Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Ep 13: Jennifer Love Hewitt

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

Jennifer Love Hewitt (Heartbreakers, I Know What You Did Last Summer, Ghost Whisperer) discusses her descent into show business at an early age and living in the Oakwood Apartments around the likes of Elijah Wood, Neil Patrick Harris, and Johnny Galecki. Jennifer opens up for the first time publicly about the passing of her mother...how catastrophic and devastating it was to lose the most important person in her life and what she’s done to deal with the pain since. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action, all from the comfort of your own devices. Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Gambling problem call Connects Ontario 1866531-260. 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Golden Nuggett Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Hey, a great guest today. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Here's the deal.

She's never done a podcast. She's never opened up like she opened up on the show. And I was really surprised. And I've known her for a while, but she talks about everything so openly. She was so nervous, Rob, but she wouldn't, she didn't want to do the show. She didn't want to do the podcast. For months, she kept saying, I can't, I can't. I just, I don't know.

People don't want to listen to me. People don't want to. I'm like, yeah, they do. Yeah, she said she woke up, what, at 2.30 in the morning, the night before? Yeah, I don't remember the exact time, but she woke up. It was 2.30, I remember. Okay, I'm glad you remember that. But yeah, she woke up and she had a panic attack, which we'll talk about.

And she was like, you know, I had a panic attack that you were going to talk about my mother, who she passed away in 2012. And I remember we were supposed to work together, and that project didn't work out. And we became friends. And then I remember that her mother passed. And it was horrific. And she tells the whole story. And I love this episode. This is probably my favorite episode to date.

It's because it was so raw and real and teary. And she just, I remember her texts afterward, Rob. You remember that? I told you. Yeah. I was really touched by it because, you know, when you do these interviews, you're just hoping that. It means as much to them as it. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you hope that they didn't, they're like, oh, my God, I shouldn't have said this or I didn't do this. And she wasn't like that. She was just so sweet. Like, you're in my heart forever. I'm here for you 24-7. What you gave me today is the deepest and purest gift I have received in a long time. I feel changed by our conversation in such a real way.

Thank you. And again, I was practically in tears. I just found that to be so moving that I felt like we helped each other. And you even opened up, Rob. Do you remember? A little bit. You did open up. We're going to hear it today.

Let's get inside Jennifer. Love Hewitt. It's my point. of you you're listening to inside of you with michael rosenbaum inside of you yeah don't you like to listen to yourself i can't believe you just invited me to do this no i don't you can't what i don't like to listen to myself you don't do you not you have a really nice uh what's the word rob voice no that's not the word I was thinking voice but there's a tonality a cadence a cadence maybe a cadence maybe a cadence maybe a cadence maybe a cadence you poor thing you have a broken heart and a broken shoulder

why did you bring the broken heart up sorry I don't have a broken heart though I'm actually I'm not upset about it at all I'm just upset how it went down thank you Jennifer Love Hewitt for allowing me to be inside of you although I think you tried to get inside of me just now you know what I did Why'd you do that? I told you some confidential information within five minutes. You already tell it. I was checking in on your well-being. I appreciated it.

You have a weird shoulder thing going. Yeah, well, I slept on it wrong. I'm not kidding. And so it's up. It's high up. It's like I'm almost like going, hey, what's up with my shoulder? Yeah. Yeah, it's really uncomfortable.

Like one side of you is at a dance club. The other's not. You called me out on it. Yeah. Rob, do you know Jennifer Love Hewitt? Yep. Have you heard of this woman? Are you attracted to her?

Rob's married. He's 28 years old. as a kid he's 29 and he's apparently not attracted to me because he couldn't answer the questions no he's shy and if you want natalie to listen and go oh my god you're attracted to her what the right yeah do you curse on your podcast yeah you saw that i said and i didn't say you can say i try here's the thing i think swearing yeah i swear i swear i swear do you swear jell what do they call you do you swears Jennifer love j love whatever you want to call me um you know i do swear but then I listen back if I ever listen to the podcast and I go you know what why do you have to

swear someone just don't swear you don't have to be a swearer yeah I try not to say fucking shit as much as like right I can are you a swearer I feel like when I'm away from my children I swear more because I can how old are they four and uh going to be three four and three have they said a bad word yet are they speaking yes my daughter has said the F word a couple of times how did it come out um how did it come out exactly I think she dropped something on the ground, like she dropped toys on the ground. And she went, oh, fuck, like that. So she used it in the right way.

And I felt proud about that. How did you not laugh? How did you not laugh? I did. I ran into the other room and actually laughed. And then I came back out and was like, what did you say, babe? And then she didn't say it again. And so we never talked about it.

Where did you learn that? I'm not sure. Are you the F bomber or is your husband the F bomber? I'm going to say that maybe we both drop it sometimes. You both drop it sometimes, like it's hot. Mm-hmm. You, I think since I met you, by the way, where do we meet? We met at, what's the restaurant, Pache?

Pache, correct. You're correct. Yeah, we met for a director's meeting on a movie that you were going to direct, and I was meeting you. Right, and I, you agreed to do the movie, and I flew to Pennsylvania to start prep. I was two weeks in, and half the money went away. As we know, in independent films, this happens, and it broke my heart, and then I wasn't able to work with you. Yeah. and you never hired me again after that.

Well, no, I did one movie and I'm going to direct, believe me, I'm, I want to hire you. I'm still waiting. If you're waiting, then I'm writing. Great. I'm writing right now. Well, then you're talking to me and not writing. It was such a fun movie. I mean, it would have been me, you, John Heeter, Nick Swartz, and Colin Hank, Seth Green, just a bunch of fun people.

And it was a road trip kind of comedy. And it broke my heart. I tell you, I was really depressed about that. Me too. Yeah. But then your life just. completely changed after you met me that i have a propensity when i go hang out with someone or i meet someone they get lucky in their life just changes for the good what is that called like the good luck chuck

good luck chuck is that what it is there was a movie which has had it do i think it did pretty good yeah did it did you see it yeah rob did you see uh yeah did you like it sure rob's a man of many words he is yeah you know uh so yes you it seems like after that you know what we'll get into that we'll get into the what you know because obviously you have a family i feel like you've always wanted a family you're you're someone who's always wanted children wanted to just be in love and be happy it's easier said than done oh truly and sometimes you're just like you know i think we you know i force the issue as i get older i try that i want to be in love so bad that i'm i let flaws major red flags go by that normally if i was 30 years old i'd say fuck off yeah and now i'm

like oh that's fine do you want to be a dad I think you'd be a great dad. Look, everybody says that, but, you know, I do want to be a dad, but I've got to get the shoulder fixed. You couldn't even hold your baby right now. I can't even hold the baby right now. My shoulder was like that for two years after breastfeeding my kids. Really?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. Were you breastfeeding someone last night? No, I wasn't breastfeeding. I was just sleeping. Okay. It was a real, you know, what were you doing?

I'm going to go to the doctor. What happened to you? Well, I was sleeping. And, yeah, I'm getting older. I don't know. I just don't know if I, do you ever get those. days where you're you're not even 40 yet so you know but I am I'm 45 I'll be 46 that's crazy what's crazy you look great well I'm tired well I mean yeah you're like don't talk to me about tired

because you have kids and you have a husband yeah I'm exhausted but no but I I can't believe you're that old I was just spit coffee all over my couch when did that happen I don't know man you were so much younger when we met anyway can we add music to that silence Rob, we do this in post. It is a nice room. It is a nice room. It is a garage. Uh-huh.

You're pretty much in my garage. Garage or garage? I'm from Indiana. We say garage. Yeah. What do you say? I say garage. Garage.

Because I feel like it gives a little vo-boo to it. Garage. Yeah. Rob? Garage. Rob's not even on a mic now. He's taking pictures. I can't ask him questions.

He doesn't say anything. Well, he's not supposed to. Why not? No, that's not true. What hair gel do you use, Rob? He calls this the Dick Van Dyke. What do you put in there? He's very hip.

He's a hipster. I know. I like it. Wait, did you say tomato? Yeah, tomato. Aveda. Aveda. If I said, tomato.

You know, Rob started got me into this to do a podcast. And at first I was like, you know, I said, it was my idea. I'm going to say, I said it was my idea to have Rob have a mic. Okay. And he said, okay. And at first, you know, the first few episodes, I didn't include Rob. I just didn't feel like it was necessary. Rob isn't an actor.

I didn't think he. And then I realized he's actually genuine and real and funny. And so I started including him. And he's my favorite part of the show now. That's so nice of you to be inclusive. How did you come up with the name inside of you? Michael Rosenbaum? Oh.

Because it's amazing, by the way. Do you like it? I do. You know, we just sat here for a long time. We're like, what's good? It's like, well, what am I doing? I'm getting inside of someone. Yeah.

But also, it's inside of me. I talk about this a lot, but it's, it's therapy for me and the audience and you. This will become hopefully therapy for you. You were scared to come on the show. I need therapy. I was scared to come on the show. Why were you scared? Well, I mean, I don't often get emails where, you know, someone says, come over to my house.

