Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Laura Vandervoort

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

Laura Vandervoort (Smallville, Bitten) joins us this week and shares what it’s like to be an introvert in this industry, surrounded by events and people that often give her social anxiety. Laura opens up on how a near-death scare in her infancy lead to her developing learning disabilities that contributed to her pursuing a career in acting. We also talk about the pressures she faced joining the cast of Smallville in Season 7, our history together outside of the show, and the idea of being content where you’re at without having everything “figured out.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. We're going to get to our wonderful guest, Laura Vandervort in just a second. You know, Supergirl from Smallville, V. Wars, my ex-girlfriend from years ago and all that. First of all, we're taking a little break like we do every year. Well, last year was really the first year. But we're going to take, Ryan, we're going to take... Christmas break? Yeah, we're going to take the 24th off, which is Christmas Eve.

You guys don't want to be listening on Christmas Eve anyway. And then the 31st New Year's Eve. So those two weeks we're going to take off, but we're going to take off. But we're going to come back. And also, I want to give Ryan here a little break. Bryce, my producer, who's been working his ass off as well. And Mia, my editor, I want them to give a chance for them to see their family. Just chill out.

Just see anybody else, really. Anybody but me, stay away from me. So no podcast for the 24th and 31st, so you guys are aware. We will be back on January 7th. Ready to go, baby. Ryan, we're going to be ready to go. By the way, you could still listen to old episodes if you're bored or if you're like, I want to catch up.

you haven't listened to one. We're going to come in at 2020 with a few sweet episodes. Stephen Amel, I'm just going to announce that. I'm just going to say it from Arrow. I mean, Arrow is exploding all over, but you're going to hear much more about his life. And if you're not an Arrow fan, you're still going to love it. Also, two actors from Lord of the Rings are coming on the show in the beginning of the year. Very excited. And also my producer, Bryce and I are working on something in the beginning of year for a really tasty treat for everybody. So for the new year, you want to stick around to see this. So come January, I believe it's the seventh, we're going to go balls out here. Trust me. Also, and for the holiday, look, if you, you know, those cameo things,

I do the cameo thing. So if you want a personalized video for me, you can tell me what to say. I'm a puppet. I also want to thank all of you for your messages about my grandfather, Irving's passing. It's been really tough, and I'm staying busy. But reading your messages, It makes me smile. My grandmother was like, oh, my God, there's a thousand messages. I go, look at these things they're saying. And she was just taken aback. I think anybody read it would be taken aback.

But she was so happy, and you made her smile. And I really appreciate that. And your loyalty to the show, to me, to my family and friends. Thank you, everyone who came to the Roxy a few weeks ago to watch us perform, left on Laurel. And those stage it, we did a stage it. So if I ever tell you about a stage it, we do online performance. So it's like an online, you know, you can go and watch us recording or playing music in my basement, pretty much. And we had a whole bunch of great people and prizes given away.

I'll let you know when we do it again. But Leah Stubbs, Brandy, Eady, Joe Surgeon, Biddy, Betty Sick. You guys rock. Top bidders. Happy holidays. It's been a good year, Ryan, hasn't it? Well, it's been great. What are you going to do for the new year?

For the new year? Oh, you know, I'm going to hang out with you a bunch. Okay, that's good. You know, I haven't figured it out. I appreciate your honesty. Well, you know, look, this has been a challenging year for me and a great year. When I say challenging, you guys know I went, I went away for a while to get my head together, lost my grandfather, who's my best friend, had some shit going on. But I was in a dark place and I got through it.

Or, you know what, I'm not going to say I got through it. You guys help you through it, but I'm still going through it. We all are going through it. We consistently, every day is a new day. And I'm here. You're here. and I really have fallen in love with this podcast. It's given me purpose.

There was a woman who came up to me at the last con in England crying and saying how much inside of you affected her life. You never think you're going to change people's lives when you do anything. You do it because, oh, this is fun. And then you start to realize it might just make an impact on people's lives. So that's cool. So thank you for that. I'm very grateful for you. I've learned a tremendous amount this year.

I've learned from my guests. I have learned from Ryan. I have learned mostly from you guys. When you tweet me or message me or email, Jess, about the podcast, I read them all. Don't think I don't. There's a lot. So if I don't respond all the time, in fact, after this episode today, you're about to listen to Laura Van Ford.

We're going to do a new thing, intros, outros. I'm going to tell you some things that are going on in the beginning. I'm going to tell you what I think about the episode after and read some messages from you guys. So you might want to stick around for that. Lastly, and maybe many of you were doing it, and I've talked to you about it a lot, but it's the holidays, and if you aren't following inside of you, please just take a few seconds on social to follow us at Inside of You podcast on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. You can catch up on merch, episode highlights, bonus content we have for the week, you know, like those sweet videos I shoot while I'm interviewing folks. Look, it's so important for you guys to subscribe and get your pals and family too. That way I could pay Ryan and Bryce and our kick-ass producer.

and Cassandra, my publicist. All these people, you know, we do it for free, or they don't do it for free, but you listen to it for free. So now you know why I'm asking you to get more subscribers and all that stuff. But thanks for your loyalty. And I'm just very proud of the guys and gals at work on here on the podcast. Thank you, Jessica. I don't know what I'd do without you.

And also, you know, we have a sweet merch store. Go to Inside of You Podcast.com. Tons of cool shit. Left on Laurel shit, band stuff, all that. that. That's about it. We're going to get into Laura Vandervort. Remember, we're gone for the next two weeks, but you could listen to old episodes. We're back on the seventh with a big episode, a couple of doozies. And that's it. I'm going to talk to you after the show. Let's get inside Laura Vandervort. It's my point of view. You're listening to Inside of You

with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. Yeah, I wanted to say congrats on your album drop. Thank you. That's quite kind of you. Did you download it? No. Well, you're going to, right?

I mean, with you sitting here, I probably will have to. You'll like it. I think you like it. No, I'm sure I'll love it. I've heard one of the songs that you had, was your hometown radio played it. That was great. Oh, thanks. Yeah, yeah.

What was that? I think it was let's go for a ride. Yeah. Anyway, guys, the album, they know, they know about the album. I've talked enough about the album. You have. They go, yeah, left on Laurel. We're already streaming it.

Anyway, we're really excited about it. It's been a really good ride. Yeah, it's great. You do this. You have ideas and things that you want to do in life. Most time, people say, I'm going to direct a movie. I'm going to write this. And they never do it.

I'm sure I was that guy. I'm going to. And then one day you're like, why don't we just do it? And how good does that feel when you actually do something? something. Well, even when you directed your movie. Back in the day, yeah. That was huge. That was a huge undertaking and you did it. It was great. Thank you. What gets in the way, don't you think, is how good it is, people's response to things. That's always what matters, right? I mean, it's not what should matter. What should matter is you accomplish something. Right. You tell a story you want to tell. You're

proud of it. You work hard. You work with the people you want to work with. But we always worry about what others will say afterwards. And that shouldn't be the case. You know, my friend, name drop, I talk about it all the time because I love him, but Dax, he always has a lot of good advice. I think because he went through so much hell and faced so much adversity and drugs and all that shit. But he said, you know, when his movie Chips didn't do that well, it just didn't do what they wanted in the box office. And certainly back in the day, didn't make, you know, do exactly what I wanted in why. And he goes, let me, let me break it down to you, dude. If I look at myself in Detroit, you know, he grew up in Michigan, a little blonde hair kid.

