Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Midnight Mass’ RAHUL KOHLI: Backed Into a Corner

Episode Date: March 29, 2022

Rahul Kohli (iZombie, Midnight Mass) joins us this week to tell his inspiring story of how a lucky twist of fate, while he was on the brink of quitting acting because of a horrible audition, landed him his life changing role in iZombie. Rahul explains, however. that the onset politics, stress of being on a bubble show, and shooting in Canada caused him to spiral into unhealthy abusive and unhealthy habits. We also talk about his deep relationship personally and professionally with Mike Flanagan, the typecasting of South Asian actors, and his experience being diagnosed with bipolar. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4. New four-piece French toast sticks, bacon or sausage wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small hot coffee, and more. Limited time only at participating Wendy's Taxes Extra. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Ryan, you have a mustache. I do. It's pretty intense.

It's pretty intense. I had to, I was on a shoot. that I had to get my face trimmed very specifically, so I had like a sort of, like, I don't know, it was like, there's beard under my chin and like around. It was like a go to, it was Dr. Strange E. You could really grow a mustache. That's a freaking mustache.

I am half Mexican. How much you charge for them mustache rides, boy. For you, three. 25 cents. Oh, is that a thing? No, I don't know. I had a shirt that once said that. 25 cents for mustache rides.

How did that go over well in public? I don't know. It was many years ago when you could get away with it. Oh, sure. It was just a T-shirt I found someplace. Sure. What are you going to do? I hope you guys had a great week or you're having a great week.

Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your week and listening to us wherever you or listen to your podcast. I hope that if you like today's podcast, you'll listen to us. You'll subscribe. You'll listen. You'll give us a chance because hopefully that's what you do. There's a lot of podcasts, lots of choices. And I hope that you make us.

your choice for a podcast. So thank you. We've had some great guests. I love all the messages. Also want to give a shout to all my patrons. You can support the podcast in many ways, but the most important way is Patreon, p-a-t-R-E-O-N dot com slash inside of you.

Patreon. com slash inside of you. Join Patreon. I'll send you a message, become one of my patrons. Support the podcast. Ryan, where can the folks follow this podcast? At Inside of You Pod on Twitter,

at Inside of You Pod on Facebook and Instagram. That is correct. Um, also you can go to the inside of you online store. You can get some great stuff, mugs, tumblers, smallville merch, bunch of really cool, like, smallville scripts, funkal pops, small of a lunchbox signed by me and Welling, lots of cool stuff. I'm also on the cameo and, uh, also go to sunspin.com if you want to need cool band merch and if you want to get a Zoom with me, you can do that there. We had a great guest today, Rahul Kohli. Rahul Kohli. Rahul Kohli.

i think i said that right i love this guy i love having him on uh he was in this amazing show that mike flanagan directed called midnight mass he's constantly working um as he should he was just so open and honest in this interview and i think you guys are really going to enjoy this one i certainly hope so because i did rooh thank you man thank you for uh thank you for being open and cool i hope we get to hang some time because i really like this guy um you got anything else up your sleeve? No, just on my face. Just on your face, man. You get the mustache. I woke up today and I chose joy. That's what happened. You chose joy. That's right. Good for you. That's right. You deserve joy in your life. I'm starting to agree. I don't think your girlfriend likes the mustache that much,

does she? She was... Indifference. Indifferent. But I chose joy for me. Good. Keep it. Keep it going. Be the new Ryan. I think I will. All right. Without further ado, let's get inside of Rahul Kohli. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. You're loving the collectibles. Yeah. Now, do you, I saw something on Instagram. We were looking.

Okay. And you were painting these tiny figurines. What was it? So are you a collector? I mean, I kind of, yeah. like I definitely buy statues and these hot toy figures

of Star Wars and like Lego so I've always been like that but um and sideshow I guess that's like a that's from side show is it looks for me uh Raiders of the Lost Ark well as in the company side show Oh is that what's called side show The ones who like who sell

I was like side show what the fuck is But um I on top of that I paint or make model kits or I've got into painting miniatures, building these things called Gundams, which are like Japanese mecks. I'm always, it basically, it stemmed from my own kind of cheap therapy when I was really struggling as an actor and basically couldn't even get a line in a soap opera. It was mainly commercials and background work. How old ago was that? going from the start when I left drama school I did I went to amateur drama school for a few years I got out at like 20 and then I didn't book I zombie which was my first role for what was that that would have been I was 28 so it's eight years wow yeah so in those in that eight year period um I the thing is is and we're already deep deep diving into something political here well yeah I I would get

get seen for a lot because it's a small pool. Diversity worked for me in that respect. And so without very much experience or credit or coming from a reputable agency, I was still going up against Riz Ahmed, which made no sense. But when you look at the pool, it does make sense because if there's six of you, you're still going to get seen. So I was super in the running for things that I had no right to book. so I was constantly busy and having to prep

and getting these monologues or having to meet with these directors and I flunked out of all of them and then it would be Riz or it'd be DeF Patel it'd be the guys that you know were doing the thing and this is pretty taxing on you? Yeah kind of I mean it beats you down

your defeatist the minute you walk through the door you're kind of like Riz is going to get this like you always thought that you're like I'm not going to get this I mean, there were times where the problem with that is like, especially in the early days, I felt like we were interchangeable. So it didn't matter what you represent.

It's like this, for instance. It's like Harrison Ford and Mark Hamill are both straight white actors. You wouldn't cast them in the same roles because they bring a completely different set of skills and charisma and talent to their respective roles. Right. If you were South Asian or you were from a small, diverse, you know, you were representing a community. It didn't matter what you brought.

You were being seen for it. So, because it was, you're interchangeable. I understand. Does that make sense? Does that make sense? That's kind of fucked, right? Because the main casting brief is Brown. Right.

So we're all in there. Whether we're six foot four, five foot six, you know and whether you're really funny or you're really straight and dry so you're doing everything and is that a good thing i mean it definitely sharpened my skills because from week to week you know one second i'm auditioning for a terrorist the next i'm auditioning for the the kind of uh gay best friend and then the next week i'm auditioning for this i'm like and it it never had it never settled so i wasn't put it the box i was put in was brown but I wasn't put in a characteristic box.

Right. And so, yeah, like there were sometimes I'd see something and I'd go, oh, okay, according, if I ignore their ethnicity, this stuff I can do, this is me, this is what I bring to something, I think. So there would be times where I'd feel more confident going into that than I would say I'd look at a Riz or I'd look at Dev and go, oh, I could do that probably better off at the gate than they could.

Yeah. But it didn't matter. I never got them anyway. Did you feel like it was like sometimes it's just a waste of your time? Yeah, there was definitely a defeat, especially with the big stuff. The big stuff. What's the worst? In terms of how much time you spent on an audition,

what's the longest you spent working on an audition and didn't get even considered? It happened recently. I've deleted the tweet because I was like, am I allowed? Is this ND-Aid? But I auditioned for Lord of the Rings, the new Amazon show. Yeah. And I read three or four times to no avail. And how much material? I mean, it was a monologue. So it wasn't a huge amount, but it was, I remember doing a tape in L.A., doing another tape, flying into London to do it in person. But that was fine. I mean, it's a big show. But prior to that, I mean, I had already done I zombie. I hadn't met Mike yet. We hadn't done Blind Manor. Mike Flanagan, yeah. but prior to that prior to iZambi the worst audition i had led to me booking i zombie so i had this

it was a really weird day i got uh the night before you get the call and that's also how you know you're probably not going to book it is when it's a decent role and they call you the night before you're like i wonder if everyone else was called less than 12 hours to prepare right we need you they need you tomorrow they need this in this is a big role you have a job you have a opportunity. I'm like, why are they rushing at the last minute? Uh, because, uh, they can't find the right guy. Yeah. Yeah. Or so and so won't do it. Yeah. Or that, yeah, or the guy that they, yeah, the guy they want, it's up in arms, right? They're scheduling issues. We got to, you know, maybe pat it out a little bit. I can't do that, though. I can't the night before, memorize a bunch of lines and

go in. I need a couple of days. Sure. I need a couple of days. What about you? Do you do that? I'm good. You're good for the night before. I'm good for. I had to be. I was out of like, that Like I said, that period of time, and just before I move on to that actual addition, that's why I started doing hobbies, because I was super busy, super busy, couldn't really hold down a job because it got to the point where I was asking for so much time off and shift changes when I was working in retail. It became a problem. So I remember booking one commercial that was like the first decent amount of money I made.

