Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Jordan Schlansky, Jason Chillemi, and Frank Smiley Revisit CONAN in Italy & Japan Part 2

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

This episode continues where episode 115 leaves off. CONAN OG's Jordan Schlansky, Jason Chillemi, and Frank Smiley discuss, Ralph Macchio shattering Jordan's perception of Hollywood, Conan's very specific palate, and Jordan's constant fear of getting ambushed at work.Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] or e-mail us at [e-mail].

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hi there. Welcome back to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. That's right. My name is Mike Sweeney and you are Jesse Gaskell. Still am. And we're writers for Conan, still are. And this is part two. Yeah, this is our first part two, I know. It never occurred.

Usually we're like, do we have a part one? We need to fill time, yes. I think it's a part one. But this is a part one? We need to fill time, yes. I think it's a part one. But this is a part two because, well, it involves the very loquacious Jordan Schlansky. Yes. So I'm surprised it's only a two-parter. I know. We had to just pull the plug on the entire studio to get him out of here.

It wasn't just Jordan. We were talking about two of her travel shows, one to Italy, one to Japan, both featuring Jordan Schlansky. And we also spoke with Jason Schlemme, our master field producer, and Frank Smiley, who joined us in Italy. So if you haven't listened to part one yet, you could go back and listen. That's all about Italy.

It's all about Italy. We talked about Jordan and Conan's road trip through Italy, all the stops they made along the way, when they giggled during their wine tasting in Chianti. If you want to hear a giggle chat, not the actual giggling, but talking about giggling. Jordan preparing his body for a new drawing class. Right. And listening to fart sounds in their vintage Cinquecento.

Then you can go check that episode out. It was our last week's episode. But today we're going to be covering Japan. Yes. Our trip to Japan. Right. Which came right after going to Italy. Yeah.

It went so well in Italy. Yes, we thought. Let's order up more Jordan Schlansky. So here's part two with Jordan Schlansky, Jason Shalemi, and Frank Smiley. And we're just talking trip to Japan. So Japan, we had a little more time to plan. And Jordan, you were also part of the Japan trip. How many times have you been to Japan before that?

Just once. Oh, just once. But I was always infatuated with Japanese culture. But I was, I'll say now, I was very surprised at having been invited to Japan. Uh-huh. Because I didn't have like a hardcore well-known connection to Japan.

So I'm still surprised that I was asked. And I frankly don't know, unless you had the makyo thing already in your back pocket, I don't know why I went to Japan with you guys. Was it just the two segments? It was just toilet and- It was three.

No, and there was the two fans. You had a kaiseki meal. The kaiseki meal, the toilet, and then the two fans who you surprised. Right. Oh, right, right. The married couple. Yeah.

I talked to you about Japan because I was curious about your experience with it, and you had said you'd gone. I'm sorry. Was Japan right after Italy? When did we go? It was right after. It was right after.

It was the next one? Okay. We were still in the Schlesky High. I was going to say, I think that that just spoke to how well the Italy trip went.

It was so funny. And then I wasn't asked back after that, so I'm assuming Japan did not do as well. Japan was great. But I talked to you about your experience in Japan

and you mentioned the Karate Kid 2 and then it was, you loved it, you loved Japan because it was filmed in Okinawa and everything But I talked to you about your experience in Japan and you mentioned the Karate Kid 2. And then it was, you loved it. You loved Japan because it was filmed in Okinawa and everything. And then I Googled the movie and that's where I learned it was shot in Hawaii. And that's why the trip happened. That's why it happened. It was just to catch you in one tiny.

I was like, oh my God, it was shot in Hawaii. And then we went about. But, you know, Ralph Macchio did not send. It was like the day before, maybe the day of. We were going to bust you on it. And then I think it was Conan's idea to get Ralph Macchio to make the video. And it's like, oh, that's so much better. And that video came in like three hours before the dinner.

Wow. We didn't have it. So he was going to verbally do it. And then it was like, oh, here it is. The video from Ralph Bunche. He did not. Conan the whole time, understanding now that he knew he had that in his back pocket. I saw no hints that anything like that was coming.

And he was patient enough. That was a long dinner. It was like an hour and a half. You were so aggressive with him in that dinner. You were going, you were like bunch, you was just, you were,

I've never seen you go after him like that. And he was taking it because he knew. He knew he had it. He had this. Well, he's also getting you, we edited that. That was a long edit because there, he was getting you too.

And there had to be a, we tried to keep it so it was a balance so you weren't like oh jordan's being too mean and or conan's being so it was kind of keeping it balanced up to that moment a little bit but but man you like i'm curious now that we're here why do you remember you remember? Like, you were aggressively. Was it just your thought like, oh, this is what people like? You had to make it worth it. It wasn't. Honestly, it wasn't.

It was not a deliberate choice. Okay. And it never is. I guess my reactions happen organically. Yeah, okay. And that's one of the benefits you guys don't like to tell me in advance. You like to tell me as little as possible. You know, clearly for a trip like this, you have to let me know to pack a bag.

But otherwise, if you have the option to just send a camera crew into my office, you'll take it. Right. And it may please you to know that I don't pre-plan how I'll behave. Good. Well, you know what it goes back to when we're in Dallas? Yeah, you mentioned that. And we went cowboy. Because I mentioned that Stetson was from New Jersey and all the facts.

And you went off on a 10-minute thing on Stetson. I've traveled extensively across Texas. I assumed you knew we were doing it and you prepared this stuff. You asked me multiple times. But never. I was being thorough. Never recorded on audio. You know, there have been multiple times where I've been questioned by various writers on the show about some of the things I say.