I want to be inside of you. Was that the exact email? That wasn't exactly what I said. No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't. No, I just felt, I don't know. I don't know that I have a lot to say that's interesting to people, A, and B. I don't know.

It felt scary, but I'm here. Have you done a podcast? Never. This is your first podcast. This is the first podcast. Rob, do you hear this? Do I get a prize? Even last night, I sent a picture and I was like, what picture should I send?

But I posted a picture that you put on it, that you posted. So I figured you wouldn't yell at me for that because you had posted it. Yeah. And I mean, you're easy going. You don't give a shit. But like the response was like tons of questions that people were so excited. People love you. That's so nice.

That's really nice. I mean, look, we'll get into this, because I don't want to start at the end. Okay. I want to start at the beginning. So, Waco, Texas, let's go back to Waco. In the garage. In the garage. Were you a good kid?

I was. You were? I was, yeah. I mean, I was working from a very young age. So I had a lot of responsibility. How did that start in Waco, Texas, though? How do you start working in Waco? Well, I was a part of, like, a dance troupe at this place called Tinas, which was like a dance studio.

and I was singing. Somebody heard that and invited me to perform at a live stock show. What song was it? Whitney Houston's greatest love of all. And they invited me to sing at a livestock show. So they essentially cleaned out the pig barn. And then I stood in the middle and like a little outfit that my mom made for me and sang this song.

And then I did a dance with like the dance track. How many people were there? I don't even know. But it seemed like thousands of people. It was probably like a hundred farmers. I have no idea. No, not at all. I felt like my life is.

had started. I was so excited to just get out there and perform for people. So there was a scout who was like, I don't know why he was there, but he was there and he chose me and the dancers from this troop to go to Russia and represent the United States as a goodwill ambassador and perform at communist youth camps. Go to Russia. You're in Waco. Someone discovers you in Waco, Texas? It was really crazy. And so we went and they taught me like some Russian and they taught me sign language. and I, like, did all of this prep. I'm eight years old and... Well, you must have been a really smart kid.

I mean, I was dumb. I've never felt smart. At least my dad told me I was dumb. Aw. Yeah, but you know what? He was right. No, no, he was right. I'm witty.

I'm witty. I'm witty is better. I think witty is smart. Well, Wittie's a... You know, some... My psychologist, therapist told me that witty is a, you know, if you're witty, it is a... Sign of intelligence. That could even get the sentence.

Obviously, it's not a sign of intelligence. But, I'm not. I mean, I just always used my... wit or am I trying to be funny or charming to be to compensate overcompensate for uh intelligence but then he said me too well I said I'm not necessarily charming or witty but I've used but I try to I disguise how you know not to book smart I am so you got to Russia yeah and you kick ass yeah it was great it was amazing she was great look at her she's so cute eight years old she does sign language wait I think she told me to fuck off what the fuck was this I it was

really a wild experience. It was amazing. We had a great time. The most exciting thing for me there at that moment was Baskin Robbins that I found like seven days into the trip. And I was just so excited that there was the Baskin Robbins in Russia. That's like what I remember the most because I was eight. And we came home and there was like news footage about this little girl and these people who had gone to whatever and an agent saw it and, you know, our manager saw it and said, why don't you come to L.A. At eight years old. Well, it actually took a while. So I came, I arrived into L.A. on my 10th birthday. So it took a while for like everything was your mom like the

you know, because you hear about these different moms who were just like stage moms. Stage mom. Was your mom a stage mom? No. My mom was actually terrified of the whole concept of me coming to L.A. and doing this thing but she knew that it was something I really want. Like I can honestly say I was driving. She wasn't pushing.

No, she wasn't. She wasn't at all. I mean, she loved it once we got into it and everything was going. Of course. She was like, you know, loved it. But no, she didn't push me when I was a kid at all. It was really something that I wanted to do. And she, I mean, she had a life and she like gave it all up, essentially for me to see if there could be something here. Now, your parents broke up at a young age. They did. Yeah. Early in your like, you were like two. My mom and my dad when I was like six weeks old and then my stepdad and my mom when I was 11. That has to affect you.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, abandonment issues, right? Yeah, for sure. Like, like. Total. Lots of therapy. Yeah. And I didn't grow up in a house where I was allowed to do therapy. So I didn't grow up with a family who like necessarily believed in it. So my therapy was acting. And I was really, really grateful for it because I just got to be someone else. And you got to get out of your own skin. Yeah, but I could put my own issues into that person's life. And so essentially I was myself, but I just got to be someone else. And it really helps me. You liked being your on stage persona. I did more than that's how I felt. I felt in high school when I did a play, I'm like, it's better to be on stage than be me.

I feel more comfortable. Yeah. Even today. Honestly, if I'm being dead honest, I don't think until I was probably 25, did I ever really get to know myself more than somebody that I was playing? I'm getting to know myself now. I think probably in the last 10 years, five years really I'm doing, yeah, we'll get into that. It took me a long time.

Now, your dad, did you ever talk to your biological father? We were in contact up until about 10, between like 10 and 12, he's sort of, he sort of vanished. Do you try to come back once you got really successful? No, not in like that way. I think there was always just sort of like, are we going to be in each other's lives? Are we not going to be in each other's lives kind of thing? And quite honestly, my mom did such an amazing job of being both parents for me. And my big brother was like a dad to me.

Yeah. And so like I never felt that I missed anything. I think now in my life I go, wow, there's definitely like there probably some things that I miss not having a dad around or some things that maybe I would have done different. differently if I kind of had guidance in that way. Sure. And I would never want that for my daughter at all. But I didn't feel that way when it was happening. And you probably became completely independent, like so independent that you probably

were like, I don't need anybody. Yeah. I felt like that's probably, was that how your mom was? Like, you know what? Fuck this. I'm going to do with this. I'm good on my own. Yeah.

My mom is very much that way. And then I think my mom and I definitely went through things of like codependency in our relationship because we didn't have anybody else to sort of turn to. Yeah. You know, which I didn't also realize until later, which maybe were healthy at times and unhealthy at other times. Yeah. Did you feel like she, like you needed her approval when you dated guys? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

Isn't that something? Yeah. Like, you know, you want them to like the person. You do. And now I want to date a girl that's the opposite of my mother, the opposite. If my mother hates her, this woman is the right one. How's that going for you? Not good now.

Okay. But I've tried. Wow, did you see how she turned on me like that, Rob? I did. Look, I'm trying. I'm a fucking work in progress. And I'm like, every morning I wake up and I'm like, I just want to, I got to figure it out. And I'm really working hard. But I'm telling you, sometimes it just, sometimes I feel great. I feel like, you know, nothing can stop me. And then sometimes, you know, it's just, boom, something happens. That's life, though. Your shoulder goes out of place and a bad sleep. Because you just sleep. You know, a girl that you've been dating writes horrible emails to you. You're a hard sleeper. I'm a hard sleeper. Do people know that you got, you, be like, are you having a broken heart since yesterday? No, we're moving on, Rob. Okay. No, there's not a broken heart.

It's not a broken heart. I'm, let's, anyway, let's go. Are you listening to Alanis and Moritz that's jagged little pill and eating lots of chocolate? No, when I'm listening to, get ready for a tushay. I'm listening to Bear Naked. Oh, let's not. I like that song, by the way. That's really nice.

That's your song that hit the charts in 2002. I'm not sure. I know, this is the thing about me. I know nothing about time. I couldn't tell you what year anything happened. Really? Is that crazy? Like, I honestly don't know.

I bet you. I'm like that happened whenever. What year was your, uh, was, it was autumn born? Well, 2013. Okay, so you knew that. Wait, is that five? Because she's five.

Yeah, she's going to be five. Yeah. Okay. So your mom, you guys take off the, the guy, the first guy's out of the picture. By the time you're moving to L.A., he's pretty much out of the picture. Your biological father's gone. Yeah. And you haven't talked to him since?

No. I mean, again, like through the years sporadically, we've sort of talked but not not really do you have any kind of like feeling for him or it's just kind of like did it kind of like is it hard is just i have gratitude for the fact that i am that we're a part of each other and then he like you know brought me on the planet but i don't know him so i don't have like i don't have like a draw like a drawing feeling to him now right because i always wonder like that if someone you know because a lot of people that are listening i'm sure have someone who left them at a young age and they're like hey do you still think about them do you

still want to have a relationship or at such a young age when he left you didn't know him you grew up away from so it became sort of a stranger yeah and then he was like a stranger who had your bloodline right this more that feeling yeah right sounds sad no it's not sad it's sort of a reality yeah sometimes you have to go hey let's not make this more than it is right and you do because i do because i'm a jew and i always think i have a guilt and i'm like oh my god you know my you know i start thinking of all the things i need to do and it's my you know what if i reach out i'm like it's not your fault you don't have to reach out when someone let someone else reach out yeah inside of you is brought to you by rocket money i'm going to speak to you about something that's going to help you

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as I've ever known. That's so nice. Thank you. Well, it is. I just noticed that about you. It's just like you give and you give and you a lot of times get hurt. Yeah. In the past of that.

