'll use it. We'll get our money's worth. Never used it again. And then poor Chalemi every morning, I think, would probably be like, should I bring the Pinocchio? Yeah.

Yeah. Bring it. I gotta have it. Oh, I think, would probably be like, should I bring the Pinocchio? Yeah. Yeah. Bring it. I gotta have it. Oh, I remember going on the train with it. I have a photo of you on one of the train stations. I have very little memory of shooting with it in Florence, but I have a lot of memory of Chalemi carrying it around in all the places that we were at. It's cumbersome. The awful thing is, a lot of times, you'll say in the morning, should I bring the Pinocchio? What do I need?

And then we go, and we're all like, well, no, we're not going to eat it. But then it's like, just in case. The one time. If you don't bring the Pinocchio, that will be the day Conan goes. And Conan's going to ask for it.

Where's the Pinocchio? I need it now. Yeah. And I think Conan enjoyed seeing Chalemi holding this Pinocchio. That might be part of it too. Yeah.

So it was always in the van. And now it's in the building. And now it's here. It's downstairs. In this building. So it was always in the van. And now it's in the building. And now it's here. It's downstairs. In this building. In this building. So it made it out of all the artifacts from the old show. Yeah.

That made it into the building. It was in storage for a while and it was just brought over here. Wow. Was that because there wasn't room for it in storage? They're trying to, they're condensing. Uh-huh. It's our special guest next week. We're going to interview the Pinocchio.

Yeah. So that happened on the first day. Yeah. And then you, you mentioned Jordan, that this was a road trip. Um, so we did honor that part of it and, uh, rented a Fiat Cinquecento, which is, is that, that's the car that you always drive? If I can get it. Yeah. When you rent a car, it really, especially when you're talking about a road trip, you want to get a good car that could make or break the trip. You don't want like a Fiat Panda. Okay. That. When you rent a car, it really, especially when you're talking about a road trip, you want to get a good car that could make or break the trip. You don't want like a Fiat Panda. Okay.

That is a disgusting automobile. I was going to say. So much of your road trip is in the car. So many of your pictures involve the car. If you have a Fiat Panda, that's a bad day. Okay. And a lot of times I have to make like really intricate arrangements with the rental car to make sure I get a Cinquecento, which, by the way, to the rental car establishment,

it's not anything special. It's probably their lowest-priced item. It's like a Camry. Yes, I want that authenticity. I want that historical beauty. So we got a vintage one, 1962, I believe. Which was tiny. It was tiny.

Tiny, yeah, adorable. And, yeah, that was a good segment. It was because the car broke down. It actually broke down, yeah. And yeah, that was a good segment. It was because the car broke down. It actually broke down, yeah. And that's... Yeah, and you had trouble driving it, as I recall. Yeah, it would stall. It would stall frequently.

Oh, maybe the car was fine. It was all operator error. Certainly possible. But yeah, that was a crazy... I remember starting that morning and you would start in Florence and then drive down through Tuscany and end up in Cortona.

And we really filmed you that whole way, following you in that little car. That was a great day. For whatever reason, that same day we rented a Vespa, which I think was to shoot some B-roll. I think we had a drone. We had a drone. That was the early days where we didn't always have a drone. That was like a special thing. That was only the second time ever.

I think we only used one. Oh, no, no. We used a few shots. There was a shot of the Cinquecento driving at the end of that particular segment. And then there was, I think, one shot of the Vespa in the end credits, Conor and I going across the bridge. We probably spent eight hours on that shot. There was a lot of time.

But that was a fun day. You know, behind the scenes, you're working, you're working. But then there were these isolated moments of elation, at least for me. And there was one where I was riding the Vespa. Conan was on back. It was this, like, scenic bridge. And you kind of step outside the experience and you say, like, wow, this is amazing. So, yeah, that one day we had the Cinquecento and the Vespa.

And it was a fun day. That was a long day. That was a really long day. That was not a fun day. Oh, interesting. Yeah. That was a really long day. That was not a fun day. You're leaving out two other segments. We did truffle. Oh, my God. We shot that day.

