Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Comedian ANNIE LEDERMAN: No Boundaries

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Annie Lederman (Trash Tuesday, Don’t Bore Me) joins us this week and shares a ton! She talks about how having little-to-no boundaries in her childhood led to difficult and traumatic altercations that left her betrayed, took years to overcome, and eventually helped feed her career in comedy. Annie talks about her tendencies to be a people pleaser early in life and the different therapeutic things she’s turned to for help now. We also get into her upbringing as a Quaker, how her dreams of being an Olympic swimmer ended, and some good ole heckler stories. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action, all from the comfort of your own devices. Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Gambling problem call connects Ontario 1866531-260. 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Golden Nuggett Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Ryan, how are you? I'm okay. I know.

You're congested. I'm congested. And it hasn't been COVID. It hasn't been fun. Yeah. But other sicknesses still exist out there, which is crazy. They do. I'm on the end.

I'm way better than I have been. I hope you're not contagious. I hope so as well. That would really suck for me. I agree. But anyway, thanks for listening, guys. We really appreciate the podcast can survive without you listening. If you're here for Annie Letterman, this is a really great.

episode it's really intense um and just want to let you know um look we talk about some sensitive stuff in this episode there's no doubt about it uh so if you're sensitive uh to stories about sexual assault i don't know if you want to listen but it's it's really amazing how she opens up and i think it will help a lot of people and uh i just want to say thank you annie for opening up so openly uh i really appreciate that uh follow us on our handle social handles at inside of you podcast on Instagram and Facebook at inside you pod on Twitter you can go to the online store the inside of you online store and we've got tons of great merch smallville scripts and um tumblers inside of you stuff hats just check it out the inside of you online store and also if you want to

become a patron the patrons the patrons really saved the show and i couldn't do the show without them go to patreon.com slash inside of you and thank you so much for supporting this podcast You know, my anxiety is getting a little bit better lately. It's been, I've been a little bit better, you know. Sometimes you just have to give things a chance. You got to give it time working with this hypnotherapist, and it sounds hokey and weird, but it's not. It's about reprogramming your brain. So I listen to something every night before I go to bed, and I listen to the same thing in the morning when I wake up, and it becomes a habit.

I've done 15 days in a row now, and the more you listen to it, the more your brain starts to believe it and you can change some things in your life. And that's what I'm trying. So I'll let you know as I continue this experience. But, you know, that along with therapy and trying to exercise and just trying to get out of my head, man. Just trying to get out of my head. So I urge you guys if you're struggling or anything to, you know, get help. And, you know, that's what I have to say. Also, Sunspin, my band, our albums coming out very shortly. But also, guys, please get tickets to see our show, October 1st, Saturday, 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. We're going to play songs off the new album, our old album, some left on Laurel.

It's going to be great. We haven't played in a while. Go to sunspin.com or stage it.com and type in Sunspin. Get tickets. You can go to the handles. I have links on Twitter and all that. Instagram. I hope you follow me at the Michael Rosenbaum on Instagram at the Michael Rosen bum on Twitter but thank you without further ado let's get inside of the very funny

very talented very open and honest sweet Annie Letterman it's my point of you you're listening to inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum Inside of You Inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience.

You know, I got to tell you, I'm sort of excited to have you. I don't get excited. Sort of? Well, I am excited to have you. I am excited to have you here because I had never met you before. And I saw you on a comedy store. It was a documentary about the comedy store. And I had never seen you before.

And I watched this. Well, no. Wow. Wow. Thanks for having me over you, piece of shit. No, I watched it and I go, who is she? I asked Mike Binder. I go, who is this?

She's hilarious. Did he talk shit on me? No, he said you were wonderful. We must have made up. There's times where Mike will trash me or say nice things. Really? Yeah, we get along now. Is that the comedy world, though, that you just, you can't really make good friends with the other comedians because they all talk shit on each other.

I mean, doesn't everyone, I guess Hollywood is the only place where people don't really talk shit on each other publicly because you're all trying to keep going. I guess so I don't know I'm learning get that little chord right there in the middle that's hovering in there it just looks where that's better it's fine oh my god I'm a little anal I just want you to look I don't know you're a gay this is well you know welcome welcome to gayness I feel safer you know it's funny because I deal with a lot of anxiety and I just want to say something funny this morning I was sitting in my office and I was like Ryan's like how you doing man I go I know just you know little anxious he looked at me and he said this he said well you got your shoes on today You did it.

You're dressed. And I was like, do I not normally? I think it's a step in the right direction. But also, Ryan, I don't. I don't think that your shoes, whether you're, I feel like people that are barefoot are happy. I think there's a power in being a barefoot person. I can't. I have to pixelate my feet because of the wiki feet guys, but it's just you don't get my feet.

But do you don't have good feet? No, I have good feet. I just don't. It's just, I didn't know people were jerking off to them. So I didn't either. I cover them. Wait, what's that about? yeah don't pretend this is so i swear of my mother's life ryan i don't have a foot fetish to act like

you don't know about them i swear to god i swear to god i don't know are you just huddled up in your little house pretty much i just told you i get anxiety and i'm like yes i kind of things these are your friends these are my friends these are my people do you talk to c3 pio uh not anymore just relax now you are in a dark place if you have to tell yourself to relax and i think look it says relax because i have another pocket well this podcast i have another podcast but this podcast is sort of like we get inside of you it gets it kind of you know i want to find out get inside of you are you guys not seeing that this is weird continuing to be terrifying relax was my trigger word in in middle school in elementary school when my teacher was telling me to relax i would go ape shit

why i don't know which my it would just made me feel i was like fucking relax what do you mean relax what made me so mad i threw my glasses case at a teacher once in fifth grade really chris burnett he's the one of my only good teachers and he's still he comes to my comedy shows when I go to Philly's the best. Were you always funny? I think. I don't know. I mean, honestly, I was upset when I was a kid.

I was like an upset kid. Take me back. Were you like, did you have good parents? Yeah, well, I have, I was twin brother. You have a twin brother. Yeah, so I was born at midnight, July 23, both just had birthdays. Right. I like that you dropped it.

Did I give you a happy birthday when you dropped that? It was your birthday? I don't know if you did. But I like that you dropped it. I like a birthday attention as well. Yeah. Well, who doesn't know it was your big birthday, though. I know.

It's, it's a scary birthday because it's just sort of like what, what happened. Yeah. You start to go, have I done, did you want to get a simple water? You couldn't decide on the water. I'm a little anal sometimes too. It's just pushing up, do you see? Yeah. That's good.

But, um, yeah, it's a scary birthday. Yeah, it's a scary birthday. He's 60. No, I'm 50. Guys, he just turned 60. He's lying. You know how actors are. Well, then I look fantastic for 60.

No, you look good for 50 too. Really? Mm-hmm. 50, not 52. 50 as well, excuse me. I'm just kidding. No, um, but funny, funny, funny back when? Like your parents? I learned, well, my dad's very funny. I, it's like, you know, I kind of like closed the chapter on talking shit of my parents' parenting skills because it did get me here, but not particularly, they're very like, my parents are very liberal, very, um, like we went to Quaker school and stuff like that.

I don't even know what a Quaker is. A Quaker is. I know Quaker oats. Yes, a Quaker is an oatmeal brand. No, it's, um, I do like to reach for things. You called that out really fast. Reach. Reach. That's fine. Um, my, uh, so Quakerism is like a form of Christianity where the belief is that God is in the form of an inner light. So it's not like a guy outside of yourself. It's something that's inside yourself that's in everyone. So we're pacifists and, uh, that sounds nice. Isn't it beautiful? Are you still a Quaker? Quakerish? A little bit. Yeah. I mean, I went to a Quaker's well. I was violently throwing things at the teacher. So you went to a Quaker school. What, what did you have? have to wear at Quaker school.

Oh, you just dressed regular. It's not Amish or anything. Oh, it isn't. It's really chill. It's a lot of like, there's a lot of like LGBT there. There's a lot of like, we had like a, honestly, in my Quaker meeting, there was just a full Jewish guy. Are you serious? He would wear his, what do you call this thing?

Um, he had the, he had his yamika and then he had his Jew. Oh, well, the curls. He didn't have the curls. No, what is that call? I should know this. I'm a Jew. You're, you're kind of Jew. Yeah, but I was raised.

I mean. Quaker. The Jew part was like my grandfather, my dad said. Right. So it was a little bit disappeared. But every time we do 23, may I get more Jewish? I'm like 23% now. You keep doing it.

