Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Laura Kightlinger and Laurie Kilmartin

Episode Date: October 25, 2019

Actress and comedian Laura Kightlinger (PEN15, Will & Grace) and Conan writer Laurie Kilmartin join Conan writers Mike and Jessie to talk about Laurie’s new Stitcher Premium podcast “Best Of Stand-Up From Conan”, Laura’s stand-up set from the 1993-1994 season that was featured on the podcast, Laura’s start in stand-up in Boston, Laura’s dinner date with Larry David, and more.Check out Conan Without Borders: Greenland: https://teamcoco.com/greenlandCheck out Conan25: The Remotes: https://conan25.teamcoco.com/Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail] For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hello. Hi. Welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. I'm Jessie Gaskell. I'm Mike Sweeney, and we are writers at The Conan Show and TBS. Very funny. Yeah, 11 p.m.

Do they still use that? I think they stopped. Oh, no, no, TBS dropped that. I think they were legally obligated to drop very funny. Yes, they were sued. Somewhat funny. Mm-hmm. Occasionally arch. We talk about the goings-on here at The Conan Show.

Right. And this week, something's going on. What's that, Jessie? With Laurie Kilmartin. Laurie Kilmartin's a very funny writer on our show. One of our favorites. She's back again. She's back on the podcast because she is now hosting a brand new podcast.

Her own podcast. Well, her second podcast. A second podcast, yes. Her podcast is having podcasts. Exactly. No, this one is for Conan, and it is all about stand-up. Right, and it's a great idea. It's featuring some of the best stand-ups from

each season of Conan, starting with Late Night back in 1993. So, each episode, I think they're working chronologically through the season, and it just premiered last week with season one. Yeah, and we actually have someone

with us from that episode, with season one. Yeah, and we actually have someone with us from that episode from season one. She did her debut stand-up set in 1993 and it's Laura Keitlinger. Yes. They're coming on together.

Yeah. Here's our interview with them. We're here with two LKs. Yes. This is the first. That was a dream of ours. For Inside Conan. And we pulled it off.

We did. Two very, very funny LKs. Lori Kilmartin and Laura Keitlinger. Yes, hello. Welcome. Yeah. Lori we see every day. Yes.

Because they aren't as impressed. So you're not welcome. Yes. Laura is a little more elusive. Yeah, I can't believe I'm outside. And by elusive, I mean we just haven't called you in a while. It's nice to see you. You too.

And Laura, you brought Lori a necklace. That was really sweet. I would like to be greeted like that every day by my other coworkers, but only Laura Keitlinger did it. That would be a lot of jewelry. It is what you deserve. Well, yes. So, Lori's hosting a brand new podcast called, what's the official,

I don't even know the title of this podcast. I think it's called Stand Up With Conan. There you go, Stand Up With Conan. We got Conan's name in there. His name's in everything. Oh, that's so funny. It could be like the best comics from late night. Wait, we didn't run a buy him.

I hope he'll be okay with that. We'll see. He gets residuals anytime his name is said. I had a dream, actually, that I was buying a tombstone, and it had Judd Apatow's name on it. And I couldn't get it. And then I said, I don't want his name on it. And they said, we have to pay $5,000 because everything is Judd Apatow. All the tombstones had Judd Apatow on them.

That's how they came from the factory. And this was actually a dream. Were they all a little bit too long? They probably were. I was in a graveyard. I was in a little place, a kiosk next to a graveyard. And they said, well, no one would even know you were here if it wasn't for his name. Oh.

Wow. Yeah. And I know Judd, but not that well. But I thought, wow, you know. What a dream. What a dream. Permeated your dream. He really has.

Pete Holmes and all of the graves. No, but he gets a percentage. Probably. I don't know. Well, now. Do you guys have that with Conan? I mean, are you allowed to say that? That's part of our contract.

But you have to say Conan. Conan has to be on our tombstone. And he gets to decide what's written on it. Exactly. Conan, writer, mother. That's my tombstone. As written by Conan. And so, yes, Lori's hosting this new stand-up podcast, and it's a great one.

What is it? Tell us what it is. Yeah, why don't you tell us? Well, yeah, Adam Sachs approached me, so I don't want to say it's my idea. But they hired me to do it, and I'm so happy. They take a season of Conan starting in 93, I guess, right? That's when Conan started, right? Sure.

92, 93? Three. And they pull five comics, five sets from each season. And then we just sort of listen and talk about it a little bit up front. And then they play it. So each episode is like, I don't know, 35 minutes long, something like that. And you hear five sets from people probably doing their late night debut, at least in the first couple seasons.

Right. It's so fun to hear everybody, you know? It's a lot of big names. I mean. Yeah, Norm MacDonald, before he got Update, he just came out, you know, like no one knew who he was. And it was, you know, limited enthusiasm until like the fifth joke. Like he really had to work. And then the next year, he came back again and he just got an update and people were screaming during his setups.

Oh, wow. That's wild. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. And Laura, you were part of this first season. Yes. I was?

Yeah. Your set was so good. Wow. It was such great writing, so crisp. And notably, you had a joke about something about guys being gay after you date them or coming out afterwards. Oh, right, right. And it still held up.

I don't think anyone – it's so rare to have somebody that had jokes about homosexuality in the early 90s, and they still hold up. And that it's not offensive now. Yeah, that's how good your writing was. Thank you. I think it was like TSA, like, you're not gay until you go through me first.

Yeah. That was it. Sorry. It's so funny, and I write on Will & Grace, so maybe that was part of it. You know, it's just another thing that's in my head all the time. But this was pre-Will & Grace. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh, sure. Maybe you inspired the Will & Grace show. You made Will gay. I guess I did. You know something? I really am like Zelig. Yeah? Very powerful.

