Inside Conan: An Important Hollywood Podcast - Prop Masters Bill Tull & John Rau Revisit 28 Years of Props

Episode Date: April 8, 2022

We’re joined by two Conan legends: longtime prop masters Bill Tull and John Rau join writers Mike Sweeney and Jessie Gaskell to discuss going to New Jersey to dig up animal bones, how some new shelves led to absolute mayhem at 30 Rock, the story behind the recurring Tull’s Tips segment, and John Rau’s great performance in Jessie’s Baby Yoda sketch.Got a question for Inside Conan? Call our voicemail: [phone] and e-mail us at [e-mail]

And now, it's time for Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Welcome back to Inside Conan, an important Hollywood podcast. Ooh, I just got chills. Yeah, not the good kind. No, I have a fever. Okay, I'll try to be less creepy. An important Hollywood podcast. No, it just sounds unctuous and creepy no matter what I do.

I'm going to just shut up. Hey, you're Mike Sweeney, and I'm Jesse Gaskell. Yes, you're Mike Sweeney and I'm Jesse Gaskell. Yes, you are. And this is Inside Conan where we talk about Conan's career on TV over the years, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And then occasionally how we're doing. Yes. Which brings me to the hot news that you're back in the United States after. After so long.

Well, you're back home in LA. Yes. Basically, for all intents and purposes, you've been away from home since the new year. Since January 1st, yes. Whoa, that is crazy. I know. Working on a one movie. Working on one movie.

Dune 3. It has to have been Dune. It's three parts. It's Peter Jackson. Right. I mean, I guess it's a normal length of time for a movie. I think this is longer than a normal movie because it's so action-packed. Sure.

Okay. And yeah, I think I can reveal what the movie is now that it's in the can. This is fantastic. And you can say, obviously... And I can say where I've been. Where you were because you were giving out clues for that. Okay, go ahead. Yeah, so if you've been playing along at home.

Right. I've been giving out clues for my whereabouts. The past eight weeks, has it been? For the past 12 weeks. Oh my God. So, well, including the first part. So the first leg. Oh, okay.

Yes, sorry. The first leg, many of you correctly guessed, I was in Hawaii on Oahu. And then for the second leg for the last seven weeks, I was in Paris, France. Wow. Not Paris, Texas. There are 23 Parises, Parasite in the US. Yes. 23 of them. Yes. Weirdly, they're all in the state of Kansas, which causes a lot of interstate confusion.

Somebody got lazy. For Kansians. Yeah. Wow. I mean, those are two incredible locations. Two incredible locations. And I have to say, the reason that we were filming in such picturesque locations is because I was working on a movie with two stars who I think basically at this point only just get to choose where they want to go and

then solicit movies that are in those locations. That's how it should be. Wow. So we're talking. Well, tell us. Yeah. So the film is Murder Mystery 2, The Squeakquel, and it stars Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston. Oh, yeah. They can go wherever they want. Yeah. They get to go wherever they want. Yeah. It's for Netflix. Netflix it has been really hard for me to understand how the movie was gonna fit together because we've been shooting it piecemeal not chronological at all so just jumping around really out of sequence really out of sequence okay wow but I got to see kind of a sizzle reel for it oh and it was incredible I couldn't believe how well it was coming together. They're some of the most insane action sequences. It's just like full throttle from start to finish. But I was really impressed with how it came together. I was like, oh, wait, that's the movie we're filming? That's crazy.

Where have I been? Yeah. Wow. And everyone had the same answer, which was, yeah, that's the best have i been yeah wow and everyone was kind of had the same answer which was yeah this is that's the best part is when you finish and you get to see it yeah because it's so different from what you were seeing along the way and that's when it feels really rewarding i mean that sounds like a great experience there must be movie experiences where, yeah, I mean, we've read about them where you go to see the sizzle reel and it's,

it's like, wait, where did that come from? It's worse, you know, than anyone expected. No, this was incredible.

Wow. Well, I'm sure they have great editors. They do a great, amazing graphics team. Wow. Are there, is there CGI in it? There is, yes.

Oh, so that really must make the difference between what you're seeing, you know, when you're shooting versus the final result. But they did do some real live stunts. I mean, yeah. But then, you know, you have to composite that with the stuff. Right. With the actors. And then, but then, you know, you have to composite that with the stuff. Right. With the actors. And so, and then it's all seamless. Right.

Well, but hey, now I can say I got this job through Robert Smigel, essentially. Oh, who was our guest. Who introduced me to, yeah, who's our three-time guest now. Three-time guest. And he introduced. Now I see why he was on three times. Exactly. It's pay to he was on three times. Exactly. It's pay to play here on Inside Conan.

He introduced me to Adam Sandler. Yeah. Who you already knew. And I didn't realize this until I started the job because you were mum about it. We did stand-up together. You did stand-up together in New York. Yeah, yeah. And he was in college.

Yeah. And we would do Jersey. We'd do gigs where you drive out to New Jersey and perform in New York. Yeah, yeah. And he was in college. Yeah. And we would do Jersey, we'd do gigs where you drive out to New Jersey and perform in a bar and, but someone else had a car and you'd go come back and then he'd be like, ah, let's go hang out at my dorm. And I'm like, sure, if I'm not arrested. Yeah. And then we'd go back, hang out in his dorm room at NYU. It was. That's so funny. It was kind of a suite. It was hilarious. Hilarious. Yeah. And then we'd go back, hang out in his dorm room at NYU. That's so funny. It was kind of a suite. It was hilarious. Hilarious. Yeah. And were you a lawyer at that point?

Well, yeah. Or had you stopped doing that? I was a trial lawyer. No, I had stopped. Okay. I did that for three years and then I was making my living doing standup. Oh, wow. Entirely. So for nine years doing standup in New York city. But that's so cool that.

Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. You guys kind of came up together. Uh, yeah, he came up a little faster than me. I think we came up together.

Well, there's still time. There's still time for you to laugh. Right, right, right. That's great. Cause you'd worked with Robert on some of his projects.

Yes, I had worked on, as we know, some Triumph remotes and then a couple of other projects for Robert. He's also working on a movie for Netflix that is animated and Adam does one of the voices for that movie. So I had done a couple of punch-up roundtables for that movie. But yeah, I think it's going to be a really fun movie. Oh, good. And I am also glad to be home. Welcome home. It's got to be great to be back. Let's dive into our show. How about that? Yes, let's do it. Oh, God, yes, please. This week, we're joined by two Conan legends, Bill Tull and John Rau.

Yes. Who, if you're a fan of the show, you might know them as the longtime prop masters. That's short for property. Little Hollywood tidbit. That is some inside info there and they've both appeared on the show many times over the years as well as yes had to scare up many a strange prop with 20 minutes notice yes before the show man this may sound crazy but they were absolute two pillars of the show. Like you'd think, oh, props, but especially on our show where we did so many sketches, they were so critical.

Every single day we did the show and we couldn't do it without them. And they didn't flinch at anything. You could do anything at them and they would just look at you and walk away. To the most can-do people I've ever met in my life. Yeah. I will say that. I think we almost stumped them with figuring out how to set up a recording of a podcast. That's where we got them.

But we did figure it out. They did it together in the same house. Right, right. Which is adorable. It was. Or maybe they're living together now. I don't know. John left his family.

They shared an office for 20 something years. So that would make sense. It was the best office. If you gave a tour, if people are visiting without fail, you would always bring them to the prop room. Cause it was, it was full of curiosities.

Yes. From over the whole, it was like a museum of sketches we did. And, uh, it always, people are always just like, Oh my God. like you pull drawers out

one is just like severed limbs yeah you know it's just rubber half blown off heads is another drawer and for our favorite the dildo drawer oh yeah that was amazing it always kept getting depleted i don't know what was going on there we never actually used any in the show. We're not going to ask for names. Just if you've borrowed dildos, please put them back by the end of day. We need those dildos for sketches. Here's John and Bill. Nice to be here. Thanks for inviting us.

Bill, so you started when the show began, right? In 93? Yep. Were you already working in 30 Rock? Like, did you started when the show began, right? In 93? Yep. Were you already working in 30 Rock? Like, did you work on the Letterman Show? I worked on the Letterman Show when he was in the morning. Oh. And then before Conan, I was up on Saturday Night Live.

Got it. For two years. And then you just wandered down to the Conan studio. I just walked in. I liked the way the band sounded, so I asked if I could have a job. They were playing this really zany music. I said, this is going to be fun, show i remember saying that to myself that's how we all ended up there yeah unlike snl it was on every night so that had to be was that a bit of an adjustment like all of a sudden our show was was um a lot of last minute late night yes conan

especially in the beginning the writers i think everybody was starting to know each other you guys were writing as you walked down the hallways. People would throw wads of paper at our door with a prop request on them to leave. John, when did you start on Conan? The end of 94, I believe. Okay. So it was still pretty early. Yeah, yeah.

And then, you know, what did you think of? What were your first impressions? It was crazy. early. Yeah. And then, and you know, what did you think of what were your first impressions? Crazy. You know, driving around getting a five, seven, three, seven, nine, one, one beep on your pager. Then you had to pull over in a cab, find a pay phone and find out what the problem, you know, what it was. And Billy would say, you got to go here now. And then you get back. It's like you were a drug dealer. Yeah, it was just nuts. It's crazy.

Really was. It was a lot of fun. Wow. And we have to explain to our listeners what a pager and a payphone was. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You had to build your own payphone, then call on the payphone. I can tell you this. I didn't have an assistant for like three or four weeks.

Danielle Perna, our designer, he insisted I get an assistant. That's back when we had beepers. We didn't even have phones. Like a surgeon. I had to go out and get props and get whatever and then people were trying to reach me by pager. Wow. It was a pain in the ass. But the show itself was just...

I just knew it was going to be fun. The shit we were getting hit with in the beginning was just crazy. So you were laughing, but you were also really angry at the same time. I really wasn't. I mean, I really did enjoy the challenge. Well,

do you, do you remember some of the early challenges that stick in your mind? Oh yeah. There's so many. Well, my favorite is the Trojan horse. Yeah. Oh, what was that?

First of all, we had no budget. We had no freaking money back then. So they wanted this huge Trojan horse to hide all our writers in, left outside of Letterman's stage door. Right. It was a comedy bit. Conan was going to send over writers to Letterman. We were going to take over the Letterman.

They were supposed to infiltrate his show. Who wrote it? Brian Rich wrote it. But you were in charge of it. I shot the whole thing and we had to shoot it and edit it the same day. Well, we didn't have a budget to build that thing. So I had two friends of mine in New Jersey build it in their driveway.

Wait, seriously? So it didn't have a shop stamp on it. Everything we did at the beginning of our show was illegal. I think there's a statute our show was illegal. I think there's a statute of limitation. Right. I think we're safe. We broke every rule you could possibly break, union or building.