Yes. I remember writers came to my office one day and they said, hey, we want to ask you, who writes your tweets? And I said, I write them. I mean, I don't even write them. I just type them. Did they want to submit a packet to write for you? And they did not believe that I didn't write them. I just typed them. Did they want to submit a packet to write for you? And they did not believe that I didn't write. And then that was another situation where you came to me and said, oh, you know, did you research that or whatever it was? And no, no.

Oh, that's very impressive. It's very impressive. I just assumed. I was like, oh, we shouldn't tell Jordan where we're going because he's going to. Well, yeah, I think even at pre... I think there was such success with the... I guess the coming in late one was the first ambush, if you'll use that term.

Of many, of many. Yeah, and I guess the results were good enough that... And in that case, the ambush was justified. That was a justified ambush. It was the premise of the whole bit, but I think that it worked and then the thought was, well, this worked, let's not mess with it.

But like the old ones on Late worked let's not mess with it but like the old ones on Late Night that Frank came up with there was the Italian Dinner and just

there was one during the writer's strike where I was fully aware of those and those did well too so I'll still argue I'll still argue that cluing me in advance

doesn't necessarily hurt it unless the premise is such that it depends on my ignorance well I'm sure you started to smell out when I mean it wasn't just that you came in every day afraid that a remote might be scaring you. Oh, no, I was.

No, no, I was. I absolutely was. Would you come in camera, like every day, you'd be like, uh. There's no camera ready for me, but at any moment, see, the problem is. There's no camera ready because he's always camera ready. Well, that's terrible. I apologize. When you've been ambushed a few times.

Even if you don't get ambushed again, you don't know that you're not going to get ambushed again. So every time I was called down to this day, every time I was called down to Conan's office for a legitimate reason, part of me expected to see a camera crew in there. And like. You see me come by and just speak my mind. You were a big tip off. But like a lot of the things, too, was one of the excuses to get me in the office at a certain day in a certain time for one of these instances was that there was a fictional meeting. So I got an invite to a meeting about something that had basis and maybe what I was working on at the time. And then it turned out to not be a meeting. So then again, going forward, when I would get meeting requests

that didn't sound completely justified, I was almost certain that this was just an excuse to get me. But then there were plenty of unjustified meetings that just happened. I guess, yeah, I guess so. But to this day, because now we're not in the office on a regular schedule, this being the office,

we're not here on a regular schedule. So when I get called in for something, it occurs to me that there could be some ulterior motives. Is that a hard way to live your life? I mean, you know, again, I didn't necessarily change anything about the way I would behave when I was on camera. So it wasn't a big deal in that respect. But, you know, sometimes you want to just sit and relax and know that you're not going to be exposed in that way.

The Macchio thing was the first time I actually saw, like, I felt bad for you. Like, his dream. But I didn't feel. I know that was the whole thing. It looked like you looked devastated. You looked devastated. That was inconsequential to me. The fact that I made an error in the shooting location of a movie was inconsequential to me, at least from my own perspective.

It did not diminish my appreciation for the movie. It did not even diminish my desire to go to Japan because of what I saw in the movie, because I understand that movies are fake. And they were presenting something that may as well have been in Japan because it looked that way and kind of represented the culture. I don't think you're being truthful right now. No, that was, I know you guys, it worked comedically to have me devastated in that moment. But the reality is. Because the venomous that he's talking about, like after you found out, after that happened, you were on the attack even more than I've ever seen.

That's when it all started. I guess I was reacting to like the way the energy was going in the conversation. But again, it wasn't deliberate and I wasn't actually upset. Okay, good. It was more a matter of fact, like, oh, okay. You're already traumatized from going to meetings every day and waiting for a crew to show up. I see comedically why it worked,

but part of my reaction was like, I can't believe he went to all this trouble to get Ralph Macchio to record this message and, you know, present it. And after an hour and a half of sitting here, like it takes it takes restraint to have that there for an hour and a half and not like show it sooner, especially given the conversation. Yeah. So in Japan, that was a little different than Italy because we were filming a few segments

with you that we already mentioned. The Kaiseki meal, we went to the Toto toilet showroom and then surprised some fans. But you were not in every segment. So what were you doing during your downtime? I felt burdensome being on that trip. Really? Yes. I was very self-conscious that because you guys have small crews and by design that enables you to move around. There are fewer people to transport, fewer people to house. And I felt, because I was only in

a few of the segments and arguably I didn't even need to be in all of those segments. I guess the Kaiseki one would be the critical one. But you know the segment with that married couple would have happened whether I was in it or not. So I felt like a burden. Did you come with us in the other shoots? I forgot. I did.

You were with us very much. I did. I didn't go with you guys when you flew up north to Conan Town. I didn't go to that one. Smart move. I went to the one in Tokyo and I felt like a burden. But you were also there

I mean I think Conan likes you being around we had fun times off camera you could help find restaurants and take him out

to sushi dinners yeah yeah there were a couple of dinners that we had with Conan I was the sushi taster yes right

we went you guys you two were there yeah I was there we went to a dinner at the Mandarin Oriental sushi bar which I had been to previously. It was in the penthouse.

It was beautiful at the very top. Here's the thing about Conan. He's portrayed as a sophisticate. He's of a certain stature. He has a formal education. He's got a reputation in the comedy world. You're reading a lot into his Harvard education. I'm saying people think he's a high class.

I've gone on him. We've done Dartmouth College. We went to and didn't event there. He's respected by academics. But there's another side to him, which I don't think people know about. And Conan is, I'll just say, selective with what he eats sometimes and not necessarily for health reasons. You know, in the same way a child may not like onions, he has some preferences, dietary preferences. He only eats pizza.