And if I said to him as like a 10-year-old, he's a 10-year-old boy, I go, hey, how do you feel about directing your own movie in Hollywood and being the lead actor in it? Do you think the kid would give any shit about how successful it was or the money he made? All he thinks immediately is, I'm in a movie, I get to direct it. Wow. It's an inner child that just comes to life. And it's hard to keep that because then it gets in the way. like oh success you know money means success it doesn't money means happening it doesn't right and that's

one of the things that you've always been great at is not being a child although you are a child you know that's wrong i am a child but you enjoy just the fact that you get to be in this business and do what you do you don't care about all that other stuff well yes but i but i but i do i do even though i the goal is to not do that to just wake up and do something because you love it and not worry about what everybody else is thinking about you you're doing it because you love it you want to do it you walk away and you're not worrying about i wonder if they thought i was funny was i good enough what they say what they uh talk about or what how they feel about what you did is really it's it shouldn't be the be all end all no but it's there i know well i think that drives us that drives us of course yeah

well what do you do i mean how do you how do you separate them i mean i know look we we have a little history why don't we get into that first why don't we just just the elephants in the room by the way yeah this is Ryan hi Ryan I'm here to be a third wheel apparently you're the therapist you're gonna be our therapist no but Laura and I we met on smallville and we were just friends I mean it we she was dating someone I was dating someone there was just it was very platonic and and just cool and I will say you were the only cast member to because I came into the show season seven and they already had friends and family and did their own things and things and none of the cast hung out with me and michael's the only one that took me t-shirt

shopping he reached out in that way and i thought that was really nice because i was the newbie well thank you i always i always feel bad for guest stars coming on shows especially after established because there's a family there and you're already imagine like you walk in like you're you're ryan's girlfriend you're Amanda all right first time she's walking into ryan's family and you know everybody's doing their thing uncle joe's uh you know you're you know, playing Kaliko Vision. I don't know what you're doing. But, you know, everybody's doing their thing.

They're loud. They're boisterous and she walks in. Isn't it nice when Uncle Joe comes over and goes, hey, so, you know, just starts talking to her and says, oh, let me show you this. Somebody to reach out because a lot of times people assume like, oh, yeah, oh, that's the new guest star this week. Great, great. Who cares?

It's fine. It's not that anybody doesn't like you or wasn't. No, but you're tired. You don't have time to meet a million guest stars every week or every month. So I got it. It was a little scary and strange for me, but you were the one that was like, hey, let's go to, was a cherry bomb or something in Vancouver?

Cherry bomb. Yeah. Sounds provocative, but it was, you know, it was one of these cool stores. I tried to franchise. It's a franchise. So I tried to, my friend Tom, let's open a cherry bomb in L.A.

I'm like, eh, I think we'd lose money. Like, I've lost in every investment ever made. I invested in the furniture warehouse in Vancouver. Remember the furniture warehouse? It was crossed from the Roxy. No. These guys are great. Dan, it's still there.

Big success. story and they were like hey and i was always like i want to invest i want to invest this is great and so there's this opportunity in whistler they're like hey here it is and this is the money and i'm telling you this place folded faster than you could i mean it was like the millennium falcon there and it was gone and i was like wait a minute what they're like i'm so sorry rosy we're going to get your money back and i was like i can't how did we lose money that fast there was this a whole bunch of discrepancies and things and he says we're going to get your money back so it was about eight months later that my business manager called me, Mark, and goes, hey, we got a $2,000 check from the furniture

warehouse. I'm like, really? $2,000. Well, we're about, agent sounds like Harlan Williams. We're the really body. We're about $98,000 off. And then every month, $2,000 until I was paid off. And I really commended them. And it was really sweet that they, because most investments you lose, you know. But anyway, back to that. Yeah, I thought you were just really sweet and kind and shy and you do a lot of you've done now you're getting lead roles but you've done a lot of guest stars you know I've never done it I don't think a guest star in my life better than me I guess no no it's not a better thing I guess I haven't done a lot I mean at Canada it's it's a different industry in Canada right so I've done a lot of guest stars growing up um but I think that's good

for nerves isn't it no no it's terrible I thought you'd get better at it like okay like then in bigger situations you wouldn't be nervous at all no i mean i can't speak for everyone but in my case i i don't like going on to a new set and knowing i'm only there for a week and not getting a chance to like know the cast and be a part of the family it's it's it's like being that girlfriend that comes in and no one likes her now that they don't like me but they don't care to get to know me because you're leaving so it's that weird you want to invest in the character but you don't but she didn't leave you ended up being there for the entire season seven yeah right yeah so that was cool they liked you and enough and eight and nine and ten you have a lot of issues that i have tell me about my issues

well we know about our our issues like okay look look we dated we dated all right it took time till you weren't in a relationship i was in relationship we started out as friends and boom we started dating and it was great and um you know it didn't end up not working out you're looking at me and nodding i mean who you know it's like i always tell my friend shira i'm like shear's like You just call me back. She doesn't cry to everything. This is just one particular relationship. She's actually really strong now.

She's Sarah, I stuck up for you. Hi, Shira. She doesn't listen to the podcast. She doesn't support me or anything I do. But Shira, she's like, I don't get it. What do I, you know, why are you on an app and they don't respond? I'm like, listen, man, 99% of the time doesn't work out. And then if you get married, then 50% of the time you divorce.

Right. So why not just go have fun and expect it? Like, this is what it is. Let's enjoy it. and if it ends it ends it most likely will end is that I think that's your problem yeah yeah I think you're looking at it the wrong way I'm giving a bad advice I'm not asking for advice no no I'm giving her oh yes yes Ryan do you agree with that run that by me one more time he's like I fell as long I'm just I'm still stuck on your Shira impression just from second I go it was very sad well that Shara's

awesome and she's like me so we're like the two single people who call each other at the wee hours of the night going God what is going on I am there's a reason you shouldn't be giving her advice then you know what i mean i've never um dated i you're always in relationships i'm always in i if i go on a date with you expect two years at least well that's what happened with that's what happened because i what is that you get just get hooked i don't know i don't know what it is i've never been out and someone said let's go for a drink and i have a drink and i never see them again i've never had one night stand like i've never i'm a relationship Well, see, maybe that's the problem with you.

Maybe you're like, oh, I'm on a date and it went, well, so I'll just date this guy for two years. And then at the end of two years, I mean, I don't say two years. I just keep going. Well, I mean, if you look back in your relationships and look, I, I, sometimes you let the good ones go. Sometimes you're like, oh, fuck, why did I let that one go? I haven't done that yet, so. Yeah, yeah. But Ryan, shut up.

Please. Anyway, look, it's hard to date in Los Angeles. especially all my friends in Indiana and my friends in the Midwest are always like dude how do you do it man it's like it's got to be hard out there because everybody you know first they say do they only go out with you because you know you were on a show or you're this and I'm like you know probably right no I don't think that's true I think I think ultimately you have depends on the person too if they're looking to get into the industry they might be dating you for that reason you know what I mean it depends on the level they're at it's it's best for you to not date someone in this business that's my opinion it is it's hard to it's hard to uh date someone because they have to be so strong psychologically to put up with you well put up with me oh my god oh my god they've got to be strong you need so much attention yeah yeah well well you know what though here's the thing I have been working on myself a lot and I feel like what's important is it's a give and take you know I always have to be busy I'm like not busy but I'm just my mind's always working I have ADD you have to sort of

accept it this is who I am but I'm also very giving and you know I don't maybe I'm wrong am I no you're you that was years ago it was many years ago that was many years ago five or six years ago oh my god us yeah no more than that I've dated someone for five years I've been engaged it's been like nine years if not yeah that was a weird story about the engagement thing that was the worst time of my life I was basically brainwile I had no idea. Well, what happened was I remember, no names, not bringing it up. I remember somebody, I bought the dude's truck.

Yeah. And said it was perfect and this and that. And a week later, it was in the shop. And pretty much it was in the shop every week and it never worked. Yeah. And then I find out that you guys are seeing each other. Yeah, I was like, yeah. Yeah, it was a weird story how it all happened.

It was like kind of friends of friends. Friends of friends should not have introduced us. Yeah, they're like, hey, you. You are you don't, are you, Lauren broken up? I'm like, yeah, okay, cool. It was odd, but you know. I didn't know at the time it was bad. You know what I mean when you're in it?

And also I don't give up on shit. So, yeah. Don't give up on us, baby. We still love. Remember that song? David Sol from Starsky and Hutch saying that. No one cares. I really lost my head last night.