I'm knowing you just, and I don't even know you that well, but I feel like I do. Yeah. That you just, you're one of those people who are like, I'm going to do everything for you. And then you don't even ask that much. And when they can't do the littlest thing, it makes it, it just makes things go bad. Yeah. Fast. Yeah.

Like, you can't even do this for me. Are you fucking? I bought you a car. You can't pick me up in it. You fucking asshole. But I know. Am I right? Yeah.

No. Totally. I mean, that's me. In a tuity, that is me. But I will say that I think I've gotten to the place now where I have realized that part of that is my issue because you can't give to people expecting to get back what you give. Right.

Like the true art of real giving is to give it out, whether it's emotionally or physically or mentally or spiritually to give it out. and then expect zero in return. That's, like, ultimate giving. Rob, are you writing this down? You know, and so I've tried to, like, get there, I think. I think it makes me happier that way. That's beautiful.

And I think that's how I really try to live my life. I'm like, listen, I will give you, you could stay at my house. You know, I'll take you to do. I don't want anything in return. Just be a friend. Love me unconditionally and don't fuck me over. Exactly. Don't be an asshole.

Yeah, kindness is. Kindness. Wow. Love me some kindness. decency. Right. Yeah. Just any of that stuff is good.

Give me love, love, love, love, crazy love. That's what I just had. Let's not get into that. So you moved to Waco or moved to L.A. after Waco. Yep. And you're like 11, 12. Yeah, I arrived on my 10th birthday. And what happens in L.A.?

Where do you move? What do you live? Well, I lived at the Oakwood Apartments. Who doesn't? Everyone lives there. Tell them about Oakwood's apartment. The Oakwood Apartments is great. So when I live there, it was Elijah Wood, Neil Patrick Harris.

And how old are these guys? I don't even remember. Johnny Galucky, who I love. Erica Strata. Oh, my God. And this is just like a little apartment, cheap apartment complex off like Barham or? Yeah, it's on Barham. And it's like, it's not ugly.

It's just like everybody stays and they move here. But for us, we were like in a like a real broken down Buick, like driving from Texas. And we left the holiday in that's like right there in the 4 or 5 in sunset. And it was the first. first, like one of the very first things we found was the Okwe were like, okay, Barham, like, well, okay, we've heard of that fine. And there was an apartment building. So that's where we went.

Barham. Barham. Barham. Is it Barham? What is it, Rob? I don't know. I was called it Barham. Barham.

Barham and garage? I think it's Barham. I made a left on Barham in the Oakwood apartment. Maybe that was for Texas. It's a barham to me. You might be right. I wanted to be Barham. Okay.

So Barham. It's my story. My story. So Barham, what was your apartment number? Can you give that to me? Can you give me Barham? I'll give you Barham. Thank you so much.

You know what? I appreciate that. What apartment number? I want to know where you live. T-106. T-106. Building T-106. I feel bad because now someone's going to go.

Oh my God, Jennifer, love you. They're like, fuck off. They're going to be like, who on Barham? Yeah. You mean the one of Barham? Yeah, so I was there and I went, I met like all of these record companies trying to be a singer. But it was before, like, musing contests where 10-year-olds could win things and Hanson and, you know, all those things. So they were like, yeah, you're just

too young, sweet, cute, have a decent voice, but too young. So you were rejected. I was totally rejected. Did you cry? I did not. Were you not emotional? No, I was very confident as a kid, cocky, I would even say. And I more took it like, what's wrong with them? Like, why don't they get what's happening here? I lost that later in life, but that's how I was as a kid. kid. And so I was getting ready to leave and they sent me on an audition for Kids Incorporated. How did this song about for Kids Incorporated? Kids Incorporated. K-I-D-S. Rob, did you watch that? You're too young. You're a baby. He's Spencer's age. You're too young.

Spencer's your system. Yeah. Go ahead. Anyway, so I went on this audition with 5,000 other girls. And I was like, I don't even know what this is. I'm from Texas. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do here and they're like, you're just going to go in and pretend to be like your favorite character from TV. So I was like, okay, I love Punky Brewster. And I love Full House. So I could, I could go like Stephanie Tanner or I could go Punky. And I, like, this was my big decision of the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went in and I just, I just was talking to Jody Sweeten on Instagram like a few months ago. And I told her, I was like, I owe you a part of my career because I decided to say, how rude like that is a thing. And they, they died laughing. They thought it was funny. I

sang a song, got down to 40 girls, 20 girls, 10 girls, five girls, two girls. I did not get the job. Money was up. Time to go back to L.A. We hawked my mom's engagement ring to come to L.A. for just like one month to give it a try. How much was that ring worth? I mean, not much. Maybe a thousand. Maybe, yeah. So we left. We were getting ready to leave. We were at Yum Yum Donuts on Los Angeles on Los Angeles. Dude, I know Young Mums. I make her right there to get on Crescent Heights off Las Siena. Yeah. And it's still there. Yum. Yum. Yeah. It's on what's the, what's the road? Highland. No, there's a street called yuckle, yucky. Yucka. So I had a pager and they, um, they paged me and said that the girl that they hired for Kids Incorporated could actually only sing one song and did I want the job. And they gave it to me and we, I started making money and we went home and we got the apartment back and I've been here ever since. Where's that girl now that only sing me one song? I have no idea. I don't. I don't. I don't. But.

But you got the part. But God bless you. Yeah. God bless you. Yeah. And the first thing that I did with my paycheck, I got in trouble with my mom. I made $300. And I thought I was like being baller.

And I went and bought $300 worth of ramen noodles without asking my mom and use all of our money for ramen. Oh, my God. That's amazing. So you got the part and you're on that trip for like four years. Yeah. Was it good money? I mean, it was, I don't even. For you.

I have no idea. I mean, we were paying rent. I was living life. I was doing great. I was doing Barbie commercials on my off time. That's where the big money came, right? Oh, yeah. I was a Barbie girl for like two years.

It was awesome. By the way, let's go back to Oakwood. Yeah. Did you mess around with any of these guys there at the young age? Did you kiss? No. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Was he there?

He did not. He was there. That's so weird. I just said that. No, but I taught Elijah Wood how to roller skate. Did you really? Just one day. Was he a nice boy?

So sweet. He was sweet. Yeah. And Johnny Galucky was the best. Johnny Galucky is a nice guy. Johnny Galucky, I have to say, was there for me. me during like when my mom and stepdad separated like the day that that happened and I was just like a mess of a human being at 11 years old he came and comforted me and sat with me in our

apartment and I'll just never forget it he's like one of the greatest people I've ever met you grew up incredibly fast I did like I had a childhood I grew up in Indiana I mean I had some dysfunction but you know I I went to high school and I graduated barely and I went to college in Kentucky and I studied theater and and then I moved to New York. And I had like a gradual sort of like I had no success, little success, little more, a little less, got a big show, then a little less. But you sort of like really didn't have a childhood.

You were always working. Always, yeah. Do you think that had an effect on you for a while? Like, wow, I just, I feel like I didn't have a chance to grow up really because I was. Well, I definitely, I mean, I definitely grew up just, but in a like, just kind of a crazy way. But yeah, I think that's kind of what the last really like four and a half years have been about for me is just sort of for the first time taking that break and going, oh, wait a minute. I want to know who I am as a person. I want to actually enjoy what waking up in the morning feels like, not waking up and rushing off to a set feels like.

I want to have conversations with people other than people that are hired to have conversations with me there. You know what I mean? I just wanted that stuff in my life. This is, this is, we got here fast. We got to this point fast in the conversation, but I want to address that because I feel like that's sort of what happened to me in a little bit in a way. I feel like this is something we could talk about because I know that, look, this is for me and for you, but, you know, people are listening. I'm sure you could relate to whatever you do. It doesn't matter if you're an actor or you're working at a construction site or you're a teach, whatever you're doing.

Right. I feel like it's a lucky thing. Oh, totally. As much as it seems like, you know, I had so much confidence. when I was younger and I was indestructible and I could do anything and I audition for this and I had so much I didn't care. I had so much whatever. Yeah. And then there comes a moment where for some reason you wake up and you go, what am I doing? Yeah, it feels empty somehow. And you can't really talk to people about it because they're like, what do you mean? What are you doing? You're doing this. You're doing. You're doing. You're doing. And it's like, yeah, I'm so lucky. It's not about living the dream. It's about who am I living it for and who am I? And what am I doing? You know, and there comes a point where it's just like, you know I was always on the go and you were always on the go and you were always and so this is where I relate to you this is really where I relate you took four and a half five years whatever caught whatever because I remember the biggest thing that I remember is I felt so horrible when

your mom passed yeah in 2012 yeah and I think that was the most catastrophic thing that's ever happened to you yeah right for sure and I actually tear up a little thinking about it because I just remember thank you how much it hit you yeah and how she was your world. Yeah. And is that what sort of made you sort of reevaluate, start to go, hey, not re-evaluate, but a wake-up call, like, hey, let's think about who we are here. For sure, for sure.

