Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Crashing’s PETE HOLMES: Greenlight Yourself

Episode Date: October 4, 2022

Pete Holmes (Crashing, You Made It Weird) joins us this week to share his triumphant story of going from existential desperation after a canceled late night show to traveling across the country to pitch Judd Apatow on what would go on to become HBO’s Crashing. After we clear the air with fart jokes and punderful bits, Pete opens up on the idea of embracing and acknowledging feelings that many people have a negative connotation of. We also talk about Star Wars cease and desists, spiritual training, and the joy and comfort in absurdity. Thank you to our Sponsors: 🥬 Athletic Greens: athleticgreens.com/ioy ❤️ Betterhelp: betterhelp.com/insde 🥣 Magic Spoon: magicspoon.com/iou ♨️ Conair: amzn.to/3BWJOaO ⛑️ First Alert: firstalert.com/firepreventionmonth Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. How are you, Ryan? I'm good. Nice stash, bro. Thanks, man. Killer stash. I was Mario in a sketch yesterday, so I decided to keep it. Really?

Yeah. I had a girlfriend. What'd she think? She hates it because I look like a cop. You look like Keith Hernandez. I get in the 80s from the Mets. I turn in the cop, dad. Exactly.

Just dad cop. Guys, thanks for tuning in. If you're here for Pete Holmes, And you like the podcast. All I ask is if maybe you could subscribe and write a review and listen to the podcast. Our handles are Ryan. At Inside of You pod on Twitter. At Inside of You podcast on Instagram and Facebook.

That's exactly right. And if you want to join Patreon to support the podcast, give back really helps the podcast. It keeps us going. Our lovely patrons do that. Go to patreon.com slash inside of you. And I will send you a message. Thanks for the support. Also, don't forget the Inside of You online store.

We've got tons of merch, smallville stuff, autographs, check it. out there's so many cool things on that go to the inside of you online store and that's pretty much it man pete holmes today man he's uh what so much energy a lot a lot of energy and just you could just he reminds me of like a john ritter like a little bit of a john ridder at times just a great guy he sent me a ton of bagels this whole platter of bagels and cream cheese and locks and stuff just for helping him out with some guests what a lovely lovely man you know know him from crashing. He's done stand-up specials. Very funny guy and a beautiful guy inside out. So without further ado, let's get inside of Pete Holmes. It's my point of

you. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of You, Inside of You was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. Um, I don't have kids. Oh, you have kid energy. Do I have a kid energy? I just assumed you had kids. Well, I guess because you're seeing all the memorabilia over my house. No. No, that reads single.

That reads. Are you married? No. Okay. No. I'm lonely. I am. You look at me like you're sad for me.

No, that's me suppressing a huge laugh because I love, I love honesty. Yeah, I'm lonely. I have anxiety. You're lonely, man? I am lonely. And how many 3PO heads before you start to calm down? C3Pio hats. I said three p.o.

What do we see? That's like Ustead. We're using two. ThreePO. I'm C3Pete Holmes. You ever heard that? C3Pete Holmes. C3Pet Holmes.

There's your episode name. Wow. We did a C3Pete Holmes. I want to get back to your loneliness. But your C3 Pete Holmes t-shirt, and we found out just how quickly the Lucasfilm people will send you a horse head.

They don't send a cease and desist. They go full godfile. Godfather. It's actually a taunton head. Really? With a tonton head in my bed with a cease and desist stapled to its forehead? I don't know. But they did send you a letter.

I mean immediately two t-shirts we did. We don't really do many t-shirts anymore, but we used to do a lot of t-shirts when I've been doing my podcast for 10 years. Podcast, you made it weird with eight homes. Thank you, Michael. You guys should listen to it. It's really fun. It's very casual, on the couch, very open and honest.

We're on the same couch. Yeah. And we both are the same couch. watching your podcast right it has a sleepover vibe some guests we touch feet is that true it really who have you touched feet with their choice i couldn't tell you i think me and myer rudolph might have snuggled up feet really don't tell pta she seemed very comfortable in the interview don't tell ptia there's your clickbait peat hums hitting on mya rudolph i was enamored with my uh what was i about to tell you though so probably back to my loneliness no three oh three p o three p a two two intellectual

properties that you don't want to fuck with. Are you ready to guess? Star Wars. Star Wars is one. You'll never guess the second one. Let's not even waste time. Okay. Prince. Really? Because Michael Shea did my podcast and he told a story. Sorry, what was your name again? Ryan. That's Ryan. I just, I like honesty. You do. He didn't, it's in bounds. Five minutes after a meeting, you're allowed to say, what was it again? You get five. And Ryan likes you, by the way. You get five. Dead, debt, dead, dead, death, death. Sex, you're an asshole, five, dead!

It's not even good. It's like more of an essence impressions. I like it, I like it. Do you always have this? Go ahead, finish your thought. Yeah. Thank you. I'm mad at you. No, but he told a story about being at an S&L party,

and Jack Nicholson was there, and I forget who the other person was there, but like big stars. Right. And then Prince walked in, and he was like, and no one. gave a fuck about the other stores. Right. And we were like, wow, they got pranced. We kept laughing that they got pranced. So we made a T-shirt that said, you got pranced.

Jenny Fine, the artist that I often work with, who's fantastic, follower on the gram. She drew this amazing drawing of prints, and it said, you got prints, and it had, like, Jack Nicholson looking sad. I think we sold two before, like, a handwritten scroll from Prince's estate. I mean, who pays attention to that stuff? Who finds it? Somebody. somebody is out there going like c3 pete homes they're just looking for season threes yeah they're getting a lot of

c4 c3 right a lot of a lot of emails with someone's job it's someone's job out there i've flown out of a lot of gate c3s are they just shutting down southwest cease and desist is this how your your mind always works like this doesn't it no i'm going to be honest with you michael and shit oh no and ryan Ryan are you lonely too is that what you're going to tell me you're not lonely at all you've got a wife you've got a kid you live in a little house in the prairie just a fart noise um nothing wrong with that nothing wrong with it it was it was the way i laughed uh i'm excited to do this pot i've been looking forward to it i'm excited about it uh you've got so much going on like i i get tired you i mean act or writer comedian producer podcaster all three of a book comedy sex god you've done tons of shows you do stand up all the time you're you're you stand up all the time you you're you're you're you're your Instagram's full with funny shit. Oh, thank you. And it's just like, I just asked myself, I tell myself, I couldn't do this.

This is too exhausting for me. And on top of it, you're married. You have a kid. How do you do these things? What if I was like, oh, right. I run out. I've got to stop this now. I've got to quit all of it.

She's just on a swing somewhere. But how do you not get overwhelmed? How do you not get overwhelmed? You know, that's such a general, I feel very welcome. I always forget to do that on my own podcast. It's just make the guests feel appreciated and welcome. Well, I appreciate you. Good on you.

But I really, I'm not just saying this, when you put it all together, it sounds like a lot. And there's a lot of wonderful people. My boy, my boy, Jake does my Instagram, instant pictogram. He helps you with your Instagram. He doesn't help me. He does it. So you don't have to handle Instagram for the most part. You think I'm out there logging on to Instagram?

