Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Kevin Nealon

Episode Date: May 28, 2019

Kevin Nealon (SNL, Weeds, Man with a Plan) discusses growing up in Connecticut on a lake playing hockey, how little he got laid in high school, the ways Albert Brooks, Andy Kaufman and Steve Martin have influenced his comedy. Kevin opens up about his dad’s passing last year, the years he spent on Saturday Night Live, and how much he cries when he hikes by himself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum? That's correct. That was my grandfather, Irv Rosenbaum, when I went out to Florida to visit him. I love that guy's 93, suffering from Alzheimer's, so support Alzheimer's. Go online, donate. We've got to find a cure for that, for sure. Thank you guys for listening to the show, as I always say. I have loyal fans out there, loyal listeners.

I see you at conventions. It really helps when you tell your friends, and they tell their friends about the show. subscribe. Please get people to subscribe. I sound desperate. Tyler's here with me today. Rob's not around. Tyler, we just want to get more listeners. We want to build it and build it. We need the help of our friends here. Yeah, for sure. I think you guys need a hashtag. Hashtag help. Yeah, hashtag help, Michael. Yeah, exactly. No. I love it. And just spreading the word. We got a great show tonight, as always or today. It depends on when you're listening to it. But Kevin Neeland, Saturday Night Live, Hans and Throns. Remember, subliminal guy. I don't know.

you were a little too young Tyler, but he was the guy who would like go out with a girl. You're like, no, I don't know, maybe we can go out to dinner. I don't know. Maybe get some dessert, hot sex and maybe you just see what else happens, the rest of the nine hot sex. And he, uh, he was amazing. He lounged here. He, uh, took a nap, I think during some point of the interview.

We talked about everything. I really felt like he thought he was my therapist and he said at one point that he wanted to help me. I could genuinely can see, I could see concern in his eyes, Tyler, that I needed help. Like he, he wanted to help me. me. He goes, Michael, I want to help you. Did you guys get there? Did he solve all your issues? He didn't solve all of them. But I think every guest I have takes the pain away just a little.

I have a great life. I have all this. But, you know, we have demons and we try to get rid of them. So why don't we get inside of Kevin Neelan? It's my point of you. You're listening to inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. Who did you listen to growing up? What were some of the concerts you went to? Chicago. Big Chicago.

Yeah, me too. Chicago and Beach Boys. Oh, Chicago. Yeah, I love the Beach Boys. Chicago is probably my favorite of all time because I just remember as a little boy, you know, dad broke in a Thunderbird and me in the backseat driving from state to state and hearing, if you leave me now. Yeah. And very nostalgic. Oh, yeah.

Seventy-nine Thunderbird. Yeah. He had that until probably 04. He kept it around. He did. I think that's why I keep... I have a van out front. I don't know if you noticed

or if you were creeped out at all. No, I didn't see it. You didn't see it? No. You parked right next to it. I parked next to it. Yeah. All right.

Are you worried it out by him taking pictures? No. You're not? No, I've had that done before. You have? Yeah. Thank you so much for the coffee. Thanks, Jess.

I got a cut back on the coffee, man. Did you drink too much coffee? I drink too much coffee and I don't want to start waiting in lines at Starbucks for coffee. You know what I mean? Yeah, but you know what it is? I noticed that, you know, you're a stand-a-comedian. It's got to be the worst job in terms of you're always tired. You're always out late.

Every time I saw you at the club's doing stand-up. I remember that one night I was actually honored you go, hey, Mike, would you mind if I go in front of you? I'm going to do it anyway. I said that? But you asked. It's like, I'm like Kevin Neeland. This guy's a legend. He's asking me if he can go in front of me.

Yeah, probably because I couldn't stay up late that night. I think I've had a lot of guests in the show. How long have you been doing this? Eight years. No, really since June, I guess, of last year was when we really kicked in. That was like the real... You got the nice mics and everything, man. Yeah, we do it right.

And, you know, we were doing video and I was like, you know, it does it? People don't get intimate when you have videos as much, right? If there was a video camera here, would you feel a little like it was too much? Well, it's funny. When you do radio interviews and stuff, you know what it's like, they'll have like a camera there and you forget about it after a while. You forget that it's there. So you're saying I should have cameras. You really should document all of this, especially to capture this little library entertainment room.

You're a collector, man. I feel for you because you become a, when you collect anything, you become a slave to it, don't you? Well, I'm not a hoarder. No, but you're close to it. You're close. Only because you have a little more shelf space in here, left stealth. No, listen, listen, I am very good about discarding things. That was from Smallville.

That's a mask I wore when I thought myself. That's where I know you from. how dare you sir by the way you know where we met i don't remember exactly where it was carrie fisher's house that's right and we started seeing each other more and more and you're like oh you know i that's hey kem good to see oh yeah yeah yeah but you were like 17 or something no no no i'm 47 so i was probably you know she kind of saved me i was uh you know i was drinking a lot i was doing you know her daughter billy was a fan of the show at the time and so i sent her an autograph and she sent me a picture of her from Return of the Jedi, you know, when she's almost naked and it's in my office,

it says, blow me, Carrie. And we just became friends. And so she would say, oh, my God, I'm having a party. Come over and then that's how it all began. Yeah, those parties were amazing, weren't they? In that house? How would you explain to people who don't know Carrie Fisher, which is most people? Well, I will, I have a similar story to you.

I will use to collect memorabilia for auction items. Whereas you collect it to keep for yourself, I collect it to give to, you know, to charities. The Psychology Today magazine came out with Carrie Fisher's picture on the front of it, talking about bipolarism. And I asked her if she would sign it as an auction item. She said, sure, she signed it. I looked at it later. It says, you're an asshole, Carrie Fisher. That was for charity. Yeah. So need to sell? I kept it. You kept. I've kept a lot of things that I got autographed for. For charities, like when I was in SNL, that's where you should have said, oh, that's where I know you from. But anyway, I asked Kurt Cobain. And I had one of the PAs run down and get me like an unauthorized bio, you know, autobiography of Kirk Cobain. Right. I would do that.

I did that for Paul McCartney, too. When he was on, I had the PA go down and get a couple of albums, you know, like, that Paul signed for me. You have Paul McCartney's autograph? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody's got his autograph. Oh, yeah. But anyway, so he comes back with a book.

It's an unauthorized biography of Kirk Cobain. I asked Kurt if he would sign it. He's walking down the hallway, Studio 8H. and yeah he said sure and he signed it he wrote in it and he gave back to me i don't look at it i didn't look at it for about you know till he died yeah maybe yeah maybe till he died and i and it looked like a third grader was writing it it said i am not liberacci comma kurt cobain are you serious yeah i don't know what that meant but do you have it up in your oh look so rob got this at a bookstore a signed copy of your book what is it called your pregnant that's funny and it's autographed is that

really your autograph. Yeah. Yeah. It is. It says the name of the book is, yes, you're pregnant, but what about me when my wife was pregnant? I had a book deal. I didn't know what to write about. And then she got pregnant. I thought, well, I'm certainly kind of journaling a lot about this. Maybe I should write about my feelings going through a pregnancy as the husband. And I would sign these books to people. I always put, use protection. Is that what he says? Yep. To Josephine and Garth, use protection. And they sold this book. What's to see down here? please please use the right rubber I don't know who signed that

that's not me maybe it's just their friend maybe somebody resold it and signed it for them but that's your autograph yeah it's come full circle back to me back to rob there it is now how many of those do you still have a lot of those books at your house I have none left you don't really collect anything I try not to I have guitars that accumulate in my house you know that I somehow get but I'm not looking for them

maybe a couple of them I kind of you know had made for me I just feel like it's such, you become a slave to it. Like if you collect snow globes or, you know, whatever, people then will start sending it to you, you know, like they won't. And then you have nowhere to put it. And then you feel like if you go somewhere, you got to get something. Well, first of all, I think there's always room for a snow globe. Well, totally, yeah. You know, they're small usually.