Yeah. So my mom and I lived across the street from each other, and we had breakfast five out of seven days a week together or dinner, the same. And we were just in a good spot. We were going along. Everything was fine. And she was diagnosed with cancer. that all went very quickly.

She had surgery like 12 days later and, you know, it was very emotional and all that stuff. And it was very strange, though, because when my mom got ready to have her surgery, I remember I got, like, deathly ill with the flu, like really, really bad. And so it was the first time my mom had this gigantic thing going in her life and I wasn't allowed to go and be around her because I couldn't get her sick before her surgery. And now when I think about it, I was like, wow, in some weird universal way, it was the first time my mom and I, like, had to be. be separated during a big moment. And I had to survive that moment of her like having that surgery and hoping that she was going to be okay and not knowing what it was without her near me. And she had to get through without me being there to hold her hand like I normally would have been. And somehow it's like it almost like at that point is when universally for us like

things just we had to learn to be without each other somehow. Like it's just a very weird feeling. So anyway, so she was fine. Went into remission. We were getting ready to plan this party. I went on a very, like, amazing vacation with my husband, who I was just like newly dating at the time. They danced at my birthday party. That was the only time they ever met. And my mom and I sat down in her living room. We had this conversation. And she said to me, hey, that's the guy you marry. That's the guy you marry and you have kids with. And she was like, because I can see it in your face. Like, you don't want to miss him. You don't want to love him. But you miss him and you love him. And she was like, and you shouldn't run away from that one because this is a good guy. They had met one time.

And like, I mean, she just knew from, yeah. And 24 hours later, I was on a plane going to Monaco for like this big TV festival that happens there. And I didn't want to go. I was like, she had like one chemo left. I just didn't want to do it. Felt weird about it. But my mom was such a traveler. Like she loved to travel. And she loved to go experience new places and do those things. And I was like, she can't travel right now. And so I should do this for her. Like I should go and I should do this. Got on the plane, we texted each other, all this stuff. I arrived 12 hours later, get my bags, and I get this message from a friend of ours who was like the landscaper at our house, but like also a good friend. And they just happened to be there. And they were like,

your mom's in the hospital. She's not doing well. And you should probably come home. And I'm like, What the fuck? What are you talking about? And I just, I remember like it couldn't breathe. And my ambiolic was sitting in front of me in the plane. And she just kind of kind of looked at me with like this look on her face. And I was like, I don't know what to do right now. Like something's wrong with my mom. And I'm not sure what to do. And she was like, I'm, you know, sorry or whatever.

And just kind of like looked at me. It was very comforting. And I was looking around all these people. And I'm like, everybody's going to live a normal day today. But I am freaking out. And I tried to get a flight. Before I got on the plane, I had to fly to London. I got on the phone with my husband.

And I was like, I was like, I know we haven't been dating. that long, but I got to get on a plane. And I don't know my mom's going to be there when I get back because they had given her 20 percent. Like it went from like zero to 100. And I was like, you just have to stay on the phone with me and get me on this plane because I don't know what I'm going to do. And he was like, okay. And so he did. And he like talked to me. And we didn't talk about like specifics of anything. He just kept me company, you know, to like get on this plane. And I woke up in the middle of the flight. And I said to my friend who was on the plane with me, I was like, my mom is dead. Like I just feel it. She's not, she's not there anymore. And she was like, don't say that.

She's going to be there when you get there and you're going to be okay. And it's all going to be fine. And I was like, you can say that. But I just, I just don't feel that way. So my brother was at the hospital with her. You can cut me off anytime by the way. So my brother was supposed to be at the hospital. And when we landed, I turned on my phone like you do. And my brother called and I could hear the airport in the background. And I was like, you would not be here. if she was alive. Are you at the airport? Just answer the question. And he was like, I don't want to answer that question. And I was like, are you at the airport? And he was like, I just need you get off the plane. So I fully collapsed on the plane. And a couple people came and got me. They carried

me through baggage. I like couldn't feel my legs underneath me. And I had left like just 48 hours later. And my best friend and like the person who made me everything was like looking at me in the face and we like walked out the door and then it was like all of a sudden I got like super powers in my feet and I just ran as fast as I could to my brother and we hugged and I don't remember much after that like I think he explained to me kind of what happened he explained to me sort of you know like the things that went wrong and what and I honestly still don't know that I fully heard him or like grasped it but after that I just remember thinking I don't know enough about myself. Like, I don't know enough about life. I don't know enough about enough about real,

yeah, like real life to jump back into fake life right now because fake life means nothing to me at this moment. Like it got me through everything in my life up until that point. It was my, it was my superhero, like my fake life, my acting life, my everything that I worked for. And at that moment, it just meant zero to me. And I knew that there were going to be people who wouldn't understand or feel disappointed or wonder like oh gosh is she having like a a mom dying breakdown or you know whatever it was that they were going to say but it just didn't work for me and I was under contract on the client list so I had to go back to work only a few months later and I had to finish it and I did but it was different I mean it was just different I had a massive breakdown the first

scene that we did like I just started crying and like had to go lay in my trailer and I got sick and you were like did you fight up for everything like I don't want to do it I can't do this I'm not right I can't do it yeah and I I did inside but I but there was still part of me that like owed everybody that. And so I did it and I worked on it and I finished it. And by the time I finished it, we had just found out that I was pregnant. Wow. Like that really was my sign that like, oh, life goes on. Like pain is going to be there, but great things are going to happen. And I am meant to be something else right now. Like I'm just meant to be something else. Not forget everything, not give up, not whatever, but I just wanted to spend time on my.

my life. And I had a lot of pain to work through. I'm still working through it. The joy of like, my daughter came and that pregnancy was amazing. And then after she was born, there was a whole new level of grief because I was like, she's never going to walk through the door and meet my kid. She's never going to, she doesn't know that I'm married. Like she doesn't, unless she's watching. No, she told you. This is the one. Yeah. And she knew you were going to listen. Yeah. Because that somehow you wanted her approval and mother knows best. And I got it. Yeah. And I got it. Right. Yeah. She knew. Yeah. And I think she'd be proud. And, but yeah, but it really, it really just made me go, I need some real life.

And I, it's honestly been the, it's been the greatest time of my life. It really has been. What have you learned in this six years of real life? Like, since, I mean, how, I mean, you've worked. Yeah. You're working here and there. You're doing things. And I think that's the thing that, you know, it's not important, like some people say, you know,

because I, you know, I did this show for two years. And then afterwards, you know, I did like a little movie. And then I'm doing the podcast and everything. But even though, no matter what you do, it's not. never enough. It's like, what do you do now? Why aren't you doing this? Why aren't you doing this? And you start to listen like, oh, I should be doing this. And your agents are like, you've got to be doing this. And I go, I don't have to do shit. Yeah. I just want to find what I'm looking for. Yeah. And, and I mean, I'm telling you, you hear stories all the time. One, the story about your mother, which I think is

beautiful. I just think it's important to just take notice of like how beautiful life is and how precious it is and we do this all the time all the time something tragic happens and we all go oh and we're like maybe grief-stricken or something for a day but then we you know we forget about that yeah we forget about how like like that it could be gone and I hear about it all the time I mean one of my friends just had brain surgery he text me at 1230 in the morning one of my good friends and said hey buddy I just had brain surgery I'm doing okay but I'm doing I'm fine but if you want to you know and i went to the hospital immediately and he's going to be fine and it was crazy i'm just like and it i guess i'm i remember driving home i kind of cried and i go i mean this is

a perfectly healthy guy successful all this it doesn't matter how much money you have how successful you are we're all going to the fucking same place and this guy you just you're like what yeah brain surgery i'm the one who has shit fucking brain surgery look at me and it just puts things in different perspective. It does. And I really did, not to take anything away from an awesome career and, like, lovely people who watched things that I was in and allowed me to have other jobs and money made and adventures and, like, crazy wonderful life and things that people, you know, but I honestly believed before somebody told me that my mom died, that that was the end all, be all. and that that was truly what was most important.

You couldn't move on. You felt like you couldn't go on. Do you remember that feeling? It's that numbness, right? Your body's numb. You can't even, like, the smallest things. Breathing was, like, took all of my energy after she passed. And I do, I remember, like, I had a little sprinkling of anxiety before that, but anxiety

for me now has become, like, a part of my life, really, since my mom passed and it, like, triggered something in me where I just, now. I worry about all health things for everyone all the time. And then I became a mom. And mom stuff comes with anxiety. And I remember there was a long time where I was like, there's no way, because we're so intertwined. I was like, there's no way that I'm actually going to get to live after this. Like, I'm going to die too, right? Because my mom and I don't know how to be without each other. So I was convinced for like eight months. I was like, I just know that like I'm next. Like something. You're thinking about those old couples that when one dies, the other dies. You feel like it felt like you and your mom.

