Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Erica Durance

Episode Date: December 15, 2020

Erica Durance (Smallville, Saving Hope) joins me this week to share the anxiety and stress of going behind the scenes working in casting to in front of the camera on Smallville. Erica opens up on the different ways that she’s felt that she didn’t belong both in her personal and professional life. We also get into her thoughts and experience with postpartum, different tools to overcome anxiety, and her opinions on the Arrowverse. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello. Oh, man. This year's almost over. This is, uh, we have a, I think it's not many shows left of this year, but, uh, then it's the, the year that's supposed to be better. Two thousand, one. It's got to be better. It has to be.

Yeah. It'll take a little time, but not much, not as much time. It's just good to know, you know, when you're sitting here, it's like, like you're in limbo. You're just like these last eight months or whatever. And you're like, oh, so when is, when are we going to, you don't know, nothing? You have no idea when this is going to end. And now with the vaccine, you're like, oh, okay, so this is the beginning of, you know, the, uh, yeah, it's starting to feel lighter. The beginning of the end. Yeah. You know, that's good. Hey, thanks for, uh, listening out there. I say it all the time,

but I really appreciate it. Uh, and listen, if you, uh, you could do us a big favor. It does the pot a favor, go drop a rating and a review for us over at Apple Podcasts. I'm sure many of you have but if you haven't, it helps significantly. There's some kind of algorithm that they use. If you're listening there or have the app, stop what you're doing and go support the show on YouTube. It takes a couple of seconds. It really helps everything we're doing here. So you know, you just write a review, do a rating, and spread the word as always. You know, there's so many podcasts and things out there. So if you're enjoying this, we want to keep doing it.

We love doing it. And it helps. And we're trying to grow an audience here. So if you're digging it. And a big thanks to Nathan filling in from last week, great episode, good editing job. He was fun. Good stash. He had a great stash.

Good stash. Good, high deaf stash. High deaf stash. He had really good camera. Yeah, he had it all worked out. lighting was great. I think ours is good. His is. He went above and beyond. It's cinema. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's it when it comes to subscribing. Our socials. Here's the handles. Follow us. Like things. mention things. What is it, Ryan? At Inside of You pod on Twitter. At Inside of You podcast on Instagram and Facebook. That's correct.com slash Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Subscribe and write the reviews. Also, the store. Got a new product coming soon. Can't tell you what it is. But head over to the Inside of You online store grab a 15% off you know what for the holidays hell with it 20% off everything oh man

just use the discount code inside of you 20 get it while at last i'm just going to put it for a few days probably Tuesday and wednesday um but uh you know got wine glasses and uh we got mugs autograph mugs we got uh shirts and hats just a bunch of stuff and it's really groovy and that's pretty much where we're at here. The album, Rob and I are making. The band is called Sunspin. It's my new band where at the very end of recording, we've really been busting our ass. We've been playing stage. It's thank you all the patrons out there and everybody who have supported the band and we're really stoked. I really think we went above and beyond. We really worked hard and these feel full produced there's great melodies harmonies and i just really love the

album i'm really excited about it i don't expect to be a rock star or anything i just want to do it because i love it but i'm like man this is like i'm proud of this shit it's good to be proud it's good to not think i got to be great at this but i think it's pretty great and it's good to have made something this year yeah man it's like a tough year too and you make an album and you do something and you feel productive i think that's uh That's really important. And thanks to Westwood, one, for the support. And thanks again for all the love and support and extra support by my patrons.

If you want to join Patreon, it's wonderful. It's Patreon, p-at-R-E-O-N dot com slash inside, or maybe inside of you. And I always text you back right when you become a patron. And there's lots of great things on there. Take a look. There's a bunch of tears and zooms and whatever. There's just stuff. That's it.

We got a great guest today. I've been trying to get her for a long time. I mean, you think, Ryan, that the girl who played Lois Lane on Smallville would be an easy get. That would be an easy get. I got everybody else, but she, you know, we're friends, but, um, and it's funny because we, uh, we talk about it on the pot. We weren't like, we didn't work together a lot. No.

But, uh, you know, I tried to get her on and I think she was just, I, you know, I know you get personal and, but she was fantastic. She got into it. She opened up and let go. She's quickwitted. she's talented she's funny she's beautiful she's erika durance and uh she's a wife she's a mom she works really hard she's hard on herself um i thought i was the only one let's do it let's let's get inside erika durance it's my point of you you're listening to inside of you with michael

Rosenbaum Inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum Was not recorded in front of a live studio audience All right, so first of all, it wasn't easy getting in here. I mean, listen, I've had some big guests, and you're a big guest, but like, you know, I think that, you know, it was more like, you don't love doing interviews. You're not, like, it's not that you don't love being a team player and you do your publicity. You've always done all that.

But it doesn't mean you have to like it. I don't love it. That's my way of being really nice about it. You know how you meet people in the business and they're in the business for what you get from it versus what you do in it? I like what's happening when we're on the set in between action and cut.

That's my favorite. Or if we have a nice conversation. But all the other stuff, which I know is necessary. And like you said, I'm a team player. I try. But I don't like live for it.

Some people really love it and they're really talented and they love to get in and do all that stuff. I'm good for them. Do you think that it's, I mean, what's the difference between, like, when you're acting, right, when you're in a role, whether it's Smallville or the Aroverse or saving hope or all the shit, right, all the stuff, I mean, that's not shit, but, you know, the shit, the stuff. Well, well, too, we've all done shit.

The show is maybe my interpretation, but yeah, okay, I get it. Well, what I'm saying is when you're preparing for a role and it's action, I mean, you know, you and I deal with some anxiety and stuff like that. We could talk about that. But like, do you get anxiety before an interview? Like before this, where you're going, oh, my gosh, is he going to get personal? What is he going to do? I definitely contemplated.

Here's the thing. I have many different personalities depending on what time of day you get me or whatever, right? So if I geared myself up to finally do something, usually then I put on that personality, if that makes sense, the one that's a little more extroverted, a little more comfortable. doing these things and this is different because we're friends and I'm talking to you and like you're not I'm not looking I know that there's some people are looking for some hook or whatever um but this is different because it just feels like we're sitting and having a chitchat okay that's good so because I you know other people on the show that there's been a couple where uh I'm not well name dropping because they run the show but Jennifer love he was in the show

a while back and I remember the first time she was on she said she had an anxiety attack and she woke up in the middle of the night and she's like oh my god Michael's going to ask me about my mother because she had passed away years ago and I knew her and so she was all worked up before the interview even started and then you know then it was great and once she started we started talking but you know I wonder about that sometimes you know if you have a big I worry I tend to worry about everything I tend to worry it's it's like I wake up and I'll look at the clock and at 7.15 and I'm like oh my god the contractor is going to be here 30 minutes who gives a shit why am I why am I worried about that why am I anxiety ridden because

Because it's in anticipation of, oh, I have to get up, I have to, I'm going to knock when I'm going to start knocking at dogs. I've got to take the dogs out, Erzold, my dog, I got to take them to poop. All these things start happening. Like, why are you? I think for myself, one of the reasons I do that is the less that I have that's taking me out of myself, if that makes sense. If I'm, like, busy working all the time. I don't have time really to think about that. But if I'm home, then everything has, like, the importance of it is just overblown.

And if it doesn't get done, I feel like there's this sense of failing. So I can get really upset if I made a list of stuff that I'm supposed to do at the house and I don't do it. Right. And it's inconsequential and it doesn't matter particularly, but it's, I'm like clinging to whether I did all the laundry that I wanted to do that day or I folded it or whatever. Like it's, it gets pretty manic. So I'm trying to find tools to manage that. But I'm a warrior as well. Like I project way into the future.

Uh-huh. So whether it's with my kids or with career or whatever, one tiny little moment, like at a moment with my five-year-old who said he was too sick to go to school and I knew he wasn't too sick to go to school. But he ended up not going to school. And I just had this full-on tirade where I was like, I got in the car. I was crying and driving around like a freak because I was like, he can't be weak. I can't set this kid up to think that he can escape when he wants to and lie about it. and he's going to be 15 and he's going to be jacking around like it was completely irrational but yet i kind of had to go with a wave of it if it makes sense yeah you were sort of projecting

25 years from now and he's an adult as they say in can i not an adult put the right like seed in his mind right like you're failing right at that moment because it's going to show yeah that's that's god bless thank god i don't have kids because i would really be effed so that's just an example and i'm much more prone to that anxiety when it comes to them versus things for myself. Yeah. And so I noticed after having them, then my anxiety, like, just kind of skyrocketed. But you say, like, you know, when you're working, you don't have time to think about

that stuff. But isn't it when you're working too much, then, see, there's this balance, right? So when you're not working, you're working intermittently, then everything seems bigger. It's like, oh, then I have to do this. And it seems like your anxiety is more. But when you're in the thick of it all, when you're working, working, working interview, I can deal with that because it's, oh, my anxiety is already. up there. I'm already into this whole.

Yes. And I kind of like it. I don't know if you find that as well. I guess we're all contradictions, walking contradictions. But I find that it's almost as if when I'm working, my brain relaxes. Does that make sense? That there's so many things to kind of, it's revving at a certain pace. And that's the way it wants to work because I'm super, super intense. And so when I'm working, I can exercise it in a way, whether it's with the dialogue or like you said, problem solving or with it with saving hope it was fun because I had more of a leadership rule so then I could problem solve in all sorts of areas and then I can deflect all of that away from myself and I'm not sitting there just sitting around thinking but it seems overwhelming

to me like if you're constantly busy and you're constantly working and doing a serious and now you have three kids and you have your husband and you have all these things to like I can't if you're talking to me while I'm watching something if I'm at the computer typing and you go hey Rosenbaum what do you want to get for dinner it's like I go I can't hear anything you're saying right now I can't hear you stop wait until this is over I can't I just get so distracted is what I'm saying I get distracted and I can't imagine having children a family a I mean I have a dog sick and this and that and so there's a there's an element of that but so how do you do that how do you I don't know it seems like busy would be worse no no I don't know I'm

weird that way i don't know if it's because i don't really want to settle if i settle maybe i think too much and then the mood goes from anxious to depressed so is that what happens with david for how many i mean let me guess let me guess i'm saying probably i don't know 15 years we've been married for 15 and together for almost well 19 yeah really and i didn't look that up i honestly thought about smallville and like when you're about yeah wow 15 years now he's he's probably seen as you have him him his personality changes and things the things that just the imbalances the balance is what you're really strong out what you're weak at oh she's sensitive she's going to freak out over this oh he's going to be a dick now

this is kind of like marriage shit right well and that's kind of what's cool about being in a relationship a long time what's what ends up happening is um depends on who you are but sometimes you're married to somebody that is, I think, you teach each other things. You either teach each other things or yourself distract. I have this theory that we, now we're going into theories. Good, right? Theory. I didn't want to do this thing.

Theory it up, will you? So I have this theory that we are coming back to Earth as, you know, our own little spirits and we're supposed to be learning as we go. And we will constantly attract ourselves to certain people to learn lessons from each other. It's like a magnet. and so over the course of our relationship we've gone from like i have a tendency to never want to have any conflict my husband wants conflict constantly like if he can find it he'll find it and i can i will avoid it so over the course of our relationship what's interesting is i have gotten more

comfortable with conflict and he's learning to let go of some things that he would get freaked out about so we actually kind of helped each other in a way like not that we're sitting there trying to judge each other, but it was like the polar opposites of our personality actually helped. Wow. That makes sense. All right. Well, we're going to get... Yeah, I mean, over 20 years, a lot of growing

and especially with me, I've gone, you know, I was in my early 20s and now I'm in my 40s, right? So that's a big change had kids. I've been a lot of different personalities for David. Have you... Hey, you know what? I got to say, that's better than being boring. Oh, the same

girl for 57 years. And she's saying... He was like, Erica, I'll tell you what, I've got a different girl every week. This is fantastic. You know, we have this joke that there's a side of me that I use for work. And I said this on a silly magazine interview. But it's my Gemini twin and I call her Jillian. And she's the one that's more comfortable with things like this.

She's much more outgoing. But she's got a bit of bite and a bit of edge. Right. So sometimes that's fun. And sometimes it's not fun. I don't know what I'm looking for all right look well I want to get in a little bit of that but first I want to I want to rewind I know you've talked about it probably but like you know I didn't first of all I didn't know you were like a trained singer I don't think I've ever heard you sing well that's really a nice way of putting it I did like but I stopped training like when I was 20 right but that was my original goal I wanted to be on Broadway and I just went the wrong direction I went west instead of east I should have gone to Toronto But why can't you do a musical now? Wouldn't that be fun challenge to add to your multiple layers of Erica? So this is another thing I do. I'll jump into projects regardless if something is new and kind of fun.

So right now I'm doing the Christmas. Christmas chalet? Yeah. So I did chalet last year and then I did one called Christmas stars. And I got to sing in it. It was super fun. And one of the only reasons I took it is because I got to sing. Wait a minute. I did see you sing. I did see you singing something. It wasn't that. Did you sing in something else years ago?

That's what I remember. Three bars. Like, it was just like three songs. I had to audition. Did you know that? I had to audition for Jeannot. You had to audition for Jeannot, the director who directed also Jaws 2 and somewhere in time. He directed a lot of Smobbles.

You audition for what? Just to prove that I could sing. I had to sit with Chineau and Jay Marshall, James Marshall. Is just, oh my God. That's the worst. These guys, all right, guys, if you're listening, James Marshall was a producer. and director on Smallville. And, you know, I love the guy, but we got into it.

Did you ever see us get into it? Yeah, I saw one time where, and of course, my reaction to these things is always to giggle. And it's not because it's a good situation, but that's how I react to stuff. I'm also so impressed when you do get into things because I'm not like that. So I find it actually quite fun. But I remember there was one time where you had, I was working with you, which I very rarely do. And we were outside on the ice. and it was fucking cold

and there was rain towers. Anyways, I had just bailed and slipped on the ice and I was freezing and then you started yelling on it and it was totally like, Yay, Michael! Oh, yeah.

I flipped that. He was like, do it again. And you were like, yeah, it was great. I loved it. So you're saying I was sticking up for you. I was sticking up for you. Yeah. Yeah,

you were being so great. There you go. See? Sometimes you need. But the sing in front of, I had, you know, sing for something once. And I remember they,

I think it was from Moulon Roos. And I had no, and I, listen, I have like, I play music and I record stuff and I love music and I feel like you have to. I look to your album, you have a great voice. Well, thank you. It's hard for me to, look, look, here's the thing. I, if you sat with me in the recording studio, like the other night, I'm in the, in the, in the box and actually in Rob's closet, my friend's closet, because we went to Capitol Records and recorded and

then we had to go and do some extra little things. And he goes, pitchy, he'd stop and go pitchy, pitchy, pitchy. You know, it's so stressful. And he, and he, and he go like this, he could, because he's trained. He's done this whole life. He's like, oh, and I'm like, okay, do it. Pitchy, you're not hitting the note. You're not hitting the note.

I'm like, well, how do I hit the note? Smile. And I'm like, he's like, I go, and no, and no, but I look like an idiot. He goes, no one's watching you. Just smile when you're saying the fuck. And I, like, I, like, I, you just told him to fix it if it, if it's that close. Well, I just wanted to hit it. I wanted to learn, but it's, it's, you know, I remember.

I, when I auditioned for it, and I went in the door, just like, it's a big movie. You should go in there and do it. I go, but I'm not a great singer. He goes, so what? Just go in there. And I'm, and I sang. And I was just so nervous that it could not have been good. And I'm like, okay, great.

And, but you, like I said, a train singer can go in there and at least be on pitch, beyond, you know, being the right key. Know what they're doing, not just, right? You can do that. Well, within reason. But I do say that the recording studio is its own beast, right? like it's you think that something's and it's it's easy to go pitchy right oh yeah when i was doing my thing for the christmas stars and as it is when you do these kind of shows where um there's not a lot of time a lot of not a lot of money great people to work with but you you're slammed it's not like

you have six months to perfect a song right yeah so i flew in and then the very next morning we were going to hit this hit the studio and do our you know a few pieces that we had and um i actually had to get my co-star who's a country singer he had to sit in the thing with me after a while because i all of a sudden was forced into a harmony i didn't think i'd be doing and then so he was like right here trying to get me to do the right pitch as well and i was like oh and it's hard even for you so hard yeah all right go back to you know you're in the room with you know and by the way i love you know he won't listen to this but he's this old little lovable french guy who's got a little bit of a limp at least he did when i there and he's got the little cross-eye this cute cross-eye

that he don't know if he's looking at you're not and he's like Michael and we have to do this come on you're goofing around I don't even know what accent I'm doing but I can imagine I love you know I love him is that he knows he loves women oh my god he's not a creeper like he's got it down to a science he genuinely loves women without being so we were all like everybody was hugging oh yeah oh yeah I would flirt with him like when you could flirt with people but uh but I I I I I'd go up to Jeannot and he'd go, good morning, Michael, or whatever his accent was. And I'd go over and he's this little man and I would just give him big. Oh, he's like, okay, okay, that is good.

That's enough. Let's go. And I just loved him. But, you know, so when you're young, when you're working on, you know, working, when you're on a turkey farm or some shit in Calgary and you're growing up in the small town, I mean, nobody around you was thinking, I'm going to go be an actor, I'm going to go to Broadway. I'm going to do whatever it is you're going to do.

First of all, were your parents like, did they ever, did they want you to do something like that? Did they want you to do entertainment? Or do they expect you to just be around, always just be around? No, my mom, my mom was like the major voice in my head growing up. Dad was there. He wasn't as involved and he worked really hard long. He was trucking. Like when he stopped working on the farm, he was trucking all the time.

So it was me and mom that had all the conversations. And so mom was really big on the whole idea is that I'm raising. you to be an independent adult whatever you choose to do you choose to do it and you'll deal with the consequences whatever they are like and it's kind of kind of was great it was freeing so um she never said i couldn't do it she supported it i seemed to love it and so you know i'd keep um keep doing it and she would come and see my plays and all that kind of stuff but i was um it's like i didn't fit in my family like um my mom goes i had a boy and a girl and an erika so like I was the one that was now let me be straight about it like we're very close like I love my family

but I was kind of different and so I don't know where the dream came from for me to want to do this stuff whether it was just me hanging out on the farm and I just remember sitting out there and just dreaming big like I was going to go somewhere I was going to do something different and I just wanted to see the world and there's all these things that I were you cliche did you do the cliche thing that we all do where you sit back I could just see you you're on the Kent farm but you're in Calgary and your turkey farm and you're sitting on like the fence and you're looking up, you just saw a shooting star and you're like, God, please, please make my dreams come true. I want to be an actress because I, you know, I'm sure I didn't, I just was like, please God,

get me out of this. Please help me get away Calgon. Where the fuck are you? No, you know what? It's true, but I would take it one step further. And I often sang like that Disney song, that a dream is a wish, your heart makes. I would like walk around the farm singing it. So did you?

I was a special kid. Yeah, well, well. Were you popular in high school or were you a school? I don't think I was popular. I found that I had a lot of contentious relationships with chicks. I got along with the guys along there. Well, the fact that you said chicks immediately. I had a contentious relationship with chicks.

You know, think about that right there. That says it enough. I can fucking chick. I love that I love that That's awesome So growing up I had like a couple of really cool

girlfriends and then I had just moments I think when I got into my teens It just was like weird Because I was hanging out with all the guys But not in a gross way Like they were always asking me How to hang out with the other girls Or date the other girls

So it's like I was their friend But then all the girls in the class Thought that I was a big fat slut That was stealing all their boyfriends And I was like I'm trying to set you guys up did you drink were you a boozer in high school or were you always like a good you were allowed to booze so like I

yeah we're no one's allowed to booze you think people are allowed to booze when they're in high school oh you know we're not allowed to drink oh well that should stop us but boozing to like would equal like massive amounts of sinning kind of not boozing right so I grew up at a very very conservative fundamentalist religious religious farming community I mean you could peel the onion for a while with me. Do you, but do you like, do you still go to church? Do you still have that influence? Are you religious? Or would you say, uh, you're more like, well, I'm more agnostic. I don't really necessarily believe in atheists. I have some friends that are atheists.

I'm like, fuck, you believe in something. Come on. That to me that, look, I respect what anybody does. But atheists to me is a strong term. Just like two religious is too much. But it's, I would say that I have a problem with organized religion because of my parents is growing up. Doesn't mean that there weren't really great people there. But to me, my reaction to it, I would never put my kids in a situation like that because I took verbatim, everything that was said to me, and I went to the extreme. So I was one of these kids that thought they were going to hell every night. Yeah.

See, that's the bad part about it. And I just, I don't trust organized religion because I always wonder, where is your motivation coming from? Is it fear, power, money, you know, where did all the rules come from? So I'm kind of in that phase of my life where I'll look back and do some studying as to why, say, for example, they have certain laws in Christianity that this is wrong or this is wrong. And then I kind of go, well, let's consider what society was like back then and why they were motivated to make that as one of the Ten Commandments or whatever, right? So I'm kind of trying to dismantle that for myself a bit, but I could not live in a world where I didn't believe in something. That's my point.

Just go ahead. Go ahead and not believe in anything. That's fine for you. But I would find it super depressing to just think that I die and I'm on food. I have to believe that I will see the people I love in another life. I don't know what that's going to be. Yeah. I know why you take that away from you. And that's the purpose to, to me, it's all about respect. If you don't believe in God, great. If you believe in God, great. I have friends that are Mormons. They're great families. It works for them. They're good people. I love. like being around them there uh you know i have a friend uh in indiana who's who's you know goes to church every sunday and it works for him and his family and i'm like that's awesome you do what works for you it's your life and for someone else to tell you what to believe in or what you shouldn't believe in or what so that's where it gets kind of cloudy so i always say look yeah that's the thing about organized religion and that's why it's i think it's quite dangerous um if you look at kind of the the main belief structure of like all the different religions that are around it's mainly

you know you're going to have to be responsible for what you do in life at some point and let's try to love each other basically i mean that's a really loose generalization but they come together on those couple of points right and all the other stuff i think that was basically designed for whether it's power or whatever right because if you go back and you study all the different religions oh now that one's bad so now that we can conquer them and kill them all and make them all this right So anyways, I'm getting heavy. No, no. And by the way, it's like if you can go back.

Constant process. I don't know if I know really anything at this point, except for that I think people should just love each other and like try to do the best. Wouldn't that be easy? Isn't it easy? I talk about this. It's so, there's so much more energy exerted when you're angry or mean or, you know, you have these trolls.

It's just like, it's so easy to just be like, you know, because we all can judge. you know somebody could be walking across the street and I go what the fuck is that dude wearing that is and I will stop my that that is terrible me to judge that is good for him he's happy let him wear that look at me I'm gonna wear a t-shirt and shorts half the time fuck me so I try to turn it into a positive because it's like as long as you're happy yeah it's like re-training your mind um whether it's having to do with that kind of stuff or anxiety or whatever it's like you catch yourself in that moment and go okay I'm projecting into the future I can be chill let's live in the moment and ironically I think that's a little bit of the COVID that's kind of happened to everybody

too with respect to people obviously not getting sick but or passing away but the idea that we're forced kind of into all of us into a time out where we have to slow down you know inside of you is brought to you by rocket money I'm going to speak to you about something that's going to help you save money. Period. It's Rocket Money. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. This is just a wonderful app. There's a lot of apps out there that really you have to do this and pay for and that. But with Rocket Money, they're saving you money. You're getting this app to save money. I don't know how many times that I've had these unwanted

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hoping that the suit. Yeah, to yourself, which we all do. You know, everybody has their stories in Jim Carrey. I wrote myself a $10 million check, and then I cashed it. day. Whether that's true or not, it's a nice story. I say sound of music to the cows. They loved me. What was the big song and sound of music? Um, oh, God. The hills are alive. I got a smile. Sorry. The hills are alive with the sound of yours. Sorry. All right, Smallville. I didn't really know you because, again, we didn't work a lot together. But when we did, I noticed something

about you, which I've talked to you about, which was you had anxiety. like I do in different ways. I tend to fake it. I have this confidence where I could turn into a confident guy. You think, God, this guy's so confident. Fucking, what an asshole. Like, I'm so, I'm throwing it at you. So you don't think there's any, like, you know.

Yeah. But I do suffer. And I would suffer by, you know, always doubting myself and always like, you're not good enough. And like, did the director like you? Did the other actors like you? Are you good? Are you going to keep your job?

It was this constant cyclical. maniacal fucking thing that just was just pounding in my head and so for me I would do my thing now you I noticed you were the sweet version but you weren't like someone that was just like hey chicks I'm about to do my scene you know what's up chicks you were you were sort of like what's the word uh tentative no what's the word is that the right word sort of like uh what's the word I was nervous. I would go really introverted. So I'm certain.

I constantly second guess myself. I don't know where that came from. But I'm actually working on that, actually, at this point of my life, which is crazy to say at, you know, 42. I'm like, I'm really learning to trust myself and walk away and not constantly be going, well, that wasn't good enough. That wasn't good enough. I don't know.

That's what I remember. You were sort of apologetic. You were always like, I'm sorry. Well, here's what's baffling. If you, they would have said action. And Erica Durantz was terrible. Then I would have been like, well, I guess that's why she's nervous because she's just not very good. But you were so good that I didn't understand why you were so uncertain on all these things, which I also looked at myself and said, wow.

Sometimes I'd watch, you know, I didn't watch all the time. But when I watched myself, I'd go, I was able to actually say, you were good. Dude, you're good in this. Sometimes I, well, hang on, me, to myself. And then yet, you'd think that when I got back on set, I'd be confident and ready to, but it wasn't always like that. It was always, always this perpetual doubt, this sort of like, why am I doing this to myself? Why am I getting anxiety again? I know I'm good.

I know I can do this. And there's that feeling that you have to be good. There's more people around. There's this. And I hate that. And some therapists will say, this is what drives you. This is what makes you better. I go, I don't want to punish myself.

And they say, well, then quit. I'm like, well, if I quit, then I've given up. I want to conquer my fears. I want to be able to just be, you know, like everybody. So back to you. I just want to that's how I felt. So how did you feel? I couldn't believe I was there, right?

Like I felt like I had joined a group of like the cool kids and the ones that have done all these great things in the world. And then there was me that just kind of randomly showed up on the set. You have to understand. I used to book Tom and Kristen's photo double in that show. You were casting. You're a casting director. Yeah.

So all of a sudden, I'm in the show. I'm working on the show, and it's halfway through, and I know it's really popular and that sort of thing. So I just always felt a little bit behind and like I was off, off kilter a bit. And yeah, like, I was a big dork and didn't quite fit in. And you could tell, because I would do these weird things and people like, that is really bizarre. I didn't think you were weird at all.

I just thought you were just a little nervous, which is fine. but now as you're talking it's really dawning on me like i'm imagining myself and maybe you guys out there could do this imagine yourself talking about casting someone a movie and you're just you're sitting there you're eating chips and you're like how about this girl or how about this guy okay i'll cast him that's great and then someone goes you know what why don't you play the role what you're gonna be in smallville what yeah and it was like i remember because i got it on a Friday and then I had to do my read with Tom we've talked about this because you know people are always asking that question but I didn't realize that he was really gracious about it but I didn't

realize that was like if he hated me I would not have the joke and I'm glad I didn't know that I would have been so stressed I would have been like I can't even speak I don't know I mean honestly Tom probably would have gone just not attracted to her I bet like think about it like honestly if you don't have chemistry with someone and they're supposed to be lowest lane you're Clark Kent. It's not chauvinist. What's the word? Whatever.

To just say the producers, you know what? I'm not feeling it. I don't feel like the chemistry and the... Is it a good vibe? Or what you're saying is you're not attracted to the person.

Like you know immediately when you meet an actor, I think there are two types of actors. There are the ones that are cool like us. Oh, yeah. We're so cool. You know right away when you meet a certain actor

and you're like, okay, we just won't get a lot. We're going to be like oil and water. And that's just the way it is because we view it's so different. And so I think that that's part of what happens when you initially meet with people. And so maybe that was what ended up happening in that read or whatever because I remember Beeman was there and I was so stressed out and I had to read my scene.

And I was like, oh my God. So. Well, what was your first line on Smallbo? Do you remember it? Our first scene? I think. Oh, gosh. Do you know what?

It was, I came out of the elevator. all I remember is I came out of the elevator and walked on the hall I was going to find Chloe in the hospital and it wasn't Clark it was Nathaniel was like half naked looking the other way and I remember Nathaniel was the stand in right

Nathaniel did it was such a pose and Tom doesn't pose at all yeah so I was Nathaniel the stand in was so he's shirtless he's shirtless and then a little something else on the back I don't remember so you saw a butt cheek like a half

crack full i think so okay and and the this is the stand in not tom standing in for tom welling and he's posing when you say pose what was he posing like what was he was he doing a superman fly as one would i think try when they're going to be naked try to look good but nathaniel also was quite theatrical so it was just quite funny because the two different people had have been well and he'd have been like you done you hate this you know but um nathaniel was enjoying it And I remember, I just walked in and I don't remember that day at all. Like, I'm so scared. But I know Lois said something quippy.

And then the next scene we did, I remember specifically because it was some other time that I saw Clark naked. Isn't that great? That's how they introduced my character on with the show. Good for you. And I go, I'm Lois. Lois Lane. I remember that line. Did you think that your anxiety and maybe depression really small, though, was the reason for that?

Because it was so much pressure and so much stress and anxiety to come on that show that that kind of pushed it into a different direction from that do you blame small for your exactly or did you like honestly because like i i remember i worked i worked they worked i worked i stressed i stressed i stressed and then something was the tipping point something was that got me over the edge where i'm like okay now i have uh anxiety that i can't really control as easy as i used to be able to i'm older now this has happened i've got to take a step back and was it smallville or was it something or did you always deal with it It's always been part of my personality, but I didn't recognize it for what it was.

And so it wasn't Smallville. Actually, I got a lot from Smallville. It pushed me out of, out of myself, right? And I learned to trust myself a little bit more. And then as I went into saving hope, I really was thrown into the deep water myself. And then you really start to kind of keep your own counsel and go, it's good enough. And you kind of move on, right? I never really believe that there was something like that that would happen to me,

that I would actually get to do the acting thing for real, right? I was fully ready to kind of continue on as everybody else I knew went on and completely fine with it, right? So when it came about, it just surprised me and then it took me a while to get my feet under me, but I loved it so much. I think my anxiety and depression came out after my second kid. And it was, that's where it kind of got triggered. Is that postpartum?

Yeah. And I've never, well, I'm managing it much better. but the it really i don't know body chemistry of what it was but when i when i went to have locklin my five-year-old we had to do lots of IVF we did quite a few years of that and so when you do that you really play with your hormones a lot and that can kind of affect all sorts of things that can affect how you look how you feel but it can be forever like then your your hormones are out of whack for really long time and some of them don't really go back right so if you think about all that stuff that you're pumping through you.

The only thing that I can kind of liken it to, and I don't know if you've ever done this in your life and you don't have to say. But when I try to explain it to a man, I say, have you ever done, take an extra testosterone to work out? Or have you ever done a little bit of caffeine?

Or have you ever? Sure. And it gets that kind of rager. And the rager comes out. That's kind of like some of the hormones that I did. Only it lasted for like 10, 15 months, right? Jesus. So I,

now when I look back on, I'm like how busy it was, how tired I was. I had two pregnancies while I was working. I was trying IVF for 10 years. So I think it all just kind of went to the point. And then I had my second son. And then saving hope was done then. And it was just like everything stopped, right?

I've been working for 15, 16 years. And then it stopped. And I had nothing else to do. And then I have all these hormones and these emotions, right? And I think that it just kind of. you know what i love that you're so honest about that because that's so important for people to hear not only for women to hear it but for men to hear it because you know i i i've said this before and you know it's way fucking harder to be a woman it's so obvious the shit that you guys go through

and then you're having periods and then giving birth and then all the hormones and the shit it's just it's just not even on the same fucking level ever and you start to get those women we then you start to get okay after having your kids and you think everything's going to go fine and then you go into menopause and everything gets fucked up when does menopause start it depends on the person my mom started really early so i might be starting in my 40s somewhere she started at 39 that's how powerful she was she was like i'm done and she like set her body into menopause just my sure real power but um it really messes with you like i have so many girlfriends that are a little bit older than me and they're going through it right now and it's like they're fucking so angry and

so stressed and so depressed and it's all these emotions that are going by the postpartum i just never really understood it i never because i'm a guy and then um my friend Nate years ago uh he had a baby and um his mom Terry calls me one thing you know southern woman lover call her mom she's like Hey, Mike, Amy's gone. And I said, what, Terry, what? We lost Amy. And I go, what? What do you mean?

Nate's wife, she overdosed on pills to a bottle single postpartum. And it's such a serious thing. That was a huge wake-up call where I was like, this woman wasn't suicidal. This woman wasn't like wanting to take her life. This is, postpartum is a real thing. and she and they i don't know they weren't on top of it or she was too shy or too reserved that didn't want anybody to know that she was having these feelings and these and for whatever reason she took a and then didn't wake up and it was the most hard and i had to fly to

indiana and i stayed with nade a week and i was on baby duty at like one three and five to change the diapers and i'm like what the and just hanging out with him and and going this is just awful so uh yeah i don't know why i felt compelled to tell that story If you're okay extrapolating on that, I don't know if you want it to be like a happy or like a, like my, is this okay for the podcast? Yeah, no, I mean, this is real shit, man. Okay, so one of the things about I found about postpartum is it's like in hindsight when you look back, you realize that wasn't quite normal. Like I don't even think a lot of times, unless women have read about it beforehand and have support, they don't really know that they have it. They don't know.

They're just living in it. So one of the major things that women that I've talked to you and myself felt was when I had my children, I had a panic because I realized I wasn't going to be alone in my head ever again. There was always going to be a person there. And that freaked me out. And not only was it a person, it was a person that I felt I didn't deserve to take care of. and there's a lot of women that experience that they think if it would be actually they really think this because I remember thinking this clearly and I remember thinking it was loving it would be easier if I wasn't around than for me to be around and find out because I was so terrified that I was going to mess them up and they were so perfect that I thought but it's better that somebody else that's more calm and that could do this right would be around than me. And I just wanted to disappear. And it seemed like a completely logical thing.

Completely logical. Like, this is a loving choice that I'm making. So I'm not going to put on what, you know, what happened to that woman. But they've really, like, it's not out of a selfishness. It's out of the sense of like, I can't, I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to wreck you. You're perfect. I understand.

Honestly, I, what you just said absolutely resonates. it is probably what most parents feel or mothers feel to a certain degree. I mean, certainly some are meant to be absolute mothers and want to give birth the second they can, you know, and some don't and some weight and some are, you know, they, well, I hate the word, use the word accidents. They're all miracles. But the biggest fear I have in this, on another level, of course, throwing it back to me, but in a way that I can understand or make you understand that I understand you,

is that I think part of the reason maybe I didn't you know I haven't become a father I always scares me I'm like well who's going to teach the kid's math I know it sounds funny who's going to teach the kid's science I don't I'm going to fail I'm going to fail this kid I'm going to fuck up I'm going to I'm going to ruin this kid's life I can't do this I it's almost like it's what are you doing yeah of course you could do this but you get start imagine and now amplify that by actually being a woman who's giving birth to this child and so I can't even imagine it's it is uh i absolutely understand what you're saying that makes perfect sense where you're like i i can't do this i'm going to fail this person so it's easier for me to go it's the enormity

of like and that's we talked we're going full circle if if you can have somebody in your life that's supporting you and with you which is not really usual in you know like western culture to have like the mother and the auntie and this person that person to kind of go let's not project into the future let's just do today yeah like if somebody were to just said let's just do today. Let's not project into like what they might do when they get older or how you're going to, I remember this was my intensity factor. I don't know if I've told you this, but I remember there was a time that I freaked out and I yelled and Lachlan was only about like 16 months old, so not very old. And I just had a total freak out. And I looked over and I'd never seen that look

in his eyes. And my first thought was, oh my God, I'm the person that taught my son to be afraid. like that's the first thing I thought and I thought I can't do this I can't be around I'm gonna wreck him and so like anyways I'm again super super intense right well you know what isn't it easy to I mean look think about that I can remember children remember I remember it's weird because you remember a lot of the bad things don't you you remember things that are like you know I'll say things that this happened but if you asked my parents about it they're like what are you talking about and i'm like no this is exactly how it happened i'm the kid i remember it that's how because it's how i felt they might not have thought that that was causing that

they thought oh we were just fighting i had an axe in my hand i wasn't going to really kill your mother like what you know but it's amazing the things so but then you start to think logically and it's hard to think that way but you're like i am going to say things and make him think oh my god i'm crazy or i'm scared or on this this is just this is part of it you can't be perfect in front of your son always and it's hard to accept that because you will fuck up constantly and if you're trying to be too safe you're just killing yourself by the way you've had four hairstyles in this interview i know and the more like them all it's gonna go back up i like them you know what i'm i wish i was casting something because i have four looks now and uh there's no

describes you can't stop moving if you saw my feet how does she look with her hair up uh can we can you bring her back for a read i'd like to see her hair up can we uh yeah i get so squirming no you're great um thinking oh that's gonna be where we well that's my way this is i love i'm not just saying this uh you know i know you're a little bit like maybe a little nervous about it you know like i don't because we had to sort of cancel once because you're like i don't know if i could do this because you know it's me and it's like and i go uh you know and then i asked you And you're like, you know what, fine, let's do it. And by the way, you weren't, you weren't mean, you're, I got it.

And I, but I, but I'm loving this is what I'm saying. Okay, good. Me too. It's fun. It is. It's, I'm just learning so much. I mean, I didn't think we talk about these things. And it's like, I really think that a lot of people are going to relate to this or they're

going to, especially the, the, the, the issues that you're talking about with postpartum or anxiety, just these things, it just, I know that usually it's like therapy for me. And if it's therapy for me, it's probably therapy for some people. out there. Oh, yeah. Arrowverse. When they asked you to do Arrowverse, what was that like?

What was that like going on? Because how long had it been since you acted with Tom or were Lois Lane? I mean, I guess, well, no, because you weren't Lois Lane on Supergirl. I hadn't seen Walling for like, well, since we ended. When did we end? Something like that, yeah. Yeah, so nine years. Were you nerd?

Was it weird? Was it just weird jumping into that character? It was like, yeah, it was very, very comfortable and easy. And it was like, fun. I loved it. Did you get a good response from it? I think everybody was pretty excited about it, that, you know, I usually don't pay attention to a lot of trolls. So maybe it's a skewed reaction, right?

But I know that people are really excited about it being part of the Aeroverse again. I wish it had been a little bit longer. But then in a way, it's great that it was short because then, you know, you get in and get out. Yeah, for sure. well what about what about like when you did supergirl and you played you played her mom right yeah there's no way you look like her fucking mom well i am getting a little long in the tooth as one would say long in the tooth had a kid at 10 years old so this will launch a whole other session of podcast but we can do this another time because it's been so much fun but um it's funny

to go from like kind of like ingenue and then they don't know what to do with you so then you just become a mom. And I have a mom. It's fine. But like, Melissa is 31. Was it, was it fun or was it boring or was it? It was okay. You know what? It felt like being back on small, though, but not with my buddies, right? Like, everybody was nice. Melissa was super cool. But it felt so strange because it was a bit like small, though. All the all the sets were like that and all of the stunts were like that, you know? Was it as fun? I mean, in terms of like the set. It wasn't really my family, right? Like, I felt like Mabo was my family.

It was a new family. They all have fun. I just found myself, I took my earphones and stuff, because you know what ends up happening, right? Like, if you're on the show a long time, you get to kind of choose your little space where you go sit. If you're guesting, you sit where they put the bloody chairs. So sometimes I'd be sitting in there and then they're like trying to have, they're having their conversation. I'm sure they're not registering me at all, which is fine. But I just felt like I was like in there.

space do you know what I mean so I just like put my earphones on to read my book okay like I'm retreated back into Erica but you enjoyed it it was just like so what I'm gathering is this because this makes perfect sense so as an actor when you come on a set and you're a guest star or you're just recurring or whatever it is the hardest job in the world you are like imagine smallville we're established I know sort of what I'm doing kind of we're all it's a machine and then all of a sudden Erica Durrance as Lois Lane jumps into the machine. She's on set for the first time. And as a guest or as a guest star at this point, we don't know. She walks out of the elevator and sees a naked stand in. This is her first day on

fucking set. And it's like, how do you feel comfortable? So when Eric was talking about Supergirl, it's not that she didn't like it or whatever, but she's also doesn't belong in their family. It doesn't belong, but she's not, she's just kind of there. And like, she's not part of this really. And so that is very difficult. Yeah. Was your anxiety through the root? no no not at all i don't know why i was just like whatevs maybe i was still like i just i was only maybe i'm getting all i like i like less anxiety i love when i when i'm taking things in stride and i'm like maybe you thought lois lane big i got to be great i'm nervous anxiety mom let's just do it whatever it's not my mom it's just like i have like zero horses in this game i just came in

I did my couple of lines. And then I thought, okay. This is shit talking with Erica Durant's, folks. Your questions. This is rapid fire, okay? Oh, I'll try not to think too hard about my answer, then. These are for my patrons. Thank you for supporting the podcast.

And Erica will love hearing these questions. Carly T. loved you as Lois Lane when you took on the role. Are there any conscious decisions you made to make your lowest different from the ones that came before you? No. Honestly, I didn't compare myself to the, other people I was I was sliding down that water slide going okay this is my material this is my material and you just read it memorized it delivered it and that's me that's it and I hope I used to

say you just throw a bunch of shit at the wall and see what sticks it was dynamic yeah you were dynamic Lisa H on a recent online convention panel you had mentioned that before you landed the part of Lois and Smallview actually worked for talent agency how is the transition this is a good question because we talked about it, how was the transition from an administrative position to being the talent? And how fast did that happen? It was weird. It was bizarre. Like I said, sometimes it would make me more nervous because I was on the set and I knew all the backgrounds and I was like, I got to perform.

So if there's more background people there, I was much more uncomfortable than if it was just like a scene with another actor. Because you were thinking, oh, my God, she casts us and she's doing this. It felt like everybody was watching, even though you and I both know they couldn't give a shit. but they're just like hurry up i want lunch please hurry this guy can't deliver his fucking line lex loser supposed to be brilliant the guy can't even get his lines out jennifer ann what is your favorite episode of smallville with tom welling as clark kent my favorite season i don't have favorite episodes because they're all the same but i like season eight a lot but that's also because i would in the other seasons leading up to it i was always the the joke at the end of

the scene so i would show up at the end of a scene that i thought was about something interesting then I'd say something, but then the scene would be over, so. Nico P., who's your favorite sports team to root for it? Let me guess the Calgary Flames. And I like the Seahawks. Seattle Seahawks. That's close to Calgary. That's only an hour from Calgary, right?

I know a couple hours. All right. Dana asks, with how the world has changed so much, how are you dealing with schooling with the kids? Wine, liquor, or beer? Edibles. Oh, pot edibles. something mellow that just kind of do you feel like alcohol makes me really mean mommy

yeah that's enough when my husband would walk in and I had my vodka bottle out of the freezer and he was like oh shit did you both laugh or was it like a moment he's like wow yeah it's just a sip I've been caught doing that honestly I feel like an alcoholic but I'm like I don't drink really so once I got caught drinking out the bottle and they're like are you serious dude I go okay I know what this looks like this is the first time i've ever done i just sound guilty there's nothing to say but it really was i don't do that so anyway well see that's what makes me a little bit more like i kind of am like a dude like it's just easier to drink it on a bottle than get a class

i do that all the time my friends are like can i drink the lemonade nope how about the diet coke nope because i drank out of it i do that all the time and i don't waterfall it either like it's a full-on yep anyway shelby is there a character we'd love to play in a movie or tv show Is there something you'd love to do? Something with music. I love that. Vinifia, new Patreon. What is your favorite thing about life?

That's a great ender. What's your favorite thing about life? Recently, I would say that it's going to change. And I love that. Whether it's that it forces me to live a little more in the moment and also feel a little bit less desperate. If things are rough, there's always, there's always a change. There's always a balance to the negatives.

And family. You know what I like to be about life? Being alive. That's a good thing. I mean, you know what? It's like that's, I know it sounds stupid, but honestly, no, the fact that you're actually able to talk and walk and hair change.

Now I'm thinking again deeply. This is Erica, this is real Erica. I love it. I get into chatting with a friend of mine. And then I look and I think, my face looks really round and then I take my hair off. by the way this this has been really fun and if we ever do another podcast because we're running out of time for your session we can talk about something that was really tough in my life that i had to do if we ever do another well can you give me a hint about it it's when i did the hard stern show oh wait wait wait wait you did the howard stern show well it was one i ended up doing it twice and i shouldn't have gone back but what was it what he was just asking you because it's howard he asked personal questions um

So the first time was kind of gross, but I got away with it. And then I did a butterfly effect too. And I got a lot of pressure from the studio and from a lot of people to go and how it's here. My first reaction was, and this is what I should have stuck to, no, it's not my deal. Like my life isn't that like that. I don't have a tawd reexistence. It's fairly basic. But then they kept asking and asking in the studio, like, you got to do this.

And so I said, okay, I'll go and do this. I can do this. Because the last experience I had with Howard, he's a nice enough guy. Like, he's smart. He knows his stuff. You just have to know what you're doing when you go in the ring with him. And I did not. And so they do these pre-interviews with you where they ask you something.

So they gave me this line of making up these, like, West Van parties that our family does, which is like, we're known for, like, West Van is known for swinging and all that jazz and all that. West Vancouver. West Vancouver, yeah. I don't know the grid. And I don't understand why it happens, but I don't judge. Okay. Anyways, pre-interview, they said, make this shit up,

and then we'll segue, we'll have a little laugh, and then we'll segue into talking about your show. And so I did that, and then they didn't let it go. And there was no way I could get around it. It got worse and worse and worse as I was sitting there. And then they started making fun of my outfit and saying I looked Amish. They're just trying to get any kind of reaction out of me. This is on the actual show.

Yeah, this is on the show. Like, if you YouTube and now a bunch of people might use you. So Howard's interviewing you? Howard's interviewing me. And they're making fun of you? Oh, yeah, because they realized that it wasn't me. Like, I was trying to play this game. If I had been like them and gone in there and known how to, like, work the room and stuff,

they probably would have chilled. But the worst experience of that, and I cannot believe I didn't birth, I don't know why I didn't leave. But he had two cronies that. threatened they were standing in our off camera and they were going to drop trow and show me their business to try to get another reaction out of me. Like it was just a nightmare

and all I could think is I've like brought so much shame to my family and that's all I could think about was like why did you do this? If it had just been me, I would have been like that was really embarrassing and dumb but I felt so embarrassed for my family because it was so tawdry and um...

Well, wait a minute, but you were on his show before. I talked about it to Kristen and that's it. Well, you were on the show on Tower Stern once before you said. Yeah. And that was fine? Well, it was okay. It was still, like, kind of embarrassing and it was talking about. But it was okay enough for you to come back.

So you felt like it wasn't going to get. I felt like it was going to be like kind of like the soft footing it, right? And something light and joke. And then talk about the movie. I was supposed to get on there and talk about the movie. And they wouldn't do it, right? They couldn't let go of this ridiculous story that they told me to make up. And I just couldn't figure out.

out a way to get out and it was over and Howard was really nice like he came up afterwards he's like are you okay you seem like like I think they thought it was part of their show right and and I'm like yeah yeah yeah and I got out of there and I went downstairs and I started like I was bawling in the room in the building below and somebody reported that back and then it was headlines Erica left Howard's crying and like it's taken me this has been well over a decade 15 16 years to even talk about it because it was so embarrassing you know what but it's good to talk about it now and especially in this world where we're talking about our past and it's like you know what I still learn something valuable from that like go with your gut and if you can't do something or you don't think you should

or it's not your deal like don't be so afraid of authority just say no and I have a hard time to say no if my boss says I'm supposed to do something right Yeah, especially if they're not like, maybe you weren't prepared enough, obviously, or, you know, and I know, I don't think, you know, when I've listened to Howard Stern, I don't think, you know, and I was always a huge fan. I was always dying to get on the show. I guess I was never big enough, obviously, be on the show. But I used to love Howard and he used to talk about Smallville and, you know, and he was great. And so I don't, I don't picture him like, I think that he had no idea that you were probably, that's what you said. You were like, I don't think he didn't know that I was really upset. And so. because you could fake it pretty good. You're strong enough. You're like, yeah, and then you're dying inside. Oh, it was brutal. And how long was it?

How long was the interview? It felt like it was like four hours long. It was probably 20 minutes. But it was just like, oh, my God. And so now I look at those things in my life and I try to say, okay, what would, what would I say in response to that? It was interesting. I was talking to Kristen about it.

And I still felt like it was all my fault. And Kristen's like, you know, in scenarios like that, it isn't all your fault like they shouldn't have been threatening to show you their penises like that's not okay isn't that amazing how that many years ago how many years ago was that 10 years ago more than that i was like 26 maybe 27 i mean obviously now everything's changed that wouldn't even none of that would fly you know and how it's always been able to get away with whatever and he's just you know again i'm not here actually to dis howard oh i knew it was his show what i learned from looking at it now is that I just don't do something that's not true to me, right?

Right. But I don't know how many young people, men, we always talk about women specifically. But I'm sure there's a similar idea with men. Like if you look at yourself in your early 20s, where there are things that you did because you were younger and you just wanted to, like I think that's a human thing. Sometimes I believe with women, sometimes it goes into a more sexualized realm or something that feels a little bit worse, maybe, perhaps, or more vulnerable. But I, I haven't talked to an actor yet, male or female, like, doesn't look back on their 20s and go.

Oh, yeah, you just can't, you can't, like, I just think it's really hard unless you were a, you know, if you say, oh, you know, in your early 20s, you know, you were at clubs and you were, you know, hanging out with women and you were like, I'm like, look what you were doing. We evolve, we change. It's not like I was killing animals in my 20s. Yeah. It's not like I, oh, I murdered someone, but I. that was 30 years ago i'm not a murderer not anymore um i love that you're so honest about this and um man i yeah i want you will you come back promise me you'll come back okay yeah this is so easy and it's like you

you're you are so open about like you'd be surprised like people come on and they're like i don't think they're going to talk about anything and then people just open up and whether they do or not i mean when they do it's just they realize how many people out there like the yeah Anyway, I don't want to go on. You're really good at making people feel comfortable, though. Well, because I'm so uncomfortable. We're having a conversation just the two of us. And I think that that takes skill to be able to do that as a host.

