Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Matt O’Brien, Conan head writer

Episode Date: September 20, 2019

Conan head writer Matt O’Brien joins Conan writers Mike Sweeney and Jessie Gaskell to talk about the recent writer submission process which included reading over 400 writer submissions, common red flags, and more. Plus, Mike shares a legendary Brian Reich story from the writers room of the Late Night with Conan days.This episode is brought to you by M&Ms Hazelnut.Check out Conan Without Borders: Greenland: https://teamcoco.com/greenlandCheck out Conan25: The Remotes: https://conan25.teamcoco.com/Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail] For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Hello. Oh, hi. Welcome to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. I'm Mike Sweeney. I'm Jessie Gaskell. And we're writers on The Conan Show on TBS. And we're seeing how low our voices can go.

Yeah, it's on at 11. That's it. And, you know, we talk about behind the scenes of Conan, and we like to talk to people who have some sort of Conan connection other than his immediate family, and that's what we do. People who are varying degrees away from conan exactly see how far we can stretch it today someone who is uh next to him at a red light yeah a little tangential but we can make it work we'll lighten we're gonna squeeze 45 minutes

sure oh today we have holy cow oh no yeah we today. Oh, no, yeah. We've got a real big fish. Mm-hmm. This guy, he's the head writer on Conan. He is. Matt O'Brien. Hey. Hi, Matt. How are you?

No relation. No relation. Do you have to say that to people? All the time. Yeah, because it seems like nepotism. Right. It does, and it would make sense. Yeah, because that's how Hollywood works.

Yes, and I'm ill-equipped for the job. Of course, physically, I think anyone who saw you wouldn't ask that question. They would not mistake you for one of Conan's relatives. Yeah. Not an ex.

An ex what? Ex, let's say college football player. No one mistakes Conan for that. No, not anymore. I look like a schlub, basically. No, you look like a comedy writer. Like a comedy writer? Yeah, yeah.

A schlub. Don't worry, you don't look too jockey. Thanks. I'm not trying, yeah. Yeah, it's not like, what's he doing here? Thank God I didn't wear my jersey today. 41. 41, that's right.

Wow. Your mother showed me a photo of you. A vault, yes, I remember that. It was a horrific, horrific day. She knows just how to. Oh, really? You did play college football? No.

No, I was in high school. High school football. I was trying to. Okay. Yeah, that's not something we should talk about. No. At this point, people are riveted. Yes.

Hey, I know the topics to bring up. Yeah. Respective. Please say they ran the wishbone offense. Please say they ran the wishbone offense. Please say they ran the wishbone offense. Oh, I hope he was a jock for a few years. Oh, God, please. All option football.

Well. Well, Matt, thank you for putting aside your resentment toward this podcast. Yes. I would be on it. Right. Wait, we talked about that last time. We did. My resentment's been quelled.

Oh, good. I didn't even remember that. We're recording this on a Sunday. I only remember positive thoughts. Yeah, we've moved our recording time to Sunday at 4 a.m. Because we learned no one can say they're not available on a Sunday. Everyone is quite available. We know.

We're actually at your house right now. We just rang the bell. Yes. And caught you. No one on the staff is religious. Sundays are why. I don't, yeah, No one on the staff is religious. Sundays are why. I don't, yeah, I don't think anyone is religious on the staff. Well, they're going to keep quiet about it, I think.

I think they are. They'll be ostracized. That's a firing offense on a late night show. So, they have their Bible hidden under some comic books. Right. They wrapped it in a different cover. An Anicci cover. An Anicci cover. Although some of them are always pitching Old Testament bits.

That's true. In a copy of Infinite Jest. It's always revealed. No one's read that book. That's true. No. I'm finally going to sell mine. I've had it on my shelf for years and I just decided I'll sell it.

To the last bookstore. The one downstairs. And they'll take it, yeah. Tell us how much you got for it. They have an entire load-bearing doorway arch of Infinite Jest. That's what the store's built out of, Infinite Jest. We built an annex. Anyway, I guess that's it.

Oh, no. There's a reason we wanted to have Matt on. I mean, Jesse brought up, you just hired a new writer. We just hired a new writer. Who started this week writer this week yes her name is glenn bouzan glenn bouzan and she's uh fit right in she's fit right in she's lovely very person feels like she's always been here yes she very funny yes very funny and friendly and seems easy to work with yeah and so So far. I mean, it's been two days. It's been two days. How did the lunch go?