It was like 10 grand. and I was like I'm quitting like that's it I've made my million so I quit my full-time job I was sorry my retail job to full-time audition what year was this this would have been 2010 2011 so not that long ago no no not that long ago I zombie happened 2014 so I get the so that's how like to stay creative to I'm a bit of a psychopath so like I needed something to like calm down and meditate and and be okay with just sitting at home sometimes on days where you didn't have an audition or whatever. And I got into model making. I got into just painting and airbrushing and I'd get a little money from a commercial or background work. I'd buy myself some equipment to some tools.

And it was like, this will last me for the rest of the month. This is, it's an expensive hobby, but if you invest right, it can become quite cheap and it can self-sustain and you just have your paints and you can always just sit your table. Yeah, it sounds like you might be saving a lot of money therapy right exactly and it does it helps me to chill it just helped me to like to sit down like the the old ways of i'm you know i'm english so drinking and getting into fights and pubs to let out

whatever audition went bad it's just not you know it's not healthy so like yeah i went i found a very kind of like it didn't require anyone i could do it any time of the day i didn't need anything from anyone and i was able to just think about stuff but uh we have art night we haven't done in a while but I have an art night at my house because I'm terrible I'm not going to criticize myself because it's not something I want to excel in or become it's not something I'm passionate about or I want to make money off of or it's like be all end all but it's something that in therapy that they recommended for me because I was always afraid of it of you know colorblind and I'm colorblind are you yeah yeah I can't differentiate what we got to talk red green green green red green uh blue I mean a lot of colors

just blend together. I can't differentiate them. That's crazy. But Art Night sort of it's just, it relaxes me. Within like five or ten minutes I'm just drawing. I'm just doing the task at hand. I'm just focused on something else other than myself

other than all these superficial things. And so it did help me along with therapy and other things like that. But that was your therapy. Absolutely. I mean like if you I'm emotional and there's a lot going on all the time and it's itself it's self inflicted it's me in my brain and it's me

pushing things to a side and not dealing with them immediately so they pile on later and so there's a lot of noise and then there's this moment when you take all of your energy and mental power like people have recommended meditating and you just you sit down and you zone out I can't do that the brain goes even faster it's it's worse and it spirals and snowballs so I found like with the miniatures which I now bring to set so I bring them whenever I travel because they're small when I can take a travel case. You just have them in your trailer. Yeah, or in my hotel rooms in

fucking Vancouver. How long will you spend any given time on them? It just depends. Like I can focus on one, I don't say I was doing a sword for instance and I was like, I haven't painted it yet. It could take it, I could do it for an hour and then jump in the shower and go to dinner or I could decide

today I'm going to do a lot more and get a lot more of it done or a few of them done. So it's just, it's easy to pick up pause come back whatever um and then i find like it it if i fall for it every time i sit down i could be in any kind of pissed off state or whatever or emotional i start you know you wet your brushes and you start yeah i'm not in the mood i'm not in the fucking i don't do it and then before you know it you haven't thought about anything for the last 45 minutes except what's in front of you and it's this big and you're like oh yeah here

we go i haven't had a cigarette i don't need food i haven't had anything and i haven't thought about whatever it is that was crushing on my shoulders so it's become my little escapism wow yeah so the audition that came the night before was for 24 the london's edition like whenever he was whenever he was whenever jack bow was in london right and i got the call and it was like sides would be provided to you uh at the at the at the room in the rooms So they know you're going to cold read. Yeah. Yeah, they knew.

And that was what was agreed. There's something, there's a relief that you get if it's like, hey, you're going to read it when you get there like everybody else. You don't have to memorize this. Because it can be shit. Yeah. Oh, my God. You already know there's a safety net of shitness because they've set up the terms. So you're pretty much reading it.

Yeah. You're reading the lines and trying to look up here and there. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I get there and it's a Friday. I remember this so fucking clearly. It was really sunny in London for February or whatever it was.

And I get there. and I realized there's no sides, and there was a fuck-up. My team, or the casting director, didn't send the sides to my team. So my team assumed that sides would be provided to me. So the casting director was like, oh, you weren't sent the materials. No. Okay, took responsibility that there was a fuck-up, and then was like, well, let me get them for you.

We won't see you just now. Have a few minutes to familiarize yourself with the text. I still feel like, okay, this is special treatment. She understands that we've had a bit of an issue here or whatever. I get in the room and I start doing the read and she doesn't like my read. And it kind of spirals into a bad audition with someone's energy being impatient with me. And I wanted to be like, yo, like step the fuck off. You know the parameters.

You know what's happened. Why am I being treated like this? So, obviously, the audition was a flop. I leave. And that felt, I was the worst I felt because it was almost like, it wasn't. It was out of your control. Yeah, it was out of my control, but I still ate shit. And it was just this moment of then getting another, a 45 minute train back home on my, you know, I'm approaching my 30s.

I've made no headway in this industry. And I feel shit. I feel, and I'm the butt of the joke around the community and friends and family and stuff like that. you are or you think you are i felt like i was with certain people i definitely was and it was like you know you're like he's like it's a it's like 37 year old still practices with his band thinks he's going to make it that's how it sort of felt at like 28 29 or 28 i'm 49 and i'm 49 and i'm still no you're gonna make it i promise no but no honestly i don't ever again it's it's a passion for me i don't i don't expect to be famous from it or become rich from it

i do it because i really enjoy it's what you get out it's what i get at it absolutely so that's why yeah but continue that's yeah it everything like i've had worse auditions but for some reason that day everything it just hit me on this walk and i was like i'm not doing this no more i can't you're going to be done with acting i was done how old are you at this point 27 28 27 28 and that was the i was done you're not you're not in the you're not really in the room it's fake it's like a ponzi skit's it's something's something's fakes going on you're never really reading and you're never really in contention you can feel it you have to like i don't know what home run i'd have to hit in order to to bump out of this glass ceiling but i'm i've wasted so much time

i need a new avenue and i so so i rang my then uh agent and was like i'm fucking done and uh i was pacing back and forth at the train station i was like i'm done the way i was just spoken to even though it wasn't my fault, I can't keep taking this, like, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. That's brave even to say that to your agent who's like, you know, they want you to have confidence and have passion for this. I don't think they cared because they weren't like super high up. They were mainly commercial agent and they really booked a lot of, like commercials. So it wasn't like I was with United or someone who, you know, they, they,

They were kind of like, oh, all right. Like, it wasn't like a big deal. Oh, I was having a breakdown. Yeah, exactly. Well, and they knew I'd come back or something. I don't know. Maybe we all do it at some point. Yeah.

Yeah. So they were like, well, you know, hold that thought. Take the weekend. I'm sorry that you had a bad time. In the meantime, we have just got an audition for you for a pilot for Rob Thomas. It's called I-Zombie. This happened at the same time. At the same train station.

Acting. Yeah, 100%. And they said, I-Zombie. zombie and I was like sound shit it sounds terrible what does it mean is a fucking app what is this like and they were like it's a comic book

it's a pilot for the CW I was like okay cool whatever and they sent the sides and I looked at it and I attacked it in a way I wouldn't have attacked it that weekend I attacked it in a point to prove way that I was

capable that I had something to offer that I that I could do this do I like I'm not just filling in the numbers what was it what did you do I just I don't know I just studied in a way I never studied before I drew I drew lines like when you you know when you sketch out an audition and the character I feel like sometimes it's sometimes it's in like light pencil if that makes sense and other times you ink it yeah and you walk in and it's and they're like whoa and it could work for you or against you right but for some reason it was It was inked.

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Bombas customers have powered over 150 million donations. So Bombas would like to thank you 150 million times, but we only have like 30 seconds. Go to Bombas.com and use code audio for 20% off your first purchase. That's BOMBAS.com and use code audio at checkout. You sort of had, I've had this, but it's a really. rare thing when you just you're sort of like fuck it rarely do we ever say fuck it we care too much we need it we've got to get the stakes are high we need to make money we need to impress people improve ourselves and and and you were at a position where you were like I'm gonna fucking quit

anyway and then I got this and you know what fuck it who gives a fuck yeah you had this for certain mentality your energy was just what do I have to lose exactly there was no stakes anymore I didn't need to book this pilot. It was done. Like, who, Rob Thomas, okay, cool. I've met other showrunners or audition for them. Who cares? Right.