It can't be 23%. Like 22%. But your parents were sort of normal? They were. My dad worked at University of Pennsylvania. He was in finance. He was the treasurer there. And then my mom was had a bunch of jobs.

She went to art school. And then she just had three kids and kind of got off. I mean, got busy. She got busy. right right right and then um but she did she worked for this organization called gray panthers which grow so it's an organization for in philadelphia for the elderly right and fight against ageism and stuff activism against ageism and but they took gray panthers which is now now we know is a little cultural appropriation um and the lead the woman who I knew who was like the founding

member you know where those I punctuate jokes with them um sunglasses are on folks are on folks She, uh, her name was Maggie Coon, so Maggie Coon. Yeah. And she stole Grey Panthers. And were you, were you like a troubled kid? I was born. Well, here's what happened. So my twin brother and I, I was born breach. So my twin brother was born first. So I'm in utero with, with a person, all squished up with someone in my mom's stomach. And then I'm born breach. So they had to put me in a incubator for seven days. So then I'm alone. So I think a lot of my troubledness was. from just immediately being alone from being hugged and stuff. Well, what about like, uh, like from early on, are we talking young, like rebellious?

Yes. Doing bad stuff. What were you doing at a young age? Well, when I was a kid kid, I was just, um, I had some tactile issues. I was a little spectrumy. Like, what does that mean? Um, like I didn't, I cried when people touched me. My socks hurt me.

Little weird things. Wow. Bothered me. But I like to hug my brother. Ryan, just said inquisitive look. Hmm. he's gonna put his he's gonna put his shit on you he's projecting let's take that note uh socks sucks hurt her socks hurt me i feel like this is relatable though there were like there were seams

that would hurt me and stuff but um i had i was like lactose intolerant they didn't know that so i was like constipated i had shitting issues do you do you are you still lactose intolerant no you got that fucking weird i just i wish i get over it i had i stopped eating it for forever and then i can eat it now eggs too i used to be allergic to and now i'm fine really just make me throw up throw up and Derry, you'd get bloated, indigestion, all that stuff. It would hurt me, yeah. I mean, it might still do that, but it was, I used to get, like, when I was a kid, I was really severely consubated.

Then as an older person, I would get, like, diarrhea. Wow. As an older person. As an older human. Right, right. But when you're saying, like, the young ages where you were like this, how old were you when your socks hurt? Like four or five.

Four or five. Yeah, I was in hell. Did your parents think you were kind of a pain in the ass? Have you talked to them since about this? Yeah, they thought I was very difficult. I think, I look at it. I equated to they had boys, and boys were just a little easier to raise, generally, not always, but not the school shooter ones. But maybe they were easy to raise.

Maybe that was the problem. Right. But I think I was just like a girl and they weren't used to having a girl. My mom was like very masculine. I mean, she still kind of is. She's a little more feminine now, but she was adopted and then her, she was adopted into a family in upstate New York. I always say I'm halfway trash because my dad, my mom grew up like in a wealthy neighborhood. and my dad popped out of a tuna can.

I don't know. Such a piece of trash. I love him. But, um, really? He can't. It's like, and he's kind of, he just, I, I really remind my, my dad reminds me of me. I remind myself of my dad. Like, we're just so much alike.

Because I think no matter like what income level we get to, we just, we can't really shake the tuna. What is it? What do you do that makes you feel a little white trashing? I see your Instagram post and they're hilarious, but you seem like, in a good way, like a dude in a lot of ways. Oh, I love that. Thank you. Yeah, you're just, uh, like, I don't know if you could use the word chick anymore, Ryan, but like a cool chick. Use all the words. It's okay. I'm fucking words up anyway. I still, I was about to say comedian.

That's okay. Comediany. Yeah, I don't do it anymore. That doesn't bother me. I don't know that stuff. It used to bother me when I was first starting because I just didn't want to be gendered at all. Like, I just wanted to be treated fair or whatever. Sure. Now I pad my bra. I go for it. And what did, were you at, He looked. I did not look. You looked exactly at, but it's padding, so it doesn't count. Yeah.

You didn't look at actual, you looked at a bra. I just feel like you're an open book. Like I, I just, we were watching Comedy Central presents like something like stories. You tell a story, a long story that you did. I just retold that story on trash Tuesday. I'm like, why am I dragging these people through it? Why? It's like pretty outrageous.

You had sex with your camp counselor? Yeah, I banged my camp counselor after years of having this crush on him, not following him anymore not knowing what he looked like how many years later was that um 14 14 years later yeah and was he wasn't good looking anymore he just wasn't hot it wasn't like i'm sure he's hot to other people but to me he just wasn't my thing but you still banged him well i felt guilty because that was the only reason i was at the wedding i guess i could have said i had my period or something or i could have just said no i mean i have confidence now i was i was struggling with self-esteem I love quince, Ryan. I've told you this before. I got this awesome $60 cashmere sweater. I wear it religiously. You can get all sorts of amazing, amazing clothing for such reasonable prices. Look, cooler temps are rolling in. And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last. From cashmere to denim to boots, the quality holds up and the price still blows me away.

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don't wait download the rocket money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show do you feel like a lot of uh comedians especially when you're getting started were you getting hit on left and right is that something that a female comedian experiences like nonstop oh they want to fuck me they're trying to fuck me yeah and did you go along with that at all well i when i first started comedy i got an advice from this guy who doesn't really do comedy anymore but he was like don't fuck comics he's like when you're first starting like just don't be the girl that's fucking comics which in a way was good advice but also it's kind of like what are you going to we're up late we're laughing we're having fun or whatever but I had that in my head so I did resist

it as much as possible right because you do want to just you don't want the shit where you eat yeah in a lot of ways but I did I hooked up with and I dated a lot of comics I dated comedians throughout my career but did you end up hating them I don't hang out with them anymore I mean there's something that when they approach me I go ha ha really really just you know vibrationally it was no match anymore it just was a thing it was but it was nice when I was there you know right right I you know but I did date I dated a guy when I was doing open mics that was just a horrific person you dated a guy that you met at open mic yeah when we were when we were open micers and how well how old were you when I was like 25 right

and he was just not a good guy how so very mean to my parents very mean mean to your parents how is one mean to someone's parents what would one do uh yell at them he yelled at my mom he yelled at your mom how far into the relationship before he yelled at your mom we dated for like a year so it was probably it was probably eight months in because i remember i stayed with him but i hated him i had trouble saying no and i didn't want to like hurt people's feelings even though i seem like a real cunt but uh um but i but i I really, so I just really, it was a self-worth thing and I would just stay with these people and and just ride it out. You just write it out just to see if it were trying to fix them. Do you think

you were trying to fix them? I think I just didn't want to be mean. You didn't want to be mean. I just don't want to be mean. All right. Well, that's commendable, I guess, but kind of it's not good now. I mean, looking back on it. But I was thinking about how I told that camp story. And I, you know, I was the one that did the whole thing. I, I feel like I, I don't. always paint the picture fairly enough these were just people living their lives like i crashed the wedding i attack i like i went after to fuck this guy i had not seen or know if i had chemistry like they were all innocent really you just went after it i just went after it you own it you own up to it yeah it's my fault the whole thing is my fault and then i go on like tv and i'm like talking shit and so

you know it is they got into the ante storm but the eye of the ante storm is it is it difficult you think you're easy to date? Do you think it's difficult dating a comedian? Well, I think it just has to be the right temperament. I was very like anxiously attached. So I would get really kind of like obsessed with people or like very like clingy or needy or come off that way sometimes or I just didn't like the person at all. And I just was kind of like using them as a placeholder. And I think the relationship I'm in now is like so good because he's so securely attached. She's just like comfortable in himself. He has a crazy mom so he knows how to deal with wild women, you know? Do you talk about him in your sets? Yeah, I do. And how does he

feel about that? He likes it. He likes it. He forgives, he lets me do whatever I want. He doesn't have any girls with me. Yeah, it doesn't, um, well, I don't say like mean, I don't have mean things. He's got a small dick, my boyfriend. Yeah, that would be funny. He probably wouldn't like that. But, um, I don't, I don't like talk shit on him really. I mean, I'm, I'm, tease him a little bit he's good he like he's he's uh we're having a good life how long is this you've been dating um like a couple weeks before the pandemic we started dating a couple years wow is this your longest relationship no no I dated a guy for three years who I hated the whole time you hated it's like it should have been and it's again not his fault it's all on me just hated

full responsibility he just wasn't that guy had just like i don't know he just wasn't evolved and he was looking for me to be a savior and that wasn't going to happen uh you've done so much before you became a stand-up comedian so it's baffling how you kind of fell into it because you you like you were a swimmer yeah right you were like really training to be a swimmer when was this yeah i started training for the junior olympics and two days later got in a car accident and quit swimmer me. And was the driver drunk? Yeah, the drunk. It was a drunk driver. It was this program at George school, I think it was. So I lived in Philadelphia in the suburbs of Philadelphia. And my neighbors were already doing junior Olympics and training in this program. So they were like, why don't we

will take you there. And so I had gone on my initial consultation and I loved the swim program. So you will go in the morning and a night at night. I mean, my life would be so different if I didn't get in that fucking car accident because I just had a lot of um I was just a creative person and I had an athletic build I don't know if you can see the shoulders I was good at swimming naturally pretty good at it you're a really good swimmer obviously I was pretty good at it yeah but I mean I needed to train I was like raw talent I wasn't like you know I could have gotten really good did you love it no time I couldn't stand it it was so boring but I didn't see a theme here you date guys you hate them yeah you do sports you hate them but