Yeah, I mean, just think if there's ever like a drought, you always have that water in the snow globe to drink. You know what I'm saying? Right. Yeah. You made me a little self-conscious because I do have like these. You see a lot of hockey jerseys. There's probably 10 hockey jerseys. But like I haven't received a hockey jersey in a long time.

This is a Brett Burns. He's my buddy. Usually they're friends or heroes of mine that I've played with in a charity game or whatever. And so I put them up. Are you from Canada? No, but I, my dad used to. How do you play hockey?

That's very true, right? My dad was president of the hockey league in Indiana. And so he used to ship me up to camp, a hockey camp in Canada. I said Indiana to Canada. So that's how I got better, but I realized I wasn't good enough. Even though I got like scholarship offer to play hockey, I realized at a young age, I was decent where I was from.

But the level of, you know, the players are just so much better in Canada. Yeah, man, I used to love playing hockey growing up. I grew up in Connecticut on a lake in southern Connecticut. A lake would freeze. The coves would freeze during the winter. even the whole lake would free sometimes but we play hockey in the coast we shovel the snow off the ice

and I had hockey skates and I just loved every winter I would love I would go down to see what the new hockey sticks look like and eventually they started getting laminated and they started curving the stick a little bit and I thought wow this is cool man I'm getting one of these when's the last time you skated

a couple months ago you skated but not hockey you don't play hockey no no I didn't even know I should have assumed that you were an athlete but you were like a quarter You've played some sports. You're an athlete. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I played soccer in college for three years. I played rugby for three years, and I played football for one season at Fairfield University. Now, I saw you hop out of your Tesla about 20 minutes ago, and you look pretty smooth. Like you didn't look like you were struggling. For someone who plays sports their whole life, I struggle. I've had a lot of surgeries. Have you really? What did you have done? I just had an artificial disc put my neck three months ago. I have had, uh, I have had, uh, two fusions five back surgeries because you want to be taller is that what you're doing yes yes I'm trying to grow a few inches you weren't hurting it all you just wanted to be taller that's exactly what it is an artificial disc meaning like some kind of a ceramic or plastic yeah it's titanium yeah it's titanium and they put it in your you know through they go through your throat of it you know through your throat of it's through your throat of it you know through you know so how do you feel now uh Fair to horseshit.

Really? You know, it was more traumatic than they thought. They took the disc out. There was a lot of nerves rattled. And so now I got some nerve pain. So they're saying it was sort of, you know, I have a couple more months and I'll be good to go. But I was hoping that I, you know, I'm swimming. I'm doing a lot.

I work. What are you looking at me for, Rob? You're judging me. But what are you like? 53 now? I'm 46. 46. Yeah, yes.

Okay. I was off a little. Yes. Let me ask you this. By the way, you like the Carrie Fisher? She gave me that. I saw that. That's amazing.

She goes, hey, take this. I go, what do you want me to put it? She goes, take it. You like this shit. That's their Force Awakens chair. Isn't that cool? She was the best. Her ass was on that chair.

Her ass was on that chair many times. Yeah. But I look at you and I'm thinking, I wonder if he's like me where you just, do you miss the days where you want, you want to get out and play football. You want to get out and do this. But you're like, you know what, I just shouldn't do that. Well, I used to play basketball a lot, you know, with buddies like Gary Shandling and stuff. Sandler, right?

Yeah, Sandler. And I played a lot. And just recently, I just realized I can't play anymore. Like you say, I get out of that car smoothly. First of all, for a tall person to get out of that car is hard because the way they're designed. Why'd you buy that? Because I like the way they look. It's comfortable inside.

I thought I'd never have to get out of it. But I did. I found out today I had to get out of it. Because until I came here today, I was in that car for the last three years. Talk about hoarding. Do you ever go buy a car that's got so much crows? wrapping it you know the guy lives in there and it's just like just hoarding they got styrofoam cups everywhere so anyway so um i'm driving over here with an ice pack it's come on yeah is this true

yeah this part's true yeah this is true man i'm i'm a walking i'm a walking structure of of ailments i don't smile often thank you you know what it is it's just patchwork as you get older you just keep repairing stuff it's like an old apartment building you just got to keep figuring accident you know that's right yeah now i gotta tell you like i'm happy to have you here like you're one of like i'm excited to have certain guests christin bell was on here and you know a lot of big guests but to me i was watching s andl i was watching you i just was always like this guy is brilliant i've seen your stand up i've seen you you know i'm not going to sit here and kiss your ass i mean i sort of am right now but you know i always just really thought you were a funny guy like naturally just

fun. Were you always like the goofball? Were you always, because you're like you were the quarterback. You had to get laid a lot. You're probably cool at some point in your life. I mean, you're still cool. Right, right. But you know what I mean? Well, first of all, A, you are right. I am funny. B did not get laid a lot.

Is that true? Or you're just saying that to me? No, that's true. That's true. I didn't get laid a lot. Were you raised Jewish, right? I wasn't really raised Jewish. I had a bar mitzvah, but it was just for the money. Yeah. For me, I was raised with that whole thing about you've got to go by the book and make sure you don't get anybody pregnant it'll ruin your life so i had a fear in me you know all the catholic raised freeze cap yeah grab

that pillow put it behind your head you're making me uncomfortable oh i think you're going to be more comfortable with that behind you really yeah yeah i'll go jersey did a blanket well i just feel like i want you to be comfortable how is that oh that's nice man you're right here put a blanket over yeah that's nice yeah maybe get a picture of kevin napping during this podcast i think that'd be will you wake me up and it's over sure Sure, sure. So now we're going to start my meditation app, Kevin. This would be a good therapist's office up here.

Wouldn't it? Yeah. What was that thing you talked about in Stern about the, where you're being hypnotized? You mean the Sandler thing we recorded? Oh, yeah. Hypnoticed. That was that's good one.

You ever hear of listen to that, Rob? It's been told a million times. Just fucking listen to it. It's brilliant. Are you doing stand-up still? You know, I went up like 50 times last year, and I was just like, you know, here's my problem.

I felt like for someone who was just, starting. I'm going to teep my own horn. I felt like, hey, you're doing a good job for, you know, just starting, you know, going up. You were getting spots and everything. Yeah, and I was like, you know, people were laughing. I didn't think I was sucking. Can you, can you get him another coffee? I think he's asleep. Uh, but, you know, I was, I was intimidated. I was intimidated by the likes of you and Joe Rogan and all these guys. And so what happened was, I felt like I was in fighter flight every day. I'd wake up and I'd be stressed out. Well, isn't that the, the role of a comic anyway? You don't seem like that. I don't, I mean, look at you're sleeping here on the couch.

People always say, you know, what, how do you get laughs? It's all fear-based. Come on. It's all like fear like me. It's like me and think I'm funny. You still have that? Sort of. You still go up on stage and go, please like this.