I don't care. All I care about right now is going in and fucking knocking an audition out of the park because I feel like it because I need it for me. I need it for my confidence. I don't need the job. Right. I just want to make some noise. And I hit it that weekend in a way I never hit it before.

And this was a really, I've said this before in something, but it's a really, really good note for other actors about their auditions if they're watching i couldn't wait to perform it and i hadn't felt like that in a long time like show and tell usually you're afraid of it yeah and i was like i can't wait to fucking monday what time two o'clock can't wait because i knew it was good and i knew i put work into it and i get to the audition i remember the character brief it said highly caffeinated that was the character brief this character is scotty he's a highly caffeinated medical examiner.

Scotty? Scotty from Star Trek. He's that kind of like, he's the brains and he's a little bit bigger than life and all of this stuff. So I get it, I get it ready. I get up on its feet. I remember like showing it to my family and stuff like that and they liked it.

I've never done that before. Wait, you showed them your audition? I've never done that before. Wow. Yeah. Because it was this big monologue. It was the opening scene that the, it's one of the, it's the first time the character gives basically exposition.

who they are, where they're from, what's going on, and they found out that the characters are zombie or whatever. So it's this big, big chunk of dialogue. And on the train ride to, like, Central London, I started to doubt myself. And I was like, audition's too big. You're too big. You're too caffeinated.

Dial it back. And by the time I've walked to the front door of the audition, the cast and directors place, I've talked myself out of doing it. what you wanted to do yeah as big and fast as i could do it so i started to dial it back and this is the the best thing that's ever happened to me in my entire fucking life where my career's concerned the room i sat in i chose a seat randomly i sat here and the cast and directors assistant's computer was there okay and everyone was in the room and we're all sitting there and it's every

brown dude from england we're all looked the same and we're all sitting there and i could see on her screen she was cutting together other tapes and I could see multiple tapes and they were playing people that she liked or she was just cutting together auditions right and none of them even though I couldn't hear audio none of them were moving and I was like oh shit none of them are highly caffeinated no one's got any big energy everyone's brought it down you could see from their energy during their tape they're like this and they're just and you're like everybody's doing this everyone's doing it So I went, fuck that, go back, do, do what you could do, do it fast. It doesn't matter if you trip up, do it.

So being able to see a computer, I was like, all right, I'm going to do what's on the brief. So this computer saved you. Yeah. Like seeing this. Yeah. Because I wouldn't have done it that way. I would have, I talked to myself out of it. I was like, it's too big.

You're going too fast. It's not, it's not right. And I could see the screen. And then like I said, I could see everyone else's energy without even hearing the dialogue was wrong. I go in the room, name, Roel Coley. Cool. Age, Duda, slate. sit down bang i hit it the minute it starts and i and i i didn't trip and i got through the two

pages of this this fucking dialogue i remember the cast note to sat back and she went have you auditioned for me before and i was like i don't know maybe she's like how long have you been doing this for i was like eight years and she's like where have you been and i remember her saying that and then i felt this like adrenaline rush and i was like oh shit she likes me she likes me she goes do you have a green card like are you passport valid and everything so your heart starts pounding and i was like uh yeah i do she was like wow okay cool uh well thank you so much we'll speak you later day later rob thomas had notes come back in gives me a different scene i do it now it's wednesday i do that scene friday i signed the contract i got the one of the lead roles in i zombie

one week from the 24 audition seven days and one week from the worst audition of your life where you thought, I'm done. And a week later, your life has changed. You had more money than I'd ever signed for. It wasn't great. Obviously, it's starting wage on a... It's better than retail, probably, right? Absolutely.

Signed for a pilot, never shot one before. I had more dialogue in scene one of I zombie than I had in the previous eight years and everything I'd done, even in student films. Were you nervous about getting the role? Were you nervous about being on film and actually doing this? And like, this is your first job and look at all the work I have to do? Oh yeah. Yeah. I went hard. They started the pilot. I was one of the last people cast because they had trouble finding the character. Sorry, the actor. So they had already had cast dinners. So I didn't even get the easing. You get to meet everybody and kind of how they're like, oh, who's this guy? Let's see what he can do. Yeah. And I, Rob was so impressed with the tape. I bypassed all network, auditions, screen tests, chemistry, everything. Everything else that all my other. castmates who were established went through i didn't do any of them it was that tape and then i found

myself on a phone call with rob who just sort of spoke to me about the character i went away for three weeks studied like a madman showed up on set and they had given me 12 pages on my first day how long did you have to learn them i had about three weeks i knew i knew i knew and they weren't changing the lines weren't changing no no no no rob robs them in they're very few rewrites right um rob rob rob thomas is super prepared like so but like I said first scene of the day even though we were shooting about four or five in the morgue my first one was more dialogue than I'd ever been able to handle before and then on for some reason on my I think it was a Friday was my first day in Vancouver I'd never even left I hadn't been on this side of the Atlantic so there's a lot of new things

going on flew business class staying at the Sutton I'm like what the fuck's get those headphones from the CW nice new headphones with a with a card that says welcome I never got fucking headphones you didn't get headphones for small bill no i was on their network for fucking i did so many shows for them and i got any i mean i might have got a jacket once i think that's the only time i ever it set the bar and then everyone i've worked with like netflix just gave me essential oils for the house well well didn't you do well you also did uh bligh manner yeah for netflix yeah they gave me what do they give us i can't i know that usher was the essential oils we got midnight mass for netflix midnight mass for netflix yeah but the the headphones was the best that

thing I ever got. They were like high quality earbuds better than I had and it was a welcome card and it's never been as good as that since but my first day on I zombie 12 pages, 11 pages for some dumb reason

DC comics were there. It was their day to visit the set. And it's your first day? Chris Robertson and his wife and child the creator of the comic book was also there with DC in VideoVille Rob and all the producers and some CW executives

were all in on day one. I mean, how do you fucking do that? I would have a nervous wreck. You like... What did you do? What did you do? You kill it. Are you doing your figurines?

At that point? I'm just sitting there just rapidly painting to calm down. What's you doing over there? I don't know. Honestly, when someone's stuck, when you pushed into a corner like that, it's awesome, man.

You don't push baby in the corner. You fight back. You fight back. Yeah. And I hit it hard again. It was just like, it was another one it was it's the most strength i've ever shown and i haven't tapped into that since like i'm back to being this coward lazy bastard but like for some reason whoever that guy was

for a few weeks changed my life i'm still trying to find him again well you can't be that lazy when you're working with mike flanagan you what i know for mike flanagan i've talked to him i've talked to kate seagull yeah his wife who's been in everything um when you watch these shows you know that you're going to get monologues and he's not cutting away no it's on you and that is a lot of pressure for an actor i've talked about this before yeah but you it seems like you cannot be lazy you have to do more work when you work for mike flanagan than anybody else it seems like well you do and then he'll keep hiring you so you can be like like he like if you likes you right then you get the call and he's like hey i wrote this character for you

I mean, there's nothing more awesome to, like, get the call when you're like, oh, when are we shooting? And then the deal comes through. But did you have any idea when you got to set that you're like, oh, my God, he wants a winner? Yeah. He would tell you? He does. I mean, he's for sure the actor's director. Yeah.

A hundred percent. And he spools you. And he's given me, I'm going to blame him. He's made me badly behaved towards other. I've become impatient because I'm like, why aren't you giving me notes like Mike? Why are you not telling what's going on? And I've managed to put a lid on it,

but it's definitely there because I've been spoiled with the last two years. What is it about Mike's direction? Is he specific? Extremely specific? He's like a fucking surgeon, man. It's like he knows, he's a people person.

He's got wonderful social skills. And I think that's probably one of the most important things for direct is communication, right? I think most of our frustrations come from communication. And Mike, what works for me, won't work for you, won't work for them, won't work for that. And Mike knows exactly what everyone likes. He knows that this person needs a sit down.

Codling. Yeah. This person needs to be a jab in the wrist. This person uses to be like, fuck off, you got it. Let's go. Yeah. And he does that. So everyone gets this like different version of Mike.