I know it's awkward. Somebody actually wrote in a tweet once. It's like, he'll break in a song and it's just awkward and weird i'm like yeah well fuck off don't listen it's fucking me it's what i do yeah then now now all of a sudden i have no listeners the next time um all right here's what happened we're at a con and right before we're gonna go on stage with you me tom welling Kristen crook all from smallville some girl goes did you guys date and right before they go it was it was like this it was like yeah he broke up with me a couple

time or he broke up with me three times and michael rosen i'm like what the fuck and i had to walk out I'm like, no, no, no. I said three times, and I said every time I left town, he broke up with me. And you were like, that's not how it happened. We have different versions of the story. And then you went on stage. And, you know, you always F with me. You know, you're always like.

I enjoy it. It is, you know, you always have. And that's the good part of our relationship, which is I like, you're smart ass. And I think you're an amazing person. You really are. You, like, I look at, like, things that you did, like, in the past, like, you made an an Irv shirt and you got me this hockey sweatshirt. that's the old timers.

It was like huff and puff and puff hockey league. You know, you were really generous and you were really, you know, you loved your family. You always want kids. You always talked about kids. You were so jealous in a way of your sister Sarah that you love and you want, you know, your great aunt to her two kids. Yeah. Thanks.

Thank you. So I know a lot. That's the nicest have ever been to me. Is that true? No, I'm kidding. Maybe it. No. But I was like, you know, you're a great person.

And for whatever reason that, you know, it didn't work. you know, the timing, where I was, where you were, take over. I don't know why we didn't work out, but I'm still figuring it. I mean, I'm 35 now. Definitely not where I want to be career-wise and life-wise, but you can't control that stuff, you know. It's a tough business and it's especially tough to date in this town, like you said. So, yeah, I still want kids.

I still on marriage. You just said something. You said it's you're not where you want to be. You were just on a show. Bitten. Well, that was a long time ago. It just ended two years ago. Oh, that was like three years ago.

Yeah, we did three seasons and that was the show that broke us up. Because remember I was here and I got the offer. You probably don't remember. It was nighttime and I was like, I have to decide if I'm going to take this. And you were like, don't take it. And then I was like, fuck you. I'm going to take it. Well, hang on, hang on, hang on.

This is not fair. This is wrong. You said they're offering me shit money. The script's not even that great. I don't really want to move there. I just gave me all these I don't think that's the case on my life you said look if you would have said Michael I love the script I love the idea I love the character it's good all these things I would have been like yes think of who would say no well to be fair to the audience that likes the show and I actually ended up really loving it they they wrote the character became stronger you know like let's backtrack on not saying that no no I'm not dissing the show I'm saying that in the beginning you weren't I wasn't sure but I guess I was I was I was I was I was was asking for your advice. What happens is you say, I want your honest opinion.

Don't ever give your honest opinion, Ryan. I want to know, no, you tell me, am I fat? You are absent. My mom once said, Michael, I'm your mother. I love you. I know you'll be honest with me. Is my ass fat. Does these genes make my ass look fat?

I go, mom, your ass makes your ass look fat. Sorry, guys. If I looked at you, Laura, physically, like, I want you to look at me. And if I said, Laura, do I have a big head? Be honest. Yeah. Thank you. I have a big head.

In Spanish, that's, you'll think I'll get on the Quebec. And ego. No, no, no, no. Brian, get on the mic. Ryan, I'm so glad you're here. You're supposed to. This is just. What do you feel about this?

I'm just in the middle of, I don't know. Are you, are you uncomfortable? A little bit. Are you? No, I mean, you guys seem okay with it. We've gotten to a point where we're fine. You guys are, you guys are fine with it. It's fine.

I am new to this. I just, you know, I feel like I have to mediate it for some reason. No, no. We are completely different personalities. Yeah. And maybe that's why it worked when it did. Yeah, well, like there's like right now, there's not a nerve in my body. There's not like any resentment.

There's no, uh, dislike. There's just like, this is joy. This is fun. To me, this is fun talking to you openly. And I'm not in the, I don't feel weird. If I thought it was going to be weird, like I, there's some ex-girlfriends I would not have come in here. Right. You, I felt like, I like Laura.

She's cool. She texts me when Irv was sick. I've never been an asshole to you. You should have been in the in love pod. podcast in love with Michael Rosen and Chris Sullivan. That podcast is more about relationships. And honestly, I think one of the reasons that we're okay now is we had the first time we had seen each other in years was in Paris at a convention.

And I was like, of course it's like the city of love and I have to see that guy. Because I was still like, I don't know how I feel about this. And then we were fine. And I was like, oh, I enjoy, you know, poking at him. Yeah, we're still smart asses with each other. That hasn't changed. I don't have that relationship with anyone else. So I enjoy that.

Yeah, I do too. That was, it was nice. And I remember, especially on stage. If I can, like, throw you under the bus, it's great. And you do constantly. Yeah. Yeah, but I noticed, like, people would say, dude, is that going to be weird? I'm like, I don't know.

And then after Paris, I go, wasn't weird at all. Yeah. I think we're both good sports and we're both a little more mature. You're definitely more mature than I am. All right. Let's get into this. So you're, you almost died as a kid, by the way. I did.

Spina bifida? No. Menigitis. Menigitis. Menigitis. Yeah. Now, what does that mean? What happens when you had bacterial meningitis?

Well, I, the story they tell me, when I was born, my sister was getting her tonsils out, and she wasn't supposed to come near me because she had a bacteria. My sister came over to meet me in the hospital, and jealous sister coughed on me. While she had this bacteria, I developed bacterial meningitis, and I was in the hospital for months and swelling on the brain. I was paralyzed on the left side of my body, and they had to drain the liquid from my brain. And I guess, you know, as my mom says, they told her one day that if her, if her temperature doesn't go down, we're going to have to give her this medication of sorts that will either make her blind or deaf. If her temperature goes down, we won't give it to her.

And the next morning, my temperature dropped and they didn't give me that drug. Otherwise, I would be blind or deaf right now. But I had a learning disability from the meningitis my whole life. That's something that I had to, like, work through myself. There's no cure for that. you just find other ways to in school, I would just memorize textbooks. I didn't actually fully understand everything. I memorized it so I could get straight A's. So you find your own way. And I think that's why I went into acting because it was memorization. It was becoming someone that you're not.

I was always embarrassed in school. Like they'd pull me out for testing. I had these surveyors that followed me for years through like elementary school. So yeah, it really fucked with who I was as a kid, but sort of made me who I am now. Jesus. Yeah. I mean, I remember stuff that you've told me, but that,

and when you say a learning disability, as a kid, I always felt like I was just stupid. I couldn't comprehend things. I'd read things and I'd just because of the ADD. Right. Like when you, when you,

so you could quickly memorize things, but you wouldn't be able to, like, absorb them. I, depends what it was. There was a lot that I was able to fully understand and absorb and was very much into,

but things like, I couldn't tell time. I didn't understand a clock. Are you looking for a clock right now? That's right there. Math, I'm directionally challenged still. Like, I have, I still have those issues. No, not like that, but like, is that north or south? I just, it's very different for me.

And there are a lot of people who have the same disability where you, it's not like you're dyslexic, but you have. trouble and you flip things so my whole life my goal was to appear to be like everyone else right which fucks with you when you're trying to be like everyone else and not yourself so that now as an adults I still struggle with people I don't want them to think of me differently but at the same time I want to be who I it's it's a weird thing it definitely molded me in a way that I'm insecure about stuff I have social anxiety I don't like people all right so Here's the thing, though, I feel, though, when you are in something, like, for instance,

if I go to a premiere or if I have to take pictures, I'm uncomfortable. So what I do is I jump into a defense mechanism. I'm a character just to make myself comfortable. I'm going to do what I can so I can be comfortable because I'm not going to let this take over. But there are those times when then I'm just like, oh, I get through it and I feel good. Now I'm like, okay, I'm okay now. Do you feel like when you go to a premiere, you do these things? You're like, I don't want to be here.

