Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Bonus #1: IN LOVE... w/ Michael Rosenbaum & Chris Sullivan

Episode Date: September 14, 2019

Chrissy Metz (This Is Us) and Donnie Berry (This Is Us) stop by to share their experiences and insights from a successful 17+ year friendship and newly founded working relationship. The two breakdown times where they’ve overcome petty disputes, also sharing their individual perspectives on navigating the line between close friend and employee/employer... all coming from a place of love and wanting to help each other grow and succeed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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carefully applying Benjamin Moore-Regal-select eggshell with deftly executed strokes. The roller, lightly cradled in his hands, applying just the right amount of paint. It's like hearing poetry in motion. Benjamin Moore, see the love. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Today on The Inside of You feed, we are going to drop another In Love with Michael Rosenbaum and Chris Sullivan.

It's our new show that I hope you guys check out and listen to. I think you really appreciate it. We appreciate you for listening to In Love, get everybody to subscribe, write a review. So why don't we just listen to that episode? In Love is presented by Smile Direct Club, who makes it easier than ever to straighten your smile without brackets, wires, and monthly office visit. For $100 off your liners, just go to SmileDirectclub.com slash podcast and use the offer code, In Love. Welcome to In Love with Michael Rosenbaum and Chris Sullivan, where we explore the universal language of love. Walk through the struggles of love lost.

And together navigate the bumpy and gratifying road to happiness. Working on my state of mental health. And I never thought it would go this far. You said we'd just be friends. But I'm standing here full of emptiness, yes, I confess. I'm a beautiful man. Oh, it's a good day for podcasting. I'm feeling good.

I'm feeling energetic. Your voice is deeper, I think, because you just raged it dude you listen this was a chris sullivan weekend i went to see you in your band i always fucked the name up because it's such a cool name joseph the spouse yeah and listen man you supported the shit out of me this week and then we did a table read for your new project uh for this and you know i love horror yeah so that was awesome but let me just say something about the band i i you know i'm not amazed by it because i know how talented you are not to blow smoke up your nice plump it feels nice no you're inside of me yet again yes there were

were a couple of songs that I was like, oh my God, this needs to be on the radio. It was that kind of feeling. And you were fearless. I remember your focus was like, you know, I asked you beforehand, because I always am still like, I'm obsessed with this. Do you get nervous? Are you upset? Do you get anxiety? Do you get like, because I'm always talking about that. And you're like, yeah, I get nervous. In fact, I need to go take 15 minutes for myself right now is what you said. But I notice when you're on stage and these songs aren't easy to play. And you're playing with musicians that are just far superior than any musician I've ever played with. Me too. And that would just scare me. And you just, you owned it, dude. Oh, thank you, man. Yeah, the,

the project has been incredible. And I've had the support of a producer and a writing partner in Taylor Goldsmith, who is the lead singer of a band called Dawes. And when I told him I wanted to do this, he's all in. He jumped right in. He called his bandmates. So we had three members of the band Dawes on stage. And then we had Bo Koster on Keys who plays keys for my morning jacket and for Roger Waters. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's the keyboard player for Pink Floyd, which is scary, which is even scarier, like to, to, I want to surround myself with people who are better at the thing I'm attempting than myself. Well, then you need to get out off this show, buddy. You need to quit hosting with me, man, because you're in the

wrong place. And so the fear sets in, but, uh, I feel very, comfortable on stage and I'm very grateful for everyone who came out and we'll play more shows and thank you for coming out. I'm honestly grateful you know we always talk about what we're grateful for and you folks you know think about take a minute to think about what you're

grateful for it's kind of a nice thing to just sit there and sit we're so obsessed with shit right we're like oh my God I got to do this take a break take a seat just think about what am I grateful I'm grateful for the opportunity to listen to great music and my friend who's so talented and share it with you and not only

Rachel and her amazing voice your wife who got out there and sang with you and that was a great night and then you know you asked me to do the table reading and I was like fuck table reading it means it's you know it's I don't necessarily have the part uh I no it was great it was four hours but uh it was too long but you know what it was really good we'll announce it right you have the part if you want it is that true that is true I like that part of it that is true I thought you were really great and so did everyone else wow you hear that guy right here on the podcast for a movie role By the way, if you like the show, you know, make sure you head over to the Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. It's all at In Love Podcast and all three of those.

The hotline number, you know it. It's 323-207-5676. And you can call us at any time. Call us with questions about love, about life, about sex, about relationships. We want to know what turns you on. We want to know what you're in love with. And we'll send out little notices when we're having guests on so you can ask specific questions. to them but you can call that number any time yeah and feel free always say rosy sully always intro

like that we're kind of we want to get used to that i like the rosy sully feel but also you know feel free to talk about it's not look as much as we love to talk about love and life and health and the up things you know things that bring you up you know if there are things that bring you down that maybe we've experienced that we could share with you to make you go hey you know they've experienced i think you know that for me when i see other people that have similarities or have dealt with anxiety you're dealt with certain things in life and they talk about theirs it helps the shit out of me that's right and that's why i like doing this and my podcast inside you because i think it helps people yeah we can do it together you know all of these things that are painful to go through um the point is you have to

go through them you can't go around them you can't ignore them um you can't just let it go sometimes you have to experience it and maybe we can maybe we can help each other do that i have a feeling i'm gonna cry in front of you sometime yeah probably i mean i'll do the same yeah i will yeah i could get emotional every once in a while but you feel like the kind of person that i could cry in front of Tyler I feel like I don't know like if I cry with you you might smile like you just did but I think you know you might hug me after a minute you might give me a hug yeah a hand on the shoulder by the way Tyler's your hi Tyler he's just waving he's like I'm not on a mic I can't do this by the way like thanks for bringing this special guest in today yeah speaking

of crying let's talk about this is us my compatriot in all of my scene most you know 99% of my scene work on this is us, Chrissy Metz, who has an extreme access to her emotions. She knows, she understands them. She knows where they are. She knows how to bring them up as part of her art form. And today, she is bringing in her best friend, Donnie. Right. And they've been best friends for a long time.