Well, he certainly loves pizza. But when we were, yeah, those are safe foods for him. But, you know, the thing is, when you go to a really nice sushi dinner in Japan, it's almost always omakase where you don't choose what you get. The chef gives you course after course. And you would certainly not want to insult the chef by not eating something. Because as you may know, Japan values honor above, potentially above all else. And the chef would put down a piece of sushi in front of all of us. And I would, he would,

the arrangement was I was sitting next to Conan. You guys would just eat happily what was ever put in front of you. I would taste mine. He would look at me. I would give him a thumbs up or a thumbs down. And I wasn't rating the quality of the food. I was rating whether he would like it. And how do you know if he would eat it? I'll tell you why. If it

tastes like fish or not? I'll tell you why. Because he said, when we were talking about going to dinner, he said, hey, maybe we can go to a dinner, maybe someplace that has like a salmon sushi. And I'm like, that's like a sugarfish order. Like, I bet you this guy orders from Sugarfish, which was near his house. And he gets the salmon sushi. And that's like his safe thing order. Like I bet you this guy orders from Sugarfish, which was near his house, and he gets the salmon sushi. And that's like his safe thing that he likes. The fact that he deliberately said salmon sushi tells me that he's very selective about his sushi.

And then I kind of guess I had the conversation with him. Like when eel would come, I would give that the thumbs down. I loved the eel, but I knew that he wouldn't. Texture. So then I had to, yeah, that's the thing. So I had to eat whatever he rejected.

So the chef would not be offended. So, and I know Makase dinner is already quite filling. I don't eat so much. I believe in small portions spread out frequently throughout the day. Did you eat Conan? I would eat the ones that he wouldn't want. So yeah, so I ate, I ate a lot because, so yeah, he's. Was there a salmon eventually? Was there eventually a salmon? I don't know that there was a, maybe I ate a lot because, so yeah. Was there a salmon eventually?

Was there eventually a salmon? I don't know that there was a, maybe there was a salmon. Could we have just ordered him like a teriyaki bowl? No. He would have liked that. That's against the whole theory of an omakase dinner. So yes, I see a different side of Conan. But now that's something you would do for a child.

I'm not saying only for a child. I don't mean to offend a man that's not even here, but I'm saying, let's be honest, if you had a child and you went to an omakase dinner, you might taste it and say, you wouldn't like this one or, you know, go ahead. I wouldn't take a child to an omakase dinner. Have you done that?

Do you take your children to omakase? I, no, I'm just using that as a reference for his particular brand of pickiness. Yes. You know, I know what he likes to eat and they're very like they're typically very safe foods. Bacon, potatoes, like, you know, meat and potatoes type. Salmon wrapped in bacon. You're like the king's food taster.

I didn't realize that. I guess. You literally know his palate and whether to give a thumbs up or down. I recommend it. One of the times, I don't know, I don't remember the chronology of that trip, but somehow Conan and I were on our own for lunch, just the two of us underneath our hotel, I think. There was

a concourse with restaurants and I and he said, I need something to eat. I had just eaten. I think I just met up with him in the lobby unexpectedly and he said, I need something to eat. And I'm thinking like thinking like what would he like in Japan and then I came up with the perfect thing absolutely perfect for him tonkatsu fried pork and um and we went there was one of the best places was right in the concourse and uh he loved it oh good yeah and I had to eat again I had just eaten but I I guess for whatever, I felt obligated to eat with him.

So that was another situation. But yeah, fried pork is perfect for him. Yes. Even, even more so, even more so than salmon sushi. Like I think he's found his new go-to meal in Japan.

It's good that you shared your radio time with Jason. I was going to say, I'm glad these beers are here. I'm answering the questions. I appreciate it. I was going to say, I'm glad these beers are here because you... I'm answering the questions that are asked of me. I appreciate it. I assume... I was booked for two hours. You guys are talking about

like we're wrapping up. My appointment calendar is two hours. You're like, we're wrapping up already. We were including the commute. It's been like 23 minutes. I assume Chilam is going to have

ample time. I couldn't believe we moved on to Japan so quickly. We barely scratched the surface of Italy. We talked about prosciutto for about a half hour, right? Anything more to add? Jason? I have nothing else to add.

That was perfect. Miller Lite. At 1 p.m. We talked a little bit about the Toto toilet showroom this was my first experience with Toto toilets I now have one at home oh you do? yeah I do

do you have one at home Jordan? no I don't you have the actual toilet or just like what's the thing called? well it's a Toto toilet with the bidet attachment but it ain't hot and cold or? no it's a Toto toilet with the bidet attachment. Yeah. Bang. Hot and cold or? No.

It's a more basic version. You're happy. I would love one. They were impressive. Oh, my God. There was one in our hotel room. It was the best. I mean, it would open when you walked.

It became my friend. You walked in the door and it would open and then it would sing you a little song. Oh, it was the best. And did it have a face? Am I misremembering? If I was drinking, it had a face. I felt, it was the best. And did it have a face? Am I misremembering? If I was drinking, I felt like it was smiling at me. There was also a PR issue with them.

Yes. I remember at one point I was instructed to sit on a toilet. Yes. And the toilet was made to spray. Right. I was wearing pants. Oh, right.

So my pants were soiled. Cool. Wait a second. They were wet. Oh, right. So my pants were soiled. Well, wait a second. They were wet. Not with shit. No, there's a... Why would you go there? When you say your... I mean, out of all the types of soil that exist...