You don't, you don't think someone this has. is scrolling through Instagram. You don't make comments? You don't make comments? Leave comments, things like that. If anyone's getting comment backs, that's Jake fucking with you. And I hope he's not

because that's not in the job description. He's like, I think we should be together. Jake, that's not your job. You have luscious lips. Jake. I have a reputation.

I'd leave my family in a heartbeat. Why is it, Sandler? I'd leave my family in a heartbeat for you. that was pretty good the last part at the end at the end yeah i saw you do impress well i do a little bit but but jay had to retire that spacey one oh yeah no we're not doing that anymore no god damn it no listen to me that's sweet and low that's very i haven't done it ages but look you so you have someone help you with your instagram what else do you have someone help you with i'm glad you ask because it really is you have an assistant i do have an assistant i've had the same assistant for

almost 15 years or something like an incredible amount of time what had her name is page executive assistant because she's she helps with so much more than just you know she doesn't get my dry clean i don't do dry cleaning i don't either very much right right you do dry cleaning i don't do dry cleaning oh yeah i did it yesterday you did dry cleaning i do my own dry cleaning oh you do your own well you do your own but i just don't do dry cleaning if if some if it's dry clean only i go leave that to a baldwin um not me but i do have this from con air it's a sponsor from the movie No, no, but it's a little portable steamer thing for my, my, my, their sponsor? Yeah.

Wow, I haven't even begun to hit you up for sponsors. You've, you've been helping me with guests, which was so, I want it on the record, Ryan. Michael, you know what it's like doing a podcast. And I'm sorry to boy people. No, don't. But I've been doing it for 10 years. And if there's anything that is a drag about it, and it's, it's only a drag if you let it atrophy and you just coast and you're just dropping, you had some banked and they're just

dropping and you're just fucking taking naps and shit. Yeah. And then you wake up one day and you go, there's no episode next week. And it's just like being in high school again. It's kind of scary. The final is tomorrow. And you're just like, it sucks. It's anxiety. I get this anxiety. Yeah. It's also,

it's worse. It becomes this sort of sweaty, desperate. I become the guy that I don't want to be. I'm at a party and I'm like, you want to do my podcast? And I'm just like, that's how I feel. I feel like I'm emailing people. And I'm like, hey, would you're friend do it and then would your friend's friends there anything worse than emailing kumel your good

friend kumel and saying even as i say this kumel you're right i emailed kumil who i've known for 20 years and he's done your podcast many times many times he's already that's actually my point kumel's done enough and i just go hey would you put me in touch with dave batista superstar i love dave no i know he's been on the podcast fuck you fuck me what everybody's doing and everybody's fucking day, day, day. I'm giving you clips up the shit,

dude. You are, bro. Send the shit to Jake. Oh, man. Post him on my gram. Send the shit to Jake. Send the shit to Jake. This is ready to post.

This is a real. Ryan! All right. All right. Hang on. What do you do with this energy? How are you? How old are you?

Yeah. 43. 43 and you have such a great energy. Do you drink? I know you're looking at Friday of the 13th. That's a Jason mask. But do you, are you just,

Do you have ADD like me? It's a big topic of conversation is whether or not I have it. I'd wager, I guess. Okay. It's a C, and that's not if, that's yes. Same word. Yes, I think I probably have it. But I don't know how you feel about it.

I like it. I think I used to like it. I think it kind of took over where I get anxious about everything. Anxious about everything. Every little thing of somebody says, hey tomorrow we're doing this it's anxiety hey there's a bachelor party anxiety I hate planning there's there's planning and there's like you know it's like what am I going to have time how could I do this I'm I'm going to have yeah you're actually making me realize I don't like it but I'm very

I mean that real like I'm very I'm doing what I'm doing for the most part but that's bad because if you're worrying then I'm really doing what I'm doing and we're back to what we were just talking about which is like if I don't have a guest that just becomes my reality. I'm not a multitask person. I like to do two things every day. Me too. If there's three things. You can't do it. Fuck you. I can't. I'll cancel it. Yeah. It could be dinner with Bono. Yeah. Oh, is he done the. Fuck you. No, Bono is no. Bono's not done the book. No Bono. I wish. Hard to get Bono. Hard to get Bono. I'm actually chasing Bono. But you get some good guests. I do. Yeah. And a lot of that is just being out, being out and seeing you, for example. You'd be a great guest. I would be a lovely guest. Let's pod swap. Let's pod swap. It's like docking, but not with our dick. I don't have a four skin anyway. I have a five skin. There's a lot of it. It's like a sleeve. It's like a, it's not a turtleneck. It's just like a tube. Have you always been this way since you're a kid? I really want to stress this. I'm in a very good mood because as I said,

as he came in, I was like, I love it. I'm already ingratiated to you. You seem so kind. Oh, this is why I wanted to get on the record. I email you. I'm in a panic. I emailed Rich Roll too. Rich Roll was very sweet.

You know, Rich. Another great shoutout. Kumail did not give me Dave Batista's email. That's where we were. Which, by the way, fair play to you, as they said, that is not, this is not shots fired. Right. But I don't like being the guy.

As I hit send on the email, I was like, what am I doing? You know what I mean? Just don't have Dave Batista on right now. Yeah. Don't hit up Kumal. Don't bother him. How many times did you ask him about Dave Batista? Once.

You should go twice. Email him again? I would just say, hey, I'm not going to end it right here. I'm not going to email you again. You know, my line for that is, Dave Batista. After this, I'm going to moonwalk into a lake. That's what I say. There you go.

It's a funny way of saying like. I'm dying. I'm jumping into a lake. I'm dying. I'm jumping into a lake. I'm moonwalking on Batista. But, but anyway, the point is maybe hashtag Batista. just at the end of it. Keep it light. You keep it light. I think we're similar people. Yeah.

But you and Rich Roll and a couple other people. And Judd is like this. Judd is very Judd Abt, who I was on the phone with today. And he said, I said, I said, I'm on my way to do your podcast. And he said, please tell him a love. He's a sweetheart. You really want to tell him. Tell him, I said, if you could quit the, promote the bubble, that would be great. That was a terrible, but it was fine. It was fine. It was fine. Inside of you is brought to you by Rocket Money. I'm going to speak to you about something that's going to help you save money, period. It's Rocket Money.

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Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show. Yes, I liked and I love Jen. He was a great guest and he's very good. He's literally one of my best friends. I'm saying that fully aware of how weird that is. You created a show crashing. He directed it. He believed in you. He created and you guys became friends. Yeah, you direct the pilot. You're the co-creator. co-creator yeah perhaps and it was and i say this to compliment him it was his show a lot of things my life did not win like i couldn't trump and go like but that's not what happened jud would be like like there's a great example of judd's genius really i'm done kissing his ass you'd know if i was kissing his ass i mean it you know what i mean right there's a way where you're like his genius please call me back

you know it's not that right it's just a good example i feel like i didn't need to step that out. You were a little bored. No, I'm not bored at all. You were like, get to it. Subtitles on. No, I'm listening intently. There was a scene where I worked at this place called the Boston Comedy Club.