Please like me. I think subconsciously, I'm thinking that. Of course, I'm not thinking, don't like this, you know. I'm thinking like this, like me. Were you ever, like, incredibly nervous where it was impeding on your set or impeding on getting up? Sometimes I would, like, honestly, when you guys are in the greener room and everybody talking and laughing sometimes i would go to the bathroom and quietly throw up and and just act cool because i'm like oh yeah i'm one of you guys i'm cool but i wasn't cool so i felt like i didn't fit

in exactly we all saw that we all saw you yeah we saw right through that i believed it see you know by the way how do you throw up quietly i have the loudest throw up it's like roar i mean it's loud you like my little puppy yeah i mean it comes it's projectile too because it's like it's one of it's a gag thing it's like you know it wasn't a full on but it was like why am i throwing up i don't like this feeling and people are like hey dude you can throw up this is what people do i mean i've heard a lot of stories you know i'd go to the bathroom a lot and then i'd have a little whiskey and i'd go up and i'd do 20 minutes and afterwards i go oh my god let's go to mel's diner i feel great this is a great feeling and i wouldn't get till bed till

two and i'd wake up and i'd have the same feeling that you think a normal person would be like hey you did well i get it man why would you why would that fear kind of go away i after a while because it does it's like anything else like i had claustrophobia for a while i got it at s nl when they were making a j leno mask got me a plaster mask and i just it got really hard the plaster and then you know got started getting hot and i just kind of freaked out and i passed out in the chair and uh and then um i said well let's try it again because i don't want to you know have that feeling again so they kept my hands outside the plastic they turned the radio up loud i almost had it again but from that i developed claustrophobia i got stuck in subways in between you know platforms i

getting really freaked out and couldn't go places. Wait a minute, but you said you faced your fear and let's do it again with the mask, and you think that would help you overcome it? That's what I thought, but I think I was still kind of rattled from the first one, and that was a carryover into my life where I couldn't go places. If I had too many layers of clothes on, I would get a little nervous because I feel like I couldn't get them off in time, you know. Or it got to the point where I was starting to get agoraphobic.

I would drive from my house and I'd see traffic on the other side of the freeway backed up, and I'd think, oh, my God, how am I going to get back? So I went to see a doctor in the valley, and he taught me breathing methods. But also, the big takeaway was you can't avoid the things that scare you. You got to keep doing it. And I would get on elevators. You know, I'd get on planes. I'd get in, you know, small, you know, rooms that I had to stay in, you know, until this thing was over or whatever it was.

But that's what I'm saying about comedy. I had the same fear as you. I was in the bathroom all the time. I was pacing, you know. Do I know my material? I had the runs. Yeah. And, you know, of course, I was.

young that much younger at the time so everybody else was experienced and you know there was agents and stuff but anyway I kept getting up kept getting up and that was the best advice somebody gave me when I started he said get up as often as you can't just keep getting up so that's what I did so you're saying that you were claustrophobic and you go it kept facing your fear yeah and that was your doctor's suggestion yeah and you listen to him obviously yeah I feel like you know, I went to a behavioral therapist, Kevin, and he's like, just, which I don't understand.

I've been on stage. For what? A behavioral therapist because of fear of stand-up? For just like, why do I have this fear? Why do I feel this way? Why I can't come? And he came up with the conclusion. He goes, because you're a perfectionist. You can't fail. In your head, you have to be either great or nothing. And it's

a fantasy. That's not real. And you need to fail. You need to learn to fail. You need to embrace failure. Inside of you is brought to you by Rocket Money. I'm going to speak to you about something that's going to help you save money, period. It's Rocket Money. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

This is just a wonderful app. There's a lot of apps out there that really, you know, you have to do this and pay for and that. But with Rocket Money, it's, they're saving you money. You're getting this app to save money. I don't know how many times that I've had these unwanted subscriptions that I thought I canceled or I forgot to, you know, the free trial ran at Ryan. I know you did it. That's why you got rocket money. I did.

Yeah. And I also talked to a financial advisor recently and I said, I had rocket money and they said, that's good. This will help you keep track of your budget. See? It's only, we're only here to help folks. We're only trying to give you, you know, things that will help you. So rocket money really does that. Rocket Money shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about.

If you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help cancel it. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save and then goes to work to get you better deals. They'll even talk to the customer service so you don't have to. Yeah, because I don't want to. Press 1 now if you want. Get alerts if your bills increase in price, if there's unusual activity in your accounts, if you're close to going over budget

and even when you're doing a good job. Rocket Money's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions. With members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum in the survey so they know I sent you. you don't wait download the rocket money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show inside of you with michael rosenbaum rocket money inside of you is brought to you by quince i love quince ryan i've told you this before i got this awesome $60 cashmere sweater i wear it religiously you can get all sorts of amazing amazing clothing for such reasonable prices look cooler temps are rolling in

And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last. From cashmere to denim to boots, the quality holds up and the price still blows me away. Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear nonstop, like Super Soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at just 60 bucks. Yeah, I'm going to get you one of those, I think. Oh, nice. I like to see you in a cashmere. Maybe a different color, so we don't look like twins. Their denim is durable and it fits right.

and their real leather jackets bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag. And what makes Quince different? They partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen. So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands. These guys are for real. They have so much great stuff there that you just have to go to Quince. Q-U-I-N-C-C-E. I'm telling you, you're going to love this place.

Keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staple. from Quince. Go to quince.com slash inside of you for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash inside of you. Free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash inside of you. Were you a good boy growing up? Could you handle criticism with people yelled at you? Oh my God. Let's do this. Let's do it. Now I want you to do this only because my son is like that I just went to a teacher's conference this morning and and she said he's you know he's rebellious not rebellious no the opposite he's a rule follower he wants to please and he's you know if he gets yelled at it's really brutal I'm someone who's

always sort of like lashed out and did things that just kind of pissed people off oh so you were rebellious I was a little rebellious and how was that being a perfection I followed the law I I followed my dad's rules. I was a good kid. Didn't kill anybody. But it was so overwhelming. And he was so, no, I didn't kill anybody. But he was so, like, hard on me, you know?

Never, ever did I hear the words, I am proud of you. You're good. You're smart. Nothing. I mean, when I say zero, I'm not complaining because I'm an adult now. But I never got that. And what I did get was like, Dad, I got three goals in that hockey game. It's like, well, it was a weak goalie.

So that's what I had my whole life. But I managed to go do. tons of theater in college movies tv all this stuff so but i've always had that fear even after like seven seasons on small like even i would get nervous no no they thought it was mr confidence i'm the guy who's gonna get all the dialogue but i'm like always always like so much energy is expelled because i'm you know yeah yeah that's why you collect stuff you get you a sense of control look i'm not a therapist but i'm going to charge you for one but i want you to help me out here this is this is interesting because I didn't know you had.

I look at you, somebody's like, oh, this guy's had confidence his whole life. I think that's the way we perceive a lot of people. We think they got it all together. And then if you get to know them, you realize they're struggling just like everybody else.

Do you still struggle? With certain things, yeah. What do you struggle? Sometimes I'm compensated. You know, I struggle with that. I think we all struggle. No, you know, I don't, you know, Are you a guy that gets personal?

I think time management is my struggle. Time management. Like you do too much like you said you do this podcast but you don't have time for it? Exactly. I'm driving me over thinking, why did I tell him yes? Why did I say I don't have the time today? I'm not going to enjoy it. It's all true.

There's no parking on the street. There's no parking. He's a hoarder. Yeah. He'll probably put me on a shelf. But yeah, I think time. I try to do too much in one day, I think. I have a for some reason I have this real desire to keep creating and just keep accomplishing things

but isn't it exhausting it's you know what else it's not enjoyable because I'm not watching any kind of shows on TV I'm not why you know everybody's talking about different shows on TV I'm like doing this I'm editing that I'm writing that I'm drawing this you know but like how old are you 65 and no yeah Rob look at him you look no let me tell you something you get facials you have to get your skin's really good you have almost no wrinkles you know what it is what is it um it's a lot of sex no it's uh night cream i put that on too yeah what is yours made out uh moisturizer oh any sperm i i hope no but if it's working on fuck it yeah if it works i you know it's but i look at you and i'm like going you don't

look 65 my dad i hope he doesn't listen to this yeah he's 66 god he's old 67 he's 67 older you're 10 years younger looking i'm not i swear i got rub would you say that yeah i agree look at the guy well you're looking at a boring life i know i go to bed pretty early no you just said your days are filled yeah they are filled but not filled with liquor not filled with sitting out you don't drink i have a couple i got a glass of wine every once in a while you smoke pot no well you're on that show weeds yeah but you know the people in the And the Sopranos didn't kill people. You know, it's fake.