Long time. I'm not sure how long. I have a lot of questions. And I resisted asking them ahead of time. So we can ask them on Mike here. But not only are they best friends. Right. They also work together.

he also lived on this is us an episode he was on this is us but he is also um her assistant and they live in the same house together so it's a very interesting relationship um friendship can be uh and he's a nurse he's a nurse he's a nurse you know why i know this tell me because uh yesterday at about 11 a m uh there was a knock on my door and i was pretty much naked i answered the door and it was chrissey metz and donnie they were two hours early for for yes we were supposed to record yesterday at one o'clock. Right. And they came at 11 o'clock.

And that didn't work out because you were about 50 minutes away. Yeah. And so, you know, they came in. My mother had a conversation with them, which, you know, got my anxiety levels really high. You know, but they were really fun. And we sat around and talked for a while.

And then they left and they're coming back today, which is nice. But, you know, by the way, also what we're grateful for, we always say. I'm not only grateful to you, but I'm also grateful to my assistant, Jess and my brother, Eric, for getting me through these last three days my mother was here i have i don't want to say contemptuous what's the word i'm looking for it's i love my mother it's waited it's you know what it is i love her because she's my mother and that's a jewish guilt fucking bullshit that you have to do and i i do love her i do if something happened to

i'd feel terrible but i don't necessarily like the woman you have a lot of history right and i'm able to say this because she won't listen to this okay um but i you know i don't want to hurt her feelings but it's just like it's me being honest but I just want to think you know there were people that kind of helped me through it and I tried to take deep breaths and go hey I can get through this I'm going to make her happy for these three days I'm going to just support her and I'm going to take her to my brother got Dodger tickets I took her to a nice restaurant we had fun we went to the Laurel Canyon country store that she loves and she just enjoyed it and you know what if I can make someone else feel good and and I think you know so that's that's all I have to say

about that you navigated it well from what I've heard I did navigate it well. You know, I was driving to your house and the trip to your house, I pass the Houdini mansion. Oh, yeah. And it reminded me of my time in college. I had a friend who was equally into the macabre you are as well. I love horror films, all of these things, as am I. And every Halloween, we used to take all of our friends, instead of going to some party and getting drunk, we would take all our friends on a haunted tour of Los Angeles. We'd go to the Roosevelt Hotel. We'd tell those stories. We would essentially drive around for hours. Nightmare and Elm Street House. Nightmare and Elm Street House. And we would always end up out in front of the Houdini

Mansion at midnight contemplating whether or not to go to walk up. What used to be there was a like a like a crumbling old stone stairwell that would go up into the woods and up in up on top of the hill you could see this old mansion that was falling apart. It's since been purchased and renovated and all those things. But one of the things that I love about the Maca and about horror, it encourages me to contemplate mortality, death and all of these things. And as a part of my mindfulness practice, as a part of my meditation, death is something that we don't talk about. It's something that's taboo. It's something that's hard to talk about. But my contemplation of my own mortality helps me live a fuller life, live in the moment, appreciate what I have and live

in gratitude. So my love for horror is kind of a long road to get there. But yeah, I was thinking about that on the way here that's pretty that's pretty powerful and it's pretty it's great that people don't see those two and and combine them in terms of like you know people think horror oh i don't like that it's it's death and this and then your your thoughts on it are it kind of embraces you to the idea that we all die yeah this is what's going to happen i'm not immortal i would like you to take me on a tour the old tour of what sully did back in the day of all the horror places that you went to yeah we could do that and i would do that and i would bring you there's also another one whatever happened to baby jane the betty davis

right right right right house there's a night right now in the street house there's the location over by usc where we just dahlia was found oh maybe we could do something where we could do a start a celebrity horror tour bus where like you and i drive and people are in the bus you get tickets and we'll take you and we'll give you our tour i smell a Halloween episode oh baby here they are folks Chrissy Metz and Donnie. Donnie, what? Barry. Like the fruit.

Like the fruit. Yeah. How long have you guys known each other? 17 years. 17 years. How old were you when you met? Donnie was 14. 13.

13. Chrissy was 20. Yeah. Donnie was discovered at the paddock. Is it the paddock mall? The paddock mall in Ocala, Florida, singing at last, where our mutual manager discovered him. Wow. Wow. Were you there?

I was not. Okay. I was at the Holiday Inn. Okay. Singing? No, not singing. I was taking my sister. Stay in the night.

I was a lounge singer at the holiday inn. I was, no. I'm 20 years old. No, I was taking my sister to an open call. Oh, okay. For what? For, she wanted to be a print model. We have different dads.

She's tall and thin. So, um, one of those like talent searches. Then she went on that door of North Central Florida. Yes. Sure. And so she was from Dinellen, which is a little farther south than Ocala, but Donnie lived in, and is from Ocala. By the way, of Tennessee.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be having my 20-year class reunion, folks. This is a funny story, by the way. Sidebar. So I wanted to go to my 10-year reunion in a helicopter because I just knew I was going to be famous and rich. Did you really? Mm-hmm. You always knew it since you were kids. No, I didn't think I was going to be rich.

But I thought I'd be famous enough to have a helicopter. Okay. Not just to arrive in one, but take a... About that, folks. It's not logical. However, Sterling said to me, well, Chrissy, now you have to go. You're 20 or three and you have to show up in a helicopter. I'm like, no, now that I can, I'll look like an asshole.

Yeah. I can't do it. If you can, you shouldn't. Correct. Wait a minute, but it's your dream. It's not really my dream. It's funny. It's funny if you can't and all of a sudden you do.

That's a funny joke. I'm sorry, but I just had to do it, be a douchebag. Hey, by the way, can I just hear any at last? Can you give me one? Oh, no. You don't want me to do that right now, do you? Can you sing a something? Just a bar or something, anything.