We had lunch today with her, and she seemed she was conversational. She didn't order anything weird. Didn't order anything weird. Didn't run out of things to talk about. That's good. I would have liked to have been at lunch, but I had to edit. Right. Yeah.

Well, someone has to produce stuff for the show. Hold down the fort. The scraps episode. Yeah. Yeah. Will this be out before the scrap? No, it won't. No.

The scrap episode will have already aired. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ancient history. I look forward to the think pieces. There'll be a lot of people grinding over it. The scraps. The greatest scraps of all time. No, the scrap shows are fun.

I mean, I think people like to see that stuff. I think it's great. It's behind the scenes. I think it's a rehearsal. Yeah, because we roll on every rehearsal, and occasionally there are outtakes from rehearsals that are very funny. That's what the scrap show is. And how many more of the same.

We call scraps outtakes of rehearsals. Right. How many more of the same type of, I mean, as opposed to us just cranking out another episode of our show, why not do a little different? Yeah. Yeah, mix it up. Unpolished, show a different side of Conan and Andy.

Right, we're usually so buttoned up. We are. It's nice for people to see that we can make mistakes. Right. Finally, our unpolished show ends. Yes. Sometimes people tune in and go, wait, is this the Kennedy Honors? Oh, no.

It's Conan. It's Conan. Yeah. All right. Sorry. go, wait, is this the Kennedy Honors? Oh, no, it's coming. So, the hiring process. Well, this was a lengthy process. This was, right. How many months has this been going on for? So, we put the call out for writers, I think either in December or January. Oh, my God. Of, yeah, of 2016.

Yeah. Of this year. And then we got, I think, around 430 submissions. That's insane. And weren't there also an additional number of unsolicited submissions? Oh, so that doesn't include the ones you didn't? That does not include some that we did not accept because they were just sort of sent in. Right. Over the transom.

Yes. Maybe they tracked down an email address or something. They came in an envelope full of handbags. There was a white powder surrounding the packet. So we, yes. So some people we just said, you know, we don't accept unsolicited submissions. But it was more than I anticipated. Yeah.

But I guess word just spread amongst agents and managers and friends of friends and that kind of thing. And the writers here had people they decision to read all of them just because I thought if someone's going to take the time to agonize over a submission and writing a packet that I should read all of them. So it took. And you also have young twins at home. I have two-year-old twins at home. They read half of the packets. I read the other half. What a great way to get out of childcare duties.

That is. Honey, I'd like to help. I'm reading my. Honey, I'm on number 289. I'm reading my 10th Marie Kondo parody. Well, yeah, so maybe you can walk us through what some, I mean, it sounds like there were probably a lot of similar. Sure.

Sure. Well, it's funny because, because a lot of them are written in January. Right. Right. By the time I had finished them up in, I guess, July, things had moved along. You're trying to remember what Trump did in January. Marie Kondo, I remember, was a big one. I think Kendall Jenner's

Lip kit I think it just sold out Her website just crashed Or something like that Well that's timeless Yes that's evergreen People really nailed the voice of our show They did

Gosh I'm trying to think what else I mean just general Oh you know what um the virginia politician appearing in blackface oh in the yearbook that was a big story back then so there was a lot of those he's on snl now yes he's replacing leslie jones yes so i i finally got all got through all of them and we landed on Glenn, which is pretty, it's a compliment to her.

That is quite a compliment. Those numbers are wild, right? I think they're pretty staggering, right? From what I understand. Yeah, because you were the head writer for 15 years. The most we ever got were 200. And the number always crept up. Sure.

But what do you think? I think my mistake was. Oh, I don't think it's a mistake. Here's my mistake, though. The doubling of the numbers. Do you think it has to do with more people are just involved because there's more comedy writers? Yeah. That's a good question.