I'm aware of that. But I look at you and you're saying, you know, for a second, I'm like, you don't watch TV shows. You don't, you just focus on creating and doing this. But don't you feel like all of a sudden. But I do enjoy that too, by the way. You do. But aren't you like, can you just vacation? Can you just do nothing?

Can you just be present? Yeah. I'm going skiing tomorrow for the weekend. Who are you going with? My son. Really? He's 12. You guys are close?

Yeah. Oh, man, yeah, you got to have a kid. How old are you? I'm 46. Are you 46? You don't look 46. Yeah, you're just saying that. I got a brother who's 57 and you look at least a year younger than him.

Oh, my God, that hurts. I put this bomb, this CBD bomb. You look good, too. You take care of yourself. Well, you know, I try to, but I had... Stop drinking? Well, I'm not a big drinker. I don't smoke.

I don't, you know, I don't do many drugs. You exercise? I smoke a little bit. I do exercise. Smokes tobacco? Occasionally I have a cigarette. Did you ever smoke? No.

See, that's probably really good for you. You know why I don't smoke? I know you didn't smoke. I heard it causes cancer. Yeah. That's something I don't want. That's pretty logical. Isn't it, Rob?

If you just think about, hey, I don't know, what is it with younger people? I hate to sound like an old guy, but a lot of younger. Europeans also smoke a lot. Yeah. They didn't get the message? No. You know, things happened like 20 years later over there. Like, yes, man.

I see you have a lot of. books on your bookshelf here yeah are these just for show yeah there's nothing no no that's not true that's not true i will tell you some of the books there my my uncle dave wrote a book called uh miami ice about the florida marlins um that's a great book if they don't win it's a shame was another dave rosenbaum book you're a baseball fan uh i like baseball but he likes it more he wrote the book you know friends who have written books here i like like brando that was my college graduation present my parents got me that marlin brando I was really upset because I wanted a car.

Did he sign it? Well, not Brando. My parents signed it. I think my mom signed it. Have you read it yet? Yeah, no, I read this. But this was my president. I was expecting a car.

And it says, Michael, congratulations on your college graduation. Hope you're as famous as Brando someday. Love mom and dad. P.S. Once again, that goalie was weak. Oh, P.S. Weak goalie. Weak goalie.

But I like history. You know, John Adams, you know, I like, I definitely like a lot. I watch a lot of documentaries on Hitler. I have a book sitting on my windowsill that I can't wait to read. What is it called? It is a biography on Leonardo da Vinci. Really? By, I think the guy that wrote John Adams, David.

McCullough. McCollum. Yeah. I think that's him. Rob, look that up. Rob, what are you doing? Get on that. Look, he's 29.

He's already got a kid. You're talking about... You got a kid already? 29? Dude. Two-year-old. Wow. Jesus.

You show you the father? I think so. He looks a lot like me. I'm 46, no kids. Do you want kids, though? Well, wait a minute. You were 53 when you had your first, right? So there's still hope for me.

Oh, God, yeah. Did you ever think, no way. I'm too old to have kids. I'm not going to have kids. I feel like... I was starting to question whether I would... I didn't feel like I felt pretty good, but yeah. So you're a deep think.

aren't you sometimes you like to get deep do you like have conversations you like trivial shit like we know we're talking about some deep stuff I guess but do you talk about stupid things are you immature at all have you ever been immature I'm juvenile are you juvenile yeah are you a great listener yeah sometimes I zone out yeah like now no I'm really for some reason I'm really tuned in well I wanted to get deep man well we haven't really gotten deep but you know look I talked to you about this before Saturday Night Live. You talk about that all the time. Who is the funniest person

you think ever on Saturday Night Live? If you have to say, because look, don't worry. Samner's not going to listen to this. You hate that question? I hate that when they, like Rolling Stone, they rank everybody. Yeah. I mean, you can't do that with comedy because it's subjective. Somebody said, you know, if they said, do you think Caratop's funny? Does he make people laugh? Is he making a great living from it?

Then, yeah, he's funny. Well, okay, well, I'll give you an analogy. if somebody said, hey, who is the nicest person on Smallville? I could answer that. Since you worked on SNL, isn't that like your employee, fellow employees? I could tell you the people that I, like, hung out with and I enjoyed their company, but not necessarily the funniest person or, you know. Who would you go, is there anyone you'd go see because you're just like, I want to,

because I'm going to laugh. They're going to make me laugh. I want to go see the rehearsal. I want to go see whatever it is. I want to always watch this person. Was there some of those? Yeah, there's a few of those people, you know. Sure, Dana Carvey.

Of course. And my bat's right there, and Adam Sandler, Chris Farley. Everybody's got a, you know, spade. Everybody's really funny in their own way. And that's the thing about comedy. You can't just have one that you like because, you know, you get tired of that. You need to have a little, you know,

you don't collect just Star Wars stuff. You collect a lot of stuff. Yeah, but also Nightmare in Elm Street and Evil Dead. What if in your basement you had like faces of, people that you collected. And they were autographed by them too. And you found out about it. You were some kind of a like,

you were some kind of a memorabilia serial killer. You would kidnap the celebrity, have them sign their face, and then you would kill them and rip their face off. By the way, I like writing horror, and that's actually kind of the memorabilia killer. Yeah.

You don't want to label, you'd be labeled as a serial killer, like because then, you know, like let's say you're the hillside strangler. Right. Now the guy feels like he's got to kill everybody. on the hillside. And he's got to strangle them. He's got to strangle them. What happens if he shoot somebody in the flatlands? I'm tired. I want to just, you know, put a, you know,

bullet here. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. But so like you name some people, uh, before you came on us now, who are you like really looking at? Well, I would tell you this. I was a big fan of Albert Brooks, Andy Kaufman and Steve Martin because they were each unique in their own way and so original. You didn't see other people doing stuff like them. You know, I love those guys. And then I came out here and I got to meet all of them and two of them now are my friends one of them is deceased but I got to talk to him and see I was a bartender at the improv for a couple of years back in 1980 so I got to see all these people come in and out and hang out you know Robin Williams and they were nice to you always kind yeah but they were all caught up in that world of comedy

and you know the excitement of that and there's a lot of coke flying around back then too so um you know I asked Andy Coffin once out in front of the improv on Melrose I said um can you Tell me a little bit about TM, because I knew he meditated, you know. So for a half hour, he talked about TM. Talk about listening. I didn't listen to anything. He said, just looking at his face, the molds on his face as he was talking. And he was so into it.

Yeah. Do you do TM? Yeah. Doing it right now. I, you know, I am, I meditate intermittent. I feel like when I do. You do ITM, intermittent. Intermittent.

Transidentitation. Yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I do. But I feel like, you know, it's hard for me to be present. And when I am, I feel it. It feels good. It feels good to be like, because my mind does wander. I'm talking to someone.

I hate it. Sometimes I'm just like, and then I drift away like you were saying. You were talking to Andy Kaufman. Like I think you were so overwhelmed by this moment, right? You just couldn't think of anything. What will make you happy eventually? What will you look back and say, wow, I've done it. This is what I wanted.