I love this. And I'm not kidding. I believe you. We used to never get permits to shoot anyone. We would just go out and shoot. When we did the Trojan Horse, we had an 18-wheel dump truck that once the horse was left there, we ran through it with a dump truck and smashed it. We backed up. We backed up 18-wheel dump truck that once the horse was left there, we ran through it with a dump truck and smashed it. We backed up. We backed up. I was sitting shotgun. We backed up

to 8th Avenue. And we're getting ready to go. And I look ahead of me and Adio had not cleared 53rd Street. Jeff Adio was the production coordinator at the time. Yeah. And there was a wall of people right in front of where we were going. Just to set the picture, first of all, this Trojan horse, can you describe how large, you said friends built it in a driveway. That blows my mind because can you describe how huge it was? It was about 18 feet high and about 16 to 20 feet long. Oh, wow. All on wheels. And there was a door inside one of the legs where all the riders got in before the truck hit them. Yeah, it was a functioning Trojan horse. Was there a bathroom? No, it was a kitchen. Yeah, a kitchenette. The whole idea was we sent it from our studio, which was only three blocks away from Letterman's studio, which is now Colbert's

studio, the old Ed Sullivan Theater. Right. So we pushed it across seventh avenue down 53rd to the stage door entrance of the letterman across seventh across broadway right and so then the end of it was you mentioned this this giant dump truck was going to barrel down 53rd and smash it into smithereens. Oh, correct. With the writers inside? Yep. Yes. They were actors, so they were expendable. So you're saying Jeff Adio, the coordinator, he didn't clear 53rd Street?

There was a wall of people from corner to corner on 53rd. It was like right in our path. Yeah, because they wanted to be on TV. So what happened? Well, I told the truck driver to drive back up there. So we drove back up. I said, Jeff, do you think we might want to get rid of these people? Which he did.

Okay, so they just yelled at him like, if you don't move, you may get run over by a dump truck. Exactly. I remember Martin Scorsese was the guest after that aired, and he just went on and on. He really liked it. Oh, was he impressed with the directing? No, yeah he just liked the the bit so that was sweet uh yeah so a lot of stuff was built illegally back then i didn't know that shit yeah remember the catapults no the catapults

they they called for a meeting in the in the conference room on seven or nine whatever the hell floor we were on after work on a Friday. Okay. On Monday morning, they wanted to have, they wanted to somehow drop gummy worms over the whole audience. So I'm sitting down at one end of the table and Jeff Ross is up at the other end. And I'm thinking literally in about three minutes, I calculated how to build a catapult that would throw gummy worms.

I went to New Jersey to our stage manager's house, built it that weekend, dropped it off in the city on my way back through to Long Island where I lived. And then Monday morning, we set it up. And when we let the catapult go with the gummy worms on it, they flew about eight feet and landed on the floor

in front of the house band. I was worried it was going to go the other way and be so powerful that they took someone's eye that's what i was waiting for so i'm sitting there and i said don't worry about it which is just a couple of adjustments and i went back and i tightened up the bungee cords to give it more power yeah for the live show they went back uh-oh eight feet in front of the band again don't change no nothing. And Conan stands up. He puts both hands on the desk, leans over, and he goes,

let's hear it for the crappiest catapults on television. Jersey built. The next morning, they wanted to do this Bluebird of Happiness. A bit called the Bluebird of Happiness? Okay. Yeah, and it's supposed to fly in and land on somebody's shoulder. I think Mike Gordon. Okay. So they're all going, well, supposed to fly in and land on somebody's shoulder. I think Mike Gordon. Okay.

So they're all going, well, how are we going to do this? How are we going to do this? And I, from the other end of the table, I go, I got catapults.

Anyway, one prop. Someone reminded me about the Stanley cup. Oh yeah. The writers asked for it the night before they needed it. Smigel called me himself at my house. Robert Smigel, the head writer. That's never a good call.

Evidently, they had just won the Cup and they were skating it around the rink. The Rangers, I think that night, won the Stanley Cup, yeah. So they're skating it around and I get a phone call and it's Robert and he's going, Bill, can you help me out? He said, wardrobe just said they won't do it.

Do what? Make a costume, make a Stanley Cup costume. Okay. So I said, I'll do it. And for the next day. And we ended up, I calculated how much of the supplies we had, which almost everything. What we were missing was the cup. And I finally found

one up in the rainbow room in the catering department but the guy in charge of the of the catering said i'll only give you this cup to use if you can get me a date with the girl down at security oh wow i said you are kidding right he? He goes, nope. No. One thing I know. You're bartering. That's never a joke when a man says that. I went down to the lobby and here was this girl like in a suit, really finely tanned. And I walked up to her. I just said, are you dating anybody?

And she said, as a matter of fact, I'm not. I said, would you be interested in dating the head of catering at the Rainbow Room? She said, sure. Wait, this is a true story. Wait, was this the same night that Smigel called you about? This was the next day. Okay, the next day. Yeah.

You were adding the cup the next day. And it was for that night's coming show. We were building the whole thing the next day. Wow. When I was at home, I just calculated how much stuff we had. Got it. Got it. got it, got it. And it really turned out great, except we had it full size. We had five tiers, and then three tiers, and the cup.

Spiegel wanted to see Mike Gordon's underwear. Right. Michael Gordon was a writer, and he wore it. It kind of went over his head. He wore it in the parade. And it was in all the newspapers the next day. Yeah, yeah, right. Oh, so it was worth the effort.

I thought it was great. I loved it. It came out. It was amazing. But so what happened with the date? Yeah, that's... Did the head of security go out with the catering guy? I guess.

I remember I switched cards. I said, we have one of your cards. And then I got one of his and gave it to her. So I don't know what they did. That was like an early Tinder. You were pioneers. It was crazy, man. Wow.

I wonder how many hookups happened in order to get props made for the show. That could be in the hundreds. It was crazy, but I'm telling you. Wow. That's amazing. And do you remember some other early crazy, like, I don't know how we're going to get this done, but. We just came on. There was no emails. You had 12 or 13 voicemails.