Well, maybe fewer comedy jobs. Fewer comedy jobs, maybe. I think our show is one of the few late night shows that kind of just does pure silly sketch comedy. So I think that there are obviously people that write, or joke writers that write political jokes and do very ultra-topical comedy. So maybe we had, I'm sure a lot of those people still apply to our show, but the net was also wider to just more pure sketch comedy writers. So I don't know if that, I also think i just didn't rein in who we put the call you posted it on the starbucks bullet you tore a number off the bottom of the flyer uh yes so yeah zip recruiter are they a sponsor i'm sure they were a big help they were a big help would

you look at stuff besides the written submission? Because now so many people have, you can go online. So the people would send us a written submission. And then if I liked the written submission, a lot of times people would include a link to their Twitter account or videos they had done online or other pieces they had written. Right. You know, or had, you know, published it and say The Onion or Clickhole. And did that stuff help?

Yeah, definitely. I mean, those supplemental materials. Absolutely. Absolutely. Especially because you see someone can write for the voice of a publication, a show, you know, a website, that kind of thing. And that they're used to producing, making their ideas come to life, if you will.

Oh. Yeah. You know, I mean, not only writing, but editing, shooting, executing their ideas, if you will. Yeah, because that's, I mean, that's a big difference between our show and other shows. Right, the writer... The writers have to direct and produce all of their stories. The writer takes an idea from its infancy to its final... Death.

To its stillbirth. To its stillbirth. Stillbirth means it got on the show, right? Stillbirth means it got on. Correct. So a writer is, have we even talked, have we talked about this before on the show? A writer is in charge of, so when they pitch something and it's approved, they write the script, they cast it, they select the music, select the wardrobe. Props.

The set design, the props, They work with all the departments to, it's basically their vision on some level. So they- Editing, the shooting of it, the shots. They shoot it, they edit it. It's very collaborative. It's all collaborative. It's all collaborative, but they're driving the whole thing.

Involved in every step. Yes, we have an amazing production staff. Yes. That is very keen and sharp in terms of what we're looking for right they they latch onto it quickly so anyway yes so people that have done that with their own material before that's a certainly a plus for our show yeah it's a leg up yes they've produced before if that makes sense yeah now what were some things you found that were maybe red flags or turn offs? Let's see.

There was a few. It's funny. Everybody has their own take on gun violence, but there was a lot of gun ideas that were very dark and dry that almost felt like pro gun. They almost felt pro gun. Yes. I mean, there was, they were dripping in irony a little bit,

but they came across as Conan goes and buys a gun and then runs through a public place with it. Hilarity ensues, you know, so. Conan is arrested. I become the host of the show. Tonally, that's not what our show really does.

So when you saw an idea like that, it's like, oh, okay, it's maybe not in our wheelhouse. One thing you did, there's a lot of late night shows, obviously, and people apply to multiple shows, obviously. That's a very common thing. Sometimes people will send in a packet and forget to change the name in the idea. So it'll say Jimmy. Jimmy goes over to the performance area or James has decided to audition for.

Do you ever play a fun game and try to figure out whether they mean Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel? Yes, that's a good one. One packet I got was all ideas exclusively happening on the streets of New York. Yay. Which, as you know, our show does not shoot in New York any longer. So I didn't know if it was that they did not know that the show had moved. They haven't seen it in 10 years.

Right. Either they did not know that the show had moved to Los Angeles in 2009, or they were just fouling ideas that they had. Coma writer. That's very lazy. That's a red flag. It's tough to give them a pass. But those are fun.

I would imagine when you're reading 400 packets, that's the kind of thing you're dying for. It's like, yay! You can get rid of it very quickly. It's great. Did you develop other shorthand for winnowing?

Cutting out of the one quickly? Yeah, like how many would you force yourself to read if the first couple were not good? Right, if the first three, right at the first three i would probably go through because usually people i think would put their best ideas at the top of the packet so you're talking about idea oh can you you want to explain how many ideas it is sure so a packet submission to our show is eight to ten ideas in paragraph form and that's kind of just short paragraphs right yeah uh the idea being that a, solid idea can sort of be explained and crystallized in a paragraph or less.

So it's not full scripts. It's not full scripts. It doesn't need to have, you could give maybe one or two examples, but it doesn't need to have a whole fully fleshed out. But there should be some funny beats in it. It should read funny, if possible. Sure. Sometimes they're very general. Like sometimes people would be like, just Conan.

Conan says something funny about the mortgage crisis. So another red flag would be, some people would literally say, would end the idea with, and hilarity ensues. You can only do that when you've been working here at night. Because most of the things you read. And hilarity ensues. And funnier ideas to come. Can we go home?