Oh, my God. Then the wine tasting. Yes. And then we were also exhausted. We went to your favorite restaurant. Oh, my God. That's the same day? And also, that was Valentine's Day.

And so we were so exhausted we set two cameras on sticks to shoot you two having a meal and we just went in the other room there were no cameramen present

for that dinner it was kind of on autopilot we came in every 20 minutes no one ate that day no we hadn't eaten we were non-stop that whole day

and then it was maybe nine by the time we got to dinner. We made up for lost time. Yeah. Yeah. That restaurant. We left you and Conan

in front of the cameras and just went, oh, housed. That was, now that you say it, I forgot. It was a little sadistic. I don't remember

which day we shot each thing you guys, you know, having created the logistics in the first place do, but that was another, now that I think about it, there was,

as I was eating dinner with Conan, I was sensing, I remember that I had more, I had pressure on, no, I felt pressure again because he seemed exhausted and I had this pressure like, okay,

something good better come out of this dinner. And then I think it did. I was, that's one of my favorites from that trip. Yeah, it was one of the best segments and we were, we had nothing to do. We weren't even paying attention.

So it makes me think, we should have just let him. I know. That should happen from now on. Yeah, it was one of the best segments and we had nothing to do. We weren't paying attention. So it makes me think we should have just let him put it through and we could have enjoyed Italy. We could have been in museums. I know, I know. Right? That's true.

Just all meals. And we'll watch it down when we get back. Right. Which is what we did with that. And we're like, oh, this is great. You did mention, Sweeney, the truffle hunting remote,

which is weirdly one of my favorite memories from that trip. Oh, yeah. Because we had set up, we were so excited about the setup of it. And, you know, we got these real truffle hunters and truffle hunting dogs. And then we went out in the countryside. And almost immediately, Conan sniffed out. He thought that they were planting the truffles in advance of us finding them. Because they were, you know, they would find one and it was like not very deep beneath the soil and kind of brush it off.

It had a price tag on it. Right. It was like a child's Easter egg hunt. Exactly. It was pretty late. But I don't totally know that it wasn't real because I've never been to a real truffle hunt either. Right. The time was at the S and it was getting dark, right?

Yeah. We probably showed up late. I'm going to go. I think we were late. Maybe hours late. No question we were hours late. It was like, it was a hundred foot course where they found all these truffles the second they started the adventure. So it seemed pretty,

but that was fine. We were all exhausted. So we're like, thank you. Thank you for faking this. Because otherwise. You got your unexpected joke because when you had conceived of this bit, that wasn't where you thought the comedy would be.

But I'm curious, where did you see that bit going? I'm going to defer to anyone else on that question. I don't remember. Was that a Jose idea? The truffles? I don't remember. It doesn't matter, but I just remember when it was happening,

I literally felt like I had done mushrooms. It was so surreal. It got very surreal. Plus, it was getting dark. It was twilight and the men were jabbering to each other in Italian, and there were dogs patting around, and you and Conan started laughing hysterically at the farce of it. So, it was surreal. It was weird and surreal.

One of my favorite parts of the whole trip. I know. I know. But then it goes right into the wine, which was also- Oh, my God. Because you guys were already a little punch drunk, and then you went into the wine tasting

and it was really unraveled. So the wine tasting was just complete chaos, or at least it felt like it. There was the amount of laughing coming from behind

the camera. I guess we're used... Now that we shoot stuff without an audience and you hear a lot of our crew laughing more often, but back then,

I guess you didn't hear it as much. But what typically will make me laugh is if I hear someone else laughing, that's like my trigger. It happened with Pierre Bernard in our Thanksgiving remote, like many years ago, he had this like cackling laugh that would get me. And in that case, it was you. And Ruthie, again, took this behind the scene video, which was posted on the social media. And she, I guess, was standing right next to you and you could just hear the amount of laughing. It was the laughing behind the camera that set me off. Oh, wow.