Oh, like you'd come in in the morning and you just... Morning and you hit play. Oh. And you scribbled down 12 things that were for that day's show. Oh, my God. And you guys wanted the Mormons with gerbils taking them through a... Covered wagons. Covered wagons through

a diaphragm. Right. I don't know why, what the bit was. Diagram. But it was reenacting the Mormons. Migrating west. You gotta tell me how the diaphragm factors in here. Diagram. But played by, instead of horses, it was gerbils,

I think, pulling stagecoaches. Right? So that was all night. And John was doing that, so we worked on that all night. You had to was gerbils, I think, pulling stagecoaches. So that was all night. And John was doing that. So we worked on that all night. You had to make gerbils. Oh, man. No, they were real gerbils. But John was hooking up a lizard harness to one of them.

And then we were going to... You can buy them at pet stores. They're like little harnesses with a string. Well, sure. And gerbils. Of course, everyone knows you can harness a lizard, but not a gerbil. I've never heard of a lizard harness.

John's trying to get this thing done, and it's biting him, and he's screaming, getting bit. And next thing I know, the hamster flew out of his hand and hit the deck. And he was out cold. He got knocked out, man. And John picked him up and started massaging

his chest. Oh my God. It was crazy. got knocked out, man. And John picked him up and started massaging his chest. And also, yeah, I brought him back again. Oh my God. It was crazy. We knocked him right out. Well,

he had his teeth into my finger. So you, did you massage him with one finger or both thumbs? Just one pinky. Okay. And you brought him back to life. Wow. Did you ever hear of something called Mike?

They called the, uh the I hate myself machine? Yes. I remember that. It had a mousetrap and a monkey. I don't remember it, but I have it on my notes here. I hate myself machine, mousetrap game and monkey. Let the court note that Bill is reading from a legal pad. Are those notes you have from way back then?

I made this list back in New York. We were doing so much work. Yeah. And working so many hours that we needed to make sure we could justify the hours. Yeah. So I started making a list of the stuff we did just to have in case they asked us. Wow. Which they never did.

You had to prove all the illegal stuff you had made. Yeah, right. The I hate yourself machine uh i don't remember i think it was like a rube goldberg contraption that you there was a big long explanation and then the scientist pushed the button and it ended up of course a gun came up and shot him and he died best way to end a sketch i don't know where the monkey how the monkey was involved i tell you this job was fun man do you remember mike the day that you came in with your son and his school mates no i don't you came in with like two teachers and about 12 kids that was a class trip i'm showing

all the kids this stuff right john's in the back by my desk looking forward and i'm pulling stuff out of this box of body parts right and i'm handing it to the kids so i didn't realize it but i'm sticking my left hand and after i had something my right hand and i'm holding it up in the air giving the kid the thing in my right hand you may not want to do that and i look over at row and he's laughing and i look at my left hand and there was about a 15 inch black dildo in my hand. You know, the kids still talk about it to this day.

That does bring up, I think, maybe after guns, dildos are probably the most requested prop. Was there anything else that got requested a lot? Remember the sheep skeleton? Horse testicles. Wait,

what was the sheep skeleton? Yeah, tell us about the sheep skeleton. They came in on a Wednesday around three o'clock. Riders or the head writer. Whoever it was. And they wanted to do a world records the next day. Like a bit where we introduce

new world records. conan opens a book he picks out a record he goes i think we can beat this so it called for a sheep and then it called for a sheep skeleton okay and some shears the gag was he would start off with the live sheep with the fur on it start to shave it we'd throw fur by his face. And then when he was done, he looked out. He just. Oh, he shaved too much. He went too far. Shaved clear. Right.

Right down to the bone. So I couldn't find a sheep skeleton anywhere. What? And I went and called up. I went into. I called up a friend. I said, is there a sheep farm in New Jersey? And they turned me on to one.

And I called them up. And I said, this is Bill from the Kona Bride Do you bury sheep there when they dive? They go, well, yeah, we do. Just wondering. No reason. They go, oh yeah, we do. So I said, well, I'll call you right back. So I went into the dressing room. Conan was getting his hair done. And I said, Conan, here's the deal. This is what they want for tomorrow. I said, I can get one, but I have to dig it up. I said, well, here's the deal. This is what they want for tomorrow. I said, I can get one, but I have to dig it up. I said, well, you might handling it. If I dig up a skeleton out of there.

He said, you're fucking crazy. He goes, but I'll do it. The next morning at six o'clock, we're at this farm. In New Jersey. In New Jersey. I love how New Jersey's the prop state. Yeah. It's where all props come from.

Yeah. You're at the farm the next morning. At the farm the next morning at the farm i'm in their kitchen yeah there's an 85 year old woman with trophies all over the kitchen for sheep and her son comes out who's not too happy about doing this yeah and we go out into the field that we start digging with a little bobcat we ended up getting a shitload of bones we were missing the lower jaw so we had to dig another hole to find that. We found it.

And Smith, our stage manager, said, Bill, we gotta go. So we got to NBC under the marquee on 49th Street. I slit holes in the plastic bags to let the gas out. Oh, God. And we go upstairs, and

the guy I had working with me, Jasper, he had boiling pots of hot water. We had a garbage can filled with muriatic acid. We had all this shit ready to go. And we go up. We start throwing these bones in these bins in the buckets. We broke a bunch of beer mugs. And we're using the glass to scrape the fat off the bones oh my god and we take them out and they're all over the scene doc was the sheep are you sure

the sheep was dead he had a little bit of fat on him so they're all over the scene doc they're out in the hallway fans are blowing on him and george mendez, the head of management, comes in and he goes, Bill, I said, hey, George. He goes, he holds up both of his hands. He goes, how many fingers do you see? I said, 10. He goes, that doesn't even begin to tell you how many health codes you're breaking out here. And I remember I stood there for like 10 seconds. I just said, but George, what about the old saying that the show must go on? And he just dropped his hands and walked away. That was the end of it. I thought the end of the story was going to be that the bit got cut.