Yeah. And that's so funny that you say that. That's how I felt about. work too is that like my mom and I almost felt like one of those like 1950s comedy duos you know what I mean that like traveled around to the meetings and we're like you do this and you do that and you tap and I'll sing and they'll walk out with the job martin and like that's how it kind of felt so to like just not have her on the planet anymore and then jump right back into something that was so my mom and I together felt so false and fake and weird and just like not something that I could do But I've learned so much and I'm so happy and I have such an amazing, really an amazing life and met an amazing partner who like, I mean. How did he do that?

I don't. I honestly don't know. It's just who he is. And the beautiful thing about it was that there was never an expectation from him of, well, we started something so we're going to have to continue now. I know your mom died. There was never any of that. Like he literally was just about getting me through. every day in like such a genuine way even if it was just unpacking a box in my new apartment

we were going to unpack that box and we were going to do it together if it was about getting food if it was about sitting by the beach for the first night like he knew he would see in me there was like this great moment where he like saw that it was just kind of like welling up in my day and he pulled over Malibu and he rolled down the window and he put on this this song and I think it was Max Richter do you know who that is I don't It's amazing. I think that's the same. I'll have to get back to you on that. But I think that's who it was. And he just like cranked it up. And he just sat there in silence. And I was just looking at him like, why are you doing this to me? This is going to make me fall apart. And he just like reached over. And he grabbed my hand. And he was like, look at the beach. And I literally just was like, sobbing and sobbing and sobbing. And when we drove away, I remember thinking that's what love is. Like he just knew. He just knew what I needed. And he cared enough about me to do that and to not make anything. about him for a really long time after that. Like, he just gave of himself for me to heal.

And it was, yeah, it was really lovely. You want to date him, don't you? You kind of want to date him. I mean, honestly, you almost have me in tears. I'm still like, oh, what do I ask? What do I talk about next? What's amazing about that whole story is the only thing I could think of is most people get into a relationship and they're like, oh, they haven't seen my dark side yet.

They haven't seen me fall apart in the ugly. cry and they haven't seen me numb and they haven't seen me this. And he saw that off the back. Yeah, we started with that. So it only could get better. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, right? In a sense, he's like, hey. And then I got pregnant. And then you got pregnant. And then you got pregnant. And then I had postpartum and then I got pregnant. Yeah, it was, yeah, we've had a lot of, we've had a lot of that. And he's, um, he's been really lovely to see the, the pretty stuff in between all of that in our time It's really insane. It's sad how like something happens in your life and it seems like nothing. You can't, you can't wake up from this bad dream. And somehow you make it. I mean, you hear stories all the time of like, you know, people dying in, a whole family's dying in plane crashes and all these things. And you're like, you know what? You're going to get through whatever it is. It's not going to be easy, but you're going to get through. People get through it. Yeah. It's so scary. Because, you know, everybody, you know, my grandmother, you know, she's 90. She'll be 90. in June so we're all going to fly in for

and she's like my best friend her and Irv as everyone knows. So anyway, she's like, I go, well, you know, how's your friend so-and-so? She's like, eh, how's Audrey? How's, uh, go-goo? Like none of her friends are doing it. And those are her names, by the way.

Lorraine, Goo-go. And, uh, I go, well, hey, look at the bright side. You're, you're going to outlive everybody. And she goes, I don't want to. And I go, what? And I realize that's, that's, not what you want in a way you don't want to see all your friends and I mean she survived she saw her best friend her mother die she saw you know her father she saw her her cousins and her

everybody just like and this is life and we're just a blip on the radar yeah and you hear it all the time and it's hard to just sort of understand but like time goes on and so you have to cherish whatever time we have yeah it's so cliche but and you do have to balance the the drive and the ambition and the want to leave your mark in some way on the world. I think especially as entertainers with knowing that the greatest mark you can leave is how you've loved your children or that special place you and your husband have had, you know, wine or the friend that you've been to someone when you get that message, you drive right to the hospital. You know what I mean? Like those things to us, I think, especially in a society where everybody's like, I just want

hustle and I want to go and I want to hustle and I want to, you know, do all that. It really, it doesn't give you much. It doesn't give you much. It's called purpose. Yeah, and you have to have balance. You really do. It makes me, you think about it, like those little things you do when you go help someone or helping hand or you're there, those are when you feel most fulfilled.

When you feel like you're helping someone or you're giving someone. And so that's sort of like, why can I just make a living doing that? I know. How could I do that? You know? But I can do that every day. I could do something every day for someone. You know, that's, you know, that's a good thing.

Rob, do you feel like you do things for people every day? I do. Not every day. What do you do? You should have your own show. Yeah, it would be one minute long. Just like a little, just like a little web series of his facial expressions and his like two second thoughts. Here's the top ten episodes or top ten responses from Rob, I do.

Rob, you're the best. Yes, he is. This is fun. I knew you were a little stressed. You hadn't done a podcast. You've gotten personal. Yeah. And I appreciate that.

Do you feel pretty good so far? You feel like, hey, you know, don't you feel like this podcast might someone out there touch someone and help someone? Oh my gosh, I hope so. But you still deal with anxiety. Yeah. So do I. I do with anxiety.

I take a little something at night. What do you take? Well, I don't want to give it. You know, I had Kristen Bell on here. You want me to read the thing? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't do that.

But I had Kristen Bell in here. And she wouldn't tell me what she took on the podcast because she doesn't want other people who's saying, oh, Kristen Bell takes that. I've got to take that. Right. And I feel like if I tell somebody to take someone and they die, I'd feel horrible. Yeah. But this is a very subtle lowest dose.

Rob, you laughed. Why is that funny? I don't think they would die from taking anxiety medication. It's not anxiety. Well, it's a very, the lowest dose of whatever you could take. It's like a very popular one. And I take it and I didn't like it for the first six weeks. And now it's kind of giving me, you know, taking the edge off because I wasn't feeling well for a little while.

Yeah. You know, and now I'm getting better. I'm getting healthier. I'm working out. I'm playing ice hot. I'm getting in the mood and I think working out helps a lot with anxiety. I've started boxing. Oh, I love boxing. I'm obsessed with it. Really? Can you spar? Yeah. Yeah. No, not hitting the face. Yeah. No, it's more like body shots and stuff like that. But, um, but, um, but I really like it. And it's, it's helping me a lot with my anxiety. It's, anxiety is the worst. How does it, how does it? Where does it come? It comes from out of nowhere, right? Sometimes out of no. So let me give me an example of the most out of nowhere. Holy shit. I'm going to pass out. I can't deal. I. with this where were you give me a moment 2 30 this morning because i was laying in bed and i had a

dream about us having this conversation and having to talk about my mom and i was and i've never told the story of my mom you're the first person that i that i've told that to publicly at all ever and so i was laying there in my bed and i was like oh my god i'm sweating but i'm not really sweating and i was like my arm feels and my arm feels numb it's the left side and for sure having her attack and then I was like no no no it's the right side it's both like oh my god it's both sides and I was just like sitting in my bed like hitting my hands going okay what is wrong with you you freak and then I got up and I just paste thought at 2 30s you made me cry a little bit I paint you made me tear it up you got anxiety about like no I did

but it was like a big thing and I didn't know why at the moment like I didn't know I didn't know about having the like I just it was just anxiety you don't want to talk about that like you don't want to bring things up that make you feel bad but I'm so glad that I did and I'm glad that it was with you. And I didn't want to just throw it at you. It was one of those things that I just remembered, like, I knew you. So I knew when it sort of this was going on. And I just always remember thinking about you. And I was like, I hope she, I know how close they were. She always talked about it. And it made me so sad. It still makes me sad. I feel like, you know, I could easily cry right now. And I had no idea that you hadn't told the story before. And I just, I assumed that

people had asked you about it. You had talked to us weekly or in vogue or something big. No. You know, you weren't going to use my little show to tell your... Just you. Safe place. Well, you know what? It is safe. And I'm glad you said that because I feel like I wanted you to feel safe. You don't want to talk about it.

And I told you, I go, look, if there's anything you don't want to talk about, just tell me. So you could have said something. Yeah. Hashtag no, filter. Sorry. I just never have. Do you filter your pictures? What does that mean?

Like on Instagram and stuff. When you take pictures of yourself, do you add like a filter? Look, have you seen my pictures? Do you think I add a filter? I'm not a I'm blemished I have dark spots I got a laser thing on my forehead because sometimes I get these like dark spots oh I have melasma since having my kids I don't know melasma yeah it's sort of like it's like the girl version of some spots is not a country no malaysia is it Malaysia did a plane disappear in Malaga Malaga oh are we just having so much fun did you ever do karaoke of dimples in the valley oh my God what was your go to karaoke song oh wow um you ever sing your own songs i did a couple times just to be that person yeah yeah just to be that person oh god yes if i had my own song like i have a little band but i you know they're not

hits or in fact no one's ever heard them but like if i had i've heard them on instagram i like them thank you yeah maybe you'll sing with me hey that would be fun would you do it sure oh my god that'd be great you like 70s southern 90s can we do islands in the stream yeah i don't know if i could sing that That's a hard song to sing, isn't it? Okay. How does it start out? We rely on each other. Ha ha.