But now, but that was, that was old me and knew me. I check, I have a meeting with myself every morning. What do I need? What do I want? How do I feel? And it, but it was a long process to learn that like I would even matter in my own life. Like, I just would just kind of get taken places and. So what would the, the accident, the car accident left your foot injured so you couldn't swim anymore. Yeah. So it would, it would, it would, it would have been a long training process. And I didn't like it. And that was, I was 12, about to turn 13 when that happened. So I was ready to start smoking and drinking. And that's when I really. started you turned the wrong corner right corner for my job now because you have so much history

i loved it so you started drinking and doing drugs at how it would age 12 12 years old which is crazy looking back i mean it's insane but i thought it was so normal well what kind of drugs are you doing i mean i was just smoking weed and doing like i would do hallucin i did like acid and high school and some pills i took pills were your parents disappointed they were just didn't know what to do they were what i was before is like they were very liberal so they're very they're kind to a default where they're always trying to give people more chances and stuff and that's something i've had to unlearn because i definitely let people stick around too long right and um but they yeah they just didn't know what to do with me and they just gave it was just there was no real discipline which looking back they didn't discipline you

helped me be a comedian yeah no they didn't discipline no spankings no you're grounded i got hit like i remember it like You remember the two hits. Yeah. And like my parents felt so guilty. It's so funny. Like just. Did you deserve it? I mean, no.

No. Nobody deserved. Well, sometimes I'm like I could have gotten slapped around a little. But it wasn't, I mean, I don't know what I would, who knows what I was doing. Right. But I don't think anyone deserves to get hit. So high school was traumatic. High school was traumatic.

Yes. I had to go to court, take a teacher to court. Why do you have to get a teacher to court? Well, we went to, my mom, my parents sent me to the school. I wasn't like too bad. I was smoking cigarettes. So I was being like a little bit bad. That 14, 13, all this stuff, right.

But then my parents were like, why don't we try out this, check out this other school? And it was an alternative school where usually people would get kicked out and sent there. But my parents took me there. And the school, you don't have to do anything. You don't have to read. I mean, you don't have to do homework. Sounds like my school. It was fucking amazing.

Yeah. And do you not read? Sometimes. I mean, it looks, you look like a reader. Do I look like a reader? I do mean an insulting way. That's an insulting way. I tell by your expression right now.

It's insulting. I read history stuff. Oh, that's cool. But I don't, you know, I'm not a huge reader. That's not, doesn't make you less nerdy, but it's cool. Thank you. Do you think history helps you feel more comfortable than what's going on? I just like nonfiction, except when I'm watching movies.

I like horror movies. I like documentaries. Now, I like nonfiction too, but I listen to self-help stuff. Does that really help you? Yes. I need to do that more. Because I deal with such stuff that just somehow just caught up with me. Yeah.

It just in life, it's like you're going and you're having fun and you're parting and you're doing big roles and you're an actor and you're on magazines and you're doing. And everything's great. And then all of a sudden something hits you and you're like, who the fuck are you? Do you know who you are? I do. I'm learning. Yeah. I was just saying that.

But that's how I, but I answer rhetorical questions. Thank you for doing that. you should learn about me um the fullest of narcissism you just answer all rhetorical questions oh you were asking the universe well she's here um no i understand that because you're moving you're busy i feel like i was that way not necessarily but you know tumbling through life like crazy things were happening and then a lot of success and comedy and stuff too and then you're like who you know you're sad innately sad about something and you don't know exactly what it is and you want to tackle it I'm not sad anymore though you can you can tackle it no that's great well you said you took a teacher

to court yeah I had to take a teacher to what did he do oh you're not sad let me bring this back up I'll talk about sad you said I read fuck you bitch here's sad come back to sadly um excuse me sorry who's that fright night sorry fright night um I yeah no I my teacher so we went to so they sent me to the school that were there was no rules but there was no rules for fucking anyone There was no boundaries. It was, I think I am a product of a boundaryless childhood. And a lot of like crazy and intense things happened. Like I definitely ran for my life more times than I think most children do.

Oh yeah. I hit under cars. I've screamed for my to call the cops. I was in weird situations. My parents just were very, very trusting. And my boyfriend, it's cool because the way he was raised was the opposite. Like his parents were like, do not let anyone fuck with you, blah, blah. So it's cool to like kind of see how those two things manifest.

both of us having good happy careers and but I had I just had to do a lot of work and I just had to work on not being in like fight or flight my entire life but the teacher did not do a good thing he yeah no he let's say he he was my art teacher and he Jackson Pollocked my leg yeah what the paint was white what that's a vivid memory that you cannot this is real it is he was a white man with dreads that's is he in jail no he got um Three years probation. Three years probation. Isn't that something?

Isn't that something? And that will stay with you for life. You laugh at it. You joke about it. Probably still is disturbing. Well, I've had to do a lot. I didn't realize it was staying with me. I would kind of like,

because I've always been able to kind of like joke about things and disassociate. But I was really dragging this man with me. I had a realization maybe a couple of years ago where I just, I was doing a meditation. And in the meditation, they have you like standing. on a rock and I would always go to this rock behind my high school like why am I always in this one fucking woods like right outside where all this traumatic and I would anytime there was like woods involved I was always visioning myself there and then they were like have someone that hurt you come to you and apologize so my teacher came to me and apologized I'm like this was my stuff

I'm taking it back it's not for you and I kind of realized in that that I had been just dragging this guy I've been thinking about it talking about it every day how many years after 20 20 years oh so he got in trouble back then though he got in trouble when i was right but you were still dragging it i was thinking about all the time i was like i was so like yeah it was just really like tight and scared i have like jaw problems and stuff i work on that jaw problems jaw problems i have sweaty armpits hyper you grind your teeth and and these are all things that was there all of a sudden just just this just this moment of clarity that this is the cause of all this how do i get rid of it how do you get it's not just that though because the jaw stuff happened after my car accident and I think that was I don't know I don't think it was as much structurally like in my skeleton the problem started happening I think it was more like oh fuck I can't like trust that I'm gonna get the places I need to get safely I think it was just sort of like you didn't trust anyone yeah well was I didn't realize until one of my relationships with one of the people that I'm scared to see I'm not scared of him but I'm just it's just repulsed by him kind of yeah but I still like love it

appreciate him. It's just, I don't, there's nothing there. But you don't want to talk to him again. I'm not like, I used to really seek his approval. We were friends for a really long time before we dated. Right. And I would really seek his approval. I don't seek his approval anymore. So there's kind of nothing there for me. Right. I'm not like excited to go tell him jokes that I wrote or anything, which is how I used to feel. But he really, he helped me in a way by, I didn't realize that like the things that had happened to me were, were not my fault. I kind of had just blamed myself because that was easier than accepting that all of the people that were kind of, in place to protect me

had let me down. That was like a scarier thing. So instead I had internalized all of it and didn't even realize I was doing that. And then so I had a period of time where, and unfortunately I did a lot of podcasts during that time, where I was really mad at my parents. Like really fucking.

You felt like they were at fault? I was so fucking like where the fuck were you? I mean, even like down to my teacher who I took to court, his lawyer was my softball coach. Like everyone involved was someone that was supposed to protect me. And it just felt, I just had to learn the lesson where. And you let them continue along without saying what the fuck.