No. Wait. So did you assemble that in one day for that night show? Mark Rudolph. Yeah. Wow. Oh, my God. Yeah.

We gave it to the scenics. Yeah. Mark brought up research on what a sheep should look like. We couldn't find it. Right. Actually, I think we used a dog skeleton to go by it. So what we did was we just glued a bunch of vertebrae onto a steel rod. Right.

Bent the rod so it would hold the head. Then we just started gluing like shoulder blades to the rib bones. I remember that skeleton because it hung from the ceiling of the rib bones. I remember that skeleton because it hung from the ceiling of the prop room for years. We brought it to California with us, but by that time it was getting really funky. Yeah.

Then it was finally dead. When that was done, Conan looks over at Andy and goes, we got to keep this thing. Just like that. Yeah, man. We can't let this thing go away. I kind of brought it up a second ago, but how often would you be deep in on making a prop and then it would

get cut a lot oh yeah yeah oh yeah that's a good question a lot of times it was like rush rush to get it done that day they would do it three or four days later yeah right but hey both of you have appeared on the show a number of times as well maybe Maybe we'll start with John. Do you remember the first time you were actually on screen on the show? It was John Lithgow. Oh, yeah. He was singing us a kiddie song, I believe. Camp song, yeah.

Camp song. Oh. And all the stage hands were sitting around him. Oh, nice. And that was the first time. Oh, that's cool. That's a good one. That was easy because you didn't have to say anything. You had to sit there. Yeah. Yeah.

There was no acting. That's a good way to get your feet wet. But then you moved on to a lot of speaking roles. Oh, yeah. I hated them. Oh, is that true? Oh, yeah. Because you're a good actor. You're very natural.

You're both good actors. You're both great. I didn't like it. Bill, did you like it? Because, Bill, you were in a lot of skits. I didn't like it live. I didn't mind the were in a lot of i didn't like it i didn't like it live i didn't mind the pre-tape stuff ah and towards the end of that i got pretty okay with it to be honest live is scary that red yeah a lot can go wrong that red light comes on on the camera cue cards when you never do that right that's hard that's weird yeah i don't

know if people realize yeah like all our sketches we'd always have cue cards yeah it's very distracting it's not easy and i give everybody who's an actor like that credit for doing that that great yeah and that's it's really hard not easy for me and bill you you did a a bit that really became popular called tolls tips where yeah yeah where the whole idea would be like well it's valentine's day. And that can get really expensive, buying stuff for Valentine's Day. Here are some money-saving tips as our prop master built all. Yeah. And then they were just quick little pre-tapes.

Yeah. Quick vignettes of you showing cheap ways to... Yeah. It got ridiculous towards the end. Yeah. There weren't even tips anymore. They were just silly things. Well, sometimes the tips would become more time-consuming and expensive than the original.

That's right. There's a scraps, like, you know, an outtake from rehearsal where, like, it's a classic thing where we had done Tull's tips a lot and they always did great. You know, you start getting diminishing returns. So, like, maybe the 13th time we tried it it was for cinco de mayo that's what i without going into detail if people watch it on a team coco it's a really hilarious rehearsal outtake because none of the beats made sense and conan and andy just jumped on how bad it was immediately and when when we were doing them, we were laughing. We did them all in the proper way. Matt O'Brien

was the writer. Right. Matt O'Brien was the writer at the time who was in charge of them. He'd be lowering his head, laughing with his hand over his mouth. It was just ridiculous, man. So that was a good sign for you, right? You'd be like, okay, I think that one. I like those things. They were good. They were easy. They were

quick. Yeah. They were really funny. The first first time i was on camera i was in the airlock patting the top of my head with one hand and pulling a bird out of my mouth with another i don't remember that one and john i remember another bit you did where it was just a few years ago and baby y. Oh, I wrote that. I was Jesse's bit. I know, it was a Jesse bit. Sure. It took me a second to remember. No, no.

Yeah, no, John Rao was, his acting was superb. Oof. Yes. Thank you, Jesse. You're my muse. Conan was doing a Christmas manger bit and he wanted to reveal a Baby Yoda, but we didn't have one because you couldn't find them

anywhere. It was a year that, yeah, they were all sold out everywhere. Very popular. And I had written this bit about the lengths that you would go to to get the baby Yoda and you end up finding one on the dark web, but you have to have your kidney extracted and... That was great. That was fun.

And honestly, when I wrote it, I didn't realize that you guys guys it was kind of literally what you've done on the show exactly they've donated that's what your career has been yeah so many kidneys they've donated more organs and boiled down more organs here's something that's really not prop related but it's prop room related okay yeah tell the story about your first week there with the phones. Oh, God. Do you remember the roll around?

Oh, libraries have them sometimes too. Yeah. Their shelves. The cranks. But behind them, there were relays. Oh, yeah. On the walls. There were huge relay system on the walls.

All phone. All for phones. It was antiquated, but it was still there. They were big bundles. Big boxes. Probably four feet long, maybe 18 inches wide. And they were just on the wall and they weren't doing anything. Right.

So Billy's like, why don't you take those off? I said, all right. And they were probably what 10 12 yeah so i just keep pulling these things off yeah keep pulling them off until they get to the one that went to 6b to the local news right where they their relay system went to their uh satellite trucks and every on the road right and i ripped that one off too. And from the control room to the news desk. NBC News had a big issue.

How did you find out that that was... Oh, the management came running down. Everybody came running, what happened? I was like, I don't know. I pulled some props off the wall. I said, we're making shelves for storage. The news, the control room couldn't talk to the news.