Well, you just had great taste very early on. That's true. And you're one of the few comics who's on the podcast more than once. You come back a few seasons later. Oh, really? Did you know that? No. No, because you know what's so funny?

I was actually telling Mike this earlier, like, I think I, and you know, forgive me, because I don't know if it's Conan or Kimmel, but I was trying to get on the show again recently. Yeah. And whomever the booker is said, well, we're only looking for new people till late night. And I took that like, oh, no old chicks, huh? Really? And I'm like the Dracula of late night.

I should be on. I'm always up at that hour. Wow. I find that outrageous. Yeah, that sucks. I'm going to assume that was Kimmel. Yeah, you're right. I think so, too.

I think so, too. Good, good. No, but it does seem like that's, I think a lot of bookers are always looking for the new thing. Like, who's the person I can break? And if someone's already famous, then they don't see it as like an accomplishment on their part. And what do you consider famous? I mean, I think you're right. Do you mean I should have a, yeah.

No, I always think of it. Someone with an IMDB page. Those are hard to get, Jesse. Okay, well, Wikipedia. I know. There are two Cocker Spaniels that I'm just trying to get to that point where I'm that popular. Yeah, I never cared about the age of a comedian. Like, you know, when I was a kid watching kids' comics.

Oh, I'd rather not be a young person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do they have to complain about? You haven't had a mortgage. I can't relate to you. I remember there used to be prom shows. Oh, my God. It was in New York City.

Comedy Club Phenomenon. Oh, I remember that, too. But I don't, I'm not aware of it happening in other parts of the country. What is that? Can you explain what that is? First of all, Mike used to be hosting shows in New York and was fantastic, by the way. Sure. I knew everyone's correct.

You'd never say that? No. You'd never tell people that? He doesn't talk about himself. He's brilliant. He's so funny. Ho, ho, ho. No, but the way. I did stand up. You'd never say that? You'd never tell people that? He doesn't talk about himself. He's brilliant. He's so funny. People know you're lying because they can hear this podcast. So there's uncontrovertible

evidence to the opposite. So prom shows were, is a tri-state New York, Connecticut, Jersey, I'll throw Long Island as a separate state, phenomenon where after the prom, all these kids would opt to go into New York City to go to a comedy show. So they'd schedule these prom shows at 1 a.m., 2 a.m., 3 a.m. And it was blood money.

It was blood money. And you would just see all these comics go up and do their, you know, like one really funny guy started out with something about a credit card, and they all just stared at him. And it's like, none of them have ever even had a credit card. Oh, yeah. So it was literally that awful. Just babysitting.

But you know what's great? I learned, I still hate towns to this day that I've never been to based on what their seniors in high school were like for prom shows.

Just off, like Valley Stream in Long Island, one of the worst, probably one of the worst towns. Yeah, they're all being driven in those limos too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Dangerfields and your comedy club. The women are wearing like, they have gowns, they look like Martha Washington. Danger fields and your comedy club. The women are wearing gowns. They look like Martha Washington. I just like this.

Awful. Did you ever do any of those? I'm sure I did. Yeah, you blocked it out. You know, the late Manny at Comedy Cellar always gave me like the 115. Me and Nancy Shane got the very last two spots all the time. But you know what I was going to say, Lori? I remember being booked for a bachelorette party and thinking, this is going to be fun. But the women were so loud and drunk that it wasn't that way.

Have you done bachelorette parties? I've had them at shows. Yeah, yeah. That's what I mean like at shows. And the worst drunks are young women. Yeah. Or bachelors. Yeah.

Say 40 and under women drunk are the worst. Worse than bachelor parties. Because you can kind of slam them in a female to male way, but with women, it's like, hey, we're on the same team. Shut the fuck up. What are you doing? Yeah, it gets harder. They should just be at a Chippendales.

I don't know why they're. Oh, I agree. Yeah. Get that sexual energy out somewhere. But it's also like. Or the comics could strip. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. That would help. It's sort of like this forced adorable sexuality where they have fake penises. Right. It's just like. It's embarrassing. Yeah. Right.

The penis cakes. The penis hats. Yeah. Penis. Yeah. There's quite a penis industry. Yes. There is. We're in the wrong hats. Yeah. Penis. Yeah, there's quite a penis industry. Yes. We're in the wrong industry.

Right, right. Penis is a growth industry. Bachelorette parties are getting the word out on the penis, which I think is really a great innovation. It's good PR. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what is it exactly? Do they like it or? It is a mystery.

They have to just tell themselves this is still going to be fun in five years. Yeah, yeah. Five. That's very generous. So, Laura, can you take us back? I mean, do you remember getting booked? Was Conan your first late night set, or had you already had your late night debut? I had a special.

But, yeah, it was my first. Yeah, I think it was, yeah. Because I did like a half hour comedy hour on HBO. Oh, wow. Oh, cool. And that was, I think, in 90, 91? No, that was 92. Yeah, so like something like I think the year before had a special.

But no, but actually, I'm sorry. It was the first late night thing. Right, right, right. But if you had already done a special on HBO, I'd be like, oh, I've got to do this Conan thing. Five minutes set. And who is he anyway? Right. Well, I think I was nervous because it was, even though it was taped, I was nervous because I knew I couldn't, didn't get a second chance at it.

Like, I remember doing the half hour thing with four other comics because it was the half hour specials. Right. And one of the other comics kind of screwed up, and so they just did it again. And that made me so relaxed because then I thought, oh, great. Right, there's a do-over. Yeah, then I could fuck it up and do it again. The whole special they did again or just a joke? Oh, no, just the first few sentences.