I didn't even realize it was that. I mean, I felt like it was bad, but I just didn't even, you know, my, it took me a long time, even though I've nonstop talked and I've been talking for a living. It took me a long time to really learn to like appropriately speak up for myself and just take care of myself. But I'm doing good now. And I really feel like, I usually don't talk about this story again. This is, it feels fine to talk about it now. but sometimes I like I don't want to not that it's like I don't want to talk about it but it's like yeah I don't have to say it anymore it's kind of like already out there and did you do EMDR I never did that I never did that I did I did EMDR's the most emotional fucking thing ever I did DMT you did DMT well EMDR's with the the eyes that's cool yeah how crazy is that it really worked it was it was so surprising I was hysterical and I don't I didn't know why I mean I knew why after it all happened were you molested no but um I well I well I

I had a moment where I escaped it. Yeah. I was about to get molested and I got away. How old were you? I was probably 12. Was it a director? It was this guy named Les who lived up in the Catskill Mountains. It's like, don't be so hacky, Les.

Yeah. Don't be a child molester name Les. His name was Les. I sort of got, I wrote about it. His name was Les. And he worked at the bungalow colony. Yeah. And he used to always help me catch salamanders.

And like, oh, Michael, come here. And then one night he was just like, hey, you should come to the casino because there's a casino. It's not a casino with like for older people, but like, you know, video games and pizza. And it was right there in the bungalow colony. And he said, yeah, come on, I'll get you some pizza, play some video games. And my grandparents, after me begging and screaming, they said, I go, it's less. And they said, sure. And I went.

And then he goes, hey, you want to see where I live? And I said, sure. And he lived right behind the bungalow colony. You want to see my salamander? Jesus. He went right down the stairs behind the bungalow building behind the casino and he opened up the garage door. He lived in the garage. That's where he lived. And he says, oh, you see back here? Yeah, it's my couch and my bed's back there and closed it. So scary. And we went back there and I started, I was, I was like, this is less. He couldn't hurt me. Because this is how you are as a kid. You're trusting. Yeah. And then he goes. Cool. Ice cream. Thanks, man. Yeah, man. You're awesome. Less. And then he. said take a look at this and it was a magazine of naked men and i got my heart started beating really fast you got a little horny no didn't get horning petrified that's a good way to know i got up and you know when you're you can't run fast it's just like you're molasses it's just like and i got to the garage

door and i was i couldn't get it open i was shaking i was like ha ha ha ha like that and he ran up and he goes hey hey and he screamed at me and he came up to me he put his hand on my shoulder and he looked at me. He goes, I'm going to let you go. It's okay. I'm going to let you out here. And he opened the door and he let me go. Did you tell people or did you keep it a secret? I was so embarrassed by even as a 12 year old that I didn't want to share it with anybody that I remember I was supposed to be home in an hour and I hid behind a tree for like 45 minutes to just get my bearings. Somehow at 12 years old, I still knew that I got to get my shit together. I got to compose myself before I go back. I can't let them know that something happened.

I can't because somehow it was my fault in a way. I don't. I don't. don't know what it was like you know well you're yeah because you were like excited about it too it's like there's like the betrayal of being oh my god it was terrifying i couldn't get away from that catskill mountains fast enough yeah it was it was terrifying but i survived was it like dirty dancing type place uh sort of yeah and that was just your like vacation you would go yeah my grandparents thank god you didn't live there they took me there for the summers thank god it wasn't where you live no it was the end of the summer and i just remember like you know i i did i forgot it i blacked it out yeah which i'm sure you Is that amazing?

Your brain can fucking do that. It just said, no, we don't remember that. And it wasn't until many, many years later, I got really guilty. And I thought, God, if I turned him in, because he probably molested kids, he probably did it to someone else. And I took fault. I felt horrible. I was just a kid.

So obviously I didn't know, but it was just, oh, I still, every once in a while ago, oh, my God, that happened. Like you do with your story. Yeah. Well, there's a horror. And because I did go to court. there's a horror in that too i mean i really got treated like fucking shit i had to learn that lesson and i didn't really learn it until i couldn't understand it felt so unfair because i was like

all people told me to do when i was a kid is tell the truth but then here i am and i always tell the truth i do not lie you know i just it's like my highest authenticity and honesty is like my i see it i see it um and then comedy which i wish i could flip so i could make my comedy a little bit funnier and just lie a little. No, I have some jokes that are made up. But yeah, no, to learn that like what telling, nobody wants you to tell the truth because it's fucking sucks. The truth is like hard for everyone's like, all right, now we got to put on our suits and go to court. We got to deal with this. They were calling you a liar probably, didn't they? Oh, yeah. Which really pissed me off because I was like, I really like have like Asperger Z. Don't lie type thing. Did they start talking

about your drinking or your smoking or your other? Well, I think I think that's actually. actually what, why that school was such a bad situation because if you think about it, the kids that are troubled like that are the easiest ones to molest because they're already not credible. You know, it's already like, oh, they're troubled or whatever. So it makes sense. And then that teacher that did that to me, I always thought it was just him. And then I found out all these other teachers in the school. What?

I know. And the school's still kicking. And I had to deal when I started getting really mad at my parents. you know a couple years ago um they i went home and i saw that they had been donating to the high school and i was like and you lost it i was so pissed and i understand that they have to protect themselves there in the evening of life like for them to like open all of this up and they listened to me and they apologized and we got to get through it they cry a little bit but i don't want them to feel bad now i don't i really do believe that even though i don't want to like let anyone off the hook

anything, but I do feel like they did do what they thought was right at the time. Like, they didn't know, whatever denial or whatever it was going on. They just didn't, they would never do that now, you know? You know, that's what I went through, too, when I did that EMDR, that it was, you do this thing over and over and then close your eyes and think of this moment, think of this moment. And by the end, I was like, tears coming down my face, couldn't believe that I was so hysterical, couldn't believe that I'd opened up like this, could not understand the last thing I remember saying is she was well what do you feel now and i just go and it was unsolicited i go i forgive them

yeah they didn't they didn't know better they did the best they could and it sucked and it was but that's all they knew and it was like holy fuck that hurt the most yeah just being able to go because it was always like fuck them fuck you you guys were this you guys were that and when you can just eventually just go you know what you did your best yeah it sucks it sucks I got some bad shit happened to me, but it wasn't your fault. Yeah, and then we, it taught us lessons, you know, I feel like I got to learn things like very young, which maybe we're hard, but I always look at it like I had to be an adult when I was a kid, so now I get to be a kid when I'm adult.

Like I get to really, I've been through some shit. Like, yeah, I'm like, I'm good to go. I learned a lot of lessons and also with my mom, I really, this really like was kind of the piece that that finished the puzzle for me, but my mom went to a all girls boarding school and she called me a couple years ago and she was like oh my god you're never going to believe what happened there was this teacher that lived on campus and all the cool girls got invited to go to his house and have dinner and sleep over and i never got to go she goes i just found out he was molesting them now my situation was my teacher and his wife they they were both my teachers

they um had us sleeping had me and one of my friends sleeping over there all the time and so i was like how do my parents like let this happen but in my mom's head she was giving me like letting me be like the cool kid it was like her own which is so naive and like i'm sure she feels like an idiot for that but she just didn't she thought she was like being nice to me like letting me right right yeah she's trying to help you in her mind and so when i have kids if i have kids i do think i probably will have kids i got some frozen embryos but um it'd be kind of rude to defraise but we'll see um you know i i'm going to be such a better parent from all of the knowledge that I have you know and I think that people can be better parents now too just because of

how much access people have to educational sources yeah resources on the resources on wow I appreciate you open up like this this is like I know you normally you're just going on comedy and it's all funny it's all but like this helps people yeah believe it or not this you know somebody out is out there listening going hey you know she faced all this adversity she went through this shit and yeah look at you now you know it helped me with my mom too what she probably kill me for saying this but I just realized my mom is just like a person And she was just all day, she was, like, reading romance novels and taking, like, my mom was just masturbating all day.

She was just busy flicking the bean. And I'm like, now that I like, I'm like, my mom was just a woman masturbating. She had her hands, she was busy. Good for her. Good for her. She was just trying to find her own pleasure. Speaking of the dolphins, you were a dolphin trainer, right? I did a, I did a program.