I don't like this. And then there's a moment where you're like, oh, I connect with someone. I'm good now. that person saved me in a way I like them I would say for myself it's similar in that I need to put on a character not a character but I just can't be myself um and I'm not like you whereas the character is loud and has energy my character is like just calmly get through this put on my like sasha fierce version of myself and then my first thing when I go into an event is like I want to figure out how to leave as soon as possible you want to just get out of there yeah I want to find

the quickest exit and and it doesn't really matter what the event is or you know who I know there it's it's a job do you feel like you belong no I mean I don't think anybody does though do you I have been fighting with this for a long time where I just never feel comfortable with who I am I never feel like I'm accepted I never and and Joe La Truglio who's on the show yesterday he's uh Brooklyn 9 9 he's an old friend of mine he starts saying you have to stop it with what he does now because he always felt like he didn't belong and that's how I've always felt he's like but you're here which means you belong stop get out of your way it doesn't matter if you're around people that you think are oh they're bigger stars or this you belong where you are see it's crazy to me that you think you don't belong

because it's crazy for me to think you don't belong but i would say i'm i've been very open about that like i'm introverted i talk about that whereas you come across as someone who's comfortable in every situation you walk in a room you're the loudest guy now I understand that that's your safety mechanism which is crazy I think I shut down and you rev up to survive that's interesting yeah Ryan's nodding like you fucking know Ryan don't talk to me no I shut down too yeah are you like right now you seem like you are you're shutting down me I'm shutting down yeah are you like see three people guys don't fight the odds of living guys I'm more than three you're like our kid right now.

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inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum in the survey so they know I sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them

from my show inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. Rocket Money. You know, I'm very open about my learning disability about being introverted, about struggling, I mean, being a woman in this industry,

all that shit. I'm 35. I haven't figured anything out. I know you have had people on your show and there are women who say, you know, I finally figured it out. I meditate. I do yoga. Like I had a vision board. That's great. I've done that and I still don't know what the fuck I do. Okay, hang on. All right. First of all, there's nobody on this show that I think that has ever said, I figured it out. I don't think you're ever. Yes, but I don't think you ever figured out. I think at the very end, you're hoping for some sort of peace, some sort of understanding or acceptance within yourself that says, you know what?

I was a good person. I really tried to help people. I tried to listen. I wasn't always good at it. But I did try and I got better. I tried to improve myself. I tried to respect this place that I live, this beautiful earth, this universe, whatever you believe, I don't have to get in religion.

But like there's all these things where you go, you know what? I am okay with my life. I was. Yeah. And so right now, if I was about to die, I'd say, oh, my God. I don't, I can't, I couldn't say. All I could say is this. If I was dying right now, watch I'll die.

And then this will be the last thing I said. And I was like, oh, my God, how profound. I'm not saying that people figure it out. I think what you hit on is that we don't figure things out, but we get to a place where we accept where we are and we're happy with that. That's the thing. Right. That makes sense.

And I don't think I'm there. Okay. And maybe give yourself some sort of, what's the word? Brian, dude, get the dictionary out. You know, I'm not big with words, dude. I'm not big with words here. It's got other things to do. You have to give yourself a, you have to give yourself some, everybody right now is thinking

of the word. They know the word and I'm coming up. You just have to give yourself a little bit more. Credit. Credit or, yes. Leway, a little space. A little. say hey it's okay yeah be good to yourself so every day's different every day is different in this

fucking city which i don't like being in that person who tweeted me is now really out after that one they're out but if i if some if i was on my deathbed right now god willing i'm not i would say man i wish i would have loved more i wish i would have listened more i know that i was on the right track. I know that I was really trying and it was the beginning of a new me and boy, I wish I had more time because now I really see the light and I really see what I'm supposed to do. I really

see that there is a purpose for me. So that's what I would say right now, which is better than if I was to die maybe a year ago. I got a knock on wood. Stop saying that. But you know, there's no wood around here. What the luck from what? I'm sitting in a wooden chair.

But you know, maybe a year ago to sit. What? What? I don't even know What? Who am I? What am I doing? I don't even. What's your middle name? Diane. Wow. Yeah. I remember that. Or did you like look that up last night? Just in case. Okay. Thank you, Jess. I knew your middle name's Diane. Or Jess. How do I spell it? D-I-A-N. You know, I want to say another N, but it is right. Another N-E. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. My middle name is actually, I was named after Diana Ross. No, a cousin of mine. that committed suicide. Wow.

That went downhill. Yeah. Well, your parents really, that's like naming their daughter or their, uh, Paris or something, like a big name. It's the opposite effect. My middle name's old yellow or so. Wait. No, but I mean, they're naming you.

What is again? It's named after a cousin of mine that I never met. So they're naming you after someone who killed himself. Yeah. That's kind of, but it was in memory of and it's a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing. Yeah. What's also dark is that my, you know, my last name is Vandervort.

We just, actually, it's exciting. My cousin just had a boy, Austin Vandervort. So he's the first man in the family that's going to finally carry on the name because we've only had women in the family. So, um, totally off topic. But hi, Austin. I hope I meet you soon. Look at that.

I mean, you're 35. Yeah, yeah. I know you've always wanted kids. You still want kids? Yes. I mean, I know you shouldn't even ask a goal. It's different because I know you so I could say, hey, you said, of course you want kids and all that stuff.

Right. Well, you know, you're young still. You are. I'm 47. I'm running out of time. Not as a man. No, no. It's bullshit. Do you realize if I have a child right now, let's say I have a kid and by the time I'm 50. That means when, wait, how old are you 47? Yeah. But when my kids, 20, just say 20, it's easy. I'm like, I'm 70. Yeah. That's like, that's not, is that fair? I guess, I mean, what's fair? But you're also young at heart. So you would have a lot of fun with them. You'd play with them. You'd run around. Who knows if I'll be able to move around by then? I'm already, I'm our dude.

I'll tell you, I woke up Monday morning, just walked in. And I had a huge fight with my band. You know, we just got into it. Left on Laura. Yeah, left on Laura. Might be our first and only album, folks. Albums available everywhere. You know, I had having problems with my upper back.

I played some softball and then tennis. And then, you know, I'm just like trying to, you know, I'm getting back in shape. And then I woke up Monday. I couldn't get out of bed. I was like Frankenstein. I sat in my massage chair I have a massage chair for like eight years now It's the same one

I always feel bad now because Ryan Reynolds No Ryan Gosling Gossling gosling Both beautiful Canadian men Beautiful men They he in this movie He had a massage chair And everybody laughed like oh how cheesy

I was like oh my god I have a massage chair I remember thinking that when I watched the movie I'm like but I've had seven back surgeries I need this fucking thing Anyway so yes being getting old does suck And living in pain sucks And that's one thing you've been pretty good at. You might have had some shit going on when you're young,

but you're a healthy woman, you know, knock on wood. And I look at you, and you do have a great career. You do have a right, Eddie K-Kill career. You do. You're the lead role and stuff.

You're in V. You're in Smallville. You had a three-a-episode arc on Supergirl. I think we forget. I have a new Netflix show coming out. You have a new Netflix show coming out. I have a movie coming out. You produced and starred in a movie with your

Pinson, Gordon, Gordon Pinson, yeah, Canadian actor. He's a legend in Canada. Right. And then movies called Dis. Age of Dysphoria. Yeah, dysphoria. That was pretty good, right? Yeah, I'm not looking at my notes.

I don't have my notes. I don't ever look at my notes. I just kind of skimped stuff and then I... I've been wanting to work with Gordon Pinson since I was 12. He was my mentor and I'd never worked with him. He's 88 now. So I developed a movie really with the goal of just working with Gordon and it's a beautiful film we're really proud of it please go see that guys

she worked really hard on it and she's been talking about it for a while and annoying michael no it doesn't annoy me and what i'm saying if you just listen to this conversation right now if you just hear yourself you know because i'm dwelling on what you said about eight minutes ago you said you know i'm not where i want to be my career i'm not where i want to be this if you just take a step back just take a fucking step and i'm when i speak to you it's like I'm looking in a mirror because I need to do this. Ryan, you need to do this.