The satellite trucks couldn't talk to the control room. We ripped all that out. Well, I ripped it all out. Wow. They had to use their pagers. Yeah, exactly. Did the shelf look good, though? Yeah, it was healthy.

It's more storage. We had to call catering and bring catering in for the guys oh it's crazy it was crazy oh wow i hadn't been working there long and i i went down to the sixth floor before the show oh because i did the warm-up back then and i go down and people are running and screaming on the sixth floor and i'm like what is going on and and so i asked them i said what's going on they're like live at five is it's totally down all their phone lines are dead they can't broadcast we haven't missed a single broadcast entire history but it's true these phone lines were how they communicated as you said with all

the satellite trucks in the field and yeah they're like we don't know what happened and they're running around and i they got these guys from 18t who had to trace where the break was and i think that's when they're like it's coming from this prop room this woman in charge of whatever whatever she was in charge of she was in charge of a lot she came in that prop room and i mean she had steam coming out of her ears man yeah i'm looking over i'm looking over at john he's just shaking his head and she's screaming yelling at me she's going what do you think you're doing who gave you the authority i said i said i'm building shelves well what i mean why would they put such important i don't know machinery in someone's office i don't know but next to stuff that's so old and outdated and this little one that looked kind of maybe i shouldn't have taken it off but i will say this though at the end of

the day about an hour after the whole thing happened she came in the room again yeah and she said i want to give you a hug okay she said she goes i can't believe it you just came right out and told me the truth i said i said i said no no no hugs no hugs no wow she did a 180 there well she must really like the shelves i remember going into the prop room after you cut through those phone lines and they were bundles and each one had like a few hundred phone lines oh my god sweeney there were the cables everywhere you cut through like i don't know a couple thousand phone lines well there must have been a moment when that was happening that you thought this might have been important or no this is this is what it was the majority 95 98

percent of the cables came in through the ceiling big cables that were about four four inches around yeah easy right so it's just big fat cables and inside of those were hundreds and hundreds of wires these little copper relays down and they they just waiting to be sawed they fed these big panels yeah what i started doing was we could get the shelby you cut the first just go by like four or five times a day and just rip wires out and throw them in the garbage. And then if there was... And then if nobody reported anything,

I'd go rip off some more. Remember, I cut the first big cable and nothing happened. John had to cut the cables. So you were testing them. He had to use a hacksaw. You're going to go to jail after this. But the stuff that John ripped out, which was the last part of it yeah it

was a newer type system okay why don't rip it out yeah you say well yeah i wouldn't admit to it no they were beautifully sawed i remember they were you guys are gonna have to get married so you can't testify against each other and i remember talking about it and you're both just like i asked him nicely to remove these things because we needed more shelving space for our props they didn't do it so fuck it we took them out yeah exactly there you go you know what it's your can-do style it was helpful i can tell you that you needed more space for all the black dildos they used to put that prop room on the tour when they had the tour going through. Oh, you mean for tourists? The VIP tour.

Okay. Oh, wow. While you were there, there'd be just like tour groups passing through? Yeah, as you're working. Guys, put the dildos away. I'm making horse testicles in a jar right now. Right. And that's what you're doing. They're like, ah. Bill's dropping sheep fat into muriatic acid.

Just a regular day at a television show. Yeah, it's crazy. Did you ever get requests from staffers to make things that weren't for the show, but they just... Around Halloween. Around Halloween. Especially Halloween, right?

Because I was actually just looking for a dog skeleton and I realized that she called you guys first. Maybe we got rid of them. Yeah. We got rid of a lot of stuff yeah i you know what i bet saying you got rid of a lot of stuff i'm wondering when we left 30 rock and moved to la did you guys leave a lot of props and everything everything in that prop room came to LA. Oh, okay. Everything. Including the sheep. Wow. Oh, man.

Ross, Jeff said to bring it all. Okay, great. Wow. That'd be a great moving truck. So when the Tonight Show ended, do you know what happened to all those props then? Half of them went into Bill's kitchen because we had to hide them. Every dad leave really really like important things. Like, you know, the Texas Ranger lever.

Yeah, we just start taking stuff. Things that were like, you know, old to the show. You'd like put them down your pants and walk out. No, I just put them in my car and leave. Oh, wow. Oh, that's great. So you were just smuggling them off piece by piece. Wow.

Yeah, just the important stuff. The stuff that we, you know. Okay. I just wanted to. Stuff we still have. We're trying to fill out stuff that we, you know. Okay. I just wanted to stuff we still have. We're trying to fill out the indictment against you too. So this is really helpful to also know that you stole a lot of NBC property. So all those things that you brought to your kitchen, I guess when we landed at TBS,

did they all move back there? Yeah. All right. Cool. Okay. I'm just curious. And where are all those things now? Are they,

what happened when... I saw a lot of things in the dumpster as we were leaving Warner Brothers. Oh. You know, most of the stuff that's important to the show, we kept. Okay. Yeah. And it's in storage right now. I sent you pictures.

All right. And the other stuff, set dressing and stuff that were one-offs. Now that stuff, who cares? You threw out, you gave away, or we put outside Warner Brothers and people just came and took a lot of stuff. Wow. Oh, wow. Which was, you know, the set dressing. It was a yard sale. Lance had a great eye, so a lot of people took things.

Lance was one of our scenic designers, yeah. Remember the masturbating bear bobble hand? Still got it oh i remember that his hand yes instead of his head bobbling that's great his hand bobbled yeah down by his crotch flanagan made that did you keep that for yourself i gave it to mike gordon oh that's nice yes oh did you guys make that flanagan bobby flanagan bobby flanagan was this this uh artist in Brooklyn. Puppet maker.