And then they came out and started again. Wow. Did the comic recover from that? Oh, yeah. Okay, I could see that getting in someone's head and just going, oh, my God, it's going to be awful the whole way through. Right, like Tonya Harding. Yeah. Untied lace.

Well, I remember doing a really short set for something that was taped in Boston, and I forgot what I was about to say, which I always do. But even then, now I kind of understand it, but back then I forgot for about what I thought was probably, it seemed like maybe a minute, which is a very, very long time. And I remember seeing Dave cross afterward, because he was about to go

and I said, that didn't seem like that long, did it? Because yeah, I think maybe it was as long as the whole set. I was like, damn, damn, damn, damn. Yeah, that's a long one. Well, you went to the right guy for support. Who should I ask whether that was like lovable David? Who will meet my emotional needs right now?

Have you guys done that? I've really forgotten what you were going to say. Oh, my God. While you were being taped. I haven't done that? We've forgotten what you were going to say. While you were being taped? I haven't done that, but I did. Did you ever do Girls Night Out on Lifetime? No. It was taped at the Angel Supper Club, or Blue Angel Supper Club? Does that sound familiar?

It had the word angel in it. San Francisco? No, in New York. Oh, in New York. About halfway into my set, they're like, stop, stop, stop. What? And the audio hadn't been turned on. But the audience had already heard everything. Like, it sounded like everything was great.

But it wasn't being recorded. Yeah. So that was, I was enraged. And I could tell when I watched the set. That is jarring. Yeah. Yeah. I remember really bad.

It was Buster's Happy Hour or something. It was VH1 comedy show. And it was like, hey, we're going to get Buster Poindexter to host. Oh, no. I remember that, too. And he was great. Yeah. But they recorded it in L.A. at this cavernous theater that held like 3,000.

No, I'm exaggerating. But over 1,000 people. Oh, my God. Giant. But they built an intimate nightclub down front by the stage and filled it with, you know, like 50 audience members. But behind them was just this, like a giant, so there were no laughs. No, the audio was awful.

It was just awful. Nobody knows anything about comedy. It seems basic, right? It's just stunningly bad. An expensive choice, right? I think people think, oh, the bigger. Yeah. I noticed there was some late night shows that would come on, too, where they'd show the audience and it'd be like 600 people.

But that's terrible for comedy. Yes, yeah. Who cares how many people? No one watches and wonders how many people are in the audience for a late night show. No, no, no, no. And meanwhile, it's just too many people to enter for that medium. Well, I think stand-up is so far behind every other kind of performance type thing because it seems like we should have a union. I feel like there should be a way to protect your material,

all that stuff. Yeah. Like, why can't you copyright your sets and stuff? I'm stunned. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a good point. Oh, my God, the amount of litigation. Oh, boy, yeah.

You'd have to go to night court after every set. That's my joke, you asshole. Well, you know, it used to be, now I'm going to sound like Mickey Rooney, but in the old days, if you taped something, then that was yours, whatever. But now, you know, I've taped something. I think it's kind of like that. I phone tape it, so does that count? But I've done sets that were taped that then I've seen somebody do the same,

not the same set, but a joke from that set. Did you talk to, like, set. Did you talk to them? Or did anyone mention it to them? No, actually, I found out because my husband saw the two spots. Like, said, oh, Laura did it in Melbourne, and then this person did it recently. And so they had my tape and their tape next to each other. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Wow. But you know what i realized what i would do instead of just being my petty self about it right i would in this case or in anyone's case i'd say okay give a donation to you know an animal shelter or something and then we're even that way they've kind of paid for it because you know like when robert williams would give people checks right just stealing their stuff you give people checks checks. Stephen Pearl, that was famous. Yeah. Stephen Pearl, a huge check. Yeah.

I mean, that seems like, okay, right? Yeah. Then you at least paid the person and stuff. What if the Robin Williams estate had to give you a check for this other person stealing your job? That's all right. That seems like, yeah, that works for everybody. That's interesting about Robin Williams. Just having always heard all those stories.

Yeah, I didn't know that. It was during like the Mork and Mindy, right? Wasn't that where people felt like he was taking people's stuff and doing it on that show? Oh, wow. Right? I think that was kind of the story. I'm not sure. I heard that he blamed osmosis.

Like, if he was in the room, it would go into his brain. And then because he wasn't like a writer comic, he was just a whatever is in my head is going to come out of me. That's how he would all of a sudden be doing your stuff. So, was he improvising a lot then? Or what's improvising other people's material? Okay. Right, right. Premeditated improv. Yeah, yeah. Well, now that's one night. Improvising other people's material. Okay. Right, right. Premeditated improv.

Yeah, yeah. Well, now that's called parallel thinking. Yeah. I want to buy this, but I think I'm going to steal it, but I thought I'd buy it. Yeah. But then I saw him once or twice perform where, like, it was just pure improv and based on what was going on in the room. And, I mean, it was, you know, it was brilliant. So I, yeah, I, I, I think he's, hasn't he taught,

didn't he talk about it and say, oh, that was during. Yeah. He said it was osmosis. I mean, I think he acknowledged that he did it. Besides he had writing checks. Right, right, right. He did it and stuff, but I don't. That is a, like, I would rather be on stage,

like just not talk, like Laura was saying, where you don't even, than the idea of saying someone else's joke. Oh, yeah. But the other thing, there's so many comedians now, and we're all writing. Right. Yeah.