No matter where we are, where you are you're supposed to be. Don't forget to, like, I'm telling myself this and telling everybody out there, like, guys, don't forget to live in the moment. You're not your work. When you work, you work. And if you just are always absorbed with, what else am I going to get? How much money can I get? How much?

You're never going to live in the moment. Life is going past you. Yeah. I'm not saying you, proverbial. No, I understand. I understand. For me, as a Canadian, living in Los Angeles,

it's hard for me to live here. I don't know if it's the same for you, because you're not from here, but you've been here longer than I have. I moved here to work, and this entire city is all this industry. And there's no escape from it. When I landed, I went to Sammy's camera

to print a picture of my beautiful dog, and there's three actors behind me talking about everything that they've booked. And that's great. But I don't want to hear about it when I'm just in my... Like, you know what I mean? It's that constant reminder.

Go to the beach. Go to go on a hike. You don't have to hear these people. But there's always going to be people. I know, I know, but I'm just saying in Toronto, it's, it's a totally different. Do you want to go back to Toronto? I'm going to move back, yeah. You are.

Yeah, I am. Now, you're dating someone. I know, we're not going to talk about that. We're not. I know, we're not. Where is he from? From L.A. He's from L.A.

Yeah. So, he's aware of that, that you want to go back to Toronto. Yeah. We'll leave it at that. We'll leave it at that. Ryan. Um, now, you know, Ryan, how are you 30? Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, or Ryan, Ronnie, Ronnie.

Ronnie. Ronnie. Roddy will be here with the ones and twos, Roddy. Hey, Roddy. Hi, Ryan's 31. He's four years younger. Now, I'm not saying this because you're not ungrateful, because you are grateful. Ryan is extraordinarily talented.

He's funny. He can sing. He's always working. He's editing. He's doing comedy. He's doing everything. Now, he's engineering my show right now. Do you think he's hit the peak of his life?

Do you think this is what he wants to do for his life? I wish it was. I wish that the show would get so big that I could pay him so much money that Ryan would just love working with me every day and we'd be the next Kevin and Bean but I know in my heart Ryan would love to get a show

he would love to get a movie and that's what he's going for now Ryan are you able to sit there and take a moment and go hey I know what I need to do this is not what I want to do right now or I'm just going to enjoy can you enjoy things in the moment oh you don't know this isn't the pinnacle of what I wanted to do you can you imagine I've always wanted to work

all of a sudden I look on the internet it's like I just want to work for Michael Rosenbaum. How do I do this? I hope someday he has a podcast that I could... I was playing a long game. I hope his other engineer could quit. No, I mean, honestly, this has been like a sort of an interesting transitionary year for me. I sort of got opened up like the company I was working for went totally bankrupt.

And so then I've sort of had a year of self-reflection and just sort of needed to pick up some gigs. And Michael was kind of not to let me, you know, do this while I continue to work on other stuff. And it's fun. Does he annoy you? well now no that's fine is that a know or no I'm sure I know everybody no I really enjoy this this has been a lot of fun it is fun I I love having you here and you know it wasn't one of those things where I you said you just said something like Michael you know gave me this opportunity the reason I wanted him to be here is because first of all it happened I do these art night it's this therapeutic thing that my friends come over and we just have art night so Ryan started coming with Amanda his girlfriend and all my friends and I but by the way I've known Ryan for a a couple years now and uh i always liked ryan and then i was like fuck i need an engineer and did you say did you mention it or who how did it happen Amanda might have ushered me towards it because she's good about that yeah i think she said something like well if you need an engineer

or something right i go ryan do you want to do that you're like sure so i go fuck yeah let's do it it was just like that and within a week Ryan was he was learning how to do it and uh he's done like seven episodes already wow so had you done a lot of this before then or you were? Yeah. Yeah, I'd done this before. So you weren't necessarily learning as you went on this. I mean, this is sort of a different format than I'm used to. Right. But it's pretty straightforward. Yeah. But you know, the cool thing is, is Ryan is like, hey, this just happened. And I'm enjoying this. And it's fun and I'm learning a lot. And I mean, and who knows what will happen after this? Like I said, I'm definitely one of those, you know, I took that Indiogram and you find out what you are.

You should take an Indiogram. Everybody should. I've talked about it, I think, before. But it tells, you what you are you just be honest with all the questions and I'm a helper I'm a loyalist and I'm an enthusiast and so a helper it's not that I want to help but to me I'm like fuck not only do I want to succeed in this podcast that you get bigger and bigger but man what if this was a full-time job for Ryan and I can hang out with them all the time or somebody buys it and inside he's on TV and Ryan's my fucking Ed McMahon or maybe I'm his Ed McMahon you're always hoping things work yeah you know what works for you what are you like oh you know what Laura, good for you.

I'm proud of you. And I'm good with this. That's a heavy question. It's not that hard. Well, no, it is hard. I know.

I'm, I'm, my family is the best part of my life, for sure. I'm very close with them. That's a tough question for someone who doesn't feel like they figured it out yet. So, but I am proud of what I've done.

I've started off as a kid doing, in this business. And I, I had to grow up really quickly. because I wanted to match the adults on set. I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be memorized and professional. But one thing that I really wish I had done was enjoyed more of my childhood because I took it so seriously. I didn't start enjoying what I do for a living probably until six years ago. So now I'm learning to enjoy it and to not try to just like be perfect.

Like I enjoyed smallville I enjoyed moments of it But the whole time I was like Don't fuck up don't get fired I have to be perfect I have to be great They have to light me Yeah and I was playing Supergirl

Like there was a lot of people That wanted specific things from me And not just the producers The audience Like I wanted to be that person Like you and Tom wanted to be Those characters perfectly for that audience But also have your own spin on it

And I just I think I struggled with that pressure I was 17 so 18 you know when we dated i felt like because i'm such a kid i saw you open up and have fun i think you were learning how to have fun yeah that's exactly what it was and i there's a weird part of me that's like if i'm truly laughing or smiling i feel like i'm not allowed to do this like i have to that's why i started drinking are you drinking now yeah yeah yeah yeah i didn't really drink before And there was no reason that I didn't do it other than I wanted to be in control.

And now it's, you know, I'll have sake or tequila. I'll see you're not an alcoholic. No, no, like I'll have a drink. And that allows me to, you know, I'm allowed to have fun. I'm allowed to enjoy this because I didn't really know how to do that. I like this conversation. I didn't really know exactly where it would go or what's good. But I like that you're opening up.

I like that that's just a great quality as being vulnerable. And I'm doing that. this show has given me that opportunity but you also have to give yourself that opportunity whatever that is to be vulnerable my therapist said i want you to just feel i want you to be vulnerable i want you to feel i want you to love i want you to and it was just like what what what what what what what what what what do you mean so the other night i'm watching a movie i have horror nights with my friends as you know and there's this movie and i got emotional at the end all these These other guys are kind of like laughing or talking or whatever.

And Rob's like, Rosenbaum's crying again. And he was just kidding. But I was like, you guys aren't? That's a really sweet moment. They both lost their mother. All these kids died. I know, it sounds horrible. But like I was a little emotion.

I wasn't bawling, but I'm allowing myself. I used to like right when I felt that, you know, that feeling where they hit your nose and right in between your eyes. That first, that like little beginnings of like. The tingling, like, I could cry thing. And, but now I'm like, I used to be like, stop, go, go other way. And then you're out of it. You're allowing it to come out. But I just want to embrace moments where I could just feel, where I could let it go.

In fact, I said to my therapist, can I, I ask her, can I? Like a kid. Can I like watch a sad movie once in a while and cry just to get cries out? I felt like I was eight years old. She's like, yes, but please don't do it every day. So I go, I go, she goes, well, what movie? I go, I know right now. What movie would make you cry?