It could be just a... My love has come along. My lonely days are over. Yes. And life is like a song. Come on, Daddy, Daddy, Bailey. Dude. Fake a teammate.

Why do you think he's all over my Instagram? Because I'm trying to make him famous. So he can take a helicopter to his reunion. See, if you took a helicopter, Donnie's helicopter to your reunion. That will be something. That would be a thing. So you guys are not only best friends, 17 years, but you work together.

Yes. And you live together? Yes. I said, Donnie, let's be inseparable. Yeah, let's try our best to destroy this friendship. Yeah. A lot of dynamics there. A lot of interweaving.

It's hard. It's a tricky situation. It's very tricky. But you guys seem to navigate me. Let me ask you, because you've been married, right? Correct. Thanks for the research. And divorced.

Correct. And so I take it, you've only been living together for about four years. Well, interestingly enough, while I was married, Donnie was back in Florida taking care of his mother. He's also a nurse fluent in sign language. He's a Zumba instructor. He's lost 100 pounds twice. This is my age. This boy is incredible.

So we didn't know each other while I was, well, not, we were, we weren't estranged, but you weren't a prominent part of my life or I, and yours while I was married. I've had best friends like that. Yeah. That you have seasons where you're around more. Right. So that's sort of what happened. So you didn't know my ex-husband.

No, actually. You never met. I never met him. I bet you heard a lot, though, in the time you've lived together. Not really. No. What I've heard from him has been nothing but really good thing. She always says he's an angel.

Is this true? So you guys are still friends? We're friendly. I mean, he I think is in a new relationship and he's very respectful. I think that so he's sort of we're not I mean we talk we like text but we okay okay hang on hang on this is rare this is hard for me to understand because but it's not though you're friends with your I know I know that's what I was going to say most people get divorced now I don't know who left who was it was mutual okay if it was mutual maybe that's different but you know

it's got to be hard when you because you were married for a while five and a half years that's a long time especially in Los Angeles facts facts but you know people sometimes look at me and go, how are you friends with your exes? I don't get, in fact, one of my exes was on the show. She came and she's married and I'm friends with her and I love her baby. And we talked about things and like why it didn't work and why. And it was interesting to hear that perspective. Is it hard for you to sort of divulge like why things didn't work? No. I'm probably an overshare in many aspects of my life. But when I started to figure out that there were like issues that obviously had nothing to do with him, that I became sort of a mirror

when I was dealing with my issues and his own issues and then we realized like we love each other as human beings but we're not very compatible like he didn't really want to be around actors Oh Scoop scoop Did you not

Guga boogga-gagoo? Did you not know that ahead of time? Well here's the thing. I was a talent agent at the time and my life was helping other people create their own dreams and he was an aspiring writer and so I worked like

stupid 70, 80 hours a week and he worked part-time aspiring screenwriting. So I think then when I was like, you know what? I really want to try and give acting a go. He was like, well, okay, I will support you in anything you want to do. But then when he's around actors, he's like, oh, they're a bit much. He's English.

And I'm like, yeah, I guess that we are a bit much. He's like, they're always talking on top of each other. And I'm like, oh, they kind of are, you know, but like you either are down for the ride or you're like, oh, get me. the hell off of here and I understand that and he's he's introverted he's very quiet and he I'm not a lover of horror movies

in the we were just talking about how much we love horror movies Donnie Barry as well I don't know I'm in a new chapter in my life I'm very scared very easy sure the darkness is it's too much yeah yeah process your own stuff the unknown and come back to other people the unknown and the uncertainty of horror and also like the energy I'm not keen on having in my life and he loved horror He loved horror in a real way, like all of the, well, I call it nonsense, God forbid.

Meanwhile, there's Freddie Krueger above me. Sorry about that. He's a collector. I'm a grown man with toys. There's also Indiana Jones. And thank goodness. There's, okay, good. Balance.

So you guys are best friends. You live together. You work together. You assist her in things. Is this correct? This is a relationship. This is a serious relationship. This is a serious relationship that needs honesty, needs vulnerability, needs boundaries, needs all these things.

So how do you guys navigate that? Because I've talked about employing a friend. Because if I'm going to be around somebody all the time, I'd like to know them and for them to know me. But it just seems dangerous. So what kind of things do you have in place to kind of navigate that stuff? It is very scary and it is dangerous because you don't want to affect the relationship. I mean, there's nobody in the world that when I want to punch him in his face, I still want him around. and that's Donnie Berry.

So he keeps things very real for me. And sometimes I don't like that. Because you can be honest in a way that others can't? Yes. Also, because I trust him. And there's like a real way. In what way can you be honest with her that others can't? Uh-oh.

Well, here's the thing. I'm learning how to be honest and I'm learning how to like navigate this dynamic, you know, because I would tend to say things as a friend that wouldn't be very beneficial as an employee. Sure. Such as. And, you know, such as, what do you mean you want me to stay home and do such and such? What are you doing? Why can't you do such and such?

Or, Chrissy, why are there all these cans all over the place? Like, can you pick them up? What kind of can? Zivia. I'm obsessed with Zivia. But as an employee, this has been a very big learning process for me because I do want to make sure that the boundaries are nice and clear. Do you guys have an escape hatch? Do you guys have friends of mine who went into business made sure that when

when they started the business and everyone was happy and excited that they said if this happens anyone can get out of this at any time and it was like an escape plan so that if tensions got high people didn't have to worry about that if at any point this isn't working for anybody

or long term where we are like I'm gonna take a five minute I think we need a five minute escape hatch and like a forever escape but like you guys want to preserve the friendship above all else yeah I mean I do Donnie? Donnie's like, I love this job.

Yeah, I was like, you know, it is what it is. How to get that check. You know, you don't, yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. No, it's just going to say, you know, she said in the beginning, it's very important that, like, you know, we're friends above anything else. And I think, at least for me, it's just been, like, trial and error, you know, trying to really remove. Listen, I have a lot of help because I am in recovery. Mm-hmm.