Family? God, the movie career She throws that around on me No, I'm just curious I mean, look, who gives a shit at the end of the day Like when it comes to That's what I'm struggling with right now I'm like, you know, I acted, I did a good job

I made money, I had fun I think I did it, I'm good I does not, like I don't think Oh my God, I wasn't good Or I tried this, I did this I was whatever I don't know if that's enough for me to go Oh wow, that was a great life

I have to really enjoy it And I don't think I enjoy thing some things that did you see you're 47 six you're 46 yeah I'll be 47 but what I'm saying is I don't think I I'm not sure I think people think assume I enjoy things I assume you're like 33 or something come on that's not I did really swear to God yeah I swear to it just because of your behavior you know no no yeah but you're right no you carry yourself like you're you you know you kind of like me you know you kind of dress younger and yeah i wish i was more like you i think you have your i think you have your shit together whatever it is you went through all these things you

worked them out you have a mature way of looking at things i think you had a good upbringing i assume i did i got really lucky there did your dad say kevin i love you kevin i'm proud of you kevin that goalie was really good i don't know how you did it uh no not really he didn't do that And I didn't really hear that I love you that much growing up, you know, but I knew it, but I knew it was there. I knew that. Actions. What's missing in your life right now?

See, this is exactly, it becomes a therapy session for me. But it always, this is good. It always turns around. Because you're that kind of person that people, you know, want to help. I wish you'd help me. I wish you could mentor me. I think you, you know enough that you've seen this before. You've seen this sort of behavior.

Well, I see, you know, there's a guy 40, Seven. Six. I'll be 47. Sorry. It's fine. You know, it's funny as I do it to him all the time. I like this 47. That's why I keep saying. Oh, is that so? Yeah. But you are in a, you know, you have a nice life. You got a lot of time for yourself. You collect stuff. This is your house, right? It is. You live here alone? Yeah, I'll own it in two years completely. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's nice. After you sell the memorabilia. After I sell the memorabilia. But this is like, and then you kind of do what you want to do in life, right? I feel like I do for the most part. I, you know, know i feel like i'm i get guilty because my agents call and it's a it's a good problem to have but they're like hey this this this is available they want you to do this and something happened the last few years where i don't know it's like midlife crisis maybe like i started a band i have an album coming out in a month i start i play i play guitar and sing are you good uh you know what it's funny is if you would have asked me a year ago i go hey you know we just play in the basement as a bunch of friends they don't even know what they're doing and after listening to the album i'm like yeah i think

we're pretty good. I like our music. I like, it feels a little dated in a good way. What, uh, when you play the guitar before the band, what cover songs would you play? They were awful. In fact, I was, we were, but we would play the, you know, some of the cure. I'd play uh, uh, we would attempt

foreigner, which was a mistake. Lou Graham, don't fuck with that guy's voice. Yeah. You know, I just, I could probably do the first verse and then once he's like, I want to know with love, just done. The song's done. Let's go to the next one. And you, you play like lead guitar? Um, no, I'm a rhythm guitarist. So my friend Rob, who's the real musician of the band, he plays the lead guitar,

but I just keep the rhythm going. But I play upside down and backwards. So that's just the way I learned to play. But I, you know, have you performed anywhere like out? Yeah, we played at the Trubidor. You did? We played three songs to open for a band. And it felt, here's what my brother said. He didn't say you were good. He's very honest with me. He didn't say, dude, you were so good. Your voice is like an angel. Because it's not. I don't have a trained voice. I'm off key sometimes. I'm not like, but he did say this, I've never seen you have that much fun. Yeah. And that occurred to me that I said, even though I get scared and I'm like nervous and it's a new thing for me, I really love music.

And my whole life, I was like, God, man, I just can't do it because I don't sound like Adam Lambert. I don't sound like Glenn Fry. I don't, I can't play like Hendricks. I can't. Why should I even attempt? I was watching Chris Stapleton on TV. Yeah. And I was watching him play guitar and singing.

I'm like, why am I doing this? I know. But then you ask yourself, because you enjoy it. You know, I thought that when I saw Jay Leno at the improv when I first started, I thought, what am I doing? Or Robin Williams. I said, what am I doing there? You know, but with the music, you see a lot of actors like the Bacon Brothers and Dennis Quay, Kevin Costner, Russell Crow. Yeah. All those guys are, you know, they're living out their little dream. You know, there's nothing wrong with that. David Do Covney now? You know, he's got a band.

You know what I, do you notice that when actors get bands, it's always bluesy and some kind of weird fucking thing that's like, I don't even really, I mean, I mean, something that's just hard to be good at anyway and they attempted I think they're trying too hard I'm not saying that we're better than them I'm saying I play music that just comes to me

not based on whether people like it I'm sure a lot of people do that yeah but I think people like oh you sound sort of like the wallflowers meets like the 70s with a little country in there I'm like great yeah doesn't sound current really I'm like great I don't care

but it's just i'm not trying to do it for anybody what do you play you play banjo i play the guitar i play the five-string banjo and i'm learning the piano now you won't stop though this why are you what but why are you doing all this because i enjoy it is your back hurt right now um no no i'm just trying to get comfortable can i help you get comfortable no isn't it's not the most comfortable no the couch is low it's low i'm really tall but i have a lot of big pillows you could prop yourself up there yeah i could um what's the magic bomb for i see next to you uh this is for uh this is for my aches and pains. I'm going to give this to you because it's good. It's the H. H. H. H. H.M. Company. And I'm going to give this. C.B.D. in it? Yes. Oh, I have some cream at home with that. This shit. I live off it. Can you eat it? No, but it's for you. But listen, if you massage some of that on there within about a minute, you'll be like, holy shit, I feel really good. Yeah. How are you with blood?

Uh, you know, I used to be fine. Now I just, when I'm, my doctor takes the blood for checkups and stuff, I don't look at it. I don't watch him do it. Yeah. Have you ever passed out with blood, with a needle? No, just getting that face mask, that life mask made. That's the only time you passed out in your life. Yeah, but I've gotten queasy before when I've gone to the nurse to give blood or something. Oh, you know what made me queasy? One. One of these places where they

show you the blood on the screen, your little cells dancing around. You didn't like that. Oh, I almost passed out for that because I knew that was my blood. That's what keeps me alive. Do you know the museum they have? You're going to keep that. You could have it. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's yours. I have so many. I'll give you two. I'll give you two of them if you want. Really? Yeah. Oh, you're hurting for sure, right? Oh, yeah, I have tons of that stuff. Breath spray I'll give you. I'll give you a

breath spray. They have some, uh, I'll give you, remind me a tincture. You know, the tinctures, you know, the drops. Yeah, I got those at home. I'm going to give you all three. Yeah, I'll give them to you. Why, why, wouldn't I? It's going to help you. You're saying you want to help me. A few minutes ago, you said I want to help you. What did you? By the way, see, this is the, you know, there's some people that you just want to, like, help? Is that a good thing? It's like a lost dog. Is that a good thing like I want to help him like he's fucked? But you, you're not like, no, you. I'm not helpless. You're not helpless.

You are, I have some friends that are just so needy. I don't know, maybe you just look, I feel like you're searching. I am. You know what I mean? Maybe I need to go hiking with Kevin.

You talk about meditation. That's a great meditation. I, I do so much thinking when I'm hiking alone, you know, or just get sad on a trail. Sometimes I'll just start crying on the trail until somebody comes along and then I'll smile like hey how's it going back to cry yeah

are you a crier yeah swear to god yeah it's good therapy do you i don't cry a lot but you know after a good cry you know how good you feel you have a cry in front of your son no did your father ever cry in front of you no is there a parallel there probably i've never seen my father cry But my stepmom said he was writhing in pain and crying because I think he had like a kidney stone or a UTII. But that's pain crying. That was pain. Yeah. That's different.

Emotional. Yeah. You know, I saw my father almost cry once when my grandmother was dying. And my son, I'll go to a movie with him. And if it's a sad movie, you know, animated, he'll look to me to see if I'm crying. He'll look really close in my eyes to see if I'm crying because he wants to see it. He wants to see you cry. Yeah.