Like, it's going to happen. And there's only so many premises in the world. Definitely with topical jokes. For sure. There is. Oh, for sure, yeah. Like when I first started out and, you know, I had a topical joke. And then, you know, I saw the same joke a week and updated.

It's like, oh, they must have been, you know, at the open mic night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then after doing it like four months, you're like, oh, okay. Shell. It wasn't that unique. Not as brilliant as I thought. The SNL writers work 20 hours a day. And then they're going to go to open mic. Shell. It wasn't that unique. Not as brilliant as I thought. The SNL writers work 20 hours a day, and then they're going to go to open night. Exactly.

Come on down to Good Times on 3rd Avenue. Did you start doing stand-up in New York City, or did you start someplace else? No, I started in Boston. Boston. Oh, okay. And there was a guy who used to, I was just thinking about this, he used to book a club. It was the Comedy Connection, Bill Downs. and Brian Kiley remembers this, I don't even remember this, but he said that, well, I used to, you know, we had to call every week for spots,

and I'd never get spots. And so, at one point, I finally just said, he said, well, call in next week. And then I said, oh, so should I just go fuck myself? And then, you know, that kind of, like, of at some point you just can't keep trying were you there about remember Robin Robin Horton I don't know

that name rings a bell because he was Boston yeah I was down in New York I only worked in Boston one weekend at Nick's

oh yeah and yes that was my introduction to Boston and Boston comedians that's right who all seemed to

bad mouth each other more than the comics in New York. Right. I still have that. I've carried that with me. Lori, did you work in Boston too or was it always San Francisco? San Francisco, yeah.

Oh, man. I worked in Boston like two years ago. But the Boston comics that were, that didn't trash each other, like that weren't that road Boston comic, came to San Francisco, a whole bunch of them did. Dana Gold and Mark Maron and-

San Francisco is just like- Paula Poundstone. Stand up utopia. Paradise, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was. I mean, it's so expensive. I was just there at the Punchline and it's just so expensive now.

I mean, it's just ruining- Google, et cetera, is ruining the entire city. I know. So it's very different now in terms of like comics can't afford to live there and audience can't afford to go out to comedy clubs.

Well, has it migrated to somewhere else in the Bay Area? I mean, there's a lot of boroughs. Yeah, it has. Yeah, it has. It's, you know, Oakland is sort of like

into Brooklyn frequently. Yes. How much to Oakland's? With music, too, man. Sardak, really cool. Wait, so, Laura, did you do, and you probably did this on the road a little bit. Were you, had to get up at 7 and do the morning radio? Yeah, a couple times.

Did you do an impression? Of a morning zoo guy yeah no i just wanted to to kind of show i want to do something about how what it was like to i'm not awake now i'm not awake now and it's one o'clock hey we're here with laura kydlinger laura great to have you where are you performing this week uh oh, I... That's how it would be. In that moment, I forget where I was. Oh, I met the... And they're like,

yeah, you do comedy? I met the comedy guy. I think I'm the type of road comic because, first of all, rarely out of the house, let alone on the road, but that I could actually keep people from going because of weather or something. They'd find an excuse not to go. If they heard me in the morning, that wouldn't be funny. I'm tired, whatever. And then it's like, should we go while it's weather or something they find an excuse not to go if they heard me in the morning like that wouldn't be funny and tired whatever and it's like should we go while it's raining we'll find an excuse or anything because just because you know even if

they were going to go once they hear me in the morning it reduces ticket sales i think it really does i wish there was a way to tell i think it would let's go see that dj can i do impression of the woman who's part of the zoo? Oh, God, please. I'm sorry. Just go ahead and do your intro. That was Laura Keitlinger. Okay. Ha ha, Mike.

Ha ha. It's true. She says nothing but just laughs at horrible DJ lines. Those women are. She's the only one who's physically attractive. Yes, but they look traumatized. And you can't, it's hard to get a connection with them. And every once in a while, they'd be so excited if you start just shitting on their coworkers.

They get, they're like, oh. Yeah. And then they're fired. Yeah, yeah. For showing joy. Yeah. Oh, you just did some radio promotion stuff a few weeks ago

right yeah so this is fresh in your mind yeah was it early or was it one of them was early

I was in Philly and there was an early one yeah I don't know if it works I don't know if people listening to the radio

at 7 in the morning are going to come to a show at 10 o'clock I agree yeah they're working yeah

that's true and who books this stuff is it the club the comedy club I see yeah if you're a headline there

you got to do the radio show yeah to get the word out it's not as common as it used to be it used to be like most mornings of the week like it ruined

the you know the idea that you would sleep in. Oh, yeah. It's awful. But now I think, well, radio is just not that popular anymore because of podcasts like Mike and Jessie. Sure.

Save that humor for the club. We're putting the morning zoo out of business. The clubs. Oh, but now do clubs, like, say, do they get into, like, what kind of social media following you have? Yeah, I think that helps a lot. Wow.

Yeah. Okay. So they could book someone based on the amount of follow. Oh, yes. And that pays off for the crowd? You know what? Like a YouTuber who has no stand-up chops could fill a comedy club, and it might pay off for their audience because their audience doesn't expect stand-up.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? They just want their personality to be on stage for 45 minutes. They just want the selfie. Yeah, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if they're funny-ish. Just skip the show.

Yeah. That is such confidence, though, I think. I mean, I write all the time, and I feel a lot more confident now because I'm gutted and don't give a shit anymore. But, I mean, back then to think... You're glowing with it. Thank you.

We had to suture you back. That might be makeup, but thank you. I think, yeah, but you know, just going on stage and not knowing what you're going to do, I don't know how, I mean, just having that kind of balls out confidence. Right, right. To not have a set really.