Right. Beats TBD. Yes, exactly. So some people would just say, you know, yeah, it was a couple words short of just, and funny things happen. Right, right. Those were typically, again again they were sort of like well okay right one less to consider you know and how about do sometimes people go too dirty in a submission that's interesting um yes well maybe not maybe you didn't, not really. No, I will say there was, there were some very dirty,

and it's funny, a lot of times the ideas would be written in sort of kind of almost like internet shorthand or sort of this kind of rough, like modern parlance. Like, so Conan is like, no, just right, is like, you know, hanging out with this sexy woman and then do everything but say like, and then get this, you know. Those are people that I think just have not submitted to shows. They're probably young and if they have funny ideas they maybe don't know how to present them concisely

to put it nicely. One thing I notice in a lot of younger Twitter comedy people is that it's all lowercase and there's no punctuation. Did you get some of that? There was some of that.

Yeah, I mean there's no punctuation. Did you get some of that? There was some of that. Yeah. I mean, there's, you know, like people would write, like, you know, one thing I've always found funny, TBH is, oh God. They didn't even have time to write out. They could not write TBH, to be honest. Wow. Wow. Yeah.

Would they abbreviate Marie Kondo? Which is why I think I cast too wide a net. Yeah. You want people who at least are going to take the time to spell out their acronyms. To write to be honest and say, talk to you later. They're trying to save you time. I think they're being respectful of your time. Certain people would submit an idea and they would start with like, have you ever noticed when?

And they would sort of be like, have you ever noticed when? You know, what's the deal with? There was a little of that. Seinfeld submitted. Seinfeld did submit. Hey! I thought these were supposed to be blind submissions. He made it to the final round, but ultimately elected to stick with the, but that is, you did read

them blind, right? I read them blind. So, um, our writer's coordinator, Kathy, um, who was very diligent, um, she takes the names off of them and gives them a number and creates a master list with all the numbers and names that I don't see. So I just read them. They're just numbers to me. Yeah. Um, and so that's to't see. So I just read them. They're just numbers to me. Yeah.

And so that's to take any bias or preconception out of it. And it's just to kind of let hopefully the cream rise. And did you have a ranking system or would you just be like, this is a save pile in a video pile? So the way, right, the way I did it was just A, B, C. And I would just write A, B, or C on it. A was someone I liked and keep in the short pile. B is pretty good and maybe I'll give it another glance to see,

give it another read just to make sure it wasn't because I was tired or didn't. And then C was no. Yeah, that was it. So, and then slowly I'd go back and I'd read the B pile, and then that would get winnowed down quickly. Since there were probably many still in the A pile. There was not many from the B pile that I went back and was like. Turns out you weren't that tired.

I was not. When you read a book. Fresh, yeah. I couldn't have been more aware. Right. So, yeah, that's all. And then the A pile, i gave to i gave mike sweeney oh some to read i read some post to the show he read some a pile yeah i read 10 a piles

and they were all great to see what he liked and then so we cross-referenced what we both liked and then conan finally reads oh yeah how many did conan read six i think which is a very small percentage from 430 i was gonna say well the a pile you gave me was only 10 i mean right there must have initially been a much bigger a pile yeah there's probably 30 or 40 okay yeah wow right it just takes yes it just takes a long time and you don't want to let, you try not to let anything slip, you know, fall through the cracks. Right. Fall through the cracks. Yeah.

Because you want to try to land on the best candidate. The one, yeah. You know, the one that you like the best. Yeah. Were you concerned that whoever, that you might pick someone who then had like gotten another big job or maybe had died in the meantime? Right, a lot of time went by. That's true. Started a family. Yes, had meantime. Right. A lot of time went by. Started a family.

Yes. Had retired. Yeah. Since they submitted. That did not happen in our case, but certainly seemed very possible that they would maybe not be available by the time we offered them something. So, yeah. And once you landed on Glenn, did she come in for an interview? She came in for a quick, just a 10-minute interview just to say hi.

There's nothing, you know, densely informational about it other than hi, hello. You just want to make sure she doesn't have a weird mole or something. Exactly, that she doesn't look all funny. Yeah. That she can, yes. That she doesn't, you know, cry when talking to people or anything like that. Any affliction like that. So she just came in.