I really did. And we rebuilt it for the, for HBO crashing. Why I say HBO? And it was an exact replica of this club that used to exist in New York. It was crazy. Sarah Silverman walked on and she started crying. We were doing that all the time. We rebuilt Rafi, Eugene Murman and Bob.

Bobby Tisdale walked on, Bobby started crying. Like, it was just like, imagine if the place you grew up doing comedy was rebuilt. Was torn down and then we rebuilt it. And then we shot scenes pretending it was still, like, it was very emotional. But we did the scene where I was, I grew up religious. So, like, when I started doing comedy, I was very clean. And I liked that. All my heroes were Seinfeld, Ray Romano, Ellen.

Gallagher. I actually liked Gallagher. I did too. Okay. Gallagher's mad as hell. Gallagher was mad. I'm sorry, that was from a special. Buddy, if I knew it,

would be doing a two-part round right now. Three, that's up to Rye. Yeah. But I had scripted it a little bit in my favor, meaning the episode was my parents are in town, and they unannounced decide to show up at the Boston comedy clip to watch me. This never happened.

But had it happened, I would have been the only clean one. The Boston was, it was a den of thieves. it was pirates it was like it was crazy right and i was like jack mcbrayer just like the sweet i know i love the sweet man i bet he's down your pocket no he can't he well he i don't think he'll do a podcast i think he dodges them too he dodges them one time we were at the improv and i was like he was like what's your what's your podcast about and it was like well you know it's kind of like you share everything about your life and he was like no thank you come out and then he fixed my

felix right what does that mean I just wanted to reference fix it, Felix. It sounded sexual. I didn't mean it to. Anyway, so my parents come. Everyone's doing like, the whole point was people are doing like jizz jokes and stuff. Real dirty. Real dirty.

And you're the only clean guy. And then I go up and I wanted it to end on this happy note that my mom is like, oh, piti, sweetie, sweetie. That was tremendous. Everyone else was filth, but you're my golden child. Why she misses doubt by her. but um my mom sort of talks like that she's lithuanian she's lithuanian but she talks a little bit like that and not like boston too but anyway and then jud was like he really taught me something

and this is really you ever give something somebody something your therapist told you and you're like this cost me 10,000 dollars i'm telling you what to do this is like 10,000 dollars worth of show business advice right because he was like and he's so right uh entertainment's all about surprise everyone thinks your parents are going to like you and not like the dirty people he was like your mom should be like at least they had something to say like you were up there talking about road signs and it's this satisfying moment right and it's such a simple principle but that's one of the that's really ten thousand dollars worth of apatel right there is if you're writing a script and the great shows that i watch uh i'm watching orville right now i really think orville is great just a little

i haven't seen it it's very good uh they do that all the the time. Zigging when you might want to zag like, oh, of course he's going to take her back or whatever. And he doesn't. Right. And that's why we watch Breaking Bad. It's like, and then he doesn't. And then he kills the person or whatever it is. You want to be surprised.

Want to be surprised. So anyway, sorry, that was a big time. No. Were you, uh, did, did you go to Judd Apatot with crashing? Did you bring it to him? You're an Apatot, man. Apatot. How did you, did you, how did that happen? Apatow. Apatow. Yeah. Did you bring the script to him?

got it to him? Or did he like your comedy? Did he know you? I'm going to tell you. I can do, I can do the story quickly. Okay. But I think it's a fantastic story. And I love thinking about it because it, it makes my heart open with gratitude. Awesome. Any of this happened. But what happened was I was doing a talk show called The Pete Home Show, which was my first really big break. Right. I had other breaks. But J.P. Buck, who I'm still indebted to and very grateful for, he was the comedy booker on Conan. He kept whispering in Conan's ear. Like, I think this Pete Holmes guy would be good to host this, a late-night show.

Right. Because he wanted a protege. Or he just wanted to give a kid a shot. I can't know another man's mind. And you were kind of friendly with Conan at this point. You've done a show once. And they were already whispering your praises? Well, that's, they wanted someone unknown.

They didn't want, it wasn't, I'm saying Wayne Brady because Wayne Brady had a talk show. I'm not teasing Wayne Brady. Right, right. didn't want the Wayne Brady show. They wanted like, who the fuck is this guy? Which, believe it or not, that's what it was when Conan was on. Literally, like all caps, who the fuck is this guy? That's when he first did the Conan O'Brien show back in the 90s, I was a regular recurring sketch comedy guy. Oh, wow. And I did the Amsterdam kids, two kids who were misinformed about Amsterdam's liberal social policies. And I did like seven episodes. I have them on tape

still. And he got paid a couple hundred bucks and go on and nobody was watching Conan. Nobody knew Conan. Yeah, they were waiting for it to go away. Yeah. And by today's standards, it would have. Yes. Ever wonder how dark the world can really get? Well, we dive into the twisted, the terrifying, and the true stories behind some of the world's most chilling crimes. Hi, I'm Ben. And I'm Nicole. Together we host Wicked and Grim, a true crime podcast that unpacks real-life horrors, one case at a time. With deep research, dark storytelling, and the occasional drink to take the edge off. here to explore the wicked and reveal the grim we are wicked and grim follow and listen on your

favorite podcast platform there's actually conan was being renewed week by week at a certain point by which i think is really brutal oh this is a good story so they're whispering in your ear though i don't want to forget that there's an element to the story yeah there was j p buck right deserves so much of this credit so does jeff ross conan's producer not the rose comedian anyway I do, I'm writing on a multi-cam on the Warner Brothers lot and I walk over to do stand-up on Conan Show. I don't know anything about them looking for a late-night host. I would have been terrified.

I'm glad I didn't know. Right. But I went out and I did my second Conan set. And this is about 50 pounds lighter than my first Conan set. First Conan set is fun to look up. My Google set, I'm 280. Like, it's a lot. It's like 270 maybe.

It's a lot. I'm like 235 right now. Oh, really? Yeah, imagine, imagine 280. Wow, big guy. Big boy, big old boy, fun boy. Fun boy, but big, big boy. Wanted fried dough.

Anything where the name of the dish is the recipe, I was eating it. So anyway, the reason I mentioned that is I had a good breakup. I needed to break up with somebody. I stopped drinking as much. I did a juice fast for 30 days, like a real L.A. Wow. And then got, like, my skin was glowing, did Conan. Then that's a whole other story.

But Judd did a sketch for the Pete Holm Show, as it was called. We just, Nick Bernstein, our producer, I think just was like, it would be funny if maybe we could get Jed Appetow. Maybe you pitch him a movie, like a fake movie or something. That's the gag. Right. By the way, now having known Judd for so long, that's everyone's gag. Like, every day people are calling.

Pitching. Hey, ski and peel. What if we pitch your fake movie? You know, that's a bad example, but you know what I mean? Like any comedy show, that's the gag you do with Judd. So we do it, and he keeps, we're improvising, he keeps going like, well, what's your real idea? What's your real idea? In the sketch.

And in the sketch, I pitch him crashing. You can see it. It's on YouTube. I pitch him crashing. He's like, what's your real story? What did you say? What was the pitch? And I said, because I'm still trying to be funny.