Well, or taking questions, like thinking that's a show. Right. Oh, yeah. That drives me crazy. It's taking questions from your audience, whatever. I don't know. It feels like, because when I just did a, this is going to sound like I'm complimenting myself. But somebody's like, it was really old school because you were just set up, punch, set up, punch.

And I do feel like there's a new generation of stand-ups. That's old school. Oh, God. That's a little more talky and a little more storyteller-ish. And so the laughs aren't as, you know, every 15 or 30 seconds. They'll sit for a two-minute setup. Yeah. You know, and that's just a different style that the audience is accommodating,

which, you know, is weird. Yeah. I still call it material. Like, I'm proud of having material. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. It's like written material.

Yeah. And with Setup Punchline, you just go through so much more material. That's true. We did a lot more jokes. We have little stories, though, too. Yeah. I mean, you know. through so much more material. That's true. We did a lot more jokes. We have little stories, though, too. Yeah. I mean, the thing is, too, I think people tell stories as long as there's an end in sight, like there's some sort of payoff that's, you know, I'll take it, but I know what you're

saying. But you also, like, I would try to alternate that with, like, chunks that are really punchline heavy and then something that's maybe a little storytellish. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I don't know. It was an odd comment. And I have noticed that, like, it just feels like some comics don't feel that pressure of, like, I'm not getting a laugh yet. And I do.

And so, like, I bail on new material really quickly if it's not working. And I mean, I admire people that, you people that kind of keep wading through it. It'd be so nice if you didn't have to worry about laughs. Yeah. That would make Santa fun. That's the only downfall of this job. This new school sounds pretty good. Say goodbye to the old school.

And why not go four minutes with the straight part of the story? And let's call it a TED Talk at this. Anything else. Just the moth. The moth. Laura, do you still do stand-up? I do. You do?

Yeah. And in fact, I've been talking about doing an hour special just, you know, so my cats have something to remember me by. Good. I've been talking about it for four years. But, you know. How old are your cats? Oh, geez. They're okay.

They're going to hang on. All right, good, good, good. Yeah, they're 10. Oh, well, then good. Yeah, they're middle-aged. Then do it. Yeah, I stopped counting. But, no, they, but I think I probably, I just wanted to see if I can do it.

So I've actually been doing festivals and stuff to do an hour. Oh, cool. Because it's hard to do a long amount of time here in the city right now so a festival

you guys it's an hour show at a festival wow oh cool there's like this room called the clubhouse here in LA

have you ever done it no like sometimes Maria does afternoon shows Maria Bamper oh she's amazing oh yeah she was casually yeah and Bamford. Oh, she's amazing. Oh yeah, she was casually, yeah, and

we'll, that's how she's putting her hour together. How the hell does she do an afternoon show? She just tweets it out. But I think she also doesn't mind if there are only you know, seven people there. Right. But I think she gets, she made it sound like, you know, her fans show up. Yeah, they do, yeah. And yeah,

she'll book it in the afternoon. That's fantastic. Yeah. You're home for dinner. You pick stuff up on the way home. Oh, wow. You're a comic who lives a normal life. Yeah.

That's always this kind of fantasy. Yeah, it's wild. Going to bed at a reasonable hour. Like, I don't feel comfortable in this light. Just light, really. But you know, I'm not, you know, I'm old to late night. So being in the light in general. You should put up some candles.

But I'm so impressed with her. I just think that she's great. And to just, it's kind of like not an optimum situation. Right, right. No. And she also does the, she just tweets out, I'm going to be at a coffee house. And if someone wants to meet with me, I want to go over my hour. She does one-on-one shows.

Yeah, basically one-on-one stand-up. She buys your pastry. Yeah. If she needs to rehearse, you know. That's how awful stage time in LA is. Jesus, that is awful. You'd rather just meet a stranger for coffee than put in your avails. She's going on first dates.

Yeah, exactly. I was going to say, and, oh She's going on first dates. Yeah, exactly. I was going to say, and, oh, you expected a hand jump. Oh, yeah. I just wanted to try out 15 minutes. Well, that is part of it. That's how she gets people to show up. Jeez. She knows how to get that one person in the seat.

That, to me, that's very impressive. A performer who's so confident they'll go one on one with someone that's crazy yeah and how do you know

you have a good person that has a really good sense of humor or that has your sense of humor it sounds like tinder dating or maybe giving them

too much credit really and you're kind of giving them a lot of power in that yeah or they're giving you false confidence

and bad jokes. Oh, right. This is a trick. Well, that would be terrible for me because I always feel like I really, I feel that I have to emote back to someone who's performing when I'm in the audience. And I get very self-aware about, like, I want them to be encouraged if they look at me, if they happen to see my face.

Yes, yes. Like, I want them to, so I'm nodding my head a lot, and then I'm really, you know, laughing, like I'm really engaging with them, but then. You're supportive. I'm supportive, but I think to a fault, where it's like, okay, this is, like, they're going to look at you and be worried that you're. Right. Believe me, I know that look from you.

But when you're writing on this show, do you, do other writers say, is this funny to you? Do you have to kind of put it in your face? Yeah, and I usually lie and say it is. No wonder Conan's monologues suck. Ow. I'm not kidding. Laurie works on the monologue. No, I'm totally kidding.

You know that. No, that's why you gave me a necklacer there. With Brian Kiley. I know. Oh, I know. You could crush him with a few of those. No, I'm totally kidding you. No, that's why you gave me a necklace earlier. With Brian Kiley. I know, oh, I know. You could crush him with a feeding nose. No, I totally, I think he's amazing, actually. Jesse. I love, I honestly, honest to God.