I just chatted with her. And I uh five people and that's just who we landed on yeah so i mean i'm the interview i would love to the other four gal you with uh questions i mean it was just sort of like hey where are you from you know so you know the show you we're interested, that kind of thing. You know, nothing, it was very casual. Right. Do you know that story about Brian Rich, who was a writer on the show? No, but that's a great story to tell.

I mean, I'm sorry, I do, but you should tell it. No, it's just, he is a really great writer on the late night show. And he was leaving to go, I think, work on Just Shoot Me. He's going to work on a sitcom. He's moving to LA. And so Jonathan Groff was a head writer, great head writer, was reading submissions, finally narrowed it down. And one night, we were late in the writers' meeting after dinner.

It was like 10.30, and Brian Rich was still there. It was his last week. And someone said, hey, are you going to, have you hired Brian Rich's replacement yet? And he goes, you know what? I can't believe you said that. I've narrowed it down to this one guy. I'm going to, you know what?

I'm going to call him right now and offer him the job. And we're like, okay, great. So he called him with all the writers in the room. And he put him on speakerphone. He's like, hey, you know, this is Jonathan Groff, you know, from Conan. And he's like, hey, this is Jonathan Groff from Conan. And he's like, hey, hi. We loved your submission.

We want to offer you the job. And the guy goes, oh, yeah, that's great. Can you take me off speakerphone? And so we're all like, holy cow, what is happening? And we're just watching Jonathan Groff go, uh-huh, yeah. Well, yeah, but no, well, you know, sure, the show isn't great every night. Oh, my God. And we're like, holy cow.

And then he hangs up and he goes, he turned down the job. He said he didn't love the stuff we've been doing on the show lately since he submitted and he'd rather not and we were all stunned everyone's just stunned and they were all like oh god what what what show are we working like we all felt terrible and then brian rich goes um i have to explain something and brian rich wrote a new submission for his own job. Oh, my God. And he, which takes a lot of work. Wow.

It takes a lot of work. He had such a, like. Also, he was that confident that he'd get hired. I was going to say. Oh, wow. He had a healthy ego. Yeah. And he submitted it.

And he hired, there was an actor we used on our show that's unbelievable and he had him play the writer and and used his name and coached him on what to do if jonathan groff called him and offered how did he know groff was gonna put him on speakerphone in that meeting? Oh, that was just perfect? It was just perfect. Oh, my God. It was just, and so Brian Rich just told everyone right after that,

and we were all, we were all stunned. That's incredible. That's insane. That's legendary. The next, it was unbelievable. And then the next week, it was Brian Rich's last show. And he was kind of, like back then in the early days, Conan would mention a writer on their last show.

Right. Yeah. So I got this idea to, I called the actor. And I talked to Conan. I said, oh, do you want to say we have a writer who's leaving the show? And we bring him out and interview him. but have it be this fictitious writer? So we snuck him in. And I was in the office when it happened.

Like Brian Cohn goes, well, you know, I left a minute or two at the end of the show because we have a writer who's been so great on the show and we're really going to miss him. And let's bring him out. And he – oh, his name was Hank Flynn. He goes, let's bring him out. Hank Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. And Hank Flynn comes out. And Conan talks to him. He goes, so you're leaving to write for Suddenly Susan and Good Luck.

Oh, yeah. And he was – I think he was pissed. Oh, my God. He's like, my mother was going to watch tonight. Yeah. Oh, man. Just desserts. Oh, I love that. God, I love that he got his comeuppance.

No, but that was just an amazing. That's unbelievable. The amount of foresight. When you interviewed Andy Blitz, you talked about him hiring someone to attend the Emmy. Yes. Yeah. Did that make the cut of the, yes. We're asking Kevin, our producer, did that make it in?

Because that was a three-hour interview with Andy Blitz. Blitz could have kept going. Right. Oh, yeah. We barely got out of the 90s with Blitz. Yes. I would say the show has a long history of writers hiring actors to do insane stunts. I know.

It's always fun. That reminds me that we should have, the writing staff should have submitted during this go-round just to see how many just to see how far they would oh my god that cut yeah i would have i would have just resigned right away the thing is is if you think about that though what an exhausting thing to have to do all right i gotta go home and write a packet yeah eight ideas just for just as a prank and to do it and to do it well so that it has a shot. So well that you want to get hired. That you want to get hired.