How the hell did you jump in a dolphin training? Okay, so I graduated early. Believe it or not, that school decided to let me graduate early. Because you were smart. well I was smart and I also was in court I was a problem so that I got to get rid of this but she's about to find out about the rest of us that are molesting everyone right right I mean they couldn't believe it that I would told on everyone that was so weird were you ostracized sort of from everybody

and the people look down at you your other schoolmates oh yeah fuck them liar piece of shit people um hawked lugies on my door handle people and even just to the point of like years later it was like there was a lot of like kids that were it was like kids with special needs a lot of times like a lot of learning disabilities and stuff and then bad kids it was like this mixture of like the fringes on both sides it was the bullied and the bullies that's why I'm a little bit of between but um yeah so you graduated early I graduated early but years later I saw one of the like the nerdy kids like the weirdo kids he used to like put deflated balloons in his hair he was just this little he was really cool like little artist kid yeah he tied them into his hair my school

was like filled with freaks but um so he um i saw him years later he was a nice kid you know and he even said to me he's like you made that stuff up about our teacher right i'm like what like why would and he was so upset that like he had upset me it didn't even occur to him because he just believed whatever i'm was saying and but that's been a lesson in my life too to not need to defend myself i don't i know what's true i don't need everyone to believe me it's like even though it's frustrating but yeah um but whatever anyway what were we talking about you graduated early so i graduated early and i did i had a year off so my parents had like set aside money for this this school which shockingly charged a lot of money to molest us um how do we we'll rape the parents too um so um

they had set the money aside i graduated i was 16 so they'd set the money aside and um so i used that money i did a program in central america you're helping kids yeah it was fun Yeah. And then I became like I got into the special ed field. I was doing, I was a special ed camp counselor at Easter Seals. I mean, you have a heart of gold though. See, this is why you would be a great mom. I do. I do. You have patience somehow, don't you? Yeah. You make the most out of the difficult situation. Well, I try to. I can get caught up. I can start to get really like tense. I have a new mantra where everything is easy and fun. Everything is easy and fun. I have to do you say that to yourself? Mm-hmm. Everything's easy and fun. Everything's easy and fun. I have to

because I get really, I can wind myself real tight. How does that work? Just saying that. I do hypnosis. I, like, hypnosis is the number one thing I have ever done in my life. I've been in therapy since I was a kid. It's better to me than talk therapy than any, than... Who hypnotizes you? My hypnotist is named Mary Lou Rodriguez. And she, I actually learned, I've taken her course twice on how to become a hypnotist.

I just don't really know what I'm going to do with it yet. You could hypnotize me? I mean, I could. I would want to, I would want to take a couple more classes. I want to get really good at it. I don't want to, like, fuck with people. Well, it's not, it's really simple because your brain won't do anything, your subconscious will not do anything that it wouldn't do.

Like you can't, I couldn't make you go murder someone unless you are someone that deep down wants to murder people. Lex Luther. Well, it's so weird that you have hair. Does that make you feel good that you played a bald guy? So now you look like I have lots of hair now. So it's like, yeah. Was it embarrassing to be bald man?

For a while, they felt like girls that like me were usually goff and like, people who listen to the cure. They love cock. They love what? They love cock. Oh, yeah. Cock. Yeah. Wow. It was fine. It was, you know, it was a time of my life. But, but like, do you recommend someone like me to go to hypnotist? What would help me? I think you would, I think it would help you so much because your anxiety is a habit. It's a habit.

It's a habit. It's not, you're not an anxious person. You're a person with anxiety. You can be like anything. So it's like you just have these habits. I have them too. I spin. I spin. Like I just decided I have to stop smoking weed for a while because maybe forever. I don't like to say forever because that's hard. But because it's, it feeds that anxiety, that spin. So I'll wake up in the morning, just spin, spin, spinning. And then I have these tools to get out of them. I know what I, I listen to hypnosis and I can get out of it. But I don't want to wake up with that. That means my whole sleep has been like, you know, my subconscious is still spinning. I had anxiety when the first 10 minutes of this podcast. I'm not kidding. I was like,

I don't know if I I don't know I started listening I started being in the moment and I started just going stop it what are you doing what were you anxious I was just like I don't know I just my I got numb I got kind of got a little flush it just happened sometimes it happens I have an effect on people yeah there you go but but hypnotism could really help me it could it could you've seen it work I swear by it I swear by it you're gonna give me this person's name 100% she'll she'll no I'll give you her number okay she'd love she'd love to work with you I'm sure but she's So she's, um, so what you, what do you do? It's like hypnotherapy is the session is we do it over Zoom, obviously.

I don't want to do in Zoom. Well, she lives, she lives in Portland. Okay. You can fly out there if you want. It really works over Zoom? Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you, you have your, you have your, um, your session.

And it's like, what are your blocks in life? What are you looking for in your life? So for me, if it's like, I'm having trouble writing jokes, what is it? You get to the bottom of like, what is that? right what is the like underlying belief that you have that is keeping you from writing jokes what you know and so i'm not good enough i'm not smart enough right of course people are going to know that i'm not yeah that i'm a fraud or whatever yep yep and you get to whatever that basic thing is and then you figure out what your brain needs to hear to get through that block and then she creates

a hypnosis for you out of that and then you just listen to it in the morning and in the night in the evening and you swear by this i swear by it my dad my dad resisted it it's hard because I like lived in my car and I was kind of like a fuck up quote unquote I don't identify as that anymore but um so it's hard when I when I recommend it to certain people that have known me through those stages because I'm still kind of car living in your car Annie so my dad's like all right bitch yeah I have noses whatever I'm like dad I swear and I finally just bought in the sessions I was like because my dad is like 81 and he's still struggling to get his taxes done he has so much, he's put so much anxiety into his taxes for some reason, like his whole life's worth

has gone into getting his taxes done by himself without help from an accountant. I don't know what it is. It's just all of his anxiety and self-worth has been wrapped up in taxes. And I know that a lot that is like a trigger for a lot of people. You have a business manager, right? I do. Oh yeah. I just give it away. Sometimes I'm like, you just give it away. But he feels like as a man that's had to take care of his family and all the stuff, it's just all tied into it. and I finally got him with her and he's starting to do his taxes he likes it he loves it he's like oh my god wow lion well it's like subconscious yeah this could be it yeah subconscious reprogramming it's so cool it's so cool I'm excited about this it's amazing you know I was having I was playing

tennis last night are you got to tennis I'm okay I play high school tennis I'll play with you anytime great um but I was having this conversation with a friend and she was like just telling me all these things like CBD really works and this and that but she said she had some guy who comes over the house stands like four feet away from her and does this energy thing and she says it changed her life and I'm like do you believe in that stuff that kind of energy and the I've gone to an energy worker where she like kind of massages parts of your body it was helpful to me it was it was really cool it's like up into Panga Canyon it's like she's a cool spot she's really felt comfortable she's a yeah she's like a really beautiful. Yeah she's like a really

beautiful bohemian yeah she's like a like a light she's a real sweetie but um i really liked that i haven't gone to her in a while though but it really did help me um i always see actors there too is good for really yeah but it just she just like where you're holding your your trauma in your body and like learning to release it she gave me some tools that i never use but you know what's funny is you know judging a book by its cover i'm i wasn't judging you can judge me all i know i mean That you're a fucking bitch. No, I met you at Bobby Lee's party. I'm friends with Bobby and Colila like you.

We love them. And we met briefly, but I saw the comedy special before. And I was like, Kalala, you got to introduce me to her. She's hilarious. And it was brief. But then I watched a lot of your stuff. And I'm like, you know, the way you talk and your stick and it's funny and it's dark and it's this. And I'm like, you don't think someone like you would have their shit so together.