So, between my sponsor and between my therapist. 16 months? 19, actually. 19 months from drugs and alcohol and a year from disordered eating. Hey. So what recovery has taught me is like how to not be so reactive and how to just pause. And also how like that I can't trust my own perception of a lot of things. So typically as a friend in the past when she does something, I'm like, oh, this bitch right here.

You know what it makes a bitch? I don't know for a lot to cut. Internally. Internally. No, no, no. No, I don't do that these days. That's fine. That's fine.

But, you know, it gives me the opportunity to like take a step. it back, think out, assess. To not allow your character defects to control the way you treat yourself or others. But hang on. I want to say something. I want to chime in here. Bing, ding, ding.

I hired my brother to be my assistant. And he was for five years. And he worked with me. Your relationship changes, at least minded. I think it's different with family than friends. Well, how so? What changed? that i hired my other assistant what changed what changed um i just felt like it was

sort of beneath him to listen to his brother who's you know it's like you know my brother wants me to go do this younger brother younger brother younger he's your younger brother he's my younger brother and he's he's really smart i think he's smarter than me although he doesn't act it like he does like stupid shit but i love him to death but i think he's smarter than me and it was just like beneath him and i think this juncture in his life he was thinking i shouldn't be doing this i should be like fucking doing this and what am i doing i'm going to get his car worked on and doing this while he's you know and so finally i said look dude i love you you're my brother i don't want to fuck this up if this is an ego thing and you're like you don't want to do shit because oh i'm his assistant now

then don't fucking do it don't ruin our brotherhood and i even told him i said hey find a job at the end it's like hey get a job you know i'm paying you until you get a job but it's better i want to save our relationship and it was hard and he's like look dude i'm sorry i'm like no man this is just it's killing me it's killing me it's killing you it's not right it's not healthy it's fucking us up and you're all i got and i just knew that we had to cut it off to make our to just keep things together yeah i think and correct me if you if you disagree but i think there's like a mutual benefit from our relationship you know like i really believe in donnie as a human being but also as a talent and as an actor and and all the

things that he's really really amazing at and so i'm like okay so who can i have you meet and who can have you fall you know fall in love with you're also like former casting director so agent yeah yeah and so yeah and so i want to help him in any way i can because he helps me in in ways that i don't know how to help myself sometimes and so like what i really am not great at boundaries like like i'm going on a vacation with some friends and i'm like okay well i should do this and i should do that and don't he's like you shouldn't do anything you want to and you don't have to. And I'm like, oh, yeah, we do it. A nice built-in checks and balances. Yes. And I think it's been a good fit for me because, like, you know, I've also worked so many years as a nurse and I also did

in-home nursing. So I kind of had to wear all sorts of hats. I was a babysitter. I was an organizer. I was, you know, fell in the blank. And I sort of, I think I have an innate desire to like want to help and manage and keep people organized. But that's where I've had to learn my boundaries because then I want to tell her what to do. And I'm like, well, you should do this. And it would be more count and you know having to like detach that like her life is her life and I think the hardest thing for me has been like my idea of what she should be doing here may not be what she wants to do and guess what your job is to help facilitate whatever she wants to do and um I think another thing I take as my responsibility is like sort of reassuring her that like look I need

structure I need a clear outline of what's expected of me I operate best like that so I want you to feel comfortable enough to say hey look can you take the trash out can you take my car here can like I want that and sometimes she's like oh well I don't want I don't want you to have to do this I'm like no I need to know like you want me to pick up your dirty draws girl tell me to pick up the dirty draws like I need to know you and he has and I thank you how dirty are they I mean don't the vote no no no no in love is presented by Smile Direct Club Rosie I was really excited about this because I have been wanting to straighten my teeth you've been talking about that for a while and now I've got to my smile direct club partnership and they're going to hook it up and give us some trays and we're going to fix the things that we think are wrong with our teeth. You know what's great is we don't have to go into dental office visits. You just go to the we went to the smile shop and we went down there. It took like what 20 minutes and they just got a 3D thing of our teeth. So you don't have to get these crappy molds at a dentist place and it's always expensive. You just get this thing. They pretty much send it to you. Yeah. So you could straighten your grill out folks. And these professionals call them what you will. Licensed dentist orthodontists. That's what I would call them. They are. They are. are going to call you. They'll check in on your progress every 90 days. That's right. So slowly but surely over the course of however many months,

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and use the offer code in love. Don't wait any longer to get the smile you deserve. Use this exclusive offer to get $100 off at smile directclub.com slash podcast with the code in love. Smile direct club.com slash podcast with the code in love. The hard part about our line of work being performers, all four of us, is that our business is us. yeah and it's fluid the the business is me so i i had to incorporate i can speak for myself i had to incorporate myself so that the things that i do the acting or the singing or the voiceover or the whatever is the business and so in order to make time like you were saying

a lot of these things that seem menial or that seem like something you wouldn't want to do for someone the business needs to take a nap right you You know, the business needs to rest so that they can be up at four in the morning to be in the makeup chair for how long was it on Smallville, four hours every day? In the first couple of years was two hours. Two hours every day. So there are things that need to be handled because the business has to retain energies to expend them on camera or to expend them on tape.

And that's a hard thing because we're all trying, and I know this because I know all of you fairly well. And if you're in recovery, then I definitely know it about you, but I know this about you too. We're all trying to remove ourselves from our ego and to be more conscious and mindful and of other people and the people around us. And that's hard to do when we are the business. So that's an interesting dynamic that you talk about, about like, yeah, can you take my car to get fixed? But I think that's great that, you know, what I like about this dynamic between you two is that you are also trying to help each other. Like you're just trying to make each other look as good as you can yeah and I think that to have someone's back it's so hard

to find someone even my sister now Jess it's like she does take care of me she was sort of I hate to say like the mother that I never really had you know she kind of looks after me she's like you're colorblind you can't fucking wear that are you yeah are you really yeah it's fine though my my dad is and my mom used to trick him and put different color socks out that's cruel because he but he's a jerk no no oh well he deserved that yeah yeah yeah But don't you think that maybe... B.T. Deb. Was your mom a good mom?