There's two, when Hobson dies in the movie Arthur, you know, and that's his dad that's always really been his dad, even though it's not his dad, it's his, you know, somebody who's at the mansion who takes care of, Butler. You know, it's like, it was kind of, it's, you never see him get emotional and they both sort of are a little emotional, like they know this is the end, that moment. And then there's a couple of moments in Rocky. Do you cry a lot? Um, yeah, yeah. You do. Yeah. How often? Lately, like every day. Um, what makes you cry? Being

alone who makes you cry you're deflecting aren't you yeah listen i so i had i had a massage last night and i don't know if i ever introduced you to this woman but i think you should use her uh tom uses her now i introduced her to tom Nicole lazinger um talk about that after she does well she does rakey as well but i i i had her over last night and we were talking about meditation i said i've never known how to do it i don't i'm either going to fall asleep or i can't shut this off and I don't want to sit alone with what's going on in here, my mind. She said, well, how do you tap into emotions for work? Like, there must be a meditation there.

I said, no, literally, if I have an experience, I put it in a box, and that's that box for when I need to act that way on camera. These are my tear boxes. These are my happy, joyful boxes. She's like, so meditation is opening up all of those boxes at once and just feeling it. And so that's what you're reminding me of, just like your therapist said let it just let it happen like I don't I've never watched the notebook because I don't want to deal with those emotions did you watch it Ryan yeah I've seen

it did you cry no no no what I was ball state university I kept thinking my grandparents what makes you cry what movies you cry from um most I mean don't say blade runner no like Cocoa I cried god not come to think of it I cry a lot I don't cry a lot but that made me cry oh Up, maybe, you didn't see up? Of course, of course. Of course. Also, there's just a lot of songs on the radio now.

If you relate to it, like for me, crying when I'm driving. So, all right, so you do cry a lot. You're in your head. You don't like being alone. That's what it is. You do not like being alone. I like being physically alone for a couple days because I'm an introvert and I need my space and I like my routine.

But in life, I need to be connected to someone or family. So, L.A. is a very, like, I have a place here that I bought. I live by myself. My dog's not here right now. So walking in the door to quiet was nice for a second. And then it's like, hell. You know what I mean? I'm sure you're the same way.

You always have to have something going on. You know what you need? A parakeet. Again, this isn't me giving advice. Although it sort of is because my advice is, you know what my advice was? The best advice somebody gave me and I still haven't conquered it yet. My psychiatrist looked at me, this old guy with a beard, beautiful man. the first time I ever felt safe with someone.

And I remember the first eight sessions, he's like, we can, you're very, this is difficult. It's not that cut and dry with you. It is. There's a lot of things going on. You got the child. You got this. I haven't, we're getting there.

Just bear with me. We're going to get there. We're going to find, you know, and it was that thing where he's very honest. There wasn't like, okay. And then he said something like in the last two sessions, you know what? you know what you need he goes michael all of this stuff i'm going to share this guy is a thousand dollars a day okay it's expensive as shit i mean thank god i somehow could afford it but i i know that i needed to go to the best i know that i needed to really break through and have breakthroughs

your life and i was my i'm the investment the most important investment nothing matters if i'm happy and fulfilled and have purpose and feel these things i'd rather be if somebody said you're broke it's not a furniture store that you're investing in that goes under it's yourself a million percent that's 100 percent worth it he says I want you to be in love I want you to love I want you to the hardest part Michael though he said is for you to accept love that you're worthy of being loved and it and it was really like you guys are looking at me I'm sure Ryan's looking down he doesn't he's uncomfortable but you know what he was because if you think of about you're like what that's so simple that it's not it's not but how could i but how is he so right

with something so simple this is this is what he this is what he gave me this is the therapy this is and the same day i had another session with this other woman with this woman and she goes i think once you really fall in love and allow yourself to be loved and it's going to be very difficult i go wait a minute are you talking to dr tesler are you guys she said what No. What are you talking about? I go, he said the same thing. He goes, well, he also said all this stuff right now is is bullshit. It's great. You're in movies. You have a podcast. You have this. You're writing scripts. You have a great life. Whatever. But all that stuff. It's all bullshit. Do you know what isn't bullshit? What human beings need is we need love.

We want to be love. We want to feel love. We want to feel safe. We want to be in love. and to love and that that is the most i think you're you will thrive if you could allow and it will be difficult because you'll look for things i don't know that no look he said there are red flags and those red flags oh this person's an alcoholic oh this person's uh a drug addict or oh this person is a thief whatever it is those are red flags those things in one person right or but if it's things like oh her toes bigger than the other who gives a shit yeah i think you're really Because you're looking, he says, I'm looking at myself. Right.

If you really enjoy someone and you really trust them and you feel safe, it's a beautiful thing. Yeah. And I think being alone, and by the way, I took a, I sort of, I did something that was a test to myself. I tried to be alone a lot. I tried to not always work. And I started becoming more of a hermit. I noticed that the depression got worse and the anxiety. to get worse and I couldn't understand it's like are you that fucked up that you can't be

alone dude and the reality is that being alone is not always a good thing and if you don't have structure in your life if you don't have routine in your life not you or you Ryan all of us will go fucking bananas if you wake up and go what am I going to do today you'll end up doing nothing you'll feel fulfilled you'll be depressed so what I do on Sundays, I plan the week out. Here's my calendar. If you look in my office, you're going to see that I'm crazy. People will go, why do you have three calendars?

Even Jess is like, what are you doing? I have a little one for the week. I have a bigger one chalkboard for the month. And I have my other one that if I have to look in the car with what I'm doing. So I always know what's going on and I structure it. Hey, I don't have any podcast this week. I should book a podcast. I should make sure because I'm ahead of the game.

I have like eight or ten episodes. You know what? let's find what let's you know what you're going to work out on this day you know what you're going to set up a meeting and talk about this animated series you know what you are going to meditate every day of your fucking life you are going to do and when you have structure and routine which i just didn't i let all that go you'll fucking go bananas yeah do you have structure um i'm i'm same as you i make sure that i have it because you'll go bananas yeah i especially being here if i'm not busy working i know i'm taking meetings i'm trying to develop three films right now

So I make sure there's a balance, you know, working out, hiking with friends, all of that stuff. But they're, you know, nighttime you're by yourself and that's the time that you reflect on your day and that can go either way. Is your career so important to you where you want to act for the rest of your life or could you live a simple life? Could you honestly someone said let's go move to a small town and whatever and just figure it out and get away from. from everything or are you someone that just needs you love acting you love all this you have to do this i would say it's 50 50 i love to get away and escape this but there's a part of me that this is all that i've ever done this i've acted my whole life so i wouldn't say that i love acting i i love being busy and being productive and developing and creating projects so i'm 50-50

i could move away to a small town and never do this again but i might drive myself crazy unless I find another passion that feels productive every day because I can't even go on vacation for more than two days and chill to F out because I start going, oh, I should be doing this, I should be doing that. Oh, I have this idea. I should take that meeting, you know, I think similar to you, we have to force ourselves to take that time and then can't do a lot of that because it's also not healthy. You know, I noticed I was doing my friend Rob's birthday. It was his 40th birthday. Happy birthday dancing. I was at his little party last night, a small gathering. and I know some emails came up and you know I was at the dinner table and everybody's kind of talking and I kind of started looking at my phone and I was like oh I got to respond to that I got to respond to that and then I stopped about five minutes in and I go this is your best friend's birthday this is a person who makes your life better get off the fucking phone it's not important your agent isn't saying they need to know right this fucking second about nothing is that important what's important in it

memories, connections, love, and that's what I'm working on. I'm working on all these little things like, God, the phone, isn't it amazing what the phone can do? If we didn't have these cell phones, and by the way, they're great in so many ways because I talk to my grandparents, but God bless, man, if we didn't have these, we're always on them. Yeah. From the time we wake up to the time we get. So I'm trying to eliminate as much as I can.

It should not be the first thing you look at in the morning or the last thing you look at at night. It's not in the morning. I've done that. I fixed that. I did not look at my phone to an hour in after I do all my chores and all that stuff. But at night, I've got to stop that. I was reading for a while. I got to go back to reading. Phone goes off at 10. Done. I was told that there, and I have to look into it on the iPhone, there's the ability to at a certain time. Your blue light on your phone can turn off. So if you do look at your phone, you're not stimulated by the blue light. I think everybody knows that. Okay, well, that's new to me. I'm just fucking with you.