I think we're all laughing. It felt like just chaos. And I felt like it was falling apart. And it turned out it ended up being great. Yeah. I do remember there was an early screening of that remote, which, the first time i see is where that part was not present in the screening i think one of the first versions you took out the part where we were laughing and the chaos happened and um and then it got put back in in retrospect it's it's probably my favorite part

of the that yeah oh great yeah i think because we hadn't had it, it really almost it made it feel like, oh, are they breaking character here? Like, oh, does it make you think too much about whether it's all kind of staged? But no, I mean, it's just that's that was the reality of the moment. We went back and forth on it. And then it was just like, well, it's really it's just really funny. It's funny to watch people laugh. And that trumped every, the idea that, oh, you know, you're, and also seeing both of you laughing together is so rare. Yes.

It was. It's nice to see you having fun together too because. Right. As much as Conan shits on you in these remotes, it's, you know, you want to also see that you're maybe having fun. But that was also you two really going, exchanging equal punches. Toe to toe, yeah. So I think that's also

how you two just started cracking up. It was almost like a boxer clinch. There was something else. So everybody's laughing, you mentioned, except for one person. Oh, yeah. The wine connoisseur. I don't think she was allowed Oh, yeah. The wine. I don't think she was allowed to laugh. She had like a certain I don't think she knew what was going on.

We had to stop. Yeah. She's like, is this? She thought we were laughing at the wine. And at her, which was not the case at all. And that's kind of why I was laughing. Yeah. It was so awkward. Yeah, it was awkward. Yeah, so, but we had to say, oh my God, no.

They're making fun of each other. You're just a pawn in their little game. Yes. Yeah, I could be wrong. I interpreted it as she was personally cool and hip, but she was there to represent her company, which is a very prestigious winery in Tuscany going back generations.

Right. And there might be expectations on her to present a certain image. Right, right, right. And then certainly this is devolving into chaos. She's, you know, feeling responsible somehow. But nevertheless, there was an interview with her after with a wine magazine after this aired. I don't even know if you guys had seen that. No.

I never mentioned it. No. But she kind of said as much. She said, I thought it was great and I love to see people having fun. But of course, you know, we're a professional operation. Oh, yeah. All right. That's good.

So you haven't been banned from the Fenton Oaks winery. I certainly hope not. Can I just, why were you scraping the bottom of the wine glass on the table? That seems crazy. I've never seen anyone do that before. You've never seen anyone aerate a glass of wine? You know, wine comes to life. Aerating a glass of wine but not scratching it along a table. Well, I'm not responsible for the surfaces present in the winery.

All I know is that I want to add oxygen to my wine before I drink it, before I smell it. And they chose to have a stone countertop. It's as simple as that. I'm totally with Jordan on this one. Sweeney loves metal on metal. Oh, man. Metal on glass glass glass on stone on shale

you know I'm sorry I don't mean to jump ahead but it just occurred to me because you were talking about the concept of someone laughing setting someone else off

we had this crazy experience on a train this is much later right and it was a shot as a behind the scenes thing Aaron Blair

was shooting something with his phone and it was a similar as a behind-the-scenes thing. Aaron Blair was shooting something. With phones or something, yeah. Yeah, with his phone. And it was a similar situation where we just devolved into some kind of laughing fit. And when we got back, again, I didn't see any of this footage, but I heard this. Your office was across the hall from me at the time, and I heard this laughing coming from your office. You were laughing hysterically.

And I feel like I caught you laughing hysterically screaming footage as well and it's that concept of seeing people laughing that makes you as a viewer laugh. What were you laughing at? That was a discussion

about three days. Yes, that's right. You know, that came up again unplanned but it was just an organic evolution of that conversation. That always gets you.

I think that's what's getting ahead of Japan. What Frank're jumping ahead, but you're bad. What Frank's getting at is you love shit jokes. You love poopies. They crack you up. I guess if they're good. I like any joke.

I like the good ones. And, you know, sometimes are affected by the bad. Does the word doody make you laugh? No. Doody? No. Poo-poo? Dookie?

No, everyone else is loud. You know, often it's like, again, I don't like, again, I really don't want to jump ahead. But that's cool. We're having a real conversation. The thing about Japan was not the fact that we were discussing human soil. It was the fact that we were discussing human soil with a very straight-faced Japanese professional expert from Toto. We were at the Toto show. Yeah, and it was his reactions or lack thereof.