Yeah. Okay, but your dad was not a good dad? Not to me. Right. Yeah, not to me. So you think, do you sometimes think that maybe Donnie in a way is filling that void? Sure. Yeah.

I mean, yeah. Because Jess is kind of filling that void for me, you know? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I think a big, I also go to trauma therapy. And in trauma therapy, I'm learning that, like, we have, two very different personalities in the sense that like I need structure. I need like clear black and white, you know, organize this and that. Chrissy is very opposite of that. Because I was so

over disciplined growing up. I'm like, if you tell me one more time to sweep the driveway and get every single leaf off the drive, like it makes me crazy. I'm like, or it's like trust that like I know how to do something. But Donnie's like, no, no, no. I like the structure. And I'm like, don't tell me what that down. It's been a process of like just learning. I don't want to say manage your boss but manage your boss in a way like just learn how to be sensitive to like okay look i'm working for someone that doesn't like to be committed to certain things so like i'm gonna have to learn how to be flexible and i think that's the biggest thing it's like learning how to live in the gray area i have not lived in the gray area in anything i've done in my life um so it's just learning

how to be flexible is the biggest thing for me and the willingness the willingness to show her that like look when i'm presenting this idea to you it's not to be like bossy or whatever it's just this is an observation I've made. I think this could help take it or don't. But then also not take it personal when she's like, well, I'm not doing that. I have neuroses. I have neuroses. Like, we're planning this trip. And I was like, well, if we all go on a plane, what happens? What if something happens to the plane? Like, those are the kinds of things I think about. I'm like, Christine, let's come back down to planet Earth. And so it sounds crazy. But like, then I'm like, oh, I'm him and and hon about making a decision about booking a flight. Most people

will be like, whatever. I'm like, well, there's this. And then there's that. And then that could happen and then you also think about what the bad things that could happen because i'm trying to work on that where i instead of thinking hey i'm going to have this podcast today and these guests are going to come on it's going to be so much fun and we're going to be sitting there and talking about our lives and what works and how we can be better people and then i'll go oh my god what if they just hate me oh what if they just donnie berry go ahead of our lives like i'm trying to change that like i'm definitely working on that and i've seen some improvement so you know how are you working on it well there's a thing called behavioral therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy. So I do that. And, you know, it's like

before you go to bed, put three images in your head of people that just make you happy. And think about them. Like my grandfather. Think about his face. Think about something he said to you. Think about and go to sleep with some positive energy, some good feelings or waking up. I had a sign on my door that said three things you're grateful for every morning. And what's funny is I do it and I notice an improvement and then I fall back into bad habits. Because as soon as you start to feel good, you're like, oh, great. I don't need to do that anymore. Yeah, that's right.

When you go to the gym, you kind of get strong. And you're like, oh, good, I'm strong forever now. Look at me, my muscles. I don't have to do it's anymore. I quit. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

And it's the same thing emotionally. It's the same thing mentally. And that's the interesting part about all the different types of relationships we're going to talk about on this podcast, you know, whether it's husband, wife, best friend, employer employee like Michael and I hit it off immediately but we don't know each other that well let's develop a friendship and let's do it like live in front of people and the thing that kind of and we knew we knew that it would work out because we're both we both want it to right and that goes for any relationship right like like and we attract we attract the things that

we probably need to work on right like anybody who gets married you're like like oh well oh surprise surprise surprise i've married my father or surprise surprise surprise i've married my mother and the challenge then becomes staying conscious enough to not turn that person into that person whether it's whether it's a father figure or whether it's a you know whatever whatever type of energy but that we're all here to teach each other and to challenge each other into into becoming better people and and it sounds like you guys do that have been doing that for a while yeah i mean i'd like to think so i know sometimes it's not always easy to ask for what i mean What does that mean?

Just because, like, to ask for what I need. Sure. And then to remind myself, like, okay, no, Donnie is cool with doing it. He's not going to take it personal. He wants to do it. He wants to help. It wants to be of service. But what about our big fight in Canada?

Oh, guys, we've never had a fight like this. All the biggest fights. What was the fight? And then we're going to go into some questions from people online. Oh, oh. Well, it was in the beginning stages of like, I think it was pre-talks of me being her assistant. So she was like, well, let's, you know, do a trial run and see kind of how it goes. And, you know, I was maybe six, seven months sober then.

I didn't have the coping skills and the communication skills that I have now. But I think that Chrissy said, no, what happened, my perception of what happened was we were invited to go somewhere. And here's the thing. This is always the second question. Oh, hey, Chrissy. Is Donnie here? Did you bring Donnie? And that makes me so happy because to know Donnie is to love Donnie.

And that's just the bottom line. And so I'm happy. And so not that we become like the duo, but everyone's like, oh, where's Chrissy and Donnie? So then I feel obligated. Somebody invited us out. And they were like, oh, we planned karaoke. And we know Donnie loves to sing. And so he's going to come.

I just assumed he wanted to go. I didn't ask. I just was like, okay, Donnie, we're going to go on Tuesday because somebody planned this. And that was my fault. I should have said, hey, are you comfortable with going out to karaoke with some strangers that you might have to entertain? And, but per usual, that's what we do. Anyhow. Anyway, I should have asked.

I did not. And then he couldn't find something to wear. This is my perception. Tell me if I'm wrong. And then he started getting upset about it. And then I got shitty and then he got shitty. And then I screamed. I've never screamed, y'all.

I've never screamed to the point where like my voice was raw. Because it was escalating. And then I was getting, you know, shitty with her. And then she's getting shitty back with me. And then I'm like, well, da, da, da, well, I never said I wanted to go. And it just really snowballed. And what a small, stupid thing to get in a fight about. But this is why we don't effectively communicate as a whole.