You know I love Brian Anko, and I think he's great. He's a monster. If you feel that kind of obligation to a performer, is it enjoyable to be in the audience? Because to me, that's a lot of work for you when you should just be able to chill and drink. I know. Do you try not to be in the audience because to me that's a lot of work for you when you should just be able to chill and drink i know do you try not to be in front i try yeah i try to move move out of the light and into the shadows yes is what i've learned laura will find you i've just taken your soul my trick is not to be in the club

then i really don't have to worry about my face. No, but yeah. Great set. And I think that when I was going to more stand-up and it would be like, you know, you'd see 12 performers in one show. And, yeah, they're not all going to be A+. But you still want to. I'm like, but I don't want you to give up on this dream. Yeah. Like, I know that.

Tighten it up a little bit. That is so nice. That is, you're a good person. But I think I lose credibility as an audience member then. Because you don't, you can't tell when it's real, when, you know. It's true. Like I really, I should be more authentic. So that people get good feedback.

You are in your own way. Don't worry about it. Before I got on the show, I kept hearing that, you know, Jessie's a phony, she's a phony girl. Don't believe what she... She fake laughs all the time. You're very authentic. I wish bachelorette parties had this level of commitment.

I know. Man, do you hate bachelorette parties. I'm trying to get my mom to come out here, but she's afraid of the fires. Oh, yeah. She thinks they're all. She's living right near gangs in North Carolina, but she's afraid of the fires. She thinks they're all behind the Gelson's on Franklin. I don't know. It's so hilarious. Well, she has such a, when she leaves a lot, one of her many long messages, there's a,

I can feel like there's like a happiness or a hope in her voice about the fires. Are you close to the fire? And then I have to say, call her and say, no, I'm not. And she goes, but then she says, but aren't they going for a cut? They said they're not going to be put out right away. You're right. I could get in there if I could possibly. Or if not, I'll take my house to the fire. I read they're jumping the freeway now. I'm going to be put out right away. You're right. I'm going to get in there if I can possibly do it. Or if not, I'll take my house to the fire.

I read they're jumping the freeway now. I'm going to send you some accelerant. Why don't you just stab some on, go near the stove. Well, wow, okay. You guys, your moms are all alive. That's great. Well, it hurts, you know. You know my mom's dead.

Oh, stop bragging. I know. What a nightmare. I used to explain to my mother, you know, like, there are bad people in the world. And, you know, people agree to that. And then the syllogism is some of them have uteruses and can have babies. So, you know, because some people are like, well, you can't say anything bad about your mom. You got to love your mom.

Larry David says that, right? No, no, no. Wasn't that? No, there was another comic who was on stage going, you know, you got to love your, he was starting a thing. Okay. A bit with it.

You got to love your mom. And then just Larry David comes sputtering out of the room. He just happened to hear that. He goes, got to love your moms. Got to love your moms. What the fuck? This guy's in here saying you've got to love your moms. I made the mistake of having dinner with Larry David.

Oh. He did the whole menu thing. And first of all, we actually, I might as well just say it, we went on a date. I was going to. Oh, he's your husband. It seemed like it. He is. No wonder nobody.

You're married to Larry. There's so many scoops. Tim Curry and now Larry David and Laura. He is exactly how he is on the show because we went to a movie and there was, wait, wait, before we went to the movie, it was at the Arklite, we just had dinner, right, at the article we were just had dinner right you know because i don't know what seven o'clock or something and um he couldn't decide what he was going to eat and i thought we were going to miss the movie and then finally he decides he's having corn tamales and then as we're going to the movie i know it takes a while yeah because it has to be something you know kind of healthy so before we go

into the movie um he's starting to get recognized. And so I said, look, why don't you go in and I'll get the popcorn? And he goes, popcorn? I can't have corn and corn. I can't have corn and corn. Corn and corn. And I was like, oh, my God. She wants me to have two corns.

What the fuck? I can't even think of popcorn as corn myself. Oh, my God. You're't even think of popcorn as corn myself. Right. Oh, my God. You're right. Or tortillas as corn. You don't think of a butterfly as, you know, a worm. No, it's transformed.

Oh, man. I think that was a bad impression. Hilarious. I can't have corn in corn. No. It's perfect. You know, it goes so quickly into Bernie. But it is Yogi Bear. His voice is Yogi Bear.

So did he do, was there any aspect of your date that ended up in the show? Because there was that season where he dates. Oh, no. This was, no. I don't think so. Okay. Did you guys watch Finding Your Roots with Henry Gates? No.

No. They are actually cousins, distant cousins. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Sanders and Larry David. Oh, I remember reading cousins, distant cousins. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. Sanders and Larry David. Oh, I remember reading that, I think. And now he plays him on SNL. Yeah.

Crazy. Crazy cousins. Speaking of bachelor parties, when I was starting out, I was a really green comedian. And I was hosting a show at a place called Comedy O'Grand. Oh, I know that place. And Larry David was the headliner. And they advertised him. It was the first time they advertised a headliner,

and it was Larry David. And I'm standing there. We're about to start the show. And he sees there's a bachelor party in the crowd of firemen. And he's just like, they're going to hate me. They're going to hate me. He goes, look, and he turns to me.

I didn't even know. He goes, look, you're going to go. We're going to say you're Larry David. You go on as Larry David. They don't know who I am. You go on and you be Larry David.