He was dressed in a suit. The way he held himself was very dignified. He had honor. He was a man of honor. And he was representing his honorable products. And the fact that these conversations were taking place in his presence and questions, that's what got me.

It was the contrast. You were a child. You could not stop laughing. You were a kid. Once you break the seal, that's what got me it was the contrast you were a child you could not stop laughing you were once you break the seal and then you know that's it yeah

then let the diarrhea flow why do you like scatological humor so much does it go back to something with your parent with your mom you know

who are we to like analyze the reason why things make us laugh I mean there's you know there's a lot a lot of people like it

a lot of it is the contrast of a certain type of humor in an otherwise dignified situation. Right, right, right, right. The fact that, you know, we were a professional show, ostensibly, and, you know, Conan was a legend in comedy. He was highly educated. You know, this goes back to that road trip where he was playing the release of Human Gas. And again, given his education and his stature and comedy, he's not someone that would usually be reduced to that kind of humor.

He's very sophisticated in his comedy. And the fact that that's what it turned into... But he's a man. Yeah, well, that's what kind of gets me. So you're not laughing about the poop jokes now because this is not a dignified space. I don't feel it.

I don't sense a lot of dignified. So there's no contrast. To back it up. Yeah. That tracks. That does track. So yes, you got us up to, we're on the train to Naples. We actually took the train, which I thought was fun because I think that's...

We were in a lot of vans, so it was nice to mix it up. Yeah. That's an important part of travel in Europe. And then we went to Naples, where... Well, you were on a Conan and Jordan were on a soap opera. Oh, yeah. That's right. Which is great.

Which I saw that building in my... Did you watch My Brilliant Friend? Yes. Yeah. I recognized it immediately. I said, we were there. It's so funny. Oh, we also saw Cortona was in Succession, wasn't it?

Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Everyone's copying us. I know, clearly. No one went to Italy until we thought to do a travel show there. But we were on our guard in Naples because the word was out

that you're going to get your pocket picked, right? Wasn't that the word? Oh, that's the take on... I feel like that's old school Naples. Yeah. That was like from our...

I'd say it's a town that you should be careful in. Right. As with many cities of the world, New York being one of them. Sure. Depending on where...

Even Los Angeles being one of them. So, yeah, even Los Angeles being one of them. So, yeah, but there is a perception. Have you ever had trouble in Naples? No, because I take precaution. I was in a car accident with a taxi once because the streets are kind of chaotic. That was your poor driving again. In this case, I was in the backseat and we were rear-ended.

But because the driving is a bit chaotic and it's a gritty town. That's one of the things I love about it. When I go, I actually stay in the grittiest neighborhood called Decumani, where all the pizzerias are, which is what kind of looks like Gotham City. There are these like cobblestone streets and there are the clotheslines hung up across the street. And we shot a lot there. Yeah, I love that. And people kind of can communicate between buildings. It's like you know your neighbors on the other side at your level. Yeah, there was a lot of that. We stayed in a strange hotel in Naples.

I remember that, which was not in my area. That was another reason why I was self-conscious about having dragged everyone to Naples. The hotel was not great, and I felt like something good needed to happen. I love that Jordan got to experience this because we feel this on travel shows all the time. You feel pressure. Yeah. It was like, oh, I fought for this and now these truffle dogs better turn something up. Since you bring that up, it's worth saying, you know, I've done many different

segments over the years and we had many writers. 13, 15 on average, I guess. Is that fair to say? Yeah. And, you know, they were all great. They all had a certain standard.

But there were some that I felt were better suited towards the segments with me just because for whatever reason, their humor was relative to the type of stuff we were doing. And one of the great things about shooting these travel shows is you kind of, you get the A-team. It's like, you know, at that point,

Sweeney, I think, was even retired from the day to day. There was a strange situation with you. I don't know if you guys are ever. There was this one. There was one day where the entire staff got an email from you saying, you may have heard I'm leaving. I never heard you were leaving. And it said Matt O'Brien will be taking over as head writer. but I'm not leaving. I'm staying on board for consulting work. And at first I thought it was a joke. Is this a bit like- Well, it turned out to be a joke. And then you moved into this office, which was better decorated than anyone else's office.