But I think there's like no way you could have like, of course you didn't. No, I could have said, Donnie. You could have. Yes. But at the same time, you're like, I love Donnie. He's going to do it. You weren't thinking so it's not like at the same time. You're wrong.

Maybe he shouldn't have gotten his best off. Nobody's right. And I also should have said, you know, setting a clear boundary. I should have said, you know what? I don't want to go. Yep. And I should have felt firm enough to say, I don't want to go and I don't have to go. So, and if you get an attitude, that's on you.

Right. But then I was like, both of us, Donnie and I are people pleasers. So it really upset. Me too. It's dangerous. It's dangerous. It kills me. So, yeah.

I'm fucking so tired But the beautiful thing about it was I'm sorry I was like fine whatever I'm going in the house Well you have to have a key to get in the door to get into the elevator Because we were staying at like a you know A long term place doing the movie And he texted me and he was like I need the key to get in

And I was like whatever And so I have to go down I go in the elevator open up the elevator door And he was like And he's like She goes no wait before you see anything I just want to say that I am so sorry, I'm like, me too, because I don't want to fight like that again. And he was like, I'm sorry, too.

And he were like, okay, and we were done. Wait, this is in the elevator. Yes. Nobody else saw that? And by that time we got in the floor, I'm like, okay, so I kind of do want to go. I just was stressing I don't have anything to wear. And she's like, I understand. And I really didn't want to go, but I thought it would be fun.

And I was like, okay, let's have a snack and get ready to go. She's like, okay. Oh, my. So clearly also it makes me think, too, back, that was probably the straw that broke the camel's back, but it's probably a bunch of other stuff. Sure. Yeah. But that's the growing edge, right?

Like, you have to go through that shit. Yes. In order for things to expand. Yeah. And for things to grow, right? Yeah. Nobody is in love all the time. Nobody is happy all the time.

Nobody is fully communicative all the time. Yeah. And shit falls apart. The question is, are you willing to put the, you know, the work in to putting it back together? Well, I put my foot in my mouth all the fucking time. Sometimes on purpose. You know what? You like the challenge of trying to remove it.

You know what it is? that I just say what's on my mind. I've just always been like that. I think it's always about intention. I've always framed it. One of the first conversations we had was at a convention. We do these comic conventions. I told Michael, he was like,

hey, we're going to get drinks tonight. And I'm like, oh, I quit drinking two years ago. And he goes, oh, yeah, are you an alcoholic? And I was like, I don't know, maybe, probably. And the way I described that to someone is, like, you have genuine curiosity about people. you exactly say what's on your mind but there is no judgment there there is no there's no cynicism and it's a beautiful thing it might you know ricochet once in a while and not work out but

it's it's a beautiful quality i think i love that in you well thank you i you know it's it can be good and i feel like with my friends i'm the one friend if you ask me something you got to be careful because if everybody says what do you think honestly i know i can trust you i know you'll tell me and I go, I think you're an idiot. Uh-oh. I think this guy hasn't called you in five days. He doesn't want to, he doesn't care. You're not a priority.

How can you not see this? I'm tired of people sugarcoting and all her friends who I love going, oh, I don't know. Maybe he's just making her feel good, right? And then she'll say, oh, it's because he did go to this thing. And he did go to this thing. And right, right? And they're like, yeah, yeah, I wouldn't worry about it. I'm like, yeah, worry about it.

Well, keep it moving. Like, yeah, he's not worth her time. Well, that's what I'm saying. I just say things like, oh, my God, what do you think of my hair? Be honest. I go, I think it's way too dark. I think it washes you out and you look older. Okay.

Donnie. Okay. I'm sorry. He wasn't talking about you, Donnie. I know, he was looking at you. Donnie is bald. Donnie is bald. He is bald.

He has a good head. You have a good hat. Nothing wrong with that. By the way, guys, Donnie, he's touching, Sullivan's touching your head. Feel free to, I don't know what you feel, but I should. That was a bad boundary right there. Before we go on the questions. I want to ask something because we haven't talked about this as us at all.

No. We've taught, we know it's a small success story. We know, it's just picked up for three more seasons. I mean, it's just like, I don't know anybody doesn't watch it. I'm so tired of hearing people going, oh, my God, I was so emotional. I go, it's always emotional. We know how great it is. We know how great you guys are.

When you're on set, though, you work together. You have, this is a different dynamic because, you know, where they're living together, you're on set probably just as many hours sometimes if not more working scenes together so how do you are there any things that you do that you're like in the beginning you had to figure out what pushes his buttons or her buttons

and how do I like they need this kind of support I need to be there and do this a different way I need to do this I can't be like I'm always goofy on set so someone else who's like trying to focus sometimes like listen I love you dude but you're like fucking all over the place and that works for you but I need to focus so just can you i'm like oh dude i'm so sorry and then it's perfect well let's let's start with

you thought i hated you all of season one mostly in the pilot in the pilot during the shooting of the pilot oh my god he hates me well we have to kiss each other oh great oh no and why did you think that you talked about this yeah i think it was just like maybe you were focusing maybe you're just sort of like your your resting face sometimes can be intense resting bitch face yeah no i have I have a protruding lower jaw. My therapist has told me this. And so when you rest and your brow furrows, your jaw is already out, which is an aggressive stance. And so if you're not aware of that, you look mad.

And you know, my therapist is like, and you're six foot five. And if you're six foot five and you look mad, it makes people uncomfortable. And you should just be aware of that. And it was extremely helpful, actually. And she didn't tell you that to laugh. But at the same time, here's the thing. I feel like I'm the new girl in school, you know, like I didn't have a list of credits and I'm like, oh, and I, you know, I always think that nobody likes me. I'm like, oh, you know, it's my own issues.

And so I really try not to make them Chris's issues. But so then when we got friendly, I was like, oh, I didn't think you liked me. Yeah. I was in this position of being in a costume unlike anything I'd ever been in before. I was hot all the time. I was also nervous. It was my first big TV pilot, you know, out, ever. Chris is helping me with my lines, by the way.