Yeah. That's not easy. No, it's very hard. It just sounds so laborious for no reason. He's a great writer. We're still talking about it. Here we are talking about it. Brian Rich is a great writer.

Yeah. He's very prolific. Very, very funny. Very funny. Oh, wait. Created the Masturbating Bear, correct? Oh, wow. Or is that a controversy? No. Oh, wait. Created the masturbating bear, correct? Oh, wow. Or is that a controversy?

No, no, no. That is not a controversy. He created the masturbating bear. Yes. All time. Played by Michael Gordon. Played by Michael Gordon. Yes.

One of the original writers on the show. Yeah. And you know what? When someone else played the bear the one or two times, Gordon couldn't do it. People are like, uh. They could tell? It's not masturbating not it's not masturbating it's not masturbating

correctly it's not the right intensity he doesn't have the posture no he doesn't have the right the way he would do it it really

it was hard for me to watch yeah it made me feel very uncomfortable it was like he was getting ready to receive a serve in tennis like he would really

spread out and get a firm base ready for anything well he was very proud of that. And then he, yeah, the way he's going to town on those testicles was really like.

On the testicles and the diaper. Oh, it's, if I could, it looked painful. And no one ever commented on, is clearly elephantitis of the testicles. Yes.

I mean, no, no one's testicles are that large. No bear. Whatever family estate owns the rights to the saber dance was like, why are we getting all these checks in the mail for the use of- Oh, yeah. They would play the saber dance music.

Right. While he masturbated. They're going to put those back up online, and I don't think we can use the original saber dance. Oh. Yeah. So, what's the alternative? You'll see. Oh, boy. I think just furious You'll see. Oh, boy.

I think just furious, quiet masturbation without any music accompaniment. Michael Gordon's proud of that role. If you IMDb him, his bio photo is the head of masturbation. His picture is the head of masturbation. He must have IMDb Pro because I think, you know what, I'm going to change your photo. You have to. He pays $79.99 a year to keep that as his profile photo. He has his priorities straight.

So does this process ring true to you, Sweeney? Was this also what you went through when you'd hire? Yes. I would be, when I was new to it, if I read a submission where there was two really good ideas, but then the other eight weren't great, I would be torn. I couldn't put it aside. Right. That's a B pile. That was a B pile. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It took me a while. It takes a while to get the shorthand, where after reading three paragraphs, you're like, oh, no. And you don't have to read the rest. But I think that comes, right? Occasionally, there'd be, you know, start off with two really good ideas. Okay, here we go. Right.

And then it would get, it would fall off a cliff. Right. Really quickly and be like, oh, well, okay. It would be, those are the hardest ones. Those are tough. Right. Because the first two, you're hardest ones. Those are tough. Right. Because the first two, you're like, we would do these. Right.

Right. Wow. But if, but these other six would get crickets. Right. So would you say the consistency is more important than, like, would you rather have eight B ideas? Oh, that's a good one. Over two A's and six C's? And six crickets.

Six crickets. No, I think consistent, there's got to be a couple of A's in six C's. And six crickets. Six crickets. No, I think consistent. There's got to be a couple of A's in there regardless. So ultimately, a couple of A ideas followed by some B's is fine. But this conversation has taken such a weird turn. We're just talking in letters. It is. A couple of A's. I feel. We're just talking in letters. It is. I feel like,

I feel like we're in a teacher's lounge. Yeah. You had a couple of Bs, a couple of As, but then it went into C territory. Yeah.

Yeah, I would say, I would, I think all Bs, for example, would not survive. Okay. So you have to, you'd have to,

you'd have to score some home runs early on, and then you just keep your head above water. Does that make sense? Yeah. And I like the anonymous aspect to it. I don't know if that surprises people or not, but we've always done it that way.

I don't know firsthand if other shows do it that way. I haven't heard of a lot of – Yeah, I have no idea. I haven't heard of any other place that does it blind like that, actually. But that also could have just, maybe that's changed. I don't know. Right. Yeah, but it is, there is a purity to it.

Yeah. There's no bias going in. You're just reading pure ideas from who knows. Yeah. Were there people who tried to make it clear who they were via their You know what And then we call my dad Mr. Harrison Ford His son's a restaurateur

Oh So you wouldn't want this job I would know that it was someone pretending to be Harrison Ford He could dabble He could dabble I would say There were people that would cast writers that they clearly were friends with on the show in their ideas in the packet. They're trying to hint that.