And you really sound together. I'm working on it. It's amazing. I mean, you're in a healthy relationship. Yeah. you do the hypnotism you just you're trying new shit you tell these mantras or whatever to yourself and it's it's what's the word it's uh i'm optimistic here what's the word it's it's uh inspiring inspiring there's the word it's inspiring so why out of all this what made you want to do stand-up comedy

um stand-up was just my like way out of trouble i just was able to be funny like i just I don't know how funny I was as a kid but as a like from 12 on honestly once the trauma hit I got pretty fucking funny that just was my way to do things and my dad's funny I've always been trying to impress him it was just something I was like I think I can fucking do this I just like I've just always been kind of wild and I was I would say people found me to be a problem until they until I was able to like harness it into my artwork you know and I like to draw I'm an artist. I like to do, you know, like I've always kind of been art oriented. And, um, but I just, I just figured out. I just figured it out. When I was 25, I quit drinking. I moved to New York

to do comedy. You said that you, you said that you would when you got, you got so drunk, you'd black out. You said alcoholism wasn't fun. Alcoholism wasn't fun. It was more like you were taking a break. Like it was giving you a break from your mind. Oh, yes. That was one of my old jokes. It was a good one. It was like a smoke break for myself. Yeah, I hated myself. I had so much repressed shame and like anger around all the things that had happened to me. And I just hadn't processed it. So I would just drink and because I just I it just, it manifested in like self hatred. I just thought I was bad. I just had this. You don't want to live. No, I wanted to live. That's the thing. That was what was weird. I never have been suicidal or anything

like that. You never got to worry about me. Really? Never. I will never. It's amazing how you can hate yourself but want to live. Yeah, it was like this. I still, but it's like, I wonder if Adolf Hitler was that guy and that's when I killed the Jews um that's it well when you she's 23% Jewish yeah guys it's it's okay it's okay she's totally cool um and each 23 man makes me more okay with it 23 me her it's it's really fun that I keep getting jewier I wish I'd had it in the beginning of my career um would it helped but you know it's um I I think that like that maybe subconsciously like the true belief I had was that I was good, you know, but that belief right above it was that I was a piece of shit, you know? And so I just wanted to drink to get away from myself. I didn't like saying

no to people. So if I got drunk, I kind of like didn't have to be responsible for, for, you know, anything like that. And, and then I quit drinking and started to incommany, and it was just like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. Do you remember the day you quit drinking? Yeah. What day it was? January 28th. I think it was a Wednesday. It was 2009. It might have been the 29th, but it was the day or it was after a Wednesday. I think the mic was either on a Tuesday or Wednesday. I did my first open mic and I quit drinking the day after. What was the first open mic like? Well, I had already gone in deciding that this was going to be my career. I was like, based on nothing other than you. I just, I just went, this is it. This is my thing. I just know it was my

thing. I used to have like my professors in college would my teachers in high school would jerk off and then my professors in college would always be like, you're so funny. But I would, I would, like, annoy people in class. And they're like, just do stand up. Like, I used to have teachers to be like, just do stand up. You're supposed to be doing stand up. Because I'd just be doing jokes. Because you're always commenting on life as you, as you live it. Well, I actually, I was hanging out with, I have a, uh, one of my, I have a couple shaman, but one of my shaman's my ayahuasca shaman. Have you, you've done ayahuasca. I've never done it. I did it six times. Is it worth doing? It was excellent, but it should be something that you really want to do.

Like, you don't have to do it. It's not something like you're, you know. It's not going to change my life. It will change your life. But you can do other things that will change your life too. Like hypnotism. Like hypnotism. Right.

It's not for everyone. But I had a really amazing, um, an amazing experience doing. And I really like, I have this shaman who's this, um, like beautiful like, like, uh, he's just such a good guy. He's just such a sweet man. he's from South Africa and calms you he's just a cool I just yeah I just he's just a wise sweet centered guy and I just I met him randomly at the comedy store he was a uh in the audience visiting to do a ceremony and um he one of the guys that worked at the comedy store was like

and I'd had like I'd gone on a bad date um and where I was like dating this guy and he like introduced me to all his friends and then the same night was like you know I'm still seeing other people. I'm like, what are these mixed messages? Like, I was just so pissed. Like, why am I bowling with your friends then, bitch? I'm like, also and I'm seeing other people, you don't tell people that. It's fucking rude in the beginning.

Fucking cool. You're fucking one of my friends, probably. Awesome. But, so I was on stage, like, so, like, in such a sour mood and got off stage and there was just this guy and this woman and they just were like, I don't even know, they were just shiny people. They were just like something going on. So I like high five, I'm like,

oh. And then later it was right after my friend Brody Stevens had I don't know if did you know Brody uh I know yeah Brody had killed himself had offed himself or recently so it was like a weird it was just such a heavy time because it was you know we just spent kind of every day with him and so um the comedy star I would always like kind of like hang out late with him and he had died like a couple weeks before and maybe a month before and so I was like staying late and smoking cigarettes I was being very like self-sabotagey and I was like, why am I still here tonight? Like, why can't I leave this fucking place?

And then I go into the office and one of the guys that worked there was like, oh, my God, my friend wanted to meet you. I didn't know you were still here. And I was like, who? He's like, you high-fived him. I was like, who the fuck is that guy? And he's like, he's a breathwork instructor. And I was like, oh, I love breathwork.

I want to do breathwork. And he's like, all right, he's an ayahuasca shaman. And I was like, what? And I was like, I want to do ayahuasca. And he was like, he told me that the guy wanted to meet me that he had come to a bunch of the shows. And this was when I was really not, I had no real name for myself. I'd done a couple things maybe, but I was going on really late in the lineup. There was like not that many people there. But he had said that this man, I don't want to say his name because. Yeah, that's fine.

But he was, that I was his favorite comedian. I was like, oh, he's probably trying to bang me. And he's like, he's gay. Don't worry. You're safe. He actually just likes him. I was like, oh. So it was cool. It was like nice that he like kind of could see what I was about, even when I was and this kind of like angry set. And so they had had someone just dropped out. People will come from all over the United States to come do it and all over the world. There were people who came in from England and different places to come do this ceremony with him. They're like 20 people and someone had just dropped out.

So I canceled my spots. And usually you're supposed to like go on a special diet beforehand and stuff. But I just bought a bucket and drove to San Diego and they had like this. Bought a bucket because you puke. Yeah, you bring a bucket for throwing up. And it was good. it was really important for me to do it right around. I got to really kind of purge a lot of the guilt that kind of came with Brody dying,

like a lot of that stuff and a lot of my issues even with that guy and stuff. So it was really cool. It felt like 30 years of therapy in two nights. And it was really cool. But he came into town recently and I was doing stand-up, but he was there for an extra day. So I didn't do ayahuasca with him, but he led a ceremony. And we ended up just a couple of us. went to up in the mountains and rented a house.

And we just hung out and did San Pedro. And it was really cool. But we were watching the sunset over the mountains. And I was turned watching them. Like they were watching it. And I was like, I just liked watching them enjoy the sunset. And I was like, this is so me. Wow.

My life. I just like, I don't know. I just really wanted to see them enjoying it more than just like seeing it. Oh, the story of my life too. It's making people happy. Yeah. Other people to be happy makes you happy. Which I don't know.

It's like a balance of whether it's good or bad. you know yeah um how do you deal with uh do you still bomb um you know it's so funny okay so i tape all my sets now so i can make clips for online and um so now i can see whether when i'm thinking i'm bombing so the comedy show was hot as fucking shit the other night and i started sweating so that's a symptom of bombing when i feel a symptom of bombing my brain just goes into your bombing and i'm going to like survival it's just sort of like ugh it's like not joy and happiness and fun like all of a sudden it switches from I had a moment in my career was actually after going to a Papa Roach concert but backstage that I shifted where I realized like I was going out there

needing the audience to give me something rather than going out to like serve the audience and once I did that so I think once I start bombing I go into like fight or flight and then I'm like more needy from the audience but I wasn't my boyfriend was like filming and he was like you fucking killed and I was like I just probably just one. moment that you felt didn't work as well or it's just i like honestly it's like my brain when i started like when i started sweating it was like want like i just wasn't even like hearing things as loudly you were nervous yeah i just wasn't like isn't that terrifying no you just you just ride the wave i love doing calm i don't know like i love it when it's good or bad i just love doing it's so

fun it's like the best thing it's so cool do you want your own show like tv show yeah uh maybe any leaderman show it's letterman i know i'm a natural leader letterman sorry letterman as a leader it happens a lot letterman no i know it's not but do you do you um me i mean i'm not like closed to it yeah i did well i wrote this horror movie with my with bonnie mcfarland who's like my friend slash hero i always looked up to her like she's one of the best comedians ever i'm always like i don't want to make it sound like i look up to her like it's just it she's just my girl i just fucking love her we just both like try to be funny as much as fucking possible it's just so fun to talk to her but um we wrote a horror movie that i will be starring yes we just finished the

script what's it called dead inside wow yeah is it horror horror scary or psychological it's more like comedy horror you'll probably get annoyed by it well it would probably piss you why because you said nope i don't want it to be too funny well you'll want you would want it to be more horror like I know the different genres, but we'll see. It's like, it's got some twists that I can't really talk about, but we'll see. I mean, it's exciting. It's really exciting. It's a new chapter.