I can get over, I don't know, like I don't like overly long notes. And like I'm not, we haven't yet. But even when we've had character meetings, because he likes to meet with you and break down the character before they usually derail into like talking about Star Wars we don't talk about the character we just have fun so he kind of already got the idea that he doesn't he's not going to sit there he's just fun he wants he supports you he wants you to do great so just come and do great everybody's good have a good time so his notes tend to be with me bullet points we'll do a scene and then Michael come over and it'll take me aside and he's like and it's as

concise as it can be it's almost like yeah what if it wasn't and you go go and it just it's the like it's the opposite thing you were thinking of yeah and it changes the day and you're and then he disappears like a fucking magician and you're like what if it wasn't I hadn't considered it if it being the other way and then you do it and then it's and I love that I love that he doesn't he doesn't crowd me he doesn't he doesn't try to school me he he's so encouraging and um but we we started with blind manner which was I didn't know I knew Mike's I'm not a horror fan

I'm a die hard hard I'm a look around you Evil Dead post Yeah The thing aliens Friday the 13th Yeah yeah that's not me I hadn't watched anything I hadn't watched the Shining

When I met him Have you seen it now Yeah Because he did a screen in the doctor's sleep Yes I was like oh I should watch the first Did you like the shining Yeah

You didn't love it I had issues Would you have issue Oh let me guess The issue is Jack became too evil too fast he was he was a psycho in the interview

oh he was kind of like yeah he was like it starts with him and he's like he's going to kill his fam like in the in the in the job interview had been like well the guy does look at him and go oh mr torrance there is one more thing

there was a man he came up here with his family he was the caretaker he was a good man no one ever had a problem with him but somewhere along the line he had what some people get it's called cabin fever and he he chopped his daughters up with an axe

and blew his brains out with a shotgun. Well, that's terrible. But yes, he got, he gets, he's there already. He's got those eyes. But there's also a great line. We're, uh, I'm just a nerd, but what's her name? Shelly DeLong comes in, the room. And she goes, Jack, Jack, someone's here at the hotel.

They hurt Danny. And he just looks at it and goes, you out of your fucking money. mind. It just always killed me. Yeah. I thought it was brilliant. It's brilliant. Who am I to sit here and slag off Kubrick?

But I got to watch it. Like I said, I mean, I watched it and I had some issues with it. I did feel like, I mean, no one's ever going to trust me where talking about Mike's work's concern. But it felt like Dr. Sleep was a really cool firmware update that kind of like patched some of the things I had issues with when I saw. Oh, I thought it like, I mean, I'm, I think I have an understanding that King really liked Dr. Sleep too because he felt like it patched some of his issues. Right, right. Because he had major problems with The Shining. Yeah. Major problems in Kubrick. So, but I had to do like, I don't know, a whole lifetime's worth of like getting used to horror. So the first thing, so I booked Blind Manor and I wasn't like offered it or anything. I just finished I zombie and I was scared. You probably watched haunting of Hill House that Mike did as research. As research, right.

I booked it first. So I knew of the Hill House because of that oneer, that episode. Like I remember it being like going viral on Twitter and did you know that this is five scenes stitched together and that's the whole episode. So I knew it from a from a filmmaking point of view, but I didn't, I never watched it. Was that the one in the funeral home? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Because that episode became like well known just like, I remember the. making off was posted on on twitter so that's how i was aware of it um but i i zombie finished and then it's the you know can you make magic happen again and book another role can you book role number two because that lasted for five years right um and i was terrified uh you were terrified of what not having a show of what's next what's next where do i go you saved your money and you know you I thought I went mental. Are you a partier? I was. You were a partier. When you say party, drugs, alcohol, not drugs. I was never really on the drug scene. I, I'd never lived away from home and I'd never really had disposable income. And I zombie shot in Vancouver. By the way,

a lot of our crew were ex-smorville. Oh, man. Scott Graham was a line producer. Oh, I love Scott. He still owes me money, yeah. He does. He owes me money on a hockey game. We said that, you know, the Rangers had a better record at the end of the season than the Maple Leafs. $1,000. He owes me $1,000.

Scott Graham. He never paid me back. That's fucked up. It's fucked up, it is. And it wasn't like the guy was poor. He's, he's on Riverdale now. Is he? Yeah.

So I'll find him. Yeah. I'll find him. I love him. That tall, lanky bastard. I know. But go ahead. So about the, so about being in Vancouver.

Yeah. And, yeah, so like, just so you know, whenever we were doing a zombie, the prop truck had the S logo because it was marked So it was all X Smallville because it's got right So I always felt this closeness to you guys Because you were the benchmark Because everyone spoke so highly of Smallville while we were shooting Oh man we had a good time

It could be intense Sure It could be very intense doing 22 episodes a year Fucking up in Vancouver and it's raining all the time And it's gray skies as you know Which probably prompted you to drink It did it did it did it does and it's it's yeah super privileged problems i get it but you know

it what turned into like uh blow off sleep friday turns into a tuesday wednesday friday saturday so you you drink a lot heavily heavily every day yeah like how what's heavily like what's one day of drinking i mean it wasn't like five eight beers oh no it would have been like uh i would do half a bottle of jameson half a bottle of jameson and then and then like vodka sodas along you can drink that much i was at that time i'm a lightweight now and you're like 32 at this point yeah i was between 28 and yeah 28 and 33 was the and you could still learn all your lines do all your shit come prepared be a pro i couldn't keep the weight off though Inside of You is brought to you by Patreon.

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19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Golden Nuggett Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. Yeah, I saw on Twitter you were very brave And you put a before and after picture of like him ripped up And before you were a little you know, you're a little pudgy You weren't like you know, I was a big boy

I don't think you were a big boy You were just a little overweight Yeah, a little sloppier Yeah, yeah And then you were like in shape yeah But to show that it's kind of like I have times I'm like I hope nobody sees me But you've kind of like put it out there

That's nice It's I yeah I mean like I guess it's it but some people can still misinterpret that because they're like well you know they everyone thinks that they have such a misconception of what we do how much money we make and how much studio help you have so i think public perception is as well of course if you're on a marvel show or you're this they have the the farm and everything's taken care i could get into shape and it's like no i was just fat i needed to be in shape for mike's thing so he asked you to be in shape for it no it was just a choice i thought it was unprofessional

of me to show up on set in that shape for that character it wasn't that the character was ripped for the sheriff or a blind manner for usher

oh this is new yeah the fall of the house of usher yeah yeah I just wasn't in actor's shape I think there's a level of like shape

we I'm 36 years old I shouldn't be showing up to set like that yet I'm sure there'll be one day where I'll happily just be they'll be like

fuck you know that's what we need and they're not going to say anything but that's not the it's not the world that i'm in right now and it's not what i and i i mike's relationship with myself he's definitely taken me under it feels like he's taking me under his wing slightly well kate says the kids call you rubble rubble yeah i mean they love you right they got they're living in a pixel movie their kids are straight out of a pixel movie they're break like as soon as you see them and talk to them you feel like she was like he loves kids he loves kids love him yeah you want want to have kids? Absolutely. You do? Yeah, absolutely. I feel like the job, right now,

any type of responsibility is tough because I'm approaching. I just got, I was about to say bad news, I'm going to get trash for this, a show that I auditioned for. There was a, I did a pilot recently and it's not Mike. It was like my team were like, hey, you should maybe think about also collaborating with other people and i'm like no um but then they had this they had this pilot and it was it was great um and here's the selling point uh decent money shoots in l a when do you ever fucking hear that and i was like i'm going to shoot in los angeles at this point i did five years in vancouver then i did bly manna and a couple of others midnight mass usher they're all vancouver yeah so i'm approaching nine years this is my night

sound like me yeah we could have made supernatural or smallville together i did seven years of smallville i did two years of imposter i did a movie there so i'm about nine nine in the nine years yeah yeah and i kicked myself because like i've never known that i was going to be there that long like maybe on smallville you guys knew you you were coming back right or were you not really they always said well we don't know we don't know but yeah they never gave us like a like all of a sudden Supernatural picked up for two more seasons already and this is picked up for another right they never did that with us oh so you're the same yeah we're the same we were the bubble we found out the night before the upfronts

every year that's so disrespectful just fucking come on like you know you've moved you've packed yeah you've left you've come back to your place and you're going they want to put you in your place they want you to know that you think that's what I is powerful and you're not and they'll give you'll tell you when you're working and you know don't ask for more money you're lucky to be that we're getting picked up and I don't know. I feel like that sometimes. It probably is. You look back at it and people go to you, oh man, you should have bought a property when you're out there.