Do you take any kind of medication for depression or anxiety or anything? No. No. Never. Never have? I tried when I first moved to L.A. Depression didn't work for me because I was like a zombie. I couldn't memorize my auditions.

I just felt like I wasn't on it. So I stopped that. I've taken nothing except tequila shots sometimes. Sometimes it's a tequila shot, as long as it's not like five every night. But that's not true. I've done the CBD pens. This has been great. Look, what's going on right now?

And with work? You're developing a lot of stuff. Yeah. Like, what's important to you that you're working on right now or that you want to get going or that you have the Netflix series? So yeah, the Netflix series, V Wars. V Wars. What's that about?

Vampires. Vampires again. Again, I've never done vampires. This is a new thing. What was bitten? Werewolves. Werewolves. Fuck.

Remember what are we doing in the shadows? Werewolves, not swear wolves Of you're swearing So that's fun You're gonna be a vampire Well I can't say if I am or I'm not one at this point That's true Who's in it?

Who's in anybody I know? In Summerhalder, Adrian Holmes Dude All right, hang on a second Hang on a second Who was on Smallville Yeah, I love Adrian Yeah

Okay, hang on Awesome First time I worked with Adrian Was like nine years ago On a movie called Damage I love Adrian He's great He's fantastic

He's number two on that show What are you? I'm not going to say Do you realize How big that show is going to be? I hope it does well Wait wait wait Ian Summerholder has such a huge following

He's a nice guy who has billions of followers This show is going to get seen You're going to go to conventions And people are going to mob you That's just a reality I'm telling you when this comes out I'm just remember this conversation It's just vampires

He did vampire diaries And no no it's true brings me back to conventions when you make the signer do the diarrhea over and over again. Have you seen, have you seen them do that? Tell the audience about that. It's the most annoying thing. Um, you love it. You know what? I do it for Tom. Tom loves it. Tom loves it. Tom loves it. And the fans love it. And Tom loves us arguing. And the hearing impaired love it. Right. Okay. So there's always an interpreter or signer on stage when we're doing conventions. And I think the first time you did it, it was funny. He repeated diarrhea over and over again. So she had to keep doing that symbol and

everyone thought it was great. And then he's done it at every convention. Diarrhea, diarrhea. And she's just doing that non-brival diarrhea, die her hands whipping down. The whole crowd is loving it. The first time Kristen did a convention with you and she texted me after and I was like, did you survive. She was like, oh my God, the diarrhea thing. I mean, we all think it's funny. But remember the last time you did it, I was like, find new material, you know. Yeah. But people love you. We love you. You entertain us. Thank God you take over the, the, the You and A's because Tom and I couldn't do it without you. I love that. You know what I love mostly about Tom is that, you know, a lot of actors, every time I did an

interview with another actor for a show or a movie, they'd always, I could tell they feel like they're being upstage because I just go on and they, and I could tell they don't like it. And it makes me uncomfortable, which makes me then not want to be myself. But when I'm with Tom, he says, fucking do your thing, dude. Fucking do it. Yeah. fucking do it and there's so I could tell some people are like oh he's upstaging me I'm not

meaning to I'm just having fucking fun well okay so can I just refer back to what we talked to at the beginning of this podcast you said you're uncomfortable at those things so you put on your personality right but then you just said I'm being myself up there people just need to be okay with no Q&As are different they are Q&As are different because when you're in a convention the people are there to see you so so it's not uncomfortable because they're there to see you. You know why you're there. But when you go to like an event or something and there's a bunch of people you don't know and you're like, oh, I don't know. What am I supposed to? But immediately when I'm on stage late, Michael Rosenbaum, they are asking me questions and I am going to

run with it. Yeah. And I don't, I don't feel like you're upstaging at all. Like Tom and I love that you do that because we can just laugh and like watch the show every time. But there are moments where, you know, for instance, I wanted to talk about age of dysphoria or V-Wars and the convention or the panel is over. I think the last one we were at and we were getting up to walk away and I was like, fuck it. And I grabbed the mic. I'm like, and then I just said the things that I wanted to talk about within like two minutes. You know what though? You know what though? Next time we do one together. But you're also great when I don't get any questions because everyone loves you and Tom and I completely understand that. I'm lucky that I get to do this with you guys

because I only did a couple seasons. But you're really great about asking the audience to ask me questions, which I appreciate. Always because, yeah, I think they really do want to hear it. They get caught up. And I'm like, you know, Laura did this. Or Lord, Lord, what do you think? I always, I always want to do it. And that always means a lot to me because there will be times at panels that I don't say a lot.

And I'm okay with that because I'm a fan. I was a fan of Smallville before I was on it. I want to hear what you guys have to say. And, you know, you're really nice to have the audience remember that I'm sitting there. You know, we're doing, Tom and I are doing this thing. I know. I came up with this idea called Smallville Nights. I saw.

And so it's just Tom and I and we do this. I can't tell you, but some, so we, it's at night after the convention's over and we do this hour thing. I'll tell you afterwards what we do. But it's unlike anything we do at the Q&A's. There's some things that we do that will never be done and we don't want any cameras or video or you'll never come back to one of these things again. So it's a moment that you'll remember and you'll have fun. And it's like a, oh, I was going to ask you this. I know, now it's a little space.

in between but you know you worked you worked with alison have you talked about this on your podcast um a little bit not a lot but what was your relationship with her and did you see did you like when people ask me i'm like you know i just thought she was a really sweet girl who needed attention like every actor and uh but she you know who had ever known this right you know so you don't ever i never expected anything but i'm just wondering if you saw anything or if you noticed like that's weird or that makes sense um i didn't know her. I rarely worked with her. She rarely talked to me. Did she ever ask you to come join nexium? Yes.

She did. Yeah. Is it nexium or nexus? Nexium. Nexus is the thing you get into the country with. Nexium. Yeah, but it was that wasn't the name of it when I had just moved to L.A. and she, for someone who didn't talk to me ever, um, FaceTime me and said they had a organization of women. It was a retreat. You know, it's support. It's, it's, because I didn't know any. I knew you. You were the only person I knew in Los Angeles. And it sounded strange and it was also expensive and I didn't have the money and I didn't end up doing it.

And that's what it was. And I think there was a part of me that was like she was willing. She asked me. She knew what was happening. Although I hear it became that later. But the fact that she was like, oh, you're lonely and new. Come on over. So she felt like she felt your vulnerability?

Yeah. And I don't know if. At the time, that's what it was. That's what it was. It could have genuinely been, let's read books and talk about them. Were you considering it at that point? No. I mean, because you thought maybe it was retreated.

There was no part in any of that thought, maybe this will help me. Yeah, of course. Yeah. I just couldn't afford to do it. So if you could afford it, you probably would have gone. Probably would have gone. Thank God I was broke. Yeah, right.

Yeah. She's Louise. But I was surprised. I was surprised. She's a very smart woman. That's one thing I knew of. about her she was very smart yeah so that's why i don't understand i don't think anybody will understand sometimes you see things that will that happen in the world and you're like why what this just doesn't

add up but when you when it comes down to it i think how well do you really know someone i mean i'm on smallville for seven years and i think i got to know tom when he came on the podcast the very first time right i was going to say and that's when we started just talking about a lot of because we always we always laughed all you wanted to do on set was laugh but to connect to really you know and Kristen would come into town after the small vote was over and we'd have dinner and we start to get to know each other yeah and you after smallville we'd start to get to know each other in a different way when you're on a show it's just sort of like it's just sort of like it's not it's just not it's not I understand what you're saying yes but I mean it's a same thing for me Erica I've

become close with in the past few years Kristen same thing Tom and his his fiancee and Jesse um are you going to the wedding I'm in it. Oh, congratulations. I'm not in it. I am. I'm just showing up. Are you really?