You mentioned soil before, and you described that as... It doesn't mean any time you hear soil, you should go to human soil. Here we go. Here it is. I'm not crazy. When someone says they soiled their pants, that means they shit their pants. That's quite a presumption.

I didn't say I soiled my pants. I said my pants were soiled. Oh, so it's true. I guess that might be a way to say that you soiled your pants. It's kind of, you know, what I'm saying is- You could have had potting soil on your pants.

No, this was water. My pants were soiled with water. Okay. So there was like a water stain. Your pants were wet. Yes, my pants were wet. Wait, so why were they mad? I forgot.

Well, the problem is they are a dignified, honorable company. And they don't want to show somebody making fun of their spray by sitting on a toilet with pants on and having the spray. They just felt it was juvenile. I don't disagree. And the point is my pants were soiled with water. And I was wearing those pants. You're so loud, Jordan. I was wearing those pants for the remainder of the shoot and the evening

I was sitting in the van with soiled with water pants. That was the last shoot of the day. That was the last thing we did. Nevertheless, when you have wet pants in that, this is not my knees. This is like wet. This is the entire buttocks and probably the entire region, front and back,

was wet. And we weren't even allowed to use that in the final edit. No, we weren't. So I felt like I was wet for nothing. I was soiled for no reason. Sorry. Yes.

So that was an objection that they had. It got a little, there was a little tension. I remember our translator going back and forth with them about, and then they kind of laid down some rules. We had to quickly leave. We did scuttle out of there. Yeah. But in the end, like

I don't think we portrayed them in a negative light at all. In fact, it's quite the opposite. And we'll say flat out, they're like probably the best made toilets. My plumber here has recommended those toilets. Of course. Oh my God. Their innovation is... The gold standard. They're like probably the best made toilets. My plumber here has recommended those toilets. Of course. Oh, my God. Their innovation is. The gold standard.

Yeah. We were the idiots. We're always the idiots. Yeah. Think you might get a free one from this? I know. No. No, no, no.

There have been so many instances where I was thinking, oh, we really extolled the virtues of a certain product. Right. We did a bit. We did a recurring segment called product reviews, which were not sponsored. And there were so, a lot of fans thought

they were scripted and sponsored, but they weren't. They were just products that I use. And I was certain that I would get something. Oh, and you never got sent anything? And I never got, for all the time

that I spoke about Norelco hair trimmers, I was certain that I would get something. They sent the body trimmers? They did send the show. They sent the show. They sent an audience once. I forgot what it was.

They just didn't send it to you. Yeah, I feel like they discontinued the BG2038, which is the one I still use, by the way. I have my old model that lithium battery is reaching the end of life. But their new ones are just too ornate. They have like stands. They want to take over your whole bathroom. Like here's the thing. When I'm using a shaving device, it's like for one specific purpose.

I don't need it to take over my whole bathroom. I don't need a stand. I don't need like oversized. I just want something demure that will remove the hair from my body. But like a lot of times they make these things like unnecessarily. Like look how many accessories we have. Look at this charging stand with like room for five different brush heads. It cuts prosciutto.

Yeah. You still keep up with the body grooming every single day? Yeah. Every day? Yeah. No, no, twice a week. Even after the pandemic?

Twice a week. Tuesdays and Fridays. Tuesdays and Fridays. During the pandemic. Did the pandemic affect your grooming habits? Yeah, I was not concentrating. You had a beard for a while. I certainly, yeah, I did. There was no

hair removal. You're your old self now. I feel like you're ready for a remote every day. You can take your shirt off right now. Physically speaking, I do remove hair from my body in the same configuration that I previously did. Same configuration. Yeah, in the pandemic when I was not keeping up with the hair removal,

I hadn't seen myself without manicuring in many years. And I did not know what to expect. Was it exciting? It was like barbaric. But again, that was like, that fit the sentiment of the times. You know, I didn't mind feeling like a Neanderthal because I felt like a Neanderthal for many reasons.

Yeah. It was about survival. Can we see your chest? Neanderthal for many reasons, you know? Yeah. It was about survival. Can we see your chest? Yeah. Come on. I mean, you know, now I feel like it's gratuitous. You know, I feel,

I guess I need to feel like it's part of the, I mean, can we do yours? Just let us see it. You know? Yeah. I'll show you mine. If you take your shirt off, yeah.

I'll take my shirt off. Sure, I don't mind. And we all do. Oh, wow. This is great. Go ahead. Okay. Frank's doing it.

You have to take yours off, though. If I'm going to do this, you have to do it, too. You're not setting me up. I take it back. I take it back. Frank is taking his shirt off. Before you pass the point of no return, I take it back. Man, after seeing Frank, we should have shot Frank's lead for work.

I'm just very curious. I don't want to take up time and something that goes nowhere. But one of the things I don't know about Italy and Japan is which of you writers, so this is now Jose, Jesse, and Sweeney. Jose Royo. And Frank. I know which, right. Frank was also involved in the Italy show. Frank, I don't want to attack you.

I don't want to even say this after some of the exchanges that we had recently, but Frank's idea was the most, let's say, avant-garde. And I personally did not like the idea. But again, I'm not judging it comedically. I'm judging it in terms of like, is this something I'd want to do when I go to Italy? And I don't, it was, it is available that we went to. No, it's not available. It's not available online? What?

What I shot at Viareggio. Do you remember this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The carnival. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was too chaos. It was chaos. And you remember this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The carnival. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, right. It was chaos. You were on the float.

Yeah, and there was one point where we were on the float, and you're like, stop pretending to look so miserable. And I remember thinking, I'm not pretending. You are miserable. I am miserable. That was miserable. Yeah, it was a strange. Oh, I forgot all about that.