It had like this crazy plush, and you had this sign called Stalin's Dacha. Is that how you pronounce it? Stalin's Dacha? Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was a very strange situation. Anyway, you were like elite. You became like royalty in that moment.

Professor Emeritus. I didn't think it was strange at all. We started doing the travel shows. And I was still the head writer. And we'd be in Armenia. And we'd finish shooting all day. And then I had to go and read everything. Read my life.

You had a lot. You had a lot on your plate. I was like, this is insane. No, it makes sense. I guess it was the way you announced it. There's the way. But regardless, you were elevated. How was I supposed to announce it?

My perception of you is elevated to some sort of deity or king. God, yes. And the fact that I now had the potential to shoot with you for a week where I knew you were going to be the one editing these bits. And you had conceived them gave me a lot of confidence. Like, oh, this is were going to be the one editing these bits and you had conceived them gave me a lot of confidence. Like, oh, this is probably going to be good. It's like, it's like,

sure, whenever you get to work with a deity, and it looks great in your resume. Look at the Pope's resume. It's kind of like, you know, every writer should perform equally. But, you know, we're human beings. It's like when you go

to the deli counter, like, yes, they should all be able to slice your prosciutto like equally thin. But then there's like the one guy that's like, no you know, we're human beings. It's like when you go to the deli counter, like, yes, they should all be able to slice your prosciutto like equally thin. But then there's like the one guy that's like, no, no, you can't slice it below a one or it'll shred. You're telling me this? Like, I know prosciutto department incredibly well.

Right, so you were like the deli slicer that knew how to slice prosciutto properly. Now I can relate to you. And you are the prosciutto, Jordan. I am the prosciutto. I worked at a deli, the A&P deli. I mean, to you talking about it. And you are the prosciutto, Jordan. I am the prosciutto. I was sliced thin. I worked at a deli, the A&P deli. Okay.

I mean, did you slice? I know it's a pain to slice thin. When you have to slice thin, there are more slices per given weight, right? You're talking about a half pound of meat. It's more work. It's more work. That's the thing. And I think you have to go slower.

When you're super thin and you don't want to shred, you have to go slower. You need to push the meat into the blade. You need a sharp blade. Absolutely. There's a lot more involved. I understand it's more work, and I'm happy to acknowledge the person's work. But to make up a scientific reason why it's not possible to slice something that thin to me is not the right way to approach it. How do you deal with a thickly sliced prosciutto?

Well, if I see that the result I'm getting as he's slicing or she is not thin enough, I'll just abort. I'll just say I'll just take a tenth of a pound instead of a half. You don't try that. Oh, wow. You just assume they're incompetent. There's a well-known national supermarket chain, high-end. Ralph's?

Well, who wants to say their name? But they don't believe in partial foods, let's say. There are two guys working. There's a guy in the deli and then there's the guy at the sandwich station who kind of, I think he supervises the deli. Sometimes he'll jump in. But you're just talking about one branch of Whole Foods. One location, but no, I've encountered this at multiple locations. I'm just saying, there's a lot of art in slicing meat. I agree.

Okay? Like, have you ever seen a guy that slices lox in New York? Yes. I went to this place, Seydel's, which is known for their smoked salmon. Or I don't even think it's smoked, so it's not lox. But one day, they were not selling the salmon. And I said, why can't I get the salmon? I was visiting.

I wanted to take some home. And they said, because the guy that slices it is out sick. There's only one guy that knows how to slice it the right way because it's an art. I'm just saying slicing meat is an art. So you were going to Whole Foods expecting an artist to slice your prosciutto. Any establishment that carries prosciutto di parma, it's like $26 a pound, is going to be a high-end establishment. And yes, I would assume if you're going to be a deli slicer at a high-end establishment, one of the things you will know, if not the primary thing you will know, is how to slice meat thin enough that it won't shred. Again, and the guy, the supervisor guy, said to said to me oh you can't slice

prosciutto under a one earl shred I thought he was saying oh the only way to have prosciutto is thin don't worry you can't we would never slice it thick but no he was telling and the guy actually knew who I the other guy knew who I was because he said to me after he's like I love I love your work

I thought he knew you from your complaints to the manager. No, no, no. Oh, this guy, they have your picture behind. Oh, this fucker. No, he knew, I guess he had seen some of the bits we had done, the ones we're talking about right now. And then he's hearing this guy lecture me

that you cannot cut prosciutto di palla thin. And again, this is an expensive product. I bet he balled his fists. So he said, he actually gave me the, I gotcha. He's like, I gotcha. And he did a great job. And now he doesn't work. He usually works in the back in the kitchen.