Yeah. You fuck? No, I'm not. I'm really not. Yeah. But I didn't get to know them and we went to Cabo and I got to know Tom in that environment where he was just loose and drunk and say boisterous things. Oh my God.

The loudest guy. He like jumped a giant horse statue. I was like, oh, I've never seen this guy. I'm like his little brothers sometimes. I'm just like, Tom, cut it out or he's always telling me to cut it out. So yeah, we are. We're like brothers. Yeah.

You guys agreed together. Well, look, this, I had a blast. First of all, I cannot thank you enough for being so open. This is the most. I talked to Ryan, too, but it was warranted. It felt comfortable. And Ryan, I think I'd like to talk to you more during interviews. If other people are cool with it.

Sure. Are you comfortable with that? Yeah, I mean, but it's mostly about the two of you guys. I'm just here. I get a microphone, which is fun. Until a year later, he's like, my agent will call you and my lawyer because I want 25% until my name's on the podcast anywhere but it's inside you with Michael Rosen

Laura featuring Quiet Ryan Thank you for allowing to be inside of you That was her using the CBD Uncommon Apothecary and it sounded like a fart That was perfect Rub it all over your back You guys I'm sure you've heard me talk about it But it's great stuff and hey

What's your handles Twitter Vandikins 22 And Instagram's super Vandy Vandikins is a nickname That Patrick Warburton gave me And that's how that's started

Let me, excuse me Vandikins, I bet he's like this He's like, Laura, how are you? You know, Patrick Warburton Doesn't he kind of do that thing? Yeah, yeah So, uh, Vandikins

Well, he's Patty Warbucks Patty Warbucks. Patty Warbucks Did you name himself that? I don't know. That's what I called him. Can you get him on the show? Actually, there's someone I think

I could get on the show. the show that you'd like we'll talk about it later look this has been great take your mug take your CBD we're going to see each other at a con soon guys thank you for listening to the podcast laura van dervore thank you for allowing me to be inside of you you're welcome this has been really fun all right guys so what did you think of the episode we're going to have a thing where you know I want you to tweet I want you to let me know what you think and if you have any questions or things you want me to ask guests in particular doesn't matter about the guest as much We like to surprise you with a guest.

And even if you don't know them, obviously, you listen anyway. And that's why I love you. And that's why I'm still doing this, although I'd still do it because I love doing it. But this episode with Laura was interesting. And it's always on the other podcast I have in love with Chris Sullivan and Michael Rosenbaum, we had my ex-girlfriend on Andrea Bogart. And it was really interesting. She brought her child and we talked about why it didn't work and who I was. And I was really vulnerable.

And this podcast, having Laura on, we were both. going through our own shit and um she she acknowledges it you know uh she talks about almost dying as a child her parents and and just working and you know i think she opens up more so than i think she would have when we dated which is telling and i think i'm the same way i think we're both in on different in different places and i think that's just the maturity thing maybe not with me but i think that you know as we grow and you start to realize that vulnerability is good and people seeing emotions, that's actually healthy. Getting rid of bad habits.

I think that's a big thing. And so this podcast was really nice. And, you know, when my grandpa died, Laura text me immediately, and she says, if you need anything. And I know she meant it. She met Irv. She loved Irv. And I'm glad that we've, from doing these conventions,

Laura and I have been able to be friends again. And it's not like we hang out, but it's nice to see her and goof off. And just be friends. And I think that shows a maturity. I'm going to read some of these messages from the message board. You can go to hello at inside of you podcast.com or you can tweet me and Instagram me. So this is part of the outro for what we're doing now. I just want to read you some of these questions.

Okay. Hi, Michael. This comes from Lizanne. She's an actor, writer, storyteller. I've been listening to your podcast for a while now and I've felt communication. impelled to write in after listening to your interviews with Andy McDowell and Jamie King. Whether you ever read this random email or not, I just felt like I had to reach out and tell you how amazing I think the show is.

You and your team have created something quite special. Inside of you is one of the most honest podcasts I've ever heard. Yes, it's therapy for you and your guests, but also for us as listeners. Amen, Lazan. When you and Andy were talking about her experience with Bill Murray and the idea that she merely wanted to please him, it really hit a chord like wanting to be. please your father is how I think you put it. I'm still at the beginning of my acting career five years in. I recently worked opposite of comedic legend. To hear the two of you speak about something

that felt similar to my own experience was quite comforting. Sometimes you just want to know you're doing a good job. Jamie's interview, she says, when you both spoke about feeling safe, about meditation, about your own personal journey to connecting to a higher power and how having a routine helps when it comes to battling depression, it was so deeply refreshing to hear. It was just a lovely reminder to me that in order to be of service to others, you have to take care of yourself first. You're making a difference in the world by merely being honest about every aspect of this life. So thank you. Thank you for putting everything you've got into this podcast. Well, thank you for listening and thank you. I'm just, I'm blessed. I'm grateful that it

helped you in some way. Jonathan, hey, Rosie, just want to let you know how much I appreciate you and your podcast. I've been listening for a couple months now and it's seriously changed my life. Being able to hear so many of these people I find to be very successful and hear how they're going through or have been through so many of the same things I'm going through is amazing to me. I have a bipolar mom, an alcoholic dad, and to hear you talk to people that have gone through the same things and how they dealt with it helps so much. You and Zach Levi just about brought me to tears talking about your mothers. I've related so much to y'all in that moment. I'm currently listening to Jamie King and her talking about finding God in a bookstore almost brought me to tears. I paused it and started to write you this message because I had to let you know how much this means to me, and I'm sure, to so many others.

That actually just brought me to almost tears. Ryan's in the room, so I won't do it. I viewed most of these people as celebrities and not much more, but you have completely changed my view on so many of them. You have now made me a fan of them as people, not just for their work. ain't that the truth man that's what that's exactly what i'm trying to do i appreciate what you're doing so much i listen to so many other podcasts and none has grabbed me like yours i've also started listening to your new podcast with sully and currently going through a hard breakup this has become the perfect time and i found myself trying harder to be to better myself i started going to therapy

and it's thanks to you sorry for such a long message but i felt you should know how much you're appreciated thanks so much p s your podcast is way better than dax's I love Dex. He won't listen to this anyway. He doesn't have time. Tim, lastly. Hey man, I don't know if you're actually going to read this, but thanks for doing this podcast and showing me that people that may seem to have it all have gone through hardships and

tough times in their lives. The recent Dane Cook episode hit home when he spoke about the relationship he had with his father being basically all about sports. I too had the same type of relationship with my father until it's untimely passing in January of this year. unlike Dane's father My dad was a Mets fan That's funny

That's what my dad is and what I am You and I both know How that 86 World Series turned out Anyway thanks for doing this podcast And making me feel comfortable My own feelings And every now and then Bringing a tear to my eye

All love Tim It's nice to read these Ryan That's really nice It is nice to just kind of like This is about being present It's like that's why I want to start Doing these outroes of reading things that people say and absorbing them and saying, hey, I'm listening to you.

You know, it makes me feel good that we're doing something right here. It was really thoughtful. Yeah, it was. Yeah. So, guys, have a happy, happy holiday. If you're bored, you know, listen to Left on Laurel. Our CD's still out. It's been out for about a month now.

Thank you for everybody who came out to the autograph signing in Covina at Chaos Records. Thank you for everybody came out to the Roxy, who listened to the stage at online performance from us. Thank you for buying merch for listening to the band. Thank you for listening to the podcast and love podcast, Inside of You podcast. Thank you for your endless support. Happy holidays. Happy New Year. Thank you for allowing me to be inside all of you.

Joe Saul-Sehi, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. Today, we're going to talk about what if you came across $50,000. What would you do? Put it into a tax-advantaged retirement account. The mortgage. That's what we do. Make a down payment on a home. Something nice. Buying a vehicle. A separate bucket for this addition that we're adding. $50,000. I'll buy a new podcast. You'll buy new friends. And we're done. Thanks for playing everybody. We're out of here. Stacking Benjamins, follow and listen on your favorite platform.