Yeah, I love that. No, we're not doing that song. No, we're not doing that. You know what I was thinking about coming here this morning? I was thinking about you, and a song popped in my head, and I was like, oh, my God, that song is so him. Too Shy, shy by Kaja Gougu. No. Was it?

Absolutely not. Rio by Dere-D-Roe. No, it was from Manikin. Do you know what song I'm talking about? Yes. And we can live the street forever. Standing over Nothing's going to stop us now

It's so you, that song And if this world ran out of lovers We'd still have each other Yeah Nothing's gonna stop us That's a great song That was real low You sing low

It's Albert Hammond And Diane Warren That's what I'm talking about By the way, what's her name was in that? That's such a song you'd sing Wasn't Manikin 2 or who was the What was her name? Yeah

Catrall or Cottrell Oh boy Garage Barham Catrale Malasma, Malaysia. Where are you from Wisconsin? The fuck.

No. I'm from Texas. Don't you remember the beginning of the story? We didn't even really talk about your success. We've just talked about like, like, no, but like, you know, people want to hear stuff like party of five. You know, then you became a film star or what I know what you did last song. Oh, people wanted to ask a lot of 90s questions. They wanted to know what was like, I saw that last night on Instagram.

I wrote some down. I asked about like 90s stuff. I mean, it was fun. What's your favorite decade? oh my lord 80s probably right yeah 80s were just so free and fun and the music was all of those what do you think about music now i hate to be a hater there's some good stuff there's some good stuff there's some good stuff i like sean mendez do you like sean mendez rob i don't know who that is oh okay guys what does he what does he sing i don't know the names of his song's right off the top of my head but i like him he's a good

he's like a good kind of singer-songwriter kid oh you know i like now uh kenny loggins oh yeah i'm going to concert. Michael McDonald, Christopher Cross, Yacht Rock. If you want to come, why don't you and your husband come with me? I've got tickets. We're going to go see. It's Kenny Loggins, Michael McDonald and Christopher Cross. Oh, I'm sure. And he's going to sing, what's that one song he sings? Kenny Loggins. Dax and I always sing the song. Name dropper. I just

name dropped. Hold on. You just drop Dax on the floor. I picked that up for you. This is it. Make no mistake. Yes. So, yeah, I love the 80s. in 90s in fact you were saying that you wanted to you don't talk about your age is your age online yeah i'm gonna be 40 in february okay i just wanted you to say that i want to say that because i don't want you to give me the like never tell a woman's age oh my god who cares but you said hey you know because i throw parties i would maybe throw your 40th or someone to help your husband do it or i want you

to pay for it no of course i'm not going to pay for your party okay but i will help you find the place maybe get maybe get an 80s band yeah you know but you know it's it's fun to have a little party and everybody dress up like for prom or whatever it takes you back it feels good i never went to prom i never went to prom either you didn't that's something i want to do in my life i want to maybe i should have a 40s that's what i did i had michael's never been to prom party did you invite me to that i don't think i was never i think i did i think i did you invited me to something but it wasn't a prom uh did you how did you take fame like where you uh how did you handle it like when you got i mean you became a big tv star with party of five by the way scott wolf amazing to work with

what a great guy right he's the best and just like dick clark he never ages like have you seen that It's insane. He looks exactly the same. By the way, did you ever, like, I know this is a weird question, but did you ever, I mean, obviously you've hooked up with your co-stars. You have a, right? You have, that's how you met your husband. Yeah.

You're getting anxiety right now. Yeah. Are you? No. I saw you touching your chest. I don't know. That, not a weird part of my chest. Just like.

You met your husband on the client list. Okay. Uh-huh, yeah. And you're, you dated another guy before that, huh? Who? From another show. Okay. Now, listen, a lot of times.

especially nowadays, you probably shouldn't, like, date your co-stars, right? This was a different time period. Yeah. Because now it could be like, oh, that's a no-no. Right. What do you attract it to in a man? Oh, gosh. Humor is number one, isn't it?

Number one. Because you don't always date attractive guy in your past. I knew you weren't going to say that. Well, John Mayer was a good-looking guy. Yeah. He was a great-looking guy. Yeah. By the way, I read somewhere.

Actually, I didn't read somewhere. I'm lying. But my assistant said to ask you this. Yeah. If my body is a Wonderland? For the record, was it written about you? No. And is your body of Wonderland?

I mean, I don't know. It wasn't written for you. I don't believe that it was written for me. But if other people want to say that it is, I'm fine with that because that's a real compliment. I love that song. Is it hard? You still love that song. Can you still listen to his music even though you guys dated?

I think he's unbelievably talented. And one of the coolest people I ever met. I met him too. I met him at a party and he was the most wonderful, sweetest. Great guy. I think people like, you know, in the industry, it's one of those things. Oh, he's been with a lot of girls. Okay, big fucking deal.

He's a good guy. He goes out with a lot of girls. Big deal. People called me like a serial dater when I was doing nothing but just meeting people like you do in your 20s. I just had everything happen on a red carpet. People want to talk gossip when their lives are born. They want to say, oh, he's the slut. He's the player.

She's a whore. Not that they ever called you a whore. Oh my God. Did they call me a whore? No, I said they didn't ever call you. You're not a whore. You were never that way. I just thought you were always.

No, I was not. No one ever thought of you like that. I'm not clear. I'm just saying that, oh, people always thought you were someone who was in relationships. You wanted to be, you wanted to get in a relationship. You didn't want to date. I didn't. Yeah, you were never like that.

Who wants to do that except you? No, I hate dating. I've tried to be in love for the last 10 years, but I went from someone who was too sad, to someone who was too crazy, to someone who I just wasn't quite in love with, to someone who wasn't in love with me, to someone who was mean. You got to keep finding. I'm not lucky like you. You finally found someone, Rob over here.

Oh, my God, it took me forever. It took me forever. You were 32 when you met him. Yeah. That's not forever. I'm 45. That's forever. Ever, ever, ever?

God, you're 45? Okay, fuck you. Why did you get so old? I don't know, man. That's crazy. I am getting old, though. Wait, you asked me how I handled fame and then you never went back to it. Oh, you want to talk about the 90s, but you went to the 80s.

Well, I have ADD. No, I don't actually know how I handled fame. I just did it. I have a choice. But apparently you, you never felt sort of like, you'll, you never felt sort of like, you like a real person really you didn't really right yeah were you kind of just being jennifer love hewitt like here i was i was i was genuine and i definitely like experienced it but i didn't have time to like really like be in it you know what i mean i just was working so i mean the first

i think when i had my daughter at that point and my so i just started my 29th year in the business this is the longest period of time i've ever had off and before i had my daughter i had been off six months total that entire time Okay. That's crazy. This makes perfect sense. So I had no time. Here's what we're saying.

I think maybe I just, I figured something out. This is therapeutic. I'm just really tired. No, you did something. I think everyone out there, if they're always working and they're always doing something and they're always keeping busy, no matter what you do, when you take any time not doing those things, you start to deal with something called life. You start to deal with yourself.

Yep. now being introduced to who you really are. And then you start to think too much. And so in a way, it's like you either, like I see a lot of these actors, why are they always working? Oh my God, I'd hate to work that much. Movie after movie, after show, after show. I don't want to, I honest to God don't want to be that one.

I never, never wanted to be that. My agent doesn't, I just don't want to be that person. But at the same time, if you don't work a lot. But now I understand why people always work, they always keep busy. So they don't have to deal with their thoughts. Yeah, themselves. Yeah. So maybe we're all fucked up.

Oh, that's 100%. Maybe we're just all fucked up and it's hard to be with ourselves because maybe we don't really love ourselves as much as we should. Of course. So maybe we should be alone with ourselves more to learn how to be alone. I highly recommend it. I don't. I like who I am. I don't love who I am yet, but I'm getting there.

That's how I feel. Yeah. I'm working on it. I feel like I love. This is a good girl over here. I like this chick. I love her. But see, that's shocking to me.

And that's shocking to me that you feel that way. No, it's not. I'm a clown. I'm a fucking guy who goes to parties. I don't go to parties, but I don't go to clubs anymore. You throw parties. Well, I haven't been to clubs. But I go to things and people are like, oh, my God, how do you have so much energy?

Oh, my God, are you drunk? No. I'm uncomfortable with myself. So I need to feel like I need to make everybody laugh. I'm making entertaining everybody. I'm making everyone laugh. Even when I go to my grandparents and the family, it's like, oh, Michael's going to have games for everybody.

He's going to, we're going to go swim. We're going to go, not that you need, but we're going to go play cards. And I can't think of games. I would organize. Swimming is not a game. Whatever. We're going to go do things. Let's go walk them all.