Yeah, it's exciting. So I want to do more of that. I don't like, I'm not so drawn to acting unless it feels like a part that I would have written. Yeah, I just don't, I don't have that like desire to like, like, play other people that much so do you want to just maybe i would maybe i would if it was the right part i don't know you just want to do specials and have your have your have your podcast trash tuesday your podcast yeah and then i have my and then i also have a i have a spotify show every monday that's live that's been so fun i just where can they go just annie letterman on spotify um if you go to spotify live

i also posted all the links on my podcast every monday right and your instagram handle is what is annie letterman annie letterman al ed er man but that's like it's called don't bore me so that's my fans get to it's an audio show where they get pulled up by my producer and they try to impress me and then they either get booted or get to finish their story it's pretty fun i like it i like it yeah that's every monday at 5 pm pst this is called uh shit talking with annie letterman um these are my patrons and these are folks that are loyal if they like you and they they're they're gonna like you because you're you've talked real you kept it real i keep it real bitch yeah seriously these are fake are they Well, they're padded.

I don't believe in getting, I don't think you need to get any work. Not that people get work done if you want. But for myself, I'm like, you can do with makeup and socks. You can do make miracles happen. And then you have to do it all the time. You can just go back to your regular boobs the next day. It's so fun. Makeup and socks.

I'm telling you. I was thinking about that. I think on TikTok, I'm going to start doing courses on how to just give yourself fake body parts. Good for you. For the day. These are rapid fire. Leanne says, what's off limits in comedy? And I have a feeling I know the answer to this.

Absolutely nothing. However, you got to deal with the consequences if you fucking piss off a group of people. Sure. But nothing's off limits. It's just sometimes people don't. Michelle K. I'm going to add to this question, all-time favorite comedian and also other favorite comedians.

Okay. I have Bonnie McFarland, who I just mentioned. So funny. One of the funniest people, I watched her. We were in Texas together. And I cried after her set. It was so good. Wow.

I was just like, I'm so glad you're my friend. Dave Attell. Still love Louis. You can't, I mean, the motherfucker can't stop being so fucking funny. Who else? Do you feel like you've lost any respect for him? Or you kind of like, hey, that was a chapter in your life? Well, that, it's.

How do you even deal with that? Because you guys were friends. It's just such a weird. Well, I mean, like, I've opened for a. him since all of that went down he did not try to fuck me rude louis um no it's gross i wish i didn't know any of that don't you wish you could just be not woke you're like i want to be not woke yeah it's like you're such a great guy i didn't know but i don't know i don't you know i just i guess i look at that as a mistake and for me well i think the thing everyone gets mad about is

maybe the way he sounds very arrogant the way he like wrote the apology but i he wrote things in the apology that made me like under like articulated things i felt before that i never he said something about like where he's like when i thought i was presenting them with a question i was actually presenting them with a predicament and that is how i felt a lot of times so i don't know it's just all right other comedians um i mean there's so many good old school old school that? I mean, I love Joan Rivers. She's not old school, really. She was kind of old school. She just croaked. I was watching her special. I will say this. Like, as I'm sort of like, in hypnosis, I'm sort of like creating what, like, what do I want to be, right? Like, where do I

want to go? And I am, sorry to say this, guys, I am going to Lady Gaga this shit. Sorry, bitches. I'm going big. But I do, like, I've been watching all these documentaries of like powerful women, and not just women, powerful men, people that have inspired me throughout my life. And she was so unhappy when I watched Joan Rivers documentary. It made me so sad. She was so seeking the approval of like the outside world when it was like she did have it.

It's just she was only looking at the people that weren't giving it to her. Right. And so for me, like I take from her, like the part from her that I'm taking when I'm creating the like, you know, future Annie rising risen star. I take from her that she was always funny

I mean I wasn't I was very serious on this podcast But you know she just always took a She always went for the joke And I just love that She was always being funny Kelly S how do you handle hecklers Best Heckler story?

I love hecklers You do I mean don't do it on On purpose Don't do to other people And if you do it It's like there's a boundary of it But I like love doing crowd work

So I'm like fucking bring it It's annoying if someone's interrupted to if someone's drunk somebody interrupts the middle of a joke it's like fuck i'm like in the middle of this but i have to sometimes i just have to like break the fourth wall and be like i got a dd bitch i can't handle this like this isn't going to work for all of us if you keep doing this i try my best to not get people kicked out like i wait as long as i possibly can if they're really disrupting the show they'll go but sometimes the show just becomes about them and hopefully the audience it's funny enough for the audience that they're not like feel like but you don't

get intimidated you don't get you're like let's go no you can you can't you can't you can you can I don't think you should ever be mad on stage. If you show like anger or fear or something, it's like, you're done. Because it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a control of the audience for, but I had, um, I had, um, I had a guy who, I'll tell you two heckler stories. This was the worst one. I was at the comedy store. This guy had been heckling the comedian before me and it was fucking pissing me off. I was fucking mad. I was a fucking hypervigilant like, like, I'm going to fuck this guy up. So I went on already pissed. And he was this like British guy, this older British guy who was wasted. And it was Halloween. And I just did kind of like a hacky your mom joke where I just went on, it's so weird,

like that you're here, you know, because I've been planning my costume. I was going to go as your mom for Halloween, but I really couldn't fit. I couldn't fit all the dicks in my mouth. It just wasn't big enough. And the man got so mad. It was hilarious. He got so pissed. So then he stands up. He's like, don't talk about my. And I'm cocky thinking security is around. But this was back in the day when the comedy store was not what it was, what it is now. It had a little lapse in security for a second, but I thought I was good. So I'm talking so much shit to this guy. He stands up and goes, don't ever talk about my mom. I go, oh my God, I didn't realize your mom was like that big of a horror that you thought I would actually know her. Like, I don't even,

I'm not from your country. Right? Like, I'm not doubling down. Fuck you. I'm running the show. So then he starts to charge the mound. Like he's coming at me. And I'm like, security, security. And they got him. Someone got him right before he got him. the stage, but it was like, I almost got fucking, I almost got Will Smith big time. But it would have been, even though I don't want to get hit, it would have been a very funny joke afterwards. That's another thing that's great about being a comedian. Any moment of discomfort.

Discomfort becomes something great. And then a fun one was I was in St. Louis and the club that I was at did not have food. So people were in full blackouts. I mean, they were wasted. But so I anticipated the second night. So I had the guy that was like working on my rider and stuff. He went, I had him. I go, I have an addition to my rider.

I need two loaves of bread. So he brought me bread and butter. And so this girl kept heckling and I shoved bread in her mouth. And she ate it. Yeah. I was like, all right, you're in trouble now. Open your mouth because she was wasted. Were people dying?

It was the funniest thing in the world. And then I was just like throwing those like, who's hungry? I was just throwing pieces of bread out. to everyone like frisbees it was great i have footage of it i gotta cut it up you have to cut that up and post it it was great uh so you got trash tuesday you've got this spotify thing you do every monday night and then i am coming out with my solo podcast annie wood really i used to have called me inspiration but i'm trying to rebrand so it's not as mean negative even though i've been kind of mean recently but sorry do you have do you always have something to say do you

you never worry about not having enough to say uh-uh yeah i don't i mean i have like do my voice sounds damaged right no I don't think it sounds like that sounds down it's not from cigarettes it's from talking you don't smoke anymore either do you no I don't smoke cigarettes I got hypnotized I literally can't and this is how I know it worked Jesus right after I got hypnotized

I was performing at the Life is Beautiful festival in Las Vegas we were at it was like Green Day we were at Green Day we saw ludicry it was so fun it was like modest mouths it was just such a fun fucking time I had my friends there with me

They had camel crushes My favorite cigarette At a festival Camel crushes With all my friends Couldn't smoke Like it's not in my identity To smoke anymore

Couldn't smoke cigarettes Can still smoke weed Still smoke weed But I'm gonna get rid of that one Next This has been great This is real Of course I had no fear

I did Well that's good I think you should have fear You don't know me Yeah I just didn't know I was like, yeah, I hope she likes to talk. I hope she's got some stories. I hope she's got some, but you had like, it's kind of inspirational.

Like what you're doing your shit, man. You went through a traumatic childhood and look at you now. Yeah. You're doing it. And I like, it's fun to do comedy and kind of laugh about all these things. I get a lot of my fans and my meet and greets are people coming to tell me shit that happened to them and how I'm helping them get through it. So that is like not to sound whatever, but it does make it kind of worth getting

jerked off on by my teacher as a child. Do you, that I'm helping people get through getting jerked off on by the teachers. Do you feel like you're hard on other comics or do you want to see other comics succeed or do you feel like, because you know, that whole green room mentality, people are really tough on each other. You're like, oh, she's not funny. He's not funny.