And as I'm processing my lines and our scenes and all these things, when I go inside, I look bored, I look upset. I look all these things when I'm really just processing. But that's how it is wherever we go. Sure. I think we've done a really good job. And you can obviously speak for yourself, but in maintaining our professional boundaries in that we keep it. positive. We keep it focused. We keep it, um, uh, intentional. So there's not, we don't sit around and gossip. We don't sit around. Like we're here to, to create a loving relationship on and off

camera. And, and it's not going to work on camera if we can't do it off. Yeah. And I can tell like, oh, if you need some time to himself or if I need time, I'll walk away. But we also, you know, there's levity in between takes and we're always like, you know, joking. And luckily we have some of, most of the same sense of humor and like we love music. And so we have a lot of commonality in that way. I can do the same type of thing, you know, goofing around between takes and I don't know if that's ever, I don't know if that's ever gotten on. I try to be aware because obviously in our show, certain stuff is heavier than others. But, but yeah, I feel like we've, I feel like really quickly we talked about, you know, the only time that belongs to us.

is between action and cut. And in those moments, all we have is the two of us. We shouldn't care about anybody else. We shouldn't care about how long we take. We shouldn't care about how we look, how we sound. It's none of our business. And you've been such a great teacher for me and friend. And I don't let me get emotional.

Get emotional. You know, because Chris really, I mean, in the pilot, like, we had some long crazy hours. There was a lot of uncertainty. And then, of course, going into the show. And I'm like, I'm so afraid of my own shadow. Like, I don't know my lines. He's like, you do know your lines. You do.

And like always there for me and always sort of supporting me and bolstering me. And I'm like, oh, I just love him so much. I just love you. You know, I love you, too. I got to say this. I don't know what it is. I thought this yesterday, about the both of you, really. But I thought when you left, I go, I said to Jessica, go, I want to hang out with them.

I just like you both. Like, I see, like, there's that people pleaser. You always want to meet people happy. You just want everybody to have a good time. You want to not let anybody dance. I think that comes from childhood. There's shit like they're with me, especially. I have to have approval.

I want everybody to like me. And we know the reality. We know the truth is that it's impossible to make everybody happy. And you can't, you just, we can't as human beings do that. We just can't. It's an impossibility to think you can please everybody. You can't. And I'm learning that.

And it's hard. It's easier said, the writing's on the wall right there, but we know the truth. And so I get that. And I also understand the relationship you have. Chris where he thought, oh, does he like me? And I tell John Glover, who was my father in Smallville, I thought, oh, my God, this two-time Tony Award-winning actors worked with everybody, he doesn't like me at all. He's a serious man.

And I- Looks like a series. And I confronted him years later, or like once the show got picked up and I go, I just didn't think you liked me at all. He was like, oh, why would you think that? And I go, I just felt this presence, this like, he's like, I was. so nervous. It's always the other person has... It's like, you know, in a way, it's like,

Rosamomombe, fuck off. Other people get nervous too. Other people get depressed or anxious. We're all fucking humans and once we realize that it's not all about us. So, Chrissy, it's not about me, it's about us. Yeah. This is us. No, he had to do it. Cut to the music. Fuck you. Let's take a

question. Let's get to the questions. We have a hotline, 323-207-5676. Call anytime. And let's have a question for Chrissy and Donnie. Hi, Rosie and Sally. My question for Chrissy and Donnie is how in the world do you make friends as an adult and not just become a hermit? And how do you maintain and keep friendships as someone in their mid-20s that by far

has been the most frustrating and hardest part of going into adulthood? Tony, that's a great question for you because I think you're reestablishing friendships And because we do spend so much time together, it's like, how do we? It's so funny. Yeah, no, that you say that, yeah, you know, I guess putting myself in situations where I'm surrounded by people that have common interest for me, that's why recovery has been so significant. You know, I go to a plethora of 12-step fellowships, and there I'm interacting with people

that, you know, are sort of struggling or contending with a lot of the same issues that I am. And I love to dance. I love to do Zumba. So by going to classes, I'm automatically intermingling and having to sort of socialize with people that like the same things I like. And yeah. And I think another thing, too, is to like, I've really learned how to be like

open-minded and try new things. But I think also it's, you know, you can be with like-minded people, but like you have to vibrate at the same frequency, you know, and some people just don't. And it's not personal if somebody doesn't want to be your friend or just want to call you back. And you just, you know, maybe they're not supposed to be your friend. And I think that we take it personally and we think, oh, gosh, I'm not, I'm not going to be a good enough friend, but, you know, you want to be the friend that you want to be with.

You know, in our business, we obviously have real friends who are, you know, whether there's celebrities or not, but like most of my friends are not celebrities. Yeah. You know, my new friends are. But I think for a long time, I was like, oh, I'm going to hang out with this guy. And he's, he's a big actor and, you know, I'm around him and it's cool. And then I realized, who gives a fuck? If you're not comfortable, truly yourself around a friend.

celebrity or not a celebrity it doesn't matter if you're not really comfortable and go wow there's something about this person that either inspires me or makes me a better person or i find funny or just cool to be around or authentic or trustworthy i don't give a fuck who they are yeah if you don't find that then i'm not hanging out with that person so chris sullivan you're in a hit show this is us but you're so fucking genuine that i'm like i can say anything i can be myself i don't feel like oh there's a guy on a hit show that i'm not on a hit show right now and it's not about that it's all about finding people who make you a better person who you really just enjoy genuinely being around and don't make you feel stressed like i find myself stressed sometimes

around people i'm like why because it's not right it's not right i was going to say the exact same thing as all of you donnie that if you're in your mid 20s it's time to identify your passions It's time to identify the things that you love, whether it's Zumba or Game of Thrones or kayaking or baking or whatever the thing is. And wherever you are, there is a group of people doing those things. And so if you identify your passions, it will lead you to your purpose. And if you obey your purpose above all else, the cast of characters in your life will fall into place if you're on the right path. If you're not and you're staying home and you're not following your passion, and looking for your purpose in this life,

then, yeah, you'll kind of end up, well, you'll end up at some kind of either physical, emotional, spiritual, rock bottom. And then how do you recover the life that you're meant to have? Next question. That one was good. That was really good.