Well, what happens if, what if you did cry? It would be fine. It's probably good if I do. You just haven't? I just haven't because my father was always like that anchor for us, you know, five kids. He was always strong and, you know, we never like question whether he was out of control about anything, you know. Was he drinker at all? No.

No, he'd have like, you know, he'd have, you know, a bourbon on the rocks or something if there's a party. But he wasn't a guy who came home and had a drink, you know. Yeah. but he um no i i had the best dad i wished everybody could have my dad and my mother when did he uh eight months ago what oh 10 months ago now how old was he he was only 92 i mean that's fantastic but it doesn't make it any easier does it no no and you know the funny thing is when he died i thought the world would stop and when people are still going to work i thought what's going on he made it easy for us though you know he kind of got a little dementia he still knew what we are

has yeah still knew us all he just stopped adding to the conversation he had trouble finding words he slept a lot yeah that's at the end that's what happened you sleep a lot and it's kind of like a slow long goodbye you know where you kind of he made he let us get used to him being gone that's what i'm going through my grandfather he's my best friend in the world and he's that's and it's like it's almost like you're mourning slowly he's slow morning instead of an abrupt morning it's exactly and then when they finally pass it's not like you're and you're sad but it's not like you're like you're distraught because you were gradually saying goodbye. Yeah.

What about your mom? My mom's 90 and she's hanging in there. That's so funny because my, not funny, ha ha, but. Hilarious. Not even hilarious. No, not even humorous? Not so much. It's a totally wrong.

The opposite of those words. My grandfather's 92 and he's going through that and my grandma's 90 and she's still driving and doing everything for him. when she has something. So it's kind of a similar, like, she doesn't want him in a home. I'm taking care of him. I'm doing this. And it's getting to that point where it's getting, it's getting rough.

Have you been to Florida? That's where they are. Okay. You know the silver alert down there? What's the silver alert? Well, it's like an amber alert. Only it's for older people that are senile and they drive off in their car. It's true.

They have a silver alert. Yeah. We got a Toyota Camry on the 75. Instead of a ding, it's like Frank Sinatra comes on. Yeah. Yeah, Jesus. Yeah, it's true. So, yeah, I was really lucky with my parents.

And I'm not, just for the record, I'm not opposed to crying in front of my son. Yeah, you know, before again, you said you want to help me. Again, one of those people that you say, I'm not needy, but back then I wanted to help you. Now, not so much. Now not so much. But what is it I need help with? You're not needy. You just, you feel like you're the kind of guy who's searching.

I know, I am, but what am I searching for? I feel like a Chicago song. See, we've come full circle. I don't, you know, I haven't had time to analyze you that much, but I mean, I think the way you collect all this memorabilia and different, you know, things, it kind of tells you a lot about somebody. What does it tell you? You're easily impressed.

Can I tell you something? You fucking nailed it. Is that right? Dude, I get, I'm so excitable. When someone gets me something, I'm like, oh, my God. They're like, Michael, I love how you react when someone gets your gift. Or when someone says, I'm so. I'm so, I am like that.

Don't you think I'm, like, excitable? I'm easy to please. Yeah, I'm easy to please. Yeah. Just don't, you appreciate. I appreciate things. Yeah. Like if I meet somebody, I'm, oh my God, you know, you were a wrestler in 85.

Yeah. God. Who was the last person you met that you were just over the moon to me and so excited in? Any kind of musician? Have you ever met one of the Beatles? No. No? No.

I'm friends with a lot of musicians like Steve Lukather, you know, from Toad. league guitarist he's a good buddy Richard Marks those guys were it was cool to meet them I wasn't like blown away like you know who blew me away

I mean when I worked with Clint Eastwood I was definitely over the moon you work with Clint Eastwood yeah my first movie and uh I remember what was it it was called Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil oh yeah I was the gay kid being crossed exam

and it's like a eight minute scene and I remember him just saying Michael if you do it you did in that audition it was sensational I'll be very happy that was his directing And I just was like, yeah, I was like, well, you could find, he honestly, eight pages of dialogue, and the only thing he said is like, maybe on this take, look, give a look to the jury.

I'm like, that's all you want. And close one eye. And close one eye. Just look at the jury. I remember he got upset with Kevin Spacey because Kevin was, um, Clint, do you want me going over there on the left behind John or in the front? I don't know if you want to go down to the crossies. I can't hear you.

God damn it. I said if you want to make a leg. He just was easily just upset with everything Kevin was asking him on the set. Isn't it crazy how old he is now and he's still directing? I can't even believe it was just the last one was a little rough. But I wasn't. It was a little rough. I thought it was called the mule.

The mule's called the mule. It was a good start. It was a good start. It was like that one with Robert Redford. Is he 90? He's probably, I'm going to go. I'm going to say, no, because I worked with him. Yeah, I'm going to say 87.

88. Hey, Rob's on it, man. I think you're having more fun than you did when we first started. false been going downhill since i got here did you did you were you the one that said it now a closer look at the story yeah do you know that's one my favorite things ever is that right it's subtle it's dry saturday night live rob i don't know if you ever seen it but when the golden years when i watched it were with kevin neelan and you know when you were on 85 86 to 94 95 yeah but he was a weekend update with kevin which you did from 90 to 94 i believe it's funny

as you're talking about this now, I'm going back to being in the van when they picked us up to go to SNL for the first time from our respective helms in the van with Victoria Jackson waiting to pick up I think Dana from his apartment

and Jan Hooks was in the back and it just feels like it was yesterday and now you're talking about the golden years. So there's a moment where he's just like and now a closer look at the story and they just zoom in on his face and I'm telling you I must have I watched it a hundred times.

Oh, really? Yeah. I just watched, again, one of my favorites. You were just in it. Adobe, the little car that's made out of clay. Right. You were just the guy, looking so happy and young and youthful. Yeah, yeah. Hans and Franz, which I guess you sort of knew about.

I love the parody commercials. Nobody liked doing them because you had to drive out to like Atkinsack, New Jersey or something. But they're always funny. They were funny. You know, some of them funnier than others. I like the love toilet. You know, I sat down with Victoria Jackson. Al Franken wrote that.

one. Colenblow was a good one. I didn't see the colon blow. Yeah, that was a good one. That was a serial that would type that in. We're going to watch that after colon blow. Yeah, colon blow. What was your favorite personality on that show to do? Was Mr. Subliminal definitely up there? You know, that was good. Huns and Franz was good. I think Mr. No Depth of Perception I liked doing. But the one, I wrote a sketch, I think in my last season there, and I really liked this sketch. It could have been like a silent movie thing with Buster Keaton. It was, I called the bathroom attendant. It was a bathroom attendant in a very small bathroom. It was just one toilet, no stall. And I was, you know, I had a tuxedo on and I was the bathroom attendant. And

Harvey Kytel was hosting. He came in and he thought somebody was in the bathroom. I said, no, no, sir, I work here. You know, and he had to use the bathroom. And so he reluctantly came in and I said, we'll be number one today or dropping anchor? He said, we'll be dropping anger. I said, fair enough. Fair enough. You know, so it was just a really awkward kind of That's amazing. Yeah. And I love potty humor. Are you a fart fan?

Or are you just kind of potty humor like that kind of stuff? I used to love that video of that pastor. Me too. The expelling evangelist. Yeah, as he was walking. Type it in and he's like, I will tell the Lord said. Yeah.

Yeah. And then I did a cut on a Sandler's album called a hypnotist where I was trying to cure him smoking and I was the farting hypnotist. Oh, yeah. That's one of my favorites. Because you talked about that on Stern recently. Yeah. And it was like every time he was trying to get really comfortable, you'd fart.

Yeah, but I wouldn't fart. We would leave a space for the fart. And he would point to me every time there was supposed to be a fart. You know, he's just point. That's where we're going to put the fart in. You know. Is how, look, I love Adam. Adam's like, you know, I did a movie that bombed sorority boys.