Why would I bought a fucking property on a show called I-Zombie that had a point two in the Nielsen ratings and was a bubble show that had one billboard in five years on sunset. And that was the marketing budget. Why would I have ever considered, this has got legs? This is going to fucking go. I'm going to buy a property. of course I pissed it away and I didn't care and I was like living to every year was a goodbye every year we said goodbye to the crew we said goodbye to each other and then May

the up fronts you would hear apparently they gave rob a call and said we might be coming back and then so you're always rebooking that show and then moving back out so it's a fucking upheaval you I've lived in you live in a different apartment every time

with the same fucking leasing agents trying to get a furnished plate We're all just interchanging. Yeah. One's over there in Yale Town and then the other one's over. You're just doing the same shit. Just mix it up. Yeah, just mix it up.

And then when I auditioned, I got out of that, when I auditioned for Bly Manor, it was England, I believe, was the audition. And I was like, okay, I'll work at home. I'll go back on work. And I book it from a tape that I just did. And I got the part of Bly Manor, and then my agent called me, and she was giggling. You're going back. You're going back to Vancouver.

And I was fucking done by the end of I zombie, which was February. Oh, man. And this was August, I want to say. I got the call. And I was like, okay, it's fine. It's a good job. It's Mike Flanagan. It's Netflix.

I'll be fine. And I went up there. And then on my first day, Mike kind of did this size up thing and said something that made me feel like, oh, I'm being sized up for something else. And then he did it again. and then he asked me something another time he was like how old do you reckon you could play like how was the max you reckon you could

legitimately play and I was like in late 30s early 40s and he's like okay and at some point I reached out to Mike and I was like what's going on and he was like let's have a meeting and I flew back to LA and sat down with him and he pitched me midnight mass in November so I'd only worked on him he only directed the pilot a blight

so I only saw you for the pilot a blight and then offered you the part from midnight mass yeah and he was like can you do an american accent i was like nope but that didn't matter you didn't know i've never done one kinder it was perfect thanks man yeah i know i didn't know you were english no i never never done one and like oh we lost that we didn't have a dialect because of covid because we were the first show back so you learned on your own yeah well i had one on zoom but i didn't want one on set mike was mike would come back and go it's car and i'd go oh shit because he he was helping me because you say car I go car, yeah, the sheriff.

There's one scene where the sheriff does just speak English and goes, Sturge, all right, yeah, well, we've had a brown out. Every time I watch that scene, I'm like, why didn't I even fucking attempt? But yeah, he offered me that, and I knew it was Vancouver. And I was like, okay, I mean, the show is fucking phenomenal. The pitch was amazing. I wanted so badly to play this sheriff. And we were going to, he was like, you're going to have three weeks.

You're going to wrap Bly. you're going to have three weeks prep. So he tells me this in November. He's like, yeah, you're going to have three weeks prep. We go straight into Midnight Mass. So I was talking to my team and I was like, well, I'll be done by June. And like, it's basically like almost one show. I went from here, a Bly Manor to Midnight Mass without a break.

I can keep the same apartment. It's kind of like, you know, it's easy. This is a gentle, I'm staying. So, and the only thing Mike told me in November was, was, put on weight because I was too slim and I was slim in Bly Manor and we wanted to look a bit bigger

in age and bit daddy so bit weathered he's been there he's dealing with life he's dealing with the son's bullshit yeah yeah and like we figured I figured like you know weight makes you look older

and there's no gym on the island maybe you're a doughy sheriff now that used to be a you know a fit NYPD cop so basically it was fat Jason Momoa I remember the first conversation we had was like long hair I had the scar, beard, we were going for an earthy look.

So from... You do look older in it. Yeah. I mean, a lot older. It's crazy. Because you have some grays. Yeah, they put them in and... Put some gray and stuff.

But what happened was, I put on 30 pounds for mass of fat. Wow. Literally midnight mass. Midnight mass. Oh, yeah. And I did it the bad way. Because again, this isn't Marvel. I was eating McFlurries.

I was eating donuts. Not healthy. No. So I got really bad health issues. So what happened was I get fat in blind manner. You can half see it. If you start watching the back end, I'm like the apron's like, it's fucking tight. And I'm doing it.

I'm doing it. Because I've got three weeks, man. Three weeks to get this guy up on its feet. And we get it up on its feet. I'm now 30 pounds heavier. And then we have a table read of all fucking seven episodes of Midnight. All seven? In one day?

Never done that. That's exhausting. Yeah. Oh, my God. That's like seven hours. Check the date March 11th, 2020. So we hear rumors about this COVID thing's fucking weird, isn't it? It's a bit more serious than we thought.

We've all flown in from different places. We're sitting in this tiny room in an office, 17 of us or whatever, just like, all right, are we doing the next scene? and like that's the room and we're like this is fucking weird and on the day after I got a call from Trevor Macy who's our producer and he was like go home we're taking a two week break because of this COVID lockdown we're all on flights within an hour or two back to LA and then we didn't shoot mass until August July

and in that time so what turned into two weeks turned into like five months but now you have to keep on that way that's exactly what happened and I was waking up in the middle of night vomiting stomach acid swear to God it was like reflex or whatever

yeah I'd like because I was still trying to keep it on and I couldn't it wasn't my frame I remember I'd go to sleep and just be like and they would be like down me it'd be in the bed and like I spoke to Mike and I was like I can't do this and I remember I had a conversation

with Kate and also my best friend who was a consultant or Midnight Master who's our Islamic consultant and being brown and like she was like you're a Kate was Kate's been amazing for me but she she was like you're a leading man why are you making it hard for them to see that she was like be the best version of yourself on camera make the sheriff hot lose the way get do whatever and I was like they're right and

even my my best friend who I said was the consultant he was like man I want to see the hot Muslim sure why can't we have a like why can't you be the guy be the guy don't be fat Jason Mamoa be the guy so i sent mike a picture of joel from the last of us the video game and i was like what do you think of this instead this is around juneish like a couple months before we started filming and he was like i love it do that so i had to lose it all for no reason so i lost it all got and your health got what got better yeah i still get acid reflux even now really yeah that's never gone so even now i'm like i get it when i have like cheeseburgers before i go to bed yeah it's got it can't be late i can't be late that's the thing you got hours earlier stop it yeah you never

had that ryan really you don't want that i now get nervous if it's a late night snack i'm like i don't want to have this at night i don't want to almost die no how how did you quit the drinking or how did you slow down how did you stop doing five days a week i zombie stopped i zombie you stopped it for the work as soon as the show was over it stopped i've never drank like that since what so what do you What was the meaning behind drinking, being alone, being in Vancouver? Being alone, being in Vancouver, being on that show, dealing with work politics. You were depressed? Yeah.

You were depressed and alcohol was a... Blime off steam partying, just partying. And I wasn't like an alcohol. I didn't feel like I was an alcoholic. I didn't have a problem. But then, I don't know, you look back at it and you're like, fucking hell, we used to polish off a lot of drinks. Yeah. You know, and then, you know, and I start hearing back the stories about things I did or places.

I went and I'm like bad parts of town you didn't go to Hastings did you I went to Hastings yeah that's a rough area yeah it's a super rough area gotta be careful on the old Hastings in the Hastings yeah you know yeah but yeah it just

it went with the job early on you said you're an emotional person what does that mean what kind of emotions are you are you someone that cries a lot yeah you do cry a lot everything really every emotion so you you get angry often

yep in the same day as crying so you could lose your shit one day and cry yeah and be happy really and have the best day do you do you like that about yourself or is it something that you're working on so you can control that well i don't like it you're like i don't know because like does it does it work for you is it i i haven't figured it out yet because my mom will tell you that i've always been like that as a kid just the extremities of emotion And then I did need therapy after I was on me, and I tried therapy for the first time. And it felt cliched.

Really? Oh, yeah. Well, it felt cliched to do it because I was like, of course, of course you're now living in L.A. And you're a little London boy and you're sitting there going, I think my granddad was this. And like, so it took a while for me to feel. And I felt like I was doing some really weird shit in therapy. I was so self-aware I felt like I was bullshit in an interview

you're making them like you I've done that where you're just like yeah you know I don't have a problem with that I know yeah you know I'm like so what are you up to this weekend what do you do this isn't this is about you this is about making you better this is about getting all your demons out yeah and once you can sort of relax

into it and stop that bullshit and the truth starts to come out that's when it's therapeutic yeah I never got to that part you never got to that part No, I was still in the performing, trying to get validation, waiting for the therapist to be like, well, I've seen your work and you're a fantastic actor. You're very handsome.