I can get to this person. Andre is in the audience. Yes, exactly. Right. Doing so and such and such. This character played by my good friend, Jesse Gaskell. Oh. Yeah.

So you got my packet. Yes. It was a B. It was a good, solid B. Oh, did you, I think one of the happiest moments is getting to call someone and offer them a job. Yeah. Did you get to do?

Yes. And you didn't put her on speakerphone. No. Unfortunately. I did not. Yeah. Did you get to do? Yes. And you didn't put her on speakerphone, unfortunately. I did not. But yeah, I called her. Yeah, I mean, I just called her and my wife was actually in the car when I did it. And she said, run, pick up the phone. She was like, this is your chance to really make a sound decision. I know you're excited.

Let's think this through. You know, I called her. She was very excited, obviously. And I was honestly very excited myself because I was relieved that we had. That you were finally done with this. Finally done with this. Eight month journey. Yeah, with this process.

It's also not fair to everybody that's submitted to have this open-ended. Right. I mean, managers and agents would call me and be like, so are you guys still hiring someone? And I'd say, yeah, I'm on, I'm 330 packets in. You know, you have to. You're like, I'm three quarters through Infinite Jest right now. I'm at the, yeah, I'm at the last bookstore building.

Sitting in a chair made out of infinite jests Reading Nobody understands what we're talking about Yeah, so that was great It was a relief for me too It was as exciting for me To get that off my shoulders Yeah

And next time We will not be 600 submissions Telling anyone I was going to ask And next time, we will not be... 600 submissions. Telling anyone. Oh, yeah. I was going to ask, would you go back to the submissions you've already gotten or would you do a new... That's a good question.

I think it just depends on how much time elapses. or the topical subjects were, you know, a little dated at this point, you still very much got the idea of whether a person could. Yeah. You still had a good comedic point of view when they were, were pitching it. Yeah. Like we've hired mono writers. Yeah. Oh,

there'd be a several month. It'd be hilarious. Everyone did it over a two week period. Yeah. And so it was all this, but you actually remember all those premises. Sure. From when you're doing the show and you just literally judge them.

You probably did jokes about it at the time. Exactly. So it's not dated in that way. Yeah. Yes. Sorry. Yes, no. I'm actually interested to hear the answer to this question.

As opposed to everything up till now, she's been reading. Finally, after seven months. Oh no months i was just proud of myself her headphones are pumping in another podcast wants to hear an answer all right i'm proud of myself for coming up with a question thank you i'm so excited no i oh my god were there any did you read pitches and packets that were really close to something we had done? Or almost exactly. Or almost exactly. That you were then worried.

That they would think we were stealing their idea. I wasn't. That's a good point. I guess I'd never crossed my mind that people would. Well, people sign a. They do. They sign a release. Yes.

Giving us permission to kind of, they kind of relinquish the material. But it's. But there's a finite number of ideas in the world. Exactly. Yeah. And it also be unprofessional and probably actionable if we had just used, if we just use ideas. Oh my God.

That would be crazy. I mean, we never do that ever. There was, I got one once where in the time between all the submissions came in and the time I read them, we had done someone's idea exactly. Wow. And I either called them up, I called them up. Like I was worried. That's the lawyer in you. Yeah.

But no, but also I just, it just, like if I was the writer's the lawyer in you yeah but no but but also i just it just i like i was the writer i'd be like oh my god they yes they just what else would you think you know so um uh tyra banks is opening up like a sort of a i don't know how you describe it i guess like a model amusement park yeah or simulation land or something in Santa Monica. And when that story came out, someone pitched that Conan should take a tour of it with Tyra Banks and take him through the, whatever their attractions are, becoming a supermodel. Right. And two people pitched. The same.

The same idea in their packets. Luckily, Tyra Banks would never see this. I was going to say. So, but luckily Tyra Banks would never say yes. So it's not an issue. Yeah. So it does happen. Yeah. But you can't, it is a route. You can't go down, deal with that.

Everybody. Especially with 400 submissions. Yeah. Everybody's going after the same. Right. Piece of meat. Premises. Right. The same.