Right. Like, because it's a sketch. I go like, what about a story about a guy who grew up religious, who got married when he was 22, his wife left him when he was 28, and then he was really sad for a while, but he kind of like, this is what I would say now. It's definitely not what I said at the time. But he sort of fell into the arms of comedy. Like comedy sort of rescued him. And I think what I said in the sketch was like, but then he gets happy and has sex with a bunch of women or something, which isn't even true. But you get what I'm saying. And he was like, and in the sketch he goes, I think that's just too sad it's too sad so he's he's riffing too so a few months later uh the pete home show has canceled the funny thing about that is we were on the air for three four more months or something because we filmed so many back episodes of right we used to shoot nine episodes in a week it was insane not always but our heaviest weeks were nine in a week and only four would air you know monday through thursday every night so we had a lot of episodes so i knew it was canceled but hollywood and

the world did not know it was canceled. Do you deal with rejection well, by the way, a little better? Yeah, it's interesting because I just had a show canceled recently. The CBS show. My CBS show was canceled. Our CBS show was canceled. And that was actually harder than it was back then because now you're sort of like, you have your family and all these things.

But back then when a show was canceled, I felt like a pirate, a second pirate reference. And I'd put a knife between my teeth and I'd grab a rope on a burning boat and I'd swing to another boat. Like there was this great adventure to it. Yeah, I get juiced by a no. In fact, a no is a, I think the geniuses of the world know this. And this is why I think people like Jed, for example, I don't know if he does it for real, but like Elon Musk or whatever,

these high functioning people. Right. I think they know that and they try to manufacture situations where they fail intentionally. This is a theory because there's no fuel like a no that's sort of like, oh you think you're going to stop me motherfucker you know like there's no substitute for that you can go like it'll be fun to sell a show

that's okay that's like 30% Tesla charge but if you want to get like a full road trip you got to get like for me I got to get like oh they think I stink or they

they're not they think they can stop me that gives you fuel it can give you like a really a less sexy or sensationalized way to say it, it gives you this desperation that you really sort of need. Really? For sure. And that happened. So

I don't think that happens with everybody. I think people can really fold and really get upset and really go through a dark time when things happen like that. And I agree. I'm a little bit more. You're lucky. I'm a little bit more that way when How We Roll got canceled. I had because I'm also more embodied. I'm a little bit

more thoughtful, a little bit more honest with my feelings. So I'll spend the time to like mourn something. Whereas back then I'd be like, just keep moving like dad. You know what I mean? Be like dad. Feel nothing! You know, and just keep running towards the next job.

Yeah. But luckily I did. That was the right thing to do for me at that time. So here's the story. Pied home show gets canceled. Me and my producer and partner, who's wonderful, Orrin Berman, we still work together. We're like, what should we do? We have a little bit of a name now.

Let's go to Comedy Central. and we'll pitch them a sketch show because so much of what made the Pied Home Show popular was the sketches. So we're like, we'll be the pop culture sketch show. Key and Peele was on at the time,

but there was nobody doing just, like we'd do in Indiana Jones or Friday the 13th. We love that stuff, Star Wars. We love that stuff. So we'll be the pop culture sketch show. Kent Alterman, who was the... Love Kent.

He's great. Was the head of Commer Central at the time. We're in a meeting just like this, just like the three of us, except Orrin's here. and in the small talk, that sort of Swedish 10 minutes where you just kind of shoot the shit

because nobody just wants to start like, here's the idea. Imagine Luke Skywalker, but he works out of supercuts. Nobody wants to start like that. You start with, how are you? Right. In that 10 minutes,

we're about to pitch a sketch show. Kent Alderman says, just offhandedly as a joke, he goes, well, one thing's for sure, we don't want another fucking sketch show. And everyone laughs. And I'm like, That's what I'm going to pitch you.

Not anymore. If there was a shredder, if there was a barrel fire in the room, I would have tossed the deck. Really? So you just aborted? We, mid-meeting, just said, we just wanted to check in

and see what you guys are up to and, like, just didn't pitch it. He probably was like, I thought it was a pitch meeting. We didn't pitch it. We left. Here's the best part, though. So this is kind of a no.

And pirate, knife right rope rope burning PD goes in the car third person just talk a third kick me in the dick right now right just like a like a real uh right in the ding but i'm i'm real desperate and I'm real it not even for like you know like it wasn't like how am I going to eat it was more like what the fuck am I going to do like like an existential like what is my life going to be And I said, it's one of those great little moments where you go, okay, if you could do anything, anything, what could you do? And I don't want to be too woo-woo, but I think I'm not even a believer necessarily in like

the hard secret or manifesting or anything, but I am a big, big, big capital case, uppercase believer in if you can't see it, no one else is going to see it first. You have to see it. If you want to be Harrison Ford, you have to go like, I want to. to be Harrison Board. I'm not saying that's going to make it happen. But if you can't see yourself on... Manifest. Sort of. Green light it. You green light it first because if you don't, I think you're going to unconsciously be sabotaging yourself or limiting yourself. Right. You have to 100% believe in what you're saying. At least take a second to ask yourself if you can't see yourself

on the Raiders poster, why? And maybe clean that up. Maybe mommy... loved you too much. Maybe she loved you not enough. But something went funky. Fix that. Yeah. So in the car, I had enough self-love to go, like, let's be real. What would you do if you could do anything? And I think that's a really important question. It's that high school guidance counselor question. And I said, I'm obsessed with Jet Appetow. My whole life, like, for real, I know everybody loves Jed, but like, four-year-old virgin meant a lot to me. Knocked up, meant even more to me. I started getting divorced when this is 40 was out. If you recall

Paul Rudd's character in that movie is named Peter. And Leslie Mann tearfully is like wondering if she's going to stay with Peter. And I'm like, I'm sitting next to my wife who is cheating on me. And I'm like, your wife's cheating you on at this point. Yeah, yeah. We're seeing a fucking

jet movie. It's helping me through something that I don't even know is about to happen. Wow. And I love girls. And the TV show girls, the TV show girls. I was like, wait, what? I love girls. Non sequitur. I enjoy girls. Okay. All right. No, I love the TV show girls. I do love women. I, I tend to get along with women. Good for you. Better than men. I didn't just mean sexually. I just mean, as people. Yeah. You're in the car. Oh, yeah. So I go, thank you. I go, I would do an HBO show like girls 30 minute

drama, comedy. This is on a Wednesday. I had Judd's assistant or somebody's email from when he did the Pied Home show six months earlier. And I email Josh Church. And I email Josh Church and I go,

hey Josh, I have an idea for Judd. Does he have 15 minutes for me? And they're like, yeah, but we're in New York shooting train wreck. I wish I had more stories like this because this is such a fun story. I like this. I'm, like, down in the dumps and, but I'm doing all of this almost in a fit of mania like

I am today. I'm manic today, but not manic bipolar. I just mean, I'm very flared up. Yeah, yeah. So I'm emailing Josh, and he's like, he can see you Friday morning. We're on like 26th and 10th or something. They're in New York. Wow, the fact that he made time for you so soon.