Yeah, it was a strange, strange. The Korean ladies were there screaming for Kona. Oh, yeah. Kona was recognized by Koreans. But anyway, my original question was, I never know which of you wrote which bits, which of you came up with the idea. Again, one of the things about the truffle was it was fortuitous that we had this comedic storyline in there, but it was unexpected. What did you think would happen? Which bits of Italy did each of you write?

Oh, gosh. Pretty collaborative. Yeah. It's pretty collaborative. Yeah. It's so... Jose had the sound machine, I thought. Oh, okay. That was Jose. I think the answer is you wrote almost all of it.

I know. But that's... It was your trip. Yeah, but who came up with the... We create a really giant document where we're pitching and then after it goes onto the document, I think we

all forget who had ownership over it because we can, we can all. That's humble of you. But one thing I want to say that viewers honestly may not realize is these bits are made or broken by the writer because it's, well, let me, let me finish it on our show, on our show, the writer would also act as producer and almost most importantly, the editor. And I believe that the way these bits are not only conceived, but edited is of primary importance to their overall success. And again, I knew I had the A team and I'm not just saying that to flatter you guys. Also, of course, there was more time to work on a travel show like this versus a daily show, but you would really tweak these things in the end. And that was something that Frank was great at on the, on those late night bits was we, I remember when we shot that dinner back in 2008, my reaction to it was just like lukewarm.

And then in the edit room, you made it into something great. And that's always the way it goes. Well, you're also coming up with ideas on the spot. Yeah. The success of these remotes is 100% Conan O'Brien. Yeah. But, like, even in Cortona, when we did the bit where we were giving a speech, on, like, who even, how do you even come up with that? Like, you know, you go into Cortona, I guess you're thinking,

what do we do in a small town? But who would have thought? Was it the mayor? Yeah, like, who would have thought, like, get them up there with the mayor to make a speech? Like, I don't even know. Oh, because it was a parking, you dedicated a parking space. Oh, a parking space.

That's right. I didn't even have that idea. I don't know. But Frank's right i mean it's you're pretty much it's letting conan loose yeah and creating just a scenario really that we think will be fodder and we pitch him ideas and he's like oh i like this i like that i like that and then he literally calls them sandboxes where he's like, I can I can work in that and I can improvise in that. And then you just let him go. And then, yes, you chop down.

But it's kind of it's kind of not brain. It's kind of just distilling down the funniest moments. It's just spending so much time. Yes. The remote, all of the footage would be like this podcast. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Well, it's you feel exposed on a podcast like this

because it's not edited. Oh, oh. You know. It will be, my friend. You, just some arbitrary recollections, you, after the show was edited and you had a lot of extra material to put online, you came up with the idea of creating an eight-minute montage

of Conan and I just walking through streets throughout the course of the trip. And it was just me talking about different facts. And I guess you didn't have, it's called Jordan's Long-Winded Tour. And I guess you didn't have expectations that it might do well or anything. And I remember it started doing really well. It's eight minutes of just me talking. Yes, you talking.

And it's not even comedy. Well, I guess you could argue that it's comedy in the repetition, but it's more actual facts in my interpretations about Italy. So how did you get it down to eight minutes? Is the question. Yay. I just checked it this morning.

That's the only preparation I've done for this. I checked it and it's like at 4 million views. Oh, wow. Which is just like, and it's got like 17,000 comments. It wasn't even going to sleep. No, I just,

I, when we're, the show is done, I was like, Oh, that'll be fun to see if I could put it all together. But the one thing that was crazy is the train was never posted on our YouTube. It was posted on,

uh, the train. I guess no one knew what to do with it because it was funny. And at one point we screened it for an audience with the, with the thought of maybe putting it in the show and it didn't. The audio was not great. There was no organic place in the show.

They didn't understand what soiling meant. But we put it on like the Conan's own website, but we didn't put it on YouTube to this day. And so many fans have posted it on YouTube and it's got like millions and millions of views. And that was just a weird thing that there was nothing, there was no real place for it, but it was, I think it has some value there comedically. Yeah. I mean, some of my favorite things don't end up finding a place in the show because they're

just sort of, and often it's because it's too long to keep, to whittle down to a form that could air on television, I think. So those live on the web. I haven't watched the Italy show or even the Japan one for years, but when it first went on Netflix, I watched it. And I hadn't seen it in a while. And I was so impressed by like how it's so tight. Like there's no filler in that show.

Right. You know that what you're saying right now is going to be edited out too. Okay. We're just having a conversation. This is organic. I don't know how you guys run this podcast, but yes, this is a real conversation. I haven't felt this

last. I don't know why I'm feeling so much tension with Frank throughout this entire hour that we've been here. I feel like I'm being attacked constantly from the dark corner over here. And don't get me wrong, I love Frank. The whole reason why I'm in any bits is because of Frank. I love you too. I love you too.

We should wind up. Yeah. Yeah. We should wind up. No, let's keep it going. Should we introduce Jason Chalemi? Jason, hi. Hey, guys. What do you think, which trip was harder logistically between Italy? Italy was harder. Italy was harder, yeah. Because of all the traveling. We were filming all the traveling, which is not

usually what we do. Right. And just the constant hotel. I mean, we were in a new hotel every night. We were in Cortona. We never got our suitcases. But it was a labor of love. It was a labor of love. But by Saturday, we were shooting that movie promo in Rome

and everyone was exhausted and started like kind of a little snide. Everybody was ready. It was like, let's just get through this. Yeah, Cunning was not in the best mood that day. Honeymoon is over. Well, it was like we had the show and this was like an extra, we were just shooting the insert shots for the movie, the Italian movie promo. So, you know, it was running all over town and then putting on a tuxedo and blah, blah, blah.