So I was just there. And you're going to get the other guy. And one time I saw the good guy in the aisles. And I said, hey, man, I never see you there. And he's like, just ask for me. I'm in the kitchen. I don't know why we're discussing this for this length of time. But I don't know. You don't like for this length of time. So, thanks.

I got an answer. You don't like prosciutto sliced thick. Nor should anyone. And that's your only exposure. No, no. This is not open for discussion. This is not like personal preference. This is like.

This isn't an opinion. This is the way it is. This is the way it should be. Right. Yeah. Well, I'm afraid we have to move on. Wait, what? But before we get off of Italy, Jordan, was there anything that we didn't get to do that you regret or that you had hoped that's a part of your normal trip?

Certainly not regrets. There are many beautiful areas. We didn't go to Venice. We didn't go to the Amalfi Coast. The south of Italy, Sicily is beautiful. I think it should be acknowledged that Mike Sweeney here is I'm going to say an expert on Italy through his own travels.

You guys had mentioned museums and things like that. There were isolated moments in the midst of this grueling work schedule where we did have a moment to ourselves and Sweeney took us into a museum in Florence and it was a Caravaggio like you were talking about the interplay of light and shadow.

This man is very educated. He's been to Italy many times. That was the Francesi church right near the Pantheon. Yeah, that was cool. There's three Caravaggios there in the back. You gotta see them if you're in the area.

That's Rome 101, guys. So I'm a deity. I'm an expert on Italy. And I know how to carve meat. I love it. Well, you're incredibly well-spoken. I mean, there's a lot one can say about you.

But I was just being such a lover of Italy myself. I was always surprised when we had a hiatus week where you did go to Italy. You'd come back and you'd report to me in a way that made me respect you as not your average tourist, as someone that really gets it and is highly educated. Well, I fooled you again. No idea what's going on.

I just go for the pizza. So. Okay, it was so fun talking to Jordan, Jason, and Frank. And we got so carried away, as we often do when Jordan Slansky's here, that we had to break up our conversation into two episodes. So next week, we're going to get into behind the scenes of the Japan show. Yeah. Including parts of the Toto toilet showroom remote that didn't make it into the show that Jordan was really upset about.

Jordan being Conan's personal sushi taste tester and how Jordan really felt when Ralph Macchio broke the news to him that Karate Kid 2 was filmed in Hawaii. But now it's time for another listener question. Mike and Jesse, Ralph Macchio broke the news to him that Karate Kid 2 was filmed in Hawaii. But now it's time for another listener question. Mike and Jesse, I have a question regarding Conan's set background. In several of the Scraps episodes, those are clips online taken from Conan's rehearsals when they go all kind of off the rails.

In several of the Scraps videos, you can see a wire going to where the moon would be located behind Conan on the set background, almost as if the moon is not present. I also have seen several episodes where the moon looks like it is shaking or superimposed on the background. Can you guys go into why the moon for Conan's background isn't just a picture? Or maybe just the general discussion about the background of his set? Sincerely, Chris, Sela or Chella? I think it's Chris Sela.

Wow. I love the specificity of this question. So do I. Wow. Good noticing, Chris. Right down to the wire dangling when the moon wasn't there. The absence of moon. Yeah, so the moon was its own separate piece that could be manipulated on the backdrop.

Yes, it could move. Why? Yes, why? That was some boondoggle when they built the set. Some guy's like, you're going to need, you can't have a fixed moon. Yes, why? That was some boondoggle when they built the set. Some guy's like, you're going to need, you can't have a fixed moon. It's got to be able to move across the sky. Right.