Yes, but they didn't, I don't think he knew that I was in L.A. And I was just like, I'll see you there. You got on a plane. I flew out the neck. next day. I didn't even have the pitch. Oh, I left out the key part before I emailed. I thought, okay, what's interesting about me? I'm raised religious and I'm divorced. That's fine. You tell me you have a show you want to do about that. I'm like, okay, you're 70% of the way there. And then I went, and when my wife leaves me, I have nowhere to stay, but I stay with a different comedian every

episode. And I go, now we have what's called an engine. There's a repeatable pattern. Whether or not you do that, that's how you sell a pilot because you plant in the executive's mine. oh i can see how this is something with legs right right so once i had that epiphany of like fuck and we caught crashing right literally like writing it on the airline napkin real cliche wow flew to the set of train not even knowing what you're going to talk about and coming up with it on the way on the flight yeah writing it out i wish i had that napkin i get to the set of train wreck they're shooting in the magazine office Vanessa bayer is there um the kid who plays the flash is there and Amy is there, of course, and I know Amy a little bit, so I'm talking with Amy.

And then at some point they call cut and they take a break and I get 10, I think it was 10, 12 minutes to pitch crashing. And I wasn't, I'm better at pitching now, but I wasn't really good at it, but luckily Judd liked it. He was getting into stand-up at the time, like getting back into doing it. So pitching a stand-up origin story to a guy who was going through his second stand-up origin story. And also, frankly, knowing what I know now, Judd wanted to be with comedians. He wanted to be doing sets. He wanted to do a comedy tour, to promote it, all this stuff.

So it was right up. Were you nervous when you were pitching him? Yeah, I didn't. Let's say the meeting. I think I met him at like seven. I was probably a bit five. Did he say, let's get on with it right away. Like no small talk.

Was there any small talk? Hey, good to see. The whole thing was small talk. There never was like a. Okay. So imagine a little show, Cold Crash. It wasn't like that.

But at this point, your wife hadn't divorced you yet. you weren't cheated on yet. Oh, no, no, no. This is years after that. Oh, years after that. So the whole cheating thing, this is many years after that. I got divorced when I was 28. And at this point, I am 34. Were you absolutely depressed and just crushed when that happened? I love that you're steering it back to a more relatable area for you. Yeah. Were you lonely? Were you lonely? Let's go back to loneliness. How many? I need somebody to relate to me. I would love to relate to you. That's the story. But I can't. Can I say one more?

thing to that. No, please. I love this. Go. The best part is, to me, is Judd didn't say yes. You know what he said? He said, write 15 pages. A purge. It felt like a challenge. I'm an enneagram. Well, my wing is four. I don't know if you know what that is. I kind of. We love our own pain. Okay. Three is the achiever. That's my main number, but I have a four wing, which means I love radio head. You know what I mean? Like I love sad stuff. The National is my favorite. I love the national. I could get Matt Burninger is a great. When he really do the podcast?

When I was like asking you, I was like, who's easy? Who's like a friend? He's easy. Matt is my friend. And Mark Duplas is easy. And Mark two plus, but he won't be back in town until I have a note to myself. Yes, I believe me. I love Mark.

Did you see creep? The creep movies? Oh my God. They're so good. Cree. That's probably why I didn't watch it. I fucking love it. Okay, so go back.

So you're right? He goes, it's a. challenge he goes write 15 pages of or maybe he was 10 but he was like just write everything you remember about being divorced and I was writing about losing my erection while I was masturbating like you ever been so sad that you came to jerk off of course but that's asleep jerking off yeah that's a little different yeah that's a different kind of giving up this was like I don't even want me you know like you can't even but you I really sidebar you really realize when I got divorced there was even a part of me because I like jerking off so much, I was like, oh, I can just jerk off all the time.

Like, I had never really been single. Right. And it turns out sex and jerking off are completely different things. You know, like you need a body, like you want a body. You want, as Jackie Novak, Jacqueline Novak says, you want the hug of it, you know. Jerking off is just release. Yeah, but I was like, I'll just do this. And I was like, after a while, I was like, you're pushing. It's like the engine on the enterprise. You're really pushing the limits of how much he can self-soothe this way. But I put all the most embarrassing stuff in there that I could muster. My mom kisses me on the lips, all that sort of stuff. And I think I, so I met him.

And I sent it to him like the next day. And then I also, he was telling me stand-up premises. And I also sent him in the car to the airport the next morning. I just rode out tags and like, just like kind of manically being like, hey, you know that bit you pitched me here's like, and he wrote back. I'll never forget. He wrote back, this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. I was like, okay, I think we're becoming friends.

And then when he read the pilot, I wrote a pilot after the document. And I rewrote that pilot, I think, six or seven times with different people. So not just a rewrite, but like what if it was Hannibal? What if it was Amy Schumer? What if it was, you know, none of them were Artie. It ended up being Arty-Ling. But I wrote it and I was so young and hungry and didn't have a baby, to be honest. I would trade my baby for all of this

but like when you don't have a baby I can write a script in a couple days and now it's a little bit harder but anyway there was all of this Mr. Miyagiying and you didn't and still it wasn't a yes we're doing this it still wasn't a yes right but he was asking and I was doing

and it was real it was also mixing metaphors it was very like Charles Sims incentive woman and he was Frank Slade Slade Slate he was a Puccino right and people who know me know I'm tempted to do my Puccino but anyway that's that's the story

of crashing more or less wow yeah and when you found out that show was getting picked up was that just one of the highlights of your life it was it was really great I remember the second season got picked up while I was recording a podcast with

Valerie who became my life but we were we actually paused the podcast to take the phone call. So there's, there's some episode out there. I think it's me, her and Brent where you get the call on the podcast. But you don't hear it. We weren't, we should have left it in. I don't know what we were doing. Wow. I guess I didn't know if I could announce it yet or something. But you can tell my mood elevates mid episode. Like, really? And when the pilot got

picked up, I jumped on our couch. Like I stood up and jumped on our couch and I broke it. You broke the couch. And I kept it for a while because it was the happiest break. It was like right jumped on this couch like tom cruise and broke it wow um and out of happiness and there's a there's a there's a bruce springsteen uh he's a friend i'm kidding he he he said you know he's been on the podcast no god that wouldn't that wouldn't kill me some people are crazy for bruce right right i'm more of a i don't know i don't know i'm a little tunnel of love fan into this tunnel of love money don't take I'm doing a mashup. Don't need no credit card.

I'm mashing him up. By this train. It's not the song. That's Huey Lewis. That's Huey Lewis did my podcast. Okay. Did he really? He did.

He was great. Dude. I love Huey. Anyway, anyway, anyway. I could get you Huey. Could you? Yes. I don't think, I don't know if he'll do it, but I'll do what you live.

I can get you Huey. I don't know if he'll do it. No way. Because he lives in, I think he lives, I don't want to say where he lives. But it could be a, right, it could be just a, you know, Zoom. Happy to do it. Oh, God. You're wonderful.

I'll keep getting you. You know, you want Henry Winkler? You want Henry Winkler? Henry is a three and a half hour episode of my podcast, one of the best. Oh, he came on. One of the best. Isn't he just gorgeous? What a lovely man.