So, you know, it was kind of. It was a lot. That was Mike Sweeney's idea. It was, yes. That was fantastic. That trailer. Yeah. It's beautiful. It's a great idea. It's, yes. That was fantastic. That trailer. Yeah. It's beautiful.

Dewey Buffoni, is that what I'm going to say? Dewey Buffoni. Yeah. That was fun. It was black and white. That was fun to shoot. I just wanted to run around Rome.

Yeah, yeah. Which we got to do, so that was fun. But no, that was a long slog that week. That was brutal. It was a down time. You were just in a van traveling.

It was not like, all right, you guys have a couple hours break. That never happened in Italy. I mean, that rarely happens ever in Italy. Yeah, that's true. Was that your, what travel show was the hardest for you? It was probably Italy. Yeah. Really?

Okay. I mean, I was- To this day, wow. Yeah. Because there were ones that were time sensitive, like Mexico or Haiti or Greenland. Yeah, we're turning them around fast. If you didn't have the Pinocchio, would it still be that hard?

That's the question. No, but they're all fun. They're all, I have no complaints. Yeah, they all kind of blend into each other, right? And Jason's great. I mean, we've talked about this before, but Jason always seamlessly blends in with the local crew and is sort of the liaison between crews.

My sense is you always have this deepest bond with our local fixers. Yeah, because they're you in the other country. In the other country. And I've been talking to them for a long time beforehand. But there's always like this with almost, I think they almost, they love you before you even hit the ground because you've been dealing with them a lot. And then it just grows spending all week with them. And I still talk to all of them. I literally still keep in touch with all of them. That's, yeah, that's great. That's amazing.

Yeah, it's cool. And one thing you've said before many times is that they are, they often are effusive about, we've never met anybody like you guys. Afterwards, it's always, we've never worked with anyone like this. And when can we do it again? Oh, wow. Which is shocking because it always, when we're there, I feel like we're constantly apologizing for having to cancel things or rearrange.

But I think it's you, you're so laid back. I think it's very unusual for a television producer to just be, I don't know, you just, you're very chill. Literally all with the punches. Yeah, I don't know, you just, you're very. Literally chill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You absorb the stress from above and then you filter it out. Right.

I try. You know you do. I appreciate it. Thank you. But all in all, it's a good group that we all chip in. Yeah. But I think everyone, even we all gravitate to you to just like like some sometimes i'll be stressing out and i just yeah you listen to all of us complain yeah or i just being near you i'm like okay things

he's chilemi's got more to worry about he's not worried and he's not worried chilemi is worried you're in trouble yeah right when have you been worried i'm trying to think if there's oh i don't know i get worried do we ever go into a bit and you're like, I mean, the way Jordan's describing where it's like, this better be worth it. No, not that I feel that way. You don't feel that way. No, I don't feel that way.

I feel good with most of the stuff we have going in. But you know quickly if it's not. Yes. Yes. Right. On these trips, we really haven't had a lot of those. Yeah, I'm trying to think of an example. Maybe like the carnival thing. Mayday, mayday. Yeah maybe yeah yeah the carnival thing was okay you know you never know you never

know you could be an hour into something and then a switch turns or something can happen a person comes out of left field and and it just takes off like like in jerusalem there was that that old man and the second he said oh you're not gonna come we to come, we're like, oh, we're going to go to his. And then when Conan was at the Apollo, he was doing a tour of Harlem and this woman came up and just started singing to him. And we're like, oh, let's just incorporate her. Follow them. And then that elevated. So you never.

Yeah, you're right. You have to kind of show up. Right. At every place and see what happens. And if it wasn't for that idea of going to that parade, we never would have stayed in Lucca. Is that right? That's true. Right?

And what else happened in Lucca? We stayed in Lucca only to do that. Yeah. And that was quite a town. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. Jordan, do you like Lucca? Lucca's fine.

Oh, my God. Lucca? Lucca's fine. Oh my God! Lucca is an amazing city. It was all, they took all the marble from the ancient Roman buildings and built these Renaissance buildings. And you see the bones of the ancient Roman Colosseum there. And yet you also see it, all the marble repurposed in the cathedrals.

And then the French took over and built a giant wall with a moat around the whole city. I think it's such a unique city. And I don't like your blasé attitude towards Luca. I'm only being honest. Right, and I'm only being honest. I've never been this upset. Was that your first time there? Yeah, that was my first.

Conan had been. I know Conan had a previous trip there, and he was always maybe hyped it for me, and I didn't have the same experience. Luca is famous for doubling up their yolks in their pasta, so it's what we talked about. Extra eggy. They were a historically wealthy city. But yeah, sometimes you click with a place, like with a person, and sometimes you don't, and there's no logic behind it. Well, I think you need to go back there and spend more time there. I think you'll fall in love with it.

Have you been back to Italy since we went? I did go once. I noticed that the sandwich stand in Florence had a picture up of our shoot there. Oh, really? Which was kind of cool to see. Oh, that's sweet. And I guess if the last thing... Any places we ruined. Well, what shocks me is I've always been a fan of visiting movie locations that have had an impact on me.

I drive around South Carolina because I saw the Prince of Tides. Under the Tuscan sun. Stuff like that. But so many people that have seen this show recreate this trip that we took. Really? In excruciating detail. They go to the same restaurants. They'll order the same food.

How do you know this? I get all these. And I've shared some of them with you. Is there a hashtag? No, I get all these messages of people. Thank you, Team Coco. I'm here at Ifratalini in Florence. Or I'm here at La Logetta in Cortona.