And I'm like, I haven't been doing this long, but I think this is a really bad standup idea. It's like, oh, fuck. I can't. So really bad stand-up idea. Yeah. It's like, oh, fuck. I can't. So, you know, he went up there.

But he goes on. Did it go well? I don't remember. But he always used to say, his second joke in his act would be, you know, I like you people. Can I use the two-form with you people? Oh, my God. I remember.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I feel comfortable here. Can I use the two-form with you? The personal two-form. Can I use the two-form with your people. Oh, my God. I remember that. Oh, yes. I feel comfortable. I'm cruising. I feel comfortable with you. The personal two-form. Can I use the two-form with you? I do that at night at the improv in New York.

Like on a Saturday night when everybody is like drunk and then just put just a, you know, death pill right on it. But he would say, he would say, he's like, you know, I do the two-form joke. And if that does well well I know I'm gonna the crowd's gonna love me oh that's funny but so

knowing that like sometimes I'd run into the room to watch him just to see how the two form joke would go cause if the two form did not

do great you'd literally see oh no like him turning the light switch off and his head like and he'd literally go uh mmhmm okay and then just yeah Oh, no. Like him turning the light switch off in his head. And he'd literally go, uh, mm-hmm, okay.

And then just. And just phone it in for the rest. He would just get. Or deliberately. He'd start getting mad. Oh, okay. This was long before Seinfeld. This was before Seinfeld.

But it was just. But it was crazy. That was kooky because he had all this great material. Like the comics would just all run in to watch him. Yeah. Because he's so goddamn funny. But in his head, and also sometimes like if you're a comedian following another comic who did really well, it takes them like five jokes to get used to you. Yeah.

But he was like, nope, second joke, two form. You had your chance. It's two form or nothing. And he would leave too. He would just like, nope, second joke, two for him. You had your chance. It's two for him or nothing. And he would leave, too. He would just leave, I remember.

Oh, really? He wouldn't finish the set, I don't think. Well, a couple of times, if it was really late. Right.

Oh, yeah, sure. I was always amazed that bookers would put up with that. There's some comics that just got to do whatever they wanted, and then if you went

one minute short, they'd mention it for like a year. Do you think maybe you got different treatment? Maybe. Gender, gender, gender. Isn't it enough for you? I don't see gender. I think all women are transitioning men. All men are women in transition.

But did you, Laurie, answer that question that Jesse asked? It's been deflated. Now that I think about it, the people that were allowed to misbehave like that were definitely guys. Oh, interesting. Yeah. Of course. Can you think of a female comic who acts like that, who still gets work? Let's see.

Roseanne never acted up. Let's say pre-fame. You know what I mean? No. No, never. Yeah. Because there was like one female slot in a show. Yeah.

And so if you messed it up, then they'd put the next one in and never see it again. We got a whole line of women back here vying for that one slot. I know one or two women who might fit that bill. I'm not going to name them. I like it when hosts go out of their way and get a little confused to say, our next comic is a female, a woman. She's a, you know, like they can't just bring you on. Right, right right right

yeah she's very funny for having two X chromosomes she's more than just attractive guys I think yeah she's just

she's got a brain I think they're getting better about that yeah they must I would think there's so many female comics now

it's not reflected in all club booking but it's when you go to shows that are booked by comics, it's like half women, half the time. Oh, that's good. That's nice. And there's also like the younger generation of male comics are sort of used to that, and they don't.

They're very different from the guys that we came up with, not Sweden. Well, I haven't been in a club since 1990, so I don't really know. I don't know what the new kids are doing. Yeah. Stand up clubs are. There aren't that many,

except I was, I think, I don't, I think it was Nick Kroll who brought me on as Mrs. Keitlinger. And I was like, what? Oh,

why? Did I tell you I was taping an album, which I didn't use but the MC brought me up as Laura Keitlinger oh no and it was like a theater

it was like I was like oh my god and I was so like insecure I was like not even the MC knows who I am

why am I even recording a DVD oh that's so awful yeah yeah and then that went through my head for the entire set so did you just do

Laura's material I should have no I have gone right into it. Well, now you have that necklace. It's terrible. But also, I know from experience that that name doesn't open any doors. It's such a drag that they would even say something like that.

It's terrible. I mean, when you're insecure, anything will make you collapse internally. Oh, I'm sure. Yes. So, Laura, you came here straight from Will & Grace. Can you talk about that? Oh, yeah. You write on Will & Grace?

Oh, yeah, I do punch up. Oh, great. And that's, you know, and I'm not just saying that because I'm employed there, but it is an amazing job. I love doing punch-ups. Yeah. It sounds. You should hear us talk about what we think your job is like.

Oh, my God. I've been. Oh, let me hear. Oh, I used to be so jealous of you because you told me. I didn't know about a punch-up job until you mentioned it. I forget what show it was. And you're like, well, yeah, it's one. I think whatever show it was, you came in one day a week.

On a private helicopter. Yes. Thank you, Lauren. Yes. And I have a briefcase and a little suit that I wear. Yeah. And I just was like, wow, that sounds like the greatest job in the world. You know, you don't have to deal with all the – you just come in and go, yeah.

Do you ever come in for a punch-up thing and go, I don't know, it looks pretty good. It looks good to me. I'm done. That's lunch. I've done like, and you guys probably have all done, you know, when you do roundtables, right? When you're punching up scripts for movies or whatever. Right, right. And then I've noticed that there are people that just get in a lunch order.