I know. I think that of you, I think, you know, I say this every once in a while about a guest, but it seems like a lot of people like you. Like you're innately just a good person. What is, does that come from your roots? Does that come from the religion and the spirituality and the growing up and all that? Is that kind of implanted? in you or keep thinking that's m and m but it's you it's me it's yeah it's like m and m yeah thank you

looks like modern m&m okay flight jacket i'll take it unzipped you also look a little bit like a skinhead oh that's not good i like it i'm into i vibe with all the fun i'm just kidding i'm totally joking i know i used to go to punk shows and the skin you had a punk band the skins as they were known a little bit how are you in a punk band when you were religious because you're there's no outlet if you don't have an outlet for your the feelings that you have in high school you start a punk band so while i'm with you yes and especially today i'm in a very good mood and very what it really is is you just feel like your brain is there fully accessible you know i like it right that's how i feel today but um there's times when old ptie gets i just want to say this like i get tired

do you get moody do you get cranky do you snap what happens when i snap is and i talked to val about this i was like, I tell everyone that I'm fine and I don't need anybody, right? That's my thing. I'd rather like go in the back and work alone. Even when we were doing crashing, I'd be in the room, but then like, for the most part, I'd like to hear what they're saying, and then I'd like to go and write the script alone. So I'm always yelling. I can do it. I don't need any help. And then one day, let's say I do that for a couple months, I go, I need some fucking help. That's what I did with you. I was like, can you help me? So that's a pattern I'm trying to fix. Is this like, grotesque autonomy does it build up inside you do you feel things building building building

and you're not releasing them and then you snap and my snap and my snap just because i'm so afraid of my own anger if i'm really you could be really angry well because i'm afraid of my anger i'm going out of my way to tell you that i don't get angry i'm terrified of like i'm not terrified you stay you stay away from your anger i don't no but i don't i don't think anyone's seen me get angry Have you seen yourself get angry? Yeah, in the car. Fuck! Like that sort of thing.

Like lose your shit, hit the dashboard. No. That would be great. I bet that would be great. That'd be a release. Yeah, I've told this story before. Me and Chris Thayer, we did shows together for many years. We once screamed in the car together.

We were screaming the song from the Lestrian commercials. It's Baltimore. The band's Baltimore. But they used it for, uh... It was a bottle of Listerine Tarzan swinging, and it was that. And it was one of, it's one of my happiest members, because if you don't have somewhere, and this is what I'm trying to do now, you have to have modalities to let these things that I was taught are impolite, anger, jealousy, greed, lust, whatever, bitterness, pettiness.

And this is hard for, like, I might not have felt this way two days ago, but like today, from the perspective of I'm looking at myself now. I'm like those things are lovely too. It's okay to love your anger. That's what I've been doing lately is I get this. It's usually when I'm under stress. I'm feeling pressure. Things aren't coming in, whatever it may be. And like we were saying at the beginning, I'm very tunnel vision. So if there's nothing in that tunnel vision, it takes a lot of effort to go like, but don't, don't forget, there's these things and you know, you're okay. But all I see in the tunnel is nothing coming in and I can get stressed. And that's when I can get angry and what I've been doing with my anger lately, and I learned this from

spiritual name drop, Ram Doth, but he said to me, I love my anger, and I've been doing that lately. So my anger shows up. There it is, like the ghost of Bill Burr just shows up in you. And I go, I love you. It's crazy how it works. You say, I love you. I say, I love my anger. And I go, I see you. I hear you. You're well. welcome. I know you're protecting me. I know you care about me. This is coming from a good place, a self-preservational place. And Valerie, my wife, she's a mindfulness teacher. She's wonderful. Really? And she talks about feelings are like children. And if you ignore them, if there's a kid running up to you and be like, hey, Michael, bring out, mind go. And you ignore him. It's worse.

You need to kind of like, so that's what I do with my anger. I see you. I see you. I feel you you're welcome here it's a it's a great spiritual technique is if i feel this way the rest of my life that's okay do you do it out loud oh sure if you want do it in front of people i'll do it's in the mirror i'll look in the mirror and go if i feel this way the rest of my life that's okay and one of the great i'll summarize my whole book i'll save you the twenty dollars or whatever sex god comedy sex god it's it's so many spiritual traditions have this but the practice of non-resistance so you're feeling panic or dread and I understand there are levels of panic that I don't understand that might require other things. But if you're dealing with your everyday five-and-dime

panic or dread or whatever it is, I'll just say this. For me, your nervous system, your mind, everything has no idea what to do if you say yes, thank you to it. So the example I often give is when my book was sent out to review, to be reviewed, they sent like the second draft or something. Like there had been like three drafts since that. And for some reason, like books, they were printed as books. And in the document were like notes to myself. There were, I put the word flapjacks in long documents so I can search for the word flapjacks so I can go back to an area that needs work. So it just has flapjacks in it, like just telling some story about my wife leaving me flapjacks like they're going to think i'm insane i also didn't know that my book

wasn't going to be reviewed by the new york times i'm i'm thinking the new york times is like reading it being like this guy's a flapjack nut um but i remembered what i wrote in the book so there i was going i was feeling this like you know what it feels like it feels like pop rocks it's just like sadness anger all of these unpleasant yeah light feelings yes and it didn't go away until i went oh right remember what you wrote in the book and I went yes thank you if I feel this way the rest of my life it's okay and it doesn't make any sense and so many of the best things in life make no sense like your brain wants to run the show but sometimes you got to give it to the heart and let the heart just go I'm numb damn damn I'll eat it all I'm so fucking alive I'm fucking freaking out right now

and I fucking love it fucking pour some sugar on me you gnarled bitch like just like look at it like you're an alien that just wanted to have a human experience and be i'm not making fun of you be lonely in your beautiful memorabilia house and just go like fuck michael is so lonely right now yeah i can do it you calm me four out of eight four out of ten times i want you to know six out of ten maybe it won't work so don't feel alone if it doesn't work but sometimes it works it often works. It's very inspirational, isn't it? Keep it crispy. Do you do things, do you do things to help your health every day? Are there certain things that are part of a routine? There's a, there's a woman, shit, what's their fucking? It doesn't matter. Anyway, there's somebody that was

like, if I don't exercise every day, like when you get older, again, I'm 43, when you get older, you realize there are certain things that, like, keep you in this state. And as performers, I think we're a little bit more attuned, because it's your job. job to be on set and be in a certain space, I'm now only literally just figuring out, I'll say in the past 10 years, what the things are that you need to do physically. And if I may, and I just throw up dry cherries. Yeah. Dry Cheerios. These are, did you have Cheerios this morning? No. Oh, okay. That'd be weird, though. Yeah, no, I know. I've never had Cheerios. This is my first time. Wow. Why are you barfing Cheerios.

It tastes great. What I was going to say was, I never understood exercise for real until Valerie said something and it's on a post-it above my treadmill, brag. But there's a post-it and it says, let the body solve what the mind can't. And I was like, oh, my fuck. This is like another way of saying, let your heart take the reins and say, yes thank you that's like a way of just going a let the body solve what the mind can't meaning there are some problems in your life that you your brain is like just let me keep replaying it

i'll just keep this on a loop how's all night sound can you do all night i'm looking at your calendar there's nothing but me and you in darkness so it thinks it's doing something it actually thinks it's helping by worrying. And I would do that. And then when I realize that there's just, look, there's a humbling experience when you realize you, basically you are a block of tofu, and the thing that flavors you are your hormones.