Do you think you're kind of tough to do other people? Are you, do you go up and say, hey, really funny set. That was great. Do you do that or do you stick around? I don't usually stick around because I'm, it's just, I just have done it every night of my life. So I just, I'm in and out. It's more like self-preservation getting in and out of the club.

Right. Because I will, if I stay, I fucking am there until fucking three in the morning. I mean, it's crazy how late I can stay at the comic store. But yeah, if I see someone sat and I like it, of course, I would tell them, yeah. And I would never tell. I mean, it's like I did get in a thing recently where I like, I called someone unfunny, but I didn't say their name. And then they released that it was their name. And I felt bad then.

I was like, oh, I wasn't trying to call like a specific person unfunny. I was just using in the story, it was important. to know that he wasn't funny and he found out and then he fucking went crazy but he has his own problems i mean it turned into a whole thing i didn't mean to have really and then i was like but i would never have i was like trying to explain i was like this specific person is unfunny it was just for the story to explain it i had to say this person was unfuny right it was just an important part of the story how often do you go on set every week um usually every night i've been trying to take some nights off every night and how what you're said like or like monday monday mondays

sometimes I take off and then Sundays. All new stuff every time or no? I do a lot of crowd work and try to kind of find jokes out of that. But I do try to do something new every night. I've been really working on it. I want to do a new 20 to 30 minutes by mid-September because I'm starting to go back to clubs that I went to last year. And I just want to make sure I have like a fresh set for them.

And I could do all crowd work and it could be completely new. But I just want to like do the work and, you know, they're coming to see me and I want to give them the best shows possible. Where can people see you coming up? um when does this come out um i don't know it could be a couple of four weeks or so oh okay well you can go to annie letterman dot com slash shows all my shows are up there but i'm going to a bunch of places and it's just so fun the live shows are where it's at people got to come it's so fun i love meeting everyone doing the meet and greets i do like a merch

meet and greet line and go see her go see annie letterman let's laugh and heal and feel good about ourselves and i'm going to get the hit and tis his phone oh my god you're going to love her I can't wait. You're going to fucking, it's. If it changes my life, I'm going to give you 10%. You don't have to give me anything. You live a good life. That'll be the 10%.

That's all I want to do. That's all we want to do is live the good life. Yes, and we just watch people getting stabbed for some reason. But other than that. Oh, on these posters. I have a theory, though. I think this is like a way to disassociate. How so?

Watching horror. Yeah. Because it's not, it's so like the gory or the better, right? No, I don't really like too gory to be honest with you. What do you feel about like, what did you think about like the hills have eyes? I didn't like it. Why? I just thought it was boring and it was just kind of like redundant and just I just remember never liking that.

I feel like in horror, if the acting's too good, I can't hang. I don't know. Hereditary was pretty badass. I didn't see hereditary. You got to see that. I would love to see it with the weird little girl. Yeah, really scary. But I like fun movies like the Evil Dead.

I like Lost Boys. It's kind of a vampire old 80s movie. Yeah. Return of Living Dead is a silly zombie movie. I don't like the kind of like saws. I mean, they're, they're sort of entertaining, but I stop watching after.

It's just too much for me. It's too much for me. Hostile? Yeah, hostile I kind of enjoyed the first one. Yeah, it was kind of crazy. It was fun.

I like the whole concept of it was so cool. Yeah. But, um, yeah, no, I, Hills of Eyes like, I can't see hardcore rape scenes. I'm like,

triggered. Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to see that. Yeah, but I mean, I understand what they're doing. They're making you feel something very intensely.

I'm just like, I'm good. I don't want to feel that again. I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Let's eat some brains. Thanks for being on the podcast. It was so fun.

It was so fun. It was awesome. I felt like I met a new friend now. Yes. Follow me on Instagram. I'm just starting my TikTok too. Yeah. But Instagram I put all my infos.

Guys, at Annie Letterman. L-E-R man. Yes. I put the man and Letterman. That's what he said. I'm asking. Dude. Dude.

I'm a dude. I'm a dude. I'm a dude. Guys, you know, when I like someone. So there you go. She starts beating me when I leave. Ever wonder how dark the world can really get? Well, we dive into the twisted, the terrifying, and the true stories behind some of the world's most chilling crimes.

Hi, I'm Ben. And I'm Nicole. Together we host Wicked and Grim, a true crime podcast that unpacks real-life horrors one case at a time. With deep research, dark storytelling, and the occasional drink to take the edge off, we're here to explore the Wicked and Reveal the Grim. We are Wicked and Grim. follow and listen on your favorite podcast platform you know um funny enough annie got me into the hypnotherapy she's the one who introduced me to the person oh right i met her on this podcast she

started talking about it and then i i got the number and i or the email because no one calls each other anymore and i emailed this woman mary lou and she's been great and uh we're working on my way of thinking the way i think uh thanks for opening up so much you know a lot of comedians you know we are dysfunctional and we've had a lot of things happen in our lives and talking about them and making light of situations however dark they may be not only helps us but it helps other people and when you can make not make fun but laugh about things that are tragic or you know and just uh i don't know there's there's something about it that that helps and uh she's very good at that so annie great great shit um she talked about her podcast and all that stuff so make sure you listen to her and um it's about all i have to say right that's it i don't have much to say today um you know it's it's it's it's a year it's it's either the 50th you know my 50th year it's definitely midlife crisis shit probably that i don't even know about and uh but uh the support from friends and family

mostly friends and my lovable listeners and patrons and all that. It's been very helpful. So thank you guys. And I'd like to say that our Sunspin, Sunspin concert, we have a concert, October 1st, Saturday, 2 p.m. and 6 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. We're doing two shows. We haven't played in a while. Get your tickets at sunspin.com or go to stage it.com and type in Sunspin and get tickets and show up and support. Please, I love you. I really, with the band, the album's coming out soon and we need you. So get tickets. All right, it's time to say all those lovable patron names, top tier patrons who give back to the podcast and more ways than one. Here we go. Nancy D, Leah S, Sarah V. Little Lisa, Y, Y, Kiko P, Robert B, Jason W, Sophie M, Kristen K, Raj C, Joshua D, C, J.P, Jennifer N, Stacey,

L. Jamal F. Janel B. Kimberly E. Mike E. Eldon Supremo, 99 more. Ramira, Santiago M. Chad W. Leon P. Maya P. Madi S. Belinda N. Chris H. Dave, Dave, H. Sheila G. Tom N. Lillian A. T. Talia M. Betsy D. Chad B. Marion. Marion. Dan N. Big Stevie W. Angel M. Rianine. C. Correct. Corey K. Deb Nexon. Michelle. A. Jeremy C. Andy T. Gavinator. David C. John B. Brandy D. Camille S. The C. No. The Chief. There's also the C, but the C. Well, he expanded it. Oh, he did. So it was the C. Yeah. All right. There you go. Joey M. Design OTG. Eugene and Leah. Nikki G. Corey, Katie B. Patricia. Patricia. Heather L. Jake B. Megan T. Mel S. Orlando C. Caroline R. Christine A. S. Sarah S. Eric H. H. H. H. Emma R. Jeremy V. Andrew M. Sadoichi, 77. Oracle, Chris R. Michael F. Karina N. Michelle D. Amanda R. Amanda S. Gen B. Kevin E. Katie Red. Stephanie K. Lina 82. Enjuro. Couldn't do it with that you guys. I really appreciate you. Thanks for listening to the show. I am Michael Rosenbaum from the Hollywood Hills in California. And I'm Ryan Tears from the Hollywood Hills California. I got the voice right now. Guys, be good to yourself, and we'll see you next week. Thanks for, thanks for watching or listening. Whatever you're doing. I appreciate it.

Right. Right. Review. Don't forget. See you. Hi. I'm Joe Sal C. Hi. Host of the stacking Benjamin's podcast. Today, we're going to talk about what if you came across $50,000. What would you do? Put it into a tax advantage retirement account. The mortgage. That's what we do. Make a down payment on a home. Something nice. Buying a vehicle. A separate bucket. for this edition that we're adding. $50,000, I'll buy a new podcast. You'll buy new friends. And we're done.

Thanks for playing, everybody. We're out of here. Stacky Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform.