Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Hush’s KATE SIEGEL: Too Hard on Herself

Episode Date: April 26, 2022

Kate Siegel (Hush, Midnight Mass) joins us this week and is completely open about her lowest lows while attempting to make acting a full time job and the unrelenting ambition that lead to her break. Kate talks about the balance between her need for validation and the need to keep a set moving, all while needing to drop your ego to get out of your own way when performing a scene. We also talk about how she’s handled the trauma of her father’s passing, the surprising best thing about getting sober, and her experience working alongside her husband Mike Flanagan. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Yeah, we took a couple weeks off. It was good. I mean, not a recordings. Because we were working hard and it's nice to take a little break. We did a couple pre-recordings and now we're back. Absolutely. Yeah. And thank you for making this podcast your choice right now in this moment.

I really appreciate that guys. It means a ton because there's a lot of choices out there. And all I ask is if you like the podcast today, which I hope you will, subscribe. And here's our handles. If you want to follow us, write a review. Our handles are at Inside of You podcast on the Instagram and Facebook and Twitter. At Inside of You Pod. It's all right here.

You can see it visually. If you want, you can watch on YouTube. It's fun. Come and enjoy our clips. We've got tons of great clips. Tons of great episodes if you want to. look back and that's really all I have our guest today by the way I'm I'm turning 50 shortly you got a couple months I don't have that long you know I'm thinning a little bit on

the top just a hair just my hairdresser so hair is thinning a hair but hey it's life you know this is 50 and uh you know I've had my hair for quite a long time and it's still good but you know at 50 years old you think you things shit happens yeah so These are the things that happen at this age. So you take care of it now. Yeah. You take care of it. You do the work.

Kate Siegel is on the podcast. You know her from Haunting of Hill House, Midnight Mass. She's been in so many movies, so much great stuff. Her partner, Mike Flanagan, who's directed a lot of stuff. They collaborate together. They write together. She's a force to be reckoned with, man. I loved having her, and I think she's truly, truly talented.

and I'm glad she sat down with me. Thank you, Ms. Siegel. And hey, if you want to go to the Inside of You store, go to the Inside of You online store. There's some great merch there and some autograph stuff and new tumblers. And then the Patreon. Thank you, my patrons. Patrons give back, Ryan.

What do they do? They keep the podcast going. They do. They donate. They just are so helpful. Go to Patreon, Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-E-S. in.com slash inside of you. Join today.

I'll send you a message. There's different tiers. It's a lot of fun. In fact, at the end of the episode, I read the top tiers names out. We do it every episode. Ryan has memorized most of the names. And so check that out.

I'll be at some conventions coming up. St. Louis, Missouri. May 13th, we're doing a smallville nights in St. Louis. I love it. Tom, Welling, and I will be there for Smallville nights and we'll also be there Saturday and Sunday signing autograph. Then we'll be in Liverpool in late May. So join us.

And yeah, come say hi. And without further ado, Ryan, why don't we just get right into Kate Siegel? It's my point of view. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. yeah what are you what are you drinking there what is that this is um it's called boreal botanical this is not an ad um it's like a little um it's like rachy mushroom botanical tonic has alderbarian

birch this is why i never booked any commercials ever in my whole life i was like oh this thing is a thing wait a minute wait a minute you've never booked a commercial in your life um i had one of those amazing commercial actor things where I had a commercial agent first. I auditioned for commercials for 10 years, two or three times a week, and I booked one commercial, oh, maybe two, a pharmaceutical commercial and a Tide commercial where I had stinky pants. You had stinky pants in a commercial and a pharmaceutical commercial. Where I had a rash, where I had eczema or psoriasis.

Are you serious? There's the only two commercials I ever booked. I've never booked a commercial. I only voiceover. They wouldn't even want to see my face on the commercial. It's a commercial world is, let me turn my phone off. My commercial world is beyond me. I know people who make a living out of it and who love it and it's their world.

I found those auditions unbearable. And I think that probably read on my face. You know what I think it is? I think that you're just such a wonderful actor, you know, that they just, you know, they were like, you know, she's just too good for this world. You think so. But then I remember, like, I always think I'm real cute, even when I'm not. And I was auditioning for a birth control commercial or something.

And they were like, what's your favorite things about babies? And, you know, any normal commercial actor in the world would have been like, their smell, there's softness. And because I'm an asshole and I can't help myself, I said, they're tender meat. their tender meat no one thought it was funny it landed like a lead balloon and they're like thanks so much

and then I never saw that casting office again wow that's amazing that world it seems so long ago that I auditioned for commercials and I'd go in there and I had these fangs like my teeth are straight now but I used to have these little fangs and I would never book anything and I was like why am I not booking anything

Did you get the veneers? I remember a manager of mine once, his name's Dave Becky, and he, like, he repped me at the time, Dave Chappelle, Mark Marin, like, all these guys are huge now. I was, like, the only actor, and then all these stand-up comedians. What's the other guy's name? The guy goes, Rice is a great snack if you're in the mood for 2000 of something. What was that guy's name? Mitch Heather. Mitch Heedberg.

Mitch Headberg. Mitch Headberg. And I remember Dave comes up to me and goes, Hey, man, I think you need to get your teeth fixed. And I go, really? What about Steve Buscemi? He's like, yeah. But I don't think you're that much of a care tractor. I think, you know, I think if you just straighten your teeth out, get a retainer or whatever. I think it will change your career. And he was right. I straighten my fucking teeth. And I started booking like lead roles. I mean, here's a hot take on this podcast that I've never said anywhere else. Same. You fixed your teeth too? Oh, yeah. These aren't my teeth.

Your teeth are good. You can get a commercial now if you want it. Now I can. I had like little tiny baby teeth. Dear Internet, please go on earth those photos because I did. I worked for a while, but not well and not often with my tiny teeth and gummy smile. And I had the same thing. I had a producer say to me, well, she said two things.

She said, fix your teeth and pin your ears back. Get your ears pinned. What? And I was like, I had a little self-esteem, not a lot of self-esteem. So I had enough self-esteem to be like, no, I'm not pinning my ears, but then I got my teeth fixed, yeah. But they, so people, you can actually have your ears pinned? I'll show you. I have normal human ears.

Yeah, they look like very good ears. But what they'll do is they'll put, like, a little stitch that way so that, like, front-on, you have no human ears. apparently ears are a no-no in the film world. Were you considering it, be honest? Were you considering? I would have done anything. I wanted to be an actor so badly. It's all I wanted to do.

It was just, like, for so many years, the goal was just let it be a full-time job. Please, God, let it just be enough to pay rent. And I would have pinned my ears. I would have fixed me. I didn't, like, again, this is not good advice because I didn't have boundaries or self-esteem. I had a cloud of desperation.

That's what I have. Right. And I'm relenting ambition. I like how honest you are about loving acting and like, I would do anything to be an actor. And a lot of people would go like, you know, they wouldn't. But you really took it seriously. You really wanted to do everything. Did you take tons of classes?

Yeah. Really. You took like everything you need to do, the best headshot guy, the best acting coach. I was so confused because like I got my degree. I got in class. I did everything. I did all the right things. tried every headshot and it was and I want to be honest about this because I'll make fun of literally

anything but I think people who care about stuff that's not it's not funny to mock that it's not funny when somebody wants something and they go after it and they fail you don't tease that but so I it was like 10 years it was 10 years of like maybe it's my headshots maybe it's my real maybe I need another class maybe if I cut my hair maybe if I grow my hair maybe if I fix my teeth maybe if I and just like just running from door to door banging and banging and banging and banging because there was never really any other option for me wow i tried other things i tried to do other things and i was miserable well you know it's crazy i feel like i know you first of all one of my good friends is robert long street who yeah i know see you love him who doesn't love him you were

you know midnight mass together you were in haunting a hill house yeah he's such a great i've known him since like the 90s and um he just talks so highly of you and then i'm going to interview on monday rahul colee is that best friends see i mean isn't this funny it's such a small world it is and i think within that small world there's a smaller world of people who aren't assholes and like we can see each other across everyone and you know that because when you like people make fun of name droppers but when you say to me i'm friends with robert longstreet i know know you're a good guy because Robert Longstreet isn't friends with assholes he's not yeah if they are assholes they're funny and charming and worth it yeah Rob's a he's a bit of a loner

does his own thing he goes his own way and I've always loved that about him but he's but honestly I have to say this and we won't get on because people are like who's Robert Longstreet well look up Robert Longstreet watch him in some of these movies he's fantastic but like the guy I really believe Rob is a genius I do believe he's a genius yeah Yeah, he baffles me. Some of the things he says, I'm just like, how did that come out of someone's mouth? How do you come up with that shit? It's crazy.

It's crazy. So how did it all start for you? Because, I mean, look at all the stuff you've done. And I'm a huge, huge horror fan. Huge. I interviewed your husband, Mike Flanagan, who I think is one of the most gifted directors, writers out there. And I just, I felt like a kid in the candy store when I'm, you know, when I was talking to

them because i'm just such a you know i have an affinity for horror movies but you've been in like all these horror movies or shows a haunting of hillhouse and and hush which you you you co-wrote with mike and midnight mass and oculus and the fall of the house of ushers coming out and wiji and gerald's game and it's like oh i'm like holy shit you are really you won the lottery when it comes to this for horror fans you're in all these do you do you love being called a screen queen or is it something you're like, I'm not a screen queen. You love it. You love it.

You embrace it. Sure, why not? Ride the horse in front of you. What am I going to look down on the people who got me where I am? No. And it's also, for actors, this is the top of everything. Because you're not just like walking into a hospital operating room and going 10 cc's of saline with like a calm face for 14 years.

You're like, holy shit, my boyfriend's on fire. They are fucking vampires. I'm falling in love. I'm falling out. out of love. I'm running through the woods. I'm covered in blood. Like, for people who love acting, horror genre is where it's at. Because, like, every single one of those shows you mention, all of those characters are stretched to their breaking points, and then they break. And if you don't want to play on the biggest jungle gym, like, why are you at the park?

You know, it's funny, though, is when I watch these, I feel like you're right, too, and they're the hardest to do you. I mean, you can see what an actress is like you are. Like, when you watch your performances, you just give it. all you've got and it's just so believable. And I really love that because there's nothing worse than seeing a horror movie with bad actors or terrible writing or whatever. But when you see someone committing and just invested and just in that role, it's awesome. And I feel like I watch you. I'm like, I don't look at you and go, she's a screen. I feel like this, she, she can be nominated for an Academy Award. That's how good I think you are. I do. I really believe you're great. I told

Mike I was like Mike can you can you get me an interview with her she's like he's like well I have you know I have a little inside you know I'm her husband he loved you too he was like you're going to have so much fun Kate and this actually is perfect timing because I was shooting yesterday and I felt so insecure after the scene and I bet you can relate to this I and this is I swear to God I'm not joking I hid in the closet in my trailer after the scene because I was like this is the one where they're all going to find out I'm a fraud where it's just not going to work and because acting when you're doing these extreme circumstances like that right where there's no there's no YouTube video for my boyfriend is on fire in front of me it doesn't I can't go

watch people go through that and then recreate it it's what we call an inactable circumstance so basically anything you do you can make sense of and in the horror genre when you get to those moments or things where there is no touchstone for you must trust your director and your DP implicitly because they're the ones who are going yes that's real I believed it I believe you even as a person you can feel like a fraud because you really are faking it because there I can't generate in me a feeling of being eaten alive by a vampire like I don't have that so when it's so it it it demands everything it takes everything that i have that i've built and like all of my stability and when it's done i feel like i just walked into a room naked and

farted like i feel ashamed i feel embarrassed like it don't feel cute i don't feel sexy i don't feel all the things i don't feel like me i don't feel like them and i'm so that like at the end of it I need to be alone in a tiny dark space. And that's, I think, why actors need, why I need the validation I need, because I have to get out of the closet. Literally, I'm not in the closet anymore for a lot of things. But I have to get out of the closet.

Yeah, I have to get out of the closet, literally. And hearing from audience members that you believe me and it affects you truly keeps me going. I wish I was a less intense person. I wish I was cool, you know? Do you wish you were cool? I believe me, I've always wished I was cool. I never have felt comfortable. I've talked about this a million times,

but when I'm around other like celebrities or bigger celebrity, I feel like what am I doing here? I don't belong here. I'm never comfortable. I could fake it, but I'm never comfortable. I'm never comfortable. Even on set,

I'm supposed to show this confidence and I'm showing it. I'm showing it. And sometimes I am eating my own ass. I am so nervous. I'm so insecure. I'm like, I suck. Oh my God,

I'm embarrassed. I feel like I'm blushing. Sometimes one time a director said to me is like, oh, that was so cool. That last thing. I could see your face. Like,

you blushed. And I'm like, that's because I was nervous. And I thought I was really fucking up, but I was embarrassed in my head. Yeah. Yeah. It was crazy.

This is the secret. This is what I want to tell like little baby actors who are trying to be cool or trying to be successful. There is a you that radiates that like your story is exactly perfect you were in the moment terrified and it made you blush and that was a brilliant choice i believe that's the secret of all actors that's what

they mean when they say get out of your way right people say that to actors all the time in class you're in your own way you're standing in your own way yeah what that means is you're trying to cover up your authentic experience in the scene even if it doesn't match what you're doing on the page. So if you're doing a scene in the dead of winter in Antarctica and you're on set on stages in August in Atlanta and you're wearing a heavy coat and it's like fake snow is falling on you and you as an actor as a person are so hot and embarrassed, I would say take off your fucking coat and be like, I'm so hot. And then later the audience is going to be like, that's the most genius choice I've ever seen. Yeah, exactly. And it is. It's about really, it's about

just revealing your underpants every fucking day. Going for it. Going for it. Yeah, I mean, look, when you say you curled up in a closet after you did, and this is for the fall of the House of Usher, right? This is what you're filming right now. Yeah, because this show is bombastic as fuck. It's just, like, insane.

It's that intense. It's Jallow, which I didn't know what that word meant until this show. What's the word? Jallow, G-A-L-L-O. It's a type of filmmaking that's like Susperia. so it's like extreme lights and sets and people it's po it's like gothic crazy insanity it's chaotic evil and can't hold back there's none of that midnight mass grounded realism seven-minute monologue thing it's just like buckets of blood and people acting in a letter that i mean that it's just

it's so it terrifies me like i watch you know mike's films or at least the last couple of shows that he did like uh the haunting of hillhouse and midnight mass and i'm watching some of these scenes and i'm going i don't think i could do this oh my god he's staying on this fucking actor he doesn't take how is she she's oh my god he's been on her for five minutes she's still talking what is it when are they going to cut away why what are they doing i'm getting nervous for the actor i'm like how the and i'll tell you what the preacher in that show how did he how do they have enough footage to film his scenes because he had like 10 pages straight of monologue. I could never ever do it.

He's a genius. Could you have done that? What Hamish did? No, it's not possible. Hamish is a genius. Like, touched by God genius. Like, I, no. Because also, fun fact, behind the scenes.

Like, Hamish wasn't offered that part. Like, he wasn't the first choice. There was a different look that they were gone. for. And Hamish was, I believe, a fan or somehow got a hold of the script and was like, I want to read for this. And I had been a fan of Hamish's for years, like all the way back to some of his theater work. He did a hamlet that I thought was like life-stopping. And I begged Annie McCarthy, the casting director. And Mike, can I just be his reader? I promise, like, I'll wear glasses and a mustache. Like, I just want to see the man work.

and the second he opened his mouth there was no other choice ever what he did was blew every other concept of father paul out of the water it was brilliant from the first day did he ever mess up his lines because i'm watching this going i'm not kidding listen listeners if you're bored tough shit because this is as an actor anyway you're watching these these moments and you're saying to yourself he's saying these lines 15 minutes straight without someone else talking the camera is always on him it is it's almost like an impossibility to think you can memorize that much material i don't know how people do it you you do it you do it with a lot of it's just i think it's similar to any other muscle i i'm not shy about it i print out the pages and i go for a walk

and i get my body moving and i just takes about 20 minutes a page and that's it. 20 minutes a page and you have it memorized. Yeah. You realize that's a gift, though. That's like you must have a photographic memory or something. No, it's a skill. It's a skill.

I practice it all the time. If I stopped it, it wouldn't work. I don't think it, well, I truly don't believe what I do is magic. I believe it is bravery, a little bit of psychosis, and practice. Inside of you is brought to you by Rocket Money. I'm going to speak to you about something. that's going to help you save money. Period. It's Rocket Money. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills

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Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show. Why did you go into your trailer? Why did you, he went into the closet because you really thought that you were awful and that they're going to figure you out, that you're not a great actress, because of this one moment.

Now, does Mike as a director, does the director, does he come to you and say, no, seriously, Kate, I wouldn't lie to you, I'm your husband. Honestly, everybody, all of my friends, are on set and they're like that was amazing you crushed it and i'm like nodding politely because it is not appropriate to scatter your shit around set right it's not appropriate to waste everyone's time like i'm so insecure please feed me love me love me feed me um that's not professional so you kind of thank you so much that was amazing and mike will say are you happy or my feminari

actually who's directing this episode and he goes i'm happy are you happy and i go if you're happy I'm happy. And I just fucking shut it down until I get in my trailer and then like, I don't know, I'll call my sponsor or I'll call, I'll text my therapist and make them talk to me for a while because that is the difference, right? That to me is the way you have to do it because that set needs to keep moving. My husband cannot stop and rebuild my confidence between every setup. Like, that's a terrible way to run a show. So it's not their business how I feel about it. it. And like then that night I went out to dinner with Sam Slyan and Rahul and I was like, you guys

I just am going to throw myself. You're like, you do it off the time. You find who you can talk to. That's a lesson I learned in my career. That like said is just not the place for your shit. And if I'm really messed up, Mike will help me that night. Be like, no, you were great. I was there. It's okay. Come here. I'll hold

you. Because I'm like a lonely little kitten. Do you ever get in arguments? Because it's like you have to stop. You have to let it go because you're the actor and we all have insecurities and all these things that we're talking about but are there ever moments we're like kate shut the fuck up mike i can't let it go yeah sure i mean i think it's more less an argument and more like an exasperation but i'll say this for my plan again and he's a genius and he's like one of the greatest

creators of our generation he loves me for who i am and so he's not trying to change that you're not going to yell at someone out of insecure right they're not going to change their insecurity because you yelled at them enough right right right and if you didn't want and he wanted me and part of me is that I love the work so much it means so much to me I think of it as a spiritual thing like I love my job so much that I always feel like I'm not serving it enough yeah I think he understands that like I I think as creators, we understand that. Do you recognize when you're good, when you nail it,

when you are like, I am fucking gold on that take? I don't need any more. Why are we going again? Every so often, yeah. That's a good feeling, though, isn't it? It's the best. You just have that confidence, right? You have that confidence that you just feel like it fills up the room.

It's like, fuck, okay, this is why I'm here. Yeah. Because all those, you can see, yeah, you feel the energy rise. You feel like the crew leading forward a little bit. you feel your seam partners like perk up because they want to play too yeah that's a good day i've had moments where you know i'm on set where i just like i could tell the the crew's looking at me like he's fucking good and then i've had days where i'm like man what's like i'm thinking i'm thinking what they're thinking and they're like yeah what's wrong with rosenbaum today he just doesn't

have it oh yeah are we getting a meal penalty today yeah that's true did you always want to do this Since you were a kid. Yeah. Since you grew up in Maryland. Yeah. And like how, do you have brothers and sisters? I have an older sister. She is a lawyer for the government and the Department of Education.

Wow. My dad was a lawyer and an international banker thing. And my mom was an elementary school principal. And I had no connections, like zero connections to this world at all. And they were all expecting me to be a teacher or a lawyer. That was the thing. line of teachers and lawyers. And I was like, nope. How old when you, when you thought, what was it about acting? What was it? What did you do? You had to perform in something that

gave you that little feeling. My sister used to write plays and I would perform in them with our friends. We always did it from a very young age, make believe and all this stuff. I didn't know it was a career. I didn't know it was a job until I was in one of those like, gosh, I must have been first grade, maybe earlier. I was in one of those like camp, summer camps, where you do a lot of different things. It was just like a general community center camp. And one of the things was a play.

And it was a little tiny performance to do for the parents at the end of it, just like singing and whatever. And the counselor, the camp counselor, who did that part of it, called my mom in the fall and said, I am doing the days of wine and roses at community college. I'm directing it at like Montgomery County Community College. I need a little girl for one scene to just run on and say,

I love you, daddy, or whatever happens, can Katie do it? And my mom was like, yeah, that works. That's okay. And I did that and I looked around and I was like, holy balls. You could do this forever. And that was it. And then I was done. That was your one line on stage.

That one moment or whatever it was, that was a, enough to give you that feeling like this is what I have to do. I think it was less the being on stage and more the community around it. The way all the actors laughed and how the women were glamorous but also like powerful and how like everybody was quick and funny and everything was exciting and everybody loved and supported each other and joked around and we rode the roller coaster together and it didn't hurt at all that I was like this tiny little six year old there that everyone probably doted on and was like a little actress and I was so enamored by the sense of community

and belonging that I wanted it forever did you said Katie now who do you allow people what people do you allow to call you Katie um so there are two types of people who call me Katie, people who knew me when I was young, and people in my life who come to it organically. Like, every once in a while, like, it's not like at some point in a friendship, I say, and now you may call me Katie. Like, some of my best friends still call me Kate. But just the other day, one of the props girls walked up to me and said, hey, Katie, do you want to use this phone?

And I just loved it. It just worked with her and me, and it was great. It might have been because she thought I was Katie Parker. But it also might have been that she said it and it just felt right. I never really correct anyone because most people go with Kate. But your husband calls you Kate. Mike calls you Kate. Yeah, no, he, no, I'm thinking, no, he calls me honey.

He calls me cute. He calls me a lot of things. I guess he calls me Kate. Yeah, when he uses a name, he uses Kate. So after this show, you did this little play, what was next? and were your parents sort of like not allowing it but sort of entertaining it and saying this is what she likes to do let's let her do this or what was their attitude towards that and what was the next thing that kind of that you did so in that sense because they didn't have

any connection to this world like it would have never occurred to them to let me be a child actor so I did school theater I would do any summer camp I did was theater based anytime I went to sleepway camp I would want to do the play but it was never a professional job. I went to this big high school outside of D.C. before I transferred to private school. And they did like a modeling agent scout there. And when I was 15, this woman called my mom and was like, hey, we want to bring Kate to New York to do some test shoots and model. And my mom was like, over my dead fucking body. And I was horrified, humiliated, locked myself in my room, hated her for years

and now I'm like, thank you. Yes. That could have just it's never good. It probably is seldom is it good. It's never, it wouldn't it turn that well. So she kept you there. She kept you there.

Kept me there. Kept me there. And then when I went to college, they allowed me to major in theater as long as I went to a school that had other things. So like I couldn't have applied to Juilliard or Cal Arts.

I ended up going to Syracuse because it was a liberal art school with a great theater program. And everyone thought that this would become, because this is where I grew up, it wasn't a thing where people became professional actors and actresses. So they thought it would become,

I'd become a theater teacher who does community theater. Or I was like going to be, maybe I would produce theater. Right. They never think that your kid's going to become a star or a working actor. no one ever thinks that no no they really didn't think like i love them but they really didn't think it

and so um there's a second catalyst that happened which was right before my senior year of college my dad died really suddenly he had a heart attack while he was playing tennis dead before he hit the ground and we don't know i mean anybody can imagine that's fucking it was a week after my 21st birthday like your whole life is gone. And we were a close family. He was a huge part of my life. And then I like said goodnight to him one night thinking I'd see him forever. And he was just fucking gone.

And there was no rhyme or reason. There was no health issues. You never knew that he had any hard complications. Nothing. Just gone. Just gone. No. And he was like 56.

Holy shit. It was. So unbelievable. traumatic, that even to this day, as I approach 40 myself, I am still unpacking it and how how my life was, how my life was built around it, the scar tissue of that. And so in that moment, instead of doing what I plan to do, which was moved to New York when I graduated, I finished my senior year and I moved back to D.C. And my dad worked at the World Bank.

That was his job when he died. And the World Bank, for some unknown reason to me, offered me an internship, which is the gold ring of international finance internships. But I was a theater major. Doesn't make any sense. It didn't make any sense. And I sat there for the summer and I kind of,

I just put my headshot and resume into an envelope because I saw the Folger Theater was casting a show that needed girls in their 20s. And I started doing Shakespeare in D.C. And I thought, you know what, this would be great. I'll be a Shakespeare actor in D.C. won't make any money, but like, well, how nice.

And then I got cast and play. And after the table read, I was fired for being bad. For being bad? Oh, I was bad at the table read. And they were like, she can't do this. So they replaced me. That was the first time you ever were fired or let go of something, right? How did that feel?

I mean, I was rejected constantly. I was not very good for a long time. Really? Yeah. I mean, we all get better. We all learn. We all like, if you study and you do this. But do you think you had natural ability?

Or do you think that you just really had to work hard to be as good as you are? Um, I think I came into the game, a solid B. A B? Yeah. A B? What the hell's wrong with a B? Yeah, but a B is a guest star twice a year on various shows, right? You're not making a living at a B.

If you want to be a series regular, if you want to be a part of the conversation, you've got to be a, this is the fucking Olympics. You got to be an A. I don't know. I see a lot of B minuses, C pluses, C minuses. I'll go even to Ds on some TV. There's a lot of TV. There's a lot of great TV.

There's also a lot of bad TV and there are a lot of grades. Maybe the grades are, I don't know. What I'm saying is a B is pretty good. And you could be a working actor with a B. So you were good. You weren't bad, but you had a lot to do. You had a lot more to learn. Right.

Yeah, so I got fired. And because of this traumatic event, like my dad's, it's like a year. We're still within the year or two after he died. I thought to myself, if this world is going to shit on me, I'm not getting shit on in Washington, fucking D.C. I'm going to get shit on in New York or L.A. I flipped a coin and it was L.A. just like that and what did you the world was like oh you want to get shit on here's 10 years of that's for sure there you go you want to you really be shit on here's how you get shit on

i got exactly what i asked for now this is you moved out to ellie how long after your father passed away um three or four years right and maybe less did yeah did your did your mom remarry or Oh yeah She did Yeah Right away I'm nodding for those people Who can't see me yes

So that's I learned to love him I grew to love him Very much But it wasn't easy In the beginning Yeah it was six months After my dad had died

There was a new man sitting At the breakfast table Oh man Did you lash out or what Oh constantly What did you do How dramatic How dramatic

Give me a dramatic moment That you remember So I come home So my dad dies in August The first time Gordon. Gordon Peavy was his name. He died of cancer. He is a fantastic person and did not deserve this. And to his credit, he was perfect. He was like a horse whisper. He waited calmly, waited me out, didn't respond, didn't put himself in any awkward situations. Gordon was a great man. I was not prepared for this. So my dad died in August. So by the time I came home for spring break, my mom and Gordon were dating, like significantly. And Gordon was staying over at the house. It's so weird because my mom is married to a Gordon. My stepdad is Gordon.

Do you like Gordon? I like Gordon. Gordon's like King of the Hill Gordon. Gordon's like, your mother has long haul COVID. Everything sounds like he's pissed off about it. He's like, your mother tried to call you yesterday. It's like King of the fucking Hill. I love Gordon.

Oh, my God. But go ahead. Tell me about your Gordon and what you did. I want to hear this. My Gordon was a Harley Davidson driving, whiskey drinking. Ohio natives, but also like worked at the ACLU for union rights, like just a great guy. So anyway, Gordon, my mom says to me, calls me at Syracuse and it's like, you're coming home for spring break. Gordon will be staying over. Step one, utter screaming meltdown on the

phone. How dare you? What do you mean? You can't do this to me? Dad just died. My mom, to her credit. My mom is going to live her life the way she wants to. And she was like, no, this is how it's going to be. I'm on the phone with my sister. Joe, I'm going to burn him to the ground. I'm going to actually murder him. And my sister, who is used to her very dramatic younger sister, was like, sure, whatever, you need an alibi. I'll help you murder him. And I'm going to help you because I'm going to be a lawyer. So this is great. Exactly. So I get home and I get home late one night and I go to bed. and I come downstairs and Gordon is sitting where my dad used to sit

at the breakfast table. This is the first time I meet Gordon. And all I have in that memory is like TV static and the music from Kill Bill. And I know I screamed a lot. Like it is a legend in my family that I was like, get out of his fucking chair, you opportunistic, fuck!

Like, I was not holding, I was in theater school. Like, I was smoking and wearing black. I was very dramatic at the time. I did a lot of drugs. You really said get off the chair, you fuck? I think I said opportunistic fuck. Opportunistic fuck. Yeah.

Did he say a word? And I'm sure he was like, you can't speak to me like that. Gordon wasn't a pushover. But, like, I think the whole room knew what was going on. Like, nobody was like, he's okay. And she's just kind of a bad person. But yeah, and it was like that for years. I remember Gordon didn't like to eat bacon.

He, like, wasn't a vegetarian or anything. He just didn't like bacon. And my sister and I would just mail him bacon off. It was like the parent trap, but I was an adult and I was supposed to know better. Ever wonder how dark the world can really get? Well, we dive into the twisted. the terrifying and the true stories behind some of the world's most chilling crimes. Hi, I'm Ben.

And I'm Nicole. Together we host Wicked and Grim, a true crime podcast that unpacks real-life horrors one case at a time. With deep research, dark storytelling, and the occasional drink to take the edge off, we're here to explore the Wicked and Reveal the Grim. We are Wicked and Grim. Follow and listen on your favorite podcast platform. When was the moment that Gordon would remember if you were a lot? that he would say this is the moment I think I won Kate over that you know she finally said hey he's good to my mom and he's a nice guy and how long did it take and what moment was that to you recall

god you're getting me talking about all the good stuff you're very good at your job well i'm just interested particular job and you're acting oh well thanks thanks um another thing i've never really talked about before is I was married before I met Mike. Oh, I didn't know that. And I think the moment Gordon and I healed was I asked Gordon to officiate my first wedding. Wow. And for everything that, because I thought,

and still to this day think, and when I said it to him, we had a long, it's one of the most beautiful moments in my memories with Gordon. I said to him, you, in the way that you came into our family, represent to me all of the things I want to be in a marriage, which is patient and kind and loving, even when things were hard, and holding boundaries, but still

protecting the people you love and still making room for people's big and uncomfortable feelings. I was so, when I grew up a little bit, I was so grateful and impressed by who Gordon was when I was awful that I wanted him there officiating it because I was like this is a role model for who I want to be I bet he cried I bet he cried oh we cried he cried

oh man Gordon we healed and I'm grateful for that because I never got to have closure with my biological father and Gordon who unfortunately is gone and I cannot tell him this either I was able to heal so much of that through Gordon. Wow. Yeah. That honestly almost brings me to tears. I'm not kidding. I got like I could feel that, you know, that feeling in

up here in your chest. And I was like, oh my God. I could just visualize it. And I bet that meant so much to your mom, too, that it finally came together where like my daughter accepts Gordon and they're having a moment. And this is beautiful. And thank God for this, right? Yeah. Thank God for healing and second chances and forgiveness and like all the beautiful things. Who believed in you? Who, when you said I'm going out to L.A. to get shit on? Who said, I really believe in you?

Or was it just like, let her do this? Let her run its course. She'll go do this. She'll be back. She'll be a lawyer. She'll do something else. And this is the second.

Everyone always was, let Katie be Katie. There was always that feel. Like, Katie's are going to Katie. So you've got to just let Katie do what she's going to do. And that kind of support I have. The people, the people who started believing me

were people in the profession in L.A. Like, there's a casting director named Lindsay Shag who gave me my first job. And she, I remember doing an audition for her, and she had that face you always want casting directors to have when you're done with an audition. Like, who are you? Where did you come from?

Aren't you magic? And I had, like, nothing, and she set me up with reps. I'm like, people like that, every once in a while, I would stumble upon these little magic friends who would believe in me to get me through the next like six to eight months in the desert between jobs what role was it

or what was it that made everyone kind of open their eyes and go our little katy she's got something here i don't know she's really doing it honestly was it a guest star on something was no midnight mass like that's how what midnight mass was like the 30th thing you've done I know. But like even after Hill House, they were like, oh, that's fun. She does these little horror things. And it wasn't until Midnight Mass that I started hearing from my mom's friends and my mom where they're like, you're actually a remarkable actress. What about Hush? No. Nothing from Hush? They thought it was good. But like it wasn't like Katie has a thing going. It was like, how cute. Katie's still being Katie. She'll be back soon. Wow. Because when I watched that, I was like, oh, who's this? Who's this? Who's this? She's playing a deaf writer, or do you say hearing impaired? What am I supposed to say? Deaf. I could say deaf.

Deaf community. Deaf is a good thing to be. Okay, good. I like that. But, all right, so you do all these things. You're in L.A. You got a casting director who's kind of like, what was her name again? Lindsay Chad.

She kind of hooked you up with reps and you started to get, you got representation from there. Yes. And that was a big thing for you. And then you started going out on auditions and how. having auditions for the first time. Yes, yes. And what was the first big thing you can remember getting that was like, I'm going to make some money.

I'm going to pay my bill. Oh, I booked an indie film called Steam. Called Stevie? Steam. Steam. Steam, steam roller. Right. And that was with like Ali Sheedy and Ruby G.

How was it working with Ali Sheedy? Amazing. She was amazing. You weren't Starstruck at all? A little bit. but she isn't such a human like you know it takes about what's like when you meet celebrities how long do you think it takes like maybe an hour or so before they start just being a person how long for you it just depends I mean there's been some that I just like you know I've worked

with Stallone and I'm like hanging with him on set and I'm laughing with him and he's he knows me by name and we're talking and we're like you know we're sitting down at lunch and we're like you know it's weeks I've worked with him and I'm still like everyone's so I'm like that's just alone I'm having that with Mark Hamill right now. Like Mark Hamill will never not be. Holy crap, it's Mark Campbell. You're working with him now? He's an usher.

He is? And that's not a secret. No, no, no, no. He's been announced. Wow. Did you get your Star Wars poster sign? Or did Mike ask him for an autograph yet? Not yet.

We'll get there. But like, it's still like, wow. And he's wonderful, talented, humble, kind, generous. everything you want your heroes to be and a big part she has a big part wow mark hamill yeah you know it's pretty cool it's like you know i think my parents were the same way in a sense that they were like you know he's going to school he's going to get over this acting phase it's going to go away he's not going to make a living at this he's going to realize it's too hard like everybody else and it's going to fade away and he's going to do something else and i just kept plugging away because the only person

that knows you got it is you and if you don't know it you're not going fucking anywhere and you just always felt like you had it didn't you yeah i knew that i had something like i i had an unquenchable ambition i was not going to stop i knew that and did you have some tough times in l.a the worst like what at the worst times i had i was in a play reading class and the plays were seven dollars and i couldn't afford to play I had doing like the worst type of jobs. Like there was a job that I did for a while where I was a promo girl at clubs where like you're handing out shots to people who grope you and touch you and awful. But I had to pay rent.

I wasn't booking work. I had long, long stretches where I couldn't get a job and people were actively telling me I was bad at acting. I had... People told you you were bad. Oh, I've lost a manager because I was bad. I've never had anybody say you're bad. You're a bad actor. I kind of Kate's story.

And I'm going to drop the fucking name because fuck her. Fuck her. This one's for you. Tell me. So I was a family friend and I got not like, like, I say family, like, flammy. and a family, like within the intrepid world. Okay. I had a meeting with and she agreed to represent me.

This was after hush, but before Hillhouse. And we did a pilot season together. And one of the pilots I went out for was the Nancy Drew pilot. And I have never been great at solving network TV scenes. The like, b'bump, bump, joke, big bang theory, things like that. I can't quite get it. I coached hard on that audition. It was not great.

And I was nervous and things like that. And after that audition, before, I think this was even, was it before Hush Premiere maybe? She'd seen it, but I don't remember if it had gone to South by yet. She got on the phone with me, and she was like, the feedback is so bad. I don't think you're cut out for this. I took you on as a favor

so I could get closer to Mike and I just don't think this is going to work out. What? She said I did this as a favor to get closer to Mike, your now husband? Mm-hmm. Who has the audacity to even say that? And I'm going to go to all those things, yeah.

And what was your response? Did you break down and cry? Obviously, I think what I said, and I'm like still, like I've such, compassionate me. I think what I said was I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it wasn't good. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I'm sorry I couldn't do better. And I was just

absolutely devastated. And even now I feel a little embarrassed for having said her name. She said those things to me and I don't think that's okay. She could have easily just dropped me and been like, hey, pilot season isn't working out and going in a different direction. A million percent. Yeah. I agree with you. me I was bad. She did not need to tell me that she just did it as a favor.

Let me tell you, as much as I hate it, it's a necessity that, you know, we have managers and agents and things like that. But their job is to sort of help you and guide you and give you the confidence and make you better and believe in you. And you're going to have bad days and you're going to have bad moments. And as much as I'd like them to be, just be brutally honest, you can't tell me that every casting director likes me. You can't tell me that every audition I have, I'm great and they're just going in a different direction. I want to hear the real truth. We don't as actors.

We'll fall apart. We don't want to hear. First of all, we could hear somewhat of the truth, some of the truth. We could hear, hey, you know what,

Michael, Rosie, you know, he just, that you didn't do well in that audition. You just, you didn't do well, you weren't good.

Were you nervous in that audition? It didn't work. Like, what do you think happened there? Right? Yes. But to say you're bad. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, I've had managers be like, I feel like you're coming across, it's like a little bit too perfect, like type A, like it has to be right. You have to relax a bit, like guiding somebody. But to just, just kneecap me, it hurts so much. There's so many stories I'm telling on this podcast I've never told me.

I like it. I think it's just, it's grounding. It's also like people who don't know the business, the world that we live. And we can see how cruel it can be. And we can see like your life. You're telling me about your stepdad and you're how you. your, you know, your father passed away on the tennis court just so abruptly. And it's like, these are things that happen to people.

And I just think it's, it's just people could relate. Some people out there like, holy shit. Like you've, you've lived a life and you've worked really hard, but you've also had your fucking downs. Yeah. And I think it's important, too. I think what I do on set as Aaron, as Theo, as the character I'm playing now, it is intimate. and it is for you guys.

It's not for me. I would love to just stay home, play with my kids, and do Shakespeare with my friends. But I do it because I think authenticity of life is important. And I think intimacy is important. And I think people being vulnerable is important. And this started happening around the time. I'm a push is that I developed a fan base that was girls like 16 to 25.

And I want them to know that I'm a person who struggles, who has to do things, who had depressive episodes, who kept going. Like, this is for them to say, if you're looking at me as some kind of icon, you're missing like the piles of corpses of my past selves that I'm standing on top of and that whoever you are today is okay

because who I was when I was screaming you opportunistic fuck at my stepdad she was okay too wow we were doing her best hey yeah I think so that's all you could do I mean I found to Pollyanna did I just say no

no absolutely I don't think so Ryan do you think so Ryan's over there Ryan am I a loser no these stories great he's like going whoa he's like in awe like this is this is good this is this is what people want to hear they don't want to hear just boring like i'm an actor and you're an actor and let's talk about meeting celebrities and hanging out yeah what do normal people talk about no this is what you'd be you'd be surprised i've had guests talk about trying to kill themselves i've had guests

talk about you know their mom and mental illness and it's crying on on the podcast all sorts of shit like it's like uh it's an open forum you know it's really just like it's like kind of whatever happens but like back to you do you you know i try to think of like people say you know have you found yourself do you know who you are now do you know what your purpose is and i'm like going i don't know i really don't fucking know i wonder if i'll ever know i wonder if i'll be 90 years old and go who are you but do you feel like you've gone through this stage where like when you came out to la was there a level of confusion with who you were and what you wanted and like you just like what were you going through

like living out here trying to make ends me? I think it's a pretty common story. I was going through like drinking and drugs and random gig jobs and hanging out with actors and going to acting class and like you said having no idea who I was and like covering up

my deep well of uncertainty with alcohol and cigarettes. Did you smoke a lot and drink a lot? oh my god the most and drugs and drinking and smoking what kind of drugs i mean you just you snorted you powdered your nose yeah i let's see i've done oh god am i i can't get arrested for things i did no people don't i talked i've done cocaine i've done pot i mean i've done everything except for heroin good and heroin adjacent things but i've done like oh i haven't done acid but i've done mushrooms i don't trust acid i won't do it i won't do acid i won't do acid my brain

doesn't like it. Yeah, I'll melt. I've done pills. I've done, yeah. I've done what you've done. Yeah, but I somehow, the only one that's that stuck was alcohol. Stuck as in you still do it.

No, isn't I had to literally quit it. Like I had to get sober. The rest of them I kind of could take or leave and I dabbled in Coke and then left Coke. And some people dabbling Coke and they can't fucking let go. Yeah. but for me I alcohol just pickled my brain and I had to leave I had to leave the party was it something

that you were like wow I need a drink I need a drink in the morning I need a drink in the afternoon I want to have four glasses of wine it just felt like it was consuming you yeah it was a fucking alcoholic I am an alcohol wow and so you went through the 12 step program and all that stuff well I'm in the middle of steps right now and let me tell you that's not fun but um yeah I have a meeting and a sponsor and all that. Talk about coming clean and being honest with yourself and just like, that's got to be fucking hard though, like to really tell the truth. Like, we could sit here and tell people all day the things that we think they want to hear

or sugarcoat it. But when you get into these kind of positions where you're in a 12 step, you're just hurting yourself if you're not honest. Yes. You're just fucking yourself, essentially. Yeah. my favorite thing about getting sober is that I stopped lying and I wasn't like a big liar like I wasn't but like my whole life I had told tiny lies like oh I owned a horse when I was a kid I fucking

did not own a horse when I was a kid things like that things that like completely arbitrary lies for no reason whatsoever just a fucking liar and I would constantly get caught in them because I forget that I lied about it. So so much of my mental energy was like, who did I lie to about what? And if I tell the story, and now I just don't do it anymore. And like, it leads to some awkward moments in the moment, but I never have to keep

my story straight. Right. I like that a lot. I have a horse. You don't have a horse. Why would you lie about having a horse? Well, it's a weird thing. Well, you can see it, right? I wanted to be considered like special and rich and somehow like like I don't know high class and things like that I wanted to be fancy yeah I can understand that

and so like you get like it's sort of sad right like it's not no one no one looks at that line and it's like what a monster they're just like oh it's a little white lie I had a horse like it's like I you know my mom you know my family we have a we have a Porsche but we don't we don't have a Porsche

But it just feels good that if I did have a Porsche as a kid, you know, tell your friends. It would be cool, right? Yeah, well, you think you'd be cool, but then you get older than you like it. It doesn't. It doesn't make cool. Do you have trouble watching yourself? Mm-mm. You don't mind watching a movie with you in it or your TV show.

You're fine with it. I like it. I never, I rarely hear that. Me? Yeah, most people are just like, yeah, I just don't. You know, I'm okay. Sometimes I'll be like, okay, you're good in that. okay but sometimes I'm really hard on myself so it's it's tough but you you enjoy it yeah I'm

always hard on myself so that's not going to change like it's not like I I leave a scene and I feel great and then I watch the scene and I feel terrible I always think that I shit the bed so when I watch it I get two things one is a little perspective and I can be like oh my god look it's me I'm on TV just like I wanted to be or oh my god look at her look at little katie Siegelbaum going and doing it Siegelbaum that's her real name so funny, little Katie Siebel ball with tiny teeth. Like, I love her so much. Baby teeth and big gums.

And the biggest gums. I got to see a picture of this. You have to text. I'll send you a picture. I think there's some on my Instagram. Like, I have a couple out there. Oh, you do. Yeah.

I mean, I did steam the entire movie. I had the old teeth. And a bunch of things. And Castle, I did the old teeth. Anyway, so I have that. And the second is, oh, it's not as bad as I thought. I did a pretty good job in acting. And so it feels nice.

It's also nice when you trust the people you're working with. You trust the director. You trust the D.P. Trust the other actors. You're like, hey, that's a nice place to be. Yeah. Although I did an episode of Hawaii 5O. And you talk about those days, which I love, I loved.

I had a great time on Hawaii 5O with Robocop who directed me. Really? What's his name? Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter Weller. Peter Weller.

Peter Weller. Yes. And he was wonderful, wonderful director. And that was one of those days you were talking about. Like that whole time in Hawaii, I left set every day like, fuck yeah, drop the mic, living my best life, covered in blood, doing shit, like out of bar, doing a big scene. And I watched it and I loved it.

Like that just start to finish was like that, because I didn't know those people for me, I didn't know Scott Con, I didn't know Peter Weller. That was an offer. I didn't have to audition for it. It was right after Theo Crane. And I kind of threw caution entirely into the wind. And I was like, I don't know, maybe this will suck. I don't know.

So I was going to be the first person. What's the most favorite, your favorite thing you've ever done? You look at it, you go, this was the best thing I've ever done. Like if I want somebody, hush, see? That's what I thought. I mean, I don't think that's the best. I think it's like one of the best, but I mean, haunting of Hill House, Midnight Mass. I mean, all these, these are all great.

What was the... I wrote it with Mike. It was the accumulation of 30 years of my life that I poured into that person day by day, get up in the morning and run before set. I left set every day feeling I had left everything I had on the field. I was so happy. The level of happy I was. Maybe mirrors only the birth of my.

children in terms of like in my wedding day in terms of just like that was 18 days six days a week night shoots every night like a no money no nothing skin of her teeth film and oh i have my old teeth and hush you did your teeth weren't bad i would have i would have said man that girl's got some crazy grill but i didn't say that yeah my old teeth are in hush i didn't notice they were bad I think you're just too hard on yourself. Oh, man, yeah. Just put that on a T-shirt for me. I should tattoo them.

It's like, that's like, if I had a business card, it would say Kate Siebel, too hard on herself. Yeah. I think we're all like that. I think a lot of people are, I think, I think it's just one of the things as I get older. I'm just like, stop. Just be good to yourself.

How do you stop? What do you do? It's like you fucked up. You fucked up. It's okay. Try not to do it again. You did it again. You got to change your ways, dude.

But don't hate yourself for it. You've got some. kind of shit going on why do you repeat these bad things that you do you know and just because it's not going to help you just shitting on yourself it's just going to bring you even lower so you know and if you need help you get help you get i go to therapy i fucking talk to something like i keep doing these things i don't i don't know why i keep doing that like well how do we stop that and then you get help from someone who knows what the fuck they're talking about and like you make changes but i don't know i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about all right this is called shit talking

with Kate Siegel. These are my patrons who they just give extra to the podcast. They're amazing. Go to patreon.com slash You guys are amazing. Thank you for your support.

They love you. They're just so supportive of the podcast. And this is rapid fire so you can just answer these or you could say, I don't want to answer that. Here we go.

Little Lisa, what's the weirdest thing in your bucket list? Um, the weirdest thing in my bucket list. Getting a horse. Eat a live octopus. A live octopus.

Like old boy. Remember? in the Korean film all blind. He eats in his fucking over his face. Oh, my God. That's the weirdest thing in your bucket list. That's the weirdest thing. All right. I like it. I dig. Michelle Kay, yes. Can you ask if she

actually believes in ghosts or had a supernatural encounter? I believe that there is more what is it? There's more on heaven and earth ratio than is dreamt of in your philosophy. There's room in my belief for ghosts. I

occasionally feel like my dad is around. Nice. I think that's a good feeling. By the way, does Mike believe in ghosts? I didn't ask me on it. He doesn't at all. No. He doesn't believe in supernatural shit. Science, science, science.

And a sense of compassion for the universe. I believe in the supernatural. You believe in ghosts? Have you seen a ghost? I think that there's trauma sometimes in certain places where someone's killed or someone dies. And there's an energy. There's an energy about that. I don't know.

We don't need to get into that. But, I mean, I do that nothing is either created or destroyed in the entirety of the universe. Yeah. Who's to say, right? Who is to say? Emily asks, was there a moment, any moment on haunting a haunting of Hillhouse that really freaked you out? Yeah. I mean, episode eight in the car, Risa and I are driving.

Victoria Prodretti, she at Bedretti jumps in half a page early on that scene. And that's the take you see in the show. That's a legitimate response for me and Risa. we were not expecting it. I was scared as fuck. Wow. Yeah, that was freaky as shit. Yeah, she did really good.

Yeah, that show was great. Tall man freaked me out. He's so scary. He was so scary. Tall man, was he, is that a real person? I know, obviously there was CGI, but was there... He's a tall person, but yeah, he was on stilts, I believe, or was lifted up on something. Right.

I never worked with Tall Man, so I actually don't know the answer to that. You don't know the answer? But I'm a ceiling. All right. Meg Kay, Midnight Mass is one of the first shows to go back into production at the height of the pandemic. What was that experience like? Through hindsight, it was special and unique and camaraderie building. At the time, we were as terrified as everybody else.

And it created this community feeling in the show that you see on screen, that we were isolated and we only had each other because that was true. How depressing was the weather there? Or was it just constantly just shit and gray and, rain and depression? I don't know. Vancouver, so I went to school in Syracuse, which is the actual armpit of the nation. It snows and is gray and rainy from October until May. So anything is an improvement to Syracuse. And Vancouver has the most beautiful spring and summer of anywhere I've ever been. And so the winters are hard. I'm not going to lie. But I don't know,

production time is different than real world time because you're shooting nights and so you're sleeping during the day and you need those nighttime hours and you know it was rainy out in the farm but like we needed that rain for work like the weather was a part of our lives yeah and so it's different than this winter where I was just sitting around where it was harder i really got emotional in midnight mass when robert longstreet's uh what was his character's name uh jo collie jo collie's dog dies oh my god he was so beautiful oh my god God, right? I just was so proud of him. I was so proud of him. I was just like, oh, my God. There was even a full puppet. There was half of a dog and a puppet master with his arm up that dog. That is what Robert is acting with in that scene. It was, and every single actor and extra is staring at him while he does it, plus the crew and the camera. The amount of pressure on him in that moment because we didn't have a dog. The dog puppet was only half a puppet. He is surrounded by effects people. Everyone is staring at him.

And he was able to create that performance in that moment. I thought it was explicit. Raj says, what's your method for showing fear or terror for a scene? Good direction on set, recalling a memory when you were scared, some combination. Breathwork. Get your breath in the right place and the rest will do it for you. So when you're scared, you can do it before action. You can do it during the scene.

But for any of that stuff, for me, it always starts with a breath. Have you ever almost passed out from just breathing too heavy, heavily? 100% of the time, yes. I know. I've done that before. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm getting lightheaded. I'm going to pass out. Oh, my God.

And then I hear, uh, they better not call cut until I actually fucking pass out because I'm giving them cold. Is that what it is? If you can get that like, that like spotted hive look on the skin you get when you're hyperventilating, that's worth its weight and special effects money. Yeah. Where are you now? Are you in L.A.?

I'm in Vancouver. You're in Vancouver. Oh, everything's in Vancouver. the next this is in everything well what's next for you i know you got this you've got a lot of work left to doing this but did you know what's next for you and a lot of work left left to do in this um time traveler's wife comes out on in the spring which is going to be a total 180 from what you've seen me do in the past it's so fun what are you doing what can we expect or so if you've read the book no um it's about time traveler right and his girlfriend in time and i'm

I play his mother, who in the book is kind of sort of just a side character. She dies and it affects this little boy his whole life. But Stephen Moffitt took that character and made this incredible woman out of her, as Stephen Moffat does. And then he entrusted that with me. And she's just this truly glamorous, glittery, 1980s, famous opera singer. Wow. Are you a good singer?

No. Can you not sing at all? Not even. I know. Would you ever sing in a movie or a show? Nope. I'll be doubted out. I'll lip stink all day.

Really? You can't sing. You look like somebody that could sing. I can like sing to a lullaby to my kids. Right. Sure. But like there was that did you get a call for the, um, the remake or whatever, the Wicked something? There's like a new Disney musical TV show they're doing.

No. New a Sleeping Beauty or something. And they were like, hey, Kate, all you got to do is put a little song on tape. And I said to my reps, I was like, I'm not going to do this, not because I don't think I could pull off one song for an audition, but because God help me if I book this job and I show up. And it's like Josh Gad and like Kristen Bell and me trying to figure out. Does that terrify you? Does that just terrify you? Yeah, I just got the like hot feeling.

Who do you want to work with? If you could work with one director right now out there, obviously, other than Mike, who would it be? Like, let's talk big directors. I'm trying to narrate, actually, what I'm honestly trying to do is think of someone who's not a white male. But I don't really have that. So, Steven Soderberg. I love that Soderberg. It's always weird.

It's always sort of out there. And, like, he'll shoot an entire movie on his iPhone, or he makes a movie about a call girl in a time where nobody was allowing sex work to be anything other than a fault. I really love him. I love the Cohen brothers. They're also doing crazy stuff. I would love to dip my toe in comedy in that way, that particular brand of dark comedy.

Shonda Rhymes is on my bucket list. I think she, like Mike, is a genre creator. Like when you know, you know exactly what a Shonda Rhyme show is in terms of, like, glamour and sparkle and, like, wit. You know, someone asked me if I would do nudity, and I think I would, if it was the right, I think I would. If it was just the right director, it was the right piece, if it just seemed like, you know, this is part of it. It's not like jackass or I'm like nailing my balls to the fucking floor. You know what I mean?

But I think I would do. Would you do nudity? The only time I would is, did you ever see, you know, before sunrise, then they have that after sunset and was going to. And Julie Delpy does that whole argument top list. Yes. Something like that. Because to me, it was completely necessary because that was completely truthful in the moment. Because when you're in that relationship, you're not putting a shirt on to fight with someone.

Yeah. And so something like that, I don't. I never do. I won't do it. I'll let them simulate it with a double. But I don't do sex. I don't do kissing. I don't do it.

You don't do kissing? Wait, wait. Wait, wait. What? I won't do it. Wait, you won't do kissing. Well, yeah, I'll do kissing. The last time I did kissing was in Hillhouse.

And otherwise I'll fake it. Like, you can fake it with camera angles, or they can kiss your neck, or they can do that. But I don't like to do mouth-to-mouth kissing. Really? I mean, that's something that I learned today. No kissing, no nudity.

If you're going to simulate sex, it has to be someone else. Wow. Have you ever been offered something? and you turn it down because of that? No, generally people work around it. Because you can't, that's the whole point. You can work around it.

And listen, if the kiss is extremely important and I'm like, this is great, we need this moment for whatever it is. But if it is, the two people are about to have sex, I'm like, he can kiss my neck. He can grab me and we can be face to face. I don't need to French somebody to start a sex scene. I don't. And I don't, for me, it's a hard boundary. wow i i appreciate that you stick to your guns i try yeah wow yeah i've had to kiss um

you like it i have sometimes i have not liked it like i wish that we didn't have to kiss and then there's been sometimes when i'm like well this didn't suck you know the person's breath was nice it was uh sensual we're both respect each other uh didn't suck but there's other time but there's other times where I'm like oh man I do not look forward to this but this is this is part of the job I love this conversation I love talking to you I had such a good time having me yeah we have yeah I want to hang out with you guys sometime we have to all hang out we are totally welcome hang out with us come up to Vancouver or when we come back to L.A., we would love to hang out I would love it invite uh Rob and myself we'll we'll come over and just wait until

you talk to Raul it's going to be like Raul is one of the funnest interviews I've ever seen. Really? I could talk to him about anything? Anything. Nothing is off limits. He is insightful and vulnerable and honest and funny. You're going to have a great time.

I can't wait. This has been a real treat. Thank you for doing this. Thanks for having me. Yes, you're awesome. Keep up the great work. I look forward to seeing everything you freaking do. Yay.

Hashtime, no kissing. All right, no kissing. Maybe on the neck, on the neck, on the neck. On the night, I'll see you later. Bye. Bye. Yeah, she was, she was fun. You know, it's, it's, it's nice to see when another actor talks about their nerves and how, you know, when they're first on set and they're, you know, they want to be great. It's you want to be great. It's that yearning for it to be, you know, just impressed to, to be, to be, we all have it. And I think she just has that. She wants to be good. She wants to come through. She wants to do her job. And she talks about those insecurities. And I've felt those insecurities before. It's always nice, Ryan, when you learn from your guests or you could, what's the word, when you could relate?

Relate. Relate is the word. Guys, thanks for listening to the podcast today. Please subscribe. If you like this interview, please subscribe, write a review. It helps the podcast substantially. There's so many podcasts. That's all I ask of you.

That's it. Check out the Inside of You Online Store. awesome merch also the sunspin my band we have a website sunspin.com you could book uh zooms with me you could buy cool merch um there's that i'll be in the st louis at the uh fan x st louis fan expo that's uh may 13th 14th 15th may 13th we're doing a smallville nights that's a improv show with me and welling and then i'll be in liverpool later that month and uh thanks my patrons my lovable patrons for my lovable patrons for joining Patreon and giving back to the podcast. You really keep the podcast afloat and I couldn't do without you.

I want to say thank you, Ryan. I love having him here. He's my main man, thick and thin. Bryce, thanks for working so hard on this podcast. Jason, my editor, you're rocking it. And everybody at Westwood One Cumulus, thanks for all the love and the support and all my friends. And I just want to say continue on rock on. I appreciate you.

And right now, why don't we just read the top tiers? Let's do it. These are the top tier patrons. Here we go. Can we have some music? Jason, that might add something to it. Just like some sports center music. Jason's either added music right now underneath slowly or nothing.

So Jason, we'll see what you do. We'll find out. Maybe you'll just cut out what I'm saying right now. Here we go. Nancy D. Leah S. I did the old lick. Nancy D Leah S. Sarah V. Little Lisa

E. Kiko. Jill E. Brian H. Nico P. Robert B. Jason W. Kristen. Allison L. Raj C. Joshua D. C.J. P. Jennifer N. Stacey L. Gen S. Jamal F. Jemal B. Kimberly E. Mike E. L. Donsa. Pramo. 99 more. Ramira. S. Santiago M. Chad W. Lian P. Jan P. J. R. Maya P. Matty S. Belinda N. Chris H. H. Dave. Uh. E. H.

Spider-Man. J. J's. Sheila G. Brad. D. Ray. H. Tabitha. T. Tom N. Lilliana A. Talia M. Betsy. Betsy. D. That's correct, my friend. Chat L. Rochelle Marion. Meg K. Trab L. Dan N. Big Stevie W. Angel M. Rian C. Cori K. Super Sam. Dev Nexon. Michelle A. Jeremy C. Andy T. Cody R. Gavanator. David C. John B. Brandy D. Yvore. Camille F. the C. Joey M. Willie F. We're getting to the nitty gritty here. David H. I think that's David Hall. Hey, Dave Hall. How you doing, brother? Adelaide, Ann, Omar, I. What if I just did that voice?

Lena N, Design, O.T.G. Eugene and Leah. Chris P. Nikki G. Corey, Nicole, Patricia, Heather L. Jake B., James B. Bobbitt. Abel F. Joshua B. Tony G. Megan T. Mel S. Orlando. C. John B. Caroline R. Rob E. Paul C. Christine S. Sarah S. Eric H. Spring. Spring is here. And Jennifer R. I really couldn't do this show that. She talked to your patrons and all patrons. Thank you. Thank you for all the support. And I'm fine. I think I posted on something on Patreon that, you know, I sent a message that, you know, I was a little under. And I came back from Mexico, which I had a great time. But I think I was dehydrated. Because for one day, I had no energy and I felt maybe a tad nauseous and I was a little achy and so I got a PCR COVID immediately I'm negative and then it was gone 24 hours. Isn't it amazing that a lot of the things that ALS

can be cured with hydration? That's so true. Isn't it frustrating? I'm going to drink some water right now. That's why. Oh, this is nice. We'll just get some ASMR. Yeah, what's that stand for? It stands for doing things into the microphone like this. I don't know what it stands for. I don't know what it is. Guys, thank you for choosing this podcast once again. Thanks for all the support and all the love.

Join me next week. We have another great guest. And yeah, all I have to say is thank you. From myself, Michael Rosenbaum. From myself, Ryan Deyes. Hey, from the Hollywood Hill in California. Yeah. You're right there. Yeah, I don't know. I'm indigestion.

Guys, be good to yourself. Most importantly, have a great week. And seriously, thanks for listening. Hopefully you'll join us next week. And I'll talk to you soon. Football season is here. Oh, man. Believe has the podcast to enhance your football experience from the pros.

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