Some don't have that. And that's where people become aware of themselves a little bit more and start censoring themselves more, I think. Yeah, well, I appreciate that. I think in the beginning, I was always trying to like, I just want them to be here. I just want to be. And now I feel like I do forget that I'm doing. I feel like I'm just talking to you a lot of time until I look at Ryan wearing a fucking mask across from me. And I'm like, oh, there's Ryan.

We're in a fucking podcast room. This isn't real. Are you in your cool studio with all your fun? It's just a little bedroom that I made into a podcast room, a little couch and little posters everywhere and, you know, all that stuff. My office is like that. I have all my old, like, I have a couple of cool old small posters, which I got everybody to sign.

And then remember we were at that convention and we took a group photo? Yep. I framed that with a bunch of other stuff. And it looks really cool because there's our old. photo like the poster where everybody's like thinking they're so sexy oh yeah and then there's less at the it's cool i like it i will say this in closing um that all those shots where i had to pose with tom and christin and those were the hardest days because you're around two natural beauties and i'm not saying this to be self-deprecating i'm around two tens and i'm if you add personality

and like charisma maybe to my looks i'm up to maybe a seven if you had the you know but but they're tens i could be a six or what you're saying well dax always says he goes yeah you and i are like uh we're solid eights because we're you know we're what do you say our looks are a six and our personalities are a 10 so we're a solid eight dude but anyway what i'm trying to say it was those were the hardest shots to be sexy it's like how could i be sexy around them i guess i just have to hope that a picture comes out that um but those were like i was like like fuck i guess i'll do my best i'm not supposed to be that hot anyway i think that's part of getting on the show for me as well i was just

like with the two of those people come on no you no but there's a difference there's a huge difference i would beg to differ like about i think that there's christin and tom and they look like they came out of a drawing all right you know this is by the way we're saving this because this is the next time we talk we're going to start with this okay okay i should stop talking no we're going to start with this we are going to i want to start with this conversation because people go oh i want to hear more about that because i want to talk about how it is how hard it is working with beautiful people all right listen i love you and we're doing this again and uh this all be edited bye i love you i loved it i love the stuff about howard stern yeah i love the stuff i love her

opening up she's uh she's a really good person you can tell she's got a big heart and uh these canadians man These Canadians, they're all like, you just, I'm so jealous of these Canadians. You got a lot of good Canadians in there. These Canucks. These Canucks. You know what a Canuck is? I do. Canadian.

Vancouver Canucks. That's right. The Vancouver Canucks are Canadians. I mean, Canuck is another word for it. So thank you, Erica, for coming on the podcast. Hopefully you enjoyed that. We got some great guests. A great guest coming up to, before the end of the year.

And the new year, we've got some really great guests as well. So we'll be announcing those. But I hope you guys are going to join us. us next year and all the fun things we have lined up and remember stage it's we are doing stage it's the last Saturday of every month live music songs with me and my buddy rob our band sunspin and follow me on stage it go to stage it dot com and type in michael rosem follow me and i'll let you know when we're having a show and also on the social as you'll know but again um please write a review please rate the show uh go to apple podcast or whatever and

subscribe. All right. Here's the patron shout out again. Thank you to all the patrons. If you want to join, it's a great thing and I can't thank you guys enough. There's certain tiers. You get merch boxes every three months with I write special notes and

some tiers get to ask shit talking questions to the guests and there's inside of me where you ask me questions and I do these funny things where I dress up as other characters and a lot of other great stuff and also when I eventually get this camp thing going, camp rosy i'm asking my patrons first they get first dibs on camp i'm going to do uh like a big fun

camp i've talked about it and i you know so there you have it uh here we go nancy d does that ring a bell okay lea s trisha f sarah v little lisa you kiko jill e b h uh loren g nico p and zachary r robin s jerry w emily k Robert I, Jason W. Stephen J. Kristen K. Not to be confused with. Kristen Crook. Correct. Amelia O. Allison L. Jess J. Lucas M. Raj. C. Joshua D. We got Emily S. C.J.P. We got Samantha M. Jennifer N. Jackie P. Stacey L. Carly H. Jennifer S. Janelle B. Cary B. Tab of the 272. Not to be confused with. Tab of the 273. Ashley Ryan, Kimberly E. Crystal H. Mike E. Marissa. And Jack S. That's Slater.

Ramira, Beth B. Oh, Sassy Beth B. Sassy Beth B. Sassy Beth B. Santiago M. Sarah F. Chad W. Leanne P. Rasha and R. Ray A. Maya P. Maddie S. Tiffany I. Kendrick F. Ashley E. Margie. M. Shannon D. Matt W. Belinda. Belinda Narlile. So you can remember her name. Belinda Carlisle. Will that help you?

Kevin V. James R. Chris, H. Anusha W. Osbjorn. Osbjorn. Yabbyam. Dave H. Samantha S. Spider-Man. Chase. Correct. Sheila. G. Yep. Ray H. Alyssa C. Tabitha T. Misha. H. Deb A. Tom and Natalie 622. Not to be confused with.

Allie B. Not's going to be confused with. Allie G. Correct. Suzanne B. Henry S. Katie F. Danielle L. V. Lillian A, Joseph C. Michelle K. Maddie W. Markes. W. Markas. Some new people. Fun. I appreciate you. Thank you so much for supporting the podcast. I hope you're enjoying Patreon. And all my patrons, just when we got newcomers, make them feel welcome. Make them feel. I can't wait to have that party to. I'm going to have a patron party someday. And we just got to wait. Obviously, now is not the right time. You don't say. No, it's not the right time. By the way, happy holidays to everybody. Happy Hanukkah. If you're a Jew, if you're not,

not have, whatever. I have a Christmas tree. It's not as big this year because I'm alone for the most part. I got my dogs. That's some joy in the house. Yeah. There's some joy. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice. Got your menorah out too. Did you see the menorah? I did. Yeah. I haven't lit in the menorah. Litton? I haven't lit in a menorah for about, oh, say 12 years. Yeah. No, I lit one and I said the prayer. I had to look it up. And I was like, you know, I'm going to try and do a nice thing. And I'm not religious, but, you know, it's like, hey, you know, just saying a prayer and, you know, saying thanks, Lord. Yeah.

Thanks if you believe in God, if you don't. But, you know, I love all of you. And I hope you had fun today. And I hope you enjoyed Erica, because I sure did. And make sure you follow us and all that stuff. And thank you all of my patrons again and all the listeners out there and come back, will you? Thanks to my buddy Ryan here. Yep.

Thanks to Bryce. Thanks to Westwood One. Thanks to, that's it. Thanks to all of you. Thank you for allow me to be inside each. in every one of you. From Ryan and myself here in the podcast room in my house, we love you.

Play some Christmas music, Ryan. Is there any free Christmas music? Is there, one of them's got to be public domain. I'll find it. Oh, this one. Oh, yeah, this one. This is a good one. All right.

All right, cool. I'm just like, oh, holy night. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi, host of the Stackin' Benjamin's podcast. we're going to talk about what if you came across $50,000. What would you do? Put it into a tax-advantaged retirement account. The mortgage.

That's what we do. Make a down payment on a home. Something nice. Buying a vehicle. A separate bucket for this addition that we're adding. $50,000. I'll buy a new podcast. You'll buy new friends.

And we're done. Thanks for playing everybody. We're out of here. Stacky Benjamin's follow and listen on your favorite platform.