Like, did they want it to be realistic that, oh, tonight's a gibbous moon, so we're going to have a different moon. You know, I know one big reason it wasn't attached to the wall is because it was backlit. So if you took the moon down, and that's why that cord dangling was an electrical cord. Just like the moon in real life. Exactly. As Artemis, the Artemis mission is going to find the missing cord. Yeah, it was backlit. So that's the simple reason as to why it would come off and why it wasn't

permanently attached to the wall. But who designed the sets? Because I know, I mean, even while I was there, the seven years that I was there,

the set changed multiple times. Yes. And... Christopher Gumas. Yes. He designed the sets. He is our

set designer. He would come up with all the comedy we do every day. We would torture him either like often with calls the night before or literally at 11 a.m. and go, oh, you know what we need? We need a lawyer's office or we need, you know. Oh, yeah. The CEO's office or an operating room or a dentist's office. And we need it in an hour. And he would just somehow,

all these trucks would show up. Wave a magic wand, yes. Yeah, no, it was incredible amount of hard work would go into building these sets. Yeah, and so much, they'd be like, oh, you know, what time period is this in? Right. Do you need 80s period is this in? Right. Do you need 80s style lighting fixtures? Right, yes. Like, they really thought about everything.

Is it a dingy office? Is it a, you know, is this a fancy lawyer? Is it a billboard lawyer? Yes, and sometimes as a writer, that would be the most annoying thing because you're like, okay, I left, I left him, I sent him an email, I told him what we need. And then they call back with all these questions. You're like, I didn't think. I don't know. Yeah. Exactly. You, why don't you pick a decade? No, but you'd have to, there is stuff you had to think through. And a lot of times the different department heads would kind of force you like, Hey, if you want this made, we need to know right away the exact details. Make some decisions. Yeah, make some decisions. No procrastination.

For once. Allowed. I emailed Gumas when the show ended and I knew that they were destroying the set, the half hour set, the casual one. But it just occurred to me like, oh, you know, we're not going to be in the studio ever again. Right. I kind of wanted a piece of it. And I just thought, oh, maybe there's a something like a chunk of something that he could give me or a little artifact from it. And so I emailed him and he was like, yep, okay.

I left it in your office. When I went in to pick it up, it was like a giant four foot by three foot piece of wall. Suitable for framing. It was so big and so heavy.

It's now in my basement. I don't know what to do with it. Chop it down. I'm sure you can make millions of dollars. I need some kind of electric saw. I mean, it's... You can sell it like a piece of the cross, you know, the way there's enough pieces of the cross to...

Split it up into tiny chunks and make amulets. Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. That's great. So I have a piece of the set. But I wish I had the moon. I mean, the moon would be a much cooler thing to hold on to.

We should find out where the moon is. I bet it's in storage. Oh, yeah. We've seen photos. Sometimes we've asked about things like the giant Conan Bobblehead, et cetera. And Gumas will send us a photo of him standing proudly next to one of these set pieces. It's right out of Raiders of the Lost Ark ark yes i was gonna say that yes it's a warehouse and there's just all these conan right arcs right and i think i asked once i said where's where's the warehouse for the cone

stuff and he's like which one which warehouse oh my Yeah, I think there's more than one. Someday there's going to be one of those Storage Wars shows. Rip it open. Oh, my God. This is all worthless. Well, hey, that was a great question. If anyone else has a question for us, the more specific, the better. Please give us a call. You can leave us a voicemail at 323-209-1079.

We love hearing your lovely voices. We really do. Or you can email us insideconanpod at gmail.com. Or do all of it. Yeah. And you know what? You did all that stuff. All I have to say is we love you.

Oh, but that's not all. That's a big thing. It is. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jesse Gaskell. Our producer is Lisa Burr. Team Coco's executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Engineered and mixed by Joanna Samuel.

Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis with assistance from Maddie Ogden. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan or an enemy on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best. I'm not going to tell you what to do.

Put on your hat, it's the Conan Show. Try on some spats, you're going to have a laugh. Give birth to a calf, it's Conan. This has been a Team Coco production.