You're a chemical creature. And letting the body solve with the mind can't. It means do the thing that produces the hormone that changes the tofu. You know what I mean? Stop thinking your way out of the box. and you don't have to have a treadmill, go for a walk, get in nature.

Like, they say it's 15 minutes in a green space, just the color green, lowers your blood pressure. Do breathing, do some, here's the most. And you do this, you do this. When I'm in a good way. Then talk to me when I'm in a low way, maybe I'll forget. Because by the way,

it's what this whole fucking thing is. It's a sine wave. It's remembering and forgetting and remembering and forgetting. We just want to be like an American corporation and only improve, only skyrocket. those down times when I would listen to this podcast and be like, I don't know what the fuck this guy is talking about.

Those are essential too. It's like you're a light in a mosaic and you blink and you turn off and you blink and you turn off. That's like remembering and forgetting and remember forgetting. And you're just like, I just wish I could be on all the time. Then if you could zoom out and see the whole cosmos, you would see that it's this amazing light show that just swirling like in but not even just a screensaver. It's actually making Indiana Jones.

You're part of a thing, and even your forgetting belongs in the thing. Even your loneliness belongs in the thing. And you wouldn't be who you are without that. I'm not just saying, oh, we need to learn and we need to suffer. I'll give you an example. I pitched a TV show this week, and the first pitch was bad. And then the first pitch is great. Second pitch is great.

That's just how it goes. But we just want bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Can I tell you the breathing technique I was going to say? Oh, yes. It's just box breathing. four in hold for four four out hold for four on the out so you have nothing so do that for five minutes and try to be anxious four yeah four this is the hard one it gets easier because you'll flood your body so you wait before you breathe in again yep you have to slow the exhale down because

it's really tempting to really blow it out. But I already feel calm. Right? What is that? Why is it? It's humbling, man. The brain wants you to think that it's, that you're it. But you're a body, too.

Let the body, let the body help. Yeah. And Val is wonderful at that and a lot of teachers. Do you ever cry? Are you a crier? I wish I could cry. I'm not just saying that like a tough guy. You don't cry.

I tear up. I don't get. a good like oh yeah right i don't i don't really do that um and that's not that's not something i'm proud or ashamed of it's just it's just sort of what's happening right but i cry like tear and like like that like all the a lot if my heart's open right but if i'm working a lot if i'm writing a lot if i'm thinking a lot and i'm acting a lot and i'm scheduling a lot the crying is the first thing to go There's no Pete that I love being more than Shakespeare in the park, Pete, sitting on a picnic blanket, heart open, fresh air, baby playing, and you're just watching the opening act, which is a ballet troupe, dance. And you go, of all the things human beings can do that are disgusting and ugly and wrong, these people rehearsed a dance for us. And I just started crying. I'm telling you, and then my light goes off in the mosaic, and I go, fuck, dance.

Are your parents alive, by the way? What if I said, unfortunately? I'm just kidding. No, but they're alive. I don't mean, unfortunately, papa, as they say. They are alive, and they're total fucking weirdos. Do they see how much you've changed that you can get a little dirty? Sorry, what's that?

Do they see? Do they mention it? Do they talk to you about it? Did they say, you know, your humor now, it's completely changed, or have they let it go? Are they embraced your success? Are they loving? Are they giving? I still feel a little guilty that I was tempted to make the dark joke of unfortunately.

So I'm taking that back a second time. We know. It's double back. Double back. My parents, I love them. And when you actually asked, you pinpointed exactly what I might say, the issue. if I have an issue is, I do they see? And the answer is no. And much of my career has writing the book, for example, is trying to get them to see. I remember writing the book

and being like, if I put it in black and white and they read it, this is a, it's a heartbreaking thought. You're like, they'll have to hear me. They'll stop seeing their projection of the little boy in Cape Cod digging the with the toe-headed, you know, white hair. They'll stop seeing that and they'll see a broken, complicated, flawed, beautiful, interesting, interested, curious boy. Man, man, man, not man, not boy. And they did read the book and there was a brief window. That's their tunnel. that's their ADD.

There was a brief window where they read it and they saw it and they understood. It was like maybe one phone call. And then I think the next time I saw them after that, thinking, oh, it worked. There's a chapter in my book called The Heratheist, and it was when I was briefly an atheist. And my father was telling me that I was never an atheist. Wow. And you're like... You're not an atheist.

Yeah, you weren't. Peter was in an atheist. I'm like, there's a chapter in the book about how I dabbled in atheism. But that's so not who I was. I was, you know, white buttoned down shirt and khakis and the leading in the worship team. So they just couldn't hear that. But like, I feel, I feel, you know, I feel a melancholy talking about it. And I also wouldn't change it.

Now we're back to the energy of a no. If my parents did understand me in the way that I want them to. Would I have, would I keep doing stand up or would I keep right? And what service am I to this mosaic if all my needs are being met? I'm actually a little bit better. If I can relate to you, maybe you relate to that parent stuff or whatever it might be, loneliness. Right.

Whatever it is. those those things are the glue that keeps us needing each other you know that's not people who need people i get that more and more as i get older yeah barbara as i get older i'm like yeah no it's a real gift and you know what makes somebody like me who's just like you know whiteboarding movies and a manic frenzy talking to himself alone in his little garage uh broken this a divorce even you and I hitting a wall and realizing I have no podcast guests. I know that's all stupid, but I see a universe gracious enough to meet me where I'm at and going like, we know what you actually need.

You think you need fame and money and you want to, what do you want to fucking, you know, and they go, all right, all right, let's do this. We'll trick him. We'll trick him. It's one of my favorite, there's an expression in India there. like, because we all got into religion because of psychedelic, so many people found some spiritual vocabulary because they took mushrooms and lollapalooza. Yeah.

In India, they said, God, America loves materials and God loves you so much that he came to America as a material. Now, whether or not you believe that, it doesn't matter if you like or don't like God language, I'm interested in a God or a truth, a universal truth. of whatever's going on here, hiding in unexpected places. Not just failure, that's a big one, but also like sometimes it's hiding behind a good stand-up set. Who thought a feeling of interconnectivity

was hiding behind a good stand-up set? I didn't, I thought it was being a bad boy. Turns out this thing is, again, I don't wanna use God language and alienate people, but this is after you, and we'll keep playing hide-and-seek with you and keep surprising you in my case and pop out from behind my wife cheating on me

or pop out from behind right you know right now I'm who knows what's going to happen but like I won't be surprised when it pops out again scared me with your jump hey really quick this is the end this is called shit talking with Pete Holmes oh these are my patrons my lovable patrons who give back to the podcast go to patreon.com slash inside of you become a patron I'll write you back but these are uh rapid fire sophy m which comedians you've answered this sort of which comedians were your favorites growing up fire rapid fire steve martin brian reagan uh signfield leanne if you

could only put one thing in your bucket list what would it be and why i don't have a bucket list to make the biggest movie ever made oh i guess you're right a career bucket list could be i don't know you don't have to have one uh bucket what would i really like to do i don't know i'm speeches. Little Lisa, what was your favorite sitcom when you were growing up? Family matters, and I cried real hard when Erkel said to Laura, it's like reaching for a star. You know, you'll never get it, but you still reach. And it got to me and my dad's reclining, like, oh, that was probably the last good try I had. Raj, when's the last time someone asked you to tell them a joke just because they knew you were

comedian and how did you handle the situation? it hasn't happened too recently but I was on set with somebody my friend boomer who was the camera operator on how we roll he always likes telling me jokes so it's a little bit different and I told him this joke which is two hunters in the woods they see a bear one drops to his knees and starts praying the other one starts tying his shoes the praying guy says what are you doing you can't outrun a bear he says I don't have to outrun the bear I just have to outrun you I think that's a fine joke And I told it to Boomer. Americans, by the way, very different sense of humor is the rest of the world.