But I remember it came out and Adam came up to me. This is the kind of guy. It's much like you. He was like, hey, sorority boys, you're really funny. I really like that movie. You're really funny. And I'm like, oh my gosh, the first time I met him, I'm like, you're Adam Sailing. It's like, wow, you're so humble.

And after I directed this little independent raunchy movie that I did, he called me. When you say raunchy, you mean porn? Not that, but it was like Nick Swartson and Harlan Williams and everybody was in. If I would have known you ought to put you in there. I got a call and it's like, I got Adam Sallelma for you. No, you don't. Yeah, Adam Sallon, Steve says, hey, my guy, how are you doing, buddy? Hey, kids.

Yeah. And he just starts going, hey, I saw the trailer for your movie. You want to bring it in. I want to check it out. him and his wife watch she called me in we talked set up a meeting with somebody else actually one of the first times i met him i was at the uh you know not talk about adam salern so much but i was at the doctor's office and i was getting some coffee and i was on the phone and i go and i saw adam again i go oh hey he's like give me the phone i'm like what it's my

grandfather he's like give me the phone he's like hey how you doing yeah yeah yeah for like 10 minutes he's just talking to herb who's like yeah yeah at that point he's like all right yeah this is adam salet's not your grandson he's over you know whatever And he's like, he's like, Adam Sandler, I'm in the entertainment world or whatever. He just goes on and starts talking to my grandfather. Right. And I was just like, dude, this guy is, you hang out with him a lot, right? Not a lot, probably now.

Right. But do, are these guys, I feel like his work ethic is, I hear, like, on set. It's like, how is he on set when he's direct? Because he directs in a way, doesn't he? I guess he does direct, but he's never the director. But he inputs a lot, you know, and, and they, the director will do what he wants. done you know of course but yeah he is kind of like that at that kind of uh yeah i'm in my office you know we it's not like yelling it's just the way he is it's just the way yeah like unhappy

gilmore will he will he will he yell things at yeah yeah you yell from the director's chair that area from the video 10 like right the other way no no don't walk so fast does it intimidate you or you just no not at all not at all like you enjoy it it's just like we're it's like a boys club it's kind of like you know he's you know we're just hanging out and we've just finished playing basketball and, you know, just do this, you know, grab my bag, you know, whatever. So you don't take anything personally.

Yeah, I always yell. People think you're yelling, stop yelling. I'm like, no, I'm loud. You know, it's funny. You know, directing is really interesting occupation because you really, everybody's like waiting on you, you know, for your advice and stuff.

And even on this hiking show I do, sometimes I'll hear myself, you know, as I play it back, I'm editing. I'll give them orders like, don't stand so close to me, you know, or go come up a little further so you're more in the camera and I think boy I'm kind of mean I got to but you're not I know I know I know it's a weird thing yeah can you say please me maybe yeah you're like no no no go go go go over there go over there no no come back come back yeah I could see

that light over there you sound like a dick yeah yeah exactly you're in the moment yeah yeah yeah who had like if you think back was there people on set like uh that you've worked with it could be s andel could be on weeds it could be in your life that you just remember always had sort of like a just a temper or an attitude or something you were just like god that guy's just there's something going on well you just like i don't like working with this person i really don't like oh brando yeah brando of course there's got to be guest stars like they're you know the guest host to come oh yeah everybody asks you see the worst guest host oh do they because i know that what's his name said it was uh a little uh beber dream protein no beber i heard was there for that one i say you know

Everybody's, like, terrified on that show that are hosting and they become your best friends and they want to be liked. So it's rare that they would kind of make waves. Although it was, Bronson Pinchot was on when I was there. Remember that? Bronson Pinchot, do you know the actor? No. Oh, okay.

He was on a TV series and movies. But he would question, like, why would I walk over from the oven to the table? And we go, because it's a sketch. And it doesn't matter. From perfect strangers? oh yeah yeah yeah really talented guy it's balky right yeah yeah yeah of course when you just say balky and some movies yeah yeah he was in uh the eddie murphy movie yeah yeah yeah yeah i didn't

know the name though right are you good with names have you known people for a long time and you don't really know what their name is like on the set like the cameraman or something yeah i'm usually see that's probably one of my problems i always want to please so i try to learn everybody's name i'm one of those actors that go hey rob hey john second ac yeah hey dad Do you, or do you stay away from that? I try to remember their names, but I'm not good. And then once after it's past a certain time period, you can't ask them what their name is.

Yeah, you just have... You got to take their wallet and go through it when they're not looking. Exactly. What's the most fun you've ever had in terms of, like, work? The tonight show. The first tonight show. The first time, Johnny Carson, yeah.

That was the most exciting, and nothing has surpassed that at this point. Isn't that sort of hard to deal with, like, in terms of life? And it's like, okay, this is the best thing and nothing's ever reached that again. It's almost like when you do ecstasy the first time or something. Not that I've done that.

After SNL, I thought to myself, would anything ever kind of supersede this? You know, would anything be better than this? And nothing was for a while. And then weeds came along. And I thought, this is cool in a different way. Yeah, I like this. You know, but that's the great thing about this business.

Why a lot of people don't quit is you don't know what's coming around the corner. See, that's why you're always creating. that's why you don't stop because you want that next thing also you know the best advice i'd give somebody starting out is don't wait for people to come to you you got to create your own stuff which is a lot easier now too with all the platforms and all the technology yeah you know you can take a cell phone and make a short movie mm-hmm that's hard there's no excuse now for someone just sitting home going no no this isn't working out for me yeah you know i think that's what most people in holly would say oh i'm writing the script i'm writing this directing this movie i'm like

i didn't want to be that guy so i said i'm going to direct a movie i don't care I'm going to make this movie. I said, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. You know, I think that's what I'm going through now as I'm trying to do. Like, you know what? I always wanted to do stand up

and I let fear get in the way. Is there anything you won't do besides porn? I won't skydive. I won't either. No. Rob? No, I won't skydial. I mean, I would if I had to jump out of a plane

that was crashing. Yeah, so that's different. That's survival. But I wouldn't, you know, be mean to somebody. Unless it was on. camera unless they needed it they really needed it you know yeah how often you go on stage it it varies you know when i'm doing this show i'm on a sitcom with matt leblanc called man with a plan yeah on monday nights when we're shooting that i get out maybe once a week and when i'm not

shooting that maybe twice a week in town and then i just stay home the other nights unless i'm traveling like this week i'm going skiing tomorrow i'm going skiing with the sun with the 12 year old maybe you'll cry. Maybe. Maybe this is the week you'll cry. And then I'll come home for an afternoon, then I go to New York to do the tonight show Jimmy Fallon and to do Caroline's. Carolines. Yeah. And then so then I'm back the

following week. So I'm always kind of doing stand-up. That's a pretty incredible life. I mean, you're 65. You don't look at it. But 65 and you're doing all this shit. Are you claustrophobic still? No. Not at all. No. You could put me in a grave and bury me and leave me there for three years. And I still be fine. And you're fine. Yeah.

Nothing scares you, nothing. No, I didn't say that. I get scared a lot. The boogeyman scares me. The boogeyman said, do you still have, do you have nightmares ever? Do you dream a lot? I do dream a lot, yeah. What do you dream of?