Really? And then, yeah, I have friends that work at that restaurant. And they're always reporting back. Someone wanted to know exactly what table you and Conan sat in. Everyone always wants that table. Where they put the tripods. Same thing. Even Due in New York, I got one recently, which is now so long ago, 2008.

They wanted the exact same table and they wanted to know what we ordered and stuff like that, which is just shocking to me. How much time do you spend online searching for yourself? This is the tension. I feel like every question of yours is loaded with some kind of accusation. Well, we'd attack you, but we're the hosts. We have to remain jovial. That's why we brought Frank in. And we're very credulous about everything you say.

But Frank is there to- I have free reign. It's not my show. Absolutely. Stir the pot. I could derail it. I could do anything. Stir the pot. I could derail it. I could do anything. Stir that pot.

Oh, a Florence sandwich shop just opened in New York and it's also- Antico Vinayo. And it's opening here in LA two locations. That's not the one we ate at.

No, the bread there is a little too doughy for me. They use a focaccia. A little too doughy. A little too doughy. All Antico Vinayo. It's another one of these places

they have like huge lines even in Florence. This is just personal preference. I don't want to say anything objectively bad about them. I'm sure the quality of the meat is high. The prosciutto is probably very thin. Thinly sliced. Beautifully.

But my favorite was E Fratellini. It's no whole foods. Yeah. Street stand. All right. Well, I think we should end on sandwiches. That was fun. That was fun.

Thank you guys. Thanks guys for having us. That was fun. It was fun. Thank you guys. Thanks for having us. Great. Our many thanks to Jordan Schlansky, Jason Chalemi and Frank Smiley for joining us. Thanks, guys. Thanks for walking down the hallway. Yeah, man. I don't know how we snagged you once again.

And, you know, we didn't even cover a lot of the Japan episode. Some of my favorite things. What were some of your favorite things? Well, I loved that piece where we hired the fake family for Conan. Yeah, that was great. Yeah. Because you had read an article,

right? That was sort of where that came from. My wife saw it in the New Yorker. Oh, cool. And told me about it. And it was like, oh, this seems like a no brainer. And it's just about a company in Tokyo where loneliness is so endemic in Japan that this company was created where you can rent family members to hang out with you,

like a spouse or children. And it seemed crazy, but so we went there. But also maybe brilliant. It may be brilliant. It's so low stakes, you don't have to have any baggage with that person. It did seem invented for a travel show perhaps. So we went there and-

Yes, we showed up at this tiny office. I remember that it was really hot inside and we always have to turn off the air conditioning because of the noise. And I just remember watching, we had two pretty strapping camera guys and they were sitting down. I remember one of them,

there was just a drip from his face onto the ground and I was watching this puddle grow. We all were. I think we were amazed by it because he wasn't moving. Like he was literally standing still. Like a statue. The camera was on sticks, I believe, on a tripod. And we're like, why is he sweaty?

Why is he? But it was just a, I mean, a constant drip. Right. And then at the end, you know, we were like, all right, we got to mop up in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We kind of made a mess. But, and you forgot the two strapping mail writers over there. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. How did I forget that? I know. Well, anyway, let's move on. So, yeah. And we, by the end of that visit in office, we had assembled a family for Conan direct. Yeah, he had picked people out of a binder full of faces.

Yes. And we didn't know who he'd end up with. No. It was literally based on his response to... Just a knee-jerk reaction to people's eyes. Yes. Whether they'd laugh at his jokes, I think is probably his sole criteria, I would hope. And yeah, we rented a wife,

a father. Yes. And a daughter. A daughter. And he got to, I think, repair a lot of childhood wounds with them. He got to do a lot of role playing with this family that couldn't understand what he was saying.

But he taught them how to laugh at the right places. Exactly. No, it's a great segment. I have to say it's just very funny. I wonder if he keeps in touch with them. Yeah. You might see them every week. I know. He could be one of those guys who has a whole- A second family. Right. Yeah. I like those second family guys where they don't even know about each other till the guy dies.

Right, how do they pull that off? I don't know. That sounds so stressful to me. It's so hard. I can't even lie if I have like two appointments at the same time, I freak out, I panic. Oh my God, imagine having to like have a weekend family and a weekday family and you're constantly

making excuses and. Right. And they want to go see a movie that you already saw with your other family and you have to, I guess, pretend you didn't see. Oh my God. It's. I know. It's exhausting. But part of me also thinks maybe they do know and they're just, they're like, well, yeah, like maybe, maybe it's okay that he's not here on the weekend. Yeah. How do you not figure that? Especially today with like smartphones and everything, you've got to, you know what I mean? There's just, I could see 20 years ago.

It's like, well, you know, when he's gone for two weeks. Yeah. He just faxes us to let us know he's okay. I remember they did an expose on a pilot who had, because he was an airplane pilot. He was always on the road. He had three families. Oh, wow. And he kept them, he kept them all up, juggled them all.

Juggled them all. And just, can you imagine the- Yeah, the multitasking. Oh my God. I know. And having to see a movie three times. He just died of stress. I would be like, I would crash a plane.

I would just be like, I can't take it anymore! Let's see, we've got a little, we strayed a little from Japan. Oh, I was going to say though, Japan is one of the only countries, because I always think of these trips, we never get to do much sightseeing when we're in a country. No. And so I'm really just kind of bookmarking things that never get to do much sightseeing when we're in a country. No. And so I'm really just kind of bookmarking things that I want to do again. In normal times. In the future, yeah.