There's a limited number of places. A lot of, yeah. And for example, that story where the guy was wearing blackface in his yearbook. There was a lot of ideas about coaching white politicians on what's acceptable behavior and what's not. So even if it wasn't the exact same idea, it was generally the same. Right. This is a course where Conan teaches a white politician what's acceptable, what's not.

Right. The white politician has no idea, can't discern what's offensive, what's not, that kind of thing. So yeah, you got a lot of overlap if it wasn't the exact same idea. Yeah. There was one year where it was all,

everyone had Yeti pitches. Yeti? Yeti and Bigfoot pitches. if it wasn't the exact same idea. Yeah. There was one year where it was all, everyone had Yeti pitches. Yeti and Bigfoot pitches. It was a Yeti year. Yeah. I don't know. I literally don't know what was going on. I didn't feel like they were in the zeitgeist or anything.

It was just everyone was going full Yeti. More than one person pitched Conan and Jose Canseco searching for Bigfoot or aliens or something. Wait pitched Conan and Jose Canseco searching for Bigfoot or aliens or something. Wait, what? Jose Canseco, apparently- Is he a Bigfoot? Is he an alien guy? Is a Bigfoot truther.

Oh, there you go. So that was- I only learned that from reading the packets. See that? I didn't realize that Jose Canseco was a big- Maybe it's extraterrestrials. I can't remember. One of those-

Right. Something wacky. One of those truthers. Well, you can't go wrong with Canseco was a big, maybe it's extraterrestrials. I can't remember. One of those. Yeah, something wacky. One of those truthers. Well, you can't go wrong with Canseco in any way. Jose Canseco doing anything. Just team up with Canseco and go do it. One half of the Bash Brothers. The Bash Brothers.

The Bash Brothers. Ex-Chalk. That's right. That is a supreme callback. That is nice. That is a supreme callback. That is nice. The Bash Bros. Bash Bros. Are you glad we

got you out of the writer's room? Yeah. Absolutely. This has been, I think, the most compelling episode you guys have done.

Yeah. We can say that right now. Sure. We'll pair this one with McCann on the comm. On the comm.

Right, right, right. On the comm meter. Today on Headspace, we'll be listening to the dulcet tones. Matt O'Brien. Of Inside Conan. He'll take you through the alphabet. Just the top of it.

A, B, C, and D. And back up to A again. With special guest Marie Kondo. Marie Kondo. And that Virginia politician that was in black. Blackface in his yearbook. January 2019. Thank you for having me. This is great.

I love coming down here. I hope this is informative. I think it's very informative. And I mean, we're really excited that this all worked out. Yes. Congratulations to Glenn Buzan. Glenn is great. We love Glenn.

We already love Glenn. Yes. Yeah, she's a very natural fit. So whatever your process is. It worked. It worked out. Nice work. She's very funny. Yeah, she's a very natural fit. So whatever your process is, it's worth it. It worked out. Nice work. Thank you, Matt. Thanks, Matt.

Thanks a lot. Well, that was informative. That was very informative. No, it was also very fun. Yeah. It was fun to talk to Matt. And yes, that was a long process. I know. I'm really glad I didn't have to do it. I'm talking about our interview with Matt. And yes, that was a long process. I know.

I'm really glad I didn't have to do it. I'm talking about our interview with him. Oh, yeah. Not just hiring. It was eight months long. Yes. That's crazy. Eight months.

Yeah. Yeah. But what can you do when you get 400 submissions? I know. And I mean, it's really a testament to Glenn that she was hired after all that. Thank God I didn't have to beat 400 other people. Oh, my gosh. It's really a testament to Glenn that she was hired after all that. Yes. Thank God I didn't have to beat 400 other people. Oh, my gosh.

I think three other people submitted when I got hired. And they were all for Jimmy Kimmel. Exactly. So, that's it for our show this week. I think eventually we'll probably introduce you all to Glenn. Yes, we should meet Glenn. That would be really nice to have her on. Yeah. We should have her get used to the job first.

Yeah, we thought we should let her form her own prejudices first. Right, right, right. And then have people she wants to malign on the air. Yes, exactly. Great. But thanks so much for listening, and we'll see you next week. See ya. We like you.

Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast, See ya. We like you. Associate producer, Jen Samples. Executive produced by Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross. Jeff Ross and Team Coco. And Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Earwolf. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best. Ta-da!

This has been a Team Coco production in association with Earwolf.