What's going places, flying a lot. I'm in an airplane a lot, an airliner, going over a city street through buildings. Really? Yeah. I've done that where we're actually, the plane is going through. Like driving, right? Not on the ground. We're about maybe taking.

off and we're not getting altitude and we're just staying at a certain level going through the streets missing telephone poles and wires you know because i fly a lot and i think about you know it's probably in my head but um get back to you where where do you think uh you'll be in like uh when you're 75 80 what do you want to be doing do you want to be done with this business or you want to still create you want to be one of those guys who's a guy who passed away recently very funny comedian don rickles yeah who's in Vegas at 90 years old or whatever do you want to be that guy? I don't know if I want to be in Vegas when I'm that, but I don't want to be working on the road when I'm at that age, unless I'm enjoying it. In our business, we don't really retire

because we like doing it. And we, you know, we keep working and it's fun. What are your wife and you do for fun? Do you go out to dinner a lot? Do you keep it? We don't go out to dinner a lot, but we should. We need to do that more. We travel to keep, we travel to go to Europe every summer. Is she going skiing or just you and your son? Just me and my son. Right. Does she have the girls? She goes out with the girls. Um, occasionally. She's more of a homebody. She likes to read. This has been a real treat. The, you this, Rob? Because, I mean, it's something that you weren't a big Kevin Eland fan.

Rob, have you ever heard of me? Yeah. You have? I've shot photos of you before. You what? I've shot photos of you before. That's right. You have. Did you remember that? And I watched weeds. Kevin, do you remember him shooting photos of you? I don't remember him particularly, but I remember there was a time somebody was taking pictures of me. You looked at him. He says, I took pictures of you. Oh, yeah, that's right. Like you had any fucking clue that he took pictures of you.

Where was it again? I was a UCB on Sunset. It was only like a year ago. I don't remember anything after a month. Do you have a funniest joke you've ever told? He's one of those. No, but I heard a joke the other day that made me laugh a lot. First of all, I don't tell a lot of jokes.

I used to tell jokes when I was a kid. I realize how annoying it is for somebody who likes to tell. Have you heard this one? How about this one? You know? Yeah. This guy's hitchhiking. And he gets picked up.

And the hitchhiker goes to the driver. It's really nice to you to pick me up. But it's kind of risky. isn't it picking up hitchhikers? How do you know I'm not a serial killer? And the driver looks at him and he goes, what are the odds of two serial killers being in the car at the same time?

Is that good? That's really good. Short, you know. You're not taking up a lot of the person's time telling him this long joke. Did you see the Gilbert Godfrey documentary? No. Did he die?

No, but that's what usually happens. There's a documentary. Oh, my God. That's a person. Nobody does this joke. And it was, it wasn't even, I don't know why I laughed me, because maybe I'm Jewish, but this Jewish grandmother and the, uh, her grandson there at the beach and the grandson goes out in the water and he's just like drowning or whatever. Yeah. So what Gilbert tells the story is like, and the child's drowning and the grandmother's screaming a face off and this guy goes out in the water and he, and he beats off a shark.

He doesn't actually beat off a shark, but he beats the shark and he goes around and he grabs the child. And he swims 10 miles in and he puts the chat. He does CPR and everybody's clapping. And the grandmother comes over and says, he had a hat. I don't know why, but it fucking killed me. Yeah. I love Gilbert Godfrey. I mean, I love that joke.

Yeah, that's a good joke. That, yeah, that one's been around for a while. Have you been in trouble? Have you been in trouble ever? You said something politically incorrect or you got the heat or you said something and people booed you or. Oh, not really. No.

No, I haven't been. You don't get political, really, do you? I get scared. You know, I have a drone. I fly a drone for my hiking show. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I assume that it's illegal everywhere. You know, so when I go on a trail, I really do it in a really discreet way, you know, hide in the bushes and I'll send it up and, you know.

Wait, you control the drone? Yeah. You don't have, like, a crew? No. It's just you? Yeah. But sometimes, like, a helicopter will fly by. I think, oh, I'm busted, and I'll get, like, really, like, weak in the knees, you know?

You'll think you're going to get arrested or in trouble for this. I'm going to get fined or arrested. Every time. Well, it doesn't happen a lot, but, like, I was in Griffith Park once, and there was some helicopters, like, one helicopter, like, you know, maybe a mile away. You know, and I thought, oh, they got some kind of device. They could pick up drones, and they got a heat-seeking kind of a radar thing, you know. And, but no. Do you get paid for these hiking with Kevin?

Um, well, they're it's monetized on YouTube. So like over a year you get maybe $1,500. Because I think it's really funny. And I'm like, why isn't this? This is something you guys got to watch. Just go on his Instagram. I just, I think they're hilarious. What's my YouTube channel now? And YouTube channel now. Yeah, it's, uh, yeah, it's YouTube.com forward slash Kevin Nealon comedy or, you know, hashtag hiking with Kevin. They're just a blast. I've been having so much fun doing these things. And I ain't go home and I edit them. I love to edit. Yeah. And, uh, and then I got the drone you know i'm learning more about youtube how to make a youtube channel sing you know how to make it really tell me i don't know i'll tell you man there's a lot of little tricks a lot of tricks

i didn't want to learn about that i just wanted to create content but now you got to learn about all that do your friends love going like on the show they're like yeah i'll go i'll do it are they all up for it some of them i've been like after for a long time to do it like who's the guy you've always calling like come on well hillary swank's a friend of mine and she's some of them promised me to do it's like a year and a half and today we're finally doing it you're doing it today yeah with hillary swank uh-huh she's fantastic yeah she's great what a talent so talented who's the some of the other actors you've had you had dana carvey had david i've done about 50 hikes i've had everyone for you know conan adam samler jimmy kimmel owen wilson um you just email

tiffany hattish what i did was i went through my friends first that i knew and got them and then I started going through publicists. Oh, you do the publicist now. Kevin Elling has a show. Yeah. I send them my whole thing. I send them like... You know, maybe I should do that too.

You know what you do? You got to put the people that have been on your show because that's what I know as an actor. If somebody says, hey, we come into my show, these are the people that have done it. That kind of helps. Did I do that with you? I don't even think I did that.

No. I didn't even care. You didn't care. You were that kind of God. I knew you needed help. You need help. I swear to God, you beat me to it. I needed help.

Well, look, it's, look, Look, this has been a real tripping inside of you today. Look. This is what politicians say before they say something. Look. Look. The Congress has been, you know, look, listen, look. Should I look or should I listen?

What was it? Was it Seinfeld? I forgot what it was. He was on, it was some documentary or whatever, but he goes, why do people always do that? Why do they say, I'll tell you this. Yeah. You don't have to start with that. You're going to tell me anyway.

That's right. This is the thing. All right, just say the thing. Yeah. This has been a real. Have you had fun? It's been fun. Just even to see your house.

Yeah, well, I didn't even show you the rest of it. I'll show you. I got more toys and signs shit if you want to see it. But look, if you run out of guests on your show on your hiking show. Yeah. If you ever run out of guests. I'll never run out of guests. Let me know.

Yeah. And by the way, I'll promote it on here. I'll say, hey. I'm going to get to everybody. I have a lot of comedian friends. Eventually, no matter when it is, I'm in. Yeah, you're going to be in. I'm getting everybody, man.

What I'm doing first is try to get some like these major icons on. you know to help me grab some attention and then i just work down i'll get to you like maybe in a couple of years sure whenever whatever it takes whatever it takes it means that i want you to help me as much as you can just you just so likable you want to be you want to help you even if you don't need help you can i get you something kind of what can i appreciate that yeah so what's coming up that people can go look at you hiking with kevin on youtube and you're you're still touring you're still doing touring yeah they go to my website kevin neelan dot com you can see my touring schedule there well this has been great that's it i don't all right thank you buddy thanks buddy

today we're going to talk about if you're going to talk about what if you came across $50,000 what would you do put it into a tax advantage retirement account the mortgage that's what we do down payment on a home something nice buying a vehicle a separate bucket for this addition that we're at 50,000 i'll buy a new podcast you'll buy new friends and we're done thanks for playing everybody we're out of here stacking benjamins follow and listen on your favorite platform