And I felt like I was just trying to manipulate therapy. But what came from it was a mild form of a diagnosis of bipolar. Wow. Called cyclothermia or something. And it was like high, highs, low lows, in between mass spending, mass part. Oh, so she asked you, question she or he she she she asked you all these questions and then said based on your answers

i'm pretty certain you have bipolar or a form of bipolar and i'd like to medicate you did did it freak you out yeah so would you say i had a mistrust especially of american medicine right we don't we don't shove pills down in britain we just go to bars and fight yeah we get out or we go to the football game and you get into a shower level all right the beatles are from here right you nailed it that yeah that was that was the uh yeah so it was it was like she wanted and then the the fucking stupid actors man you hear that and you're like but what if that's my juice right what if that's what makes you you makes me me and i go on set and i can hit a 10 like no one else going to hit a 10 in emotion what if that's if it's my disease like as long i think the key is as long as your lows

aren't so low where it becomes dangerous for you right and that's why you have to have sort of a mid level some kind of homeostasis for sure yeah yeah otherwise you know it's like because the highs can be wonderful right and the lows can just be like dismal you're like I don't want to be here absolutely so what do you do I don't feel like the lows ever got there to a certain degree it's it's I'll have bad days I want to quit I I don't want to leave the house, so I won't shower for three, four days. Like, that can happen. Yeah.

But it's controlled. I'm all right. I don't feel like I'm in danger to myself. I don't get abusive with my loved ones or anything like that. Are you somehow like aware of it? Like you're going through it. I feel like shit. I feel like shit.

You're like, but I have bipolar. So just be aware of it. I am now. You are now. So that was beneficial. Before it was just part of the charm, right? Before it's just I am what I am. I just killed in a midnight mass.

I'm awesome. But it was like you would just. it would be kind of like kind of just put down to something whimsical like he didn't eat I mean he's a Scorpio or he's you know whatever he's being sassy because someone said something to him on Twitter but then when I got that kind of like early diagnosis I it does now I'm more open about it with people so I'll be like I'm I'm I'm having a downward one I'm cool and it's worked so so i'm in control i never took medicine or anything so yeah so i feel fine um will you work out a lot i it depends for the job for the role yeah but don't you think that

like does it help you because i've talked about this with other people but working out helps the mind it helps the body helps all that so you're less depressed or with someone with bipolar it doesn't really affect that i don't feel like it that would be a question for other people i think i think i've been in a place since I've been training. I'm definitely worse. I don't know if it's a cure, but there's worse in working out. Yeah, yeah. I think there's a mood change and a bit more pep and less bad days with the gym, but it's not like night and day. It's not like I'll have a bad day and go, you know what I need. I need to do some flies. Right, right. And then I'll be great. It doesn't, it doesn't work like that. But consistent training and looking after your health, of course I feel a better

version of myself and a better worker but um yeah the news i got was that show which is so after midnight mass and then usher vancouver by the way what's the fall of usher about it's a edgar allen yeah it's mike's mike is i don't remember what it was about though it's i think it was the fall of an usher it was about a guy who visits an usher and the usher is got a sister i look really bad i'm in the midst of filming and my research external it doesn't matter as long as you know your part who cares yeah exactly but yeah i mean it's it's it's mike's done it with shirley jackson with the hill house and he did it with um uh henry james with turn of the screw he's he's doing his adapt uh adaptation of edgar allen poe in the fall of the house of usher um wow and um it's it's great i mean we knew he does this thing

where just as you're getting ready to do one job, Mike tells you about the one that's around the corner that he's thinking of you, like, four. Really? Yeah. So I remember Midnight Mass. Once we were kind of up and filming, he was like,

there's this role. Yeah. Fall of House of Usher. And he drops that seed in your life. Do you love when he does that? It's like a little gift, isn't it? Absolutely. What a gift.

He did it on the meeting for Russia. He dropped another one and I was like, really? And then we don't, there's another one after this, maybe yeah and that's what you can't tell what that is sure but yeah he always i feel like he's done that consistently with me which is like you know hey welcome so you know how you feel in how you feeling how you feeling about the character cool by the way here is this other thing for you to

think about and you're like what so but um but yeah so usher's up in vancouver so i flew in but uh as i got to the airport uh lax on thursday they they rang to say congrats show's been picked up this pilot. The only difference is it's not shooting in LA anymore. We're moving production to Vancouver. And I spiraled. I think you should talk to your therapist and get a meds for the bipolar. Do you reckon? No. I don't know what I'm not a doctor. I was a joke because you know, you're going back to Vancouver. Absolutely. Yeah. I feel like Vancouver. Yeah, I need to, I need to address whatever it is about Vancouver. It's, it's, it's, look, we love Canada. I do. I love I love Vancouver.

It's great to visit. And I would say maybe to live, but like it's so gray all the time and rains. It's one of the most beautiful cities in the world. In the world, you have to go to Vancouver. Yeah. For a month. Yeah. But if you want to move there, right, here's the key.

Know that you want to move there. Know that this is what you can expect. This is what you're expected, right? I've somehow moved there for a. decade against my will, that's the issue. And I think it could have been any city. It could have been, it could have been Atlanta. It could have been anywhere in the world. But it's just the fact that it's, it's like a running gag now. And it's like, you know, yeah, it's Vancouver. So I'm, I wrap Usher, I'll leave and pack, come home, stay in LA for a month or two,

and then I'm back up for their autumn winter. Yeah Hollywood problems great You know what You're getting roles That every actor would want It's true Like if I was going up there

To shoot some shitty series I'd be fucking miserable Yeah That's just me Yeah I don't care People say well Well you're working

I don't care If it's not good I don't want to do it Do you want to do work That's not good I don't That's just me It doesn't mean everybody

Some people like to work On shitty shows All for it I'd rather not do that Same Making a point Right But is it any worse than England, though?

No. That's kind of similar. It's the same. Identical. On the weather app, day by day, they just vary a degree or two, and it's the same. So it's where you're from. It's where I'm from, which makes me more angry. Because L.A.

At least the weather's always nice. Oh, God. It is beautiful. And I don't want to be that person, but like, you can't help. When you get out of L.A.X. and it's behind you and shit show's done and you finally

your cab or whatever pulls up outside and you step out and you hit that. Palm trees and blue skies yeah and smog and smog

even smog and you're just like I'll take it yeah the air quality is 20% today I'm like I don't give a fuck no sun's out yeah and it does it changes

my attitude and there's when we did the pilot I remember freaking out and saying things that, again, very privileged problems, but like little things that other people probably don't consider. And I was like, I woke up in my own bed, got changed out of my wardrobe, made a coffee on my coffee machine, got into my car and drove the set. Do you know how fucking precious that is? Like, all I did was wake up in my own space. That was it.

It means a lot. It means a super, yeah, it's a big deal. Yeah. As opposed to what I'm doing on Usher right now, which is waking up in the Sutton. That's depressing. You should have. You should have. You should have.

That's the one year I didn't. But I'm okay with it because it's not as a, it's not as long a commitment. But like being in a hotel room and and FaceTime, you know what I mean? You're just, you're never comfortable in your own skin. You know, you're living out of a suitcase. Constantly ordering food, room service. Room service, yeah. The same shit, the chicken noodle soup and grilled.

cheese sandwich. They still do the chicken noodle seat. They still do that. Oh yeah. I mean, I like them. They were always very kind. It's funny because there's a kid that picked on me back in school. So that was my name. What's it called my alias name that I used? Was chicken noodle soup? No, not chicken noodle. No, it was a chicken noodle. But it was called my name was whatever. And let's let's say for all shits and giggles, it was it was, uh, toggles. My, you know, the guy that picked on me was toggles or toggly. Togley. John Togley was his name. I'm getting open. And my brother was with me at the hotel. And as I walked in the hotel, the guy of the manager looked me, he goes, good morning,

Mr. Togley. And he started laughing because he knew it was the name of the guy that kicked on me in school. So he loved that. It's like, good morning, Mr. Togley. And I forgot. I told him that. And it was just like, but it was a funny moment. All right. It's, by the way, I'm saying you're right. It's Rahul Koli. Koli. Yeah. It's not, Rahul Kohli, yeah. But you say it fast. I do, yeah. But Rahul, is it, Raul?

No, there's an age. Rahul. See, I was right. There you go. Rahul Kohli. Yeah. Kahul Koli. Rahul Koli.