And Tokyo is one of the only places I actually got to go back to after our trip. That's great. Yeah, and it was so wonderful to then be there as a tourist. And not have- And get to enjoy- Have a camera crew following you.

And like, what are we shooting next? Yeah, like, how do we shooting next? Yeah. Like, how do we find pizza for Conan for dinner? How long after we were in Japan did you get to return to Tokyo? It was later that year. Oh, that's great. Yeah. And I went to Tokyo and then I went to Kyoto.

Kyoto, yeah. And I spent about 10 days there and it was just so lovely. But it was nice to have had a little bit of a primer. Yes. On our travel show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that made you, having been there for work, and then it must have made it even more enjoyable.

Yeah, I knew exactly where to rent the big family for the week. In case your date wasn't working. Right. I did that once with Berlin. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I had the exact same. I got to go back a month later.

So we went there and shot that show. Or no, it was two months later. And then my wife was there on a book tour. And I was like, I'm going. I had the week off. So I was like, I'm going with you. Yeah. And it was fantastic. I have going. I had the week off, so I was like, I'm going with you. Yeah. And it was fantastic.

I have a dominatrix already lined up. Well, you and I were both all set. We didn't really... No, we didn't. No planning required. Well, hey, I have a treat for us. What's that? It's another... Food? It's a listener question. I'm sorry. I thought it was food.

All right. What's the question? I shouldn't have let you guess. We have a really sweet fan. His name is Felix. He's a nine-year-old in Austin, Texas. Okay. And he wrote to us about his love of Conan and specifically the Conan Without Borders

Japan episode. Oh, wow. Yeah. Okay. Sounds like he wants a new family too. Why can't they be my parents? Here's what Felix wrote in. Hi, my name is Felix.

I'm doing a nine-year-old boy. Yeah, yeah. I am nine years old and live in Austin, Texas. Every night before dinner, I beg my parents to watch Conan Without Borders. I think Conan is the funniest person in the world. My favorite episode is the one when Conan visits Japan. I loved his fake family. Wow.

Conan is my favorite celebrity. I like him even more than all the Marvel characters and more than Stewie Griffin. That is high praise indeed. If Conan visits my house, I want to bring him to an arcade so we can play laser tag. I also want to go swimming in our pool and jump off our waterfall. At night, I want to bring him to my favorite sushi restaurant in our neighborhood. We can order salmon. Maybe he can teach me how to be a stand-up comedian too.

I hope you and Conan receive this letter. Thank you for reading it. From Felix. Wow. Sushi at it. From Felix. Wow. Sushi at nine. I know. He's very sophisticated. And he's got a waterfall.

Yeah. Okay. I know. We might need to go visit Felix. That is the typical nine-year-old Conan fan profile. Yeah, he's a New Yorker reader. You're right, you're right, you're right. So we actually gave Felix a call because we needed to find out if any of this was true.

So here's what he said. Hi, Felix. Hello there. Well, I'm Jesse. This is Mike. Hi. We're here with our friend Jordan Schlansky. Hi, Felix.

Hi. Well, thank you for writing. We love that you love the Conan travel shows. And your favorite is when he goes to Japan. Yes. Well, we heard that you just actually went to Japan with your family. Yes. I drink Pocari Sweat.

You did? Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. So when we were there, we found Pocari Sweat in the vending machines and it's a beverage. What would you, what do you think it tastes like? Does it taste like sweat? Well, it's not salty. I can tell you that for a fact. It's sweet. It's like sweet. It's the exact opposite. So I'm assuming you've tasted sweat. I mean, we've all tasted sweat and it's a little salty, right? Yeah. I got two bottles of it because I mean, we've all tasted sweat. And it's a little salty, right? Yeah.

I got two bottles of it because, I mean, I thought it was really good. That's great. That was their two sales for the day. No, there might be. It might be popular there. I had to find it in a Japanese store because I could not find it in any of the vending machines. For some reason, it was sold out. Oh, okay. Oh, wow.

Yeah, that vending machine neighborhood we went to is a very, it was sold out. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Yeah, that vending machine neighborhood we went to, it was just the corner of one neighborhood. It was kind of a strange place. Kind of a ghost town. Yeah, it was a ghost town. There was no one around. There was no one using the vending machines except us. Do any of your friends in your grade know about Conan? No. Are they fans?

They're clueless. You're the only one who knows. They're still on those Marvel characters. Yeah. I can't believe you like Conan better than all of the Marvel characters. All of them. There's no Marvel character that's better than Conan. That's shocking. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, thank you so much for talking to us. Thanks, Felix. And writing this lovely letter. It's so nice to meet Conan's only nine-year-old fan. Yes. Okay, it was really nice

chatting with you. Yeah, you're welcome. Take care, Felix. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you to Felix for writing in. and if you have a question for us with or and whether or not your family owns a waterfall or not we're open either way give us

a call at 323-209-1079 or of course email us at insideconanpod at gmail.com and if you like the show you can support us by rating Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast on iTunes and leaving us a review. Thank you. Do you have to do both? Can you do one or the other? No, I think you can just rate without reviewing.

But you can't review without rating. Oh, okay. Well, I guess rate and review. Yeah, rate and review. And you know, it rhymes with that. We and you know it rhymes with that we love you we love you we love you who are these lovers

Inside Conan an important Hollywood podcast is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me Jesse Gaskell our producer is Lisa Burr Team Coco's executive producers are Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Engineered and mixed by Joanna Samuel. Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis with assistance from Maddie Ogden.

Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan or an enemy on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best. I'm not going to tell you what to do. Put on your hat, it's the Conan Show. Try on some spats, you're going to have a laugh. Give birth to a calf.

It's Conan! This has been a Team Coco production.