Yeah. What book, movie, or television show changed how you thought about love. What book, movie, or television show? Don't say the notebooks, all of them. I won't do it. I'll go with my second choice. It's a weird one.

Hold on. Let me get some nuts real quick. Yeah. Once you get some crinkledy packaging. Sorry. I was going to be quiet. Be all crinkledy over there with your crunchy snack. Go ahead.

I'm ready. It was one of my favorite movies of two years ago, a rival. Can you see it. And it is a, you need to see it. We need to watch it on your big screen downstairs. Wait, who is in it? Amy Adams. Amy Adams.

and it is a and it is a sci-fi it's a sci-fi thriller but it is an extreme metaphor for omniscience higher power what it means to be in the moment what it means to love the people who are in front of you for the very short time that they are in front of you and kind of the value of the present moment it's it's weird because it's couched in this amazing sci-fi eight I mean literally alien thriller but it's this wonderful metaphor for all of those things and it rocked me i mean i was bald at the end of this movie chris that is the most beautiful response and i wish i would have gone first um because i was going to say an officer and the gentleman hey but that for me was very nostalgic in obviously being a navy brad and the whole military thing but so yeah so why so why did you

when that came out because i came out a while ago yeah yeah and where were you at that stage that that connected with you i think because you know Obviously, my father was in the Navy and my mother, but, like, I didn't see my father treat my mother the way I think I should have. And I was like, oh, this is so romantic that, like, you know, he would go in and help her escape her life and they could live their life together. And it was really beautiful and romantic and, you know, whether it was real or not to me. I don't know. It was very romantic. And I'm a hopeless romantic.

So that's just something I think about, like, as a kid that was super nostalgic for me. that but i i don't have anything as profound as arrival yeah i can't i can't really that's no it's it's it's it's i don't all these things i mean i've had people who who because of where they are in their life the muppet movie changes the way they they relate to other people so it doesn't it what's that look i just kind of made me smile in a weird smirky way but you know that they're it all depends on where we are and if at nine years old kermit teaches you something about a about how to treat other people. Why are there so many songs about the rainbows?

No, but did you guys see Free Solo? Yeah. Okay, that for me, that relationship, actually, okay, this might be a little more profound. I love that. The relationship between his girlfriend that he had never, you know, he never had a girlfriend before and he was sort of potentially not in touch with his feelings very, very much. And for her to sacrifice the longing of wanting to be together. for his dream and what he wanted.

I was like, oh my goodness gracious. Like that to me was so moving that she could literally say, I might be saying goodbye to you forever. You could be dying today. That wrecked me. I mean, granted, I was on a plane. Sure. And there was turbulence. Oh, boy.

But they say that you're a little more emotional in altitude. So I was just a mess. Not that I'm not usually, but I was a mess. and that for me was just so beautiful their relationship. Yeah, I can't really think. Let's go to another question. You guys answer a great question.

Do you love yourself, Chrissy? Mostly. You mostly love yourself. Like if someone, that's an honest question, if you were taking a lie detector test, someone said, Chrissy Mets, are you happy? You'd say yes. Yeah.

And it would come back positive. She was right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Donnie? That's such a weird question. Do I love myself?

Is that the question? If somebody said, are you happy? is if God was asking this you knew you couldn't lie this is the question are you are you happy uh sometimes to most of the times that's a that's a strong answer yeah yeah do you think that's a really weird question you're looking at me like well that's what well i mean it's it's happy happiness in my opinion is a bullshit goal i agree with you i know we've talked about yes yes yes and and if and if you're trying to be happy you're gonna fail 50% of the time no but if someone at least but all i'm saying is right now in this moment can you answer the question are you happy in this moment i couldn't be happier you know what just happened though i was thinking about answering that question almost asking the question so i could hear myself say it and then watching chris listening to him answer the question he said something that just made me go that's it and when he said was yes in this moment i am happy so really it's profound it's so simple

But it's so profound. If you could just think about every moment, like, what are you doing right now? Oh, I'm walking my dog. Hey, a lot of people don't get to walk their dog. This is a nice moment. I'm happy in this one. If you could just take every moment by every moment, that's probably the way to maintain as much happiness and success in your life. People always say, you know, in bad moments, this two shall pass.

But that goes for everything. In good moments, this two shall pass. And around and round we will go forever and ever because that balance. Exists. The good times will not always be, but neither will the bad times. And so to kind of not get attached to either, because I used to, when things were good, oh, great. It's just going to be like this always. And then I was shocked when things got bad again. And then when things were bad, I'm like, well, it's going to be like this forever. And because I was in that mindset, the good times took longer to come back around because I got attached to both of those things. I just pulled to Chrissy. I think I'm teared up a little bit. I saw that. I saw that. I got a little emotional there. It's beautiful. You guys, thank you so much for coming here today. It's also great research because Donnie and I were talking about having our own podcast. So if we do, would you guys be our guests?

Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, we don't know what the hell we would do. Well, just think about it. Yeah, we're going to think about that. We'll just come on our show every week. Perfect. Yes.

If you like the podcast, please go to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter at In Love Podcast. Remember the hotline [phone]. Thanks to our guest, Chrissy and Donnie. Make sure you tune into this as us. I don't have to ask you that you're probably already doing it. But do yourself a service. And where are your Instagram and Twitter handles, guys? Oh, mine's just my name, Chrissy Mitz.

Mine is at Donnie Berry. You know what? To take us out, this is Joseph the Spouse. This is Chris Sullivan, his band. This is called Recovering. Behind the curtain Of all the words Of all the words

Still uncovered I love you It seems unimportant now Meeting twice a day All my friends thought I Move away But I And once again, a huge

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