Yeah. This is called shit talking with Rahul Koli. Yeah. These are my patrons. This is the thing called Patreon and my patrons give back to the podcast. Yeah. And they really support it and they're awesome. And some of them get to ask questions.

Go to patreon.com slash inside of you. Right. That's what I am. All right, here we go. Rapid Fire. Oh, wow. Okay. Leanne asks, what is your all-time favorite horror movie?

Well, being that he doesn't watch horror movies. But you got to have one. 28 days later. Does that count? Sure. Yeah, I like that one. Yeah. It was fantastic.

28 days later, and then there was 28 weeks later. Did you like that one? It was all right. It was all right. Michelle Kay, how do you decide which projects to go after? What attracts you to certain ones? Character. Character.

Character. Character. Character. Not even story. character by the how important was it the 9-11 monologue you had in midnight mass how important was that it's a real it was a real uh mike wrote it from an article from a real person yeah someone else's story that was a police officer spoke about working for the nypd uh post 9-11 uh so one of the first things that mic had sent to me along with the scripts was read this article um and it was these

are real things that happened and the suspicion and um oh shit maybe they they they're plan was to infiltrate us and then they flipped and like yeah it was a super important jumping off point was it hard to do that monologue yeah it was one of the toughest days i've ever worked in my entire life was that a couple pages of monologue it was originally five five or six pages it was american accent again never done one before didn't have a dialect coach on set um it was the dayblind manner launched um and it was i was told uh one a slow pushing so i knew it we weren't going to break it up and cut into it so i knew that if i fucked up pronunciations of one word it's staying because we're doing it and mike has a zero adr rule on set how many takes three i think how many pages

five originally i think it was it was longer i think you got cut down a bit there's a good there's a good chunk missing. But did they give you ample time when it's cut down? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you had a couple weeks to... Oh, I mean, I had that. I had that. All the scripts from Mike are done and given to you months before you start production.

Leah S. Loved you in Blind Manor in Midnight Mass. Any stories you could tell us about working with Mark Hamill and Fall of the House of Ovation? It just happened. I know you can't do it, can you? Yeah. It was... I mean, I became an actor because of Star Wars.

You became an actor because of Star Wars. That's it. Did you tell him that? Yeah. What do you say? He said. I've heard that before. He said that I'm glad.

I haven't shared this with anyone. We had our first, my first day was with Mark. And when we got into like, you know, between takes and stuff, you talk and I told him and he sat back. And he was like, really? And I was like, yeah, 11 years old, got the box set and made a decision I wanted to be a part of this world. So I learned the tools to get into this world. And he said, well, I'm glad we. made something that

made you become an actor because I think you're brilliant. And I got very emotional and I was like oh, that, yeah. Did you get emotional? Yeah. Yeah, that's good, 11, like. I can tell you're a little bit almost emotional now remembering it. It's

you did it. You did the thing. It's something validating about setting a goal. And I didn't do the thing because I haven't done Star Wars. I got something a little bit better than that because who's to say you'd ever even got to work with Luke Skywalker, right? And you're talking to the, you're talking to the guy and the guy says, hey, I like you, you're great.

And I'm glad that we set you on a journey. It's better than a role in Booker Boba Fett. Is it, though? I made a promise I'd never talk shit about a Star Wars project live. I won't talk shit, but I will say Mandalorian's a lot better. Mandalorian's fantastic. It's just, you know what it is? It's character, the character you care about more.

I just really cared about the Mandalorian. I care about Little Yoda. Yeah. I care about like the characters. Book of Boba Fett has some great moments. But it's not character driven. I feel like the Boba Fett, we wanted to see a show off, is called The Mandalorian. Yeah.

That's it. I'm just kind of like, wait a minute, Boba Fett. The Mandalorin's kind of like Boba Fett. Let's just keep that. It's Boba Fatt. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Raj, was your family supportive of your choice to pursue an acting career, anyone tried to discourage you along the way? Yes. I was very fortunate. I think my mom was probably the most apprehensive because she knew I was a bit of a fuck up. And like, I don't know if he's got the discipline or the smarts to do this.

So she was nervous for me, but it was from a place of love, not, not like, embarrassing. She was just worried. Worried. I think mom does the worrying. Dad was like, you just dropped out of school to what you want to be an actor have you thought this through do you know what you're doing no and then the next day he came up with a brochure for an acting school and said well if you're going to do it do it fucking properly learn the tools of your trade so that was dad that must have felt good yeah and it was like I don't care what you do just do it properly and do it right and the the matriarch of our family was my grandmother who you know old Indian lady been through crazy stuff and I was she always had certain affection for me in particular of all her

grandkids from jump she was like I got you your support you so I was very fortunate I didn't I know a lot of people within the community particularly like South Asian communities you go into very specific job sets and the arts isn't one of them so I was definitely kind of seen as a bit of an idiot by the kind of more extended family and community I think every one of my things Damn, we thought I was an idiot. For doing it? No, still, just in general.

Still, I'm still dealing with the fact that because now I've done it and I did what I said, I do, I find it very difficult to be fake around the people I know didn't believe in me. And I'm like, oh, that you'd like what, someone at your workplace likes my show and you want to sign something, shove it up your fucking ass. Do you say that? Yeah, I'm a dickhead. I don't care.

Who can you cry? This is my question. Who do you cry in front of the most? Who can you cry in front of the most? I'll cry in front of anyone. Anyone. You'd cry in front of me. Yeah.

You don't care. If you were emotional, that's something, you'd cry. I cried in front of a mic over pizza. Like, I don't care. It's there. It's real. I've never been discouraged from it. My parents, I've never been discouraged from showing emotion.

Even ugly cries? I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Even ugly cries. I don't care. Good for you, man. That's probably why you're such a good.

good actor you don't give a shit i can't do it on cue though so it's useless with the glycerin that's true yeah the little blow that your eyes yeah but it's uh it's it doesn't really help with work it's just i don't i don't care uh last thing is more of a statement omar says your performance in midnight mass was outstanding sheriff hasan's monologue on why he became a cop was one of the most powerful and important moments of tv i saw last year so yeah you obviously have to an impact on people it's it's yeah i didn't expect i the worst kind of i've i've ever felt about a project and a work i've done is is sheriff asan like i i thought i fucked it and i didn't speak to the cast during filming i really worst imposter syndrome robert longstreet who is in that who i

is a dear friend of mine he loves you i know you just had dinner with them yeah yeah yeah and he just says you're so good you're so committed to the role you're so uh you didn't talk to us for the cast during because you know what the character was sort of like an outsider yeah and it was COVID we were the first show back one of the first shows to make a show during COVID so I we were already bubbling we were already isolated I had the worst imposter syndrome I think I've ever experienced in my entire career I didn't feel like there was a safety net for me um Mike gave me enough so Mike was good enough that I never spiraled in a way that we're capable of spiraling

but I was still on the fucking edge and I've never experienced this before like we'd finish a scene and I'd sit in my trial two hours I was crying head in my hands I'm like I'm putting my worst work to screen and there's nothing I can do You really thought it was your worst work 100%. I mean it like it's not like

it's not some flowery way to then be like and then it came out no it was the work Mike knew it everyone everyone could feel it around me I didn't believe in anything I was doing and you know I'm not Muslim I'm not American I'm not 40 I don't have a kid

I'm so out of my depths with this character and then never know it oh dude worst I like I was considering a complete social media blackout phone marooning I was going to do it the Jared Lerreau

crazy what goes through your mind yeah you just like everything was coming down on you but no one that you it wasn't real it's not real it's all in your head

I guess I guess I mean Mike knew Mike knew that and like I remember in somewhere like the show came out in September

and September yeah and around about June or something Mike we were doing something for Netflix and he was like

you want to come watch it it it's great you're great come watch it and I was like I don't want to do this

did you do it yeah and you loved it in his in his theatre. And you loved it. No.

You didn't? No. I remember walking away going, you didn't break the show. Which is a very arrogant thinking is like, we're so conceit. We think that our contribution... We're going to make or break it.