They're usually just guys. That would be me. Four steaks. And they don't really put anything into it. they're usually just guys that's who you know the Jewish but and that four stakes and they don't really put anything into it so I always I feel like even I always overwrite

so I always have a bunch of jokes but right so you get the script in advance yeah yeah that's great

and then I you know start writing it out that sounds so fun it is true if you have a job where or even here

if they go you know Friday's work at home like you you feel more pressure to produce from home because you feel like, especially if you're out and everyone else is at work, that's when you really feel like, oh, I've got to pull my weight here. Yeah. what I and I think the other you know other writers I don't think maybe they are envious but on the job you get so tired of the script

and what you're reading and working on all week long that if someone wants to come in and you know throw in some things it's like

you know do it because you can't think anymore it's a breath of fresh air it's nice to have a new a new mind look at it and work on it so that's good

they're not resentful when they see you leave after one day. As far as I know. With the paycheck. I go like this. I made this amount and you've made less for the week. She leaves with an executive producer credit and a paycheck. She's Mrs. Keitlinger.

She has a whole family to take care of. Right, exactly. So let's not be hard on her. Otherwise, we'd expect more from take care of. Right, exactly. So, well, let's not be hard on her. I know. Otherwise, we'd expect more from her. Right. I married myself. I knew it.

I know, right? At least you got the ring. Yeah. I don't see a ring at all. I know, Jessie, I know you're joking. You didn't see that ring?

Oh, that's an antique ring. Put on your glasses, please. I don't notice that. It's on my cock. It's really beautiful. It's a guy you had been with for a long time, right? an antique ring. Put on your glasses, please. I don't notice that stuff. It's on my cock. It's really beautiful.

It's a guy you had been with for a long time, right? Yeah. Cool. Yeah, he's such a nice guy. Oh, thank you. Yeah, he's a good guy. I never signed off on him. I know. He's great.

Is he in comedy? No, thank God. He's very funny, though. He's an editor and a filmmaker. But he, the great thing about him is now, in the beginning, you know, he's very nice about me, you know, trying out material. And now he's like, no. Or just like, oh, that's hacky. You know? No, I mean, I think the ideal is if you can be with somebody who's funny, but who's not always trying to be funny. Or not trying to be funnier than you.

Oh, that's hard. Yeah. Right. funny but who's not always trying to be funny or not trying to be funnier than you oh that's hard yeah right i mean i've got you i'm sure this has happened to you too laura you've gone gone on dates and then if somebody finds out that you're a comic or knows that you are then they really like kill themselves to be funny and that's so hard they want to compete with you i was on a date and the guy um had apparently been listening to my podcast with Jackie Cation. Oh, that's great. And so the first thing he says is, hey, how's your mom? Oh, boy. Oh, I was angry.

I was like, ugh, you already know too much. I don't want to be part of this. Yeah, that's right. But it's also a little funny that you put, it is broadcast. Yeah. So it's not like he had to stalk you or something. No, correct. Yeah.

Correct. It was just like, oh, you told me too much about what you know. At least just pretend to not know. Yes. Ask questions and then you. This is the industry town. Act like you haven't heard this before. And then on the third date, you reveal it.

And then it's too late. Well, that's another thing that Lori and I have in common. I like to say mom was boys instead of girls. but we're both so close to our moms, right? Well, I'm in physical proximity. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. I think you are emotionally close to your mom, right? Yeah.

Oh, that's nice. So you're tight with the woman who wishes you were near fires at all times. That's exactly it. You're pretty tight. Well, this has been great. It has. Laura Kiley. Thank you.

Thank you so much. I'm so glad. It's an honor. And yeah, and we want everyone to listen to this new podcast. Yes. Check out the set. Two of Laura's sets are going to be on that. There's so many great comedians on it.

Yeah. Young Bill Burr, youngon Oswalt David Cross Paul F. Tompkins who's hilarious he's on it several times yeah

Norm is on it a couple times Norm yep Andy Blitz two Loris we started the show by saying you're on it twice

I'm not on it twice oh it's a podcast I mean I thought I was going to see Lori separately on a different podcast. No. No, you're obligated.

What the hell am I doing here? You're going in the slow classic. I'm sorry. You're so right. Oh, I thought it was a separate. I'm sorry. Wait, so let me just finish. I have the official.

You can listen to it on Stitcher, and you can listen and get a free month of Stitcher Premium at stitcherpremium.com slash Conan. So that's how you can check out this podcast called Stand Up. That's fantastic. Stand Up with Conan. That is great. It's fantastic. A new one comes out every Thursday. Yes.

And episode one is out. It came out last Thursday. So check it out right away. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Laura and Lori. Yeah. Thank you, listeners.

That was Inside Conan for this week. Yeah. And we'll be back next week. Yeah. We will be back. Oh, we've got a special guest next week. Next week I have a special guest. You're going to want to listen to this one.

We're promoting the Conan and Ghana show. Yeah. And so we. And one of the people from that title. Yes. Will be on the show. He said he would be. We'll see.

But who knows, man. Who knows with him. You know, one bad interview, it'll be like, ah, I'm not doing your podcast. Yeah. No, he's legally obligated. So stay tuned to hear if we booked him. Yeah. Yeah. He'll be on. He'll be on. He'll your podcast. Yeah. No, he's legally obligated. So stay tuned to hear if we booked him. Yeah. Yeah.

He'll be out. He'll be out. Okay. Okay. Have a great week and we'll see you next week. We like you. Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jessie Gaskell. Produced by Kevin Bartelt.

Engineered by Will Becton. me, Jesse Gaskell. Produced by Kevin Bartelt. Engineered by Will Becton. Mixed by Ryan Connor. Supervising producer is Aaron Blair. Associate producer, Jen Samples. Executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco.

And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to inside Conan on Apple podcasts, Spotify,

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