So let me ask you this. What do you think would happen to you if you just invested in one person being your audience that way to like let you be funny and do whatever and you just. Isn't a girlfriend? Yeah. And you just sat and like we're still. Love. And had some kids and just like.

Love, I'd leave everything. You would? I'd leave everything to meet somebody that I'm just absolutely head over here. Ladies, where the fuck are you? I'm not even kidding. I swear to God, I would leave it all. I don't care about anything. I want to feel something like that because I felt love, but it's an amazing feeling.

Yeah. So if I could really just be myself in front of someone and I have had these moments, but then shit happens. They're making me cry. Don't cry. You are crying. But I swear to God, I mean, as God is my witness, I really want to be in love. I really want, nothing's more important to me than just loving someone. You should go on The Bachelor.

Oh, my God, you're crying. You should go on The Bachelor. Give me your hand. Can I nominate you for the Bachelor? I'm not good looking enough. Oh, my God. No, that's not true. My ex-girlfriend won the Bachelor.

She was the girl that won it, and I didn't even know she wanted. Wait, who? Vanessa. The Vanessa girl. Vanessa Grimaldi. Yeah. She was a really good girl, but she didn't want to move to L.A. And she taught, like, kids and stuff.

Yes, I love her. She's beautiful. Good for you. Well, hang on. She never wanted to leave Montreal. God, your hands were really wet. You're really crying. They're not really wet.

Maybe I'm clammy. No, no, your tears. No, you have your tears. Let's tell people I have clammy hands. I felt a tear. Well, yeah. She's a wonderful girl. We're friends.

She's amazing. But she never wanted to, you know, move out to L.A., so it didn't work. But then the next thing I know my friend goes, I think Vanessa's in The Bachelor. It's impossible. She never wants to move from Montreal. Oh, boy.

And whatever. So she ended up being in the Montreal. And remember, I should have went to Vegas and put odds on this because I told everybody day one, she'll win the Bachelor. That's what I thought. She's an amazing girl. She's beautiful. she's fun she'll win it she was my but i was a little shocked but you know we weren't right for each other

so we were just friends anyway so it was you know but look here's the thing the reality is so move to montreal go get her no no no no no she doesn't want to be with me now she's famous and has millions of followers she can get so many other good looking guys and i'm not even okay i want this for you i'm going to pray for you that you have an amazing person come into your life and that you get what you want because you deserve it well thank you and i'm good i have good angels that listen to me you do yep i do you have any good girlfriends no I'll listen to you. No.

Look, I'm ready. I just don't. I do. I feel like, you know, we're, I'm getting old. You did it. You did it. Because I remember when you were like, Jennifer Love Hewitt, she wants to be in love. She's a wonderful girl.

She's successful. She's happy. And it's amazing how now you have all the things you love. Yeah. But you still don't love yourself. No. But how could you not love yourself for putting two beautiful kids into the world and being a good wife? I love that part of myself.

Do you think you're a good wife? I think I am learning to be a good wife. I think that's just something that you, yeah, I don't feel like I'm a great wife all the time. What don't you love about yourself? I just don't know enough about myself yet. Like, it's crazy. You know what I mean? It's crazy.

Like most people I feel, or maybe they don't. Like, maybe I just think most people do. But I feel like most people spend 29 or 30 years, like getting to know who they are. And I spent 29 or 30 years pretending to be other people and know a little bit about who I am. but was really told mostly who I was by people who wrote articles about me or people would pick out things that they liked or whatever it was. And you know what that's right about me. And so I go, oh, that must be something about me then. I didn't even know that. You know what I mean? So I had, yeah, it is. So I grew up with this like whole other thing. And I feel like it's just now that I'm sort of starting to, I love that I made two amazing kids. I love that I found the guy that I did who is extraordinary and cares enough about me to stick around. And I love that I took a break. And I love those things. But I just have a lot to figure out still about myself.

I love that I chose the basement to do these recordings so we could hear the giant boiler. Is that what's happening? Do you hear that? It's like Freddie Kruger. Fred Krueger's down in here. Does that happen at night and scare you? Oh, don't. That's so scary movies.

I know what you did last summer. I will leave. That's scary. Do you not like horror movies? No. See? Don't. It's not good.

I love horror movies. Did you like doing those? Yes. I know what you did last summer. I made $125 million. Is that ridiculous? It's crazy. Isn't that crazy?

I know. Did you ever think you'd be it? Yeah, you did. You knew you'd be a movie star. You thought you were going to be a movie star, a TV star, like a... I didn't think that I would be a star, but I did know that I would work because he gave it my all. That I did know.

Do you love work? Do you miss it? Do you miss working all the time? I don't. You really don't? I don't. And I'm getting ready to go back to work. And I'm excited about that. But I don't miss it.

I'm going to do 911. Yeah. 9.1. That's right. And I'm really excited about it. But I'm also terrified because I don't know how to be a mom in work. And I never thought that I would say. No, I don't.

And I'm honestly terrified. Can I remember my lines again? It's a muscle because I fear about, I fear that too. Like, you know, you can do this. I can. The first day, let's say, you're going to stumble a little bit. You're going to be so. And then a couple days in.

But here's what I feel really good about, which I know. never thought I would is that I feel like I have something like deep and real to give now that actually has a lot of weight behind it because it comes from like a real place that I didn't have before and I'm excited to I'm excited to give that. I'm excited to see where that goes and what I can kind of happen. So see next chapter shit. This is next chapter. This is dark shit. You lost your mother. You had kids. You got married. You're going through all this anxiety and all these things. And that will ultimately, if you can look at it that way, which is the way to look at it, it will make you a stronger person.

Yeah. And it will make you a better actress. Yeah, I hope so. And I'm going to go to work and be a real person first and a fake person second, which is great. And I feel really happy about that. That's pretty amazing. Yeah. I'm psyched.

And you don't use anything but like natural CBD for your anxiety. You don't take any pills. I don't. No sleeping pills, no nothing. No, I sleep amazing. Do you drink? I do drink. How much do you drink?

Not tons, but I do, I do like it. A bottle of night? Half a bottle. There have been times. Pined? No. No, not a lot, but I do like it. I love wine.

I'm making a wine. That's something else I'm going to do. I don't know yet. You should help me name it. Okay. Hewitt's good. I'm going to call it inside of you. That's terrible.

It's the worst title of you. I regret. I regret my title. What if I called it Rosenbaum wine? maybe I can get some percentage off that it's the bomb boom boom it's it's it's baum here's the deal my name's actually michael rosenbaum and my dad one day goes I go yeah Rosenbaum uh the address is it's Rosenbaum 1533 lamb and he goes what's your name and I go Rosenbaum and he goes are you a fucking idiot it's Baum I go yeah but I can't go

what's your name Michael Rosenbaum it's I can't Rosenbaum just flows off the tongue. I like Baum. All right, say Michael Rosenbaum. Michael Rosenbaum. No, no. Say it with a straight face. Michael Rosenbaum.

Yeah, it's awful. Rob, try it. That is ridiculous. Rob, try it. Michael Rosenbaum. It sounds awful. It does. It's terrible.

It's terrible. It is. It is. I'm sorry to, Dad. Arnold Schwarz, Naga. God, I could talk to you for hours. You make me feel better about myself. Oh, gosh.

You too. Honestly, I don't know, I just, I feel like I've missed out having a relationship with you. I know, right? I mean, you like a friend of Potonic relationship. I think I want to be better friends. Me too. Talk to me about putting rhinestones on your vagina. Oh, Vajazzling.

Vajasling. I never heard of that. And then, but you say you started that. I did. I didn't start. I've never seen that. Procedure. It's really pretty good.

It's not on your vagina. It's on the upper part. And it's rhinestones. Yes. Like Swashky Crystal. So you kind of see them when you're having sex. Yes. Yeah. So I, or across a room or whatever, I was engaged. It was a terrible breakup, really sad. This lovely woman showed up at my house that was sent by a friend to do a spray tan and to like get me out of my funk. And she was like, we're going to glitter up the hoo-hoo. Like, we're just going to make it a thing. And I was like, what are you talking about? You're going to glitter up the hoo-hoo.

Yeah. And she was like, we're just going to do it. And it's going to be fantastic. And so she did this thing. And I was like, oh, my God. It's like, but. dazzling for your vagina. So it's like vajazzling. And we started this word. And then I wrote about it in my book. And it became this thing. And now people feel free all the time to talk to me about their who-who situations. So people wear these like rhinestones on their upper area. What is that upper area called? The labia majora or minora? Is it a Jewish thing during Hanca? It's called the bar ham. Whatever. It's called the bar ham. The bar ham. section here's what I was most impressed about your career oh the own not the only thing but okay I loved I know what you did last summer I didn't move called urban legend yes we were kind

of a rip off not a rip off I loved urban legend isn't that one of the very very first times we met like back back in the day at a pool party yeah yeah yeah yeah you remember yeah yeah it was there like a Pamela Anderson or like a float of big boobs or something like that in the pool I just remember that I don't remember that yeah it was random oh my god I just remember you and like big boob floats okay go ahead you remember me Me and Big Boob Flows. You were the backup singer from Martika's number one scene. That's one of my, Rob, do you know that song?