If we suck, the show's done. No. Exactly. So that's when my biggest fear was, you got Hamish Link later and Kate Siegel and Sam Sloy and doing these incredible performances. And you think you're going to break the show. that's that's the attitude i had and then i watched it and i walked away going it's fucking

phenomenal despite the crap you committed to screen and and then the reviews came out because you get them first and then they all loved you yeah it was the isolated like you know people would like select you amongst some of the other performances and i was like no fucking shit no way I couldn't believe it I was like I'd never there was no world in which I ever thought

that was possible I remember saying out loud the best I'm gonna hope for the best I hope for is I never ever selected in a positive or negative just don't talk about me call it the ensemble

I'll be happy that I didn't do anything like I didn't break the show Is that crazy that's crazy what goes through our minds I thought I thought sometimes too when I'm bombing or I'm embarrassed on set

and I can feel like I'm not doing well and everyone's watching everyone's like going what's wrong with Rosenbaum way he used to be a good actor he used to and I've had those things where I'm feeling so nervous and I'm blushing in the face

and I get off set and I'm like oh my God nobody is looking at me in the eye oh my God it was so terrible and it's like all in your fucking head all in your head stop I felt that on Matt Mass I was like they're not talking to me

everyone else is celebrating all the stuff and with me they're like hey how you doing and I was like I don't have the respect of my cast I'm bombing and everyone can see it I'm fucking bombing The accent's terrible And then it would make the accent more terrible

Because I wouldn't commit certain days If I was really insecure I wouldn't you need to be free with things like that Did he say something like I'm hearing the accent again Yeah oh yeah Mike was fantastic I mean Mike's a very gifted Impersonator he's incredible He can do accents from more around the world

Mike's amazing And he's a pretty fucking good actor too so he'd come over and be like you know you said dolphin wrong you put an F in it and I'd go oh shit dolphin yeah dolphin and he's like dolphin um just dolphin exactly so he'd do that and and that would help but now do I like I the the thing is is like what I didn't expect to happen was how uh the Islamic community embraced you yeah how about that that was the one and I was like oh fuck the performance I don't I don't care. Fuck it if Americans thought I was American or didn't think I was American or whatever. I don't care.

The way that there were thesis being written about it and it was being pointed to by people in the community as what they'd like to see more of in terms of representation. That's all that mattered. What a strong character for the community, for the world. It was just like, it's just, and you're such a soft-spoken character and you're trying to do the right thing with your son. You're trying to listen to them, but you're just like, you got to see it. You got to see Midnight Mass. It's really a great character-driven story. The problem with that is it wasn't rewarding because as actors, you want to come in

and to feel like you did your job, you want to hit a 10, right? You want to scream, shout, fight aggressive. And then you want to all high five as you leave and go, you left nothing on the, you know, you left nothing out there. Oh, my God. It was everything but the kitchen sink. and I committed to a choice to never go past a certain level

until I go mama bear and they attack my cup and that was the choice I committed and we didn't do that scene until the last week of filming. So I spent six months feeling like an imposter and always dealing with scenes where I just go

and then we'd rap and you'd go, I don't feel like I've done anything but I'm committing to this I don't want to raise my voice I don't want to be aggressive I want to be chill so it wasn't rewarding to make but then when I watched it

and when I saw the reception I was like ah there was a good choice not to do that so maybe next time think of all that think of the fact that if you get in your head again say remember how great you were and you didn't think about it

and they got all these accolades and people talking about you in the community remember that that will be the performance that's the shit one is the one remember that you like yeah we'll fuck you up but keep you in your feet this has been a real treat for me Thank you for having me.

Really great. What a wonderful person to talk to. You're really great. I mean, I really enjoyed it. It was so easy to talk to you. I didn't look at my notes, but like twice, and I didn't even say anything from my notes. I felt like I steamrolled it. I came in and just went like.

No, man, it was great. You talked about everything. I really appreciate it, man. I wish you the best of luck. And I can't wait to hear the new project after the fall of the House of Usher that you're filming now. Watch Midnight Mass. Watch Blind Manor. I zombie.

If you want. Just don't watch. the finale. Don't watch the finale, but you're doing so much great work, and I know there's so much great work to, to what, what's the word I'm looking for? To be done. To be done. That doesn't sound right. To come. To come? To come. That's it. To come. I like saying that. To come. There's more to come. Thanks, man. This has been awesome. Thank you. It's been a pleasure. Just a good dude. Liked him. He's constantly working. I like his stories. I like how he was, you know, broke. Nothing's happening and then

something happens. It's just like, you never know when things are going to turn your way. Oh, in a week. His life turned around so quick. Yep. God. I mean, that's just the thing with life. If you're having a bad day, you're having a bad week, a bad month. Just know that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Guys, there's things that are going to get better. They will get, but this is life. It's not all good. It's not all bad. It's not all bad. it's a plethora of everything all the shit you could think of you get shit thrown at you constantly and it's how you deal with it and uh boy am i trying to deal with it i hope you are and thank you again for listening today uh a big shout out to all the top tier patrons and all the patrons in general

if you want to join patreon uh and support the podcast go to patreon.com slash inside of you it's right here and if you want us to uh follow us and write a review which would help immensely uh that inside of you pod on Twitter. That's right. Ancidey podcast on Instagram and Facebook. That's correct. And you can go to the inside of you online store, get some cool merch or the sunspin.com for band merch. We've got all sorts of stuff. I will be, as far as I know, I will be in St. Louis in May at a con. I will be in Liverpool in May for a con. I will be in Australia in June for a con, Illinois, Metropolis, Illinois in June. So come see me. Come see me at a con. We'll have some fun. I love of seeing people and seeing patrons.

I got to see some patrons in Arkansas that came up to me. Kathy Joe Birx was there. She's a patron. She came up to me. She was like, hey, it's Berks. I'm like, oh, my gosh. And then there was David Hoffman. I was like, oh, my gosh, David Hoffman's here.

It was cool, man. It's cool. So thank you, patrons. And the top tier patrons get to a shout out. They get a shout out at the end of every episode. And so without further ado, I will read them to you. And thank you for supporting the podcast. Please continue to do so.

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Danin was a yogurt. Yeah. Still is. Good call. I like Danin. Big Stevie W. Angel M. Rian N. C. Corey K. Super Sam. Deb N. Michelle A. Jeremy C. Andy T. Cody R. G. Gavinator. David C. John B. Brandi D. D. V. C. C. J. M. Willy F. Adelaide. N. Omer. L.O.T. G. U.N. L. L. L. Leah. Oh, remember? No. I did not. Sorry. Obviously. Chris P. Nikki G. Carrie. Or Corey. Corey. Patricia Heather L. Jake B. James B. Bobbitt at A. Abol F. Joshua B. Tony G. Sean R. Megan T. Mel S. Orlando C. John B. Caroline R. Darren B. Rob E. Paul C. Christine S. Sarah S. Eric H. and Spring. Spring. You guys don't know how much it means to me that you listen to the podcast and you support me and you support Ryan. and you support Bryce, who's a producer,

and you support Jason, our amazing editor. And Westwood won, and Cumulus, thank you guys for supporting the podcast. Again, there's so many podcasts out there. And you guys commit to it every week. And, you know, again, thank you. I hope I could do this for a while longer. We'll see what happens. If people keep listening, then maybe I'll keep doing it.

But that's all I could say. Ryan, get anything else? That is all you could say He literally stopped That's all I could say I stopped on the dial I'm out of breath I'm out of words

I don't know what to do with myself I don't know what to do with myself Just keep doing it By the way I hope After this The Oscars will already be over But I hope that Cota won Dude I watched it last weekend

Awesome Cried for 45 minutes straight I cried too Like there's like one scene it starts And then just like boom boom Yeah watch Cota If you're gonna watch anything Watch Cota

Coda And, you know, I give, I give my opinion sometimes. You're going to thank me for this. From Michael Rosenbaum here in the Hollywood Hills of California. Right. They is. With his mustache. Tell us what you think of Ryan's mustache.

I'd like to know what you think. And I always see comments about Ryan, too. I love Ryan. And so they love you, Ryan. I appreciate it. They do. I'm happy to be here. Yeah.

I'm happy you're here. Yeah. A little wave to the camera. Thank you guys. Thank you for making me your choice in podcasts. And until next time, be good to yourself. Be good to yourself. And you'll get through whatever you're going through. All my love. Thank you for allowing me to be inside of you today. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi, host of the stacking Benjamin's podcast.

Today, we're going to talk about what if you came across $50,000. What would you do? Put it into a tax advantage. retirement account the mortgage that's what we do make a down payment on a home something nice buying a vehicle a separate bucket for this addition that we're at 50,000 dollars I'll buy a new podcast you'll buy new friends and we're done thanks for playing everybody we're out of here stacking benjamins follow and listen on your favorite platform