He was great. Who made so many great props. A prop maker. He was great. I used to go down there and pick up a dead dog and have to bring it back on the subway. And it looked so real. I just put it on the floor next to me on the subway and its tongue was hanging out. It was just dead. Were people upset upset people just looking

and i just pet it every now and again and just looks i got i i got pulled over on long island by a cop yeah i had a pickup truck yeah and it was in the back and he goes what's wrong with that dog what's wrong with that dog what that's how good it looked why did we need a fake dead dog and why didn't you just dig one up yes he he is uh he's a genius he was amazing he he he was a great artist like we remember we did those jesus yes sports statues oh yeah oh those are amazing yeah my favorite is the cockfighting jesus cockfighting was my favorite kids getting confirmed there was a catalog that had inspirational jesus soccer and baseball like kind of showing kids how to play baseball and helping a kid catch a football in a game so we're like oh let's make our own and we had like jesus getting picked last in gym yeah uh jesus sumo wrestling and yeah, Jesus with two kids betting on cockfights.

He fought, what was a skater he was fighting? Tonya Harding. Oh, I didn't, I forgot that one. Playing office basketball. Right. We had to stop doing those because Christians complained. Is that true? Really?

Yes. We never heard that. I was like, oh, we'll be doing these for years to come. No. You were just getting the word out about Jesus. That's right. That's all. We still had the one with the cockfighting.

Oh, good. I have one, actually. Here, this is, it's the one prop I took. It's Jesus getting picked last in gym. Well, I'll return it to you guys. You want me to read this list off here what's on the list it's like a bunch of props that we built uh sure it'll take me i'll take like a minute i think this is a prop list bible with guns sticking out of it a guillotine for satellite

tv uh was it a working guillotine yep yeah oh my satellite tv was rough that was always but it was fun we had the uh the uh jetpack raccoon on a ceiling fan the jetpack raccoon was one of my favorites it was a raccoon that he would screech yeah it's screeching on a ceiling fan it was a taxidermied raccoon wearing a jetpack and then i found out oh my god was it real yeah yeah that appeared in guardians of the galaxy too really oh my god yes i think they ripped off late night we gave that we got no actors somebody said to give it to her yes uh matt o'brien reminded me amanda's amanda safe read she was on the show and i guess i guess the segment producer found out she liked taxidermied animals. So Conan on the air gave her the raccoon wearing a jetpack.

Yeah. And Matt O'Brien reminded me of this because he ran into her somewhere two weeks ago, and he asked her if she still had it. And she said, yes, she absolutely still owns it. That's great. That's funny. That jetpack was left over from Letterman. Oh yeah but we added to that we added the uh the flames coming out right you you guys were the most you always can do there was so many there were other yeah you know there were some people you work with where it's like uh nah like uh we

can't do it yeah you want that in a month? No, we can't. And you got, we'd go like, Oh, we need, you know,

a tauntaun to sleep in at San Diego. Right. Right. Yes. Oh my God. That was amazing. Wow. All right.

Well, thank you guys for the great memories. Thank you. Thank you. Hopefully there'll be more someday. This was sounds good. Yeah. This was so much fun. Thanks guys. Yes.. Thank you. Hopefully there'll be more someday. This was fun. Sounds good. Yeah, this was so much fun. Thanks, guys. Yes. We love it.

Thank you, Bill and John, for joining us. I love seeing them sharing a kitchen together. I know. In real life. I think that's the longest I've talked to them without having to order a prop. which was a nice change of pace. I know.

They seemed uncomfortable with it. I know. I know. What do you mean? We're just talking? You don't have to make anything. Oh, hey. Yeah.

Guess what? I don't know. We have a listener voicemail. Oh, okay. Yeah, let's hear it. Hi, this is Michael from New Orleans. And my question is a somewhat serious industry and show question. It seems as though the Conan writing team is a superb conglomeration of funny, motivated, anxious, smart, depressed citizens who at the end of the day work for one another and genuinely create good and interesting content.

As with any profession, not every hire always works out. What does it look like when you hire someone who doesn't fit or doesn't work out? Is it like a restaurant where you cut their hours until they quit? Do you foist them upon another show? Do you say, hey, this isn't working out, maybe look for other work? I'm not interested in gossip or specifics, but I am interested in how a bad fit looks and is dealt with from the head writer perspective, but also from perhaps when one of the two of you have been the bad fit. Thank you very much. Enjoy your show. That's a great question.

That is a great question. I love it. He's like, or perhaps where you two were a bad fit. One of you have been the bad fit. Oh, thanks, Michael, for your vote of confidence. He knows too much. Although I didn't buy when he said he wasn't interested in gossip. Yeah. No naming of names. Come on. But I appreciate that he gave us the out. Thank God he gave us the out. Yeah. Well, I would have just lied and said everyone always fits in. I like when he said, if someone's not fainting, can you lob them off on another show?

Well, yeah. I mean, this seems a little bit more of a question for you as a person who hired many writers. I did hire many writers. And on our show, the writing group becomes very intimate. I don't mean, you know, intimate, intimate. Okay, yeah. No one does that. We spend all day together in a room fully very intimate. Yes. I don't mean, you know, intimate, intimate. Okay, yeah, no one does that. We spend all day together in a room, fully clothed. Yes.

But he hits on something, like the chemistry is really important. It does become a little family. And you try to suss that all out before you hire someone, obviously, like anywhere. But it's, especially in Conan, very rarely ever happened where it didn't work out but you know i i know so many great writers who comedy writers who would were on shows where they didn't fit in yeah and they too got let go and then they went somewhere else and

they were they were the super they're superstars so i would say that's the big point right the fit kind of goes both ways too it's not just exactly them fitting in it's yes it's the show being a good fit for the type of writing that they do and the other thing is a lot of stand-up comics or people who are really really funny on their own are most funny when they're writing for themselves. And then I think it can be kind of a shock to come to a show where you're writing for someone else's voice and maybe that's just not the kind of writing you do. That's a really good point.