Nope. Bit by bit. I also sang background vocals for Earthwind and Fire. What song? I don't remember. And, um, and, uh, Sheena Easton. What's Sheena Easton? What, Sheena Easton song?

I don't remember. Look it up. I was like 10 or 11 years old. I don't even know that I get a credit on it, but, but I did that, like randomly. We all fall down like toy soldier. God, that song was so. good he's saying with nancy sinatra yeah you've really had i've said this before to some people i'm like like haven't you done enough anyway well that was the thing about the break because i kind of felt

like it's not like it's not like there's a fuck yeah i mean i've got like i've missed out on it i mean i've really done everything that i wanted to do but the exciting thing about going back now is that having had the break given myself a little bit of time to be a person i now suddenly feel like oh you know what there is some more to do and so that's an exciting feeling to go back to work like that did your agents drop you or like no they're just like when you're ready yeah no they were very patient and they just sort of you know waited i've i've since gone to a new agency just to kind of like redo the energy and and kind of reinvent things so to speak but um but yeah no they were they were okay i don't i don't think people in my team really understood any of what i was doing

no they don't but they were kind about it i i think that's sort of like you know i said hey i need a little bit of time for myself and then three days later, hey, we got this Netflix thing coming at you tomorrow. I'm like, did you not hear what I said? I want some time. You know, and then you start to hear everybody starting to tell you what you should be doing and limit. And then you start to believe it for a second. You're like, hey, man, I love doing this podcast. I love writing. I love, I love acting, but it's just got to be the right thing, you know? I'm very picky these days and I'd rather not work than just work on something that I'm not happy about. I don't want to go to work every day going, hey, I'm on a show that no one gives a shit about. Yeah. I just,

I just, I got to give a shit about it. I got to give a shit about things. That's what I'm doing. Grant, sound like Seinfeld. Rob, did you find that out about who she sang with? No, it's not anywhere. It's not anywhere. You never got any money from it.

I don't think so. It was just like a studio thing that I did because I was recording my record at a place. And they were like, hey, you can hit a high note sing this on this person. So I was like, okay. By the way, you dated Jamie Kennedy. Yeah. Was that a good time in your life? It was.

Did you have fun? He really. did me a solid in like such a beautiful way in that I was um very overwhelmed I was very tired I had come out of a bad relationship it's right around the time that I got the jazzled and um and he taught me I hadn't laughed in a long time I was just like in a dark place and he taught me to laugh again like he really I I toured with him like on his comedy tour I'd never done something like that and I sold I sold no I sold his merchandise after every show and had the best time it was like the first time I'd had sort of a normal job and people were like, who are you and what are

you doing? Yeah, we sold tons of stuff. Well, they knew you. Yeah, but they were like, why are you here? And it was just the best. And I just sat in like comedy clubs and watched people overcome their own. Comedians are incredible because they are these deep people who oftentimes have their own sort of crazy stuff going on. And they overcome it for the need to get rid of it for 10 minutes and and and feel the laughter and the joy from the crowd but but it's really such a selfless thing that they're doing like to be able to step outside yourself and go you know what I'm going to put all that away and I'm just going to make you laugh tonight like I'm going to take away your bad day and your drama and yours like and I met some amazing comedians and it was just it was

beautiful it was a really beautiful time in my life and I'll always thank him for that yeah he was cool cool guy you guys don't talk anymore no we haven't talked in a really long time yeah I think sometimes you meet people on the way and they help you grow whether they're bad for you or good for you it's amazing we were not meant to be in a relationship but we had a great friendship and he really he just brought me back to laughing again and it was beautiful yeah that's beautiful yeah um it comes to a time in the podcast where i just ask you i pretend i'm your therapist for a second you can and you pretend your mind oh wow okay all i get all i'm saying is that you know from listening to you and knowing you i see what a beautiful person you are thank i think everybody

around you sees that thank you i think there's so much love for you that it's crazy to me to not and look I get it to not see the love you have for yourself as much and I think you're getting there like you said and it's a work in progress but I think one day something will happen where you'll be like oh my god why didn't I love me for all these years because I'm really fucking awesome so I think that you should like like look again we're all here with for one life so we got to just love yeah and it's your fucking middle name for god's sakes use it's true just love yourself thank you you know you got that's what i'd say you've you got to learn to love yourself more i mean i know i i look i'm puck on the kettle black

here you know rob loves himself rob do you love yourself look at him he really loves himself don't snicker do you love yourself just answer it no you don't you don't make me cry again i know why don't you love yourself i don't i mean the same reasons you guys as they're saying, too. I mean, everyone feels that way. You really think that's true? Yeah. I think that's true. I think everybody on some level just doesn't love themselves. Why can't everybody just say that? That didn't make me feel so much better if everybody told me that. Wouldn't that be great? No, it wouldn't. I don't want people not to love themselves. But, but they just don't. All right, how would you be your therapist? How would it be your therapist? I don't. I think

you're, I think you're pretty extraordinary in that you don't really need a lot of therapy. I think you, you kind of are pretty open and seem to know who you are. But I am going to say this, that I hope for you that with as much love and time as you give people sitting here in your podcast and to your writing and to developing things and all of that, I hope that you will find somebody maybe not perfect, maybe not with everything that you've ever wanted, not with all the right parts, but somebody that you're willing to stick with. And I hope that you will get love and I hope that you will receive love and give love. And I hope that you have kids. Because I think your kids would be really cool. If I can care. And I would love to have all

I just love to see all of that for you. That would make me so happy. Yes. Well, I'm going to call you one day. I'm going to call you one day. And I'm going to say, you better. Say love. You better. I found love. And you're going to go, guess what? I did too. Myself. Can you imagine? And then we should just like have a party for ourselves and how great we are. I'm going to know. name my kid love Rosenbaum. Oh, Baum. What do you think? Love Rosenbaum. Love Rosenbaum. Love Rosenbaum. That's really good. This has been a real treat for me. This has been like, I didn't, I didn't know. I was like, you know, I just didn't know what this was going to be. I knew you were nervous. I was like,

I, what is she going to, maybe she's going to say, don't talk about this. We need to be better friends. You know what? I shake on that, even though I'm clammy. You're not, actually, your hands are dry and perfect. They're very warm. I swear to God, they don't know. You're They're kind of warm. You had a tear on them before. I know, but they're a little warm. So I want you to know I'm here for you. By the way, just so people can know where to find you.

What's your Instagram? I think it's just at Jennifer Lef Hewitt. And you're going to be a 911. 911 on Fox. On Fox? When does that start? I think it starts like September 17th-ish. It's on Monday nights.

All right? Yeah. I'm going to be a 911 operator. Really? What's your emergency? That's what you have to do? Yeah. I take the calls.

I would have a, I would have the words in front of me. If I was doing that, I would just read them off. You probably can. Oh, I'm planning on it. Seriously, if you're sitting there on a phone or a headset, don't learn your lines. Have an earwig maybe? I'm going to tell Ryan Murphy's. Have you ever had an ear wig?

No, I have not. Didn't Marlon Brando use an earwig? No, but also, what's his name I think uses one from Iron Man? Who? Supposedly he's flawless with it. Robert Downey Jr.? No, Robert Downey Jr. You wears an earwig.

He does? Yeah, let me explain to you what happens in an earwig. So Rob is going to say words to me like he's whispering from another room, my life. lines, and you're going to have a conversation with me. So, Rob, you're going to answer her. She's going to ask me something. You're going to then give me my lines. Make them up.

Here we go. So is it bar ham or barram? Rob, you got to be faster than that. That would not fucking work. Rob, get in the mic. Here we go again. Here we go again. And take.

Where should I go to lunch today? Because I'm really hungry. Don't go to Morton's. That's terrible. Try it again. more more words rob act like you're talking go ahead jlove come on just crying again come on let's do it i can't i don't i don't care enough about it to do it again i want you to do it just ask me something i just want to give you an example okay when was the last time you went to the container store

oh fuck forget it forget it but the point is you can make it sound natural you can make it like yeah can you watch he's a bad actor rob talk to me you be my voice ready here we go go go So what happened this weekend? This weekend I went to a party. What happened with your lady friend? I broke up. I broke up. I was terrible.

This is a good conversation. You both are terrible. Jennifer loved you. It's really hard. It's not hard when the person's not laughing. Thank you. No, really, where should you eat? This has been a real, where should you eat?

Yeah, I'm hungry. I have food in the house. I want to make some food? Yeah, thanks. All right. for allowing me to be inside of you. Jennifer Love Hewitt. This has been a real treat.

I love you. Thank you. Love you too. Okay. God damn it. Believe has the podcast to enhance your football season is here. One of the most interesting quarterback rooms. To college.

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