We love jokes where someone's an idiot and someone dies. Do you want to hear the number one joke in America? Yes. They did it. Two hunters, always two hunters. Wow. Are hunting. And one, the first guy, let's say Tom shoots his buddy Jake by accent.

Tom shoots Jake. And Jake, so Tom calls 911 and goes, help, help, I was hunting. I shot my friend. I think he's dead. Aubrey said, calm down, sir. First thing's first. Make sure he's dead. Tom goes, okay, hold on.

Bang! Now what? That's America's number one joke. Somehow they did some survey. Isn't that funny? We love it. But you go to even Great Britain. They're all like, and the toffee was a little bit cheeky.

Like a wordplay. We're all just like, but who's the loser? Kelly, yes. You make such comedic faces. Has anyone ever told you that they remind you of John Ritter? And has he been a big influence in your career at all? Yeah, I wouldn't say I get that every day, but certainly every set that I'm on. And I'm honored.

What a genius he was. I agree. I love him so much. Yeah. And, yeah, obviously we didn't get to work together. But I think it's weird that I sound like him. But then we've hypothesized if my skull is the same shape as his, I should sound like him. Hey, what's next?

What are you working on? We're back to bucket list. Yeah. We're back to bucket list. but what are you working on? Well, like I said, I just pitched a show this week, which is, and because it went well, as part of why I'm in a really nice mood today.

Again, we can't. We can't deny meeting our psychological needs because that felt really nice. Thank you very much. And I'm always, I like, I love writing stuff for me to be in, and that's what I'm always doing. And having done a multi-cam, I thought that was so fun. And I, so I wrote a multi-cam that I just,

sent to HBO Max, whatever. So I'm always writing scripts and trying to sell stuff, writing movies, trying to... For you to star him. The shows are always for something for me. The movies are always typically for somebody else. Right. That's not false humility.

I'm just like, nobody... I'm not a movie star. But that being said, I mean, I'm about to pitch a movie. Pitch is because Mark and I are friends going to tell Mark Duplas an idea that I have. I'm excited to see what he. thinks of that. You're always thinking.

You're always working. You're always writing. I like that's what it. So when How We Roll got canceled, right away, you go to the next thing. That's why. Knife in the mouth. Knife in the mouth. The rope.

But these days I stay on the burning ship a little bit longer and go, but all these people were my friends. Goodbye, Mark Gross. Goodbye, Katie Lowe. And I get, I get sinned. a little bit more than I used to and then I swing right so TV ideas and and I you know it's been a while since I've done a stand-up hour I was going to do one before the pandemic and I'd like to do that that's that's getting to a point where I would like to do

that I'm going to be in Montreal I'm going to be in Cancun both of those are for just for laughs and doing stand-up and what's your Instagram handle that Jake handles yeah you can follow Jake. What is your Instagram at? Pete Holmes? Pete Holmes on all of them. But I mean, they're all things I've approved. Of course. Of course. Of course. I'm like, please post that. But I know you can't

just do a little heroin, man. If I'm, if I get on Instagram, next thing you know, I'm checking who tagged me in a picture. It's bad news, bears. This has been a real treat. It was my pleasure. This has been really fun. You were

enlightening. You were fun. You were all over. were you tell great stories and then you tell some good advice you you calmed me if i feel this way for the rest of my life that would be okay i mean i'm gonna say that to myself like see what your nervous system does and then do the breathing yeah and go for a walk do you talk about where you live no all right well you it's a walkable beautiful area that's all i'm gonna say what if like next thing you know there's 10 people at your door there's 10 people in my door paid homes oh they're looking for me though uh thanks for allowing me to be inside of you today this has been awesome whoa well that's what we say about that's kind of the thing it's kind of the

well how many episodes have you done over 200 okay well then we can do a super cut of 200 times of you saying that canceled done done that's the last time i say that or just cancel the show oh no you're done i'm done you no i'm going to keep doing this i think and you're going to keep doing you make you make it weird you made it you made it weird yeah it already happened you're gonna you're not quitting that no and we're in i just saw we're like 700 episodes or something we've done what yeah no wonder old homesies running out of people to book i'm gonna come to you with guests i still have guests that you could you know people would love to be on your show i you've done some big podcasts you've been on big pot you but you were on dach's shepherd's podcast yeah yep he was great

yeah you've done a lot of stuff and i didn't know how big it was I'm glad I didn't, but maybe I would have tried harder. I'm just kidding. Thanks for coming. Keep it crispy. Ryan, anything? No, that's the end. That's the end of the podcast.

Who does he look like, Reistarby? Reistarby? Yeah, don't Google it. No, New Zealand. Are you from New Zealand? No. I know he's from New Zealand. I'm just kidding, but don't Google it was just a joke.

He's a good-looking man. Yeah, you're handsome. Lovely man, I'm sure you've enjoyed that. If you like the podcast, if you like the interview, please subscribe and write a review. We could use your help. And, of course, join Patreon. Patreon.com slash inside of you. If you want to join and support the podcast, the more ways than one.

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And if you have time, you want to subscribe to another podcast, that would be TalkVille, our rewatch podcast where Ryan joins me and Tom Welling from Smallville. And we go over every episode of the series and we review it. And you get to ask questions and all that. So Talkville, go find us online, Talkville podcast. And I guess from the Hollywood Hills and California, I am Mike Rosenbaum. I am Ryan Tiz. And I just really, I just want to say, I've always been a fan of Pete Holwell.

And I'm really happy that he was here. It made me happy. I love that. It was weird that he was here. I'm still current on his podcast. And I listened to the Jason Alexander episode. And he did throw to you. He did,

like he did mention you. Nice. Just in case you're wondering, he still thinks about you. Ah, that's sweet. Old Pete Holmes. You know, I like it when Ryan really likes an episode

because he like the Judd Apatow. There's been a couple that you really like the Oden Kirk. I've been a fan of Pete Holmes stand up. It speaks to me. He's got like the energy. He does. It's, uh, yeah. If you've heard his bit on dropping a dog, it's brilliant.

I'm dropping a dog. It's great. All right, I'll check it out. All right, guys, be good to yourself, and we will see you next week. Football season is here. Oh, man. Believe has the podcast to enhance your football experience from the pros. One of the most interesting quarterback rooms to college.

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