Yeah, it does require, you know, these skills to kind of mesh. Or yeah, if you're used to writing for yourself yourself it's hard for you to get the voice of the quote-unquote show or the host so there's so many variables that go into that well and another thing yeah is that a lot of times shows will only when you get hired somewhere you are under a 13-week contract initially right and that's not that much time. I mean, that's kind of a, that's a sprint. Well, I'm glad you brought it up because that is, I don't know if people realize that, that they have to tell you, they have to decide within nine weeks whether or not they're renewing. Oh, wow.

So it's really only nine weeks and you know that going in. And the first 13 weeks I worked at Conan, every day I just went home and I'd lie in bed going, I'm going to get fired. I'm going to get fired. Because you don't, you just don't know. You don't know if you're doing well. You don't know whether like people are being honest with you.

If they say things are going well or, or they like, you know what I mean? I mean, it's just, you never know. You have nothing to compare it to. So you're comparing yourselves to other writers who have been there for much longer.

Exactly. You're probably coming up short. Right. But yes. And also you're trying to like fit in when you're starting with this group that already exists. Usually if it's an existing show, you're trying to fit in with the gang. And so it's stressful all the way around. Yeah.

I mean, I never feel like I'm funny. Like having to be funny when I'm anxious is one of the hardest things for me. I know there are people who can do it. It's impossible. Yeah. So I have to be really comfortable wherever I am before I can start being myself. Right.

Fully. wherever I am before I can start being myself fully. That's interesting because I noticed on Conan over the years, there were writers who'd come in and they'd kind of hold back and get the lay of the land. And you know what I mean? Yeah. Like listen to the other writers. I'm just talking about in the writer's room and try to like, they dip their toe in with like a joke here and there until they were more

comfortable. But then there were some other writers who just seemed so fearless. They would just kind of come in and take, you know. From day one. Yeah. And it is just. Brian McCann. Right. Brian McCann. I'm guessing. Yeah. No, or like Tommy Blacha. But you know what? I kind I, I kind of love the, the spectrum of personalities that we'd always have. I always felt, even though there's the personalities were so very, very different, there was a core bonding over the same kind of sense of humor and what everyone thought was funny. Yeah. For the most part. I do think you did a really incredible job with cultivating that because I just felt like there was a much healthier kind of cohesion with the Kona writing staff than I had felt on other shows I'd worked on.

It's funny because I was thinking solely of before as a head writer, when I was a writer and just, I, when I became head writer, I just simply followed the template that was already there. So, which was a template. So there's a template somewhere. Well,

it was just a supportive group that was in this daily foxhole. And so as Michael said in his question, his voicemail, we were all super, very supportive of each other. And, but that was, it was like that when I got there in 1995.

So it was simply, and I think that comes from, you know, Conan on down just in terms of being a writer front. It was writer friendly show. Yeah. So I think that allowed the writers to feel comfortable with each other and feel supportive of each other and not attack each other. And also there just wasn't time to attack each other.

Yeah. Well, and it helped for me to know that there wasn't much. I mean, you said over the course of the show there you know it hadn't uh not worked out very many times so right and i was aware of that because some shows have a reputation for having high turnover they do and conan conan's show is not that way so yes no it helped to know that going in yeah again you know not not working out in one show doesn't mean you're not going to leave. As a matter of fact, some people when they, I've, I've known so many examples of people who are fired from the writing crew of one show and the sting of that is so strong. It literally propels them like to crazy heights. To greatness. Yeah.

I think that like if someone thinks, you know, like, hey man, I can do this. And then they get fired. I've seen people, they make these adjustments and they just go on to great success. That's true. Yeah. I mean, I think every successful person is taking revenge for either having been fired or having been rejected romantically. Yeah, exactly.

Yes. It's one of those two things. Or by a parent. Yes. Or by a parent. Revenge is always at play. Revenge is the only motivator. I know.

Revenge and shame. I know. If you haven't been wronged by the time you're a young adult, you're fucked. Yeah. You're not going anywhere. You're probably like, I don't know, man, life's pretty good. Yeah, enjoy that mediocre life. All right, well, Michael, thank you for that voicemail. Yes.

And I hope our ramblings didn't really answer your question. I hope you fell into a deep REM sleep. Down in New Orleans. Yeah. The Big Easy. The Big Easy. Okay. Hey, the rest of you can submit questions as well.

Yes. You can call us and leave a voicemail like Michael at 323-209-5303. Or you can send us a good old-fashioned email inside conanpod at gmail.com and that is our show for the week that is our show oh and one more thing if you like the show right i have to say it again you can support us by rating inside conan an important hollywood podcast on itunes and leaving us a review thank you i think that's it i think that's all yeah we're all done we're completely done except for one thing oh yeah we've never done it in french oh okay go ahead Tim. Ah. Inside Conan,

an important Hollywood podcast is hosted by Mike Sweeney and me, Jesse Gaskell. Produced by Sean Doherty. Our production coordinator is Lisa Byrne. Executive produced by Joanna Solotaroff, Adam Sachs, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco. Engineered and mixed by Will Becton.

Our talent bookers are Gina Batista and Paula Davis. Thanks to Jimmy Vivino for our theme music and interstitials. You can rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. And of course, please subscribe and tell a friend to listen to Inside Conan on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or whatever platform you like best. It's the Conan Show. Put on your hat. It's the Conan Show. Try on some spats. You're going to have a laugh.

Give birth to a calf. It's Conan. This has been a Team Coco production.